Do Ultimatums in Relationships Work?

People don't want to do this. This is a nightmare. Like, you don't want to have to back somebody into a corner to make a decision. This podcast is a Dear Media production. Hi, guys. Hi, guys. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Welcome back. Last final week of the tour. Last week of my tour. First week of the tour for me. First week of the second week of the tour for me. You really started strong. You were on every tour stop in the beginning. I think it was like the first eight tour stops. And like, I was like, she's surely not going to come to Minneapolis. My other two openers are going to come to, and you're like, I'm going to come. All four of us did that show. I came to Minneapolis because they were being terrorized by our government. And I was like, I need to be there for emotional support. So I came there. I didn't get paid. You didn't? Just so you guys know, that was out of pocket for me. I paid you ahead of time for this one. You did? Yeah, it was very funny. I had to send our business managers this email that was like, please reimburse Ashley for her flights. And for these two shows, I know she's good for it. It's very funny. It's one of the funniest things for you to email our joint business manager. Please pay Ashley. Because we share a bank account, obviously, for most things. And then we have our separate side hustles. I had to pay you last year. It was funny. But these are my last two stops. Yeah, I really, I felt like I had something to prove. I did five, I made a 40 city tour. And these are the last two stops. And I'll talk about it more next week and just thank you guys wholeheartedly. But these last few stops have been really special and wonderful. And every stop I go to, people are like, I've been to Girls Gotta Eat shows. And just to be with these women and the messages that they send me and that they've always sent you after our shows. It's just, I can't believe this audience just time and time again. And the women that listen to the show and, you know, the few men. Thank you for your presence, I guess. But the women that come out and just like the energy in those rooms. It's just been the most special, wonderful experience of my life. So Ashley and I will be in Detroit on Wednesday night, 11-11. And then we are shut it down November 12th, Thursday night in Vegas. We have so many friends coming. I'm really excited. I just like didn't totally tell Shashank like my travel plans. Like last night, we're in the Uber coming back from the airport. I was like, oh my God, I gotta book. I'm flying to New York and all this stuff. He's like, wait, are you going to New York? And then you're going to see me in Vegas. I was like, yes. So I'm going to New York. Then I'm going to fly to Detroit with Raina, then fly from Detroit to Vegas. And I will see you there. He was like, okay, okay. All right. Because it's fine. But he's got to hold it down, take care of his soul, come home from work. You know, you forgot to check with your dog. Yeah, I mean, he was just like, okay, all right. You know, that's obviously fine. I just needed to know. I'm like, yeah, sorry. I'll see you in Vegas. But one year of marriage in and you have just, you know, is the magic dead. We're going to talk about it. But let's thank our partners first. Thank you to Hinge. Download the dating app designed to be deleted. And Revolve, get 15% off your first order at revolve.com slash GGE with code GGE. And Zbiotics, get 15% off at zbiotics.com slash GGE with code GGE. And thank you to Ladder. Get a free seven-day trial and $10 off your first month at ladder.fit slash GGE. And Helix, get up to 30%. Off-site wide at helixsleep.com slash GGE. And Columbia, get your hands on an Amaze Puff jacket at columbia.com. Okay, so I said last week that I was going to talk about my feelings on being married for a year. And so much didn't change in our relationship when we got married. We already lived together. And I feel like that's obviously the biggest change. Most couples do live together these days. But, you know, back in the old days, that was a wild change to get married with somebody. And start to live with them day one. I think when people would talk about, like, the first year being the hardest. Like, that's the adjustment they're talking about. It's just a lot at once. And obviously, that wasn't our story. I just, I've never loved him more. You know, I feel so grateful for him every day. Like, how does this person exist? And how did I get so lucky? And, I mean, being with all my college friends, which I'll talk about shortly. Just, they're like, he's so wonderful. He's so wonderful for you. And I'm like, I don't know. And I just really do feel like that. And this year was a little bit of a different year for me professionally, lifestyle-wise. Since we started dating, it wasn't so much touring and craziness. I mean, he and I started dating in 2023. We were on tour. Then in 2024, we had a crazy tour. 2025 was my own tour and planning the wedding. It was just so much craziness. And this was, like, more of a transitional year for me. And I feel like I questioned a lot about myself and what I'm doing. And I feel like I need to do more. I needed a lot of emotional support. There was just a lot of ups and downs when it came to my special and among other things. And, like, my friend passing away and the move. And I just really felt like I needed a lot of support. I get a lot of support from you. Obviously, I always have. But him just being there around the clock is this constant support system by my side. And, you know, I love him more than anything. I have the best time with him. He's my friend. We have so much fun together doing all the fun stuff, all the craziness, the traveling, the parties, the events, the celebrities, whatever it may be, but also the mundane and going to the grocery store and the weekends where we just kind of lay around and do nothing or we just, you know, go on our date nights. And I just I feel really grateful. And I just feel really grateful for, like, the support I get from him. And I feel so lucky to have a partner like him. And this year, I do feel like we had a rough patch in our relationship, like, to the point where Raina was like, hey, Ashley, welcome to real relationships. You know, like, you guys have had a really. Like, picture perfect, you know, nothing's perfect, but a good run, man. We don't have a lot of conflict. And I still to this day, we do not yell and scream at each other. We've never insulted each other. We've never done anything to intentionally hurt the other one's feelings. But we had a little bit of a rough patch where I felt like if we can't solve this on our own, we will go talk to a therapist, like a third party professional, just to kind of work this out. We can't seem to really work this out. And we ended up working it out. And we were just really honest with each other. We talked about what we needed to do. We were really vulnerable and open and communicated really well. And we worked through it. And I'm not going to share all of this. You know, it's this is like our personal relationship. I'm not going to share exactly what it was about. It's not that deep. It's just something that happened. It probably happens in a lot of relationships. You know, so I apologize for being vague, but it's personal. And we came out on the other side and we're better than ever. And I think all couples go through that. And Raina is really the only one that I share almost everything with, like most people don't know. What's your husband? It's not your boyfriend. Yeah, of course. But it's just like Shashank and I, we don't have any toxicity. You know, we can be in a conflict and we can still go about our lives and it doesn't take over my workday and my, my girls nights. It's not consuming me. I know that we'll work it out, but these things bother me. And Raina is kind of the person that I lean on. And it just was funny that you were like, hey, Ashley, you know, couples, couples fight. And I know you're not used to it. I'm like, shut up. We've had conflict before. But like, to that point where I was telling you, I was like, I feel like we're in the dark place. I was, I remember standing in my living room being like, Ashley, I think it's time to accept that you have a normal relationship. There will be conflict. I mean, I feel like you're gonna put on your grave, like Raina and Ashley and Ashley and Shashank. We have a lot of conflict like that. You've always said we don't have a lot of conflict and it was sort of nice for me talking through this with you because like so often we hear things from our friends about their significant other. And you're just like, this is burned in my memory. I will never forget this. And you say things that you as the friend that you can't take back and you're giving advice where you're like, I want to be honest with you and like, I don't have those feelings about him. I don't have anything bad to say about him. I never have. And I feel really lucky that that's like the case that like I can hear conflict that you guys have. And it's not, it's a, it's a situational thing. It's not his character and who he is and I'm not like my friend is being treated so badly and now I have this information and I'll never forget it. And it was just so much when you hear your friends conflict with their romantic partners, it's stuff that's like so bad. And you're like, I will never forget this. You might forget it, but I'll never. Right. And it was nice to be like, I am just, I'm on his team. He's my friend. I love him. I'm only ever on your team. If you ever did anything bad, I would be dead to me forever, obviously. But like it was just, it was nice to evaluate some like healthy conflict. It was nice. Yeah. Yeah. And again, it is healthy. Hopefully I'm never going to call you and be like, you're never going to believe what he said to me. You know, like we were screaming and yelling in the neighbors and it's just not like that. You know, we, we work through things in a really healthy way, but I guess the, the takeaway, if I have any advice to give is like in those moments, like the worst of them, when you're feeling like, are we going to survive this or are we going to be the same after this? Are we going to look at each other the same? Be as in love, have the same sex life. You can, I can't speak for everybody. I guess sometimes you can't. We can. I mean, I think that's, I think that's the thing that's so important. I think that's the thing that's so important. That's the thing that's so important. the doubt i think that if you genuinely feel like they're out to get you or hurt you like i'm you know in the middle of a fight i think it's easy to lose sight of that and you might say some things you don't mean but in general i think that if you