Diddy DM'd Joey Diaz!

what's happening beautiful people? It's Tuesday December the night, two more shoplifting weeks. So fucking Christmas, you got two more Mondays to get your party started. I got my main man, Lisa at the Cato of comedy. And we're here for another fun filled episode of the church. What's happening now? New addition, Jack. What up, MOOC? What's up to it? When is like the best time to go shoplifting? Is it now when it's busy or everything? Every guy relaxed laws now. You know, on my life on the ship, shoplifter. And then now you could shoplift for free at CVS. Like a Christian. I'm up there buying $80 for nicotine gum and people are running out with shaving cream and fucking, you know, the thing is going off. And nobody now you getting trouble if you stop them. I got too much class to shop lift now. You know what I'm saying? But deep, deep deep in my heart. I want a shoplift like everybody really? Why not? That's fun. I mean, stop that fun because then don't chase you no more like being chased and the whole thing. That's a blast. That's what life is all about. You need one of those every once in a while. I haven't gotten chased. This is 1988. I haven't gotten chased by a shoplifting security guy. Oh my God. What happened in 1988? I used to steal these Bruce Springsteen collect the kits from Seas. They would leave him right from by the door. And all I had to do was walk in and take two of them and they give me $40 a piece at the bookstore in Boulder. And they weren't wanting you just kept selling the same album like the same set. Yeah. They didn't even they don't care. They know, they know you're a shoplift. They don't care. You know, and I would go in there like every time I was broke, I'd go in and get two, two, two, and I'm going in there one time. I'm like, man, I've taken a lot of these like this has been a month straight of two, two, two's. There's like eight of them left. I'm like, I can't believe they haven't noticed. I should've never had that thought. Oh, yeah. You changed yourself. I went back to them next time I went in like in the afternoon when it was laxed and shit. Now I'm out on bail for kidnapping. So I don't need this shit. But I needed it. Like I needed it to get cash. And I'll never forget I'm coming out of there with two of them and two other ones. And I'm starting to walk and they're like, Hey, hey, nice. And they're chasing me. And I'm throwing the fucking thing at them. You know, they're behind me. And the one guy fell and he ran back and got a cart like the one we were in the casino. The other guy chased me down in a golf cart. Yeah. And a golf cart. And they caught me at the edge of the mall. And there was a cop car there. So I had to stop. Did you even love throwing records at people? That made me think about you throwing like the little single tracks out of your window or something like when somebody's chasing you, then you throw some man doing that. They just fucking biggest dumbest thing I've ever done in my life. If you're going to turn around because you got a gun and you're shooting at their feet, they have to go down. I'm saying. Did they ever do they get pissed? He like, why are you throwing stuff at me? No, I don't know what they said to me when they arrested me finally say nothing. Who cares? But it's fun getting chased. But now they don't even chase you when you run out of CVS like what a box of makeup and shit. You know the money I'd be making out of CVS. Really? That's where you'd go. Yeah, because women want stuff, men want stuff. You know, one of those raises is like there are any bucks. I can't tell you those stuff. That's Christmas in my house. That's right on the arm, Jack. Boom. You just walk out. Everybody gets a razor grandma gets a ray everybody. That'd be the Christmas present. One stop shopping. Oh my God. You get yourself then you, you figure out a place where you could rob one and bring it back and at least got 120 bucks or something. And now you got Christmas money on Christmas Eve and give us for everybody. But now you got to wait till 26 is a big day. Why? That's a big shop lift in there. If you want to make big money because everyone's paying attention, everyone's and nobody's got to receive. Oh shit. Yeah. But I think it's different now because they have those numbers. So when they scan them, it'll tell you when they bought it, who bought it, who didn't buy it. If I think you fuck, so maybe I'm wrong, but you know, you old days 26, 27, 28, you could bring shame back to February 14 and say I got it for Christmas. Right. It just got around to it. You know, I would just walk in and pick up a blanket. One of those 200, 300 hour blankets and walk them up to the counter. Hey, I'm sorry. I got this for Christmas. I don't know who gave it to me. Let's find out. Did you ever do it? And I've heard of like, at like Walmart, people will have like a TV box and they'll just put like rocks in it. Yeah. I ain't going to buy no more. That's, that's what the Jamaicans are doing 30 years ago. Oh my God. Yeah. You go into the Lincoln tunnel. They come up to you with a BCR $29 and you're like, okay. And you get home and it's a brick. Oh my God. And and some guys buying hummus for you $29. That would, that would piss me off. I've, I had never experienced that. And like someone pulled up to me at like a car wash when I was like a teenager. And I was like, I am in. I think it was like a necklace or like speak no with speakers. It was speaker. They're always speakers. Who gets, who gets tricked with that? Like that dumb people. They just was rule number one is don't get involved. Right. So as they come out of the car like, Hey, we got this to sail. Look, I'm good and keep walking unless I know that person. And he's a bonafide thief. And I bought him him before. Right. Okay. I'm not fucking with this guy. Hey, they pull over. It's like the best. You ever been in a car wash? Okay. Some guy pulls up to you and he goes, Hey, don't have any bodywork. What? They'll come up to you and go, Hey, man, you need bodywork. If you want, I could fix that right now. I got the dent there and I'll put some shell eye on it. Go away. Go away. This is the beginning of something bad. Right. This is just going to be something bad. It's not going to get any better. Don't even listen. It's a double talking to you. Did you ever make a mistake when you were broke and trust one of them? No, no. Do you learn that living in this area? Like, when I came from listening, I was growing up. My mom had a thing. You don't have to talk to nobody. Right. Don't get involved in conversation. If it's not for you, it's got none to do with you. You know, some guys like, How? How? My girlfriend got mugged and you go over there and also you get mugged. Oh, I do. And then Ali, can you help my girlfriend? And you're trying to be a good son? They don't know nothing. It happened to me like a week or two ago. I had to do. Yeah. You know, we'll give to switch the side of the street you're parked on. So New York people just wait in their car and they pull out when the guy comes and then they pull right back in when he leaves. There's woman thought she was being cute and like pulled into someone's spot as everyone was pulling back in. And like this old lady was yelling at the person in the car. And I was going to go over and like, make like, you know, try to, but I was like, you know, you know what? It's not my business. You know, not to protect any old lady. Because that old lady might work out a shotgun and there you are, but boom, forget not the fucking car. So that was, that was the philosophy. You ever go to a mall and somebody's giving, again, I'm not being racist or anything. I'm just telling you how it is. You ever go to a fucking mall on a Saturday? Yeah. And there's like two Jamaicans with dreadlocks selling something in the mall. Like it could be like a free picture or a free something. And you see like two, 13 year old girls, they get caught up because the guy is cute. And now they have to go take a picture and they're $18 and now, and it's just a scam, right? But none of that will, that's just a waste of time for you. None of that would have happened if you would have said, you know what? I'm not interested. Right. I'm not interested. And it's sad. It hurts your feeling. It hurts you as a human that you can. But why get involved? I don't know this fucking guy. And he wants to take a picture of me and charge me eight bucks and then he's going to send me eight more copies in the mail and just don't get involved. Why go through that? Now, did you ever do any scams? Or was it not like that? Not like that. Not like that. Like the pull you aside to rob you for 30 bucks and let the fuck, the fuck out of mall, right? The fuck, man. Or like the guys with the CDs when you're outside of a store, they come up to the CD. No, no, it's a scam. All that shit, all that shit when they come out and especially across that fucking bridge in the city. That's professionalism over that. That would, but they don't think about anywhere else in this country. It's not tried over there in that fucking bridge. Yeah. Okay. Once you go over that fucking tunnel in that bridge, that's racket city. And it's been like that since the Indians were here. Dude, it's great. Like this. The Indians want to talk to the honkies. They would have still fucking on New York, but they want to go over there and trade turkey business. Mind your fucking business. I don't want no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, nothing. I don't want no pumpkins. I don't want nothing. That's great. Yeah. Do you teach mercy that to my like, there's always, yeah, always because they forget what other guys cute. You just got taken by a cute guy. He just walked it. It's like, it's like you go to a massage problem. And the front girl is fucking gorgeous. Right. Of course. And you go in and you're like, oh, shit. You have any availability. And she's like, yeah. And you're like, fuck it. I'm here for the next time. What do you want? I want 80 for half hour 160. If you want some extra, you can negotiate with the girl. And then you walk back there and they give me this fucking human sloth. That looks like me. You know, with an eye patch on it's shit. And you're like, and there's no refunds advertising. Yeah. And the same thing happened. They do that in businesses. They do it on the street with anything else. you know what I saw you you actually did it pretty well this past weekend because we had a great time at the shows, but we get to the hotel and there's these guys who like I think you might have been the first person they've ever seen from TV because they like we walk in and there's immediately all like eight of them like he's famous like they weren't trying to hide it at all they weren't whispering. I couldn't hear anything. I was going to say I don't know if you're actually deaf or just pretend like you're not deaf because you were like sitting you were just like not looking until like they like made a point of coming over and like saying the one guy said something. Yeah. But like for like the six, seven minutes before he he's famous. I'm I'm promising. He's famous like they're and he might like yeah like that could get to other people, but you just that being deaf thing is kind of working out. Listen, let me explain something to you. If I walk into a place and you think I'm fucking famous, there is something fucking wrong with you. Do you know what I'm saying? Now that's Denville, Virginia. Right. I got a roach that's famous in Danville, Virginia. My fly is pretty famous. Yeah. Your fly is fucking. Yeah, he was on the plane. He came back. He had to come here and sign. You've been caught. You've been holding them under like wraps and shit. You haven't been uh you haven't been letting them loose, but you think about that if everybody think if you really think I'm famous, now what if I walked in there with Kid Rock? They shit their pants. No, I'm with Kid Rock, but you follow me? Right. No, that's what I'm saying. It's like I don't fucking get all that stuff because famous is a guy that's taking a helicopter. If I was famous, I wouldn't be at the high. At a three-story hotel in Denville. If I was famous, I'd be at