Dating Red Flags and Friendship Deal Breakers

Coca-Cola. For the big. For the small. The short. And the tall. Peacemakers. Risk-takers. For the optimists. Pessimists. For long-distance love. For introverts. And extroverts. The thinkers. And the doers. For old friends. And new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you. Ugh, I hate Mondays. King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Swirl Bite? Uh, Taylor Hansen? Sure, I'll try one. Mmm. Hey, let's get back to work, please. But Taylor Hansen's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Bites. Taylor Hansen? Nice. Try one. Mmm. King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Bites. There's nothing like it. It's so good. He's a 10, but has felony charges. I think there's plenty of fish in the sea. There's forgiveness. Oh. You're picking someone to spend the rest of your life. If you're willing to talk about other people behind your back, it's pretty clear that they're willing to talk about you behind your back. I just don't want to engage in that type of conversation for my own heart's sake. I always hold this, too. It's not gossiping if it's true. I do the silent treatment. It would be an improvement if I did the silent treatment. We need a meet in the middle. I'm more like, let me tell you something. Welcome back to Always Here. Are you sure you're not in plan one? Are you okay? You do it first. Are you okay? No. Ready to keep that in there? Try it again. Cut. One, two, three. Always Here. I'm your host, Abbey Howard. And Abbey Howard. Sorry. Abbey's pregnancy is continuing. It's continuing. Seriously. Did you just watch that clip? I was cracking up. I was in one stop, like this protein shop place, and I was like laughing at myself. And these guys are probably like, also, I just bought a protein shake, and the guy that was like, there's two employees, and the other guy working there was talking about, he's like, oh, is he a 2019? Kid, too. Talking about hockey. Him and this, like, very successful hockey player, both born in 2009. If you wanted to feel old today. And how old were they? Oh, my gosh. 20. Wait. It's not 2029. 17. 17. Is that not bonkers? That is kind of weird. 2009. I don't feel like people were born in those years. No. And if they were, they're children. Here's my marker. Here's my marker. How old my little brother is. Right. Anyone. Anyone old. Anyone younger than him. Infant. What year was Blake born? 2001. 2001. Were you like, 2000? No, 2001 as well. The very beginning, though. Oh, my gosh. So, in case anyone wanted to feel a little bit more seasoned today, that was me. I was like. It's happening. I had to hold myself back from saying, you were born in 2009? And you're talking in full sentences? You're an employed person? Yeah. Yeah, we're aging. I just felt like I needed to. I don't know. Can you imagine if you worked in a corporate workspace? How old you would feel? I just feel like when you work corporate, you're like around so many younger people. They're always coming up. And like, I feel like I always see those TikTok jokes of them being like the millennial versus. I'm used to being like the youngest. I felt like everywhere, like in the circles, I was like the youngest. And now it's just not necessarily the case anymore. I remember in school when we were talked about like the millennial generation, the upcoming generation. And now millennials are old. And it's, you know, Gen Z, Gen Alpha. Just more experienced. Yeah. We're just out of the range of people don't care about us. Like high schoolers. Wow. That's far away. We've been studied. They don't need to study us anymore. They figured us out. We've been studied. Well, how are you doing? I am good. Good. Yeah? Should we do our hopes and our hearts? Let's do it. Okay. You want to go first? Okay. Well, my hope was obviously our Always Here event. We did our workout together. And I just kept talking Matt's ear off afterwards. Yeah. Because it also, okay, so many things. First of all, we, I don't really do. I don't never have, have I done a live event ever, basically? No. Like twice maybe, max. And it was really, really, really cool. It was. And here's my favorite part. Well, first of all, getting to meet you guys was so cool because I felt a weird sense of pride in the fact that these are the people that are attracted to our podcast. Yeah. Because like I felt proud of you guys for myself. Yeah. You turn to me and you go, this says something about us because these girls are all awesome. They're all awesome. And I was like. And I was like, wow, wow. I'm using this to gas myself up. Yeah, literally. Because you guys are so awesome. Truly. But it really is cool to just see like, okay, the people that like enjoy our show, like what kind of people are those? Because like we see your comments, we see your feedback, but like this was really cool. Yeah, it was. And secondly, I just kept thinking about how strong women are. Yeah. Like everyone in that room, like I know some, I mean, just from talking to you guys, because I really think we personally talk to every single person. We try to. We're really cool. Yeah, it was the best part. Struggling with, people have come up to me talking about miscarriage, talking about, you know, juggling having multiples or on their first pregnancy or having gotten a bad diagnosis, dealt with cancer, like not single and like having trouble, like so many stages of life. Yeah. Yet we all showed up and sweat together and did some really impressive things with our bodies together. And like, it was just so cool. It was. I just, I can't even. It was so humbling to just like hearing you guys talk about like, oh yeah, I'm, I started listening to this podcast and I listen, I share with my mom, I share with my sister-in-law, my sister, my, my friends, we all listen every week, which is so special. But then also people that have like tuned in for years, like one sweet, sweet lady that came, brought her hoodie from when Matt and I first did merch back in Springfield. Oh my God. And she's like, I just wanted to show you like, I like, and that was so cool. So Springfield, Missouri, I haven't lived there for like six years. Yeah. So that was just super cool. And I feel like that also just made us like immediate friends with you guys. Totally. And also, sorry, I'm stealing the mic. No, I mean, I love it. Keep going. The third best element about that was also like, you guys were becoming friends with each other. And because we were like, I mean, we all are different, but then also have this same shared like, I don't know, general interest. Yeah. And life state or whatever it may be. And people were like sharing. Sharing contacts and we're like, oh yeah, we're going to hang out or like get our kids together. And it was just so, so cool. Yeah. Fourth thing, last thing I swear to goodness, is that I love that we were doing it alongside you. I feel like I've always been very hesitant about like live events. And I hope this doesn't come across as any certain way. This is just genuinely how I feel. No, I don't like situations where it feels like I'm already, like I already feel like being posting online puts me on a certain pedestal, but like doing a live event where I'm like, I don't know. Like on a stage, come to meet me, come to talk to me. Like, and let me, I don't know, like watch me, watch me, watch me. Like I feel like this was able to be like, look at you, look at you, look at you. Like, I don't know. And so like the fact that we were able to work out together and do an activity together and like all as friends and equals was also just like perfect format in my opinion. Yeah, totally. Oh, wow. I'm talking way too much. No, I agree with all those things. I was really, I think it made it feel. I feel so extra worth it hearing that girls connected to with each other because I felt like a common comment that girls made to me was like, I'm so grateful that you guys are doing, that you started this podcast and actually are trying to like form community, especially for like young moms, newly married women, like these seasons of life that are transitional and can feel lonely. Like it's been really comforting to me that you guys have started this podcast and I feel seen in a lot of ways. And so then now you guys doing this live event and it's like, it is a local event. And so these girls all do live relatively close. And so there is just like that element of like, we're trying to make our big city feel smaller and it just made me want to do it in other cities. I think that's what's so humbling about it too, though, is that like, because of this podcast, it's becoming so much bigger than just us, right? Because of like what you guys were able to do and like build upon like this community. And I will shout out, some people did fly in for this a bit, which was crazy and such an honor too. So amazing. That was just like, I feel like I've always been like kind of a Debbie Downer at the thought of like doing live events. But this really, this really flipped my coin. Oh yeah. Is that a phrase? I'm just going to flip my coin. I flipped my coin. I like it. We'll start making, we'll make it. I don't know what that means. Don't say that. People might be like inappropriate. No, no, no, but I, yeah, I agree. It was really fun. And I think I had the nerves too. Like, I don't want this to just be like an about us thing. Like, and I think it did feel like we were meeting you guys, not necessarily like you were coming to meet us. You know what I mean? Like, I felt like that was like, I want to meet all these girls and talk to them and just. Just be, I don't know, get to know them. Do you want to tell them that you had nervous diarrhea before? I had such bad nervous diarrhea. Hey, we bonded over that. We bonded over that. I'm so good at it. Yeah, we did too. I did too. It's okay. Oh no. Yeah. Yeah. We bonded over the fact that we both had some issues in the morning before, but. Well, I have pregnancy constipation, so don't take that. My energy was so chaotic. I was just doing high kicks and acting so erratic. I just like, couldn't calm it down. I showed Kayla the video cause I got it on video. on video actually of me doing, I did four high kicks in a row, just like by myself in the corner, like. to pull something i haven't done a high kick in years that's so funny it was goofy no i think it shows that even we like had the setup and we we put the donuts and the drinks outside and we had the balloons and all things we didn't think that people were going to stand in a line to say hi to you guys like that was epic but it was it just shows that like that wasn't how we thought it was going to go because we're like you're just want to meet the community and hang out and so it was fun you're shout out to the moms they were running the the drinks and the donuts and the treats afterwards and so they came inside and went down the line and gave everyone treats which is so sweet i do actually have to call out our moms they did so much yeah they helped out so much but then i have to call out your mom your parent your both your moms okay teaser moms are gonna come on the podcast you know what this is that's what i'm gonna say did you know that they stopped they told me they need to talk to me at the gym this morning they sat me down i said sorry i don't know what authority you think i have they said add you have all of the authority here are demands oh gosh wait a minute let's preface this by saying we invited our moms on the podcast yeah for a mother's day episode right and maybe we're regretting it yeah yeah i was like what is this like drinks and food you want on set what are these demands hair and makeup oh oh my god good lighting well and i was like well we're in a studio so i think we're in a studio so i think we're in a studio so i think we're in a studio so i think we're in a studio so they want us to pay for their hair and makeup yeah yeah i said abby will do your hair yeah i'm like abby's talented i did her makeup for my wedding she thinks it needs to be better than that laurie laurie did say oh yeah i we could do it so laurie did say you could do it okay um well that actually isn't what i was gonna say oh oh tell us more next thing you guys we are literally gonna regret this so bad oh my god so then um the other thing is that we get a text from our friend ashley yeah and she's like no way i just was at anthropology and i ran into both your moms trying on new clothes for the podcast they're getting a whole new wardrobe i love it i'm like i'm wearing sweats i was like you know what mom just get pants you're gonna be sitting we're gonna be sitting low we're gonna be sitting real low yeah our new chairs our new chairs so get some pants that's what i told her this is just so wild i know they're they're like i'm like wow we better come prepared that they would be the guests that show the most diva behavior of course yes i know honestly we said mother's episode i was like uh-oh here we go no i'm just kidding here's the thing i only knew that my mom was gonna do it because your mom was gonna do it oh my mom's gonna pressure her to do it for sure my mom's like well wait a minute and i was like well mom ruth's already in so and then ruth didn't know anything about it but we just knew she'd be a problem she's like ruth said you never told her and we're like we have a chance we knew she was in the can okay she was gonna do it our chain of command of communication is so funny sometimes my mom hears things from lauren she'd be like well she's like did you know that matt and abby were gonna be in hawaii for a couple weeks i was like no but i'm sure they were gonna tell me eventually and she was like well laurie told me it's gonna be a couple weeks and i'm like i know they're gonna tell me it's actually my mom is telling your mom's like they're they're always like telling us the things that they know behind the scenes that we're talking about in our homes and then relaying the information to each other i'm like it was gonna get to me i'm not like it's always happy like that we need a reality tv show we need a reality tv show honestly we do like i can hear your mom's in the dressing room and i apologize i'm so sorry i just i mean going back to the event our moms were such a huge help hannah on her team she was an amazing help she did all the content like organized so well was just on top of things addy you did an amazing job planning and setting up seriously just being sam who was the trainer she wrote an incredible workout yeah and just kept the energy so high and um amanda who did the balloons from cactus blossom balloons she did such a good job an element in unreal for sending us drinks unreal and element i mean they made the day delicious um amanda said she got several inquiries after the event good she's so so that was so fun coming going to the gym on monday and this stuff was still i was like should we take a picture cj ran up to it and was like balloons my balloons like he recognized it oh really here yeah our friend randy randy who works in the daycare she her kids also went and started to pose next to it