Did They Really Post That? w/ Mari Takahashi | Reading Reddit Stories

Hello and welcome to Smosh Reed's Reddit stories. I'm Shane and today's episode is a classic am I the asshole episode? And I'm joined by two good friends. I'm joined by Spencer and a Smosh legend Mari Takahashi's here The OG host of this channel. Yeah, yeah, well, yeah It was holding down the fort yeah, not knowing what I was doing at all But doing it all editing everything, right? You're in the Porsche bang It's one of those you just throw yourself into something and then you never know Yeah, no, we were looking at a Cuz I know social team wanted to do some with you that was like a throwback, and we were looking at all the old titles Anytime you're in anything. They're like Asian lunch It's just like it's just Mario does anything like Asian Blame That was the yeah, that was the time and also not wrong either It is a right Asian reddit stories. That is the description of what's happening in the video 2010 all over again Well, we're happy to have you back Thanks for having me. Yeah, it's it's fun because it just feels like you're plopped back and you don't know what year it is But I don't know the comfort of being around y'all never goes away Yeah, agreed. Yeah, well, are you ready to read some stories? No, you have to read I'm taking a break What are these days? Shane like drops the iPad and it's just blank. It's been blank down there the whole time That'd be awesome that would be amazing really cool our first one is an am I the asshole posted October of 2025 Am I the asshole for replacing pictures of my cousins with pictures of my dog? My grandpa's birthday was a couple weeks ago six weeks before his birthday I texted all of my siblings and cousins there's nine of us and told them to send me a picture of themselves within the next four weeks So I could put it on a phone case for our grandpa's birthday Two weeks later, I sent the text again saying I needed a picture of them and anybody that chooses not to send a picture Will be replaced by a picture of my dog. I had three cousins tell me to screenshot something from their Instagram's I didn't respond. I sent a text out the day before I put in the order saying anybody that did not send a picture of themselves in the next 24 hours would be replaced by pictures of my dog This is your second warning The same three cousins never sent pictures their spots have my dog in a sombrero my dog at the pumpkin patch and my dog in a chicken costume They came over for my grandpa's birthday and saw him open his new phone case They saw that their pictures weren't on the case and got mad at me for not picking something off their Instagram's like they told me to I said that I sent three reminders to send me a picture with a clear warning that anybody that did not send a picture Would be replaced with a picture of the dog. They knew exactly what would happen my grandpa finds it hilarious, but they're parents Oh, thank God, but their parents are telling my parents that I kept them off the phone case on purpose and they want me to apologize Am I the asshole for replacing them with pictures of my dog because they never sent me a picture? Whoo! What a ride. What a ride. What can be said? No, I mean I would say to take the time To explain so much of what happened. Yeah over a phone case Valid in being upset about it that person's going through something, you know, or it's just like they kind of thought I think they thought they had the best gift of all time Like they were like this is gonna make grandpa's life grandpa loved it grandpa did love grandpa loves grandpa also thought it was hilarious That the that three of the cousins were replaced by dogs. Yeah, that's kind of amazing Yeah, and those photos of the dogs probably better than any of the photos of the cousins It's like bro just just Google me and then and put throw those images on there. Yeah, with that said the dogs have a lot of variety They're in different costumes. So there was a lot of thought put into that I agree. Yeah, absolutely I was gonna say this reminds me though because I this type of behavior I fully understand it because I feel like family group chats Oh, it's so much a thing where people just ignore it. Mm-hmm You just like everyone has their family group group chat on do not disturb. Yes. Oh, no, wouldn't I I mean I mean no I was gonna say no what I was gonna say is this reminds me of getting like memes for who memed it or guesses for Shane Guest's where it's like you have to text everyone a million times and be like hey, I need you to submit this and it's like I can't everything. It's just no response There's something funny about when something is so easy Mm-hmm you keep pushing it off and it's the thing you don't get done whereas if he was like hey I need all of us to knit a sweater for grandpa There's almost like a argument to be made of like that might be easier to get people to do because it's a bigger undertaker Yeah, it's like oh, we're gonna take it seriously, but it's a photo. So it's like I'll send a photo at some point I'll just look at my Instagram. Do we think OP like should have Screenshot of their Instagram figures. No, this was way funnier Okay, that's that's fair and I appreciate it. If he wanted to get petty revenge He could have picked like the worst photo off their Instagram trail just something bad or like a like an Environmental shot that one of them took on their Instagram. I've not even in the photo. It's like it's from your Instagram Like a screen like or like they're like follow count or something like that Like who like which cousin has the least followers. I will say it if OP was really thinking about grandpa though Probably would have made the move to screenshot the Instagram. Yeah Yeah, I get that I get that what would grandpa want, right? But you get the right call grandpa really enjoyed the enjoy the dogs. So you call it up. Do you say Jeff say up? Yeah I like as if he hates his grandpa like I'm the op. Yeah So actually that was that was a trick I knew I said Jeff. Yeah, I know that that's what I know about you is you say Jeff Okay, okay, that's something that you've clocked about me that you remember that. Yeah, I don't want that to be like That's the time it raps you do remember me about says jizz here. My phone is Marie Brutal The verdict is not the asshole comments grandpa liked it. That's all the Someone said not the asshole you gave them plenty of warning and told them exactly what would happen if they didn't send Yeah, you could have screenshot something on their socials But they didn't want to make any effort so they didn't need to be on the gift someone tagged the subreddit malicious compliance Someone also said also let's be real They probably would complain if OP picked the wrong pick of them off their social media There's no winning with these types of people who would have been the funniest person to jump in on the threat like would it be grandpa or one of the cousins or like Grandpa I think a grandpa jump in the thread being like I loved it I think grandpa worrying the chat being like was this the time you guys went to the pumpkin patch? You look great. It's like grandpa. That's a dog You look good here. It's a dog grandpa I don't think so Not the asshole you could have easily just left every human off and put photos of your dog and it'd be okay because it's your gift not there's And then we have a note here from our producers. Unfortunately, we don't have pictures of the phone case or dog because according to OP in the comments I mean this in the nicest way possible, but I have a pretty weird-looking dog So I think pictures of him would be identifiable. Oh, I thought it was gonna be I have an ugly family is what Yeah, my dog's awesome my family ugly Cousins who did submit not the ones I wanted that's my grandpa was stoked. He's like, oh great your dog and not our ugly My This episode of red stories is sponsored by Quince in the past I have purchased clothing that only lasted a couple of wears or the material felt extremely cheap and uncomfortable as someone who is Constantly building their wardrobe. 