the W with the whole floor and security on every fucking floor. So nobody could get up there when I'm sucking my own dick. Yeah, that's a big difference between famous and fucking or there's people who are famous who just live off credit cards. And now they got to maintain a fucking shield for people because now they fucked himself. And there's also famous people who pay like paparazzi to be there. So like there's other guys who would have walked in and made a big commotion. Like went over and like, Hey, you guys want pictures? Like just made a whole big thing about it. That was crazy. I've never, that was like honestly, do you have, I don't, I don't think you felt unsafe, but like it was like the honestly one of the weirdest things I've dealt with with you. The only other time I dealt with it and it was funny was in Austin, the way before like year, the first time I went there. And we were staying, and you were pissed because we were staying at the Weston. And we went into like a little bodega at the mall and the guy was convinced you were big pussy. And you wouldn't take no for an answer. He's like, come on, just tell me. You know, like, I'm not. I think I would not take no for an answer. But he wasn't like creepy about it. Like those guys there for a second, I was like, like, are we gonna have to do something? Like it was like kind of, it's, I don't know. If somebody walked in that was famous, I wouldn't react. Right. I'd be as cool as a cucumber, but if something was to happen, then it happened, but I wouldn't go, look what it is. You know, right. Like the blow up that fucking spot. Have you ever felt like scared when like in one of those situations? What scared that some idiot is gonna blow up my fucking spot. Right. Yeah, especially the most important fucking thing. And that's what people do not understand. You walk into a restaurant, you buy yourself, you want to eat, listen, these leave and catch them now in the way out or whatever. But they come over performing a bite my food and go, hey, we want to picture. It's not happening because now everybody else is gonna come over to bother me while I'm eating my food. Right. Because they don't give a fuck. They don't give a fuck. I don't mean to bother you. But I don't mean to bother you. I never do this if I see you get it over with don't fucking follow me for five minutes and then ask me for a picture on it. My favorite one that shit drives me insane. Oh, I'm sure just get it. Yeah, I've done it twice in the past like month. My favorite woman. I see someone that I like I'm a fan of. I just as I'm walking. I say big fan and like I don't even stop like that that one. I'm okay. I think it is as much as I'll do like I saw I tell the other night and it like the comedian I was I was like a little girl. Like I just said big fan. He said hey, thanks buddy. Which made me feel worse being called being called buddy was not good. But then I tortured Danny Braff because he opens for him. So I texted Danny and said, Hey, I just saw a tell and I told him that you said it was okay for me to open for him. And then Danny got really didn't you really say that? Don't be blowing up Danny's spot. I can't. I love Danny Braff. But no, it was that was crazy. But that was a fun weekend. That was a we're not even a week and fun 24 hours. I was fucking great. And you know, listen, it's a new casino. It's a new fucking auditorium. I mean, fucking the fact that young blood was there a week or two before not like September. I told before they're there already. Fuck. I mean, I had a hell as young blood played Denville. Virginia. Like wherever booked them. That was great. There's a warm up couple of days. It's gonna seem and if he bombs in Denville, you got to be ready for Philly LA, New York, Houston, right Toronto. You know, you got to be ready for those. But it was one of the best audiences that we've had in all. Like, yeah, well, honestly, we haven't had a bad show yet. But even like they were like really good. It was excellent. And there's the difference. When you play, it's like when you see a UFC in Vegas, or even at the garden, or in LA, you watch a UFC. People take it for granted. They show up at 10. Meanwhile, feels they're at 430 watching the free pre pre limbs. But you just see all these people with all these empty spots. That at 10 o'clock, they want to fucking show up like big shots. And I appreciate that. Go to a place like Minneapolis. Those motherfuckers pay 500 to take it. They're getting there with the doors open. Right. They ain't leaving to that place burns down. They play 500 bucks. It's a different audience. When you go see a neck game. And I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna fucking clean out my bank account. And I'm gonna sit in front room for what? So I can bring you with me so you're on the fucking phone the whole time. Right. You know, and you see those people at those games. And they're on the phone. They just paid 15,000 for a front ticket. And they're on the phone and giggling with each other. They're not even dead. They don't even care about basketball. That destroys my inside. Because there's somebody in Kentucky that would sit on that thing out of tension. Yeah. And if you took your phone out, they come over smack you. Like you fucking fall away. Respect the game. Do you follow me, man? Yeah. When you do comedy in New York, Houston, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, they can do comedy every night in a week. When you do comedy in towns like Danville, you know, those places I told you about Wyoming, when you go to that town, you're it. And they're excited. They're excited. Okay. You are it. Okay. They've had this to do or go shoot pigs, which they will be fucking weekend. They will pay the money to come to your show. And they will be so grateful that you're there. Right. Like, after we got on the plane, I felt bad because we had a leave right after that. And look, what I ended up when I flew back to do on Saturday, I didn't even end up doing. Oh, no. And I knew that night. I'm like, I should have known. I wasn't going to do this shit at 11 o'clock in the morning. And I felt bad because those are the people you want to talk to. Oh, yeah. There's no pretense. They don't want to talk to you about acting, by hand, which is how happy you came. And we got some weed for you. We got some meth. Oh, yeah. They'll give you a shit. You know, when you go walk young comics, when they all travel, when they want to get pushed, you know, all that. The chance that you get and push you in Houston in New York after a show of dead Danville, all of us kind of caught a piece. You think so? Because they'll blow you just for coming to town. That grandma was really excited to talk to you. I've been to those towns and all those comedians fat, ugly, black, white, yellow, they get laid. A number two, you're never going to tell nobody. No, you don't get stuck. You're dick in the shower. You live in Boston. They're never going to see you again. And some freaks are into that stuff. They're all fucking, I'm never seeing them again. Then they'll go back home and tell that boy, if there's a great show, you fucked up in the closet because they're into that shit. So those towns are always better to perform. They're more grateful. They're very fucking great. Go to an open mic and peduka. I went to an open mic and peduka. It was 50 people. Oh, that's it. You thought you were fucking the dojo. Yeah. 50 people on a fucking Tuesday night. And they're all drinking coffee. They're smuggling beer in. They're smoking joints outside. They're grateful. Go to an open mic here. Nobody to bunch of bumps. We're going to get three people this week. Kind of work at that. But at that level, I'm mad at you because you're basically just learning how to do comedy. You're not going to learn how to do them both. Just learn how to do comedy. Don't worry about getting people in the door yet. Just worry about doing comedy. And honestly, anytime anyone comes to an open mic, I feel bad for them. Like a regular person who's not performing comes to watch an open mic. I don't know. Some people want to see a fucking product that isn't prepared. Some people just like that shit. Yeah. Some people don't want to see nothing. They just want to wait for the Yankees to get through the World Series and they buy hat. Correct George? But nobody wants to be then April. Nobody wants to be then July and nine degree weather. Right. You know. And technically it's I was barking before a show last weekend. I was talking to this woman about just she's like, you know what the best show the best show she ever went to was like a an audition for like a Netflix thing. So it was like a bunch of like young comics who are like super, super hungry because even she said it. And I I've thought of her while like once people get well known, then a lot of times the material goes way downhill. You're not listening. A band's first album is the most powerful out. They've had 30,000 years to work on. And they refined it on the road for a year and a half. And that's just the way it is. And two might be really good, you know, some people like for women that dropped like Sheryl Crow's second album wasn't that good. Really? But she picked them up with the third one. You know, really good bands just got fucking better. Let's up when two after one was a masterpiece. You know, they just get better. So it's really up to the artist in a way. Mm-hmm. Like I've always had shitty material. I don't have listen. There's some fucking jokes for the great, but for the most part it's rubbish, but I know this going in. I just know how to sell it better than other people. Yeah, but that's part of it though. Okay, but let's just get to that, you know what I'm saying? I feel yeah, I get what you're saying, but it's also like you've had your CDs and you have the couple of specials, but you also haven't put out a lot of stuff compared to other comedians. Because you could see I changed my material too quick. I don't let it develop. I'd rather fucking give somebody a really good show from the bottom of my fucking heart from what I'm feeling today. Right. That's why I can't do two shows at night because I'm not going to duplicate it. I'd rather go up there or what I'm feeling today and go all out. I don't have. You listen, you get to an age where you don't you don't quit, but you work around your disabilities, whatever you slow one thing that's killing me. I'm not ramping on stays normal. You did a little bit in dental. You had your moments of doing that. I'm not ramping with anger with the vein popping out of my head. I got to figure something out. Listen, I can get that vein going if you want. No, if you want that to be my job, yeah, we'll bring George. He's the official vein. Vane popper. So leave the formal fucking menu over here. They're really fucking with magic markers on top of it. They're really fucking burn me up. So, so you know, it's like I like an open mic because and not for me. First of all, I like an open mic to watch young comics. Yeah, but you're a comic. It doesn't fucking matter. You don't follow my point. Okay. I'm watching comics that are fucking homegrown and they're going to make mistakes and they're going to start it and they're going to say stupid shit. And that's where you find the humor. Oh, yeah, because and but you don't bust them because I did the same thing. We all made mistakes up there. But that's the thing. You don't go to an open mic and hackle somebody. No, that's just being a fucking douchebag, you know, all that type of shit. That's no respect for the fellow. We're at the painters. We got to respect our other people. But I'll go to an open mic, sit there and watch a comics. And guess what, even after 35 years, I'll learn something. So whoever tells you from watching those 35th comments, those eight comics, I don't go to open mics. I don't want to see that. Okay. But there's a lot of comedians that have ego and they go, I don't watch other people specials because I don't want to get their material in my mind. Don't say that. You don't watch other people special because you're a selfish mother fucker. Really? Okay. Yeah. You're a selfish mother fucker and you think your