because they're like they just know there's a backdrop that's where they go for a picture that's so cute like good spread the word tell your friends that's awesome now whenever anyone says i'm always here i'm like me too are you saying that oh no okay they're just saying you don't know it can i can i just say something that's been on my heart yeah i feel a little weird about always homies you don't like it because i just feel like it feels so masculine i never say it because i'm really glad you got that off your chest i know but you came up with it no caleb like listen i can't take credit i just brought it to the table and everyone loved it but then i'm like it's always honey like always honeys feels a little bit like i would call people always honeys there's a conflict of interest there my mom's honey and there's no other honeys shoot so keep it homies even when i call my kids honey they're like i'm not honey i was like oh laurie's gonna take too much credit if we do it always honey okay we can keep it homies but i need to start anyone have another h name we could try we could go back to the work shop with this it's not like there's only two we can workshop it workshop it leave it in the comments okay i really feel like you just unburdened yourself i did i've honestly you saw it on the instagram and you were like no i laid my head on the pillow and i'm like i want to change always tell me so bad but people love it yeah i was like i never say it because it just feels unnatural oh my god these are the things that haunt me these are the things man life is hard life is just so hard wait did you have a hard this week i did have a hard well i should okay i'll do my heart and my hope my heart is that okay i had a different hope sorry i guess i can make my hope and my heart the same thing no don't do that well my heart was that i had some mom guilt yesterday i kind of talked to you about this i had some hard mom guilt last night which is so funny that we just talked all about mom guilt and then i went and experienced like felt it and it was all the things that we talked about like oh these lies in my head i don't hold my baby enough and oh gosh i've i've just been feeling a lot of distraction during the day specifically yesterday i just felt really distracted during the day and then at night i just felt so guilty about it like i was constantly like you know cj wanted to play and my answer was always sorry but i gotta finish this before i do that and it's not just a worker it was just all things you know house work getting out the door schedule cooking like it was just everything and i just felt like very distracted i felt a lot of guilt last night um so that was kind of hard but my hope and this is kind of it or did you want to share your heart that's okay go ahead my hope is that last week i kind of shared that my heart was i was had some health things going on behind the scenes and i had found a lump in my breast um i think it was like two sundays ago and i waited kind of a week and a half you gave me some sunflower lecithin we just kind of assumed it was a clogged duct but it wasn't going away when i was pumping and doing all those things so i i booked an appointment with my ob because although i probably just need to go get this checked out it's not going away it's not changing and she was like i i want you to go get some imaging done and um i didn't really feel that nervous about it until i went in for the appointment and then you know you get there and you're kind of like oh this could be an appointment that kind of changes your life you know you start having those thoughts and i'm really really like fortunate and super blessed and grateful to say that it's nothing serious um the lump is still there but did you know they don't really do mammograms anymore they do like ultrasound imaging yeah they still have mammograms but i did ultrasound imaging it was really easy painless but they didn't see it on the ultrasound which i was confused about because you can feel it and two of different people went and scanned it and they're like we just just see breast tissue so i don't know what it is maybe it is just like a hormonal cyst or something but they said i don't have to worry about it and just to keep an eye on it if they did a mammogram too they probably wouldn't see it either then yeah i don't think so because i don't think the mammograms i could be wrong about this but the ultrasound imaging is like better okay apparently interesting and i showed them exactly where it was and they put the thing right on it and i can feel the lump on the top like it's close to the skin and i don't think it's going to be a problem i don't think it's going to be a problem so it's not like they would have to go far to find it um and yeah so i don't know that was like good news i felt very relieved after that appointment is this an inappropriate time to tell the story about my armpit no you should tell it okay because this was the first time i had experienced anything like that but i know that you had gone through something similar yes when i was pregnant with my first i had a specifically in my left armpit like it's funny to talk about it's not funny i know why it's funny it's just so humbling so anyway so this is let's let's just first start with the moral of the story right if you are concerned about something you need to go get it look go get it checked yeah especially as a female especially with like breasts anything with that just just let's just get it taken care of yeah obviously this was easy for me because i was already having routine ob appointments and i was like hey they're like you have any other concerns i was like well my left armpit is kind of feeling like there's like a lump kind of big like they were like oh let me just let me see it's probably nothing she feels it and she's like oh okay like she looked at the tone change she wasn't like this is serious but she was like i do want to refer you to somebody like this feels more than just like you know you were pregnant the armpits get puffy like everything she's like this feels more and especially because it's uneven and so i go and it was actually like a i had to go really far like to it was actually specifically like a cancer area of a hospital and they put me in this whole robe and i'm with other patients and i was by myself and then that was the kind of the moment too i was like oh wow like i hadn't i had just gone through the motions and it wasn't like i was going to worst case scenario or anything but i was like okay this is i'm glad we're doing this go in and this guy i'm not even kidding he was like the same age as me and he was a guy he's like okay uh he has ultrasound machine you know probably like which one i'm like it's boobies this third one over here and i the problem is those gowns you gotta untie it open the whole thing so it's just my left boob is out yeah right and my left armpit boob is out why was it a guy we called it the pity so inappropriate anyway so then i like ran my armpit out and he's like doing the ultrasound and then they're like uh he like leaves no word from him and i didn't really want to talk to him and i was like kind of like okay i'm gonna just let him leave so then i'm waiting a long time the doctor comes in and she's like okay she's like there's no need to be concerned um do you know like cats like cats how they have nipples all up and down their body and i'm like i think you know what you're talking about and she's like okay so humans are just like that we have uh mammary glands all up our body but only two are exposed our nipples and whoa um so milk i had so much milk this is when you were pregnant this is when no baby had been born yeah there's no need for this much milk even when the baby is born had traveled up to my top mammary gland which is in your armpit wow it's a little science lesson i don't have an exposed nipple there but some people do i know that has happened some people have sent me videos of this when they hear my story i'm like that sounds even worse in a way it's just an armpit there's nothing there no way for it to come out which is actually a downside she's like so what seems to have happened is that that mammary gland got filled with milk as well wow um and nothing to be alarmed about well great news but also weird news so did you end up pumping or what do you what how far along oh heck no i was terrified of that yeah and so i just griffin that was with griffin and just sweat it out what do you do i just let i just dealt with it just lived with it and it kind of was uncomfortable and i got it with my second pregnancy and it just i didn't even bring it up to the doctor i was like i know what this is it's my mammary gland it's my pity no but it's fine my left side is way over so that's the side that started leaking already but um all i have to say you know we can't be embarrassed about these things it's our bodies it's totally it's being a woman but i think the more we share about these things i don't want to talk about the maybe less concern yeah um so yeah i have also had an an ultrasound out of breast area yeah just a little north of it totally it's crazy it is crazy my heart is that um gosh i just feel like because we keep randomly getting like sometimes i think i have a sinus infection again or something and i think that this is kind of putting my capacity at like just so diminished that it's also then now affecting my marriage's sensor i'm just like i'm sorry i have no compartment for you right now like so then we're kind of just getting into roommate mode it's not like we're like at each other's throat or anything but i'm just like oh you're here yeah what do you need from me i got nothing right now and so like by the nighttime he's like do you want to like do something like watch a show like i don't know i kind of just feel like we haven't connected in a while i'm like i just really want to go to bed i know so then i just keep going to bed and i feel so lame oh i'm sorry i'm just so tired it's fine uh which is so ironic because i'm feeling my hope just like literally last week because i had so much energy but leave it to freaking sinus infection you know what that illness will bring you down and i can't sleep that's another thing too right anyway that's why you're feeling trapped just your body's just no big deal trying to heal it's like that's that's how that shows how marriage has to be so active too because it's like we hang out a lot but then it's like okay if you don't do the like the marriage element like you know caring about like connection and like any type of intimacy that are just kind of like oh hi i know we share the house totally that's so fun i know so it's like it's quickly quickly just derailed a little bit but for sure we're gonna make that our priority for next week thank you to seek geek for sponsoring this portion of today's episode don't you guys love a good date night just getting out of the house especially as a mom you feel house trapped a lot of days for sure like how are we gonna get out of here we'll never make it alive i'm not making a lot but that's why i i'm a huge proponent of having fun plans on the calendar and we often use seek geek for those super fun plans we just used seek geek recently to go to paw patrol live with the kiddos oh i bet they loved that got amazing seats it was a blast second year in a row baby it's a tradition now if you don't know what seek geek is they have over 35 million downloads it's a number one rated ticketing app there are so many artists going on tour right now um demi lovato ariana grande alex warren and noah kahan many more plus the u.s is hosting the world cup this year so whether it's for a concert upcoming they even have musical theater tickets on their kids shows sporting events or more seat geeks got everything definitely check them out my favorite thing about seeking by the way is that they make it really easy for users they either have like a red light a yellow light or a green light based on like that seat on that specific evening at that specific event if it's a good deal or not oh yeah i'm like green light good i like it red bad it just makes it so we love the visual component so user friendly concert season is about to kick off you guys and to make it even better you can use code always here for 10 off your seat geek tickets that's 10 off tickets with promo code always here i feel like when you're sick and you're pregnant it's just like an extra oh i've also been peeing my pants that could also be my heart okay well just be ready for the pelvic floor therapy comment yeah no save your pelvic floor therapy comments we believe in it we believe in it and i got violated no i told people this story wait can i actually talk about this please yeah i think i actually think you should bring awareness to this last story last story i believe in pelvic floor therapy just not for myself i'm not my symptoms have to be much worse than peeing myself for me to go back because i did go because i was referred by a friend that i really trust and love and she had a great experience so i was like what better referral can you get it's at this person's house i didn't know that till i'm driving right once again who's gonna tell me these things i'm driving i'm like oh this is a residential area i get on this bed once again pelvic floor therapy what are you thinking i'm thinking physical therapy right we're gonna do exercise i get on this bed is it there like the bed in the house it's like a it's like a massage bed in this other room of their house oh okay door shut her kids are home oh okay it was a woman the lights are dimmed she's like undressed from the waist down i was like wait a i thought you just said she was undressed from the way she was she was she's like undressed i'm just laying there i'm like okay wait a minute what are we doing recalculating what is pelvic floor therapy yeah i think it's good i signed up for this we should just know what it is and i already had booked multiple sessions uh-huh really getting ahead of myself and she like put her hands on me and there was no exercises we had at the end she was like you can do this stretch this thing yeah i was like i could google that and then i just was like she was just like touching in there and like telling me things and i was like wasn't prepared for this i wasn't prepared for this this wasn't my this wasn't what i wanted today and so then i canceled the rest of my sessions which is really hard for me to do because i just feel so bad and i literally was like i don't care this is so bad i was like i don't care if you can't refund this i just won't be coming back and she's like are you like she wanted feedback and then i was just kind of like i think it's just not for me yeah i ever since you told me that story because i think we just hear all the time like pelvic floor therapy is a really good thing to go do and i know a lot of friends that need to do it and have an amazing like yo i have so many friends i love it from it but i think i always warn them now i'm like hey you know what it is right they put your finger their fingers