Der Schlüssel zu wahrer Intimität - Emotionale Ehrlichkeit

When we start to be honest, to start, to breathe, that's not nice. We listen to, to play, to play, we start to feel, and not necessarily just to explain. Honesty, and I know, sometimes it's the hardest, it's like that, because actually it's supposed to be so beautiful to be yourself. Honesty brings us back to now, in our body, always take your body with you, bring you back to the truth that you don't need proof. Then you allow yourself to say "I must be honest, I must be real, and I must show myself". And then maybe here, sometime, and there, the right moment comes, then I say "not to explain something, but to free myself, it's basically all about myself". So, friends of the night, that's a very special episode. If I'm taking you right now to the "Gunstik-Salon" with me in Portugal, in Ericera, where there were two sweet, snuggly Frenchies who had breakfast and when they felt it, they just left the hall. So that I can be here with you as a team. And I'm really looking forward to the new episode. If you're there for the first time today, then we'll come, we'll come, we'll come to the podcast. Because you love, because you love, that's what I mean. My name is Lara Schaffer and there's so much to tell. From the bottom of my heart, about emotional honesty, about why we're actually here and what does it mean to speak the truth. I'm doing a lot with Lomo right now, with my company, and I'm constantly changing. And now he just started the haps. And we're in the past week, because you haven't heard of the podcast yet, generally. That's where the polarities came from. Especially in your partnership, but also in other relationships, also in friendships between siblings. To understand why we're sometimes turning to each other and sometimes not. Or where do I live a polarity in myself? Not at all. And it's either a male part that would actually do well to set a limit. Or I don't live a female part in me that would actually do well to let my feelings out. To let emotions out there and to let tears flow when they want to be filled. But today, of course, it's going back to my personal topic again. And by the way, I hope it's not so bad that you still hear the whole thing here. Today it's about emotional honesty and the true conclusions. So, intimacy, what's actually intimate? My goal is today. To take part in this experience of intimacy, not being alone through love. But through authenticity and authenticity, sometimes it can be really difficult. And the emotional honesty, the way it is, to really show yourself. And I'm really showing myself right now. I'm showing myself in the early stages. I'm showing myself in the early stages. I'm showing myself in the early stages. And yes, I'm personally, especially through a very exciting, very outstanding and growing time in my relationship where it was about absolute honesty. And I can tell you here, because in the beginning we were always at the top. So it was kind of a nice change, I have to say. That both of us have let us get closer together than ever. And if that's what you take with you from the story, then it's wonderful, wonderful. I showed myself so honestly. I went over my limits, over my usual limits that were there. That's where you grow, isn't it? If we allow ourselves to look there, where we thought, "No, I can't do that. I can't do that." And if we then look behind, at that moment, if we look up at the horizon and look at our feet and say, "Wow, maybe, maybe you can see me at the mountain." Then it happened, wonderful, then we grow. And then we come back to the new mountains, of course, because that's life. That doesn't stop you. And I had previously thought that I could be so honest in the partnership. That sounds a bit strange now, but... I tried to take you in there, to be more private. And I know I'm an open book anyway. But there are only two of us here. And maybe even three people. Because what if you have an open heart and you suddenly get attracted to other people? And you know, I love this one person. I want to spend my life with him. I think my heart is so open, and it's so close to this contact and that to communicate and to say, "I love you, but I love myself so much that I have to tell you that my heart is also open to others, to someone else. And even if that could mean that you leave me because your own limits, the capacities of your heart, I have to tell the truth to myself so that I can be honest and happy in the relationship." Wow, and it was such a process. And I feel so connected and beautiful with myself now. My partner and I were so honest and transparent with our inner world, with our feelings, with our communication. And I think that made it so much easier for us to go through this time and to take a hand and go through this walk, to help us over the stones that were before us. Because I don't think there are opportunities where there are challenges. And these challenges then with honesty run through. That means I talk about what causes chaos in me. I talk about what makes me uncomfortable and uncomfortable. And you know, I always work with my body together. And as soon as you notice, I tell my chest to be together because I want to start a topic that I don't want to talk about. Then I make room for it. And I tell you again, it will be for you. And it will also be for your partner or for your best friend. It will also be for you and your friends. There are issues that you have to talk about. You have to get out of fear of bullying, out of fear of wanting to disappoint people and then stand there alone. But you don't do that because you are honest with yourself and you know how to attract new people who appreciate that you are honest with yourself. And to be honest, we don't want to be together with people who can only accept part of us and the other part and then say, "No, not yet." Yes, we are already in the middle of it. And let's take a short reverse engineering and talk about what emotional honesty actually means. There are two words in it. Emotions. Emotions are as present as nothing else. They are present at the moment. And I think it's important to know what it's all about, what I'm actually talking about here. It can be important to let