Dating Red Flags and Friendship Deal Breakers

Perustin pyöräilyvää teitä valmistavan ornotin vuonna 2013. Mielestäni parasta Shopify saan se, että voimme harjoittaa liiketoimintaa ilman teknistä osaamista, voimme hallinnoida yrityksen taustajaristeelle mien ja front-endia sekä myydä verkossa, vaivatta, jos Shopify olisi pyöräilyvaruste, sollisi mielestäni itse polkupyörä. Sillä asiat hoidetaan ja meidän liiketoimintamme hoituu Shopify-sa. Aloita ilmainen kokeilu Shopify-piste-com-sivustolla. Olen Shannon Maldonado, käsintehtyjä artesaanitua teita myyvän jaujiin lahjakaupan perustaja. Valitisin Shopify, koska alustoja testatessani totesin sen ehdottomasti yhdeksi helpokäyttöisimmistä alustoista. Minulla oli tärkeää pohtia kehittymistämme tulevaisuudessa. Kaikki myyntiin tarvittava työkalut, kuten varaston suunnittelu ovat kätivästi dashboardissä. He's a 10, but has felony charges. - I think there's plenty of things to see. - There's forgiveness. Oh! You're picking someone to spit the rest of your life! If you're willing to talk about other people behind your back, it's pretty clear that they're willing to talk about you behind your back. I just don't want to engage in that type of conversation for my own heart, say. I was told this too. It's not gossiping if it's true. I do the silent treatment. It would be an improvement if I did the silent treatment. We need to meet in the middle. I'm where I'm like, "Let me tell you something!" [Music] Welcome back to Always! [Music] Are you sure you don't plan what? You do it first. No, I'm afraid to keep that in mind. Try it again. One, two, three. Welcome back to Always Here. I'm your host, Abby Howard. And Abby Howard. Sorry. We were. Abby's pregnant, too, and he's just continuing. It's continuing. Siri, watch that clip. I was cracking up. I was in one stop. Like this protein shop, please. And I was like, "Ha ha ha, laughing at myself." And these guys are probably like, "Also, she's crazy." I just bought a protein shake. And the guy that was like, there's two boys. And the other guy working there was talking about, he's like, "Oh, is he a 2009 kid too?" Talking about hockey. Him and this, like, very successful hockey player, both born in 2009. If you wanted to feel old today, and how old were they? Oh my gosh. 20. Wait, it's not 20-29. 17. 17. Is that not? That is kind of weird. 2009. I don't feel like to bore a board in those years. And if they were, they're children. Here's my marker. How old my little brother is? Right. Anyone older, anyone younger than him? Infant. What year was Blake born? 2001. 2001. I like 2000. No, 2001 as well. The very beginning, though. Oh my gosh. Okay, so anyone wanted to feel a little bit more seasoned today. That was me. I was like, "It's happening." I had to hold myself back and say, "You were born in 2009." And you're talking in full sentences? You're an employed person. Yeah, yeah, we're aging. I just felt like I needed to. I don't know. Can you imagine it'd be worked in corporate workspace? How old would you feel? I'd just be like a new worker. You're like around somebody younger people. And they're always coming up. And I feel like I always take talk jokes with them being the millennial versus. I'm used to being the youngest. I felt like everywhere in the circles I was, the youngest. Now it's just not necessarily the case anymore. I remember in school when it moved out. It's good to talk about the millennial generation, the upcoming generation. And now millennials are old. And it's not old. Just more experience. Yeah, we're just out of the range of people I'm care about as well. It's like high schoolers. Wow, that's far away. We've been studying. They don't need to study us anymore. They've figured us out. We've been studying. Well, how are you doing? I am good. Good. Yes, we do our hopes in our hearts. Let's do it. Okay, you wanna go first? Okay, well, my hope was obviously are always here events. We did our work out together. And I just kept talking Matt's ear off afterwards. Yeah. Was it also, okay, so many things. First of all, we, I don't really have, do, I don't have, I haven't, have I done a live event ever? Basically, like twice, maybe, max. And it was really, really, really cool. It was. And here's my favorite part. Well, first of all, getting to meet you guys was so cool because I felt a weird sense of pride and the fact that these are the people that are attracted to our pockets. That's like, I felt proud of you guys for myself. Yeah, you turn to me and you go, this is something about us because these girls are all awesome. They're all awesome. And I was like, wow, wow, I'm using this to gas myself up. Yeah, literally. And you guys are so awesome. Truly. But it really is cool to just see like, okay, the people that enjoy our show, what kind of people are those? Because like, we see your comments, we see your feedback. But like, this was really cool. Yeah, it was. Um, secondly, I just kept thinking about how strong women are. Yeah. Like, everyone in that room, like, I know some, I mean, just from talking to you guys, because I really think we personally talk to every single person. Which was really, really cool. Yeah. It was the best part. Struggling with, are people come up to me talking about miscarriage, talking about, you know, juggling, having multiples or on their first pregnancy? Or having gotten a bad diagnosis dealt with cancer, like, not single and like having trouble, like so many stages of life. Yeah. Yet we all showed up and sweat together. And did some really impressive thing with our bodies together. And like, it was just so cool. It was. I just, I can't even, it was so humbling to just like hearing you guys talk about, like, oh yeah, I'm, I started listening to this podcast. And I listen, I share with my mom, I share with my sister-in-law, my sister, my, my friends. We all listen every week, which is so special. But then also people that have, like, tuned in for years. Like, one sweet, sweet lady that came, brought her hoodie from when Matt and I first did merch back in Springfield. Oh, my God. And she's like, I just wanted to show you, like, I, like, and that was so cool. So Springfield, Missouri, I haven't lived there for, like, six years. Yeah. So that was just super cool. And I feel like that also just made us, like, immediate friends with you guys. Totally. And also, sorry, I'm still in the body. No, I mean, I love it. Keep going. The third best element about that was also, like, you guys were becoming friends with each other. And because we were, like, I mean, we all are different. But then also have this same shared, like, I don't know, general interest, yeah, and life state or whatever it may be. People were, like, sharing contacts and we're like, oh, yeah, we're going to hang out or like get our kids together. And it was just so, so cool. Yeah. Fourth thing last thing I swear to goodness is that I love that we were doing it alongside you. I feel like I've always been very hesitant about, like, live events. And I hope this doesn't come across as any certain way. This is just genuinely how I feel. No. I don't like situations where it feels like I'm already, I already feel like being posting online puts me on a certain pedestal. I'm doing a live event where I'm like, I don't know. On me days come to me. Sure, yeah. And let me, I don't know, like watch me, watch me, watch me, watch me. Pictures of me. And yeah. For sure. Look at you, look at you, like, I don't know. And so, like, the fact that we were able to work out together and do an activity together. And like, all as friends and equals was also just like perfect format in my opinion. Yeah. Totally. Oh, wow. I haven't talked in way too much. I agree with all those things. I was really, I think it made it feel so extra worth it hearing that girls connected to each other. Because I felt like a common comment that girls made to me was like, I'm so grateful that you guys are doing, that you started this podcast. And actually are trying to like form community, especially for like young moms, newly married women. Like, these seasons of life that are transitional and can feel lonely. Like, it's been really comforting to me that you guys have started this podcast. And I feel seen in a lot of ways. And so then now you guys doing this live event. And it's like, it is a local event. And so these girls all do live relatively close. And so there is just like that element of like, we're trying to make our big city feel smaller. And I just maybe want to do it in other cities. I think that's what's so humbling about it too, though, is that like, because of this podcast, it's becoming so much bigger than just us. Right. Because of like what you guys were able to do, like, build upon like this community. And I will shout out some people did fly in for this a bit, which is crazy in such an honor too. So amazing. That was just like, I feel like I've always been like kind of a Debbie Downer at the thought of like doing live events. But this really, this really flipped my calling. Oh yeah. Is that a phrase? I'm just going to flip my calling. I flip my calling. I like it. We'll start making sure. Know what that means. Don't say that people might be like, inappropriate. No, no. But I, yeah, I agree. It was really fun. And I think I had the nerves too. Like, I don't want this to just be like an about us thing. And I think it did feel like we were meeting you guys. Not necessarily like you're coming to meet us. You know what I mean? Like, I felt like that. I was like, I wanted to meet all these girls and talk to them and just be, I don't know, get to know them. Do you want to tell them that you had nervous diarrhea before these days? I had such bad nervous diarrhea. Hey, we found the door to that. We found the door to that. So did Atty. You did too. I did too. It's okay. Oh no. Yeah, yeah. It's okay. Well, I have pregnancy constipation. So don't take that. My energy was so chaotic. I was just doing high kicks and acting so erratic. I just like couldn't calm it down. I showed kill the video. Because I got it on video, actually, of me doing, I did four high kicks in a row. Just like by myself in the corner. Like, what? You're gonna pull something. I haven't done a high kick in years. - That's so funny. - It was goofy. - No, I think it shows that even we had this set up and we put the donuts and the drinks outside and we had the balloons and all things. We didn't think that people were gonna stand in the line to say, "How do you guys, that was epic." But it just shows that that wasn't how we thought it was gonna go 'cause we're like, "You wanna meet the community and hang out." And so it's fun. You're shot out to the moms. They were running the drinks and the donuts and the treats afterwards and so they came inside and went down the line and gave everyone treats because it was so sweet. - I do actually have to call it our moms. - They did so much. - Yeah, they helped out so much but then-- - I have to call it your mom. - Go ahead. - Both your moms. 'Kay, teaser moms are gonna come on the podcast. - I know, I'm on the show. - You know what this is? - That's what I was gonna say. - Did you know that they told me that he was talked to me at the gym this morning? They sat me down. I said, "I don't know what authority you think I have." - Okay, here are our demands. - Oh gosh. - Wait a minute, let's preface this by saying we invited our moms on the podcast for a Mother's Day episode and maybe we're regretting it. Yeah, I was like, "What is this?" Like, drinks and food you want on set? What are these demands? - What else? - Hair and makeup. - Oh, oh. - Oh my god. - Good lighting. - Well, and I was like, "Well, we're in a studio set." - Do they grow ugly? - Yeah, she said, "If you would like more, we will give those to me as well." - They want us to pay for their hair and makeup? - Yeah, yeah. - I should have people do your hair and makeup. - Yeah, I'm like, I think it's counted. - I did her makeup for my wedding. She needs me to be better. - That's good. - No, Lori did say, "Oh yeah, I mean, could do it." So Lori did say, "You could do it." - Okay. - Well, that actually is even what I was gonna say. - Oh, oh. - Close more. - Next thing, you guys, we're literally gonna regret this so bad. - Oh my god, so thin. The other thing is that we get a text from our friend Ashley and she's like, "Oh, wait, I just was at anthropology and I ran into both your mom trying on new clothes for the podcast." They're getting a whole new wardrobe. - I love it. - I'm like, "You were saying I'm wearing sweats." - And I was like, "You know what, mom, just get pants. You're gonna be sittin' low." - We're gonna be sittin' real low. - Yeah, our new chairs. - Our new chairs. So get some pants. - With my taller. - This is just so wild. - I know. - They're like, I'm like, "Wow, we better come prepared for you, ladies." - I thought that they would be the guest that showed the most diva behavior. - Of course. - Yes. - I know. Honestly, we said mother's episode. I was like, "Uh-oh, here we go. "No, just get it." - Here's the thing, I only knew that my mom was gonna do it because your mom was gonna do it. - Oh my god. - I was gonna pressure her to do it for sure. - But I was like, "Well, wait a minute." And I was like, "Well, mom, Ruth's already in." So, and then Ruth didn't know anything about it, but we just knew she'd be in. - She got the problem. - Ruth said you never told her. We were like, "We have a good chance." - We knew she was in the can. - Well, she was like, "Did you know that man? "Have you ever been Hawaii for a couple weeks?" I was like, "No, but I'm sure they were gonna tell me eventually." And she was like, "Well, Lori told me it's gonna be a couple weeks." And I'm like, "I know they're gonna tell me." - It's actually, I heard your mom was telling your mom's that they're always telling us the things that they know behind the scenes that we're talking about in our homes. And then we're laying the information to each other. I'm like, "It was gonna get to me." I'm not like, "It's always happy like that." - I would need a reality TV show. - We need a reality. - Honestly, we do. - I'm like, "I can hear your mom in the dressing room "but I don't want to talk so crazy." - I mean, going back to the event, our moms were such a huge help. Hannah honored teams. She was an amazing help. She did all the content. Like, "Organized so well" was just so on top of things. Addie, you did an amazing job planning and setting up-- - That was fun. - To think Sam, who was the trainer, she had an incredible work out. - Yeah. - And just kept the energy so high. And Amanda, who did the balloon, from cactus blossom balloon, she did such a good job. And I'm real for sending us jokes and real and irrelevant. - For sure. - I mean, they made the day. - Delicious. - Amanda said she got several inquiries after the event, which made her happy. - Yay! - Good. - She's so, so check out for you guys. - That was so blocked. - I'm going to the gym on Monday and the stuff was still there. - She was like, "Should we go in there?" - She just ran up to it and was like, "Bloons, my balloons!" Like, he recognized it for us. - Oh, really? - Yeah. - Our friend Randy, who works in the day care, her kids also went and started to pose next to it 'cause they're like, "They just know there's a backdrop." That's where they go first. - Smile over your jokes, you