shit don't stink. So you won't watch nobody else is fucking special. Well, I mean, to be honest, that's one of the reasons I watch some of like the big ones. But yeah, I don't want people. You think you think I should watch everything? Listen, watching doesn't mean you're going to leave it on for 50 minutes. Okay. Some specials, dogs, some comedy, shit, only last six minutes. You're right. It's a long six minutes. That's a long six minutes. And some people guide you through 40. And then you just sit there and analyze why they guided you through 40. Mm-hmm. What did they do to keep your attention for 40 fucking minutes? What were they doing? Did they keep a simple? That's what you're looking at specials is a comic for. And you're not going to like any one. You're not going to like that. That's what makes the world special that we all don't wake up and go, I want vanilla ice cream. No, I wake up and go, I want pistachio and pussy flavoured ice cream. I want this. I want this. I want fingernails in my ice cream for it. And it's funny. You bring this up because it's something that I was thinking about on the plane ride back is because something you haven't asked me in a while. But when I first started, you would always ask me what you learned after this. After everything. What did you learn tonight? I was like, I was going to ask you. It was just loud on the plane. And I didn't want I don't like hammering you with comedy questions. But like at 30 years in, do you learn something every fucking night? Every fucking night. And if you don't stop fucking living, I learned something at 62 years old this year. I learned one of the biggest lessons of my fucking life that I knew. But for some reason, I felt retarded. And we all can't be fucking sharp 24 hours a year, you know. And you'd learn things, man. And that's what life is about when you stop learning things because you're too fucking smart or too witty or whatever. Shoot yourself. Shoot yourself. How, how hard is it for you? Because it's hard for me to like learn something, but actually put it into practice. Like take what you learned and actually do it. It takes you eight fucking times. It'll take you eight fucking times after you learn it. And four of them, you're bomb or you beat, put yourself. And that's what I look at. We had we experienced something the other night that I really enjoyed. And I love it at that. Becky took $80 out of her purse and wanted to play Blackjack. Okay. And I lost money too. I lost 100 bucks quick too. I'm not making fun of Becky. How do you learn about life? The biggest tax for me is money. Yeah. You know, I could drive over that $28,000 later. You know, I won't drive over that no more. Money will always fucking teach you a lesson. But sometimes it's just you just keep getting beat up. If you're going to keep doing the same shit and bombing, after we told you, like, I'll tell you something two times, right? And then I see you doing again. There's nothing to talk about no more. There's nothing to talk about because you didn't when you have a bad habit, you want to get out and listen, man, I've been on every fucking drug in the world. They're all bad habits. I beat my toenails for a year. I picked my feet. You know, we all have back habits. It's just going, you know what? I can't do this no more. This is my money. This is the stage. I said something here a couple of weeks ago. This is the same thing. That one thing about me with comedy was when I got into comedy. I left who the shitty person I was behind. How many times I go into a comedy club and I'm sitting there in the comic on stage. His girlfriend leaves his purse in the green room. And I'm alone there for 45 minutes. 20 years ago, the purse is gone, the car is gone. You're gone. The car is gone. You know, I'm gone. I could not let that fucking character floor. I had to be in a fucking beef climb into that. Yeah. So it's the same thing. You know, how much longer can I do this until I learn this? This isn't a fucking me hanging out with my friends. Well, this isn't me watching a jet game. This is what I aspire to do, right? I aspire to be that guy. So I but it stopped doing this shit. If I want to be that guy, right. It didn't happen to me this weekend. We got back. I passed out on your couch for a few hours and on Saturday night, I was thankfully I got it. But I asked for a midnight spot and they gave it to me. And I was going out and I just I just wasn't in the mood to be funny last night. I don't know what it was. I just wasn't feeling it. And I wasn't going to cancel the midnight. But they it's weird how like the universe tests me sometimes. Like they were for and that there was a double feature of the both kill bills, like all over the city last night. And for a second, I was going. I must have been going like eight times. I was going to walk towards the train and going to go. But I have like I have the Joey Diaz on my shoulder. I mean, like you you all not only do you own these movies. You've seen them both a ton of times. Just and I and I went out and I didn't do got I didn't do great. But I got another spot. And I felt good at least I didn't like because I was even thinking like that. Yeah, well, I would love to go to that movie that last night. But that's like the old Lee, I guess. Like I had you in my head. Like I Joey would kill me if I went to a double feature again. And this question is going to ask you so do I have the luxury to sit in the movie theater for seven hours, right. Seven fucking hours. We'll be theater, especially on a Saturday night. You know, that's uh, that's something you do when you're retarded when you're, you know, listen, I'm never targeted. I love it. I used to say to trip features all the time, George will tell you San Francisco, New York City, I love all that shit. But did I have anything going on then? Why do you think I had none going on? Can you just go to fucking theater watching fucking three movies a day, two times a week? It's up to get a career. Yeah. It's up to get some going when you're watching a movie day during me. That's going to be me shooting people on the street one day watching Clint Eastwood, you know what I'm saying? So listen, you can live your life however you want, but if you're going to be that dude, whatever that dude is, you know, whatever that fucking person that you want to be is. Ask yourself, do you think he's on a fucking movie being on a Saturday night watching kill Bill one and two, which who gives a fuck, right? Exactly. Like who gives a fuck? Yeah. I mean, so you did the right thing, but on the other hand, look, you're doing a show during the week you do shows for 30 people, 40 people, I'm going to give you a fucking gift right now. When you go to a show with me, it's over a thousand people. Every one of those thousand people is another bug of your energy, right? Okay. It's another piece of your energy. You're not talking to 13 people no more. I'm talking to two thousand fucking people, which is crazy. That's a big energy boost. I don't care if you're 30, 40 or 50, because when I happen to me, you go home and book black out. You're just going home. Yeah. You go home and black out. Like you can't even believe what just fucking happened. You don't mind the energy that you expend like that day, I didn't do nothing, nothing because they threw us out of the hotel. I was going to go to the gym in the afternoon, right? Because I went in the morning, I back he goes, yeah, there's a gym. So I saw the gym. I went over and took a nap. I wake up and I'm like, I gotta leave the hotel. But what I'm going to say to you, you didn't do anything that day. I didn't do anything that day. When I got on stage, my whoop was 5.1. When I got off stage, it was 11.8. Damn. Yeah. You don't think you're expending energy. You just up there like, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. There's 2200 people in there, man. Yeah. And everything I give in, I gotta take back. Yeah. So the energy I give them, the laughter is back at me. That's a lot. That's a lot of fucking laughter coming at you. And I think about Gabriel. 60,000 people next month. Washington. 70,000 in July. Bro, that's tiring. That was it. I had an energy guys, you know, we're all running through electricity, right? Like we're all having electricity in ourselves. Yeah. How much electricity is in that room going, and you're popping edibles and fucking, you know, you leave there and your hips hurt, but when I got off stage and that my knee hurt, not the bum knee, but the fucking good knee I was like, because you're standing there. You're fucking giving your energy. You're giving your life. You want to do great. So always remember that. When you have those, the next day, I don't plan on that unless they're paying you a shit load because that's the only thing that's going to motivate you. Okay. You're going to lay down, get up, go, go, cup of coffee, but this is what you're picking up. Then you go, we're just going to do a free spot after those things. What were you even thinking? And at midnight, like a real fucking Puerto Rican. Come on. Come on. Yeah. Did a 10, 30 in a night. Listen, there's no comedy at midnight. No. There's no comedy. What are you going to get? Eight people? Yeah, they got like 12 people. To shoot yourself. I'm a horror though. I really, I know we all are. That's the problem that you want to stop the overhaul because then you're going to get burnt out. You were burnt out that night. You just said it. You were not in the mood to tell a fucking joke, but you went down there, you know, yeah. And I get it. You had nowhere to go either. I was like a rich again office in the gentleman, but this time, and listen, for years, I didn't experience burnout. You know what burnout is? When I got to call the club and go, I'm not coming down there. Fuck. You know? I can't even imagine doing that. Yeah. I'm not coming down. I can't. I can't. I can't get out of the fucking bed. I just did eight shows, 2,000 people yelling and screaming and hugging and kissing and then two flights. You think I'm going to, I told you I'd go on a Sunday, but I ain't going to happen, man. I got home. Yeah. I was going to take an nap with my daughter, you know, my wife, what do you come home from the road on Sunday? What do you think? You just want to go to bed. They want to talk to you. You haven't been around for two days. Yeah. And they want to suck it to you now. It's two days and no talking. They've been talking to their mother or their fucking retarded friends or not. You get there and they don't even give a fuck. Once they start, they ain't shutting up 40 minutes. You thought it was 2200 people or a lot of energy. Wait till you get home. And she's blasting about a nieces and nephews and, you know, like, well, I don't deserve it. I just want to watch the fucking jets get beat up on a Sunday. Oh, my God. Hold on real quick. We got to do a breather. Let's do it. I got to talk to you about some fucking pro-bikes. Start the podcast. Rock your world. Huh? I said, let's start the podcast. We didn't start it yet. No, we didn't. We're starting. We're starting. I'm talking here for 20 minutes. And now you want to tell me we didn't start the podcast. No. Just being started. We'll be right back. Beautiful people. What's up, beautiful people? Uncle Joey here. Listen, lots of people struggle with their weight and energy. Your gut health has a lot to do with that. Take better care of your gut with Bioma. Bioma is a gut supplement that has prebiotics, probiotics, and postbiotics all rolled into one. So you'd get everything acting like it should. Just take two capsules before breakfast and you're all set. I love Bioma. I have been on taking this for about two months now. I'm feeling better. I've lost weight. I have more energy. And it's true what they say. Everything starts in the gut. And I got a big gut. But Bioma helps calm your brain fog, anxiety, and mood swings. When your gut is better, trust me. Your life is better. It's like having a wife. Good, happy wife for happy life. So feel like hell. Bioma's got your back. To get started, just click on the link in our show notes and press and code Joey. J-O-E-Y, to get 15% off of your guts come back. That's 