don't feel like you're on the same team like that's the problem and i always say like just in a conflict remember it's you two against the problem not you two against each other and that's how i have felt with him and again it was just kind of like a rough patch of a matter of like a couple weeks we couldn't really seem to resolve this thing between us and in that time we're still living our life going out to dinner but like it would just kind of bubble up until we really kind of both cleaned up our sides of the street and figured out what was going on and how we could move through it and i always felt like we both want this to work we both love each other and we're on the same team and we just have to work through this and so for sure we had of course had conflict before this a lot of conflict before this and so we had to work through this and so we had to work through this a little bit and i think in this first year of marriage it was really wonderful besides kind of this like rough patch and we come out of that and i feel like we're stronger than ever listen this has been really nice for me i've really enjoyed this i'm just you and i have dealt with friends and their partners and the conflict and it is like taking us out and this has been like actually still working she's still present when we socialize i'm dealing with a man who i like also love is like a brother and a sister and i'm like oh my god i'm so happy to be with you and i'm so happy to be with you and like i can look at this objectively and not have all these angry feelings i can give just like calm rational feedback and i'm dealing with somebody who also is on the same team as their partner and i don't have to be like ashley wake up like i don't have to be like this is so toxic ashley or you're being so irrational like this is just really so nice if i'm in a conflict with shashank which again it's not a lot you you don't know it because i'm not consumed by it him and our text fighting under the sun and i'm like oh my god i'm so happy to be with you and i'm like oh my god under the table like we don't do these toxic things that i did in my previous relationships that we've all done that i can't imagine being back in that life where a conflict with your partner is all consuming and you don't know if you're gonna get through it i mean you have just shashank i just he is i love him so much i just say him you have really just grown in this relationship thanks i have like he's made me a better person he has and i am so grateful for it you and i had this like conflict that i was like nothing but i was like hey you do this thing and it bothered me and you were like i did do this thing and here's why i did this thing and i was like you know what i do understand why you did this thing and you were like i'll be more i'll be more careful to not do that in the future and i was like i'll be more careful to not do that in the future and it was so lovely it was the loveliest conflict and i was just like man shashank you and i've always handled conflict really well i mean i guess i'm even better than i was before but you are you are but i mean i i love your relationship and i think it's wonderful and i've had conflicts with quite a few friends over the years because their partners have treated them really poorly and it's hard for me to watch and i am like grateful every day that you picked a person that i don't feel like that about i just like love him and he's great and it's been like a great one year of marriage and i think it is also really scary when you have had no conflict for so long to be like oh my god is it happening right is this the other shoe is dropped is this it it's over and it's nice to come out of the other end of it and be like okay i can actually have really hard conflict with this person and we're gonna be fine yeah i think a lot of couples every time this happens are like is this the end and you kind of realize like oh that's what marriage is it's not yeah and like i know it's not i don't think there's a human in this world that it hasn't had those feelings of like oh oh no this is our new normal and it could be hopefully it's not i didn't ever really believe that but it's hard for those feelings not to creep in and especially if you have some trauma from previous relationships where that does happen and then that is your new normal um but i did want to share some things that happened on this trip we just took okay so we went to clemson this was two weekends ago at this point and i've shared before that my friend who passed away stephanie was one of my best college friends and so this was the first time we were there without her um which was like a really emotional trip um we we made sure her daughter could make it so like one of our friends like picked her daughter from the airport like she came by her by herself without her dad and her stepmom and she came and she was with all my friends kids and it was just really important that i was there and shashank had never been to clemson so for years my friends were like you gotta get into clemson gotta come to a game whatever and so it was just really important to go but it was a fucking bitch to get there from la so we had to fly to atlanta and then we were going to rent a car and drive the two hours to clemson from atlanta so we were originally supposed to leave friday morning shashank's work whatever we ended up leaving friday on a red eye so we're gonna 48 hours total flying across the country whatever so flight's supposed to leave at 9 50 doesn't leave till 11 20 so 90 minute delay at 11 o'clock at night finally takes off whatever we land in atlanta at 6 a.m and when i went to book a car out of atlanta the atlanta airport one of the biggest in the world no cars no rental cars not a one and you know what i did procrastinate on it i waited for it was like a week before the trip and i was just like there's gonna be plenty of rental cars some not if it's not avis who we usually use it'll be some other company not not one so i book a turo day before the trip cancel the turo car's not available sorry turo's like you can book another car i'm like i guess i fucking have to so i booked in their car less nice car more expensive of course so we're supposed to pick this car up at 5 a.m we're supposed to land at 5 a.m we didn't land until like 6 6 30 a.m because we were delayed whatever we're supposed to take a shuttle to the turo lot annoying it's like three miles away where they put they have the turo and camp creek parkway atlanta three miles from the airport i'm like i can't i can't i won't survive a shuttle right now i'm gonna take an uber i'm gonna pay more money to take an uber because that one time the shuttle thought you were my mom i mean no one even knows this that was a story was exclusive on caitlin bristow's podcast but yes i've been scarred from a shuttle ever since because this man the driver of the shuttle asked if i was wearing his mom and i was having a lot of feelings about turning 40 and um and he was like well you get it really you double down yeah but you are her mom right oh so ever since i don't take a shuttle so we take an uber to the lot as we're in the car we're like oh my god i'm gonna take an uber to the lot en route to the lot 6 30 in the morning the sun hasn't even risen yet they cancel the turo this is crazy they're like there's a problem with your identity okay well i uploaded my license yesterday so you guys said 24 hours to tell me there was a problem with my identity sentence was there's a problem with your identity basically like you could we couldn't confirm your identity even though i had done everything they'd asked me to do and this is the first i'm hearing to this car's canceled we're we're sitting there we're in the uber you know i'll spare you some of the details we get this uber driver to drive us to clemson from atlanta he did not speak a word of english shashank was typing messages to him in a translation app to ask him if he could drive us two hours for us to pay him in cash we navigated this with this man who did not speak english like to have to try to ask can you you know can we end the ride and we'll pay you you know like so he agrees to it through shashank translating back and forth typing messages out to him passing the phone back and forth he agrees to it shashank's like we're hitchhiking he drives us all the way to clemson meanwhile on the way i'm like i find a place to book a rental car through enterprise i'm like we'll have him take us there and then we'll have a car so we can get back to atlanta tomorrow i booked this car in enterprise shashank types in a message we're going to change the drop-off address types in his translation message he updates his address i get a call from enterprise we don't have any cars i don't know you shouldn't have been able to book that we should lock the system we have no cars here for you really bad shashank has to get the phone back translate again we have no cars here for you really bad shashank has to get the phone back to go back to the original drop-off location in clemson i'm like i don't know how we're getting back to atlanta tomorrow but i'm gonna put on love is blind right now and i propped up my laptop in the car and i disassociated for the rest of the ride and i eventually booked a black lane car to just come pick us up because you can trust them you can't trust turo and so they did come get us like whatever spoiler alert so we get to the comfort inn in clemson we're supposed to stay with my friends in these cabins but because we needed to like get our sleep whatever i was like i'm just we're just gonna stay in a hotel so we get there we walk in the room there's like two beds this is like nine o'clock nine o'clock in the morning it was luckily it was night game we get there and we both just like fell into these beds and i post on my instagram story like this has taken a toll on our relationship we're sleeping in separate beds now and you sent us a message that you found that so funny actually i didn't know this was all happening i was like so delirious and out of it from like all my travel and for my shows and i was like what am i watching like the series of stuff that like all i was just like so happy you finally like one of this trip because you've had like a really bad month to be honest and i was like finally she gets a win she's gonna take this trip it's gonna be nice for her and everything bad happened you i was like i i smoked a cigarette i wish i would have had a cigarette i was so stressed out i was like i gotta smoke and i'm just thinking like if i wouldn't have been with shashank at six o'clock in the morning in the dark in this parking lot as the car gets canceled like this you could put me in danger toro so anyway just thank god i could like navigate that with him and he could use the