in there because no one tells you that and then you go and you're like wait i didn't realize this was like a whole full exam down there and i just don't think that's clear you think i thought physical therapy too i thought like yeah i just she was like one side is tighter than the other i was like what yeah i have to get in there and examine to see if you're too tired to lose like what your problem is for therapy and it would probably be really bad just no going in yeah i also got a recommendation and she did warn me she's like just so you know she does it but she's like honestly it's great yeah that's my friends that have done it that i go in mentally prepared or like yeah perfect yeah a little prep a proper would be very mentally prepared is it normally at someone's house too i think it depends they're kind of like a small practice yeah like i know people that have um a practice within a gym like it's like a separate room in a gym so i feel like it can kind of be wherever i think i'm just gonna let that that happen after i'm not having kids or maybe i'll just pee my pants forever who knows it's gonna happen anyway at some point really to pee your pants old ladies right here like either starts now or 40 years just kidding i'll take care of it just not now okay i love that anyway what's crazy happening wow that's crazy wow that's crazy that's crazy okay i watched a little bit and i'm hearing that maybe i was a little overzealous on it's called the plastic deep talks on netflix and let me give you a crazy stat to tie this into wow that's crazy this is from tragedy bt not from the documentary adults may ingest up to 121 000 microplastic particles per year through food air and water they've been found in everything from seafood to table salt and even in human tissues like the colon and placenta so my dad like my dad is super see that stat again real quick the amount how much 121 000 microplastic particles per year okay which what is that that's what i'm looking at i have no idea what that means it could be just a big scary number and it means like the size of your pinky who knows okay so everything when i when i watch a documentary i always take things with a grain of salt but i personally felt like this was a was a very interesting documentary because i feel like you hear the term microplastics a lot it's like kind of a hot buzzword but i never really knew what it was i'm just like okay yeah i use a cutting board and the shavings get in my food and that's bad for me makes sense but i think um i personally know 10 women under the age of 30 that i've been diagnosed with cancer within the last three years and i know a lot of women that have been diagnosed with different like autoimmune diseases and all this different stuff and i'm like wow this is really crazy and in my head i think it's probably hundreds of different things in our environment um but i'm like okay what are what are just different things that i can learn about that can be a factor some of these issues uh so this came up on netflix and i thought it was a very interesting documentary you want me to talk about a little explain what it is okay i didn't know if i was talking too much i found the answer for you it's about five to seven grams okay that's a really good comparison because who knows what better five to seven grams of plastic like a credit card okay it's five grams okay that's not as much as i thought it would be honestly i mean it's still a the documentary itself is an experiment so half of the documentary is the scientist what's her name susan sharon it begins with an s what's the documentary shauna shauna good memory shauna is a scientist and she has this question she says for people that have unexplained fertility could a factor of this oh i'm sorry unexplained infertility could a factor that lead to this maybe in their environment and so she thought we know that microplastics are a thing if we do an experiment where couples together clean out their environment get rid of harsh chemicals and microplastics in their environment could it potentially benefit their fertility and which i think in itself is just like a good scientific question um the whole documentary was not about that the other half of the documentary was just talking about microplastics and different ways that it has affected many women throughout history recent history yeah so i felt like the the terms it wasn't fear-mongering and then that was we could talk about it um apparently it was there were some things but i feel like i always take these with a grain of salt and i didn't feel like they were super blamey and i didn't feel like it was hopeless totally i agree with that okay and i thought that was cool should i keep going i'll talk a little bit more about the results or you guys want to have you have any thoughts on that i don't have anything okay the conclusion of the result is that 50 so three of the six couples they followed did end up getting during this and they tracked the men's sperm count during this which i actually thought it was interesting it was male fertility and not women fertility the men's sperm count and yeah they saw significant increases in male sperm count in the 90 days that they did this which i thought was super hopeful i'm like okay if we change small amounts of things in our home we can have big improvements on our health that's what i thought it doesn't have to be perfect totally she even said it's you're not gonna be perfect and you're eliminating all microplastics but even just an improvement they saw an improvement right so like that's kind of cool i feel like it was it's a very overwhelming thing and they did address it the fact of like avoiding plastic nowadays it's like you can't you literally how it's impossible right um but like talking about changes you can make to that made a profound it seemed to i think the thing that really convinced me too is that the women and the men in the study they're like markers now i'm i went down in in parallel like together so it wasn't like it's it wasn't it's a strong correlation right like they're they're doing this they're living the same house they're changing the same things and so i feel like the only way to approach something like this for me i was like okay like and they did say this like implement one thing and then once that becomes a habit implement one other thing right and like slowly doing that i'm like okay that feels doable that feels doable right what were your thoughts i remember some of my thoughts okay i think one of the other factors that affected it is they were doing these changes to eliminate the amount of microplastics right that they were consuming which meant they weren't going out to eat they were eating more whole foods things that weren't stored in those containers that is a big change in their physical health that they're what they're consuming as in like food totally like you can't control just yeah you can't control just the plastics and so that's where we were a little more hesitant of the like i'm great you are eating plastic yeah it is that's what's happening yeah you're not i'm not saying it's not happening but i think there were all it's really hard to control that type of an experiment i think it was also really short they did say the men's sperm count it or they were new there's 70 days and the study was only 90 days so who knows if you did it for a full year maybe every year they just every month they jump a little bit or you know or it goes back down it goes back because it did go down if they would have ended this study at like 30 days that 30 day mark or the midpoint yep it went down before then so i feel like there were a lot of things that it i would love to see a longer study about it but it didn't i also land the fact that if you're struggling with infertility do whatever you want to try and get pregnant absolutely i think yeah it is a joy to have kids and to be pregnant and i have no problem with them doing that yeah i would say tread carefully if you are struggling with infertility like watching it yeah i think it is easy to kind of like place it's personal blame personal yeah which is yeah it's not really like there's not like any one factor usually that's causing these like bigger things and i do think that they like obviously any documentary like that's their focus is focusing on one thing right uh you're like you said you're putting a lot of things on one but it was really interesting and i think the part that i was mostly interested in was the environment and i think it was really interesting because environmental impact which they didn't talk about it a ton yeah but like it was shocking for me to be like they i think they said that five percent of the plastics that we recycle actually get recycled and then they also made the point of like recycled plastic is still plastic so we're like okay great that's still also something that we're like now like more weary about reusing anyway as a material and yeah and then you're like oh my gosh this is such a big change because they made the point too of like unless like companies they they have to care about their bottom line and unless it's meant it's made mandatory like by our fda then they're not gonna they're not gonna be held to that responsibility they're not gonna change just because of right the human health which is kind of sad the reality yeah i actually appreciate i feel like it didn't blame like i think it's i obviously there are a lot of issues with like big corporations some of the things that they make choices on like you know something's wrong and they still do it because of a bottom line which i i understand sometimes like the business side of things and then the human ethical side of things too i feel like it's hard to always toe those lines perfectly i i appreciate that i didn't feel like it was super blamey where it's like um i i thought this was very interesting and that the chemists that are making these products they said they're like hey we're just doing our job as a chemist we're creating things in the lab but we're not taught how to look at the long-term effects of what we're creating so sometimes they're creating something they're like this is amazing but they don't know the long-term effects of it before it gets put into use and so there's like this ethical question of that when it comes to like chemists but i just thought that was really like interesting you know i don't know i just have never thought of that before yeah and i was like well it's something that maybe they could change in the future yeah you know i feel like we have slowly done this as a household like slowly made like changes as far as like my makeup and skin care our kitchen like food storage and utensils like i'm like okay and i'm like i'm not going to i'm now more inclined to like look at my cutting boards look at my like utensils and like think about heating things and any kind of plastic container i think about matt's frozen peas man i know i started doing them in glass bowls after a girl messaged me was like girl don't don't microwave your veggies in the bag about that a lot yeah so i'm like i'm more inclined to make these small choices but um yeah it is it is a big thing to think about yeah yeah it's just it's just like when they eliminated straws like plastic straws when you think about it like there was that one thing that like we all latched on to to get rid of plastic straws and it has helped with marine litter but like in the global plastic community it's it's really small it's a small thing if it's had you know but we did the same we have glass tupperware now and think about the cutting boards a lot the bigger things that you think anything you're gonna get hot especially i'm like that's what i'll focus on i get this is where i get sometimes stressed out as a consumer not stressed out but i think there's like this little little white flag that i wear so i'm just like hey anything that i do like every switch i make or change i make i feel like 10 years so now we're gonna find out oh that's not actually good you know like they were even saying there's plastic lining in aluminum cans so you're like oh i'm not gonna get the plastic bottle i'll get the aluminum can so i don't know don't drink out of plastic but then it's like your cans are lined with plastic anything that could just move the needle a little bit i know and so i just sometimes i'm like okay we can try to make i think it's just like having the open hands like i'm willing to make changes but then also not putting so much stress or pressure on ourselves to be like we have to be perfect or make these things because honestly we do just live in like a broken world and every supply chain like you can i gotta share i'm gonna go down the points that lost me don't touch receipts i was like i know that one i'm like that's i'm gonna touch them i feel like please throw it away which i'm like fair they're they have a high motivator if they think that this is going to bring them a child when they're part of an experiment like they're trying to be as diligent as possible the other thing too i'm like i feel like it'd be very very very difficult and overwhelming to not have i mean more attainable but still very difficult to not have plastics in your clothing but also to have them not delivered in any plastic right yeah that's what i'm gonna talk about this is a little crazy okay when i worked in fashion the supply chains are insane and i remember you know it's probably in plastic a million different times a million different times and even if you as a brand is like hey we're going to be really ethical sourcing of our fabrics and of our you know we're only going to work at factories that are really good to their employees well that one factory that your garments are sewed in might be doing those things but then you have the the factory that your zippers and your buttons and your fastenings are made in you have where the fabrics are created how the fibers are created everything that's shipping in between like all these supply chains of every single product created are so crazy and i think it's good that companies are trying to control what they can but i think it's like that's a rabbit hole i can't even i know i'm like that's where i'm almost just like we just got to do what we personally can do and not try to like you know i mean you'll drive yourself there's gonna be brokenness in every area you're gonna drive yourself crazy yes yes um so i thought it was interesting to learn about yes i thought it was interesting to watch i think it's something i'm like okay i'll pay attention a little bit to this and my hope is not in it but i think it's like good to know if you're gonna watch it watch past the first one 20 minutes the first 10 minutes and i said what is i don't know how i got past it i know i didn't think the first 20 minutes were any specifically i was like this is a poe donkey like not a good documentary yes but then you get through it all the joe rogan i was just like this is not going to be this is not going to be an unbiased or like good documentary oh yeah well i was trying to