Do You Know What They Do To the Male Chicks? w/ Keilan!

[MUSIC] [MUSIC] >> Hey guys. >> Hey guys. >> Well, has anyone ever apartment shopped in L.A.? Like genuinely? Yeah. But it's okay. Did I talk about it last time? >> Yeah. >> I know I talked about apartment shopping, but did I talk about the one that I was excited about? >> No. I don't think so. >> Well, guys, I was excited for an apartment, and I thought I was going to eat that one too, and I didn't, okay? >> Still hungry. [LAUGHTER] >> Still hungry? >> It's like fucked up, because like, I specifically went down with your situation with like ultra-ghetto narcissism. >> Well, and like, let me tell you all some right now. Hey, can I tell you all some? If the property manager tells you it's yours, don't listen to him until the fucking landlord says it, okay? Because I literally had like a property manager who showed up with the least type shit, and was like, and you know what's so funny? Everything in reverse makes sense, because on Sunday, we were meeting on Sunday, I met with the landlord on Sunday. And he was like, "Gatch, you can totally just bring your check." Like, bitches, like, he was fucking with me. Like, he was like, "Gro is done." Like, they're going to love you. I was like, "Period." But I couldn't get a check because it was Sunday. And I was like, "Damn, I'll have to pay you later." The universe said, "Maybe that's not yours." And then I-- Did I talk about I scratched my car on the way out? >> No. >> Girl, I scratched my brand new car. Like, look at my-- My brand new, brand new, brand new. I scratched that shit on this side again, not that driveway. And honestly, if I'm being so real, like, I loved that apartment so much. But after I scratched it and got out when I slept on it, and I woke up something deep in my energetic core was like, but my place would have do that, though. >> There's always something like, I remember one time, this is not the same at all. But I remember one time I went on a date. >> Yeah. >> And like, all my shit was fucked up. >> Oh, yeah. >> Literally, like, almost crashed my car. >> Yes. >> Literally, like, broke shit on my way out. >> Yes, I-- You know what I've also done that, too. >> Yeah. >> That I broke my perfume bottle. >> Crush, cut my hand open. I shouldn't have known right there, bitch. I shouldn't have known right there. >> And it's just like, it's so funny, because I feel like those things will happen. >> Yeah. >> Also go, though. >> No, but it would literally be like, I was like, y'all ain't going to be able to park. And I am going to have to literally scrape the side of my car every single time I get in there. But like, honestly, fuck it, run it. I was like, just done me the fucking shit. And I'm just weak as fuck, because now my car just scratched like this. >> No. >> And I remember when I scratched it, I was weak because I was like, you can't take it to the dealership? >> Well, no, I'm going, too. I haven't started paying my insurance. >> What? >> Yeah. >> Hello. >> Hello. >> Oh, hey. >> Oh, my God. >> What, how did I get-- >> Okay. >> How did I get breaks like this? >> Oh, hey. >> You were so-- >> You were so quiet. >> Good morning. >> Good morning. >> Oh, hey. >> Oh, hey. >> 20 minutes of therapy. >> Oh, and when our pipes are done for, I'm like, great. That's awesome. That's awesome. >> Well, and let's-- And I'm like, well-- >> I'm sick. >> I'm sick. >> I'm sick. >> Girl, I'm sick. >> Oh, oh, oh, oh. And make some noise for the team. And make some noise for the team, like, literally. Make some noise for the team. Hey, come on in. Come on in. >> Oh, my God. >> That's-- >> Okay, that's your friend. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Sit down. Girl, sit, show us. >> I can't make myself at home. >> Yes, you can. >> I'm a host. >> Welcome home. >> Welcome home. Guys, welcome to the stage. Like, we know her. We love her. Like, Helan. >> Helan, these pants. >> What do you-- >> These pants are sexy. >> E. >> Thank you. I borrowed them. >> Oh. >> Guys, for those of you who don't-- Wait, the episode that we did together was just us. >> Yeah. >> Not that you got us. >> We've never done it all. >> Right. And I'm like, the divas who are like, from the old testament. We'll remember, Helan. But like, if you're new and you don't know this person, like-- >> Well, and Christmas last year. >> Well, Christmas last year. >> Oh, yeah. >> Yeah. You popped in. You popped in. Right. So you might know how. But if not, like, Y'all know Kielin, like Bastille, literally, like, I don't know. Like, I don't-- You already know. My actual blood brother and mother fucker who decided to move to London. >> I did. >> And now you're back. >> And now I'm back. >> Hello. >> I know you're not even back, but right. >> I know you're back. >> That's more well. That's more well. >> Uh-oh. >> Sorry. [laughter] >> I know. >> Well, and let the girls know what you're doing in London. >> Well, why not, I'm living. I'm living. >> Okay. >> You've been living. >> Oh, you live, period. >> No, I'm a lot. >> Period. >> For some of you living. >> The move was for grad school. >> Right. >> So I'm in the-- >> No, because wake this up, we have some grad school divas in the chat. >> Grad school divas. Grad school is hot. >> Right. Grad school is hot. >> Grad school is hot. >> Art grad school, mind you. >> Yeah, I'm studying dance. >> Right. >> Yeah. >> And I need to, like, I want to come visit you bad. >> You know what I'm saying. >> I want you guys there. >> Oh, okay. >> So-- >> You got his life like this. >> No. >> Right. >> The flash box you're having? >> You know it's visceral. You know you feel visceral. >> You guys would really-- >> [laughter] >> It was fine something. Like, I feel like I'm-- >> Yeah. >> It's so mad. It's honestly really magical. Pros and cons. >> Pros and cons. >> Obviously. >> Pros and cons. >> Like any place. >> Yeah. >> Right. >> But there's so much magic in the city. >> Yeah. >> So just genuinely wish every bitch that I know and left from here. Like y'all would also be there. >> Yeah. >> As much as they love it. >> I know. >> You miss my girls. I'm so happy to be back right now. >> Yeah. >> Please come visit me. >> Oh! >> I'm going to be here. Obviously, yeah. >> We're going to be-- >> Oh, come visit you. I mean, like, preferably give me enough time to violate. because y'all be like saying when you're like I have this dude dude oh well because will you too my heart well yeah cuz you're running your shit up I'm running my shake which is so real and it's great and then we can go see the UK girls in the chat yeah I know guys like in somebody like is there like a school out there that like wants to have us or something like on on a sleep problem like guys are a UK girls and I'll show I met a neighbor yes that I literally worked with like in music video do I the girls I was on a twigs video - Yeah. - Okay, thanks. - Okay. - Shout out Maza. - Shout out, Capricorn. - Shout out. - Come on. - Shout out. - Shout out. - Shout out. - Come on. - Shout out. - Come on. - And you know what to do. - If you know what to do. And we met on our moment, but shout out to Antoine, who another dancer on the video. Shout out. Antoine. It was so crazy, like across the pond for him to be like, I just saw that he followed the podcast. And I was like, those are my, that's literally, those are my sisters. No, literally. In crisis. No, like it's, the impact is going everywhere. So I love you guys so much. No, and like, you love you more, and they want you. So well, we would love to come, guys. We would love to come, right? Then someone like get them to London so they can like come hang out and like it paid while doing here or something Right, like it's give or fuck it even if not You might want to get a job really New York I know like how bad more and I think the thing that more than New York South and I think like London more than New York. Yeah, you are sure how much time did you spend in London? I've spent like a decent amount over the years 'cause my best friend from middle school lives there and grew up, she's both of her parents are British, but she's split time, our whole lives. - Okay. - But a decent amount. But yeah, it's all my favorite parts of New York, but it's like beta. - Yeah, but it's more expensive. - Low key. - I would say it's low key because what fucks yo, we were just talking about this two seconds ago. What fucks you up is that great British pounds, like the exchange rate is like four years. - So it's like things, especially coming from here, like things