Does Vic Have Baby Fever?! Motherhood, Postpartum, & Body-Image w/ Ally Kendricks

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New episodes every Wednesday. Leave those filters at the door, because it's time to get real. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to RealPod. I'm excited for today's episode, because this might come as a little bit of a shocker, maybe not, but I've definitely started to get some baby fever, okay? I'll talk about it more in the episode, so stay tuned for that. But I'm thinking more about what it would mean to be a mom, to get pregnant, to have kids, and I thought, what better way than to explore this with my friend, Ali Kendrick's. Ali Kendrick's is a friend of mine who I've known in the business for about four years. She is a model, a content creator, a mental health advocate, which I've always admired her for and been inspired by. She's also the wife of Eric Kendrick's, who is an NFL linebacker, and she is now a young hot mom of two kids, at least 32, and her son Knight is three, and her daughter, Max is one. And today, she's going to be getting real about pregnancy, motherhood, postpartum, body image, parenting, posting her kids on social media, gentle parenting, all the things. We're really going to dive into it today. This is such a fun interview, whether you are a new mom, you're a mom who wants to reflect on the good old early days, or you're like me and you don't have kids, but you are really interested in what being a mom might do to your life. Before we get started, I want to give a quick shout out to one of you lovely real pod listeners. This one goes out to Zoe. Zoe says, five stars, my favorite podcast. I've been listening to RealPod for about a year now, and I just love the content. I loved the episode recently with Vic and Max, them opening up about heartbreak and coping with a relationship really hit home for me since I've gone through something similar. I think listening to this podcast is maybe a better person and partner, Vic, thank you for everything you do and for teaching us, it's okay to be vulnerable. This is so sweet, Zoe, thank you so much. I'm trying to think about, are you referring, you must be referring to the episode I did with Max on Men's Mental Health, 'cause I think that's where we got into coping with a relationship and all that. So if you haven't listened to Max's episode on Men's Mental Health, it's a really good one, especially if you're in a relationship and Zoe is co-signing that. So thank you, Zoe. Without further ado, let's dive into this episode's day with Ally Kendrick. (upbeat music) Ally, welcome to RealPod. Thanks for having me, I'm so excited to be here. I'm happy to have you. This is such a long time coming. I know, I know, I can't believe we haven't done this yet. I know, that's what I was thinking to him. I'm like, oh, this is her second time. I'm like, wait, what? How has she never been on the show? I know, this is so fun. I'm so happy to have you, 'cause we haven't sat down and had a long chat since you've literally had two kids, which I get. I'm sure your whole life and your available time completely changes. Oh, 100%. I feel like I was comparing it to, do you watch Avatar at all? I feel like I'm familiar. Okay, well, the main character's frozen and he's in water and time is just going on and he's just standing stone. I feel like that's me in motherhood. I'm just like in a bubble and life's just going on and I'm like, wait, it's been like two years since I've seen some people and it's just crazy how quickly time goes, like when you become a mom. I can only imagine and I'm so glad you're here because I want to talk all about that. Yeah, I don't know what has come over me, but I do feel like I've recently caught baby fever. Like I think, I think, are you serious? I'm serious. I love this for you. I haven't set it online or anywhere, but it just feels so natural 'cause you're a mom. Yeah. I literally just don't know what happened. Well, here's what happened. I was on my period, very emotional. Yeah. I already cried that day and then I went to our friend's house and they told us they were pregnant and they pulled out the ultrasound. So. And then I also had this conversation with my mom and she wasn't telling me to have a kid. We were talking about something else. Yeah. But I started to think like, oh, I want my parents to be here and make it. Something just clicked in me and now it's like, you see babies everywhere, you know them, you start bads are coming and I'm like, wait, I'm not terrified. No, that's honestly how I felt because I wasn't someone that like grew up like dreaming of being a mom. I always knew I wanted a family, but I wasn't like, my dream is to become a mom. Like I know some people that's like all they want in life, but there was a point like before we started having kids where I was kind of like, I'm definitely ready for this. This doesn't scare me. Like, but like, am I gonna be a good mom? Like you go through like all those feelings about it, but there definitely is a switch there where you start thinking about it more and having those conversations like with your partner and being like, okay, how does that look for us? Like, what are our roles? Like, you know, what, what's life gonna look like once we start introducing kids? How many kids do we want? And then, you know, it starts consuming you a bit and then you're like, wait, okay. So are you gonna do this? - Oh my gosh, I'm pregnant, you're like, I'm here. - I completely relate to that because we've always like, you know, we thought that baby videos are cute. - Yeah. - We haven't been like Max and I even, you know, two months ago, like thinking this. - Yeah. - But yeah, I just feel like I suddenly have this like change of heart. And of course, he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. He's like, you can't just go for one week being like, this is years away. And then the next week he's like, impregnating me. And I'm like, why not? - Yeah, you're like, why not? Why can't I do that? But that's kind of how it works though. And then I feel like once one person's on board then the other one's like, okay, like, I think we could do this. And you guys are married and you've been together for forever. - Right now. - You saw it in your career. - Yeah, and I feel grateful. We've had like three years married without a kid. Because I do think married life is a little bit different. You know, you just want at least a few months to, you know, adjust to that. But I'm curious how this worked with you and Eric because obviously he plays in the NFL. And you have to pay attention to the timing. If you're like having a baby in the fall. So that's where Max has kind of gotten away so I'm free because, you know, it's now the fall. He's going to be gone. I don't want to also deliver in the fall. So we're kind of like, he's like, okay, pump the brakes. Let me just kind of process this. And like have my last little like eight month hurrah. And then