15% off of your first order when you use code Joey. Just press the links and don't forget about me. Bioma, Jack. Kicks this motherfuckin' newly. We're back bitches. Anyway, you know what I'm going to talk to you about that. I was thinking about this on the plane. That was my last real big show of the year. Okay. I don't have anything until January 31st and stuff like that was it. And it was so weird how the year started. And how the year ended. And I got to tell you something. I was very grateful. Because when I started this year, I started the year in the hospital. Fucking night to January. I was in the hospital for five fucking days. And then I came out. I didn't know where I was going to do. Like I'm like, we hadn't done the podcast. I'm like, two weeks because of holidays or something. We had missed the date and I was like, I don't know what the fuck we're going to do. And listen, I ended up back in the hospital months later and then a month after that. So there was something going on in my world that just wasn't making it work out for me. But the fact that we did all those shows this year throughout all the bullshit, the teeth, the fucking tooth fallin' out because in the tooth fell out last fucking week too. I almost went to Danville with a missing fucking front door. Oh my God. Yeah. You know, it's been that type of year before it being that time. Like most people like, you know, I'm done with 2020. Listen, I was in the hospital, but how fucking great were the shows that we did. How great is tight navigation? We discovered tight navigation now. How great are them? How great are the calibre of the shows that I don't have to fucking work a weekend. It's a casino. Like one night and we're fucking out of that. You know, listen, how long is this going to last for? Who the fuck knows? I don't even give a fuck because the way I look at it now, I'm supposed to be fucking dead. And the fact, the fact that I'm on the fucking road once a month and doing the dojo and doing an ayak and, you know, it just, it's, it's, it's, it's fucking, when you go to Carvelle and they give you a lot of hot fudge, that's what it is. It's just a lot of hot fudge. And I'm grateful. Like you wouldn't fucking believe I am so fucking grateful that at 62, I'm making a living. There was a time where I knew at 40, I couldn't fucking make a living, could not make a living. And looking at a guy that is fucking 40, could not make a fucking living. So next time you want to put a gun in your fucking mouth, because I can't pay my car pay me. Go fuck yourself. Okay. I could not make a living. I could not make a living when I was 25 years old with a wife and a kid, I could not make a living. I could steal a living and I could kidnap you for a living and I could snore at a living, but I could not make a fucking living guy. And the fact that at 62, we're doing this shit and it's just, listen, I'm grateful as a mother fucking. And you've always been pretty grateful, but why do you think just for everybody, why do you think bad stuff has to happen for people to be grateful? It seems like that's when people are most grateful, it's when badgered happens and they're like, oh, it sucks, we can't be thankful. Listen dog, when you're looking at the fucking, when you're looking at the screen of your blood pressure and this. five people staring at that screen and staring at you. And they don't know what's going on. And you're sitting there going, I get going to a stroke right now. This is 215 over 190. This is stroke fucking shit. Right. And also, I'm still there the next night eating nettles. You gotta be a little fucking grateful, okay? Yeah. You gotta be grateful, okay? And that's what most people forget along the way. These people that you see and they fucking watches and all this shit like, you know, it's like just being grateful is such a great feeling to just go Jesus Christ. We started the year in a fucking hospital. I still remember on Mercy's birthday, I couldn't take the resteps. I went to that urgent care. And they say no shit. They say no lie to nobody. The resteps and I would have to stop and hold on for life. They gave me a treatment in there. That got me home and whatever. And she goes, all you want you to go home? I want you to go straight to the hospital. I don't want my daughter to come home on a birthday and I'm gonna ask her. Let me hold off 'til tomorrow. Just get me, patch me up. Or I could last 'til tomorrow morning. I'll turn myself in. (laughing) I don't give a fuck. So the fact that we did Austin and sold out two shows. Yeah. The fact that we did NJ Pack, which I didn't even know existed. The fact that we did Philly, the fact that we did. The other side of Florida. Fort Lauderdale, you know. The fact that we did DC and then they shot two people a week after, you know, double murder. You know, we weren't there that week. So don't even look at me, motherfucker. The fact that I wake up two days ago and I see Diddy sent me an Instagram. Oh my God. Holy shit. You know, I didn't know those messages existed. Dude, we have to explain that. And I'll try to get the picture from you to have them put it up. But you put that up, like you put it, every picture's all zoomed in. You can't really see. And like I saw just the name up top. And can you explain what fucking happened? Dog. (laughing) I'm sitting there one day. I get these people. I went somewhere one day and some guy said to me, he goes, "Joey, I don't mean to be a bany ass to you." He goes, "But I sent you two Instagram messages you never replied to me." And I go, "Dog, I'm looking you straight in the face. "I never got them." If I would have got them, I would have replied to you. He goes, "Check it out." So right in front of them. I go, "When did you send it?" He goes, "Oh, about three weeks ago." Now it tells you 44 weeks or 10 weeks, they send the message to you. He went back together and he goes, "That's funny." He goes, "Joey, I sent it to you twice." And it's like messages primary and then general. I didn't see that. So I hit primary and like the first message, I can't even tell you what it says. It's so fucking disturbing. So I looked at it and I thought it was just spanned. I thought it was just people pretending to be ditty. - No, no, no, nobody said ditty. - Okay. - Nobody said ditty. It was just idiots saying that fucking lips. (laughing) Just a bunch of shit that weren't insult to me. That would just send to me flies with that type of stuff. So I looked at it for like five minutes. Out of these a bunch of idiots, right? And then I was sitting somewhere and I go, "Let me look at this again." And I started looking at the primaries. Oh, I was taking that test that day when they were chickening me in the stomach with the fucking water bottle and shit. So I'm sitting there in that room for 45 minutes. I got nothing to do, you know? And I'm like, "I don't wanna play Blackjack in the afternoon." So whatever the fuck I play, we'll afford you. - Right. - Yeah, so fucking, I start looking at those messages. And oh my God, it was like people going, "Hey, Joey, we're really a big fan. We're coming to your show." This is like two months ago. I'm looking at these messages. And then it just kept going. That you've never seen. - Yeah. - Not one of them. And then I saw one from Jessica Kirsten woman of returns and mother comedians when I moved to the area. That reached out to me and said, "Joey, I got a room. If you wanna stop by, you know, a guy with a movie." - Oh, Jesus. - All these things. And I'm like, "Holy shit, this is getting interesting." And all of a sudden I opened up and it goes, "Hey, King, give me your number or something." And I looked and it goes, "Diddy." And I'm like, "No, this is like somebody else." And then I looked at it and it was verified. And then I had to call my daughter. I got home, I showed it. I go, "Tarrett Mercy, don't say nothing." "What is this, Jesus?" That diddy, Daddy. Got 20 million followers. - Oh, yeah. - So was, and he was meeting with comedians a few years ago. And somebody asked me, "Do you wanna meet with him?" And I go, "I'm not going to California." At that time it was the pandemic or the flights or whatever, and I'm like, "I'm not gonna move to California." And I found that thing. But I found something heavy-duty like weird messages. I found naked pictures of women. Like they always got to send those things in there. - No, they don't. I know we're all my messages are. I don't have any naked pictures. - Holy fuck. - I found this black chick that sent me everything. And this crazy white chick, like from England then, at a dildo on a pussy, and one of those ice dildos that they made from ice, so whatever. - Oh, the butt plugs? - No, the fucking thing you take out of the freezer and it's frozen. And they put it in their butt. No, no, no, no, don't do this. - They found that they put it in the freezer now? - I don't know. I'm an old man. - There's nothing you know a lot about. - I don't know. I'm not into the vibrator world, you know what I'm saying? Jesus Christly, I don't know. - Holy shit, what would you have done, would you have called daddy? Like if you saw that? - I wouldn't have answered him at 2023, but, and here's the saddest. There's another 500. - 500 what? - Messages. - Oh damn, I haven't even tapped into it. But it happens in Messenger 2, with fucking MySpace or Facebook, right? You go on Messenger and these people sending your offers and shit. And you're like, what the fuck can't you just get it to my regular email? What do they got to do? They got to follow you? - Oh yeah, you're not friends. Dude, you should go back to your MySpace. Can you imagine the messages you'd find on there from 20 years ago? - Oh, I don't even know what to find on MySpace. (laughs) - It's on MySpace. I live when you say that, like internet stuff disappears. It doesn't, it's always there. You just go, you forgot your password or something. You're like, I can't remember when we were doing the podcast on Zoom. And they were like, I don't know, like four weeks in a row that you just, you kept downloading Chrome. I got into your laptop and you're like 84 crores on your computer. Oh my God. - You know, it's like, I don't really know what the fuck I'm doing. And people, just, I love when people send me shit and they assume that I know what. (laughs) Okay, like I have, there's two dates I have next year. They are both tormenting me to accept something on Facebook. I have to go to a different page and go to that page and accept. They don't know that that's not going to happen. (laughs) And not because you're being a DJ. - And my agent called me, they're getting in there. They're like, he bugging me and it's like, oh, cancel the date. (laughs) Tell 'em, first off, first off, it's March 5th. What do we do? What do we do? I'm going to solve the holidays. I'm not doing that. You've got to give people a fucking break. Okay, right now I got a whole month that's open in December. It's the fucking 7th or the 8th or the 9th, whatever the fuck it is. I got a whole month that's open. And I love to fucking make some more money. But there's no sense. That's it. It's going to be the roughest Christmas on fucking me. Everybody's going to have a rough Christmas and I want to be out there pimping on the 26th. Forget it. Give them a fucking breather. There's no comedy. It's about your family now. It's not about fucking some stupid shit. It's about your family. So, you know, yeah, we'll do some open mice to the dojo or whatever. I'm not putting all tickets on sale to mid-January right now. Give people a breather. You're not that fucking important. They don't need to see you. I ref fucking weekend, you know, and that's it. Does it feel good to tell them like cancel the date knowing they're not going to cancel it because of this? Because like for a guy like me, like I get all nervous. Like how the club's going to get upset? Listen, man, you're part of this economy. You're in a casino. You see what's going on. You see, we'd laid some jokes out here and I would, did you hear when we were talking about the guy was, "Something nobody will hire me." I go, "Go to Vegas." He goes, "Vanger, I'm going to hire me." "Nobody going to hire you in Vegas." He go right there. And the guy goes in Jersey either. I ain't nobody going to hire you in a casino now. It was a rough. So, you want me to go on fucking line right now and start making people buy tickets. Then they have Christmas money for their kids. And I'm fucking around. That's it, that's it. Give them a breather. That's it. And I, you know, I'm hearing a lot of people, I haven't a hard time selling New Year's. They put them on sale. It's all like three tickets because nobody knows anything 'til the week of now. Right. Like, you know, I commit to it. And you don't want to commit to it. The fuck is wrong with you? You're gonna commit to one of, I mean, I'm waiting for the deals to come out for the year. The spend New Year's with us. 249, you get a dinner, an appetizer, whistle, and a glass of fucking, and a glass of ass water champagne. I want to see what those prices are going to be. And how many people are going to go out this year, okay? 