Dial M-M-R for Murder

Welcome to Love It or Leave It, live from Hollywood. I'm John Lovett. We've got a great show for you tonight. But first, let's get into it. What a week. On Monday, Trump, alongside vaccine denier RFK Jr., signed an executive order aimed at reducing the number of vaccinations recommended for children and delaying the shots they do receive over a longer period of time. Why? Well, let's have Dr. Trump explain it. Mr. President, I think I heard you say that the MMR vaccine for measles, mumps, and rubella is quite lethal. Is there any evidence of that? No, what I've heard is that there are some people that say it is that way. And I say, well, let's say there's a 5%. 5% chance of it. Let's split it up. Now, he's not saying who he heard it from, but as a hint, imagine it's Tom Waits if he swallowed a bike chain and loved cholera. Trump also made this odd claim. I saw this early on, and I've seen proof of it, where they have a vaccination that looks like the size of a bottle of soda poured into a little child's body, and bad things happen. Famously, the hardest part of being a parent, is when you have to pour two liters of vaccine into your baby like you're filling an ice cube tray. For the record, children's vaccines tend to have about half a milliliter or a tenth of a teaspoon worth of liquid. Oh, but that doesn't bother you, Libs, but Trump puts a half a milliliter of liquid into a teenager on Epstein's Island and you all lose your fucking minds. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. It was a tough one, but you did okay. All right. Thank you for bearing with me. That was an important joke. A good moral joke. Trump repeated his claims Tuesday on Real America's Voice. It's too much at one time. They give these massive. Did you ever take a look? It looks like a Coca-Cola bottle. You know, like they're pumping this massive amount of fluid into a child's body. And then sometimes you get to the doctor and you ask for a Coca-Cola vaccine and the doctor says, is a Pepsi vaccine okay? And you're like, nevermind. I'll die of measles. Trump also repeated his bizarre claims about the MMR vaccine. MMR. If you give them separately, the M, the M, and the R, it's fine. When you put them together, they're sort of like a nuclear weapon, according to some. Right then and there. Trump, what's the M? What's the M? What's the R? Tell us what you think they are right now. I'll vote for you. I'll support you. I'll be your president for life. What's the M? What's the M? What's the R? Now, this is all just made up. There is no benefit to separating out the doses. It's actually been tried and all that happens. A lot of kids don't get all three because you have to go to the doctor three times. It's not hypothetical. They actually tried this in Japan. The vaccines were split. And as a result, a lot of kids ended up with the fucking mumps. But don't worry. I'm sure Americans are more disciplined and better at following the rules than the fucking Japanese. See, that joke would have been unacceptable in woke one. And now, here we are, having a good time laughing about stereotypes, and I apologize. Republican Senator Bill Cassidy posted, quote, "I'm a doctor. This executive order is wrong. The president does not have the expertise to make these changes. Vaccines are overwhelmingly safe. Vaccines are effective. Vaccines do not cause autism." Cassidy voted to confirm RFK Jr. after accepting his reassurances that he wasn't anti-vax, even though he was proudly and consistently anti-vax. It would be like a campaign. It would be like accepting Krang's assurances. He doesn't want to conquer the earth and kill the Ninja Turtles. Bitch, that's his whole fucking thing. Krang's gonna krang. Sounds like RFK Jr. too, a little bit. Kennedy also lied. He said he'd maintain the vaccine advisory panel's recommendations. He then fired all 17 members of the panel. He said he supported the childhood vaccination schedule, which has now been gutted. He explicitly said he would not divert or cut vaccine funding, then pulled billions from local vaccination programs, and shut down half a billion dollars in exciting, revolutionary mRNA research, which holds the promise of vaccines for diseases from HIV to cancer. From the way RFK is acting, you'd think these are the shots that took out his dad and uncle. He did okay on that one, too. Speaking of dangerous shots, in July, the New York Times reported that Trump flew on the old Air Force One while leaving Turkey because his new Qatari plane lacked the defensive capabilities that he needed. This was in response to what was reportedly a credible threat that Iran would fire a missile at the President's plane. A welcome change of pace. After a few days of eating Turkish food, you'd expect it to be Trump who's dropping the bombs on Air Force One. Now we learn, according to the Washington Post, that Trump was not on either plane. And after very publicly boarding the old Air Force One, the Secret Service secretly snuck Trump out of the other side of the plane and onto a catering truck, which you can see there. Oh my god, is this where food comes from? Is this a farm? Said Trump, marveling at all the snacks. The catering vehicle then covertly drove Trump to yet a third, smaller plane, which we can see there. That plane, which Secretary Hegseth had already publicly boarded, then flew to the United Kingdom. Interestingly, Secretary Hegseth was somehow stuck inside of a drink cart, but that seems to be unrelated to any kind of a security threat. Here's the thing: The unwitting journalists and White House staff aboard Air Force One weren't told about the threat or that Trump wasn't on the plane. "What is he doing in there?" asked White House Press Secretary Stephen Chung around minute ninety of waiting outside Air Force One's good bathroom. When the press pool later asked the president why they had been told to close their window shades on the flight, Trump responded, quote, "Because you're probably on a dangerous flight because of the sleaze bags that we have to deal with," which are also the words I use any time I fly Frontier. Trump then added, quote, "But if I go, you go, right?" before suggesting that, quote, "Perhaps someday you want to change professions." This is what he said to journalists who had no idea they were basically used like rodeo clowns. Here's how they covered it on Fox News. "It reminds me a little bit of Taylor Swift in the middle of the heiress tour when she was going to the Chiefs game. Do you remember when they were sneaking her out in the popcorn cart? Twice! They did it again in the… That was real? I thought that was it. Okay. Do whatever it takes to keep Taylor Swift happy. She had those heiress tour concerts. But, nonetheless, the media outrage is crazy on this. Do what you gotta do to keep the president safe." One problem: Taylor didn't have a decoy tour bus filled with unsuspecting backup dancers that she thought might get hit by a rocket-propelled grenade. Also, the government does not have the right to use journalists as decoys like this without their knowledge because this is a democracy, and private citizens aren't expected to sacrifice their lives for the dear leader while eating a little bag of pretzels and drinking a ginger ale