maybe we can start trying in the summer. - It's so funny because like we were literally having that conversation too. And then it's like, we got pregnant. So it's like we had all these plans of like what we were going to do. And then it just happened. First time around though it worked out because I had a night in May. So it was off season. And I told everyone I'm like, guys, don't have sex between these months because you cannot get pregnant during season. I watch people go through and it's like their husbands are like flying across the country trying to make the, like the labor and time and not, right? - And they're playing a goal. - Yeah. - I cannot imagine giving birth and max not being there. Like, no, but the second time around, we did get pregnant where max was born in December. And that was really stressful because my water broke like the movies that I feel like that never happens anymore. But I was watching Eric's Monday night football game. And I was like bouncing on the ball. And I was like eight. I had a water broke and I had to drive myself to the hospital because my mom had to stay at the house with my son. And then I called Eric and I go, you need to get on a plane. Like as soon as you can to get here because I'm gonna have this baby and I need you here. And he showed up I think 30 minutes before she arrived. - Wow. Like that's how close we cut it. - Which is also like so thrilling in like this exciting way. - It was fun. - You know what I mean? - It was fun. I mean, he did say something like, wow, that was so much quicker than last time. And I was like, seriously? - That was so much quicker than last time. You weren't even there for the Jordi. - All right. - And we showed up for when she came out. - I was like, he's had to stand in the room. - I know. - What age were you when you had night and then max? - So I had night at 29. And then I had max at 30. - Okay, looking like my time. - Yeah. - Wait 29 to 30 is close. - Yeah, they're 19 months apart. - Were you planning that? We weren't expecting to be pregnant. You did. - Pearl, I was not planning that. I was not. I was 10 months postpartum. I literally put on a pair of jeans that like hadn't fit me. For the first time ever, 10 months postpartum. I was starting to feel good again. And then I was like, wait, it's my period's late. And then I took a test and I go, yep, I'm pregnant again. And Eric was on a bachelor trip. And he was just like, he was with one of his friends and his friend goes, he did with pale. - Oh my God. - When you said, no, because he didn't want it. He just, it wasn't, we weren't expecting it. Like there was no, we weren't planning to have a second that quickly. I was still pretty traumatized from my first pregnancy. So I was still kind of healing from that. And then, yeah, I couldn't fit it back in those jeans a week later that I just was so excited to be. And I want to talk to you about body image and postpartum because you've been so candid online. And I think it is a huge thing for women because you you you are not the only inhabitor of your body. There's literally someone else who's requiring nutrients and things from your body. And it feels I can imagine like it's being kind of taken over. And then it's still being needed by this baby like once they're here. And then once you start to feel like yourself again, you're like, do I want to have another kid? And it just go back into it. I know. It's tough. I don't know. I don't know how to put this. I always like to call it like a healing journey postpartum versus like a bounce back because I feel like that's kind of a triggering word for people. And I try to be as like gentle to myself as possible and postpartum. But it is really hard when you know, when life goes on and people like want you to come to dinner or like, you know, go to weddings and stuff. And then you go in your closet and then you go through like this whole mental breakdown of weight. Don't fit into this. Don't feel good in this. And it's just, you know, that's really, really hard because obviously you're so grateful to like have this beautiful new life into this world and you love being a mom. But you, you know, that struggle of like, man, I just really want to feel good. Like I want to feel sexy again. I want to feel good in the clothes that I wear. So I think that's always been really hard for me as someone who's really active when I work out. But still at the end of the day, like you gain weight. It's just inevitable. No matter like how healthy you are, if you work out, if you don't in pregnancy. And then, you know, you still have to go through that process of like, okay, this is not the body that I once had and, you know, how do I love myself again in this new version of me? How do you think your relationship with your body has changed the most since being a mom? I think that I'm just not as hard on myself as I was, especially as an athlete. I feel like, you know, I don't know if you guys did this in college, but you know, we knew our body fat and we knew all of that stuff. And like, I feel like you were focused on weight and all those things and just being as fit as possible. And I look back at like the older versions of me where I maybe didn't feel as confident in my body. And I was like, wait, like, I was a lot smaller than I thought I was or, you know, I was a lot more fit than I was. So now I'm just, I don't focus on those things. I just, I think what makes me feel good now is just like, you know, I work out and it just makes my mental health feel better. And I eat because I enjoy it. Like I just think I have a different relationship with eating, with working out. And it's really just because it makes me happy, not because of like, and product of like fitting in the smaller dress. And I don't really focus on, you know, gene size anymore. I'm more like, wait, these are cute. And if I have to get two sizes up, that's not a big deal. So I think that's, I've just shifted and been more okay with just whatever size I'm in, as long as I feel good, that doesn't really matter what the number is. That's cool. It almost sounds like it's helped heal aspects of the strictness or like the old habits. No. A hundred percent. I mean, I, I look back at times where I was like afraid of carbs and all that stuff. And now I'm just like, no, I, life's too short. I want to like enjoy food because I, I love it. I don't want to work out for two hours just like to hit a body weight. I don't do that anymore. I like, want to work out for 45 minutes or 30 minutes and I'm happy with that and go on with my day. And I want to only do things that I enjoy doing because in motherhood, you only have so much time for yourself. So I just think that I'm a lot more intentional with that time. And I really just fill it with things that fill my cup and make me feel good because then I show up as a better mom and a better wife when I go home. Mm-hmm. I love that so much. Yeah. Speaking of you being an athlete, I do think we have like so many