'Cause they're not going to be, you're not going to find ones, unless you're eating salmon from fucking the river. You're not going to find some of these, and spaghetti caught you three dollars to make. So you got a couple of ideas. Come to the VFW, you know, macaroni dinners, some fat chick with fucking straws and fucking creamy Italian dressing that they make with a package, but they're gonna back, you know, that I could see, you know, 49 ahead, 59 ahead. What's it gonna be this year for like 25, bro? Fuck yeah, people gonna go, you know what? We'll sit at home, get a big bag of refa, we'll get every fucking thing on the menu. Mm-hmm. And we'll sit at home and smoke dope and invite people over. And town come over at nine. If you want to leave at 11 and go jump up and down with Dick Clark and go sit in the bubble. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. God, it's amateur. That's it. We're gonna aim at it. Can you imagine if Dick Clark was still doing it? You're like 115 years old, he couldn't even stay up. You're not supposed to pump oxygen in his ears and shit like that. But it's like, you know, you gotta get people to breathe. This is not, this is not the best economy. And they're not telling you this on world news tonight. They're not telling you this. You're realizing this for yourself. Every time you go shop, a gallon of milk is four hours. It's this, it's that, you know, like what the, when is this gonna end? My pockets are getting fucking, I got rabidies. Every time you walk around the American. It's tough. There's no savings. The cards are banged up. And you know what? I'm so funny. I'm gonna bang a show on it. That's when he sticks to really get these. And so T-shirts and, you know, likes. And it's much nicer. And X. 'Cause and there's a lot more pressure when it's an expensive ticket for it to be a good time. And fucking listen, man, you don't, it's like January. Nobody does Dick and January to those visa cards come back. Right. Oh just out, jingle bells. (laughs) Happy Hanukkah. Yeah, jingle happy. Yeah, fuck it. They don't even know, they don't want to know. They don't want to know. 'Cause January 20th comes in. Yeesh. Oh, we're gonna have to eat macaroni and cheese this month. We're gonna have to get fucking, you know, that's it. For some people, listen, it's a holiday. Nobody likes being fucking broke. And I was there fucking many a time on the holiday where somebody invited you over, thank God. And you stole a tie from somebody's house and you put it in the box. So somebody got a gift here, Merry Christmas. The guy looked, he knows it's stolen, you know what I'm saying? Dude, that was one of my favorite jokes. And it was probably a throwaway joke for you. And in fact, you can cut that off if you want. It was from, it's either you or the priest. You, I think you opened with it. He said giving out hand shakes for Christmas. Yeah, that is one of the bad times. Well, you just giving out handshake. And good ones too. (laughs) Grabbing, you're looking at me, I'm Merry Christmas told. (laughs) Merry Merry Christmas, motherfucker. I love you. Oh. And they're looking around for like a ball or something. And you're like, you keep shaking. (laughs) You got him so hand, they can't even look to see what else is there. Like, oh, oh my God. And to me, that dude, you just throw out these lines. That like that, no one has even considered before. Like, it's my favorite part about watching you. And you never, and you'll never throw them out again. No, no, no, no. I'm going up the hill in North Bergen with my daughter in the car. And there's a kid on the corner. You know those hunger-bonger people. There's little things in the guys' hair sticking out. You know this bonger? (laughs) Him and his mother on the corner like, 'cause I cut up 80th Street or 81st Street. And like, you know, I get to the corner there. And I mean, they weren't even like, you know what? I'm going to make the fucking, I was going to make the left turn on Kelly to go to Fairview to stop at Crouses. So, you know, we just got stuck there. And also, I don't know where this family comes. I don't know if the hunger-bonger family I don't know what national they were. It doesn't matter. They're in races, but their hair was straight up. Me and Mercy, look at Mercy goes, she looked at me, she goes, that. His hair looked reversible. (laughs) And I'm like, that is pretty fucking funny. And they did, they looked like they could take their wig off, pull it in, and it's a different color. (laughs) I should get that. I should get one of those, a reversible wig. Oh my God, like, one side's an afro. And the other side, you're like a beetle, you know what I'm saying? Like one of the beetles. I would love it. It's a great fucking invention, a dual wig. Yeah, we got to get to that. We'll be right back after this break. We're gonna talk to you about testosterone boosters and probiotics. Probaloe, no, and genes. And genes, you're gonna love these genes. We'll be right back. What up beautiful people, Uncle Joey here. If you're like me, you gotta stop sucking in your gut to fit in your genes. No need, you ever hear the perfect gene? The perfect gene fits like a dream and you show off the goods, bam! Skinny, athletic, thick as hell, like Uncle Joey. The perfect gene has a style to cover your back, your crack, no matter what your shape. I got them in black, I got them in beige, and I got them in a beautiful blue gene and a light skin blue gene. Like faded, whatever they call it. The perfect gene fits all sizes and it's easy to find the pair that fit. I love them. I love them. They have the stretched little waist tremendous. Let the perfect gene update your whole closet. Listen, if you're a guy, this clothes is great, okay? And it's cheap and it gets delivered to your house. And it looks great and trust me. These are the people you want to do with it. 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I haven't even looked. No, dude, I usually doing black, I gotta be honest. I didn't do much this year 'cause I'm the wedding's expensive, but usually I guess an adult, my favorite day of the year is Black Friday and Cyber Monday. I buy anything, it's like my Christmas or my Hanukkah. I just buy what I want for me. - It's no sales, it's all bullshit. - Yes, so what do you mean? There are two more sales. - Listen, if you walk in there and you use your Judaism, there's every Monday's black Monday and every day's cyber fucking. But you go in there and like you listen to 'em, old school Jews go in there and negotiate like, whoa, that's pretty nice, but what can we do on that? - How are you gonna, you can't go in the cable? - Can you throw in this? Then you start working for accessories. (laughing) You're insane, so when you're a real Jew, it's cyber Monday, every fucking day. Because you're working it. I mean, I've seen Jews work so does it? Well, daggers, when I was a kid. - Oh, dude, I would love to, you know what I wanna try then now, just to see what they'd say. How about I give you 80 for the snapple? You know, let me give you 80 cents for the snapple. 85, come on, don't. You're killing us with this shit. This shit's made out of fucking dick juice, you know. - But did that ever work for you? Did you ever try that with like a guy at a corner store and he was like, fuck fine. - No, no, he's gonna get a dollar 20 a snapple all day long. All day long unless he's on the street selling it and he's got like not consistent flavors. He's got two lemons and one blue raspberry and one pineapple, that dude stole those. - So you can negotiate them and shit. - I was on the street the other day when it was raining. This guy had a fucking cart of umbrellas. It was the, those guys are so fucking smart. And like, you were talking about hustlers. Dude, the people in like, you were talking about New York being good. People like from outside of this country, like when I went to Israel, Like the like the people. in the markets there, they fucking grab you and bring you into the store. And then while I was 18 and this guy was like, I was trying to get out of there, like, oh, I'll come back tomorrow. I was like, why don't you leave your ID and like, they don't fuck around and leave your ID. That's fucking yeah, just so you come back. Like, do they convince me to buy some stuff? Like I'll blank it like it. It's especially for me, like, is that, A, I don't like confrontation and be like, I start to feel bad. But like, every sometimes I'll buy something like, and like, I don't even realize I bought something until like a couple hours later. I'm like, well, I don't, I didn't need this. It's fucking crazy. And they just, they're so, I don't know if it's powerful or it's like a mind trick, but I don't even know I'm buying something. It's hunger. And they just, it's hunger. Convince you of anything. It's hunger. That's the way they live. That's the way they feed their families. There's no social security. There's no fucking unemployment. So think about it. You're buying, you're buying. We're going to start your high. Look at that TV. Right. I'm not looking for it. Look, look at that. Look at that. What do you mean? You can't look that. That's not any ordinary TV. Oh, well, you don't want a TV. Okay. How about a camera? Right. You know, I really have a camera. I'm about to try putt or what about as a chubby guy going, how about the leg on a tripod? I'll say you're that before. Because you're not leaving without spending something. Right. It's their time. That mindset of a really good salesman. They're going to fucking trick you in so many ways and throw you out to see and bring you back and sell you on this and then switch you. You don't even, that's what you say. You don't even know what's going on. Yeah. Okay. You don't like confrontation, but you can know. Listen. I ain't buying this today. All right. It's ain't working. You can use all your salesmanship skills today. Who'd be here lifting the rock. I loved when I had no credit. Like when I had no credit, no way of buying anything. I go in no car dealer. Let me get the baddest Lamborghini in this bitch. Yeah. Give me bulletproof windows. You got the Tony Montana car. I want the same fucking car. Let me do a five liner. Just five lines on a credit app. You come back like fucking the computer goes, Bob, it just blows up and they got to walk back. You know, are they pissed? Do you ever do that? That's so funny. Just saying like because people did it to me when I was selling cars. Right. You want to buy that. You have a good credit. I got great credit. Then you come back. Don't you didn't pay your water bill for a fucking year. And your water bill was $29 a month. How are they going to give you credit in the car? But that's not the point we're talking about. Right. The point we're talking about is when you run into some, listen, I don't know what it was. It was driving up here before mercy. We were listening to some, we weren't even talking. And they thought about something. And I thought about, and I hate fucking the weapon on this shit. But you have to harp on it, especially in today's America. Hunger is hunger. And what do you call those people? Immigrants. Okay. Immigrants. You know, and look at the jobs the immigrants are doing. Look at the jobs we've tamed. We