Deranged True Reddit Threads

hey what's up guys and welcome back to the channel and today we're getting into some deranged true reddit threads and oh boy do i have some insane scary creepy and downright unhinged reddit threads for you guys today so make sure to stick around and i appreciate you guys stopping by mead's world and make sure you like the video and subscribe to the channel the channel subscriber goal is 1 million subscribers before the end of the year so please subscribe and um let's address the elephant in the room i guess face reveal big deal hopefully not i don't want to make this a big thing so hopefully this isn't a big thing um yeah i just thought it was better late than ever and i wanted to do it i wanted to have my face in more of the videos talking to you guys i think it just you know it's a good addition but what do you guys think and um i have had my face in some past few ads before but i don't think you guys ever noticed and this is a lot more in your face so here i am this is what i look like and for all the people that said i was ai well explain this i guess um i've been recording every single video i've ever released and so no ai here and um yeah i'm excited to kind of introduce this and also hopefully the camera looks good i've never done camera stuff before and hopefully the lighting's good hopefully it's not too dark not too bright not too whatever i don't know but um yeah just comment down below your thoughts would you like to see more of me in the future and um yeah i'm excited to get into these reddit threads so grab a drink and grab a snack without further ado let's get into some deranged true reddit threads two tampons may mean my marriage is over and this one is way worse than you'd ever expect and let's get into it i 29 female have been with my husband 30 male for 70 years and i'm married for four i've never had reason to suspect he was unfaithful to me or even remotely dissatisfied with our marriage he likes to joke that we're still living the honeymoon phase at nearly five years and two kids in i wouldn't have questioned that or him were it not for a surprise i found in his car last month when buckling our daughter into her car seat i noticed something slotted between the cushions i pulled it out and saw that it was a tampon this wouldn't have been so unusual had i not had an iud that has stopped my period for the past year and i didn't even recognize the rapper style i brought it to my husband's attention and he didn't seem to understand what it was let alone why i was holding it until i told him where i'd found it and why i was almost certain it wasn't mine he shrugged and said it probably belonged to his co-worker fiona it's not uncommon for my husband to carpool to lunch with his co-workers and we're both fairly close to fiona and her husband so i figured it was entirely possible the tampon had slipped out of her purse whenever he had driven with them or offered her a ride no big deal i put it out of my mind until we had dinner with fiona and her husband a couple of weeks later i had sincerely wanted to believe my husband i just couldn't get over the way it had been tucked in the seat and how my husband had seemed not to have any regard for it whatsoever maybe played dumb i don't know i did something that i now feel kind of crazy for doing i faked an emergency and asked fiona if she had any tampons while we were out together she handed me one almost identical to the tampon i'd found in our back seat and i breathed a sigh of relief so the tampon there was probably the same tampon here and in all likelihood there was an innocent explanation as to why it had been in the back seat in the first place i thought i had seen the last of the out of place feminine hygiene products until i found another tampon this morning this time in my sock drawer i feel physically ill at the thought of my husband having an affair and even more nauseated at the thought that the woman might have left these tampons out for me to find if it was my husband's co-worker why would she give herself away by offering me one the other night in any other situation i would want to talk to my husband about this but i feel too sick and embarrassed to approach him with what i found what should i do and now let's get into some of the top comments one user says i've had a period 30 years and never put a tampon in a sock drawer trust your gut and get cameras and the op responds and says neither have i i've considered so many explanations for the tampons that wouldn't implicate my husband but none of them make sense really i'm terrified to set up a camera if it means confirming what i suspect right now and someone else says has fiona been over to your house and had time to plant the tampon and the op responds and says she's been to her house many times and vice versa to my knowledge she wasn't over any time in the past week so if she planted that second tampon she had to have found a window of time when i wasn't home any time she and her husband visits we all stayed downstairs and you'd have to go really out of your way to make it to our bedroom i.e around our dogs over the safety gate past the other bedrooms not saying it's impossible but definitely tricky to do on a quick bathroom break i would guess and then someone else says how old are your kids could they have found a tampon and put it in a random place and the op responds and says two and four both have a mischievous streak so i didn't want to rule out the possibility of one of them moving stuff around but i can't imagine how they would get their hands on one possibly two random tampons that i never bought and then we get an update post 18 days later and let's get into it the post reads contemplating every possible source of two tampons has been my personal hell for the past two weeks but i wanted to share an update shortly after posting on here i told my sister what had happened the tampon in the back seat and the sock drawer my husband's clue lessness the tampon from fiona and all the things i suspected but didn't want to believe we compared tampons say for the back seat one i had already discarded and they were a match just in different absorbencies i hadn't left either in a place or my husband or daughters would have found them and moved them around my daughters didn't know what they were or where they had come from my sister was convinced it was fiona either having intimate contact with the tampon or the sock drawer my intimacy with my husband effing with me or both direct confrontation of either party still seemed like a bad idea so she suggested inviting fiona and her husband over for a labor day barbecue unfortunately they already had plans my sister and i agreed that it was too soon for cameras without any other evidence so it was just a waiting game from there watching my husband for any changed behavior there was none our house was a mess our house was a mess our house was a mess our house for any misplaced slash foreign items there were none and even the girls for any new friends they might have met my sister's husband was adamant on the last point and partly why he was inclined to believe that the tampons were harmless if anything had been happening in or around our home he said it would be nearly impossible to keep it from me and the girls since my husband was the one taking them to and from daycare and most other activities during the week my sister's husband was adamant on the last point and partly why he was inclined to believe that the tampons were harmless if anything had been happening in or around our home he said it would be nearly impossible to keep it from me and the girls since my husband was the one taking them to and from daycare and most other activities during the week i felt a good bit of consolation from that it wasn't until my youngest daughter two years old came down with something last week that i felt any differently i wanted to be the one home taking care of her but my husband insisted that i stay at work while he stayed home with her i was okay with that my sister and her husband figured it was a good sign that he would take the time off at a moment's notice and at that point we were all already beginning to put the tampon fiasco behind us by the third or fourth day i was just happy to see a near healthy child and a husband who was helping see her through it toward the end of the week though i came home to something strange the toddler that i'd left that morning in an old pj set was now dressed in a onesie i had never seen before with a tiny clip in her hair i can't say i have the sharpest memory but i have a pretty good sense of what my kids wear on a day-to-day basis and particularly what kinds of clothes they wear i'd sworn off the full-length sleep suits with snaps across the front long before we'd even had our second the long snaps are just a pain in the ass and a no-go for efficient diaper changes in my opinion it's just not something i would dress her in and my husband knows as much he doesn't plan for or buy the girls clothes and he certainly doesn't accessorize them so i was bewildered and kind of floored at the thought of someone around our sick child without my knowledge i didn't think twice and i went straight to my husband to ask if anyone had been over to see him or the girls he seemed confused like before and asked me why i would think that it had just been him and the kids all day long i asked him again if someone had so much as stopped by to say hello and he denied it he told me to calm down i might have lashed out and come forward with the accusations right then and there but our older daughter was in the room and she sensed something was up in a calmer voice i asked him a third time if anyone had been around our children and my husband swore that the girls hadn't been around anyone but him he also denied buying new clothes or doing anyone's hair with our daughter in the room and my emotions all over the place i decided to leave it i couldn't make sense of it then and it hardly seems clearer now after i've driven myself half crazy with explanations that aren't adding up and the op adds some more context in the comments and let's get into it the op says to answer a couple of questions my two-year-old can only string together a couple of words at a time and when i ask her about her time with daddy or her clothes slash bow she answers based on the cues i give her example who gave you that pretty bow and she repeats pretty bow back to me or mama slash daddy over and over my older daughter almost four was at daycare that morning and she can't recall anything different from that day doesn't remember the pj change or the hair clip so my guess is she was changed sometime that morning but i'm not totally sure i have a 45 minute commute to work so stopping by for lunch isn't really feasible my sister has been kind enough to leave work and drive past a few times here and there and she hasn't seen anything out of the ordinary we have a ring camera at the front door and i have got the app on my phone with notifications on nothing there yet if anyone has recommendations for more discreet surveillance i would be open to it i'm just the least tech savvy person and worry another camera will be easy to detect and yes we get our carbon monoxide detectors tested regularly and now let's get into some other comments one user says is it possible one of her hair clips came from daycare and the op responds and says i can see the hair clip being a possibility but less likely on the onesie my younger daughter hasn't been to daycare in days and if either of them had returned with something like that before i would have noticed especially since it was the kind of onesie i hate with a passion lol and some people comment that they can't wait to find out the ending to this saga and the op responds and says my money's on the hollywood horror ending hopefully dreamed up the dogs too so i can finally stop picking up their imaginary shits and whatnot and then we get an update 16 days later and let's get into the update it reads after nearly losing my mind over a hair clip and a onesie i realized i wasn't getting anywhere with the accusations and half-baked guesswork i'd gotten so absorbed in the paranoia and misery of my situation that i wasn't sleeping eating or caring for my kids the way i should have been and i wasn't getting any answers so i decided to finally buy the cameras and have them shipped to my sister's house with my brother-in-law agreeing to help with the install slash setup over at mine before the cameras were ever delivered though i got my long-awaited confirmation last week a ring notification had alerted me to motion at the front door while i was at work half expecting to see a delivery person pet or lawn care salesman for the 15th time you can only imagine my surprise when i saw a clip of a young woman leading my daughter into the house hand in hand with my husband and other daughter close behind them the girls were supposed to be in daycare and my husband at work the woman as far as i knew was living two states away with a court order keeping her there i immediately called my husband to ask him what was this woman doing in our house he didn't answer so i texted it to him even in his stupidity he probably realized he had messed up by going through the front door knew i had gotten the ring notification and wanted to delay the inevitable by the fifth or sixth subsequent call though he did pick up the woman on the camera was my husband's sister as i would come to find out later she was the likely source of both tampons the onesie and the bow she is also a registered so and a recovering addict who spent the better part of her adolescence and young adulthood coercing the silence of another one of my husband's after she had violated them i hadn't seen or heard from her in years and from the way my husband talked about her i didn't expect i ever would but here she was in our house with our children suffice to say i was livid it wasn't an affair at all and still somehow infinitely more disgusting knowing who it was and why all of this has been happening apparently my sister-in-law fresh off another stint in rehab had wanted to reconnect and make amends with people she'd hurt and my husband was high on that list my husband didn't want me to know or worse try and keep her family our children away from her so they'd been meeting in secret often at our house while i was at work they would enter through the garage in my husband's car so the ring camera at the front door wouldn't tip me off she spent the night on a weekend i had been on a business trip and