Digging Up Reddit's Past | Reading Reddit Stories

- Hello, I, Shane, this Reddit Stories. (coughs) - Hi, I'm Shane, welcome to Reddit Stories. Today is a very ancient episode of the show in honor of Dino Week. We're diving into the Museum of Reddit, and I'm joined by two cavemen, Trevor and Tommy. - Me no Trevor, me, God. (laughing) - If you catch me in a cave, something has gone wrong. (laughing) - I'm claustrophobic, if you catch me in a cave, I have gone crazy. (laughing) - I love it, it's full of cavemen where they're all talking like cavemen, and there's one that's like, look, I do not want to be here. (laughing) - Something horrible has happened to 500 caves. - I'm gonna be honest, when I start like prehistoric Reddit on the call, she, I thought I was like, what are you talking about? Like, hi, I, T-Rex 25, my friend Velociraptor 22, stole my carcass, and so I killed this whole family and might be asshole, like what are you doing? - But that makes more sense. - Yeah, we're in the middle of dyno week. - That's right. - And look at this, it's prehistoric in here, man. Straight up triassic. - It's prehistoric as fall. - You're enjoying this, it kind of feels nice. - It feels nice there's a good recoil to it, but there's still some heft, there's no damage, but you feel it, it's real nice. - Okay, this one hurts, that doesn't look like it hurts. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Also a huge fan of tiny Yoshi eggs back there. - Really a big fan of tiny Yoshi eggs. - Ooh, those are nice. - What do you guys think of my slab? - Oh yeah. - I think our slab is awesome, it's a little mossy. - It is a little mossy, it's mossy. - Do you have some of our-- - Be careful. - You don't wanna read the wrong incantation off that thing and be cursed for thousands of years. - Don't worry, it's pretty dangerous. - Don't worry, I won't. - We've got a lot of parsley on it though. - Stop touching that moss like that. - It's parsley, do you? - No, we can harshly-- - It's fiddling, it's fiddling, that moss is crazy. - So we've obviously covered lots of classic Reddit stories on the show before. We've had the cylinder recently. We've done poop knife. - Poop knife. - See bat, there's been a million classics. So, "Am I the asshole to subreddit?" Started in 2013. - Okay. - Reddit's been around since, I wanna say, like, mid-2000s. So there's some old stories. What do you think was the first thing posted on "Am I the asshole?" Like if you were to take a guess back in 2013, not that the year matters. Well, like, what do you think generated this? - What were people being an asshole about in 2013? - Yeah, I'm, what if it's like, it's like, "I female 40-something, I'm planning on running for president?" (laughing) - Pretty good. Am I the asshole for running for president? Were they using that? - I, and then in parentheses, 45. - I actually don't know, I think those formats probably came about more so over time. - Yeah. - So the first story ever posted on "Am I the asshole?" It was pretty mundane, but a legitimate dispute. According to an article on CBC Radio, there was an office conflict brewing over a thermostat and an office between the men who wanted it turned down and the women who wanted it higher. The creator of the subreddit felt that because the men were stuck wearing suits, the women should just dress warmer, but it left him wondering if maybe he was in the wrong. - Oh. - So there's kind of a, just a, - That's a pretty reasonable kind of, like, yeah. - And it's like that at the basis of "Am I the asshole?" is what is supposed to be there. You know, it's like really truly like, but yeah, that's an actual middle ground post where there's something to figure out as opposed to. Am I the asshole for like blowing up my wife with a ball? - Right. - You're right. - It's like, no. - The most normal little office, like, "Hey, I kind of, we're having this issue and like, I want to know from it." Like, I'm wearing a suit and I'm getting warmer. Like, could they bring in a card again? Am I an asshole for suggesting that? - Yeah. - And genuine "Am I the asshole" posts are supposed to be like, "I'm willing to be wrong." I'm asking the internet if I'm wrong. We don't get a lot of those nowadays. - No. - All right. Our first story comes from today I fucked up and also in the museum of Reddit. This was posted in April of 2020, which is relatively recent from Museum of Reddit. But still, almost seven years ago. - Oh, crazy to think about. - That's crazy. - How about that? - I don't wanna dwell on that, yeah, yeah, all right. - Today I fucked up by demanding that my girlfriend show me where she buried our beans in the woods, causing her to break up with me. - Jack in the beans. - Just to say, I'm like, "Jack, dude." - Where did you bury the beans, dude? - Well, probably where that giant bean stalk is. - My roommate sold our cow for three magic beans. (all laughing) - Okay, I admit I posted a version of this on the relationship subreddit the other day, but they closed it with no explanation. I assume because they just decided it was fake. I can see how they might think that, but this is a true thing that happened and is happening. And now there is more to it because I actually got broken up with over it. With all that is going on, we had stocked up on supplies, including some canned goods. Mind you, this is April of 2020. So this is prime lockdown. I ordered 30 cans of beans a few weeks ago. 10 are black beans, 10 are kidney beans, and 10 are pink beans. Also, I ordered 15 cans of chickpeas. - I was just looking for the pink beans. - Any fun to pink beans. - Okay, bonk him. - Sorry. - Continue. - So he's not counting the chickpeas as part of the beans. - Right. - Okay. - Watch it in your discussion, but okay. I thought this is a reasonable amount of beans and chickpeas to have every now and then and would last for quite some time. However, earlier this week I opened the cabinet because I wanted to make a vegetarian chili using two cans of beans, but all of the beans were gone. What the hell? I asked my girlfriend and she told me she buried all of the beans in the woods. At first I thought she was joking, but she explained no. She had buried the beans in the woods. WTF? I asked her to explain and she told me she was afraid that if things get bad, we might have to worry about looters or whatever and that the beans would be in danger of being stolen. I said, I thought this was completely ridiculous and unlikely. She became angry at me and said she is protecting our beans. According to her logic, the beans are safely buried in the woods behind our apartment complex. And if we ever need some beans, she will go to the stash and dig up a canner too, but would prefer if we save them all for if things get worse. I said, why only bury the beans? Why not bury our more valuable items? She said the canned food was most valuable for long term means and that since we get fresh food in our online grocery deliveries, it would make sense to continue to stockpile beans. She intends to go bury more beans in the woods every week. This was too insane for me and I got very upset. I demanded to know where the beans were buried and she refused to tell me. She said if I knew she was afraid, I'd dig them up. I said, damn right, I would. She said, I will never jeopardize the beans. The following day, I tried to put my foot down and I'm not usually a foot downer, but I'm not usually a foot downer. I've never heard that term before. Not usually a foot guy, but I'm not usually a super foot downer. Cheers. The following day, I tried to put my foot down and I'm not usually a foot downer, but there are rare issues where compromise is out of the question and I foolishly decided this was one of those issues. I demanded to know where the beans were buried and I told her if she was going to bury beans I paid for in the woods that I would move out. We fought about it and I kept insisting. In hindsight, I should have just let it go and created my own hidden stash of beans in the apartment and given her time to maybe cool down about this bean-bearing scenario, but I blew it all out of proportion. Yeah, it's weird to bury beans in the woods, but why did I have to press it? What's the harm at the end of the day in the grand scheme of things? But I kept demanding her to take me to the beans or at least draw a map or something and finally she broke up with me over the beans. I have lost the love of my life because I couldn't let the damn beans go. I am in disbelief. She moved out. Not only am I heartbroken, but I am now paying full rent instead of 50% which is a huge financial issue for me. This