will be like, you know, like obvious like seven pounds, which you're like, you know, it's also like $7 here. Mama, that's $10. So it's like the numbers look lower. So I'm like, yeah, it's like, yeah, it's like it's only like, you know, this many, then I look at my US account and the money that's taking out is like just a little bit more. - No, I knew because we literally went to Alfred's today in this bitch, just like a picture of how much his Moshe-Costle was like, oh, you remember that? - 'Cause it's been a bit of a mess. - 10.54 fucking Moshe, 10.50. Welcome back to LA. - Welcome back to LA. - I think it was ceremonial. - Right. - You know what I'm saying. - Well, we were trying to keep an underwrap ski bapski. Well, 'cause we did like a whole grand, like surprise heist. Like we've been surprised to grow up stuff. - Well, that's right. - We did like a press test. - Well, and thank, and thank Guad. - I was like, I was gag nasty. - That was so. - Well, because, I mean, we FaceTime, one time, I was like up for whatever reason. - Yeah, before, um. - That was so sweet. We were up. - I was, I was like five a.m.p. I was like, "Wait, good morning." - I know, it was five a.m. I was like, "Let me call Gielin." - Right. - Let me call Gielin. And yeah, we got a talking. You said, "Oh, I'm coming back, but I couldn't remember for the life of me, like, what days, when, where, how, however." And so, when I saw you last night, the gagged tree. - Right. - That occurred. - Right. - Like the Gagatondra. - It was really happened. - It was serious. - Oh, this series. - I've never surprised anyone like ever like that in my life. - Me neither. Me neither. It was so fun. I'm literally never telling anyone when I'm coming back now. - Well, if you ate down my-- - Because when I knocked on the door, I was like, you're like, "Come in!" (laughing) - That is not a whole-- - No, look, look. - You ate that, you ate that. 'Cause every time someone came to the door, it was me in the kitchen cooking apron on, Like, bye. down like made state yesterday a whole but that shit was bus mind you when you talk about the state later because he's been thinking about the sake of his killin's been invented forever I haven't eaten yesterday oh my god like I'm literally like oh like it's now I'm like there's always a call there's always a call to like something like I swear once it this happens to me probably once a quarter maybe more maybe less but at least once a quarter I wake up with the fiercest craving for a chopped cheese from Bodega Park like not even god himself could put his hand on my all my chest and stop me yeah not read me that read me something about red like state like beef but your steak was like so see like the season so fucking right oh really you liked it too yeah it was a good steak will get like I haven't even eaten beef and probably like dead that nine years but like every time I see a steak I'm like I remember that that's the guy because I've been thinking about I haven't long story short I haven't eaten a steak I haven't eaten a steak in nine years literally yeah since I was 17 yeah but I've been thinking about it for the last year I'm thinking about it hot bitches eat red meat is what I've been seeing also I'm tired is what I've been seeing you know you know like just I've been just you read me I've also just like been really tired right well I'm very active yeah ironed efficiency so something in me it's just been like you know I if I eat steak I could just feel like I'd be like yeah moving yeah and I just got really inspired yesterday and all the girls were coming and I was like you know what like it I also like ate a bite of lamb for the first time in nine years last week so I was like you know I think it's the time yeah yeah it's like we're here when not shit hit my tongue yesterday and I actually still keep thinking about it oh we can run it back do you know I'm going do you know how's a fucking bomb ass like sit on it spit on it like steak all time dude there she in there oh girl let's go well now I have to go and the lamb ragu it like I don't even fuck with lamb like that like I don't be eating lamb ragu yes right right right dude I'm not I'm not I'm not even sure oh the guy is too because I don't even know it's primal there was a whole thing like the when I did eat that lamb last week because it's like I haven't had the craving for me and I'm along yeah and then but the part that was getting me at the end because I there was a point where I was like I'm interested in this when I was like but who am I if I eat this because of feeling big part of my identity has been let I don't eat me it's like you know like we can't we can't put like morals and food together like there's no like that's bad this is good it's just like it is like it's like oh I don't eat that and I just don't and like yeah and like cut it or it's like oh I eat that and like yeah I do you know what I mean because it's just like I I because I used to feel like that to I used to be vegan for so long and like when I was vegan and the propaganda and like the the propaganda and the ego for I think more for me was like a little more like ego-tistical to just like be like I'm vegan but then I'm literally eating shit that would like fucking you know like glue playing so it's like yeah girl I was literally eating like follow your heart cheese that I'm like they're like and it melts oh and it melts okay because it melts because it melts a lot of with a lot of pressure right yes like with a lot no at like 450 degrees no like at like 6,000 degrees like it melts kind of and you need it and like you have to eat it in 30 seconds or it's not not right no that's me no I feel what you mean though because I'm like that's that was literally me looking at that state like I was like yes like ideally like yes I could just like eat it and it's like chill but there's something like yeah there's a wall there's like an energy like a wall you know what I mean and I'm like fuck and when you're ready just know that I got you in like I think that made it super seasoned actually was the fucking because it salt and pepper it's the only seasoning no of course the cast iron scale at number one period right of course the cast iron the butter base yeah with garlic and rosemary well because you literally were going off on that garlic but also I'm like it was assault to because I'm like that's the problem that I face with steak is like and that's why like all times because like I think with red meat it's the finest of lines right like if you just have it and then there's not really like seasoning like there's not it's like not salted to taste you know what I mean it's just going tastes like oh I'm that's a cow bitch who I'm a cow oh yeah yeah yeah and then all of the sudden it's just like the consciousness of like what you're eating is like yeah that's the part that bugs me up yeah because it's like if it's not if there's no flavor same with the burger right like I think that's why Smashburgers are like to me so much better than like a bust down like I hate a thick burger like off the ground fucking beef yeah because I'm literally like oh and see when I cut through everything else and like what's left at the end is like a bug like bug uh oh bug uh oh yeah as a bread juices yeah but would steak like I think again like if it's actually seasoned well and there's like flavor there it's like oh my gosh like this is so fucking good yeah but and that's I you know y'all know I have beef we shouldn't not being flavored right beef I got beef I got beef I got beef oh no because I really like bitch I miss that like specifically like Alpastor I mean that's pork obviously but like just in the red meat of it all I'm like that must that like missing like a bust down corn dog missing it in an out burger and like honestly missing a steak like for real you listen all the steak well the world's huge now for you no I'm like well and in and out bug uh like I fuck with the grilled cheese that's my show obviously but like I I'll never forget a burger I know I want like dirty fucking gains right now I literally want the dirtiest gains of like yeah and I'm like honestly me being like the most tired bitch you know I'm like it's gonna come a bitch because I literally like like like see me time T because I'm like okay so you're gonna have ADHD and iron deficiency it's just like I don't like no like no like the mind be running like I need a little yes I honestly feel like when you get tired and you know want to be like I wonder if you just ate like