things in common. And so that's when I'm like getting Allie's advice and like experiences. I would hope would be like a close like parallel to maybe how all approach things or how I'll feel. Did you feel prepared for motherhood? Like when you came home with night where you like, oh my God, like now I forever have this responsibility because that's something that I think about, you know, you will really never feel off because you have this person that you're going to love so much and like feel really, obviously be responsible for that. Yeah. You know what? I actually, I mean, you're not fully prepared for everything, but I did feel like I was in a place in life where I was, you know, I felt really good in my career. I felt really good in my relationship. And I feel like that kind of like laid the foundation for like me preparing for a shift into motherhood because I didn't feel like I was really missing out on anything because I really feel like I lived out my 20s and I traveled and I had fun. And it's not like I've given up those things. It just looks a little different. So I definitely felt a lot more prepared than I actually thought I was. My mom says it all the time and she goes, I'm not really trying to insult you, but you like, you're actually, you're a really good mom and I was like, I'm actually a good mom. Thanks mom. Like I appreciate it. She was, no, you just like have taken on this role like, like just so effortlessly. And I was like, I don't know. I just felt really ready for it. And it didn't scare me and I know maybe that's not the case for everyone, but just, you know, where we were at in life and all the conversations Eric and I had because we had so many conversations of like what, what it looked like and stuff. So there weren't really any surprises in like, you know, what our roles were. And, you know, if we were going to get help or not have help and all that kind of stuff. And like we really talked it out. And I tell people all the time, I'm like, the more you talk it through with your partner in the beginning and just all the, you know, different scenarios you can go through. I feel like the more prepared you are, because then maybe you're not as shocked and like, you know, things come up. And was that getting you both on board for like how you're going to help and wanting to make sure he's committed to do equal or, yeah, that was that like. So I was very adamant about like my partner being 50/50 in parenthood with me. And I always say like, just because like you might be like the breadwinner in the household, does it mean that that's like the only thing that you provide? Like I want you to be there just as much as I am as a parent, even if like, I know like he has football and stuff. And obviously like, there's, you know, during season, his time commitment looks a little bit different because he's busy. But when he's home, I was like, I really just want to make sure that like, it's not just all on me. And that's not really who Eric is anyway. So I didn't expect that. But it's still good to just like talk it out and have expectations and what that looks like. And I also think that, you know, we talked about if we were going to have help or not and what that looked like because I know not everybody wants to, you know, have a nanny or, and, or it doesn't have family to help because some people have their moms instead of, instead of that. So I was like, I really want to have help because I want to be able to go work when I can or go work out and go do things for myself like, are you okay with that? Because not everybody is. So we, you know, we talked through that and like, what that looked like. And he wasn't necessarily on board with that at first because, you know, he grew up in a single mom household watched her, you know, do it all and juggle all of these hats. And I said, but I'm not your mom. Like, so how can we come to like a place where we see eye to eye on this because if you're going to hold me to the level that she was at, like, I'm always going to fail because I'm not a single mom and I don't have to do that and I don't have to struggle to be a good mom. And so I think we just had to like, really talk out our upbringings and like, what that looked like and see each other's perspectives kind of come to agreements on certain things like that. Movement is power and I have been consistently moving my body and strength training for three months now. I've not been in a rhythm like this since I was a college athlete and I am loving it. And the A6 move her mind study shows that just 15 minutes of movement can boost mood, clarity and confidence. 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And I also am someone who likes to do things my way and I can pride in it. And I think I could see a version of me being like, I don't want to pay for outside help because I want to do it all myself to prove that I can and say that I raised my baby. But then I'm like, if I have the opportunity to pay for it and make my life easier, recover faster and keep pursuing my passions, why would I not? Right? It's rooted in this ego a little bit. And similarly, I feel like you have that mindset, like you've been a go-getter, you've been a leader of your whole life. So do you have any mom guilt people talk about or when you have other people watching your kids? I don't, because I feel like I'm very, very present with my kids when I am with them, which is a lot of the time just because we have the extra set of hands, doesn't mean I'm like, okay, I'm off for the day, I don't have to do anything because at the end of the day I'm still their mom and there's times where I'm the only person that they want or their dad is the only person that they want, I don't feel that bad because I don't really understand why people see a difference in like their parent living with them full time or having like a nanny because not everybody has the privilege of having family and support in that way and some people have to search for that. And I guess the only difference is that you're paying someone to do that. So I know it's a sensitive subject and I know people like to make people feel bad for like hiring help, but I mean, I watch people, I'm still be the absolute best parents to their kid and if you have the ability to afford that help to give you that time for yourself to like go work out or you know, just go go on a date night and do stuff it. I for us, it's like great for our marriage, we want a date night once a week and have that quality time just for us and I don't think we would be able to do that if we didn't have help. I'm able to go work out and you know, make myself feel good and healed in the ways that I need to heal postpartum. So I try not to feel any guilt because as a mom, you already have so much guilt with certain things like if your kids get sick or I felt so much guilt with my daughter when she had her birth defect that we found out about when I was 13 weeks pregnant. I went through that whole spiral of