feels like an unforced error. Yeah. I'm wondering why can't they just be like, if you want to make a vegetarian chili be like, "Hey, could we add a couple cans of beans "to our grocery order that they're getting?" And then use those, is it like every can of beans that they buy has to go in the woods? She's not even telling him where the beans are. Yeah. No, because if someone gets him and is breaking his fingers, where's the beans? Yeah. He won't know and the beans are safe. I like her, I think at that time especially, it's smart to like, "Oh, you're stockpiling food." So that if you can't go to the grocery store or food delivery becomes less accessible, whatever. To bury them in the woods is her thinking that it's like, we're about to leap from lockdown to your last boss. To your last boss. Yeah, exactly. We're going, "Hey, there's a few steps before "people are breaking into your house stealing beans." Yeah, there's a point where you know it's it's bury your beans. Yeah, I think you're going to have a moment to bury your beans. I also think like, yeah, I mean, look, we're talking about crazy scenarios now, but it's just like, it is funny that out of everything it's the beans. Like, the beans are sacred, man. Yeah, it's like, "Oh, we buried all our beans. "Oh, no, our water's out." It's like, "Yeah, you got bigger issues here." Nice, some beans come with them. Nice, there's a juke. - There's some juice. - You ever had black bean juice? - I tend to drain the beans before I use them. I don't know if that's messed up. - I do drain the beans too. - Hellish men. - I rinse the beans. - I rinse the beans usually. 'Cause it's like you wanna get the starch off of them otherwise it affects the consistency of your soup. - Can beans aren't they ready to go? Isn't that the idea of a can of the beans? - They're cooked. - They're cooked. - They're cooked. - But the juice is all fucked up. - The juice has all the flavor. - It's gooey. - I can't do the juice. - Okay, I'm sorry, this is-- - I just had a question from you. (laughing) - I'm sorry, sorry, that's okay. - Yeah, that's okay. - Are chickpeas not beans? - Chickpeas are-- - I thought they were garbanzo beans. - The chickpeas are garbanzo beans. - You just said beans. - What? - Are chickpeas beans? I thought they were garbanzo beans. Beans, beans, beans. - I actually don't even know if chickpeas/garbanzo beans are a part of the legume family. All I know is I love them. - They're good, man. - They're good. You can eat them around, you can eat them hummus. - Yeah, you can eat them around, you can eat them. - Yeah, look, I mean, I value my beans too. I would bury them if I had to. - Well, you have those special beans, right? If I had my Rancho Gordo beans, I'm burying those. The problem is, you bury your beans. I feel like they're more at risk of animals. 'Cause it's the apocalypse every day for animals. (laughing) - Wow, the animals. - If that's the apocalypse, no one's ever said the apocalypse. That is so true. - It is the apocalypse every day for animals. - Yes, that is 100% right. - Raccoons are living an apocalypse life. They come out of the sewer to go. We need to get whatever we can. We gotta find the trash. - I don't care who it is, where we get it. - 100%? - We need to survive. - That's so funny. - Comments on this. Someone said, go to our slash metal detecting and see if there is anyone in your area. DM me if you're near Denver. I'll find those fucking beans. - Yes. - 31,000 of votes. - Yeah, that guy's like, that's awesome, man. - Someone said she never buried the beans. She took them and ran. Someone said, does she realize the cans will corrode if they are just buried like that in the ground? Someone replied, #JustPandemicThings. Someone replied to that said, I can't beam leave it. - Yes, yes. (laughing) Yes. - That's what they wanted. That's what they wanted from that. So I just wanted to give it to them. - Someone said, you still looking for those damn beans? Someone responded. Some say he's still looking for those beans today. - Yeah. - It is very, I will say, like it's funny and hindsight. - To read this shit and be like. - But I remember like early April, we were like, what the fuck is this? - It was scary. - Oh, I was like face-timing my parents being like, I'll never see them again. (laughing) I get the like being in a place of like, I have no idea what's about to happen, so I'm gonna bury some beans. I think that again, it was like the continuous burial of beans. It was the non-stop burial of beans. - Yes. - It's also like, I think that if he really wanted to, unless he was really going out into the woods, it's pretty easy to spot a freshly dug patch of dirt, and if it's 30 cans of beans, that's a pretty hefty little hole that you have to dig. - Yeah. - He could probably find it. - So what I am now just realizing is to bury a hole that big takes a lot of effort. - Yes. - So was she out there hours and hours digging a hole, a bean hole? - I don't know. - Yeah. - I really don't know. Is she getting into like below the main soil? - Last thing I'll say is, it's funny how many times beans come up in reddit stories. - Beans really do come up a lot. - Really? - To the hot button issue. - People fight over beans. - Oh, you know. - Guys, it's a good source of carb, protein, and fiber. - Yeah. - And they are honestly yes, in the apocalypse, they would be pretty precious. - Very fiber. - Oh my God, I'd be so regular. - This episode of reddit stories is sponsored by ZockDock. I can't believe I'm saying this, but it's almost the end of the year. That's right, we have two and a half months left. Now, I'm not saying this to scare you. I'm saying it because you still have time to check any remaining appointments off your to-do list. I use ZockDock. ZockDock lets you search and compare high quality in network doctors. I found my dentist, primary care physician, dermatologist, and optometrist through ZockDock. They have more than 150,000 providers within 200 plus specialties across all 50 states. And don't stress, even though it's the end of the year, you can still find appointments. ZockDock shows you what's available and sometimes you can even find same-day appointments. Also, ZockDock is free to use. The app is so simple. I had pushed off doctor's appointments for years, but as soon as I downloaded it, I had appointments set up for the week. Your health matters and taking care of yourself shouldn't be complicated. Ready to be seen? Head to ZockDock.com/PitReddit to get started and check that appointment off your to-do list. That's zocdoc.com/PitReddit. (upbeat music) (clock ticking) Back to the show. All right, our next story. I actually have talked about this story. This episode of Reddit Stories is sponsored by ZockDock. I use ZockDock. ZockDock lets you search and compare high-quality in-network doctors. Ready to be seen? That's z-o-c-d-o-c dot com/PitReddit. (upbeat music) Back to the show on Smosh Mouth. Incredible. Because it has one of my favorite comments of all time. Okay. Here we go. This was posted on Ask Reddit, and ended up on the Museum of Reddit. But it was posted back in November of 2016. Awesome. Oh, terrible month for me. Yeah, bad time. Bad months, really bad time for me. We've covered two of the worst months in our lives. All right, you can have sex with one real person from all of human history, who is your ultimate lay? Trevor clearly already knows. Oh, this is a classic. All right, the question is the post. So you can have sex with one real person from all of human history, who is your ultimate lay? And then there's a comment and someone says, I'd like to have sex one more time with my wife who passed away from cancer nine years ago. My body yearns for hers. The ultimate downside to finding the one is she may die young and leave you wanting. Oh, my God. 18,000 upvotes. Jesus. Yeah, it was like very earnest response. Someone replied to that saying, someone replied to that comment saying, I also choose this guy's dead wife. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You know, you read a lot of reddit comments and a lot of them fall flat. And then sometimes they got their Ferdora on, right? They really nail it. And it's worse when that one gets more upvotes and more like metal. And it's 10,000 more upvotes. Like everyone's like, we approve. Oh, my God. I also choose this guy's dead wife. It's just, it's really, it's perfectly worded. It's to the point. It doesn't, you know? Like, it's almost like you want to tell the first guy, it's like, Hey, man, this is your fault for being earnest on the internet. Like, it's what's the internet's going to do this to you. It might be my favorite reddit comment of all time. It's really good. It's just really good. Damn, that rocks. It's really good. It's also like, I feel like it's just kind of a funny punchline. Like, I don't look at it and be like, oh my God. Yeah, that's just a funny bit. He doesn't know this guy. It's completely anonymous. He's just being an asshole. That's crazy. But it is, it might be the most famous comment in reddit too. People will comment this all the time on stories. Just to like, without context, just throwing it out there. Other comments. People were saying, holy fucking shit, my dude. Someone said, still one of the funniest responses I've ever read on this site. Several people continue to respond to the posted question. And here are a few other people mentioned. Someone said, Teddy Roosevelt. Someone said, Jennifer Love Hewitt. Someone said, Helen of Troy. Audrey Hepburn. Young Marlon Brando. And Young Stalin. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, okay. What's your answer? My answer is that guy's dead white. That guy's probably that guy's dead white. No, that's tough. Well, it's almost like more like information gathering, you know? It's like, do I want to pick, like, do I want to find out, like, if a historical figure is like really hung? Like, I think that's like, could be something-- So you're doing a gay thing? Could be? I don't know. I haven't decided. That's like something that could be curious about that. You could get information though. You could be like Amelia Earhart and it's like, where are you? Oh, yeah. Oh, so true. Meanwhile, where are we actually? Do I get to choose the time and place? - Yeah, can I do it in the plane? As the place going down, she's warped away and we're up, it's like, "Hey, hey." - What's up? - I think I'd choose Medusa so I could hang out with Adiva and then, and have it be over. (laughing) - Then you'd have to be over. - I'd be like, I'm like, "Look how you are, babe." You finally open your eyes once it's done. I'm like, "Gah, oh, oh, oh, oh." - The sirens from the Odyssey, and then you just warp away and they're like, "Shit, he got away." (laughing) - Oh, then you can experience the song. - Yeah, oh, yeah, you can hear it and then go. - And then go. - Ooh, Calypso, ruined her life. She's like, "Wait, you can't go." It's like, "Sorry, different thing." Anyways, sort of an update, but the guy who posted about his wife popped up in another thread saying, "Reddit, "what is a legendary comment thread "that everyone should read?" This was his comment when asked, "I'm curious what you thought "of this now infamous Reddit comment "directed towards you." And he responded and he goes, "I've actually answered this question before. "I did think it was funny." Sounds unintuitive, I know, but I'm over 10 years out and my emotional equilibrium is much better than it was in the early years. Don't get me wrong, I'm lonely and I'm sad most of the time, but it is very subtle. Usually it hits me at unexpected moments. I'll be listening to music or watching something on TV and simply begin to weep. I miss her every day. Still, it was a funny Reddit moment and I did chuckle when I read it the first time and continue to. Like many imaginary romances seen in the ubiquitous rom-com films, my story is funny, dramatic and sad. My wife would approve. When she was terminal, she cracked some of the darkest jokes you could imagine. In fact, she and my youngest son seemed to have a whole stick about it and would trade what I thought at the time were the most ghastly and inappropriate jives. But I've meled over the intervening years where once everything about her and her passing was a knife in my heart. Now I can see the universality of the event and have a longer perspective. - Wow, this man is just the most genuine open heart. - He's just a sweet guy. - Great guy. - I wonder, you have to wonder what people were commenting underneath that. - Right there. - Right there. - You have to wonder. Anyways, absolute legend. - Yeah, that was awesome. - That's an all-timer. - All right, moving on to our next ancient story. This was all-supposed in April of 2020. - All right. - I just imagine it's a time when everybody was just on the line. - On Peter. - Yeah. - And there was a lot of crazy stuff happening. Good stories, man. - Yes. - People were crazy. - This was post on "Am I the Asshole?" It ended up on "Am I the Angel?" Which is a subreddit for, it's a satirical subreddit making fun of people. For people who are posting things, trying to make themselves conveyed as being completely faultless. - Got it. - And maybe they are, I don't know, but we'll see from this post. "Am I the Asshole?" For clearing out my ex-boy friend's childhood room in the home where he grew up. - Oh no. - Oh no. - Oh no. - Okay. I moved in with my significant other of two years after my pay was reduced in February due to everything that's been happening. And it didn't make financial sense for me to live in my own apartment anymore. My SO asked me to move in with him so I took up his offer. My significant other is my ex-boyfriend's dad. And I'm now living in the home where my ex-boyfriend grew up. So I'm sorry. - That hit me like a truck. - I had to do a double take 'cause I was like ex-boyfriend's dad, okay. Wait. - Yeah, that's such a casual way to bring it up. Like by the way, my significant other is my ex-boyfriend's dad. - I think you could stop there and be like, "It's probably the Asshole." - Yeah, that would be a danger. - Probably the Asshole. - All right, so and now she's living in the home where her ex-boyfriend grew up. - From mommy to mommy. - It's like, oh, my ex, yeah, my ex is my stepmom. Sorry, we are. My ex doesn't visit the house at all. It's certainly not going to now. - Yeah. - My ex doesn't visit the house at all. I suggested to my SO that we should move everything out of my ex's childhood room. Let me use it to store some of my stuff and let me use it as my personal office slash lounging room. My significant other agreed. So I boxed up everything in my ex-boyfriend's childhood room and moved them to the garage, including the furniture. I've redecorated the room and made it mine. Before I even moved his things, I emailed my ex about this and told him he should come by and take a look at what he wants to keep and/or sell and/or donate. After not hearing from him for three weeks, today he texts me calling me all sorts of names for clearing out and taking his room. I'm really trying to be sensitive and nice here, but he is making this very difficult with his rage-filled outbursts and texts. My SO and I are giving him a year to clear out his childhood stuff from the garage before I donate everything. Neither my significant other nor I feel clearing out his room was inappropriate, but my ex is just melting down in a tantrum-filled rage. Why does my ex feel like he owns his childhood room when he doesn't even visit? It is very sad and bizarre. - Am I the asshole? - First of all, I know that it is her significant other. It almost feels weird that in Disrespectful that she accused me of my significant other. I'm like, you mean his dad? - You mean his dad? - His dad, you mean his dad? - That's his dad, who is the worst out of all of these people. - For sure. - She's out of her mind, I hate her with a passion. She's awful. For a dad to do this to his son, I'm like, what the heck? And she's like, he's so upset over his room. It's like, I think he's upset that you're dating his dad. - I need you to reread what you just said. - Like, are you out of your mind also to do this in April of 2020? She's like, yeah, he hasn't gotten back to me. I'm like, do you know? Do you know what's going on? - You know what the fuck is going on? We're burying our beans right now. - Yeah. - I have to believe like, his dad has to be like, because he's like, he never even visits. Like, if my dad was the type of beast to like, just date my ex, like, I probably wouldn't be visiting him either. - Yeah. - No one played a purple. - Jesus, oh my God. She's like, this might be one of the worst people. Like, she's most delusional humans we've come across. - Pretty bad. - I don't want to talk ill about people, but what in the fucking world would make you do this? - What in the world? - What in the fucking world? - We talk about like how dastardly it is for like, for like a friend to date an ex, right? Like, that can be so awkward in an ex. - But what if your ex dated your dad? - It's like, dude, come on, you know what you're doing. - I think my brain would move into his, I want to take his child. Like, you don't feel weird about living in your