Dating Is Cooked | Reading Reddit Stories

- Hello, welcome to Smoshread's Reddit Stories. I'm Shane, and today's theme is dating. And I'm joined by two people who are dating. Maybe I've dated. - What? - You know, we don't know. - Don't come. - Don't give them fodder. - Yeah. - We're like, (laughing) - Courtney's in the room, just like, what? (laughing) - We're talking about dating again. I feel like we've done dating episodes before that you've been on. Yeah, it's always a fun time to talk about it. - You know, drama at all? - Nope. - It's super easy, so chill. - I noticed in our comments, everybody says that dating is just easy for them. There's no problems going on. Like, it's easy to get a date. - I think it's always going well. - Yeah, it's awesome. - Yeah, yeah. - It's pretty reciprocated. - Honestly, why are we even doing this podcast? - Yeah, we don't need to do this. The consensus is that dating is easy and it's successful. - It's a lot of success. - Psych, guys. - Scotcha, I hope you don't have it. - I hope you don't have it. - Should we just start? - We can start and I would like to let people know today I'll be fidgeting with this little string that I found on my bracelet. - Okay, for those listening, he's got a string. - And it's a very small string. - I have this beaded bracelet, which I'm going to do everything in my power not to go like this the whole time. - Okay. - And now we can begin, okay? - And now we start. - Okay, our first story comes from Am I overreacting? This is posted in January of this year. Am I overreacting? He keeps hinting at an unusual kink two weeks in. I just started talking to this guy a few weeks ago and he seems really amazing so far. He's attractive, gives well thought out responses when we're texting, compliments me often, and has generally been great to chat with. Today in a very innocuous way while we were talking about how our separate New Year's Eve plans had gone, he brought up the show Fear Factor, specifically when people are made to interact with bugs. He asked if I was afraid of bugs and I replied that I'm generally not too scared of them. Then he asked if I would hypothetically participate in a challenge where I was asked to squish a bug with my bare hands. I replied that I think it's mean to just kill bugs for no reason. Then he tells me that he finds it really attractive when women aren't afraid to squish bugs. I thought that he meant not being afraid to kill a spider with a newspaper or something, but he kept going. He asked if I'd squish a slug. He stipulated that it wasn't alive to accommodate my desire not to kill bugs with my bare hands. I said that I wouldn't necessarily be afraid to do it, but that I wouldn't particularly want to either or enjoy doing so. Then he asked if we were in a relationship if I'd squish a big bug, the bigger the better. Yeah, how big is that big bug? At this point, I was weirded out and asked him if it was a sexual thing, and he said it wasn't that it was just attractive to see a woman being brave enough to do something like that. I felt tentatively okay with that explanation and steered the conversation away from that after this. So anyway, so the weather. Now let's get back to the big bug. Yeah, no, the weather's great. Bugs though. Big fat ass bug. Big fat ass bug. He got splattered. So, racks. The thing is, he's already brought it up again. He brought up that his friend dared him to squish a bug with his hands once. And when I didn't really give that a response, he followed up with, "Do you wanna hear about the dare?" So now I'm weirded out. Even though he assured me it wasn't a sexual thing, I can't help but feel like he brought it up way too many times for it not to be. I really don't wanna look it up though. Is this something you'd look past? I don't wanna kink shame or anything, but I really have a problem with the idea of crushing bugs. I love animals and hate the idea of squishing bugs for no reason, even if they're dead. I feel like even if I shut it down completely and we started a relationship, I'd always have it in the back of my mind and look at him a little differently. What if we saw a bug and I wanted to pick it up because it's cute? I'd be worried about what he was thinking and my being too sensitive. Is this something worth bringing it off for? What if I think of a bug? And I pick it up. I guess I can date him. I just hope I never come across a bug ever again. Okay, there is a kink for everything. Isn't that really it? I can't look this up before. Like, because remember when in game was coming out and everyone was like, oh, man, she just crawled up Danes' booty hole. And then I was like, why does everybody want ants in people's booty holes? And I was like, is that a sexual thing and there's like a sexual thing about bugs crawling into your holes? Oh, into your holes. But this is someone just crushing a bug. Yeah, killing the bug. Like with our bare hands. Crushing it with their bare hands. How do you acquire that kink? What did you see when you were three years old? I know. Maybe it's evolutionary. (laughing) Crush bug. - Little bug. - Hot lady. - Little bug. - Hot lady. - Hot lady. - Little bug. - Big bug. - Big baby. - Big bug. - Big bug. - Big lady. - Big bug. - This is two weeks in. - Yeah. - Like that. - He's dropping hints. - That's intense. - Mr. Mason. - He needs her to squash a bug. - Two weeks in, I'm thinking where does this escalate? - Yeah. - Because if it's like a year and I'm like, okay, you've been holding on to this. - I mean, fear factor was a perfect end for him. He's like, hell yeah, I get to see so many fucking bugs right now. - Yeah, it's just gonna turn darker though. Like if we're starting with bugs, are we gonna go to, are we gonna go to bigger animals? Is it gonna be scary? - I don't know, I feel like bugs are so different than insects are so different than animals. - Science to start you listening? - Bugs are different than animals. - Bugs are different. - And I exo-style the kittens and stuff. (laughing) (laughing) - Exo-cannotine, exo-galogen. - I would have to, I couldn't do this. - I don't like, like some bugs do creep me out, but I don't wanna kill a bug. - I don't wanna kill a bug. - Ever. - No, I don't. - I don't feel so bugs. - Yeah. - There was a huge moth that got into my place yesterday. And my cat was chasing around. I was like, she's gonna eat it, but I feel really bad. - Have you ever heard of a Dawson fly? - A Dawson fly. - Yes. - A Shane Dawson fly? - Kill it, kill it, kill it, kill it, kill it. (laughing) - Dawson fly? - No, they're like, these flies are about this big. They're like a foot long. - What? - That's a foot, right? - I think he watched Jumanji. - No, no, I saw one in person in Texas. It's this big. It's wings are like the back half, they're like this, and they have these huge pincers in the front that are like this. They're like overlapping pincers. - They're like, they're like, this big. - Look at that thing, look at that thing. We have a picture of a Dawson fly and it is this big, Shane. It's like a foot long. - Now would you kill that bug? - Imagine a hot babe crushing that with a bear. (laughing) - Mm-mm. - Mm-mm, this is awful. - Yeah. - I think that's, I would feel like I'd be out, I think. - Yeah, two weeks in, there's no excuse. - Oh, yeah, two weeks in. - You can't drop in two weeks in. - And you're not kink shaming by being like, oh, we're not compatible here. - This isn't for me. - I got it. - And apparently it's not a kink. - It's just, it's just a lifestyle choice. - We know about that. - Yeah. (laughing) - Yeah. - That's not their next thing. - Same for that. (laughing) - The verdict was not overreacting. - Yeah. - Comments, not overreacting. It's not kink shaming to not want to participate in a kink that makes you uncomfortable. Furthermore, it's fine to kink shame when it involves actively harming non consenting living creatures in my opinion. - Oh. - Not overreacting. This is a specific fetish called a crush fetish and is often tied into the giant test fetish. He wants to be bug-sized and have a giant lady squish or eat him. Him insisting it isn't sexual, then continuing to make you discuss it is making you non-consensually engage in his kink and that is yuck. - I love how people just fill in so many gaps. - They're like, by the way, so what actually happened to you? - What this actually is is he wants to be the size of a bug and he wants you to squish him. - He wants to be bug. - Hold on now. - Well. - What else could it be? - He was bug-life when he was three years old. - And he could never get over it. - This is my life now. - Yeah. - Someone said, in quotations, listen, I'm having a good time with you and I'm enjoying spending time with you, but I am not and will never be interested in squishing bugs. It's cruel and pointless. - Oh. - Yeah, say that. - We have a little mini update. - How many? - It's very time to squish in my hand. - No. - We were not dating y'all. This was a Tinder talking stage that I haven't even met. I posted here mainly to see if this was something that someone could let go of instead of being fixated on. But I think most of you are right in saying that he was way too hyper focused on the topic. I texted him and told him that