slept in our bed she babysat our girls on a night my husband told me he had dropped them off at his parents she bought the girls clothes and dressed my youngest in the onesie and bow that my husband had promised on his life i had dressed her myself my husband swore this was all in my head the tampons the onesie the bow and all the rest he was perfectly content to watch me agonize for a weeks over a woman he insisted did not exist shrugging off each progressively more unsettling discovery like it was news to him and telling me i was being rational he insinuated that i was experiencing postpartum depression two years after i'd given birth four years after i told them that one of my biggest fears for motherhood was to suffer ppd like my mother had with me to not be fully present for our baby and be left with a world of guilt and regret as they grew older he told me i wasn't sleeping enough that i missed the girls too much that i needed to take a step back and re-evaluate the state of my mental health i gave him the benefit of the doubt because he was my husband and because no other version of events made sense now after a month of this i have nothing to show for my trust but this situation and a lot of anger and the top comment says call the cops and a lawyer and the op says already on it believe me we are going scorched earth on this guy and this is the last we have ever heard from the op and oh my god what a horrifying twist i mean i was expecting an affair to come to light i'm sure you were expecting a affair to come to light but it turned out to be the op's husband's sister who was a registered s offender and someone who went to prison for violating one of her own family members and also a recovering addict wow that was a twist i was not expecting and uh just gross and disturbing and um it's honestly scary that the op's i assume now ex-husband would put his kids in a situation like that you know what i mean like why would you ever trust your sister who's a registered uh s offender um why would you put them with your kids who already has a track record of violating their own family members um god this was just so disturbing and i feel so so bad for the op and the op's kids i mean this situation is horrible but let's get into some of the top comments someone says i hope the dad isn't trying to get custody op's lawyer is going to have a field day with the fact he brought a s offender in contact with his children and someone says not even just bringing a s offender around the kids leaving the kids alone with an offender and someone replies and says there are no words for how horrifying this is every parent's worst nightmare and they couldn't have said it better this truly is every parent's worst nightmare i mean someone you thought you trusted someone you loved someone who swore up and down that they weren't lying to you and then to soon find out that they were lying to you and then to soon find out that they were lying to you and then to soon find out that they were lying to you and it's infinitely worse than you could ever imagine and we just have to hope that the op's husband's sister i i hate to say it I hope she didn't do anything to the OP's kids like they left or he left her alone with his kids and she has a track record of violating her her family members and um god I don't even want to think about that like hopefully the OP's kids aren't traumatized or hopefully they weren't violated because I mean this situation is already horrible but unfortunately that's a possibility I hate to say it but um that's just all speculation but like that commenter said the husband left his sister alone with with the kids and um god such a horrifying horrifying read a thread and like I said this is the last we have ever heard from the OP so we have no idea what happened how the divorce went or what happened to her and I don't know what's going to happen to her and I don't know what's going to happen to her and I don't know what's going to happen to her and I don't know what happened or if the OP's husband's sister went back to prison or who knows but um god let me know your thoughts on this down below because yeah I would love to hear what you guys have to think but um on to the next one OP's girlfriend shot him the first post being titled my girlfriend pointed a gun at me and I can't stop thinking about it I've been with her for nearly four years and despite all the arguments we've had there was never a single violent moment that's probably why I was so shocked when she did it I've been having trouble sleeping and whenever I see her I basically freeze up she has apologized and I told her I forgive her of which I do I really love her but I don't know maybe I'm just overthinking but what if next time she doesn't hesitate I know reddit really isn't the right place to say this but I know if I tell my mom she'll tell me to leave her and I don't want that to happen sorry if this wasn't worded properly my hands are shaking and I can't think straight let me clarify things I actually want to still be with her and I don't plan on leaving she's a really beautiful soul who has helped me through so much including the traumatic experiences with my dad she was with me all the steps of the way through therapy and she helped heal me she's literally my source of happiness I should have started off by saying this maybe you'll change your opinion plus the majority of comments are from men telling me to leave but the women have different opinions I feel this is just a rough patch that most couples go through it's my first and only relationship so I'm not really experienced but I feel the women here would be in a better position to tell me the next step to take since they've probably been in my girlfriend's shoes at least once no disrespect to my fellow men you all are great too edit my girlfriend just saw the post and she texted me asking if it was me I'm going over to her place now and we are going to work things out I'm not giving up on her just yet I'll make an update in about an hour when we are done working things out thank you all for the support and encouragement I actually felt better putting this out there and now let's get into some of the top comments one user says dude do you realize how this sounds would it be better if the next time she actually shoots you and the op replies and says I know her and I know she won't do it again I just need to find out a way to forget it happened and another commenter says I'm sorry but I think you are in an abusive relationship pointing a gun at someone is not a mistake it is a deliberate threat on your life I would do two things number one think about whether or not this is the only incident where you felt scared or trapped by her actions does she tell you who you can be friends with or not does she try to control your relationship with your family number two take a little bit of time and read several other threads on reddit of people posting about their significant others abusing them and see if the way you are reacting is comparable the bottom line here is that this will not be a one-time occurrence and next time she's probably going to shoot you good luck and the op responds and says it's not abusive everyone is blowing it out of proportion it was just a one-time incident and guess what the op comes back one day later with an update titled my girlfriend shot me after I broke up with her the update reads I am currently in the hospital now and I've gotten the mental clarity needed to see just how foolish I was if not for the fact that I had friends here in Texas I would have been dead I'm just lucky to be alive this is an update from the previous post and now let's get into some of the top comments one user says please tell me she is facing legal consequences and the op says no I don't think she will that will be up to the prosecutor I won't be pressing charges and then the op also says if I do then I will go to jail as well there's no way she won't bring me down as well and huh that makes me think did the op do anything drastic before the op's girlfriend shot him I mean like why would you not press charges and why would you go to jail as well if you are completely innocent so that makes me wonder did the op do anything uh you know that warranted being shot like possibly you know I don't think she's going to be up to the prosecutor you know making her feel threatened or whatever I don't know that is um that's concerning but then someone actually responds and says the fuck did you do that you'd go to jail for her literally shooting you bruh and basically everyone says please press charges and people want the op to elaborate and um yeah this is a wild thread and someone else says so based off your comments it sounds like there is way more to the op than what you're saying I don't think she's going to be up to the story you say you'll go to jail to do was she protecting herself we clearly aren't getting the whole story no one is just totally cool with being shot not wanting the person to get consequences and uh then the op gives us an update the day after and it reads as follows the op says I grew up in a terrible household my dad would come home drunk and beat up my mom for sport and then I would go to the hospital I have never been so scared of anyone like that in my life he made me watch and told me that's how a man does it some nights I'll stay awake hearing my mom cry as he r-words her he never allowed me to go out and my mom was the only one who homeschooled me to the best of her abilities sadly my dad passed away due to some medical reasons and I was finally able to go out now that he is gone that was when I realized just how damaged I was I had extreme social anxiety and I didn't have any degree I started doing some work for money and that was when I met my ex my mom started becoming a bit violent after my dad passed away because of the burden of providing for the family so I stayed with my ex she helped me overcome my anxiety she paid for courses online and put me through anything I didn't understand she bought books for me on how to read and gave me an education she bought me my first phone and taught me how to use social media without her I wouldn't even be able to type this she told me every day that I meant something that I am loved and I'm capable of doing so much more and I shouldn't be limited to anything my dad said I was she told me that as long as I have her nothing bad will ever happen to me some of you grew up in fancy lifestyles so you won't understand this girl loves me I just know it I'll admit I don't know why she did what she did but I just can't let go of her everything she has done for me I'll keep listing everything she did for me until y'all understand and wow what a disturbing reddit thread um and this is the last post we have ever received from the op so we have no idea whether or not he pressed charges whether or not his ex-girlfriend as he refers to her in this last update um went to jail or what happened but this is really really disturbing and we don't know what prompted the op's ex-girlfriend to shoot him because it clearly seems that way that he provoked her in some way because you know he's like I would go to jail too if I press charges she's gonna bring me down as well and so who knows what happened I mean this I really wish we had an update on this but um you know we just have to wish for the best for the op he clearly was going through some stuff and he's clearly in a bad bad mental situation and just you know his life is a mess right now I mean he just got shot and so hopefully he was able to recover and hopefully he was able to realize that this girlfriend of his or ex-girlfriend is completely abusive or maybe the OP was abusive I mean like he said he'd go to jail too I don't know there's a lot of things we can think about and theorize about but like I said that's all theorizing um nothing substantiated on if he did anything to her but um I just want to hear what you guys have to think I mean this was a extremely disturbing post but um yeah wow on to the next one my stepdaughter died four weeks ago and I caught my husband and his ex-wife in our bed my stepdaughter Becca who was a teenager died four weeks ago I have been in her life since she was very young we were extremely close my husband Derek 40 May and I were very close to her and I was very close to her and I was very close to her and I was very close to her and I was very close to her and I was very close to her and I was very close to her and I was very close to her and I was very close to her and I was very close to her and I his ex-wife Sam 38 female and I 35 female get along very well there has never been an issue in the seven years that I've been with Derek Sam has always been kind to me she didn't even care that Becca called me mom too right after Becca's passing Sam had so much anxiety and depression that she was unable to be by herself she has no family besides us so we invited her to stay with us she was unable to be by herself she has no family besides us so we invited her to stay with us Sam hardly leaves the house she mostly just sleeps in Becca's room which is completely understandable I always tell her that I'm here if she needs me and that I want her to take time with grieving and that there is no pressure to go back to her home today I needed to run some errands so I asked Sam if she'd like to join me to get out of the house a little bit but she declined and said she'd rather just stay at home and sleep I told Derek that I was leaving and that I'd be back in two-ish hours he works from home I also told him to check on Sam every once in a while and maybe try getting her to eat something after stopping at the post office I realized I forgot my library book that I needed to return so I went back home to get it as soon as I walked in the door I heard moaning coming from mine in Derek's bedroom I immediately knew what was happening and my heart completely broke in that moment I wasn't completely sure what to do but I ended up deciding to confront them so I walked to the bedroom and opened the door and began yelling at them both Sam started having an anxiety attack and ran to the bathroom while Derek kept apologizing profusely I asked him what the hell was happening he told me that he made himself and Sam some lunch and they began talking about Becca and shared some memories of her and Sam's death I asked him what the hell was and then Sam ended up kissing him and he didn't pull back and then it ended with them in our bed they're begging me to understand that it was just grief that caused them to become intimate and that