David Cross 2.0

This episode is sponsored by Helix Sleep. If you go to helixsleep.com, you take their sleep quiz. It takes like a minute. Are you a back sleeper? Are you a back or side sleeper? Side. Same? Funny you ask, okay? Thanks. Because I used to be a side sleeper all my life, but the last three weeks, both my sides hurt. I forced to sleep on my back, and I never could, and I'm doing it now. And the only reason I'm doing it now is because I'm on a Helix mattress. Also, I've told you about this. Are you putting a pillow under your legs? No. I'm telling you, Dad. Put pillows under your legs. It puts pressure off your lower back. I love Helix mattresses. They will mail the mattress to you. Aunt Lauren has one. Right. Teddy got one. Teddy got one. We got one here and in the guest room. We got one here and the guest room. People are loving their Helix. Mark, if you want to try one at your place, you get a 120-day money-back guarantee. Go to helixsleep.com slash TISO for 20% off site-wide. 20% site-wide. That's helixsleep.com slash TISO. helixsleep.com slash TISO for 20% off site-wide. You know what I mean. What's the site? Do it. Helix Sleep. Helixsleep.com slash TISO for 20% off the site. All right. Woke up a little early. Didn't shower. Got some pizza stain on my sweatshirt. Boy, are my arms tired. Let's get this thing started. Scoop-Doo. Blubbity-Blu. Scoop-Dee. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Get to potty? The dog. Yeah, that way it helps. Oh, you're getting a bit of shit. You can go there. Okay. Boy, nothing's changed, huh? What's that? I said nothing's really changed. They're all the same, man. It's like when you go home to your parents' house and they still have all your Ray Finkel posters on. You're very old school, but it's like. What does that mean? Because when a lady is there, you stand until she sits. I feel like you were waiting for me. Um, well, that's just the, uh. Actually, I learned that that's how, uh. Oh, hello. Please. Don't mind if I do it. Ready? Sorry, you didn't know that he was throwing on top of something you couldn't get. Oh. Focus you up, Mr. Cross. Mr. Cross, the way it's set right now, you look like a little boy because it's so low and you have, like, a cap on. Right. All right, ladies, just get started without me. I'll be up in a little bit. Oh, you have a maid service? Uh, yeah. Yeah. Um, well, that's nice you help them out. Um, by maid service, you mean girls that made me, um, keep my house clean? Uh, I suppose you could do that if you wanted. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's a different spelling, but yeah. M-A-I-D-E? M-A-D-E? You're 100% correct. What is it. You know, a lot of people talk about how, like, there's that song from the 90s or early 2000s, Minuteman, where, like, they ejaculate quickly. I don't know that song. Minuteman. Oh, no, that's a 50 Cent song. I think there's something about when guys come really quick. I was thinking of the drink Minutemade, but it's spelled different. Right. Right. So I don't remember what got you into comedy. You don't remember? No. From the last time. You gotta watch your podcast over and over and over again. I don't think we talked about it, dude. Oh, I don't know. I do remember. The earthquake. The earthquake. Ridley, the earthquake. Would you do an ad for ibuprofen? Sure. I use it. It works. Do you want to. Because they follow me. I don't know if they're watching this episode. Hey, folks. David Cross here of The Good People at Ibuprofen. Okay. What the fuck is that? Earthquake. Big one. Whoa. Wow. It's still going. It's still going. This stuff works. Yeah, that was fun. Because I remember both of us going, just stopping, going, what? And, you know, having lived here for nine plus years, plus all the other times I've come back for work. You know, you experience a lot of those things, and a couple big ones, but you never know for the first three seconds. Right. Like, is this the big one? Or, oh, no, it's not. Thankfully. Also. Because I do so much editing on this, there were a fair amount of comments that said that it wasn't really an earthquake, and I thought we were doing a bit. No, that was not a bit, folks. That was a real. I guess you can't really tell. I mean, it could look like a bit, but that bit wouldn't be very funny. Well, I guess you haven't done your research. My podcast isn't really the funniest podcast, but it. What was that? Did an angel get its wings? What happened there? Oh. I have an idea. I guess I did. I think we have ourselves a camera. We have a camera operator. Oh, okay. Come on in. Door's unlocked. Yeah. So, I mean, I guess we could. Like, do we. Now, do we wait? Because we know someone's about to walk in. It's fine. Let them walk in. Oh, is it not opening? This is what I do every morning. And right now, Momentos is offering our listeners up to 35% off your first order with promo code TISO. Head to livemomentos.com. And use promo code TISO for up to 35% off your first order. That's livemomentous.com. Promo code TISO. The cinnamon fiber is fantastic. Oh. Okay. Start your business today with the industry's best business partner, Shopify. And start hearing cha-ching. Right away. Sign up for your $1 per month trial at shopify.com slash TISO. That's shopify.com slash TISO. Ricky goes out on the road, you know, and does stand-up all over the country. I know that. Well, do you know where he's going to be this week or next week? No. Why don't you ask him? Where are you going to be? Have you been there the whole time? Yes, she has. And if you want to know where I've been the whole time, you can go to punchup.live slash Rick Glassman to find out. Next weekend, the end of this month, I'm going to be in Houston, Texas. I-A-H is the airport code. Grandma, at the end of April, I'm going to be in Austin, Texas. And the next weekend, I'm going to come visit you in Cleveland, May 1st and 2nd, where we're also going to probably go see Devil Wears Prada 2. The next weekend, I'll be in Irving, Texas. You know where that is, Grandma? No. Yes, you do. It's very close to Dad Teller. The Cowboys. Oh, the Cowboys. Oh, I love the Cowboys. What city are the Cowboys from? Dallas. Cowboys. There we go. Then, I'm going to take the summer off. I'll probably go to Montreal to do some shows. I might go to Scotland. I might go to Amsterdam. I might go to London. And in September, I'm going to be in Portland, Oregon, Eugene, Oregon, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and I got more shows coming up. St. Louis, Seattle, Spokane. I'm still trying to figure it out. But if you want to know when I'm coming to your city, I could email you. Just go to punchup.live slash Rick Glassman and sign up for my email list. I'm just going to email. I'm going to email you if I'm coming within 50 miles of your city. Or if you're a grandma, I'll give you a phone call. Very good. I need that phone call. She needs that phone call. Get on the road. You need to sign up for my email list. Get to Irvine. Get to Cleveland. Do it. See this guy and buy some merch. He's fabulous. Is he funny? Yes, he's very funny. Is he dirty? A little bit. He's my grandson. Are you proud of him? Very proud of him. How old is he? Wonderful, wonderful. Pardon me? How old is he? 29. Mom, how old are you? 95. Soon to be 96. Let's pretend we don't see him or hear him, okay? Pretend we don't see him or hear him. Okay. Yeah. So. Hey, man. What's up? Come on. That was too easy. Hey, man. Alvin. Ready? I'm going to go past the camera. Ready? Ready? Alvin, ready? Oh, you can just have it. So, any trauma? From, oh, recently? No, like as a kid, something with your parents was already, like, touched. I don't mean that as a joke. I mean, really. Out of context. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have to go potty? Do I have to go potty? Do you have any trauma or anything that got you into this kind of stuff? No. I mean, I had a difficult early part of my childhood. Well, no. A difficult middle part, really. Right. What's the middle part? Well, I don't think it really affected me too much that I would know of. At least outwardly in the beginning, but I moved every year. Our family, I never went to the same school twice in a row. I never knew the kids. I was always the new kid until sixth grade, I want to say. That was the first time I went back to the same school. And in the middle, those middle years were really difficult. And we had, my dad left. We had no money. And he left us in. pretty dire straits. uh, uh, but I, I wouldn't say that's, that's so kind of obvious cliche. I don't know it. It, I, I cannot say that got me into comedy. I think it was always, you know, even before it was like super shitty, I was always, um, drawn to, you know, uh, if I was going to watch a TV show, I'd prefer comedies, you know, I, I, I was, um, and that, that, you know, so I had that in me, I think before that stuff. And I, and I wanted to be a standup and a lot of the stuff that entertained me that spoke to me was standup or sketch. Why'd you move around? Uh, my dad just got fired a lot. And he was one of those guys, uh, who, you know, completely selfish and irresponsible. And, uh, and he was one of those, uh, you can't fire me. I quit guys. But then they'd be like, well, no, we just fired you. It doesn't work that way. Isn't it better to get fired though? Say what? Isn't it better to get fired? Cause then you get like fired stuff. Fired juice? Yeah, you get fired juice. Um, you get like pension, not pension. You get fired bucks from the government. You get fired bucks. Don't you get fired bucks? Well, you can't be at unemployment if you, if you quit. Um, I, I mean, this was a while ago. I don't know what, uh. It's something. It's something vibrating. Alvin? You hear that, right? Oh, maybe that, is that my phone? I think so. Oh shit. It is. It is. Sorry. It was happening before too, and nobody was acknowledging. And I was thinking like in my head, it was hard to be present for a second. Uh, yeah, no, that was, uh, I'll put it, I'll take it off buzz and put, just put it on silence. Or, or, or you could, you could keep it. You could take it. Well, it was my sister. Give her a call. We could edit around it or I could turn it all off. All right. But it's, it, if it's, my sister, it's either good news or, or not, you know, like. Or anywhere. Or bad news. Or anywhere in between. Probably. Right? Yeah. I, I shouldn't say, I mean, all right, I'll call. It's David Cross talking to his sister. I'm not getting a signal. Oh, it was ringing. I do have poor signal in here. Uh, yeah, it's a real, I've only got one bar. Yeah. It's not connecting. All right. It's fine. I'll call her later. Well, thanks for coming over. Yeah, of course. Um, oh, I didn't turn it on silent. Hang on. Oh, no, let's leave it. That was a really, that was a fun little bit when the, remember, do you guys remember that time in Rick's podcast where he was like, what's, is somebody hearing some buzzing and nobody heard it? And then it turned out it was right. It could be like a little earthquake. Oh, it's because you got headphones on. We're the only ones without headphones. No, no, it wasn't from the headphones. Oh, I actually went like this to see if I could hear it through that. You got some good ears then. Thank you. The end of the beginning of the end of the beginning of the end of the beginning. The end of the beginning of the end. Yes. The end of the beginning, meaning so like, uh, probably page between 25 and 28. If this were a feature film, the end of the beginning of the end. So, so basically it would be like the end of the first act of return of the King. Uh, no, because you'd go to the. The last act and it would be the end of the beginning of the end. God, because I was thinking the end of the beginning would be the end of the first act of the end, which return of the King is the third of the three Lord of the Rings books. Oh, so it's like the last. I thought it was like a Shakespeare thing. I don't know. What a comedy of errors between the two of us. Very good. Very good. Thank you. You know, all's fair in love and war. I don't get it. I had to believe that Shakespeare coined that. I don't think so. I think so. Yeah, I think so. Well, I never heard that name, but what's in a name? Well, again, that's, uh, that's Shakespeare. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. Shakespeare. Well, I'm not really. Ready for this one? Shakespeare. Shakespeare came up with so many, uh, phrases and words that we still use commonly. And it's astounding. There's like 400 of them. Things that we take for granted. Um, circle jerk. That's one. What, uh, when you lived here, did you ever go to Hamburger Hamlet? Uh, I don't know. I don't think so. Did I miss out on something? Where is it? Uh, well, there was one in, on Van Nuys Boulevard in Sherman Oaks. And the original one was on Sunset, just like around La Cienega where an entourage where they, where they would meet sometimes to have like a little powwow. I didn't watch that show. I watched it enough to know I'm not going to watch this anymore. Well, it's named after a Shakespeare play. Oh, Hamburger Hamlet? Yes. And the hostess, I believe it was Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. Oh, okay. Um, no, I, I never had the pleasure. My grandfather used to like the lobster bisque. What happened? He died. Oh, and that's, that stopped him from liking the lobster bisque? I mean, I don't know what came first, the lobster bisque or. Or him dying? Yeah. I mean, I, I think. I'm going to guess lobster bisque. Well, I'm saying what, like what came first, the end of the lobster bisque, like your special. Right. The beginning of the end. Way to bring it back. Yeah. The end of the beginning of the end, which can mean whatever you want it to mean. I'm assuming it's about politics and, and our democracy. Uh, it can be certainly, uh, it could be about, uh, a little bit broader than that. Um, but yeah. Uh, and I leave it to who, you know, just whatever you, however you want to think of it. Is that what you're going to say? Leaving it to you. And if you could, uh, close every podcast that you do subsequently and then add something to all your previous podcasts, should somebody go back in the vaults and do that about this, then yes. Uh, the end of the beginning of the end. It's on, uh, my, wait, there's early access right now. No, it's already out now. Right. Well, yeah. But then it goes wider, I think on April 7th. Oh. Oh, excuse me. David, do you have something to say? Okay. That's good. Do you have something you want to say? Um, yeah. And it's on YouTube, my YouTube channel. Oh, so it's on your YouTube. Wait, it's on eight. Wait, no, it's on 800 pound gorilla right now. I believe. Do you have it? I mean, I watch, I watch it on a vet, on a vet, vet, let me, I don't know. I think they sent it to you. Uh, that's all folks, you know, the animation to do. Um, it said, I thought it said, uh, it was out now. It is. There's early access. Uh, it's a, it, it, there's a available for an exclusive window at official davidcross.com as of now paid ad free, which by the way, this idea of ad free when I'm watching Bill Marr, I don't want to do the ads when I'm watching sex in the city. I don't want to do the ads. Nobody wants to, but when I'm watching it on YouTube, I don't, I don't know. I don't care. Is it because, um, even if it's the same, like say on a TV or something, correct? I also have a U the YouTube, whatever it's called for the pro version. Yeah. Not the TV version. It's not very expensive, but when I'm paying for HBO, I'm paying for Amazon. I'm paying now. They're still pushing the ads, but on YouTube they don't. Uh, I, I, I'm sorry. I guess I don't understand cause I don't have, I don't watch YouTube like I don't have it on or maybe I do. I just don't. What do you watch when you're on your phone? Uh, I don't watch anything on my phone. I'm sorry. What'd you say? Very good. Thanks bud. The special will be available exclusive there. Um, when is it going to be for people that are like, I, I'm not paying for it and I love ads. It doesn't say, I think that's the 7th, April 7th. I want to say, okay, right now you can get it at official davidcross.com. Um, yeah, excuse me. And there's also, uh, I've, I've put together some packages too that you can only get through my, uh, which will have, uh, the last handful of specials and, uh, we have one of them here signed poster. What is it? What is the package? Alvin, what's going on? Open it in a little bit. Wait, what is that? One of the packages. It's something I got in the mail yesterday. That I thought might be fun to open on a podcast. Oh, great. But it's fragile. I can tell you that. Oh yeah. Uh, I, I, I, I, I, I dropped some money on it. Okay. I dropped some money. Is it, uh, I mean, I noticed some, you know, figurines and things like that. Is it one of these types of things? It's just a whole bunch of, it's just some black porcelain characters. Uh, black porcelain or black comma porcelain characters. Meaning they're the people are, the characters are black. Uh, no. It's the porcelain is black. Well, which would, yes. But incidentally, it does make the characters black, doesn't it? Well, I mean, well, that's, I meant, is there. Careful. Ethnicity. I meant, is there, is there, uh, yeah. Ethnicity black or African-American or Caribbean African or African-African. Do you consider Caribbean American to not be African-American? Uh, well, if they're not part of the U.S. protectorate. Yeah. Like St. St. Nevis or St. Kitts or St. Martin, either Dutch side or French side. No, those are not. I mean. American. St. Martin, is that the guy from Coldplay when he's done a really good deed? You blinked first. I didn't know we weren't blinking, but in my head, about a second in, I was going to say, hey, could we just edit this out and could we do that for about three minutes? And the fact that you didn't look away, I was thinking in my head, I'm like, perfect. But yeah, there's just some black characters and some magic cards. Like voodoo shit? No, Magic the Gathering. Oh, I see. Oh, you said cards, not arts. I thought you said like black magic arts. I gotcha. I gotcha. What is this one? That's an icy manipulator, beta, graded 9.5. I see that. What's the value on that? I'm making this up, but I'd guess around 1,200. Really? Wow. And what makes it so. Can I see it? Sure. I collect baseball cards, so I know. Well, this is deeply slabbed. 9.5 gem mint, you may tell. And so this is. But you would play with this card, yeah? Yes. Okay. And they make it in other editions as well. Magic came out in 93 with the edition alpha. It did really well. That same year, they reprinted it in more copies, beta. And then they reprinted it again in more copies, unlimited. That's the original set where it has the most expensive cards. So that's beta. And for a while, I was trying to collect a very well-graded beta set. And as I was trying to collect, they just got more and more and more expensive. So I'm just like, I'm not going to keep chasing these. I want a house. But I mean, some of those cards now are in the. I mean, many of them are in the six figures. Yeah. No, I know a little bit. I don't know that world necessarily. I know that the Pokemon cards are like the highest. What would you call it? Like a jump in sales that the market has ever seen. And that's sports and. Yeah. During COVID, that all went up. Did you notice that? Yes, I did. I mean, I've got some valuable cards, so. Specifically baseball, not all sports? It's just baseball. Yeah. Do you have a grail of your own? Like your favorite? I mean, I. Nothing beyond the idea of getting, you know, one of one auto rookie cards. I mean, that would be. That's the holy grail for any. For, you know, a good player. Isn't that wild? Because that stuff's relatively new. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's. But this. They're so fucking smart about. But I feel like. And tell me if you agree, the. It's. We've got to be reaching a saturation point, a peak. I mean, there just has to be. They keep introducing new things to chase and it's successful. It's wildly successful. And. But at some point, I just feel like it's. It's. There aren't going to be enough. There aren't going to be enough fucking millionaires to support chasing, you know, these. Again, I can only speak for baseball, but I think it's. It transcends all the. I don't think you need more millionaires. I think you need the same amount of millionaires that are still interested in the game. Yeah. But if you don't, then you need more millionaires. And then you need more millionaires to say, I'm going to drop. $12,000 on a couple of. What are they? Like, tops? Diamond? You know, whatever those things are, where you're literally spending thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars on a box that you can break and you just sort of rip through it. You're like, man, this is only worth, you know. This is only worth $2,000. I just put in $6,000. And then you keep. Get some more and you're only getting five cards and you're. Or people who get. We'll buy a hobby box case of Tops, you know, Chrome update and looking for the logo patch, which now they do, you know. They're 50, right? I believe they're 50 logo auto patches. I don't know how many there are. I don't know what you're talking about, though. And people will. And those boxes are expensive. They used to be, like, Tops Chrome update before they did that was, you know, a couple hundred bucks. Three, four, four hundred bucks, maybe. And now they're 800 bucks. And they also make different editions. Like this. I mean, I just. I'm a big. I play Final Fantasy as well. So I just. I love this collab that they did. But they have regular booster boxes and the collector boosters. So they have different things. So