his obsession with talking about crushing bugs was freaking me out and that I didn't want to talk to him anymore. Then blocked. Thanks all. - Wait. - You're doing all this on Tinder? On the chat? - Yes. - Wait a whole lot. - If you're just in the talking phase on Tinder, the first, if you're fueling those, I'm out. - Yeah. - Don't bring up bugs at all. It's like you get a text at 1 a.m and it's like you bug. Sorry, I mean you up. - It's like you up. - I'm out. - Bugs. - If you say the word bug, two weeks in, blocked. - Yeah, blocked forever. - But bug blocker. - Okay. I don't know. Our next story comes from Am I the Asshole. This was posted back in September of 2022. Good year. - It was a great year. - No, it was, it really was kind of what it was. - I had a good year. I joined Smosh this year. - Whoa. - Then it was a good year. Am I the Asshole for telling my girlfriend the way she talks about her car is weird and embarrassing? She wants to squish her car. - Yeah. - I, 25, have been dating my girlfriend, 23, for about nine months now. When she turned 21, her parents gave her a car and she decided to name it Angie. I learned all this on our first date when she said Angie took me here. I thought that way. It was odd, but let it slide. Throughout our relationship, she's always talked about her car as if she's talking about another person. When she got a flat tire on the highway a few months back, she called me and said that Angie's shoe broke and has to get a new one. When she goes to the car wash, she describes it as giving Angie a bath. This all came to a head this weekend when me and my friends went out drinking and my girlfriend offered to be the designated driver. We were out for a couple hours and I admittedly got a bit to drunk. When my girlfriend came to pick us up, she said she's stopping at the gas station first to get Angie something to drink. This is where I may be the asshole. I told her I think it's weird and embarrassing of her to talk about her car like that. It's a machine, not a pet or a kid, and that she should treat it like how a normal person would treat any machine. She got very quiet and refused to say anything for the rest of the drive home. She dropped off my friends and then drove to my apartment. I asked her why we weren't going back to hers and she said she needed some time to think and told me to get out. She's been radio silent since then and I'm starting to think I did something wrong. Am I the asshole for what I said? Well, I mean, he almost said the sea slur. What? Clanker. Like, he basically said it. You need to bleep that out. You can bleep that out. I get it. I'm sorry that I used the hard heart. But like damn dude, like be a little odd. Come on. He's a little more whimsy in his life. Yeah, this is just like, okay, it's silly. This is also someone I famously, my whole life, have like loved naming inanimate objects. Yeah. I think even, I think there's power and magic in naming an object, it becomes more special and it envelops it with power. My Roomba's name is Safira. My lunchbox in high school is named Gregory. Nice. I had a rubber chicken named Beckle. Okay. Beckle. I had a leg of a doll that I drew a face on and its name was Justine. That's the best I've ever heard. She has a face for her. Somewhere out there. If you can find it. I love the concept of someone getting a tattoo on their own leg and naming their leg. Their leg. I feel like this is Greg. Greg. Greg, my leg. Yeah. Greg. Giving anything a name kind of does give it some sort of weird, it's a weird power it has over us. Sores, like, I'm sorry, I'm going to bring it out. Oh, true. Yeah. Sores have names. There we go. Boats have names. All boats are women. And all boats are women. Sailors and captains. They're just like, exactly. It's like naming their power and naming things. I've kind of shocked that they've been dating for nine months. And in that, she's referring to her car as Angie and she's like, oh, yeah, I'm giving Angie a bath. Like, oh, I'm getting Angie some of the drink. And you didn't bring it up like casually, just kind of like, oh, like, yo, you really refer to your car as Angie. Yeah. Bring it up casually. And she'd probably just be like, yeah, it's a funny thing. Yeah. And I just explain it regular. It'd be fine. But you built it. You let that get pent up within you. And then you got drunken. We're an asshole. It's not about that. It's not about that. There really is some other stuff. And yeah. And he confronted her and brought it up and embarrassed her in front of friends. And when she's coming to pick him up, yeah, yeah, she's doing an act of service for you. Yeah. I feel like it's very easy for us to like build habits like vocally like this. None of her actions are different than anybody else. It's just how she refers to something and you get used to that. It's no different than like when you get used to like using slang terms and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. It's just how she's been doing it. But I am thinking about that, um, that Stephen King book with the evil car, Christine. It's actually solid. The evil car, this guy, this guy finds this like old kind of beat up car and it's like, oh, yeah, I don't know what the deal with this car is. And he like kind of falls in love with this car. And then car has a mind of its own and it's jealous of his girlfriend tries to kill his girlfriend. Christine wants a bath. Christine wants a new shoe. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of like it's a Christine. Maybe this person maybe OP is scared because they've thought about that kind of like a transform where his hand bumblebee. Yeah. Kind of like bumblebee. Yeah. Maybe Angie's alive. That'd be cool. My first car, my Honda Civic, when I was, when I got it when I was 17, uh, I named it the Batmobile. Just, I couldn't think of a good one. So I was like, the Batmobile. It's okay. It's okay. It's good. It's good. Thanks. It's good. Thanks. My first car was a burnt orange Pontiac Grand Am GT and its name was Fang. Oh, that's a good one. That's far better than mine. And my Vespa right now, I drive a Vespa. My Vespa right now's name is Vulcan. Vulcan. That's fun. That's awesome. And my name's Camry Diaz. It's very straightforward. So it's normal. It's not normal, but it's, it's not a crazy thing. I don't refer to it all the time. I'm like, that's the difference. I never did either. So I think I never really, and what's it called when you humanize things? Humanizing. Personified. Personified. I don't, I don't personify it. And I'm like, he's going to get a drink or you want to take a dump. Sure. Sure. I don't do that. That's fine. Yeah. That's fine. No, that's fine. No, that's fine. Seriously, don't do that. I wouldn't really be really weird to do that. The verdict was asshole. Yeah. No, obviously. 100%. Comments. I asked Sasha since she's my car and would have a better perspective on this. She said you're the asshole. Sasha also said cars need gas because they're hungry, not thirsty. She thought it was important for everyone to know. 33,000 upvotes. That had more of that. It's like a milkshake. It's like, it's more about the calories. Yeah. About the quenching. Yeah. Yeah. So someone said, you're the asshole. Geez. Just let your girlfriend enjoy her relationship with Angie. Are you jealous? How was she hurting anyone by being a bit silly when referring to her car? So someone else said, you called her weird and embarrassing as she did you and your stupid drunk friends a favor late into the night. You made her feel stupid as fuck because she now knows you've been secretly embarrassed by her for months over a quirk. You're the asshole and probably a single one if you can't turn this around. Bam. Jesus. Oh. Another tiny little update that I'm going to squish in my hands. Okay. Oh. Well, she dumped me. She found the post called me and told me never to speak to her again. I guess it's for the best though. We really wouldn't have been that compatible as many of you have said, thank you for your judgments. Oh, what a douche. Yeah. Thank you for your judgments. Thank you for your judgments as well. Hosted on Am I the asshole? Right. Yeah. Sorry, bud. If you walk into a courthouse and be like, here's my crime. Yeah. Is it ready? Yeah. It kills me every time when someone posts on Am I the asshole? And they get the asshole judgment and then they're like mad about it. Yeah. Because they want to get vindicated. Of course. Oh, man. Yeah. Accept it. Yeah. Anyways. Oh, geez. Oh, geez. This comes from Am I overreacting? Am I overreacting? For being mad, my boyfriend stayed the night at another woman's apartment just because she has a cold or the flu. I need more information. Because a 27 year old woman, I'm currently in another state. My boyfriend, a 27 year old man, has made friends with my friends, including Stacey, a 35 year old woman. Last night, I got suspicious after this message exchange, after sending my boyfriend a funny TikTok video. I've got screenshots of the text messages. The boyfriend writes, I love that video. Also, Stacey is really sick with this flu. I'm going to stay the night. She responds, what do you mean? Because she need to go to the hospital, what are her symptoms? He says sneezing, stuffy