Didn't See THAT Coming | Reading Reddit Stories

Hi, welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories. I'm Shane, and today is all about updates. Now, I know people have been asking for us to do updates on stories we've read in previous episodes of this show. That is not this episode. We found new stories that have a lot of updates, but we will be doing that at some point. We have a whole team compiling stories from the past and searching the internet for their updates. By team, I mean Emily and Marcus. And Bailey as well. Sorry, Bailey is currently not here in this room. This episode today is actually being directed by Marcus. Woo! Yeah! Very cool. So I'm going to do this just like Culinary Crimes. Have you ever read a story that was so freaking weird? I think we're missing an asshole. I am joined by two people. Two people who have updates for me. Trevor and Angela. Update. We're moving. Yes. That is actually true. I've been having some hip pain. Oh. Oh, personal. Well, that's an update. I don't know. I was literally trying to think of things. No, let's get medical. I'm doing stretches, you know. That's good. I think it might be a basketball thing. I don't know. Probably. Do a lot of basketball. Getting old. And you're tall. Don't say you're getting old when you're like eight years younger than me. You're not allowed to do that. Just like don't really do that. Don't just settle down. Just don't do that. Yes. So we are moving. As some of you watching this, and if you're listening, you're not seeing it. We are in a temporary studio right now. The Smosh Studios are moving to our brand new space in Oxnard. And I'm like, moving. Oxnard. Moving. I'm like, let me, I think we're going to go right back to the same building. And I think they're just like. We're going to come back. Moving. Front desk, just the same person, but with a mustache. We're going to, hey, let's move. I think it's all an elaborate pit video. Yeah. We're moving. Guys, it might be a prank. I just can't let go of Rancho Cucamonga like that. I know. It treated us so well for so long. I know. I'm going to miss Rancho Cucamonga. You outgrow Rancho. But I hear Oxnard is gorgeous. This is awesome. Okay. We're doing full Oxnard. I'm committing to Oxnard. Great. I wanted to try Ventura Beach. Close. Yes. It's right. Right there. Right there. That's what I'm saying. It's perfect. Maybe we're in between Oxnard and Ventura. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. We're right there. We just, we have our own little lot on the beach. Yeah. Dude. That's where my grandpa's carpet shop is. Dude. And we're right next door. And we're in my grandpa. We're filming from my grandfather's carpet. Dude. Yeah. Yeah. And to be more specific, our studio is actually on the fifth story of a condo building. Yeah. So we're actually in a residential building, but our studios are right there smack in the middle. Yeah. It's a permit thing. We can do a lot more of that. We're allowed to do whatever we want. We can get pretty crazy. Yeah. This podcast, really good. So we're allowed to do stuff. We're allowed to do stuff now. Really good. Podcast doing good. Podcast doing good. We can break laws now. That's how it works. We can break zoning laws. All right. Are we ready to hop into some stories? I'm so stoked. Every single one has an update. It'd be really funny if we did updates episode. And there were no updates. We get to the story and Shane's like, next story. Sorry. We lied. Okay. Let's begin. Our first story comes from Am I the Asshole? Posted in December of 2020. Am I the a-hole for making my daughter's boyfriend buy a new t-shirt? Okay. Can you please settle a mild dispute for my family? On the 23rd of December, my daughter, who's 19, her boyfriend, 19, came over for dinner. We had dinner then because he's going away with his family for Christmas. He arrived, rang the bell, and I answered the door. He came in, took off his jacket, and that's when I saw it. He was wearing a t-shirt that said, it's not going to suck itself. It's not going to suck itself. Fuck. I took one look at that shirt and asked him if he had any money. He said no and asked why. I told him that the shirt showed a marked lack of respect for both my daughter and my wife. I pulled two 20s out of my wallet and quietly ushered him back out the door and towards the Walmart three miles away and told him to buy a more respectful shirt. With 40 bucks? With 40 bucks. To buy a more respectful shirt. To buy a more respectful shirt and come back with it on. Mind you, this whole exchange took place between him and I without an audience. He was gone for 15 minutes, came back with a nice polo shirt on. We had a nice dinner together and nothing was mentioned of the incident. The next day, my daughter came to me and her mother and told us what I did humiliated him. They aren't in breakup territory or anything and no yelling or anything of the sort went on. My wife did tell me I could have handled it differently. So, Reddit, am I wrong for handling it this way? And if so, how could I have handled it? Edit. And a long-haul truck driver. So, I've had my share of bad moments. Most of us guys here can remember stupid things that we did as a teen, even into our 20s. The ones that stand out for me are the ones where someone didn't react with anger or malice. They were the ones where someone reacted with constructive kindness. One where a quiet redemption was offered. Where a mirror was quietly held up to my behavior. Those are the ones I learned from and appreciated the most. Hopefully, he comes out the other side with a new appreciation for kindness offered quietly. And without fanfare, just my thoughts. Okay. This feels pretty clear-cut for me. I think he handled it very well. Right? The shirt? Hilarious. Bad, though. I do not. I don't know what that guy was thinking. Showing up to dinner for his girlfriend and her parents wearing that. Bold choice. He got lucky that he showed up and it was just the dad. Wow. The dad did that and didn't kill him. Yeah. You fuckers. I think. Don't you do this now. I think, no, honestly, I would say if I wore the t-shirt, I would think that maybe. It's like a funny shirt, right? It's very generous for him to like. Sorry, do you want to go? Oh, no, you should. Okay. I think that the. I just think that it would be like so crazy. Okay. Gotcha. All right. Got ya. And you can do a seemingly quick cut out of that. I knew it. This combo. It's only if we're waiting outside for too long, we get scheming. Okay, sorry. This shirt's hilarious. There it is. No, that like truly, I mean. When I said, okay, you guys kind of got me for a second. So when I said that shirt hilarious and you didn't respond, I was like, oh, no, is it? Is this really? Shit. It's actually not that funny. Oh, okay. Yeah, actually, no. I guess I need to rethink that. Okay. I love that he like. He's already defending himself in the post. This guy handled this very well. And he's like, I think I did the best job at what I could. I think you did a great job. Yeah. No, I mean, like for him to be like, here's $40. Jesus. I feel like there are people out there that would have been like, get out of my house. I never want to see you again. Like there are people that would flip out over that. The fact that he was like, hey, man, like, here's some money. Just please go get a new shirt. This solution isn't kicking him out. Like he's still invited. Still saying come back. So it is like kind of a respectful way at like. Go get it. Setting down boundaries. Yeah. And the boyfriend did go and get a nice polo shirt instead of going to Walmart. And he could have gotten another disrespectful shirt. He could have come back with the man, the legend. If this was a Lonely Island sketch, he'd come back and it'd be like. Something worse. Something worse. We'll suck that. It was like. He comes back when he just put the shirt back on her. Like, what? And he's like drinking a beer. He's like, thanks for the 40 bucks. Also, reminder. The boyfriend and girlfriend have been dating for four months. So this is probably one of the first dinners he's having with the parents. And that's what he wore? And he wears that shirt. And those shirts aren't like. Come on. He's got to have other shirts. Yeah. Like, it's one thing to just not dress like well to see your girlfriend's parents. Like, you would want to kind of dress up a little bit. But to choose that shirt. This was the 23rd of December. Yes. It is Christmas time. What I'm wondering is like, the girlfriend obviously has to have a good sense of humor. But like, I'm sorry. I'm surprised for her to not be like, hey, I think that shirt's hilarious. Maybe we wear something different. But the fact that. I know. Like, I'm trying to figure out like, if there's an acceptable age for this to be like, ah, let the kid wear the shirt. And I don't know that. I don't think there is. First time meeting the parents four months in. It's like, it feels like it's on its way to be serious. But it's not just yet. It feels like it's an important meeting. Like, I remember I was a little bossy with my first boyfriend when he met my parents. Because I was like, do you mind if we pull over? And you like, and we grab something for you to give my mom. Like, I was a little. But I was nervous. You want to make a good impression. Because if you make that bad first impression with the parents, it lingers. Yeah. You're like, okay, I want everything to be cool. I want my parents to like you. And I like how OP, the dad, was like, I did this in a respectful way that was like, showing what I needed changed. Yeah. He like, he didn't. He wasn't just an asshole to be an asshole. And he's a 57-year-old long-haul trucker. He's probably a bit of an intimidating figure. Yeah. Right? Like, I'm imagining a type of guy. That's like, you don't want to piss off. Yeah. So to get that response, it's like, you better be lucky. You better be happy that that's what you got. 40 bucks. The woke thing to do would have been for the girlfriend to wear the shirt. That would have been pretty woke. Yeah. It would have been woke. Because it's like, whoa. I'm just saying. What if they just switched shirts? What? Yeah. What's another way he could have done this? Been like, please put on one of my shirts. Like, what do you. And so he comes back out with a shirt that says it's not going to suck itself. It's just bigger. Just an XL of it. Verdict was not the asshole. comments. You were very classy about it and even gave him the opportunity to get a new shirt instead of just going home and changing. Not the asshole. 