know. - Like, good, spread the word. (laughing) - Tell your friends. - Tell your friends. - Always do, yeah. (laughing) - That's awesome. - Now whenever anyone says, "I'm always here," I'm like, "Me too." - Are you saying that? Oh no. - Okay, they're just saying that. - I don't know it. (laughing) - Can I just say something that's been on my heart? - Yeah. - I feel a little weird about always homies. - You don't like it? Because I just feel like it feels a little masculine. I never say it 'cause I'm like, "What's up, homie?" It feels so just, you know, it's like funny. But I feel like really got you about that off your chest. - I never wanted to come up with you. - No Caleb like, listen, I can't take credit. I just brought it to the table. - Okay. - And everyone loved it. But then I'm like, it's always honey. Like, always honey's feels a little bit-- - Oh, it was good. - Like, if we're always honey is, there's a conflict of interest there. - My mom's honey and there's no other honey. - Shoot, so keep it homies. - Even when I call my kids honey, they're like, "I'm not honey." (laughing) - I was like, "Oh, Lori's gonna take too much credit "if we do it always honey." - Okay, we can keep it homies. - But I need to start saying it. - 'Cause I don't have another each name. - We could try, we could go back to the workshop with this. There's not like, there's only two. - We can workshop it. - Workshop it. - Leave it in the comments. - Okay. - I really feel like you just unburdened yourself. - I did, I honestly, you could just keep it. - You saw it on the Instagram and you were like, "No!" - I laid my head on the pillow and I'm like, "Oh, I want to get away with homies so bad, "but people love it." - Oh my god. - I was like, "My never say it because it just feels unnatural." - Oh my god. - These are the things that haunt me. - These are the things man, life is hard. - Life is just so hard. - Did you have a heart this week? - I did have a heart. Well, I should, I'll go to my heart and my hope. My heart is out there. - Okay, go ahead. - I had a different hope, sorry. - I guess I can make my hope and my heart the same thing. - No, don't do that. - Well, my heart was that I had some mom guilt yesterday. I kind of talked to you about this. I had some mom guilt last night, which is so funny that we just talked all about mom guilt and then I went and experienced like felt it. And it was all the things that we talked about, like, oh, these lies in my head. I don't hold my baby enough and, oh gosh. I've just been feeling a lot of distraction during the day, specifically yesterday. I just felt really distracted during the day. And then at night, I just felt so guilty about it. Like I was constantly like, you know, CJ wanted to play and my answer was always, sorry, but I got to finish this before I do that. And it's not just a worker. It was just all things, you know, house, work, getting up the door, schedule, cooking. Like it was just everything. And I just felt like very distracted. I felt a lot of guilt last night. So that was kind of hard. But my hope, and this is kind of it, or did you want to share your heart? That was okay, go ahead. My hope is that last week, I kind of shared that my heart was, I had some health things going on behind the scenes. And I had found a lump in my breast. I think it was like two Sundays ago. And I waited kind of a week and a half. You gave me some sunflower less of them. We just kind of assumed it was a clogged duct. But it wasn't going away when I was pumping and doing all those things. So I booked an appointment with my OB because I probably just seem to go get this checked out. It's not going away, it's not changing. And she was like, I want you to go get some imaging done. And I didn't really feel that nervous about it until I went in for the appointment. And then you know, you get there and you're kind of like, oh, this could be an appointment that kind of changes your life, you know, you start having those thoughts. And I'm really, really like fortunate and super blessed and grateful to say that it's nothing serious. The lump is still there. But did you know they don't really do mammograms anymore? They do like ultrasound imaging. Yeah, they still have mammograms, but I did ultrasound imaging. It was really easy, painless. But they didn't see it on the ultrasound, which I was confused about because you can feel it. And two of different people went and scanned it. And they're like, we just see breast tissue. So I don't know what it is. Maybe it is just like a hormonal cyst or something. But they said, I don't have to worry about it. And just to keep on eye on it. If you did a mammogram too, they probably wouldn't see it either then. Yeah, I don't think so, because I don't think the mammograms-- I could be wrong about this. But the ultrasound imaging is like better, apparently. And I showed him exactly where it was and they put the thing right on it. And I can feel the lump on the top, like, it's close to the skin. So it's not like they would have to go far to find it. And the other-- so I don't know. That was like good news. I felt very relieved after that appointment. Is this an inappropriate time to tell the story about my armpit? No, you should tell it. OK. Because this was the first time I had experienced anything like that. But I know that you had gone through something similar. Yes. When I was pregnant with my first, I had specifically my left armpit-- like, oh, it's funny to talk about. It's not funny. I know why it's funny. It's just so humbling. And so anyway, so this is-- let's just first start with the moral of the story. Right. If you are concerned about something-- you need to go get it. Go get it checked. Especially as a female, especially with, like, breasts. Anything with that-- just just get it taken care of. Obviously, this was easy for me, because I was already having routine OB appointments. And I was like, hey, you have any other concerns? I was like, well, my left armpit is kind of feeling like there's a lump kind of big. They were like, oh, let me just-- let me see. It's probably nothing. She feels it, and she's like, oh, oh, like, she-- Not the tone change. She wasn't like, this is serious, but she was like, I do want to refer you to somebody. This feels more than just like-- you know, you were pregnant. The armpits get puffy, like, everything. She's like, this feels more, especially because it's uneven. And so I go, and it was actually like a-- I had to go really far, like, to-- it was actually specifically like a cancer area of a hospital. and they put me in the office. this whole robe and I'm with other patients and I was about myself and that that was the kind of the moment too I was like oh wow like I hadn't I had just gone through the motions and I wasn't like I was going to worst case scenario or anything but I was like okay this is I'm glad we're doing this go in and this guy I'm not even kidding he was like the same age as me and he was a guy he's like okay he has ultrasound she you know probably like which one I'm like this third one over here and I the promise those gowns you gotta open the whole thing so it's just my left boob is out yeah right and my left armpit boob is out I was in a guy we called it the pity so inappropriate anyway so then I like him armpit out he's like doing the ultrasound and they're like he like leaves no word from him and I didn't really want to talk to him and I was like kind of like okay I'm gonna just let him leave so then I'm waiting a long time the doctor comes in and she's like okay she's like there's no need to be concerned do you know like cats like cats how they have nipples all up and down their body and I'm like you know what you're talking about and she's like okay so humans are just like that we have a memory glands all up our body but only two are exposed are nipples whoa um so milk I had so much milk this was when you were pregnant this is no baby had been born yeah there's no need for this much milk even with baby is born had traveled up to my top mammary gland which is in your armpit wow this little science lesson I don't have an exposed nipple there but some people do I know that has happened some people have sent me videos of this when they hear my story I'm like that sounds even worse in a way yeah she's an armpit there's nothing there no way for it to come out which is actually downside she's like so what seems to have happened is that that mammary gland got filled with milk as well well and nothing to be alarmed about a great news but also weird news so did you end up pumping or would you what how far away I was terrified of that yeah and so I just that was the griffin and just wet it out what do you know I just let I just dealt with it just lived with it and it kind of was uncomfortable and I got it with my second pregnancy and it just I didn't even bring it up to the doctor I was like I know what this is it's my mammary gland it's my pity no but it's fine my left side is way over there so that's a side that started leaking already but yeah of course to say you know we can't be embarrassed about these things it's our bodies it's it's being a woman but I think the more we share about these things don't talk about maybe less concern yeah so yeah I have also had an an ultrasound at a breast area yeah just a little bit it's totally crazy it is crazy my heart is that I just feel like because we keep randomly getting like some I think I have a side is infection again or something and I think that this is kind of putting my capacity at like just so diminished that it's also then now affecting my marriages sensor I'm just like I'm sorry I have no compartment for you right now like so then we're kind of just getting the roommate mode let's not like we're like at each other starts everything but I'm just like oh you're here yeah what do you need for me I got nothing right now and so like by the night time he's like do you want to like do something like watch a show like I don't know I kind of just feel like we have it connected around like I just really want to go to bed I just keep going to bed and I feel so lame I'm so tired it's fine which is so ironic because I'm feeling my hope just like literally last week I had so much energy but leave it to free insides infection you know what the illness will bring you down and I can't sleep that's the thing too right anyway that's what you do have just your body is just no big deal trying to heal it's like that's that's how that shows that marriage has to be so active too because it's like we hang out a lot but then it's like okay if you don't do the like the marriage element like you know caring about like connection and like any type of intimacy that is kind of like oh hi I know we share this house totally that's so fun I know so it's like it's quickly quickly just derailed a little bit but for sure we're gonna make that our priority for next week thank you to Seeky for sponsoring this portion of today's episode don't you guys love a good date night just getting out of the house especially as a mob you feel house trapped a lot of days for sure are we gonna get out of here we'll never make it a lot but that's why I'm a huge proponent of having fun plans on the calendar and we often use Seeky for those super fun plans we just use Seeky recently to go to Paw Patrol live with the kiddos oh I think I love that got amazing seats it was blast second year to row baby it's a tradition now if you don't know what Seeky is they have over 35 million downloads it's in number one rated ticketing app there are so many artists going on tour right now I'm Demi Lovato Ariana Grande Alex Warren and Noah Cajon many more plus the US is hosting the World Cup this year so whether it's for a concert upcoming comedy event they even have musical theater tickets on their kids shows sporting events or more Seeky's got everything definitely check them out my favorite thing about Seeky by the way is that they make it really easy for users they either have like a red light a yellow light or a green light based on like that seat on that specific evening at that specific event if it's a good deal or not oh yeah I'm like green light good I like it red bad it's just makes it so we love the visual components so certainly concert season is about to kick off you guys and to make it even better you can use code always here for 10% off your Seeky tickets that's 10% off tickets with promo code always here I feel like when you're sick and you're pregnant it's just like an extra oh I'm also being my pants that could also be my hard okay well just be ready for the public floor therapy comment yeah no savior pelvic floor therapy we believe in it and I got violated I told people this story wait can I actually talk about this please yeah I think my story you should bring awareness my story I believe in pelvic floor therapy just not for myself I'm not my symptoms have to be much worse than being myself for me to go back because I did go because I was referred by a friend that I really trust in love and she had a great experience so I was like what better referral can you get it it's at this person's house I didn't know that till I'm driving right once again who's gonna tell me these things I'm driving I'm like oh this is a residential area I get on this bed once again public floor therapy what are you thinking I'm thinking physical therapy right we're gonna do exercises I get on this bed is it there like the bed in the house it's like a massage bed in the other room of their house okay door shot her kids are home okay what was a woman the lights are dimed she's like undressed from the waist down I was like wait a minute I thought you just said she was undressed from the way she was like she was like I'm just laying there I'm like okay wait a minute what are we doing we're calculating what is public for there yeah I think it's good I signed up for this we should just know what it is and I already had booked multiple sessions really getting ahead of myself and she's like my hands on me and there was no exercises to be had at the end she was like you can do this stretch this thing yeah I was like I could Google that and then I just was like just like touching in there and like telling me things that I was like wasn't prepared for this wasn't prepared for this this wasn't my this wasn't what I wanted today and so then I canceled the rest of my sessions which is really hard for me to do because I just feel so bad and I literally was like I don't care this is just so bad I was like I don't care if you can't refund this I just won't be coming back she's like are you like she wanted feedback and then I was just kind of like he's just not for me yeah I ever since you told me that story because I think we just hear all the time like pelvic sore therapy pelvic sore therapy and it is a really good thing to go do and I know a lot of friends that need to do it and have amazing like you know I have so many friends I love it from it but I think I always warn them now I'm like hey you know what it is right they put your finger their fingers in there because no one tells you that and then you go and you're like wait I didn't realize this was like a whole full exam down there and I just don't think that's clear you think I thought physical therapy too I thought like yeah I just she was like one side is tighter than the other yeah I have to get in there