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That's q-u-i-n-c-e dot com/pidreddit free shipping and 365 day returns Quince.com/pidreddit Back to the show Our next story comes from Am I the asshole September of 2025? Am I the asshole for not wanting our friend to ever come back to our house after he ate literally everything we owned? -My friend. -I get-- -A bear. -I get both sets. -My friend? -Yogi bear. -Oh, baby. Goldilocks. [ Laughter ] -My husband and I live abroad. Earlier this year, a mutual acquaintance, let's call him Kay, reached out saying he'd been scammed with an apartment rental and had nowhere to stay. At first, we only offered a weekend, but he was polite, helped her on the house, and seemed grateful, so we ended up letting him stay the full 20 days he asked for. During that time, some things rubbed us the wrong way. He never bought groceries, and multiple times he pretended he was going to pay, but forgot his wallet, or claimed he could only use Apple Pay, not accepted at our local supermarket. He'd eat way more than his share. Once my husband and I shared half a pizza, and he ate the other pizza and a half. -Nice. -Without contributing. Still, I was all back for him. We felt bad for him, so we let it go. We stayed friendly, and a few months later, we were planning a 17-day trip. Since he was struggling with rent, we offered him to stay at our place in exchange for taking care of our dog. I even wrote a Google Doc with instructions for the house, dog, care. -He ate the dog. -He ate the dog. I even wrote a gook. I even -- [ Laughter ] I even wrote a Google Doc with instructions for the house, dog, care, gym, access, et cetera. I told him he could eat anything that was going to expire, fruit, veggies, yogurt, et cetera. When we came back, everything was gone. And I mean everything. The entire fridge, freezer, pantry. He finished two jars of jam. -Boop. -The whole can of who has? [ Laughter ] [ Laughter ] Oh, that's good. He finished two jars of jam, a jar of peanut butter, a giant Costco bottle of olive oil, condiments, rice, sex, cheese. Even my husband supplements, creativity, room full of coffee. He was like, "Oh, I'm so hungry." He's buff as fuck. Yeah, you had all those steroids in the closet, identical. He completely destroyed a ceramic pan. He consumed things that usually last us six months in just two weeks. I honestly suspect he might have taken stuff with him because it's insane how much was missing. I didn't confront him except to ask him to replace your pan, which he mocked me about. It's just a pan. Why are you making it a big deal? I felt deeply misrespected. Now he keeps texting me, acting like nothing happened and wants to hang out. I told him. [ Laughter ] You guys want to get dinner tonight? You're a place? Hey, you guys cookin' something I said. He floats to their -- [ Laughter ] It smells so -- He's gonna bust in like creameries. I told my husband I don't want him in our home. I want him in our home ever again. My husband says I'm being too harsh and if he wants to stay friends, that's his choice. But I feel completely taken advantage of and disrespected. So, am I the asshole for not wanting to see this guy ever again and refusing to let him come back to our house? What's his no face from spirited away? [ Laughter ] This is like -- Oh! [ Laughter ] Oh, my God. I really want the other side. I want the further side. The other side is just, "Oh, so long." [ Laughter ] I can eat them. The other side is a family of raccoons. [ Laughter ] The only things that remind me of this is stories were wild animals. And it's utter shit. I one time was staying at an Airbnb and there was a mini-fridge on the outside, like on the back porch, that you could use. And there was a kind of a little latch. White people shitting. And we had like -- [ Laughter ] And we had like a full carton of eggs, some milk, all this, like, a whole bag of cheese. And in the night, like, some raccoons got into it. And I'm talking the whole carton was empty. The whole bag of cheese, shredded cheese was empty. All this stuff. And I'm like, "Somewhere there's a raccoon." And just like -- [ Laughter ] That's so cute. I'm just like, "Oh!" But it's also reminds me of cocaine bear. The real story about a bear who got into a bunch of cocaine and ate it all. There was a movie, right? And they made a movie, a fictionalized version. All those banks. But in real life, the bear just had a good time and passed out, but in the movie, he killed -- I did see -- [ Laughter ] People died. No, and I did see a video recently of people unloading groceries and a bear comes up and they have no choice but to surrender their groceries. Oh, you surrender your groceries to the bear. Yeah, and it's just -- And he knows -- Bear's getting into people food. Bear's like, "Oh, I forgot my wallet." [ Laughter ] He's like, "Oh, you got the wallet." [ Laughter ] When you ruin my pants. Okay. It's just a pant, bro. Okay. Back to the story, the verdict is not the asshole and I think that's completely fair to this guy. I very much have the vibe of when we have guests or if you have someone who's cat sitting or dog sitting or whatever. I'm like, "Yeah, like, take, like, help yourself to everything." Everything? That's my vibe. But no one's ever actually -- But no! The implication is that, like, within reason. Within reason? Yes, of course. Like, if I'm staying at someone's place or I'm cat sitting for someone or dog sitting, and they say that, I'm like, "I'm going to still be reasonable." I'm going to know, like -- If there's something in my fruit gushers, I'm going to -- I might have a -- Oh, fruit gushers, sure. Yeah, absolutely. But so my -- my -- I'm going to play doubles advocate. Okay. If you -- Yeah. How have you ever been so hungry? Like, if you are truly -- so it was 17 days. 17 days. If you're in a house for 17 days. Like, do you think of your apartment? I mean, maybe not specifically yours. But, like, I think I could go through most of the food in my apartment. If not all of it in 17 days. If you're not buying anything. If you're not getting doordash or anything like that, like -- Just dry scooping cream. If I'm like -- Like, if I'm eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich a day, let's say I'm eating two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches a day. Okay. Two jars of jam and a jar of peanut butter. That's not that crazy. But the thing is with most food at home. Like, I feel like it's kind of the cycle of, like, well, I'm kind of tired of this. Let me buy some more. But if you're committing to those foods. I think -- I think you're finishing them. There is a giant Costco bottle of olive oil. Yeah, there's a lot of olive oil. There's a lot -- But a giant Costco-sized olive oil. That's it. Is using -- like, olive oil. I love olive oil. I'd be using it all the time. That's a lot to get through in 17 days. He had to get his essential fats every day. Yeah. My God. He was like, "The drain's so hungry." I'm -- [ Laughter ] Y'all know -- You don't like the -- You don't like the -- We all know the drain? Yeah. We love doing that. What's it called? Is it a fat bird? That's, like -- Oh, yeah. When it's, like, a bunch of fat and tissue paper. It coagulates. It coagulates and it clogs up the drain. Yeah. That's what he's making. Mm-hmm. He's doing experiments. Yeah. He's a man of science. He's like, "I made a volcano at a paper show." [ Laughter ] Holy crap. See, I almost -- this has been almost fascinating where the next time they go on a 17-day trip, it's like, "Hey, leave only lean chicken, broccoli, rice. Come back. He's now a bodybuilder." Yeah. Like, it's like -- It's like -- now you can do experiments on him. It's like, whatever you leave in the house, like, he will eat. He will eat -- Like, what things can you leave there to see if he'll eat it? Like, what -- I just -- [ Laughter ] Do you perform experiments on your friend? Is, like, the