14,000 upvotes. Someone said, not the asshole. I think you handled it well. He was an idiot to think that shirt would go over well with his girlfriend's family and is lucky you didn't give him more grief for it. Someone responded to that saying, giving him money to get a new shirt and letting him come back shows you were willing to give him a second chance. Plus it showed you have compassion by pointing out the issue, but also giving him help with a solution instead of leaving him on his own to figure it out. I'm curious what male role models he has, if any. Being a teenager, he probably doesn't realize the full implication of how disrespectful his shirt was. I think you handled it with excellence and grace. Yeah. Someone said, why on earth would your wife be against this? Opie said, she just hated the idea of him being put on the spot. I did point out that I could have done it in front of everyone. Yeah, he could have put on the spot. He was not put on the spot. He wasn't. Yeah. He saved him. Yeah. I fear that this- From the spot. Couldn't have gone any better. No. I don't know what other solution is better than that. Yeah. I feel like the mom just didn't like the confrontation of it all. And she's blaming the dad because she knows him rather than blaming the person who wore the shirt. Someone said, question, what else was on the shirt? Still in bad taste, but was there a graphic printed on it of say a lollipop or something like that? Opie said, an arrow pointing down. It's like really sweet that Reddit was like, let's think of all the options. Yeah. And then underneath the arrow, it said, I mean my penis, just so you know. And he said, dad and mom of my girlfriend, see here, penis down here. All of you suck this. Yeah. I think it's a huge red flag that the boyfriend wore that. I kind of don't care what male role models he has. I'm like, he knew what he was doing. It feels so disrespectful. And even worse now is that after the dad did that, the boyfriend then made a big thing about it to the girlfriend and is making her feel bad. About it and putting it on her, it's honestly a bigger red flag than the shirt. Exactly. Yeah. Being like, oh, something I did made you feel uncomfortable. I'm going to be mad at you for feeling that way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't like this guy. No. So we have an update. Okay. So where do we think, I don't know where this could possibly go. Is the boyfriend worse or do we find out that how the dad handled it? Is he lying about how he handled it? But I don't think Reddit has burned you. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think I'm not buying a unreliable narrator from this guy. No, I don't think so either. I'm buying there's smoke where there's fire. This guy isn't that great of a guy to his girlfriend and they're going to break up. Yeah. That shirt kind of shows his values. Here's what I'm thinking. And I know this is probably crazy, but I'm just going to throw it out there. The boyfriend sneaks into the dad's closet and finds the same exact shirt and confronts him about being a hypocrite. That would be the most epic version of that. That would be pretty incredible. I think maybe it could even be a movie. Yeah. Honestly, kind of like a morality tale. Yeah. It's thematic. Update the next day. Oh, fun. After reading these comments and listening to everyone's point of view, I sat my daughter down this morning and asked what her boyfriend actually said to her. This changes my opinion of him. Apparently, he'd not told my daughter what the phrase was on the shirt, but did tell her accurately what I said to him and asked him to do. He didn't use the word humiliated. That was my daughter's interpretation. Her rush to defend him came from our examples. Apparently, she's taken note of the times I've defended my wife and vice versa. She also took note of our disagreements in private after the fact. She is going to talk to him when he gets back tomorrow to follow up on why he thought the shirt was appropriate for the family setting. I'll update again after the conversation. Okay. So he told his girlfriend, your dad made me change my shirt. It's like, what was on the shirt? It was just a normal shirt or whatever. Like he didn't tell her, well, I was wearing the, it's not going to suck itself shirt. I was wearing the shirt you hate. The shirt that demeans you. Well, I was wearing the shirt you told me not to wear. Yeah. Yeah. It's not a big deal. Okay. Okay. I'm already like, okay. They're not really communicating. So the boyfriend sucks more. Yeah. Yeah. Not looking good for him. No, I think it's going to get worse. Update number two comes hours later. Okay. Oh, hell yeah. Great. Update number two. My daughter called him about an hour ago and this will be informative. She asked him why he'd not told her what the shirt said when he talked to her. His then she went on to ask him why he wore it originally. And he admitted that the shirt had been a gift from his older brother. Who's 21 and that the older brother had dared him to called him chicken when he objected, et cetera, dumb sibling crap. Apparently she went on to tell him that none of what he'd done was cool and that she really liked him and that he'd always been kind to her. She said she wasn't breaking up with him, but that these steps needed to be done. First, he needed to explain to his parents the entire situation, Second, he needed to show up in person to our home and bring the money for the shirt. And as she put it, put in a whole ass kissing session that included the explanation of the dare, et cetera. She said that if this was handled well, they could talk about moving forward and what that looked like. After the phone call, she talked to her mom and I, and admitted that she forgot her worth. She said that as long as she'd been alive, I had never gone out of my way to embarrass her mom and that I'd always been respectful and not let anyone be disrespectful to her mom. Made me feel really good. So she said, I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm She wasn't going to settle for less. Good for her. I'll update after this visit later tomorrow afternoon. Okay. So the boyfriend's not saying, well, my older brother dared me. He called me chicken. And that is very powerful. That's at the end of the day. What can we say? That's basically a spell. Honestly though, like I, I truly, I was really, I've been this whole time. I'm like, what could compel a person, a 19 year old person to wear the shirt? And that's just about, uh, the most believable thing. It is like ugly older brother. Like you should wear it, dude. You should fucking wear it. What are you fucking chicken? What? Come on. You fucking P word. I'm not going to say it. We asked earlier what male role models does he have? And we found out he has a brother who's two years older than him. And that's not good. And that ain't good. I'd consider myself two years older than you rough and being called a chicken death. Yeah. Yeah. Death. I'd consider myself like, I think I was, you know, relatively like normal amount of dumb for a 19 year old. I just, I don't think anybody could ever, no matter who's older than me, I'd be like, you're the dumbest person alive. Maybe though he was like, really wanted his older brother's approval. Yeah. And his little brother was like, it's chill, dude. Just wear it. It's funny. And he like, why wouldn't he just wear it and then go and change it on his way? I, maybe he didn't have a chicken because he'd be a chicken bro. Cause ultimately that would make him a bigger chicken. I don't understand. He would be a chicken. He would be like, he would like literally become a chicken brother. We'll know his brother's just in the bushes watching and walk up to the house. Just like, you call me. He's got it on. He like, secretly changes the shirt for the dinner and comes back home, but he puts on the, the, the, it's not going to suck itself shirt. And he comes back in and his brother's like, where are you going? Smells like chicken. Or he wakes up the next morning. He changed that shirt. Didn't you? He wakes up the next morning. We find out his brother is like a witch. And then he wakes up and he like feels feathers on him. He's like, Oh my God. Oh no. I'm a chicken. Oh my God. Honestly, in all sincerity, your siblings opinion of you and your siblings calling you not cool when you're young is like really sad. It's death. And you will do anything. And that, and I feel bad for him because that sucks. That was bad advice. My brothers were luckily so much older than me that they didn't do anything of that level, but they did have that power over me when I was a little kid. I would have done anything. Yeah. Right. But, um, you have a sibling who's about that age difference, right? Yeah. He's two and three, three years younger than me. That's yeah. It's powerful. It's a powerful, like, yeah. I mean, he's siblings that close in age, but you were older than him. Yeah. And he's still, if he says anything I do is not cool. I'm like, it's rough. I kept saying tats instead of tattoo when we were both getting tattoos and he texted me with the artist. I'm getting tattooed. We're both getting sibling tattoos. And I kept going, so what's like the longest tat you've ever given or what's, what's, and I kept saying tat and I was like, that's a cool tat. And my brother texted me in all caps, please stop saying tat. It's really uncool. And he was right next to me. Oh, that'd be devastating. But it is like really uncool to say tat is what I learned. I don't think it's that bad. Like that's a nice tat. Yeah. You're fine. But you know, siblings, it just cuts, it cuts deep. Oh yeah. Cause it just right goes back to when you were like a kid and you had no fricking like, I don't know. A beast like me doesn't really care. Yeah. I've talked about my brother though. A beast like me. A beast like me doesn't care. A beast like me. All right. Update number three. Well, the next day it's December 28th. 2025. This will make those of you following this saga laugh. I received a call this evening from Mr. Boyfriend's parents. Firstly, they are mortified and extremely apologetic. Secondly, and the best part of this update, I have