they still have people that. I think it's really smart because they're keeping people who don't have access to some of the higher-end stuff invested. And it becomes multi-generational. And then with your kids, you collect it. And I think the fact that they keep. coming out with it isn't making it harder to have it sustainable. But I think it makes it better because there are magic cards where there's, like. And the higher grades, there's eight of them that exist. You need two people to want them. And that's why the value is so high. You don't need to have. There aren't more people that are coming in needing to collect vintage magic cards. It's the same people. Well, again, I can't speak to that segment of the hobby. But for baseball, which is always going to be refreshing itself because there's a new crop of rookies. It's the same. It's the same format. They come out with new additions, that new IP. It's a very, very similar format. I'd say that's just going to trading card stores. And it's the same. It's so much money into it. I wonder if it stops because when people age out, that's the thing that I think. Sure. Yeah. Or just things get to a point where. I mean, the first thing to go if you have disposable income and you start needing that income for food and medicine, whatever the thing is, the first thing to go is going to be hobby cards, right? I don't know. Look what happened during COVID because a lot of people look at this stuff in a very similar way. You look at art where it's store of value, where it's not just, I want this because I want it. It's not just, I want this because I want it. Right. It's not just, I want it. I wanted this as a kid and now I could afford it. It's. It's an investment now. Yeah. I mean. It's gambling. When those people are. No more gambling than the stock market. No, I'm not saying it's a. I'm not saying this is a bad thing. I'm saying that's what it's become as opposed to kids who grow up, who want to collect things and there's supply and demand and whoever, just the community puts value on this thing as a community. So, I think now, and this is why I'm guessing, as part of the point I made earlier about it's, it feels like it can't be sustainable for too much longer, is it really is. I've seen guys, I've seen it. I've been in the, in stores where guys come in with a drop of, you know, black card down and open up really expensive boxes. Just sit there, rip them. Yeah. Right there. Right. No, no, no, no, no. Okay. What do you give me for this one? 500. All right. And then what do you give me? And then get, buy more boxes. I know. You know, chasing that. Lottery, lottery tickets. It's, it's, yeah, it's gambling, I guess. There's a lot of, especially in, in, in vintage, there's a lot of boxes where they're worth way more sealed than opened. Oh yeah. I have a 77 Donruss. Who's in 77 that's so good? I don't remember offhand, but I've got it. That's one of the ones where there's. And it's slabbed. I've got it in a thing and it's even. A box or a pack? Pack. Yeah. Packs are cool when they're, when they're sealed like that. Yeah. And I, and I'm, I'm not going to open it maybe in my death bed. I don't know, but I just like it's right there. Man, I want to show you some of the stuff I have. I mean, you don't even play the thing though, but I, I love, so I'll sometimes hold stuff and just look at like how fun would it be to open it, you know? Yeah. No, I've, I believe me. I've, I've your little, I think Final Fantasy towel, beach towel. We just had so many blanketed statements. It falls a lot. Oh boy. Oh boy. Are you going to let that, are you going to keep that? Oh, we're keeping that. Yeah. You're keeping that. That's a clip. You've got such a, you've got such a, a dad humor for someone who's not a dad. I want to be. Yeah. It's great. I love it. Do you want to be my dad? I mean, I would, but I don't know if I have the time. I have this character where. I don't know. Wait, I don't understand. Yeah. I've been working on this character that loves, he knows people love puns and he wants to do them. He just doesn't really know how. But he sells it. The cadence, the. Yeah. Oh, I guess we're doing a box break. I hope I don't make a mess too much. So I'm not going to waste everyone's time here. Oh, wow. Oh, I can see that this is special. Where do you get your stuff from? Different places. Really? Sorry about the sound. We'll figure this out in this microphone. Different places where I find them. For a while, I was getting stuff off of Facebook. Give me that. I'm going to give it to Alvin. Yeah. See if he likes it. Alvin, do you like chewing the pops? I love these acrylic cases, too. Do you have these in your world? Yeah, I have a couple, yeah. They, like, fit them to the thing. Wow, cool. So when I first started playing Magic, it was around when this set, Ice Age, came out. These are expensive, but they're not like, you know, this probably, I got this for $1,000. And that's why I bought it. You could find them online for probably, if you find it for $1,400, that's a good deal. So where'd you get it for $1,000? So there's somebody who has, he knows, he watches, his name's Tyler, shout out, Tyler. And he watches the podcast. He's come to a show before. He knows I like Magic. And last year, he reached out to me. With, with, he goes, hey, I have this box of antiquities. I mean, it's, it's silly to even, it's expensive. I mean, like, if you want to get a box of antiquities, you're probably, a seal box, you're probably not going to find it for under $30,000. So when you say antiquities, you don't mean? There's different editions. Got it, got it. So there's Alpha, Beta, Unlimited were the first three, Arabian Nights, Legends, Antiquities. Those are like the. And you legitimately play the game with these cards, right? So. Both play and collect, like. Well, that's cool. That's cool that you can, that these collectibles are something you can actually play. So, but talking about what we were saying. Oh, sorry, Alvin. He wasn't interested. So like, there are some things you don't, like, you're not going to open. Right. And some things you do. Yes, I have this. I have, yeah. This is something, these, these packs that I bought, where I'm very excited about, are something because I got a good price on them. And I now. Because I make content, I feel like, one, I can write this stuff off. And two, I want to do something. I want to open these. There's a thing called sealed draft. So instead of everyone comes with their own deck, you go to card stores, you buy packs. You don't buy vintage packs. You buy packs that are, you know, three, four or five bucks a piece. And. I open a pack, you open a pack, I pick one card, we switch. Oh, wow. And then you have to build a deck out of that. And it's just a fun way of leveling the playing field. If everyone is drawing from the. It's the same stuff. It's strategy of play. But you give your thing or you, or somebody else picks it. So, so I have 15 cards. I look through them. I'm trying to build a deck. I take one. I give you the other 14 and you give me your 14. And now I pick one of these. And then we switch back and forth. And there's two. Oh, cool. Yeah. You could, you keep what you pull. So sometimes it's like, this is the most expensive card, but this isn't going to be good in the deck. Right. What do you do? Or you could do a winner keeps all the cards, whatever it is. I used to play that with these cards back in the late nineties when I was four. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm completely ignorant to it, but it's a, it's a card game that you play with other people. It's adult Pokemon. It was the first collective. I don't even know. Yeah. So it's a strategy game. So yes, you have a certain amount of life and you have spells and creatures. You attack each other. It's chess meets Dungeons and Dragons. Does that make sense? It's a card game to where. And you can play with one other person or. You can play with one, two, three, four. You can have teams. Okay. Yeah. And. So anyway, I'm, I'm, I know you don't play and I was just excited to open this, but like here's, there's 36 packs in here. I want the same one. Is that one? So this is a starter. So there's boosters and starters. Okay. Yeah. These are, it comes with 60 cards. These are 15 the other way around. Anyway, I used to open these all the time. I would go to Mr. Cards and comics, shout out Eli in Cleveland, Ohio. And you would buy these for three bucks a piece. And now, you know, this box that used to be, uh, $90 is now $1,400. Yeah. And the nostalgia of like, do you want to play sealed with this stuff that we did when we were kids, there are boxes that are, you know, hundreds of thousands of dollars. I don't have those, but like you would never open that to play that. Um, so anyway, got some fun shit, dude. Alliances. I remember I would go to the cards and comics. There was a card in here called Balduvian hoard and it was $20. And you know, I'm, I'm 13 years old. The idea to spend, to spend. $20 on a piece of cardboard. Do you think we're, uh, boring people? I don't know. I think, uh, a lot of comedy podcasts, the audiences, they're there for jokes and stuff. I think here, they're here to talk about collectibles and, uh, puns. Okay. Now I know what you're thinking, Rick, why are you being so fancy using this glass water instead of the sink? Well, I'm visiting my parents' house and they just moved in and my mom wants me to let you know that it's a little messy, but it's not always that. It's not always that way. And. Never that way. Well, it is that way sometimes. Only with guests. Anyway, there's a bit of an issue with the plumbing at the moment and the water is not just warm, but hot. So I picked up some nice water and I've been doing this every morning. And when I tell you that the fiber is delicious, I don't just mean it's palatable. I'm telling you, I have been adding it like on my almond butter sandwiches. This stuff is off the charts. Now I know what you're thinking, Rick, who gives a shit about fiber? I take massive dumps all the time and I'm fine. It's not just about poop. It's about gut health and it's about metabolization. Here's another thing people don't realize about protein. It's not just for building muscles. It also is for your metabolization. Now, let's say you drink a glass of orange juice or you even eat an orange or you have a delicious treat and there's no protein in your body, your glucose levels will spike. But when there's protein in your body, it slows it all down. That's why I always recommend your first meal of the day be high in protein, but also it's a little bit of a pain in the butt to make that stuff happen. My first thing is I do a scoop of mementos protein. I do two scoops of mementos cinnamon fiber. And here's the trick. With fiber, it has soluble and insoluble fiber, which is great. However, sometimes it doesn't mix in the water that well. So I would recommend getting one of those things that go or a shaker bottle or you're going to have some chunks. Listen, I'm promoting this brand. I like this brand, but this is how this stuff works. You sometimes get chunks when it's about fiber. No chunks, just delicious. Right now. This is offering our listeners up to 35% off their first order with promo code Tyso. Visit livemomentous, M-O-M-E-N-T-O-U-S.com. Use promo code Tyso for up to 35% off your first order. Promo code Tyso. This episode is sponsored by Shopify. Incidentally, Shopify, though they are also a sponsor of mine now, is something that I'm about to be using in my own professional life. I'm redoing my website, and the person that's helping me out with it has recommended Shopify. Best yet, Shopify is your commerce expert with world-class expertise in everything from managing inventory to international shipping to processing returns and beyond. What if I get stuck? Well, if you get stuck, there's nothing you can do. Incorrect. I do not concur. Shopify is always around to share advice with their award-winning 24/7 customers. How about that? Well, because a lot of times I'm working late, so let's say it's 3 a.m. You're telling me I don't have to wait until 10 a.m. Eastern Time or Pacific Time or Central Time? What don't you understand about 24/7? Okay. All right. 