like, what could I have done differently? Did I eat something wrong? Did I drink when I didn't know that I was pregnant yet? Did that affect it? I feel like you already have so much guilt as a parent so I just try to feel really confident in the decisions that we make and what works for our family and you know, we love our nanny that we have and she's family to us and I just couldn't imagine her not being in our kids' lives and I just feel like we're all better as a team and having her be a part of it. It reminds me of when Alona Mar did that interview and they were like, do you have imposterous syndrome? And she's like, no, what is that? And I feel like, this is me. I know she's so confident. I know. Do you ever feel a mom guilt? You're like, no, F that. I'm confident. My choice is, I love that. I think it helps show people that it's also normal to not feel any shred of guilt and be like, this is the way that it works for us. Yeah. Yeah. And so I think that's really refreshing. Speaking of max's birth defect, I know you went through a lot, Eric lost his father. You lost your dog and then with the pregnancy with max have complications. How did you navigate all of that? You talk openly about your mental health often. So I know that you hit some low points and what was it like going through that? Yeah. Man, a lot of therapy, a lot of therapy to help me navigate that because not only did we like, well, that was our second dog that we lost really dramatically and I of course was home alone, both times. So I was already navigating like, going through that and the guilt of like being the person that was taking care of our dogs and losing them both to heart conditions and, you know, carrying them to the vet to then trying to be a support system for Eric. We lost our dog and then his dad to part attacks essentially. And so going through that was really, really tough. And I was only a few months postpartum. So it's also dealing with that too. So you were a few months postpartum when Eric loses his father and you lose your dog. Yeah. I mean, that sounds like really heavy. No, it was, it was super heavy, but you know, Eric will say this too. It was also some of the best months of our life, even though they were the worst because we also had this new life and like this new purpose. And we had our son and our son obviously had no idea what's going on. And he's smiling and like learning new things and like saying dad for the first time in mom. So it's, you know, we were going through this mix, this roller coaster of emotions where we're crying from all this loss. But then we're crying of happiness because we have this, like this beautiful son that, you know, is just so innocent and doesn't know loss and he doesn't, he doesn't know anger yet. And he doesn't know all these things that like an eventually in life he'll figure out and he'll experience himself. But he really kept us going during that period of time. And he brought so much joy into our household and like, I, I don't think that Eric would have gotten through that loss of his dad so suddenly and unexpectedly if it wasn't for our son and for, you know, the support system that we had outside of that as well, but he really was our purpose. And I feel like that's the thing about because they just bring so much joy, even if there's so much chaos going on in your life, like because you just learn to appreciate the really small things all over again and they just get happy from like, you know, seeing a bubble or like they get happy because like you just walk into the room and you, you feel like the coolest person ever because this little life thinks like the world of you. So that really did help me during that time and I feel like obviously a lot of therapy and letting it out in that aspect because you know, when Eric's in season, I'm not trying to dump on him. I want to build him up and like pour in him. So finding time for myself to like let it out and not be crying in front of my son or crying in front of Eric. It was tough because I felt like that was kind of the one place where I could like really be open about how I'm feeling because I just wanted to make sure everybody else was okay in doing that. I mean, that's so hard, right? And I think this is relatable for anyone out there in a relationship is like one person can be struggling with something, you can also be struggling and you're also supposed to see the support system and then in your head, you're like maybe thinking, oh, I shouldn't be sad because they need to be sad and hold the space. So yeah, yeah. What kind of conversations were you guys having to, you know, you show up for him, but also feels seen in your postpartum journey? Yeah. You know what? And this is probably my own fault, but I feel like I put a lot of myself on the back burner during that time because I just really wanted to be there like and be the best mom for night and then also be a strong support system to Eric. And so I feel like a lot of like the real raw conversations I had were in therapy because it's just, you know, during season, it's just like it's already so stressful and they're already putting themselves through so much. So I feel like I don't want to pour too much on him because I just, I felt the stress of him already dealing with his dad and then, you know, showing up for a team, like a new team, like he's learning new plays like because we had been in Minnesota for eight years. So that was his, you know, first time, like in a new environment, there was a lot of change going on in our lives. So, you know, the conversations we did have were more just like, you know, talking about the positive memories of his dad and really just trying to like celebrate that. Did he get, did he get to meet night? Yeah, he did get to meet night. So yeah, he got to meet night and our dog like before, like, I mean, he had spent time with our dog, but we had only had blue for like a year. So it was very short period of time. And then when she navigate all of that, you're pregnant with Max and find out she has a birth defect, which I remember falling along seemed really stressful, just really not knowing what was going on. Like you said, maybe blaming yourself. So when she was born and now, how is she doing? And now that you're on the other side of that, I mean, what would your advice be to moms who are scared during pregnancy of something that's abnormal with their child? Yeah. So when we found out that she had gastroskeases at 13 weeks, I immediately spiraled and was like, what did I do wrong? Like, blame on me, like, how, how did this happen? And I would just say to moms, obviously, is your seven done? Like, if that does happen to them, like, we didn't do anything wrong. Like, I'm learning that now as I'm looking back on it. I felt like I was too hard on myself in a moment where I could have just let everyone really support me. And I just felt like I was like pushing everyone out. But that whole process, I think the best thing that I did for myself was