their permission to squeal, is that his parents are on Reddit and commented on my post in support of the way I handled the situation. They told me that they love my daughter and that we'd raised her right and had not raised their sons to show this level of disrespect for anyone, let alone his girlfriend. Apparently boyfriend was following up daughter's conditions and went to talk to his parents. As the story unfolded, his mom reached for her phone, opened Reddit and yelled, is this about fucking you? To quote his dad, as the son read the first half paragraph, he died a little inside. So anyways, they are going to come to dinner tomorrow evening with boyfriend. More updates tomorrow night. Oh dude, your boy, your dad, your parents are Redditors, dude. But also they're going to dinner. They can do something really funny. - Oh! They could be extremely funny. Is this play about us? That's what that is. Is this about you? Dude. You know, honestly, that's something that I've never considered before, is the people inside of the Reddit story not being aware that they're in a Reddit story. Like, the fact of him seeing, like, oh, my God, there's this Reddit thread about me in real time. That's crazy. If I'm that mother, I'm losing it. I'm going, this is, where's the shirt? Oh, my God. What if he showed up to the dinner wearing a shirt that says, it sucks itself? This situation sucks itself. Or he'll go, fine, I'll suck it myself. Fine, I'll suck it myself. A shirt that says, this is such a Reddit story. Merch. My life is a Reddit story, bro. Suck it. Update number four. Dinner was very pleasant. Let me say that his parents are great. Boyfriend showed up with red roses. Red roses for my daughter and yellow roses for my wife. He offered what I thought was a very sincere apology and a card with the entire $40 in it. Even though he'd given me the change and receipt on the original night. I cooked tonight to give my wife a break. I made an Indian dish called butter chicken with basmati rice. Neither had eaten curry before, but loved it. Woo-hoo. What am I reading? I made an Indian dish called butter chicken. This just fucking turns into David Copperfield. What am I reading? After that, we traveled out into the countryside. Years later, my daughter graduated. As it turns out, his older brother is the family athlete. JV soccer, varsity soccer, and a sports scholarship for soccer. You don't say. The quintessential jock. Little brother is the exact opposite. Artistic. He's got real talent. Sensitive. Quiet. Felt like he never measured up to his big brother and works to gain his big brother's respect. Brother takes full example of this and exploits his little brother for shits and giggles. Near the end of dinner, my daughter says, I think I'll keep him around for a little longer. You guys okay with that? We are good with that. We'll keep that for now. His mom is the boss, though, for thinking outside the box. As punishment to the older brother, mom went into his clothing drawers and closet, took every shirt off of him, and bought him eight very bright pink t-shirts that he'll wear until he realizes just how damaging exploiting someone, anyone is. His access to cash is also cut off until said lesson is learned. Anyway, a successful night with new friends was enjoyed. Hope this was the update you hoped for. It came with butter chicken and all that fun stuff. I'm sorry. Hope their other son. These are. And he's gonna wear pink! These are grown-ass kids, man. This is a 19 and a 21-year-old. Like, come on, though. I guess I don't know, like, what high schoolers go through now. I feel like wearing a pink t-shirt does not hit like it did back in, like, 2003. Yeah, it feels very 2005. I don't think. I think wearing a pink shirt I don't think is a problem for any high school kid anymore. Also, he's 21, no? Oh, he's 21. He's a college. Yeah, like. Wait, sorry. That's right. I forgot. And his cash flow is cut off? Like, who is this? I'm like, no, he's an adult who can do what he wants. He's an adult whose mom is taking him shirts and not giving him money. Maybe that's her, like, G-rated way at giving him the, like, the revenge back. Because she, like, didn't want to give him a disgusting shirt, but she was like, I'll make you feel girly. Like, I don't think it's so. Ha ha, you're a girl now. This is so good. So weird. He is 21. I forgot. I don't know why I. The way they were talking, it was like, oh, yeah, I guess, sure. But no. What? I love it. The way they're talking, like, JV soccer, varsity soccer. Like, it sucks. Like, they're in high school. I know. They're listing all of it. JV this, varsity this. Yeah. Okay. Wait. I love this family. I want to hang out. Oh, okay. I was confused. In high school, he was doing all that soccer stuff. And now he has a soccer scholarship to a college. I just like that it's like, oh, we took all your clothes away and cut off your cash flow. He's like, all right, I'm going to go to the bar. All right, you guys are weird. All right, I'm going to take my credit card and go get a shot of whiskey. Get the bar. Anyways. Okay. Moving on. That was a very fun first one. That was good. That was just, yeah. Classic dad. And we kind of got like three movies out of it. That was an episode of Modern Family. Yeah. That was just some good, clean family fun. Yeah. Our next story comes from Am I the Asshole? This was posted in February of this year. Am I the asshole for not inviting my cousin to hang out anymore after she kept making jokes about my life choices? Okay. This could go a lot of places. So I, a 22-year-old woman, have a cousin. I'll call her Mary, 23-year-old woman. And we used to be genuinely really close growing up. Like our family see each other almost every weekend. We went to the same school for a while. And there was a point where she was honestly my closest friend out of everyone I knew. We told each other everything. But over the past year or so, things just started feeling different. Hard to explain at first, like nothing I could really put my finger on. Just a vibe I was getting. So a bit of background. I finished college earlier this year and started working a full-time job. Nothing crazy, just a normal office job. But it was a big deal for me. Personally, because I worked really hard to get there. Mary, on the other hand, is still figuring out what she wants to do. And like I genuinely mean it when I say, I have zero judgment about that. Life isn't a race and everyone figures things out at their own pace. I never once made her feel bad about it. Or at least I really tried not to. But somewhere along the way, she started making these comments. Little things at first that I brushed off as just her sense of humor because she has always been kind of a sarcastic person. And I used to find it funny. Stuff like, Must be nice to already have your life. Whenever I mentioned anything work-related. Or, Some of us don't have it easy like you. If I talked about weekend plans. She started calling me corporate girl as like a nickname, which sounds harmless. But the way she said it was always a little sharp. Like there was always just a tiny edge underneath it that I couldn't quite explain to anyone without sounding oversensitive. And it wasn't just once in a while. It became kind of a pattern. If I mentioned being exhausted after a long week, she'd say something like, Try being unemployed and stressed. Must be rough having to work. If I talked about saving up for a trip or something I wanted to buy, she'd go, Of course you can afford it with this little laugh. If I brought up anything about work at all, even just casually in conversation, there was almost always a comment waiting on the other side of it. At first, I genuinely just laughed it off every single time because I did not want to be the person who can't take a joke. I kept telling myself she didn't mean anything by it. And I was probably just reading into things. But then it started happening in front of other people. Family dinners, group hangouts, even if it was just for fun. Even once in front of some people we had just met that night. And something about having it happen in front of others made it feel worse somehow. Like I could feel myself getting quieter every time we were in a group together because I never knew when the next comment was coming and I didn't want to have to laugh it off again in front of everyone. I started kind of dreading hanging out with her, which made me sad because this is someone I genuinely love and used to look forward to seeing. Then a few weeks ago, we made plans to grab coffee, just the two of us. And within like the first 20 minutes, she made a comment about how I've changed, since I started working and that I'm too busy for real people now. And I don't know if it was just because I was already tired or because it had been building for so long, but something about that one just hit different. So I said something. I kept my voice calm. I wasn't trying to start a fight or make it dramatic. I just told her honestly that the jokes had been piling up and they were starting to feel genuinely hurtful and I'd really appreciate it if she could ease up on them. She did not take it well. She got defensive almost immediately and told me I was being way too sensitive and acting like I was better than her. She said, she was just teasing and that I was making a big deal out of nothing. The conversation got a little awkward after that and we kind of just moved on, but it felt unresolved. After that, I just stopped reaching out to make plans. I still reply to her texts when she messages me. I don't ignore her or anything, but I haven't been the one to suggest getting together or initiate anything like I used to. Well, apparently that did not go unnoticed. My aunt called my mom recently and said Mary is upset that she feels like I've suddenly gone cold on her and she doesn't understand why I'm being distant, which like I get that it probably does, she does feel that way from her side, but also she kind of never acknowledged what I said at the coffee thing. Now there's a bit of a divide in the family. Some people think I should just brush it off, keep the peace. She was just joking around. Others actually understand where I'm coming from and think I had every right to say something and pull back a little. And I really don't want this to turn into some massive family drama because I do care about Mary and