24/7. I don't like the way you just yelled at me. Excuse me. It says 24/7 is very self-explanatory. You can get support… I don't think that you would win an award for talking to me that way with support is all I'm saying. Shopify is always around to share advice with their award-winning customers. How about that? Shopify is always around to share advice with their award-winning support 24/7. Not only. Best yet. Get started with your own design studio. With hundreds of ready-to-use templates, Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand's style. Cha-ching with Shopify. Oops. Shopify. It's time to turn those "what ifs" into… Cha-ching. Cha-ching. Cha-ching. With Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com/tyso. That's shopify.com/tyso. Go to shopify.com/tyso. Cha-ching. Side. Same? Funny you ask, okay? Thanks. Because I used to be a side sleeper all my life, but the last three weeks, both my sides hurt, and I forced to sleep on my back, and I never could, and I'm doing it now, and the only reason I'm doing it now is because I'm on a Helix mattress. No. I'm telling you, Dad, put pillows under your legs. Aunt Lauren has one. Right. Teddy got one. Teddy got one. Go to helixsleep.com/tiso for 20% off site-wide. 20% site-wide. That's helixsleep.com/tiso. helixsleep.com/tiso for 20% off site-wide. What's the site? Do it. helixsleep.com/tiso for 20% off the site. Anyway, fucking cool, dude. What's the deal? You have OCD or you're autistic? Whatever the flavor of the month. Asperger's? Yes. I was diagnosed with autism eight years ago. Really? Yeah. Oh, wow. And how did they diagnose you or what brought you to there? Sure. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what the inciting incident was for me to even consider this. But I do remember around that time, I saw some things that Ron Funch's son was doing. Do you know Ron? Yeah. And he did some stuff that I didn't quite, there were some stimming things he was doing, just some things I'm like, I do that. What is that? And Ron and I were talking about stuff. Not that I thought that was me. And it's a very, we're all, everyone is very different with things. But it just kind of introduced the idea as I started learning more about it and some of the patterns of my life that were unrelated at the time. I'm like, oh, that's interesting. And it was just in the back of my mind. And then within a month, I got kicked out of a, not that this has anything to do with autism, but I got kicked out of a poker game that I was in and a basketball game that I was in, both with friends. Wait, go back up. How? The poker game, there were some of the guys that didn't like playing with me because I was playing very aggressive. Just the way I was talking shit and bluffing and being silly. Well, that's a way of playing. Agreed. I don't think this has to do with autism. Okay. Yeah, I don't think so. But the one thing that those both had in common was that not only did I not know people felt this way about me, I was convinced that I'm the first picked. Everyone loves me. I'm the funniest. I was just, in my head, I had no- You weren't able to read the room as it were. Correct. Okay. So far from being able to. That I'm just like leaning in and have no idea. Right. And again, this isn't an autism thing, but the lack of being able to pick up on the social cues was just like, oh, and then I noticed like, you know, I was kicked out of, I don't want to get into it right now, but there's a lot of things as a kid where like that was always happening. This all makes sense now. Yeah. So I met with this adult behavioral specialist for a while and got the diagnosis. Incidentally, don't talk about it. I don't talk about it much on my podcast anymore. I used to, I don't. I thought that was part of the thing when I got the, you know, your, the, the description. I don't know. I didn't write a description to you. Your people must have done some research. Well, it's, I think it's, it looks like it's written by somebody, either you wrote it or somebody, you know, that explains what the podcast is and who you are. I would love for you to send it to me. Cause I don't, I don't, I don't, unless there was one that I wrote when, when I, when I first started this channel, which I don't remember, but it doesn't mention, I know it mentions OCD. Yeah. That's what I was. Like I'm a silly boy with OCD or something like that. Yeah. I don't remember. Anyway, send it to me if you remember, cause I want to know if someone's writing stuff up. If it sounds like that, it sounds like what you just said though. Yeah. And that to wear nice socks. Clean. Clean. Okay. So many people wear shoes without socks. Oh yeah. That's not good. It's gross. Yeah. It's gross. You, it's gross in your house and for, they can do whatever they want, but to come in and be like, oh man. Yeah. I mean like, of course they can do whatever they want. I mean, if people, people are masturbating all the time and taking poops and stuff, but like, right. Don't do that on the couch. Do you agree that if somebody walks into, are you a shoes off house? I am. Yes. In Brooklyn. Good. A lot of New Yorkers, they keep the shoes on. No. I'd say half of the folks I know are, are shoes off. You know? Half on is a lot to me. But wait, I'm curious as to know what the, the testing was that it was to find out if you have autism or not, or one has autism. Yeah. It's, it's, it's, it's not, it's not, there's no like blood test and it's a lot more difficult to diagnose adults than children because they're, you adapt to be able to, and, and it's, it's even harder. It's even harder to diagnose women. Why is that? They're smarter? No. Oh no. I think they are. They're fatter. I think they're fatter. No, no. I mean, you know, it can be clipped in a real thing. No, because, because it's been studied more in males and in males, it's, there's more, there's traditionally, there's more, you, you get, you get a hundred male people with, with neurodiversities and they display them in more similar ways than with women. And also, culturally, there are things that are asked of women, neurotypical or neurodiverse, just, it is kind of what the world is. And there's a certain type of demeanor that traditionally, and I'm not condoning this, but traditionally women are not as outspoken. They, they keep to themselves. This is fascinating to me. And it makes sense, everything you're saying, and not something that I thought, ever thought of. But what is like the testing? Is it diagnostic? Is it written? Yeah. So, so. So, uh, uh, there are the, the term autism spectrum, uh, oftentimes is thought of as like how far across, like, like a, a quantitative thing. Where are, where do you lie on the spectrum? But it, what it really is, is, is, is it's a spectrum of symptoms. Um, uh, uh, you've met one person, if you've met a person with autism, it means you've met a person with autism is, it's like, uh, there are, uh, everyone is different. Yeah. And there's a lot of symptoms that don't. mean that you're diagnosed with autism, but like sensitivity to smells, sounds, touch, not being able to focus on multiple things, not picking up on social cues. That's how I understood it, what you're just describing. So there's a lot of them. Right. Right. And varying degrees. To varying degrees of it. And I don't know, like, let's say each one, there's like, you have zero or you have 10 of this, right? If you are at a five, then that counts. I don't know. I'm making these numbers up. But basically, if you, and if you display a five, a six, a seven or whatever of three, four or five of these traits, at least, then it's considered part of the autism spectrum. Oh, so these are some of the obstacles that you have, a double-edged sword. Oftentimes they come with advantages as well. But like, can you, like, what would the advantage be? Give me something that has a. Think of any number, one, tell me anything. Three numbers that are, tell me, I mean, any three numbers. Seven, 17, 104. I know all of them. I do. I do. And like, there's so many more. So there's, there's autism levels. So how, I want to keep going. I've done that joke before. I feel like I have to say that. That's a good joke. Because you're so serious about it too. We're talking about a serious thing. Okay, go ahead. Sorry. What made me laugh? You're saying what are some of the advantages? Is, I mean, probably, you know. Double-edged sword. Give me, give me the same thing and tell me what's, what the two edges are. Yeah. I mean, I think, again, I'm hesitant to use this as an example because I don't want to blanket this as something that is specific to autism, but just, just analogously. I would, I would confidently say you go to a card store on a Friday night, Friday Night Magic, FNM, there, there are, there are more people with autism in there than there are at Chipotle right now. Right. And the people that are in there, a lot of people, not specifically neurodiverse, but neurodiverse people, they love to focus on something and they learn a lot about that thing and they sometimes obsess about that thing. And that's great. Because then you, you know. I can see, exactly. You don't even have to, I see the double-edged sword in that and inherent in that. The other side is, you know, you know, girls don't want to have sex with you until you're in your twenties. And you're an incel. Incel means you don't have sex with people, right? It's involuntary celibacy, which is bullshit. I mean, it's, there are plenty of people who can, you know, get help in that. What are you looking at? I