nose, running nose, sore throat, cough, et cetera. What's her temperature? Is she sweating? Is she having trouble breathing? Normal temps, she's sweaty from that steam thing and all the layers. No trouble breathing. Babe, no fever. That sounds like it's just a cold. What are you even doing for her? Why do you need to stay over? He says taking care of her, message her or video chat with her since you have so many questions. She responds, I'm going to video chat with her, talk to you in a bit. Stacey is a young, healthy and fit woman, so I wouldn't think a cold or the flu would put her in enough danger that she would need someone to stay with her. When Stacey and I video chated, she actually looked sick. Her nose is red, chapped, and swollen. She was sneezing and stiffling, but she didn't cough once. Her breathing was fine. She looked sweaty, but not feverish. She was even smiling. This morning, I video chated my boyfriend and he did indeed stay at Stacey's. Stacey still had her red nose and she was sneezing. She was walking around in regular pajamas. I feel like I shouldn't even have to tell them how mad this all makes me. Am I overreacting? What the fuck? No, no, not overreacting. What is that? Why do you need it? It sounds like, but I'm wondering what? No, this is one of those where I'm like, I don't even care if I found out, oh no, they didn't cheat. I'd be like, yeah. But what was that? What the hell though? I hate how he responds being like, well, why don't you video chat her if you have so many questions? I'm like, dude, you know she's in another state and you're staying at someone else's apartment. You know what this looks like at the way that if you're responding, if, you know, if you can respond to being like, hey, this is your friend and she's sick, you know, there's no way to like really talk out about it, but like you come of it that way, where it's like, I'm just trying to help your friend, and so it's like, well, it's like, well, it's going bad. There's going bad. Yeah. That's weird. Yeah. It's like, what do you do? Of course, my assumptions. Yeah. Something's going on. I need more information to know if they're cheating. I don't know. Maybe. I don't think I, I don't think it matters. Yeah. I don't think I need more information. It's like, yeah, you're done. It's like, huh? I need more information into what is he doing? Like, what is the thought process? I think it could be. It could be. because the hubris of some people who cheat is just astronomical, right? And it could be like, "Oh, well, we'll do this so that it kind of covers our tracks and treat it so nonchalantly." Like, I think he's the really thing he can get away with gaslighting her. - That's so long. - And I feel like this is a probably, this is an actually good example of gaslighting. - First of all, we're something sh- - Insane is happening, and he's going, "Why are you freaking out? Why are you overreacting?" - That's right. - If someone has the flu also, you should actively probably not necessarily-- - You would drop off a bunch of stuff for that. - For that, and be like, "Call me if you need me." - Fair enough correct. - But I don't want to catch the flu. - And if they need like a bedside assistant, you take them to the hospital. - Yes. - Yeah, it's severe. - It's that bad. - Clearly, she doesn't have a fever right now. - Yeah, she's like, "Hey, girl." - She does so. - My nose is red. - Oh. - Sean, shut up. I'm on the phone with your girlfriend. - No, he wrote "Normal Temperature." She doesn't even have a fever. She's in no danger whatsoever. - This is ridiculous. - It is absolutely ridiculous. - And ridiculous on her friends part too. - Yeah. - Like they're both acting like this is chill. That makes me think 100% or something. And I don't like to jump to that conclusion too fast, but he's staying at her plane. - Jumping. - Yeah. Comments, not overreacting. That shit is insane to me. So it's that weird behavior. I get a care package or something, but staying overnight for the sniffles. Your boyfriend is trying to bang stacey. - And you know what? You don't even have to deliver it. You can Uber Eats deliver that shit. - Absolutely, yeah. - You don't even have to drop it off the front door right there. Leave it door, take picture, done. Someone says, "Makes no sense for him to stay very stupid." I would assume they're banging. Oh, he said, "As soon as I saw no trouble breathing, that's where my mind went. They're not even trying to pretend that she's seriously ill. A head cold has never stopped me from having sex. I wouldn't expect one to stop her." - Whoa, okay. - Damn, all right. - All right. - Okay. - A head cold has stopped me from having sex. - I'm not involved in all over my girl. - God. - All right. - Well, there's that. - There's that. - Okay. - Okay. - No, no many updates. - No many updates. I don't think we need one. - I don't need an update. - I think we know what's going on. - I think we got all the info. Dang, our next story comes from relationship advice. This was posted in 2021. January of 2021. Not a good year. - That was not a good year. - Not a good year. - Not a good year. - This is a 24 year old woman writing in. Is my neighbor a 27 year old woman into me or is she just being friendly? How do I know if she's gay? - Okay. - Hi, all. I can't believe I'm asking for advice from a bunch of strangers on the internet, but I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this. Sorry for the incoming essay, but I guess I need to give history. I bought my first house in September last year. It was an odd time, but everything just fell into place. It's quite a small village and everyone is really friendly, so I got to know my neighbors soon after moving in. Yes, socially distanced. Then I met my over-the-road neighbor. Let's call her L. I can't describe it, but it's the first time I've ever met someone and been lost for words and my heart was racing and just thought, "Oh my god, you know, lift things with her mind." - Yeah, crazy. - I saw her squish a bug with her bare hands. So after I blushed my way through a welcome to the village-type convo, we only saw each other for a wave and a hello for a few days. To help settle in, I had my dog be with me for the first few weeks. During this time, there was a massive increase in dog thefts in a nearby town, not just from gardens, but literally wrestled away from people. If I'd been working furloughed off and on since March, then I would have taken B back to Mums, but since I was home with her all day, she stayed. So the local police advised us not to walk dogs alone, but we go out twice a day. A 10k run in the morning and a few miles walk in the evening. Obviously, this scares me, but at the same time, she is honestly a pain in the arse and gets upset if she doesn't go for a run and needs to be tired out, so I'm kind of stuck at this point. Then along comes L. She knocked on the door and offered to come with us as she'd seen B and me in the evenings and everything kind of spiraled from there. I told her about my morning runs, but she didn't really bite, so I thought nothing of it. Then a few days later, I bumped into her on a run, so she started joining us on those two. A few months later, and we are spending more and more time together every day. It is now progressed to a run early morning, afternoon coffee, dinner most evenings, and then the evening walk. It just seemed to happen without me really noticing. I didn't read into things that much as I don't want to get my hopes up and ruin anything until another neighbor commented about how much time we spend together and how it's nice to see you young gals getting on and winked. She actually winked at me. I asked her what she meant, but she just laughed and said, "You know what I mean?" So now I'm looking back on things and wondering if she could like me too. Here's some reasons why she might like me. How obvious do we think she's going to be? I think it's good that she gets me on the mouth and touches my boo. Yeah, she might like me. We're engaged, and we live together. Do you think she's gay? Do we think she's gay? Okay, here's some reason she might like me. I went running along the same route at the same time for nearly two weeks before I happened to run into her a few days after I told her this. I make her a coffee every afternoon. L is work from home and take it over in her favorite mug. She says, "I make good coffee, but I'm pretty sure I saw a fancy coffee machine the first time I went round. It's not there now." L carried on running and walking with me even after B went home. I told her she was going back to moms and she said, "Well, I'll have to make another excuse to join you." And then we just carried on every day. She has tried really hard to bond with B. B is a very anxious dog and is scared of everyone except me and mom. L bought special treats to give her every day and has been so amazing with her and never tried to force anything. When I asked her, she said, "It's important to me that she likes me and is comfortable." B actually fell asleep between us on the sofa yesterday and it just makes my heart skip a beat, guys. She invited me to the Zoom quiz she does with her friends every fortnight or so and they were all like, "Oh, so