just gave the cooking. Everybody thinks that Mexicans are landscapers and this and that. We just gave them. I can't wait to they go on strike on them all these Mexicans. And you got to eat fucking McDonald's. Mexican McDonald's. You ever see that? Yeah. I don't see Mexicans that been dollars by my house. Really? A lot of brothers, a lot of fucking white checks, students. Okay. You know, I haven't been in a while. Maybe they stopped working, maybe they stopped working there. But then there's everywhere. And they like, as I love complaining, they don't complain. I don't, especially in places like New York, it's amazing to me that people survive. We have no, listen, if you see all that in the kitchens, who's going to cooking school? Is anybody? I think we're living in a society where people are avoiding the trades and the trades in five years are going to start fucking paying. I think it's already a brick mason or a lot of nutrition or a fucking auto mechanic that knows all that computer shit. Your life is going to be up there money-wise. I don't give a fuck what they tell you because we're running out of those fucking people. You don't have them. We don't, we don't, we don't have them. It broke. It's so fucking bad out there. It's just bad. No matter where the fuck you turn, you're going to employees hiring people that would never get hired 20 years ago in this country. They would have never gotten hired in this country 20 years ago. Every day I walk into a store and I'm in shock on people that are the face of that business for the day and they can't speak the language. Now as someone who, again, I'm not racist. I'm not saying this, but I want you to understand, I have a fucking shoe store. Okay, I have a shoe store, not Tom McCann, not Geno Ferranti. This is Joey Diaz shoe store. It was given to me by my fucking father. Okay, and now I pick up a little fucking success. You know, we start selling men's boots and something else and all of the sudden one day I don't want to work this ship so I call the chicken. She's beautiful, but she don't speak the fucking language. You have a call somebody by plane ticket and that somewhere else and you repeat numbers and they don't know and three, three, three, three, three, three, you know. And again, you're not a bad person, you're not a bad human being and you don't, but think about it. Dude, there's times when I'm like calling to get a refund or fix something and it happens. And they put, they put knowingly people on those refunds or customer service. They let me up. Me don't. Well, you quote, you know, and you're like, you know what? And they do that for you just for you to quit. Yeah, it works. You know what? I'll just lose the 50 bucks or the 58 dollars, whatever the service was. But you know, we're not hiring the people. Well, talking about the casino, dude, the first deal we had. Oh my God. The casino was very nice, but there was a dealer. I've never seen this before. And everyone's had a first day. It's something, but this dude, I don't think he's gonna have a first day enough. Oh, well, there was a guy before. There was a dude who looked like Peter Griffin who was just really slow, but there was a guy who, and I've never, I've never seen this happen before. Nick was sitting in the first seat. I was in the second seat. I got it in 11. So I just put up my money to double it. And the dealer just like got excited for me and just skip Nick. He didn't ask him about his cards. And Nick was like, hold on. And I got okay cards. But like it, it like, dude, and if you go to like places where people like are actually like degenerate gamblers, they would have flipped the table at that because you can't fuck a table up like that. The cards are all wrong now for the entire shoe. Everyone's fucked. And it's just like, I've never, that was, that was fun. We'll train them. Nobody. Like he went to like gambling school somewhere like two weeks of dealing school. Yeah, he was counting on his hands. I mean, you know, dude, you played Blackjack. Now I've never, you've never sat down that you play, you play video poker and you play slots sometimes. But you actually sat down on the table and were playing Black. I was really having a good time. Yeah. When in Rome. It's like when I got mad at you because you didn't eat the mushrooms. Yeah. Okay. I never gamble. But when in Rome, you're with your friends. Everybody's having a good time. Fuck it. We had a good year. Take five 20s out of it. Right. I'm gonna make you a break it. If I was sat there and said, Oh, I'm a big shot. Let me take a grand out. You got where you deserve. You stupid motherfucker. You never played Blackjack. But again, I learned the $100 lesson. And I won't play Blackjack for a few years now. You're following me. Even in the show. It's just on the box. That's all I need. I could buy an eight to weed and roll on papers and a nice shrimp homage on sandwich with a hundred bucks. I wish I was like that. I get, I get pissed off for like a second. But then I start to itch again. Like if I lived in Vegas, it wouldn't be good. I would be, I'd be homeless. If you came to me right now, I said, joy, I want to take you something. Don't be mad at me. I want to leave shit to one of our parties and the last two nights I've been doing cold. I'm gonna tell you, Lee, don't do it. Right. You know, let's say, well, who the fuck are you? You did it for 40 years. You ended up in prison. That's what I'm telling you. Okay. Right. You know, and it's like that's what I'm telling you. Okay. Not as I'm better than you on a hypocrite. I'm telling you that there's no future. It's a good fucking time for six weeks, eight weeks or six months. And then you know, start feeling a repercussion and your life, your life's going to feel it. You put this poison in your fucking life, you know, gambling. You know, you have a good time. I have a good time, but there was a time when I didn't know I have a good time. What do you mean by that? So it taught me to hide for weeks. I'd have to move to Miami for a month or I'd have to go to Sarasota. What that man was, that I thought they were giving, they were running a, they were running a money store and gambling. Nobody's running a money store. It's a risk. And it's an adult risk. When you're 18 and 19 and 20, it's not a young man risk. Because all you see are Dollar signs, right and the end of this and the universe has a way of fucking getting you, but I've never seen You know, it's like the guy who snorts coke never got laid does a line of coke and has a threesome with three of the hottest women that I've ever walked a platter here. Do you think that guy's not going to the bank and emptying out his money to buy every last Train of cocaine in the world? He doesn't know that's not the way it is. That was a one night pluked the same thing with Gamma right. Oh, yeah, they always gave the person a family and you know what not another time you end up Mortgage and something having to go to somebody to borrow ten g's and then you stop. There's people that don't stop Until it's really grand and I saw two of those people growing up and they were young And you know, you got to pay that money You do, but there's something like that's the big I like going of like nice casinos But I also like going to like the shitty ones because like you like I meet people who like Convinced me to stop game. Oh, yeah, like they're like they're they're hanging out outside. I know I got no blood left because they sold it all They got one eye and that one barely works because they sold the other eye You know, that's when you get you know and Go guys. I saw my mother Gamble like you wouldn't fucking believe And it didn't stop It's baseball and it's to track and then it's fucking numbers It was a rotating fucking pull Between the numbers to track and fucking baseball And there was no baseball she doubled up on the track. Hey call the track in Japan Time they're running and they go by numbers. Well the color all color white. I'm gonna go with him today Oh, yeah, the hospital where you gonna end up in After you get beat up for not paying the Japanese mafia shit. Holy shit, you know, so I'm just saying. Yeah, you see all those things So I understand when I take a hundred out between us. I could have taken 200. I'm not being a big shot. I'm kind of taking 200 But I know the if I were a one Listen, I had a good time losing 100 right. Oh, yeah, because I know where it could lead It can lead my favorite is when they there's dudes who hang up by the ATM because they hit their limit for the day So at midnight like whoop they go right they go right back in what's up? I mean, you know, and I was that guy So I understand that fucking wait until To 11 and you try like you're such a junkie. You put it in there 11 58 Just in case that two minutes off and that time zone or whatever So that's what people understand all that shit right now I friend of mine sells alcohol. He's a distributor And he called me the other day if I was gonna do something on the 19th or whatever And I said I was business and he goes with 30 percent down alcohol The whole state of New Jersey 30 percent down that's surprising. That's real surprising Guess what's up gambling Got it. Yeah, kids aren't drinking that much no more They rather gamble and then another buddy of mine told me where you would tell him he goes you gotta remember one thing When these kids go out and they pay 1200 for a bottle The only drink one It's like they're drinking three of them or four of them or whatever unless you're a rapper and you bring in You know, so everybody's like on this controlled drinking thing all of a sudden Everybody's cleaned up from drinking but a lot of people fucking gambling A lot of people smoke and reef them a lot a lot of people smoke and reefer a lot of people doing edibles I mean, you know fucking Trump is blowing up drug boats But I read yesterday they just got like a fucking 20 billion dollar load in Miami For coke. Yeah You know, so Well, if you think about it weed and gambling Are like things you can do at home like it's like I that's I think that's what that means is people just stay at home Absolutely. Yeah, look a look what just happened like I'm on an actor, but you're an actor uh Netflix just bought HBO or whatever it is mgm whatever it's called That's fucking interesting man. What does that mean to you? I mean, it doesn't mean anything to me, but I want you to HBO's been around forever mm-hmm They built a catalog they built all this they built this brand I don't know what the mgm deal is, but I know that For Netflix to buy them. I mean It's not that they're hoping for something to change Is that they're about to change the game Yeah Because then they they own First of all when when people throw like numbers like that are on like 80 billion It's hard to even wrap your head around Well, it's not that I don't write a check for any billion Maybe like 30 billion and then it's like 50 billion like Oshani money Probably a little deferred or in stocks. Yeah, I like that, you know, it's not on cash, but right Jesus Christ and then I think about the mag all right. I see what you're saying 80 how much billion eighty two is about billion dollars The magnitude of that number And how much that enterprise is worth like How much is it fucking worth 80 billion dollars now if you invest in 80 billion dollars What are you looking to profit out of that? You'd have to think you get up to a a couple hundred billion or something at some point like it because they have all The sopranos Harry Potter by the way Jackson the city. Yeah. Scooby-Doo Fucking the wire fuck. I mean, you know They got everything and never mind what they had before that Fucking our lists and all that shit and fucking is the hitchhiker But never mind all those dumb shows just of what their studios could do what they're planning to do with studios Are they playing just a shut fucking theaters now? Probably because I'll tell you what I like to do tell me You open up a Netflix theater I'm sure they'll do that soon and you could see whatever the fuck you want in a theater Yeah, do they have there's a place in the city that kind of does that you rent like a mini theater with like six-year friends