funniest phrase ever. It's like, "Well, yeah, I've been performing experiments on you." [ Laughter ] We wanted to see what you would eat. We wanted to see what you would do. You would eat anything. And if you guys ever had a friend where it's, like, you go out to a restaurant together and, like, no matter what's left over, they'll just be, like, "Oh, like, let me finish that." Oh, yeah. Even if it's, like, the -- yeah. It's awesome. Yeah, it's -- it's sick. No, like -- In many ways, it's, like, it's such a great friend to have someone who, like, take leftovers or whatever. I mean, here we have -- We have a loop. Yeah. No, a loop is -- We don't waste food here at Smosh because Luke takes it home. Yeah. And I hope he's cool with us saying that. But, like, it's fantastic. Oh, it does. Yeah, we have -- It's a great guy. It's a great system. Yeah. No, they should leave a bunch of vegemite. No. The next time they leave, they should have their normal food, but then, like, 10 jars of vegemite. And see if he goes through all of that. I feel like it's an acquired taste. Doing 17 days. Give him the most acquired tastes around the world. Yes. And he'll smite, not to -- Yes. And he's -- And he's like, what for -- Dureen. Dureen, yeah. What's the fish? The fermented fish. But he'll acquire it. He'll acquire the taste. I want to see what he'll eat. Yeah. Experiments. For me, reading a hypothetical story, this surpasses now where I'm mad into being, like, fascinates. Yes. And it's also hilarious. Yes. But, yes, disrespectful. He is not being conscientious. If you -- Yeah. If he's not conscientious of this siloed thing in his life, what else is he not conscientious about? Yeah. Space. Oh, man. Like, taking up space. Oh. This stuff. That's why he's sitting like this the whole episode. Yeah. Like this. Yeah. And, like, clearly, your legs are touching. You're like, that's not bothering you. Oh. And then you do this, and then you're like, cool. When you're playing, someone does that. Oh. Rough. When there's the touchy in there. And sometimes I'm just like -- Have you guys ever seen when people have, like, their hair over the back of, like, the -- Yeah. Of the plane. Hold, move. Or, like, their feet up. It's like in between the thing. I'll be like, I'm tickling this. Oh, with no socks on? Yeah. Oh. Dogs out. Yeah. I'm like, it's a liability. See, if this person was also that person, I'd be mad at this person. I'd be mad at this person. They very likely could be. They seem like that. They're not thinking about other people. No, I'm not curious. I'm not. He's absolutely the asshole when they broke the pan. He's like, it's just a pan. Yeah, you ruined it. You got to pay for it. All right. Comments. He didn't consume it all in that time. He emptied your place and took it back to his to life. last him a while. He stole from you like he was on a shopping spree. That is the most likely scenario. I'm laughing at the idea of him eating it all, that's funny and awesome. Okay, Shaggy. Him stealing it, him stealing it sucks. Someone said, I know, right? What was he otherwise doing? Drinking a cup of olive oil mixed with some creatine from breakfast every morning? Someone said, not the asshole, that's something like a fitness bro would do. Yeah. Someone said, not the asshole, this person is not your friend and your husband needs to rethink anyone who mocks his wife over something that person destroyed. This friend has little to no respect for either of you. If your husband wants to lessen himself by continuing this one-sided friendship with this guy, it's on him. However, you do not let anyone who treated your home the way he did back in again. You can decide if you'll reconsider if this guy apologizes, but he's not allowed to be in your home alone again. Oh, home alone? Oh, he said, I think it's because we live outside our home country and it's not that easy for him to make friends here. I feel like he's being overly patient because he's very lonely. Still, I do realize this is something I need to talk to him about. I just needed a bit of validation, but I do plan to have a conversation with him on different terms because a real friend doesn't do this kind of things. Stop befriending raccoons. Yeah. You know? Stop befriending forest critters. Anyways, all right, moving on. Our next story comes from, am I the asshole? Comes from October 2025? Am I the asshole for saying "you" to a picture of my roommate's boyfriend? It's just like a home alone. Oh, that's woof. On a further account, so hopefully they won't find this. I and 19-year-old girl have been living with my roommate, who's 19, since February of last year, and ever since we have moved in together, our relationship has been total chaos. She has a great day in that doesn't have enough space in our apartment. She doesn't care about the cleanliness of the hardwood floors, nor being very hospitable towards guests. She is temperamental and gets upset over what seems like nothing, and I can't get through to her why my friends and I don't want to spend time with her, despite her wanting to be the center of attention constantly. She tends to get upset whenever she cannot be in control of a situation, whether I place as I wanted to go and she tags along, yet insists on going where she wants to until I cave, or gets really mad and starts complaining despite the fact that she tagged along with me, not the other way around. She used to be rude to my friends, but has been better with that. But since that happened, my friends would rather not spend time with her since she tends to be very selfish, and we don't have much in common. She expects me to talk to her when she is sad all the time, but doesn't care about anything I do as well. Anyway, the other night, anyway, she's a stupid dumb idiot. Anyway, the other night, she exploded on me because after sending a picture of her boyfriend, I responded to you because I thought it was funny. I had my friends over earlier that day, so I'm concerned that may not have helped, especially since she wanted to go out with us, but we said no. She got upset and said I'm constantly mean to her, and she regrets ever meeting me. I would normally brush that off, but then when I said I would be going to bed, she said don't wake up. And I felt that seriously crossed the line. She blocked me and won't speak to me now. Am I the asshole? Wow. She got many layers. Oh, it would be 19 again. Many layers, and I'm going to eat all of them. Oh, talking shit about this roommate for like 10 minutes and then being like, and then I said, I won't hang out with you. I'm like, stop trying to prime us against this person, like, you know, you did an asshole thing. You're like, I don't care how much you hate her, like, she sent a picture of a boyfriend and you say, I mean, that is pretty funny. It's funny. I mean, like, it's also like, you're not on that rapport. Yeah. That's a fully fine response from a lot of people if like you get the joke. She knew, like, oh, yeah, this person was like, hey, but we got this report. Was it like boyfriend, is this the boyfriend reveal? Am I reveal? I don't know. That's crazy. If it's boyfriend reveal, that's rough. Also though, you know what I'm thinking about is, is, oh, you guys are going out tonight? Can I join? No. I don't think so. How do you say no? How do you say no? How do you say no? You, that's a tough spot to be in and it's why when people are like, if I'm ever like in a situation, it happens here where like people are like, oh, yeah, we're going to, we're doing this thing tonight. I'm not going to like ask if I can join. I'll be like, no. You wait for the, yeah, I wait for an invitation, but I'm not going to like, like, can I come? Like, because what do people say to that? Well, you kind of have to say yes. You have to say yes. Unless it's like, oh, we like, we have a reservation for five. But I also, yeah. And even then, it's just like, oh, we'll try, we'll call and try and make it for six. Yeah. Why does that feel so vulnerable like you're in third grade