this is who we've heard so much about." "Oh, my God!" We realized we had become each other's support bubble. L asked if I was meeting anyone else and I said, "No." She said she was glad she had me alter herself. Okay. All right. We gave each other quite personal Christmas presents like it actually made me tear up. It meant so much to me and she bought stuff for B. Reasons why she might not like me. All the reasons above, but that she's just doing them because she's a fucking great person and we're friends. Oh, okay. All right. All right, lady. It might sound dumb, but I don't know. I need your help, guys. She is just the most incredible person I've ever met and I really, really like her. But if she isn't gay or doesn't feel the same, I don't want to lose her friendship as she has become such a huge part of my life. I genuinely have no experience with these kinds of things as I went to quite a strict all-girl school. So it's not as if there were any relationships around me as a teen and then I went to a very small university. Eight of us on my course. Wow. Golf Course University. Yeah. I guess another reason is that I've struggled with anxiety and depression for the past 10 years as well as my weight and working on myself confidence. But I can say that right now I am the happiest and healthiest both mentally and physically I've ever been. I've only just really become comfortable with the fact that I'm gay and I've never really told anyone in real life. But I don't think people would be too surprised. I don't have any close friends as no one stuck around when I was really struggling with my mental health a few years ago so I can't discuss this with anyone in real life. So I need your advice. How do I find out if she's gay? And no, I don't have the confidence to just ask. What if she says no when I ruin everything? She has never mentioned anything about past relationships and I'm pretty tackless so not sure how I could naturally slip it into the convo. Like, hey, tell me have you ever had a girlfriend? Do you want one now? LOL. And how can I make a move without really making a move so I don't ruin things? That's the worst position of being. It's a pretty tough. There's this layered so she's never actually came out to anyone in real life. It's so that's tough. Also like, okay, so a lot of comments that I see or just I'll see a lot of things that are like chance always takes the devil's advocate side blah blah blah blah. No, hold on now. There's really important, it's called critical thinking number one in critical reading. Who is writing this? Why are they writing it and what is their point of view and what do they have to gain or lose from writing this? That is a really important thing to look at, especially in these days on the internet where it's like, is this true? Where is this coming from? Why is it coming to me? Why am I being served this and what are they trying to do? So we have to look at the author's point of view because history is written from the winner's perspective most often or whoever's writing it down is telling the story. So there's always things and pieces of information that they can spin or tell us and we don't often get to see the other side of that story. Right. So a lot of times when I'm on here, I'm thinking, why are they saying it this way? What are they trying to do and are they telling the truth? Most of the time I'm just like, yes, they're telling the truth, but that's a dangerous thing to just assume everyone's always telling the truth. And she's telling her truth, like her perceived that is exactly the point I am making. She is telling us all of these things that she's seeing about this amazing person. I'm saying this from first-hand experience, I have been in her position where I'm like, they have to like me, right? They're doing this. They're doing this. They're doing this. And I will say about this time, 2021, was our social circles were pretty compact, especially with who we get to see in person every day. And I'm saying this because in this same scenario, I had a person that I was like, they have to like me. We are spending breakfast, lunch, dinner together. We are doing every social thing together, would they, we met each other's parents, like we do all these things, like, they have to like me. And then they didn't like me. So I'm coming from this. I'm like, oh, you idiot. Of course they do. But she's telling it from how she's seeing it because she has confirmation bias saying it that way. She's also inexperienced in that world. So she's 23. Yes. And then you add on top that she's never actually been in a relationship with someone. And you add COVID on where it's like, you're going to click to one person, two people, three people and spend all your time with them anyway. Yeah. To not to get COVID. It's also the tough thing of like, can, are people allowed to just be really good friends? Yeah. Like are they allowed to become now? What's like, you know, without it being like, oh, well, they're clearly in trouble. And sometimes when you do cross that boundary, you're across that line. Not, I guess it is a boundary. You rub against someone's boundary when you are trying to push it forward, but it should be, I think it should be allowed to want more from a relationship, but it also can be allowed to sit in a relationship. You don't have to have more or want more. Yeah. But I think she loves her. If I had to place a bet, sure, but it's high stakes. Is that a high stakes table? So placing a bet is really scary. And yeah. But also, I would say to OP, like she's putting a lot of pressure on herself. It's like, if, if your neighbor is gay, and she's also into you, like, it's also on her to express something. That's true. She's in the same exact position as you are potentially. Okay. So if you're in OP's position, how would you go about broaching this? I am really bad at these types of things, like historically. Now, you add a layer that I can't relate to of being gay, right? And, and being a lesbian. Like, I don't know what, how that goes, but. Well, that's lesbian. That's lesbian. Okay. I'll tell you my first hand experience. I tried to do this. And I was thinking about it for months. How do I get past this point? And there's also something beautiful. I'm going to say it again. There's something beautiful about it doesn't have to be a romantic type of love. You can continue loving this person in a non-romantic way. And you can, they can sit just like that in your life. But I tried to set up, I was thinking about it for months. I'm an overthinker. And I was thinking about it. And I was like, I tried to set up like a really like organic romantic situation where I could just kind of like softball pitch the feelings and be like, would you ever consider dating like me? Like, I feel like we do so many things like already dating wise. And it went so poorly. Really? It went so poorly at first. It was just like, oh, I guess I haven't really thought about it. And I almost felt gas that I was like, there's no way you haven't thought about it. And then it was like, it kept, like we kept talking about it. And then that day was fine. And the next day was like weird, right? It was super weird. It was like they slept on it. And it was super weird. And then it was like kind of like it was, it was not a denial. But it was like, you're, you're not crazy. But like you've pushed things too far. And I was like, whoa, whoa. I was just softballing the pitch. Nothing was different. Can I ask was this someone who is saying, like, they're not into or that they're not gay? I've had that they're not gay before, but they're not into me. They're just not into. So the first was gay. The first was gay. This is a situation where they're just that you thought, yeah. So then how did you bring the gay back? They're just not gay. Yes. I see. So she has two possibilities. She doesn't know if she likes her. And she doesn't know if she's, she's gay. So, but but you were in a situation where you knew someone was gay, but where they into you or not. Yeah. They weren't. They wanted it. So it's almost interesting that her neighbor might be gay and also just might not be into her just because she's gay. There's two things going on. Yes. And it is scary. It's scary because you can have gay friends. Yeah. Absolutely. You're like, what? No. I hate you guys. Oh, what? I'm so out of fan of you. He's like, you think we're friends. Sorry. These past many years, I think you've been used. That's hilarious. Friendship does not win. Yeah. Well, that's true. Oh, wait. Did you want to talk about how you would bridge the gap to me? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sorry. I haven't really had a specific fit. I've had like little fit. Yeah. Usually it's just like, I'm like, hey, I're gay. And usually they're like, no. Because I think the easier conversation is, are you into me rather than are you gay? I'm upset because what if she's what if this is her one woman she's into and she's and she doesn't identify as gay, but she's into this woman. And there you cover the gay thing. If you say, are you into me? Yes. I'm into you. Then the gay part doesn't matter. The gay part doesn't matter. That's a way. And if you just don't assume everyone's straight all the time, then you don't even have to have gay conversation. You guys need to stop assuming everyone's straight. But I mean, there's a straight invisibility. Everyone assumes everyone is or a lot of people assume the default is straight. That's not the default. That was so progressive of you. Thanks. Where'd it go? Yeah. Two strings. How? They were always two strings. Okay. Guys. Chances have two strings. One to two. Someone started off by screaming. They said, ah, honestly, judging by what you wrote, I'm pretty sure she's into women and into you, especially considering your neighbors and friends reactions. I'm a woman loving woman myself. And I know this type of scenario can be so nerve-racking. If that's your style, maybe you could wear some pride accessories around her, or mention some LGBTQ flow. I think that's all I'm picturing. Where are you going to start? I'm gay. Yeah. I'm gay. I said the target. Maybe you said the target. Exactly what I was thinking. Yeah. I was like the target. The target. Where in a fucking rainbow. Is it the target pride line for like two years ago? Because they stopped. They were like scared. Yeah. But it was, I mean, it should have stopped. God. I wish I would have got some of it. If you have to get pride, Merch, I will give you a PEO box. Yeah. Some vintage target. I want some vintage pride. I think it's incredible. Progressive. Wait. And everyone wanted to stop but not the way they did. They managed to stop and wait. Everybody hated. Yeah. Okay. I'm laughing at. I'm gay. Are you? Just like, oh, sorry. Do you like to serve? Are you? Do you agree? Okay. You could wear some some pride accessories around her or mention some LGBTQ plus books, movies show that you liked a lot. If it's not too obscure and she's into women, chances are she's seen/red/heard of it too. Engage her reaction. Sorry if this isn't much of a help for you. Either way, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. Keep me updated. I love love stories. Do you watch heated rivalry? Don't you wish that was too women instead? Do you like Rosie O'Donnell? Not Rosie. Oh, he responded to that saying, I like this suggestion. I feel like I could bring that into conversations fairly naturally. Thanks. My only worry then is if I still don't get a clear response. But I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get into it. When I get to it. Someone else said, why don't you ask if she has any special plans for Valentine's Day and then kind of work your way in from there? It's a super light topic and an easy way to see if there's someone else or she'll suggest you two to hang out. Oh, he says, I mean, we are in a country wide lockdown, so I'm not sure what special plans she could have to be honest. Although, I guess I could kind of joke about it. You guys, have you ever done Valentine's Day? I've done a Valentine's Day with a friend that I was into and it is agony. Oh, that's rough. I will know the situation. Yeah, that's like, that's why I'm like, that is not a good idea because it is going to be like a friend's Valentine's Day thing. Valentine's Valentine's Day. And then she's not even gay and you're like, you spent this whole thing and then you build up this narrative in your head. That's a humiliation ritual on the on the map right there. 100%. Wow. That will scare you for Valentine's Day for years to come. But do it. But you know what, go for it, girl. Okay, update. Little. I really want this to work out. Yeah, okay. Okay, guys, thank you so, so much for all your support and encouragement. You've all given me a lot to think about. I think I'm going to casually slip some gay stuff into conversation. See how she reacts. Oh, yeah. Then bring up the neighbor's comments like some of you suggested seeing as though the neighbor was heavily implying that we're gay. I'll do it tonight. Otherwise, I'll talk myself out of it again. I will post an update to let you know what happens. If you never hear from me again, I assume it went badly and I'm consoling myself with cake and watching broke back Mountain in floods of tears. Okay, so she's going to go up to her and just be like, what do you think about this carabiner I've got? That's pretty cool, right? I'm like, troll it around. I was awesome. Enough of your shit. Give me another update. Okay, update number two. Yes, yes, yes, this is the real update. Please, please. Hi, Reddit. Yes, it's me, the useless lesbian. Damn, OP. Hi, Reddit. First off, I want to thank you all for your support, encouragement and advice, and the undeserved awards. I never expected this many of you to take the time to comment and that so many of you were rooting for us. So I had the plan to drop these gay hints into Convo, like you guys suggested, but honestly, it all went out the window. was kind of stressed Friday after a shitty work Zoom and just needed to vent so it wasn't the right time to start anything. Though I guess I must have been a bit off thanks to spending all day overthinking things here, as L turned up Saturday morning rambling about stressing me out and apologized for ruining dinner. Obviously, I said, "What are you talking about? You can talk to me about anything." And she said, "Anything?" And I said, "Anything, back." And guys, the tension was unreal, staring at each other and hoping our lesbian mind-reading powers would kick in. Then there was some loud noise, like a car backfiring or something, and the moment went. So I went to make coffee and then L asked me why I was a bit quiet the night before, and I said something about overthinking stuff and she said, "What stuff?" And I don't know, you guys, I wasn't prepared to be put on the spot. My casual gay pop culture references were useless at that moment. My mind just went completely blank and I forgot every single thing you guys suggested and my heart was pounding and I just blurted out, "You know I like you, right?" Good. Good. Good. And then she kissed me. Yes. Oh, we straight up just snogged in the kitchen and it was fucking great. So snogged. Yes. Hey, she said arse before being lesbians cool being British. No, no, not on my watch. I saw the line there. They're getting filled mass away from here. Whatever the hell you're eating. Lesbians five. I want you got gravy on shit. So you were right. You were all fucking right. She's gay. She likes me and has been trying to drop hints for nearly five months sigh. We were both just too scared to make a move or ruin anything. Turns out she's been burned by straight girls in the past. So she's pretty wary and was hoping I'd straight up say I'm a lesbian. So she'd know for sure. Maybe the I'm a lesbian wall hanging would have been a good idea after all her friends have been helping her drop hints. She showed me the group chat and guys their suggestions range from flirting more to just turning up in a trench coat and nothing else. LOL also the winking neighbor has been making comments to her as well. So shout out to her for trying to make this happen to so no cake and cry watching broke back mountain just five months of dating to catch up on as for worrying about how our current schedule could be more date like during lockdown. You are right. It's kind of irrelevant when you've essentially been dating the whole time though we never made it to our morning run yesterday. In fact, we didn't leave the house at all. Nice. Wow. Thank you guys for giving me hope even if all your suggestions completely disappeared at that moment. Maybe I'll show her the post later and ask if any of the suggestions would have worked. That's really beautiful. And then she's like you're a redditor. And she's like, I'm out. I'm out of here. Done. Oh, that's sweet. That's like that. That's very sweet. Very sweet. Okay, moving on to our next story comes from Am I the asshole? Am I the asshole for buying my girlfriend vanilla shampoo? Is he allergic to vanilla? Yes. Yes. You're the asshole. Yeah. Why did you do that? Max story. Moving on. My girlfriend uses a few different types of shampoo and alternates between them. One of them a vanilla scented one is my favorite. She asked me to pick up some things for her at the store and on my way to check out I saw the vanilla shampoo and grabbed that too. When I got back to her apartment, she started putting away the things I bought. She was confused by the shampoo and asked me why I got it. I said that I saw it and knew she uses that kind and grabbed it for her. She said she wasn't running low on shampoo. I said I know, but it doesn't expire and that one is my favorite. I teasingly said that she should use it if she's planning to wash her hair tonight. She asked what I meant by it being my favorite. I said I like the way it makes her hair smell like cookies. She looked a little weirded out. I asked her if she was okay. She said it was weird that I sexualized her shampoo. I said smelling nice is sexy. I asked if she thinks I'm sexier when I use nice smelling soaps and deodorants. She said not really as long as I don't actively smell bad. I said maybe it's different for everyone. She said honestly it bothered her that something as mundane as shampoo was sexual to me. She asked me if someone else smelled like Vanilla would I be attracted to them. I said no that she was misunderstanding me. She asked me to clarify it but I don't think I did a good job. I said I specifically like the smell on her not other people. She still seemed put out so I headed home to give her space. Was I an asshole for buying the shampoo and telling her I like when she uses it? To me that's not weird but maybe that's because I'm a guy. Is there a layer to this? I'm not seeing. You getting horned up in the spice aisle pig saffron. Okay. As we were talking about before with every reddit post it's like all right we're this is one side. We're opening the door into a relationship that's probably been going on for a long time. Yes. I feel like big crazy things happen in relationships and people don't talk about it and then it's the little tiny thing that happens. 