just continue on as if like, I don't know if it was like, it in her instance bliss, but I tried not to feed too much into like Google and just trust your doctor and just trust my doctors and what they were saying and they were telling me all the positive things. Like if there's anything to have, this is the thing to have, you know, we have an amazing team at UCLA, there's a 90% survival rate, like, and then once she gets through this, she'll go on to live a normal life. So I think I just went through it being like, okay, she's going to be okay. I know in my heart that she's going to be fine and no matter how many times they ask me if I want to go through with this pregnancy, I know in my heart, she'll be fine. They were asking you that. That's like, I mean, I don't want to say it's a crazy question because I'm not a doctor, but that does sound like it's really putting the mom in a spot of, should I not want to? Yeah. I was almost halfway through the pregnancy at that point and they're still asking me those questions like, you know, you don't have to do this, like, you know, there are other options and which is so crazy experiencing a pregnancy where they don't ask you that one time, like because you know, night was healthy by, you know, medical standards, but yeah, they asked me that multiple times. Like, you know, you sure you want to do this? So then you kind of like, I remember turning the Eric and being like, do we want to do this? Then he goes, yeah, we do. And I was like, okay, great. Yeah, we do. Like, you know, you, you do doubt yourself a little bit sometimes when the doctors are asking you questions like that, but yeah, that was definitely a really, really hard thing. This is when you didn't even know if Eric would be at delivery, which is like, yeah, so stressful. Is she doing well now? Yeah. She's, she's doing really well. She's doing all the things that the doctors at first weren't sure that she was going to be able to do because she, her case was very, very severe. And I just remember them being like, hey, like you might be able to go home with her at some point, but she probably is going to be hooked up to like IV nutrition, TPN long term. Like she might not be able to eat on her own. And, you know, this girl has literally kicked every single like doubt ass like she's, she's incredible. She learned to eat within 10 days. Everything that they weren't sure she was going to do. She's been doing and bless them like, you know, being in the NICU, they're like, your baby might be delayed on a lot of things. She's been on track for everything she's been gaining weight. So I'm just really grateful and I, I'm glad that I like stuck to my guns of being like, no, she's going to be okay and going through with the pregnancy because obviously there were doubts at times of like, with doctors, you know, giving me mixed information about things. With you and Eric as parents, to elite level athletes, I feel like she's going to be destined for greatness and this is her just proving it. No, I mean, she, yeah, she's unbelievable. I mean, every day I'm like, this girl's, this girl's something else and she's going to get. Yeah, she's mine. She's going to get people around for their money. A lot of moms talk about getting their pink back. Yeah. Do you feel like you've gotten your pink back slowly, but surely I feel like the going into my closet now and being able to like put things on and like feel really good in them. Like that was like the first moment I'm like, all right, I'm starting to feel really good again. I feel like when I'm working out, I feel really good and strong because, you know, especially after the second baby, I was like, woof, like this, this postpartum recovery is like rough and I'm a very active person and I'm still, I'm still going through it. So like once you start being able to kind of like move again and not have any like pelvic floor stuff, oh, like that's, those are like little things where I'm like, yeah, I'm starting to feel like I'm getting my group back and I want to go out to dinner and I want to like leave the house more and do stuff. No, honestly, if I just like met you today at the grocery store and you told me you had two kids, I would literally be shocked because you just like look so young. You know what I mean? Like I feel like we're the same and I'm like, wait, but she has two children. No, it's actually really crazy to think about. I say that all the time. I'm like, how the heck do I have two kids? Because I still have moments where I'm like, I don't want to go to Miami and like go out and like just be out until four in the morning and have no responsibilities and like I still have that like energy in me and I actually feel like once I've started having kids, I started wanting to do those things more. I feel like some people are kind of like, yeah, when you have kids, like you do your traveling now because you won't travel as much like do this now and I'm like, no, like you can still make time for those things. You can still have fun. Like Eric and I, we went to Japan in June and that was our first like really big trips and having kids like as far as like going that far away. And you know, we do date nights and we still go out with our friends and like have drinks and stuff. I feel like your life doesn't have to end. If anything, you appreciate it more. Like maybe don't do it as often, but like you appreciate it a lot. And do you get scared being away from them? I feel like I get anxious thinking about it and have kids yet or like intrusive thoughts or like needing to know, I mean, you go from having probably an outlet sock on them and like a baby monitor to then being like, I don't really know what they did all day because they're with their grandparents and they're just telling us, you know, I mean, I'm a little psycho with like a schedule and stuff with my kids and I know that like, that's not everyone's cup of tea, but for me, we're a schedule household. So I feel like I always know what they're doing, even if I'm not at the house. So I feel like because I have them on a schedule, it gives me a lot more peace of mind when I leave them with my mom, Eric's mom, like our nanny, whoever, because I always just know what they're doing. So I, it didn't really stress me out. I, people always told me that they cried when they left their kids for the first time. And maybe I'm a terrible parent, but I remember night. It was like my 30th birthday and I was determined to leave. I think it was only like two months, postpartum and I was like, you know, I got to do this for myself because I do have friends that took them three years to lead their kids because they just got so comfortable not leaving. And I go, I don't want to do that. I just want to rip the bandaid off now. And I remember like landing in Cabo and I was like, so happy, so ready, like, so ready to like enjoy the trip. And I turn to Eric and I'm like, does this make me a bad parent because I haven't cried once since we left. He goes, no, we just like really trust the people that we're leaving our child with. And we just needed this time. And I'm like, okay, like, yeah, I mean, I don't know. Maybe that's bad. Maybe I'm obsessed. Maybe I'll be the same. Why am I like predicting all this doom? No, don't. No, it'll be good, it'll be good. If you've been following my Instagram, you might have seen that we recently got a new mattress. We went from a soft mattress to an ultra firm. I realized that my sleep and my sleep position is so important for my back, which has a stress fracture. Not so fun. So we made a big change. We got a new mattress. But you know what we did not change? We did not change our sheets. That's right. Our bamboo sheet set from Cozy Earth, which is their best selling sheet set, by the way, is a staple in our household that no matter how many times we change our mattress. 