being like, can I come? I think I know. I understand, even if it's like a couple good friends of mine and we're a group, but I'm like, I get like certain, like, there's certain situation, certain dynamics, maybe people want to talk about something. I don't know. It doesn't bother me. I don't think about it. And to ask, to ask, to join, to go out and be told, no, when you're nineteen, you had that layer. Oh God. The van's pretty full. Yeah. Sorry, the Hyundai kids, people are, oh my God, yeah, but I think it's like, you're nineteen. It's like, if you're in college, you're probably walking some, I don't know, like, I'm like, there's, there's not a good situation. I'm, but I'm like, based on everything they wrote, I'm like, you're probably the asshole. I want to know more about the great, they're both just assholes to each other. It sounds like having a great day in an apartment though, that's pretty crazy. Great Danes, I thought can actually manage pretty well in small apartments because they're pretty lazy. I just mean size wise. Oh, size, they're huge. I'm like, that's a, that's a horse. Yeah, it is a full horse. Yeah. But we also don't know, like, did they already have the, the dog and then this is just something that they're annoyed with or was it brought in after, you know, it just seems like there's so many layers that they're already not liking about this person. Yeah, it's true. Like the circumstances of the new then, are, our roommates situations are messier than anything else. Yeah. Vertic was asshole. Comets. Comets ew. Yes. Comets. Why did you include the first two paragraphs, they have, yeah, straight up, they have nothing to do with the cloned, flicked at hand. All it's doing is creating the narrative you want to push forward for the actual question at hand. Are you the asshole for saying you at a picture of her boyfriend because you thought it was funny? Yes. Yes, you are. It was uncalled for and frankly mean. Someone said, someone said you're the, yeah, it's me, you're the asshole. She sounds unpleasant to be around, but in that specific interaction, you were being an asshole. Someone said, everyone sucks here. Not going to lie. You both sound exhausting. Responding you to someone's boyfriend photo is immature and rude and you're clearly trying to paint your roommate in a negative light. Your roommate has controlling tendencies and blocking and silent treatment as conflict resolution. You both suck. Get painted. Don't wake up. [ Laughter ] It can't wake up. Look at my boyfriend. You. Kill yourself. Don't wake up. [ Laughter ] Don't wake up in such a childish, like, oh my God. And war is going on in this apartment. Oh man. The poor, great, Dane. Get the great Dane out. I know. That great Dane's just going like, oh. [ Laughter ] Run, run, run. Run, run. He's like, I rate the whole thing. [ Laughter ] I drink all the alcohol. [ Laughter ] Come on, school. [ Laughter ] I'm now going back to the previous story and imagine that guy making a sandwich out of everything in the house and on him doing his job. He made -- it probably makes a shaggy sandwich every night. He asked all the ingredients for a shaggy sandwich. [ Laughter ] A cord of olive oil. [ Laughter ] I'm saying you probably -- or if you're making a shaggy sandwich realistically, you're going to want copious amounts of olive oil. Or like, you know, it's going to need oil vinegar, like, you know, because it's like kind of like Italian. Like, I know he always uses salami. Shaggy's always uses salami on sandwiches. Oh, a shaggy sandwich is eldritch in nature. Yeah. It's unknowable, but he's probably not using -- like to me, a jam would not be on a shaggy sandwich. I just -- there might be -- there might be a little corner of it. I think you could go over here. You know what I'm saying? Which, you know, if you ever got some turkey in there. I think like a cranberry. Yes. Like, you know, cranberry. We don't know what that is. A seasoned shaggy sandwich. We would move on. [ Laughter ] That's what the ghosts want us to do. [ Laughter ] We're not usually like this. [ Laughter ] You're trying to convince me. [ Laughter ] We're usually more professional. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Today's episode of Red Stories is also sponsored by ZockDock. I used to make a lot of excuses when it came to booking doctor's appointments. Oh, I work all day. Oh, I'll do it next week. Oh, I'm just too sleepy. I don't have time to book my dermatologist. Well, that's not the case anymore. But with ZockDock, you can book anytime, anywhere. So when you find yourself worried about a symptom, you can just log in and book your appointment with ZockDock. ZockDock is a free app and website that helps you find and book high quality in network doctors so you can find someone you love. I know there have been times where I've been so under the weather I could barely get out of bed. And thanks to ZockDock, I can find a doctor that does video visits rather than person. So I can talk to a doctor without getting my sick ass out of bed. And there are so many ways to filter to find the right doctor. I specifically filter for doctors who are in network by location and I look at verified patient reviews. Pretty much everything is on this app. Anything that you're worried about, any symptom you want to look for, any type of doctor you're looking for, you're going to find it there. I mean, I certainly did, and I found appointments super fast. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zokdok.com/pittreddit to find and instantly book a doctor you love today. That's zocdoc.com/pittreddit. zokdok.com/pittreddit. Thanks, zokdok, for sponsoring this message. Bachelor's show, hmm, nectarines are so good. Next story comes from Am I the asshole, comes from October of 2025. Am I the asshole for crashing out because my friend called me a passport, bro? Ooh. Ooh. Brutal. Let's, curious about this one. I think I know what this is. Have you ever heard of a passport, bro? I think so. What do you think it is? Is this somebody who travels to other countries and like, sleep with people? I think it's, yeah, they're going to another country to try to find a wife in that country. Oh, wife specifically. Okay. That's kind of my understanding is like, yeah, this is someone who's traveling to like, kind of fun, yeah. Marriage tourist. Gotcha. Okay. So it's not a good thing to be called. And this guy's crashing out. And he's crashing out. I'm male 26. I've been with my boyfriend, Luca, for five years. Basically, we met when I went to Italy for a photography project and we clicked really fast. I'm fluent in Italian. I've been learning since I was 10 and he is 100% Italian as well. Two years ago, I moved in with him in Italy. A week ago, we visited Canada, where I'm from and stayed at my friend Emma's house. She was basically all over Luca and flirting with him and everything. Luca told me he was uncomfortable and I told her to stop and then she started fucking swearing at me, saying shit like I was creepy for going for Italian men. Luca is legit the only Italian man I know. Then she called me a passport, bro. And then she was like, you're fucking creepy because he has a more feminine and younger face, so basically you're attracted to younger Italian men. The jumps this girl jumped. Luca and I are the same age and she was like, you're not teaching him English so he can be clueless and you can feed your white, save your complex. And at that point, I fucking crashed out and said some not nice things. And told her she should lay off on the Omegaverse Yahweh she's reading. Which was kind of out of left field for me to say I admit but I was mad. Now she's mad and got our mutual friends to gang up on me and Luca saying I should apologize, but also set boundaries with her. Am I the asshole? Okay. So I have to say these Italians. Oh, this one's got a lot of. So it's sounding like this is a shaggy sandwich and it's out. This is a shaggy sandwich of a story. He's not sounding like a passport bro. He was in Italy. He