thought I heard a noise. Oh, it was my phone. It was my foot under here. Yeah. Okay. You're saying get help with that, meaning that like, if you want to have sex, you could just hire like Blaine Anderson, a dating coach, alumni of our podcast. No, there are ways I think you can, without getting a coach and that's, you know, that could be anybody. And there's that whole, you know, the game. What was it? Neil Strauss? Yeah. Where you, where you, where you, where you like, you're mean to women and you peacock, you wear a bunch of. Isn't that wild? It's crazy. It's crazy that it works, but I'm saying the opposite of that. Just being nice, nice and, and approachable and, and respectful, I think will go, and confident, confident. With a hint, as far as respectful, with a hint, a little disrespect. A little disrespect, a little sauciness. As long as, as long as they feel safe with you. Yeah. You know, you look and you say, I like your tits. I'm not going to touch them. That's a perfect approach. That's, that's, that's lesson number one in my. Approach me. We don't know each other. I'm a beautiful woman or a man or, but let's, let's use those two. Listen, I know there's other ones out there, but let's use, I'm either a beautiful woman or a man. Okay. And you're sexually attracted to me. Yeah. And I am just, I'm over here. I'm a, it's tough when someone's on their phone. Yeah. I'll be reading a book. I'll be reading a scary story. Okay. Hey, what's up, tits? Sorry. Sorry. That was, that was a mistake. I meant, what's up? toots toots toots toots tootsy tootsy tits um anyway uh i do would you like uh i have two tickets i find myself now with two tickets um to uh disney on ice which i i have good really good seats for person i was going to go with uh apparently doesn't exist so i'm wondering if you'd like to uh go there now and i will get you know it's on me and uh and a popcorn and some and uh that what's your name garth garth garth sarah it sarah garth antwin it's garth is short for garth antwin may i call you garth uh can i still be frank do you remember that from wayne's world uh i don't i never saw wayne's oh she she said uh she said but i said garth and garth is one of the guys in wayne's yeah she says can i be frank and he goes um can i can i be can i still be garth anyway i'm sorry i love um wayne's world i would love to go to disney on ice all right see there there you go and then cut us at disney on ice yeah okay ai ai get some ai in there um can you ai that uh i mean we could practice we're talking about practice right i don't get it i supposed to be the franchise player and we're in here talking about practice i mean listen we're talking about practice not a game not a game not a game we're talking about practice uh alan iverson uh the black porcelain basketball player used to talk about practice the bpbp black porcelain the original the og bpbbb uh bp bp bp bp black porcelain basketball player bpbp yes og bpbp yes which is what actually the commercial i don't it was a long time ago but did you ever see the collaboration that looney tunes did with um uh bp the roadrunner uh probably yeah that where the where uh where the roadrunner was uh where coyote was trying to chase after roadrunner with an acne rocket but the it wasn't lighting so instead they filled it up with gas from bp and then uh the roadrunner go bb bb what do you think about that joke uh i'm not crazy about it did you punch it up um sure uh i get we'll take it to the writer's room with me um how about we do it over dinner after disney on ice and what oh you're sarah again again absolutely i've been sarah sweetheart okay i didn't oh i didn't know sarah so you're an alan iverson fan yeah i mean yeah i'm more baseball but okay yeah what do you think of the hawks this year six in a row seven in a row i uh i don't really get into that kind of stuff i peeping toms and i'm not really a bird watcher i'm not really sure i will say good dad i will say that um 96 97 tops chrome i do remember those i did collect some of those because that was the same year alan iverson tim duncan ray allen kobe bryant and i remember the tops chrome i remember that there's there's tops and tops chrome and then the same cards right but the chromes are much more expensive yes but i i have a the uh i don't know what year it was but uh tops chrome changed their card stock because and for the better the uh there were several years where the it was like it would bend tops chrome regardless of what uh out of the pack they were out of the pack they'd be like kind of slightly bent and and that would continue they that was for years and i just was like yeah i don't want i'm not interested in that and you notice they changed because you noticed it or is that part of people talking about it they don't you can get uh i have no idea if somebody i would assume something happened are you are you pulling are you pulling card like looking for stuff do you buy individual cards no uh i uh occasionally uh if i think it's a good investment and i have uh i've done really well and i've made some mistakes i bought um back in the day i got a uh gem mint uh jason hayward rookie card because i fucking love jason hayward and and then after i think it was three really good years he just his his defense was always good but his offense just fucking cratered and and i you know i don't know what that card would be worth not much right now when you say gem mint are you saying because you pull out the pack or do you go send it into no no i uh bought it so you asked me about individual cards gotcha so i i and you bought a graded yeah yeah no i thought i thought this is you know uh this could be i thought he was going to be like another you know kind of uh like a guy who's who's uh really good not great outfielder really good defense um you know like uh um close to a mookie bets type you know like that kind of you may have placed a mookie bet on you know will you stay for a little longer though i mean i don't know how many more of those i can let you have but yeah i don't think that was a bad one i mean it's but you know it's like if it's when you're playing blackjack and you have you know those side bets that you could make yeah i like them they're fun yeah you mean at the tables that are like okay they are okay well you don't say they are like it's a real thing that is really you can it's not debatable all right excuse us talking about debatable you being a baseball fan and me not being a baseball fan i always thought that gingo biloba was a baseball player does that track to you doesn't that sound like a baseball player uh i mean as much as any you know foreign words we can stick together gingo biloba is like but it's like what people take for their memory it's like a supplement yeah i think i is that is but is the etymology english or is it is it it's a genus of a tree right it's like there's ginkgo trees i don't know if that's an english word or latin or what you know i don't know and biloba well that's that's clearly lao lao yeah lao meaning la like lao the country lao the country of lao yeah i don't i'm not somebody who's going to pretend to know all the countries okay i don't know i don't want you to do you i thought it was laos uh laos there's two of them there's their multiple lauses you're right there's too loud yeah is it laos let's throw let's throw up a picture of the country with the name well the name it is spelled laos i thought the s was silent okay but i don't i might i could easily be wrong i've been wrong about literally everything i've said on this podcast the end of the beginning of the end what i like to do on this podcast although it's not going to be available right when this comes out but if you're not going to be available right when this comes out you're if you're a member because it won't be on youtube yet i love to ask people i can't say hey go watch the whole special because that's i'm not that that's too much of an ask what i like to say is the same thing i tell myself when i go to the gym just go go there give it a shot give it a few minutes there get yourself there yeah what i like once you're there you may stick around but you probably will half of the work is just getting yourself to the gym listen if you're gonna watch or not if i had to put money on it i'd say it's a mookie bet at best but what i want you to do is go over to that youtube give it at least two minutes two minutes past the cold open because there's some there's some there's some talking going on yes two minutes past the cold open and here's what i want you to do i want you to comment it helps the algorithm can i can i say uh i don't think two minutes is enough two minutes past the cold open i'd say five minutes cold opens three minutes past the cold open eight minutes the cold open is not eight it's not three minutes long it's not i because i had to time it out because i had to re uh re-put the vo in so uh i think the the open is like a minute it's less than a minute and a half i think all right give it three and a half minutes no past the cold open give it five minutes including the cold open no but here's the thing i could the cold open is not worth anything because it's me explaining why they i took the joke out because they edited but why even have that then why not just start the special because it was locked picture lock that doesn't make any sense just trim the beginning up it costs money once you picture lock it to do any kind of change i'm sorry i i wish it wasn't that way that's when you put on youtube are you gonna have that cold open on there yeah it's the it's what it it it airs the way it's sent to you could i could post this episode of our of this and once it's on youtube i could literally just go to the youtube editor and trim out the first minute oh is that oh yeah i never thought of that are you being serious yes okay because this is wild to me that because that's what you said in the thing and i'm like oh that's that's funny logic that's what they told me that's what they told me then stop i'm sorry to say this because i don't know them but then they're taking advantage of you for saying they're upcharging that's just Could you imagine? You're not going in and recoloring. Just cut the fucking first minute out. And let me tell you something. As a genuine fan of yours, get rid of that first minute and a half or however long it is. I think it's three. Felt like three. I'm joking. Get rid of that cold open. The cold open is you saying, this doesn't need to be here. I joke didn't work. I'll do it on the next special. No, that's not what I said. The joke, they, so I had Bob Odenkirk record this opening. Which I used at every show on the tour. And I wanted to use it. And it comes out like it's, you know, regular audio. And then it's slowly, you know, we mixed it so that you could tell, oh, they're playing this in the actual theater. As you see B-roll. Like when you