translate app to speak to our driver as we hitchhiked for two hours and so it's so funny because we have only stayed in one other hotel room where we had two beds and this was in the bay resort in dewey beach it was literally the weekend we like said i love you like we were fresh new six weeks in and we would have never dreamed of sleeping in a separate bed so we shoved ourselves together in that queen double bed whatever it was i think it was smaller than a queen and this time a year into marriage we're like separate bed we never slept so well and then we got home from the game that night we went back into the separate beds like a hundred percent we did and we We both were like, what an amazing way to sleep. Like we're in the same room. yeah and now we have our own bed and it was just so funny that it's happened twice in our relationship once at the very beginning and we were like we can't be apart from each other we have to be on top of each other and a year into marriage we're like separate beds are are the way normal relationship but the the game yes the game was really great and they did they did lose but at least he got to experience that and it was really special and i spent time with stephanie's daughter these little girls like kidnapped me you're like let's go take a walk in the woods i was like okay so it was crazy it sounds like my whole high school career it was i thought they were hazing me oh i didn't i just need to go drink and what are we doing in the woods and they were like just come with us i think they think i'm an easy target because i'm like not a mom so i don't know as whatever they want me to do i just do it no of course i don't i can't say no to a kid they're like buy us alcohol we can i can't say no to a kid like if jay and erin anything they asked me i would do it i don't have like boundaries with kids i don't know how to say no to them they're just like plausible deniability it's like i don't have kids i'm supposed to know i'm gonna say no to them you can't do this with them i can't go into the woods with them i don't my whole high school career in the woods six girls 10 to 12 am ashley come to the woods with us so i want acceptance exactly so exactly much like even at like our show is my show when like gen z comes i'm like you guys these little girls the fact that they thought i was so cool to bring me into the woods 100 i would just be like so excited for the acceptance yeah i know and they just thought i was like so cool and i don't know i just this moment like with stephanie's daughter and she's like did you ever like share a room with my mom like i was like oh my gosh and i like told her like how we shared like a side of the apartment because we stayed at home and i was like oh my gosh i got to like share this memory with her yeah and i feel like we're all like how do we talk to her and we're like just normal like a normal person just like not like oh honey your mom like just tell it tell that like she wanted a story about her mom in the woods in that moment and i shared one i feel like it was like a nice like thing to do to just be normal you know yeah so i wanted to tell you this thing that happened we were leaving the game at halftime and this really drunk guy was like trying to chug his beer on the way out and you're supposed to drop your alcohol to the point where he wouldn't drop it in a trash can and a woman security guard was like walking backwards like in front of him to try to get him to throw his beer away and she's calling for backup so finally he chugs it throws it on the ground and i'm like i'm disgusted sean was actually don't because he could tell again all riled up he was like just let it go just don't start anything i'm like okay i'm not he walks ahead of us he turns around this guy and goes did you guys see that shit open the door what does that mean like did you see them the security like oh like you're gonna be on my side yes yes a man i'm gonna be on a man sign rush i felt i go yeah we saw it we saw you acting like a fucking asshole actually that's crazy and i have three guys by me mr chonk matt like a friend alex's husband like a bunch of dudes whatever he was like you bitch and everyone's like keep walking keep walking like he was just like drunk and so the guys were like hey man fucking keep walking you know whatever but i was like oh my god i'm gonna be on my side and he was like oh my god i'm gonna be on my side and he was like oh my god i'm gonna be on my side and he was like i like shot him down so quick and he keeps walking and i go and you're ugly the way that the crowd stopped all the guys just like oh shit like my friend's husband matt was like oh damn like to yell out and you're ugly how drunk were you i wasn't that drunk i was like it had to be done so he kept he turned around he starts to try to pop off he was like man keep it going keep it moving keep it moving he was like i'm not gonna fight this guy because he was trying to be like your girl's a bitch you know which was acting so stupid like the way i just felt it come out of my body and i was like to yell and you're ugly it's somebody who was ugly like disgusting drunk frumpy southern drunk dude uh-huh it was amazing god i feel so nice when that comes out of your body congratulations don't we all just wish like in those moments we just like had the agency and the wherewithal to just like say it i think that's the line there's nothing better and you're ugly on top of like you embarrassing yourself you trying to find community around you embarrassing yourself you got shut down we told you you acted like a fucking asshole and you're ugly i mean that's worth the terrible flight and the car experience alone seriously i know it was all worth it in that moment with the weight to get back to the tailgate and be like yeah you see what actually just did like i was just so we lost the game and it's fine we took the car the next day to atlanta got there black lane is great and we're like oh my god and i got to show shashank all around atlanta showed him where i used to live and took him to all these places and saw like friends and had a lunch with some people and i just i like to show him like where i lived and what i used to do and he loved atlanta and so that was our trip oh that's very nice well happy one year anniversary thank you a little bit late i'm just gonna tell you a quick story i would maybe laugh and then we're gonna get the episode but this very funny thing happened to harry styles the other night and so he's been doing like a 10-week residency what do you mean can you explain this i've been meaning to ask harry styles has been at msg for he it's it's over now 10 weeks longer than giggly squad i literally went there and i was like page and hannah's house it's crazy and taylor's wedding venue i know i can't believe i'm like what are you guys doing so he did 10 shows at msg no he did 30 shows at msg he did three a week for 10 weeks what are you saying i mean it might have been 31 but it's 30 around 30 never been done before he held a residency how many that's i'm trying to do the math i actually did it the other day well it's like taylor swift level 30 shows 20 000 seats okay pop i'm just spitballing they did not block off any seats so it is all of msg times 30 600 000 yeah that's crazy like how many times did taylor swift play wembley nine okay so same sorry we're just doing math but not it was a hundred thousand seats at wembley that's what i'm doing the math on that yeah i mean again it's in his arena not a stadium like no one could do a stadium 30 nights greatest regret in life is that i didn't see her at msg i saw her at like the big stadium i wish i could have seen her with one sixth of as many people okay so we um no there was a funny moment and there are videos of this i saw it on tiktok and i was like oh this is like a thing but he's on stage and he's like i just want to acknowledge some people in the crowd whatever so he's like doing a couple shout outs he's like and i ran into this girl on the street and i forget how how he started he said i ran into this girl on the street and it's her birthday and people are like and he's like i just want to like say happy birthday and like thank you for being here and i don't know how they knew where she was sitting she must have told him somehow gotten him the information of where her seats were and the cameras at msg put her on the jumbotron and this is like the prettiest girl she was so pretty and blonde and like the crowd got like a little less into this and i think i think they were like that's my boyfriend you're flirting with it was just like and he was like what i'd like to do now is sing happy birthday to her and everybody had to sing happy birthday to her and it was wait is it because like why she's i think they just like landed on get to be this pretty and have this attention yes and have floor seats and like he's like my first thought was like is zoe in the audience like what is he doing and this is crazy and like i was with our friend bobby and he was like people don't want to do this like the crazy amplified that people were like yeah they showed her like a hot 20 something yeah i think people were just like that's my boyfriend you're getting sung happy birthday for you know because it should have been a woman who just beat cancer that's who i thought it was gonna be and people would have went crazy doesn't have everything already or somebody ugly and you're ugly like people don't want to see that it's too much it's too much it's just it is an embarrassment of riches yes i'm sure she's a wonderful person good for her i just he met her on the street or something i don't get it what do you think this bit was about i thought he was gonna be like she's dying of cancer and we're gonna have to like sing her her last happy birthday ever yes and it was just like or like this is a family that just right lost their home and we have a big check to bring out like like what drake does like not let's sing this pretty girl happy birthday all of her children died in a fire and so we have new children here tonight bring them out like or she ran up to me on the street she got hit by a car at the same time and i just thought we should all no she's paraplegic now bring her new legs out her mom died last week and then her dad died last night so let's instead he's like it's her birthday and she just got a raise it was just like it's her birthday look how pretty she is and people were like i am so like the audience is like on pins and needles like where is she where is she and they show this 10 of a woman they're like stop she's sitting there like oh my god man in this climate we don't need this right now and it's not even like one of our shows where there are like some men there was no men in that audience it was like bobby and the gay pr