when Bill Clinton flew into Pakistan in 2000. The White House also used a decoy plane, but that decoy was smaller so as to put fewer people at risk. Reporters and the president flew separately, and according to new reporting, the White House actually briefed Susan Page, then the president of the Correspondents Association, about the ruse in advance. Ironically, this was a rare time when a woman was warned about not being next to Bill Clinton on a plane. And speaking of travelers who put their needs above everyone else, according to passengers, on a small cruise ship, Mark Zuckerberg's $300 million yacht did not respond to a recent distress call from a nearby vessel which had run out of fuel near the coast of Alaska. They reportedly ignored the distress signal because they mistook it for a suicidal teenage girl. A Meta spokesperson later said that Zuckerberg's yacht, called the Launchpad, did not hear the signal until after the vessel had been rescued by the passing cruise ship. According to a passenger on that cruise, after the captain announced that Mark Zuckerberg's yacht had not responded, quote, "there was near-unanimous booing." Everybody on board then had a good laugh and died of hantavirus. All right, we have got a great show for you tonight, and we'll be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. This episode is sponsored by the International Rescue Committee. Right now, there are millions of children struggling to survive in conflict zones around the world like Sudan and Gaza. They're not only facing hunger. But also unsafe water and little or sometimes no access to basic health care. That's why the work of the International Rescue Committee is more important than ever. They're on the ground in some of the most vulnerable places in the world, helping families access food, medical care, clean water, and support for new moms and babies. They even train local health care workers so care reaches those who might otherwise be completely cut off. You can help the IRC support even more children in need. For a limited time, all donations are matched to Rush 2X, the emergency aid, help save a child's life. Visit us at www.rescue.org/rebuild. That's www.rescue.org/rebuild. Love It or Leave It is brought to you by SimpliSafe. 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You get exclusive access to a bunch of our Substack newsletters. You get Pod Save America only tabs. You get a Polar Coaster with Dan Pfeiffer. There's a lot of great stuff that you only get as a subscriber, plus ad-free episodes, plus you're supporting independent pro-democracy media that you can trust. So please go to crookedcon.com to get your ticket and to join Friends of the Pod. And if you're in L.A., get tickets to see us live at crooked.com slash events. We are always adding new guests. Check out our lineup, including Congressman Ted Lieu and hilarious actor Jim Rash from Community and Political Commentator David Pakman from The David Pakman Show. They'll all be here on Thursday. All right. Now, please welcome to the stage one of my favorite stand-ups and the first person I would call if I was accused of murder is Lisa Trager. Hi. Good to see you. Come on through. Hell yeah. Hi. Hello. Hello. Hello. Oh, hi. Now, obviously, look, you're a triple threat. Yes. All right? Because you're a comedian. Yeah. You're a true crime aficionado. Yeah. And you're an international backgammon competitor. And an actress. And an actress. No, I. And a dancer. And you were saying a trans swimmer. Yeah. I was on the swim team in high school, though. Were you really? Yeah. Yeah, you could probably tell. I just did butterfly. That's the most difficult one. I was on one. I was on one episode of Survivor. But my swimming was bad enough that it is often brought up to me in public. All right. No, my dream is to do Survivor. I know you did it. And I still wouldn't learn how to build a fire. And I don't give a fuck. Well, I'll tell you this much. Was it my problem? Yeah. Surviving amongst the wild was not the issue so much as talking to people. Which I feel like I should have known going in. But. Well, my goal would be to be so annoying that people would drag me to be the goat. You know what I mean? It wasn't annoying enough, I suppose. I was in that uncanny valley of being. Usually I kick off a woman real quick. Yeah, I have a feminine energy. Now, back to you. Backgammon. Competitive. International. What? Yeah, I did just play in the World Championships of Backgammon. But I had an in because we were filming stuff, working on a doc podcast thing. So I didn't have to pay the thousands of dollars that you have to pay. So the stakes were lower for me. But I was training with Mark Olson, a grandmaster. And he runs. He runs the World Championships and this like app. And so he trained me for a few months. Not prepared. I was losing. I won one game against an engineer and that felt really incredible. And I played with people with decades of experience. I played with some of the world's best players, grandmasters. I learned a lot. And then I had two devastating losses. Like humiliating. Humiliating. So I'm training for the New York tournament in January. So let's. We have a clip. Of you playing against. Oh, my God. Yeah, that's Mochi. Okay. That's a world champion. Yeah. It's really funny because like I didn't know he existed. And then when I was there, every time I saw him, I was like, it's Mochi. But I never knew about that man before. Oh, my God. This is so fun. Yeah. And you did lose. I did lose. But he has the lowest error rate of any player in the world, which is like two points something. Like they all are obsessed with him. He is really funny. Like he was so funny and silly. But he's a. Yeah, he's a professional. And he was awesome. And I learned. I learned some really good moves from him. And it was in Monte Carlo. Yeah. Which is kind of where James Bond plays Baccarat. Yeah. It's a tax haven for oligarchs. And it's pretty disgusting. I saw a yacht with a helicopter on top of it. I saw a lot of like rich children with iPads. I saw a lot of mini Burke and Kellys. A lot of sex workers who are not allowed to really speak. So it sounds cool. Yeah. There was a lot of. It was horrible. It was horrible. But there were. Everyone was hot. Like a lot of hot people. I love. Like the valet guys were like the hottest guys I'd ever seen. So just to back up. But I'll tell you, it's so expensive there. I had a chicken Caesar salad, a Peroni, and I got an iced coffee to go. And it was 89 euros. Wow. That's cool. Yeah. That's exclusive. It's like a fucked up place. But wait. So that's. And of course the Russians are the most tacky on the whole goddamn strip of land. She almost goes without saying. But so. So now. But why do you. Backgammon, you have an obsessive quality. You get very into something. Yes, yes, yes. Because like, you know, it can be a public murder. Yeah. Or it can be a game of sorts. So like, you're able to play competitive backgammon. Were you always playing backgammon? So I always played with my father. Like, I've been playing backgammon my whole life with my family. And then my nephews play. So like, I've always played casually or like here and there. And what are the triangles for? That's like how you move. It's like