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You do not post your kids on social media. Yes. Was that a you knew right away? Did you and Eric have chats about it? And then tell us why that's important to you. So I actually posted a night a lot when he was first born and I didn't cover his face. And then I remember talking with Eric and being like, I don't know if this is the smartest idea for us to do this. And he didn't really understand it at first. He was like, well, why? And I go, I don't know. I just think like with where social media has headed as far as like people sharing their kids, profiting off their kids, but also the way that people get attached to people's kids that they don't know, like even in the comments, like the things that people write about the kids. Like their appearances aren't off limits or like their behavior or they're like, okay, they're a bad kid or they start like they start labeling them. And I go, I just can't imagine subjecting my child to a bunch of like randoms on the internet who have opinions and they're not always nice. And I understand that, you know, you're not always going to have nice people that you pick nice experiences in life, but like you're a child and you're so innocent. And I just started feeling kind of uncomfortable with like how people were talking about my kid and like making the comments that they did. And I go, I feel like I need to do a better job of protecting him and allowing him to share himself when he's of age that like we think is appropriate for him to share himself if he even wants social media. I just feel like it's his story to tell and it's even though I love him and I feel like I wouldn't try to share him in a way that is like dangerous or whatever. I just, I don't know. I was just saying to Erica, go, I just feel wrong about sharing him. And I just wanted him to tell his own story when he was ready to and I, who is the celebrity? Who's the celebrity that's always at like the Texas football games? I don't know why I'm blanking on him. He's in. I don't know. Yes. I'm just blank on Matthew. I don't know. I don't know. Rada rada rada rada. Anyways, his son, I feel like he just got social media. Did you see that whole thing? Like he shared himself for the first time? But he's like 15 or 16 and he's so cool, so sure of himself. Like of his interest and who he is. And I just thought that was the coolest thing ever. I was like, no one knew anything about this kid. I can't believe his name. Yeah, exactly. I don't even know his name. And I just thought that that was really cool. So that kind of inspired me. And then also not to get like really dark, but I just feel like with AI and all of that as well. There's a whole other side of it too. Definitely. People are using kids images in a way that's like not appropriate. There is a whole world out there. Yeah, it's wild. I see it. Yeah. I mean, I totally respect that. And like I think we're going to be the same. I definitely I think to me the biggest thing is if it were me and I became like conscious at 14 like my life and surroundings. And there were videos online of me eating a chocolate cake, falling over. I don't know breastfeeding. Like I would just feel like it's a digital footprint that I didn't consent to. Yeah. And I might not want it. And I think it's one thing if you're like sending obviously videos to your family or you're like not a social media like influencer. But I do think for me it's more so like as much as I'll feel so proud and I want to show everyone how cute you are and like all these things. I think it's your autonomy. That needs to be what's prioritized. For sure. There are some celebrities who will like post their kids every once in a while. Like a Christmas vacation or something. And I don't know if I'm going to be like you'll never see their face. But I definitely don't predict it to be a common weekly monthly thing. Yeah, no. For sure. And I don't judge anyone who does share their kids. Like that's your choice. And I think like there's enough judgment going around as parents. Like we're always just doing our absolute best. But like for me and like what I'm comfortable with. I just think that there's so much beauty and like keeping things private. So I think I've just learned that to protect my peace. Like I just want to protect things as much as possible. Especially if I'm not in a mental space to be able to handle it. And my kids are something that I don't mess around about. And so I think just not sharing them and just keeping them to ourselves and the people that know them. It gives me so much peace. But yeah, I wasn't a choice that we were sure about right away because we definitely did share him. But then we just decided that, you know, we're going to pull back on that and just protect him in that way. Speaking of social media, where are you at with screen time and TVs? I feel like kids in screen time is something we're going to hear studies about in the next decade of how it's affecting their brain and their attention span and their social abilities. And it's sad because the kids like don't have the discipline or the mental like ability or awareness to know like what's good for them and what's not. Yeah. And I feel like there are kids being raised. And it's like once again, maybe the parents are working multiple jobs. They don't have help. Yeah. And it's their peace of mind to give the kid the iPad or something. Yeah. But at the same time, I think a kid can become addicted to the iPad, the TV, the phone. And then actually it changes the trajectory of their life in a negative way. We're not like a no screens household. I mean, our kids don't have like their own individual iPads or anything. And we stop doing the whole like screen at dinner, like if we were out because we were just like, no, we need to like work through these growing pains of if our kids aren't on their like best behavior when we're out in public. Like we need them to figure out how to exist in a space without needing a screen. So we're trying to find the balance of like, yeah, like let's put on a Disney movie and watch a movie as a family, but