guy i was with and like that's it it's all these like women oh my god she's just sitting there like oh my god me me nothing good ever happens for me everyone have to sing happy birthday 20 000 people sing i'm not singing it you're not even dying what is this for you didn't lose everything i'm gonna need a cancer story right now if you want me to it's just funny because like bobby who's like a straight man was like he picked up on it quick he was like people don't want to do this well we need this story and we need to find a common connection and the connection should be trauma yeah devastation or being ugly that's so funny i was just excited to tell you about it it made me laugh the concert was great yeah i mean he put me on the stage and i was like oh my god i'm gonna need a cancer story right now but it's on an amazing show, right? it's a good show. Like, you're not a super fan. I mean, I think he's an incredible talent, but I'm not like whatever they call themselves. I don't even know. What are the Harry Styles people? Like, what would the Swifty equivalent of that be? Exactly, that's what I'm saying. The girls that I was with were like losing their mind. They sang every song and that's my favorite kind of concert to go to is when I know every single song, but like, I mean, I could do that with like Taylor Swift, MGK. I don't know. I would love to see them though. I'm glad you got to go. Yeah, it was nice. I mean, I'll go to any concert in MSG. It's so nice. You just, you walk outside, you just walk home. It's so lovely. I know. Anyways, that was my experience. Okay. Thanks for sharing. All right, let's just talk about our partners and then we will get into our topic. Okay, tell you guys about Hinge. I mean, if you are thinking you want to meet somebody, if you know, you're like me and you never leave the house for work and so it's like, how would you ever meet anybody? Dating apps. And Hinge is like the number one. I would recommend. They make it so easy to set up a profile and they have prompts. They make conversation really simple. But we got this email yesterday and I don't know if you saw it yet, but you and I used to do this thing at our live shows where we would put people's Hinge profiles on the screen and people would like, we would like swipe for people and every once in a while we would like get somebody to come down to the venue and we got an email yesterday that said like, my friend was at your live show with me and you guys were swiping for her on Hinge and the guy came down to the venue and they're married now. What? Isn't that, isn't that crazy? I can't believe I missed that one. I can't believe that we did this. Insane. I can't believe we did it. Thanks, Hinge. Thank you, Hinge. I just think that like of all the apps I've been on, the dating apps, this is the one that facilitates the most conversation. It makes it easiest to meet people. I mean, you could have come to our live shows and we would have helped you meet people. But without the absence of that, it's just easy to talk to people and I think that like dating apps are so nerve-wracking for so many people because you're like, I'm shopping for people. How do I open a conversation up? How do I make myself look the best? And Hinge really gives you like the easiest layup into doing that because these conversations are, they can feel hard, they can feel scary or awkward and I just like love what they're doing to make it really easy and to have connection and meaningfully, intentionally date people. It's just like the most quality dating app so you're going to meet the most quality people and everybody knows the quality people are on there. I don't know, like it's the app has set the tone for the type of interactions you're going to have. 100%. So you guys check out Hinge. Okay, I'm telling you guys about Ladder. So this is an incredible way to get your workout in. We love the Ladder app so much so I just pulled up the app right now and I'm just going to tell you a few of the things that you can do. So there is an incredible upper body strength Pilates class right now that I'm looking at. There's a glute class that's going to get your lower body strength. Full body strength, of course, there's rope burn, just a quick jump rope way to get your cardio in 11 minutes. I mean, there's going to be treadmill classes, there's pelvic floor basics and standing core. I've been really into standing core lately so I have been doing some of that. I really, really like this. It's called No Floor Required and this is 10 minute standing core body weight only. I really feel like that's a game changer. So we just really love this. I mean, if you don't know what to do with the gym or you're tired of doing random workouts from YouTube or Instagram with no results, Ladder gives you a real plan from an expert coach. So it is an expert strength training plan, not a content library. So you are going to get a new plan every week that builds on the last, hence why it's called Ladder. The workouts connect each week, progresses from the one before through structured training blocks and it feels like having a coach right there with you. And again, you don't need any equipment but whatever you have, if you have a treadmill and you have weights and all those things, it really can cater to whatever you already have at home. Again, there's going to be the Pilates and strength, certain body part focus like your glutes, kettlebells, pre-postnatal, whatever you train at the home or the gym, there's a plan for you and then your progress is tracked automatically. It's going to remember your weights, reps, your sets so you can see your progress over time and there's a community. There is a team that has a group chat where your coach answers questions and members motivate each other. It costs less than $1 per day and Ladder now includes nutrition tracking at no extra cost. So check it out. We've been seeing so much about this. I've said this before, like I see people like on Instagram and TikTok being like, what Ladder workout are you doing today? And it's just a really great way and it keeps you committed with the workouts building on each other and you guys can check it out. You can remove the guesswork with Ladder and get a real coach in your life. It's in your ear telling you exactly what to do for every workout. No thinking, everything planned for you. If you have an iPhone, head to ladder.fit slash GGE and take a quick quiz to find your perfect ladder plan. Use our link and get a free seven-day trial with no credit card and $10 off your first month if you join. Again, that's ladder.fit slash GGE. Okay, I'm telling you guys about Revolve. It is my one-stop shop for literally everything but especially as the holidays are coming up. There is just like so many parties, so many things to do, so many things you're hosting and whatever you want is on there. I love all the brands that they sell and there is like an endless amount of brands they sell. You can pick obviously between price points. If you pick something that you love and maybe that's not the price that you love with it, there is always find 100 similar items like this. They have so many options at different price points but I love all their different shops meaning like they have like a festival shop, a summer shop, a vacation shop and they have holiday shops. So every year you and I do like so many shows during the holidays and we have so many events and I always love to shop the holiday shop because it's like sparkly stuff and really like fancy exciting stuff and if you guys want a special bag to carry around for holidays or new shoes, I mean they are really just the one-stop shop for me. I just had to do my closet since I moved and I'm just like all these clothes are Revolve like every last one of them and I'm still throwing stuff away and putting it into Goodwill piles but nothing from Revolve. These are my like best clothes that I have and shoes and bags and holiday stuff. Everything we've ever worn. No, truly. So like everything from like track pants and my like my ball cap that I'm wearing today to like what I wore for my live show in London a couple weeks ago. These are the rag and bone like sweat pant jeans which you can also get on Revolve. I mean they're a staple of my wardrobe. Yes. So whatever you guys are looking for for the holidays just check out the Revolve holiday shop and Revolve just makes holiday dressing easier. All the brands you love. New arrivals for every dinner and party. Fast shipping and easy returns and pieces you'll keep reaching for long after the season. Go to revolve.com slash GGE to shop our favorite for the holidays. and use code GGE for 15% off your first order. That's revolve.com slash GGE code GGE for 15% off your first order. Offer available for a limited time. So get shopping. Okay. So we are talking about ultimatums today. I thought we had an episode about this many years ago and I guess we didn't. In 2018 we did an episode of can you make someone commit and we talked about it then and I think off and on we've talked about it with different guests but we wanted to really hone in and there was a TikTok series that went viral. Our producer Carolina who is in the studio with us today sent this to us and this woman on TikTok she was documenting her relationship and waiting for her boyfriend to propose and basically for nine months the internet watched as Eve Tilly Colson waited for her boyfriend to propose and her deadline was her 38th birthday and at that point then she was going to pursue motherhood on her own with a sperm donor. So she wants to have children which again can change things when we're talking about ultimatums and even on last week's episode starter boyfriend entry-level boyfriend whatever but you get to that age and you're with somebody you've been with for a long time. She had been with him for years and the title of the article I'm referencing is she told TikTok she wanted to ring by July then the clock ran out. So he didn't propose by that time. The balls on this guy. I know and he was like busy with work. Every week he's watching her TikToks just like I'm going to keep it going. What crazy I can just like the audacity of men. So she joked that he was too busy and stressed at work. I'm sure that's what his excuse was. I've just been too busy at work to propose. So, you know, people are mixed reviews on this and in May she admitted I'm feeling sad. I know he loves me but it doesn't feel like he sees me or understands me and then people are outpouring of empathy for her and we're here for you and as July 7th grew closer some viewers were rooting for even Glenn but others urged her to leave calling him a giant walking red flag and then she celebrated her 38th birthday at the World Cup in Houston and the next day she had to break the news to the internet that