and examine to see if you're too tired I need it I need it I need it like for therapy and it would probably be really bad just knowing in that I also got a recommendation and she did warn me she's just so you know she does it but she's like honestly it's great yeah that's I've my friends that I've done it that I go and mentally prepared or like yeah perfect yeah a little prep a proper would be there you don't know wait a minute it's it's normally at someone's house too I think there's a really small practice like I know people that have a practice within a gym like it's like a separate room in a gym so I feel like it can kind of be wherever I think I'm just gonna let that that happen after I'm not having kids yeah maybe I'll just pee my pants forever it's gonna happen anyway some point really oh ladies right here like either starts now or 40 years just kidding I'll take care of it anyway what's crazy happening wow that's crazy okay I want to documentary that I got really fired up about and I'm hearing that maybe I was a little overzealous on it's called the plastic detox on Netflix And let me give you a crazy stat to tie this into, wow, that's crazy. This is from tragedy B.T., not from the documentary. Adults may ingest up to 121,000 microplastic particles per year through food, air, and water. They've been found in everything from seafood to table salt and even in human tissues like the colon and placenta. So my dad, like, my dad is super cool, my dad. See about sad again real quick. The amount, how much? 121,000 microplastic particles per year, okay. Which, what is that? 121,000. I have no idea what that means. It could be just a big scary number and it means like the size of your penis, okay. So everything, when I, when I watch a documentary, I always take things with the grain of salt. But I personally felt like this was a, was a very interesting documentary because I feel like you hear the term microplastics a lot. It's like kind of a hot buzz word, but I never really knew what it was. I'm just like, okay, yeah, use a cutting board and the shading is getting my food and that's bad for me. Makes sense. I think I personally know 10 women under the age of 30 that I've been diagnosed with cancer within the last three years. And I know a lot of women that I've been diagnosed with different, like autoimmune diseases and all this different stuff. And I'm like, wow, this is really crazy. And in my head, I think it's probably hundreds of different things in our environment. But I'm like, okay, what are, what are just different things that I can learn about that could potentially be, maybe, be a factor of some of these issues. So this came up on Netflix and I thought it was a very interesting documentary. You want me to talk about it a little bit? Yeah. Okay. I didn't know if I was talking too much. I found the answer for you. It's about five to seven grams. Okay. That's a really good comparison because it's much better. It's much better. How did seven grams of plastic, like a credit card? Okay. It was five grams. Okay. That's not as much as I thought it would be, honestly. I mean, it's still a lot of plastic to consume, but okay. So the documentary itself is an experiment. So half of the documentary is the scientist. What's her name? Susan? Sharon. It means the Ness. What's the documentary? Shana. Shana. Good memory. Shana is a scientist and she has this question. She says, for people that have unexplained fertility, could a factor of this, oh, I'm sorry, unexplained infertility, could a factor that lead to this maybe in their environment? And so she thought we know that microplastics are a thing. If we do an experiment where couples together clean out their environment, get rid of harsh chemicals and microplastics in their environment, could it potentially benefit their fertility? And which I think in itself is just like a good scientific question. The whole documentary was not about that. The other half of the documentary was just talking about microplastics and different ways that it has affected many women throughout history. Recent history. Yeah. So I felt like the documentary was hopeful. I didn't think, I said the terms, it wasn't fear mongering and then that was, we could talk about it. Apparently it was. There were some things, but I feel like I always take things with a grain of salt. And I didn't feel like they were super blamey and I didn't feel like it was hopeless. Totally. I would get fat. Okay. That was cool. Check you going. I'll talk a little bit more about the results or you guys want to have any thoughts on that. I don't know how anything. Okay. The conclusion of the result is that 50% so three of the six couples they followed did end up getting pregnant during this and they tracked the men's sperm count during this, which I actually thought it was interesting. It was male fertility and not women fertility. The men's sperm count and yeah, they saw significant increases in male sperm count in the 90 days that they did this, which I thought was super hopeful. I'm like, okay, if we change small amounts of things in our home, we can have big improvements on our health. That's what I thought. It doesn't have to be perfect. Totally. She even said it's, you're not going to be perfect in eliminating all microplastics, but even just an improvement, they saw an improvement. Right. So that's kind of cool. I feel like it was, it's a very overwhelming thing and they did address it the fact of like avoiding plastic. Right. Now it's like, you can't. You literally, how it's impossible. Right. But like talking about changes you can make to that made a profound, it seemed to, I think the thing that really convinced me too is that the women and the men and the study, they're like markers. Now, I think they were checking mostly for thalates. Yeah. And BPS. They went down in parallel like together. So it wasn't like, it wasn't, it's a strong correlation. Right. They're doing this, they're living the same house, they're changing the same things. And so I feel like the only way to approach something like this, for me, I was like, okay. And they did say this, like implement one thing and then once that becomes a habit, implement one other thing. Right. And like slowly doing that. I'm like, okay, that feels doable. That feels doable. Right. Yeah. Um, over your thoughts. I remember some of my thoughts. Okay. Tell me. I think one of the other factors that affected it is they were doing these changes to eliminate the amount of microplastics, right, that they were consuming, which meant they weren't going out to eat. They were eating more whole foods, things that weren't stored in those containers. Yeah. That's true. That is a big change in their physical health, that they're, what they're consuming as in like food. Totally. Like you can't control just plastic, right? You can control just the plastics and so that's where we were a little more hesitant of the like, I'm plastic, you are eating plastic. Yeah, it is. That's what's happening. It's not, you're not, I'm not saying it's not happening, but I think there were all, it's really hard to control that type of an experiment. I think it was also really short. They did say the men's sperm count, it, or they, they were, there's 70 days in the study was only 90 days. Yeah. So who knows if you did it for a full year, maybe every year, they just, every month they jump a little bit or you know, or it goes back down because it did go down if they would have ended the study. That's 30 days. That's 30 day market. Or the midpoint. Yep. It went down. Yeah. So I feel like there were a lot of things that it, I would love to see a longer study about it, but it didn't, I also land the fact that if you're struggling with infertility, do whatever you want to try and get pregnant, absolutely. I think it is a joy to have kids and to be pregnant and I have no problem with them doing that. Yeah. I think it is easy to kind of like place personal blame, which is, yeah, it's not really like the one. There's not like any one factor. Usually that's causing these like bigger things. And I do think that they like, obviously any documentary like that's their focus is focusing on one thing. Right. You're like you said, you're putting a lot of things on one, but it was really interesting. And I think the part that I was mostly interested in was the environmental impact, or they didn't talk about it a ton. Yeah. It was shocking for me to be like, I think they said that 5% of the plastics that we recycle actually get recycled. And then they also made the point of like recycle plastic is still plastic. So they're like, okay, great. That's still also something that we're like now like more weary about reusing anyway as the material. And yeah. And then you're like, oh my gosh, this is such a big change because they made the point of like, unless like companies, they have to care about their bottom line. Unless it's made mandatory like by our FDA, then they're not going to, they're not going to be held to that responsibility. They're not going to change just because of, right, the human health, which actually is the reality. Yeah. I actually appreciate, I feel like it didn't blame like, I think it's, obviously there are a lot of issues with like big corporations and some of the things that they make choices on like, you know, something's wrong and they still do it because of a bottom line, but I, I understand sometimes like the business side of things and then the human ethical side of things too. I feel like it's hard to always toe those lines perfectly. I appreciate that. I didn't feel like it was super blamey where it's like, I thought this was very interesting and that the chemists that are making these products, they said, they're like, hey, we're just doing our job as a chemist, we're creating things in the lab, but we're not taught how to look at the long term effects of what we're creating. So sometimes they're creating something they're like, this is amazing, but they don't know the long term effects of it before it gets put into use. And so there's like this ethical question of that when it comes like chemists, but I just thought that was really like interesting, you know, I don't know. I just haven't ever thought of that before. Yeah. And I was like, well, it's something that maybe they could change in the future, you know? Yeah. I feel like we have slowly done this as a household like slowly made like changes as far as like my makeup and skincare are kitchen, like food storage and utensils, like I'm like, okay, and I'm now more inclined to like look at my cutting boards, look at my like utensils and think about heating things and any kind of plastic container I think about Matt's frozen piece, man. I know I started doing them in glass bowls after a girl message me was like, gruddle, don't microwave your veggies in the bag. Got that a lot. Yeah. So I'm like, I'm more inclined to make these small choices, but yeah, it is, that is a big thing to think about. Yeah. Yeah. It's just like when they eliminated straws, like plastic straws, you think about it, like there was that one thing that like we all latched on to to get rid of plastic straws and it is helped with marine litter, but like in the global plastic community, it's really small. It's a small type of a tat, you know? But we did the same. We had class Tupperware now and think about the cutting boards a lot, the bigger things that you think about. Yeah. I get hot, especially. I'm like, that's what I'll focus on. Yeah. I get, this is where I get sometimes stressed out as a consumer, not stressed out, but I think there's like this little, little white flag that I'm just like, hey, anything that I do, like every switch I make or change I make, I feel like 10 years. So now we're going to find out. Oh, that's not actually good. You know, like they were even saying there's plastic lining in aluminum cans So you're like, oh, I'm not going to get the plastic bottle. I'll get the aluminum cans So I don't don't drink out of plastic But then it's like your cans are lined with plastic anything that could just move the needle a little bit I know it's all I just sometimes I'm like, okay, we can try to make I think it's just like having the open hands Like I'm willing to make changes, but then also not putting so much stress or pressure on yourself to be like We have to be perfect or make these things because Honestly, we do just live in like a broken world and every supply chain like you can I got to show I'm gonna go down to get lost me. Don't touch receipts. I was like I know that one I'm like that's I'm gonna touch them I feel like please throw it away They have a high motivator if they think that this is going to bring them a child when they're part of an experiment Like they're trying to be as diligent as possible The other thing too, I'm like, I feel like it'd be very very very difficult and overwhelming to not have I mean more Tatable but still very difficult to not have plastics in your clothing, but Also to have them not delivered in any plastic Right. Yeah, that's what I'm gonna talk about This is a little crazy. Okay, when I worked in fashion the supply chains are insane and I remember you know It's probably plastic a million different times a million different times and even if you as a brand is like hey We're gonna be really ethical sourcing of our fabrics and of our you know We're only gonna work at factories that are really good to their employees Well that one factory that your garments are so then might be doing those things But then you have the the factory that your Zippers and your buttons and your fastenings are made in you have where the fabrics are created how the fibers are created Everything that's shipping in between like if all these supply chains of every single product created are so crazy And I think it's good that companies are trying to control what they can But I think it's like it's a rabbit hole. I can't even I know I'm like that's where I'm almost just like we just got to do what we personally can do and not try to like You know, I mean you'll drive your starts gonna be broken this in every area. You're gonna drive yourself crazy. Yes, yes So I thought it was interesting to learn about yes, I thought it was interesting to watch I think it's something I'm like okay, I'll pay attention a little bit to this I'm my hope is not in it, but I think it's like good to know if you're gonna watch it watch past the first 20 minutes What is I don't know how I got past it I know I don't think the first 20 minutes were any Specifically, I was like this is the podunkey like not a good documentary. Yes, but then you get through all the Joe Rogan I was just like this is not gonna be this is not gonna be an unbiased or like good documentary Oh, yeah, well, I was trying to listen to it in the car when I was driving the kids and he was like this generation has smaller balls and Peduses, and then I was like I know that you did it when you listen to it. You need to watch it. I couldn't there's she has this baby That was hilarious. It's a doll She's in a coffee shop with this baby I was crazy Blake got kept getting caught on some of the like thing videos. They're using our clearly AI Like just of like people working in a factory or different things and Blake was just like go back It's a documentary at this point Everything has to be taken with a grain of salt