listen listen to it in the car when i was driving the kids he was like this generation has smaller balls and penises and then i was like you didn't wait you listen to it you didn't watch it i couldn't there's she has this baby that was hilarious it's a doll she's measuring yeah she's in a coffee shop with this baby i thought that was hilarious i was crazy blake got kept getting caught on some of the like thing videos they're using are clearly ai like just like people working in a factory or different things and blake was just like go back that's ai it's a documentary at this point it probably is everything has to be taken with a grain of salt like even some of the studies they talk about in that documentary i'm like what are these peer-reviewed how are these studies what was the sample size like every study that's mentioned in anything ever you have to be like they could have stood in my opinion to narrow their focus a bit more yeah yeah i can see that um we yeah my biggest thing was contribute versus cause like correlation versus causation so it's like that same thing it's like i don't know like could it contribute sure maybe but did it cause this maybe we don't know i agree i know that griffin doggy tuned in for it the penis penis involves we'll cut this out because i just want to say this but blake was like that one guy came on screen that was like talking in the in congress or whatever and blake's like he's a fraud and like showed me all these clips about like this guy's not a not a reputable guy oh i don't know which guy that is so then they had him in there and blake's like i always worry about that when i talk about stuff like this i'm like i'm sure there was a character like how do you know anyway i'm a little crunchy but that's it it's okay you're not crunchy i feel like you're i'm a little i get it from my dad like my dad doesn't take any medication he's like it's good you should take medication but i won't and that's how i am too okay i'm like you should take ibuprofen but i'm not going to not because i think anything of it i'm just like no i just don't need it like i don't think it's going to cause any harm but at the same time i just don't want to take it isn't that goofy well that's not exactly what i was referring to either i just feel like you get a little bit worried about health stuff i do i get that from my dad he's a he's a big hyper contract but hey it's good i mean it makes me take my health a little bit more seriously come on ladies get it together wait did you want to talk about beaverchella because now we're really just can i just say that my heart was broken into a million pieces that i wasn't there and i've never wanted to go to coachella ever once in my life until this weekend quick question do they actually call it beaverchella they work on it they work on it they work on it they work on it because hayley and justin are a little power couple at this beaver at this beaverchella oh yeah her road pop up she had a whole like installation and then he was there and gosh what a dream did you see her post afterwards of all the like she was she went to all the um not dress rehearsal oh like practicing yeah his like um mic checks yeah and um you he's scrolling on youtube in his set it's all pre-planned yeah so you can see he's practicing it in there yeah so i thought it was kind of cool yeah i did too like it was really his vision yeah he planned it all out like he was being lazy no totally all planned which is i thought it was really cool because he was discovered on youtube and so did you know what his coachella set was i matt told me he did something about youtube yeah he literally sat on stage behind a laptop and had it casted on the screen behind him and was like pulling up his old videos and would just pull some of his clips from his past songs and sing to him and he was telling me it was because or not someone was telling me probably tiktok um because he doesn't own his catalog anymore no he doesn't and so and so not those people he was streaming it on youtube oh that's really doing karaoke to it smart honestly i don't know that might not be real but yeah there's a whole conspiracy theory behind that which i don't know if it's true but there is one but he did sell it a couple years ago i feel so out of it i know i really keep up my bieber news sorry ladies no i loved it i was watching all the clips afterwards i thought it was so cool him singing all the old times yeah i know it was amazing i wish i'd stayed up and watched it live on youtube i didn't know that was a thing um i was a little sad about that i tried finding it for a good long while copywritten and no one had it copywritten which seems like incredible feat in this day and age that happened i know i was i was really trying to pirate it is he only doing one weekend no two so he's doing this weekend too i think so okay cool then i gotta be honest nothing sounds worse than me than going to coach i know but i wanted to go to this one it's not something you could just like stop it i don't like camping and concerts no no you don't have to camp i mean the influencers aren't camping please abby you would not be camping you'd be staying in a branded house please coachella has never called it's the brands that have to call you first of all what the heck would i wear hopefully they get the abby howards mixed up and they invite me instead just invite always here we'll come we'll do a live podcast what do you wear that's a good question not much i think thank you to cozy earth for sponsoring this portion of today's episode did you know mother's day is coming up oh yeah can i tell you something that you need to put on your list the cozy earth robe the luxe robe and their slippers i have been living in my robe and slippers it's soft it's luxurious the quality is unbelievable it is beautiful their robes are designed for quiet down time and everyday comfort at home they are available in plush quilted waffle and stretch knit styles i have the plush i have the plush too so dreamy this robe is heavy you guys in the best way yeah and when i think about what moms want honestly it's like some of these like daily luxuries yep that just make your just your life feel so much more elevated it's a great mother's day gift like abby was saying and the slippers have supportive footbeds 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about red flags if you didn't catch that drift um so we're talking about dating red flags mostly we'll also be a little what's the word we'll be self-aware self-aware our own personal red flags yeah that our husbands just had to get over yeah and also some about friendships too because we know we have people in all stages of life and also they're always you always want our friends yeah we do we want friends and we want friends that aren't big question marks big questions big red flags we uh also we polled you guys on our instagram if you don't follow us there it's always here podcast instagram uh we were just curious about your personal red flags flags because i feel like whenever i hear like sometimes i just need something to spark me and then i'm like oh that's so true and so you guys came up with some really good ones yeah have you guys in that game where it's like he's a 10 but that's what we're doing yep okay i mean he's a 10 but he has more than one ex-wife that's a red flag that's a red flag are you guys gonna rate him he's a five i think that's a big yellow flag that's yeah that's actually a red flag probably okay so four more than one yeah you're right like you could have one crazy thing happen that's true for two two is a pattern okay you're right there's a common thread he's immediately a three there's a common thread there okay i will just preface this by everyone saying i am an optimist and i give people the benefit of the doubt okay he's a 10 you would never date someone that had two ex-wives you'd want me you're right i wouldn't okay he's a lot i'm fine decent guy you're right he sounds like a keeper okay he's a 10 but he speaks disrespectfully to his family that's a two no no no uh he's a 10 but it's unclear what he wants yes that's a six clear kindness clear is kindness clarity is kindness there you go we don't like mean guys we don't like that no i always say that that was like one of my favorite things about matt even in high school he was like i want to take you on a date i was like thanks for calling this a date because i feel like i was spiraling sometimes like i remember obviously i can't speak for like a long dating experience but like if guys were like let's hang or like would text me hey all the time i'm like oh i'm just so curious like what this means like and so i feel like that's very kind i was really impressed my little sister went on a date recently and he said hey i'm gonna pay for this date so you know don't worry about that at the end beforehand i was like oh i immediately like him that's so clear he didn't leave any room for confusion or awkwardness at the end like he was like i'm gonna pay for the date um okay he's a 10 but he has no work ethic that's a bad one that was one of mine too that's yeah that's a red flag he's a 10 but has dirty nails um you know what i think he could still be a 10 because my husband has very dirty nails from work he is a 10 but he cries more than i do i think that's i think that's i think that's fine just depending on what type of person you are you know he's a 10 my dad cries more than my mom same with our in-laws yeah sensitive sweet sweet soul if i were to date someone that cried more than i did maybe we were going on a lesser again that's true i don't we don't cry my mom doesn't cry ever it's not hard to do you can't have two of them at least that's right that's right um he's a 10 but he won't let you meet his family i would just have questions i mean it's not always but if your family's like you can't always base them based on their family well i was thinking more so like he doesn't like you oh i didn't think of that so i think you got a lot of questions there got a lot of questions yeah he's a 10 but is scared of his mom oh relatable but yeah maybe he needs to man up a little bit he's a 10 but talks trash about his exes bad run talking about your exes at all it's just kind of like yeah i think it's okay to ask questions like why didn't it work but then if they're like because she was crazy if a man says your ex is crazy immediately he's crazy you're the problem he's the problem crazy um he's a 10 but doesn't wash his hands before cooking a meal at someone else's house piper i feel like this is personal very specific piper um he's a 10 but he only has friends that are girls yeah i don't know if i'd love that sorry i got lost okay what were you reading i mean matt had a lot of friends that were girls so i don't really know that's a red flag for me maybe yellow yellow let's yeah um he's a 10 but plays video games i don't know i think there's a lot of degrees of variety there yeah video games all day i don't know about that one oh like the dabble in the in the video game if he chooses to play video games when he's around you out no no no you can play with your guy friends yeah or when i'm not there or if you need down time alone time but if it's like all day and he's being lazy we don't like laziness um he's a 10 but he's emotionally immature then i don't think he's a 10 yeah no he's a 10 but none of your friends or family like him run yeah let's be let's consider that he's a 10 but he is mean to his mom i mean just get out get out like yeah as a mom of three boys soon to be by the way i'm having a boy if you have this will be out right oh another anecdote oh my gosh i was like yes all right hey i feel bad i feel like i unintentionally misled our audience why because you get the gender reveals video no the old wives thing yeah it's a girl it's the same thing about girls but also i had the same pregnancy symptoms for all four of my pregnancies one of which was a girl same symptoms so i don't believe in old wives tales listen i believe them you do just kidding well congratulations thank you i'm gonna be really defensive of the boys uh or the boys that are mean to their moms yeah we're gonna we're gonna cut that out do you think the thing of being like how your is there any correlation to how your husband like treats their mom or like how your boyfriend treats your mom is how they treat you i think that's true you think i'm like blake messes with his mom but then he also messes with me so so there you go what do you think about how no he's way different with you yeah that treats his mom well yeah but i he doesn't treat me the same as his mom i mean not in a romantic way no not even just the way that he is interacts is completely different you think i think matt's really respectful to his mom i'm not talking about respect i think he's very respectful i think this has to do what are we talking about i think i think it's respect i think she's oh i thought you were talking about like like that's how he respects his mom well no they don't get like they're like caleb and matt aren't mean to their parents or like impatient or snippy or like short with them oh yeah i think those are the things that you'll be looking for how do they treat their mom like are they annoyed by their mom does their mom is yeah are they just impatient with her yeah because it's the person that they've lived with the longest and has like certain like i think not to make a parallel to your mother in marriage but it's the same thing like you're gonna be taking care of each other in marriage and the mom took care of you and so if they're mean to your mom their mom totally you know what i mean that's why i didn't take it the same way got it got confused i would hope that you wouldn't treat you exactly the same yeah that would be a little weird i'd be a little so many more questions sorry um he's a 10 but says if we ever break up it's going to be you breaking up with me because i'll never break up with you i actually i think that's really comforting why is that a red flag like a love bombing like a he's obsessive i don't think that doesn't feel like too much no i would say he's committed he's a 10 but he told me he was soul tied to four women when we first started dating that's a zero you gotta run i'm sorry but anyone who uses the term soul tied to get a run what does that mean i would i don't know how i've reacted person and you go huh i was like that's beautiful bye oh i love that for you out he's a 10 but he's always on his phone yeah that's a hard one he's a 10 but was still in high school at 21 oh oh well you know what that's sad i don't think we should laugh at that one i think maybe he needed help he needed that's three extra years of high school i've never known that you need more information i need a lot more information on that one he's afraid to react that could be like i don't know um he's a 10 but has felony charges hey there's plenty of forgiveness oh there's plenty of fish in the sea you're begging someone to spend the rest of your life only true honest life change but you can get a felony from like speeding right that's one of my red flags speeding or a felony reckless driving okay can i say something truly honest though yeah i do feel like is he a current you guys there's this is actually i'm taking i know i just wheezed for about five minutes make it serious i'm taking it serious for a lot i do think i think a lot of what you're willing to put up with in a romantic relationship is a lot of what you're willing to put up with relationship reveals how you view yourself it's true and so that's where i'm coming from kind of in this abby has winged eyeliner now oh so that's why i take it kind of seriously though because i'm like yeah okay here i am like i feel like i view myself highly right and i think people should view themselves highly and also be someone worthy of being viewed i'm not just saying have your ego through the roof no but i mean yeah you can have high standards yeah and i'm not saying you can't be friends with these people or think they're great but you're deciding to commit your life with these people like this is not this is not light right so sorry if i seem judgmental no but i do think girls are just also naturally more inclined to just lower their lower their standards yeah they are and it's like let's let's let's keep them high um i've a pastor once said and i love this it was don't um shorten your don't shorten your standards but lengthen your patience yeah and i think that's really good okay explain that don't don't lower your standards but lengthen your patience don't like compromise your standards just because you want to feel loved or like desire really oh yes yes yes lengthen your patience yeah it took a little bit of loading exactly sometimes it's just so profound okay yeah there's a lot we disagree on that one no you're right i guess in my head i'm like felony charges in the past you know people change maybe current felony charges too soon do they go away listen i think i'm just in the church so i'm like like you know they're like it has a really good life change but maybe heavily consider not let's just look at let's just say no okay okay he's a 10 but you never know what he's thinking no clarity is kindness he's a 10 but he's a picky eater honestly that one does kind of get me sure it's one of those ones that's like it's not actually there's not this isn't tied to anything deeper but i don't like it he's a 10 but he has a foot fetish i'm sorry can't get on can't get on that one don't live in a warm climate there is feet everywhere out here or follow our podcast uh he's a 10 but doesn't have any social media that's a that's a plus that's great green flag that's great um he's a 10 but he calls my dog ugly i mean maybe your dog is ugly yeah that's that could be just totally true just be honest doesn't mean he doesn't love your dog but could just be ugly could just be ugly he's a 10 but wears women's sandals i would question that one he's a 10 but shuts down when upset i mean same it's okay same it's okay that's not true for me he's a 10 but uses chat gpt you know how we feel about that he's a 10 but he wears jeans to bed i don't even know what to think about that i think he's a psychopath that's wild that's that's just blatantly wrong like to bed or for a nap a nap is different than bed no i wear jeans i wouldn't even nap you fall asleep in your jeans yeah like if i were like something to church on sunday like wear jeans and then come home and take them off i just don't i just blake gets mad at me he's like take them off i'm like no because i don't want to put them back on would you just put on more comfortable pants comfortable jeans sure i've never heard of such a thing matt doesn't like to get in bed with any clothes that have been outside well he's ocd there are those people outside clothes inside clothes when i'm pregnant i was eating in the first time so i was eating crackers in bed and he was like really put off by it i was like i will throw up if i don't he's like there's just gonna get crumbs in here i get that like that too no i'm comfy last one he's a 10 but he has a velcro wallet i mean it's practical it's just practical what about as a duct tape wallet remember people in solid school i purchased one at lisa's i thought they were the coolest thing ever zebra print duct tape baby now that is niche that's these i think that's a green flag thank you to flamingo for sponsoring this portion of today's episode you know what i hear all the time this concept of an everything shower right and i'm here to promote an everything bath oh one of it it's so much better i only shower for utility right but i bathe for just a whole self-care ritual it's an experience and i personally enjoy having really freshly soft shaved legs but shaving that's always felt more like a chore than self-care but why because women's razors are cheap and flimsy you take your skin they can leave redness or burns from shaving it can be a whole nightmare that doesn't feel like self-care the women who helped build harry's found themselves rolling their eyes when other companies were just shrinking men's razors and making them pink we don't need them we don't need them 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what he's like i'm not gonna answer this like sorry i'm like no matt it's just for fun like just tell me and he's like no he like wasn't even giving me any feedback and i finally squeezed two out of him i was like these were good what were they and they're true um hanger she's a 10 but she's hanger if i get how you get hangry hank get hangry oh sure sure sure yeah i'm like she's a 10 i always tell him i'm like my blood sugar okay i'm gonna be so i'm gonna tell you something funny when we would visit you guys in hawaii and we stayed with you you would be like matt i'm hungry and he would pull over so fast at such inconvenient times to get you food and i'm like what is going on that's scary that that stood out to you that makes it because i was like we're like going somewhere you know like it was a little inconvenient but if you said you were hungry he would do anything to the ends or to get you food and maybe that's why he's like i'm afraid of her when she's hungry like matt i need to eat right now okay you know i think i've learned because now i pack snacks everywhere so maybe now matt doesn't have to detour yeah yeah that was like a phase i feel like oh so funny that's a good one i just remember i was like wow it's just like such a weird time to go get okay we're gonna pause we're gonna pull over everybody change your plans abby's hungry yeah i was kind of like everybody pause the diva i mean it was funny i mean we all got food so it worked out but just goofy um okay my first three meals a day this one caleb always brings up and i i'm like this is so dumb because this is not a big deal at all but he thinks it's very odd when i brush my teeth i take my toothbrush and i wipe it dry on a hand towel and it really freaks him out you think that's weird you put that thing in your mouth do you dry the bristles who all uses this hand towel actually i use my body towel my shower towel abigail i take it i go i just kind of get the wetness off and then i pull apart my electric toothbrush and i set it on the thing and it's dry caleb says that's my serial killer trait that's not good that is a serial killer trait i just like it to be dry are you gonna switch toothbrushes now that you've listened to the plastic detox oh no what's the other option horse mane right i will be scrubbing my teeth with plastic bristles anyway and i will be drying it off on my towel that was so neat i hate that so much that would be sad when it's gone oh breathe breathe i think you're gonna pass out no so much okay this is another one that matt gave me related to getting moody moody when tired or don't get to go to the gym oh that's just real life i'm sorry god moody too i was like matt you're giving me such general ones he's like i am not giving you any more he thought i was like trying to start a fight so i mean gosh apparently i'm combative this is um another one well kill didn't give me this one but i know he would say i fold my laundry inside out i don't care that's crazy i'm putting my t-shirt i'm not if you want your laundry folded the right way out make it the right way out when you put in the basket you're telling me i have to wash you put them on hangers inside out i do everything yeah if it's inside out it's staying inside out and you can change it when you put it on see maybe the reason is selfish i think you're you're more type b than your husband yes but matt is more type b than me so that's a scary oh scary stuff you're like i don't care he's terrified he's like what shirt is that no here's my advice for someone that's living with someone that's more type b than them yeah section off the areas that you're just not gonna they're gonna bother you there no that you're just like that's not my territory oh and so that's our couch in our office oh not my territory and look what happened to it that's matt's half of the closet not my territory matt's half of the bathroom yeah not my territory and so but the how what how did that happen i don't i haven't seen it oh can i make it please please go make a field trip okay did he clear off the counter yep okay listen as a type b person the whole mess as a type b person that keeps a very tidy house i need i need like a couple spaces that are just chaos like i need a couple spaces where i can just be free to be me i i think it wasn't that bad and then it just somehow he moved everything else that was in his face it just keeps growing i mean just don't open my drawers and don't look at my nightstand oh my nightstand is yeah yeah we just need a space like also won't tell me what my red flags are and he also just said are you recording my mom said i'm i commit to too much i was like well i don't ever like i feel like i follow through to the detriment of my health text my mom i'm curious what she's gonna say my red flag okay i was a picky eater oh yeah you're you're not that i make noises in my mouth or is that it here's the thing is it a red flag that um blake and appy are and laurie are all very sensitive to noises so is abigail so am i oh you yeah i am as well i think that's a red flag on you guys no it's called misophonia and everyone should be i literally tell matt i'm like you're maybe hd i have misophonia blake looks at me like just goes and i'm like yeah what did i do it gets a part where it's just the eyes you know i look at kevin i'm like yep you're doing it what am i doing one time for a new year's eve i'm like what am i doing i'm like what am i doing i'm like what am i doing one time for a new year's eve i'm like what am i doing i'm like what am i doing i'm like what is the resolution i gave up telling matt about his chewing and it didn't last a night but i did get a couple months in oh that's actually really impressive so much self-control that is but then it just came flooding back yeah it happened so fast and with a boiling rage okay actually right now i'm marking it i'm not gonna comment on matt's eating and see how long i can go do you want me to comment on it when he's doing it uh yeah okay oh my last one you do you told our mother-in-law one time and i was like that's good well sorry i just like i can't you i remember both times i was like i'm so surprised it's like i was gonna combust like won't do it to other people but he'll tell me he's like one time i almost i failed the test in college one time because the person behind me was chewing gum oh and i couldn't like read my questions on my test you couldn't read and my girl my roommate was like maybe you should get extra time because you have a problem you get an iep from me cell phone yeah let's do it oh my gosh yeah come on write it up yeah my last red flag is that i do the silent treatment oh but i came i had a really good self-awareness and why so well okay this is my toxic trays i think it would be an improvement if i did the silent treatment we need to meet in the middle i'm more like let me tell you something i'm like i'm not talking a word until you're ready to talk about what i'm mad about you won't get a happy go lucky chirp out of me until we resolve this i'm gonna work on that i'm gonna try to instate some silent treatment yes okay okay okay well let's talk about the friendship yes flags yes we're gonna be a little more serious now because i think it's funny that we're talking about a little bit about dating red flags and stuff but you know we feel like we see a lot that you feel like we're your big sisters and you know i think we had experience under our belts of ways that we can maybe some wisdom that we can apart on people when you know they just have questions about friendship and marriage and dating sometimes i feel like i've had such good friends like throughout my whole life that i have not a good basis on like how that happened like i just feel like i just got so blessed but um one thing that i have noticed like i'm like if i have like i've never i don't think i've ever had like a friend breakup which i'm very grateful for but if i have like distanced myself from people or if things have just kind of like you know you know this yeah fizzled fizzled out a common one is um how they talk about other people yeah so like if you're especially yeah this could mean a lot of different things but it's more so in the area of like i don't know if you're willing to talk about other people behind your back then it's pretty clear that they're willing to talk about you behind your back and so that just automatically opens so many questions in my mind about trust how you're also automatically makes me self-conscious because i'm like oh if you're having these judgmental thoughts about somebody else like how are you perceiving me and i don't like to if any friendship makes you feel insecure that's a red flag as well yeah i also have that on my list i had to add on to that someone who like constantly dogs on their husband or their kids because i think just kind of going into that it's like you just want to be around people that have respect for people in their life because if they're talking about people that are closest to them about that i'm sure yeah they're talking about you the same way and they're also talking to their friends and they're talking to their friends and they're talking to their friends and husband and kids potentially about you like it's just kind of like opening this hole yeah and i don't want to be like i also don't want to be tempted to speak poorly about my husband or my kids and i think naturally when that's just part of the conversation it can just naturally flow that way and so i think it's more so sometimes it's a boundary of myself like i just don't want to engage in that type of conversation for my own heart's sake and so i'm not gonna be around people that are super negative like that that's a good one we were actually just talking to someone this like it's not gossiping if it's if it's true where'd you hear that one if someone's ever told you that and you believe that is gossip only that one that's not yeah you only think gossip is