100% suddenly it blows up right. There was lotion man back in the day. This is now shampoo guy. This is similar thing. If it on this from his perspective on reading this it does come across as like oh she's finding a reason to be upset to let get out of this. But that's what it reads to me. The hunch is if we're going to try and find the other perspective is maybe he's like overly sexualizing her off. That's what it sounds like. She's a little tired of all of the sexualizing and the window into that conversation for her is the shampoo moment. Yeah. There could be a lot more information on this one to come. Verticked not the asshole comments I would have thought it was sexy and cute. You're not the asshole at all. The most romantic thing my husband did for me was buy me a personal pizza with all of it because I told him I like it. But I had an order one years because I just eat what everyone else likes and they don't like olives. We were talking about something else and I just casually mentioned it as an aside. Three weeks later I came home and it was sitting on our kitchen island with a heart drawn on the box. It wasn't the pizza. It was confirmation that he was listening to me and not just paying attention to his phone being attentive is important. Oh, he said, I thought I was being sexy and cute too. She's my first real relationship. So I acknowledge that I'm inexperienced here, but I thought it was a very innocent way to flirt. It's not like I bought her underwear. Yeah. I guess we don't get to know how long they've been dating. But either way, if I heard this story, I'm just like, oh, so you guys someone's wrong. This is bad. Yeah. Because yes, I agree. Like in a normal, healthy relationship, it's this would be normal. Yeah. That would be fun. Yeah. It's like the whole idea of Cologne and perfume. It's like it can smell can absolutely be sexy. Yeah. It's one of the most like it's common, common thing. Yeah. You're wearing my favorite. Cologne. Like I'm wearing your favorite. Yeah. It's interesting. Someone said, not the asshole. What on earth? You did something nice. She should have said, thank you. My husband comments, if he likes my perfume, she presumably buys the vanilla scented shampoo because she also likes the smell. Making it out like you're some weird freak for also liking the smell as wild. It's like she was looking for something to fight about. Oh, he said, yeah, I don't get it liking certain smells as normal, right? Isn't that the point of scented things and perfume? It's not a creepy thing to like. And see then hearing everyone dog pile and mob mentality, this woman who we didn't get her side of the story at all. It's like, well, what did the conversation sound like from her point of view and when else is this happening? Right. Sure. I mean, that is the tough thing. What is he asking of her on a regular basis that might get her to do that? Yeah. I would say this goes one of two ways for me. It's like either we find out that, oh, he's been doing a lot like this. Yeah, he's been pushing like he's been saying do these things, whatever. I'm not of that camp believing that like. Yeah, he said, oh, use this shampoo tonight, which is like, okay, like maybe maybe there's a lot of that going on. What it does also seem is like she wants to end this relationship and she's trying to find this a way to do it. Yep. So I won't be shocked if we read an update and it's like, oh, she's cheating on me or whatever. Sure. There's that too. Update. Okay. Good. So here we go. All right. I fucked her shampoo. So yesterday, my girlfriend didn't like it that I took it upon myself to buy her vanilla shampoo when I was picking some things up for her at the store. We met up at her apartment again this morning for breakfast and I asked if we could talk about our boundaries and expectations because I never want to make her feel uncomfortable. Okay. So I'm having a hard time believing that he's in the wrong. She agreed that we should talk. She said that when she visited her family over winter break. She had time to think about our relationship and talk to her parents and sister about me. She said that space and perspective made her realize some things. The first thing she realized that she isn't happy that we always meet at her apartment. I said I completely understand this and that she is welcome to come hang out at mine. When we first started dating, she didn't want to visit my apartment often because of my four roommates, but things changed and I get that. She still doesn't want to hang out at my apartment because of my four roommates, though. She said that my living situation is too crowded and it bothers her. I asked if she wanted me to move and she said she would like it if I made a commitment to finding a new living situation by the next semester. Since the next semester is a long way off, this isn't unreasonable, but I was hesitant. I really like my living situation. My friends and I help each other out a lot. I don't necessarily want to live alone and it is expensive. She can afford to live alone, but I don't necessarily think I could. I explained that I didn't think I could afford it. She suggested I ask my parents for money, which isn't an option. She also pointed out that I have a part-time job, but that doesn't make me enough money to pay for my own apartment I asked if me spending too much time at her apartment was the only issue because I felt like there was more to the shampoo thing She said yes that she didn't like that. She said she didn't like the idea that I'm constantly thinking about having sex with her And then it made her feel disrespected. I said I'm not constantly thinking about having sex with her I told her it's more that I really like her and sometimes she does things and I think they are sexy, but that doesn't mean I necessarily want to have sex at that moment. It's just my internal monologue going that was sexy That wasn't the right way to explain it. She didn't seem to understand where I was coming from She asked me what was going through my head when I was at the store and if I was thinking about having sex with her I said I was thinking about the store the items I needed to buy inflation, etc And then I saw the shampoo and I thought about how she uses it and it makes her hair hair smell amazing and I bought it She asked if I specifically thought about the way her hair smelled the last time we had sex and I said yes But it wasn't like I had a full sex fantasy in the store. It was momentary thought She said that it isn't normal and I might have Tourette's or ADHD or OCD or some other condition that causes intrusive thoughts You do dude break up. I'm really glad I made the last post because I was worried about what she said But then I remembered all the commenters that mentioned also feeling the same way about sense I told her I post about our conversation in an anonymous online forum and several people feel the same way I do about smell I said I think it is normal to feel that way about sense But maybe it isn't ubiquitous. She said it isn't normal and I might want to talk to a doctor about potentially having hypersexuality Between her not liking my living situation and her not liking that I am attracted to her smell Which is probably my fault because I wasn't doing a good job of explaining things I realized we just weren't compatible. I told her I thought maybe we had different needs for a relationship And maybe we'd be better off as friends. She said she was disappointed in me But that she agreed we hugged it out. I'm a little bummed But we were only dating for four months. Thanks for being my normalcy barometer since I don't have one for relationships yet Okay, yeah, good Jesus Christ. Yeah, her being like you need to move out Um and being like I can't afford that she's like ask your parents for money I'm like, yeah, she is she's naive like yeah, she is not in the real world Yeah, also the answer Oh, just get money. Yeah, don't just get get just just get more money. What are you doing? It's stupid. It is money Only four months to rats Yeah, fuck so some fucked up and you're a doctor. Yeah, she's like no, it's not normal She diagnosed him with Tourette's ADHD and hypersexuality Holy shit, bro. I pre-med. I know. Yeah, good god Also, four months that was a that was someone's telling you to move change your living situation and is diagnosing you with things and four months get out of there Get out. Get out and did that way Um update number two. I know so they broke