each step. And you're trying. You're trying to get your babies all the way home. And you want to. And you're trying not to get hit by the other people or you have to start over. But like, I was playing with my dad casually. And I met a lot of people that like learned with their grandparents and parents. And then once you start learning the game, which I'm new to, that's when you're like, oh, my dad had no idea what's going on. You know, you realize your parents are flawed. But like, yeah, we would play too safe. Like, you have to take risks. So there's. I've learned like gameplay and how to count steps. Like, I've just learned. learned way more in the last three months than I have in my whole life so I always thought like oh yeah I love backgammon but now it's like oh fuck I'm competing against like like gambling degenerates and then people so deep in the spectrum they're like counting like you won't believe like you won't believe it a lot of people who got all the doses of the MMR a lot of them like extra MMR I got I have a backgammon tournament I gotta hit me with that rubella vaccine I gotta be on my best game I want the rotavirus one I want I want to hit I want to have B I want to have C and it's like a lot of people like yeah they move so smooth it's sexy because I was losing but the people were building their primes and it does look beautiful and then you learn about the subcultures I bought a necklace I bought like a backgammon necklace oh there's always merch yeah you get deep into something and I had to buy new dice because in the middle of a game of this girl comes up to me I know from New York and she goes you can't play with those dice because my dice had holes in them which isn't aerodynamic enough and so you have to use precision dice where they're painted on so I did have to buy two sets of dice because you want to do separate color yeah like it it wasn't asshole like thinking I was going to come into these tournaments and like do well to these things like they've been dedicated for years part of you some part of you thought that you were going to be like Bobby Fisher no never you're going to walk in searching by visor like you're like you know checkmate checkmate checkmate or whatever the fuck no because I started working with Mark Olson the grandma one of the grandmasters so once I started working with him and reading his book I realized I have a lot to learn and I'm like I'm going to be like I'm going to be like I'm going to be like learn and so I went in open-minded but then and even some of my losses I learned a lot I didn't make errors like I was doing well the ones I was upset about her where I was sloppy sloppy bad forgot my lessons I don't want to let my teacher down deep down I just want to do a good job you know honestly that feels like the way you said that is a natural segue into another thing you got obsessed with is heated rivalry changed my life changed my life you're there you're laughing at me it truly changed my life so because it's such a good show yeah because of it because of the the sexual chemistry between the two leads well in hockey yeah yeah but you've like it's like affected like you've taken on hobbies because of this now yeah I start well because I'm Russian but I realized like oh I didn't know all the words he used and then I was like I should be doing more Russian television so I've been working with a Russian professor weekly um to like strengthen my Russian and it's actually helped my relationship with my parents because now my mom texts me in Russian and I'm learning how to read and write and I'm learning how to read and write and I'm learning and it's all coming back to me so that's been really great i hadn't read in like 12 years i've now read like 30 books this year just like roaring because it's heated up yeah because she has six books in the series and then she has two other gay hockey books and then that led me to gay historical books by kat sebastian and like they're set in the 50s in new york and then of course now i'm reading james baldwin i mean i can't believe what happened to my life it's like so cool so just on like a given week you're reading james baldwin learning russian mastering backgammon like you think you're better wait you think you're better than me but also like i started hypnotherapy because then i realized i want love and then i was like stopping myself from it because i was so inspired by heat of rivalry so now i'm like i don't know if i'm looking for love i'm mostly on field um but i have like fucked some freaks and um but i'm on the journey so i hadn't dated in like years so i'm like dating i'm more fun i quit smoking weed all day every day um so i'm not a daily weed smoker anymore and it was all because of jacob tierney and these boys and rachel reed god bless her because you were vaguely insulted by the fact that And also it sounds like quite depressed. Yeah. Seems like you were in actually a crisis. You were in a state of crisis. And this show got me out. And Connor's story reaches down and just pulls you up and says my Russian accent is embarrassingly good compared to what yours should be. And now you're reading James Baldwin and going to Monte Carlo. Yeah. Yeah, making eye contact with baristas. Like, I'm just out. But I was also inspired by just, like, such a beautiful love story. And they did such a good job. And in terms of, like, making television, such a small budget, such, like, only in 36 days. And, like, they just did something so incredible. I love that. Do you think that if you hadn't, do you think heated rivalry had to be the thing? Or were you about to start getting better and something was going to be, like, if you had happened to click over into a different show, if you'd watch Widow's Bay, would you be in the Cape right now learning how to fly? I actually was just in P-Town for the first time living. I was crying in P-Town imagining Shane and Ilya there for the first time. Because I was like, they're going to, like, they don't even know the gay life ahead of them. Like, I was just, like, imagining them in the back of a pedicab, like, loving life in P-Town. Have you seen the, there's been this story of a woman, a Disney adult who travels following Peter Pan around Disney and too obsessive a way. Do you worry that that's something in your future? That you'll, that all of a sudden Connor's story will, like, kind of open a window shade and there you'll be being like, I'm back, a game of backgammon, perhaps? No, because I have so, I have too much respect for his craft. I'd leave him alone. But I plan on, like, how, no, I think about this all the time, what my life would be like and the sliding doors if I never watched Heated Rivalry. I really think about it because my life is so different than it was before I watched it. And, yeah, I, like, I'm curious if I would still be smoking weed all day, every day, and just depressed and not fucking. I'm not fucking people off the internet, you know? Texting my mom in English, you know? Like, I just, I wonder. Yeah, you'll never know. Sliding doors. Now, you've hosted your podcast, That's Messed Up, for nearly six years. Damn, yeah, we're about to hit 300 eps. This is, you go through every episode of Law & Order SVU. Yeah, not in order, but the