she wasn't engaged. I wish I had been watching this in real time. I can't believe we missed this. Seriously. But she said she wasn't walking away either. He promised he'd be down on one knee soon. This is just gets sad. You know, I promise I'm going to do it. This shouldn't be how it should be ladies but it's okay. You know, so he did propose on July 30th. This motherfucker the same month she had the same birthday as you July 8th. Her birthday was the 7th. The 7th two days before you. Okay. He popped the question on July 30th the shared birthday of her mom and her dog. You're going to make me wait 23 more days. Insanity. Why? I wanted you to propose on my birthday not my dog's birthday. Not my mom's birthday. I wouldn't want to be proposed to on my birthday at their second date spot. I was proposed to on my birthday. We always talk about this right and I always shaded and then you have to like remind me. I just it's so unmemorable. I forget. So yeah, she was July 7th that she's a cancer. Obviously, it's my dad's birthday too. It's ever. It's like one of the most popular birthdays. You know, it's of the 10 most popular birthdays in the world. Nine are in September and the 10th is July 7th. What? Yeah, it's crazy. Is this true? It's true. This is crazy. Why? Because people are fucking so much in the winter. I don't know. I don't have any friends that have birthdays in September. We do. I have three. I have really close friends all October 1st. I thought we have that's so many. That's Virgo. October 1st. I have a ton. I have a ton of friends in like April. April. Tons in June and July. All my friends are June, July. Okay. The top 10 most common birthdays in the U.S. September 9th, September 19th, September 12th, September 17th, September 10th, July 7th, September 20th, September 15th, September 16th, September 18th. This is crazy. And July 7th is this outlier, which also I do know a lot of other July 7th. I always hear it because I know it because it's my dad's. I know tons of, yeah, July and June. Oh my God, this is crazy. So anyway, they're engaged. Oh, it worked for her. We're going to talk about ultimatums and like the advice and we pulled our listeners and thank you guys for your answers. And we mostly focused on like, I mean, I think engagement is the number one, which we'll get into the poll answers, but engagement, having kids, being committed and moving in together is probably another really popular one. But my personal experience is I've never given anybody an ultimatum. I've never had to, thankfully. And like, people don't want to do this. This is a nightmare. Like, I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. I, there's so many articles about, yeah, there's so many articles about like, do they, do they work? I think the common advice is no, they don't work. And you don't want to have to back somebody into a corner to make a decision. No one wants to do this. This isn't like an option. It's like the last result. Like no one wants to do this. I don't think that anybody would encourage you to do it. And we have a lot of friends that have done this with their partners and no one wants to be in this position where you have to say to your partner, like you're stringing me along. It shouldn't have to be like this. You should not have to pressure someone to be with you, commit to you, marry you, move in with you, have kids with you. You both should want the same things enthusiastically, but that's not always the case. And there are exceptions to every rule and everyone is built differently and how they were raised and how they view relationships and their own timelines and what they've been through and their own ideas of independence and commitment. And all of those things, you have to factor that in. Is your timeline realistic? How old are you? What are both of your long-term goals? Still top level, it shouldn't be like this, but we will share some stories from listeners where it did work. And again, I think as a rule, they don't work and you shouldn't pressure someone. And they should want the same things that you want at the same amount. But sometimes you have to go down this road. And I will say a lot of guys feel like our relationships are a runaway train where you commit and then you have to move in together. Then you have to get married and then you have to have kids. And like, there's no stopping it once it starts. They're not always wrong, but you and I want different things. You know, I didn't care about getting married and Shashank wanted to, and lo and behold, we're married. And I'm very happy that we are. I don't want kids. You don't want kids. You're in no rush to get married. I mean, everybody is really different. I mean, he and I were engaged long distance. I didn't need to even live with them to get a ring. Like I view things differently. So I'm not the example of the runaway train, but a lot of women are, and that's okay too. They have a timeline in a way that they want things done, but that can be intimidating and give someone, anyone a lot of anxiety if they don't have their life together and all these different things. And this is not like in defense of men, but I think you have to think of how old you are and what's going on in both of your lives. Two, but I, that kind of is a different conversation. I still just wanted to bring it up. Age plays a huge factor to me. I think in the beginning of all relationships, most people communicate. I'd like to be married by a certain age. I'd like to have kids by a certain age for me. I can't remember the last time I went on a first date where I didn't communicate that I don't want to have children. And I have done that since my mid thirties, because I don't want somebody to like expect that from me. I've communicated my boundaries and like what my timeline looks like. And I think that's healthy and that's important. I think when we get to the ultimatum stage, you're like, you've promised me this. And I think you're kind of like pushing me off. And I have a lot of empathy for people. Like there's a huge difference to me between needing more time and buying time. You and I have watched multiple friends just be in situations that are just seemingly never going to end. Like, it's just like, are you ever going to let me move in with you? Are you ever going to propose to me? And I mean, I, I really empathize with it where you're just like, I'm in love with this person. I have communicated with them that this is what I want. This is what I want. And I'm like, I'm in love with this person. I have communicated with the timeline looks like, and I'm getting older and I want children. And like that person is just like, I'm just going to let you, I'm gonna let you cook as long as you will. And everybody I've seen like give these ultimatums. It's like horrible. It's painful. You don't want to like control another person. Saying to another adult, you better do this by May 30th. It's awful. But we've seen a bunch of friends do it. And I think no matter what you will get your answer. Yeah. Not like so many friends do it. I don't think like, but I mean, yeah, the ones that have, and you know, if you, if you tell me that this is what you think you have to do in your relationship, I don't think that's the relationship you're supposed to be in. But again, there are exceptions to every rule and you could be that exception. And we have seen it happen. We knew a girl that I don't know if she ever issued an ultimatum, but waited around and waited around and waited around and they are married with a kid today. They do seem happy, but we also had a friend. She had been with someone for upwards of 10 years and she had decided by the end of the year, if he couldn't tell her that they were going to get married or have a kid, she'd even conceded a little bit on marriage. And it's just sad because she wouldn't get married enough kids. They've been together for almost a decade. And she said, if you can't tell me by the end of the year that you want to move forward, this is over. And they broke up on new year's fucking Eve. They did break up, but he waited until the very last fucking day. And that was 10 years of their lives that I don't think she, regrets, you know, but it's just, we've seen it done and go both ways. It's so unfair to expect somebody else to just wait around. Like either way, you should be giving somebody an answer. I do want to do this where I don't want to do this, not this like nebulous sometime in the future. If the other person really wants it. And I remember that the person we're speaking about, she said to me, they were in couples therapy, which I don't think she'd mind me sharing that the therapist said to her, well, if he has to qualify why he won't marry you right now, then I would like you to qualify why it has to happen right now. Pissed me off. Yeah. Pissed me off. I like felt like crazy, but I was like, okay, sure. She was like, fine, I'll play. Like, and she was just like, I want children. I want to be married to the person I have children with. And I want a family and this is how I grew up. And this is, this is what I want. I'm entitled to these expectations. I guess as much as you're entitled to what you want as well, but you got to tell me that's all I can ask of a person is I need you to be fucking honest with me that you are never going to do this. Not like maybe sometime in the future. Tell me you aren't going to do this. I'm not going to do this. You know, you're not going to. And it's so unfair to put somebody in the position that you're just allowing them to wait it out with you. Like, what kind of person are you? I mean, what kind of person are you? If we were sitting right here with a man and we asked him, he would probably say, I love her. But one of two things he would say, I'm not where I want to be in my job security and my financial security to be a, husband, be a father, or he would be like, if I'm being honest, I don't know if she's the one, but I do love her. I don't want to break up. I think that's what a lot of it is. I think those are probably both buckets is that they're not secure with themselves and their job and their finances or even their mental health, whatever it may be, or they don't want to break up, but they're just not sure you're the one. And you just deserve somebody that's sure about you that can't wait to propose, you know? And I know that's not always the case, but like you should want that. I have empathy for both of the situations that you're talking about. And I don't want to be bullied or backed into a corner to make any decision ever. I want to feel like I have agency in every decision I make, but it is really selfish to continue to be with somebody when you actually don't know and they know. And you owe that to the person that you love to say those words. And that's hard. I'm not saying