listen to a movie score and then they're listening to that on the radio in the car in the scene. Exactly, yeah. Love it. And source, source, you know, audio. What's that? Diagenic. Diagenics. Huh? All right. So they, as I explained, and there's all the B-roll. But then I, it was on me because I didn't catch it before it was picture locked. And then I, Rick, let me, let me finish. I'm just frustrated. I'm just frustrated for you. And then I said, I went back and, and, you know, we went back and forth. I was like, guys, because I realized they cut like a middle section of it. And that it's not. It's not a good joke anymore because it's truncated and you don't build up to this thing. And they said, oh, we didn't have enough B-roll to cover it. And I was like, well, this isn't good. You got to, you can't, you got to take this out. Get stock B-roll. Put a picture of a soda can. Well, it was too late. It was, it was too late. And, and again, my, on me, I did not catch the internal edit until it was locked. Okay. Okay. I'm telling you. I'm sorry. I wish. I wish you were there, Rick. I wish you were there. I wish I knew this. You're, you're type. You're a type A guy. I'm going back and forth with the production company. And I'm, cause I was pissed. I was really like, and why, what I was really pissed about was why would you make a cut and not tell me? This is my fucking specials, my opening. And so then I said, okay, enough. I'll just, I'll, that's why I timed it out. And I will cover this audio. What the fuck is picture? Okay. It's picture locked. Okay. If it's picture locked, then how did you add the audio in? Because it's not audio locked. Then just cut the first minute and a half. You have to export. You haven't exported it yet. I am, I am so annoyed by the, the lack of logic in this. Yeah. And the disrespect, I'm sorry, dude, it's picture lock. Then unlock it, guy. Well, I said, unlock it. And they said, well, that's going to cost X amount of money. No, it's not. I have the email chain somewhere. Then, then here's what's going to happen. Um, uh, here's, uh, Hey, I want you on my side. I want you to fight for me. Is this 800 pound gorilla? No. Okay. No, it is not. Who's the production company? Uh, uh, yeah. Well, change of, change of name. Not if you're a comedian and you want to work with this company, just know this. If you want to trim something at the beginning of your episode that takes, and I'm not exaggerating. You press in, you press out, you press till day. It takes less time than what I just said, they're going to upcharge you know who you're getting in bed with that's fucking obnoxious. So when it goes on YouTube, are they uploading it? Who's uploading it? It's already done, right? I don't know. All right. Um, what I'm wanting to do now is, is be with check in with, why is this triggering me so much? This is a, and I'm calm again. I look, I would get, you're being taken advantage of. If I was in your. If I was in your position, I would absolutely, and I've done that before where something, uh, I don't know all the ins and outs of the business, but, uh, I know certain aspects of it and clearly, you know, this part and I would be, I would have the same reaction. Like what the fuck? That's bullshit. You know, uh, you know what it makes me think of? It makes me think of when I go to a restaurant. Okay. And I were to order a hamburger and the hamburger comes with a sauce. Mm hmm. And then I decided to get a chicken. I ordered a chicken sandwich and said, it's the same price and the chickens, I order a burger with side of barbecue sauce and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then my fault, I ordered the wrong thing. I go up to them as they're typing it in and I say, could I, instead of the burger, chicken sandwich, everything else, exactly the same. And they go, sure. They come, there's no barbecue sauce. I ask for a barbecue sauce and they say, barbecue sauce is a dollar 50. And I say, but it comes with a burger. It's the same price. And they say, well, it doesn't come with the chicken sandwich. I then, one, pay the dollar 50 or don't pay the dollar 50. But two, I'm not going back to that restaurant ever again. I wouldn't go back there simply because they give you barbecue sauce for a hamburger, which doesn't need it, and not for the chicken sandwich, which does need it. That in itself is why I will not go to that restaurant. Picture locked, but being willing to still add audio, meaning you haven't exported yet, is way crazier. Than barbecue sauce with a burger and not a chicken sandwich. Eleanor Roosevelt. I'm mad for you. I'm mad about this production company who is also, don't you, hey, production company, don't you want your thing to be the best? If we don't need this first minute and a half, and no disrespect, I'm a huge fan of yours and no disrespect to that. You don't need that minute. And you were even saying, you don't need that minute and a half. Yeah, I, as I understood it, the fix. The fix would be to either go with what they had or to lay in different audio, which was my suggestion. Or start it in a minute and a half later. I don't think that came up. I don't think, I, it didn't. I believe you, but like. I didn't think, oh, I should just ax this whole thing. We'll just start cold. But now that you say it, I could easily do that. Got it. So it wasn't that they were saying they were unwilling to cut it. Just nobody. They thought to do it. Yes. And I was told. Okay, that makes me feel a little bit better. And I was told to, the conversations we were having were specifically about altering the opening. And you can't go in. Wait, is this a company? It's not part of it, I don't think, but he. I'm just thinking like they do. They're a legit thing. Yeah. Well, when you put it on YouTube. Okay. We cut that out. Mm-hmm. Watch the first two minutes. No, I'm just joking. Watch the whole thing. But what I'm, my intention was to get people to go over there. Because once they watch a couple minutes, they're going to keep watching. I get it. And I appreciate that. And comment, Rick Glassman has a big presence in the podcast game. And he sent me over here. That's what I was getting at. Okay. It all comes back to you. It's for you. Yeah. It's just the people that are like, people that are huge fans of mine. Rick Glassman.com was responsible. Say that again? Rick Glassman.com. You know, it's funny that you say that. I recently hired somebody to help me make a website. There you go. When you, well, where does your podcast? I mean, I have a website, but it's YouTube. You just go to YouTube. Right. Or people, audio. The audio numbers, oddly, have been really going up a lot recently. I'm shocked that people, because I mean, they're going to be wondering like, what's Alliance and Ice Age? Yeah. You're pointing to a lot of things. Pointing to a lot of things. This podcast. Go to the beginning of the end of the beginning. Or I like. I like to call right after the cold open. Go to the end of the beginning. Oh, I see what you're doing. I see what you're doing there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And. So wait. Hey, so now that you're saying this, is it possible to drop the audio out, have the title card, which comes up over the audio, or I should say the audio comes up over that. Take the audio out and just, can I take audio out or does it just have to cut? Take audio out and do what with it? Meaning so that I could have the title card over black. Right. And then come up on Sean Patton introducing me. Right. Well, yes. Also. So I can trim it that way. You, you, you, okay. I mean, I'm not being condescending. You could do anything. Once it's on YouTube, then it becomes more difficult because you don't want to re-upload. Then you could, you could trim stuff out and you could take audio. You could bleep. No, you could. You could just trim stuff out. Right. I wouldn't be able to. But, but right now it's not on YouTube. It's just on your website. Okay. So have them upload a new file. I'll do this for you. Get me the, get me the raw video. I'll, I'll, I'll, it won't compress anymore. Just get me the. Well, the production company should do it, right? Yes. Now we're doing a who's on first bit. Yes. I don't get it. The, that's the name of the production company. First base. I don't get it. You don't get it. No. Who? No, that's first base. First base. I don't know. Yeah. Third base. So part of, I'll call it lore of this podcast is when people say stuff, I oftentimes will look to camera and go first base when it is that cadence. And there's a fair amount of comments of people who say, I watch all the time. I don't know what first base means. I don't know how often if I've ever acknowledged it, but I think it's for some people that aren't familiar with Abbott and Costello for what, for whatever reason. They're old. Instead of, you could check out the beginning of the end of the beginning. Or you could go just search Abba Costello, who's on first. Yeah, classic. One of the all-time great routines. That would have been a cold open. A little late for that. Do you remember when movies used to show cartoons before them? Not that I experienced that, but I've heard of that. Little Giants on VHS. Rick Moranis, Ed O'Neill. You've seen it. No, but I know what you're talking about. It's a baseball team, right? Football. Football. With Icebox and Spike. And anyway, the beginning of that was that cartoon. I'm forgetting his name. You might know it. Although it seems based on these questions, you don't know this kind of stuff. But he was the singing frog. Hello, my darling. Oh, yes. No, that's. What's his name? The WB Frog. Yeah, but he has a name. Yes. It's something else. Oh, fuck. I know exactly what you're talking about. You're looking it up? Not Beauregard. No. Hello, my honey. Hello, my darling. Michigan J. Yeah. Michigan J. Frog. And he would sing and he tried to like, he would put him on stage to build this audience, but he would never sing in front of other people. Oh, great. It was the original Gaslight. Yeah. Great, great little short. So are we going to do it? Are we going to contact him and have him take care of that for you? Because you even said in it, and it did get me curious. You're like, I couldn't do this bit because the thing with Odenkirk didn't work and blah, blah, blah. So I'll just save it for the next one. I was thinking like, oh, I thought maybe this, I believed you and I thought. That was true. I believed it for, I was like. But I thought the only reason they're leaving this in, there might be a payoff for this later. And it's like, no, he was just being a hundred percent sincere and not having enough B-roll. You could just slow the B-roll down. Just make it 70%. That is the most infuriating excuse. I was so angry for different reasons and it was such a, I mean, again, first the fact that they would do it and not. Tell me. Already. As the creator, person, writer, director, you know. Well, how can you, are you credited as director? Yeah. Well, they can't cut without asking you. That's strike three. They did. And I was really angry and I, I, I, it was not a great experience. And, uh, um, and then the idea that there wasn't enough quality, quote unquote, B-roll was, I just. I don't know what to say. And at this point it's too late. It's not. Well, they, to go in, it was picture locked is what I'm saying. Yeah. But you too. Meaning it was too late to go in and add B-roll or stuff without me incurring more costs. And I paid for this. I paid for the fucking thing. You know. Hey, hey, listen, listen, listen to me. Okay. Get the footage. It's yours. You own it, correct? Yeah. Okay. Give it to me. We don't have to do anything with this. Send it to me. We'll talk on the phone. I will. Whatever. Do you, do you have, you have the. The voiceover, it just wasn't enough B-roll. Is that correct? Yes. Give me that. I will make it. I will make it work. And for YouTube, where relatively speaking, I would say you care more about, one should care more about that than the other one because they're both the same. The only difference is one has statistics. I'm now I'm thinking of something that may have been why. Okay. Maybe we have to reach out to them for comment. For sure. They should be able to defend themselves. But. Maybe this, the whole picture lock thing and not doing it, uh, was about trying to sell it to, you know, a streaming service. Maybe that was the thought behind it, but then they keep this in with as a minute and a half of not because it's not, it's just going on YouTube. So then, then, then put it the other way, since you're not selling to the streaming service, which I don't even understand how that would be an obstacle, uh, meaning to meaning, I don't know. I don't know. I'm, I don't know why. I am, uh, can we get them on the phone? Uh, get who on the phone? What the way I would, I'm not even, I'm not getting any signal, so I can't even bring up the, uh, will you email me it? Whatever. Um, I, I just logically, I can't understand if you, if you have voiceover and you want this to be in there. Yeah. I don't understand what the obstacles would be. I do recognize that there might be something that you're not remembering and that I don't know. I do understand that. Uh, yeah, I don't think so though. I mean, it was a pretty, it was, uh, the, you know, the chronology of it was, uh, seeing the, it would have been picture locked, watching it and going, Hey, wait, where's that middle part of the Bob audio, which clearly I didn't catch before. And then going back to him, we like, Hey, you got to put this back in. Can I just, can I just have some barbecue sauce? Just give me some fucking barbecue sauce. What you're in the business. You're in the business of making me happy and making a good product. It doesn't take anything from you guys. I know. I feel, I feel, uh, dumb and I should feel dumb and I feel like, no, no, I feel like I really, uh, I fucked up. I don't think that for what it's worth, I don't know what this bit is. I don't think this, unless it sets something up, if it might be its own thing, I don't, it doesn't affect the special, like the special, the special is unaffected. The special is great. Watch two minutes, say Rick Glassman sent me here and then go watch Abbott and Costello, but make sure we get that two minutes. Cause then you get the view and maybe they want to stay. Yeah. Give it five minutes. Five minutes. We'll get you into the first bit, which is, which I would argue. Why? Why doesn't two? Okay. B-roll. I, not enough B-roll. That is a real thing that they told me. Let's keep it real. That is a real thing that just made me angrier. Uh, make sure we get it fixed. For YouTube. Yeah. I, well, it's only YouTube, right? It's on my channel. Right now it's on official davidcross.com. Right. But you said it's not gonna be on YouTube until April. Right. So we got time to fix it. To just. We have time to do it since we started this conversation. It could have been done. I don't, I don't have the facilities. I don't know this. Uh, I don't. Which by the way is interesting. You should be a producer. Um, uh, I want to be a director. Okay. Um, and, uh, I love, I love the feeling when something's picture locked. I really do. I, I love. Yeah. I love it. Yeah. Oh shit. You know what? I forgot to do this thing. I'll open it back up. That's the kind of guy I am. And what does that cost you? Right. The only reason it costs money is because, oh, we have to pay the editor a little bit more. Oh, okay. But they're the production company. The editor works with them. Yeah. But they're paying their editor. The production company is paying their editor. Right. I'm making this number up. But what do you, is he? Is he getting more than a hundred dollars an hour? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's say he's getting two. He's not getting more than 200 an hour to, to, to do a comedy special. He's not, he's not getting more than two or she. Yeah. It was a guy. Yeah. If it was a she, she would have done it. It was, she would have. Yeah. If it was a she, she would have done it because just be, just be considerate. Yeah. I'm sure if you said, Hey, I'll give you the $200 for the 14 minutes, it's going to take for you to do this. Right. Would you have paid it? Yeah. I'll split it with you. Yeah. Anyway, the YouTube version, we're going to get it taken care of. How are you feeling right now? Uh, you know, uh, multiple things. I feel I'm a little frustrated, um, angry at myself, uh, angry at them. Uh, and, and your, you know, your response is the response that somebody on my team should have had with the production company, right? Somebody should have gone, this is bullshit. You're the, you, you guys mess this up and it, you know, and I took a culpability for not catching it before it was picture locked, but also the thing, the monetary thing is, you know, you, you're right. How much could it cost? And I, I just, uh, was processing this information lazily and not really giving it to you. Not really giving it, you know, the thought it needed because logically you're right. You're like, no, wait a minute. How much could this possibly cost? It could be fixed by tomorrow though. That's the thing. And pardon me, but tell him that. Yeah. Let's get it fixed. Yeah. Anyway. Um, I, I, I am now, I want to tell you a feeling I have. I'm recognizing that my. Passion towards something that feels so illogical and frustrating then was forced at you. And now you're sitting there like, well, now I'm, you know, we were just talking about Mookie Betts, you know, and, and now, but I think that feeling of just speaking for myself, that feeling of discomfort, um, is while we're talking about double-edged swords is, well, what do I do now? You know? And I, I think I, I, we could do it off camera. We don't have to do it. We could do it on camera. I think we just draft an email really quick that you send once you have service and get it, get it fixed by tomorrow. Okay. Uh, I will do that right now. Should we draft it now? Yeah. Okay. This, this is like when people have podcasts and like, Hey, call on in with some advice that you need and see what we could do. No, I, I appreciate it. No connection. Now it's kind of. Yeah. Are you talking about your phone or are you with the production company? Thank you. oh compose i can still here i'll do it i'll write something i'll write something and then just send it to me yeah and then you'll make it your own okay um uh i like this we'll bleep the name but who's the name of your contact let me just so people could hear originally i had bob odin kirk record this this is him explaining over b-roll uh thinking what the issue is god was pleased with what he said and to fill the space you're reading from the bible i absolutely want to make sure that i have that cold open removed for the youtube upload period i'm sorry i wasn't to do again read a little so i'm just i it's um and this might well we can cut this out do you want to cut out because i'm invested this thing well i don't want to go well maybe maybe we'll see hey guys what's happening at the part of bob's opening vo about this a hate-free zone etc that needs to be put back in don't know why it's not there but please put it back uh the response hey david the post team went to the post office and said i don't know why it's not there but please put it back back through all of the edits from the end of june and that section of bob's vo was never included in any of the cuts that were sent to you for review semantics bro i made a mistake uh bob's original vo at a uh running time it had to be edited down so 203 it had to be edited down version for the intro uh so they cut 42 seconds why does it have to be edited down here yeah uh if you want to add that new line in we'd be happy to do so but since final has already been conformed we would need to ask for a small cover overage to cover the cost to reopen the edit yeah that's fine if the overall total running time changes we would need to re-deliver revise sound mix and do a color patch if any new footage is added given the upcoming holiday we won't be uh well that's on me for not catching until now not sure when or how that decision was made how much money we talked about well going back through bob's vo the hate free blah blah so i do recall we were bumping up against having enough good b-rolls and we didn't have enough good b-rolls and we didn't have enough footage did they tell you a price uh another three thousand and i get it coloring mixing if they're doing it the way where they send it to to do another full mix i mean i work a little bit you don't have to no you don't have to you don't have to you're using a lot of it's a lot of the same lighting if you're coloring yeah but it's also you don't you're not adding i agree but there's a different thing like when you're going through a union and blah blah blah but like then i was like you can just start the vo over black to time it out great that was my fix uh and then and then i wrote back again let me just see what that would look like please it is it in the very first cut hey david we'll have to circle back to this after the holidays hope you have a good one uh and then i said i'm going to record audio to lay in that was in the end of january and then i was like okay i'm going to record audio to lay in and then i was like no i'm not going to do half a joke that's foolish i will record something and lay it over the existing footage and use the bit next time as it was meant to be and i have the timing of it yeah so okay so now hearing this here's what i'm realizing you made a mistake you asked them to fix something it's a very simple fix they were not willing to charge you as a very simple fix they were to charge you what it would be like to me if like if you had never worked with them before and do this job right um okay that that's not technically they could do that you know charge for the barbecue sauce um and you didn't want to spend that money on it nobody thought of the idea of just cutting it all out and it is what it is so um nobody was out to get anybody but it wasn't very like hey let's try and make this person we're working with happy right sure um have you worked with them before uh yeah i i don't know if the not with specific people but i had worked with uh they didn't do anything wrong they just they didn't they it didn't seem like they were excited about sorry sorry they did do something wrong that i cannot forgive them cut without telling you cut without telling me right um and not and not pointing it out when you get when you're going back and forth and i can show you multiple email chains were like hey so we're we we cut this thing and here are the edits and they show you they go at you know uh 102 13 edits they flag the edits and they never did that what fly it just that's nothing trying to pun uh no not at all there's nothing by it we meant to flag so um now there's only one there's only two things we could do okay we could cut it or we could put the joke in if you could do either of those things what would you want to do i put the joke back in okay i'm so happy with the special but there's something that's bugging me that i really want us to fix because the b-roll slash voiceover issue the cold open until sean gets on stage is unnecessary could you please trim after the title at eight seconds through when sean comes on at 90 i'm not sure the logistics of getting on the website but i would like to replace that and i absolutely want to make sure that i have that cold open removed for the youtube upload if this is too much work i'm happy to do it myself could you please send me the pro res master of the special and i will take care of it please all of you also send me the bob voiceover comma as i might try and fit that joke back in but we would need more uh oh you have all the b-roll that you have you said yeah uh which doesn't make sense well one of the things i said early on was let's just slide the opening over the title and then it'll all match and fit right so why don't we just why don't we just do why don't we not ask them to cut it why don't we just say give it to us and i'll do it would you like to do that rick man look at this guy um uh you also were kind of right about laos oh the native i'm so happy with the special but there's something that's bugging me that i really want us to fix because of the b-roll voiceover issue the cold open sean gets on stage as unnecessary i am happy to fix this myself could you please send me the pro res master of the special and i will take care of it will you please also send me the bob voiceover as i great when we get it if you need more b-roll they have all the b-roll it doesn't make sense because if they have people buying zero sense they didn't just record that for eight seconds it makes zero sense it makes no sense so i have this i'm gonna send this to you fill it in as you will if you want to send it back to me to look over i'll bcc you own it too um cool i love a bcc i'm what you meant um yeah let's get this done dude i appreciate it greatly i had uh i'll do it for 1200 bucks and i'll make you one hell of a thumbnail yeah um all right well okay i'm a little gassed up right now yeah that was uh it was a juicy ep you know what we gotta do we gotta get we gotta get the production company and you on the pod hash this out sure just you know talk about a niche drama um all right so what else so so uh how's your family good i mean my sister called i don't know what's what's up with that i can't call her back now i hope nobody's dead you try texting and we can end it dude we gotta we gotta well i don't think it's uh i mean we're definitely at the end of let me see uh let me see what she beginning the end it was great rick thank you do you have any different than mine right now no you agree with me right yeah but it just does seem like some bureaucracy stuff that's what it is that's what i'm saying like there's things that i admittingly don't know enough about about union and all that stuff but like but you could easily but make but but like ultimately at every level of this whether it's making a podcast in our living room or making avatar in my living room make it happen just make things like just you're right and that i mean that's the what you're expressing is the reason i feel kind of dumb and uh because you're right and i i should have you know made more of a stink i should have thought i should have thought about it because i i have been in the uh you know i've produced a ton of shit and i've i've figured those things out and i'm i don't know if i was just too busy then or whatever but i just i should have been like just thought about it and gone no wait a minute this is bullshit and really i don't know why i uh didn't and i would normally do that i would usually do that and i would have solution you know you know that idea of like what i normally what you say you normally would have done or had you or didn't do whatever i think is like when i hear people talk about this is anything but let's just take the business that we're in like this entertainment business right making stuff being like collaborating with other people and i hear stuff about like oh this person's so difficult to work with or this person's mean or whatever it might be whenever i hear that i always think not that they're not but i think maybe i'm curious what perspective are you coming from i also think of this just interpersonally not in the business but like oh i i could i'm not going to but like there are people that i've heard of oh this person is so difficult to work with blah blah blah that i've worked with before and i know why they're saying that they're saying that because that spoke up for what they thought was best for the thing. Sure. And I don't think that makes them a difficult person. I think that makes them somebody that is challenging them, that for better and for worse, maybe. Well, I know exactly what you're saying. And sometimes that person is speaking up or disrupting or whatever, because it's for the greater good. It's servicing the greater good of the peace, the thing everyone is collaborating on trying to create. But sometimes it's about them. And that's when they become a difficult person. Well, I don't think they're mutually exclusive. I think if what you're doing is to service the product, but at the expense of other people's feelings and comforts, then it's like, well, yeah, that makes sense. That would be better, but you don't have to yell at me to make it happen. Like there's tact to it. But sometimes with all these moving parts, a direct line, hey, you know, hey, sorry, picture like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, for you to say, I understand. We need to just make this happen. Send it to me and I'll do it, or please just get it done. Like, I think there's some mental exhaustion of like, I can't say that, that's too much. Whatever, I don't want to be a pain in the ass. Oh, I don't have that kind of thing. If I, that's not in my makeup. If I want, I'm saying I feel dumb for not having that kind of thing. But having thought of, just thought of it or just spent five minutes going, well, now wait, wait a minute, you know, instead of sending out a mass text or, you know, like, hey, what's this, what the fuck's going on with this thing? What, oh, all right, well. I don't understand the B-roll thing. And I know, I know, I know. I don't understand it because of course you have more. There's no way you have. What did they say, quality? 82 seconds, it doesn't, yeah. All due respect, because I loved your B-roll. I didn't look at any of your B-roll and thought to myself, this is the B-roll, this is the quality. Of course not. It's just people, it's setting the vibes of the atmosphere. Yes, and it's been done a million times. And it could have been done over black, like you said. You could. Yeah, you just slide the B-roll back. You could have made a, you made a joke, you read from the Bible to fill space. You could have taken royalty-free B-roll of anything. Yeah. It could have been a car driving up in parking. Before walking into the club. So, anyway. The fact that I didn't think of that is what- But why did they cut it to even have to make you think of that? True, but- I mean- We got to get them on the phone. And I got, and I want a chicken sandwich with barbecue sauce. All right, man. This is a great plug for the cold open of your special. Yeah. Of which is the one thing we're saying we didn't need. Yes. I almost feel- Now people are going to be curious. I almost feel, yeah, yeah. It's only like 90 seconds. 90 seconds of time to- It's actually 82 seconds if you don't include the opening title card. Right. But I want to include the opening title card. Right. So, I'm saying it's 82 seconds. But I do wonder if we end up truing this for the YouTube, you should also post behind a paywall, just the cold open. Or no, I'll just put a link- Or it'll be the tag at the end. I'll put a link to this podcast. Yeah. This is, you know, to learn why there's no cold open. And go to, please take your shoes off, or whatever the fucking name is. You know, I don't like speaking negatively about things on this podcast. If the person or the thing isn't there, especially to talk about it. So, part of me wants to bleep the name of the, at least if we mention any names, bleep the names, but the production, but like- I think that's wise because if you want to find out, you can just watch the special and find out. It'll be on there. That's what you do. Listen. You don't even have to watch two minutes. Just go there. Press pause. Or go to the very end. Look at the credits. Yeah. Is that fair to say? By the way, I will give them this. The color correction on the B-roll footage. It's fucking spot on. It's pretty good. It's really good. A lot of blues. Yeah. It feels like it's dark. It's warm when it needs to be warm. It's cold when it needs to be cold. Which is what I say a lot about this business. Yeah. Yeah. You're one's heart. Well, go to officialdavidcross.com if you want to see the full version with cold open. And if you're watching this in April or after, go to 800 pound. There'll be the link in the probably. Yeah, I don't know. Go to YouTube. Type in David Cross. The beginning, the end of the beginning or the end of the beginning of the end of the beginning of the end, the end of the beginning of the end. Oh, like like the end of the first act of Return of the King. Thank you so much for tuning in to another special. It's just over on your side. My name is Rick Glassman. Good night. All right, you can fart now if you want. We'll take the audio out. It's locked. Here, stay there. I want to get up Polaroid. Okay.