ones based on true crimes, yeah. And you've become a bit of an expert in true crime. I feel like you only have, like, two settings. Full honor. You're not an, I don't know, you're a digital switch. Either you're not in or you're 100% focused. And it feels like true crime is something that, like, has you. It's just had me for a while. Like, I always, like, in fifth grade, we went to Niagara Falls, me and my family, and I forced them to take me to the Serial Killer Wax Museum. And all the photos, like, they're so upset. And I'm quite happy. But I thought I was going to be a forensic psychologist. So it started a long time ago, but I'm, like, too fun of a person to do that. And so, I found this new, new way in where I study a lot and I've come up with my own theories on things and, like, yeah, I learned a lot. But it has changed my brain and I've ruined the vibes of social gatherings often. Not my gatherings. And you know what that sound means? It's time for a game we're calling Good Riddance, Hope You Had the Crime of Your Life. Oh. Where we're going to go through a series of questions about true crime. First up, true or false, the official scientific term for police analysis of fingerprints is dactyloscopy. I don't know. It sounds like a dinosaur. I don't know. I'm going to say false. No, it's true. Okay. And the broader study of fingerprints is called dermatoglyphics. Cool. Cool. I learned that just now. As a follow-up, what Australian animal has fingerprints that are nearly identical to humans, even under an electron microscope? I mean, I want to say, I'll say koala. Correct. Okay. Can you believe that? No, I was about to say platypus to, like, be cooler. Okay. I'm glad I said koala. Okay. Duck-billed platypus looms so large in the mind of a child. Yeah. And you don't come across them at all once you're an adult. I've seen them once. In Australia. Oh, that's where they keep them. Yeah. And the beanie baby is one of the more powerful beanie babies. Oh, yeah. The purple one. A lot of energy in that beanie baby. Next up, proposed in 1963, the McDonald triad are three behaviors said to be predictive of serial violence. What are those three behaviors? So it's like what people, okay, like killing animals. Correct. That's one. Being a peeping Tom. No. Killing animals. Being a dumb bitch. What else? I don't know. Setting fires. Arson. That's two of three. Arson animals. Not peeping Tom, huh? Like isolated, like a loner. The third is wetting the bed. Which is, well, that's actually, I'm really curious because that's the sign that someone's being abused. So I wonder if that's kind of connected. Because there's a criminologist that I love where he's like, you can be born a socio and that's like having a gun, but then abuse is the trigger that pulls it. So I wonder if that's the wetting the bed. I wonder. How many people do you have to kill over what amount of time to be considered a serial killer? This is so funny because I learned this from episode three of Heated Rivalry. It has to be like over three days apart. Like has to be more than three days separation of the killings. It's three or more killings, but over the course of one month. Oh, one month. Yeah. Okay. Ted Bundy was arrested multiple times for what? Before he was finally pegged as a serial killer. Oh, I thought it was going to be, he was like such a peeping Tom. I'm going to be terrible driver. Correct. Yeah. He was a terrible driver. Yeah. That was what he got arrested for. Lisa Trager, go to lisatrager.com for live dates. Check out her special Night Owl on Netflix. Yeah, please. Yeah. And we'll be right back. Love It or Leave It is brought to you by HIMS. Losing weight is one thing, but feeling your best this summer, that's the real goal. That's why weight loss by HIMS now offers access to FDA approved WeGoV pill and WeGoV pen. WeGoV is designed to help you lose weight sustainably so you can show up this summer feeling like yourself. With HIMS, everything happens online. You'll connect with a licensed provider who will determine if treatment is right for you. If prescribed, your medication will be delivered right to your door. No insurance necessary. And it doesn't stop there. HIMS makes hitting your goals seamless by offering access to 24-7 messaging with your care team and in-app lifestyle and nutrition support like recipes, meal plans, fitness videos, sleep content, and more. 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In 15 minutes, you get up coverage that fits your life and budget. Here's what makes SelectQuote different. Their licensed insurance agents work for you, not for the insurance company. They compare options across multiple carriers to find you the right coverage at the lowest price. They've been doing this for nearly 40 years and have helped over 2 million people find coverage. Even if you have health issues, they can help. High blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease, their agents know which carriers will give you the best rate for your specific situation. If you're healthy, they can get you same-day coverage, with no medical exam. Other brokers push policies that pay them the most. SelectQuote agents actually shop for you. SelectQuote, they shop, you save. Get the right life insurance for you for less at SelectQuote.com slash loveit. Go to SelectQuote.com slash loveit today to get started. And we're back! Please welcome to the stage, Emmy-nominated from Hacks, it's Lauren Weidman. Hi, welcome. Thanks for being here. I'm so good to see you. Oh my God, like a talk show. Yeah. I've never done one, so this is my dream. It's exactly like a talk show, somehow. It's nice to meet you. It's nice to have you on the show. Okay. So now, you are nominated for an Emmy for Best Guest Actress in a Comedy for your role as the mayor of Las Vegas in Hacks. Mm-hmm. Which of your other roles in Hacks are your four guest star pals, Leslie Bibb, Caitlin Olsen, Cherry Jones, and Laurie Metcalf? Which you most like to see lose? Oh, mighty laugh. God, well, I hope they all lose, obviously, right? But which ones? It's all the ones from Hacks, right? Yeah, those are all the ones from Hacks. There's also Jamie Lee Curtis and Betty Gilpin. I really wanted Jamie Lee Curtis to win because she seems so good. You know, like, she's such a good person. Like, maybe you'll learn about the other side of life. Okay, I hate that for you. You do? Of all the people on this list, I want Jamie Lee Curtis to lose the most, and I'll tell you why. That's what I was saying. Oh, you do? Yes, I was saying her, too. I was saying I wish it could be her because she's had such a, you know, because she's so good. Oh, I thought she'd win. Maybe she'd be cut down to size. I just feel like Jamie Lee Curtis wins an Emmy, it just goes on the fucking shelf. You know what I'm saying? I think for all of them, they're all pretty accomplished. I mean, except for, well, they're all pretty accomplished. They're all, I mean, they're all, these are not people, you know, I wasn't like, you know, I'm sure, this is one thing I thought when I found out, I was like, I'm sure I'm the only nominee who's driving like a 2009 shitty car that the AC just like went out on the way here. You know, that is, I'm, I'm, I'm fairly certain of that. And I'm like, how