I miss the friendship we used to have. But I also don't want to go back to feeling uncomfortable every single time we hang out and biting my tongue every time she makes a dig. So my, the asshole for slowly pulling back after she kept making these comments, even after I told her how I felt. That is so heartbreaking. What a tough place to be. It's so hard to like, yeah, just like obviously like hear the progression of like the first couple of times of being like, ah, and then it just getting worse and worse and not knowing what to do. And then when you finally say something about it to be just told that you're like overreacting, like not her. It's so exhausting. To answer Opie's question at the end, I don't think you're an asshole. You're pulling back after you've communicated your boundaries. I think it gets into scary. It gets into like debatable territory when you pull back without communication. But I think you did. Opie did what they were supposed to do and that like they said what they needed. They gave that person a chance and then that person kept crossing those boundaries. Yeah, I think she's handled. I don't know how I would really handle it differently. It's really sad to like look at this, especially now being in my thirties where you look at like you're 22 and 23. Right. And what's tough about your twenties is like, yeah, you're all trying to figure your life out. And the paces at the time when you're 22 and 23, it feels astronomical. It's like, oh, you're successful and I'm not. It's like, you're both going to be 30 one day and it's, you're going to be like, wow, I can't believe my twenties. I didn't find a job until I was 25, 26 and you found a job at 23 and now it doesn't matter. Or like I found a job and I got fired and my late twenties were crazy. And then at the end I found something. Your twenties are all over the place and your thirties are all over the place. Yeah, yeah. Like, as an actor. I think I can really relate to this because, like, I remember being a teenager, early 20s, where someone would, like, book a movie. Yeah. And I'm like, and I haven't booked anything in three years, and I fucking suck, and you can't help but feel resentful. But then a few years pass, and then that person who booked a movie hasn't worked in a couple years, and you're working. Yeah. And you start to realize, like, oh, there's no such thing as, like, I'm better than you, you're better than me. It's like we're all on this roller coaster. Well said. I really relate to this in, like, in ways that, like, my 20s was that. It was, like, very hard. I had a lot of really good friends, and, like, my roommates, we, like, all were just so close and supported each other so much. But I think sometimes you can, like, you can feel so insecure about how you're doing in your day-to-day that then it somehow starts attacking you from the inside, and then you get mad at people for having things that you want. And that, and you did nothing to get that. Right. You know what I mean? That makes me mad. It just makes me mad that life hasn't given that to me yet. So I'm, and then I think sometimes you're in such denial about it because you love your friends that then you just start, like, attacking them in little ways. Just because, like, honestly, I would always think about how, like, I'm a double Libra, and, like, my want for fairness sometimes strangles me. Because I'm, like, it's just not fair because you have that money because you grew up with that money. And I'm working, and, like, just trying to be, like, well, it's different for some people. And, like, I would, like, say stuff. I remember. And then I had a friend. It did this to me a lot. Every time I came home and I would, like, buy new clothes, she'd always, like, oh, bought some stuff. You bought clothes. Like, she would always make me feel weird for spending money. And I didn't even have, like, money to spend. But it was just, like, it was a bad habit. Yeah. And she would call it out. And she would kind of be, like, oh, I'm working. She had, like, more jobs than I did. And I just remember it was always, like, a really small comparison game and, like, a fairness thing. Yeah. Being, like, well, you have extra time because you have this or whatever. Right. And, like, just. Saying that out loud not to bring someone down but to make you feel better. And in the end, it never makes you feel better. Makes you feel worse. Yeah. I can relate in feeling the resentment and the, like, obsessing over, like, wow, that person's life is they have everything I want. Yeah. Like, or at least, like, oh, they're working a job. That's human. Or, like. Yeah. Truly, like, in my early 20s, like, I was, like, I had been single up until I was, like, in my early 20s, almost mid-20s. And, like, I was very jealous of people for relationships and stuff. Yeah. And I was just, like, fuck. Like, it's not. I mean. But there's nothing more freeing than letting, like, recognizing that resentment. Yeah. And, like, letting it go. Or seeing that that resentment is getting in between you and your friend. Yeah. And also probably getting in between you and your actual goals. Yeah. And happiness in life. And it's tough because there is so much, like, societal expectation of, like, oh, you're. You finish high school. You got to go to college. You finish college. You got to get a job. And it's, like, so hard. Especially, like, your early 20s. There's so much going on upstairs. Especially nowadays, man. Like, it's, like, hard. Your brain is developing. And. And it is hard. And it's stressful. And so, like, I totally can, like, empathize with, like, seeing someone who, in your mind, you're, like, they have it all together. But then, yeah, taking that out in a way, like, in a negative way on your friend or something. Yeah. And then not being able to, like, reconcile and be, like, I'm sorry. No, for sure. Or, like, realize that. It's hard. And when you're feeling less than somebody else, it, for some reason, always feels like because your pain hurts sometimes. Like, I'm trying to go back to when I would feel this way and I would make little digs. And it was because I was hurting. Yeah. Totally. And it was because I didn't want to hurt alone. Yeah. And I wanted someone to, like, understand how I felt. And it's not that I never think I genuinely wanted to hurt somebody else. I just wanted to go, like, well, I'm hurting. So, and I. And I. You don't want to be left behind. Exactly. And, like, instead of just saying, like, whew, I actually feel a little insecure. And, like, actually opening up. Then getting, like. Because that feels like that. Your head says that's defeat. Yeah. Right? Like, it's like, oh, if I admit it, then I'm, then I am a loser. But it's actually, no, it's actually. It kind of acknowledges, like, no, you're not. Yeah. Like, you're just feeling this way. Yeah. The reality of the situation is very different. And it's like every, I feel like every person that is, you know, over the age of 30. Or everyone is like, yeah, I found this thing, you know, my passion in life when I was 45. I found, like, my career when I was, you know, in my late 30s. Like, there is no, everybody's timeline is different. But it's really hard to see that when you're, you know, young, the same age as someone who you really care about and probably, like, look up to in a way, seeing them, like, you know, succeed or do something that you want to do. Were they the same age? They're pretty much the same age. I think they're 22 and 23. So, yeah, that's, that's also, it's hard when you're, like, doing it together. Yeah. And you're like, oh, and now I'm alone. Don't leave me here. Yeah. But I also feel for OP. What a tough place to be in where it's like, oh, this person that I love resents me for something I have no control over. Yeah. Like, you don't want to feel guilty for succeeding or doing the things that you want to do. Doing the things that you want to do, like making, you know, strides in your life. Like, they, they're on a different timeline. They're on a different path. And it, you, it's really unfair to be made to feel guilty for that. Yeah. And, like, I'm not, I'm not one to usually gun for, like, oh, cut someone out or move, gets, like, move out of someone's life. But you, you don't have much choice when it's like, oh, this person wants me to be less. Yeah. Yeah. That is their whole desire is for me to make myself smaller. What option do you have now? I mean, I, a lot, I think almost all of my female friendships are, or a lot of my female friendships are people who are struggling because they thought safety is making themselves smaller. Yeah. In environments. Like, and, and that is, it's, it's unfortunate because I do think OP should distance themselves. And I don't know if I would have had that ability to know that or say that like five years ago. And I mean, once you have that conversation and try and bring it up and they're, they're still not willing to like acknowledge that or accept it, then at that point, it's like, yeah, you've done all you can do to like try and help them understand. And it's, it's up to them at that point to figure out whatever's going on inside themselves and, and release that insecurity or jealousy or whatever it is. Um, and move on. Yeah. I mean, I, I'm also not like generally speaking, not someone who's very quick to like, oh, you got to cut them off. But I think some distance away from someone like that in that situation is necessary. I don't think this is going to get better. Yeah. Uh, if she tried to talk to her and it was met with that, I'm like, this resentment is only going to build. Her resentment is based on her own success, right? It's like the only way this has a release is if her friend gets a job that she feels is equal to hers. It's like, all right, like, um, hope that happens. But even then it's like, is this the rest of our lives? And you don't realize it at the time, but that could fundamentally like really affect the way you walk into rooms when you are worried about other people. Yeah. And that is coming from personal experience. It's just. It's hard. It's hard. And I, I'm not surprised that so many people in her family are saying like, oh, just brush it off. Just deal with it. Make yourself small. Yeah. Yeah. Um, verdict was not the asshole comments, not the asshole. She wasn't joking. She was taking little digs at you out of insecurity and then