like even some of the studies they talk about in that documentary I'm like what are these peer reviewed? How are these studies? What was the sample size like every study that's mentioned in anything ever? You have to be like they could have stand. Okay. Is that a really an opinion to narrow their focus a bit more? Yeah My biggest thing was contribute versus cause like correlation versus causation. Yeah, and so it's like that same thing. It's like I don't know like could it contribute? Maybe did it cause this maybe we don't know. I know that Griffith. No, you tune in first The penis talking his involves I just want to say this but Blake was like that one guy came on screen that was like talking in the in Congress or whatever And Blake's like he's a fraud It would show me all these clips about like that's guys not a reputable. Oh, I don't know what you guys that is Then they had it in there and Blake's like I always do the whole thing out. Yeah, I always worry about that when I talk about stuff Like this. I'm like I'm sure there was a carrot. Oh my god. How do you know controversial? Anyway, I'm a little crunchy, but that's it. It's okay. You're not crunchy. I feel like you're a little Like my dad doesn't take any medication. He's like it's good. You should take medication But I won't and that's how I am too. I'm like you should take ibuprofen, but I'm not going to Not because I think I think of it. I'm just like. Oh, I just don't need it I don't think it's gonna cause any harm, but at the same time. I just don't want to take it Mm-hmm. Isn't that goofy? Well, that's not exactly what I was referring to either I just feel like you get a little worried about health stuff. I do. I get it from my dad He's a big hypercracker, but hey, it's good. I mean it makes me take my health by a little bit more seriously Come on, ladies get it together Did you want to talk about Biber-Chel-Aug? Because now we're really young. No, but can I just say that my heart was broken into a million pieces That I wasn't there and I've never wanted to go to Coachella ever once in my life until this weekend Quick question. Do they actually call it Biber-Chel-Aug. Okay, because Haley and Justin are a little power couple this Biber at this Biber-Chel-Aug. Oh, yeah She had a whole lot. She had a whole like installation and then he was there and gosh what a dream. Did you see her post afterwards? Of all the like she was she went to all the um not dress or her soul. Oh Like his distinct. Yeah, his like Mike checks. Yeah, and You he's scrolling on YouTube in his set. It's all pretty planned Yeah, so you can see he's practicing in it. Yeah, so I thought that was kind of cool. Yeah, I did too like it was really his vision Yeah, he planned it all out. Yeah, he was like he was being lazy. No totally. I thought it was really cool because he was discovered on YouTube And so did you know what his Coachella set was? I matched with me. He did something about YouTube Yeah, he literally sat on stage behind a laptop and had it casted on the screen behind him It was like pulling up his old videos and would just pull some of his clips from his past songs and sing to him And he was telling me it was because or not someone was telling me probably tick tock No, he doesn't so it's so not to have to pay those people he was streaming it on YouTube Oh, it's really doing karaoke to it. Smart honestly. I know that might not be real Yeah, there's a whole conspiracy theory behind that. Yeah, I don't know if it's true, but there is one But he did sell it a couple years ago. Feel so out of it. I know. I really keep up my b-read is Sorry, ladies. No, I loved it. I was watching all the clips afterwards. I thought it was so cool, and seeing you all the old time Yeah, I know it was amazing. I wish I'd stayed up and watched it live on YouTube. I didn't know that was a thing So yeah, I was a little sad about that. I tried finding it for a good long while copyrighted and no one had a copyrighted Which seems I'm like incredible fee this day that happened. I know I was really trying to pirate it It's the only doing one weekend no - so he's doing this weekend, too. I think so. Okay, cool Honestly, I was worse than me than going to coach. I know, but I wanted to go to this one Like camping and concerts. No, no, you don't have to carry the influencers on camping Please Abby, you can't you be singing a brand channel. Please Coachella has never called First of all, what the heck when I wear the way they get the Abby Howard's makes up and they invite me instead What did you wear that's a good question not much Thank you to cozy earth for sponsoring this portion of today's episode you know mother's day is coming up. Oh, yeah Can I tell you something that you need to put on your list the cozy earth robe the lux robe and their slippers I have been living in my robe and slippers. It's soft. It's luxurious. 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Today we were talking about red flags If you didn't catch that drift So we're talking about dating red flags mostly we'll also be a little What's the word? We'll be self-aware self-aware our own personal red flags. Yeah, our husbands just had to get over Yeah, and also some about friendships too because we know we have people in all stages of life and also they're always you always want our friends Yeah, we do we want friends and we want friends that are big question marks Big question red flags. We also we pulled you guys on our Instagram if you don't follow us there It's always here podcast Instagram. We were just curious about your personal red flags because I feel You're like, whatever, right here. Sometimes I just need somebody to spark me and then I'm like, oh, that's so true. And so you guys come up with some really good ones. - Yeah. - Have you guys seen that game where it's like, he's a 10, but that's what we're doing. - Yep, okay. I mean, he's a 10, but he has more than one ex-wife. - That's a red flag. - That's a red flag. - Are you just gonna read him? - He's a five. - I think that's a big yellow flag. - Yeah, that's actually a red flag, probably. - Okay, so four. - More than one? - Yeah, you're right. Like, you can have one crazy thing happen. - That's true. - How big for two? - Two is a pattern. - Okay, you're right. - There's a common thread there. - He's immediately a three. Okay, I will just promise it's by everyone saying, I am an optimist and I give people the benefits of the doubt. Okay. - He's a 10. - I mean, you would never date someone that had two ex-wives. - You didn't want me. - You're right, I wouldn't. Okay. - He's alive. - Five. - He's a guy. - He sounds like a keeper. - Okay, he's a 10, but he speaks disrespectfully to his family. - Yeah, it's a two. - No, no, no. - He's a 10, but it's unclear what he wants. - Yes. - That's a six. - Clear, clear, there's kindness. - Clear it is kindness. - There you go. - We don't like mean guys. - We don't like that. - No, I always say that that was like, one of my favorite things about Matt. Even in high school, he was like, I want to take you on a date. I was like, thanks for calling this a date because I feel like I was spiraling sometimes, I remember. Obviously I can't speak for like a long dating experience, but like if guys were like, let's hang or like, would text me, hey, all the time. I'm like, oh, just so curious. Like, what this means. Like, and so I feel like that's very kind. - I was really impressed with my little sister went on a date recently and he said, hey, I'm gonna pay for this date. So, you know, don't worry about that at the end. Before hand, I was like, oh, I merely like him. That's so clear. He didn't leave any room for confusion or awkwardness at the end. Like, he was like, I'm gonna pay for the date. Okay, he's a 10, but he has no work ethic. - Mm, that's a bad one, that's one of my two. - That's, yeah, it's a red flag. - He's a 10, but has dirty nails. - You know what? I think he could still be a 10 because my husband has very dirty nails from work. (laughing) He could still be a 10. - He's a 10, but he cries more than I do. - I think that's, I think that's fine. - Just be kidding on what type of person you are. - You know, he's a 10, my dad cries more than my mom. - Same with her in laws. - Yeah, sensitive sweet sweet soul. - If I were to date someone that cried more than I did, maybe we were, yeah, going on a lesser. - I guess you're, I don't, we don't cry. - I'm just gonna cry ever. (laughing) - To be a little somewhere to do. - You can't have two of all these. - That's right, that's right. - He's a 10, but he won't let you meet his family. - I would just have questions. - I mean, it's always, but if you're a family, he's like, you can't always base on their family. - Well, I was thinking more so like he doesn't like you. - Oh, I know you can get that. - So, I think you have a lot of questions there. Got a lot of questions. - He's a 10, but is scared of his mom. - Relatable, but yeah, maybe he needs to man up a little bit. (laughing) - Failure. (laughing) - He's a 10, but talks trashed about his exes. - Bad, wrong. - I'm gonna talk about your exes at all. It's just kinda like, yeah, I think it's okay to ask questions like why didn't it work, but then if they're like, because she was crazy, if a man says your exes crazy, then he's crazy. - Really easy, crazy. - You're the problem, I'm sorry. - He's a problem, I'm sorry. - He's a 10, but doesn't wash his hands before cooking a meal at someone else's house. Piper, I feel like this is personal. (laughing) - Very specific, Piper. (laughing) - He's a 10, but he only has friends that are girls. - Yeah, I don't know if I love that. - He, you know what I mean? - Sorry, I got lost. (laughing) - Okay, what were you reading? - I mean, Matt had a lot of friends that were girls, so I don't really know if that's a red flag for me. - Maybe yellow. - Yellow? - Yellow, let's, yeah. He's a 10, but plays video games. - I don't know, I think there's a lot of degrees of variety there. - Yeah. - Video games all day? - I don't know about that one. - Ooh, that's double in the video game. - If he chooses to play video games when he's around you? - Out. - No, no, no, no. - He's like with your guy friends, or when I'm not there. - Or if he need downtime alone time, but if it's like all day and he's being lazy, we don't like lazyness. - He's a 10, but he's emotionally immature, but I don't think he's a 10. - Yeah. - No. - He's a 10, but none of your friends are family like him. - Run. - Yeah, let's, let's consider that. - He's a 10, but he is mean to his mom. I mean, just get out. Get out like, yeah. - As a mom of three boys soon to be. - By the way, I'm having a boy. If you happen to, this will be out, right? - Cool. - Another anecdote. - Oh my gosh. (laughs) - I was like, yes. - All right. - Hey! - I feel bad. I feel like I'm gonna be unintentionally misled our audience. - Why? - Because you get the gender reveals video? - The old wives thing. - Yeah, it's a girl. - It's the same thing about girls, but also I had the same pregnancy symptoms for all four of my pregnancies, one of which was a girl, same symptoms. So I don't believe in old wives' tales. - Listen, I believe them. - You do. - Just kidding. - Well, congratulations. - Thank you. - Thank you. - I'm gonna be really defensive of the boys, or the boys that are mean to their moms. - Yeah, we're gonna, we're gonna expect that out. - Do you think the thing of being like, how your, is there any correlation to how your husband like treats their mom or like how your boyfriend treats your mom is how they treat you? - I think that's true. - You think? I'm like Blake messes with his mom, but then he also messes with me, so. - So there you go. - What do you think? - No. - He's way different with you. - Yeah. - Matt treats his mom well. - Yeah, but he doesn't treat me the same as his mom. - I mean, not in a romantic way. - Like in a respectable manner. - No, even just the way that he, isn't. - Interactes completely different. - You think? I think Matt's really respectful to his mom. - I don't tell him I respect that. - I think he's very respectful. - I think this has to do with it. - What are we talking about? That's what I think it respects. - I think she's talking. - Well, I think you were talking about like, - I like how he respects his mom. - Well, no, they don't get like, they're like, Caleb and Matt aren't mean to their parents. They're like impatient or snippy or like, short with them. - Oh, yeah. I think those are the things that you'd be looking for. How do they treat their mom? Like, are they annoyed by their mom? Does their mom, is, yeah, are they just impatient with her? - Yeah. - Because it's a person that they've lived with the longest and has like, like, I think not to make a parallel to your mother and marriage, but it's the same thing. Like, you're gonna be taking care of each other and marriage and the mom took care of you. And so if they're mean to your mom, their mom totally. - You know what I mean? - That's what I think it is. - So I didn't take it the same way. - Got it. - Got confused. - I would hope she, we want to treat you exactly the same. - Yeah, that would be a little weird. - That would be a little weird. - So many questions. - Sorry. - Sorry. - He's a 10, but it says, if we ever break up, it's gonna be you breaking up with me because I'll never break up with you. I actually, I think that's really comforting. - Why is that a one-five? - Why? - Maybe like a long bombing? - Like a- - Oh. - Obsessive? I don't think, that doesn't feel like too much. - No, I would say he's committed. - He's a 10, but he told me he was soul-tied to four women when we first started dating. (laughing) - That's zero? - You gotta run. - I'm sorry, but anyone who uses the term soul-tied to get her run, what does that mean? I don't know how I'm a reacted person. I think I go, "Huh?" (laughing) I feel like that's beautiful. - Bye. (laughing) - Oh, I love that for you, out. - He's a 10, but is always on his phone. - Yeah, it's hard one. - He's a 10, but was still in high school at 21. - Oh, oh, you know what, that's sad. - I don't think we should laugh at that one. I think maybe he needed help. - He needs, that's three extra years of high school. - I've never known that. - You need more information. - I need to have more information on that one. - He's a friend react, I don't know. I think I'd be like, I don't know. (laughing) - He's a 10, but has felony charges. - There's plenty of pictures. - Oh. (laughing) - What do you have in this thing? - You're picking someone to spend the rest of your life. - Oh, it is true on his life chain. (laughing) - But you can get a felony from like speeding, right? That's one of my bad flags. - Speeding? (laughing) - Speeding or a felony? - I was driving. (laughing) - Oh, there's forgiveness. (laughing) - I'm okay, can I say something truly honest though? - Yeah. - I do feel like, is he a crazy woman? - You guys, this is actually, I'm taking it. I know I just whisper about five minute. - I'm making it serious. - I'm saying it serious for a lot. I do think a lot of what you're willing to put up with in a romantic relationship reveals how you view yourself. - It's true. - And so that's where I'm coming from, kind of in this, Abby has winged eyeliner now. (laughing) - Oh. - So that's why I take it kind of seriously though, because I'm like, - Yeah. - You do