a cube of steak like if that would literally yeah because that is yesterday when I ate that steak I literally was mind you jet like this fuck slept for like three hours and I before 18 hour travel day when I ate that steak I literally was like well the iron is serious it's like oh like oh and I'm also like iron like supplements are also just like a tricky supplement because they always make my stomach hurt well that's what I was gonna say I'm like you need to drink a fuck ton of water exactly like you literally need to have like make sure you had a whole get like at least three glasses after yeah real shit or your shit's literally gonna be like no my should be like oh I'm like I'm like gonna be going like this on the way down no it's real it's real it's real spinach don't hit like a steak like I don't I don't get it like yeah you will get your iron but I'm like at what cost at what cost well and also I'm just like I'm so sorry but like again it's really hard on your stomach like kill so hard on your stomach it's tough it's tough shit oh yeah no I'm like thinking about it visually yeah because she look bussy bus like you know what I mean and it's like for me it's not even like morality to you of like like I don't like eat that that's not my vibe but I genuinely like I feel like red meat for me really started to give like you know when you eat like an egg like I feel like that's like my gripe with it is I'm so scared yeah like I feel like every time I eat like red meat I would literally be like well the karma of it all but then chicken somebody like boom boom oh look now like run like I don't know what like the different little that's because well that's actually because I don't for some reason I don't have the urge to eat chicken real I don't know well that's on the vegan propaganda of it all because when I was fucking seven Dean I just consumed so much like like document specifically about conditions of chickens oh mama they be in the coop would it they be in look they be in the coop squat stop squished derogatory squished up moving around you know what they do to the to the meal chicks do you know what they do to the meal chick don't come on wow wow look at the look at this no this is my favorite part look the vegan still the girls now what do they do with the girls now what do they do is it back I don't want to hear so tell us tell us your ears in cuz you already know this you don't know this you don't know if I plug my ears I'm so here because you're nosy because you're nosy hello like this if you don't want to hear he's like stepped out good are you sure is Maya is it giving um do you remember that video game you used to play there was like that bit that like troll ass video game and it was like um like it was called can your pet it was called can your pet question mark and you would like get a little chick and like you would like raise it and you would feed it and shit and then like at the end it would put it through a grinder into a can yeah look can your pet I don't put it to a grinder to be like this is what happens to chicks well yes so basically you know huh oh no yeah as I played that in elementary when I literally was like see you would raise it you would like wash it and feed it and play with it and then he put it in the grinder at the end. - He's got a Washington Fed. - At least he got a Washington Fed because even worser, they mass produced chicks. - Yeah, yeah, they do. - Mass produced chicks, they can't walk in the coop, but get this when they're born. Like when they're hatched, there's so many of them. And obviously only female chicks produce eggs. There's no need for male chicks. Like it's actually more expensive for big factories to have them alive. So they literally are on a conveyor belt. There's people's jobs who pick them up. They look at the gender. - They do this, don't say, don't say, is this where you're going? - They separate them, the female chicks, toss and not bin. The male chicks, toss and not bin. They put the, you're listening to this too. Thank you. Who else is in here? (laughs) - They do this too. They do all the female chicks. All the male chicks, they put them straight in the grinder because there's no use for them. There's no use. And actually I got that fact from I was 17. And I, 'cause I, when it comes up, I say it 'cause we, but just need it now. - But just need it now. - Are you listening to? And then, but mind you, actually recent, like as if, 'cause I looked it up recently 'cause I was like, do they still even do that? - Yes. And, and they also now do gas chambers. - Are you serious? - I'm that serious, look it up. Any like mass production of chickens. Yeah, I wonder what they do with them with the males. I wonder what they do. - I'm gonna be off-chicken for two weeks. - You're not. No, you're not. - And the male chicks are probably chicken nuggets. - Right, they do even, they do a lot of crazy bad things like that that they just don't want us to know. And that's why it is important to spread the news. So, thank you. - Will I still be eating chicken, though? - Like, bro, are you probably feeling good against tomorrow, by the way? - That's actually, well, and it's just fucked up because it's like, genuinely, it goes all the way around. Like, they literally like, they treat all them like, literally not. Do you remember that guy in college? Did we ever talk about this? - I'm like this, sorry, that was funny. There was this, well, and it was real, and it was real. And it was real. It was kind of camp, but it was real. I get what he was trying to do. - Well, vegans are camp. - Well, he, there was this vegan guy. He was fine, no shade, which is why, which is why, bitches, you even know about him, seriously. - No, like, that was the appellate. - Well, and the things I always was on is, - Robert, he was ugly, like. - Well, no, he didn't have to be fine, I will say. - You can't be vegan, man. - The man is willing to spread. - Well, I will say, the message spread, because he was fine, so everybody would watch his story. That's why it's spread. Because he used to go to the, like, he would wake up in the morning and go to the, like, go to the chicken trucks before they would leave to the spot. And he would film them, like, flash on and be like, they can hear, like, good morning, and the chickens were all like. - The chickens are like. - Well, they probably could hear, they just can't talk. But he would literally go up, you know, it was giving, like, that vegan realness, like, at the end and out, like, with, like, the bloody pictures. - No, like, I'm a real. - Which is real, but it's just, like, damn. - No, it's just like. - If it was up to me, like. - It's just, like, it's veggie Friday, like, I'm. - It's veggie Friday. - No, like, they want it. - No, 'cause that should literally, so how me, like. - No, like, he don't. - Oh my god. - The only meat they wanted was his at the end of the day. - All the girls were vegan, all the girls were vegan after that. (laughing) - Hey, all spare in love and war. - You know, I'm, like, behind every vegan as a man. (laughing) - And behind every vegetarian as a man too, because tell me why. (laughing) - Tell me why, man, tell me why, man. - I was what? 10, 11, 11, 11, 11, 11, 11. - I don't think we hear this to this day of the break. That's Glenda, sorry, that's Glenda. That wasn't it. - And so she rides. - Think about it, think about it. - Dude, but tell me why. Literally, I was, like, Chris Drew, Christopher Drew Engle. - Right. - Never shot Never King, who pulled out. He, he was like a OG, no, no, no, no. He was an OG, like, just, like, emo era, like, bust down, never shot, never, like, had, like, an owl neck tattoo on his neck, like, side-school play. - And he had this, like, bust down P sign on his foot. - Thank you. - Oh, be bookly, I'm curious. - No, he's still, oh, no, don't show him now. - Oh, thank you. - That was it, thank you. - That was my wallpaper. Like, that was like, I used to literally write my name, like, John, like, Engle. - Yeah. - Literally, yeah. - No, and that's why you're gay today. 