up He broke up with her My new girlfriend's a cookie and she smells amazing Look, I won't lie. Sometimes I've seen a cookie. I'd be like okay Shane. We can date read the update But then I eat them The cookies that have like the circle of frosting on and they're kind of like you guys feel like they're made of Play-Doh I know it's a little key hit. I'm gonna be honest and I would low-key hit the cookie. Okay Read the update Do they probably if I find a food cookie and it is too crunchy too hard. I'm out really Antitates I love like a soft chewy meat. Oh, oh, it's good. If they're it's soft chewy Yeah, I mean guys it's hard 26 likes a hard cook. Okay, wait. I'll tell you something. I like a hard cook. No I have to admit Oh, I prefer Crazy I prefer a meal raised into chocolate chip cookies. I don't think that's controversial chance me too I don't know I think you know meal raised and cookies delicious. I actually love so many flavors of cookie as long as they're they're on the softer side Okay, a soft oatmeal raisin cookie. Oh, fuck a sugar cookie. No, I love a sugar cookie I don't know if I've had a cookie that I'm like I don't like that flavor Sugar is just like sweet. It's delicious. Yeah, and I'm a little animal kind of got that light light sugary Thing going on there. All right read the right update I broke up my girlfriend three weeks ago and have been on a few dates since then she texted me a few hours ago Asking to give us another shot. Oh, of course. No, if it wasn't for all the feedback you guys gave me I probably would have taken her up on the offer keeping in mind what she said about me I turned her down She said she noticed some alarming patterns in me and that she might have overreacted I told her I understand it and that it's okay, but I'm interested in dating some more She said the grass isn't always greener on the other side and we know we are compatible I disagreed with her and said we aren't actually compatible because of the housing situation She said she is willing to give me another shot and if we work out in six months to a year We can move in together. I still said no. I definitely would have agreed before I read all your comments So yeah, thanks again. I have a couple of dates scheduled for this weekend. Oh first a second wish me luck damn Okay, you don't want to go that fast, but okay good for you We get it um not surprised how many months that had been They were only dating for four months and now it was been three weeks almost a month later It's got it it takes half the time Yeah to like get over. Yeah, that's what Carrie said. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. He's over it She's just controlling his hell. Yeah Okay, well good for him good for him. Good for him. Yes. Also when he came to the conversation with boundaries I'm like yeah, yeah, I mean boundaries and expectations conversation. I'm I'm in a hundred percent Okay, our final story comes from am I overreacting? Am I overreacting? My girlfriend left me over a cheese wheel so Some of you watching and listening have maybe heard this story before because Angela was on two hot takes and they read this story Um, and Angela was talking to me yesterday and she's like I am so curious about your opinion of this story So I think it's gonna be a wild ride so buckle up um and shout out to hot takes morgue for a little bit of context op and his girlfriend are Canadian um I a 27-year-old man and my girlfriend 26-year-old woman were saving for a house down payment I work and she is unemployed I've saved uh about 23,000 USD and she has saved uh roughly 3,000 USD So I feel like I bear the brunt of the financial decision-making here I was doing the Oxford County cheese trail and found a vault release They were selling a 140-pound wheel of 21-year-old cheddar It was aged using a traditional cloth bound method that's practically extinct here in Canada And with over 21 years it is extremely concentrated 21-year-old cheddar often sells for a hundred and twenty dollars a pound The farm was selling the entire wheel for 18,500 dollars. That's roughly 13,000 USD If I cut it into 200 gram wedges and sell it at 60 dollars each 45 dollars for us I can make roughly 28,000 USD I bought the cheese wheel and brought it home in my truck When I rolled it into our apartment at first she was excited When I started to explain the financials and investment potential she turned sour She didn't yell but expressed she wasn't happy about how I spent my share of our house savings She is now staying with her parents I think she's overreacting because she doesn't understand the Canadian housing market Our savings is not enough for a down payment without a ridiculous mortgage And we need to take these opportunities Am I overreacting? Or am I the only one with ambition in our relationship? Cheese! So let me re-look at this math So he bought it for 18,000 He bought it for 18,000 and he's hoping he can sell it He can make 38,000 so he's hoping he can make 20,000 dollars in Canadian cash He's going to turn this cheese around to make a big buck Yeah, he's how big is the wheel It's 140 pounds That's like half a guy Yeah, and then a fucking that's a whole guy That is a whole, depending on the type of guy It's a lot of cheese but now he's got to go about selling all this cheese Right and that's tough Where you got to find interesting, interesting buyers It's just like door-to-door juice He's just going to make all that back You're not going to sell all that product I've watched Breaking Bad, this stuff isn't easy No And people want math more than cheese Yes, people want math more than cheese And that's the takeaway He's on a corner and he's just got a big wheel of cheese But like, yeah, okay, do you have cocaine? Yeah, he's got a trench coat, it's really lumpy He's not in the cheese industry He seems to have no background in understanding cheese Nor being a salesman that as far as we know He just took a huge leap and dropped almost 20,000 dollars On cheese On cheese, no, if I'm her, I'm pissed off And he starts this off of being like, well, I have a majority of the savings It's like, well, it's one, not anymore But two, it's like, no, you guys are like saving up to buy a house together Your savings are your savings Right Yes, and he, as he addresses the Canadian housing market is awful Really hard to buy a house He just made it, he set them in a worse Another year or so probably He did set them back He still has, he still has $5,000 to her. $3,000. So we're still in charge. You can still make all them decisions. So got a majority. I mean, but it's like, if we're coming to the table as equals, and we're putting money for it together, I'm like, well, it's his money. It's not a joint account. It's sure his savings account. I would say it for me, I would, I would think of it more as like a percentage thing of what your income is. And it's also just like, you're a team. So it's like, okay, we're pooling our resources. Yes, you had more asked her before about the fun. It's also not a great. I don't think it's a great indication that he's like, oh, we're saving up to buy this house together. But he's like, oh, but I can spend my money. However, it's like, right, you guys are going to have to change this mind that a little bit. Yeah, like before you go into a house together, yeah, because this house always going to be his house. Like that resentment. That's what it sounded like at first. And it's just it's sounding like a red flag in a way. But also his impulsiveness. Are they married? Yeah. Um, no, they're not married. Does it say how long they've been dating for? It does not say four months. Four months. It does not say how long they've been dating together. But I think it's a huge red for the impulsiveness to like drop that much money. $20,000. That is a lot of money on on cheese on an investment on like, I'm going to, but it's like, okay, you're, you're taking on this job. Okay. A full time job. Like, how are you going to find those kind of? I know. That's a ton. It's just like see, you know, it's a very strange red flag to suddenly see your partner spend all that money on something that doesn't make sense. And I'm not a cheese expert, but I am, I'm like aware of like, guys, you're not going to believe this. I'm not a cheese expert. But he's talking about, oh, they're worth $140. Uh, uh, they often sell for $120 a pound. It's like, yeah, yeah, that's best case scenario. Right. Like that's the, it's a fluctuating market. I assume like anything else. I don't know the cheese market. I don't either. But markets fluctuate. Yeah. I mean, like a, uh, Pokemon cards worth a thousand dollars, but you put it online and no one's buying the thousand dollar Pokemon card. Yeah. You know this guy head NFTs. Oh, a hundred. I forgot. Yeah. How about that brain blast? Remember the monkey. Yep. Eighth thing. That was crazy. Jimmy Fallon was like, comments. 