met someone. Then they clicked and they've been dating for five years. He didn't go to Italy with the intention of this meeting someone. Yeah, absolutely. It doesn't sound like he's taking advantage of this person whatsoever. They're both the same age. From the facts presented, OP has not displayed passport bro. He could be omitting things. No, what it's sounding like is that his friend Emma is just kind of weird. She must fuck Luca. She was all over Luca. Luca got uncomfortable, said, hey, can you say something? I'm uncomfortable with how she's acting. The second he drew a boundary, she lost her mind and is trying to guilt him for it. So that's what's going on here. Verdict, not the asshole. Someone said not the asshole. She was the asshole. When she started flirting with your boyfriend, then it sounds like she was projecting. She's probably jealous because your boyfriend sounds pretty cool. And even trying to play fair for your sake, forget about her. She's not a friend. That sounds pretty well. Yeah. Yeah. Don't wake up. Don't wake up. Just what? How does she act like that and think she's in the right? And the fact that your mutual friends are getting up on you either means this isn't the full story or your friend group has severe brain damage. It's all that Omegaverse, yeah, we. So that's what Omegaverse, Yahweh, does to you. Do you know what the Omegaverse is? No. It's like some people are alphas and they are made to breed specifically the Omega's, right? And the babies are kind of separate from it. I'm not doing a good job explaining it, but it's like, it's this whole, it's the Omegaverse. So, Megas are the breedable ones? Yes. So then it's an Omegaverse Yahweh because, okay. Yeah, but I think that would just mean it's all gay. Oh. Yo. I'm learning so much. Wow. Omegaverse, Yahweh, Reddit stories, you would do numbers. O.P. responded to that comment saying she only told them about my Yahweh Omegaverse comment and they genuinely won't listen to my side of the story. They're calling me an internalized homophob. Someone's responded that saying, time for you to ditch them, I guess. Boy, you literally have a boyfriend. How the fuck are you homophobic when you're in a gay relationship? She's probably just super jealous because you have a hot boyfriend and she does not. What does she even think? She's flirting with a man in a gay relationship and it doesn't occur to her that he's most likely not interested in her. What was her goal here? All of this doesn't make sense. There were additional comments bringing up, you can be homophobic if you bash Yahweh, but O.P. wasn't doing that really. Just making a dig at Emma, which he regrets. But yeah, she just sounds jealous. Now, pulling the homophobic card just like, you know, like Yugi. Yeah. Like Yahweh. Um, no, it's exhausting. That's unfortunately very exhausting. Very exhausting. But hey. Get out of it. Get out of it. Get out of it. You're in Italy. Someone said, not the asshole. You need to take that girl to Italy and find her another boy because she is clearly jealous of what she doesn't have. Someone said, Italian here, please do not bring her here. We don't want her. Okay. But bringing her to Italy with the express purpose of finding a boyfriend makes her a passport. Yeah. So our next story comes from Emma the asshole October of 2025. Pretty true. Yeah. These are active recent assholes. Yeah. Am I the asshole for being bad at D&D? Probably. Okay. Skelish. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. I'm already pre-judging here. Using a throwaway account because my campaign mates know my main account. So I've been playing D&D for about two years and have had a long string of player characters that have died during the campaign. I think the count is at six or seven. I genuinely try not to just put my character in dangerous situations, but I often feel like the roles just don't go my way. First one was a barbarian and I was going reckless for every attack and then the bad guy got some good roles and just crit me a few times in a row. Then they finished me off during death saves. But another one I decided to try being a bard got silenced and immobilized, then some generic low level guys just came and beat me up and I was not able to fight back at all. Hey, this guy can't talk. This reminds me of there was a story where the DM created a bird that hates you that just killed that wiped the party because it was like, yeah, this bird hates you. He was mad at his party. So he was just like, yeah, and enter the bird that hates you. This one was actually a little funny at how useless I was. In any case, I know I'm not very good and will often try to strategize and my group mates always seem to be on board and then the plans just don't pan out at all. I play for fun and don't particularly mind being bad, but my friends have been getting progressively more upset at me and even saying things like, I'm an asshole for always dying and wasting their time. That's crazy. I will genuinely never try to go recklessly into a situation, but it feels like no matter what I do, all the aggression gets focused on me and then I get overwhelmed. I have started asking them if I should just leave the group and let them do their thing. This would be sad for me because this was a group of close friends and I thought we were having a good time. It's only been in the last three to four months that they've started becoming more angry towards me and I genuinely don't know why. In any case, all input would be appreciated and there may be a perspective I'm not considering. But am I the asshole for being bad at D&D? Okay. I have. I mean, no. No, he's not the asshole. I was going to say I have limited D&D experience, obviously we've done it here at Smosh a little bit, but you're telling a story together and the DM has, does have some control on what's going on. The fact that you were silenced and mobilized and that a group of characters beat you up, I'm like, I'm questioning, like, I think the DM is killing you a little bit. Yeah, it feels. I understand it. And mobilized is pretty intense. It feels like I know there's a lot of nuance to DMing. And so maybe it's truly just a string of bad luck, but it's like, how much can you blame. You know, I would imagine you'd want to collab with the DM to be like, hey, what am I doing wrong? Like, I would talk to the DM. It's also not just the DM, it's also the group. Yeah. It is a group. It is a fellowship. It is everyone together. You die as a barbarian? Wow. I mean, that's the rest of the group also not coming through. I cannot blame this guy. Six to seven characters dying in a two-year campaign. That is absurd. Like that is going beyond, you can't just roll bad and have that many deaths. You can. I can roll pretty bad. But even I didn't die that easily. Maybe it. I wouldn't know who else is dying. Like, they have the only person dying in these campaigns. Everybody dying. But, like, also, the purpose of D&D is to have fun, man. Yeah. Like, you're not playing it professionally in this context. You're just having a good time. This is kind of like if you're playing pickup basketball and someone's playing way too intensely. It's like, hey, man, we're just having a good time here. We're not trying to, like, we're not trying to make the league. So, what would be the NBA? - The league. - The league, the league. - Yeah, this is just, I'm questioning this DM. I think this DM's killing him. - I think the front group doesn't like him. - It also seems, the D&D drama that I hear is agonizing. - It's like, some of these D&D groups are going through it. - Should we do anything with that close of a group of people for that long? Like, I think there's always inevitably gonna be drama. - Like, not all of them at the same time. - Yeah, I hear about good ones, but it is a pot that can easily boil, feels like. - Comments, how old are you and the other people involved? - Yeah, he ran into, how old are you? - That's crazy, how old are you? - Wait, what was it after how old are you? - How