'Cause that's, oh, that's good. (laughing) - Yeah. - No, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I'll tell y'all. (laughing) - Oh, no, boom. - No, we'll talk about it. - Right, we'll talk to you about it. We'll talk to you about it in a little. We'll talk to you about it in a second. But first, back then. - Back to back. - Back to back. - Back to back. - Back to back. - Back to back. - Let's focus on men right now. - Right, let's focus on men. - Let's focus on men. - Never, never. - Never setting your focus on you. - First time I said let's focus on men. I'm like, yeah. - Guys, in the sun, stop. - Guys, right now on this podcast, we wanna focus on men right now. - Right. - Okay, this is the men. - Wow, this is the men. - This is the men's queues. - They wanna clip this, watch, they wanna clip it. - Guys, this podcast right now is focusing only on men. - Right. - And everyone else, not right now. - And we're holding space. - I'm just kidding. But in all seriousness, this podcast will never be for you, men. - No, I'm like this. - No, I'm like this. - No, but like, unless, unless you're not, well, because if you're, well, because if you're already here, you're already here. You know, you know, T. If you're already here, you know, T. - Yeah, well, the real T is, so yeah, I was 10 alum. And I was, I would watch, like, if I had a crush on someone that interview, - Oh. - Would get ran through like, yeah. - Oh my God. - Because one direct, like, anyway. - Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, no, by heart. - No, by heart. - So anyways, I was like watching his interviews and he was talking, Chris was talking about being vegetarian. And I didn't bitch everything, go with the fuck out, babe. Me and my friend shout out my kind of, shout out my kind of, like, fucking love you bad as hell. Her and I were his biggest fucking stands and we, like, went vegan down and, like, I remember my parents, God bless, God bless their hearts, they did their best. They were like, oh my God, you know my dad was like, so you can't, you can't have, you can't have chicken, but you can, so you want in and out, like, you know, you don't have parents. - No, you don't have anything to be like. - No, he was trying. - Okay, okay, I get it, you not eating meat. We gonna have carnitas though, you guys are like, okay, so no burger, no pork belly. - Yeah, we got a lot of sales, we got a lot of sales, that's still, right? - I'm like, "Dad, God, damn." But anyways, so I would eat, like, amies, I don't know if you guys, yes, the frozen? - Yeah, like, amies, like, frozen foods and shit, like, she had vegetarian, shit. And then, yeah, that pipeline, anyway, shout out, Drew, Chris Drew, I was literally fucking vegetarian for soul. I was vegetarian, 7th, 8th, 9th grade, and then 10th grade relapse, and then senior year, I became vegan. - Right. - Yeah. - Well, and like, thinking about him today, ooh, don't show that. - There's a one. - Wow, and he's still, he's still, like, vegan bust down. - No, he's, yeah, he's vegan. - He's like sober and vegan or something. - He has, his choices are interesting. - I mean, you know, I, like, thinking about everyone who is literally, like, famous in a way that, like, nobody should be when you were literally in your, like, developmental years, like, think about you, 'cause I'm, like, girl, like, she, he's only 34, like, that's actually crazy. - Mother of God. - That's actually crazy. - Well, he, oh, baby, specifically in that punk rock scene, girl, they were, they were-- - Because it was on that tour bus, baby. - At, like, 22, bitch, I literally, like, bitch, I-- - Oh, like, literally, he, he, you know, I'm fucking my space, bitch. - No, 16 on my space, like, real bad. - Fucking hell. - Thinking about that. - Oh, look, he used to have, if you see, like, in the corner, he used to have, like, the light in his eyes and the-- - Yeah. - Because he was, so, he was so, maybe-- - And then the person next to him, he's, like-- - Right. - He's like, fuck, yeah. - No, he was, like, that-- - You can hear your styles in the left one, like, like, you, like, you know, like-- - Well, and that was the hair. - No, it's better. - It's bitch, you know, it has me weak as hell, and like, he's-- - He is. - About, oh, thank you. - Not Shane Dawson, but he-- - I keep-- - No, and honestly-- - You know, he tried to reheat those nachos. - No, I'm sure-- - Oh, my god. - That was the look Bootsy Bowls. That was-- and I've been thinking about how, like, today, literally, because we went down, we went down a long beach to, like, you know, long beaches, like, a college town. Curly mop everywhere. - Yeah. - Everywhere, curly mop. Like, now that we're older, and we can see, like, the trends of the youth, I'm literally weak as hell, because I'm, like, five of y'all had to get a perm. Curly mom curly mom Nike tech and like what Nike tech suit. Yeah, what's that? It's like the um I don't I don't know how to describe it You you'll see it. It's the central C Everybody want girls now girl. No, I'm like chow anyway. Chow anyway. Okay, lock is in No, because generally when we were keen when we were keen every single like 20 like early 20s probably 19 20 year old guy I had a curly mom They're right like a week ago. Oh my god. Miss key. Oh, and I'm like that nigga. That don't fit you. We had to hit nape One size up, please is that like the maybe this is like the fit Bootsie Oh my! - Oh my god, I'm out of here. - What's that? - Okay. - You, you, you, you, oh my god. - Okay. - I don't really know what like men do. He stays like literally. - How latai, like, okay period. Wait, but tell us about literally going to school in London. 'Cause I fear you are living a life that is like very, what's the word I'm looking for like specific? Like you're doing a specific trail that I feel like I'm like, hey, some of the divas might be like, "Girl, shit, do I run this shit?" And I'm like, well, my friend literally like went to London and like now his whole life blew up. Like, I don't know. - I know. - Like spiritually speaking? Yeah, like what's the vibe? - At school. - Right. - The vibe at school, I'm going to a dance school. The vibe at school is nine to five Monday through Friday. - Right. - Like bust down in the stew. Like I am back in dance school. - Right. - It's actually incredible. - Like welcome back. - I'm so grateful. It's also giving, there are some like, okay, so the program that I'm doing, it's like different like every few weeks. Like it's project based like things and we're dancing doing different dance projects. I'm at a funny place with it just because the like last like big project that we did, beginning of the school year, fucking loved it was absorbing someone's information, still absorbing information, but like information that I wanted, so much like wake up every day and like move my body. That's what I, I'm so grateful for that. The performance project that we did we spent four weeks doing this project with this, I'm not even gonna say the name of this fucking company, prestigious dance company, internationally known. Talksick Dance, Mama, like Talksick Dance, old school traditional like just like beliefs. That I just wasn't loving. That's also the point of the program, which is putting us in different like environments to see like what we like and what we don't like as like independent dance makers and artists and just like, I mean, as an artist like that's, it's important to know what you don't like. - But like couldn't have told you that without having to experience it. - But that happened to, first of all, pay thousands of fucking pounds for not. And then having to wake up every day. And what I did like about it was waking up and doing ballet every day for four weeks. - Right. - Love it. - Love doing ballet. - Literally in class like fuck, like this is great. - Yeah. - And then spent the next like six hours of everyday, like learning, learning rep from God bless the people that were teaching us the rep, but like the rehearsal director of the company, you're on my shit list, like you're on my shit list. People should not be leaving. When we're in graduate school, we all are choosing to be here, paying to be here, we're all grown-ass adults. Why are we being triggered so bad that bitches are, we're grown-ass adults crying, leaving the fucking room, like one wants to feel like shit, dancing. - Yeah, it's just like, this is like girl, that's ancient has her shirt. - Yeah. - You would think that we would like learn by now with the conversations around toxic dance environments and spaces. It's like, why are we still doing this in God's year of 2025? - Exactly, like why are we being put down, like it was just like a negative environment for like a portion of the experience for that like four weeks. That passed over, we like did a performance with them and it was like great. Love my cohort, lovely people, shout out. - That's why you know it's grad school started turning into cohort. - No, cohort down, like love my fucking