that's easy. That's really hard to look at somebody and be like, I don't know. And I might never know, but you have to allow that person to then go make their own decisions about their lives. And I think all the time about people that give ultimatums, like, is it worth it? If you really found somebody that's the love of your life and you're so happy and they're just like, I don't know if I want to get married, is it worth going back out into the world? I mean, you have to answer that yourself. Yeah. And you have to reflect on your own relationship. And do you feel secure? How strong and stable is the relationship? Is everything else incredible? And you feel really loved and supported and they're fully committed. I had a friend years ago and I felt her starting to talk about the relationship like maybe she wasn't sure about him. And I just knew that wasn't true. And I knew that she was just maybe doing it as self-preservation because she felt like he had one foot out the door. And I remember we were on the beach and we were talking about, are you ever 100% about your partner? That's how the conversation started. And she started to be like, I don't know, maybe. And I'm like, I know you want to marry your boyfriend yesterday. We all know that. I don't know. I don't know. I do. And I asked her, would you be 100% on him if you felt like he was 100% on you? And I think that really hit her. And she took a little bit of time to think about it and came back to me and was like, I thought about what you said. And yes, I didn't mean what I said. I want to be with him 100%. I want to marry him. And I feel like he has one foot out the door. And they broke up shortly thereafter. And it was really painful. It was one of the worst breakups I've ever witnessed. And she had that fully committed. So she wanted the proof that he was. Yeah, I get it. I mean, he made her fight for every inch of that. really should. He made her fight to move in together for ages. And I also understand being like, I found this person. They're the perfect person. There's nobody I get along with better that I have more in common with. And like, OK, fine, I will wait. I will wait until they're ready. Just because my timeline is my timeline doesn't mean that theirs has to be theirs. But like it was the same situation where he was like, I love her, but I don't know. I'll let her wait around forever until I figure this out. It was so fucking selfish. Also, I hate him. Yeah. This is why you really need to discuss what you want with somebody early. And again, age plays into this, too. You can totally change what you think you want from your 20s, your 30s, your 40s. Like if you are, you know, early, mid 30s, late 30s, like you really are two fully formed adults that should know what you want out of life when it comes to the big things, the where you want to live and who you want to live with and marriage and kids like the big three. I do think you should know that. about each other. And Shashank and I had this conversation the day that we made our relationship official, which was the day before my birthday. And he knew I didn't want kids and that was never going to happen. And he said, but I really do want to get married. And I said, OK, it's really important. You know, I would get married. And I was being honest. I wasn't like, I'm not going to get married. I'm just going to tell him this in a moment. You know, but if I had said, I got to be honest with you, I really would get married. I really don't want to get married. It's against my values. I don't see the point. And like, it's not something I want to do. He would have had to decide if he wanted to be with me because that's my right to be upfront and honest. Yeah, you should be upfront and honest. But I'm saying like, I wonder when these things happen, like, did we get down a road years into a relationship and someone wants to get married and the other person is like, I never said I want to get married. You just assumed. I never said I wanted to have kids. You just assumed. I actually don't ever want to live with anybody. And you just assumed. Like, I think you should make these things clear to your partner. And again, you can always change your mind. But I wonder how much someone isn't asking the right questions early because they don't want to know the answers. Yeah, I told a lot of people on a first date that I don't want kids. And when people react to me, I've gotten like varied responses. But some people find it so radical. Like, wow, could you bring that up on a first date? And I'm just like, I have to bring it up on a first date. I don't want to be four or five dates into it with somebody. Fall in love with me and try to knock me up, which always happens with us. Who's always trying to trap us? Just I get love bombed a lot in the beginning. And I'm like, oh, now you're in love with me. Now I have to deal with this. Yeah. It was all funny games when you were telling me how amazing I was. Because I am. But I don't want to be in those situations. I mean, I think women are better communicators. I've never really. I know that show The Ultimatum. Like sometimes the man has to issue The Ultimatum and sometimes the woman. I don't. I've never had a man tell me that they had to issue an ultimatum to their partner. I don't know. My experience is that women have to issue them to men. So I don't know. But how selfish is it to not give somebody an answer? I find it so crazy. And I mean, once you have to do it, once you've been backed into this corner, like I think this is the last resort for people. Yeah, it is. I think that people are like, you should marry me by X date. I don't think anybody wants to do this. And do they work? I don't know. I've known one or two times they have. I've known times that they haven't. I again, I think age matters. I had a girlfriend in my mid 20s and I think she was like 25 and she gave her boyfriend. They've been together five or six years. And ultimately, I'm like, I want you to propose by this summer. And I do think in that case, he just needed a little push in their specific case. And they've been married for 15 years at this point. They have two kids. They have a wonderful life. They're really happy. I think he did need just like a little push because I think people and their men in their mid 20s are like, I'm not where I want to be professionally, financially. In that case, it worked. I've seen a blow up in people's faces in other cases. A hundred percent. I don't know. I wonder if you and you can only answer this for yourself. But like, can you be happy if somebody made a decision when you didn't really give them a choice? That's the next central question. I don't know. Do you think you can? If you said to somebody like, I'm going to make this decision for you essentially by this date? Yes or no? I know. Yeah, that's the question. Yeah. Like you got what you wanted, but at what cost? And does it actually feel like it was on their terms? You forced them into it? Is it because you wanted this ring so badly or you wanted to move in so badly? Pushing someone or pressuring them or issuing them an ultimatum to live together is crazy work because that's the biggest adjustment. And like someone didn't want it and you have to share your lives together in the home. Just think about that day where you like actually move in together and are you robbed of the joy? But yes, any of that. The engagement day. The engagements when you know someone issued an ultimatum and made someone do this just don't hit the same. Kids don't have kids that is not 100% on board. That's going to be such a long, hard road. Even people that are 100% on board. It's hard. So do it with somebody that really wants to do it. And I mean, we've seen different outcomes, but I think the biggest piece of advice that anybody would tell you is once you give that ultimatum, you got to be prepared to leave because you do that more than once. Then it's just stops meaning. And I understand that girl who's the original article where she gave him the ultimatum and it was just like, oh, I'll stick around. Like it just, doesn't hold any weight. I've seen friends actually leave and totally. And then you see these stories that like the person does come around and you're like, all right, well, it's because you actually left. It's because you really meant that. Really did. Yeah. And we have some stories to share today. Yes. With ultimatums, you have to be prepared to make the move that you're threatening and you have to decide that you would rather be without them than continue in your current situation. You have to really think about it. Are you going to walk away? Are, are you going to stand in your power and own it? Are they going to believe you? And you have to do it. So don't issue the ultimatum until you're ready. You can do it. And I mean, you can do it with behavior too. I mean, we're talking more about the engagements and the moving in together and the commitment and the kids, but you can do it with behavior too. And we've, we'll read some of those today too. And I, I think I've, I don't know, I've been a little closer to that in past relationships. If this doesn't change. I mean, and I, with my ex, like, I mean, I was like, I mean, we broke up and got back together all the time. It was super toxic. I mean, there was a point where I was like, if you don't stop drinking, I, that's the only way I'll consider getting back together with you. And he did temporarily, you know, like that's an ultimatum. I've seen more success with behavior versus like a lifelong decision. Those are like different things that most of the time I would say the behaviors that you want somebody to change will be good for them. I'd like you to stop drinking and partying like this. I'd like you to spend money in a more conservative way. Like, yeah, I'd like you to help me and be a teammate in this relationship and I will be nicer. Like, I feel like behaviors are a little easier to navigate than like, let's make the most important lifelong decision together. Right. Okay. Well, we are just going to talk about our remaining partners and then we are going to get into it. We had some polls and some stories from you guys, but I am just going to tell you about Columbia. You know how much we love our amaze puff jackets as we get into winter. These are the jackets that we are just obsessed. Perfect puffer. I'll say it. Perfect. Price is great for what you get. The fill is 650 fill down insulation, which is the same warmth and more as those overpriced ones. And we love the colors so much. I have the Sedona Sage. I love I have a the stone color, like an off white color. Raina has the black. We love this pink. They have this season. They have three lengths, short, medium and long. We love the long ones. I mean, if you were in any sort of cold climate, they