they both made a mistake I don't know what to do I love this man and I love Sam I am heartbroken that they did this to me and put me in this position I feel so stuck and now let's get into what some of the top comments one user says that would be a hard no for me I understand grieving but how is this excusing cheating what happens next time he is sad edit I misspoke when I said sad obviously this is something beyond devastating I still don't think it can be used as an excuse and the OP responded and said I don't want to excuse his cheating I think I want to divorce him but I'm anxious about doing it right after we lost Bethel I don't want to divorce him I don't want to divorce him I don't want to divorce Becca another user says probably together do you both own the home if it's in your name change the locks stay strong and don't listen to his excuses I'm so sorry this happened to you during such a difficult time and the OP responded and said exactly what I was thinking if I'm being honest and yes we both own it when I told him to leave he kept saying sorry and then said that he would respect me wanting him gone for a while another user says are you seeing a therapist perhaps you're dealing with a lot right now it might be useful and the OP responded and said yes I am in therapy I've been with my therapist for other things for the last three years she has been very helpful I saw her yesterday and was able to figure some things out and then we get an update the next day and it says I posted an update to r slash true off my chest but didn't realize there was an update rule so it was removed I figured I'd post an update to my profile for those that follow me I decided that I am going to file for a divorce I can't ever trust Derek again it sucks because we had an amazing relationship I thought he's always been great so this was a complete shock to me last night Derek came over to talk he confessed to a lot turns out it wasn't their first time having intimacy like most people thought they've been having intimacy since three months before Becca died I am completely shocked and heartbroken Sam also reached out last night and thanked me for everything I've done for her and told me she was sorry I didn't respond I blocked her I did so much for Sam and considered her a friend so this hurts a lot more than I can handle this is all too much as hard as this is going to be I need to leave Derek and cut them both out of my life I am ready to do so I am done also some people are saying I deserve this because I should have known better than to let Sam into our home around Derek but you need to understand that I'm a giving person I trust people more than I should I truly thought Sam was an amazing person I know it's unusual but I trust people more than I should I truly thought Sam was an amazing person it's unusual to become friends with your husband's ex-wife but it's just how it went for us and I shouldn't be blamed for what happened thank you to everyone who commented nice things and for the kind messages you've all been helpful during this insanely difficult time I appreciate it and now let's get into some of the top comments one user says out of curiosity what are his excuses for cheating those two are going to be in a world of hurt once the guilt settles in they are going to be asking themselves why it had to be Becca and will eventually come to a conclusion that it's their punishment for what they've done to you I can pretty much guarantee you that and the OP responds and says he told me that they just accidentally reconnected one night when I was away at my mom's he was stressed we weren't conceiving and were having miscarriages so he then vented to Sam and then some somehow that led to intimacy it seems so icky to me how can you vent about our struggles like that and then go and have intimacy with Sam it's just awful of him I don't understand it and another user says I'm so sorry you did nothing to deserve this not now and not three months ago when it all started I thought that this was probably wasn't the first time but three months is terrible I will never understand the reasoning behind a person who cheats I thought I saw you comment that your mom is coming to be with you I hope she just gives you the biggest hug you just need people who love you to be around you right now I'm so sorry that you lost Becca and now you don't even have Derek to grieve with it's all just a horrible thing I really hope you can find a good lawyer to help you with everything so that at least that piece is something you can see progress in and the OP responds and says thank you so much I'm so glad my mom is able to stay with me for a while and I have lots of friends that have been coming by to check in on me too all this sucks but it's definitely shown me that I'm cared for and loved and then the OP gives us an update two days later and let's get into it it reads I'm getting lots of questions about something so I figured I'd answer a few of them have I told anyone about what happened besides my mom yes I told a few friends and some family members most of them are supportive of my decision and aren't speaking to Derek where is Derek staying currently he's staying at a hotel our friends refuse to let him stay with him he's lost a lot of people due to his awful decisions has he tried fighting me on getting a divorce yes he begged me not to file for divorce but when I told him I needed him to just let me go and that I was just too exhausted to fight him on this he let it be and agreed to get in a divorce why isn't Derek staying with Sam he told me he didn't want to continue to hurt me so he told Sam he was done with her for good and that they have no reason to speak to each other anymore I have no idea if that'll last and if they'll just end up together but I truly don't care what they do anymore I just want peace what was Derek's excuse for cheating he told me that they just accidentally reconnected connected one night when I was away at my mom's. stressed we weren't conceiving and were having miscarriages so he vented to sam and then somehow that led to intimacy disgusting of them both i know feel free to ask anything else and i'll try to answer thank you everyone for your support and advice and now let's get into some of the top comments some people ask the op on what happened to becca and op says it was very sudden she died in a car accident when she was with one of her friends and her friend's parents and then some people ask the op on her husband's parents being supportive or not and if they know about his cheating and the op responds and says i get along with derek's mom very well but he's also a mama's boy so it's kind of complicated she will always be there for him he'd stay with her if she didn't live across the country she knows what he did and told me she had a talk with him but said that he's and she'd help him with anything if he needed it i'm thinking i need to cut her out of my life too which makes me really sad because we are close and talked on the phone almost daily and then some people ask the op on if she has children with her husband and the op says we have had six miscarriages total all of them were in the first trimester and then the op gives us some more updates and let's get into it the post reads i just found out that he is staying with sam and not at a hotel he told me it's too expensive to stay at a hotel and sam is the only one that'll help him right now i had a weird feeling this would happen just knowing that they are still probably sleeping together hurts my heart i talked to a lawyer this morning and we are proceeding with the divorce and derek agreed to it it's actually happening and i feel some relief that he's not fighting me on this my mom leaves on sunday i'm scared to be alone but i go back to work on monday so i'm hoping it'll be a good distraction i'll keep updating if anything else happens thank you everyone i am so grateful for you all and now let's get into some of the top comments one user says op how did you find out he was staying at his ex's wife's place anything he was doing with a grain of salt he is not true to his words and going on contact with sam and the op responds and says he texted me this morning after we talked to lawyers and said he just wants to be honest with me i told him to stop giving me updates on what he's doing in his life and that is not something i need to know it seems like he wanted to tell me to hurt me and then someone asked the op on how she is doing and the op responds and says thank you i'm sorry i didn't mean to hurt you i'm sorry i didn't mean to hurt you i'm sorry i i'm doing a little better today my mom and i went on some nature walks and went out into the garden this afternoon that helped becca loved gardening with me so it made me feel closer to her and then we get another post the next day titled becca's diary and this reads i decided to go through some of becca's stuff today i just found her diary in a box in the back of her closet would it be wrong to read some of it i'm sorry i didn't mean to hurt you i'm sorry i didn't mean to hurt you i'm sorry i feel like it would help me feel closer to her but part of me feels like it's wrong too i haven't told derek that i found it either and i'm unsure if i should tell him what would you do and now let's get into some of the top comments one person asked the op on if she was closer with becca prior to her sudden passing and the op says becca and i were very close it felt like she told me anything and everything but i honestly think all parents feel that way about their kids so i'm kind of nervous to read it and then we get another update four days later and let's get into it it reads i figured it's been a few days so i should give a little update my mom is leaving in a couple of hours so i'll be alone i'm kind of nervous about it she helped me stay distracted and kept me going i don't know how i'm going to handle her being gone i go back to work tomorrow first day back since becca passed away i'm looking forward to it though because it'll keep me distracted also i did read some of becca's diary it made me love her even more she was such a sweetheart i went back a few months and saw that she noticed some weird behavior between derek and sam didn't mention that she knew of the affair but she just wrote that she thought it was kind of strange that they all three would hang out more than usual without me i might read more but so far i haven't found anything that's disturbing just her being a teenager and talking about crushes fights with friends happy family memories etc tomorrow i'm also talking to my lawyer so i might have more updates on that thanks for the continuous love and support everyone and then the op comes back a week later with an update titled last update for a while and let's get into it the post reads i started randomly getting a lot more messages slash comments so i figured i'd do another little last update my first week back at work went great i wasn't expecting it to go so well but thankfully it did my co-workers were so helpful and patient with me on friday night i decided i didn't want to stay home all weekend alone so i decided to drive up to my mom's it helps i have a three-day weekend so i can spend more time with her i'm heading back home tomorrow also for those of you that have messaged me hateful things for reading becca's diary i just have to say you aren't going to be able to read a diary if you're going to be able to read a diary if you're going to be able to read a diary telling me i'm a bad mom because i'm reading her diary is just ridiculous i learned so much more about her about how caring and sweet she is and it made me love her even more it's how i'm able to feel so close to her right now so please don't tell me i'm a bad parent for just trying to get by one of the hardest times of my life you have no idea what it's like i don't have a much of an update so this will be it i'll come back and update once the divorce happens though thank you to those of you that have nothing but kind and helpful you helped me feel less alone i will forever be grateful and then the opie comes back five days later with a post titled sam saw my reddit post and is threatening to sue me the post reads sam made a fake facebook profile message me and tell me she wants to sue me for telling strangers about what happened derrick supports her apparently i don't need this am i not allowed to vent about my life to people online i just want life to get better i am so tired f you sam f you derrick edit sam is in the comments and message me on here too i blocked her and now let's get into the top comments on this one user says she can't if she wants to but overall why is she so upset for a problem she single-handedly started by deciding to sleep with the same man who was already in a relationship in a married relationship whatever she does she should think things through so she doesn't f up just like she did when she thought she could get away with sleeping with derrick as for derrick he is supporting her for the same reason he turned to sam for help a place to live and a place to live and a place to live and a woman to use sam and derrick deserve each other they were both toxic to begin with and overall just disgusting sam derrick if you see this and i really hope you guys can see this so you guys can get the effing point of all this through those thick headers of yours becca would have been very disappointed in your actions for going behind her and ops back for months i'm gonna just leave it at that because i don't want to risk getting my account banned for something i know i won't regret saying op i do hope you're finding a way through this and venting to strangers and this is a normal writing it down or talking to a friend about it i hope you're on your path to finding peace through this and then the op adds some additional information and the op says i just ignored her it might be an empty threat just to make my life feel harder but i'm unsure this is in reference to the message that sam sent her and the op says her message said so i was scrolling tiktok and ended up on an account where they read reddit posts and guess whose post they read yours first you tell your friends and family and then you go to a bunch of strangers and tell them our life story i can't believe you it isn't just your business to tell becca would be so disappointed in you be prepared because i think i'm going to be suing you for this this was no one else's business you did this to yourself remember that i'm actually baffled she thinks becca would be disappointed in me wtf