people, also so grateful to be in the city. It's so grateful to be dancing every day, even like through that, like I'm still just learning a lot about my body, I'm getting so much stronger and like my craft is developing. That project did leave like a bad taste in my mouth about like just that kind of experience, but that's also the point of like why I'm there is to just like really get a taste of like so much of like the dancing. But then after that, the last two weeks were absolutely incredible and we're like learning from super sick ass lecturers and like amazing teachers. And like, it's cool, like it's cool. Like I'm that ass in fucking graduate school, I can't even believe that. I'm also just doing so many quests right now in London that like grad school literally feels like it's like a class. - Right, 'cause the word yeah. - Yeah, like I'm in grad school and I'm just like yeah, the world did open up, like my heart opened up a million times over my fucking third eye. I'm seeing parts of myself. The thing about London too is like the city is extremely magical and like the energy is so, there's like a really just like intense ass, heavy ass energy in the whole city in general. I think especially compared to coming from here, it's just literally an older place. - Yeah, honey. - So I think I'm just like feeling that in the deepness of everything and like the, and straight up just like the architecture, like everything just feels like every place and like even the ground just feels like it holds so much. And that is like bringing so much out of me and it feels like it brings so much like realness out of every fucking bitch. Like the interactions are like so honest and true. Like honest and true every single. - Well, it's like, it's so like, it's just embedded into the culture of like who they are, you know what I mean? And like the people and like the landscape and just everything. 'Cause even like, I was thinking that when I went to Europe, I was just like shit, y'all the OG motherfucking like colonizers, you know what I mean? - The OG colonizer. - And then it's like you come to America and it's like even when we were, you know, in like Philly and like, you know, just like the 13 colonies type shit. - The first in America ever. - Yeah. And then you realize actually how young America is. It's like a country and like as a society and stuff and then you go over to like places like London and you're up and you're just like, oh shit. Like all of the big and embracking. - Y'all been big. - And I get, especially like like the UK, that's our big fucking brother. - Yeah. - Like literally our mother. - You see, I can see also how like the US is it. There I say like more ghetto version of like what they're doing. - The capitalism is like how a cooked over there in a way that still talks like us fuck, not but. And like there's like a different organization of like how the government works. That's still bad and still like fucked up. But also it just like works a little bit better. - Just cause that yeah, 'cause it's like more like a stab. - Yeah, there's at least like looking healthcare babe. - Yeah. - There's healthcare. There's also just like a lot, there's a lot of resources where people a lot, oh not, I'm not gonna say a lot 'cause I'm not supportive of like the government. They're like the western government's still capitalism. But especially coming from here like we're actually true, like I'm truly seeing how much of the trenches we were in. - Yeah, well cause it's, yeah it's giving like, especially like I feel like they're what I've never been actually so I'm not gonna even like speak on it too much but it seems like from what you're telling me, like they want their shit to run. - Their shit is actually right. - Well cause it's been running. - Yeah, like they want their shit to run. - They want their shit to run. - I'm running a business very recklessly and the people who get like trampled or left behind like you know when he was making all those bad investments on like everyone else and like the fucking scams he was running in shit. And so it's just like that vibe, like I feel like that's very like America core where it's like you know everyone else who gets left behind at the bottom like. Ugh. - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. - Well. Anyways like I literally am hoarding my fucking well. - Yeah. - It was like who gives a shit about like what happens to anyone else where it was like at least it seems like well you know we're still gonna like hoard our wealth and like keep the systems in place that are in place but like y'all will still like survive. You know what I mean? - Mm-hmm. Yeah people are gonna live. - Yeah and like. - But people are gonna live. People are gonna like, I. - Like basic necessity. - It's best to house this. I don't, I see houses people like every once in a while. Like it's it's absolutely, even in a big ass fucking city like London, which mind you London has two times the amount of people that LA has. - Wow. - And also it's like slightly bigger than LA. Like at least more. It's a little bit bigger than LA in like size. I see houses people like, I don't know, like maybe twice a week, like like two people a week. - Wow. That's crazy. - It's like not as much of a problem like there are, there's housing, there's resources. - Yeah. - It's really fucked. And I will say to something that I fucking love about London is it is also truly like a global fucking capital. I haven't been to anywhere else in the UK so I wouldn't, I can't speak for like the whole place but London is like. I am meeting people of literally ethnicity because I've never heard of it in my fucking life. - Yeah. - And it's so integrated, it's so, everyone's everywhere. - And that's, you know what, that's why I've really, really. loved watching like channel four, right? Is that what it's called? They're, no idea what that is. I think, or is that like a, they're like TV, like it was kind of like, they're like, we're, well, I think that's what Skins was on and stuff. But anyways, my point with that is like, I would watch like shows from the UK and love them so much, just simply based off the fact that like, there's, it's so fucking diverse. Yeah. Like literally the way the cast movie, the way like love interests like anything, like you can, you can just tell, like they just got hired because of like, whatever. And like, and like even Skins, like it, like watching it. And that was like, you know, early 2000s and like, like what ethnicity isn't in the show? Yeah. And like, I feel like it just is so, it's pretty like, well, rappers, I mean, better than America, I'm not. A way better than America. Yeah, it's not perfect, but way, but it's, the thing that the key to is like, the integration of it all, like as we, I mean, America's announcing pod, they'd be saying that whatever. And there is so many, there are so many different kinds of people here. But segregation done fucked us up so bad. And that's what I was gonna say too, 'cause I'm like, they got rid of like slavery sooner than us. I mean, I know there's racism. I know it's not, it's not fucking perfect. Yeah, like I'm not saying like, oh, they fucking shit it on us. But like, I just do think that like, because of that, like it's definitely like, move them along further into society. Because yes, segregation, like, it's especially in the fucking South. Like, when I went to Texas, bro, like, they still have like, I mean, we still have them now like, predominantly black neighborhoods, predominantly white neighborhoods, like whatever. But especially in the South, it is literally like, you go, hang out on this side of town. And if there's black people there, it's 'cause they chose to go there. And it's like, you have to literally drive at least 30, 40 minutes, sometimes an hour to literally go to like the black side of town and where like all the black people hang out. - Damn. - Where all the things are. And there's literally like different like, oh, like this area is like, oh yeah, this is like the country, like where the black people hang out. This is like, oh, this is like the country where the white people hang out. Like, and it's just in every way, like even like upper class, like this is where the upper class black people live. This is where the upper class black people live. Like, it's so fucking segregated in the South still. I mean, like, here still of course, you know, like we have it and I'll like, obviously. - Yeah. - Yeah. But I feel like in the South specifically, like I've just, even still like in North Carolina and like other places I've been, like I've never seen it. So like, oh shit, like I really have to go out of my way. 