calling you sensitive. When you finally said something, you didn't even blow up. You just pulled back to protect your peace. If she actually cared about the friendship, she would have apologized and adjusted instead of running to the family. Like you wronged her. She did go and tell the whole family afterwards, which is a betrayal. I think OP said the point is she. Never apologizes. She feels that's the best part about her that she never backs down. Someone said not the asshole. Those were not harmless jokes. They were repeated digs rooted in insecurity. The pattern, the timing, and especially doing it in front of other people shows it wasn't just teasing. It was undermining you. You did the right thing by addressing it calmly and giving her a chance to correct it. Her response wasn't to reflect or apologize, but to dismiss your feelings and call you sensitive. That's the real issue. Pulling back is not punishment. It is protecting your peace. This is a natural. It is a natural consequence of their behavior. You're still replying and being civil. You're just no longer investing in a dynamic that makes you feel small. If she wants the closeness back, she needs to acknowledge how her behavior affected you. OP said, I am not sure that things will be the same even after apologizing now. Wow. Lastly, someone said, yes, she sounds jealous. I hope she comes to her senses soon, takes what you said to heart, and changes how she acts with you, not the asshole. If asked again, tell your aunt to ask her daughter, you told her why at coffee. OP said, my mom told her. My mom told her that, but my aunt is defending her daughter that she was just joking. Yeah. I, we have an update. Okay. And I don't have much faith in it. I think this is going to get worse. Yeah. I think all the signs are there that it's going to get worse. Okay. The next day. So this took a turn I absolutely did not see coming. Oh. Oh. So yesterday, a few hours after my original post, I got a call from Mary and she was furious, like immediately yelling the second I picked up. She went off about how I portrayed her wrongly. She said, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. on Reddit and how everyone is blaming her and that so many people have read it and now she looks terrible. I was honestly just sitting there confused because like my post got some comments, but it wasn't exactly what she was saying. The comments were pretty measured. Some people agreed with me. Some said to talk it out, nothing crazy, but she kept going. She started listing off all these specific things I apparently said in the post, except here's the thing. I didn't say half of what she was claiming. She was talking about details that straight up weren't in my post at all. Different scenarios, things I never mentioned, stuff that didn't even happen. That's when it clicked. She wasn't talking about my post. She was either talking about a completely different post she found, or I don't even know. I tried to tell her that, but she wasn't hearing it. She hung up on me. Then apparently she went crying to her mom, my aunt, about how I publicly humiliated her on the internet. My aunt called my mom. My mom was confused because she'd actually read my post. I shared it to her after I got one such comment, which felt funny, and it was pretty tame. Then another cousin got involved trying to mediate and actually went looking for the post Mary was describing. He couldn't find anything matching what she she claimed. So then there was this whole family group chat thing happening that I wasn't even in but heard about later, where people were trying to figure out what was going on. And then, and this is the part that honestly made me laugh, Mary apparently let it slip in front of our other aunt that she just did it to get a reaction out of me. The whole viral Reddit post thing, either she made it up entirely or found some random post that vaguely sounded similar and decided to pretend it was about her too. What? Make me feel guilty? Start drama? Get attention? I genuinely have no idea. The family group chat apparently went silent after that, or maybe she found my original post and just started exaggerating things. My mom texted me later like, so your cousin is something else. And I just had to laugh because what else can you even do at that point? The funniest part, my actual post is fine. Barely got any traction, just sitting there minding its business while Mary created an entire fictional drama around it. I don't even know what to do with this information. Part of me feels vindicated because this is exactly the kind of behavior I was talking about in my original post. But another part of me just feels sad, because this is so much more unhinged than I expected. I haven't talked to her since. Honestly, I don't know if I even want to anymore. This reads like the, she found the post and then exaggerated the hell out of it. We got to make sure Mary doesn't listen to Smosh Reads Reddit stories. Yeah. That's why I can't go on Reddit, man. If I went on Reddit and saw like, you know, found like a post or like one of my friends being like my, I have a friend who like works on a very popular YouTube channel. And I was like, oh, like that would be crazy. That would be crazy. Actually, that'd be really funny. Maybe I should start going. I mean, I was going to say like, cause you know, being, doing this for 10 years, there's plenty of times where I've gone on and read just conversations of people like talking about me in like, oh yeah. I mean all the time. Right. And so like, like not horribly negatively, but just like in ways where I'm like, oh, I almost feel like I'm listening in on a conversation. You shouldn't be hearing it. It's kind of weird. Always in the back of my head, wanted to write a Reddit story. So bizarre. And see if somehow it gets on the show. We'd probably clock it. Probably too many spelling errors. I also think the way that the cousin exaggerated the story is how she's exaggerating her entire dynamic with OP in her head all the time. Yeah. Right. Like that's kind of how resentment works is it like builds up to a fictional place inside your own head. God, it sucks so bad. It really does suck. It's heartbreaking too, to like have someone that you're that close to it sounds like, and are just like best friends with, and then truly not be able to do anything. And also you just have to let them figure stuff out. I'm not like standing up for Mary, but I will say sometimes the pain and like insecurity gets so strong that you go to extents to get attention and love. She's trying to get OP to say sorry in such a dramatic way because she wants love and attention in such a dark place that she's in that now she's lying and she's like making shit up. Yeah. And, and here's the situation. I mean, look, if Mary happens to watch this, I would, I would say to her, I'd be like, you're going to be so much happier. Like you yourself will be happier if you let this resentment go and, and find like, apologize and, and yeah. Want the best for the people that you love in your life. And I think, I believe that, that can really happen. She's young. I think people do go through these phases in life sometimes. And I think it's possible to learn these lessons. Yeah. But if she doesn't, she's, she's going to blink and she's going to be 40 and miserable. I was just going to say like, life right now, especially in the world we're living in is too hard and too short to make anybody around you, especially the people you love, make any of their goodness, a threat to you. It, it's just, it's just too dark. Like you're going to blink and life is going to be done. Yeah. And it's just like what, when a good thing happens to you, it happened to all of us because life's hard and we should just enjoy it. Yeah. And I would certainly say too, to a unemployed 22 year old, like, uh, sorry that you ended up in like one of the worst fucking times to try to get a job. It's like, I can't imagine you got fucked over by like a million other people than your cousin. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Be mad at them. Be mad at the system. Yeah. Like you, it is not your fault that you're in the place you're in. Yeah. Do not take it out on the people who are there for you. That's the point. Yeah. You're going to fuck yourself over even more. It feels like OP did try to get married to like, let down those boundaries, let down that, that animosity. Yeah. And it feels like it just didn't work. There are a lot of people that would have just been like, you know, had that kind of pattern of behavior and seen it and just not said anything and been like, and just slowly just not explained it. And I think that, you know, for her to be like, yeah, this is what's going on. This is like how I've been feeling. And I really respect that, you know, do that. And I just, it's just like, it sucks. Cause it's like, there is nothing better than, than truly genuinely wanting the best for the people around you. Right. Like, and really wanting that. And it's hard when you're in a down place, but I would also say to Mary is like, there will come a time I would bet money on it. Where OP is in a worse spot than her. For whatever way, whatever it is. Yeah. And in those times you're like, I believe OP would still want the best for Mary and you're like, it's the dynamic is going to change over time. But it's great that when you have people that in your life, that, you know, that no matter the circumstances, you want the best for each other and you're there for each other. And even if you get, if you feel weird, I think just acknowledging it and going, Hey, it's been a dark month for me. I wish I could like, but I, I still want to support you. Like just saying it out loud and being like, I don't, instead of just digs. I think that's something I think us, um, here at Smosh are very good about that, about it being like, Hey, I'm, I'm feeling this feeling and acknowledging like, Hey, this is an irrational feeling that I'm feeling. I'm letting, you know, I'm feeling this. I'm not acting on it. I'm recognizing it, but I'm also communicating. I'm feeling because once you acknowledge it, then it's like, Whoa, I got, I got it out. Yeah. But if you hide it, then you're like, that's cool. You went shopping today. I wish I could. Yeah. And it's completely normal feelings. Like I literally in the last month have seen things and