They they you have like a full dinner in there that stuff that like they they're starting to do that But eat like the last last night when I was gonna go see that movie I was like wait a second. I could just watch this anytime I want I don't have to cuz I do I love double features But now I if you go piss you feel like you're missing part of the movie It's better at home now we've talked about this for 15 years that we love movie theaters. I got to be honest who for what anymore I'm sick and tired I'm watching movies at home because I got to watch them three times I'm not gonna lie to anybody I got to watch them three times. There's just too much to get Caught up and right. I have the ability to go for it. I have the ability to go smoke a joint And you don't want to stop anything You know, you have all these abilities like I hate I love going to movie theater in the data. Oh, yeah That 11 o'clock after a nice Chinese lunch 1215 a fucking nice joint. That's the best time But then I got to a point in my life. I couldn't go in there. I'm gonna tell you why why I started getting calls for business Those motherfuckers and that sucks Because I had a pager So I would go on my pocket. It's George. I call him back. It's Nick. I call him back. It's Lee. I call him back But every time you in a movie theater when the agents are gonna call you And you're gonna go you know what I could call him later But eventually now you can't focus because your mind is rattling what he wants you for So you just lost a half hour Right because you're not a hundred percent entwined Like I'm the type of guy I can I don't want to take nobody's phone when I'm doing comedy Right, but even in Philly last week. I'm sitting there. And there's a guy right in front of me with the phone right You know It doesn't bother me. No, but my concern is people looking at their phone And it's just a switchman at George. If you if you look at a phone you're gonna miss a tent of my joke And that's if nobody fucking attacks you If somebody attacks you you're actually gonna be and then you gotta return to the M and now you pretty much lost me Yeah, it sucks. You pretty much fucking lost me. How do I know because I do it at home I could watch like fucking tonight. I watch Well last night I watched the mayor of Kingtown and I watch Mudland whatever the fuck oil man or man whatever the fuck his name is You know and I watch oil man whatever the fuck it is and guys I have to watch the episode before I watch that So we'll watch Landman The one from last week right seven and then at eight watch Landman And then eat something and then watch the mayor of Kingstown from last week and then have to watch the new one Because talk I forgot it's impossible. Yeah, it's impossible again some people say when they stream They just watch every episode. Oh, yeah, that's the way to do it six in a shot well episode six in a shot Unless you got none to do them all run it bitch make some coffee you know saying make some coffee We ain't going nowhere, but and that's what I lose. I always had bad comprehension. I read So I always had to read a chapter twice and make little notes and shit with movies. I always do Dynamite dynamite, but the last ever since the cell phone came around and that's what happens You go see Batman the movie's not that good, but with a cell phone that's even worse. Yeah, you go see mission impossible It's a bad movie, but with a cell phone that's even worse And they'll do that that that was just bad all over that one was that one was shitty, but do you think? I don't know like when you're talking about technology When do you think we had it right like was there a time period where you're like, okay, if we had ended here, it would have been enough Like were you good at like desktop computers? Would you rather go back to like no computers at all like 80s? I want a time where people Live in the now You're not living in the now with these fucking phones. You're not You know, you go to a concert. Everybody's got their phone out taping the fucking concert. Why? Why what are you gonna go home go home and play it back? Why what are you gonna go show it to George look at George? How long is George going to go great? I got to get back to work now You know what I mean? I got a little distraught. I got to feed my family. Why is your phone on and I'm guilty of it I've never looked down against the shit What is this shit? Well, that's just a flash. What is this shit? And then two hours later, my phone is dead. Why is your flash? Why are you being a fucking Billy goat? Is it romantic? I look at a What the fuck is wrong with you? You can't do anything in life. Look at it If I say it's my birthday and somebody comes up with a cake all six of you idiots, so I have your phone out But you're fucking phone away. Well, you I want a video of me blowing out a cake. What the fuck is wrong with you retards? The case got a million candles. Yeah, like just we use the phone for everything now, but the fucking phone away live in the fucking moment And then no say to me Joey, you're a fucking lie. You have all these stories I have stories because I didn't grow up looking at a fucking phone all day. I Didn't look at a fucking laptop Oh fucking day. We didn't have that option You know, and even now I try to keep it as real as I can. What is that not? Waking up and not attacking the computer like I used to that's not good for you Waking up breathing. Look at the sunlight get the sun in your eyes. I don't care. I'm fucking cold to this Just go look at it before you fucking open up that computer You know, we used to fucking we had a deal years ago. We don't watch the news in the morning. Why not? This is all that is a child got burnt overnight, you know, three people got their splaced in plainfield Yeah, and now you gotta go to work feeling bad like I gotta go fucking donate a jacket down in plainfield some like that You know anything open up the computer. It's not always good fucking news anymore No, it is not fucking horrible Horrible and I'm a YouTube guy and it is the first scroll of you don't even look anymore Everybody's getting beat up like everything got everybody's a fucking genius now This guy's an idiot these guys are going on and you just look at it and go Nobody's got their own life anymore My day is spent sitting there watching JRE To make a video criticizing JRE that's a new norm If that's your career man So be it, but that's a whole fucking world out there Said there's a whole fucking world out there that even my daughter is missing Missing it missing it missing it You go down in New York City walk down your street who doesn't have any a button talking on the phone Who doesn't have who's not listening to the sound to that fucking city Remember I had that joke those packets in New York City when a ambulance goes by and they hold their ears. Yeah, I love that you're fucking You're a fucking fact that's the city. I don't want to be deaf in 30s gives a fuck Who gives a fuck you, but doing this ain't gonna save your fucking ears You know, it's just a thousand dumb things that we've actually believed But this new youth is walking down the street Like this, bro. You see him Everything is fucking here a TV. What if a witness coming at you The fuck is wrong with you and but you know, that's my beef Now if I say I want to burn the day then you show you just being an old stupid fuck right I didn't do that. I tell you how I like from people and what I expect from people what I think People would get more of a life Well, let me ask you because I'm gonna be honest like if when I get depressed is when I'm looking at my phone the most Yes, that's when I catch myself too You know, I love draft Kings. They're my I love them. I love playing fucking blackjack. I'm not blackjack That's my shit. Sometimes I'll take it down to 50 cents and I find myself on that for 40 minutes Mm-hmm, and I'm like Joey Enough Then I'll go now your punishment is no draft Kings tomorrow You put yourself on punishment for myself on punishment 40 fucking minutes and you stand to you stand like like you The next day, okay, but you like yeah, cuz I do get depressed sometimes when I look at it for too long But like if things are going shitty in my life I'm like, yeah, I'll just like I'll just find myself get the fuck out of the house Even yeah, I guess but even your your problems come with you outside of the house You what your problems go leave come with you not when you look at the sun you put your budget and you go for a little fucking You walk up the hill look around you see like a dead spider you step on it Those problems seem to go away when you take a breath depression when you and I'm not telling you this as some of you did this when they were 20 Right, okay. I'm just telling you what feels better now But I discovered once I moved to Jersey But I love going outside to see what the sun looks like Stay out stay out of that zone stay out electrical fucking You know, I don't like the phone next to me at night. Mm-hmm I don't want it in my world. I don't want it in my wavelength. I don't want You know, so when I come up I have to set my whoop But my whoop works and downstairs when I'm sleeping. Okay, so come on into my sleep So I said fuck it. I don't bring the phone upstairs We have to go back to normality and one point another and it's not gonna go back unless we bring it back for ourselves Yeah, I told my wife take the phone from her at night last week. She said it was hard to wake her up in the morning Yank the phone The next three days she woke up tipped up my go before the alarm went off because she does the same thing But she's a kid. She gets a pass. Right. It's adults, you know You can't eat we can't keep doing this And then the parents to get mad as the kids, but they got their phones out of dinner Oh, yeah, they drive me nuts. So you got to send an example for these fucking kids, but if your phone is out of dinner What do you think these fucking morons are gonna do? I feel bad for them It's not they're fucking they're looking at their parents and they're on the phone. So fuck it Why can't we be on the phone playing whatever fucking game they do? So I'm not mad at them But at one point you have to catch yourself and go what the fuck am I doing my fault? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Guys getting a birthday cake. Let me take my phone out so I could tape it or any other stupidity any other fucking thing that A fist fight you know that I don't mind a good fight in shit, but if you're gonna give it to the cops go fuck yourself You know what I'm saying? If you're gonna be a crime stop and then you're a stack of shit I want you to do it because it's fun, you know it's educational Didn't record a fistfight. Yeah, like I always watch them on fucking YouTube. Really? Yeah, somebody gets into a fistfight. You watch it Do you remember this was before cell phones and I feel I'm sorry for saying it But the guy called it bum fights. He was just fine. He was finding homeless guys and giving them like 20 bucks each To film them like go like UFC going at it dog. You give a homeless do 20 bucks. He'll kill the other It was they brought him on doctor Phil. That's not a bad idea It made a lot of money. He was selling me. It just tapes Little little ring and shit. Just throw guys go at it. It's like the the tape you sent me of the crack head other crack at Olympics I Watched at like three fucking times. That's really shit. Yeah, it's just anybody can lift weights and fucking run for four years Let me see a crack head throw another crack Feel oh, and what I think it was the one guy wasn't a crack head the guy doing the throne But I think the guy being thrown was like offered like 20 bucks probably another guy's like D-bow Yes, they got like D-bow and his brother that throws to see what crack head went the father's right You give a crack head ten bucks you let you throw them off a bridge I'll live yeah, you gotta live no worry about none if you land in the Hudson I have the people there in two minutes for you working. They'll pick you right up. Oh Do you think crack heads play on their phone or do they just we I don't know they smoke their phone The fuck say they have a phone that