old are you and, how old are you and the other people involved in the DM? Apologies, new to posting on Reddit. I am a 28 year old man, and my friends are 25, 31, 27, 33. The DM is a 32 year old woman, and she says she is trying to stay out of it. Someone said, not the asshole, this sounds like a DM issue as much as anything else. A DM shouldn't be killing off players so easily. - I'm sorry, how is the DM staying out of it? - Yeah, the DM's like, I don't want any part of this. - It's like, you're running the game. - Yeah. - My DM, even when things get dicey, there are always ways to get out of it. And that's what makes a good DM. Also, your teammates should have been trying to help you. It's a team game. Yeah, if you die on Deathsaves, it's like, either the DM is sending someone to kill you during Deathsaves or nobody came to rescue you. - Yeah. Not the asshole, D&D is about having fun with friends. At no point has any group that I have been a part of, has ever been upset that someone's character died. There are only three explanations I can see for this. One, your friends are jerks, too. There is something left out of the story above. You are taking forever to make decisions or you require 100% of the DM's time while you make a new character, which stops the game or some other social thing that is causing the game to be unfun for the group. Or lastly, this is fake sash AI. Well, he responded, they never used to get upset and it felt like the last three to four months was complete about face. I tried to be quicker with decision making, but these days I get more anxious with each of my turns because I don't want to be wrong. My friends have all been playing for 10 plus years and I was a new addition. Update. The next day. Thank you, everyone, for your insights and support. I decided a few hours ago to reach out to the DM and just let her know I'm going to find a new group or just separate myself from this one. After a long conversation, it came out that actually this group was, in fact, doing this on purpose and the DM was in on it. She ultimately told me because she says she felt guilty that it went so far, but this explains her lack of insight or help, I guess. Apparently this group had trouble getting through fights encounters and the DM got frustrated that this was interfering with her storytelling. Then when I came around, they found that having all the enemy's attention on the new guy allowed the real players to explore their stories and encounters without having to retreat all the time. Honestly, it seemed like some convoluted logic to me and I'm assuming they started expressing this anger towards me as a way of keeping me useless via insecurity of my experience and decisions. This inevitably made me feel like it was my fault and then when my own decision stopped killing me, they would just allow my character to gradually die off by not equitably distributing help. In any case, I'm definitely out of this group and they definitely are not my friends. This has made me really confused because I just don't really understand why they had to go about this in such a hurtful way, but I appreciate everyone for helping me get the courage to talk to them and push hard enough to actually get some truth. So this group was so bad at D&D that they needed to get someone in to be a punching bag so that they can-- - You're so bad at communication. - Oh, there's so many other ways to tackle this issue instead of having what the hell is going on here. - Yikes. - Yeah, that's way worse than anything I could have imagined. - How bad at storytelling do you have to be that it's like, okay, we gotta have someone so they can handle the bad stuff. - Maybe even like, I think there could be a world where we almost like communicate with someone where it's like, oh, and I'll make the character that keeps dying and like kind of like throwing themselves like, that is a character choice that is funny and like maybe they figure out what to like keep resurrecting him and that's part of it. That's the cool thing about D&D or any RPG is that you can-- - Yeah, but the setup is that they're on purpose, they're purposefully targeting him. So the others get to play the game. - It doesn't make any sense. - And that's what I'm saying. Like, there's so many ways to circumvent that issue or be clever about it instead of just stringing a human being along. - Yeah, it sounds like they're really bad at D&D as a group. Bad players, bad friends. - And it sounds like they're just like bad problem solvers, like periods. - Yeah, straight up. - Yeah, you tell 'em. - Yeah. - Bad. - Don't wake up. - The DMs also a bad DM, 'cause that just doesn't, that's a world where the logic doesn't make sense, you know? Like, you're supposed to be telling an interesting story. - It's like I'm going to stay out of it. - Everything in this world hates this-- - Get silenced, get him mobilized. - Yeah, get beat up. All right, our next story comes from Am I the Asshole? September of 2025, another recent one. Am I the Asshole for drawing an ugly portrait of someone who passed away? - Like a good job. - Oh my god. - Ugly in quotations. So maybe OP does not-- - Yeah, maybe they don't say that. For context, this happened a few years ago during my second-to-last year of high school. I recently shared this story with my friends at university and they argued over whether I was in the wrong, which is why I'm posting this. In my second-to-last year of high school, a girl in our grade passed away. She was terminally ill and the school did a short assembly speech and a memorial was set up. Admittedly, I was not that close with her. We were acquainted and spoke occasionally, but we weren't close friends, per se. On the day before her memorial, I drew a portrait of her and brought it to school. I noticed that in the area set aside for her memorial, there were some framed photographs of her as well as portraits drawn by her friends. To be clear, I was not even planning on sharing my portrait to begin with. I intended to see if other people were sharing portraits first, since I didn't want to overstep. I would also say that I am a good artist. I had a reputation as the class artist. When I placed my portrait next to the other portraits drawn of her, one of her friends came up to me and told me that my drawing wasn't welcome. I was confused since I saw that there were other portraits, but I realized that they were all drawn only by her close circle of friends. I was also told that my drawing was so ugly that it had to have been on purpose to mock her. Multiple people mocked my drawing. What I don't understand is that even if my drawing was ugly, that was obviously never the intention. I made the drawing to commemorate her, and she had no right to disrespect me so openly. Even if she were a close friend of hers, she didn't have any right to decide whose artwork could or could not be placed on the memorial. Am I the asshole for refusing to take down my artwork? Edit, this was years ago, I do not have the drawing or any images of the drawing. I do remember that it was a pencil drawing done on a sheet of paper. All the other drawings at the memorial were also pencil drawings. Edit number two, thank you for all the comments. I just wanted to clarify a few things for those who have been asking, yes, I was grieving. You do not have to be close friends to feel the emotional impact of their death. Secondly, I only mentioned that I was the class artist to corroborate the fact that I am not a bad artist, and so I was singled out for not being in their friend group. My motivation was the same as everyone else. Thirdly, this was an open memorial, people brought all kinds of things, chocolates, pencils, they may have borrowed-- - Chocolate. - Chocolate? Pencils, they may have borrowed from her, random things like that. The only people to bring drawn portraits were I and some of her closer friends. - Pencils? - She loved pencils. - She loved pencils. The verdict is asshole, and I think I never-- - Maybe for not taking