200 grams is seven ounces. You could get a maximum of 320 seven ounce slices out of a 140 pound wheel, assuming zero waste. At $60 each, that would get you 19,200 dollars, not $38,000. Your math is totally off for one thing. And I suspect you're going to struggle to find hundreds of customers willing to pay $60 for seven ounces of cheese. So most likely you will lose money from this venture. That said, your money is yours to do what you want with. But if you have a partner, you are planning a future with. It's a bad idea to make big decisions like this without wanting it by them first. Exactly. It breeds distrust, resentment, instability, etc. You're supposed to discuss things together and make decisions together. That's how partnerships work. In this case, maybe your partner could have checked your math and explained how far off your numbers were and saved from a costly mistake. His math was wrong. His math was really bad. I'm not a good math person, but his math was really bad. Yeah, he should have honestly, he could have posted in a different Reddit thread. There's the Reddit thread. They did the math where you can like put any sort of math question in there. And someone will respond and do the math. Okay, he should have. He's the asshole. What is the question? Oh, he responded to that guy, though, saying you are dividing the 140 pounds by seven ounces, but you are forgetting that there are 16 ounces in a pound. So if you divide the 140 by seven, the seven goes into 14 twice. Okay, so that makes me not want to believe whatever. Yeah, I don't know if I'm buying this guy. Someone said, you spent 18,500 on cheese with no actual plan on how you're going to recoup that outside of, yeah, I can totally sell this. Incidentally, your math is way off selling 317 wedges at $60 each comes to $19,050, which nets you a whopping $650 for what will surely be weeks of work on the completely off chance you managed to sell everything. Someone else said, who is going to pay $120 for a pound for cheese that some random person is selling out of their apartment? If I was going to spend that much, I'd want to know that it was stored and handled properly. And actually, do you need a food safety license to do this kind of thing? Oh, he said, one, it's not a commodity. It's a heritage cheese and the value is determined by the scarcity. You can't get this cheese from a regular retailer to I have my Ontario food handler's certificate. Okay. Someone said, after you cut the cheese, how long will the wheel stay fresh? Can you store it appropriately to preserve it for that length of time? Oh, he said, the cheese will not spoil. After 21 years, all the moisture has been replaced by calcium lactate crystals. Once the wax seal is broken, I will be putting it in my chest freezer. Someone said, how did she save $4,000 being unemployed unless it was from her unemployment payments? But he never mentioned she was getting paid unemployment. How much does unemployment even pay out total anyways? Maybe it was birthday/Christmas money from relatives? If you were to look at it as a percentage saved to money available or in this case earned, she saved way more than he did. Why was he not contributing his fair share? Oh, he said, she doesn't have any overhead because I pay the bills. Hence why I feel that it is acceptable for me to make financial decisions like investing in high I yield assets like the traditional cloth bound 21 year age. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no You're dropping, if you're dropping near $20,000 on something with the expectation you're gonna make money, you've been scammed. I think deserve enough. You've been deaf. We should kill him. And I'm not exaggerating. Like he should be wrapped in a cloth and aged in one of the years. To be clear, the redditors who, and if a redditor responds with a detailed math assessment. You've got to believe them right. You should believe them. And he said, you're at most gonna make like $600 off of this. Like he bought, he bought this cheese at market price. Yeah. Because he did bad math, thought that he was getting it at a deal when actually it was sold to him at the price that it's worth. And then he just completely fudge this. I love though, I love when the OP responds to comments, disproving them. Like I'm like, you posted on Reddit asking for responses and then you're gonna go to war. Yeah. All right, man. I'm gonna be entertained by it. It could have bought like a used car and like flipped it and made it like a nicer car. That makes slightly more sense than a cheese wheel. But still, truly, he would have been better off just investing the money into just an account. Yeah. Like his, Oh, you mean not spending the money. Or just not spending your money. Yeah. Yeah. Update. No. Okay. I don't need an update. I do. I do. We need it. What if he got rich? Okay. Then I went out. If you got super rich, then I flipped this cheese bit. He literally, this guy is a character from it's always sunny in Philadelphia. Yes. Like this is Charlie. This is Charlie move. I have taken some of your feedback into consideration from my last post. For those curious, my girlfriend is no longer in the picture. She cracked due to low risk tolerance. So I've decided to go all in on the business. That's. Cheese is high risk. I'm going to say high risk tolerance. I initially tried to return the wheel to the distributor to recoup some capital thinking they'd have some pity. They were actually considering it until they came out to look at it in my truck. Apparently, the minor heat damage I caused to the paraffin wax while trying to open last week compromise the wheel, which was already non-refundable in the first place. Since I'm now stuck with a 140 pound $30,000 asset. I had to pivot to asset protection and keep what I still have. I went out and bought a true TBB2HC 59 inch solid door back bar cooler, a professional digital temperature humidity controller, and industrial humidifier, a vacuum sealer, and ripening mats. Total cost was about $8,500. That's almost saving. Man, blew as money on the cheese. On cheese. Expensive. Yes. But I wasn't going to let a $30,000 investment depreciate value. I've started to notice that this is a thing that dudes do, and it's just if they use these certain words, they think they think that they're being smart. It's like, no, man, you spent money on cheese and now a cooler and now a depreciating value, you're talking about the cheese is melting in your truck. You got melted cheese in it. That's what it's had. You got the inside of a mozzarella stick all over the back of your truck. It's a string asset. You have cheese. You have cheese. It's a cheese. Stop it. Whenever a guy comes to you and he's, if you have a cousin, everybody has a cousin who's probably doing this, coming at you with those words, they don't know what they're talking about. They don't know what they're talking about. Okay, so he's now blown all of his money. The delivery was difficult. My apartment door is narrow, so I had to take the door entirely off the hinges and shimmy the cooler into the living room. I had made a millimeter of clearance between the frame and the unit. I was exhausted and excited so I started researching installation on my phone. before putting my front door back on, that's what my landlord walked in. Apparently he believes my door being off the hinges somehow removes my reasonable right to privacy. We already have a strain relationship because of my own use of the unit. He still holds a grudge because I was doing some light metal fabrication with a consumer plasma cutter in my kitchen a few months ago. >> What are we doing? What are we doing? What even is a plasma cutter? >> Got her sounds awesome. He's starting to win me over, this guy is crazy enough. >> Cranger here is pretty awesome. Just because there's no door and no hinges, he doesn't have the right to look in my apartment that he owns. >> He saw the cooler, the vacuum sealer, and the wheel of heritage cheese and started crying about commercial operations and fire hazards. I told him very clearly, the cheese is for personal consumption. There is nothing in my lease that limits how much dairy a tenant can own. He's lying. >> That's a lie, Mari. >> The next morning, I found an eviction notice in my mailbox. It's riddled with spelling errors as if written in a haste. I'm already preparing my defense for the landlord tenant board. Am I overreacting? I'm being evicted over dietary preferences as far as the landlord is concerned. I feel like this is an unlawful action. I added a plus to the evaluation as it is possible to increase my margins depending on the quantities I sell in. Also, please bear in mind that I have sold zero cheese, so I feel like this is a premature action. >> Bear in mind that I haven't done anything. >> Bear in mind that this is a huge L so far. He has photos of the cheese wheel and the eviction notice. >> Thank God. >> Guys, God. >> When I was starting to be like, this has got to be fake. No, he posted photos of the cheese. >> It's tiny. >> No, that's 140 pounds. Maybe it's like tungsten. Maybe it's really heavy. >> Wait, guys, if you're listening, you expected it to be like a six-foot tall giant wheel that you'd have to use your hands. >> It's tiny. >> It's very compact. This is like-- >> Apparently cheese is heavy, like gold. >> This looks like a poof you'd sit on in your living room. It's like a little-- >> It's black. >> And it's black. >> That's the wrapping. That's the wax. And then that's a receipt. >> It's also duct taped because he tried to open it. >> Oh, it's duct taped. