Dave Dameshek + Gina and Bryan (Carolla Classics)

The new College of Pro Football season is upon us, and BetOnline has you covered with the best odds in live and in-game betting on all your favorite teams. Head to BetOnline today to stay updated on all the action. BetOnline, the game starts here. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try it at Progressive.com, Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states. Welcome to Corolla Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast where we play the best moments, highlights, and fan-selected clips from all 17 years of The Adam Corolla Show. If you'd like to gain access to the entire archives of The Adam Corolla Show, TheAdamAndDonna.com, Dr. Drew Show, as well as the newer podcast, Beat It Out, make sure to check out Adam Corolla's sub-stack, AdamCorolla.substack.com. Sign up, subscribe, listen ad-free. And if you'd like to request a clip, please email us, classicsatadamcorolla.com. All right, let's get to the clips. Coming up first, we have Adam Corolla Show 2536. Just Adam, Gina, and Brian from 2020. Hope you guys enjoy. Good day, Gina Grad. Good day to you. Handball, Brian. Well, everybody likes something that's been au gratin'd. It's true, but it's non-sequitur, to say the least. I got some best of Dr. Drew. Why Dr. Drew secretly is a horrible person? Well, not a secret anymore. I'm going to play you guys some clips of that. You're going to bust that secret wide open. He's a horrible broadcasting partner. And yet, you still tolerate him. I was going to say, you do a show five days a week with him. You know what? For how many years? He's like Phil. Like, he's worthless. He doesn't do anything. He'll take advantage of you. But you love the guy, you know? You just, he gets whatever he wants. But I mean, like, Drew is, I'm convinced, wildly passive-aggressive. Because, like, for years, he'd always, like, bang his coffee mug around, you know? And he'd do a lot of that. Say thank you to the interns as you're talking on here. Well, that was one of those many love line situations that I attempted to fix it by making. Making a proclamation that Drew's coffee had to be brought into the studio before the show or during a commercial, but not as the show was beginning. So I would be going, Dr. Drew's a board-certified physician. A love line. And then I'd just hear Drew in the background go, thank you. And then you'd hear the mug go down. And I'd go, like, don't do it! Don't! And then, of course, yeah. The way I'm wired. True place. Here's the way I'm wired. The way I'm wired is, once I say, don't do it, no mas, you must deliver that coffee to him before the show. I don't care if it's seconds before the show, but you can't do it while the show is going on. The door closes with a thud, the person opens, whatever. The way I'm wired, when it then happens again three days later, my mind starts going berserk. Like, I literally, my mind is throwing punches. Like, I literally, my mind is throwing punches at a dream catcher filled with cat shit. That's what's going on in my mind. And that part where you go, just, you know, stay focused, move forward. I cannot. Like, I'm going out of my mind. Like, my mind is screaming while I'm opening the show. In my mind, I'm screaming, what's going on? What did we do? We just talked about this. You've been here for an hour. Like, what? I cannot let that pass. I don't know how you guys are. Well, I think. I think on the air, I think that's what we're all trained to do is, doesn't matter what's going on, just stay focused, toe the line, do your job. Just do what you gotta do. But are you incensed like I'm incensed? Like, I literally told an underling, I don't want this to happen again. And about three shows later, it happened again. Yeah, I'm trying to remember the specific example in my life, but I have the exact same thing. I think it's like when I'm driving with Christy and, like, we'll get, like, cut off and, like, two miles later down the road, I'm still fuming. I'm fuming about it. She's like, what's wrong? I'm like, the guy, the guy. She's like, well, you let it go. I'm like, I can't. I can't. I'm furious. Well, I think it's also rampant in radio because there's a lot of people that put a show together. And if you've ever worked on a morning show, which you both have, and you ask for something like that, and the next day it's like you never had that conversation, it's like, aren't we all on the same team? Aren't we all trying to put a product together? I remember the example. We're in the back of a Lyft, and our Lyft driver is, like, driving very cautiously, which Lyft drivers do for some reason. There's no step on it option. It's just all very cautious, very slow. And, like, you can see it coming almost literally a mile away, a quarter mile away. You can see the lights, you know, kind of turn. The countdown clock is on on the crosswalk. You're like, we got to make this light. We got to make this light. Got to make this light. Light turns yellow. You could make it if you wanted to, but it's easy to stop. And I'm fuming. And we're, like, on our way to a date. Christy's going to be here in a second. She can verify. We're on our way to a date night, like a night out, just the two of us, you know, no kid. And I'm fuming in the back seat. I'm just, we should have made that light. She's like, let it go. It is a. Yes, I'm fixated. We should be on our way to date night, having a good time, and I'm fixated. When I'm coming up to that light, and I see the thing blinking, and I see all, there's a whole bunch of indicators you're looking for. You are surveying the land. You're seeing the countdown on the don't walk, crosswalk thing. You're seeing who's doing what around you. Cross traffic. And sometimes you're at an intersection where you're on the small street, and the big street's going the other. So you're going to have to wait three times. It's long. And when we. Three times, fool. When you start slowing down, it feels like someone's putting a pipe cleaner up my urethra. Like, I literally, like, I have this weird visceral, like, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. It affects my nights. They start to slow down. The worst is when they start to slow down a little bit, and then they kind of get on it a little, and then it's like, oh, now we're not going to make it. Yes, because you slowed down 500 yards from the signal. You should have been pacing it up at that point. It's a regular occurrence. Yes. A fight on the way to a date night before Christy. Well, I'll play you some, so I was sitting with Dr. Drew last week doing some recording, or this week doing some recording, and he just had, he just did three or four of his best moves at the same time. Is it your birthday? He gave you a combo. And I just, he, like, Dr. Drew does certain things like this. And you ask Gary. Go get Gary. And, like, once in a blue moon, I'll try to take a hit off of my coffee and not, you know, let him grab the baton and run with it a little bit. And if I ever, like, lean back and start taking a hit off my coffee, he'll go silent. So I'll have to kind of, like, go, like, okay, Brett, so let me tell you about, like, it was like, Drew, why can't you talk when I'm. Right. There's a give and take. Uh-oh. Gary, if I ever try to lean back and take a hit off the coffee or bite off a cashew, does Drew go silent frequently? He either goes silent or he asks you a complicated question that he wants an immediate answer for. But what he doesn't do is sort of pick up as I lean back, right? He doesn't start asking a long question that's going to take him 30 seconds. He does plenty of talking. He's perfectly capable of talking. He does not see me, like, lean back and try to take a sip off something and talk. He goes silent during that period. So I have to put my stuff down and rush back. Drew, if you're listening, I'm going to show you how it's done. Take a sip of your coffee. I'll take over here. Hey, Adam. Oh, wait. I messed that up. Throw it at him. Throw it at him. All right. So he's got a lot of that. One thing he likes to do is we had Neil deGrasse Tyson calling in, and I was wrapping up. One of his favorite things is not getting cues. So I'll play the first one. This is me wrapping up with Neil deGrasse. That's an example of the kind of thinking you want to be pervasive in society. Without it, we might as well. Just all move back to the caves, because that's where we're headed. Neil deGrasse Tyson, I'll be praying for your soul tonight, my friend. Yes, me too. Me too. It's going to be at the Long Beach Terrace Theater that is coming up Monday, March 25th, and there's dates all. Let's talk about collisions. Everything that collides, colliding galaxies, asteroid collisions, and I will give a shout out to Armageddon. I must. Great. I'll say it's one of your favorite movies. I'll tell the audience. And we had a near collision up near Alaska. A week or so ago, right? Yeah. So, I mean, the point is, this has been going on all the time. We just know about it now. Right. Right. There are ways of detecting. Excellent. Which is pretty scary. That was actually Neil deGrasse jumping in with collation and Drew not letting me wrap up or not knowing what I was doing. See, at that point, Drew and I are supposed to be on the same team, which is I'm wrapping down, Neil's out of the room. You gave the plugs. He jumps in and then we wrap it up. But Drew. Jumped in. Not as egregious as some of his other errors. I'll play you. I'll play a good Drew. A good trade school one. I spoke to my dad and asked him what was going on in trade school in 1946. And I'll tease it, but you can listen. All right, Drew. So, here's a quiz. All right. I found this interesting and I don't know why. - It's about your dad again? - It's about trade school. - Oh. I was interested that he learned to play the trumpet in trade school, but it was also sort of interesting that that was a trade. There was a job to be had. There was a job to be had and a big band traveling around. And then I said, yeah, yeah, wood shop, you know, metal pipe fitting or whatever. And he said, yeah, but most people went for this, to the trade school. And I'm going to ask you to guess. Yes. What did they learn at the trade school? What most people learned? Yeah. So so he went for music, but most people go for. Yeah, there wasn't most people going to play the. Right. Most people. Try it at Progressive dot com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Ever wonder who's out there making the world go round? It's truckers. Who unites baristas with coffee beans? Truckers. Who unites dogs with their favorite chew toy? Truckers. That's why Progressive offers truckers even more protection with Cargo Plus coverage to keep truckers moving right along. Quote truck insurance today in as little as eight minutes at Progressive Commercial dot com. Coverage subject to policy terms, limits and conditions. Not yet available in California, New York and Virginia. Support for this podcast comes from Progressive, America's number one boat insurer. We've all made mistakes on the water, but there's one mistake you shouldn't make. Being uninsured. With Progressive Boat Insurance, you can choose coverage for most mistakes you or other boaters can make, helping you float carefree all season long. Quote today. Number one rating based on 2024 filings with state departments of insurance. Let's see. To hear him say it, the lion's share of the guys were trying to become. Auto mechanic, that kind of thing. You kind of got to think about, yeah, there was definitely some of that. Yeah. And probably a lot of that back in the 40s or whenever it was. Would it be just carpentry building? You have to think. About that period of history? You just have to kind of, when you hear it, you'll go, oh. That's what they were going for. Yes. Here's this plumber. No. That was my. When you hear it, it'll make perfect sense. Gary's looking puzzled, too. Everyone's sitting down. Yeah. You ready? Yeah. Taylor. That does not make sense to me. Oh, yes, it does. Don't be an asshole, Gary. Of course, it makes perfect sense. Every guy who was even remotely a business person dressed in a three-piece suit everywhere. You look at, think of pictures of airplanes from the 60s and 70s. It's a perfect thing to teach a stupid 14 or 15-year-old who's not going to go off to college or whatever, who's once again. Okay, Drew, don't make that face, idiot. It's a big market for that. Taylor. Guys were Taylors back then. They're not really anymore, but. Yeah. I wouldn't call it that. If you say so. It doesn't make sense to me. Really? It doesn't make sense to you that there was Taylors in the 40s? Yeah, if you think just a little bit about it, it makes perfect sense. It makes perfect sense. You can go to Nordstrom and most places and get a suit off the rack. There were all jobs. There were due jobs. There were all jobs. Taylors were, and there were a lot of Taylors back then, and that was a profession. It was a simple, yeah, thing to teach someone. Measure, cut, stitch. Yeah. Drew does not accept it. Drew doesn't make sense to him. He's just being passive aggressive because he couldn't come up. I get it. The reason I made it in the form of a quiz is if it was pipe fitter or auto mechanic, I wouldn't have put it in the form of a quiz because that's kind of what you'd assume that that's what you'd do. That's what you'd be doing, but Taylor would never have. There's no such thing as anybody at my kid's school announcing they want to be a Taylor. No one would know what that is. No one would know what that job is, right. But just in Drew's defense, how many colonoscopies, urethromoscopies, how many procedures has he set up for you since you've met him? He has- He's performed. Yeah, maybe. He's set up- And Jimmy. Let's see. He's set up a colonoscopy. He's set up. I had some hand work I think he's set up. I'm probably hernia, although he does more harm than good because he's explaining to me how much pain I'm going to be in and how miserable it's going to be and how brutal. His whole hernia thing was. I was getting my surgery on a Friday night and I said, see you Sunday. And he's like, I will not see you Sunday at Loveline. And I was like- And I was like, I'll see you Sunday. And he's like, no way. You're going to be in agony. You're going to be writhing. You're going to be on a bathroom floor somewhere rolling around. And in my mind, especially at that stage of my career, I'd done. Every job I had done involved helping someone move boxes of books or carrying cases of soda upstairs to the Viacom office. Or a free hutch you were gifted for. From an uncle or something like that. Yes. You know what I mean? The physical labor. You're carrying something absurd. Everything was coding, digging, climbing, demoing stucco. So when you said. When I learned I had a job where you sat, you just drove your car in, got out of your car and sat down for the entire length of your job, I was like, there's no day I'll ever miss because of a physical whatever. Because- Because I'm sitting. I would just be at home sitting. I always knew- If I can sit. Yeah. If I can sit, then I can go to work and sit. And that was sort of my head on it. And I was kind of right. The days of, again, climbing around on the roof and doing earthquake rehab work and stuff. The racquetball ceiling. Yeah. That kind of stuff is not really doable with stitches in your groin. But getting out of your car and sitting. I mean, you get. You get picked up from the hospital. You walk. They wheel you down. You get into a car. You're always sitting. Yeah. They drive you to your house. You get out of the car. You walk into the car. You sit down on the sofa and you turn the TV on. Like, I'm sitting like, well, I'll do that. I'll do that over at Loveline. So I was fine. It also made me realize, and I think this is a very real thing, how. People experience physical pain and how there's a pretty wide chasm there. And just how. There's an element of mental fortitude, but there's also an experiential thing, which is Drew and I had the exact same procedure, and he experienced a much higher level of physical pain because he's a pussy. And I felt. Experienced no pain. After pain at all, I got up the next morning hung doors. I didn't physically feel anything. But maybe that's just because you don't feel. Yeah. And that includes pain, surgery. You're afraid of nerve endings. It could be. It could be very well. But I'm very curious about that. Like people. Like you just said, people really do experience pain differently. Like someone's just being a complainer, a bitcher, but maybe. Like I dropped a Stanley Steamer thing on my toe and I cried for 90 minutes. I'd never experienced pain like that before. But somebody else might be like, how? Damn it. Toe pain is weirdly more than like getting hit in the thigh or something like that. Right. That's true. And I've discussed this with Drew and others, and they've sort of agreed on this concept, which is when you drop that rented carpet wand on your baby toe and you're wearing flip flops, for that moment and the moments beyond, lasting up until 90 seconds, let's say, although sounds short. It's kind of a long time. It's been a long time being a lot of pain. I don't believe that there's anything different that your body's experienced between being shot or being hit by a lawnmower propeller in the chest. I mean, there's a psychological dynamic, but in terms of what your body's going through, I just think you're pegged. Yeah. You're pegged in pain. Now, it drops off fast, but it's sort of like one of those online dating things where they go, if you make $10,000 to $40,000 a year, check this box. And it's certain. And they go. And they go $100,000 to $160,000. Check this box. And then at a certain point, they just go over $200,000 or over whatever it is. At that point, it doesn't matter. Dropped on the toe, shot in the liver. You're just pegged. You're over $200,000 for that moment. And I think that's kind of how everyone's wired. Speaking of that exact scenario, you played baseball. Do you remember the first time, because I do, the first time, did you foul a ball off your toe or foot? Yes. Oh, my God. The first time I did that, and I was playing like, not Little League, but like fast pitch, you know, with 60 foot, six inch, you know, pitching rubber away from the plate. I fouled, you know, you take a swing and you foul it off and it goes straight down to your foot. As fast as the pitch is coming, it goes at your foot. I thought I exploded my toe. I'm like, that's it. I'm going to have to have my toe amputated. Of course, it was fine, but it was the most extreme pain I'd ever felt at that point in my 15-year-old life. The only difference between you and me is I went to the salon, to the nail salon, to get a color that match the bruise that is still there on my foot and I don't see you doing it. that were you cleaning carpet yeah when i moved oh and i what a woman i like yeah well i i had to you know get the place in order i was moving out i was doing it pretty much on my own although i experienced something that i'd never done before and i'll never be without it for the rest of my life for the first time in history i've moved in my life i don't know 15 times the first time mama got a rental company oh yeah it's a must me you've arrived friends you've arrived boyfriend oh god i was bad hands off i uh i uh so speaking of drew and his his uh broadcasting shortcomings i have i attempt he was doing a live read he comes in here with a sack of food and his phone and at some point he'll be looking at his phone and i'll be talking to him and he'll be going and i'll go stop reading your phone and go i can hear you but he's not he's shut down he's not shut he's shut down um so he's doing a live read was it i think it was butcher box and i was like okay now's my opportunity and i lean back where i'm sitting right now like back here and i started eating some cashews like quietly and uh here's what drew did so heritage breed port directly to your door on a monthly basis the new protein is wild alaskan sockeye salmon you just had it right you've had it so good he's seeing me leaning back eating you're like a squirrel there's nothing in a library that says you have to stop in the middle of it and talk to people engage your car left yes now in the throwing you under the bus bracket support for this podcast comes from progressive america's number one boat insurer we've all made mistakes on the water but there's one mistake you shouldn't make being uninsured with progressive boat insurance you can choose coverage for your boat insurance and you can choose coverage for your most mistakes you or other boaters can make helping you float carefree all season long quote today progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates number one rating based on 2024 filings with state departments of insurance why does progressive work hard for truckers because truckers unite the world they unite kids with their first drum sets and parents with earplugs but truckers can't do this if they're not on the road that's why progressive has over 30 years of experience with truckers 360 heavy truck employees to help truckers stay on time and on track quote truck insurance today in as little as eight minutes at progressive commercial.com progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates one of the things i love most about the day is that during dinner time when we're all in the kitchen we love to listen to music and like dance while we eat i mean it's probably a bad habit for my kids but i love it and we love listening to music and we love listening to music amazon music like that's where we go for like our dance sessions around our kitchen counter but you can also on amazon listen to podcasts audiobooks i've seen that they have verity they have a court of thorns and roses project hail mary making it easy for you to listen to your favorite books or podcasts music podcasts audiobooks all in one app he likes to throw under the bus too it's another move of his i said uh i know somebody called in oh somebody called in and said they were living in colorado and they were skiing on a ridge above a road where they weren't supposed to be skiing and they caused a small avalanche oh my god and no one was hurt but it blocked the road and they felt remorse and they want to know how you deal with repentance and remorse and and when you've done somebody wrong and that sort of thing and uh i said uh i don't know i don't feel like i don't really feel like i do people wrong um i feel like there's people who don't like me or don't like my attitude or didn't like my response but i don't feel like i've i've been screwed a few times on a couple of real estate deals and and stuff like that but i don't really do the screwing part i don't do people dirty it's like it's like i i don't uh it's not my dna there are people you inadvertently or are are put down or uh they didn't like the way that sounded or whatever but i'm talking about like doing somebody wrong that's like you're very vengeful if someone does you wrong no i'm kidding yeah like the the thing where it's like oh you you know you were cheating on your wife for a number of years or you had a partner and you screwed them or you had a deal like a real estate deal and you kept all the whatever and then some years wore by and now you you have to sort of make them whole can i ask you a footnote question because you're you've been around drew enough to maybe know this uh the the step of the 12 steps where you make amends you call and you apologize for whatever do you are you only apologizing for things that your addiction caused you to do or are you apologizing for all of the assholes like things you did when you were dead sober well i'd imagine it's the stuff fueled by the addiction i think that's the point yeah i don't imagine i've only been you can take it pretty far just my only experience was my margaret cho incident and uh she specifically was talking about interactions we had which i'm assuming she was drunk for but i don't think it i think you have to find the people you did wrong to and apologize to them i don't know that you need to be drunk or high at that particular moment okay that you did what's wrong you need to be in the throes of your general lifestyle okay okay addiction okay all right sorry to protect your addiction or yeah i guess i think drew would probably just drew would say during those years when you were strung out on x y or z you were making bad decisions 24 7 to every everybody even if you technically were sober when you did it that morning all right but uh anyway i told drew i told drew i don't really i don't feel like i've like i said i may have upset a few people along the way but i never really felt like i've done anyone wrong drew had a suggestion we can listen to that my life is a series of um i've never done anything right for certain people i've not done any wrong to people i don't there are things i don't know yes that that was a mistake i think you made i'm not sure if you still think it was a mistake it was built on i think a lack of understanding of the meaning of a word to a certain population and and you were unfairly attacked and stuff but still i think it was kind of a mistake that was that whole chinaman thing thank you drew by the way guy ioki's a sack of shit that's the guy who used to run the defamation anti-asian whatever he never cared no one ever cared if he would just what's going on now this is sort of invisible mobs of oh this community is very upset except for that committee's never heard anything about i said i said in like on loveline for the million years i we're talking about holistic uh drugs or something like that and i said the uh you know dandra from the beard of an old chinaman you know whatever was the ingredients in it and uh douchebag guy uh got on the offense about it but anyway drew thank you for that example anyway that is what i'm saying i i'm saying no one's actually been hurt by i've never done people wrong i'm not talking about pissing yeah look there's look if you say god damn it some people get upset you say retard another group a totally different group by the way the weird crossover weird there's not much commingling between the god damn it upsets and the retard upsets the retards are always full atheists and god dams are the born agains and the christians and everything and it's weird that they both anyway uh but they yes i say things that upset people but they're not really hurt it doesn't hurt anybody well and you're not zeroing in on a person and say i shall screw up their life yes anyway but thank god for hero drew bringing up an incident from 21 years ago speaking of incident from years ago and drew being drew i don't know if i ever told the story on the show if i have was probably six years ago or something like that but uh i'll tell a funny story about drew because and him being him when i was a call screener at loveline i uh i don't know if you remember this or not i had my uh gallbladder removed i was having like uh gallbladder attacks brian are you okay i know it was bad news man i was having like like bad gallbladder it was actually really painful probably more painful than uh than a hernia like it was really painful don't be one yeah anyhow i had a gallbladder removed i just remember it's the first time you're under 220 since high school that did put me over the edge uh and so uh i'm a little nervous i have the schedule the procedure scheduled you know laparoscopic surgery they're gonna take it all out and uh you know so i'll go to the only doctor i know drew i'm like drew you know what do i expect from this he's like man it's easy you know it's laparoscopic to go in there blah blah and he goes where are they doing the procedure and i said uh a hospital uh in in la south of la said daniel freeman memorial hospital and whatever angle whatever it was and as soon as i said that drew goes good luck i'm a terrified 25 year old i have no idea what's happening he did a lot of that i mean obviously the the jewel in the crown of uh the debbie downer was you know my wife's friend with the ovarian cancer and that's like i was telling him about it trying to get some answers and she he just goes she's gonna be dead in six months well she was like 33 yeah or 32 did he not say the same thing about brian probably he said something pretty close to brian which of course was horrible for uh haunting for me because i'd only had one instance where i'd asked him one for one to diagnose a young person and an illness and he just said she's gonna be dead in six months and she was dead in four and a half months and so when the brian when the brian tumor came up and he was like uh that was like to me that meant uh-oh i mean obviously dr death strikes again yeah he he'd got lynette's friend down perfectly so this coming in and then i talked to dr bruise and dr bruise kind of felt the same way but his sister actually had the exact same thing for like 10 years and and has been living with it wow don't lie by the way yeah so he yeah that's uh that's why i said had but have been living yeah right so he had a little different perspective on it because he literally had a family member that had the exact same thing which is an insane so his perspective was a little more hopeful even though his wasn't that hopeful either because the the thought was there was a kind of a math which is the tumor's been there for a little while and now if you're having trouble with walking or your vision or whatever it is it's growing and if it's growing then we're in trouble his sisters was there but it wasn't growing okay the growing part is the part that's the death sentence part so that was the academic yeah that was the interesting part anyway dr worst person in the world for all these reasons on that all right let me uh we got a call up there looking uh for bathroom etiquette at work i have many thoughts on that and there's uh those are the funny or die video which i feel like pretty much like um you know when when you guys think i'm kidding about a lot of stuff i'm not really kidding about most of it i i if you look at the funny or die bathroom etiquette video which i think was taken from in 50 years where i'll be chicks i can't recall but if you look at that video it's funny but i'm also kind of explaining how the bathroom works at work i think uh i think there's a problem there's a there's a there's a there's a little chasm between home bathroom and work bathroom in certain regards and there's a grand canyon worth of chasm between home kitchen and work kitchen yep i was you treat them very differently i domigo doesn't domigo i was yelling about him yesterday oh gina make a note make a note i'm going to go to vats um write down kashi yeah oh that's a different guy that's a different guy yeah sorry about that we'll write them both down because i was literally yelling about this yesterday and then it's going to get me on to something else that's going to make me yell oh college humor is where i did it not funny or die is college humor still around yeah oh okay they're graduate postgraduate humor is there and then and then and they are any way are they any way connected to funny or die or just a totally different uh entity like the coke and pepsi yeah i think they're pretty different yeah i didn't know why i had that funny or die part in my head i mean they're both just they put out funny videos all the time i got it make the bread makes sense all right well let's uh let's hear it and you guys can not much visual to it i think you can listen to it bathroom etiquette public service announcement i'm actor comedian adam carolla and now celebrated author of the new book in 50 years we'll all be chicks today's lesson bathroom etiquette lift the toilet seat did you know that peeing on the toilet seat is essentially the same as peeing on a co-worker's ass come on man well 95 percent of chad's whiz may have found its mark i want to know about the other five percent the collateral wits chad do you think i like sitting in your whiz no well then why the f**k wouldn't you lift the seat jack stick timing is everything well it's five minutes after nine which means people have been at work for approximately five minutes and in that short period of time mark has managed to up the entire bathroom what mark should have done is done his offloading at home before he came to work i'm sorry adam i really had to go man mark you've been employed here for eight years and you can't get your bowels in order get the f**k out but i'm in the middle i said get out no loud cell phone if you've ever been in a public restroom while someone was on a cell phone you've maybe experienced this awkward one-sided conversation hey how's it going going good just shaking the dew off the old lily hey i'm on the phone oh i'm sorry can i see that for a moment excuse me my phone's about to break what keep your feet on the ground have you ever seen someone do this sorry uh just didn't want to touch anything with my hands well that's great for you jackie chan of the can but now you've managed to get the urine off the floor and on to the handle that i have to touch with my hands my hand how would you like it if i peed on your hand cup your hands i said cup your hand close the door my last tip is for home use when the bathroom's not being occupied please don't close the door it's confusing to the rest of the people at the party if the doors close that means it's occupied if the doors open go on in and if it's a jar that means it's occupied if the doors close that means enter at your own risk i'm adam carolla and that's bathroom etiquette all right so we uh we implement that around here and it's it works pretty good i'd say so i'll tell you there's some um heavy hitters here in the commode department and i've walked past the bathroom many a time with that door ajar and the fart fan going and i've never stumbled in to any ass yeah you know better think about your incidents of work in stumbling into ass it happens a lot and it's never happened to me since we've implemented this because if i see that the door's closed someone's in there the door's open i can walk in with impunity and if it's a jars it is oftentimes with the fan running i will reach in with my hand and stay well outside of the door jam and flip the light off on occasion i think it's been going long enough but i will never go in yeah no you know never been burned has anyone been burned uh no i did the same thing with the reach in like don't don't go in you can reach in reach around the corner take stay outside if you can it's a pretty simple thing and i i think it benefits everyone here and no one has stumbled into any ass is that is that a fair statement yeah i've never been hit in the face with the only drawback and i assume it's guests because they're not coached up is oftentimes the door will be left closed and i'll be waiting outside for a good 45 seconds it'll be a guess should i knock and it's empty of course that's a guest dylan's been doing a a new move where he's been he's been emailing everybody group emailing everybody and shaming anybody who's been streaking the toilet and not cleaning it after and he takes a photo and oh good calls the person out uh hey paul 35 minnesota hi adam what's going on signed dylan rent yeah it could be dawson because you know we did have that incident at klsx when he was in the bathroom alone he passed by two empty urinals to go into the stall to urinate and when i saw his boots down there and i walked in i said dawson taking a pee and he's like yep i was like did you put the seat up he's like no nope i'm like you just walked past two empty urinals to a commode and left the seat down well you're you're also assuming that i'm a monster and if i pee on the seat i'm not going to clean it up which is 100 wrong okay if you pee on the seat you clean it up get some toilet paper get your pee off the seat all right leave it there like an animal i'm gonna go way out on a limb here and say if you asked a hundred americans would you rather use a seat that was whizzed on and then wiped down or not whizzed on at all i think most of them would go not whizzed on at all but that's it that's i'm not going to ask them and i'm going to continue to do what i do okay all i've i by the way the urinal i have just below the sagely advice i gave to uh brian as a as a new homeowner take a whiz in the yard oh that is a month it lets you daily activity let you know you're alive you guys property owner two nights ago i peed in the front yard night well now you're back predator and i like that but what i'm saying is is i feel that same free Freedom in front of a urinal. Like, you know, I sit around all day. I think about these broads getting a break on their tax and their insurance. They're getting a break on their car insurance. Hold on, Paul. Hold on. They're living seven years longer than me. But when I'm standing in front of that urinal, it's the only time I feel free. You're the king of all you survey. I'm like, no broad can do this. We were in the backyard on Saturday with a couple who the girl had never been over to her house and the husband had. And so it was her first time over. And they have their kid. They're two and a half year olds. And I had to go to the bathroom. I got up and I walked and I got to that T in the yard where if I go this way, I'm going to the backyard. If I go that way, I'm going to the toilet. And I had to think about it. Good for you. Because in front of a new company, you can't do that. But I did think about it. Paul, sorry. Yeah. Minnesota, what's going on? Yeah, I went to work this morning. And I've been working there for three weeks. And they said they're having a company meeting. And the first thing on the list was nobody's fussing. Somebody pissed on the toilet. Somebody pissed on the floor. And Paul, you're the new lead man. Wow. Oh, got hazed. You're the lead man in arresting this kind of behavior? No, in a cabinet shop. I'm the new lead. At the cabinet shop? Yeah, I work in the high-end department. I've talked to you several times before. Oh, we've talked cabinet construction? Well, mostly I talk with you and Dr. Drew. about me being a drunk. Are you the one that had the porn in the front yard? You with the roommate and the buried porn? Yeah. The porn guy is sitting right next to me. Shrug porn. It wasn't me. It wasn't my porn. I thought you. Paul's alone, by the way. Yeah. Paul. No, that was actually him. I got to say, and thanks, Paul, the complaints about the roommates once you get past 34 1⁄2, that's kind of on you. Like, I got a roommate, man. This guy, he's drinking my Robitussin. He's fucking watching, playing Fortnite all the. You're 35. I can stop it. I got a roommate. At some point, you got to get up to a station in life where you don't require a roommate. And so, while it is true, you may have a horrible roommate, and there's probably a reason your 41-year-old roommate's a horrible person. It's because he's 41 and requires a roommate. Self-selecting. Yeah. Group. So, that's what you're running into. All right. We got the Rotten Tomatoes game. Yeah, we do. I did. So, on the K-Rock front and the Kalos X front, my K-Rock that I went to yesterday was in my old Kalos X studio, which is attached to the kitchen or next to the kitchen. When did they move in? The Kalos X. Building. Well, this is. There's been a string of directional misadventures for the Ace Man. Last week, so on Saturday, I had to be down at the Orange County Fairgrounds to go to be the grand marshal for the Orange County whatever. Cool. They told us to enter through Gate 5. This place is a sprawl. It's a sprawling place with multiple gates. And it's sort of like when you're circling out front of Hollywood Park or Dodger Stadium. I'm trying to think of one of those venues. The Coliseum. You got to come in Gate 5, you know? And so, Gate 1, and then there's Gate 2, and then there's Gate 3, and then there's Gate 4 1⁄2. And then we pass by Gate 4 1⁄2, and there is no more gates. And then at some point, we see Gate 7. So, we turn around, and we go back again. Meanwhile, and you guys have heard me complain about this, they give you the phone call five minutes earlier going, where are you guys? We're doing the ribbon cutting, and you're the grand marshal. So, presumably, they would like you there, but not so much that they send somebody out with a walkie-talkie to the gate. To escort you. No. So, you drive past the thing, and it says Gate 5, and then you turn around again, and then you call the person, and they go, Gate 5, and at a certain point, just because it's the only thing that makes sense, you pull into Gate 4 1⁄2, and they go, who are you? And then you go, I'm the grand marshal. And they go, oh, hold on. Not a Gate 4 1⁄2? And then you pull, they let you in, and then you pull in and park, but you don't know where to go or what to do. And then you call the people, and you go, we're in front of the McGuire's tent. Where are you? And they're like, oh, you guys are here? And it's like, yes! Why wouldn't you get a guy with a walkie-talkie to stand in front? And why do you keep saying Gate 5? There is no Gate 5. And then later on, when you go, hey, by the way, there's no Gate 5. So, if you're telling people to come to Gate 5, and they'll go like, yeah, you guys came in on Gate 5? And you go, no, no. No Gate 5. It doesn't exist. It goes, for some reason, from 3 to 4 1⁄2, and then it goes to 7. There is no Gate 5. And that's the point where they kind of put it on you, like, oh, okay, well, 4 1⁄2, I guess they'll let you in, or whatever. And you're like, I don't know where you got Gate 5. I'm following directions. Right. That's why directions are directions. It's weird when you're the Grand Marshal, and they want you there. They'll never put a guy. Look, half the people there are volunteers, right? Just get the chick with the windbreaker and the walkie-talkie and go have her. Hey, Sarah, get your clipboard and go stand by Gate 4 1⁄2 and just wait for these guys. But it says Gate 5. And it can also say, like, what are you driving? We'll have our guy wait. Never do that. They just pull in and start wandering around to the point where D'Andrea called them and said, we're standing in front of the Maguire's tent. We'll be waiting. And they're like, okay. And they got a guy. And at a certain point, we see a guy with a walkie-talkie wandering around, and Matt yelled at him, hey. And he's like, huh? And he's like, we're here. Are you here? Oh, okay. It's kind of insane. That was Saturday. On Sunday, it premiered Not Taco Bell material at the Cine Lounge. The Cine Lounge was. The CNN Lounge. Yes, was described to me by Nate Adams as in the basement of the CNN building, which he told me seven times. It's like, in the basement of the CNN building. And I'm like, okay. I've been to the CNN building quite a few times. I've never noticed a basement or a movie theater down there, but it's in the basement of the CNN building. It's in the basement of the CNN building. And then I drove. I drove to the CNN building and I couldn't find anything and I was sort of circling around and I went past Staples, the store, and then at some point I stopped, like, on Sunset and I looked up at a building that said Cine Lounge on the side of the building. And later on, when I confronted Nate on this, Nate's answer was, yeah, no. Yeah, well, it's not in the basement of the CNN building exactly, but it is. I said, Nate, shut up. Stop talking. Don't start trying to walk your way out of this one. It's not there. Yes, it's a couple buildings over in a new building. Ground floor. where I would never park because I would be parked in the back of the CNN building and I would be walking through the lobby of the CNN building talking to some doofus who had no idea what I meant about a theater underneath because there wasn't a theater underneath. But don't try to pretend this was a kind of a half, you know, tomato-tomato thing. Wrong building. It's like Jan Hooks in Pee-Wee's Big Adventure. There's no basement in the Alamo. Later on, that same week, I was dispatched to go to K-Rock to see Kevin and Bean. I was confused because I had a Wilshire address, but I also know that Sirius XM is at, like, that same place in Wilshire. And I was going to talk to them and maybe Matt or. or Waze had somehow screwed up. I was going to go to K-Rock in Culver City. Matt got an email from the producer of the morning show, Dave, that read what, Matt? Well, I had asked him where you were supposed to park because that's one of the things we try to do to help limit some of the confusion. And in the process, he wrote me back and said, Adam is returning to his old studio. In case he forgot, here's the address. Right. My old studio, but not at K-Rock, where I worked for 10 years. And I didn't know they moved to the KLSX studio. No one else seemed to know that. So it would have been nice if he said old studio at KLSX versus the one I'd been at for a decade at K-Rock because I was going to K-Rock. Yeah. And it's also 20 minutes away. That would be a very weird piece of math for me to do, which is, going to K-Rock, going to my old studio, work at K-Rock for 10 years, different location. You'd need to put a little KLSX over there. Because his old studio could mean a couple different things. Connect the dots. Well, one studio was three years, one studio was 10 years, but also one studio is K-Rock. Right. And I'm going to K-Rock. So that then caused that. I think we could clear this stuff up just a little bit. That's all I'm saying. Streamline the whole thing. I think there are ways for Nate to do that. To not say it's in the building of another building's basement where it's not. I feel like there's ways that the people running the Orange County Hot Rod show could actually give you the number that was on the gate that you're supposed to enter. Not a gate that doesn't exist. And I feel like you could, when you say old studio in K-Rock, you could say Kalis X building. In which case, I would need no directions and no anything. But you just missed that one show. You could have even said old studio, old morning show studio or anything. But you can't say old studio in K-Rock because I have a couple of those and that's going to cause confusion. But I guess that's a bridge too far. And so as I was entering the building, I was like, I'm starting to get pissed off. I was like, why didn't they just tell me it was the building? I worked here for three years. And then as I walked up to the second floor, I'm like, oh, my God, is it my? And there it was, my old studio. Now, did it still smell like chicken stew or whatever the hell? Axe. I was laughing. I was laughing with Kevin about how when we worked there, that's Danny, how we worked and and Nicorette and Marlboro Reds. But anyway, when we worked there, people would bring in crockpots and make like lentil stew at 845 in the morning. And I would kind of go like, what are you doing? I'm making lunch and it's like I'm eating my breakfast. And there's something I don't know if you're like me. I feel like it's a little bit intimate. Like it's a little watching people eat. Like it's kind of a non-work thing. It's kind of there's something about it that feels a little personal. Well, they're having their meal. Do it at home. Here are the two things I would say. Go ahead and do it at home and then go ahead and drop your deuce at home and then show up to work. The two things when fresh and floating, when someone would destroy that bathroom at 608 in the morning, I'd be like, really? You're just at your house. How long could you? I've been here. That was number one. Number two is eating. I realize it's the problem. It's the management's problem because they had a big peninsula table and all that did was invite all the horrible people to get the crockpot out. Oh, there was passive aggressive judging when we sort of co-opted that as our little workspace. It was right outside our staging area. You'd open the door to the studio and you'd run into the table. Where am I supposed to put my omelet bar? It was portico and sequence. It was the only place you could see, make a sight line eye contact with the people in the morning show. So, of course, it made perfect sense for Angie and Lynch and whoever to do some stuff there. But there was silent judging. Not so silent passive aggressive judging. Well, I now realize. We were encroaching on people's breakfast space. I think what we're going to have to do, because everyone is horrible. I think what we're going to have to do with the peninsula table that you're supposed to sit there with your computer open and your stent open. Getting a little work done because you're at goddamn work. I think we're going to have to do with that the same thing we're going to have to do with all freeway underpasses and any open space where homeless encampments can pop up. You know, they had a problem with skateboarders doing the kick turns and sliding down the rails and sliding on the benches. So they start putting basically speed bumps everywhere. They just started welding bolts. That every rail and everything trying to thwart that. We now are going to have to do that with communal kitchens and places homeless people can fly. The spikes, the pigeons, you know, to keep the pigeons away. Yeah, we'll do that. Park benches, too. We'll do that. We'll we'll get a big styrofoam white guy with his arms folded like a sheriff's badge, you know, and a bulletproof jacket and a vest. And it'll be like standing there. We'll do that like they do the owls. So I have that. Well, the scarecrow will will put that. Well, where the homeless people go, we'll have to use all of the tank traps they used in Normandy. Like they would take railroad ties or actually railroad the steel part of the railroad. They take like I-beams and they they they sort of make them into some sort of freestanding kind of weird thing that would stop the landing craft, stop the tank. On to the on to the beach. We'll have to take those. We'll have to scatter those all. We'll have to scatter those all over the Southland, wherever homeless are going to set up their camps. And then we'll put the spikes on the table on this on the in the work so they can't set up the crockpot, put down their bowl of cash. You go lean. The guy who ate the cash. You go lean. It's like, who was that? He was the the board up for Frosty. I mean, Frank, he was right up there. Binder was in the in the creepy in the creepy department. He was up there with the tall man from the. The Phantasm series, like just not physically imposing, but it is creepy as they come off putting. Yes. If anyone ever wants to see Phantasm and see the tall man, he's like the undertaker. Like, it's one of those guys are just too nice to agree verbally, which is nodding vigorously bicep. This twelve inches around is even still scared of him. I'm laughing because he always wear suit. He would sit there eating cash. You go lean every single morning and I'd like and I'd always condescendingly go. What's up there? So you have having my breakfast and I'd go, oh, yeah, I had mine at home, you know, before I came here. And he'd be like, oh, good for you. Like, OK, you're bringing your box in your all the accoutrements. And just you're making it like a slurping sound and slopping it in your mouth. Like, that's what apartments are for. Is that what apartment? I feel the same way about people are doing Tai Chi in the park like that. Go to your living room and do your goddamn scissor kicks and your goddamn dolphin shorts in your goddamn living room. Don't come. Don't come out to the park. I got kids here. What is this thing? Who are these people? You ever see people? I've seen this. I've seen it up the street. People that live in an apartment. They're in the San Fernando Valley, but they still want to sunbathe and they don't want to go to the beach. They'll take a beach towel and spread it out on the very small front lawn. Not the balcony. The apartment. I've seen guys. Grass slab. The little swatch. The grass on the front and just laying out like I'd like to lay out on some grass on a towel in my. I was wearing like a speedo or something, but in my trunks. But I don't want to go over the hill. I'm going to pay eight bucks for barking. I'll just do it here. That sounds horrible. It's horrible. Why can't you go to a park? I have no idea. But I don't want you to park either. That's a good point. Go to the goddamn beach or don't go at all or get some spray on tan. Go to the roof. Go to the roof. Yes. All right. Let's see. Got game. We got the game. We'll take a break. All right. We got the Rotten Tomatoes game to play. Let me see the tall man anyway. Again, not not physically imposing, but scary in a suit. Yeah. Off putting. Off putting in a suit. So imagine if the tall man from Phantasm was eating cash. You go lean every single morning when you walked out of your office. My God, that's in me in the suit to be a little off putting. Right. Yes. All right. All right. Gina's giving a big thumbs up. I'm saying there's a way from the tall under. There's a way for the tall undertaking to eat cash. Go lean in his. I'm guessing modest department. It's a modest crypt department. It's a bachelor's and a single. It's crypt. Crypt department. All right. Tomb. Quick break. Back with Rotten Tomatoes and the Banks Bracket Madness. Next. It's time to check Adam's voicemail. Adam, I'd love to get your take on Corinthian leather. Blow the show. Bye. You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744. Ricardo Montalban. He loves what they've done with his car. I love that. The Chrysler Cordoba. Yeah. I think I would always say, I think people said Cordova, but it's probably the way he said Cordoba or it is Cordova. We never got to figure out. So Chrysler Cordoba or Cordova. Either way. Cordoba. According to Wikipedia. Yeah. The B and the V with the Hispanic accent get a little swapped out sometimes, but it was a great. We'll talk to Christy about it next week or later this week, but it was always great the way he'd go. I love what they've done with. My car. Like he commissioned an automobile bespoke and they designed one around his elegance and in regalness. That's great. And I remember as a, I just remember as a kid, just looking at new car commercials going, we'll never own that car. We'll never, we'll never, we'll never buy a new car, much less the Chrysler Cordoba. And as legend had it, uh, Corinthian leather was just a word they made up. Yeah. It's pleather basically, right? It's like some kind of weird Naugahyde vinyl or something like fake, whatever, but they made up Corinthian leather does not exist. Corinthians like, uh, the, the, the old, uh, is it Greek or Roman? Yeah. It's the Greek, the columns, the very ornate columns is supposed to suggest this very like, you know, rich opulent when in fact I'm looking on Wikipedia, it was all made in New Jersey. It was all this leather from down the road. It's his, there's no Corinthian cows. It's basically his Bahamian. Bahamian. Bahamian. I made that word up. did not exist before the ace man and it may not exist beyond him all right well listen well let me hear what let me hear ricardo talk about loving what he's done with his car i know my own needs what i need from an automobile i know i get from this new cordova i could ask for nothing beyond the quality of cordova's workmanship the tastefulness of its appearance i request nothing beyond the thickly cushioned luxury of seats available even in soft corinthian leather let me hear that again i love the way he says cutting that's an option i request nothing beyond the thickly cushioned luxury of seats available even in soft corinthian leather yet it is on the highway where cordova best answers my demands now every commercial is just a bisexual couple wandering around with a blonde blind guy pointing at a tree or dogs the closest thing to this is mcconaughey doing the lincoln this is the forerunner and great comfort at a most pleasant price i have great confidence for which there can be no price in cordova i have what i need well this is your sob volvo thing like he pronounces it cordova yeah all right anyway one more thing we weren't gonna own but still i got a lot of pleasure out of the commercial when i was young like hey there's a guy who knows what he wants lives in a beautiful hacienda drives down to the beach alone gets out of the car in a leisure suit and just walks down a hill good okay sorry go ahead there dawson oh time for the intro oh intro the rotten tomatoes game is presented by true car listen to that noise it's a high falsetto voice it can only mean one thing and you can feel it there's some names of flicks and the gang makes their picks guessing if it's rotten or fresh if they guess it exactly we'll get a bonus five it's the rotten tomatoes game you know how we do it so give me a all right so this past week we've had some weird weather in southern california it was sunny it was raining it was even hailing in some parts so for this round of the rotten tomatoes game we're gonna feature movies with that same horrifying dangerous weather like the kind we experienced this week in los angeles california 78 degrees over the weekend the first film has it all quade gyllenhaal and a super storm that sets off catastrophic natural disasters all over the world destroying even lady liberi herself just like what we saw here this week in los angeles 2004s the day after tomorrow i saw this in theaters i did too i love all these kinds of movies they're all the same one it's you see the hollywood sign destroyed at some point records capital records angeline billboard comes down at some point you see the big tidal wave knock the statue of liberty over and i love it every time and these movies were sort of in vogue i i think probably um al gore's doc uh inconvenient truth probably hollywood's always gone this there's always that scene where it's like i've looked at your climate models they say we have 50 years of climate change and i'm like oh my god i'm gonna die i was off by 48 and a half and it's like yeah they never stop and go wait a minute are you a genius or not because you said all this was going to happen in 200 years but you're saying now it's happening wednesday so i'm not sure if you're our guy yeah like now they do the scientist let's get him a security pass and get him into the oval office like what this guy was off by 200 years that guy we're gonna listen to him i'm not taking you to the track sorry all right all right the number four is gonna win eventually could be tomorrow could be next week i love all these movies gina have you seen this doesn't seem like gina kind of movie i do like big disaster movies but i didn't see this they start off there is some cool stuff in this there's plenty of good stuff the critics will never be kind to it even though they like the idea of climate change they still these are always schlocky there's always uh there's always a kind of working relationship with the ex-wife and then there's a son and their daughter whatever they get apart and they have to get they have to they have to figure out how to do a how do you make a movie that's about a literally global climate change how does it distill down to two people and their life and it always like i have to get to them it's that well what was the movie and it was famously directed by a woman the media was coming and everyone's head to the limestone that was a great movie and they really nailed that family getting light well but that's what i'm saying that that had some real pathos to it all right uh day after tomorrow there's a great scene remember the the the helicopter freezes like there's a flash freezing and the helicopter freezes and the pilot's getting out and he freezes as he's getting out there's also not enough find that scene there's not enough of other people like if i was sitting around and like they're in like philadelphia and they're like my son's in manhattan and they're like the planes the trains everything's frozen then we'll walk and the guy gears up you know like i mean what i'd be like what were you doing we could build a fire what are you talking about walk well what put on your shoes apocalypse what good are we gonna do your son when we're 80 feet from where we're standing right now dead his son's probably long gone yes he's in the yeah this is a pretty sweet scene yeah there's there's some good stuff to be had here it's a fun watch they're in the helicopter i can tell you this from watching countless movies don't ever get in a helicopter it never works out the fuel lines are trying to freeze oh no everything's stopping this guy the uh they're counter rotating but uh yeah they're falling out of the sky this is all the gauges are freezing i got no problem they're toasty warm no wait for it it gets better i got no problem with this it's when king kong jumps up and swats him is when i get angry so everything's freezing in real time everything's freezing you gotta watch this all right sorry but this is i didn't realize this guy's a visual it's very visual but uh a fun watch a fun watch all right uh here it comes here it comes we're poking his head out pilot books his head out i've survived i've survived instant freeze instant all right okay fun but the critics can't they won't they won't be good to these they must have been hard on this one they must have been where were they you , you know, i wrote down forty four and crossed out but thirty eight by final score my my one and only score forty the day after tomorrow is rotten. you, you know, i wrote down forty four and crossed out but thirty eight by final score my my one and only score forty the day after tomorrow is rotten. brian should have gone with your gut forty four. the next film showcases friendship love and filthy pieces of white trash set against a backdrop of some very extreme weather not whether super normal or anything just mother nature being a big bitch on a bad day george clooney mark walberg and acs alumnus bill fitner in two thousands the perfect storm. Crossover at a certain point. All right. So, what? Good movie. I liked it a lot. I liked it, too, but this is not also the kind of stuff the critics want to cheer. So, okay. Locked in. Brian? I'm probably biased by my own enjoyment of this movie. I said 83. Oh, my God. Did it go way lower? I might have been a little off on this. We'll see. I didn't see it. I don't know. I took a stab. I said 51. Oh, no. This is a very good movie. I said 78. It's good, and I just thought that the critics wouldn't love it like they could have. You're probably right. The Perfect Storm is rotten. No! Yes! At 47%. All right! Oh, that's crazy. Wow. What's the beef? I don't get it. That's nuts. It's sort of exactly what it was. Three guys, or four guys, you know, out on a. Tuna boat, and they hit a perfect storm based on a true story. This film suffers from any actual drama or characterization. I disagree. How about a giant wave? There's a lot of drama in this movie. Yeah, that's what it says. All right. I feel good about it. I guess there's a thing, and I'm not sure how it works, but once you get into the rotten category, you then must write something negative about it. To justify it. Yeah, it's like, I don't know, like the hammer. It has an R rating, so then they have to go, R rating, four, and they're like, seasonal violence. And you're like, what? What are you talking about? I love that selling point. And they're like, that's, I don't know, we just made, that's like Corinthian leather. Like, we just made it up. It's like, well, you can't give it an R and then make up stuff, some violence. Like, you mean amateur boxing? Like, no, we gave it an R, so we have to justify the R, so we have to write stuff that justifies the R, or otherwise it seems like we're insane. I'm really surprised. I like this movie quite a bit. I did, too. All right, Gina, look at you. Okay. Here we go. We'll see. The Perfect Storm. Oh, sorry. Yeah, Chris is reminding me. Scream 2, 81. Scream 2, Brian, 81. There you go. I'm very upset about this. All right, here we go. All right, our next film features Helen Hunt and a man who tragically did not outlive Jan Michael Vincent. I love this movie. Guys, we've got cows. And Bill Paxton in 1996's Twister. Would everyone like to look at the name I wrote down seven minutes ago on my piece of paper? Paxton, there you go. I wrote down Bill Paxton before we started the category, because I saw True Lies the other night, and I forgot how great Bill Paxton's- The vet? Yes, I would. He had more to do in that film than you thought. It wasn't just a quick scene. It wasn't a quick scene, or funny little vignette, or whatever. He's in multiple scenes, and it's funny. He kind of kicked off the plot. I wrote down Bill Paxton before we started, because I wanted to bring it up, and then Twister. So here we are. Is this the first thing we saw Philip Seymour Hoffman in? I've actually never seen this. What? Yeah. Yeah, this is the first time I ever saw him. Yeah, and he was in this, and then there were the evil storm chasers who drove the black vans. So you know they're bad. Yeah, bad guys. Yeah, the bad storm chasers. There's morality in storm chasers. That was like Cary Elwes, or El- Oh, yeah, Elwes, yeah. And so this was at the theater, what'd you say, 95, what, 96? Twister was 96. 96. This is prime teen Brian viewing years. Saw this, like literally, they did a K-Rock showing of this in Westwood, and I remember going to it in 96. And I even, God, I have a very distinct memory of being a newly girlfriend, Lynette, Jimmy had a couple of, Katie and Kevin were young, very young at the time, and I think Lynette volunteering to babysit for them while Jimmy and his then wife and me went to Westwood. Did you watch the movie? Yeah, and it was like, it's a good movie. It's fine. Like, it's going to be, again, it's like, I don't think the critics are going to say it's good, but it's exactly as advertised. There's storm chasers, there's love, and there's a tornado. And spoiler alert, if you're ever in the middle of a tornado, strap a belt to something, you'll be fine. Yes, that's what they did. Oh, right. It's tough, because you watch these movies, and you go, yeah, it's good, it's fine, like it's well done. It's exactly what you think it's supposed to be. And then they go, 31, and you go, screw you, like it's fine. Gina's protecting the lead. Well, this one, I have a little skin in the game, because I remember thinking this was a fun movie. I hadn't seen the other two. And you got Helen Hunt as a strong woman in this, which is good for a couple of points, a good strong woman. I guarantee if that tuna boat had been filled with chicks, we'd be in the 80s. Tuna boat. It would be called tuna boat. Even if it was a crab boat, they would still have to designate it tuna boat. Oh, go check. That's how they do it. No, talk to the Coast Guard. If they're on the crab, but it's an all-female crew, they will call it a tuna boat. I didn't know that. Oh, yeah. Oh, look it up. Look it up. Okay. Helen Hunt was a strong central character in this, and it was well done. Okay. Brian? I'm drawn dead here. I'm drawn blind. I just shot in the dark. Probably went too high. It's at 68. Oh. Yeah, I was thinking about that, but I went 59. I went 60. Twister is rotten. Damn it. At 57%. Oh! Hmm. All right. Best case scenario for me. Yeah. Our fourth film is a thriller and a disaster flick rolled into one. It showcases just how badly rain can spoil a good day or a stressful day in which you and your partners are trying to pull off an armored car heist. And we're going to talk about that in a little bit, but before we do that, we're going to talk a little bit about some of the best things we've done in the last couple of years. I've never heard of this. Oh, I kind of remember this. Morgan Freeman and Christian Slater? Yeah. It's a different time. I've actually never seen this either. Cool poster. I've never heard of it. I never. I didn't. It's like they went to a town. It's like Hurricane Heist, which is like, I saw in the theater. It's right there in the title. Yeah. All right. Let's get this moving. It can't. There's no way this is fresh. Get that off the table. Now we have that. Hey, man. We could be in the teens here, or is it competent enough, and is Morgan Freeman liked enough to get us into the thing? This is before Morgan Freeman was kind of God. He was just an actor back then. All right. Brian, what do you got? Oh, hell. Hold on. I haven't seen it. I don't know for a fact that I've heard of it. Well, that makes it easier. Oh, my God. I don't know. You saw a perfect storm, and it threw you. 33. All right. 31. 30. All right. Wow. All right. Hard rain is rotten at 28. All right. Gina, this is normally the turn where you. That's the one. That's where I always been at. You did 30? Yeah, I did 30. All right. So Gina's having a little lead here, I think. I got to be bringing up the rear. Here we go. This next film tells the story of a board game with dire consequences. Among them, evil flesh-eating flowers, killer mosquito things, and a monsoon that almost claims the lives of the four main characters. 1995's Jumanji. So the original with the dag and Robin Williams, and you saw this, and you're young, and you thought this is fun, but. Great kids movie. We never know what the critics thought. This is a tough one. Yeah. I think everyone's sort of within striking distance of one another here. I need to make up some points. Gina's got a 20-point lead, probably, on us. Yeah, so I'm going to. Will she keep it? I'm going to try to think. I'm going to think. I'm going to think. Okay. This could be anything. Could be anything. All right. I'm locked in. Is everyone locked in? Okay. This movie should be in the, I don't know, mid-60s, early-70s. It's good enough, but I went extraordinarily low because I got to make up 15 or 20 points. I went 42. I have the same strategy, 48. I went the other way. They remade it. I think there's still a lot of. I think there's still a lot of spinoff hype, and I loved it when I was a kid. I said 78. Oh, please be low. Oh, Gina. Please, just be fresh. You needed to go 60. No. Jumanji is rotten. Woo! You mother effers. At 53. Okay. Okay. All right. That's going to drop pretty close. I got a five on that one. Wow. That was exciting. Oh, wait. You got it on. No, I got a five. I was within five. Okay. Oh, Gina. Oh, Gina. I told you to go 60. You're. You're protecting a lead. Yeah. I voted with my heart. I know you love when that happens. You blitzed. I stepped into my truth. You go down the middle. You protect your lead. You went into your truth. I thought I was. Maybe it was 100. These people are horrible. These critics, they're not going to give love to these kinds of movies. All right. I went too low trying to. I thought you were going to go 60, so I was going way low on the off chance, but here we go. Well, everybody made the podium in this well-thought round. Congratulations, everyone. Congratulations. Back at ya. But Gina Grad, congratulations on your new website, drainfreecomfortfood.com. That's good. I love it. Paul Bryan, you got a score of 63, man. Half I got last time. Adam Carolla, the boss man, certainly showing Bryan, who's boss, a score of 58. Wow. What the hell? I didn't see that coming. And with that 58, I must say, congratulations, boss, on your new stand-up. The first stand-up special ever, not Taco Bell material. Thank you. It's great. Filmed at the Aladdin Theater in Portland, Oregon. Pick it up now at chassis.com. These plugs. Gina Grad, I have some sad news for everyone else. You win with a 38. Oh, nice. Still pulled it off. Still pulled that 20-point victory. Yeah, and handily. You won up, what, 53? You packed on 25 pounds. You got 25 onto that last one. Yeah. So you were cruising around in the teens? Let's see, 4, 10, yeah, like a 15. Figure that out. But you had a 15 going into that bad boy. Well done. Damn impressive. Thank you. Nice job. Not my genre, the disaster movie. You got some movies to watch. Yeah. It's the Rotten Tomatoes game. You know how we do it. Presented by Trucar. All right. We got the Banks Bracket coming next. All right. We're going to the brackets. Welcome back to Banks Bracket Madness, where there are more losers than a Corolla family reunion. Speaking of, yesterday saw your votes making Language of Losers the winner of the second Lackey Conference matchup against a song about spilling seeds. Number one seeded, Gary's jet airliner. In the KLSX conference, Ann Coulter was the clear winner over Bohemian Brusca, though all of us were losers for having to hear her voice. Today, we continue with another matchup from the Christmas conference. First up, a song about a man who's not so jolly. ♪ music playing ♪ Gum on sidewalks, bums on sidewalks Illegal selling ice cream Freeway signs with barbed wire and graffiti Traffic crawling, clunkers stalling Backed up mile after mile So on every podcast you will hear ♪ music playing ♪ Adam Yell Adam Yell L.A.'s such a piece of shit city Au revoir Tony Vallard One day he'll just move ♪ music playing ♪ away ♪ music playing ♪ Powerful. Yeah, I had a chance to drive. I bring it up every time because it gets imprinted in my mind. I had to drive from La Cunada down to Mid-Wilshire. And there's that point where it just spits you off somewhere on Western. You just like take it all, take Western all the way across or whatever it is, Santa Monica. The homeless, the trash. It's like, it's nuts. It is, it is damnation alley. It's Armageddon out there. Like it's, I try to stay away from the city and Hollywood and L.A. and the pocket between L.A. and Hancock Park or Hollywood or whatever. It is a goddamn mess out there. Wasn't Natalia scared in the car? Well, that was in Sun Valley. Oh, right. But same deal. She didn't want to get out of the car. Like it, it's dicey. It's weird. It's like, first off, the garbage is overwhelming. Like I started, I was just going down. I think it was like Santa Monica down around Western or Normandy or something. And I was like looking up side streets, heading up toward the freeway. It's just garbage. Yeah. It's, it's, it's out of control. It's like at some point it's like that movie, Toy Soldiers or wait a minute. What was the one where they took over the Academy? That's it. There is a movie called Toy Soldiers. Isn't that like Sean Astin? Sean Astin, yeah. Yes. It's like they, we've, we had this Academy called Los Angeles that was run by the Colonel and now we've given it up. Like we've given up. It is a goddamn dicey mess. I can't, I couldn't imagine walking anywhere, especially like with your kids. There you go. Making Toy Soldiers references again. That's right. All right. Sorry. Go ahead. It's awesome. Up against that Grinchy song is a tune about a guy. Who's tuned out. So this is August. The stoned Pelican. Hit the buffet before him. Or he'll leave you with none. Yes, it's Mike August. The world's cheapest man. Stole the toilet paper from the hotel can. His name is Michael Guest. He's the world's cheapest man. He'd sell his own grandma for a couple of bucks. His name is Mike August. Stole his brother-in-law's shoes. Such a penny pension. People think he's a Jew. Merry Christmas, Mike August. But who this song is about. He'd be pissed if he heard it But he's too tuned out I don't know Mike's version of him wearing his brother-in-law's shoes, but I said, whose shoes are those? I like to ask people, where'd you get those shoes? Because I don't trust people. And Fondolier came walking in here with some suspicious tennis shoes once, and I was like, where'd you get those shoes? He's like, those are my shoes. And I was like, where'd you get them? And he's like, just got them, had them. I go, where'd you get them? She goes, they're my dad's. I go, good, why didn't you say that the first time so I can get on with my life? They're just white shoes, but they were Wilson. And I just thought, ooh, what? That's not a young man's shoes. A 29-year-old wears a Wilson. Wilson shoe. Anyway, so I looked down at Mike, and I was like, where'd you get those shoes? He's like, I got them. I was like, I want to know the story of those shoes. And he said, they're my brother-in-law's. And I was like, he gave you those shoes? No, I'm house-sitting. I said, why are you wearing his shoes? He's like, he's not wearing them. He's not wrong. He's in Louisiana. I'm like, oh, wait a minute. We're not on a date. Like, you're not trying to look stylish. You don't want to put. You don't want to put miles on your shoes. Yeah, if you can help it. I think that's what's going on. He'd give you another answer, but I think he didn't want to put. This wasn't a fashion thing. Every step wears tread. This is not wanting to put mileage on his shoes. Not wanting to devalue. Like it was a leased car, and he had to turn it back in. Maybe he's a genius. Maybe. Evil genius. All right, sorry. You did this to me last week. You asked me about my shoes, and I told you that Nate gave them to me. Oh, really? Yeah, he said, what's up with your shoes? What's up with your shoes? And I said, oh, I just got them. And then he was like, no, what's going on? And I said, oh, well, Nate gave them to me because he didn't want them. Oh, I study everybody, and it's not the shoe. It's the shoe they wear. So when I see you in different shoes out of your lane, then I have questions. Out of your bowling lane. But they were just tennis shoes, or what were they? They were like green, yeah, green tennis shoes. But it didn't add up for Chris. But they weren't yours. Okay. All right. I noticed. I noticed things. That's all right. I should have been up. Detective. I think I could have bust. I could bust a lot of cold cases wide open. All right. Sorry. Go ahead. Next up, we're back in the it doesn't fit into a category, but it's too good not to play conference, where our first contender is the Ace Award winner from 2017 and the longest song in the tournament. So buckle up. Could be the beginning of something great, or it could be painful, humiliating 20 minutes. First off, I've got to say this. I'm nervous. I don't know why. But I've never done this before. He's done 2,000 podcasts and you'll keep complaining, anger never waning. He's done 2,000 podcasts and you'll keep on going, cause it's hard, he's blowing. Oval power makes you sick, 50 years we'll all be chicks. Max and Pat are half-tart, Gary jerking on a flight. Fitz, Doug, Dr. Spaz, Richard Martin, NY Jazz. Larry Nibble. There's road trips, Occupy Wall Street. K-Rock, Road Hot, Newman's got a winning dot. Fondue Lyric's dropping turds, Harlan Williams doing birds. Strosser, We Can Rage, podcast on a cruise ship. Endless Rant, IPA, Tournament of Rosen. Team Up Game. Marty Lang, August looks like Katie Lang. Rich Bates, Gina's tips, who the fuck sells this shit? Gary Ghost, Dr. Drew, David Wildball, Jew. Lackey stole his micro-brew, Elliot Gould interview. Sonny Bono, Yoko, Beastie Boys, Holla Notes, Buell, Hauser, Mike Rowe, Mayo via Retardo. Dawson, President B, made of peanut allergies. Retards at the HuffPo, Kevin Smith's an asshole. He's done 2,000 podcasts and you'll keep on going, anger never waning. Albert Brooks has best guests, Lynette kicked off Southwest. Molly, Philly, Big Mama got it all. Sonny and Natalia, not Taco Bell material. Olga, cheap calls, chain smoking, baby doll. No beer in first class, dag ass, titty, pendergrass. DFG, not GMO. JV, what else do you want from me? Taboo 2, Bungaloo 2, definitely not a Jew. Rich man, poor man, Bollywood, Kalen. Taxes, fair share, Jeff Ross, Rose, Eisen, and the Gold Post. Guinness record from Gervais, celebrity apprentice. Made a movie favorite. Tweets, red bracelet for eating beets. Do his best, not your best, window of negligence. He sold out Seattle's more, man, grizz in your liquor store. What can he complain about? Mama's chanting freak out. He's done 2,000 podcasts and if the mics were gone, he'd still get it on and on and on and on and on and on and on. With lots of Mexican shit to be found. A poncho, it's like a rug you can wear. But nowadays in Los Angeles, that could be any street in the town. And so we gotta rock down to Hunky Avenue. Alvera Street for Whitey. Oh, we gotta rock down to Hunky Avenue. Dave Matthews plays there nightly. Never ending Dave Matthews. Stores are selling gold. Cough links. Two guys who own an NFL team. A $12 chai tea for your drink. It's a Donald Trump wet drink. Good God. We're gonna rock down to Hunky Avenue. Free parking for your Tesla. Oh! It's a white people fiesta. Hunky Street, everybody. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10. News coming in one second. All right. Quick break. And we come back with the news right after this. Give me the news with Grad. News with Gina Grad. Breaking viral. All those crazy Trump tweets. Give me news with Gina Grad. Trouble in the Middle East. Celebrity Trump meltdown. Deep news with Gina. Gina Grad. The news with Gina Grad. This segment is brought to you by Brother Ink Vestment Tank Printer and Castrol Titanium Strong for Maximum Engine Performance. Go ahead, Gina. Well, it's been almost a year since ABC canceled the Roseanne reboot and Roseanne still seems to be pretty angry about it. The show was canceled following Barr's tweet about Barack Obama aide Valerie Jarrett. I think we have that from back in the day if you don't remember. She, we got it? There we go. Well, she walked it back by screaming. She did. I think I didn't know the bitch was black as loud as she could while smoking. She sure did. I thought the bitch was white. She did. She said Muslim Brotherhood and Planet of the Apes had a baby equals VJ Valerie Jarrett. And she does claim to say that that had nothing to do with race. There's just, that was what was on her mind. But in an interview with the Washington Post, she says her former co-star Sarah Gilbert is to blame for the show's cancellation. So Gilbert played Roseanne's daughter Darlene on the show for a million years. She was the first. She was the first co-star to react to the tweet. She said Roseanne's recent comments about Valerie Jarrett and so much more are abhorrent. Do not reflect the beliefs of our cast and crew or anyone associated with the show. I am disappointed in her actions to say the least. And Roseanne said Gilbert destroyed the show and my life with that tweet. I mean, she has mental illness and I don't know that she'll ever be happy or satisfied or comfortable in her own skin. I hate Sarah Gilbert because I. You know, I don't mind whatever you are. I tell you, I have this thing, which is like, if you're gay, you're gay for transsexuals, transsexuals, you're black, you're black, Hispanic, you're Hispanic. You can't make every interview and the world about your sexuality or about your heritage. And I did that piece of shit show, whatever the talk or the yap or the whatever piece of shit would be gone in a million years if unemployable people weren't watching it. And I was doing a pre-interview and or. Doing the show or whatever. But she wanted to know about, like, my feelings toward her sexuality. And it's like, I don't give. It's so narcissistic. Like, you've chosen to eat pussy as a lifestyle. So be it. That you do. I like eat pussy as well. High five. There you go. We can agree on that. Now, can we get on with the goddamn interview about the book and do a little less about how this makes you feel or about anyone's heritage? It is so narcissistic at this. It's insane. It's insane. We don't. We don't need to. It's a trap. It's a trap. Every politician is falling into it. Every celebrity is falling. It's just who. The answer is I don't care what you do during in your life. That's the answer. It makes no never mind to me what your sexual proclivities are, who you're with, what color you are, what your heritage is. I mean, I think about it not. And the fact that you think that I'm somehow obsessed with that is a narcissistic thought. I have no thoughts. I have the ultimate narcissistic thought. I think about my own shit. I don't care about what you do. Well, and also to have that. I'm not. I don't know that they said this per se, but to have that portray you as some sort of a bully or some sort of a hate. It's funny because that's the ultimate liberal answer. I don't care what you do. That's for you to do. Yes. Yes. Me getting involved in what you're doing, even in the form of thinking about it, is the opposite. of being colorblind. blind or blind or liberal or whatever it is you do whatever you want i have no interest in it and you know all this stuff where it's all this gotcha stuff like are you going to pick a female running mate are you going to pick an african it's like i'll just pick the best person leave it at that there's no right answer anymore and this and and also um this like again it's all this weird thing it's like we need representation we just need the best there's there's there's plenty of look there's um angela merkel merkin uh on one side there's margaret thatcher on the other they're both females they're both running they ran countries they both did it in very different ways in a very different political whatever who's to say which is better if you're on one side you agree with angela if you're on the other side you agree with margaret thatcher but it has nothing to do with their ovaries it's just that's their leadership style every single there is not a republican on the planet that wouldn't vote for a a reincarnate a margaret thatcher a margaret thatcher in 2012 over brock obama or or any or any any white male on that side i'll pick a white clinton bill clinton they would all go and that and they'd go the other way too it has nothing to do it's all of who you agree with we're constantly do this like hey this person looks like me so i'm voting for them look there's nobody's closer to me than my dad i would never vote for him to do anything you'd be a fool you'd be a fool to vote for him to be dog catcher he would screw that up royally you'd be all of us would be eaten by a dog at some point later that day if my dad was appointed dog catcher i would never vote for him i would never vote for my mom they're incompetent people that's this thing of like i need someone who looks like me i don't i it's bothering me i it's it's and also it's selling it's it's basically saying you're buffoon who doesn't think clearly nobody thinks that way yeah there's i there's 10 people who think that way the rest is one who they agree with again two females angela merkel and uh that's completely different and each side would vote each one in happily right because they agreed with the philosophy yeah okay that's how it works good place to be okay think about that for uh yes upcoming elections thank you well the day is that stupid show off yet the talk or whatever i don't know i'm not home at that time of day watching tv it's such a zero she's such a zero she didn't say anything no one says anything on that show still on yeah it's still on 28 your book next week i don't know when this is uncomfortable i don't know when this was from because i was just kind of tooling around the other day listening but i heard the joe rogan interview of roseanne and it's um it's compelling i feel a lot of sympathy for her and not necessarily for reasons that she would want me to i don't know how else to explain it she's very kind of out there and she seems compromised well maybe i mean she seems like she believes what she believes i don't know i i felt a lot of sympathy for her when i would hear her just kind of just rant she's i think she has mental illness i think and also in her world she's probably been abused you know like sexually abused or whatever and considering where she comes from she's provided a lot of jobs got a lot of people paid and paid a lot of taxes and my thing is kind of like i don't know this no you can't work anymore because you said something that was off-putting to us my feeling is like i don't know apologize and go back to work or donate yourself go down to the woman's shelter or something for a weekend and donate some time and then go back to work i i don't draw a straight line if you can't work anymore that's just like what about the other people who are getting paid on that job what about the taxes and what about whatever you were generating like i don't i it's it's a weird don't work i don't i don't get it look it's like to me it's like go to don't pay taxes go to prison my thing is like don't pay taxes go make us go make us all pay off a double tax don't go out work well and you think anyone on the crew who was offended by what she said what would they rather do have the show canceled or have her have move on and keep she affect 200 people yeah anyway all right all right so there we go the daily mail reports that instagram will block anti-vax hashtags in an ongoing attempt to crack down on medical misinformation being shared on social media so it's facebook owned uh and it announced it will minimize recommendations of this kind of content and accounts that post about it so the short-term measure how will we know which friends are insane right short-term measures will include these kind of hashtags um hashtag vaccines cause autism hashtag vaccines are poison hashtag vaccine cause harm however a spokesperson from the social media giant warned it will take several weeks to have this all come into effect these hashtags are everywhere so get your hashtags in people right we'll get them now so it's crazy how much momentum something something can have based on zero evidence like this thing took off not because of a groundbreaking study out of yale just took off because nutball jenny mccarthy went wait a minute how come my kid has autism and then they looked around the room like a superstitious native and because a volcano wasn't going off at the time be a reason they blamed it on vaccinations and then all the nut jobs who watched the talk got in line behind her jesus christ it's dangerous people you don't experience this because you don't really engage like on social media you know facebook and instagram jenny you have personal friends i assume on instagram it is a weird thing to see people i was i was joking about the how we know which of our friends are insane it is a weird thing to see someone you know maybe know well like this like if they were to post like hashtag vaccines cause autism like you like it's a weird thing to see someone who you know and possibly respect it possibly love like post crazy out there stuff yeah and look you have you have thoughts about gazpacho cold soup i'm all i'm all ears but no one could be further away from the science of vaccination than jenny mccarthy so shut your pie hole or open it and put the gazpacho in it yeah salt gazpacho is delightful what could be like i can do i think everyone can do a little bit of like oh uh you gotta burn uh here's an ice cube or something but vaccinations yeah who's qualified to weigh in on vaccination anyone who knows how to use a hashtag playmate of the year 1996 right that's what's what i'm saying it's none of us are qualified for that all right sad and weird yeah uh so carolina panther quarterback cam newton has a plan in place in order to bounce back from uh disappointing 2018 he went on the late late show with james corden to explain the different challenges he takes on each month to sort of challenge himself his body his mind he's been doing it since january here's newton running down the list uh with actor david boriana sitting beside him what he's doing what he's giving up every month okay so every month i've i've really you know there's been an off season i try to challenge myself in many different ways okay january i decided the whole year i'm not going to bet right so i'm going to wear as you leave you know oh no bad thing i was losing that head uh so no bets on in january then it carried over then um no bets february what was february oh vegan yeah so yeah so vegan yeah speaking in february vegan in february two things that aren't going to help on the vegan in february so we got yeah vegan in february no masturbation march i'm giving uh i hope this is an adult crowd it looked like it is no climax no climax the band shut the front door straight up no no i'm going through a transition right now like oh no i'm gone how many days is this in march february you got 28 days in february 31 in march oh you do not want to run into him at the public pool on like the 30th yeah it's march 22nd run your house cam and listen no does not mean no if he if he means yes he sees the goal line he's running naked bootleg built like an action figure that guy man you can't get away from him no that's an adonis of a man he's an adonis he it's weird because they always kind of talk about maybe it's a little racist you know they talk about garoppolo or tom brady or something he quietly could be the best looking dude in the nfl easily if everyone got down to their underpants yeah i think he'd win that he'd win that calendar yeah petition i don't personally find tom brady to be as attractive as everyone else does oh boy i'm sorry i think garoppolo super cute and cam come on and then tom's somewhere you know the tom's tom's good looking dude conventional is just i don't know well they're actually ruggedly handsome there he's good looking garoppolo's has more interesting features and cam does as well it's it's a it's my theory i don't really think of this for tom but i'm doing it for your sake okay there are people that are good looking because there is nothing wrong with them right there's just nothing wrong with them and he sort of falls under that hey now cam is kind of a weird phenom you know and there are other guys that have like piercing this or whatever that and it's not totally that but he's got a dusting there's skinny blondes that are jennifer aniston is good looking because there's nothing bad looking about her and thus she's good looking but it still is not the angelina jolie je ne sais quoi like crazy things that are put together sure all right let me tell you about it he wasn't gonna do that come on all right jance do one more all right well a couple in south texas recently challenged petco's all leashed pets are welcome policy by bringing in their african watusi which looks yeah kim newton not gambling in january is that how is it going to translate onto the and he said in january he decided he's not gambling for the rest of the year i think that's what he said in the interview doesn't the nfl strongly frown upon that that's what that struck me as odd maybe a poker night with a guy but with that logic then starting in march he's going to go through 2019 without a climax well he didn't specify i just thought he was talking about the month i don't know but then i heard him say i think for january he said it for the year oh for the year all right so no gambling which again if i'm a carolina fan i'm like i didn't know you had a problem he's gonna say if that's the first thing give up in the year are you like shooting dice on the sideline and if not who cares if you're playing online poker specific about that because is he playing like locker room cards like dominoes or is he like uh now you got people nervous he's taking carolina minus three by the way the guy who's six five two seventy and is built like an action figure going vegan is not going to help his frame i don't i don't feel like that's a good one either he takes a lot of punishment too the style he plays you know he runs a lot all right i thought i was gonna hear something like watch a lot of game film or run dragging a truck tire you know what i mean tim tebow's at home going it doesn't work cam it doesn't make you it doesn't make you at a quarterback yeah all right so back to petco i think we have some uh video that you can see him walking his dog he's walking his dog he's walking his dog he's walking his dog he's walking giant oh my god giant uh it's like a bull like a longhorn uh into the horns that horn is as tall as the man they're insane i mean is that a brahma is that a brahma bull or is that just uh what it's an african watusi and they're known for those just absolutely mammoth horns so the couple wrote on facebook that oliver that's the name of the little guy was welcomed with open arms by the staff i'm not joking is he gonna fit through the door that is tilt his little head their novel novel horns and that's cute oliver walks with a kind of a swagger and it's a kind of badass yeah it's if you ever see a guy at the gym with a huge hog and he's walking from the shower he's got the same stride you know what i mean like yeah i i know it so he brings him in and all the employees are coming over to pet him it's great until a car backfires and he can't get out of the car and he's like oh my god he's like oh my god he's like oh my god he kills 19 people like bucking like literally today in lubbock texas that thing goes on a rampage like if that thing gets can you imagine if that thing gets spooked people are dying well there's a low chance of that though obviously a chance oliver is a trained uh sort of a show until the car backfires and then he goes on a killing spree he goes to rodeos he does other things crazy animal and do you have any guesses now we don't know his weight specifically but i know the the average weight or what what an african watusi bull can reach according to the livestock conservancy how much do you think he this one weight approximate the horns alone got to be 200 250 pounds so what they can get to and wait yeah i mean he's a pretty big guy you gotta go uh 20 2100 pounds 19 i was gonna say a ton so i'll lower i'll go i'll go 1800 pounds okay well you're close 1600 they can get to i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know and he's a he's a big boy it is crazy when you hear about a great white shark weighing like 3000 pounds or something like oh my god um what was that story we're talking about max apata about the guy he had the same thing had a cloned and then it just kept killing kept goring him we talk about cloning a bull and he cloned it i mean it's it's a story of you clone like that thing's all sweetened and then you're like oh my god i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know nice and lovable and then it dies one day and you clone it and the new one keeps goring people yeah anyway all right let's bring it home you got it i'm gina grad and that's the news hashtag vaccines cause autism that was the news with gina grad castrol edge stronger under pressure engines can lose up to 10 of performance due to friction castrol edge with fluid titanium transforms under pressure keeps the metal apart and fights power robbing friction to unlock exhilarating performance three times three times fool stronger than leading full synthetic against viscosity breakdown get that edge get castrol edge and exceed the toughest industry standards with castrol edge find out anything about that max apata yeah i'm reading into it right now it was a bull named chance and then they cloned him and named him second chance oh he's actually pretty good then he tore the guy's scrotum sack open with his horn i'm not there yet right now i'm just reading about how he's he eats differently while he was sleeping i'm saying like how could this possibly work with humans if we can't do it with a big bovine animal like if they're if there's an evil what if the only variation was they tore sacks we reincarnated albert einstein he solved it he solved the world warming one drawback i saw night rider and i see what happened when there's an evil twin and hasselhoff wasn't even cloned that's just a twin with a goatee yeah although to the keen observer you knew it was just hasselhoff playing both roles yeah if you had that kind of eye well neither one of them could act so i was that was my first clue wait a minute we've cloned abraham lincoln he's solved the race relations problem one problem what's that he's tearing up everyone's sack oh my god but race relations solved still a small price to pay yeah so uh second chance gourd owner ralph so badly that he ends up in the hospital twice but ralph remains certain that they've gotten back 95 percent of chance yeah except for the sack tearing part that last crucial five percent where your sack is uh opened up like a trout i saw tupac's cloning at coachella he was amazing it was a great show but it was if you were in the vip section yeah thank god i was in the vip section he was uh a little bit of a diva what do you say you know he i don't think he's been on stage in a while you know he's cloned after all yeah he's still getting the rust out tore some sacks well they say you gotta tear some sacks and make an omelet they say that well they call them wave us all right did we bring it home uh good sports coming up next live shows everywhere san francisco sacramento brea denver go to adam parola.com slash events and find out where you're coming to town near you check out my special you can get a chassis or itunes wherever you like amazon i'm proud of it and i appreciate it also uh check out uh let's see i'll figure this out but so until next time it's adam parola for gina grad and bald brian saying mahalo damn was it good oh riley auto parts yeah man o'reilly love these guys gonna get into it with o'reilly because i got a car race coming up in about six or seven weeks since time for prep you want to keep your car on the road you do it with o'reilly there's not many issues i can't figure out but if i can't i always go to o'reilly they've got thousands of parts in stock either in store or online so you never worry if you're in a jam they'll also test your battery for free and if it needs to be replaced they'll help you find the right one whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice you'll see the employees at o'reilly auto parts are helpful and friendly o'reilly is your one-stop shop for all things auto do it yourself it's o'reilly right dawson stop by o'reilly auto parts today or visit us at o'reilly auto.com slash adam that's o'reilly auto.com slash adam and welcome to pluto foe if you know the name of the movie you'd like to see just stream it for free on pluto tv where all your blockbuster favorites are landing all summer long catch anchorman the legend of ron burgundy fantastic the matrix trilogy welcome to the real world mean girls shut up titanic i'm the king of the world and so much more for showtimes press nothing they're free 24 7 that is so on pluto tv stream now pay never All right, that was another episode. from 2020 with just the gang. It's a really fun era of the show. It's great hearing Gina and Brian on air with Adam. Coming up next, we have Adam Carolla's show, 1084. This one's featuring Ray William Johnson, Dave Damoshek, Allison Rosen, and Brian Bishop. This one's also from 2013. All weekend, we've been pairing an episode from 2020 then with an episode from 2013. Hope you guys enjoy. Good to see you, Allison Rosen. Hello, Adam Carolla. And Bald Brian. That is the greatest story I have ever heard. Dave Damoshek here. Ace, you're positively sun-kissed. Yes, thank you. Look at those rosy cheeks. Thank you. And Ray William Johnson here as well. What's happening? YouTube sensation. Ray has himself a show called Equals 3. Has 8.6 million YouTube subscribers. Unbelievable. Yeah, I was at the track last weekend, and I think that's where the sun-kissed part comes in. Ray, how do you amass? That kind of, I mean, other than being good, how do you amass that? How does it all start for you? Slowly but surely. The first month I started making videos, I had about 30 people watching me. I was doing it from my college dorm room back in New York. That's kind of how my audience was. Okay, continue. Yeah, yeah. And I remember thinking like, okay, if I were a stand-up comedian, this would be sort of a bar full of people, and that's cool. And then the next month, it was like 50, and then after that, it was 100, and then. 1,000. About. You lost me. Yeah, a year in, it got up into about a million, and then I'm like. And then, oddly enough, that's when my mom discovered it. Oh, really? Yeah, once I got to that point. See, the thing is, I started five or six years ago, and YouTube is a thing now, and it was not a thing then. Like, it existed, but making videos on a regular basis. Right. was not a thing. And so if you told someone, you're like, yeah, I make videos on the internet. They're like, so you do porn. Right. No, no, no, no. Right, right. I make videos. I have a show. Right. Oh, so you're on TV. No, no, no, no, no. Like, so. Yeah. So sort of getting that point across was. Yeah, podcasting's the same thing. You have to sort of figure out something where you go, it's like a radio show for the computer. You know, you have to find something. How do I tune in? Yeah. Well, it's sort of. Get a hold of that. Yeah, but I mean, it's like. Look, even when people had to explain flan to people at one point. It's exactly like that. It's like yogurt with honey on it. I was an exchange student in Spain of my sophomore year in college, and I literally had to explain flan to people when I came back, because I'm originally from Oklahoma. Oh, hell. So I go back to Oklahoma, and I'm trying to explain what flan is, and they're like, what is this? Flan? That'd be good. What's flan? What is this flan, this fancy Euro dance, you know, yogurt? Don't bullshit me about jello, son. Right. I know yellow jello when I see it. Now, that's some kind of Mexican devil's food there, my friend. Yeah. Yeah, they would all. They'd be like, they got good tequila over in Spain, right? Well, yes, but that's not. You ever ride one of those piñatas? They got what they call the chupacabra over there. Right. He'd come down, suck all the flan out of a goat. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I do. I did miss. You guys may not even have been here while Allison was, but the chupacabra was. It was a viable entity for about a six-month period. Like, people were speaking about it in the news in terms of, well, it's not a goblin per se, but something's removing the blood from those goats. Okay. What did it turn out to be? Only in Mexico, by the way. Canada wouldn't put up with a chupacabra. It didn't turn out to be anything. It's just enough uneducated drunk people that can get on sort of the same weird superstitious page. Like, listen, black magic works pretty good in Haiti. Not so well in Manhattan. A little different constituency there. It's not going to work well in Boston. There's not enough people that are going to be into it. There's collective self-esteem issues. Santeria needs a place. Mexico has a self-esteem issue, clearly, based on the fact that Loch Ness Monster would kill a chupacabra in a fight. Right. And a Bigfoot also would. They don't even create one that is, you know, that's scary to the other. It's got to come. Yeah, it's like a mythical rodent. They all come from places where there's a lot of booze flowing. Ah. Because it's going to take a guy at some point stumbling home. Sunshine, whiskey. Yeah, some guy's got to be stumbling home and he's got to see something. Do you know what I mean? Out in the lake. Mm-hmm. It's the same population that is visited by UFOs. Yeah. You got to be pretty fucked up or high on peyote or what have you. But anyway, sorry. That's the answer to what happened to your pants and the wife. What happened to your. The fucking chupacabra. From the sky. Came raining down. Stole my pants and put lipstick around my car. Put lipstick on my cock and one of my balls. I feel like the chupacabra is the only mythical creature that if you say you saw one, it's not followed up by like, oh, tell us more. Yeah. Like if you say you saw a UFO, people are like, oh, really? What was that? What was it? Describe it. You say chupacabra, everyone's like, yeah, okay. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Finish mowing the lawn. Good luck. We'll get into this later. Yeah. Well, there's. I've always said it this way. I know people that are from like New Orleans and they've all seen ghosts and have ghost stories and I'm like, I'm from North Hollywood, zero ghost stories. So after you die, you all go to New Orleans? Like people who died in North Hollywood, there's this notion, by the way, the whole ghost, every ghost premise is the same. Unfinished business. Like she just was married and then she died. So she walks the hallways looking for her. Really? First off, when I die, officially closed, no more business. I'm sure there will be some things I'm working on when I die, but I will not feel like I have to get back and hook up with Mike August. We still had a couple of dates on the calendar. We need to get to those. He needs to haunt a couple of bars. Hey, how awful would that be if your to-do list follows you to the other side? Oh my God. We have Linda Lavin booked for Tuesday. I got to get that one in. Right. What if your unfinished business was really menial stuff? Like you had to jiggle the handle of the toilet or you had to take out your trash? Yeah, right. It wasn't like important business. Like I need to tell my lover to watch out. Nope. Just have to walk the dog. And I left a coffee mug in my car. It's rattling around. It's a ceramic one. It's not a commuter one. Someone's going to need to take that into the sink and bust it. So you constantly see my spirit walking back and forth from the driveway to the kitchen trying to finish this unfinished business. That's why the faucet drips. All right. Sorry. Right. Unfinished business. Where were we? So you start your YouTube channel where you're making fun of other YouTube shows and channels and videos. Not originally. Originally I was just sort of talking. I was just a talking head on the camera. I was video blogging just for fun. There was really no schedule. It was kind of loose and people, I don't know, they responded well to it. And then a few months in, maybe it was about six months in, I noticed, I said, you know what? YouTube needs like a show, like a show with a format and maybe I'll do it at the same time every week. And it was like it was kind of that, that simple. And so I started sort of doing that but the show wasn't really about anything. It was me doing the same thing, just talking but at the same time every week. And then at some point I talked about another video and people responded to it. And I'm the kind of entertainer that if the audience responds, I'll do that. Even if it's like the worst fart joke ever. Like I have no dignity. I don't care. Right. As long as they, as long as they're laughing, I'm happy. You're like a politician. And you're white as a ghost but you go into a Baptist church and you start blacking it up a little bit. Yeah, of course. You know how to get that crowd going. I'll, you know, I start using the word acts and all that. Right. So you start to figure out that this is what people want and then you start giving it to them. Yeah. And thus the 8.6 million. It was kind of that easy and when people ask like, well, what do I do? Give me advice. I say, just figure out what people want and do that. Yeah, except for most people, A, can't figure it out and then B, can't deliver it. Right. And that's the, that's the sad part. Well, most people can't commit. Well, they won't do it repeatedly. They won't, and it's also, it is funny. The people who say they want to do comedy, they want to write, they want to create, they want to do what have you, but they don't really want to do it. Like you go, oh, I want to do comedy. It's like, so what are you doing? I do some, I do audition a little bit now and stuff. It's like, well, why aren't you in a troupe? Why aren't you doing sketch? Why aren't you going to, hitting open mics? I don't have, you know, it's like, all right, then you ain't into it. You're not into it. It's not, listen, people move out to Hollywood and it's, you know, it's all about the land of dreams and all this sort of thing, but the reality is for most people, it's just the land of losers. People are out, don't like the idea of a mundane nine to five job. They've tried it. It ain't for them. It ain't for most people. So they figure, hey, that seems like fun. I'm going to go out there and try it. Although they have, they have, they have no, they have no ability to execute any of those things like you're saying. Well, the problem, the problem with it is when it's done correctly, it doesn't look like much. Meaning, when you see LeBron James dunk, you go, oh, fuck that. I could never do that. Yeah. I can, it's all, if I get a running start and go as hard as I can, I can get my tip of my index finger to scrape the bottom part of the rim at best, at best. There's no way I'm skying over anyone and doing it. So you, You immediately go, well, I'm out. But when you see a sitcom. Or you just see acting or you see, you know, almost any form other than, you know, juggling chainsaws. You think you're just seeing people being themselves. Right. Right. You go, oh, there's Jennifer Aniston and the Friends crew and they're all sitting and hanging around. Somebody's writing for them. They don't have to write it. They just got to regurgitate. It looks pretty infinitely doable. Maybe it is, but there are only so many openings. I mean, it's it's insane. Also true. And the other thing, it's really weeded out. It's admirable that what you've been able to carve out on YouTube because it has weeded out all those pretenders who say that this is what they want to do because it's imminently doable. Now you can flip on a camera and broadcast out and it's out there to be consumed by all the globe. The my dorm room. Right. Do you guys I don't know why it's making me think about this, but who has a blocked phone number here? You. Right. Anyone else? Me. I. Now, Dave, do you get. Tell me if you've experienced I experienced it two times in the same afternoon last week, which is I called Jeff Fox is in the next room doing some editing and I got this answer. You know, people sound like who they are, but he picked up the phone. Hello. And I was like, hello. Hello, Jeff. Oh, yeah. Hey, man. And it's like, what voice was that? Oh, that was my in-between. Not my voice. Not someone else's. Voice. No one. You know, you can't answer like Humphrey Bogart or something like that. You have to answer like a non you first. You know who it is called Joel McHale, too. And I got the same medium celebrities answer phone all the time. This is because they want to not be themselves if they have to not be themselves. So they can't answer. They can't answer like Dave Damoshek. Hello. Right. You're immediately committed to being you. And I call me. Call me. And I don't know who's calling right now. You got I got the block number. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. You got any phone ring? Hello. I just put on a different persona. It's funny. I go right to my consuela when I when I get this weird call. No. Yeah. I'm impressed that these people are answering block calls. I don't even answer calls where I know who it is. They don't want to. Jeff Fox knew I was calling him back. And Joel McHale knew it sent me an email saying, I don't have your your phone number got changed or whatever it is. So call me. So they both kind of knew something was coming. But still, Jeff, can you do your I'm not Jeff Fox answer? You want the A.B.? Here's here's the one. Hello. Right. Well, I'm sorry. All right. So that the Jeff Fox one is standard. Is that you do it one more time? Hello. All right. Now now do the one I heard the other week when I called you. Oh, I didn't know. But here's the problem. I didn't think I called the wrong number. Yeah. And because you're expecting because I didn't say all. Yeah. Well, because it's English. See, if you call the wrong number in Los Angeles, you're not going to get English. You won't necessarily get Spanish. You'll just get something other than English. So I knew I dialed. It's a field. Yeah. I dialed a number. But now I'm curious. Did I call somebody else? And then it's I don't know. Why do you block your identity? Why? Why? Why does the why does Jeff or Joel McHale block their identity? Just because you're blocked that. The unknown is calling Joel McHale as a celebrity. Some asshole could have got hold of his number on the Internet. He is a restraining order against me. To be fair to I was. Why did you give the fake? Hello. Unblocked meant to you what? Blocked meant what? It was I don't know who this is, but literally I was also getting off the 134 in Burbank. So I was scrambling for my phone knowing that I was about to get onto a surface street in Burbank. With a handheld phone. It was a combination of looking in my rearview mirror. Now, it's always Burbank. It's always super confusing to me because then I think I've called the wrong number. But then I realized it's my blocked number that got that. And then I also know like I know it's Joel McHale picking up because it sounds nothing like Joel McHale. So I know it has to be Joel McHale because other it's as I've said, if if if you ever think it's Mike Tyson, calling your radio show, if it doesn't really sound like a guy trying to be Mike Tyson, it'll be Mike Tyson. If it sounds like a guy trying saying indubitably too many times exponentially, right? It'll sound that'll be fake Mike Tyson. I ask you, this is a cool move or a loser move. I have my suspicions. If I'm at home on my laptop writing or whatever, and the phone rings, the number don't recognize no name, just the number. As fast as I can, I will Google it and see to see if something pops up. It's a it's a business or if it's a. Oh, happened today. I was able to do it fast enough where it was telemarketer and just send it right to a voice. But I'm sorry, but but that happens. I don't know if anyone else has that instant. No, not that fast. The other one is a circumstance where I have to be on the computer. The other way he goes. I remember sitting in the man show offices with writer Josh Gardner, who you may remember, and he was the opposite of this. It was the it was the opposite sequence. Josh Gardner lay it out. Hey, Shaq. Now Shaq. And Sal, what do you think about this? And then he get and then he would get a phone call from a business. He'd be like, yes. Hello, this is Josh Gardner. How are you this afternoon? And you would have to look up and think, well, is that the same guy? Why don't you talk? What do you give this business so much more so much more effort and formality than you give me? Well, because that's an insane person wanting to seem sane to the outside world. You and Sal know he's nuts and you don't judge. Yes. Hello. How are you today? Yes, this is Joshua. I have decided there's a very simple algorithm here, which is when your phone rings, if you just stare at it, scared to answer bad. If you run across the room and dive on it, like finally someone is reaching out to me bad two and a half to three rings with a casual walk is the sanest you'll ever be. You know, like shrug. There's a lot of yardsticks to measure where you're how you're doing in your life. What's going on? Answering the phone. Phone. I think nothing other than the phone is ringing. I'll go pick it up means zero emotional baggage. That means a shit. I hope it's not my mom trying to settle my hands. If you died, you would not be a ghost. You would not be a ghost. Business is finished. There's nothing to finish. What are some other metrics? Because I'm failing on the phone one. I'll see if I can curtail. OK, thank you. Makes you not feel as erotic as you feel inside. Yeah. Yes. We work that one out. Not desecrating synagogues. Yes. All right. There you go. All right. So sorry. Where were we? Back in your dorm room at NYC, did we say? Yeah. Columbia. Oh, Columbia. Nice. And excuse me. And how do you get from Oklahoma City to Columbia? Hard work, man. And where did that said a tornado blow through there? Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right where my brother used to live. Oddly enough. And more. I moved out. I moved him out here to sort of help me out with everything. Like a year and a half ago. And his friends from back home just sent him a picture of his house that he sold before he moved out here. And it's just a slab of concrete. Why in a in a world where half the houses have basements, why not toss one in at a place where 200 mile an hour spinning things with cows and cinder blocks in them? In the case of my brother in particular. Just in general. Like, I mean, we there's nothing but code. It's one big fat code. Like, you know, L.A. has earthquakes. And thus, because L.A. has earthquakes, you have to build everything not twice as strong. You know, if you want to add on, if you have a house that was built in the 40s or the 50s and you wanted to add a wing onto the back, a master bedroom onto the back, you'd have to build it to a hundred times the standards that the first building was built. Now, my fucking argument is always once it's twice as strong. It becomes a chain. Why do we need one huge fucking piece of anchor chain in the middle of my puka shells now in the middle of my Italian horn? You know, I mean, like something I look was to say, I'm going to be in this room when the big one hits. I'll probably be in the den that was built in 1951 and I'll have all the shit fall on me. But anyway, it's a way to extort money from from Los Angelinos. But why not put a code that says in a place where these tornadoes hit, we should put a little a little hole in the ground. Well, it's very common, actually, to have a storm cellar there. So it's a couple thousand dollars for it's just a pod that they bury a couple thousand dollars to buy the pod. A couple thousand dollars to bury it in the ground as a door. You get it. I don't know if you guys. Yeah, no, I know. I know what you're talking about. I feel like people bury those pods. Yeah. Well, I don't you know, it's where you would go like you'd probably take your girlfriend there in the 10th grade. You'd probably smoke weed there. Like there'd probably be a whole lot of nefarious shit going on more than hiding from tornadoes. For sure. Oh, yeah. More. No, it's like it's like vans. More harm than good. Right. I feel the same way about duct tape. Yeah. How much you ever done any duct repair? No. Not personally. But we've all abducted camera crews. Yeah. I put the duct in a couple of hookers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, they're, you know, my ducks are fine. That's what I'm saying. Nobody. It's a good point. What would criminals use if they didn't have duct tape? Because masking tape would not work. No, no. Electricians. Tape would not work. Painters tape. Forget that. Painters that blue stuff. Dutch tape. Even double sided. Hell no. Could you imagine if you tried to be fair? To be fair, duct tape doesn't work either. It's the duct tape sock combo if you really want to – This is taking a different turn. Yeah, duct tape doesn't – I know this because I reviewed a video where a guy was like – he showed how duct tape doesn't work on the mouth. Well, they do it – Now you can easily get it off. You need to go around a couple times too. Oh, you got to go around the head, yeah. Yeah, they don't do it. They do it in the movies so they pull it off and go, listen, sweetie. But the thing is, is that the tape will – That pretty little face of yours. The tape will adhere to either the top part of your mouth or the bottom. So you just sort of open your jaw and you can still speak. Yeah, but still, masking tape would roll right off. Oh, yeah. Roll right off you. All right, here are the things. You guys think of the things that you never use the last one of, which is rolling papers. You never get to the last one? No one ever gets to the last rolling paper. I was going toilet paper with that. Yeah, I was too. Well, no. You will get to the last – what happened to these microphones? Things are really loud. They're loud all of a sudden. Stick of gum. They're hot. I never use a stick of – I never have the last stick of gum. All right. I never have – Dawson, something got super hot in here. I'll turn your headphones down. All right. I've never got to the last – I've never got to the last rolling paper, but I suspect that's just stone people that misplaced their shit. Sorry for clarification. Things you never get to the end of or things you never want to use the last of? No, get to the end of. I shouldn't say what – You always seem to have – Okay. Enough or a plenty full supply. No, you just never – it's just never going this is the last of this. Okay. That you get to the end of your cereal, you get to the end of your toilet paper, rolling papers, you lose and they're still almost full. No one ever – Mustard. Has anyone ever pulled out the last rolling paper and went, now this thing is empty? Yeah, there's – for me, electrician's tape. There's certain tape you never get to the very bottom of. You just lose that roll. Where is the fucking thing? And then it goes bad somehow or something. Paper clips. I always seem to have plenty of those. There seems to be one around sitting – I can't – I find them and put them on top of something. I don't know if there's one in my life or one million in my life. They just keep moving around me. That's – I have like nail files and hair clips. All of them are – there's probably like six or seven of them all in one place. Don't get me started on scrunchies, girl. I know, right? They all migrate to one spot. You try to put one everywhere so you're never without a scrunchie. Absolutely. Scrunch-a-loot-ly. All right. Let's see. Let me give a little love to one of our fine sponsors. Are we going to do a little What Can Adam Complain About video style? This is a visual What Can Adam Complain About. You guys can jump in and crack wise. It's not all about me. All right. Let's see. I think we have a little What Can Adam Complain About. Stuff. The world is full of it. And one man can complain about it all. This is What Can't Adam Complain About. Oh, I need my bell. Hey, do you guys find that there's a lot of miscommunication amongst adults? Yes. No, whatever you're talking about. Because Mercury's in retrograde, Adam. Oh, is that what's going on? I don't know. I blame everything on Mike August. I had this great moment with him yesterday where – He's like, come on out to the Riviera Golf Club. They're doing the Jim Mora Golf Tournament. There's a lot of celebrities. Warren Sapp's floating around there. There's some – There's Pat O'Brien's going to be there. A lot of – Kevin Nealon. You know, Kevin Nealon's going to be out there. So – Hold on a second. Yeah, I just sat down on the floor. So, you know, come on down and we'll grab those guys and we'll do a podcast. And I said, yeah, all right. And I decided to come out a little early and – Missed some of the traffic, which I still didn't. But I came out. It's on the west – It's in Santa Monica, basically. And it's a fucking horrible drive. And L.A.'s horrible. And the fucking – I don't know if anyone experienced Gary, whoever, Sunset Boulevard on the way back to the 405. But it literally – Fucking miserable. Fucking miserable. Just literally not moving to the point where – There's moving where, shit, I hate this traffic. But I can see that in another five cycles I'll be up to the light. And then there's literally – We are not moving. And that's what – Sunset is going on to the 405 about 530 on a weekday. So, I have this conversation where I go, look, I'm coming in a little bit early. So, let's get Pat O'Brien ready. And he's like, well, Pat's doing his radio show. And I said, all right. Well, when he wraps up, then he can come down the hall or wherever he's set up and come do our thing. Oh, no. He's not here. I said, he's not there. No. He's coming in. To do your show. He's in Glendale. I said, well, I'm in Glendale. Yeah. I said, wait, Mike. I said, you want me to do this thing? You said, there's going to be a lot of guests here and we'll round up these guys and bring them on the show. Yeah. And I said, Pat O'Brien's going to be on the show. You said, Pat O'Brien, right? Yeah. He's going to be here. He's going to be here in like an hour because he's got to do a show. Yeah, but – Well, first off, he also told me this one, too, which he did the – We're starting at four, but if you want to get here before that, you can get here before that. But what he didn't say is we won't be able to do anything. Should have included that little snippet on there. And so I said – Because you love getting to places early for no reason. That's my thing. And I was like, well, where's Pat O'Brien? Yeah, I said he was going to be here, but he's coming in. Mike, when he said there's a golf tournament and there's going to be a bunch of celebrities there and we'll get Pat O'Brien and Kevin Nealon there, that's suggesting that Pat O'Brien is at – He's a sports guy. I thought he'd be playing in the tournament and we'd grab him and come in and do the thing. I know he'd be waiting. I was waiting for him to finish his shift in Glendale and then drive out to Santa Monica to do my thing. I could get him. And he's like, yeah, he's coming on. You know, Mike's the least satisfying guy to have that discussion with. Right, because at the end of it, when the point is absolutely clear, that's what he meant all along. Right, right. It's a shrug of the shoulders. And then the point – there will always be this one, too. So you don't want Pat O'Brien? And you go, no, I want Pat O'Brien on the show. All right, good. He's coming in in 45 minutes. All right. You want to see – He's got a great Hollywood sighting, by the way, a celebrity sighting. On Sepulveda in the Valley, you can see when Pat O'Brien is doing his sports show, he comes out every break pretty much in his very tight jeans. He's a tall, lean man, you know. He comes out burning nails out there on the sidewalk. Really? Walks directly outside to burn a nail after everything. Just in and amongst the people. He's a man of the people. He absolutely is. And great – had a great conversation with the man. All right. So now I'm going to – Grab my bell, which is beneath me. Not literally – well, yes, literally. Not emotionally. And we'll do a little video. All right. Run the first one. Go ahead. Hello, Adam. This is Dan Weiberg over in Korea. And I think you can't complain about Allison getting engaged. Mahalo. Get it on. Well, of course, where do we begin here? First off, off the market. And, you know, we sell sexuality on this program. I do. At least we used to be in that business. Now, no more. But it's, you know, there's an element to that. Like when you're in the boy band and one of the guys gets a girlfriend. There's two things they don't talk about. Either he's gay or too straight. But either way, if he's gay, it's like, shh, quiet, Lance Bass. We need to keep those fans happy. And if the guy gets the girlfriend, they got to go, don't talk about her during the press conference. We got all these other – by the way, it's a great message. There's a lot of 11-year-olds who you can't fuck. Who are really interested in your band. But this 19-year-old who you can't fuck, keep that on the down low there. So, and I don't know why, but if you take a look at the majority of the chicks that are at those concerts, it'd be illegal for one of the guys in, I don't know, Next Move or whatever. One Direction. I love them. One Direction. Next Move, they sing your song about you want it but you can't have it. You know you want me. You want it, boy. Yeah, you want it, boy. The audience is solely made up of people who either you cannot fuck or you do not want to fuck. Meaning 12 and 13-year-old girls screaming their brains out and their dads and or post-menopausal moms. But either way, there's no one in the audience that you want to fuck or that you can fuck. Is that the worst audience? I would – mega death, I feel like. Probably no foxes in that crowd. Oh, no. There's always some chicks. There's always some hair chicks. Yeah. No, the best – The glam girls with the hair teased out and the leather. Yeah. And they would just literally just – And the tiny container thing. And without a doubt, whether you can fuck them or not, they do fuck. If a girl is at a mega death concert, like, she fucks. Touché. Yeah. You make a good point. Yeah. Yeah. Now, they won't let you in to a mega death concert if, in fact, you have not fucked in the last 72 hours. Yeah. That's what I think. That's a law. That's on the – The verification process. This is rough. It's on the rider. Wait, no. Are you – Where are we talking about? Do YouTubers have to stay single? Do they – Because you have sort of a One Direction, Next Move following, I imagine. And hair. I don't have a 12-, 13-year-old, like, diehard girl following like that. Like, college males are my demo. Oh, okay. And I'm not – you know, I'm not into fucking them. I mean, like, if I were gay, I'm sure I would. But, you know, that's just not – I do have a girlfriend, and I'm very open. about it. I didn't think I'd like it at first either. Let's do What Can't I Am Complain About. What are we doing What Can't I Am Complain About? Oh, yeah. Yeah, Allison. Allison. What can't I am complain about? All right, so not only is she cutting back on the sex appeal part for all the potential, but now we're going to have to buy her a gift, and I'm going to have to get her something decent because people are going to want to know what Adam gets you. Do you make a donation in her name? Ooh, that's what I do. Yeah. To me? Yeah. Brian can get her a piece of shit, and Dawson can give her a fucking half an avocado. Just half? With a cigarette put out in it. But I got a fucking- It's called an ashtray. Ashtacado. Stoners actually will give a tray of pot brownies as a gift at the holidays. They'll often do that. You might get that, Allison. I'm going to have to step it up. And then there's all this stuff where you have to feign interest. Ah, shit. Where, you know, like- Blew it. You have a beautiful ring, which I didn't know, I did not notice that you had for, I don't know how many days you wore it. It's quite- It's probably like a week. It's quite, you can see it. It winks at you. I did not notice it, and I should have noticed it. And then there's other questions- Because I didn't do that thing like, oh, hi, Adam. I know, but- But still. There's questions that are appropriate to ask that I- Oh, I like it now. Who got that for you? My dear Daniel. No interest in? Like, you know, when is the marriage, and where's the marriage, and how's the dress coming, and what's the fitting, or whatever you're calling it, the wedding. You're not getting those 90 seconds back. How's he? Going through that Q&A. No, but you know, like, you know, there's that part of life where, you know, people go, oh, I- Yeah, the pretending to be interested in someone else. Yeah, I got twins too, and you know- For Adam, it's called life. Yeah, it's called life. I also feel bad for your poor fiance. He doesn't get exposed when you come within these four walls, the heat between Allison and sexual dynamo bald Brian. Yeah. Yeah, she's terrible. It's palpable. Now that she's taken- Palpable. I got to double down. I got to work trice as hard now at the sexuality angle. All right, so I'm going to have to do something nice in the gift department. It cannot be, you know, oh, Adam got me the canned ham, or any of that stuff. It's going to have to be something- Dollar Shave Club. Fairly substantial. Five of Mangria. Red or white. Oh, you're kidding. Shit. Yeah, all right. All right, let's try our next one. Ace man, love your work. I don't think you can complain about orgasms. Where's he calling from? Wow. That's an Aussie. Sounds Australian. Good luck. Yeah, that's an Aussie. It's international. Name that tune. Orgasm. I got to tell you, fellas, a couple things. There is a mess that comes along with the orgasm, which no one makes much out of it, but the female orgasm. Orgasm is the, you know, that's the smokeless cigarette there. That's a nice item. And imagine, first off, the champagne room of the strip club would be your fucking playground if nothing came out of your cock when you had an orgasm. Do you know what I'm saying? I mean, it's a mess. I mean, there's something that goes on, and it takes a little preparation, and there's a couple different ways you have to deal with it. Let's say you use something from the hamper, per se, as an example, to maybe sort of clean yourself up or to take care of business. You have to kind of make sure that that's taken care of the right way, because the wrong eyeballs are going to get on that thing at some point. An old football pillow with a little hole in it, you know, a little from stitching where it's worn thin. For example. Yeah, that's really specific. That's really specific stuff. Yeah. So there is the orgasm for the guy. Yeah. Yeah. That is good, but it's, like I said, I don't know. What if someone said, look, everything, this thing is really awesome. It's really awesome, but someone's going to, like, hawk a loogie and a snot rocket on your belly or in your hamper or on your floor or on your foot or something like that or on someone's forehead. I mean, it's kind of weird. Plus. A bunch of Japanese guys hawking loogies on a one-wheel space. Yeah, there's a name for that. Plus, there's not any science to it at all. Like, if you ever watch any porno, you cannot tell where anything's going at any time. There's nothing else that works that way. Some guys are sidewinders, you know, shooting off the side. Yeah, I'm saying. I've heard. What I'm saying is there's a few things that you do in life. You know, you take a piss and you point your dick toward the toilet and you start pissing. And every once in a blue moon, you get a little extra shot that gets a little outside the rim there. But it's pretty contained. Spitting is that way. It's not like you take a piss. You take a shit and all of a sudden it flies around and hits you in the back of the head. Or your buddy. You and your buddy are teaming a toilet and all of a sudden his shit hits you in the fucking forehead. But a friend, for the record, can't poop in his own hand and then smear it on your face, as you well know, Adam. It's only happened a couple of times. But you see, and it's one thing. There's got to be a long outtake in porn because you'll see that part where it's like, oh, the two guys are doing the come on the tits move. And they're in. Proximity. Like, they are in the they are in the fucking danger zone. They are in close. And then you see the one guy like us. And the second guy does the first one flies over the tits and like lands on the other guy. And there's never any part. Those guys are stoic, by the way. If that's your friend, if your friend hits you, I don't think you ever come back. Your friendship is never the same after that. No, no. The only way you probably hey, you want to get together next week? Let's play it by ear. No. There's only you never. The only thing that could make that right is you beating off into his foot. That's the only thing. And no, that's an American Indian thing. Yeah, that's not me. That's not me. I did not come up with that one. That's the only way to make things right with your friend. So, you know, the orgasm is plus the women. The women will have that thing where they're like, oh, my God, I had 11 orgasms. And that was just my Pilates class. Like they have they can have now some of them. Yeah. Why are there so many chicks riding exercise bikes? Yeah. They literally can have multiple, multiple orgasms. Not that I've never been with one, but I hear a tale of that. Whereas guys and check. We've been to strip clubs with guys who do have an orgasm. They they're guys who know going in. It's not it's not. Oops. They prepare themselves. Understanding as we're going there. Oh, yes. I'm going to mess myself repeatedly. And they I'm not going to name names. I'm not going to humiliate these people. What do they do to be prepared? They wear they wear slick sweatpants without underpants underneath. And then they mess all over themselves. And then they wear it like it's a badge of honor. And let me tell you something. And I don't mean that figuratively. It's a literal badge. You could get hummus out of shag faster and you can get jizz out of thigh hair. It never I know it's been repeated a thousand times before me. I know everyone's grandfather sat down and told me. We've all seen the bumper stickers and license plate frames. But seriously, it's a mess. Powerful words. Thank you. All right. What are we doing, by the way? I'm tired of hearing from everybody about how the human body is the perfect. You know, it's this it's this perfect machine. If it was so perfect, we wouldn't have to do all. We wouldn't have all these out of the peeing and pooping and boogers and everything. Well, I'll tell you what will be perfect when that's over with. There is. There's a there is a retro while. Oh, I know. That's perfection. I got someone. That's it. I got some unfinished business for my ghost now. It's got to come back and beat off one more time in the shower. No, it's got to come back and clean up the hamper. Yeah, the hamper is finding around the hamper socks. The there is such a move. There is, you know, the version of the sneeze where the person sneezes. They don't really sneeze. It goes, you know, they've been taking it. It's a girl thing. There's a retro. Retro grade ejaculation move that if you if we could teach that to our couple of fucking friends who were disgusted by but secretly envious of as well, that they have so little dignity that they're willing to do that all over themselves. But just the fact that they can have an orgasm in the city of commerce alone puts them way ahead of the game for me. But in a way, yeah, there's another there's a dude in the room who's got, you know, some neck rolls and a, you know, pierced ear and he's standing eight feet away. Yeah. And I mean, like, that's a kind of a ninja like concentration to thigh in the car ride home, too, with that character. That's that's what you need to think about. I should teach them the Dr. Drew retrograde ejaculation. The basically pushing you push up on the taint area at the right moment and nothing comes out. Is that? Right. Yeah. I've never heard of such. Oh, yeah. That's. Oh, yeah. It's a whole thing. Is it like a tantra thing? I, I, I, I don't think you can do it without the use your hand. I think sting probably could, but I don't think anyone else can do it. You have to. You have to. There are guys who do do that, though. They do it. They do it. And they basically self absorbs, which seems almost probably makes you buy. At least I don't know if it makes you gay. I'm no sociologist. I'm no jizzologist. Does it have a name? Like, is that a. It's retrograde ejaculation. Yeah. Ghost chis. I mean, on the street, obviously, ghost chis. But retrograde, you guys can look it up. It's a technique. Retrograde. You push up under. I don't believe in stifling the body. When you want to, whether it's a sneeze or ejaculate or a racial slur, you don't ever stop yourself when something is coming out because that's how you do damage. That's when you get hurt. When you go half speed. Yeah, you go half speed. There you go. Retrograde ejaculation. Wikipedia. Does it bother you to think about the fact that, obviously, Dr. Drew is well-versed on this subject, which means then he's practiced it himself? Does it bother you to think of him, or the next time you see him, do you imagine you'll now conjure an image of him doing that to himself? I think it was just because of Loveline and because of his medical training. I disagree, and Bald Brian does it, too. That he knew it. Think about that. Yeah. And Dawson. All right, Allison, you want to give that a read and tell us what you think? What makes it retrograde? Like mercury, right? Yeah. I don't know. All right. In the human male reproductive system, retrograde ejaculation occurs when semen, which would normally be ejaculated via the urethra, is redirected to the urinary bladder. Normally, the sphincter of the bladder contracts before ejaculation, forcing the semen to exit via the urethra, the path of least pressure. When the bladder sphincter does not function properly, retrograde ejaculation may occur. You've got to wonder about the bladder, too. The bladder's got to be like, whoa. Yeah. What the fuck? What is this? I mean, Jesus, I thought asparagus was bad. Look what we got here. I wonder if they have a name for it. We got an iceberg, people. Let's go. Let's move. Sound the bell. All right. Let me do those drills. That's why we drill. This is not a drill. But I just feel like that's what you would say if it was a drill that you wanted everyone to really hustle on. Yeah. All right. Let's do one more. Should we do one more? No? No? Not enough time? All right. All right. Oh, Sheck's got a segment. Shit. I forgot about Sheck in a segment. All right. Let's go out then. Uh-oh. I could complain about this. That was What Can't Adam Complain About? All right. Sheck. Sports. Hit it, bald. Oh, yes. It's time. It's time for Dave Damoshek's number one sports. Number one sports. Do it, Dave. Hello? Short. Let me just jump to a pretty brief thing that it's, you know, the Stanley Cup playoffs are underway. I think most people are aware of that. And so when better to do this than right now, I'm going to share with you my favorite names to say. In my lifetime of watching NHL hockey, there are 13 of them. Here we go. Lynette only has 12, but I'm sure she could muster another one. Jonathan Chichu. That's right. Taimou Solani. I mean, you knew those two were going to be there. You knew those were coming. Is that Taimou or Chichu? Wow. That sounds awesome. That's Taimou. Yeah, you made the list, Taimou. Congratulations. Next, Eddie Mio. Eddie Mio was a goalie for the Rangers. What a glorious name. Andre Kopitar of the LA Kings. Brothers, Yarko Rutu, and he has a brother, Tuomo Rutu. Wow. I mean, that's heaven. I didn't make that up. If I tried to, you'd say, now you're getting ridiculous, Dave. My God, there's seven that are better than this? Well, I mean, listen. Are they ranked? I don't even want to try and rank these. Some things are worthy of debate in this world. You know, right versus left, and, you know, and do a sausage versus chorizo. And so on. Sure. Things like this, I'm just happy to live in a world where they all exist. Right. And I'm not going to put rankings on them. Next, former goon of the Philadelphia Flyers, Craig Berube. Another Philadelphia Flyer. He's passed from this world, but he lives on, in my mind at least. Peter Zezel. He's come back to haunt the Zamboni. Unfinished ice. Peter Zezel. Zezel. Then, I chose this one because of the irony of it. Larry Playfair. Playfair is this guy's name. He once led the NHL in penalty minutes. Playfair. Playfair. How about that, Allison? I can't even. Even you can't. I cannot. It bends the mind. I know. Next, Zarly Zalapsky. Wow. That was a guy's name. That's his name. He still walks the earth. Hey, I'm Zarly Zalapsky. I love it. Now we're getting into- This is Dave's sports report. Now we're getting into some real good territory. I'm enjoying it more than usual. No offense. It hurts my feelings. Mario Faux-Bear. Oh, nice. Now we're getting down to the final two. These are, I think, my two favorites. Former defenseman, diminutive defenseman of the New York Rangers, Rayjo Rutzalainen. Wow. Rayjo Rutzalainen is his name. Where's he from? He's got to be from somewhere. I don't know. He's from heaven. All right. Cloud 9 is where he came from. All right. And now, you know the counterpart, the NFL counterpart, for different reasons. I love it. I love Otis Sistrunk and DeBricka Shaw-Ferguson in football, but this one, the ring of it, and this is the best name in sports. Former Philadelphia Flyers winger, Ilka Sinisilo. Ilka Sinisilo. It's got sinister just embedded in it. Ilka Sinisilo. Sounds like she'd be a tennis player. Yeah. I've got three words for that. Ooh, la, and la. That's the sports. Thanks again to ScoreBig.com. Always below 5,000 price. Never any fees. ScoreBig.com. Hey, we're under a time crunch, bald Brian, you creep. I could go on and on about the NBA draft lottery and so on. I'm not even doing a creep of the week again this week. I got good stuff to shoot the blaster at you, creep. That's the world of sports. I kind of miss Rogie Vachon from that. Ooh, that was a good one. Rogie. Yeah, Rogie. Rogie Vachon. For your L.A. team. It's got to be tough. Announcers, it's got to be a bitch for the announcers, right? Like, I don't know how they do some of these names. I don't know how they do some of the brothers' names in the NFL, and I certainly don't know how they do some of these guys that are from, you know, Soviet Republic, former Soviet Republic blocks. I think the one that, off the top of my head, the one that seems like it's tripped up more broadcasters than any other name is Namdi Asamoah. I've heard more attempts at that one that people, I mean, for the first five years of his career, people couldn't say his name. Well, eventually, everyone agrees that we'll go with KGB or whatever we're going with for. That's his brother. Well, yeah, I work with his brother. Akbar Baja Biamela is KGB's brother, right? Right. And then Lendanius, well, that's Lendanian. One's David Allen Greer. Lendanian Tomlinson had to become L.T. But again, that's the worst thing ever because there was an L. See, they. They were stupid. Lawrence Taylor's an easy name to say, but they changed it to L.T. And that's a mistake because somebody should have said, sometime in the future, there's going to be a crazy guy with a crazy name that we can't say that's going to the Hall of Fame, and we're going to trip over every time you try to. Yeah, you're using up the L.T. Right. So then they just went, fuck it, we're naming this guy L.T. But you can't do that. Two of the best guys in the. And they're at their position. Unacceptable! I'll tell you even worse. Alex Rodriguez is a weirdo, and Aaron Rodgers, who is the best quarterback in the NFL, just lazily took that name from him. He's also A-Rod now. It's the worst thing about him. He's an otherwise likable fellow, but he's got this lame, you know, lazy nickname. Yeah, you can do Iron Mike Tyson and Iron Mike Ditka because they're different colors and they're 60 years apart. But Sugar Ray Robinson. I was just going to say. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry, please. I don't want to step on your. Well, no, I was just going to say, I'm really. This is my wheelhouse. This is it, right. Thank you, back off. Yeah, I think the two Sugar Rays thing is weird, although I'm sure there's some reason for that. No, I think his mom. I know the band named themselves after Sugar Ray Leonard, by the way, and a fan, but I think it was just a fan thing. Like, you might name your kid Muhammad Ali or something, or somebody you're a fan of. But at least they're in separate eras. Yeah, it's still lazy, though. It's still lazy. Okay, but I'll tell you who's not. Mookie Blaylock. You know, Pearl Jam was originally named Mookie Blaylock after the point guard. Oh, did not know that. Yeah. I'll tell you what I. Retrograde Pearl Jam was the original long name. Like Chicago. It's Chicago Transit Authority in retrograde, and then they cut it off. Retrograde. Also, I love the idea that somebody says, I want to call our band the Chicago Transit Authority, and then the. And then the Chicago Transit Authority gets involved and goes, no, no, no, no. We're going to need a bunch of free advertising and multi-platinum records with our name on it. Because that could be. Why? I mean, aren't you a fucking idiot now if you're Chicago Transit Authority? Like, don't you want to then. They must get. I would like to get the Manhattan Transfer together with Chicago and have the guys from Chicago just going, what the fuck? How come you guys got to do the whole thing and then we didn't get to do anything? We had to cut our whole thing off. That's a bucket list item. them there. I got to get them together. If I can't, I will come back and haunt. That will be my haunt thing, trying to get the Manhattan transfer back together. Yeah, with the Chicago Transit Authority. The greatest, I like when one nickname is not enough. I like the fact that Thomas the Hitman Hearns was the Motor City Cobra. And he was the Motor City Cobra, and it's like, you don't do better than the Motor City Cobra. Like Cobra, he strikes like a cobra, and he's a Motor City Cobra. Who's sitting around going, he needs a second one? That is a sign of greatness when you have two nicknames that stick. Not that I can think of, no one bad has had two nicknames. Like Deion Sanders, maybe the greatest defensive back of all time, Primetime, and Neon Deion. Here's how you know you've arrived. You either have two nicknames or one name, like Cher, Madonna, or Oprah. It's like that. It's like jobs. If you have three, you have, if you have eight jobs, you're rich. If you have three, you're poor. So you're going to have one or eight. You can be on the board of ten different companies. All right. Let's take ourselves a little extendo break here. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. All right, I'm going to do that. All right. We will, for those of you who are viewing us tonight, all right. I don't know what the fuck's going on. We'll be back. We'll be back after this. Welcome back to the Adam Carolla Show. Subscribe to YouTube.com slash VPN to watch the show live each week. And YouTube.com slash Adam Carolla for the archive of past shows. Ray William Johnson here. Equals three. New video every Tuesday on YouTube. And website, raywj.com. Did I screw that up? No. No, you didn't. The website hasn't been active for about six months. Yeah. Doing a relaunch. All right. Why don't we give your Twitter out? My fault. That's twitter.com slash raywj. There you go. All right. So why don't we do a little news and we'll crack wise. How about it? Mm-hmm. The News with Alison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Alison. Alison. And when it's time to rap, it's Alison. She'll sign it up. She'll sign it off. We'll zip it, cunt. It's Alison. Alison. So huge, huge tornado touchdown in Oklahoma hit on Monday at 256. And people were given about 16 minutes of warning, which is frightening when you think about how little time that is to try to figure out what to do. Yeah. Well, if I had a shelter, that would be, I would then, if someone said 16 minutes, I'd go, all right, I'm going. I'm going to watch like eight more minutes of SportsCenter and then I'm going down into the shelter. It's hopefully a list of things that are coming up so you know if there's something you're interested in on the left side. Yeah, probably fast forward. But you definitely want to get into the ground. It's weird. The ground's your best friend or worst enemy. Well, let me put it into context because I grew up there. So when you get a tornado warning, first of all, that's a very brief warning. Like 15 minutes is nothing. Even if you have to pack up all the family, kids and cats and dogs and get them in the shelter. That's not a lot of time. The problem is, is that there are tornadoes there all the time in the same way that we have earthquakes here all the time. Now, if someone came in and said, hey, we're going to have an earthquake in five minutes, would we all run outside or would we go, I'll risk it being maybe just a tremor or whatever. So most of the tornadoes that hit there do nothing. And there are tons of them every year. And then you get that one massive one. Yeah. And what do you do when, you know, something of that magnitude. That magnitude sweeps through your city, whether you have a day's notice or 10 minutes notice. It's just, you know, act of God. What the fuck are you going to do? And this is what happens. And it's kind of part of what you're dealing with when you live in that part of the world. So it's a tradeoff for living in a beautiful Oklahoma. Yeah. So sad. People kept tweeting me that our friend Liz Winstead, who was on this show a few weeks back, that everyone hated on the show. She was arguing with me, but she sounded really bitchy about it. But she made some sort of tweet, I think. And I had to kind of think about it because on one hand, I'm very much into let comedians talk. On the other hand, when people lose kids, I don't like it. She joked that the tornado in Oklahoma must be targeting conservatives. Which I don't age, you know, sometimes. Well, for me, if something is funny, then sort of all is forgiven. Like, I will forgive funny, but that wasn't obviously that funny. But then secondly, I don't, you know, I guess because it's a red state. But then you do think about the people who lost their kids and you're kind of like, is that really necessary? On the other hand, you know, she should be able to say whatever she wants whenever she wants. And she shouldn't be kept from work or anything. But I just wonder. She kind of kept going down that path for a little while. And then she apologized and then kind of kept on that, saying that she made the jokes before she knew of the devastation. But this was apocalyptic to me. You know who came to her defense? Glenn Beck. Really? He tweeted. Gary, can you find it? Wow. He tweeted saying, leave Liz Winstead alone. Haven't we all made jokes we wish we could? Couldn't make. Hashtag cast the first stone or something. Wow. Something like that. Glenn Beck. Wow. I wouldn't have thought he would be a defender of comedians in free speech. No. But it is good. It's nice. He seems like a reasonable guy. Here's the thing. I'm misjudged. I think. But it's good that we just stay consistent. Like, you're not just consistent about your side or their side. You're just consistent, which I like. So he says plenty of things that pisses me off. So it would be easy for him to talk shit about people he disagrees with. But on the other hand, if he says she has to shut up, then he kind of has to shut up, too. I just wonder, like, where would Glenn Beck have been on the Tracy Morgan thing or on the you thing? On the me thing? Oh, I don't know. Because this is more egregious to me than me or Tracy Morgan. Because as I say before the show started, I think. Yeah. We have lost our color sampler in life, which is this. If you look at, like, swatches, they'll have shades. And the shades will go from just black to white. And then you flip through them. It's like every shade of gray. It starts getting darker and lighter as you go. And, you know, Alec Baldwin talking shit to his daughter, who probably is a bitch, by the way. But either way. She's not a little pig, though. But she's not. She's probably great looking. She's a model. Oh, she is. I believe. Well, there you go. There's my non-pig argument. But the point is this. There's no bodies involved. Like, I want to see a fucking body count. Like, if you're going to make a joke or talk shit about or do whatever. Well, this is more like Gilbert Gottfried making jokes after the tsunami. Right. Right. Which is. Which I thought were kind of funny. Well, first off, it's nice if they're funny. It helps. Because at least there's. It shows that. The person has some skill there. Or at least you chuckled before you called the person an asshole. But if there if there are. And my kind of rule is if there are people who are grieving over lost loved ones, then there's an issue for me. If somehow way, shape or form parents of a three year old who's not whose body's not been found yet could somehow hear this. Yeah, that's horrific. If. If you're part of a group or a culture and I'm just making fun of you because you can't drive tough shit. But do you believe what she said, which is that she made the jokes before the figure before she knew all the devastation? Because I mean, you know. No, because you. Well, first off. No, I think she's a hypocrite. I think she has a and I it's funny because I was listening to something Joe Rogan was talking about when he was doing open mics back in the day. And she was running those open mics. So she basically told everyone, here's what you can talk about. Here's what you can't talk about. I will stop you if you talk about this and I won't let you finish that. And she did a lot of it. Her whole thing is, is everyone's entitled their own opinion and every everyone should let their freak flag fly unless you disagree with my opinion, in which case I'm going to shout you down. Like, that's how I think she's wired. I don't think there's any such thing as hearing about the devastation without hearing about the body count, because it's not like someone said, oh, a tornado hit. And then we'll tell you if anyone died after this. They did devastation. They think as many as 20. You know, they always they tax some body count onto that titillating. You know, that's the way we work. So hearing about it and not knowing that their bodies involved, especially when you're talking about 200 mile an hour winds rolling through a populated area, do the body count math on that? You know, we should find what her apology tweet was just in case I am misquoting it. Anyway, anyone say whatever they want. But. For me, it's when people, like, I didn't make fun. of the whole great white club fire thing. Because it seems like a Joe hairband fire, blah, blah. Because 100 people died. It's not funny when 100 people die. Well, I think people should, especially comedians and these guys who work in open forums, I think they should be able to say whatever they want, but in that same vein, they also have to accept the social backlash. Make all the Holocaust jokes you want, but accept that you're going to get a lot of shit for it, and own up to it, and apologize only if you're sorry, or if you want to keep your career going, or whatever. Well, and also, though, as a society, all I'm asking for is this. As a society, making a joke about something where there's no body count, or judging a person where there's no body count, you know, there are criminals that took other people's lives, and then there are ones that just did things that were stupid, or silly, or hurt those around them, or hurt themselves, but there's no bodies. I gotta see a body before, you know, I mean, look, if I was a judge, there's people that get locked up for, you know, vehicular manslaughter. They do 17 months because they got drunk and ran over some nine-year-old on a Schwinn, and then there are guys who went to a fish concert and tried to sell 100 tabs of acid, and they're doing 18 years. Like, I just want to see a fucking body, and if there's a body, or in this case, multiple bodies, it's different than making fun of your wife, or a group, or your kid. Alright. So there are 24 people confirmed dead, including nine children, and that was lower than the initial report, which was that they said at least 51 were dead. It's an EF5 tornado, which is the strongest category of tornadoes, and the winds at times are between 200 and 210 miles an hour. Wow. More than 230 people were injured, and at least 100 people have been pulled alive from the rubble. It's just crazy, the amount of destruction. Lieutenant Governor Todd Lamb said the destruction, he likened it to a two mile wide lawnmower blade going over a community. Wind is nutty, man. If you're ever in a situation That's such a stoner comment. It's a nutty thing. It's incredible force, which is, if you are well, first off, you sort of think about the fact that, I don't know, Gary, find me, you tell me what a 777 weighs, or that new Dreamliner, or the whatever, the Airbus with the double decker on it. 380. Airbus 380, yeah. It's insane. Should we all try to guess first though, because that sounds fun. Well, go in tons. I'm going to say a thousand tons. Wow, that seems, that seems, that seems reasonable. I'll go, I'll half that, 500. 500 tons? 250. 250 tons. With people? I'll say 2,000. And fuel? Alright, never mind, 500. Well, we're gonna, we'll get various things. I'll say 2,000. I literally have no ballpark, so I'll say 2,000. 2,000 tons? Yeah. Alright. Why not? Alright, let's see. Let's see, 2,000 tons, that would be like, maybe like 750, 650 or something, SUVs, or something like that. Alright, I'll just, I'll go a little lower. I'll go 75,000. What did you go, 50? Yeah. I'll go 75,000. That's the same. But the point is, you take a look at that thing, it gets off the ground. That's just the wind, you know. I mean, it's not the wind, but it's the air traveling beneath the wind, wings. But the thing that's, the thing that's insane, see, watch a NASCAR. A NASCAR, they used to happen all the time. Car be going 150, 170 miles an hour, get spun out by another car, get going backwards, and go right into the air. Yeah. Just lift off. This is a Pontiac, this is a Ford, this is a Chevy. It's not a wing, it's not meant to go anywhere. It's 3,500 pounds of steel, and it immediately just gets launched into the air. You see those crazy videos of the boats racing. They just catch a wave, and they're fucking up in the air. Right. That is just the wind at 155, 160 miles an hour getting underneath something that weighs 2,000 pounds, or I'm sorry, 3,500 pounds, and throwing it into the air. It's insane that force. All right. We have the maximum full cargo weight, passengers, everything. We'll figure this out. 500 tons. I said 500 tons. Did you say 500 tons? Yeah. Oh, I thought you said 50. No, no, no. I thought I was going above you. 500 tons. Oh, there you go. You're the winner of nothing, as per usual. Yeah, in your face. But he wins nothing always. Yeah. Not always, but too often. He's good at winning nothing. Yeah. You jealous of my nothing, Allison? Yeah. Maybe a little bit. Mm-hmm. 1.36 million pounds, and it just goes right into the air. It wears it well. Yeah. It does. And me, I'm superstitious. When I sit next to a fat person, I'm like, how's this baby getting off the ground? This guy's got to go 285. Yeah. Plane's going to lean to one side. Yeah, it's something. How's it going to work? Yeah. Do you guys have any issues about sitting in row 13? Because I remember once I almost did, even though I pretend I'm not a superstitious person, and then I thought, well, if the plane's going down, the whole thing's going. It's not like just my row's going to drop out. No, but that'd be funny. I mean, not for your family. I mean, ironic, but yeah. That'd be good content. That'd be my luck. Only my row drops out. Not funny. I just booked a plane ticket today in row 13. Row 13. Really? I didn't know you mentioned that. Wow. That's weird. Really? You're on my flight, too. I've never thought about that. It's never been discussed. They stuck us in row 13? I booked row 13. Okay. So have you guys seen this? It's a heartwarming and moving, though, video of the woman who had lost her little dog and then she found her dog in the rubble on live TV. Oh, I know. I'd heard about it. Okay, so we have. It's longer. This is just a clip. It starts with a woman asking this woman a bunch of inane questions and then we find a dog. Alright. Sad that this means something. I started wiggling. Are you able to comprehend yet what happened here? I know exactly what happened here. Exactly. And. Kind of a bitchy answer. What do you think of all this? This is your neighborhood. I can't imagine. This is life in the big city. A dog. A medium-sized. A dog. Hi, puppy. A dog. Uh-oh. Oh. That's her dog? Yeah, she was talking about how she couldn't find her dog earlier. Oh, that looks like. That looks like. Can you help me? I don't know. It looks like a refrigerator. It looks like it's the base of a dishwasher or something that the thing has stuck in. Oh, I thought it was the car part. It's got. No, it's got the adjustable. It's got the hoses there. It's got the adjustable feet on it that screw out. That's a dishwasher. Oh, my fucking heart is melting. You're talking about dishwashers. It's the guts of a dishwasher. If this were in Adam's worldview, it would just be him being like, oh, my dish or my refrigerator. It looks like they got to. It's a hot water heater, right? They got to replace the inline heater on that thing. There should be a filter. There should be a adapter there for that filter. Well, I thought God just answered one prayer to let me be okay. He answered both of them. Wow. That's pretty heart-wrenching. I know. It's like the. All right. But I don't give a shit because there's 23 people dead and seven kids are gone. I'm glad her and her schnauzer are put back together. But to be consistent for me, I don't care. I really don't. It's nice to look at. It's nice, but I still feel horrible for the parents. Wait, could you be moved by this if they hadn't died? What if it were a baby? No, see, I. What, if it was a baby? Yeah, if it were a baby. Oh, yeah. But not a dog. No, because one's a human being and the other's an animal. I know, but it's still like you got to maybe look for the good in the 24 deaths. No, I'm. Yeah. No, I'm happy, but it's like. It doesn't. It's neither here nor there. But I think that's why this is going viral, because the destruction and the sadness is so great that people are clinging to this feel-good story. You're absolutely right. Exactly. Why is God working on her schnauzer when he knows people are dead? You saw it. She has nothing. She doesn't even have a fucking dryer. It's just a bunch of hoses now. Yeah. Well, like I said, reaching by the coils on that thing, it needed to be replaced in the next 18 months anyway. Well, she'll get on that, but her dog is, you know. No, listen. Here's what I want to say. I'm happy she found her dog. I like that woman, by the way, because the reporter's just got to do the, what's going through your mind right now? Can you even comprehend? Look around. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. I know exactly all too well what happened. And asking just those stupid questions they ask all the time. And they do that thing where it's like, 24 hours ago, you were sitting in your. What? Experiencing half a tornado? Yeah. Or just watching Jeopardy or Wheel of Fortune. I get it. Yesterday, there was no tornado. I like when people do that. Look, when boats capsize, guess what shape they were in the day before? No one got onto the cruise ship when it was just two-thirds capsized. I was on this boat yesterday. I know. It's like a lot of people do that thing. They do it with car accidents. They do it like, yesterday, the person was driving to work. Fine. Now they're, yeah, that's how stuff works. You don't get this. Unexpected, yeah. They're like, well, we got into 10% of a car accident. Then by the end of the week, it was up to 25%. By midweek next week, it was up in the high 40s. Like, no shit happens. That's the whole thing about tornadoes. They happen quickly. They were slow motion. You'd get out of the way. I'm glad she found her dog. But neither here nor there for me, mostly the seven kids gone that I would tend to respond to. Nine. Yeah, I was about to say nine. It was nine. Listen, your German is not going to change my feelings on this man, however you dismiss me. The Doors Ray Manzarek died. He was 74. He had bile duct cancer. Yeah. Bad times. Yeah. It did a lot. It got a lot of living in. And had some crazy success. I mean, you think about how young those guys were. When you think about the fact that he, you know, did Jim Morrison die in 72? 71. Is that what we figured out? 71? Yeah. So, you know, the Doors stopped over 40 years ago. And so his greatest success was over 40 years ago. And still, it's like 40 years after. It is. It's insane. It's like the other day when I found out that Avra Levine was 28. I was like, you're not even 30 yet, bitch. I've known you for a long time. Yeah. She's been around for a while. It seems like. But how? I remember like Avra Levine was. 10 years ago was, had hit songs. And I'm like, you're not, you can't even, you're not even 30 yet? Right. I think she started when she was like 16 or 17 or something. It's insane. Like, you know, there's some people that are like, I can't believe now, like, I can't believe that, you know, certain person from certain Disney channels now pregnant. Like, there's that part. And then there's other people where they're like, you're not even 30 yet. See, with Avra Levine, my thing, when you said 28, I was like, wow, she's already 28. Because to me, she's always. 21. But she had her first find out. She's married to the guy from Nickelback. Like, she's. I know. Strike two. Getting close to strike three. Are you telling me you were going to refer to Skater Boy? Well, she, no, Skater Boy was some 41 guy. Nickelback is who she's married to now. Thanks, Gary. No, no, no. Her song was Skater Boy. Oh, because she married Skater Boy. Basically, some 41 Skater Boy. I didn't know that was her song. Why are we talking about Avra Levine? I don't know. Because it's Jessica. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Good music. All right. I want to find out what year. First, it was complicated. She came out. I was told. All right. My girl. Look who knows. All right. I bet. I bet that that. What was the gentleman's name? Ray Manzarek. Ray Manzarek. I bet you the little bit amount, the small amount of time that the doors were hot. I bet he did more living in those years than most of us have in this room in our entire life. And he continued. If you're in the doors, you live your life. He continued to produce a lot of new stuff. 29 was her first song. I mean, how can that bitch not be 30 yet? She's not going to turn 30 next month. She's 28. Jesus fucking Christ. Would you turn 30 already? Pissed off. 2000 first full out. But still, 2000. 113 years ago. Jesus goddamn Christ. What's weird is that 2000 feels very recent. Yes. When I hear it, it sounds recent. Well, here's the thing. The 13 years after 2000 is a blink of an eye. The 13 years before 2000 was an eternity. So in 1987, when people were like, there was a lot of like in 1987, there's like, by the year 2000, there won't be men and women. They'll just be one gender. And you're like, really? Yeah. Wow. I can see that. Yeah. People just use telepathy to travel. They won't use airplanes or trains or anything anymore. We're all going to work from home. And if you go to work, you'll fly to work with a jet pack. Yeah. Like the Jetsons. You won't even eat. You'll just take a pill. Yeah. Just have a pill. Say Thanksgiving or Christmas on it, depending what you want. You know, that's it. And you're like, wow. By 2000. Now, it's 2013. And I don't feel it's 2000 to me. It's like, cool. We have the Internet. Yeah. I think that's kind of it. In that, we had the Internet. We had cell phones. That's your livelihood, right? Yeah, I know. But it's, you know, we're not living in the Jetsons era. Right. But we do have sort of the Internet. Well, the common man has the Internet. Yeah. There you go. Here's a deep thought I had. It just feels lately like it's just, it's a deep, depressing thought. One horrible news story after the next. I'm not just talking about my news. But I just feel like in the world, it's just one awful thing after the next, whether it's a natural destruction or it's some crazy person. And it feels like it's speeding up. And I'm wondering, is it, it's not, that's just perception, right? Obviously, because I don't truly think that times are worse now than they were 50 years ago, 100 years ago. We have no problem. We have no problems. What's going on is there are thousands of news outlets and they need to be filled up. They're just not. And news, basically, news follows the same format as reality shows. There's no reality show called Five Chicks from Beverly Hills get along famously. That doesn't get ratings. It's, you know, when they show you the clip, what's coming? Coming up next week, it's Cheryl and Tammy have a problem. And it's like, are you not the boss of me? And then there's all this, someone knocks a table over and it's a big deal. So every single reality show is like, get in there, get in their grill, get it stirred up. Man, if you can throw a punch, that would be awesome. But if you guys can just fucking have a shouting match, that would be better. And again, there's no such thing as people hang around, drink tea with their pinky and say thank you and please. So that doesn't exist. Well, the news is exactly the same. There's no such thing as, hey, stock market's pretty stable and things seem to be all right. And your team won. It's not that. It's a bunch of doom and gloom. And here's how you know. I mean, they will literally take something we've talked about it before, something like Africanized killer bees. I was seeing graphs of Africanized killer bees coming through here, you know, by, you know, by now. By 1991, they'll be coming into Texas. Then by 1994, they've colonized Texas. They're moving to Arizona, through New Mexico, Arizona. And then that big dot that said Adams House on it. Once Phoenix Falls. Once Phoenix Falls. Then on the picture of them landing on my head. And it was like, Jesus Christ. So in 1997, these things. What happened to that? And by the way, I want to find these guys and go, hey, are you the guy with the Africanized? Come here. And just. Fucking knee him in the groin. Just grab his tie and keep driving my fucking knee into his bridge of his nose until I hear his orbital socket crack. Like, there is no Africanized killer bees. I don't know where the fuck they are. Nobody's dead. They didn't regroup in Galveston and make their way to my apartment. They did nothing. But that's news, right? Yeah, I remember being really worried about SARS. Yeah. Right. Are we supposed to still be worried about that? Remember the Y2K scare? Oh, it was huge. Huge. Everything's going to crash and planes are going to fall out of the sky. I'm still scared. A little. A little bit. Yeah. But that's how we work. So that's why I need to not pay attention to most of this shit. And that's why I need to realize that we're just fucking bombarded. Now, how many more news outlets are there before? When we had Africanized killer bees that were coming to us. And I'm sure if you lived in Maine, they did the exact same graphic, but heading that direction. Oh, they'll be heading through the Boston area and they're coming your way. They're coming your way, Maine. Look out, Rhode Island. Like, I'm sure they had. One for every city. Yeah. And the arrow coming at them of death. So now when they did that, they did not have a million new cable news outlets. Now there's a million cable news outlets and they must be filled with whatever today's version of Africanized killer bees is. You should fill your life with Stamps.com. Good luck. Powerful transition. That's right. You don't want to go to the post office. That is the one place they still have the Africanized killer bees. They're behind the counter. That's right. Beehives, that is. Good one, Ace, man. Use Stamps.com. You can print official U.S. postage right from your own computer. Stamps.com is going to help you decide which class of male is best for you. And someone should have signed that for Alice before she got engaged. You're unstoppable. It's spelled differently, but it's still funny. My field video. It's still funny. It's still funny. All right. Let's do one more story, shall we? Well, get this, you guys. The famous haircut that Jennifer Aniston had referred to as the Rachel. The guy who gave her that haircut has revealed that he was high when he did it. Wow. No shit. I know. Can you even believe it? You remember the haircut, do you not? It was that choppy shag thing that everyone then soon had after. I didn't. I couldn't make that much. I mean, I understood, like, the page boy. And the Dorothy Hamill. Okay. That much I got. That seemed very distinct to me. This one I didn't understand. Yeah, it was very iconic. Yeah. Yeah, okay. The Clooney was sort of the guy's version of this for the same time period. I was told by people. Do you mean the Caesar? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did anyone here have that? Because I hated that haircut for men. I have no options. I think I had it for a while. Yeah, yours just goes up. Yeah, I'm essentially like a black man. I can go long. or I can go short, but it's the same. I'm a hedge that either grows out or gets trimmed, but I don't change. I'm no topiary. That's what you're talking about. I can't do anything with my hair. There's no style. There's no like, oh, you want to know what bangs would look like on me? Bangs would be like me trying to mow my hair down. Like, there's nothing. Oh, Allison, you missed it. One day on the radio show, Jonathan Anton, remember that show Blowout? He was the hair guy. He came in, and Adam was like, you can't give me bangs, whatever, straight in my hair? And he's like, I can do it. And we spent a segment doing it. It looked fucking hell. It was awesome. It's a pube patch. It's harming. It's hurting me that I wasn't there for that, because that's, I would have loved that. I got an old man pube patch for hair. I always have, and thus there's no, there's nothing I can do. You can find pictures of me when I'm 19. I have the exact same. On the cover of your book. Oh. My little kid. Well, no, that, that I had straight hair until, until I turned, until I turned, until I turned like, my hair went through the, the, look, all you need to know about my hair is all you need to do is watch the Brady Bunch, the exact same arc, phallic arc, which is, remember season one? They, they, okay. All right. Listen to me, everybody. That, that was my hair in high school, and it's basically the same hair I got today. I, season one, all the Brady's, all the boys. All the Brady's had straight hair. Season one through like one, one, two, and maybe three. Then season two and three, or three and four, they had curly hair that they attempted to make straight, but they couldn't figure it out, and then they all had froze. They all had Jew froze in the, the later ones. Did something happen in that era to change everyone's hair? No, what, what happened. Puberty. Puberty kicked in, and you don't, everyone's born, like, Whitey's born with basically the same hair. And then puberty kicks in, and it can go, and go bonkers. My hair was just sort of normal and straight, and then it started to go bonkers, but I didn't know what was going on. Well, if I'll show you the Brady's, you'll see the Brady's, especially Peter, and you'll see the same hair, just, you'll, you'll see that's what my hair did, exactly. Sorry. Anyway, where were we? Well, we were just talking about how he was high when he gave her that hairdo, and he's decided to come forward now and say it because he has 14 years of sobriety behind him. Oh, who gives a shit? And he's just clinging to that, right? Yeah. Yeah, okay. I feel like I've heard a lot more about Jennifer Aniston than I need to hear in my lifetime. Well, how are you talking about? I feel like she's attractive. She's not hot. Someone needs to explain that to America. I wonder if women like her more than men. I'm trying to. I'm trying to. I'm trying to figure it out. Okay. So, she's not hot. She's, she's attractive. She's always been attractive, but she's not hot. There is such a thing as hot. She is, she is not it. All right. There's early Brady. Early Brady. Let's take a look at Peter's hair. Look, you know, just same hair, straight hair. All straight. And then when you get into season three or season four, you'll see, and I don't know how many seasons to Brady Bunch ran eight seasons. Seven seasons or something like that, but we'll, we'll see it. But look, she's an, she's a woman who takes very good care of herself. She is someone who is at the highest potential. She can be, oh, that's a little later. I need, I need a picture of Peter like two years earlier than that when it was starting to get curly, but it wasn't exactly sure what to do with it. Mind you, these are people on TV. They had the, they, yeah, they, they had the finest in hair technology. Right. I know you can see a few years on his hair's getting curly, but he's trying to kind of push it down. And then later on, and especially Greg, Greg goes full Jufro. You can see Greg's hair here and he goes full Jufro. The last season, I think everyone just went full, full Jufro. My hair, it's like, it's like my hair plagiarized their hair. It just literally copied their hair. That's, that's. I wonder if the people who did the hair on the show wanted to replace them when this happened. To replace the actors. Yeah, I would have. I would have cut, I would have cut all of them. All right. Now see, this is me when I'm, I don't know, 23. It's like my hair's the same length. Exactly. It's exactly the same. It's never, it's, it's always been the exact same hair. I've never, never fucked around with it. That's be nice. Yeah. Yeah. And so anyway. You could get a Brazilian straightened Adam. Jennifer Aniston. Way too much Jennifer Aniston talk. She's, uh, does not need to be on any. Anyone's list of most attractive or most desirable or most anything ever. Isn't it kind of weird too? Like it's off putting when they sex her up, like in the pictures and she's like looking all desirable to the camera. It's like, that's the girl next door. That's your best friend. That's your friend's sister. That's not the, that's not the hot girl. Yes. It's, it's off putting. I think she has appeal in, in. No, she's not unattractive. Right. But I think she's, she's attainable and there's attractiveness in attainability. I don't fucking hometown buffets attainable. I don't get that part. Sometimes you eat there, but who, uh, all the guys, all that, the fucking argument of like where people go, well, it goes, guys, kind of the hope anyone in this room, fuck Jennifer Aniston. Nobody. Anybody, anyone, camera guys, anyone been sucked off by Jennifer Aniston? No, you said fucked. Or fuck. You had to fuck them. Sucked off. Nothing. Squeezed her titty. All right. So let's just go ahead and get rid of the attainable part because no one I know has grabbed her titty. Does anyone, you know, grabbed her titty? No, I don't. Not even. So not, not, not even touch the areola. Not going to work. So, uh, wait, as far as an actress goes fair to Midland. Fine. It's okay. Doesn't bring much to the table. Brings about as much performance wise to the table as she brings looks wise to the apartment to that table, which is like, fine, fine. I thought you loved friends. I don't know who you are anymore. I do like friends, but she could have been played by a thousand different people. It would have been fine. You feel like Gunther was the real talent. Absolutely. Now we're talking. That guy should have a huge theatrical career. He went about someone with some hair magic. That guy's like, all right, if I'm going to be an extra and I have to, I have to do the fake talking the whole time behind the counter. I'm going to have white hair. I'm going to have hair you can see from outer space. All right, let's bring it home, baby girl. That's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Zip it, cunt. There's me in my, in my curly straight hair phase. With Alison Rosen. Right, you're transitioning. My transitioning phase. All right. Looks painful. It is. It is. I didn't know what to do with it. You had to have long hair, but it was turning curly, but it used to, see, it used to look like this. It was like this. So I was like, what hair? Where are you going? Don't fail me now. Let's go. Be like you were, but it started to change. It was a horrible period of my life. Only lasted for a short 14 years. Ah, Tonks. You guys like coffee? Oh my God. Let me tell you something. T-O-N-X. These guys are coffee connoisseurs. Actual. And testimonial. I said to these guys, look, you want to sell coffee on this show? Everyone here loves coffee. Everyone who listens loves coffee. We'll do a lot of coffee here. Yeah. Send me some and let me check it out and then I can kind of speak from the heart. And I said, they sent me some. And I just brought it home last night and I told the old guy, go ahead and grind that up because they give the whole beans. And I said, just throw it in. I want to try it out today. And I tried it out today and I was like, oh man, this is good. But we had. We have good stuff. Like, you know, we have the Starbucks stuff. We buy the expensive stuff. And just this afternoon, I was talking to Lynette and she's like, my God, what's up with the coffee? Who made the coffee? It's delicious. And it was like totally unsolicited. Didn't talk to her about it. Like I said, coming off of Starbucks, not 7-Eleven over here. Tonks, these guys just love it. They source it direct from the growers. They roast it and they ship it within 24 hours. I was thinking about you the whole time, Brian. Just your snob, you know, you like being good to yourself. I mean, I like the finer things. You do like the finer things in life. It does. And this is right up your alley. All right. Want to try a free sample? Yes. Just go to tonks.org. That's dot org. Tonks. T-O-N-X dot org. Forward slash Adam. Get some for yourself. And they just get it. You sign up for it. They send it to you. It's no more expensive than going anywhere else and getting your coffee. And you just. They're fanatics. I mean, I asked them a thousand questions about how much you should use and what kind of water and what's the best way and fresh ground and get the grinder and all that kind of stuff. That's not the girl I know. Listen, I wanted to talk about it. By the end of the conversation, they hated it. All right. I want to give some thanks where thanks are due. Dave Damaschek. Dave Damaschek football program. You get it on iTunes and you go to his website. DaveDamaschek.NFL.com. Ray William Johnson, you forget about the website. Let's focus on Twitter at RayWJ. That's where you tweet him and the show. Good to see you, Ray. Thanks for coming out, my friend. Good to be here. My pleasure. And until next time, this is Adam Krola for Dave Damaschek, Ray William Johnson, Allison Rosen, and Paul Bryan saying mahalo. Alright, this is Adam Kulishow, 1084. That does it for this weekend's Cruel Classics. Make sure to tune in next weekend for three all-new installments. Until then, mahalo and get it on. I'm Adam Kulishow. And so much more. For showtimes, press nothing. They're free 24-7. That is so effective. On Pluto TV. Stream now. Pay never. Podcasting isn't just about talking. It's about growing, engaging, and monetizing. And that's where Podcast One Pro comes in. Whether you're an independent creator or a major brand, Podcast One Pro gives you the tools you need to take your podcast to the next level. We're talking about premium hosting, advanced analytics, dynamic ad integration, and expert distribution. All designed to maximize your reach and revenue. Plus, with access to Podcast One's industry-leading network, you'll be connected to top-tier advertisers and a massive audience. It's time to go pro and turn your passion into profit. Visit podcastonepro.com to get started today. Podcast One Pro, the power behind the podcast. Hello, and welcome to Pluto Phone. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, just stream it for free on Pluto TV, where all your blockbuster favorites are landing all summer long. Catch Anchorman, The Legend of Ron Burgundy. Fantastic. The Matrix Trilogy. Welcome to the real world. Mean Girls. Shut up. Titanic. I'm the king of the world. And so much more. They're free 24-7. That is so fetch. On Pluto TV. Stream now. Pay never.