doubles as a crack base Popped a button a little crack thing comes out and you follow my I don't fucking know But it's it's an interesting world out there man. It's gonna get more interesting But with me, I just I don't know it's like the phone Took over and when I lived in LA, I would get up at five and I'd be right on the fucking computer Yeah, as I drank coffee and when I lost my mind. I'm like, that's why I lost my fucking mind. You can't get on there and start reading comments. No, because that's set you off for the day. Forget it. I don't read that shit. I won't read the fucking nothing. I don't read nothing. And not even did these messages. Fuck that. Well, when I saw it, I opened it up and I was, yeah, I didn't know how I felt like getting them. But I knew, listen, I knew, I knew what it was. I knew what it was. It was a comedy thing. He was looking to do. And he tried to interview a bunch of comics. I think Joe Koy met with him. Fluffy met with him. A couple guys didn't meet with him in that way. When they called me, I said, no, so maybe he looked me up. And that's the only reason why it's not because I went to his party. No, it's not because I'm a baby all distributed. You know, it's none of those fucking things. Holy shit. I haven't seen it yet, but I heard that new documentary is pretty good. It's very interesting, but again, listen, when you're disgruntled, you'll say anything. When you're disgruntled, so when you watch those things, you have to watch it with an open mind. Anything on Netflix, not like it's legit because it's on Netflix. Okay. I don't have nothing bad about Netflix, but we're living in a world today that you don't know. Somebody gets pissed off. They can't take you to court. They want to talk shit about it. They're George telling me like a lot of the footage from that is Diddy hired a videographer and then just didn't pay him. So 50 cent was like, I'll buy that footage, which is, Diddy must be pissy didn't pay him. Can you imagine stepping some guy and then he just sells the footage? I could make a lot of money. Take a look. Then we got in the podcast. I'll pay a little story just to let you know about some. I'm not going to say when and where. I go to a place that I love. I've been going there for four or five years. I love the place. But I've been involved with this shit for a long time, not through any bravo. Let's talk about Jiu Jitsu. There's a place I attend for like four or five years. And you know, I'm not a good Jiu Jitsu guy. I just go to the role and get beat up and learn and just talk to other people because when you're over 60, you need something to a social. I use it more now as that, but I still get beat up and stuff. But I have a cousin and he's a black balance Jiu Jitsu and I'm known him forever. And every three years, it was always the student who was filthy rich, who was going to buy a new school and do all this shit. I don't know. I just got a nose for that shit. And guys started coming. There's two particular guys that started coming to my school. That big shots. They can't come to class. They do private. And it's always something. And then the guy gave a teacher something, you know, a car or something. And I'm a big shot. I'm okay. So for a year or two, they can't hit me up at night. Hey, this guy wants to meet where he wants to do somewhere. Okay. He came up with an awful one time just to sit with me that you guys would say Jiu J, at least said what they got. But, you know, you just know when you know, you know, and I go in there one day and they're like, well, you just missed them. He pulled up in a Bentley with a fucking limo driver with a driver and the guy makes cocktails from him. That's a sweetheart of a kid in my school. Just a sweetheart. Fucking big as a knock strong as a knock throws me around. But I love because he's honest. We always talk as kids. He's telling me one day about six months ago. He's like, yeah, my wife's pregnant and I'm going to go work for this guy. In my heart, I fucking know it. But it's not my business. If I love you, I got to say something. But if I don't love you, I wish you the best, but I already know you're getting into a bad predicament. Today I go up there and he comes into class, you know, and I hug him. I saw him last week too, but today I just happened to ask him, how's work? And he goes, oh, I laid off. He just started telling me that he didn't get a paycheck for six weeks. Oh, no. Sure, it's never got shut on. And I'm like, I go, now you know, I never went. I never fucking little rich things because I know it's just too easy for people now to act. Yeah. And the other guy that I was complaining about was there when I was there last week and I was ready to fucking stab. Like he was on the other side and I was ready to fucking stab. I just, and you know, if you talk to me, you might think, well, maybe Joe, he's, no, I'm not jealous. I just know what they bring there. They're big shots. So everybody starts buying it. And you know what I'm talking about, my friend from North Bergen, right? You don't talk to him or no, I'll tell you later. He's, I mean, he is. I got the student. He's got a built the 80 mile facility. They got money out the ass. And you know, I was really proud of that, actually, when he told me that because I saw it, but nobody else saw it. And that thing, I just saw it. You know, especially when you, when you've got a job that you got to come to a judicial class with a Bentley and a limo driver, we got a fucking problem. Okay. We got a problem. That's not being over. There's a kid a couple of years ago went to a funeral of Venerys and pulled up his lamb beginning and started revenue in front of a funeral parlour. It's a little people come out while his friend lay there, but that the people is success. Me making you feel bad is success. If I had Joe core money, a fluffy money, a Rogan money, I would come in and go, guys, you don't know what I did this weekend. I was in Paris. What'd you guys do? Will you bail on? You know, like that type of shit. They don't even have to say that. They just make you feel that way. You know, like I was, you know, looking at this thing on Instagram this week, that fucking DJ Khaled's 50th birthday party. And I release hugs and kisses and all. You know, and I wouldn't want to live in that world. The hogs and the cameras on. Every time you hug somebody, the camera's on. I don't want to be in there. They look at each other like, you know, talk. I love you where you've been. You look good. They don't care about each other. It's bullshit. You know, and it's such a just fucking, I didn't get into this business for that. Right. If I would have played that game, I would have got far than that business, but that game never fucking, you think you could have gotten like fucking drum out of it? Like if you played that game and I got tricked by a couple people, you could have gone broke. You would have like disillusioned. No, you think it would help. Uncle Joey does the fucking. Right. That whole world. I didn't think it was important to me. I'm from North Bergen, and I can never change that. Have you seen where I grew today in the car of my daughter? I go, don't even look that way. Don't even look at fucking Tony Avenue. You know, we went by the grandma square. I go, look at McKinley and look at Matt and Marlboro Memorial where you go to school. They got that condition. This is shit. They got a little Puerto Rican that condition is a McKinley, not even the full size, like little 38 students in the fucking five. Nobody's gonna get fucking warm in there. You know what I mean? 38 fucking students. A little air conditioner like that. But that's who I am. So for me to pull up here with a Mazarradi and Reb in front of fucking Rudy's with diamond rings and shit, you wouldn't like me. I wouldn't like me. That means I don't like me. I got a double up on you all the time. I don't want to double up on people or fucking family, man. What wouldn't you do? I feel like you'd like flex or like, is there anything you do flex or what? How would you flex if you were going to do something? If I flex, yeah, my sneakers, that's it. And they're 69 dollars. 69 for the Greek freak at Colts because I got a size 13 foot and I got 13 1/2 because it was the only one in Iraq and it had 20% off more. Yeah, that's a flex. But you also don't really post it. It's not a flex. It's an hurt. Yeah. A flex. If I would have got waitresses up there and three holes and a bed and I'm on the bed for you guys are out there sitting like, well, make a great shot. No, we got a bed for everybody. And we can't get a bed for everybody. I don't get a bed. He asked me, well, he won't get a bed for your flight now because what am I going to do? Huggly and George and the Nikki and fucking and the Chinese little girl, like Yoko, they're going to think we're fucking, you know, you know, so no, that's not the life I ever intended to live. Right. Even if you gave me 80 million dollars, I would live like fucking somewhere secluded. Yeah, you got a guy to fucking live there with a shotgun, you know, because I was driving past, I was, I drove past something the other day of my wife and I'm like, people living there at night. There's not a light for three miles each way. I'm driving. I just broke out of a jail with three invics. That's where I'm going. I'm going to kill that family. Nobody's going to hear them. It's like, I'm just stabbing them. They're yelling, they're running wild. I'm shooting them. They're not going to hear those people. You got to buy, you got to have security on that, right? You're not going to just because it can happen. It won't happen to plenty of years. Then too idiots escape from a jail in Philly or some mental institution that's driving on that block. And they see a little TV screen. We're going in there. That's where the fucking you ever see Harrison Ford, the fugitive, right? That's where he would go to get his head dyed and shit like that. So only you think of things. I've never once looked at a house. I'm like, that's a place to kill somebody. I'm telling you. This is the perfect place to kill somebody. I got 19 hours before they find the body. I can think of shower. I can make a cake. I can fucking do everything. I am not nowhere this week. I have no dates till January 31st, Staten Island, St. George Theta. What do you got growing up, cock suckers? The twelfth and thirteenth and featuring for Jess and Mae Paluso with the La Jolla comedy store. Very, very excited. Oh shit. Next weekend, fresh off the boat. I guess we ain't having a podcast on Monday. This guy's never going to get back. He doesn't know this fucking storm is all over the fucking country. Jesus, why would you plug it? Titan aviation, cock suckers. When you get stuck, the small 30. Titan aviation. The small 30. Jesus, I'll be in the back with the luggage. They just got two feet and caught a lot of last night. Let's know it in Chicago. And you want to go to San Diego this week? What are you fucking nuts? They're going to. And I don't say this. Why would you say thing? What airline do you have? Delta. Yeah, you're in no danger. What do you mean, Delta's always good? They're losing you. You would say that no matter what line of money. I might as well have said fucking whatever it's called. Spirit. Oh. He would have said fuck. He would have been screwed. No matter what. We love you motherfuckers. Have a great week. And we'll be back next week. Tip. Top McGool. Like I said, I got nothing going on. But Lee's got a lot. Pay attention to him. I don't need to more sleep on Monday in San Diego if you're fucking right. And if you get stuck in San Diego, I don't know. Kill me. I love you guys. Stay black. Have a great week. Uncle Joey here. I love bioma. I have been undetaken this for about two months now. I'm feeling better. I've lost weight. I have more energy. And I got a big gut. So bioma helps calm your brain fog, anxiety, and mood swings. Your life is better. So feel like hell. To get started, just click on the link in our show notes and press in cold Joey. J-O-E-Y, they get 50% off of your gut's comeback. That's 50% off of your first order when you use cold Joey. Press the links and don't forget about me. Bioma jack.