better. - Look, here I am. Like I feel like, I view myself highly. - Right. - And I think people should view themselves highly and also be someone worthy of being viewed highly. I'm not just saying, have your ego through the roof. - No. - I mean, yeah, you can have high standards. - Yeah, and I'm not saying you can't be friends with these people or think they're great, but you're deciding to commit your life with these people. - Right. - Like, this is not light. - Right. - So sorry if I seem judgemental. - No. - But I do think girls are just also now, actually more inclined to just lower their standards. - Lower their standards, yeah. - And it's like, let's keep 'em high. - I've, Pastor Wood said, and I love this, it was don't shorten your standards, but lengthen your patients. Yeah, and I think that's really good. Don't say it's like that. - Don't, don't lower your standards, but lengthen your patients. Don't, like, compromise your standards, just because you want to feel loved, we're like desire- - Oh, yes, yes. - Lengthen your patients. - Yeah. - Yeah, check a little bit of loading. - Exactly. - Sometimes they're just so profound. (laughing) - Okay, yeah. - We, there's a lot of them. - We disagree on that. (laughing) - No, you're right. I guess in my head, I'm like, felony charges in the past. You know, people change, maybe. Current felony charges too soon. (laughing) Do they go away? - Listen, I think I'm just in the church. So, I'm like, you know, they could have some really good life change, but maybe heavily consider not. - Let's just look at, let's just say no. Okay. (laughing) He's a 10, but you never know what he's thinking. - No clarity is kindness. He's a 10, but he's a picky eater. Honestly, that one does kind of get me. - Sure. - It's one of those ones that's like, it's not actually, this isn't tied anything deeper, but I don't like it. (laughing) - He's a 10, but he has a foot fetish. - Sorry. - Can't get on. - Hopefully you don't live in a warm climate. - There's a speed everywhere around here. - Or follow our podcast. (laughing) - Oh, he's a 10, but doesn't have any social media. - That's a plus. - That's great. - That's great. - That's a great. He's a 10, but he calls my dog ugly. I mean, maybe your dog is ugly. - Yeah, that kinda, I'm sorry. - I'm sorry. - I'm totally true. (laughing) - Doesn't mean there's a lover dog, but could just be ugly. - Could just be ugly. (laughing) - He's a 10, but where's women's sandals? - I would question that one. (laughing) - Why? - He's a 10, but shuts down one upset. I mean, same. (laughing) Same, it's okay. (laughing) That's not true for me. He's a 10, but he uses chat, G-B-T. (laughing) You know what we feel about that. - I think he's a 10, but he wears jeans to bed. Ah, I don't even know what to think about that. I think he's a psychopath. That's wild. That's just lately wrong. - That's better for a nap. A nap is different than a bed. - No, I wear jeans. - I wouldn't even nap. - You fall asleep in your jeans? - No, like if I were, like something to church on Sunday, like wore jeans and then come home and take a nap. - Why, take your body, take 'em off. - I just don't, I just, Blake gets mad at me. He's like, take them off, I'm like, no. 'Cause I don't wanna put them back on. - Would you just put on more comfortable pants? - I'm just saying, comfortable jeans. - Sure. - I've never heard of such a thing. - Sorry. - I'd really like to get in bed with any clothes that have been outside. - Well, he's a city. (laughing) - There are those people outside clothes, inside clothes. - When I was eating in the first house, I was eating crackers in bed and he was like, really put off by it. - I was like, I'm gonna throw up if I don't. And he's like, there's just gonna get crumbs in here. (laughing) - I get that. - Like kinda like that too. - The crumbs are comfy. Last one, he's a 10, but he has a Velcro wallet. I mean, it's pretty practical. - It's just practical. What about has a duct tape wallet? (laughing) - People would sell that to me. - They'd tell me so. - I purchased one, at least. I thought they were the clothes they'd ever. - You remember a duct tape, baby? No, that is neat. - That is neat. (laughing) - Oh, it's a green flag. - Thank you to Flamingo for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. - You know what I hear all the time? This concept of an everything shower. - Right. - And I'm here to promote an everything bath. - Oh, one of it. - It's so much better. - Oh, really? - I only shower for utility. - Right. - But I bathed for just a whole self-care ritual. - It's an experience. - And I personally enjoy having really freshly soft shave legs, but shaving. That's always felt more like a chore than self-care. But why? Because women's razors are cheap and flimsy. You take your skin, they can leave redness or burns from shaving. It can be a whole nightmare. That doesn't feel like self-care. - The women who helped build herries found themselves rolling their eyes when other companies were just shrinking men's razors and making them pink. - You don't need them shrunk. - So they decided to shake things up. Flamingo has no pink tax pricing, no flimsy design and no irritation. Flamingo was born to give women shaving solutions made with their bodies in mind. - Their star set is great. It has everything you could need, whether it's time for an everything shower, or everything bath. - Or even if you just need to shape up your brow line, they've got a razor for you. - For a limited time, our listeners can get the Flamingo Starter set for only $7 at shopflamingo.com/abbey. This set includes the Flamingo original razor, one five-blade cartridge, a one ounce foaming shave gel, and a shower holder. - Just head to shopflamingo.com/abbeyabyby to claim this offer and after your purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Please, please, please support our show and tell them that we sent you. - Okay, let's just be honest with you. These are our red flags that our husband's just put up with on the daily, totally. I asked Matt and he thought he was being trapped. He's like, "I'm not gonna answer this." - Like, "Sorry, I can't think of it." - I'm like, "No, Matt, it's just for fun." Just tell me and he's like, "No." He wasn't even giving me any feedback. - Really? - Finally squeezed two out of him. I was like, "These were good." - What are they? - And they're true. Hanger. She's a 10, but she's a hanger. - You get hangry, hang get hangry. - Oh, sure, sure, sure. - Yeah, I'm like, she's a 10. I always tell him, I'm like, "My blood sugar." - Okay, I'm gonna be so, I'm gonna tell you something funny. When we visited you guys in Hawaii and we stayed with you, you would be like, "Matt, I'm hungry." And he would pull over so fast at such inconvenient times to get you food. And I'm like, "What is going on?" - That's scary that that stood out to me. - That makes it, 'cause I was like, "We're like going some," you know, like, it was a little inconvenient. But if you said you were hungry, he would do anything to the end or to get you food. And maybe that's what he's like. He's like, "I'm afraid of her when she's hungry." (laughing) - Like, "Matt, I need to eat right now." - Okay, you know what, I think I've learned, 'cause now I'm packed snacks, everything. - So maybe now Matt doesn't have to detour. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was like a phase, I feel like. Ooh, so funny. - That's scary that that stood out to you. - I just remember, I was like, "Wow, it's just like such a weird time to go get." Okay, we're going to pause. - We're going to pull over. - Everybody change your plans, Abby's hungry. - Yeah, it was kind of like that. Everybody pause, Diva. - I mean, it was funny. I mean, we all got food, so it worked out, but just goofy. - Okay, my first three meals a day. - This one, Caleb always brings up. And I'm like, this is so dumb, 'cause this is not a big deal at all, but he thinks it's very odd. When I brush my teeth, I take my toothbrush and I wipe it dry on a hand towel. And it really freaks him out. You think that's weird? You put that thing in your mouth. - Yeah. - Do you dry the bristles? - Who won't use this hand towel? - Actually, I use my body towel, my shower towel. - Abigail, I take it, I just kind of get the wetness off. And then I pull apart my electric toothbrush and I just set it on the thing. And it's dry. And Caleb says that's my serial killer trait. - That's not good. - That is a serial killer trait. - I just like it to be dry. Are you gonna search toothbrushes now that you listen to the plastic detox? - Oh, no. - What's the other option? - Horse mane. - Now I will be scoping my teeth with plastic bristles. - Oh, anyway. And I will be trying it off on my towel. That was so neat. - I hate that so much. - That would be sad when it's gone. - You're breaking, you're gonna pass out. - No, it's so bad. - Okay, this is another one that Matt gave me. Related to getting moody. Moody when tired or don't get to go to the gym. - Oh, that's just real life. - I'm sorry, God. - I get moody too. - I was like, Matt, you're giving me such a general one. He's like, I am not giving you anymore. (laughing) - I was like, try to start a fight. - Oh, I mean, gosh. - Apparently I'm compatible. - This is another one. Well, kill didn't give me this one but I know he would say, I fold my laundry inside out. I don't care. - That's crazy. - I'm putting my teeth, if you want your laundry folded the right way out, make it the right way out when you put in the basket. You're telling me I have to wash. - You put them on hangers and say out? - I do everything. Yeah, if it's inside out, it's staying inside out. And you can change it when you put it on. - See, maybe the reason is selfish. I think that's what I'm saying is. - You're more type B than your husband. - Yes. - But Matt is more type B than me. - Mm-hmm. - So, that's a scary. - Oh, it was scary. - It was scary. (laughing) - Yeah, but just Jordy's terrified. He's like, what? - Sure. - Is that? - No, here's my advice for someone that's living with someone that's more type B than them. - Yeah. - Section off the area is that you're just not gonna. - They're gonna bother you. - No, that you're just like, that's not my territory. - Oh. - And so, that's our couch in our office, not my territory, and look what happened to it. That's Matt's half of the closet, not my territory. Matt's half of the bathroom, yeah, not my territory. - Not my territory. - And so, but the lower level is my territory, and that's where I'm like. - But couch, how did that happen? - I don't, I haven't seen it. Can I make a tip? - Go a little trip. - Please, can I make a field trip? - Did he clear off the counter? - Yep. - Okay, that was it. - Listen, as a type B person. - He moved the whole mess. - As a type B person that keeps a very tidy house, I need like a couple spaces that are just chaos. Like I need a couple spaces where I can just be free to be me. - I think I can get it. - I can get it. - It wasn't that bad, and then it just somehow he moved everything else that was in the space. - It just keeps growing. - It's not fungus. - Don't over my drawers and don't grow in my nightstand. - Oh, my nightstand is bad. - Yeah. But you just need a space. - Like also won't tell me what my rent is. flags are, and he also just said, "Are you recording?" (laughing) My mom said, "I commit to too much." I was like, "Well, I don't ever like, I feel like I fall through to the detriment of my health." - Next time I'm a little curious what she's gonna say. - My red flag, okay, I was a pig eater. - Oh, yeah. - You're not, you're not taking any more. - I mean, you're not taking any more. Or is that it, here's the thing. Is it a red flag that, like, and Appy, or Ann Laurie, are all very sensitive to noises? - So is Abigail. - So am I. - Oh, you. - Yeah, I am as well. - I think that's a red flag on you guys. - No, it's called misophonia. And everyone should be-- - I literally tell Matt. I'm like, "You need me to show you." - I'm like, "You need me to show you." - I'm like, "You need me to show you." I'm like, "You need me to show you." I'm like, "You need me to show you." - Look, I killed him, I'm like, "You're doing it." - One time for a New Year's resolution, I gave up telling Matt about his chewing, and it didn't last a night, but I didn't get a couple months in. - Oh, that's actually really impressive. - So much self-control. - That is. - But then it just came flooding back. - Yeah, it happened so fast, and with a boiling rate. - Okay, actually right now, I'm marking it. I'm not going to comment on Matt's eating and see how long I can go. - You want me to comment on it when he's doing it? - Oh, yeah. - Okay. - Oh, my last one is a type ship, I think. - Yeah, I got a type ship. - I've been good to him, but I just give him a look, Matt. - You do, you told our mother-in-law one time, and I was like, "That's good." - Well, sorry, I just, like, I can't do nothing. - I remember both times, I was like, "I'm so surprised." - It's like, I was gonna combust. - Boy, he won't do it to other people, but he'll tell me, he's like. - One time, I almost, I failed the test in college one time, because the person behind me was chewing gum. - Oh. - And I couldn't, like, read my questions on my test. - It could read. - And my girl, my roommate was like, "Maybe you should get extra time, 'cause you have a problem." - You get an IEP for me, so I'll phone you, I'll let you do it. - Oh, my gosh, yeah. - Come on, ride it up. - Yeah, my last red flag is that I do the silent treatment. - Oh. - But I came, I had a really good self-awareness, and why? - So. - Well, okay, this is my toxic phrase, I think it would be an improvement if I did the silent treatment. - We need to meet in the middle. - I'm where I'm like, "Let me tell you something!" - I'm like, "I'm not talking a word until you're ready to talk about what I'm mad about." You won't get a happy, go lucky term out of me until we've resolved this. - I don't want to work on that. - I'm gonna try to instate some silent treatment. - Yes. - Okay. Okay. Okay, well, let's talk about the friendship. - Yes. - Yes, we're gonna be a little more serious now, because I think it's funny that we're talking about dating, red flags, stuff, but, you know, we feel like, we feel a lot that you feel like we're your big sisters. And, you know, I think we had experience under our belts of ways that we can, maybe some wisdom that we can apart on people when, you know, they just have questions about friendship and marriage and dating. - Sometimes I feel like I've had such good friends, like, throughout my whole life, and I have not a good basis on, like, how that happened. Like, I just feel like I just got so blessed. Um, one thing that I have noticed, like, I'm like, if I have, like, I've never, I don't think I've ever had, like, a friend break up, which I'm very grateful for. But if I have, like, distance myself from people or if things have just kind of, like, you know, the- - Yeah, fizzled out. - Fizzled out. Uh, a common one is, um, how they talk about other people. - Yeah. - So, like, if you're, especially, yeah. These could mean a lot of different things, but it's, or so in the area of, like, I don't know, if you're willing to talk about other people behind your back, then it's pretty clear that they're willing to talk about you behind your back. And so