'Cause like, you can kind of like meander around. - Yeah. - Oh yeah, I mean we're very, you know, we're very privileged to be in California. Like a lot of things. - Yeah. - I mean, although again, like very not perfect, we don't have to deal with kind of like the same harshness. Like, you know, we got that kind of covert racism going over here. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Depending on where you are in California too. - Yeah. - Yeah. - 'Cause I'm like, we're talking from LA, but like girl, you know, we from the North. And it'd be like, you hit a certain part of North and ain't funny no more. - No, right. - It ain't fucking funny. - Well, no, and same, even I'm like. - It's from everything over here. - It's from the North. - Okay. - Fear you. - The sheriff live next door. Well, yeah, even in like Arizona too, like with like, you know, like the natives and stuff and just like, you know, 'cause my mom works on the reservation and like, even like driving out there to her, like seeing how like, some reservations are like more developed than others and just like, the resources they have but also have they've been just like left behind. - Yeah. - Like crazy. - Crazy. - And then yeah, and then like being from like a major, a more major city like Phoenix, where like, you know, like, I grew up in the whitest suburb ever, but like if you went to like downtown Phoenix or like Tempe, - There's like access. - So there's like access and like Mesa, there's like things happening and like different people. And like, I mean, yes, like, you know, I think my suburb specifically why it was so white was because it literally growing up, there was like, or how, like, you know, house is built and then there was like huge farms. Like there was still like a lot of like, farms and stuff. But even now, like, you know, if you go down to like, as the closer you get to the border, the fucking crazier, it fucking gets like people with like fucking AK47s, literally like, patrolling shit, nigga, no one's fucking pay, pay bitch, no one's fucking paying you, your bitch ass like. - People just be, people are just there. - Dude. - Yes. - There's actually a whole documentary on it of people who literally like, just patrol the border. - For a joke. - For a joke. - For a joke. - Literally sniper sniper sniper. - Good job. - Get a job challenge. - Oh, do you want better? - Take a shower, fucking challenge. - And you just, baby, baby, baby. - Baby. - Stay. - Get some running water challenge. If you see these people who fucking patrol the border, I'm like, a lips dry shit. Like girl, face, face fucking cake and crack. - Well, we don't believe in SPF. - Yes, with dirt and blisters. And I'm literally like, baby, yeah, I would be mad too. It's hot. - I would be mad as shit too. - It's just hot. - It's just hot. - It's just hot and you're not getting paid. - No. - Even make no sense. - Just shut the fuck up challenge. - It's literally, it's literally giving, - Weather is giving, like, what'd you just fucking call me? Like, it's so hot. - Oh, it hurts. - He says, what'd you just fucking call me? That's how hot it is. And I'm like, it's so interesting. I mean, like, yeah, the further you get from like, just interaction and civilization, like the crazier your fucking gets. Like, you know, the more rule you are, like, just the more fucking boonies and crazy it gets and stuff. And I mean, like, yeah. - Yeah, like, that's the experience for like so many people, but like, yeah, in America, it's just like, I don't know, I think in Arizona, like seeing it. I mean, those people have been abandoned too, you know, like the people who live in border towns and like, in the deserts and don't have like access to like, water and just like, all these things and like, resources and like, literally, like, perfect example of being like forgotten by your government. - Yeah, that's the thing. It's like, they're voting, they're voting against all of these things that will help them. Like, we all benefit from like like the left one. - Exactly. - Like, we're all getting fucked. We're all getting fucked by the top one person. - Yeah, at the very beginning, like when you boil it all the way down, it's like, and it's just, people are sheep and are want to protect them for some reason. And we're all getting a little bit. The fuck over. - Yeah. Well, and also it's like the annihilation of like, anyone who like says one thing. 'Cause it's just like, I just wish that's the one thing we had more of. It's just like more solidarity. 'Cause I'm just literally like, it's just that. 'Cause, you know, I do understand it is frustrating when like, okay, we're going to stand on business on this one thing and then your friend like, on like, not standing on all the business and you just kind of want to like, oh, okay, well now I don't fuck with them. And I'm like, baby, that's the fucking problem right there. It's just like, I understand that it's not perfect, but like, it's a step forward and like, you know, even with like, Zoran like going into office. And like, and yeah, and I'm just like, how hopeful that felt. And I'm like, you know what I mean? And it's just like, yes, we can be critical of like him, his policies and like, whatever else. But I'm like, at the end of the day, that's just a motherfucker who wants to make things better. - Yeah. - I'm like, and you know what? And like, better is honestly good enough right now. - Yeah. - Boom. Right now. - At the end of the day, all we need are steps. - All we need are steps. - All we need is the realness. - Baby steps. - The realness. - Yeah, it's giving. - And like, I just hate how people will like, shit on like, if you get excited about something, they're like, well, don't, because, well, do, baby. - Well, do. - Do, baby, because as of right fucking now, baby. - We need all the hope we can get. - Oh, we fucking have it. If we can't be hopeful, like, there's no point. - There's no point. Like, if we have like nothing to like, look forward to. - Yeah. - I was like talking about this the other day, but even like, purpose, you know what I mean? Like, that's the only way you like, defeat that like, deep sense of like, nihilism and like, what's the point? And like, who you telling? Like, you know what I mean? Because it's just like, you need to serve something bigger than yourself. I'm saying like, okay, you need to fucking go to church or like, start praying or whatever, but I'm like, you do need to believe in a purpose and a higher meaning than yourself. If not, that's literally how people end up fucking like, you know, like, trying to buy a gun, dead ass. - Yeah. - Like, dead the fuck ass. And like, that's how people end up like, literally just running their car like, into like a fucking office building. Or just like, that's scary ass shit. We're like, you know what I mean? - No, 'cause the realness of believing in something other than yourself, right? - Yeah, and just even like, that's the only way, 'cause that's right now, you know, you know, you know. - Yeah, no problem. - So it's just like-- - No, and that's why it bit me like, you know, for me, that'd be looking like, that's why we host. And there's like, hang out with your friend, 'cause like, sometimes it really, like in these times like, goddamn, but like, it really is, this like, idea of like, this bigger thing, this like, this purpose that we're all kind of like, hopeful for, this future that we're all hopeful for. Like, sometimes it really don't even look like, waking up and it's like that utopia picture, like that utopia meme, like genuinely, sometimes it's like finding that purpose and like, hanging out with your friends, meeting somebody new, bitch, moving to London, like, just finding the purpose and something like, bigger than us, like that feeling, that understanding that we're all like here. - Together. - I'm like, I was getting like, existential. - No, but, yeah, it's like, yeah, yeah. - No, but it's true, listen to that. 'Cause it's just like, something to fight for, but it's just like, something to fight for, something to be fucking-- - Something to live for. - Something to live for. For even answer to yeah, it's just like I think the nature right now of society is very like I mean We are hyper individualistic. I think also Specifically in Los Angeles the culture is very You know I and I am a proponent of it too like we drive in our cars by ourselves Well cuz it's hard when it's like we must not forget these things like not like they don't exist within a vacuum Where it's like yes, like we kind of have to actively like decolonize these feelings because we are so deep in capitalism because capitalism relies on us Feeling like we need to survive and it's like these are things I mean, maybe not like you know driving our car necessarily But like this hyper individualism this like I need to look out for me in mind like I need to like make sure I'm doing everything that I can Like that's not just because we all you know what I mean like if we all woke up with like the resources the stability Yeah, we would be sure none of us. Yeah, none of us wake up like well, fuck you was about me for exact is all very much like within the soil of like This capitalist bullshit like all of this bullshit where it's like Sometimes you really do have to do that like to survive type shit, and so it's like Damn like we really kind of have to do the decolonizing and like the working backwards and like the kind of like you know figuring out for ourselves Because like let us not forget they put us here type shit They put us here and they put us in this position and like yeah You know there's so many like sex of people who've just like you know like the literally The the manifestation of these things and like it's so fucking sad and like it's so fucked up And like the you know even the people who literally think you know like black people ain't shit But like their teeth are fucking rotting and like The closest thing to them is a dollar tree like they fucking deserve it to Genie. No, everyone deserves We'll see how like we would all benefit from Like Yeah, and I'm like see how you need a gum graph the worst Whenever you're fucking Everybody mad exactly that you can have stay and then now you won't put on the cob shit No, and everybody mad like it's just like no been on the corn on the knob and on the girl Second And that's it like we're in such survival mode. Yeah At the end of the day bitches are just really lacking passion We're not able to be passionate about anything and that's also like what is Killing everyone. Yeah, why is it's like people don't people are not able to have like things are passionate about and then it's like Why are you passionate about? Winning trans people to not use the bathroom like We're still we're getting fed all of these things and people are latching on to these things They don't have anything else in their lives to give a fuck about. Yeah And it's like damn like if we all picked up a paintbrush or something if we all picked up a paintbrush and damn To a studio or like I don't know. Yeah, no hundred if all so this country like and a lot of countries Yeah, cared about just like putting resources into like Yes, and it eats itself it eats itself because it's like of course you ain't got time to pick up a paintbrush You work in literally three jobs to like make sure you can keep your hot like six hours a week. Yeah It's fucked up and then come back. No, what about that no wonder you're stressed girl It's also it's just the hoarding of it all like it's really the disease of like we all watch the hobbit for whatever reason If you like literally want to like learn about greed in the most in the most serious way Because like I genuinely like the hobbit is like quite that's like literally the story dead-ass like the dragon and the like dragon sickness Yeah, and like hoarding like literally It's because the the the dwarf king hoarded like so much Like well like literally Horted like had that shit under the mountain sat pretty as fuck and it attracted to dragon and then like a dragon literally came and like ran sack that mother fucker and literally all the surrounding towns everything else got burned But the treasures saved and now the dragon owns it and so they go back Take care of the dragon then the guy who takes care of the dragon literally was like I'm gonna do it real I'm gonna do it right like I'm a redistribute the wealth amongst my people who got fucked up like from the dragon Dragon sickness Dragon sickness maybe greed Couldn't literally Examines his granddaddy girl and honestly like no shit. It's like that was me playing catton Yeah, I never felt that I never felt more American than when I fucking played catton bitch because that was He ran happy and I was like oh that illness lives within me the illness lives within me mind you I was bred from the illness because if you haven't played catton It's literally giving like you build like settlements and roads type shit. It's fun as fuck But the whole point is to build you need to expand is and that's how we should have known expand expand your empire fucking bullshit But like that's the whole goal and it's like everybody start with just a little plot of lamb bitch You got sheep. I got wood you got stone. You know, I'm saying we start playing and I'm like can I have some stone? They like yeah, fuck it if you were like a can I get some wood for sheep. I'd be like here take out the wood bitch I'll give fuck three four settlements deep. You see other bitches start expanding. I literally was like I don't want your fucking sheet. I'm keeping my fucking wood and actually while I'm on it Let me get some sheep from you. Yeah four woods and she might be so but like let me keep all this wood Baby, cuz by the all this one so y'all don't have any guy. We literally were like no. Yeah, no more. I mean no So I'm gonna handle it. It's like oh, it's like awkward. Now it's awkward because I'm literally a capitalist Like that's fucking sick. Oh, and that's a fucked-up part and I remember I was taking this like Like finance class and take that and we'll and see like need that Budgeting isn't like yeah, it was literally a budgeting class and he was talking about like he was like what's like Welfth to you like he was just like is it one house two houses a house in a summer house Like the way when you said that I'm literally like hanging out with my friends. Oh No, and and I remember being gagged When he literally was like oh like is it a house and like a car and like you pay your bills on time Is it two houses is it this is it that and I was like you mother fuckers? Literally have dragon sickness so fucking bad that I'm not even thinking like I need Like yeah, and it's just like even the reason for a house, right? I don't give a fuck about the status of like being a homeowner Yeah, I give a fuck about like a place of like babe I have like a place to like lay my head and like you know what like it stays in the family and no one can like Rip the the rug out from under me and be like, oh, sorry. I'm selling like you Something cute to have a little dinner party, but I'm like, that's not even like He's not even like head mother fucking Hancho Jonah Hill and fucking a wolf of Wall Street I'm like that's just Joe mother fucking. Yeah, it's taking care of people's finances and his mindset's already one two three four or five Yeah, that's like the standard now is that like we're we're wanting to set everyone up to like be like this We don't we don't want that all need to first of all we can't all what we don't need to right why are we being set up for that It's kind of good. You're actually fucking me up right now because yes It's like do a stop here's the thing I'm all about this you ought to have a landing place and that ain't move in like I think if you have a goal And you have a plan know that like the goal post is always gonna move right and everything and everything in life career Whatever but I'm like there needs to be set pillars that you have for yourself that it's like this is my level of Satisfaction and I'm not moving from here. Yeah, because I feel like early on when I was like, you know, like started doing well and like all this shit girl Turn around. I remember I was so happy I bought a car bitch Someone's I'm 22 someone's buying a house and then that can make you be like oh bitch. I need a Girl come on now. It's like you know what I mean It's like and that's the colonizer mindset and that's why I think it's so good this girl said this on tick-tock bitch She woke it up. I wish I knew her name. She said this a couple years ago, but she was like it's the colonizer's mindset to want to do every single trend Yeah, not every like the micro trends. You know what I mean like when people and personal style is a good way to practice this Because it's like if you see someone who looks good in this right and then oh that means I need a buy it Hey, hold