much does everybody have in their bank account? How much is it? Like, I'm sure, you know what I mean? Like these are, these are all women that are probably loved by others, you know, not that I'm just within their own home. Like probably somebody who's like, how are you doing today, honey? You know, like I, I'm, I don't have those perks. We should put up a big, uh, a big picture of, uh, uh, of you on a billboard and just says she needs this. Yeah. I feel like people, people sense that people are like saying that to me already. They're just like, Oh, Lauren, Oh God, you finally, you deserve it. And I'm like, yeah, I'm like this much less an asshole now. Like now I don't look like an idiot. Oh, these are all your note cards. You have your dress picked out. Thanks for asking. Um, uh, no, no. I didn't really. I have like a stylist and stuff now. I know, which is so, it's embarrassing. I mean, sorry. I should really, I need to breathe it in. Like I have a stylist and I like it and I deserve it. Yeah. But that's, uh, but I, but I do think that like, I like, it must be like, you know, you've been, uh, you've had a ton of guest star roles. You have been like fucking hustling. Uh, and this is a moment where like, you're getting like a ton of acclaim. I was like, well, yeah, you moved your hand and rejected a claim. I don't know why I'm just being moody. I did. You're right. It's true. It's true. I'm glad for it. I'd already gotten in trouble with like HBO. It was like for the, I had to do like a special, um, media, uh, training thing. Cause they were like, you're not really mentioning like, you know, how happy, you know, the show and HBO and stuff like that. And I was like, well, I think it's a given. I'm, I wouldn't be being interviewed. Right. If it wasn't for age, we're like, well, it'd be nice if you put something in there, you know, instead of just like, you know, I'm adopted and I've had a lot of divorce. You know, they're like, could you really show the rest of, or I'll say like, nobody talked to me a lot of times on the set, but it's cause I'm so old, you know, it's, they're not, they don't, you're not, you're not supposed to do, you know, you have to. No, you're supposed to do the, there's a, there's a sort of a, there's sort of a set of rules you're supposed to follow. Yes, but I don't, I don't like to reveal my, my, my more vulnerable emotions like, like joy. Like, I'm not going to be an, I'm not going to be an asshole again and reveal that. And next thing you know, you're up there like, I'm so happy. And everyone's like, I bet you aren't now. And I'm like, you're right. Like, I want to keep my arms down and get ready for punches or arms up, ready for punches. That was the total opposite. Yes. Right. If your arms are down, you're vulnerable. Yes, yes, yes. I got it. I got it. I got it. I think this is going well. Hey, did any real life mayors inspire, uh, your character? No, people ask me about that. Cause I guess there, at the time of the, when the show first started, it was based on a little bit of the actual mayor. And, uh, but I, I did. I did the, I was the, the celebrity grand marshal of the gay pride parade in Vegas. Um, which I asked them if I could do that. Um, it worked out well. I didn't put celebrity in there. They did anyway, but I, I got to meet the, the actual, uh, Vegas mayor right now. And she was, uh, no, I didn't, I didn't get, I liked her, but wasn't inspired. Yeah. That sounds harsh. I don't wish ill on her, obviously. No one thought you did, but you're just covering it. Just covering it. Just in case. Just covering my bases. No. I think people love to hear, I don't wish any ill, but you're fine. I think it's a great way to fix what you said. So you're in good shape. And I think, honestly, I feel like the media training is working. It's working really well. I feel like you're coming across like a polished communications pro. I know. I know. I told him, don't worry about it. I'm a talker. Yeah. Yeah. Like, are you inspired by any real life mayors? No, no, no, I mean, no, I looked at, I look, cause politicians are so much like actors too. You know, just the ego of just like, I don't give a shit. I'm sick. I'm sitting here, you know, like there's a little bit of, I just picked up on that. Well, it's interesting though. That's funny to think about politicians versus actors. Cause they do have that. They have that thing in common, which is, um, uh, they're, they're, they're very, there's a neediness and an ego, but also a fear of, of being seen as being demanding sometimes. Right. And so you get a lot of like, um, I just like, is it cold in here? You know, as opposed to it's cold in here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, you don't want to come off as like stating something that you believe. Um, whether you actually feel, yeah, there's also, there's, I remember I was working, I was a guest star on a show and Cory Booker was, was dating Rosario Dawson, right? Is that right? Yeah. At the time. Yeah. And so he came on set to visit and stuff and he, man, did he blend well? Like he was just so like, just jokey and funny and cute and wanted to be, you know, uh, amongst the, you know, wanted to be a part of the whole scene, I guess. I thought he'd be in a, I don't know, sitting in the back of a car reading books. About history or how, you know, or about the water systems. Well, maybe he's seen heated rivalry. And so now he's finally doing that. Yeah. Oh, I haven't seen heated rivalry. That sounds so fucking beautiful. I'm sure. I'm sure. I feel like there's something that I'm, I'm, we're now cramming all the Emmy stuff. So in case I run into people. Oh, what are you watching? Um, well, are you going to test me? I started, well, I started watching beef. Beef. Yeah. Beef. Beef. Beef. Beef. Beef. Yeah. Yeah. Beef. Beef. I watched it actually when I was in high school. I was in Monte Carlo. I watched all of season two of beef. Well, that's a good way to use your time when you're in Europe. Well, between two and five in the morning, I was, that's what I was doing. What? I think that's okay. I think that's all right. Hey. Hey, what? Does everyone here need help? What do you mean? You're just up watching beef from two to three, two into five in the morning in Monte Carlo? Yeah. When are you sleeping? I would sleep until 11. Then we would go to the conference room hotel around noon. And then we would work. And then we would work until 1, 1.30 in the morning. And then I'd be back. Wow. But I need to unwind. You gotta unwind. Is that okay? Yeah. Oh, okay. Can I unwind? No. Yeah. Beef. Well, we won't have to get into it. It's good. I like it. It's good. Yeah. Shut up. What don't you like? I like, no, I like it. I liked all, I like it. I like it. What shows do you hate? What shows do I hate? There's none. There's none. I'm so in awe of what actors are able to do. And they always blow me away, the dedication. Hell yeah. Somewhere in PR executive HBO is like, I did my job today. Yeah, exactly. Gotta actually get a little treat for me at the end of the day. Double stuff Oreo for me, because I did a good job today. Yeah. Does it feel different to be part of a show that is like, you know, you like where. So successful, the show that's like, yes. Yeah, it's