that just automatically opens so many questions in my mind about trust, how you're viewing. It also automatically makes me self-conscious because I'm like, oh, if you're having these judgmental thoughts about somebody else, like, how are you perceiving me? And I don't like to- if any friendship makes you feel insecure, that's a red flag as well. - Yeah. I also have that one on the list. I- to add on to that. Someone who, like, constantly dogs on their husband or their kids. - Mmm. - Cause I think just kind of going into that. It's like, you just want to be around people that have respect for people in their life. Cause if they're talking about people that are close to them about that, I'm sure. Yeah, they're talking about you the same way. - And they're also talking to their husband and kids potentially about you, like, it's just kind of, like, opening this whole- - Yeah. And I don't want to be, like, I also don't want to be tempted to speak poorly about my husband or my kids. And I think naturally when that's just part of the conversation, it can just naturally flow that way. And so I think it's more so- sometimes it's a boundary of myself, like, I just don't want to engage in that type of conversation for my own heart sake. And so I'm not going to be around people that are super negative like that. - Mmm-hmm. - That's a good one. We were actually just talking to some of this morning who said that she was told, I was told this too, like, it's not gossiping if it's true. - Mmm. - Where'd you see that one? - If someone's ever told you that and you believed that- - It's gossip only a lie. - It's just a lie. That one. - That's not. - Yeah, you only did gossip gossip a lot. - It's not actually how it works. - But, right. That's good. - What's another one you have? - I think it's a red flag if your friend is really competitive with you. That one's going to say that one. - Yeah, I just think your friendships, at least in this phase of my life, and I even think back into high school and college, I'm like, you want to be around people that are building you up and you are able to build them up too. It's not just the one way street. And if it's actually competitive with each other and it's rivalry and jealousy and bitterness and kind of caddy, I just don't understand that's just not a good, you don't have the right personality types to be together. And that's okay, that your palette personalities don't match and maybe you just, I make a lead go several ways as friends. - That has always been something that I always kind of attributed to me not being a competitive person. Like I don't define myself as competitive. Maybe other people think differently. I don't think I'm competitive. - I'm competitive about certain things, but not. - When people were competitive with me about even things that were like harmless though. I was like, I just didn't like it that much. And so it's just a personal preference thing, but also I think that it also makes sense in the sense of like I want someone I can like walk hand in hand in life with, not someone that's like, you know, we're going, I want to walk in the same direction, like I don't want to go against each other. That's not fun. - Right. - And that's not, I don't know. - Totally. - It's not the picture of a friendship that I have. - Yep. - Another, okay. So when I look at my friendships, there's a very common theme among all the women that I'm like the closest with. And I just think that they just embody contentment in their life. And I just think that that is such a good, like no matter if they're things in their life that they want to change or things that they're working on, I think they're honest about things that they struggle with, but there's just a piece about them, like a contentment about them. They're not like, I don't know, constantly striving for, they're hard working, but it's just hard. You can just tell when someone's heart is at peace. And I feel like that I'm hesitant to say that that's a red flag if someone's not. It's just a yellow flag. - Yeah. It's just such a good, I feel like it, it, it, it's a green flag. It's not a yellow flag or red flag. It's a green flag if you find that in friends. - Yeah, that's my green flag. It's just like someone that is just deeply content, like and not constantly, you know, picking on like things that they want to change, like their body or like things that they want to change or like, and there's a healthy level of that or it's like, oh yeah, we can talk about, I'm struggling with this with my body, but there's just, there's just something about their identity that just feels so secure and content. And that is something that I benefit so much from from the, the women in my life. So that is like my friend, green flag to share, like look for that in your friendships. - I think contentment is contagious. - Yes. - If you're, your friends and you're not complaining about every aspect of your life, you're, you're going to feel content about the things that you have to do. - So I guess I should just say the red flag is complaining. - Complaining. - Yeah, that's something I've like, I've like walked away from things and I'm like, I didn't really like have fun. - Yeah. - What was it? And a lot of time it's that. - And I don't want anyone to think that they can't talk about those things, but I do think there's just a difference between like someone talking, honestly, about something that's just like not ideal in their life, but has like a heart of the contentment. And then some of us just like, just said Debbie Downer, you're like, oh my goodness. - Yeah. - This is a drag today. - Totally. - My last one that I had is someone who's unforgiving and I think that's way easier in friendships. It's easier for you to be unforgiving towards your friends than it is to be unforgiving in your relationships. I feel like you're always going to forgive your boyfriend or your husband, you know, like it's much easier to forgive those type of people. But I feel like friendships necessarily, I think people hold to a heart or standard sometimes and they're not as forgiving in friendships. And I think that there is a real beauty and a real art in like letting things roll off your back when appropriate. And I think there's a beauty in art and maybe giving people the benefit of the doubt. And I also think, yeah, looking for the best and others, not always looking for like the, I just always get confused when people are like, they just have, they're, oh, they actually, they were, they were planning this. Like, when people think people are like plotting evenly behind the scenes, I'm like, I don't think that's it. I think maybe you just took it the wrong way. - Mm-hmm. So I think just having a forgiving heart and obviously there's boundaries within that. But, um, I think, yeah, you want to be friends with people that are forgiving. - Yeah. - Because we're not perfect. And the thing on friendship, so too, is that like, I feel like there's been times in my life where I felt guilty about like, friendships fizzling out and something, like, this is something that Matt feels a lot. And I think he would share about, too, like, he's like, I just hate that that is like, not a thing anymore. But I just have to, and like, he'll continue to work for a friendship that is, okay, forgiveness is good and important. But then I'm like, the flip side of it, too, is like, continue to work for a friendship. And I'm like, hey, when they've showed you who they are, believe them, like, if they're, This is something that they've done. Like it's like, it's okay. We don't have to hate them. We can only wish the best for them, but also we're going to believe them that this is like who they are Like this is like that or this is something that happened We don't need to continue to subject ourselves to this type of right. Oh for sure And I'm not referring to any thing in specific, but I feel like that's something I have to remind not a lot I'm like if I show you who they're I believe them totally and we'll just move on we don't have to It's totally five totally For sure I agree there is an art to have knowing like when to like Just yeah, when did this let it be let it be yeah I think too when it comes to life you just don't always have to make it like a big old thing No, we'll just let it be I don't have to like send them a long text being like this is why I don't want to be your friend anymore We can just kind of let it be just let it be let it be And then we can also just assume there's probably something about me that didn't click for you right. It's okay. It's okay Okay now moving on to dating Red slash green flags. Okay. I only do red Did you only read sorry to talk about green flags are meeting, but I did not pull in any negative everything all the green flags the opposite Yeah, let's just do that. I always say kind. That's like always a green flag. Yeah kind guy. We only want nice guys We want Ambitious with a balanced head on their shoulders It's so weighted. Okay My first dating red flag when a guy tells you exactly what you want to hear Like if a guy is just fluffin you up and it's you're relatively new in a dating and they're just telling you everything you want to hear I just think that's a red flag. That's a good one because that's a temptation and I think it's easier But then you're getting your hopes up I'll be agree with you like on everything too everything. I'm like I need you to be a little I need you to be honest Have a little pushback. I want to know who you actually are and also like we don't need to be I think when they tell you everything you want to hear or a love bomb you or like super I don't know. I just think it can your heart can get carried away And they're not actually showing you who they are. Yeah, you're just like this is a real it's manipulative Yeah, that's a really good one I went out on age of attraction and I was like this man is just telling this girl everything she wants to hear and he's not being honest I know that is a good red flag. That's a big red flag. My first red flag was very not serious It's my only serious one. Well, I just said bad hygiene. Oh, I think I have that I said doesn't wash their hands This is a slob. Bad hygiene. So gross. Come on. It's an egg. Yeah There was a TikTok of this girl who went on a date or was dating a guy for a little bit of period time And she went to his house and he didn't have any hand soap and she was like hey you're out of hand soap He's oh, I just ran out and the next time she went back he didn't have hand soap and he she was like You lied about hand soap and she didn't she ended it. I was like, that's crazy. It was like a long story But then it's like yeah another problem lying right but I was like about that I just think about everything that women do for maintenance. Yeah, I'm like Give it a shower wash your hands. You said deodorant. Yeah, let's put a little gel in their hair maybe yeah, I just I don't know Wash your clothes right Oh There's so many fish in the sea all the flip side of that I said a slob like if you walk into a guy's apartment now Okay, I'm gonna say there's a difference between college and like adult because I was a nasty dirty slob in college But I'm a very clay clean adult and so if you're now an adult young adult mid adult Older adult and you walk into that man's house and that man's house is nasty food over everywhere left overs Uncapped I'm not just talking like clothes in the floor. I'm talking nasty run for the hills That's why he had to hold the same standard for college as well by the way I mean you could but Let him mature a little bit That was out here Don't ask about Blake's room Caleb's room was so clean and the one time my mom came to visit She was like come on kill but clean up Abby's room and he was so like I know it let's clean it in my room That would help me clean it. That helped me with laundry in college. It was so sweet. That's really sweet. This one's really serious honestly I feel like judgmental saying this we can talk about it, but I okay any type of addiction really yeah Like I feel like you got to take that seriously and Like obviously there's some Yeah, I honestly I gotta say any type of addiction. Mm-hmm. Maybe there will be someone good to date in the future But it's like right now. It's like maybe we just pump the bricks Yeah, if they're in the middle of an addiction, I would say yeah, obviously that's just You're gonna not I wouldn't engage in that and also if they're freshly out of it like you should give that person a couple seasons Past their addiction like that person's not always gonna be a red flag But just in that season I think it's yeah, mm-hmm. I agree. That's a good one um, I said relaxed on commitment This is so serious like this is probably one of my most serious ones if you're dating someone and they just Very laxodasical even in the small things like they don't want to commit to making a decision about a restaurant They don't want to commit to plans with Friends like maybe they'll commit to plans with you, but with other people Maybe they don't want to commit and actually just call you their girlfriend Maybe they don't job jobs or just non-committal. They're all they're bouncing around from thing to thing to thing like That is just such a red flag because the foundation of a marriage is commitment and when things get hard and everyone goes through really hard things in their marriage and hard seasons you don't want a person that's gonna be wavering on commitment and Yeah, maybe that person just needs some time to Exercise the strength of committing The small things in life because that's just oh, I don't that's scary, you know If they can't commit to a person that they love to love the most or even on like small silly things out That's got to be the goal to rule of dating honestly for me, but you just said it. That was so good. Yeah commit commit commit commit Yeah, what's it like what's an example Abby if someone like that's going on a first date like they're like you can tell early on Because I feel like that's one of those things that's like you could date someone for a long time and be like Oh, like is this a pattern because like sometimes they're bigger things Well, I think if they cancel the first date and they're like hey, can we reschedule or they do that a couple times That's a yellow flag to me if they're moving times they're changing the plans a lot that is a red that's a yellow flag to me where I'm like They're making a priority you're not this isn't a priority and you're not you're not a man of your word Yeah, and I think that's a big I mean I'll be talking about a lot, but like that's a really big that's a huge thing You're yes need to be a yes and you're no need to be a no And if you're someone is dating you like you're gonna be united with this person in marriage in the long run you have to be You have to trust what they're gonna say and what they're gonna do and if you can't trust what they're gonna say They're gonna flake they're gonna back out. They're gonna do this or that It's bad. Mmm. That's so good. That's so good in early dating. I would think changing the plans a lot That's really really good for me This is such a general one. I feel like all mine are very general but I have specific examples. I swear This is what I just said mean if there are mean person now let me tell you the specifically like There's going to be conflict and I