and then we don't hear from the op for a little over a week about 10 days but 10 days later the op comes back with a heavy sad update it's titled i don't think i can do this anymore the post reads i have been as strong as i can but i have been really struggling so much is going on and i'm just so tired How can I keep going? I just want to be with Becca. I miss her. I miss her smile. I miss her laugh. I miss how she tried to make you laugh when you were sad by telling dad jokes. I miss how she liked being in the garden with me. I miss seeing all her new drawings. I miss her beautiful eyes. I miss everything about her. I just want her back. I need her back. Edit. I am okay. I just needed a space to vent. I was getting so many messages asking if I'm alright, and I just wanted to say thank you to those that reached out. I am okay. I will be okay. Some days are harder than others, but I think I'll get through this. I am so grateful for the little community I have here. Thank you all so much. And then we get an update one and a half months later, and this one is titled, Sam Committed S-Word on June 20th, 2024. The post reads, Sam ended up committing S-Word on June 20th. I am still trying to process everything. She had hurt me deeply, but this isn't something I wanted whatsoever. And Derek blames me. I feel so many things, and I'm going to be away for a while again, but I wanted to update you all. Thanks for the love, everyone. And then someone asked the OP on how she is doing after Becca's death, and now Sam is passing. And the OP says, And then the OP posts five days later, titled, Taking a break from Reddit and going on a trip in a week. This one reads, I'm doing it. I'm taking the advice that so many of you had. I'm going on a trip since my job doesn't need me till the middle of August. I was so lucky I had my mom come stay with me a lot, and had my best friend come stay with me when my mom couldn't. But I felt like I was asking too much of them. So I decided that maybe traveling might actually be a good idea. In a week, I'm going to Norway. Becca and I always wanted to go there one day. It was on our bucket list. I'm actually excited. I'm also thinking of getting a pet when I come back, but might wait till the move. Thank you to those that recommended I do this. Becca would be happy I'm doing this. She'd be so thrilled for me. You probably won't hear me for a while. I'm taking a long break from Reddit and all my social media. I think it's best for me. But just know, I love and appreciate all of you that have been there for me. I would have been so lost without some of you. Yours truly. Alyssa. And then we get an update three months later, and let's get into it. It reads, Hi everyone. I haven't been on here in so long. I got so many messages asking me to do an update, so here it is. Norway was absolutely breathtaking. I had so much fun and met some amazing people while I was there. I plan on returning in the future for sure. A couple of weeks ago was the six-month anniversary of Becca's death. It's been hard, but it's getting easier to live everyday life. But it also pains me to say that because I feel guilty for moving on and healing. I don't know if that makes sense. Maybe it does to those who have also lost someone close. I moved out of Derek and my house a month ago and got myself a cozy little house all to myself. And oh yeah, I got a dog. His name is Charlie, and he's a darling little cavalier spaniel. He's been great. I absolutely love him. Also, I am officially divorced as of last week. It was a very easy divorce, and I'm so happy about that. But Derek didn't want any of Becca's things when we tried figuring out who gets what. He left it all to me. I tried hard to get him to take something because I feel like he will regret it. But he said he didn't want anything, so I have all of Becca's stuff. I have no idea why. He didn't want anything, but I have it all in the guest bedroom right now. I'm trying to figure out what to do with everything. Derek is apparently an alcoholic now and quit his job. He seems to be doing terrible. Besides all of that, I don't know if I have anything else to share. I just want to say thank you again to all of my supporters. I have made some friends on here, and I am so thankful for you all. I appreciate every one of you. And now let's get into some of the top comments. One user says, Alyssa, I think of you often and check back periodically for an update. I'm so happy to hear that your trip went well. Equally exciting to hear that you've moved on with your life. Have a new house and a dog. Becca's things belong with you. You will know how best to honor her. Wishing you the best life has to offer. Thank you so much for letting us know how you're doing. And then another user says, I've thought about this OP every now and then, since her first update and Jesus Christ. It's just heartbreak all the way down. And someone else says, I really hope the OP is seeing a good therapist. No one should feel guilty for moving on and healing from a tragedy. And this was the last post we have ever received from the OP. And this was about two years ago. So I really don't think we'll ever hear from the OP ever again. But I hope the OP has since been able to, you know, recover and move on. But also, remember, Becca fondly. And I really do wonder what ended up happening with her ex-husband. I wonder what happened to him. But yeah, like that last commenter said, extremely heartbreaking situation and just horrible. OP suspects that her dad might be a predator. I think my dad might be a predator. I don't have concrete proof for this. And I have no proof. And I haven't told anyone about my suspicions either. Maybe I'm just going crazy. But I can't keep this to myself any longer. I usually live with my mom. But she had to temporarily move in with my grandparents because of grandpa's health. I've been staying with my dad since last month. I actually don't really know him. And he's kind of an a-hole. He lives with my aunt and my cousins. I don't really know them either. And my cousins are all younger than me. So we don't really spend time together. I noticed that my dad treats my male cousin very differently than he treats my female cousins. He pretty much only pays attention to him. And doesn't seem interested in interacting with the girls. It might just be because he's a boy. But I noticed that most of their interactions involved touching of some sort. And that my dad almost always initiated it. I also caught him watching my cousin on multiple occasions. Which isn't anything weird. But the look on his face was making me a bit uncomfortable. My cousin often wants my dad to play in his room with him. And they usually always close the door. A few days ago, I was walking past my cousin's room. And heard my dad telling my cousin that he would show him something soon. But that he has to promise not to tell anyone. The way he was saying it just gave me the ick. I really want to tell my aunt about this. But I've only been here for a little over a month. What if that's just how they normally interact. And there's nothing bad going on. Maybe I'm just reading everything wrong. But I'm just getting a bad vibe about it. One user says, well, how old is your cousin? And the OP responds and says, he's very, very young. And his sisters are equally young. And I am a teenager. And then we get an update. Two days later, that's titled, my dad is a predator. And let's get into it. Hey, everyone. I made a post on Sunday evening about my dad's strange behavior towards my young cousin. After I got home from school on Monday, I called my mom. And told her everything I had noticed. She asked to speak to my aunt. I don't know the details of that conversation. But they talked for almost an hour. Afterwards, my aunt just handed me back my phone and went upstairs. I didn't follow her. But she came down about half an hour later with my cousins. He was crying uncontrollably. And she looked close to tears as well. She sat him down on the couch and asked if I could watch him. She went upstairs again while I tried to calm down my cousin. She came back with my dad's laptop and a box. Then she called the police. When my dad came home from work, they arrested him. They confiscated a few more things. And asked us to give us our statements. We went to the station this morning to give a more detailed statement. There was a social worker who tried to speak to my cousin. But he refused to talk to her. He hasn't said anything at all since yesterday. And my aunt has been discussing different therapist options with the social worker. I think the worst part about this whole situation is that my aunt and my mom already knew what my dad was like. When we got home, I asked my aunt how she found the evidence my dad's room so fast and she confessed that she'd known he had it all along but he had promised her to stay away from her children. I also called my mom again to give her an update and she said she found the pictures on my dad's laptop shortly after I was born which is the reason they broke up. On the bright side my grandpa is doing much better so she and I can move back home soon and this is the last update we have ever heard from the OP. One user says I'm baffled both aunt and her mom knew he was a predator and thought somehow their kids were still safe with the guy like of course he won't say he will do damage to his niece or nephew. I bet if someone asked him if he was a predator he would say no to that too. Did they seriously expect him to be trustworthy? Sheesh. And then someone responds and says because it's an ignorable problem as long as it doesn't affect them. Notice how fast they acted the minute it did in fact start to affect them. And someone else says those parents are an absolute disgrace. I know my reactions are strong as a survivor but that father is just filth. That poor kid. And someone else says my father was a predator. My mother knew that going into marriage and having kids with him. Just like this mother and aunt. She hid it and let others suffer. They deserve the same punishment as him. Am I the asshole for yelling at and ignoring my girlfriend over a prank? I've 22 male been with Nicole 25 female for a couple of years now. And she's always liked survival stuff and weaponry and all that. I absolutely don't. Really really bad experiences with knives when I was younger and Nicole knows about them. We both love Halloween and usually throw a party and dress up and goof around. Cook up pumpkin seeds and watch movies. Anyway the point is Nicole loves doing tricks with her knives like five finger fillet, flicking it open and closed, twirling it etc. And she'll do it when we're watching a show or movie together. Forgetting that I've asked her please not to. Or she'll buy a new one and show it off. Asking if I wanted to give it first bite and pout when I say no. Two days ago she was playing with it again and I asked her why she keeps forgetting. And she said wow okay don't insult my intelligence again. And then that it was just a knife and therefore not a big deal and therefore not that important to remember. After that she put away the knife and we continued to have an okay night. But I was on edge and jumping whenever she touched me. Yesterday she called me into the kitchen. Only she was playing five finger fillet. And I startled her and she messed up. Badly. I lost my cool. Screamed my head off. Tried shouting what I knew about first aid at her while I raced to grab my phone. Complete panic. Dialing 911 only for her to start laughing and show me that it was a prank involving red food dye and a carrot. She had a nice laugh about how I would have known it was a joke if I wasn't so squeamish about knives. That it's proof I need to get more comfortable. That anyone with passing knowledge knows that it doesn't look like that when something like that happens. She kept explaining how she did it. How she practiced. How she could show me but I didn't even answer her. It was like my head was underwater and my heart was beating out of my chest. Just moved on autopilot and grabbed my keys and drove a few blocks away before pulling over to breathe. Nicole tried to call me and the first thing I said was it wasn't funny at all. And she asked are you crying? Then I hung up on her. She kept texting me saying she was sorry. That she didn't think I'd react so badly to a joke. That it just meant to be a good fun in the Halloween spirit. I ignored her. I texted her after that I was home but ignored everything else. This morning she sent the picture of the props to the group. With a few of our mutual friends. And they chimed in saying it doesn't even look real. I've muted the chat since and I'm wondering if I have a leg to stand on before I go back and apologize. One user says not the asshole. Knife phobias are no joke. She's not forgetting your aversion. She's being abusive. First bite. I think she might have a. Blood and blade fixation. Fidgeting with knives all the time. I knew a couple guys like that in the 90s. And they were pretentious insufferable tools who thought they were tough guys. Gods. This gal is traumatic. That's hit some pretty deep anger on your behalf. It makes me want to yell at her. And her bad friends. I'm really sorry you are dealing with this. Do not apologize. Get out. She does not. Respect you. Someone else says not the asshole. Nicole is not a nice person. She repeatedly ignores your boundaries and this was not a prank. It was a deliberately cruel action to make you think she was hurt. She needs therapy to give a sincere apology and do better with your boundaries or I would end the relationship with someone who was so cruel and selfish. Saying is a prank isn't a license to do anything you want to. This triggered me. And finally someone else says why are you dating someone who repeatedly exposes you to something you're traumatized by and doesn't care how hurt you are by it. And then the OP makes a further update a few hours later that says it's overwhelming how much of a response this got. And I tried to read all of your comments. Some of them made me laugh. Some warmed my heart. Others had very hard truths that I still needed to hear. No matter how raw it left me. There are a lot of repeating questions and assumptions. First, we don't live together. At this point, I don't think we ever will. Second, I stayed primarily because the good seemed to outweigh the good. And I don't want to be the bad. You remember the negatives more than the positive. So obviously I just had to remember her positive qualities instead of being swayed by my focus on the bad times. Plus, it