lies right that's not actually how it works but right that's good uh what's another one you have i think it's a red flag if your friend is really competitive with you i was gonna say that one yeah i just think um your friendships at least in this phase of my life and i even think back into high school and college i'm like you want to be around people that are building you up and you are able to build them up too it's not just a one-way street um and if it's actually competitive within each other and it's rivalry and jealousy and bitterness and kind of catty i just don't understand that's just not a good you don't have the right personality types to be together and that's okay that your palate personalities don't mesh and maybe you just amicably go separate ways as friends that has always been something that i've always kind of attributed to me not being a competitive person like i don't define myself as competitive maybe other people would think differently i mean i don't think i'm competitive i'm competitive about certain things but not when people were competitive with me about even things that were like harmless though i was like i just didn't like it that much and so it's just a personal preference thing but also i think that it also makes sense in the sense of like i want someone i can like walk hand in hand in life with not someone that's like you know we're going i want to walk in the same direction like i don't want to go against each other that's not fun and that's not i don't know totally it's your friendship that i have yeah um another okay so when i look at my friendship my friendships there's a very common theme among all the women that i'm like the closest with and i just think that they just embody contentment in their life and i just think that that is such a good like no matter if there's things in their life that they want to change or things that they're working on i think they're honest about things that they struggle with but there's just a there's just a a piece about them like a contentment about them they're not like i don't know constantly striving for they're hard working but it's just hard you can you can just tell when someone's heart is at peace and i feel like that that's i'm hesitant to say that that's a red flag if someone's not it's just a yellow flag yeah it's just it's such a good i i feel like it it it's a green flag it's not a yellow flag or a red flag it's a green flag if you find that in friends yeah that's my green flag it's just like someone that is just deeply content like and not constantly you know picking on like things that they want to change like their body or like things they want to change or like and there's a healthy level of that where it's like oh yeah we can talk about i'm struggling with this with my body but there's just there's just something about their identity that just feels so secure and content and that is something that i benefit so much from from the the women in my life so that is like my friend green frog to share like look for that in your friendships i think contentment is contagious yes if you're your friends and you're not complaining about every aspect of your life you're you're gonna feel content about the things that you have to so i guess i should just say the red flag is complaining complaining yeah that's something i've like i don't know i've like walked away from things like i didn't really like have fun what was it and a lot of times it's that and i don't want anyone to think that they can't talk about those things but i do think there is just a difference between like someone talking honestly about something that's just like not ideal in their life but has like a heart of like contentment and then someone's just like just such a debbie downer you're like oh man yeah this is a drag today totally my last one that i had is um someone who's unforgiving yeah and i think that's way easier in friendships it's it's easier for you to be unforgiving towards your friends than it is to be unforgiving in your relationships like i feel like you're always gonna forgive your boyfriend or your husband you know like it's much easier to forgive those types of people but i feel like friendships necessarily i think people hold to a harder standard sometimes and they're not as forgiving in friendships and i think that there is a real beauty and a real art and like letting things roll off your back when appropriate and i think there's a beauty in our um and maybe giving people the benefit of the doubt yeah and i also think yeah looking for the best in others not always looking for like the i just always get confused and people are like they just have their oh they actually they they were planning this like what people think people are like plotting evilly behind the scenes i'm like i don't think that's it i think maybe you just took it the wrong way you know what i mean so i think just having a forgiving heart and obviously there's boundaries within that but um i think yeah you want to say something about that yeah i think that's gonna be friends with people that are forgiving yeah because we're not perfect one more thing on friendships though too is that like i feel like there's been times in my life where i felt guilty about like friendships fizzling out and something like this is something that matt feels a lot and i think he would share about too like he's like i just like hate that that is like not a thing anymore but i just have to and like he'll continue to work for a friendship that is okay forgiveness is good and important but then i'm like the flip side of it too is like continue to work for a If this is something that they've done, it's okay. don't have to hate them no we can only wish the best for them but also we're gonna believe them that this is like who they are like this is like or this is something that happened we don't need to continue to subject ourselves to this type of right oh for sure and i'm not referring to any thing in specific but i feel like that's something i have to remind that a lot i'm like if i show you who they are i believe them totally and we'll just move on we don't have to it's totally fine totally no i agree for sure i agree there's an art too of knowing like when to like just yeah when to just let it be let it be yeah i think too when it comes to that's life you just don't always have to make it like a big old thing no we'll just let it be i don't have to like send them a long text being like this is why i don't want to be your friend anymore we can just kind of let it be just let it be let it be you know what i mean and then we can also just assume there's probably something about me that didn't click for you right it's okay it's okay okay now moving on to dating red slash green flags okay i only do red did you only read sorry sorry talk about green flags sorry but i did not plan any negatives everything the opposite of the green flag is the opposite okay let's just assume that let's just do that i always say kind that's like always a green flag yeah kind guy we only want nice guys we want ambitious with a balanced head on their shoulders here we go it's so weighted okay um my first dating red flag um when a guy tells you exactly what you want to hear oh like if a guy is just fluffing you up that's a good one and it's you're relatively new into dating and they're just telling you everything you want to hear i just think that's a red flag that's a good one because that's a temptation and i think it's easier but then you're getting your hopes up maybe they agree with you like on everything too everything i'm like i need you to be a little i need you to be honest have a little pushback i want to know who you actually are and also like we don't need to be i think when they tell you everything you want to hear or a love bomb you or like super i don't know i just think it can your heart can get carried away and they're not actually showing you who they are yeah you're just like it's manipulative it's manipulative yeah that's a really good one i saw it on age of attraction and i was like this man is just telling this girl everything she wants to hear and he's not being honest that is a good red flag it's a big red flag my first red flag was very not serious it's my least serious one i said bad hygiene oh i think i had that i said doesn't wash their hands parentheses a slob bad hygiene so gross come on it's an ick yeah there was a tiktok of this girl who went on a date or was dating a guy for like a month and she was like i don't know what to do with this and she went to his house and he didn't have any hand soap and she was like hey you're out of hand soap he's oh i just ran out and the next time she went back he didn't have hand soap and he she was like you lied about hand soap and she didn't she ended it i was like that's crazy it was like a long story but then it's like you had another problem lying right why are you like about that i just think about everything that women do for maintenance yeah i'm like give it a shower wash your hands use some deodorant yeah let's put a little gel in their hair maybe like it just i don't know wash your clothes right there's so many fish in the sea on the flip side of that i said a slob like if you walk into a guy's apartment now okay i'm going to say there's a difference between college and like adult because i was a nasty dirty slob in college but i'm a very clean clean adult and so if you're now an adult young adult mid-adult older adult and you walk into that man's house and that man's house is nasty food over everywhere leftovers unkept i'm not just talking like clothes on the floor i'm talking nasty run for the hills that's horrifying i think you could hold the same standard for college as well by the way i mean you could but let him mature a little bit matt was out here don't ask about blake's room caleb's room was so clean and one time my mom came to visit she was like come on caleb let's clean up abby's room and he was so like annoyed let's clean they cleaned my room matt would help me clean matt helped me with laundry in college it was so sweet that's really this one's really serious honestly i feel like judgmental saying this we'll just say it we can talk about it but i okay any type of addiction really yeah like i feel like you got to take that seriously and like obviously there's some yeah honestly i gotta say any type of addiction maybe someone good to date in the future but it's like right now it's like maybe we just pump the brakes yeah if they're in the middle of an addiction i would say yeah obviously that's just you're gonna not i wouldn't engage in that and also if they're freshly out of it like you should give that person a couple seasons past their addiction like that person's not always gonna be a red flag but just in that season i think it's yeah i agree serious one that's a good one um i said relaxed on commitment this is so serious like this is probably one of my most serious ones if you're dating someone and they just very lackadaisical even in the small things like they don't want to commit to making a decision about a restaurant they don't want to commit to plans with friends like maybe they'll commit to plans with you but with other people maybe they don't want to commit and actually just call you their girlfriend maybe they don't job jobs are just non-committal they're obvious like they're just like they're just like they're just like they're they're bouncing around from thing to thing to thing like that is just such a red flag because the foundation of a marriage is commitment and when things get hard and everyone goes through really hard things in their marriage and hard seasons you don't want a person that's going to be wavering on commitment and yeah maybe that person just needs some time to exercise the strength of committing that's the small thing there because that is just oh i don't that's scary you know if they can't commit to a person that they love they don't want to commit to a person that they love the love the most or even on like small silly things out that's got to be the golden rule of dating honestly from my opinion you just said it that was so good yeah commit commit commit commit yeah what's it like what's an example abby of someone like that's going on a first date like you can tell early on because i feel like that's one of those things that's like you could date someone for a long time and be like oh like is this a pattern because like sometimes they're bigger things well i think if they cancel the first date and they're like hey can we reschedule they do that a couple times that's a yellow flag to me if they're moving times they're changing the plans a lot that is a red that's a yellow flag to me where i'm like oh you're not making a priority you're not this isn't a priority and you're not you're not a man of your word yeah and i think that's a big i mean we talk about a lot but like that's a really big that's a huge thing your yes needs to be a yes and your no needs to be a no and if you're someone is dating you like you're in the long run you have to be you have to trust what they're going to say and what they're going to do and if you can't trust what they're going to say they're going to flake they're going to back out they're going to do this or that it's bad that's so good that's so good in early dating i would think changing the plans a lot that's really really good for me this is such a general one i feel like all men are very general but i have specific examples i swear this is what i just said mean if they're a mean person now let me tell you this specifically like there's going to be conflict and i think that if there isn't that in itself is a red flag in a way now obviously there shouldn't be explosive conflict there shouldn't be like that i'm not saying that that's what needs to happen but you need to resolve issues together in dating long before you get engaged like we need to see how you can come to a resolution like together and if that's possible or if he's someone that's just like not gonna you know resolve things but i'm specifically thinking like for me if a guy raises their voice that is a really big red flag yeah because for so many reasons i just think being a female like a guy yelling is so intimidating like that's an intimidation tactic yeah that's a power issue there of them like yelling at a late like i'm like that is just so like i can say with comments like if that ever happened like that would really really really scare me same and that's not okay in america that's not safe and then think about down the line you're gonna have children and i actually saw this video and it was about fatherhood and they surveyed a bunch of people and they were like oh my god i'm gonna have children and i'm gonna have a bunch of children and they said what is one thing you want your dad to stop doing it's gonna make me cry and like almost all the kids said i wish he didn't yell because there's just something about a man yelling that is just so scary it is and so it's like you don't want that type of like bull in your household like as a leader in your household too like so yeah yeah i say mean but i really am specifically isolating on like if they're gonna raise their voice at you i feel like it's like i don't think they're gonna raise their voice at you i feel like it's like there's any point in moving forward like that's like that's like a 180 like that's a good uh good first sign because i think a lot of people like it's like yeah i had anger on my my like big list too and i was thinking about it i'm like well that's a good first sign because i think a lot of times it's like oh well then it escalated later to them punching walls or like you know running out the house angry or different you know being really aggressive yeah and it's like well the first sign was that they didn't speak to you kindly in conflict and they they were out of control of their emotions and i think that's yeah yeah that's a good first sign in dating if they yell at you super scary yeah and just in general like dating should be really fun dating should be a really yeah it shouldn't be tumultuous and you're gonna i i think we're both opponent like proponents of date long engage short like i think we've talked about that before yeah i mean for me i don't necessarily have the same conviction on that okay but just because we knew we were going to get engaged the whole time we were dating yeah so i don't feel like there was this massive shift when we got engaged i don't feel like there was this massive shift when we got engaged i don't feel like there was this massive shift when we got engaged sure sure sure well i guess okay i caleb sure sure sure well i guess okay i caleb sure sure sure well i guess okay i caleb and i talked a lot about like date at and i talked a lot about like date at and i talked a lot about like date at least a year probably at least a year and then If you start dating in high school, you need to date more than that. You do need to date more than that if you're in high school. You should probably wait a couple years. But if you're like in your 20s, I feel like I think you should date at least a year. Because you need to see that person through a magnitude of seasons, whether that's job seasons, even weather seasons, and just the different things that come throughout a year. Because you really want to see how that person handles adversity. And you don't want to jump into something and you're like, I didn't even know they responded like this because I never dated them long enough to see that. Yeah, one thing I was going to say about the yelling or the raising the voice or just even speaking to you unkindly in a tone that's a different way, I think your reaction after that, being able to address that and be like, that's not appropriate the way you just spoke to me, and seeing how they react with that. And do they take that kindly? And they're like, you're right, you're right. I'm really upset, but you're right that I did. I shouldn't have said that. And how that conversation can go, too. Because sometimes they come from a house that that's what they do. And they've never had an experience of someone being like, that's not right. And giving that chance, if it's an appropriate situation, you're going to know if it's not. That's really good, Addie. Because I think, too, yeah, there are a lot of things that I came into marriage with and dating with that were just not healthy. But Kayla pointed them out to me, and then I made changes accordingly. So it's like all of these things, if you see it, I feel like a lot of them weren't a conversation. And then if that's not responded to well, then. I also think that's a good thing. I also do think that I totally agree. And actually, that's one of mine. I said not flexible. And I'll kind of go into that a little bit. Because we're like, it's so important to be a man of integrity. But also, not flexible is a red flag. So I can kind of decipher what I mean by that. But also, I will say, all of us are naturally just going to repeat a lot of what we learned. And it's not your job as the girlfriend to teach your boyfriend how to be. And in fact, that's never going to be a healthy relationship. I think there's a place for, like, hey, that's not. That's not a big thing. But it's like that. They kind of have to deal with that independently, I think. I think it's a little hard to sort through some of those things in a dating relationship. I don't know. I feel like I agree with what you're saying. But also, I do think the point of, like, dating and marriage is that we're making each other better. And so it's like, I. Like, I wouldn't have wanted Caleb to accept just all the things how I was. And not have called me to be better in different areas. Right. But you're, like, in a relationship to be like. If they. If I fix these things, then they're going to be a good partner. Like, I. There was a boyfriend that I had that my mom was like, I'm so. You just tried to fix him. I did this too. Like, I tried to be their savior. Yes. I was in a relationship to try and fix him. Oh, sure. And then I did that too. That's where I'm speaking from. Yeah. And so it's less of, like, I'm trying to fix them because they have issues. Rather than we're in a relationship together building each other up to be better. Like, he had nothing to offer me. Yes. Like, it was kind of like, I feel. And I feel like. Like, girls are more likely to fall into this trap as well. Yeah. You want to fix them. Of, like, dating a project. And you're like, this is not my. It's not my DIY. Yeah. Who's got the time? Sure. And so it's like, yes, there's certain things. I think there's, like. But then there's some certain weightier things where it's like, okay. Like, you got to get well independent of. Sure. This is not. Yeah. And that's also why I put not flexible. I was about to say, like, resistant to counseling. But I don't think it's. This is isolated to counseling. I'm saying, like, resistant to anything. Any type of feedback and making changes. Teachable. Like, teachable. Like, someone that is, like, can honestly reflect on themselves and be self-aware and say, like, oh, you know what? Like, I'm not perfect. Like, that's, like, a basic thing that they probably need to learn is that they have things to learn. And so on the flip side of that is, like, I don't know. Someone that, like, I think something that really encouraged me in dating with Matt was, like, he was super open to, like, having mentors. Like, getting into counseling and, like, having. Inviting others into things. Like, and rather than, like, how dare you talk about that, like, with your friends. Like, this is, like. That's, like, just a scary. Like, anyone that's willing to just, like. I don't know. Someone that's not flexible and so rigid in, like, their view of themselves and, like, how they operate. Like, that is just. That is. Yeah. I guess that is a deeper issue of pride. Yeah. Totally. That's a good one, Abby. I agree. Yeah. I think there's something really sexy about humility and teachability. It's, like, wow, that's really. It just makes you feel respected. Me too. It's, like, oh, you actually care about what I have to say and you care about me and so you're going to take into account the things that I have to offer or, like, the other people have to offer you as an advice. And I think that's a really great character. And then you feel safe to also have humility yourself. Right. And, like, it's just a much more healthy environment overall. For sure. For sure. My last one, this is kind of, like, a. I mean, it's a serious one, but it's also not so serious. No, it's serious. But someone who does unsafe driving to show off. Oh, wow. Okay. This is, like, a red flag. If you're driving with someone and they're driving recklessly with you in the car, they don't respect you. They don't care about your life. They have a pride issue. Or, like, I don't know. I was driving behind this motorcycle. This was a couple weeks ago. This really bugged me. And it was a guy on a motorcycle and a girl on the back. And she had a helmet on and he didn't. No, neither of them had helmets on. So, okay, he didn't supply headwear. Headwear? Okay. Rude. We're at a red light. He runs the red light with her on the back. And zips off. Like, maybe going 100 miles an hour. And all I could think about to that girl. I just started praying for her. I was like, that girl. He's not keeping you safe. He is not keeping you safe. He does not care about your life. He does not respect you. Yeah. And that's, like, a small thing. And I. Yeah. That just really bugged me. I was like, that is a red flag. You hate those. All those little motorcycles in this area. No, it's not motorcycle people in general. It's just these people that are really reckless. No, no, no. Like, those little. The teenager boys in this area. Ugh. Teach your little. Teach your young sons with them. Easy bikes. Give them girl a helmet. I do see all of them wearing helmets. Yeah, they do wear helmets. A lot of them. They're always doing little tricks and one wheeling. Yeah. See, that doesn't bother me. Because I'm like. I think they're just having fun. But it's like when another person is involved. And I actually dated a guy that used to do this. And I broke up with him. Because he drove recklessly with me in the car. It made me feel really unsafe. And uncared for. It's like, why are we driving 100 miles an hour on the highway? When we're 16 years old. I always say love is consideration. It is. That's really good. My last one is. Lazy. Lazyness. But my specific angle on laziness is. If they won't plan anything. And so I feel like this is something a lot of girls. I. Okay. They put up with in dating. And then they get married. And then they're frustrated. That they're not. It's not happening. They're not pursued. You. Did this. Is this a new thing? Or. Like, that's the thing you kind of have to assume in dating. Whatever is going to happen. Everything is going to be amplified. Right. The good. The bad. Like, all these things are going to be amplified. And so I don't know. I just feel like this is such a common thing I hear in marriage. I'm like, this could. This starts back somewhere else. But if you're always like, hey, like, what are you doing this time? Like, we could go to this. Or let's. If you're always like the one kind of leading them along. I think especially for a girl. That's no fun. And that's not going to get better when you get married. I just got to tell you this first and foremost. And so I do think this is something that can change. But. Just. Early on. If they're. Like. Kind of just. Don't be following you around. And you're not going to want that down the line. If you. If you don't care. Then you don't care. Right. But if it's something you're going to want down the line. Be honest with yourself about that right now. Because it's. One of those things where I'm like. Well, did they ever do this? Was there ever a point in time? It's like. Oh, there was this one date. Right. It was one Valentine's Day. At one point. And it's like. Well. Yeah. Yeah. Women want to feel personal. Yeah. Yeah. They're pursued. They do. For sure. And so. You got to pick your problems, girlies. That starts the beginning. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. So. Yeah. That was mine. That was a good one. Also, I just want to touch on this. Because I do. I want to expand on what you said earlier. I do believe that like dating and marriage are. You're supposed to build each other up. Mm-hmm. And I want to distinguish that from what I was like talking about earlier. Because I was like. That I wasn't a relationship with a guy at some point. Very not serious relationship. But I feel like my mom had to give me the hard advice of like. Abby. You can't date a person. And I feel like that is something that I was like. That taught me a lot about that thing. Because I. That it is different to date someone that also is building you up in ways. And changing you. And bettering you. And then someone that you're just like constantly giving to. And you're like. Trying to be like. This is. Let's do this differently. And like. Let's try this. And that's just a drain. And that's not. That's actually not what's happening there. Yeah. You know. And it's. You both have to be. Keep rising together. And not just trying to bring this guy up to. To where you are. Yeah. That's a good distinction. Yeah. Really good distinction. Ask. Ask. Ask. Abby. Hey ladies. My name is Kaya. I was wondering. What your version of the Roman Empire is. For example. Mine would be the Lacey Peterson case. I do not think her husband did it. But I would. I love the podcast. Bye. I'm not familiar with that case. I'm not familiar with that case either. I'm surprised you guys aren't. I also never remember the names. The names. If someone were to give me the details of it. I'd be like. Oh yes. And then this happened. It was at a Christmas party. Like I like remember. Was that the one who was a cop or something? No. No. That one is. We saw her in real life. Who? What's her name? Rebecca? Nope. I will never remember her name. I don't know either. They thought that she ran over her. Yeah. In the driveway. I knew her name when I saw her. At a party at night or whatever. We saw her in person. I saw her. What? In Boston. What? When we went with CBS. I said that's her. And I cannot think of her name right now. - How did you guys know? That's crazy. i don't know how i know genius and then i looked it up i was like and it certainly was it certainly was that's crazy i'm like is this how people feel when they see celebrities i got my roanoke do you got yours what that's my problem if i your roanoke what did you say roanoke it's a lost colony of roanoke who else is not i don't know anything about that there's a lost colony tell me about it so when the pilgrims came they had a colony called roanoke and it no one knows what happened what there's a lot of theories i learned about this in second grade wow i read a book about the lost colony of roanoke and it's just seriously opened a loop in my brain i just never i'm like i can't rest until we know what happened to those people sure my uh roman empire is also from the elementary school loop opened never been shut it's the oregon trail what do you mean what do you mean these people got on wagons and went across rivers what do you mean i don't think it's real no they did it but what do you mean these people just said bye to their families and to never see them again never to know if they die on this trail what do you mean they came up they just had babies they had babies in a wagon they they just buried people along the road that what do you mean what do you mean i don't get it it's unbelievable born when we were born and not born back then i read a book the do you remember that series of books like the diary series and it's like little girls of history yeah i bet they have one on roanoke yeah they have one on the oregon trail and it still haunts me to this day i can picture the words in that book i actually found it and i brought it home with me i got another one too the ebola virus oh yeah gosh what about it tickles you it doesn't tickle me it terrifies me i was in the fourth grade extremely sheltered and they taught us about the ebola virus and i just couldn't stop thinking about the fact that it could get me of course and i i mean i watched this documentary i was in like a like an accelerated learning thing and so then they thought that they could just like show us older things but i was like wait a minute i might have been academically advanced but socially i had not seen anything but a disney movie right and then they're showing they thought it was the monkeys so they shot monkeys in this documentary and i literally was frozen in my seat i thought i was gonna throw up in class and they're talking about this virus makes their organs disintegrate and come out their eyes and nose and and why were they teaching this to you i don't know my mom my mom wrote to the teacher yeah i think that's a little inappropriate that's a little inappropriate she was a great teacher but i think i was just like cross the line mom i can't sleep because the ebola virus well i have one similar acid rain oh that's spooky where is it is it real i think about it often that and flash floods they get me flash floods get you okay i thought my mom place to live i don't think i have a single roman empire you guys are saying okay okay i don't think i have a single roman empire you guys are saying okay the flash floods will get you because my mom my entire life was always like they'll just come out of nowhere just come up and get you and i'm like what do you mean that doesn't happen and then i watched videos of flash floods and it happens like that she ain't kidding and now i think about it all the time anytime around like dried rivers but we gotta stop no what is it um now i'm like i want to tell you the details of lacey peterson to see if you know yeah what is it um lacey peterson was murdered in 20 2002 while eight months pregnant her disappearance on christmas eve and the subsequent murder trial of her husband and her husband scott peterson gained international attention prosecutors alleged that alleged that scott strangled lacey and weighed her body down in san francisco bay with cement anchors in 2003 lacey's torso and remains of her unborn son washed ashore yeah i did i did hear of course there's so many things about it there's like there's a netflix documentary there's obviously crime junkie she doesn't think he did it gone or that's a different one she does think he did it no the person no i think she was saying she doesn't oh there's gotta be a lot of evidence against him abby's got all she needs to know hey girls my name is sarah and i want to know what is the funniest thing that your kids have said to you this week oh so many they already say on the podcast griffin asking the employee if it's a choking hazard yeah i think so what is another one i mean augie keeps asking me what my breasts are cj actually too um has taken interest in my boobs and the other day he came up to me he looked at me he goes oh my god i don't know what you're talking about i don't know what those are yeah and i go where are my boobs and he goes okay you say boobs yeah okay you say breasts i did because i didn't know i think i i intermix it it just felt like a more casual time i just didn't know if i want my kids to say my boobs and he goes you could pop them i said no yeah he tried to pop them he didn't try to he said you could pop them i was like you gotta be careful because they hurt because nursing and he's they could pop and i was like no they're not gonna pop but i don't know they say funny things all the time well actually no i got one griffin i went to go get a protein shake and i come back and he goes where were you and i was like i told you i was getting a shake and coming right i was gone a total of three minutes yeah and he goes i thought you went to jail they're so obsessed with jail it's because of like about peter and john yeah and so we've had a lot of conversations recently about jail adults have and then he's like i thought you went to jail and i said buddy and he goes or i thought you got dead and i was like i said buddy it feels like you went to the worst case scenario there yeah and he goes no i didn't you can think of something worse oh so i was like buddy i'm so sorry i worried you um you don't have to worry about those things right those are the things we just really don't have to worry about and then that was all he said about it i was like you know that talking cactus thing cj loves it and i think it's an only child thing right now because sometimes i'm like oh my god i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i think he actually thinks it's his friend because it's not an only child talk back i know but vivian's not interacting yeah yeah um and he'll put his cactus and time out if it doesn't stop talking and i feel like he'll go you go to time out cactus and then he goes he's not listening and i'm like good please put it away please put the thing away talking cactus on sunday when matt came back um while we were at dinner i go augie was next to me i said look who's here he goes daddy matt just so you know it's not your daddy maybe he's confused why other people don't call me mom yeah and then we had a conversation like you're you're the only two people that are ever going to call me mom right i mean for now like that you're gonna see are gonna call me mom and so yeah he's like let me clarify don't call him dad i don't want to call you guys mom and dad just to confuse him hi abby abby and addie my name is and my question is what tips do you have for raising confident kids either things that you do with your kids or things that your parents did with you i've struggled with my confidence my entire life and now that i have a daughter i just really want to make sure i do all that i can make sure she doesn't feel that way about herself as she grows up thank you for any advice you can share love the podcast bye that's a really good question i feel like there's a lot of misconceptions about confidence and the like confidence comes when we're good at a lot of things but i think confidence is built when we're not good at something and then we keep strengthen that skill and so like with our kids like this hasn't been a prevailing thing but i hear a lot of other kids say it i'm like i can't do that or i just i don't do it and i feel like saying like you can try you can we always say you can do hard things and i think that knowing that like anticipating failure at times and then knowing that that's not the end of the line is where is like literally the root of confidence and so with our kids like with like as they're they're in a perfect stage right now they're learning so many things for the very first time they're in skateboarding lessons and i'm like i have no expectation other than that you try again you keep trying again and they have become very resilient in that like knowing that like they're i don't think they expect to like excel immediately because of like how much we talk about i think it's their natural inclination too but then also just like naturally talking all the time of like we're just gonna try again keep trying and i always always reward effort like try to always just be like i can tell you worked so hard on that yeah or like you really like you gave that your all that must have been really hard you must have wanted to quit and you just kept going and i think that that's that's probably the thing that helped me growing up a lot too yep that's really good i would say this exact same thing practically this happens a lot on the playground actually i feel like this is a really easy place to like implement those things um cj obviously will like try the bigger ladders and if you get scared and wants to come down i'm like hey buddy you can come down if like or i don't actually let him come down but if he comes on his own i'm like hey we're not leaving the park until you try again and i'll help you if you need help i'll help you and i'm here to catch you if you fall i'm not gonna let anything bad happen to you but i know that you can do it and we're not gonna leave until you go back and i think it's like letting the fear win at these young ages is important is like a big thing that helps you know helps build their confidence that they can overcome it and there have been a couple times where like he's overcome something he's been really scared and he'll do it slowly and the whole time i'm like hey buddy i'm right here like you've got it i'm not gonna let you fall and i'm not touching him i'm like i want him to do it on his own and when he gets to the top like you can see the pride on his face like he's so happy with himself and it's so cool to see that and now i feel like he's pretty fearless on the playgrounds and stuff which is really fun and then the other one is that yeah he started to say like i can't do it and i say hey you're not allowed to say i can't because you can maybe you can't do on your own you can say i need help yeah because it's good to ask for help if we need help but there's you can do anything how are to do hard things but maybe you just need help and so yeah i'm like we don't say can't i think a couple things that you said there too that were also really good is like you expressing that you like you as a parent expressing to your child that you have full confidence in them is huge too and not like always coming in to just like solve their problems for them to like make the situation like easier for them just like on like having just full confidence in them is contagious for them as well i believe yeah i'm i'm below that ladder shaking shaking i'm terrified he's gonna fall and get hurt but i know that if he gets the top he can't do it you know and like even if it's a little risky i'm not gonna i'm not gonna tell him that i'm scared yeah you know i'm gonna be there to catch him if he falls yeah that's so good i i honestly just thought about something because i am like maybe i am a hypocrite because i just remembered there's a really iconic memory i have with my dad in disney world when i was like okay so i was i've always been short it's never been a thing where i was ever tall so i hit the point where i could go on these roller coasters at an older age than everybody else but i was still scared and so i remember when i could go on rock and roller coaster at disney world oh that's a good my dad was like okay like let's go together he waited so long we waited in the longest line ever get to the very front i see it take off it's so fast that and i'm like no and there is just such a memory of my dad just be like he encouraged me he's like you can i know you can do it like i know you can do it i'm like nope and then he was like i was just not gonna force you to do it we got out of line we left with that whole night i was just sick to my stomach yeah i was like i didn't do it i didn't do it the next day i was i don't think we even had passes for that day but he added an extra day we went at the park opening i told my dad i was like i just wish i had another chance and he took me and we went on it like four times in a row and so it's a win like i think there's a couple of things in there too but that was like a that was a very confidence building experience for me but my dad also wasn't like forcing you forcing it so i think but he had i knew he had full belief in me yes and i knew that i i was safe to like make my own i think there's also an age thing there too yeah like quite a bit older than my kids are now but that was a good memory i think that's important too to be able to like walk away and him not like make you feel bad for it yeah like that didn't break my confidence because he was like so mad at me for not doing it yeah because he's like i wasn't gonna make you do something like you know he's like then it wasn't even you like yeah choosing to do something brave it was literally being forced to do it right so um yeah yeah i think there's a difference like cj's not having like a panic attack you know what i mean or like freaking out yeah yeah like if your kid's obviously panicking you're not gonna make him do something um if you're confused about what just happened right there we have a voicemail segment if this is your first episode and if you want to call in the number is 602-456-9690 and you can leave any message for us preferably some type of question it can be a curious funny question about us it can be something more serious anything and everything we love to hear from you guys yeah let's do always hungry what do you got this is a very super fun video i'm so excited about it i'm so excited about it i'm so excited about it i'm so sorry if you don't have a trader joe's by you this is specifically a trader joe's recipe it's extremely simple you're gonna cook up some rice you're going to dice some chicken you're gonna saute your chicken in the pan season it with salt pepper garlic powder and then you're gonna dump a jar of the thai yellow curry sauce over it and just let that simmer you don't really need to season your chicken because that sauce is so flavorful and you'll serve with some broccoli and that's it it's so easy it's really delicious you got your chicken your protein your carb and your vegetable and it's ready literally in like 30 minutes love that i've never had it's really good it's kind of spicy it's a little warm which i do not like spicy stuff so if i can eat this you guys will be fine um but it's just warming it's really flavorful it's a staple in our house i have a really good protein shake recipe that i've been making a lot it's like a dupe for or i shouldn't say it's a dupe it's actually just like a higher protein version of a shamrock shake from uh no from mcdonald's sorry isn't that where they have shamrock yeah okay it's like a mint cookies and cream but i really think the key is a clean simple eats mint chocolate protein powder it's actually so delicious you open that bag and you just smell it you're like that's yeah that was that and so i also use the halo top protein ice cream and almond milk ice and two oreo thins and it is so delicious yum this is like your late night treat uh actually just have it after a workout perfect perfect ice cream and cookies heck yeah i feel great about it i love it you guys thank you so much for listening if you guys could leave a comment share the episode subscribe follow download all the things we really appreciate it but truly reviews just make such a difference boy mom rage said mama comfort podcast five stars thank you for always sharing the hope and the hard i listened to this in the hospital when i was getting a deuce last week and welcome welcome to healthy baby boy y'all were along for the ride oh my gosh that's so sweet thank you for having us be a part of your like incredibly special moment we are so thankful for you guys and we appreciate you and remember we're always here you coca-cola for the big for the small the short and the tall peacemakers risk takers for the optimists pessimists for long distance love for introverts and extroverts the 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