a-- - To me, if someone was like, "Oh, that's not welcome here." I'd be like, "Oh shit, I need to leave the school." - Yeah, I think the verdict makes sense because OP, in the way they're writing it. And I know it's been some years, but it seems like they're making this all about themselves. And I don't think that the drawing was ugly. I think it's that she keeps mentioning it was like me and her closer friends. It's like, "All right, so like. "Her closer friends probably don't even know you that well, "so they're like, "Why are you bringing this here?" I don't know, I've never went to high school in person, so I never experienced anything like this. Obviously, multiple layers of that. So I don't know the like etiquette and nuances of it. - I mean, I do think it is always kind of like a thing when this is a weird topic. But like when someone dies, it does feel, you almost feel like protective of like, "Oh, they were my friend in that way." And if someone comes in who it's like, "Oh, you barely even talked to them." Like maybe that might have been their POV. It's like, "Why are you grieving?" Where it's like, it's also not a competition. Like, there's so many layers, so many layers. Yeah, grieving competition. Challenge bit. - Challenge bit grief. - Yeah, I mean, but it's like, like would draw, like, I don't think they're at. Asyl's a strong word, I think, for this. But, you know, they drew a picture, they tried to put it up, like, I don't know. - Yeah. - It sounds a little bit like, yeah, everyone was grieving there. Not just you. - Yeah. - And this was a complicated situation. And they felt offended by that for whatever reason. And it does, and I think it ultimately just seems like she made it about herself. - Yeah, well, I think initially it probably wasn't. And she was also a teenager, you know, going through grief in these really heavy feelings. And this was an expression of, how can I use my talents to, you know, honor somebody. And trying to get through those feelings as a teenager is already so, so big. But now looking back on it, I would agree that not being able to think about what's external and what you can't control and making it about the one thing that you can control is which is yourself and making it about yourself, I would agree that, yeah, asshole. But originally, probably not, yeah. Yeah, we're not saying you're a bad person for what you did. It's just like, oh, like here's why what happened happened. It's like, what can you control now as an adult, you know, looking back in the situation? But I think agreeable that like, as a teenager, I mean, come on. It is a weird situation, you know. Someone telling you like your drawings are welcome here, though, that would send me, I'm a crush out. Yeah, I might crush out. Yeah, I'd be like, ew. Someone saw the drawing of the girl and said, ew. Yeah, no, that's really hurtful. Oh, super hurtful. And especially like, you know, it's a reflection of not only you wanting to do something nice for somebody, even if you didn't know that person, I think that it is still your way of expressing your art. Right. Maybe OP is just like legit and annoying person that nobody likes. And so when they brought the drawing there, I was like, we don't want that. It's possible. And they left that part out of the story. It's like, OP, comma, 19, annoying. Yeah, I think, because I think I am a little confused. Like I said, I'm speaking from a very outside perspective when it comes to like high school. But like, an open memorial, I'm like, you kind of think like everything would be welcome, like the whole school is bringing stuff like. Chocolate and pencils, weird thing to leave. Pencils that you borrow. Where's the effort? Pencils that you had to borrow. It's like, here is it back. High school's such a complicated, rough place. And then you add this layer to it, so. And you're like visible and you're seen and you're probably feeling like everyone's judging every move you make while you're in the green process. So then to bring a drawing up and have someone be like, mm, mm, mm, mm, I'd be mad. I guess I get that. I also think it's a tough one to like, recount. Because I'm like, that's such a like, I don't know, with the story like that, I'm like, I wasn't there in the moment, 'cause that sounds like such a wild thing to say, at an open memorial that I'm like, I don't know who were in high school, what your relationship to these people were in high school, what the vibe of everything. What if OP was a bully? We don't know all that stuff. And something like don't reconcile with themselves being bullies back in high school. Yeah, they don't think they were bullies back in high school. And there's just a lot of stuff that's going on where I'm like, at face value, yeah, it doesn't sound like it was a few more details. But the way they're telling the story is I think where the asshole verdict is kinda coming from. So the verdict was asshole, but the comments are kind of all over the place. We have one, you're the asshole. You didn't draw the portrait to mock her, but you did make a girl's tragic early death about you. And even years later, you're making this moment about you. Her friends likely felt like you were encroaching on this moment. They lashed out at you in grief, which isn't fair, but they were children who had just lost a friend. You should let this one go. It has like 4,000 upvotes. Oh, he said fair enough. Someone said, no, hit him with the fair enough. Someone said no assholes here. You are all kids who lost someone their own age that they knew. For some of those kids, it may have been their first experience with death. I know death is always hard, but there's something a little extra jarring about losing someone your age when you're that young. Everybody grieves differently. And while you didn't do anything wrong, I also understand why they lashed out. I'm sure there was nothing wrong with the drawing and they were just being teenagers, which is emotional enough on its own without adding losing a friend to the mix. Lastly, someone said, you said that you intended to honor the deceased. I can't know if the multiple people who mocked your picture were bullying you or if it really was an unflattering picture. You admitted that you and the deceased weren't close. On the surface, since I can't know what anyone was thinking, it seems that everyone behaved badly. No one should have mocked your artwork and you should have taken it down in the interest of peace at a funeral. Everyone sucks here. It's such a hard thing to do as a 17-year-old to have your artwork mocked and be like, you know what, you're right, I'm not gonna make it about myself. I have so much empathy for a teenager going through that. Totally. Adult, different story. It's a tough thing, too. It's one of those stories where it's like, we're trying to draw these lines of like, who's in the wrong, who's in the right. I'm like, it's an awful situation. And yeah, you're all teenagers dealing with grief. Things are complicated. Like, yeah, I do agree with like, let it go. Like, move on. Agreed, yeah. I think judging how somebody greaves is such an interesting thing because it's probably a projection of how we're judging ourselves of how we're grieving. You know, and like, that's a projection. But yeah, letting it go, agreed. It's thin years, it's a sucky situation. All of it was sucking. I get it, Jake, it's high school. And you know, it's like, maybe it is bringing it back to the point of honoring that person. Right, draw better. Oh, wow. Wow, a Spencer, anything else? Get better at drawing, dude. I would have left your pencils or chocolate. I'm sorry, I'm really hung up on that. Yeah, you are. No, it has me wondering what those memorials do like after, what do they do with all this stuff? Give him a Spencer, he looks like a Los Pencils. Yeah, a Los Pencils. I would commemorate the pencils. All right, it's time for our final story. It comes from Am I the asshole? Am I the asshole for cheating at an eating competition? He's