was always almost perfect after we had a fight. And I just assumed the boom and bust cycle was normal. I didn't know Nicole liked knives at first. A mutual friend, Crystal, who was in the group chat. And I met Crystal during a community call. She said, I don't know. I don't know. I don't course. Introduced us as I was new to the area. And at first, Nicole and I hit it off as we had a lot of shared interests. Music, art, outdoors activities, going antiquing, wine, food and cooking. Just a lot of things. We started dating and eventually went on a camping and hiking trip where she used a knife to split some kindling and she was being dangerous with it. I remember telling her to watch out. And she asked me to relax because she, quote, did it all the time. She asked me if I wanted to do it myself. And I admitted I really didn't like knives. Later in the trip, we drank by the fire and talked. And that's when I told her about my trauma. She promised to protect me. And I remember that exactly because I had the mental image of her fending off a mugger. And I joked that she was my hero. My trauma has been broken. And neither of us were drunk at the time. My knife issues typically don't impact my daily life, except to make me more apt to be very slow in the kitchen when chopping things. It doesn't seem like abuse, especially when we're good. When it's bad, it's really rough. I don't have really any other baseline as I was a late bloomer dating wise. My dad always said that you should both give one hundred percent of what you have and one hundred and ten percent in a relationship, but everyone argues. I thought working through the rough patches was normal. That's also why I was preparing to apologize. Because it takes two in an argument, so I am responsible as well and need to apologize for my part. In this case, ruining the night with my reaction. I did go through therapy to help cope with the initial incident surrounding my aversion to knives. I was a lot worse when it happened. To the extent where I couldn't have anyone point the knife in the direction of any other living being. Or certain songs on the radio that were playing at the time. Or certain smells. I've made progress, but clearly not enough to stay with her and deal with her fidgeting with the knives. I will admit to backsliding a bit, in that I seem a lot more anxious when I stay the night and can't stay asleep, or having more nightmares, which is why I believed her when she said I was overreacting. Also concerning the fidgeting, it's not a constant thing. Sometimes she'd go weeks without pulling the knife out. Sometimes she would complain that I only focus on the fact she had used the knife, versus how long she had abstained, which seems reasonable to point out. And then we get an update the next day, and let's get into it. It reads, I have no idea how to go about this, but I don't think this would be appropriate to post an Am I the Asshole per their rules, plus it's really long. Here is an update of sorts to this post. A lot of the conversation is paraphrased with quotes that stuck in my mind. I also kept adding to this as things developed and I'm running on zero sleep, so I'm sorry if it's not very clear. I did reach out to Nicole again yesterday to talk, and I went with the intention of standing my ground and explaining things so she could understand my side. She greeted me with, thanks for gracing me with your presence, and asked if I was here to, my age and talk like an adult. She slammed the door behind me and pointed at the couch so we could discuss things. Nicole opened with my reaction was unreasonable and completely out of line considering the situation. I said that things need to change because that prank wasn't okay at all and she knows I have issues with knife violence and I asked what was funny about the prank. She interrupted me and said that ultimatums aren't part of any relationship so I said I don't think this is working out for us. I don't think we're happy together. Nicole froze at first and I started to explain that the knife thing and our respective stances being so different is not fair to either of us but she repeatedly asked so you're going to break up nearly three years just because of this? I tried to tell her it was more than just this. It was everything else. It was that she keeps forgetting and triggering me that she loves playing with them but it upsets me but she started talking over me and yelling that apparently I think she's an idiot and that I'm the best actor in the world because she never knew I felt so horrible and that maybe I should call the cops on her for abuse. She grabbed her cell phone and offered it to me again and again saying go on call but when I said we just needed to talk she interrupted with no you won't because you know I know we both know no cop is going to arrest me for a joke. Also I'm not very tall 5'9 and she's only 5'6 but she was standing right in front of me while I was seated so I couldn't get up without moving her. After throwing her phone on the couch next to me she stormed into the kitchen shouting that she should get rid of all her knives because I'm so terrified. She threw a few into the sink and then the whole block of knives into the trash. The whole time asking what about this one? Too sharp? Too scary? When I flinched at the noises she said oh do you feel threatened? How do you think I feel when I have to defend myself against your feelings? Nicole told me to quit crying. That I can't just use tears to manipulate her. And mocked me when I said please stop. She said she has to walk on eggshells because she has to deal with a boyfriend that can't handle a single joke without running off into the night. It's not hard to not overreact. Literally just think before you go crazy. It's that simple. And that it's ridiculous that a grown man can't handle a knife or a gun and I refuse to let go of my victimhood because quote anyone normal would have gotten over it by now. It's been nearly nine years. She called me stubborn and childish for picking this hill to die on. That I'm not innocent. It's not fair that I'm allowed to ignore her for hours but she can't have a little fun. And is my ego really that big? It's sickening that I don't trust her or think she's smart or skilled enough to handle a knife properly and it's sexist and fanalizing and insulting. At some point I said I think I need to go home and it was like a switch. And she said please stop crying. I hate when you cry. Joked I think because she laughed. I guess hibachi dates are off the table huh? And I should probably take the knives out of the trash now shouldn't I? She apologized and said, since it means so much to me she'll put in more effort. She admitted that I'm such a sensitive guy that if she stopped doing everything that made me uncomfortable she wouldn't be able to do anything. She pointed that I cried watching my girl the other day as proof that I'm overly emotional and it made sense that she thought I would just be in my normal self. But she was sorry for not realizing sooner it was really upsetting me. She promised she would do her best not to bring the knives out when I'm around. She said I should probably take the knives out of the trash now shouldn't I? Nicole hugged me and told me to let go. We can get through this. There's nothing we can't get over. And asked for a chance to start over. Fresh start tomorrow. No more jokes. It's stupid but I just said yes. I wanted to go home. Get out of her house and leave while she was still acting nice. And I didn't hold my ground. I feel like an idiot and a coward. I got home and puked and couldn't sleep again. Today Nicole came and dropped off lunch and coffee for me. Gave me a kiss and said she loved me. And all the old ladies in the office were gushing about how cute we are together. I'm going to reach out to one of the guys I'm closer to and the friend who set us up to find out when Nicole got so into knives. Because I remember about 7-8 months in, it was shortly after the camping trip and it was Nicole's birthday that she asked for a specific knife as her present. So at least then. But I can't really remember there being anything else major before then. I'm going to break up officially with her tomorrow with one of the guys if possible. So I can get my stuff from her place. And let's get into some of the top comments. One user says OP that is a completely unstable reaction. Also her toxic masculinity is over the top and you do not deserve to be treated that way. I'm so sorry. She scared you like that and that she thought it was okay and you just overreacted. You did not overreact. Your feelings and trauma associated with them are completely valid. And she sounds like a hateful unkind person. Please do not go back to her unless someone else is there with you and stay safe. Sending you hugs. You got this tomorrow. You are a strong person. Someone else says she is completely unhinged. There aren't enough red flags for how she acted and she honestly needs some professional help. She used fear to keep you around and that is never healthy. I would not trust being in the same room as her. Seriously. Run far away and don't look back. It's not a joke if it stirs up past traumas. The fact that she keeps calling it a joke when it never was is further proof that she doesn't care. She is completely manipulative and you deserve so much better. Please wait until you can take a friend or two to get your stuff. Someone else says holy hell. She is 100% abusive. You need to stay away from her. She zeroed in on your trauma and has been using it to exert some sick power over you. Everything she said was completely unreasonable and she's gaslighting you by making you the problem, not her. Then the moment you resisted, she switched tactics and started to love bomb you. The lunch and coffee were part of the love bombing. Do not be around her alone. Ever. She sounds potentially sociopathic. And pay attention to this. You are not a coward in any way. You are a trauma victim. How you react is typical of someone who has been through a trauma. And she's taking full advantage of it. Her standing over you. Her words. Her tone. Her volume. All done on purpose to overwhelm you. She knew how to trigger your response and she did it all. She is a danger to you. Take care of yourself. And then we don't hear from the OP for a long, long time. We don't end up hearing from him for about three whole years. And when he comes back, it is disturbing. And let's get into update number two. Titled update years later to am I the asshole? As follows. There's previous information in my profile concerning a post I made on am I the asshole? A few years ago, I came to Reddit about my girlfriend and her knife prank. It's been a long while since. And I was uncertain. if I could update here or there or whatever. Roll this back over a decade ago for more info. When I was a preteen, we experienced a home invasion that resulted in my mother and dog dying and left me with a lifelong phobia of knives and anxiety surrounding blood and break-ins. Directly following the break-in, I was unable to handle a knife being pointed at another living creature. My brain caught on to stupid things and connected them to the events and made them into triggers. Mom's perfume, the sound of glass shattering or a door banging open, a song that was playing at the time. Even now, I still hate this song, but at least it doesn't trigger a flashback anymore. Blood on beige carpet featured prominently in my nightmares. I worked extensively with a therapist to process what happened and what I'd seen. Recovery took years of therapy, weeks of inpatient care, medication to help with the nightmares, PTSD, depression, and anxiety. We sold the house as soon as we could. I moved out of state as soon as I could. I kept up with therapy and continued to take my medication. My aversion to knives became somewhat minor in how it impacted my life. I was careful in the past, but it was under control in my daily life. It helped that everything seemed to be coming together. I made new friends. I was balancing work and school. I'd just met the girl who'd become my first long-term adult girlfriend. I know now it was just the honeymoon phase, but it felt like we were progressing well even once infatuation wore off. We stood together through highs and lows and the mediocre middle ground when there's nothing exciting, just the mundane. I thought that was the marker of a steady relationship, to be able to stick together even after the excitement of a new relationship has faded. We went on a few trips together, driving across state lines to meet her family or flying back to see my dad. One of our trips, we went camping and my fear of knives got brought up. That led to the break-in getting brought up. She seemed to care at the time, even promising to protect me if something ever happened and offering to help install a camera in my apartment. After the camping trip, I don't know if it was always there and I noticed it more after or what, but she started to be more obviously into knives. Practicing tricks in front of me, showing videos to me, starting a collection. She even asked for a knife for her birthday that year, showing me exactly which one she wanted. Before, she was. into camping, into guns, which ironically I have zero issues with, and how to forage, make shelter, purify water, basic survival skills, and artillery and tanks. She did multiple courses about military history in college and busted out the textbook sometimes if she remembered something she thought I would find interesting. But suddenly, it seemed like her focus was on carving and skinning animals. On knife work, on knife work, on knife work, on knife work, on knife work. She started doing the tricks more often. In front of me, even when sitting next to me on the couch or at the dinner table. She would gesture with the knife without thinking and even pointed at me. Again, one of my major triggers being knives pointed at people or animals. She started sending me videos of news clips or other break-ins, or news reports of robberies ending in murder, between a bunch of other funny videos or pictures. So checking Snapchat became a game of Russian roulette. If I didn't check the links sent through text, she'd keep sending them and ask what I thought. She'd forget she had the knife in hand when she came up to me, sometimes from behind. My nightmares came back. My anxiety got worse. No matter how often I saw her knife in front of me, or at least not next to me, she would always forget after a little bit. Some part of me refuses to believe there's no