your emotions sink once, and see what's actually behind it. What you can do with me, what you can talk about, what is your inner experience. And that doesn't mean that you have to be honest, that you have to talk about all thoughts. But like I just mentioned, that you are pushing your inner life outwards. What do you feel? What do you need and what do you feel? And that sometimes also means to have the courage to make the invisible invisible to you. To make the invisible invisible to you. And that's where I start myself. Maybe you know that we can't really meet ourselves. We can. How often do we lie to ourselves or think about ourselves because we don't want to confront ourselves with it. Because it's almost like a shame. But that can also be a fear of abandonment, even if you abandon yourself or also of loss, that there is a fear of loss behind it. And let's take the emotional honesty to the intimacy. Because how do we connect the honest and the intimacy? And there is something really nice about it. Oh, I don't know where I've read it before. Intimacy in English means Intimacy, so intimacy. And it's hidden in there. Intimacy. Someone can see you. The formulation of intimacy, so intimacy, it's not a real translation. It's more like a poetic translation. And that it's so beautiful, it means so much to me. She in me, no. She recognizes me from within. And I think that's a beautiful sentence. She recognizes me from within. I will read you a poem in the course of the podcast. What goes a little in the direction. And you can take touch with it. And back to intimacy. Being intimate is also something to be seen. Really. And naked in the soul. It's almost like you take a step back when you hear it. Really. Naked in the soul. And that means you need trust. And sometimes it arises, that's the paradox, trust arises first when we take ourselves out of it. When we take ourselves out of the adventure, can we trust or will we be disappointed? When we open ourselves before trust is there, when trust arises after trust. It's not the physical proximity to trust. It's more a kind of energetic openness. From psychology we can also say that distance, the contrast of intimacy and distance, is always there where fear is in the control. And I've already told you, that fear is nothing bad. It's more about changing the mood and being there for yourself. And I can tell you this a hundred times, but in the end you have the experience to really take the fear with you. You can take me with you in your thoughts. I'm there, I'm with you in your background. And then it's about who is left behind in the control. When the fear is in the control, you can see, we protect ourselves, because maybe we've experienced that the proximity can hurt, that it can be dangerous to open yourself. But what happens then? Then we develop strategies. Some pull themselves back. That's the avoidance side in us. That's this part of love for security, if I pull myself back alone, then nothing can happen to me, then I can't get hurt. Then there's another strategy, a psychology, which I also call clamor. That's the fear side, which tries to hold on to love, because she feels lost without it. But both pull back and clamor are basically the expression of the same fear. The fear of not being held in what we really are. I repeat that again for you. It's the fear of not being held in what we really are. And in that moment, when that happens, we're not ourselves. And that's so exhausting, not just for the nervous system. It's exhausting for the mind, for your body. Your body pulls itself together. Maybe it lends itself, maybe it stays in breath, maybe it lends itself, maybe it stays in breath. You know, you're experiencing it right now, even when you're listening, that you're going to feel with me how it is not to be yourself. Because the fear is so big, before suffering, before injuries, before being alone, that you're directly in it. Emotional honesty is, from my opinion, from my perspective, the only way to break this circle. And it starts with you. To be honest, "Okay, I'm feeling alone right now." "Okay, I'm feeling really bad right now." "Okay, I'm not feeling great right now the way I feel, the way I behave." It irritates me to sit down with it and to be. Or to be honest with it, I feel alone and I'm looking for people who see me and love me as I am. So again, emotional honesty changes and stops this circle. When you get back in, there's always a new encounter, there's always hope. But it doesn't happen if you don't start. To be honest, I'm kind of afraid of the encounter and that's what happens to me. And then you get the opportunity to catch up with it. Because what we say because when we weigh to talk about what's in us, what we can't stop, then we open a door not only to the other person but above all to ourselves. At that moment, when you're not honest, healing begins. The nervous system is relaxed, energy can flow again. The heart was closed for so long begins to breathe step by step, not at once. These are always encounters. I'm missing something right now, let's say, from the yoga. And it's Shiva. Shiva is the consciousness and Shakti is the energy to encounter each other. Yes, again. Shiva is the consciousness and Shakti, the energy and Shakti, the energy to encounter each other. From the spiritual point of view or from the yogic perspective you could describe it as intimacy. We have Shiva and Shakti and intimacy is the moment when Shiva, the consciousness and Shakti, the energy encounter each other. You see the consciousness you see the consciousness and feel the energy and in this association the truth is shared. Truth is not a threat to life but its deepest form. It is the moment in which I stop to defend myself and the heart begins to live. Truth is not a threat even if it feels like that sometimes. It is as if the heart begins to open and that is life. And now that we are at the heart I will read the poem that I wrote tomorrow after my meditation. And that is also very personal because I felt like that in my experience that I was allowed to do recently and that allowed me to grow. I can promise you that I would never have such a close to my partner. I don't want to lose you I don't want to feel you I don't want