been like, damn, like I wish I was doing something like that. And it's like, and it's normal, but then also it's, you feel so much better when you see someone doing something and you're like, dude, that's so awesome for them. Like I feel so much more enriched where I'm just happy for people, but it's a very human thing. Like everyone goes through it and it's just finding out, like, you know, figuring out the way to deal with it. That isn't bringing someone down. Should we kiss? All right. Our next story comes from, am I the asshole? This is posted in February of 2023. Am I the asshole for yelling at my girlfriend due to her camera roll? I know that there's every situation is different, but I feel like any, any story that starts off, am I the asshole for yelling at my girlfriend? I just like, I don't think there's ever been a situation where I'm like, yeah, that was, it was justified to just yell at your partner. Yeah. But let's hear him out. I'll hear him out. Let's hear him out. Hear him out. Hold on. I'll hear him out. There's gotta be some atrocious shit in those camera rolls. Yeah. Me, 23 year old man and my girlfriend, 21 year old woman have been together for four months now. She's great, beautiful, crazy, intelligent, and has the best personality. Genuinely my dream girl, except for one issue, her camera roll. For background, she dated a guy for four years in high school and the first half of college. She broke up with him last year and has dated other people since then leading up to me. She never really talks about him unless telling a past story about her friend group, which he was part of until he suddenly up and left. According to her, the reason they broke up is she realized they were on two different levels of maturity. What I mean, she's intelligent. I mean, she's well-known around campus and every professor adores her. And we go to a big 12 university. She also got life threateningly sick. And while he was worried for her, she knew he wouldn't be responsible enough to take care of her in the future. Progressive heart disease. They ended on good terms, but don't talk anymore because he is kind of an introverted guy, according to her. The part I get upset about is every time she opens her camera roll to show me a past picture, she scrolls past photos or videos of him and her. I've brought this up to her before and she always laughs and says it's because she's too lazy to go through 30,000 photos. She hasn't deleted pictures since 2015. These photos and videos of him and her aren't romantic. They're high school shenanigans and usually involve her other friends, but I still can't help but feel jealous. Today she showed me a photo of her friends in 2018 and told me a funny story. He's in the photo. I said, you have a lot of pictures with him in an annoyed tone. And she said, well, yeah, he grew up with me and my friends. We were kids together. It's like a look back into my childhood. I told her I didn't like those pictures and she offered to remove them and put them on a drive. I told her that wasn't enough. She told me they were precious memories she shared with her friends and she wasn't going to delete them just because he was in a relationship. I kind of raised my voice and told her she should go back to him if the memories were precious. She got up and said, I don't want to go back to him, but I also don't want to be with someone who is emotionally insecure. I have enough to deal with. And then left. I've debated on texting her and apologizing. Am I the asshole, buddy? I think you've already lost her. You talked about how smart and intelligent and, and all this stuff about her. It sounds like she is. It sounds like she has no tolerance. It's not looking good, Opie. Opie, it's not looking good. It's not looking very good. Yeah. I, this is something, this whole kind of conundrum we'll call it um of deleting pictures of you and your ex it's so and it feels like such a case-by-case thing like i i can understand both sides of it but in a situation like this where it's like someone that she went to high school with was like a part of a friend group and someone who you know she ended on good terms with and like as he said there's they're not romantic pictures like i i think it's very unreasonable to be like i want you to delete those memories fully from your life i think it's very her being like i'll take them off my phone and just put them on a drive like i think that's very mature to be like you won't have to see them if i'm showing you something um but yeah i think asking her to just fully delete those things is is very unfair it's four months in it's also this problem i think is gonna get bigger and bigger like this is like kind of like an old-fashioned thing about like you still have stuff of your ex like from the early 2000s that now just like even though it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like even the idea of having 30 000 photos that's like now we take them more and we post them more and this is only going to get like a bigger thing we're just gonna have bigger data logs of stuff like and it's just it's just gonna be hard that's that's a lot of photos and it's also i keep thinking about it because sometimes you guys have the on the iphone they have the featured photos you'll turn to the left and like and you'll be like punched by a picture of you and your ex like on a date and you're like whoa i didn't click on that right and it's just you like scrolling to the left and i've heard people talk about that and it's a feature i think there's gonna be some kind of app or something or you're gonna be able to call steve jobs may he rest in peace and go delete all the pictures get out the ouija board if these phones can like do all the shit they're doing they're gonna figure out a way but it is a lot of work and there's also so much more to this it's just that he's threatened it sounds yeah um and it's control but it is an interesting new issue yeah right of like you know like you know like you know like you know like you know like oh your instagram all your social handles and all the photos on your phone how you go about that yeah it's very complicated um but at the end of the day too it's like it's a matter of trust it's like what what are you asking for here yeah and him being like well why don't you go back to him it's just kind of like all right man you blew it you're blowing it why don't you go back to him yeah it's like because this is also photos like it's her whole entire high school experience yeah like to delete a bunch of memories from high school it's also so i know they're their problem is they're like only 22 23 but i'm like it's it was high school like i don't know um it's also just like kind of so immature to like get upset when anyone has exes at all it's like yeah yeah that was a thing they existed yeah and it's like and it's like your life is so much bigger than like you know the person that you're dating it's like yes this person is like this is the person that you're with but your life was so much more than that at that time and it's like those those pictures of you and your ex can be like it's like it might not be about the ex it might be about like oh this is a trip that we took together and i like really remember like you know going out of the country for the first time things like that where it's like it's all like a beautiful turtle don't make me delete the turtle yeah it's like you're you're asking them to delete so much more than just like oh this person in their life i think it goes back to what we were talking about earlier is like yeah he's talking about feeling jealous and stuff it's like you can talk to your girlfriend about that you can just be like oh you're like i that's so true i feel insecure and stuff like you know like because your ex like yeah i know he was part of your life for so long and stuff and she'd probably be like you have nothing to worry about that's so true there's like such something so human that's like i feel this kind of way but i'm gonna make it about something else yeah really hard because saying that i'm just jealous threatened or insecure is going to be so much worse um than just hiding behind these photos and it's not going to end there like she could delete all the photos and something else is going to come up that's going to jog up his jealousy and feeling of insecurity because it's not going to end there insecurity is just there so the verdict was asshole obviously comments you're the asshole she is right you are emotionally insecure someone said you're the asshole and deeply insecure immature and controlling your girlfriend isn't obligated to erase years of photos from before you met because of your crippling insecurity grow up you're the asshole she showed you a group shot that happened to have her ex in it asking her not to show you those pictures because they make you jealous is fair but expecting her to scrub four years worth of pictures when you've known her for four months is a stretch update update do you think he fixes this or do you think he keeps going down i think he doubled down really i want to believe that that he that he got better i want to believe that i want to believe that he that he fixed it okay let's see update the next day these are these are fresh updates out of the oven fresh i texted her this morning and i apologize for crossing a line she said while she accepted the apology the relationship wouldn't be continuing any further She said a lack of self-awareness and emotional maturity is not something she can overlook when dating someone. So I guess I'm single now. Update number two from this year. And how long ago was the other one? 2023. This is three years later. Wait, okay. Oh my God. Okay. What? Wait, don't. That's not fair. You're reading it before us. You can read it with us. I can't help it. Just read it, read it, read it. Hi all, this is actually my post. Mind you, this is three years later. So surprise, first of all, it was fake. Sorry, I know that sucks. I'm actually a woman and that post was made during my last year as a journalism undergraduate. It was part of a capstone project where we determined how easily it is to mislead people on the internet and to induce public outrage and how that influence is far right and far left media pushing. Under the moderation of our professor, we each concocted stories or social media profiles to try and stir up