way she risked hurting someone just to unnerve me. It came to a head when she pulled a prank where she pretended to lose a finger. We had a huge fight. Our biggest one yet. I wish I'd acted differently and hadn't stormed out, but I did. There was a lot about my time with Nicole I would do differently in high school, I was so sure I'd just break up with her for good. I don't know why I didn't stay broken up with her. When I did at first, I did it alone because my friend Jack rolled his eyes and called me a pussy for wanting backup. So I did it in a coffee shop instead, hoping the public eye could be my backup. Nicole stared at me with this affronted expression, and it was like I couldn't find the words anymore. Her eyes were huge and wide and hateful. Like I've never seen anyone glare at me like that. She gripped onto the cup like she was going to throw it at me. I had it in my head to bolt the second she moved because I could see it so clearly. But then she started crying. Loudly. And kept asking why I would do this to her, and that she hoped I found happiness with someone better since clearly she wasn't enough for me, despite doing everything to be a good girlfriend. I felt like shit, and people were staring, so I wished her well and asked if she wanted me to call a friend, but she told me to leave her alone, so I did. I hate how I handled the breakup, but it felt, in the moment, like autopilot. In short, I lost the support of our mutual friends, who had become my only friends during my relationship with Nicole, which I understand as they knew her for much longer. Jack actually confronted me and called me a piece of trash for embarrassing her like that in public. Calling me trash for leaving her sobbing alone and not even offering her a ride home. He wouldn't listen to my explanations and said I could excuse myself, but everyone now knew what kind of guy I really am. People at work mentioned how sad it was that we broke up. I didn't feel like it was the place to explain my reasoning, and after the confrontation with Jack, I didn't feel like I had a right to. I felt like I was the only one who had the right to like crap, like a bad person, and I felt numb. I tried to move on, to find a new normal. After about a month of us being broken up, she called me and begged for me to come over to help her. She was scared she was going to do something drastic. I went to her immediately. I held her all night, helped her wash her hair after days of not being able to bring herself to. She admitted she'd done a horrible thing and that she couldn't stand how she treated me. That she wished she could go back and change so we could still be together. Didn't know how to address that, so I just stayed with her the whole night. And the next day at work, she came by to drop off a homemade lunch and to thank me for being there for her. I stupidly let myself get sucked back in. I get that it's my fault. Coffee in the morning became dinner and drinks out, became movie nights and going to shows and podcasts. One time, she even noticed a booth with knives and directed us away. And while yes, it wasn't necessary, as I could see a knife display and not be freaked out, it was a nice gesture because she would have gone there and either bought one herself or asked me to buy it for her. One of the multiple changes that made me think maybe she was truly making an effort. That at least, maybe we could be friends again. I started to get invited back into the group somewhat. Two months later, she kissed me. We were both drunk and it didn't go any further. I didn't talk to her about it because I thought she didn't remember. But then she approached me to ask if there was any salvaging us, if she'd proven that she was different now and things would be better. I thought maybe. I stayed because she really had been so sweet. It was like starting over. And we got back together. I was permitted back into the group in full, though Crystal had stopped talking to everyone and Jack still refused to talk to me. And while it was awkward at first, soon enough we were acting like we'd never stop being friends for even a minute. It felt so good to go back to normal. It was like a weight off my chest and like I could breathe again. It was nice for a while. She was so careful about the knives thing and it really did feel so normal and steady. Sure, we had small fights, but we always made up shortly after and she'd be overwhelmingly loving after the fact. It felt like it was before. So, it felt normal. I can't pinpoint when it started to creep back, but maybe when she started watching documentaries on her phone with the sound so high while sitting next to me. Or when she'd poke or grab me while I was cutting up dinner, then laugh at my startled response. Or she'd scoff if I teared up watching or reading something, then tell me later that I was out of fondness, so much into it. Or she'd yell at me for forgetting something that she never even told me about. and then the next day she'd get frustrated that I didn't insist properly that she was mistaken like it was all small things that on their own weren't even that big of a deal and I didn't feel like I could just speak up about it or else I was nitpicking her in hindsight I was making excuses and clinging to when she was nice to me trying to do anything to make sure we just stayed happy and without bumps part of it was that I knew now that I'd be alone that no one would understand why I'd throw away a good relationship that being with her was the best thing that could ever happen to me we moved in together four months after us getting back together she was hinting around that it was the only way to prove to her that I'd forgiven her and that that way we could move on and be happy she insists that I move into her place because it was easy to move an apartment into a house than the other way around it constantly felt like she was dangling that night where she was s-word over me like one wrong move from me and maybe the next time she wouldn't call for help when we had fights she paced through the house flicking a knife looping from the bedroom to the living room to the office or said every single argument was really due to the fact I was holding a grudge over the prank and that we wouldn't be arguing if I just grew up and stopped taking out my trauma on her she'd tell me not to piss her off because it would be too easy for her to quote make a mistake and no one would think twice about what happened a few times she'd gone on a rampage and overturned tables and threw glasses into the sink and dishwasher and said we were done for good only for the next day to blow up my phone begging me to talk this out or have her friends encourage me to swallow my pride and go back to her because she's miserable without me and she's trying so hard or she'd just wake me up with a kiss after making me sleep on the couch as if the night before never happened if I asked about the night before the fight would start all over yet this time it'd be my fault because she was trying to move on but I was holding a grudge the following nearly 10 months were the most terrifying anxiety riddled period of my life and I only had myself to blame coming home from the hospital I was in a state of shock from work I puked my guts out more than a few times on the way just because I didn't want to go back to her I felt trapped she threw away the blanket my mother had knitted me from my crib because it was dirty it wasn't dirty it was a knit blanket that had been repaired repeatedly and hand washed frequently so she'd accidentally put it through the wash and destroyed it then bought a completely different throw blanket as a replacement and got mad when I didn't consider the result she pulled another prank this time with a fake positive pregnancy test and berated me for not being overjoyed because I immediately started panicking about the cost bringing up a child in our dysfunction and handling the stress rather than being excited I feel like she wanted me to be happy so that she could crush my joy and so was angry that I didn't play to her expectation that night she threatened me with a knife pointing it at me and saying she should just snip me right then since I didn't want to have kids with her and then held me as I sobbed because I went into a panic I didn't want her touching me but I didn't know what else to do but let her and do apologize to her another time she did something dangerous with the knife during a fight and said I clearly want her to commit s-word and didn't stop until I screamed at her begging her to stop sometimes when driving she'd start speeding and swerving or closing her eyes while on the highway and saying my fear meant I didn't trust her Nicole just kept getting worse by the day I remember waking up one morning with a moment of clarity I knew she would eventually kill me I was sleeping next to my murderer it still wasn't enough to push me away escaping her orbit seemed like too much more than I could handle everything I had in me was focused on just surviving day to day I never knew if she'd break up with me on a whim or pick a fight or be constantly pushing me closer to a panic attack all night or if she'd flip and be so sweet and caring I felt like every day was Russian roulette hour to hour every word I said or action I did or didn't do a chance to start a raging fight she tossed out my antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication one night and then during the resulting argument she made a big show of forgiving me for raising my voice I shouldn't have done that I have no excuse and then helping me call in an emergency refill for weeks after because I said I wanted to break up during the argument she would ask if I was going to try to run away every time that something went wrong take out order wrong I spilled a cup of water streaming service not working immediately no don't get your panties in a twist and run off and do I have to worry about you leaving me over this mistake too eventually that tapered off but maybe once a month during a fight she would tearfully go to our friends and ask them to mediate then during the meeting say that I kept threatening to leave her again over nothing and how scared she was of losing me when she didn't know what set me off more than a few times she showed me texts from them where her friends were saying how she deserved better and didn't need to put up with me but she'd tell me I don't listen to them because I love you anyway she'd slap me and push me during arguments I could never do anything right because even doing what she wanted without argument or not looking her in the eye could be enough to send her off the rails sometimes as a joke just in general one of our friends would pull out a pair of glasses and make a production of hiding the butter knife at dinner under the napkin it was humiliating but if I spoke up suddenly I was oversensitive and embarrassment no fun and I had to learn how to deal with adult friendships and jokes and they'd ask her how she could stand it as a result I didn't spend much time with them either usually Nicole would just go out with them and I'd stay home which was the most relaxing I've ever felt during that time except for when she started randomly coming home without any notice or timeline like saying she'd be home at 6 but then not coming back till midnight or early morning or saying she'd be gone until 10 and coming early back at 2 or 3 or randomly calling the house phone to make sure I was home and getting angry if she even thought I sounded breathless accusing me of having left she started hinting around that marriage would be the next logical step and I was insulting her by not having proposed yet then she bought an engagement ring with my credit card and started showing off to all her friends how perfect my choice was I didn't want to marry her I felt bad for not wanting to marry her I wanted us to be happy and maybe giving her the wedding she wanted would help I didn't want to marry her in all those months I never went to sleep feeling safe I lied awake in bed hyper aware of how close she was and tried to go over in my head if I had behaved well enough to keep her happy and what I could do to prevent another explosion in hindsight it's sickening how long I let this go on for in the moment it was just about all I could think to do I often woke up with nightmares which would in turn piss her off and set her off in a mood for the next day but if I suggested sleeping separately she would rage about how I was calling her a bad girlfriend slash fiance slash etc I started to keep a notebook at work and just writing shit down things she'd said or done incidents and what I'd done to set her off it helped me feel more sane and also more like a moron because I could read back on times she actually hurt me and I still hadn't left every time I thought about leaving I felt sick inside I'd lose every social contact I had I would have to find a new place to live I'd have to bar her from my workplace but they can't do anything without a restraining order and that itself felt like a hurdle too I dropped all my old friends in favor of her and felt like they refused to even talk to me again I was the idiot that led her back into my life and rekindled the relationship despite overwhelming feedback I was stupid enough to deserve every bit of what was happening and too dumb to deserve to escape after wasting my previous chances I was super depressed and had frequent fantasies of just committing s-word the worst part wasn't the anxiety and terror though it was when she was sweet and caring for example she always went all out for my birthday or anniversaries or Christmas with thoughtful gifts except for the year where she kicked me out for the evening after throwing some decorations at the wall because they stopped working for which she blamed me because I put them up she was sweet and gentle one day or even for a week or two only to slowly start ramping up the tension until she exploded yet again she had an uncanny ability to blame me me in ways that made me feel responsible for her emotions and for forcing her to react violently. When we drove out to visit my dad for Easter, things started to change. Dad was concerned about how quiet I'd become and that I hadn't come for Thanksgiving or Christmas or even called on New Year's Eve like I used to. That I looked tired, unhappy, and thin. Nicole was on her best behavior the whole time and even left her knives in the car. Even tried to get everyone to focus on the engagement ring, but dad still saw something was wrong. For three weeks after, he kept