to lose you I don't want to feel you I don't want to be afraid in the distance I don't want to be behind words I don't want to be behind words I don't want to be behind words I don't want to feel you there where you are dead where you believe you have to be strong where you don't even hear yourself where you don't hear yourself I don't want to hold you just see how you fall into a heart how you remember that love is not a possession but a recognition I don't want to convince you not to be right, not to be sure I want to be true even if it hurts even if you see me then maybe you will continue I don't want to lose you I don't want to lose you I don't want to feel you in this place in the truth in this room where love has no goal but is simple and through us it will continue Yes, this is my gift for you, for me for all of us if you have any topic any feeling that can't open what can't get out then maybe listen to this poem again and see in it like a seabird who supports you to trust to trust your inner strength so that you can always always feel content and grow out of it Yes and when we get to the end of this episode I would like to tell you what emotional honesty actually changes because when you start to be honest with yourself and with the people you love then the quality of the closeness changes No, maybe it was already there but the quality gets bigger suddenly it gets quieter quieter, not so perfect but more real and conflicts are not like night fights anymore but maybe it makes the word "heal room" more like a sea floor when we then start to be honest start to breathe is not nice keep on playing we start to feel and not necessarily just to explain honesty and I know it's sometimes the hardest it's such a thing because because actually it should be so beautiful to be yourself honesty brings us back in our body always take your body with you bring you back to the truth that you don't need any proof and that's exercise because and that's the core message that I want to share with you today that my perspective starts with emotional honesty not in a conversation but in a feeling I had to feel it for a long time what's going on in me? why am I looking for contact with other people? what's missing? am I out of my lack? what's my vision behind it? that I had founded that was probably needed for three months and at first when I had clarity about myself I could turn it outside because otherwise the chaos goes outside what I did before and that's what I want to get for myself and to give the other one security I'm with you and I love you and I will be honest in this process with you that's why I'm talking to you but to be honest I have to allow myself to hear what's there and where it comes from and what it needs and what it wants and maybe that's an inspiration you have to talk about it or to express a need that can also be a need what you want for both of you and that brings a huge closeness it can also mean intimacy that's what I mean to be really intimate, to be honest to be close and if you notice the next time that you're locked up because you want to protect yourself or you're afraid that something is wrong open and feel in the point where you hold on maybe it's in your body put your hand there and ask yourself what is it really was in the sea you can do it now, we have a sphere put your hand on a body and ask yourself what's going on with you what do you need and then it's not about what you need to say what's not expected but what really feels alive and maybe eventually and if you express yourself then do it slowly and honestly and without guilt and guilt feelings and without a demand or something to come back just as an expression of your inner experience and yes, sometimes it's not the right word the closeness but the vibration of a authenticity that's also what Chatchity Beauty really differentiates people it's not about talking about the perfect sentence or writing the perfect poem but what energy you have with it what authenticity the other feels and I think that's a gift for Chatchity or K.I. in general because people see themselves even more after humanity after us and that's such a gift and now I have a small heart for you if you like, close your eyes because you're sitting in the car please don't, sink in your breathing and still be aware with the outside and start to breathe deeply through your nose ah, then release over the open mouth and your heartbeat just as it is when it's possible and remember for the moment, to a person who you are close to a person who lays you on your heart quietly if there is something that you hold back something that has remained unspoken maybe you're afraid to get hurt maybe you're afraid of ablution maybe but don't get out of fear what you're sending maybe it's even "hey, I love you" "I really must be" "don't show me" and when maybe here, sometime and there the right moment comes then speak not to declare something but to free yourself it's all about yourself honesty is not a risk it's love in motion oh, that's good, isn't it? honesty is not a risk it's love in motion it's the moment in which you touch yourself and then what do you touch the whole world yes, and I think that's a nice ending word I thank you so much and if this episode has touched you then I'll save it for you share it with someone who might be more important who might also be at the point to express his truth and you know, if you're more honest about your inner work and want to experience body love then yes, do contact me and work with me, be it on mentoring, or on instagram @LaraMadeBy I'm definitely there for you again, the last call there are two more places for a training in winter where it's all about about your body, your truth the training starts on the 27th of November first online then in person in one of the most beautiful places near Brandenburg in Astrea Eco Resort and then in January again in the integration week and then I accompany you for half a year over a sadhana practice we'll see how the process goes how your body works your soul helps and your life and I'm just looking forward to an unforgettable, transforming time thank you for being here and thank you for acknowledging a great, beautiful responsibility thank you because you love your Lara