controversy. Thanks to the original post, safe to say I got an A, I also graduated with honors and with a special distinction for my thesis. The girlfriend was vaguely based on myself, except I have a kidney transplant and not a heart condition. And I exaggerated how well known I was on campus and my looks and intelligence, for sympathy, of course, and who doesn't play up themselves in a fictional world? I played D&D. Since then, I've been a fairly successful journalist. I've worked for both NPR and the Washington Post. I read a lot of books, and I recently left my career behind, though, and I'm now in law school studying international law. I can't believe this post is making rounds again, and I debated keeping the story as is, but too many of you all were DMing me the story. For future reference, some of you are far too gullible. Don't believe everything you read on the internet. That's how we got into this crazy situation we're in here in the U.S. Well, Opie, he just reads it and I believe it, okay? So, Opie, I'm not, I didn't know. It's my job to believe it. He reads it, okay? Blame him. Blame him. Blame the producer. Don't blame us. Don't blame us. Honestly, if I read it online, I'd probably be like, some journalist probably wrote this as a study. Wait, this is so sick. Any time I read a Reddit story. It's pretty awesome. It's also, yeah, it's true. Like, every story we read on Reddit, I'm like, yeah, I mean, it's an anonymous story. I take them mostly as hypotheticals. This is sick as hell, though. Pretty good. Wait, I'm obsessed. Can we, wait, someone send her this. Send Opie this. Comment Opie on the video. But it is very easy to lie online. It's important to remember. God, that was fun as hell. Yeah. I feel like I just did a cold plunge. An internet cold plunge. Where you believed everything. You're like, wait, actually, no, everything's fake. I think at this point, I'm not hit too hard by it. Because I'm just like, yeah, probably a lot of them are. No, sure. I just love being like, hello, I'm a journalist. That it was like, yeah, I think it's a novelty. I'm John Quinones. And this is, what would you do? The novelty of coming back like years later and being like, hey, by the way, this is fake. I lie. It is, yeah, it is also a little old to be like, like, I know we deal with, what is on the internet being fake or real constantly? So it isn't like a, you're right, things can be fake. Because there's so much of it in our day to day, even like the news. That's not that big of a surprise. It's just the way she did it. And she wrote this before AI fucking took it to a whole new level. I also feel like it's a pretty mild story. So I'm like, yeah, I don't have, this is such a real scenario. It's not like you wrote something that I'm like, I can't believe that happened. I'm like, you're, your friend was jealous that you had photos of your ex in your phone. That's almost why I'm more surprised. I was like, this is one of the most believable, like stories, just like real stories. I think we could throw a penny and it would land on a jealous boyfriend of a girl's phone camera. Yeah. I'm kind of like, I guess a part of me is also a little bit like, what was your, like, what was your argument in this, in that like, oh, this is dangerous that I persuade people into thinking that boyfriends can be jealous. Yeah. I'm like, and it's like, oh, actually, but so that story was fake. Mind you, guys are never jealous. Exactly. You're so right. Like if she made us believe something that we don't normally can get behind easily. Which does happen on the internet. And that is a very real thing. I think the thesis is true in that we should doubt everything we see on the internet nowadays. But how about, you know, a fictional story that's causing us to look inside of ourselves and confront the issues that we have and our own insecurities. Yes. That sounds like storytelling. That's the biggest thing. I think I read these in that kind of manner. Me too, yeah. Right? You know, because I was devastated when I found out Percy Jackson wasn't real. Yeah. Oh my gosh. That was really fucked up. When I found out. He's just clicking my pen in school. Why isn't it a sword? But I was relieved when I found out The Hunger Games wasn't real. I read that and I was like, can you believe what they're doing? Oh my God. When am I going to have to go? When I found out. When am I going to have to, I have to volunteer. When I found out Shiz University wasn't a thing. I mean, my God. Can I say though, there's an added layer to this too. And I think it's true for the internet of like. It is important to doubt everything. I say that hosting this show, right? Like be entertained by the internet, but do not take life advice because you might go to Reddit and write a story asking for advice about like your relationship or something and keep in mind that you might be getting marriage advice from a 12-year-old. It's like so true. Like you just do not know who's commenting. You don't know who's on there. Who's that 12-year-old? We need her on the show. You just don't know what the fuck is, like because it's anonymous, right? That's what I was going to say. What goes on in your guys' brain when you're reading these? Do you picture, like are you picturing the people visually? Yeah, I picture a lot of them. I picture them as Pixar characters, like super soft. Whoa. Kind of. Like the dad, I was picturing him like quintessential like the dad in Inside Out. Wow. Like I'm not like really thinking in realism a lot with these because it's just kind of bonkers. I don't think I'm picturing people. I feel like maybe in my head I'm like, well, now you're making me think. I know. Think about how you listen. No, I don't know. Just think about that. You know, and it's funny. This is interesting. And now that you made me think, the first story that we read about the dad. What did you think he looked like? You know, it's not actually about what the dad looked like, but it's weird that my head, when I imagined them like going up to the house, it was my house from my childhood. I was like picturing. I was like, when I had to picture a like suburban family at the house, I like my was like, I went to my house from my childhood. There you go. I don't know what that means. Brains are crazy. Brains are crazy. Brains are crazy. When I found out some people do not think in images and like can't think in images, I was blown away by that. Yeah. See, anytime I hear something like that, I'm like, what do you mean? Because I can't. Like truly cannot, cannot form, cannot form images in their head. See, but like, I don't know if I can form images in my head because I don't know what that means to you. When you close your eyes, can you see a red apple in front of you? Like, like, am I seeing like, as if there's a TV screen here and there's an apple? You can picture a red apple. Let me try another one that we might cut. Boobs. Yeah, picture boobs. You see it. No, I can only describe boobs in my head. I can only see the word boobs. I can only see one pair of boobs. Our final story. Mysterious vibrating in my bedroom. Been there. Okay. It's not gonna suck itself. This was posted on RBI, Reddit Bureau of Investigation, a subreddit where people use the power of the internet to solve real world problems. Now, I'm writing in. You've piqued my interest. What's in my ass? I don't know. I was investigating the male G-spot. That's crazy, you guys. It was really dark in here, and I don't know what I put up my ass. You've been reading Reddit all day, and you ended your day with that one? I'm not going crazy, but there's a vibrating in my room that I hear from time to time, and it's making me paranoid. I live alone. No one else lives with me but my dog. The buzz I hear sporadically sounds exactly like my iPhone. Just a quick short vibration about a half a second. It's not my iPhone. As I hear it when I'm actively using my phone, and it's not my phone. It's not regular. It doesn't happen in intervals. It's completely random. Sometimes I hear it often. Sometimes days go by. It's too quiet to hear when I'm watching TV. Almost always when there's no other sound. Sometimes it sounds like it's coming from under my bed. Sometimes it sounds like it's coming from the ceiling. I can't for the life of me figure out what it is. I live pretty basic. I have a light mounted on the ceiling, carbon monoxide detector, and an iPhone charger in my room. That's all the electric things in my room. Could it be coming from inside the drywall? Plumbing, maybe? I'm not crazy. This is a real sound, but it happens so infrequently, I can't pinpoint it at all. Okay. What do we think it is? Vibrating. Something. It's kind of different parts of the room. I have, in my apartment, like heard buzzing. And I thought it was a phantom, like me thinking I got texts before. But like I have upstairs neighbors. And like, I don't know. Like I've always been like, oh, it sounds like a buzz. Like there's so much shit going on. It's the Wi-Fi. I don't fucking know. I've been going through this actually in the last couple of weeks because I've been hearing this sound that's like a little sound. And I don't know what it was. And it's one of those things that like, I just can't be asked to get up off the couch and like try and figure out what it is. But then I asked Raven and I was like, is that your computer? And she's like, oh, I've heard that. And she's like, I thought it was your computer. And I'm like, I'm like, if you're sitting in your office and it's not coming from your computer, I don't, I don't know where it's coming from. And it's like kind of been driving me crazy, but also like in a way that I'm like, I don't know what's going on. We're all so cooked. We're all here. We're hearing sounds and we don't know what's going on. We don't know what the fuck it is. We don't know what it is. And it's like. The stakes are high enough for me to figure it out, man. Okay. So someone commented, you say you live alone, but are you in a single family home or in an apartment? Yeah. My old apartment had some pretty thick walls, but the floor and ceilings were not. I could hear and possibly feel my upstairs and downstairs neighbor's phones vibrate. Yeah. Mostly upstairs because I think it was on a table. So the vibration amplified through my ceiling. You don't live in an apartment. I don't know. Opie said one bedroom house. Whoa. Um, that