trying to contact me, but she wouldn't let me talk without her in the room and she checked my phone anytime she left me alone and checked the records online to see if I deleted my calls. Eventually, I managed to get a burner phone and hit it at work, which allowed me to talk to my dad. He flew over with my uncle and they helped me gather my stuff from her house. When Nicole started sobbing and begging me to stay, my uncle kept her from the kitchen knives and had his phone ready to call 911 if she tried to hurt us. When Nicole started to insist I was taking her stuff too, even though I was only taking things either I brought with me or I bought for her, I just let it go. She got to keep a few sentimental items of mine and the loss hurt me so much that I couldn't take the most important ones I was able to take. Like, I was able to get all of my documentation and cards out of her house. I didn't even bother with the ring. It was just money and she was already acting up. Uncle drove my car home while dad had me fly with him. I'm ashamed to admit that the months directly following the breakup were almost worse than the time I spent with her because I was out of survival mode and I couldn't force myself to function the way I used to. I felt like a parasite on my father. Unable to get my stuff together. Falling apart over nothing. Being so volatile it frightened me. I'm in therapy again. Sometimes I feel better. Like I can see a way forward. But then I feel like I'm back in the thick of it and I'll never go back to normal and I'm permanently broken. Worse, every time I cry or get triggered or have a flashback, I can still hear a voice in my head calling me, over-emotional and too sensitive. That I'd be fine by now if I just got over myself. That what I went through wasn't that bad. She sent mail to my dad's house for a while. Threatening letters and pleas for me to see reason and stop overreacting. Pictures of us that were sentimental. Guilt trips. At first, I couldn't get a restraining order right away against her because I moved. Something about the jurisdictions and courts. But when she sent those letters, it helped at least make sure she couldn't continue to contact me. I found my old laptop a while ago and it had the password repopulate. It wouldn't leave my mind. Especially when I read what people were saying. Right now, I'm just rambling to get my head straight. To be honest, but my DMs were full of people saying how the intimacy must be amazing. How stupid guys get when they want to stick their peepee in something. That I don't have balls or a backpack. I just need to man up. Basically everything I told myself to remind me of what I did to deserve being stuck with her. I don't know if I can muster the courage to address any responses to them, but I really just want to tie up this loose end in my life so maybe I can stop rehashing it mentally and finally move on. I might also give my therapist the notebook I kept of Nicole's abuse, but I haven't wanted to even look at it. There's still a box of stuff that I haven't opened up because it's all messed with my head so much. What I wish I knew at the start of all this was that any amount of genuine discomfort isn't an acceptable price in a relationship and you're allowed to stop giving them more chances even if they're trying and seem sorry. You're not obligated to help people change. Even if you love them. Even if they do slightly better. One user says, glad you got out OP. Wish you all the best and remember, it wasn't and isn't your fault. She used every trick she could. You survived and got out. That's a lot. I think there are support groups. Maybe worth looking into. Talk with the people who had similar experiences. Hope you'll find resources and support you need for recovery and will live happy life from now on. Best of wishes to you. And the OP responds and says, I appreciate that. It's hard to remember how to keep on sometimes. So thank you. And someone else says, hi there, OP. Thank you for updating us on your situation. I've often thought about you since your first post years ago. And genuinely, I am so incredibly sorry for everything you went through. Please know that what you were put through was not your fault in any way. Abuse is a real mind. F word. Excuse my language. And looking back from a place of freedom, your actions can seem odd even to yourself. But in those moments, you aren't entirely yourself. Of course, we can throw around what ifs after the response to your last post. And of course, I wish you hadn't had to go through the last few years the way you did. But what's most important is that right now, you are safe again. Your dad and your uncle are wonderful people who have shown you great support. And I can guarantee your father does not want to see you as a burden and is likely just happy that his child is safe. And I wish you all the best with your future and hope you find only healing and comfort in the years to come. Good luck with your therapy. Make sure to take all the time you need with it and do everything at a pace best suited for you. You are the priority. And I hope it all works out for you. Well done on getting away from her. I'm so proud of you. And the OP responds and says, it's hard to feel proud because I'm still messed up. I feel like it's been too long for me to feel this way still. Thank you, nonetheless. And this is the last we have ever heard from the OP. And hopefully the OP is doing better now. And man, that ex-girlfriend of his was a complete psychopath. I mean, who plays around with knives like that? And who, you know, intentionally tries to make someone scared and re-trigger their past traumas? I mean, this lady was a complete psychopath. And I'm so proud of her. And the OP is honestly lucky he didn't get hurt or honestly killed because this girl seems completely off her rocker and a danger to everyone around her. So hopefully she gets the help she needs. But for now, it's good that the OP is away from her. And hopefully she doesn't, you know, get back in contact with him. And hopefully the OP doesn't, you know, go back to her like he did prior. But I guess we'll have to see. But comment down below your thoughts. I'm curious. I'm curious to see what you guys have to think about this. And on to the next one. I've been spending time with a good friend more recently, but I think he's only doing it so he can look at my daughter. The last few months, I've been chatting to a friend more regularly than previously. We've been friends for over a decade and we used to be really close, but we slowly drifted apart. I should probably mention that we are both married. I'm not sure if I'm right or wrong, but we've been friends for over a decade and we're both men in our 40s. It's been great catching up with him. And honestly, I really needed a friend. So it's just been great. He's got a long-term girlfriend and two children. A couple of months ago, we visited his house for the first time. He recently moved and we weren't speaking much before that. Just an occasional comment on Facebook. And me, my son, and 20-year-old daughter spent a few hours honestly just chatting about nothing, but in a good way, you know. While we were there, I noticed that he kept looking at my daughter out of the corner of his eye. I never really caught him fully looking, so I thought nothing of it, especially as he has known my kids for over a decade. I didn't mention it to my daughter as I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable if it was nothing. A couple of years later, I saw him again. He kept talking to my daughter and not really to me, which is fine, but it just seemed odd when my daughter has really bad anxiety and she can't really hold a conversation and she makes it clear when she's uncomfortable talking. He just seemed to keep looking at her and talking, even if he was talking to me. He would just look at her. The final straw was last week. We visited them and we've been having a heatwake, so we are all dressed in as minimal as possible. My daughter in a thin pair of skorts and a t-shirt, my son in a pair of athletic shorts and a gym top, and me in a polo shirt and white chino shorts. Nothing unusual, just basic summer wear. When we were in conversation, he would look at my daughter. When anyone told the joke, he would smirk a little or give a small laugh depending, but if my daughter told something, mildly funny he would really laugh to the point that even she would look awkward he kept dropping out of conversation and just staring at her i think she noticed it as well because she started to lean back in her chair to try to cover herself even though she was fine she looked uncomfortable then when the sun sets she put on a thick jacket and zipped it up i don't know if he's just trying to be friendly and he doesn't know how to act or if he's only inviting us around to stare at her and if so then i don't know what to do yes she is 20 but she's still my little girl and this man watched her grow up it just seems strange i don't know if i should say something or just don't go around there again either way i think it's the end of the friendship which is a shame but oh well and now let's get into some of the top comments one user says trust your gut it sounds like this guy is all the wrong reasons also who just stares at someone like that as the whole situation seems creepy and way out of line definitely best to keep your kids safe around this guy and cut off contact at least that's what i would do another user says even if you want to say it's no big deal it looks like it's a deal to your daughter and she always comes first you know what to do and someone else says why not hang out with your friends without your kids if he has no interest in that then he's not a good person to hang out with he's not a good person to hang out with then you know his intentions also ask your daughter if he has tried contacting her on social media and then the op gives us an update two days later and let's get into it it reads updates from my last post i spoke to my daughter about the whole thing and wanted to know what she thought about it all because i didn't want to say anything if she didn't think it was odd she told me that after the first time we saw him a few months ago he had appeared outside our work after she finished her shift and asked if she wanted a lift home instead of getting the bus she said that since he was a good friend of mine she trusted him and got in his car on the ride home he repeatedly touched her leg and started talking about how much she's changed since he saw her last before we all met up and how much of an adult she looks now he told her she's growing into her body and she's growing into her body and she's growing into her body and she's growing into her body and she's growing into her body and she's growing into her body quote like a good girl my daughter said that she would walk the rest of the way home because she didn't want to put him out too much but he insisted on driving her all the way she said she kept moving away from him but he was leaning to touch her knees she said that at a red light not long before the house he gave her his mobile number and texted himself from her phone and told her to call him if she wanted a lift or anything else then when she got home she went to leave the car but he grabbed her arm and asked her where his hug and kiss goodbye was not a new thing he gives us all a hug every time and when she leaned in he held her tight and whispered that she should call him in the last few months since then he has repeatedly been sending her explicit texts and images and waiting outside her work asking her if she would leave the car and if she would leave the car and if she would leave the car and if she would like a lift home even though every time she's said no she said she didn't want to say anything because she didn't want to upset me as he was the only friend i had i feel sick thinking about this this is my daughter she's 20 but she's still my little girl and i feel like i have put her in danger i have messaged him asking him to stop contacting my family and i've sent him the screenshots from her phone and i've sent him the screenshots from her phone and i've sent him the as reasons why but he is messaging me asking me why when she's an adult and the only sleazy thing she's done is cheating on his girlfriend as my daughter never physically said the word stopped she just ignored him i'm so angry at him and myself edit i'd like to say thanks to everyone for the advice also i've been getting a lot of mom comments and although i appreciate the sentiment very much i am her dad unfortunately her mom passed away quite a few years ago but i really appreciate that everyone thought i was her mom it really is the biggest compliment to me i must be doing something right we went and spoke to our local police and they couldn't really help us as she had willingly gotten into his car they did say that as we have spoken to him already they could keep a file open and if it continues then they would be able to take action honestly it seems that they don't really care about it at all which is alarming and upsetting we sent these screenshots and an explanation to his girlfriend and we've had some missed calls from him but that's not our problem we've blocked him on everything and have completely removed him from every social media my daughter has spoken to her work and they have said that until she is able to find another job they will ensure that at least one other staff member will wait with her for the bus and i will be meeting her at the first stop in our town to take care of her and i will be meeting her at the first stop in our town to take care of her and i will be meeting her at the first stop in our town directly home on days i'm not working and on days i am then her grandparents will be picking her up she is safe i also had a lot of comments suggesting i get violent with this man although i do appreciate that a lot of people would be choosing the other route of resolving the problem face to face i'm not like that i would like to be i would like to say that there's no problem i couldn't solve that way but that's simply not me it doesn't make me a bad dad either i found another way to solve the problem and make sure my daughter is safe and comfortable thank you all for your help and advice it's nice to find some support through the internet sometimes and now let's get into some of the top comments one user says it's not your fault but you need to have a sit down and talk through the socialization for women to be nice and how to get past that