also like how can our kids like use their imaginations and like spend time outside and all that without needing to like come back to a screen. So it's like forever this like this, you know, this seesaw of like, okay, like where are we trying to be with it. But I will say I think that for us is kind of unrealistic to like do no screen time because there are times where it's like, if I'm home alone and I'm trying to make dinner and the kids are all over the place. Sometimes I just need the bin one place. And I do have friends that do that. They're like, okay, like I'm just going to put on the TV for 30 minutes. So I can just finish up dinner. So I don't judge with that. But we very much try to set our kids up where they can go to their play space and like just be independent and learn how to play because it's pretty beautiful to watch. Like them use their imaginations and like play by themselves like use their trains all of that. And like there's this whole world that I feel like when I was a kid, I had imaginary friends and I like went outside and played and built forts and all of that. And I just don't want that to get lost, which I feel like it can if you just constantly throw a screen at them. Definitely. So we're always just trying to find a balance. But I also, I'm very intentional about what my son watches, because my daughter doesn't really watch, she's too young. But I pick shows that are very slow and don't have a lot going on. And like, you know, trash truck is probably like one of our top ones. Eric and I sit there and we're like, this is the most boring show ever. But like my son loves it. Lately, I've actually been downloading all the stuff we grew up on. Like Franklin, Arthur, Clifford, the big red dog. Like because when you watch those, like they're just, they're really chill. Like the colors aren't super overwhelming. And there's always like some sort of lesson in the show, which I really like. So if my son is going to watch TV, I do want him to like learn. Sometimes it's cute, the lesson, like, and that's why we share. Yeah. I will say that there was a time where I think there was a week where we let our son watch a show like every single day. And I did notice a difference in his behavior. And I did notice him, like not reaching for his toys to just go player wanting to go outside him, just wanting to watch the TV. So we realized that like we kind of just have to make it very random when we let him watch it. So then he's not like walking out and being like TV like I want to watch that. Like I don't want to go play with my toy because they do get addicted. Definitely. I have addiction issues with my phone as an adult who like didn't grow up on technology. Yeah. And for sure, our kids will have screen time definitely. We were on a trip this past weekend. And we were at the sixth year old and a two year old. And every single dinner, they only had like the kids menu and the crayons and like maybe a game or two the parents brought. And for a two hour dinner, this two year old just entertained himself with this coloring thing. And it was crazy. And we were even like, this is insane. Like how is your kid able to do this? And they were like, we never give them screens of dinner. So we had to learn we are going to sit here. We're going to eat. You got to entertain yourself. Yeah. But you're right. There's the they're going to scream in a restaurant. It's going to be embarrassing. It's going to be difficult. You're not going to enjoy the dinner. But then you're like training them to get to the point. No. And I think that's the thing about parent head is that like kids know when to push boundaries and all that. And sometimes obviously like there's a easier like in that moment, it feels easier to just hand them the phone. But Eric and I just said we need to like stop being embarrassed if like they maybe aren't acting perfect in public and just be like, no, like this is a child who doesn't know how to regulate their emotions properly at this age. And how do we help them work through it and give them the skills that they need. So then when we go to the next dinner and we say, hey, like, this is what you have to work with. Like we're sitting here and we're eating. They don't have like a full meltdown because they're not getting a phone to just like, you know, smooth it over. So them Eric and I can enjoy it. And sometimes I look at him and I'm like, can I just give him a phone? He's like, no, we got to stay strong because we both go through those moments. So we do that for each other. So then, you know, the next dinner when he's sitting there and he's actually like playing with his cars at the table and he's not expecting that. We're like, yes, so it's like a parent win right there. I love that. Would you say you're a gentle parent or like where are you on that spectrum? No, we're not. We're not strict. Like we're we're definitely not gentle. I mean, I know that I know that people are now kind of like, I don't want to be a gentle parent type of thing. Well, because I think that went too far. It went too far for sure. There was a time where people literally thought gentle parenting might like let your kid throw a huge tantrum, like flip things over in the grocery store, like be rude to adults. I do think there's like, yes, let's have them understand their emotions, how to breathe how to calm themselves down. Yeah. And they need to make eye contact and say, thank you. And you know, yeah, I definitely think that there's there's moments to like have the conversation with your kid and like try to talk it out and there's times where I know that I have to be a lot more stern and like we do timeouts, not long ones, but we do put them on time out sometimes or you know, we put them in his room and we're like, okay, we need you to have like a reset right now. So you know, they're the emotions of a toddler are forever changing and it's a little terrifying sometimes. I'm like, whoa, like you just went through five different emotions in the last two minutes. And this is a lot, but I feel like they feed off a lot on like us and like what our energy is to co-regulation, like sitting there and like hugging them and breathing. Like I do try to do those things too. But then there's sometimes where I'm like, all right, like we got to we got to discipline here. Like we got to find the balance. So I wouldn't say we're gentle parenting, but we do try to pick and choose our moments where we see an opportunity to like maybe be a little bit more gentle in the approach and then opportunities where we know that okay, Eric might have to might have to yell and like get him to listen because he's acting a little fool right now. See, this is how I know I like have baby fever. I'm just so excited to like have these problems. You say that now and then you're going to be calling me like, what do I do? No, literally just kidding. It's like yeah. It's weird because you know, you go from being like, "Oh, I'm so glad we're leaving that vacation." And