different, right? Yeah, it is different, because every, I didn't, I worked on the show like, you know, maybe every season, maybe one or two times, sometimes up to three. But every time I'd go there, people were just getting better and better looking. First of all, season to season, everyone's teeth got brighter and everybody, you know what I mean? That happens on Drag Race, too. Right. Everyone starts making more money. Is that it? And they come back with like veneers. Yes, yes. And everyone's just a bit more, and more, sure themselves, and a little more competition of just like, I have my own special. I have two specials. I just shot them and I don't have a kidney. Like, they're all like, I've done this. I mean, they're not, they're all really good people. I hope I'm being clear about that. No, that's good. Okay. But yeah, and they're all, I remember the fourth season when I went to go work, they'd all just won a Golden Globe. Like, you know, they were just constantly like, oh, last night was crazy. Hi, Lauren. And again, that's not what they were really like. That's just a comedic portrayal. For sure. Yeah. And that's coming across. Yeah. Okay, good, good. Yeah. Because usually I try to bounce if it's a joke, but people can't see me. Yeah, give it a kind of little, something to keep shoulders. Yeah, yeah. A little more. Yeah. Yeah. So it doesn't come across too. It's serious, you know. But no, I think it's great. I mean, obviously, I don't think I'd be nominated if it wasn't such a hit. People noticed it so much. So it was such a big hit, right? I think it's like a testament, though, to how good you are on Hacks. And you are so fucking funny on Hacks. Oh, thank you. I just want to pay you a direct compliment. You are so funny. Thank you. And you make such a, like, I think sometimes there's like, especially like people that have like kind of, when they show up as like a big famous guest star. And they make a meal of it. It's a little bit like, all right, out of the way. I'm trying to watch my show. Right. Yes, yes. But you are, you make every, you bring such a, like, unexpected comedic energy to every scene you're in. And it's so, every choice you make is so surprising and funny and interesting. And not what I think anyone else would do. Yeah, I'm into it. If you were given that same role. Yeah. Which is, and I think it speaks to that, that you're in the running with this group of like, like, like big time celebs. Amazing. Amazing. Big celebs. Yes, I know. It is sort of, I do feel like I snuck in. Right. I'm just like, how did, I was super shocked too. Were you shocked? Yeah, I wasn't. Yeah, definitely. And I got worried about how will I, I immediately, because I'm neurotic like that, where I was like, how am I going to take this all, like, take in so many compliments? Like, I'm like, thank you. Thank you. How did, how was this for you? It was good because I didn't know how you felt about me. Anyway, I couldn't quite read you. And so then when you're really like, I want to tell you something right now. Then I was like, oh, I think he means it. It felt like you meant it. I did. Well, honestly, I felt like I had to do that. To get over whatever's happening between us. Is it? No, but I really, I really, and there's, this is cool. I really, first of all, there's got to be a part of you that's like, like, hey, like, I've fucking been here. I've been funny the whole goddamn, why, why, like, you know what I mean? Like, why? Oh, you're noticing that I'm hilarious now? I've been funny the whole fucking time. Yeah, well, I had some, you know, dips, but. I guess what I feel like is that now I'm ready. Like even just dealing with, that with the eminem doing publicity and that kind of stuff and the stuff that i normally would be like i don't know how to like it's i feel ready for it i feel super grateful like i do feel very because i'm you know 57 i i'm sort of like wow i feel less the first thought i had was like oh my god i feel a little bit less of an asshole because i felt like as a guest star most of my friends who had to give it up they're just like we can't survive you know there's not enough money in this and i was like well i'll just keep going because someday double sixes like i just kept you know even though i'm not making enough money it wasn't but so it felt so nice to suddenly just not feel like an asshole that it all had sort of accumulated and then i got to do a part where they let me do they just let me do what i want to do they give me and there's some lines um but i i they really give me a lot of leeway and i have a lot i have a lot of pent-up energy where i was like well i i could like cut me off when you want me like i can go and go and go so i was ready for it that part it was a good fit now how is like you were on the daily show yeah in 2000 yeah ew not you but ew right it's a long ago yeah yeah time yeah that's what i mean yeah it's alarming every time it is a long yeah totally i referred made a reference to mayor ruda rudy giuliani and someone in the audience did say i don't remember that i'm 28 oh and i was like oh yeah 28 isn't old enough to remember the stories i remember from the early part of my own yes adulthood yes yes yes i've been through that uh what was it what did you learn from that like that was very early in the daily show john stewart had just taken over i believe yes that's right what was it like like what just a blessing um it was it was well when i first got there people were like i was oh god i'm like lauren what's you um um when i when i first got there it what people were saying like there's not a lot of women on the show they don't tend to do super well like it's just not a great environment for that but just be cool don't ask a lot of questions and don't don't you know touch him or that sort of thing or like sure well like because i not i wasn't like i'm here he comes i'm gonna touch him no laura i'm gonna touch him i'm gonna touch him i wasn't like yeah insane it is a bad sign when someone at work tells you not to touch people yeah yeah that's what i want to be clear i wasn't actually told that till after i touched him after i'd worked there a while yeah um but no it was it was a i never had a tv my first tv job and so i suddenly went from like being a theater person to being in this like super cool show and i was like i don't want to be the entire time about not um but playing it too cool i got i got brought into the producer's office because they were like john feels like you're treating this like it's a walk in the park like you could take it or leave it and i was like he does and i was well i gotta go tell him and i so i see him like john i saw i guess and everyone's like don't don't know don't do that don't do that like stop going and so i i was i don't do that okay i sit here and like don't don't sit here don't come in unless you know you like you have to come in every day but don't come in every day um that kind of stuff where i was like i don't i don't you know i found it really uh hard to figure out where to be in that show though i always loved it and i always loved john i i was also hungry for a note always assuming i must be doing something wrong so i'm sort of i couldn't i didn't handle it that way because they were i when she would say