mental block this is something a lot of us go through and it puts us in really awful situations help her understand that her safety is the most important thing she doesn't have to be nice or put up with things like this there's probably some very eloquent people who can speak to this topic on youtube it's not me but i want to make sure she knows she doesn't have to take this shit for the rest of her life even with the anxiety and desire not to rock any boats and the op responds and says i've told her many times growing up that if she doesn't feel comfortable doing something no matter what she's going to do it's not her fault she's going to say what it is then she needs to say that it doesn't matter if it upsets someone or offends someone all that matters is that she is safe and comfortable i'm hoping that she will be like this from now on and i just hope that she knows i'm here for her no matter what and then another user says get her a weapon and the op says we are in the uk so she's legally not allowed any weapons including pepper spray the only thing she's allowed is an alarm which she already had anyway we are looking into some objects which can be carried around legally or discreetly currently we are looking into a key ring which is like a long sharpened stick though there's not many places willing to ship them to us i'm so very sorry to hear what you've been through and i wish you well throughout your life and then we have never heard from the op ever again so i don't know if the op's uh ex friend ended up going to jail or getting in more trouble but i just hope that the op's daughter and the op are able to remain safe from this creep that the op once called his friend my 41 female partner of two years 44 male is adamant i am cheating on him i am not help just a bit of context we've been together for two years he has two kids i'm one kid irrelevant to the story we live apart i bought a home a few months before we started dating and are together only when our kids are with their other parent he's the guy that has treated me the best of all my relationships and i love him dearly i'm a chronically anxious and stressed person and he's absolutely my piece but today he sucker punched me with this he's that i am cheating on him the reason he suddenly started thinking this is because two days ago i wanted to show him something on my phone there was an irrelevant tab opened my hotmail account that is full of spam had this account for the past 24 years but mostly used my gmail he saw quickly in passing that there was a folder with a man's name let's say james i don't remember the touch did it in 15 years no idea why it exists it was probably useful at some point but no idea well now he's convinced that number one i closed the tab too quick number two i was acting weird and nervous and suspicious and number three this means i have cheated or i am actively cheating that's his perspective now on to the actual truth i am absolutely Absolutely not cheating. on him. He is the man of my dreams, love of my life. I have never ever given him a reason to even suspect I'm cheating. I spent one entire week with him at his place, never hid my phone or anything like that. When I'm at my house, it means I'm with my kiddo and my time is 100% devoted to her. I also work a lot. There is not a single second in my life where I would have time to devote to any other person, even through email. I spend my downtime at home being with kiddo and the cat, watching YouTube videos. I send him a lot of pictures of me chilling with my cat as well and we have a constant communication going. I'm very chatty through text. Anyways, at first I was super pissed and also confused because why on earth would you not trust me? What is happening? No matter what I say, he's not going to believe me. I'm not going to believe him. He says I don't make sense whatsoever and he's just adding 1 plus 1 into him. The answer is 2. I keep telling him that he's the one not making any sense. We're back and forth on the texting. He doesn't even want to speak over the phone or come over to talk about it. I've sent him numerous screenshots of my email with unopened emails that go back more than a year. I've sent screenshots of me typing the keyword James in the email and nothing coming up. I've shown him the completely empty sent folder, which to me is weird. I've sent numerous emails over the years. Why is it empty? And I've also given him the login and password so he can look for himself. I have accumulated a lot of junk in that email over the many years I've had it, but rarely use it now. It is just a receptacle of all my Amazon orders, my McDonald's app receipts, and various spam emails. I'm pissed that he doesn't trust me. He says he needs time to think. I'm stuck in a loop of pissed, confused, and sad. What's going on? Help. One user says, Is this incredibly out of character for him? Or has he always been a bit jealous and suspicious? Could he be the one cheating and projecting? And the OP responds and says, This is wildly out of character. I am unsure if he would be projecting his own cheating. Anything is really possible, but I would hope not. I don't believe so. His high libido and we have intimacy daily when we're together, which is every other week, except when one of us is sick. I give him everything he needs in that department and all the other departments as well. We take good care of each other typically. Another commenter says, I hear so many stories about stuff like this happening on Reddit. I feel like most people would say he's projecting and he's the one cheating and just try to push the blame on you. You're the only one outside of him who truly knows this relationship. Has there been anything else going on in the relationship as of late? And the OP responds and says, Nothing. Everything is fine. We are great. We have excellent communication. We talk through things. Never had a fight. Never scream at each other. We're very loving physically, but we can also coexist quietly in the same space doing our own thing. It's truly, truly amazing typically. This is completely bonkers to me right now. I told him I understand where he was coming from, and I am willing to work through this with him. He has full access to everything he ever wants, whenever he wants. I have shown myself to be trustworthy to a fault. When I say haven't touched, I'm not sure if it's a translation thing. I just mean I have not used it as my primary email in a very long time, and the email is only used as an inbox for receipts and useless crap. And then we get an update four days later, and the OP said it best themselves. This one does not end well. Let's get into the update. The OP says, So it did not end well. After 48 hours of back and forth through texting, because he refused to even speak to me over the phone or face-to-face, I was able to get back to work. I was able to get back to work. I was able to get to work. And me giving him my password so he can go check for himself that nothing was messy, he still wouldn't back down. At this point, his behavior was concerning, and I thought he may have a mental episode going on. It was getting to be too much. He was texting me at all hours of the night trying to make sense of something that doesn't make sense in the first place. So I blocked him. When he realized that he sent me emails at my work email asking me to check my hotmail, which had nothing different in it. When I blocked his email, he decided to message my best friend and telling her, if I can't talk to her, I'll go through you instead. My friend has literally nothing to do whatsoever with this whole thing. She never replied and is sticking with me because she's also seen how crazy he is acting. So I thought that was that. Yesterday at work, I was visibly sad and distressed, and my whole team hugged me, offered support, and I had lunch with my other friend and colleague. So the day goes by, and I get off of work at 4. I am walking to my car in the parking lot, flanked by two colleagues, and I'm kind of explaining the whole story. They go to one of the girls' cars because they carpool. I walk towards my own car, which is parked two rows away. I hear a loud man's voice behind me. I turned around, and it's him. He's walking very quickly towards me, and still talking nonsense about emails. I hold my hand, and say, "I'm not doing this with you right now," all the while calculating whether I'm safe to go to my car or not. He was screaming at me that I was a horrible person. I've never seen him act like this before at all. A little energy pushed me to turn around and go to my colleague's car. At this point, I'm shaking and scared. I enter her car and start hyperventilating. They're like, "We'll drive you home." He was about six feet from the car, hate in his eyes, motioning me to get out of the car. We drove off. I kept apologizing to them, crying and looking behind us the whole trip to make sure he wasn't following us. When I came home, my mother was there. I broke down, and she called the cops. A nice officer told me over the phone, "I got nothing else going on right now. You're my priority, and I'm coming to you as soon as I can." He came to my home, took my deposition, was extremely patient and understanding, explained everything that he was going to do after. My ex was placed under arrest for criminal harassment with certain conditions to follow. Not sure about the legal terms here, but they did not handcuff him or take him to jail. It was just a verbal thing, and he will probably be summoned in court at a later date. I have a good network of people who care, and I believe I am safe. Thanks, everybody. One user says, "The one piece of advice I will offer. People like this often ignore the police because they are no longer living in our reality. Been there. Just because they have mental health issues, clearly here. It doesn't mean you have to feel one ounce of sympathy or guilt because whatever is going on. It's destroyed any chance of them being allowed in your life anymore. You may well get guilt slash sympathy pangs, and you should grab them by the collar and throw them out on their ass the moment they enter your head. The only way to mentally deal with stalky exes is to literally stop caring about them at all. As then, the only decisions you will make will be around your own safety." And the OP replies and says, Thank you. I needed to hear this. I am angry at him, but sometimes during the day, I have small bouts of things like, did I overreact? Am I being too harsh with having him arrested? And I have huge regrets about what I did. I am angry at him, but sometimes during the day, I have huge regrets about what I did. But then I realize, hey, the actual officer of the law told me he had enough motive to literally arrest him. So, I'm doing the right thing. Another commenter says, Reminds me of an episode of ER, I think. And the person acting irrationally ended up having a brain tumor. And the OP responds and says, Yep, some tumors can change a person's personality drastically. Sadly, this is not the case here. He's a drug addict. He's a drug addict. He's a drug addict. And uses multiple times a day. Which leads me to think that's where his little mental episode stemmed from. And another user says, Stay safe, OP. Change passwords, monitor bank details and credit. Limit your visibility across social media to friends and maybe consider asking friends not to tag you when out for a reasonable period of time. This will limit his ability to bump into you unexpectedly. Unfortunately, the police can be quite slow to act on these cases. So, do look after yourself by taking reasonable legal precautions. Continue to document any unwanted interactions and report them to the police. And then the OP makes a mini-update on the same post a few hours later. And this reads, I just had a two-hour conversation with his ex. Let's call her Jess. Not the mother of his kids, but the girl he dated between the kid's mother and me. A very interesting conversation. She has lived exactly the same the same situation as me, minus the calling of cops. She told me he was ultra controlling, physically and verbally abusive to his two sons, a bad drug habit, an unhealthy slash borderline inappropriate relationship with the mother of his children, and he was psychologically and SA towards Jess. She told me he used to put her on a pedestal, same as me, but he had a lot of behavioral problems that I've noticed but chose to ignore just because I loved him so much. I hope he gets the help he needs. And then the OP makes another mini update the next day, and it reads, he's following me, saw him twice today where he shouldn't have been, documented that to the police station. They are super nice and understanding. Thank God. Then the OP makes another update that says, so far so good, nothing worthy to mention since the second update. I have many, many people in the hospital I work at offer to walk me to the conference. I am never alone. I am actually safer at work than at home. Everyone has been wonderful. And this ended up being the last post we have ever received from the OP, and I just really hope that this guy left her alone. I mean, this guy is completely psychotic, delusional, and unhinged. I mean, he obviously has a drug problem, so he might not be in the best state of mind. And so hopefully he was, you know, arrested or the. OP got a restraining order in place and got this guy to get away from her because this guy could be dangerous. And yeah, we never got an update again, so we don't know what ended up happening. But yeah, hopefully the OP is doing all right. And all right, guys, that wraps up some deranged true Reddit threads. I really hope you enjoyed today's video. If you did, please leave a like down below and subscribe to the channel. And would you like to see more of my face? My face? Just in the intro, I'm trying to get down how to film it right, how to get the editing right. You know, I'm new to cameras. I'm pretty decent with the microphone now and talking with the microphone. But if I introduce the cameras, it'll be a little bit of a work in progress for the time being. But would you even like to see more of my face in the future? If so, comment down below. I appreciate you guys watching. You guys are the best. And just like I said, thank you so much for watching. It truly does mean the world. And yeah, if you enjoyed this video, I'm sure you will. You will enjoy some other videos on the channel. So go check out some other videos on the channel. And yeah, that wraps up today's video. So this was Snook, and I'll see you next time. Bye.