just feel like you're in a sleeping bag, but they're not that big. Puffy. You look crazy like the Michelin man, like the perfect weight. We were talking last week. I had this down jacket once that I just could barely pick it up when I was on the hangar. I mean, it like brought a coat rack down. I'm traveling with this one. And like I would have never previously attempted it in a suitcase. Yeah, you can stuff this in a suitcase. But again, it really is that high quality down that's going to keep you really warm. It has that elevated oversized puffer look and you get that warmth and the performance. There's thumb holes and pockets and all the things. And we really, really love the colors. And you can wear it if you're going on a winter trip, a ski trip, but of course, wear it around for coffee or errands, dinner. We've said you can bring it to a restaurant. It's not going to take up the whole table next to you. We just love it. We love what Columbia has done. They've created the perfect puffer. You don't need five different puffers. Each solve a slightly different problem for the winter. This really does it all. And again, you choose the length you want, the silhouette and the color, and you guys are going to be obsessed. So you can visit Columbia.com to get your hands on an amaze puff jacket. It's tough on cold, soft on you. Okay. And Z-Biotics, I mean, this is holiday season. We are partying more than ever, going out more than ever, drinking more than ever. And when I like go out on a Saturday night, specifically, I need to have like a good Sunday morning. So I'll tell you a little story, but Z-Biotics pre-alcohol probiotic drink is the world's first genetically engineered probiotic. And it is engineered by PhD microbiologist to break down acetaldehyde, an unwanted byproduct of alcohol metabolism. If you make pre-alcohol your first drink of the night, drink or responsibly and enjoy your next day activities. Z-Biotics has sold more than 15 million bottles and earned the trust of thousands, including us. So I went to a concert this Saturday night and I had to get up at five o'clock in the morning to catch a flight the next day. And I could not miss that flight. And I did not want to miss that concert. And I like wanted to have a couple drinks. And like, you know, that feeling when you like open your eyes up and you're like, shit, I drank too much last night. And if you make Z-Biotics your first drink of the night, you can avoid that feeling. And the holiday season is officially here. And if you're anything like us, your social calendar is filling up fast from Friendsgiving with friends to the turkey trot next morning. These are the moments. you don't want to miss. That's why I make Z-Biotics pre-alcohol part of my routine before drinking because the best part of the holidays is being present for all of it. Try pre-biotics pre-alcohol for yourself. And if you're not satisfied, they'll refund your entire order. No questions asked at the Z-Biotics.com slash GGE and use code GGE for 15% off your first order. Okay. Helix. You guys know how much we love our Helix mattresses. I can't imagine my life without it. I have the Midnight Luxe, which I'm absolutely obsessed with. I have the Moonlight Luxe in our guest room. We have all of our friends and family onto Helix. They all have these mattresses. I think my best friend Corey and her husband Ham have the Dusk Luxe. My brother and his wife have the big and tall one. We just love them so much. They have their standard mattresses and they have their Luxe and Helix Elite mattresses, like the top top, but all of them are incredible. You're just going to go online, take a brief quiz. It's going to match you to the mattress. It's going to give you the best sleep of your life. However you sleep, they're going to ask you on your back or your stomach or your side, or if you roll around. If you sleep hot, if you sleep with somebody in the bed and they're going to match you with one and they have just enough, like they have the perfect mattress, but there's not too many. It's not overwhelming. They're really going to match you with the one that's going to be so, so perfect for you. And this is just great. I mean, we have so much going on over the holidays. We've talked about all these crazy things that happen in our lives. Sleep is more important than ever. And I can't imagine my life without my Helix mattress. The Helix pillows are incredible. Those are the only pillows we sleep on. Really, it's the best. Helix is the most awarded mattress brand tested interviews by experts like Forbes and Wired. So we are obsessed with it. We want you guys to check it out. I mean, people message us all the time. Like, is this real? Do you really like how these mattresses? Yeah, we don't lie on the show. We don't lie about using these partners. And we just have been obsessed with these mattresses for years. And you guys will be too. So you can go to helixsleep.com slash GGE for up to 30% off. That's helixsleep.com slash GGE for up to 30% off helixsleep.com slash GGE. Okay, so we polled you guys about ultimatums. We're just curious you've given them before and what you've given them over and just general thoughts on ultimatums. And then we asked you guys to submit some emails. So first up, we just asked, have you ever given an ultimatum surrounding commitment to your partner? And 73% of people said no. And we love to see it. But 27% of people said yes, I've had to give an ultimatum. And we asked what was the ultimatum? So what was this surrounding? And we asked, be official by a certain date, be engaged by a certain date, move in. And we asked, what was the ultimatum? And we asked, have kids by a certain date. So lowest on the totem pole, have kids by a certain date. That was 11%. Move in together by a certain date, 14%. Be official by a certain date, 26%. And be engaged was the top one by far, 50%. Totally, which is what we expected. And we asked you if you issued an ultimatum, did it work? 51% said yes, I got what I wanted. And 36% said no, and we ended things. And then 14% said no, but we stayed together. I know that that adds up to 101. I know it does. But those were the results. Oh, okay. Well, 101% of you answered. Yeah, don't do the math, you guys. We did all the math up top on this one. And we just asked general thoughts on issuing ultimatums. And you guys pretty much stayed in the same vein of you can't force someone to be with you without resentment. If you're issuing an ultimatum, you already have your answer. It works because either way you get your answer, which Brandon said earlier. If someone doesn't want to do something on their own, is it really worth it? They only work if the other person wants the same things. I don't think you can threaten someone to give you what you want. And only, if you're actually prepared to leave. So literally everything that we already said. And some people said, yes, it can work. And I would have to dive into what did they give the ultimatums about? How old were you? Were you guys on the same page? I mean, it's very loaded. But in general, I don't think people want to do this. 36% said, I didn't get what I want, but we ended things. But I think at least you got your answer. You got your answer. Yeah. And the emails were interesting. We really always feel emotional when you guys share these things with us. I mean, you guys share your stories and you also say, really kind things about the podcast and that we've helped you navigate your relationships and over the years. And so it just means the world. And so thank you again, as always, for sharing with us really personal stories. And I wanted to start with three that came through that were in the same theme of issuing an ultimatum and getting what you wanted and it not working out and marrying somebody and being divorced now and looking back and wishing you never forced them into it. And we can lighten it up after that. But these sad to me, you know, and a lot of these women who wrote in were younger, but I'll just read the first one. And then the other two, I'll just kind of paraphrase. But she writes, I was 28. I met him when I was 21. I come from a small town. All my friends were getting married and having kids. And I wanted that too. I pressured him. I wouldn't say that I gave him a direct ultimatum, but I made it clear that we had to get married. There was no other option. So we did. But I think pressuring him in that way plants a little seed of resentment. And in our relationship, that seed was water with all the other ways in which we were not a good fit. At 35 and 37, I had my children, two amazing beings that I will always be thankful for. But I know that I made a mistake pressuring that man to build a life with me. The mistake wasn't the ultimatum or the way I chose to turn a blind eye to the fact that he didn't put in the effort. The mistake was in me pretending that I was okay with it. But such is my life now. I'm 46 now. I've been divorced for three years. Our marriage wasn't all bad. There was love, but it really is true. If he wanted to, he would. Ultimatums don't provide for a sturdy foundation. If I could talk to my 28-year-old self, I'd tell her, I know it's scary, but move along, girl. He's just not that into you. I doubt she would listen. And another one, this advice of my mom, I told my long-term boyfriend at the time I wouldn't move in with him until I had a ring. He gave her the ring. She's like, I got what I wanted, but also a man who made me feel like a shell of myself as I lived in his shadow. She writes, now many years post-divorce, I'm thankful for everything that happened as it did, as it led me to where I am now. And I found a partner now that only respects me, but is the sweetest, most encouraging, supportive, and so sexy partner I could dream of finding, but feels like ultimately she pressured him because of outside influences to be with this person. And then this woman wrote in that she's still with him. And she says, I issued my partner an ultimatum to get engaged by the end of 2021. He bought me a ring that February. I proposed end of November. We were together for just six years. When he finally did, I think we were 20, 29. He's slow moving. He needs a fire lit under him for everything, but that's who I married. It makes me the nagger for everything. This is a pattern we have fallen into, which makes me dislike myself a lot of the time. Don't get me wrong. He is a great guy and I love him to bits. We have a baby girl now. So sometimes it feels like I have three kids. So do ultimatums work engagements? Sure. But you might be setting yourself up to be making small little ultimatums in everyday life, which depending on what you want out of a relationship might not be ideal, which is just really sad. I feel for these women and you shouldn't beat yourself up. I think, you