think that if there isn't that in itself is a red flag in a way Now obviously there shouldn't be explosive conflict. There shouldn't be like that I'm not saying that that's what needs to happen But you need to resolve issues together And dating long before you get engaged like we need to see how you can come to a resolution Like together and if that's possible or if he's someone that's just like not gonna You know resolve things But I'm specifically thinking like for me if a guy raises their voice That is a really big red flag. Yeah, because For so many reasons I just think being a female like a guy yelling is so intimidating, but that's an intimidation tactic Yeah, that's a power issue there of them like Yelling at a late like I'm like that is just so Like I can tell comments like if that ever happened Like that would really really really scare me same and that's not okay in a mirror That's not safe and then think about down the line. You're gonna have children And I actually saw this video and it was about Fatherhood and they surveyed a bunch of children They said Was one thing you want your dad to stop doing it's gonna make me cry And like almost all the kids say I wish you didn't yell Because there's just something about a man yelling that is just so scary it is yeah, and so it's like you don't want that type of Like bowl in your household like as a leader in your household too like so yeah, yeah I say mean, but I really am specifically isolated on like if they're gonna raise their voice at you I feel like it's like I don't think there's any point in moving forward like that's like a that's like a 180 like that's a good Good first sign because I think a lot of people like it's like yeah I'm I had anger on mine my like big list too and I was thinking about it I'm like well, that's a good first sign because I think a lot of times It's like oh well then it escalated to them punching walls or like you know Running out the house angry or different, you know being really aggressive Yeah, and it's like well the first sign was that they didn't speak to you kindly in conflict And they they were at a control of their emotions and I think that's yeah, yeah, that's a good first sign in dating if they yell you Super scary. Yeah, and just in general like dating should be really fun really dating should be a really fun time And you're gonna I think we're both opposed like proponents of date long engage short like I think we've talked about that before Yeah, I mean for me. I don't necessarily have the same conviction. Oh, okay But just because we knew we were gonna get engaged the whole time we were dating. Yeah, so I don't feel like there's this massive shift when we got engaged sure Well, I guess okay Caleb and I talk a lot about like day at least a year probably at least a year and then you start dating in high school school you need to date more than that. You do need to date more than that of your house. You should probably wait a little bit. But if you're in your 20s, I think you should date at least a year, because you need to see that person through all, like a magnitude of seasons, whether it's job seasons, even weather seasons, and just the different things that come throughout a year, because you really want to see how that person handles adversity. And you don't want to jump into something and you're like, I didn't even know they responded like this, because I never dated them long enough to see that. Yeah, one thing I was going to say about the yelling or the raising the voice, or just even speaking to you unkindly in a tone, that's a different way. I think your reaction after that, being able to address that, and be like, that's not appropriate the way you just spoke to me, or in seeing how they react with that. And like, do they take that kindly? And they're like, you're right, you're right. I'm really upset, but you're right, that I did. I shouldn't have said that. And like, that, how that conversation can go to. Because sometimes they come from a house, that that's what they do. And they've never had an experience of someone being like, that's not, that's not right. And like, giving that chance, if it's an appropriate situation, you're going to know if it's not. That's really good, Adi, because I think too, yeah, there are a lot of things that I came into marriage with and dating with that were just not healthy, but kill point them out to me. And then I made changes accordingly. So it's like all these things, if you see it, I feel like a lot of them weren't a conversation. And then if that's not responded too well, then. - I also do think that I totally agree, and actually that's one of mine. I said not flexible, and I'll kind of go into that a little bit. Because we're like, it's so important to be a man of integrity, but also not flexible as red flag. So I think kind of like decipher what I mean by that. But also I will say, like all of us are naturally just going to repeat a lot of what we learned. And it's not your job as the girlfriend to teach your boyfriend how to be. And in fact, that's never going to be like a healthy relationship. I think there's a place where like, hey, that's not, that's not a big thing, but it's like that. They kind of have to deal with that independently, I think. I think it's a little hard to sort through some of those things in a dating relationship. - I don't know. I feel like I agree with what you're saying, but also I do think the point of like dating and marriage is that we're making each other better. And so it's like I, I don't, I wouldn't have wanted Caleb to accept just all the things how I was. And not have called me to be better in different areas. - Right. - But you're like in a relationship to be like, if they, if I fix these things and they're going to be a good partner. Like I, there was a boyfriend that I had. Then my mom was like, I'm so that. - I did this too. - I think they're trying to be their savior. - Yes, I was in a relationship to try and fix him. - Oh, sure. - That's where I'm speaking from. - Yeah. And so it's less of like, I'm trying to fix them because they have issues rather than we're really shipped together building each other up to be better. - Like you had nothing to offer me. - Yes. - Like it was kind of like, I feel, and I feel like girls are more likely to fall into this tragic world. - Yeah. - You want to fix them. - Dating a project and you're like, this is not my, it's not my DIY. - Yeah. - Who's got the time? - Sure. - And so it's like, yes, there's certain things. I think there's like, but then there's some certain weightier things where it's like, okay. Like you got to get well independent of. - Sure. - This is not, yeah. And that's also why I put not flexible. I was about to say like resistant to counseling, but I don't think it's, this is isolated to counseling. I'm saying like resistant to any type of feedback and making changes. - Teachable. - Teachable. Like someone that can honestly reflect on themselves and be self-aware and say like, oh, you know what? Like I'm not perfect. Like that, that's like a basic thing that they probably need to learn is that they have things to learn. And so on the flip side of that is like, I don't know, someone that like I think, something that really encouraged me in dating with Matt was like, he was super open to like having mentors like getting into counseling and like having, inviting others into things like, and rather than like, how dare you talk about that like with your friends? Like this is like, that's like it just a scary, like anyone that's willing to just like, I don't know. Someone that's not flexible and so rigid in like their view of themselves and like how they operate. Like that is just, that is, yeah. I guess that is a deeper issue of pride. Yeah, totally. That's a good one, Abby, I agree. Yeah, I think there's something really sexy about humility and teachability. It's like, wow, that's really, it just makes you feel respected too. It's like, oh, you actually care about what I have to say and you care about me and so you're gonna take into account the things that I have to offer or like the other people have to offer you as a vice. And I think that's a really great character. And then you feel safe to also have humility yourself. And like, it's just a much more healthy environment overall. For sure, for sure, my last one, this is kind of like a, I mean, it's a serious one, but it's also not so serious. No, it's serious, but someone who does unsafe driving to show off, oh wow. Okay, this is like a red flag. If you're driving with someone and they're driving recklessly with you in the car, they don't respect you. They don't care about your life. They have a pride issue or like, I don't know, I was driving behind this motorcycle. This is a couple weeks ago. This really bugged me. And it was a guy in a motorcycle and a girl in the back and she had a helmet on and he didn't. No, neither of them had helmets on. So, okay, he didn't supply a headwear. Headwear, okay, rude. We're at a red light. He runs the red light with her on the back and zips off, like maybe going 100 miles an hour. And all I could think about to that girl, I just started praying for her. I was like, that girl, he's not keeping you safe. He is not keeping you safe. He does not care about your life. He does not respect you. Yeah. And that's like a small thing. And I, yeah, that just really bugged me. And I was like, that is a red flag. You hate those all those little motorcycles in this area? No, it's not motorcycle people in general. It's just these people that are really wrecked. No, it's like those little teenager boys in this area. Oh, teacher, little, teacher young sons with them e-bikes. Give them girl a helmet. I do see all of them wearing a helmet. They do wear helmets a lot of them. They're always doing little tricks and one wheeling. Yeah, see, that doesn't bother me because I'm like, they're just having fun. But it's like when another person is involved. And I actually dated a guy that used to do this. I broke up with him because he drove reckless with me. And the car, it made me feel really unsafe. And I'm cared for. It's like, why are we driving 100 miles an hour on the highway when we're 16 years old? I always say love is consideration. It is. That's really good. My last one is laziness. But my specific angle on laziness is if they won't plan anything. And so I feel like this is something a lot of girls. I-- OK. They put up with endating. And then they get married. And then they're frustrated that they're not-- it's not happening. They're not pursuing. You did this-- is this a new thing? Or like that's the thing you kind of have to assume in dating. Whatever is going to happen, everything is going to be amplified. They're good, they're bad. Like all these things are going to be amplified. And so I don't know. I just feel like this is such a common thing I hear in marriage. And I'm like, this could-- this starts back somewhere else. But if you're always like, hey, like, what are you doing this time? Like, we could go to this. Or let's-- if you're always like, the one kind of leading them along, I think especially for a girl, that's no fun. And that's not going to get better when you get married. I just got to tell you this first and foremost. And so I do think this is something that can change. But just early on, if they're kind of just going to get the following view around. And you're not going to want that down the line. If you don't care, then you don't care. But there's something you're going to want down the line. Be honest with yourself about that right now. Because it's what those things were. I'm like, well, did they ever do this? Was there ever a point in time? It's like, oh, there was this one day. There's one Valentine's Day at one point. And it's like, well-- Yeah. Women want to feel pursued. They do. Yeah, for sure. And so that starts-- You've got to pick your problems, girlies. It's the beginning. So yeah, that was mine. Also, I just want to touch on this, because I do-- I want to expand on what you said earlier. I do believe that dating and marriage are-- you're supposed to build each other up. And I want to distinguish that from what I was talking about earlier, because I was like, that I wasn't a relationship with the guy at some point, very not serious relationship. But I feel like my mom had to give me the hard advice of like, Abby, you can't date a project. And I feel like that is something that I was like that taught me a lot about that thing, because they just different to date someone that also is building you up in ways and changing you and bettering you. And then some of that, you're just constantly giving to. And you're trying to be like, let's do this differently. And like, let's try this with them. And that's just a drain. That's actually not what's happening there. And you both have to be keep rising together, and not just trying to bring the sky up to where you are. Yeah, it's a good distinction. Yeah, really good distinction. Ask, ask, ask, Abby. Hey, ladies, my name is Kaya. I was wondering what your version of the Roman Empire is. For example, mine would be the Lacey Peterson case. I do not think her husband did it. But I would hear your answers. Love the podcast. Bye. I'm not familiar with that case. I'm not familiar with that case either. I'm surprised you guys aren't. I also never removed the name. The name. That's what we're going to give me the details of it. I'd be like, oh, yes, and then this happened. Was that a Christmas party? Like, I remember. Was that the one that was a cop or something? No, no. That one is-- We saw her in real life. Who? What's her name? Rebecca? Nope. I will never remember the name. I don't know. They thought that she ran over her-- Yeah, and they drive away. I knew it wasn't for dead at a party at night or whatever. We saw her in person. I saw her in Boston. What? What? I said, that's her. And I don't know. She must be running right now. No, that's great. I don't know how she-- She gets and then I looked it up. I was like and it really was. It certainly was. That's crazy. I'm like is this how people feel when they see celebrities? I got my roon oak. Do you got yours? What? Well, that's not probably the fire your roon oak. What is roon oak? So lost call of your roon oak. Well, this is not seeing you. I don't know anything about that. There's a lost colony. Tell me about it. Someone in the pilgrims came. They had a colony called roon oak and it no one knows what happened. What? There's a lot of theories. I learned about this in second grade. Wow. I read a book about the lost colony of roon oak and it's just seriously open to loop in my brain. Wow. I'm like I can't rest until we know what happened to those people. Sure. My, uh, Roman Empire is also from elementary school. Loop open's never been shot. It's the organ trail. What do you mean? What do you mean? These people got on wagons and went across rivers. What do you mean? That's how do you talk? You know, they did it. But what do you mean? These people just said buy to their families and to never see them again. Never to know if they die on this trail. What do you mean? They came up. They just had a wet. They had babies. They had babies in a wagon. They, they just buried people along the road. What do you mean? What do you mean? I don't get it. It doesn't really work. We were born when we were born and