ex's childhood room, moving all his shit to the garage and be like, I'm gonna donate it by the end of the year. Like, oh my God, it's like at least shit. - I think I've covered this before, but like, I am jealous of these people who are so like self-obsessed and like evil and freaky because then I'm like, if I had a droplet of that confidence and that delusion, I must think of where I could be now. And it must feel insane. Now look, the best hope is that the story is fake. - Right, that's the best hope. But here's a thing, I hear stories of people's exes and the shit that people do. - This can happen. - And I'm like, this isn't far. - And there are absolutely real stories of people dating their ex's parents. Like, shit also happens. So it's like, it's like she moved in and just was like, okay, I'm your mom now. Like, I cleaned out your room, come get your stuff. Like, get it out of here and then she's acting. Like, he's the delusional one for being upset about it. - Yeah, what's wrong with this? - But if you're, if you're that delusional, you probably do think everyone else is delusional. - 100%, I mean, 100%. - It must, it must be awesome. - That's what I'm saying. - It must be awesome. - Having zero, like, empathetic capabilities to put yourself in someone else's shoes. - Yes. - You must sleep so well. - So well. - It's good. - Vertict is asshole. - For sure, of course. - Comments, LMFAO, what the fuck even is this post? O.P., you're like one of the biggest assholes I've ever seen on the show. (laughing) Some responded, I'm dying to know the ages of everyone in this post. Someone said, "Info, what did he do that was so bad, "you actually had to go fuck his dad?" You're the asshole as well as your SO. This is an incredibly strange situation with you now shacking up with your ex's dad. That's just, I think you know exactly why it's freaking out and why he doesn't visit. You should hang onto his possessions for however long it takes him to forgive his father's betrayal. I feel like his relationship with you is a lost cause. Give the guy a break. Someone said, "You're the asshole just for dating "and ex's father. "Talk about gross." Yeah, exactly. Yeah, okay. They cleared the check there. The comments cleared. Oh my God. God. Wow. I would like, I kind of do want to meet this person. Like I kind of do have like, I want to know like type of person. Call Andy Cohen right now. Yeah, this person would rack a TV show on the best way. Yeah. Oh wow. Man. I feel so bad for this guy. Yeah. No, that's brutal. Yeah. Going through COVID, ex is moving in with your dad and throwing out all your stuff. Like, we'd have to find out that like he killed her dog or something to switch up on this. Right. Like, he has to have done some horrible stuff for this to be carmically balanced. That's tight. - I don't think there's a world. - I don't know if there's a world. - No, if there is. That's one of the craziest stories I've ever read. - Yes, that was "Laco." - Okay, moving on, our next story. This is an old one. - Okay. - This is from "Museum of Reddit" and from the subreddit, "Grilled Cheese." - Oh. - That's funny. - That's funny. I'm in. - I'm listening. - This was posted back in December of 2014. - Wow. - Yeah. - Where was I? - I wasn't even in Smosh yet. - Wow. - This forever ago. - I was still in Florida. - Nice. - I was like a probably. - Liga freshman. - You know what I think? - Well, I think. - Whoa. - Yeah. - Okay. - "Grilled Cheese." - Let's talk about there. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Just a little. - Two pieces of bread, a little butter, a little cheese in the middle. - Yeah. - Grilled. - Yeah. - You don't really grill grilled cheese, do you? - The, the, the, the marks on the grill are two wide. - It's more of a, it's more of a sear. - It's more of a pain in the chest. - It's more of a sear of a sear. - Sear of the neck. - Sear of the neck, right? - Yeah. - I love to mix up the cheeses. I like a, a, a good like. - I'll do like a, a American like a, I love a craft single on a grilled cheese. I think it melts perfectly, but then like a slice of pepper jack on there. - Yeah. - I love a slice of pepper jack. - Oh yeah. - I want a blue cheese grilled cheese. - You. - I want to eat some nasty melted shit. - Is that a thing? - I don't know. - You sick freak. - That's what I want. - Okay. - Here we go. - Yes. - Someone posted in December of 2014, you people make me sick. (laughing) - Great to you. - Awesome. - A grilled cheese consists of only these following items. Cheese, bread with spread, usually butter. This entire subreddit consists of melts. Almost every grilled cheese sandwich I see on here has other items added to it. The fact that this subreddit is called grilled cheese is nothing short of utter blasphemy. Let me start off by saying I have nothing against melts. I just hate their association with sandwiches that are not grilled cheeses. Adding cheese to your tuna sandwich, it's called a tuna melt. Totally different. Wanna add bacon and some pretentious bread crumbs with spinach? I don't know what the hell you call that, but it's not a grilled cheese. I would be more than willing to wager I've eaten more grilled cheeses in my 21 years than any of you had in your entire lives. I have one almost every day and sometimes more than just one sandwich. Wanna personalize your grilled cheese? Use a mix of different cheeses or use sourdough or French bread. But if you wanna add some pulled pork and take a picture of it, make your own subreddit entitled melts because that is not a fucking grilled cheese. I'm not a religious man. No, am I anything close to a culinary expert? But as a bland white Midwestern male, I am honestly the most passionate person when it comes to grilled cheese and mac and cheese. All of you foodies stay the hell away from our grilled cheeses and stop associating your sandwich melts with them. Yet again, it is utter blasphemy and it rocks me to my core of my pale being. Shit, I stopped lurking after three years and made this account for the sole purpose of posting this. I've seen post after post of people's grilled cheeses all over Reddit and it's been driving me insane. The moment I saw this subreddit this morning, I finally snapped. Hell, I may even start my own subreddit just because I know this one exists now. You goddamn heretics. Respect the grilled cheese and stop changing it into whatever you like and love it for what it is. Or make your damn melt sandwich and call it for what it is, a melt. He's like, "Sorry, I'm a little riled up. "My girlfriend's fucking my dad on the couch." And my childhood shit just got burned. Oh my God. And my current girlfriend's burying my beans. - Here's the thing is I agree. I think that there's a lot of passion and there's clearly a lot of vitriol. This is eating away and I don't know if I can connect on that level. - Yeah, but I do agree that people call a lot of things grilled cheeses that aren't grilled cheeses. - Interesting. - I do believe I think that once you add a meat to a grilled cheese, it is a melt. - The meat is the now the primary. - The meat is the melt. The only thing that like I struggle with I think where I really find myself in the gray area is if you wanted to add like grilled onions. Like if you wanted to do like a grilled cheese with some grilled onions. Is it an onion melt? - According to this guy, probably. - I think like if you had, like, yeah, 'cause it starts to, to me, veggies, especially like herbs and stuff. 'Cause you add like, you add like, maybe just some parsley to it. - Yeah. - Or like some basil. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Still a grilled cheese. - Right, some spinach. - I think it's once, well spinach, he's mad at spinach. - A spinach melt. But he's saying other things to bake it. 'Cause meat, yes. - Why don't you add meat? - 'Cause you think I'm almost like pizza territory, right? Cheese pizza. But as soon as you add a meat, that's what it's called. It's a pepperoni pizza. - The pepperoni pizza. - You know, like you can't, but I don't know like, but a margarita pizza, I still think that cheese feels like the main. - But there are pizzas without cheese that you call pizzas, right? - Yes, but I'm saying a cheese pizza. - I think they're like cheese pizza. - Cheese pizza. - You'll get like just some like shredded bays along. And that's just like a cheese pizza. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I think some things get a pass. 