know, sometimes you think in the moment, this is what I need to do. I need to give him the little extra push and my family wants this and everybody around me is doing this. And if I just give somebody a little bit of extra encouragement, like, I don't know what all these women did. I don't know if they said, you know, it's this date or I leave, but I think you're just doing what you think. You're just doing what you think. You're just doing what you think is right in the moment. And unfortunately for some people, it creates this pattern of always feeling like I have to be the nagger. And I just, I feel for you, but don't beat yourself up because you felt like this is what society asks of me. This is what my family and my community and everybody around me. Like, if you feel like everybody else is doing this, I mean, I really wanted to get engaged when I was 28. I remember like having like an argument with him where he was like, don't rush me. But I just, it was never an ultimatum and I knew he wanted to get married, but I would joke around about it a lot. And I knew it just kind of like annoyed him sometimes. It's like, well, where's the line? Are we just at this age where you got to bring up a couple of times and then, you know, express that you really want to do these things. I just, I feel for people that look back on their lives and they're like beating themselves up about their younger selves. And it's like, you were just working with the information that you had. And this is not, and I told you so situation. I think most people will tell you ultimatums don't work, but I don't look at any of these situations and they fall apart and think like you should have known better. For sure. It's like the last thing I think you should have known better about. I think you're just trying your best. But it's, it's interesting. It's interesting to look back and be like, if he wanted to, he would, you know, which again, that's, that's a loaded statement. There's a lot of nuance that goes into that. But like, that these women were like, I pressured him into something and like, I wish I hadn't, you know, but sometimes you can't see the, what is it like light through the woods where you're like, I have to get married now. Force the trees. Yeah. Where you're like, oh my, I have to get married. I will die if I'm a 30 year old single woman. You know what I mean? Which is just, we have stopped that frame of mind too. Well, you can only look at something as a, I guess, mistake now through the lens of time. Cause at that point you thought you were doing the right thing. And I mean, even when I got engaged, I did like, I wanted to get, I knew he wanted to get engaged early on and I kind of put the kibosh on that. And so I did feel like I had to kind of encourage him and bring it up a lot when he left me. I mean, I'm so self-impressed all the time. I just, it never occurred to me, like I pushed him to this decision. I mean, I, I think adults make their own decisions and I think that he was empowered to say no as well. These men were empowered to say no and they didn't and they made decisions too. And I guess you both made mistakes together, but you were just doing what you thought was right at the time. Right. That is really heartbreaking. Yeah. And then we had two that were in the stop drinking, kind of like get your life together. And one that worked, she said, I was going to leave him if he didn't seek therapy. And basically he knew she was serious. And the next day he booked an appointment that was six years ago and he's a completely different man. He no longer drinks. And is truly an amazing partner and father. And she says all this to say, if it truly matters to the person wants it for themselves and you have to be okay to walk away if you don't get what you feel like you deserve. And then another one that same thing. I mean, he was, he had a DUI, he was hiding alcohol. He had a problem. She was really triggered by it as her dad was an alcoholic and she gave him the ultimatum and it didn't work out. And she realized he was, didn't want it for himself and he was not ready to make those changes in his life. And it didn't work for them. The end says, uh, I finally put myself first, stopped taking ownership for someone else's mental health and now I'm engaged to the most amazing bald man. So I love the happy endings. I think somebody's behavior, you almost always have to give somebody an ultimatum. If you've feel like this is a sinking ship and I'm going down with it I can't watch this person kill themselves become a worse partner become a worse father and that's what Al-Anon meetings exist for and I think that for behaviors you almost have to well you can't whelm around forever that to me is like a different like you almost have to give the ultimatum it's different than like you don't have to give an ultimatum to marry me right if you're drinking to the point that I'm like worried about your life a hundred percent so then there's some that worked so we can kind of end with these I mean where these women did it right so she writes I told my partner that if after five years of dating if he didn't want to marry me that I would not want to stay in the relationship it sounds like she does kind of early on like she set her boundary early I don't hate it I mean that's like communicating an expectation to me yeah I mean five five's not long oh sorry I missed the part you said five well I'm so sorry depends on how old they are but no I'm like I'm okay with it like whatever year you decide if you don't know now yeah when are you gonna know it was important to me to take that step in our relationship because I wanted to know that he was capable of long-term commitment I would jokingly bring it up every now and then like only three more years until we break up I don't think he felt pressured at all to propose he proposed to me around the four-year mark two years married so she said the ultimatum early first date she's like by the way five years from now I don't have a ring on my finger we're done here so okay another one so I was in a situation ship with a co-worker for about a year it started as random happy hour hookups but then became more serious over time ultimately it was heading in a direction where he basically wanted all the perks of being in a relationship without claiming the title boyfriend major non-committal Sagittarius fives around the one-year mark one year I told him we needed to be in a committed relationship or we'd be done he was still unsure so I cut him off stopped texting or calling him ignored all of his communication and moved on one month later a guy I met asked me out on a date literally that same night the situation ship guy sends me a text saying he misses me and wants to be with me like he could feel like he finally lost me and needed to make his claim which I obviously didn't do anyway ten years later we're married with the kid I mean we say it all the time in situation ships you got one card to play it's just that's it what do I do you gotta leave that's it that person will decide whether they want to be with you or not that's it that's there's no communication there's no string of words that's the only card that you can play you truly truly you just have one okay and I just like this one because I really like the language she used she says I have an ultimatum story that actually is a happy ending after a lot of frustration she's 30 but now we've been living together for two years we were together a total of three years at this time and he was dragging his feet on proposing with our lease coming to an end I finally told him I'm looking for marriage and a true partnership if that's not what you want or if you don't see that with me that's completely fine but I need to move on perfect write that down everybody he bought the ring within the month and then proceeded to wait six months to propose what are men you can only imagine how well that went over fast forward to today we're happily married he's genuinely the best partner I could ask for he cooks and prepares every meal contributes the majority of our household finances based on our incomes yeah he knows he up that's six months of being a deadbeat he's my biggest supporter of my confidant and the person who will always tell me what I need to hear sometimes an ultimatum isn't about forcing someone's hand it's about being willing to walk away if your futures don't align and she wrote a really nice thing to us about the podcast and helping her through her life every email that we got was just the sweetest most wonderful I mean we just we could cry we love you guys so much so she's right in the language that she used and that you have to be ready to walk away and for every story like this there's another story some of which we've read that I issued an ultimatum it ended and I'm with a better partner now you know like it really shouldn't have to come to this no but it can sometimes and it can wake someone up and it can work out so do without what you will there's just no hard fast rules for this one that's like the beginning emails I'm like don't beat yourself up like you were doing the same thing that these girls did it worked out for some of them you know there's just like no hard fast rules but I think we all deserve to be with somebody that's sure about us and I hope that everybody finds that and that's all yeah I just this begging someone to be with you and ultimatums and waiting around and they finally begrudgingly propose you don't want that it doesn't have to be like that you can say this is what I want if you don't want this that's fine we can call it and they can snap into it and they can propose enthusiastically and you can have a great marriage and family together that can happen but don't do the thing where you just accept their scraps because there are people out there that won't make you feel like that and you deserve to be with people like that yeah okay guys well that is the episode at girlscotteat.com reina greenberg.com for the tour tickets we'll see you this week in Detroit and Vegas girl's got a podcast on Instagram and Tiktok I am ash Hess Instagram and Tiktok reina.greenberg is her handle you can watch a full video on Spotify and YouTube of course and share this episode with a friend and we will see you Thursday have a good week guys bye life is all about making decisions sometimes you make questionable ones like buying a new TV that's too big for the wall because the electronics store employee was a little too good at their job then sometimes you make great ones like protecting your home and auto with progressive you get customized coverage options so you can be sure you have the right coverage get your quote today at progressive.com progressive casualty insurance company affiliates and other insurers not available in all states