makes me think like it's ventilation or plumbing. Yeah. A rat. That's the only thing. Or a rat, like a big fat rat with an iPhone. A rat. I feel like a rat getting so many emails. Like, you know how like your AC unit like cycles. It like starts up, like turns off. It could be something where like, you know, it rustles on and there's like a little vibrating as it's listening. Also, I don't know. Maybe one of my devices is listening. Maybe it's the government. You know, everything's listening to everything. So, yeah, I mean, that's kind of true. I'm not going to doubt that. I can go, hey, Alexa. Anybody's going to keep going. Well, a lot of listeners just got pissed off. Yeah. Google. Hey, Google. Fuck. Sorry. Someone said, oh, God, this would bother me so much. Maybe the CO detector, maybe a fan or some electrical buzz coming from the light. Maybe something with the water heater or Wi-Fi modem router. What other rooms are butted up with the bedroom? Start taking note of the times of day you hear it most often. Obviously, I would guess it's mostly at night when you're in bed, as that's the quietest time you're in your room. But see if there are other times you notice it. Note what other things are or aren't happening in the house. That should narrow it down at least a little. Opie said, that's a good idea to keep a log. See if the times match up or if there's a pattern. We'll do that. Someone said, just to add a sense of panic, let's mention that there's phantom vibration syndrome. That's what I was thinking. Like, we're all buzzing all the time. Like, who the fuck knows? Opie said, oh, I've had phantom phone ring for years. I've always had that. This isn't physical. It's auditory. I hear it buzzing. Sorry. So phantom vibration syndrome is a real thing. According to Wikipedia, phantom vibration syndrome or phantom ringing syndrome is the perception that one's mobile phone is vibrating or ringing when it's not. PBS is technically a hallucination because your brain is perceiving something that isn't actually happening. So is that because like- That happens to me all the time. Because that's how like what we are seeing and hearing and everything is not actually what's in front of us. It's what our brain is interpreting. So it makes sense that if a motion or something, your brain is- Your brain is so used to phone vibration that it's like, that's what that is. So it makes you feel that. And I'm used to that sound. I'm used to that feel. I'm like used to it on my couch and like feeling it. And especially when I'm expecting calls and it's during the day, I'm like always being like, I'm like, I check it and nothing changed. Okay. But I get texts. So don't worry guys. I like, I get a lot. Dude, like I'm getting calls and texts, I swear. Like sometimes I don't and I think it. I get like a lot. I'm always getting. And it's like, that's probably why I have it because it's like, I'm just always getting texts. And so I'm like, surely I'm getting a text right now because I'm always- It's just like hit up. Update. Okay. 1.5 years later. What? Took him one and a half years to figure it out. Damn. Any last guesses? Alien. Could be. Could be. Alien? You look, I'll hop on the alien train. I'll go with. I'm going to go with some weirds in the walls. A drone. Drone. Drone. Okay. I'm about to read it. Yeah. That's usually how that goes. Yeah. Well, any last guesses? Okay. Thank you. Thank you. Posted about a strange buzzing in my house over a year ago and I never was able to figure out what it was. I heard it so infrequently and irregularly that it was almost impossible to figure out what it was. Every time I'd hear it, I'd immediately stop what I was doing and go real silent waiting with bated breath, hoping it would buzz again. Almost like a cruel joke. It would only buzz after I gave up waiting and went back to whatever it was I was doing. Even up to last week, I'd still hear it. Sometimes multiple times a day. Sometimes weeks would go by without hearing it. I'm pretty sure I figured it out and it's comically stupid what it was. So I was sleeping in the middle of the night, like 3 a.m. And I woke up and was in a semi-sleep daze, kind of drifting. The world was real quiet and it was a deep silence and I heard the buzz. But for the first time, it almost immediately repeated and kept repeating in frequency, almost like a rhythm. I was 100% sure it was my phone ringing on vibrate. So I started groping around the bed to find my phone because the buzzing sounded exactly like my phone buzzing every two seconds for about half. Once I found my phone, the buzzing continued. But I couldn't quite place where it was coming from. This is going to sound crazy and I'm amazed this is the source. But eventually, my alertness and physical movements woke my dog up and the buzzing immediately ceased with a grunt. The buzzing was my stupid shepherd's exhales. Like his every exhale or possible inhale, I'm not sure, was buzzing, exactly emulating a cell phone buzz. This happened to me like two days ago. That's crazy! This happened to me, I can't believe I didn't think of it. This happened to me two days ago. I was sitting, I was laying on the couch and my dog, I like had my arm down and he laid napkin, had like laid his head and his neck was resting on my arm. arm. And then I kept feeling this buzzing and I was like, why is, I thought my phone was buzzing, but then it was on the armchair and I was like, what? And then I realized it was like his neck and the exhale. It was a journalist showing us that internet is fake. It was actually John Quinones. Napkin goes, I've been working for the globe. I've actually been, see, you cannot trust anything you hear vibrating. That's crazy. That's crazy. It's happened to you. Oh my God. I'm decently confident that this is the same buzzing that I've been hearing for years. And also the reason that I've been unable to source it because every time I hear it, I'll get super alert and tense, which immediately wakes up my dog as he's super attuned to my behavior and his breath buzzing stops. Then when I relax and give up the search, he goes back to sleep as the situation is over. That's when I hear it again. And he again, wakes up to see what's got me agitated. I also only ever hear it during moments of calm when I'm lounging, never when I'm active and moving about the house. So this would make sense that it's only ever when my boy is sleeping. I'm pretty satisfied with this answer. And when I do hear it again, I'll be on the lookout to see if it's the dog nose next time as well. It happened. That's crazy. But it was like, I felt the vibration on my arm. Like, I don't think I would have heard it. So I felt it. And I was like, what was that? And I was like, oh, it's, that's so funny. That's incredible. Because then every time you do, you, you move, like your dog is going to stop. I was like, what's going on? Yeah. Let's get it. What a, what a prank. Wow. Is we looking for that buzz again? What's that buzz? We're looking for it. He's like, the dogs, the dogs are just like, what the fuck? Yeah. Yeah. The dog's going, did you hear that dude? Yeah. The dog's going, I heard it too. Where was it? I fucking heard that dude. Honestly, I bet it's the fucking cops. Yeah. Dude, something's in the walls, man. You got to bust open the walls. Something's in the walls. My cat's purrs are like too obvious. Yeah. But with cats, cats make you less anxious because they're, unlike dogs, which I feel like are by your side a lot more, cats are just all over the fucking place all the time. So you'll hear weird noises and you're just like, that's probably my cat getting up to shenanigans. And you're just used to weird noise. You're just like, yeah, here's something. The only thing that wakes me up is I'm like, I'll hear something about, they're on the fucking counters. And I'll be like, you bastards. Like, I hear you. Get off. They'll just hear them all over the place. They're on the fucking counters. They're on the fucking counters again. Like the funniest was there was one time, this was like a few, we were living in a different apartment and we had built these like shelves so that the cats could get up to above the kitchen counters. Yes. I love those. Yeah. And Bones was, was unable to hop up high enough. But one of the nights he tried and I, we wake up to like a crash. We hear like a, and then I run out and I just see bones in the middle of the floor, just like his tail puffed, just kind of like, and I was like, did you fall, hit the trash can and hit the crap? Cause he was just so embarrassed. Just kind of like, he's like, nah, dude, that was someone else. He was like, that was like, dude, there's a weird buzzing sound. It sounds like a cat's falling. What's the threshold? I, sometimes I think about like, what's the threshold of weird noise you could hear before you could be like, is it, is my place haunted? Cause I'll watch like ghost hunting shows and they'll just be like in there silently and they'll hear like the littlest noise and be like, Oh my God. I'm like, I feel like I'm always hearing noises. I hear so much shit and it's fine. Make a lot of noise. It's why, okay. This cause people know I'm a bit of a skeptic, right? Yeah. No, I, I'm not saying I don't believe in those things. It's just that so many people, I'm like, if you want to believe in the things that you're going to hear, cause we're talking about how our brains perceive things. So if you're telling yourself it's a ghost, I'm like, you're more likely to like make, that pattern makes sense to you. Yeah. Yep. Ready for this? I'm going to wrap it all up in a bow. Okay. Yes. That same thing. And so like, I was thinking that. Killed. Killed. Killed. That was good. Wow. It was the dog all along. This time you can blame it on the dog. And now you can. Anyways, thank you both for being here for all these updates. You're the best, man. Thank you, bro. You're the best. You're the best. You're the fucking best. Guys, I bring it. I love you guys. This is awesome. Yeah. This show. It's time for bed. All right. Well guys, it's time for bed. I know for some of you it's 1130 in the morning, but it's time for bed. Sorry. I don't make the rules. Um, thank you Trevor and Angela. And, uh, thank you all for watching and, uh, Hey, we'll see you next week. Update. We're having another show next week. Update. Another episode comes out. Love you. Bye. - Bye.