'Cause those are accessories to things. - And onions, you know, herbs. - But no, I do. I think I'm on this guy's side. - And I respect the passion, you know? I think that it's clear he loves grilled cheeses. And you know, to feel that strongly about something, I think is beautiful. - To have a grilled cheese every day. - Yeah. - Wow, woof. - Yeah. - Not jealous of that GI tract. - Yeah. - That would hurt me. - That's gonna be a problem. - I do like, I am, and it's probably just 'cause I'm hungry. I really wanna grill cheese now. - I do really wanna grill cheese, and I wanna dunk it in some tomato bisque. - Oh, classic. - Yeah, that sounds so good. - Comments, I didn't know this sub existed. It showed up in my front page, but I feel like I'm witnessing a pivotal moment in our slash grilled cheese history. - Of course. - Like this post will become known simply as the post. Like the post is equivalent to Luther nailing his 95 thesis to the church door, 1.5,000 upvotes. Someone said, this is definitely the post, still after six years. Someone said, you are correct. Reddit just recommended this to me as reddit lore, you should know that time, our slash grilled cheese had a meltdown. (laughing) - Yes. (laughing) A user links to a subreddit called our slash melts. This subreddit was created the same day as the grilled cheese post. Someone said, if I sprinkle some chopped tomato over my five layers of various cheeses, should I really have to call that a tomato melt? Come on. And that's where I think we're at. - That's where, yeah. - Someone said, this ruined the comment section of both of the sandwich subs I follow. I hate this guy for what he did. Some responded saying, I need to know what he did to what other sandwich sub, which we don't know. But anyways. - Wow. - I just, I love a guy that's passionate about a sandwich. I love sandwiches. And I think that I don't think I could be that passionate about at least publicly that passionate online. I think it's really funny that this was the moment after three years of just being a reddit lurker to be like, I'm gonna make an account. Because I still haven't done it. I don't have a reddit account. And I've never commented on reddit, I don't even scroll reddit that much. And there are occasions where I'm like, I think I might make something to either post or comment. But nothing's ever pushed me over the edge. - Nothing's ever pushed me over the edge either. - Yeah. - And so, I don't know, the fact that a grilled cheese is what did it for this guy that just shows the level to which he is, you know, passionate. - From lurker to legend. - Yeah. - Do you guys have any crazy hot food tics? - I love food so much that I think I don't care about terminology of food. - Got him. - Like when people talk about like what's a hot dog and what counts as a hot dog, I'm like, I'm gonna eat it. - Yeah. - Right, don't care. I probably do if I just have to think about it, but you clearly have one. - So, yes. And I'm not as passionate as this guy, but what happened with Truffle? Sundried tomato deserved that crown. We were all in on sundried tomato, it was sundried tomato pasta, sundried tomato spread, sundried tomato this night. And then people were like, I don't like it anymore. And then it got cast into the ocean. And then Truffle, it's like, do you want your fries with the Truffle? Do you want your steak with the Truffle? And the flavor of Truffle is so like, this is my meal. - Yeah. - And it's like, no, I just, I like sundried tomatoes and I miss them. - I love them too. - They're not in anything anymore. - You're kind of gone. - No, it's the sun. You put it tomato outside. - With the Truffle, you gotta get a pig. It's expensive. - It's true. - The Truffle for me, I love the flavor of Truffle, but everything just has Truffle oil in it. And Truffle oil is so strong about flavor. And then it's like, yeah, you get like a Truffle mac and cheese. And instead of like having a mac and cheese that has like that kind of earthy, like woody mushroom flavor of a Truffle, it just tastes like that artificial Truffle oil flavor. - Yes. And you can't even taste what you're eating. - And I can't, yeah, no, I get it. I think I'm in the, I'm. - But imagine a, but imagine a nice mac and cheese. - With a little sundried tomato. - I like a sundried tomato. - Well, you got it. - I think a sundried tomato. - Yeah. - That's my angry thing, as I miss sundried tomatoes, I think Truffle's overrated. Wow, I think truffles they put too much of it it's meant to be subtle. It's supposed to be solid It's definitely been a trend. It's nothing been the thing Yeah, I this isn't a hot take as much as I've noticed that every Decade has a different dessert that we decide is the trendy thing Like because growing up it was frozen yogurt. Frollo was everywhere Yeah, and then it went away like I feel like it kind of had its Down time then it was cupcakes sprinkles was massive so true and then it became cookies. It's cookies right now Crumble, but it's gonna slowly die out and I think ice cream is kind of making a bit of a comeback Ice cream's kind of everlasting, but like we're gonna have something new soon putting just get like there's gonna be putting stores But as you guys you've gone to the new pudding pop-up. I'm such a custard head. I made creme brulee The other like last week and it might be the greatest creme brulee I've ever made. Oh, it was it was so good I love a pudding or custard so I'm on board with that slice. I think we're gonna start a putting store Burle store. All right, it's gonna be like put it in my mouth or something pudding the people who comment those comments are gonna love that one This episode of Reddit stories is sponsored by Quince It's officially coat and jacket season. 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It's amazing Find your next fall favorites at Quince download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to Quince calm Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada and the UK too and when Quince Asks where you heard about them. Let them know it was Smoshreads red stories. It's the best way to support the show now back to the show Okay Our next story this episode of red stories is sponsored by Quince It's officially coat and jacket season. Quince has high quality and timeless pieces that are essential for my wardrobe With materials like 100% Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton and merino wool I know that my clothes have longevity and style their premium down jackets and classic wool outerwear Effortlessly elevate my outfits. I feel good on set running errands or going out with friends One of their Mongolian cashmere sweaters has been a go-to of mine for several years now and sometimes with cashmere I get a little bit nervous if it's gonna be scratchy or just a little bit too thick But this one is perfect. It feels somehow light yet keeps me warm when it's cold outside It's amazing find your next fall favorites at quince download the quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada and the UK too and when quince asks where you heard about them Let them know it was smosh reads red stories. It's the best way to support the show now back to the show There's a producer note saying all right Shane. It's time for the saga of Kevin I'm not sure I'm aware of the saga of Kevin Kevin the side of Kevin. So this was posted on ask Reddit Back in March of 2014. Wow. Yeah, and the question is who's the dumbest person you've ever met Which is an awesome question It's really incredible. It's it's yeah, okay It's not uncommon as a teacher to have students who are a bit behind the curve in certain aspects But 99.99% of the time they are keen on something They might not understand how to identify a noun or what a theme is but they somehow know how to make a mean plate of nachos You learn pretty quickly to not judge fish for their tree climbing ability, you know I thought this was the rule when I was teaching until I met Kevin Kevin isn't his real name, but it doesn't matter because he can't spell it anyway Kevin was a student of mine during my last year of teaching He came to my classroom with very little to show for his academic past He had moved a few times and thus was missing a lot of typical test scores that we used to try and ballpark their ability Don't worry. It was a ballpark. We didn't make major decisions until we actually had a chance to talk and work with a student for a bit I thought that's fine. I'll just do some one-on-one with Kevin and see what's up One-on-one with Kevin was like conversing with someone who'd forgotten everything in a freak if not impossible Amnesia incident there was no evidence that he had learned anything past the second grade and now he was in ninth Great the labor-gasted. I figured we'd needed to get more serious with this if he was going to be in my class I needed to know why and how I decided to meet with him his guidance counselor his parents and another teacher to see What was really going on? This is where it all became clear It was by some incredible fluke that his family hadn't been wiped off the face of the Earth years ago Odds are his entire heritage was based on blind luck and some type of sick divine intervention that saves Coming for the entire genealogy Odds are his entire heritage was based on blind luck and some type of sick divine intervention that saves his family every time a threat Presents itself Kevin was the genetic pinnacle of this knoll achievement even my instructional lead a woman who could find a Redeeming trait in a ballrog failed to see any reason to this kid or his family should be a whole hype today Oh my god So here's a list of events that made it abundantly clear that God exists and he's laughing uncontrollably Kevin frequently forgot when slash where class was on more than one occasion. I had to retrieve him from other classrooms Kevin ate an entire 24 pack of crayons Puked and then did it again the next day This is ninth grade. I have no idea where he got crayons Kevin's dad wrote tuition checks and mailed them to me his English teacher This was a public school when I gave it back to Kevin Voided to give to his dad with a brief note explaining that this is a public school Kevin got in trouble for trying to spend it at the 7-Eleven after school Kevin was removed from the culinary arts program after leaving a cutting board on the gas stove and starting a fire twice Kevin threw his lunch at the school resource officer and tried to run away He ran into a door and insisted it wasn't him That's awesome. I actually I think the student might be mr. Bean I think I think he just might be mr. Bean. Yeah Kevin stole my phone during class. I called it it rang He denied that it was ringing not that it wasn't his not that he did it. No He denied that the phone was actually ringing He tried it three times before the end of the year Kevin called the basketball coach a mother-fucking-ditch during gym Basketball tryouts were that afternoon Kevin tried out. It didn't go well Kevin's mom could never remember which school he went to She missed several meetings because she drove to other schools none of which he ever went to Kevin tased himself Guys, I'm sorry guys, maybe Kevin's just funny is Kevin's gonna end up as part of the jackass crew making millions of dollars literally Kevin kept a bottle of orange Kool-Aid in his backpack for about four months He thought it would turn into alcohol He drank it during home room and through This is genuinely just Charlie Day's character from it's always done. That's so good Kevin stole another student's iPhone and tried to sell it back to them Okay, philanthropist heaven didn't understand that his grade was dependent on tests Quizzes homework classwork and participation Kevin finished his first semester with a 3% average He tried to bribe me with 11 dollars So he knows what a bribe is This all happened in one year Kevin spit on a girl and said you should get out of those wet clothes the girl was the Spanish student teacher See the product like so Kevin's also an absolute asshole, right? Yeah, I'm like starting the I'm like no I don't have empathy to be like, "Hey, maybe what's going on?" I'm like, "No, if you're like, "I knew so many kids back in Arizona when I was in school "who would do dumb things on purpose to fuck with people." - For sure. - Like, it's such a thing that people do. And some of this is a bit reading like, especially like, teasing himself. I'm like, 2014 was like, prime also still like, jackass era. Look at me hurt myself for tension. - Yeah. - But I also don't know. I don't know how-- - Eating the crayons is like-- - Eating 24 crayons. - But once again, it feels like jackass. - Yeah, yeah. - But then some of these things-- - It's like doing them back to back is-- - I mean, hey. - That's awesome. - Yeah. - But then the mom driving to other schools, the dad writing checks, sending it to the teacher, and then him trying to use those checks at a seven or 11. - So in my mind, that reads that he told his dad that he needs tuition so that he could get money from his parents. - I think our boy is in not a great living situation, and he's acting out because of what's going on there. - Yeah. - Now look, I don't know Kevin. I don't know. - I don't know Kevin. - True, we don't know Kevin. - But I also feel like, I mean also like, I don't know with public, like, I'm so out of my range here as far as education goes, but I'm like, if there was something going on, you'd think that the school would clock it and go, "Oh, he needs to be put in these other classes." Like, here's what's going on. He has a learning disability. The teacher's not saying any of that. She's just roasting the fuck out of him. - Which also isn't the way to go. I don't know. - Yeah, I don't know. - Going on around it, he's also losing me when I'm like, "Oh, well, he's assaulting other people at the school." - Yeah, it's not everyone. So I'm like, this is just an horrible situation for everybody. - Some more facts though. - Okay, please. - Great. - Kevin didn't know dogs and cats were different animals. - That has to be a bit. Like, this, yeah, I'm like, he's fucking with the teachers. - Maybe he's literally the smartest person in the school. - Maybe he's so smart. - He's just, he's got everyone on the hook that he is, that he's so dumb. - Kevin tried to download porn onto a computer in the library at the circulation desk, while he was logged on. - Yeah. - Kevin regularly tried to cheat on assignments by knocking the pile over, grabbing one before I had picked them all up and then writing his name on it wherever there was room. Kevin had several allergies, but neither his parents nor he could remember what they were. They were very concerned that the holiday party, it's high school, we don't have those, would have peanuts. When they finally got a doctor's note, he was allergic to a moxasillin. Kevin and his parents took a trip to Nassau, how the fuck did they even get airline tickets? And forgot all their luggage at home. I didn't believe him when he told me, until I talked to his mom, who told me the first thing when I saw her at the biweekly meeting. Kevin's grandfather apparently died in a chainsaw accident. I can only assume God was looking the other way that day. - God. - God, this teacher is such an eater, Jesus. - It's wild to go to Reddit. - Wow, this has to be one of the biggest Reddit dishes. I'm just like this person. 'Cause there's a story, the famous one of where the person's sister-in-law is really stupid, where she thought Obama did the, I have a dream speech. - Oh, wow, man. - Man, we really went wrong with no child left behind. (laughing) - I'm just gonna left back where we are now. I think that's where it started. - There were some children left behind. - We've only left children behind. - Kevin started a revolution. It is actually, so like, I scroll Reddit a lot, and there are a lot of posts on our teachers and stuff of talking about like illiteracy. - Yeah, no, it's a problem right now. - Oh, this isn't, this isn't reading to me as illiteracy. This is reading as other types of stupid. - This is, yeah. - 'Cause it's not like I'm hearing stories of kids eating crayons in high school now. - No, this is like the most extreme case of that. - This is like so extreme that I'm having a hard time believing it. - Yeah. - Some of these though are so funny. - Yeah. - The crayon barf is actually awesome. - Yeah. - Keeping the cool head in your backpack being like, I hope it turns out to alcohol. - And then you drink it and throw it up. - It's really good. - That was my, that was like the one that made me go, okay, so this kid is like-- - Yeah, yeah. - It is like Charlie Day's cooked up schemes. - Yeah, yeah. - It's always sunny. It's like the part where it's like, oh, what are your hobbies? It's like magnets? - Yeah. - It's like, you're like collecting it. It's like, that's magnets. - Yeah, that's kind of struggling. - Oh man, okay. - Comments, I'm torn between this cannot be real and you can't make this shit up. - Oh, he said, Kevin and his world were very real. He was simultaneously everything wrong and everything right with the world. He was a testament to the fact that anyone can do anything. Last I heard, he wanted to join the Air Force. - Get that guy on a plane. - Get him on the plane. - Put him in the car. - Put him up there. - Someone said, a girl in my school was using a calculator on a test and typed in the math problem wrong. She then proceeded to write syntax error as an answer. See, though, that's believable stupid. - Yes. - Right, that's like, yeah, okay. - That's what I thought you thought it was like a word answer. - Yeah, okay. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Anyways. - Do you think the barf was multicolored after the crayons? - I don't know. - I'll probably look really cool. - I think it turns into a starch. - It's gotta be like one or four crayons is impressive. - Yeah, do you think you was unwrap in the paper? Or do you think he was going paper at all? - Paper at all. - Paper at all? - Yeah. - Is that a hot dog? - And these are the questions that we have. - Here we go. - Wow. I hope Kevin's still with us. - Kevin's doing all right. - I would love to meet Kevin. - He is 100% like high up at some corporate company. - Wait, he's 100%. He failed his way up so easily. - Yeah, wait, so if this was written in 2014 and Kevin's in ninth grade and we're assuming that the teacher maybe wrote this recently. - That means Kevin's probably pretty similar age to me. - Maybe? - Were you in ninth grade in 2014? - Something like that. - I'll make no use of you. - Yeah, something like that. - So you knew Kevin. - Dude, well, no, it's crazy because when you said he went to NASA, I have a very specific and weird story of going to the Bahamas as a child. And I could be making this up, and I don't know where this took place, but I kind of just like got separated from my parents because I wanted to go on this really big water slide. And I was going on the water slide and I just kept going on it over and over again. And I met this kid. And he also didn't have parents with him. And we just were then talking and going on this water slide together. And I asked him where he's from. He's like, "I'm from New York." And he was like, "Where are you from?" And I was like, "I'm from Idaho." And he goes, "Is that in the United States?" And so he seemed pretty dumb. And I don't know. Maybe his name was not Kevin, 'cause that wasn't the kid's real name, but maybe it was Kevin. It is something to think about that in all these stories we read, what if we've ever crossed paths with these people we didn't realize it? - It's quite possible. - It is quite possible. Anyways, our next story. This was posted on legal advice back in 2015. - Ooh. - Post-it notes left in apartment. On the 15th of April, I found a yellow post-it note in a handwriting that wasn't mine on my desk reminding me of some errands I had to do, but told literally nobody about it. While odd, I chalked it up to something I did in my sleep, thinking maybe in my halfway state, I scrawled it so it didn't appear to be my handwriting. I threw it out and thought little of it. On the 19th, I found another post-it note on the back of my desk chair in the same handwriting as the previous note, telling me to make sure I saved my documents. I was freaked out, but there were no other signs of a break in. So I set up a webcam in my house, aimed at my desk and used a security cam app for it to record after detecting movement. On the 28th, I woke up to find another post-it note. This one saying, our landlord isn't letting me talk to you, but it's important we do. - Jesus. - What? I immediately checked the webcam's folder on my computer and found nothing from the night before, but my computer's recycling bin had been emptied, which I am certain I did not do recently, indicating someone had noticed the webcam and deleted the files. They were just saved straight to a folder on my desktop called webcam. Today, on the 1st of May, I found another post-it note, this time on the outside of my door, with nothing written on it, and there also appeared to be post-its on many other doors in my apartment complex, all blank in varying colors. Do I have any legal recourse here? I have no proof except for the post-its, but those are written by my pen and on my post-it notes. So conceivably, I could have faked them. Would contacting the police get me into any trouble if they can't determine an outside source for this? I just wanna make sure I'm not wasting anyone's time. Should I consult my landlord? Those also living in the complex? Edit, I pulled up a letter I received from my landlord back when I moved in, and the handwriting is identical. Could this count as evidence? - The handwriting's identical. - I said the landlords? - That's great. - And the landlord would, out of everybody, be the most likely to have access to peoples. - Of course, it's got the key. - He's landlord. - That's terrifying. I think I'm figuring out, like, my first move, I think is figuring out how to lock my door in a way that even if someone had the key, like, they couldn't, I don't know, like change the lock or something, if I had any suspicion. - They make a, this is actually the best prop for me to talk about. there's like the doorknob that comes out of the door and you can put a little like kickstand. Yeah. The door can't open because of that. I got that in my apartment. Yeah. Those are great. Yeah. Although if there's a fire, I'm fucked, but whatever. I think I have one of those for the, we have a sliding glass door in it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's like a stop. This guy must be, this must be when he's gone or is he, when he's asleep and his apartment that this person's getting in. I would. My suspicion thinks it's still the guy. I think we're working with some things. Yes. I imagine there's something else happening here. Interesting. But he's posting on legal advice asking like. Yeah. I don't, I wonder if it's like. I think in like pretty like in more serious cases with like multiple personality disorder. Well like a carbon monoxide leak or something. Oh, something like that. It could be something. Yeah. You know, like. I don't know. Aliens? You never, you can't, you know it's the aliens. Every Reddit post I read, I mean, we have to consider aliens. We've got to consider aliens. You've watched the show. You guys know the show. You guys always go, is it aliens? Our catchphrase, is it aliens? I know it's dino week, but it's really always. It's about aliens. Guys, it's alien year. Guys, what if it's fucking Kevin, bro? God, it's Kevin. It's always Kevin. It's always Kevin. He learned how to write and then he's doing this. Okay, some comments. Seeing a doctor should be your priority for two reasons. You could be having a serious mental or neurological problem. And even if you're not, that will probably be the police's first thought. If you have a general practitioner, make an appointment ASAP, they'll be able to get the ball rolling and make appropriate referrals. Bring in the notes and the sample of your landlord's handwriting so your doctor can look at them. You seem sincere and this doesn't appear to be the plot of a Ray Bradbury short story. It's possible that your landlord is leaving notes inside your apartment, but they don't make any sense in the context you're describing them. It's likely that you are writing the notes yourself, but you are forgetting. Do you use post-it notes as reminders in any other parts of your life or job? Yes, this might be a mental health issue. You might be experiencing some sort of dissociative disorder. Or it might be a physical problem. You mentioned that you have a very unusual narrow bedroom with no windows. Is there a chance that you are not getting enough ventilation when you sleep or that there is a carbon monoxide leak in the building? A cheap CO detector, which you should have anyway, is a fast way to find out. You'll also have really bad headaches. You know your own medical and mental history and your other experiences. If you think these incidents might be you writing notes to yourself, there's no shame in getting somebody qualified to give you an opinion. 6,000 upvotes? Well, if you responded, I have really bad headaches. And I actually already do have a CO detector. I guess I should probably take that out of its box and plug it in. Good. Hey, that's okay. I don't know how people operate without having carbon monoxide detectors in their home library. Yeah, have that. Yeah, have that around. Like, I would have that before a smoke detector come like, I'll smell smoke. Yeah. But you can't detect carbon monoxide. That is crazy. I think I feel like paired up with the headaches, that would be something. Yeah. Like, if all this is happening and I'm having regular headaches, then I'm probably thinking that it's, yeah. Update. Wow. All right, so we feel pretty confident carbon monoxide. Yeah, it feels good. That feels, yeah. It doesn't feel good. Well, no. But it feels good. Yeah. One day later via a new post on R/ Legal Advice. Posted notes left an apartment. Thanks to everyone who sent suggestions and gave advice on how to proceed, especially to those recommending a CO detector, because when I plugged one in the bedroom, it read at 100 ppm, which I'm assuming is a lot. According to CO2meter.com, 100 ppm parts per million can cause severe headaches, dizziness, nausea, impaired judgment. An exposure beyond 100 ppm can start to become life-threatening. Right. I didn't know that there was measurements. I just am waiting for that thing to beep and for me to freak out. Exactly. Yeah. That's really scary. That's so scary. I know that killing you is the scariest version. Sure. If there's something scary about it like being like, yeah, you're going to be lost. You've lost control of going to become a different person for a little bit. Yeah. That's so horrifying. Yeah. Ooh. Comments underneath that. Sounds like you owe user Kackerlack big time. User who posted the CO detector comment. He may have just saved your life. Glad you figured it out. Someone also said, in his previous post, there's an update that said the post it notes, handwriting match previous correspondence with his landlord. So I'm still confused if the landlord was in his apartment or if OP wrote the notes himself or was he poisoning himself and the landlord was still in the apartment. OP said, as it turns out, it actually doesn't match up. They're both just handwritten. So he's like handwriting looks like handwriting. Yeah. He just was. Oh no. What if in his dizziness and I don't know if you state he was inviting the landlord over to hang out? Yeah. And was like, dude, what if we wrote some sticky notes? I got all these things I got to do. Sticky note party. And then the landlord just thought, like, oh, dude, he just wants to hang out with me. Yeah. I'm curious, what causes carbon dioxide? Like, none of us are qualified to answer. What do you mean? Like, what can cause, I know it's like a-- It's a gas leak. It's a gas leak. It's all just gas leaks. Anything that uses gas if it there's a leak. Okay. You can usually-- usually a gas leak in a home, you can smell it because they give the gas that smell so that you can smell it. Oh, interesting. But depending on where you're at and what's going on with the house, you might not be able to smell it. Interesting. Because it doesn't always-- I am, like, in my apartment, I'm terrified of anything gas-related. For sure. Yeah. Like, when I leave it, even if I didn't use the stove, I check it. Sometimes just be like, it's off. Everything's off. Sometimes when I'm in my kitchen and I'm walking through in my big fat juicy ass, like, I'll accidentally-- I have an knob. I have also had a juicy ass bump in my mouth. Yeah. And then, like, I like walked and then I'm, like, at the fridge, like, looking for something. And I'm like, what's that smell? Yeah. Yeah, no, it's terrifying. Oh, it's very scary. Yeah. And I don't like how you open up and, like, you have your closet that has, like, the water heater. And I'm like, I'm just scared of that thing. Oh, yeah. The pilot's like, you look like you're about to explode. Yeah. Always. That's interesting that they give the gas that smell. I didn't know that. - Yes. - Is that also why they, so why do they make gasoline so delicious? (laughing) Kidding. (laughing) - Why do they make it taste so good? - Why do they make it taste so delicious? - I know it's bad if you're inhaling it, but it tastes really good. - But drinking it is fine. - Yeah, coffee with a little, little gasoline, little gasoline. - Little drops in top? - Here is our final ancient story. This comes from our slash funny, (laughing) posted in 2023. - Okay, so getting back to our time. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - My wife cries at absolutely anything. I mean anything. So I started writing the reasons down because reasons. This is an image of a notebook that we have transcribed. Reasons, my wife is crying. She found out swans can be gay and thought it was really nice. - Aww. - She was hung over and saw a picture of a piglet. - Yeah, I waited until it was dark and pretended to be the bobbadook. (laughing) - Whoa, pivot. - Yeah. - Okay, so that was crying. - That's scary. - That's scary, yeah. - The fluffy bunny escaped from an Arctic fox in a documentary. - Thank Christ. - That's good. - Yeah, that's good. - There were no biscuits in the house. - Also valid. - Yeah. - She remembered swans can be gay. - That's really good. - I tried to hold her hand when she wasn't expecting it. - Well, come on. I cooked her dinner after a long day. - Aww. - She watched a video about a dog. - Yeah. - Okay. - Most of these are valid. - Who among us? - Yeah, come on, man. - I don't know, I think all of these are valid. - I saw a video of a dog who, his back legs didn't work, so they hooked him up with little like wheelies. And he was in a dog race and he was last, but he kept going anywhere. - Oh my God. - Oh my God. - It was really cute. All of those dogs and wheelies, though, that gets me. - Oh, he's like, I do feel like myself being, I think, like, over the last couple of years, far more emotional, like, and prone to tears, just like the little things and being, like, very, like, sensitive to the days. - It was on Smoshmouth recently that I was trying to describe. I was describing a scene from a movie. Or, like, not even describing it, I was just mentioning a scene from a movie and I started to tear up. What was it? - It was the day. - Yeah, Marcus was directing that episode. - And I truly was like, yeah, there's this part in this movie where this happens. And Amanda was like, you're starting to tear up. But I was like, yeah, 'cause I'm thinking about that scene too. - And even thinking about it makes me tear up. - That was me for, like, two weeks after I watched HamNet, the movie last year. - Yeah. - I was like, I was like, "All right, all right, all right." - That was me for, like, a month after the emoji movie. (laughing) - All right, man. (groaning) - I'm okay. (laughing) - Comments on this. So your wife is fragile and cries at almost anything. So you pull the bobbah duck on her? - Right, that was the weird one in there. - Yeah, what the fuck? - Someone said, "It's great being a man. I never cry, and if I ever did cry, it certainly wouldn't be during the first five minutes of up last Thursday." (laughing) Oh, that crushed me. - Oh, of course, that fucked me up so bad. - Any montage of life that's gonna be like, but I'm tearing up already, 'cause now I'm thinking about, it's not the beginning that's sad. It's the end. - Yeah. - Finds it, opens it. - There we go. - OP commented, "Thanks to everyone trying to diagnose my wife with mental health problems, but I can assure you, this is just what she's like. Oh, and she's not pregnant either." Lastly, someone said, "If you show her After that list, it will probably make her cry. It's fun, probably because she'll remember, again, that swans can be gay. - Oh. - Oh. - It can be gay. - And that's the main lesson that we want to convey from Dino Week. That swans can be gay. - Swans can be gay. - They choose it. - And many birds. - And many animals. - Really? - They choose it. - They choose it. (laughing) - Well, that's it for our ancient prehistoric stories. - Wow. - We got ancient with it. - We got really back in time with Ed and I was really awesome. - No pyramids or anything. - Nope. - I didn't really get into raw, you know, any of the high-regalists or no curses. - Have you seen those pictures? Like it'll just be like a really like cooked, like Instagram post of like a pyramid and then it'll be like 3,000 BCE, like bro listen to raw and it's in the pirus font. - Jesus. - That's good stuff, man. - Yeah. - That's what I was thinking we were gonna do today, but these stories were fun. - Yeah, but this was awesome. - This was really fun. I like Kevin. - Let me think about grilled cheese tonight. - Oh yeah. Yeah. Anyways, comment down below if there's other legendary Reddit stories that we didn't cover or haven't covered on the show that are some of your favorites 'cause we wanna read 'em. - And thank you Tommy and Trevor. - Thank you. - Thank you. - Hey. - Hey thank you. - I just read the stories. - I just read off my rock. - Talk about a home run, am I right? - Yeah. - I've got, this was all these Reddit stories were written in cutiform on this rock. - Oh. - Very fun. - Education. - Anyways, thank you all for watching and we'll see you next Saturday. Goodbye. Happy Dino Week. - Happy Dino Week, bye.