that to me i'd be like right right be more grateful be more grateful okay i gotta tell them more things about myself i think okay like i did every sort of wrong choice it was great to be a part of that show though i was always a big dummy i didn't know who kofi anand was did kofi anand know who kofi anand was oh my god that's what that's what i always think when i say that and all right we got it now uh all right we'll be right back okay hey don't go anywhere there's more of love it or leave it coming up love it or leave it is brought to you by mint mobile when we were kids summer meant freedom no homework no teachers no school and as adults summer still means freedom thanks to mint mobile summer sale and also we assume you still don't have homework teachers or school either which is pretty great right now all of mint's plans are free to go so if you want to go to mint mobile they're 15 bucks per month even unlimited so free yourself from big wireless and their gimmicks and gotchas and switch to mint for high speed data and coverage on the t mobile 5g network with mint mobile you can bring your current phone and your number you can choose from three six or 12 month plans and say goodbye to a monthly bill you can ditch overpriced wireless with mint mobile it's so easy you can sign up online and get three months of premium wireless service for 15 bucks a month to get your new wireless plan for just 15 a month go to mint mobile.com slash love it that's mint mobile.com slash love it cut your wireless service for 15 bucks a month and get your new wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mint mobile.com slash love it that's it there is no catch upfront payment of 45 for three months 90 for six months or 180 for 12 months plan required 15 per month equivalent taxes and fees extra initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes may slow when network is busy including up to 20 gigabyte hotspot capable device required availability speed and coverage varies see mint mobile.com and we're back i all i want to mention first you can catch up on the final season of hacks on hbo max before the emmys and you go to at lauren underscore weedman on instagram for tickets to your uh show on august 28th oh yes that's right on the 29th oh shit i probably told you it was the 28th even and on either the 28th or the 29th in hudson come on come early on the 28th for the show on the 29th that's an awesome way to spend it thank you yes uh and catch up on the final season of hacks on hbo catch lisa on survival of the thickest on netflix oh this is exciting all right now it's time for the rant wheel here's how it works we spin a wheel wherever it lands we talk about the nope that's how it used to work wherever it lands that person rants for a bit which will be all of us the wheel serves no function when you actually think about it the year we're year 10 of this show and we never cracked how to use the fucking wheel it used to be the wheel had topics on it which kind of makes sense and it would land on there but then that would just be the topic someone said they were going to rant so the wheel served no purpose it was fake right then we abandoned that altogether now it just has our faces on it but you don't want to let it go no that's good let's spin the wheel let's land on lauren what what is your topic you have 60 seconds i have 60 seconds my topic is about how um about how women are aging women i know it's already like snoring at least when i was younger i i would i would make fun of of women who were trying to you know still got it i i would make fun of that or if they were complaining all the time like you know i need a special mat because my knees are i'm allergic to broccoli or whatever i just thought every weakness was like oh my god and now i realize how unfair that was i'm like why wasn't it instilled earlier to show a little bit of respect for the elder wise ladies of the world like i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't like why is it always like why i'm part of the problem i'm part of the rant too is that i'm sick of i'm sick of my own judgment about like if even if i put on sometimes i put on like a little bit too much makeup i'll be like wipe it off old lady what are you trying to prove you know and i and i think well i don't want to feel that way about myself but there's you know you know how it is and even in the dating world too i have friends who are the same age on the same dating app but will never run across each other because they've set their age things so much lower you know yeah thank you for listening i remember i remember when i was uh single and i asked the crowd at a love it or leave it show i was like i you remember betsy members uh i said to the crowd i was like i am 40 what should my age range be and they all said something like 27 to 53 and then i was like wait but how many of you actually think my age range should be set to 53 or are you just telling me what you think you're supposed to say about the range you want the range above to be equal to the range below because you want to feel better about yourself you know what i'm saying right well that's nice they even thought to do that my friends are just like don't go over 52 so that's nice that's a good you've got quality people around you that's i'm sorry that upset you no no it's a good point about them yeah a good group of people i know it's just you don't want to have to like be taking people to like medical appointments you know but then who's gonna love the people who need medical appointments their own age their own age yeah i guess that's true these men in their 50s trying to snatch a young gal and then she's gonna take care of them and i don't like that for them no i know i'm always like enjoy the great pubic hairs my um to some of my exes to some of my exes where i'm like have fun with that well here's the thing but i do believe in um everyone dressing and partying how they want yeah absolutely into the old age yeah i mean great pubic hairs are the goal that or death let's spin it again it's a blessing easier up okay listen um this might seem obvious but it's not but like if you're at the theater shut your fucking mouth why are you talking why are you talking what are you doing you talk after the show there's not even an intermission like it's a 90 minute show it's just like i've been fighting with people for so long and i'm sick of yelling and i'm sick of people talking and then i have to you're ruining my time um i if it's dark and there's a light on one person over there that's the only person that should be speaking and also you can just laugh you don't actually have to look at the person next to you and like should we be laughing just like laugh shut your mouth and keep it moving it just like sickens me i think Well, I was humiliated recently, I did go to an office broadway show and i was yelling at the people in front of me shut up and then i realized it was the aunt and the cousins of the performer um and then we were the only ones left in the house seats to meet the performer after and she's like come say hi it's my family i go it got volatile but so of course i feel bad i yelled at this person's family but it's like shut the fuck up like i don't understand it really