like, we don't have kids to bring home. - Yeah. - To them like, me want my own. - I know, I know. It's a fine balance. And then like, even as a parent, you're like, there's some days where you're like, I'll put myself into them. There's some days where you're like, "I'm the best parent ever." - Yeah. - Kids are the best behave kids. - It's gonna scare you on TikTok. A lot of moms being very candid, which is scary for me. - Yeah. - To see people like, literally make videos and being like, "Look, I'm never gonna say I regret having kids." But, you know, basically I do. And then it's got like a million, like all the comments are like, no seriously. Like, I miss my life before. Thank you for saying it. And I'm like, oh my God, it's like very scary. I'm trying to like get back on to the side of like, "Motherhood, motherhood's the best." I mean, I definitely think that it's good to like hear the realities of, you know, pregnancy or motherhood because like for me, I didn't really know anybody who had pregnancies like what I experienced, which were like, I had hypermesis with both the MHG and which is honestly morning sickness times a thousand, can't get out of bed, like, ended up in the hospital for vomiting blood. Like, I, gosh. - Type of pregnancy, but I was not prepared for that. But I don't know if like, seeing stuff like that would have made it any easier. So it's like a fine balance of like, do I really need to consume all the bad stuff because that could not even apply to me because my kid's personality could be different than that kid, like every kid is so different. And like, you're gonna find like your formula and like your recipe for success and your household based off of like what works for your kid. So I feel like that's why I try not to take in too much on social media because sometimes people do something a certain way. And I'm like, yeah, I don't think my kid would respond well to that. So I feel like, you know, comparison really is the thief of joy in all aspects of life and that's parenthood. So I wouldn't go too deep into the negative, tick-tock over there. But yeah, sometimes you can be on such a negative side. It like very much scares you away. But now that I feel like it's like clicked for me and I'm feeling confident and I want a mini human. That's me and, you know, my partner. - Yeah. - You're just like, you know what? I, yeah, you're gonna navigate it on your own and you never really know what someone else's story is. That's needing me to then feel that way. - For sure. - I think like the best thing for us is that like we really, like if we saw parents who we thought were like really cool and we loved how they did stuff. Like those were the people that we like became friends with and like wanted to learn from them and like what they did. I appreciate all perspectives of like how you approach motherhood, but there's definitely friends that I just, I feel like I'm more into like how they do things. So those are the people that I talk to and I pick their brain. And I'm like, how did you do this? Like how would you handle this situation can really focus on the people where you're like wait, the way you approach being a parent is cool as hell. Cause we had friends that like they go on like a two week vacation, just the two of them somewhere new in the world every single year. And I'm like wait, like you still travel like that and like they go yeah, like we've made it a priority to do this. Like maybe we didn't do it in the very beginning, but now we do and we love it. And you know, our kids are on a schedule and like so that, so they were the ones where I was like, okay, noted. I want to do a schedule, I want to sleep. And I want to do all the things that people are like, oh, like, right, Max's brother does that. And the kids spend one week with the one grandparents one weeks with the other sweet for the kids. So definitely. Well, thank you for all this good insight. This info got you very much helpful. It was helpful for everyone else listening to one. Just been so cool to like see you. Yeah, like go through these changes. And I feel like I've seen it just because I follow your social media. And yeah, I feel like speaking of inspiring, like even just seeing you sit here today and feel like you're the alley that I like talk to or went to a workout class like four years ago. And it's like, okay, she's the same. And she has kids and like motherhood is an addition to your life. It is something so special, but not something to be feared. If it's what you want. Yeah, I wouldn't be scared of it at all. And it's also it's all about like your partner is too. And like how that dynamic is. And I know that you have a really great partner. And I see how you guys is dynamic is. So I feel like you guys are going to attack parenthood. Like on things, head on. I'll play this to make you better. Yeah, I'm going to be like max. You've got this. Like you're going to be the best dad. I'm mixed ready. So like, let's hop on board. I love that. You have you have some time to prepare too. Because you know, she's pregnant for a period of time. So it doesn't really affect you. That's what I told them to. It's not like when we decide we want to try to get pregnant, the baby's here next week. I'm like, you will still have like nine months to adopt. Yeah, like those nine months you want. She'll just be pregnant. The only thing is that you just have to deal with her almost. Oh, my God. So to which he here he has mastered. I know. Well, thank you so much. Of course, thanks for having me. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of RealPod. If this hit home or helped you in some way, send it to a friend, a teammate, Rumi, share the love, share the realness. New episodes of RealPod come out every single Wednesday. So make sure you are subscribed to this podcast so you never miss an episode to leave a rating or review of the show. Head to iTunes and let me know what you think. I love hearing from you, not to mention you can stay connected with RealPod throughout the week, seeing behind the scenes info and sneak previews of upcoming guests by following the @RealPod account on Instagram. All information about today's show and guests will be linked in the description of this episode. Thanks again for listening. I love you guys so, so much. Let's go dominate the day and, as always, keep it real. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Hi, we're the sports bitches. And no one on actual bitches. Yes, we are like, I'm for sure a bitch. Okay, fine, we are, but that doesn't define us. Yeah, we also love sports. We don't just love sports. We like love sports. Yeah, we're like sports sickos. Sports addicted. Get these sports into my veins. You could call us couple of sports perverts, which was the other name for our podcast. Speak for yourself. I'm Rachel Bonetta. I'm Sarah Tiana. I'm Megan Gailey. And we are the sports bitches. Listen to new episodes of the show. Every Wednesday, wherever you get your podcasts.