on hold on. Maybe I could just be like baby look That's actually so fucking Tea walk through free people see a cute ass sweater babe. That's the cutest shit I've ever seen before. Yeah, someone please take care of that Like went into Lush. Oh my god. That's just smells so good babe. I got three body washes at home. Let it's no good Real talk real talk so we leave you with that and that's coming from LA Well, and I want to ask you a more thing like we got like five minutes on the octane shit for the girl is out there Cuz I feel like we got a lot of girls who be like, you know I'm going to grad school. I'm doing my one to bitch. I'm scared like no And I'm like what I would love to know like interviewing for some reason But I would love to know and so the girls if this is you like the girls at home know like what was the decision like like what was the fear? I mean we talked about it in our personal life, but like you know now Now you're on the other side, too, where I'm like, and I remember, not to already speak on your experience, but I remember I was weak as fuck when you were scared, no shade. I don't know if you remember that, but like right before you left, you were scared, booze. - Well, that was like when it actually set in. - Right, and I was weak as fuck because I was like, when have I ever known you to ever go somewhere and what you were about to be like, you weren't going me nobody? And you look really like, bitch, I'm scared. I'm like, get the fuck out of here. First of all, get the fuck out of here because no shade, but I feel like, on the other side of like, that specific kind of fear always lies the most impactful and fulfilling experiences. And that's something that like, I'm like, let me Motel you that because I'm 26. You know what I'm saying? So it's like, I still got things to learn, but I think now we kind of have that like, you know what I mean? Like I feel like the frontal cortex almost is like, now we just kind of have like retro-spection. Like now we just have like experiences to look back on and be like, it's been fine every single time. When I was 20-12, I was like, but it's not gonna be a long time. - No, exactly. - But since then I'm 26, I'm like, bitch. Scratch the side of my car, bitch. I knew it was like this. At 22, I would have gone out the hoop and when we like got all my knees and started crying. Like, it's just the idea of like, this cyclicalness, like we've experienced enough cycles. - Yeah. - Anyway, I'm asking because I'm like, girl, what was the fear looking like? Like what was it giving? - What was the fear looking like? Well, it's okay, it's funny because, not funny. But like life just moves so fast that like, like I applied to, I knew I wanted to move. I applied to school like, was also doing a bunch of things. The whole like process of like getting the visa. - Yeah. - Like preparing to go last all that I should. That like, like you said, the fear didn't, I was just, I was kind of just going. I was kind of just going with it, like just doing it. Like, I didn't just like try to move from fear in general. Just because we were moving with fear. - Yeah, and moving with fear. - Like moving with fear. - And that's the advice I was gonna say. Like, I'll go back to this, but it's literally like, be scared and do it anyway. - Yeah. - But it was giving like, the fear didn't set it until. 'Cause I think I was just like more worried about like, getting all my ducks in a row. - Yeah, right. - When they went all my ducks run a row. And then I was like, a week out. - Yeah, I was looking at the ducks like, oh shit, like this is actually like the biggest move ever. I've ever done. I've never lived out. So I say to New York for a summer, one time. - Yeah. - I've never lived out side of California for a longer than that. - Yeah, a little in America, I like. - A little in America. - Right. - And it was like a huge financial decision to make as well, to move and also like, obviously moving to another country in other city where I like kind of barely, I get kind of no like two people, not well. But like, I don't really know anybody at all. So the fear was also giving like, oh shit, I have all these people here that I love. I like a life that I'm building here. Like things are like, are moving in like career wise too here. Something I mean, I left for a reason like something did feel like unsettled for me and like, I knew that I knew that I like wanted to like expand and like just see more and like, do that. I knew that in my heart, that's how I was doing it. But also the fear cited and I was just like, oh my God, it would actually be like, a lot easier to stay, would be more comfortable to stay. Like, what if, I don't know which is like what if, what if I don't like it at the end of the day? Like, what if it like doesn't sit right for me? Like, like what if something goes wrong? Like, I don't even know. I couldn't even tell you what I thought was going to go wrong. And it was just like, like the anxiety of just like, I could just stay here. What am I actually fucking doing? Like, what am I doing? This is, this is kind of scary. - Yeah. - Didn't set into like the last week. Low key the last couple days. Low key, like the moment I was about to walk up the-- - Right, right. - And I literally was like, oh wait, like I actually have to do this. Now like I said, I'm like, I have to do this now. - Yeah. - How did I get over that? Again, I didn't get over it. I just, I just still did it. Like I had to fly. - Yeah. - I had to fly. - And thought the truth. - Yeah, I have to fly. - She's gonna do it anyway. And it was literally the best decision I ever made in my whole life. - Yeah. - I've never felt more like myself, ever, than like having this move. I've been meeting some of the most amazing people I've ever met in my life. Like I don't know. I just feel like I've like come into myself in a way that I like didn't even know was possible. - Yeah. - I'm seeing so many different sides in myself through like all the experiences that I'm having. Like I'm, I'm like, I'm meeting, I don't know what I mean. Maybe it's this age she like, I'm also in my side in return. So I'm literally like don't like, but this is who you are. But it's like, meeting the versions of myself that I like, becoming friends with the parts of myself that I hate. - Wow. - Ooh. - I know that's right. - It's a lot and it's beautiful. It's been beautiful and like it's the best decision I've ever made. My whole life is expanding. And so like at the end of the day like if you have, if you have the feeling, even just the feeling like, stick with that. Like fear is not real. - It's not. - I mean, it's, it's, you can validate your, it's tangible, it's not real. Like, there's all in my, in my heart and I'm, in my life in all of our lives, I'm really seeing so clearly now that like, the only two like feelings that exist are like love and if it's not, if it's not love, it's fear. So that's not real. So I guess the one thing is love. So just really trying to like move from love and from that feeling and love for yourself and just like, if you have the urge, just do it and just try. You can always, something that actually got me through was I was like, oh, I actually can move back. - Yeah. - Nothing permanent, like, type shit. - Type shit, like, if I really didn't like it, if those fears were affirmed. - Yeah, and if you move back, you know what? Everyone's gonna be like, that's so sick you live in London. - Yeah, literally. - When you pick up. - Yeah, but I'll say the fears weren't affirmed. So just do it. - Yeah. - Well, everyone I hope you take heart in that 'cause I just took heart in that. - Thank you for coming, Keelan. - I love you so much. It's actually so fruitful. - I love you bad at this. - It's like nothing changed. - I love you guys. - That's the neighborhood wash right there. That's the neighborhood wash, I'm like, we got it, we got it. - Oh shit. - I love LA. - I love LA. We love you guys so much and we will see you here like next time and just thank you for coming and wait, tell the girls where they can find you quickly. - Oh my God. You could find me on Instagram at Keelanstaff, K-E-I-L-A-N-S-D-A-F, and on TikTok at KeelanDream69. - Thank you. - Thank you. - And wake that up. - And you could find me in London. You could find me in Hackney Wick. - Right. - Thank you. - You can find me. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - All right, we love you guys. - We love you guys so much. We'll see you here next week. - Good bye. - Bye. (upbeat music)