not born the back then. I read a book. The, do you remember that series of books like the diary series? And it's like little girls of history. Yeah, I bet they have one on roon oak. Yeah, they have one on the organ trail and it still haunts me to this day. I can picture the word in that book. I actually found it and I brought it home with me. I got another one too. The Ebola virus. Oh yeah. What about it? tickles you. It doesn't tickle me. It terrifies me. I was in the fourth grade, extremely sheltered and they told us about the Ebola virus and I just couldn't stop thinking about the fact that it could get me. Of course. And I, I mean, I watched this documentary. I was in like a, like an accelerated learning thing. And so then they thought that they could just like show us older things. But I was like, wait a minute. I might have been academically advanced, but socially I had not seen anything but a Disney movie. Right. And then they're showing they thought it was the monkey. So they shot monkeys in this documentary. And I literally with frozen in my seat, I thought I was going to throw up in class. And they're talking about this virus makes their organs disintegrate and come out their eyes and nose and and why were they teaching this to you? I don't know. My mom, my mom wrote to the teacher. Yeah, I think that's a little inappropriate. That's a little inappropriate. She was a great teacher, but I think I was just like, cross the line. Well, I can't sleep because they're Ebola virus. Why have one similar acid rain? That's spooky. Where is it? Is it real? I think about it often that in flash floods. They get me flash floods. Get you. Okay. I saw my mom. I don't think I have a signal from an empire. You guys are saying the flash floods will get you because my mom, my entire life was always like, they'll just come out of no room. Just come up and get you. And I'm like, what do you mean? That doesn't happen. And then I watched the videos of flash floods and it happens like that. She ain't kidding. And I think about it all the time. Anytime around like dried rivers, but we got to stop. No, what is it? No, I'm like, I want to tell you the details of Lacey Peterson to see if you know what it is. Lacey Peterson was murdered in 2020, 2002, while eight months pregnant, her disappearance on Christmas Eve and the subsequent murder trial of her husband, Scott Peterson, gained international attention. Prosecutors alleged that Scott strangled Lacey and weighed her body down in San Francisco Bay with semen anchors. In 2003, Lacey's torso and remains of her unborn son washed a shoreline. Yeah, I did. I did hear the story. There's so many things about it. There's like, there's a Netflix documentary. There's obviously crime junkies. I didn't think he did it. Oh, that's a different one. She doesn't think he did it. No, I think she's saying she doesn't. Oh, gotta be a lot of evidence against him. Abby's got all she needs to know. Hey, girls, my name is Sarah, and I want to know what is the funniest thing that your kids have said to you this week. Oh, so ready. Barry said the podcast. Griffin asking the employee of his choking hazard. Yeah, I think so, yeah. That's another one. I mean, Augie keeps asking me what my breasts are. See, I actually did too. I've taken interest in my boobs and the other day he came up with me. He looked at me and he goes, what those are? Yeah. I go, they're my boobs. And he goes, okay, you say boobs. Yeah. Okay. You say breasts. I did because I didn't know. I think I, I intermixed it. It just felt like a more casual time. I just didn't know what my kids just say. My boobs. And he goes, you could pop them. Yeah, he tried to pop them. He didn't try to. He said that you could pop them. I was like, you gotta be careful because they hurt because they're singing. They could pop. And I was like, no, they're not going to pop. But I don't know. They say funny things all the time. Well, actually, no, I got one. Griffin, I went to go get a protein shake. And I come back and he goes, where were you? And I told you I was getting a shake and coming right, I was gone a total of three minutes. Yeah. And he goes, I thought you went to jail. They're so obsessed with jail. It's because of like a about Peter and John. Yeah. And so we've had a lot of conversations recently about jail. The adults had consequences too. And then he thought you went to jail. And I said, buddy, and he goes, or I thought you got dead. And I was like, I said, buddy, it feels like you went to the worst case scenario there. Yeah. And he goes, no, I didn't. You could think of something worse. So I was like, buddy, I'm so sorry, I worried you. You don't have to worry about those things. Right. And then that was all he said about it. I was like, you know that talking cactus thing. CJ loves it. And I think it's an only child thing right now because sometimes I think he actually thinks it's his friend. Because it's not only child talk back. I know, but they get not interacting. Yeah. And he'll put his cactus in time out if it doesn't stop talking. And if you like, he'll go, you go to time out cactus and he goes, he's not listening. I'm like, good, please put it away. Please put it away. Talking cactus on Sunday when Matt came back. Moe, you're at dinner. I go, are you as next to me? I said, look who's here. You as daddy. Matt. Just see, you know, it's not you. Yeah. I think it confused by other people don't call me mom. Yeah. And then we had to take conversation. Like, you're, you're the only two people that are ever going to call me mom. I mean, now that you're going to see, you're going to call me off. And so, yeah, he's like, let me clarify. Don't call him dad. I don't want to call you guys mom and dad just to confuse him. Hi, Abby, Abby and Addy. My name is Beth. And my question is, what tips do you have for raising confident kids? Either things that you do with your kids or things that your parents did with you? I've struggled with my confidence, my entire life. And now that I have a daughter, I just really want to make sure I do all that I can. Make sure she doesn't feel that way about herself as she grows up. Thank you for any advice you can share or love the podcast. Bye. That's a really good question. I feel like there's a lot of misconceptions about confidence and the like thinking like, confidence comes when we're good at a lot of things. But I think confidence is built when we're not good at something. And then we keep strength in that skill. And so like with our kids, like this hasn't been a prevailing thing, but I hear a lot of other kids say it. I'm like, I can't do that. Or I just, I don't do it. And I feel like saying like, you can try. You can, we always say, you can do hard things. And I think that knowing that like anticipating failure at times and then knowing that that's not the end of the line is where is like literally the root of confidence. And so with our kids like with like as they're in a perfect stage right now, they're learning so many things for the very first time. They're in skateboarding lessons. And I'm like, I have no expectation other than that you try again. You keep trying again. And they have become very resilient in that like knowing that like they're, I don't think they expect to like excel immediately because of like how much we talk about I think it's their natural inclination to. But then also just like naturally talking all the time of like, we're just going to try again. Keep trying. And I always, always reward effort. Like try to always be like, I can tell you, we're so hard on that. Or like, you really like, you gave that your all. That must have been really hard. You must have wanted to quit. And you just kept going. And I think that that's that's probably the thing that helped me growing up a lot too. Yeah, that's really good. I would say this exact same thing. Practically, this happens along the playground actually. I feel like this is a really easy place to like implement those things. CJ obviously will like try the bigger ladders. And if you get scared and wants to come down. I'm like, hey, buddy, you can come down if like, oh, I don't actually let them come down. But if he comes on his own, I'm like, hey, we're not leaving the park until you try again. And I'll help you. If you need help, I'll help you. And I'm here to catch you if you fall. I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you, but I know that you can do it. And we're not going to leave until you go back and try it again, because I think it's like letting the fear win at these young ages is important is like a big thing that helps, you know, helps build their confidence that they can overcome it. And there have been a couple times where like he's overcome something he's who has been really scared and he'll do it slowly. And the whole time I'm like, hey, buddy, I'm right here. Like you've got it. I'm not going to let you fall. And I'm not touching him. I'm like, I wanted to do on his own. And when he gets to the top, like you can see the pride on his face. Like he's so happy with himself. And it's so cool to see that. And now I feel like he's pretty fearless on the playgrounds and stuff, which is really fun. And then the other one is that yeah, he started to say like, I can't do it. And I say, hey, you're not allowed to say I can't because you can. maybe you can't do on your own, you can say, I need help. - Yeah. - Because it's good to ask for help if we need help, but you can do anything. How are to do hard things, but maybe you just need help. And so yeah, I'm like, we know it's a can't. - I think a couple of things that you said there too, that we're also really good, is like you expressing that you, like you as a parent, expressing to your child that you have full confidence in them is huge too, and not like always coming in to just like solve their problems for them to like make the situation like easier for them. Just like having just full confidence in them is contagious for them as well, I believe. - Yeah, I'm below that letter, shakin', shakin'. - Terrible, he's gonna fall and get hurt, but I know that if he gets the top, he can do it, you know? And like even if it's a little risky, I'm not gonna tell him that I'm scared. - Yeah, you know, I'm gonna be there to catch him if he falls. - Yeah, that's so good. - I honestly just thought about something because I'm like, maybe I am a hypocrite because I just remember there's a really iconic memory I have with my dad in Disney World. When I was like, okay, so I've always been short to never been a thing where I was ever tall. So I hit the point where I could go on these roller coasters at an older age than everybody else, but I was still scared. And so I remember when I could go on rockin' roller coaster in Disney World. - Oh, that's a good one. - My dad was like, okay, like let's go together. He waited so long, we waited in the longest line ever. Get to the very front, I see it, take off. - It's so fast, I take off. - And I'm like, no. And there is just such a memory of my dad's, like he encouraged me, he's like, I know he can do it, like I know he can do it, I'm like, no. And then he was like, I was just not gonna force you to do it. We got out of line, we left. With that whole night, I was just sick to my stomach. I was like, I didn't do it. - I didn't do it. - The next day, I don't think we even had passes for that day, but he had an extra day, we went at the park opening. I told him I was like, I just wish I had another chance. And he took me, and we went on it like four times in a row. And so, I think there's a couple of things in there too, but that was a very confidence-building experience for me, but my dad also wasn't forcing it. So I knew we had full belief in me. And I knew that I was safe to make my own, and I think there's also an aged thing there too. It's quite a bit older than my kids are now, but that was a good memory. - I think that's important too, to be able to walk away and not make you feel bad for it. - Yeah, like that didn't break my confidence because he was like, so mad at me for not doing it. - Yeah, 'cause he's like, I wasn't gonna make you do something. You know, he's like, then it wasn't even you choosing to do something brave. It was literally literally being forced to do it. - Right, so yeah. - Yeah, I think there's a difference, like CJ is not having like a panic attack, you know what I mean? Or like freaking out. - I was like, dad. - Yeah, yeah. If you're a kid's obviously panicking, you're not gonna make 'em do something. - If you're confused about what just happened right there, we have a voicemail segment, if this is your first episode, and if you wanna call in, the number is 602-456-960, and you can leave any message for us, preferably some type of question. It can be a curious, funny question about us. It can be something more serious. Anything and everything we love to hear from you guys. - Yeah, let's do always hungry. - What do you got? - This is a very, sorry if you don't have a Trader Joe's but this is specifically a Trader Joe's recipe. It's extremely simple. You're gonna cook up some rice. You're going to dye some chicken. You're gonna saute your chicken in the pan, season it with salt, pepper, garlic powder, and then you're gonna dump a jar of the Thai yellow curry sauce over it, and just let that simmer. You don't really need to season your chicken because that sauce is so flavorful, and you'll serve it with some broccoli. And that's it. It's so easy, it's really delicious. You got your chicken, your protein, your carb, and your vegetable, and it's ready literally in like 30 minutes. - Love that. It's really good, it's kinda spicy. It's a little warm, which I do not like spicy stuff, so if I can eat this, you guys will be fine. But it's just warming, it's really flavorful. It's a staple in our house. I have a really good protein shake recipe that I've been making you a lot. It's like a dupe for, or I guess you wouldn't say it's a dupe, it's actually just like a higher protein version of a shamrock shake from-- - Dairy queen? - No, from McDonald's, sorry. - Is that where they have shamrock shake? - Okay, it's like a mint cookies and cream, but I really think the key is a clean, simple eats mint chocolate protein powder. It's actually so delicious. You open that bag and you just smell it, and you're like, that's-- - Yeah, that's so good. - That's what that is. - And so I also use the Halo top protein ice cream and almond milk, ice, and two Oreo thins, and it is so delicious. - Yum, this is like your late night treat. - Oh, actually just have it after a workout. - Perfect. - Perfect, ice cream and cookies. - Yeah, I don't feel great about it. - I love it. - You guys, thank you so much for listening. If you guys could leave a comment, share the episode, subscribe, follow, download all the things. I really appreciate it, but truly reviews just makes such a difference. Boy Mom, Rage said, "Mom, a comfort podcast, five stars, thank you for always sharing the hope and the hard." I listened to this in the hospital when I was getting a dues last week and welcomed a healthy baby boy. Y'all were along for the ride. Oh my gosh, that's so sweet. Thank you for having us be a part of your incredibly special moment. We are so thankful for you guys, and we appreciate you. And remember, we're always here. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)