i don't get it either i don't get that either people spend so much money time getting babysitters paying for parking like getting these tickets getting to this show and then you're by a babbling motherfucker like how does how is how do people not know that i'm also surprised they act like i'm crazy when i react there's this i yell at someone at the casey musgraves concert i had to yell at someone at a screening of the movie fire island that was then going to be on hulu in three hours it's like you could have watched shit at home you could have watched shit at home there's something about i i see it like that there's people have no attention span we've all ruined our brains um and so people are in the theater and they know like even like there are people that are just rude they're rude people have always been rude people but certain kind of new i was like sort of like like a soft rudeness where it's like i know i should be quiet but i just want to say one thing and it's like no bitch that's the one thing you can't do not just one thing it's you failed it's two hours quiet the whole time if you were talk one time you didn't kind of do it you fucked up shut the fuck up do nobody wants your comment save it and when it's positive like i saw a play and they kept going she's incredible oh my god this is good and it's like just you can say it after like she's still gonna be good it's really fucking crazy i went to go see a show it doesn't matter where but i'll just give the address no i'm just kidding um but they i was with a friend who in the middle of it full voice she goes i feel like i'm watching like a bad acting class and i was like oh my god that was for i also sort of admire the fact that when people don't can not have have no awareness of others around them that's always mesmerizing to me oh yeah i have another rant just don't wear cologne on a fucking flight how about that yeah that's dumb too so crazy let's spin it again so crazy isn't it all kind of preset or yeah okay um look i'm gonna get there's too many pasta shapes and i know it's just like and i and and here's the thing about it is i'm in what bothers me about it is not that there's so many pasta shapes in fact i enjoy many different pasta shapes it's that we're all meant to pretend that this is fine and for adults like there's no other food like i get the value of different you know linguine versus spaghetti versus angel hair they serve a different function and different shapes of food i totally understand that part of it but now we're getting into the bow ties spirals fusilli i like all of it i'm interested in all of it but we're being this is this is play-doh we're playing with our food this is absurd like these are dinosaurs these might as well be kid shapes like stop acting like oh italy's the most sophisticated place with the best food in the fucking world this is children's food wow that's bold but the mini shells you know the pot the sauce goes in them it's nice for sure i don't think it's my best rant i've done several hundred of these shows i'm putting that one in a that was like a sub but the night that i'm on is when you do your shitty rant oh man but i am impressed that you know that like that you did see the integrity of the difference between spaghetti angel hair and linguine i thought that would be a rage point this is the problem with being a liberal which is i can't help myself but but see nuance everywhere yeah and even and midway through my own rant about pasta shapes i had to say well obviously then there's different shapes that serve a different different sauces cling to different amount you have to have you know different you know bolognese it's going to sort of be better for like a tagliatelle i have to understand that and so then by the time you get to the end of hearing a liberal talk about an issue you're like well what the fuck do you even believe yeah because you're my real problem is with the fucking liberals yeah this is i hate myself oh that's what my problem is i get i hate myself that's what i always say i hated me first i win yeah i'm a competitor i love a cold pasta salad but imagining certain noodle shapes cold it's like you know yeah it's crazy such an important point but i never thought about that yeah now i want a pesto fucking pasta salad we'll be right back and we're back and now another wonderful night draws to a close but could any small tweaks possibly have made tonight's show a little bit more fun and more fun and more fun and more fun and more fun and more perfect probably not uh but we'll find out in a segment we're calling second thoughts here's how it works the producers of this program have handed me a list of things i should not have said or done this evening uh lisa and lauren if you have any regrets about me or anything you might have said on this show now is the time to share them uh i'll start with the monologue uh uh i laid out a scenario where i'd vote for trump uh i explained that the epstein joke was better than the jfk joke rather than letting the material speak for itself i did call lisa a trans swimmer um which was an odd thing to just say did it bother you no i thought it was fun and i was a swimmer so i was like more excited that he he caught that from me oh you felt seen yeah um i did suggest that there's a connection between the mmr vaccine and being good at backgammon yeah i heard that i heard that i liked it oh i have so many regrets what well that's this is my favorite part of the show by the way because i was like oh my god you get to do on stage what i do every 10 minutes um i wished i had not i i told myself don't mention the hbo's don't mention the training just take it in take the note lady and just move on but instead i just keep telling everybody like guess i got in trouble and then i sort of read and then i retell what i did and i was thinking and then as you were after i got doing that as you were talking i was like this is a wildly popular show in my like i was like i just did it on a wildly popular show like the other one i think people could have missed it but this one people are going to really hear it so i guess i regret i guess not i guess being here i'm just kidding um another thing that i could potentially regret is i did at some point ask does everyone here need help yeah and we do yeah i've seen that we all do we all need help yeah i would yeah i know some we can't all be good at everything no we need help do you have any regrets these time yeah i i ate like i don't know i've been burping my lunch and i hate it um and so that's been really upsetting up here um and that's pretty much it i've had a good time i mean obviously i wish i talked more about heated rivalry but um and that's our show thank you so much to lauren weidman and lisa trager there are 83 days until the midterms we'll be back friday with david hackman jim rash and congressman ted liu have a great night everybody love it or leave it is a crooked media production our show is produced by kendra james bill mcgrath kelsey gante and me john love it our production team includes hallie keeper sarah lazarus raman borsellino peter miller david tolls claudia shang jay banks gavin purcell and matt degrowth and our staff is proudly unionized with the writers guild of america east