back. [LAUGHTER] No, it's not him, he wouldn't eat me. So our local restaurant that has really good wings was hosting a hot pepper eating competition recently. Yeah, we've had a few of those. With a bunch of coupons for free wings on the line, I have a weird genetic quirk where my body doesn't register cap station normally. So my spice tolerance levels are way higher than normal. So I entered the competition and won the coupons, but my friends are now telling me that I cheated and I should have let normal people compete and get the wings. So red and Am I the asshole for competing? The wings are so good. He's like, he's like, I'm your ex-man. That's good, he's like, unbreakable, but for-- Yeah, eating wings. That's how shit works, man. Like, what's his name? Lance Armstrong is big as heart. And the drugs. And the drugs all the time. But Joey Chestnuts, you can't tell me that guy has like a normal stomach. But what is he gonna have? Some sort of genetic thing going on. Oh, sorry, oh, that's being like, oh, NBA players. Like, you guys are all cheating, you're all really tall. Yeah, can't do that. Now, him having like the mutant power of not being able to like taste, that's-- That's kind of awesome. Yeah, that's like what, that's your calling. Yeah, truly. But then there's a sadness also of not being able to experience spice. There's a sadness. That's true, that's sad. That's the sacrifice. I'm gonna say, though, like, I wonder if his butt has the same powers, because that-- [LAUGHTER] That does it. There's a second part. Is he the asshole or the second part? Is he the asshole to it? That was one of the first time I had to have a habanero pepper here. I was like, oh, my god, that was awful. It was like horrendous. And then later when I used the bathroom, that was worse, that was terrifying. I was scared. Yeah, first time I did habanero on the channel. It was with the warp zone. And one of the warp zone, and I went into the bathroom at the same time after what this shoot was done. We came out, like, 45 minutes later at the same time. Or, like, I don't think so many peppers. I think so many habanero peppers over the years. Like, easily it doesn't. Like, I think it's time to bring it back. We got to have, like, Angela and Amanda. Like, we get to make them. I would actually be down. Yeah. Like, has enough time. Because we brought back five minutes of Freddy's, like, last year or something like that. And, like, is the time, is it pepper time again? I'm like, that's it. I can't do it. I'm just going to do it on smash mouth. We're just going to be talking. I'm just going to be funny as fuck. I'm going to do that. Do smelling salts at the same time. Just be fucked up. Have you ever done smelling salts? I haven't done it yet. Smelling salts, but I know. It's crazy. I didn't want it. It's crazy. I just always watched Juji Mufu have it before. I did it once for a TikTok. I got-- I was at home by myself, and I was like, I've always been curious. So I'm going to do it. And, like, you truly just buy it. It's cheap. You get a bottle of it. What makes me experience? It is-- It's like getting slapped in the face. You know, like, how horse radish, like, does that do you know? Or was it-- Yeah. Imagine that times a million. We're like, you truly, like, the bottle was here. And I went-- I was like, OK, I'm going to try this. And I have the TikTok. I could-- we could show it a second of it. I see God. I see God. Oh, my God. It's crazy. It's awesome. I was genuinely like, I'm going to try to, like, not react that much. I'm going to do my best. And I-- it's not, like, it's also just, like, the moment. And then it doesn't go away for a while. And I was just like, oh, I think I'm just crying tears. So-- I mean, it wakes you up. So what would it-- OK, so people do it before, like, lifting weights and stuff. What did it make you want to do if you, like, you just, like, had the superpower? I don't think in that people-- I wasn't like that. But it truly is, like, oh, my adrenaline, everything. I was like, oh, my-- like, but mostly it was here. And it's just, like, it goes through-- you feel your entire, like, taking it all the while. It's nuts. I'm just chugging that all the while. It was unbelievable. It's not painful. It's just, like, whoa. Are either of y'all in the video where Cordi eats the raw onion? >> I don't think so. >> And she's crying the whole time. >> No, it's not the raw onion, it was the, or >> No, there's a raw onion where she takes a bite of a raw onion. And they're like, they're- >> I'm like very- >> I take bites of raw onions, that's not so bad. >> Well, Courtney did the, no, Courtney did the chip, the one chip. >> The one chip, John. >> She did that and truly, we almost were like, should we cut? Are you okay? This was, that was back on show with no name. >> What's that, that chemical that's on like sour patch candies and stuff? >> Oh. >> For Garrett's favorite. >> Oh, Malik acid? >> Yeah. >> I don't react to that. >> That's true. >> See, I have what this guy has known. >> Malik acid, where sour stuff doesn't, just doesn't, it reaches like a limit and then it doesn't get more sour. >> I'm like thinking about the Malik acid and my mouth's already like- >> I did so much Malik acid on me, you're eating it and I just was fine. >> Say that sentence without the Malik. >> I know. >> I did so much acid. >> Oh. >> Oh. >> Comments, congrats. You are the Michael Phelps of Chicken Wings. If he wasn't cheating by having a genetic advantage when it comes to swimming, you weren't cheating by having a genetic advantage when it comes to spicy food. Someone said it's like telling a guy who's seven feet tall not to enter basketball, dunking competition. So guys, under six feet can have a fair chance. Someone said, fuck that, you didn't cheat, your friends are weak-minded individuals, not the assholes. >> The lion says- >> Someone said, your friends are stupid, they should have bet on you winning, not the assholes. >> Dead on it. >> Someone said, we need to get you on hot ones. Update, thanks guys, I guess the- >> Update, I'm on hot ones. >> Thanks guys. >> Thanks guys, I guess the consensus is that the Chicken Wings God blessed me and my friends are just jelly. I now have to embark on the Holy Pilgrimage to all hot pepper contests in the Fire Nation to conquer them all. Wish me luck, since many people asked, no, it doesn't hurt throughout the whole body. >> Oh. >> Nor on the way out. Wow. So he's got power all the way through. >> That is a true power. >> That's awesome. I'm breaking up. >> That's really cool. >> What else do you do other than like winning these contests and getting free t-shirts? What do you do with this power? >> That's, hey, what else do you need? >> That's kind of all you need. Just any, so many restaurants you could go to and probably get free stuff because they all have competition. >> Just me sitting down at Chili's alley, whatever you want, just give me free wings, yeah. That guy could be on every single wall at so many restaurants, like whole guys, whole guys has their wall of fire, whatever, where you have to do their challenge. >> He just doesn't have to pay for dinner. >> Just go do that. >> Anyways, well, that's all our stories today. >> They, I cried laughing nonstop. This was amazing. >> The guy eating, the guy who eats is way bigger than the guy. >> The man who eats. >> The man who eats. >> The man who eats. >> The man who eats. >> The man who eats. >> These stories, hey, they ate. >> Yep. >> Mari, thanks for being here. >> Yeah. >> These were having me. This is great. >> Yeah, so fun. And Spencer, you're out of your mind. >> [LAUGH] >> As always, thank you so much for watching and listening. >> Before we go, Mari, is there anything you want to shout out? Anything you're working on, or anywhere people can find you? >> You can find me at Atomic Mari as usual, and I don't know, I'm just up to a bunch of stuff. Enjoying life. >> Oh yeah, Kelly, yeah, it's Instagram life. Sick. Thank you for watching, and we'll see you next Saturday. Bye.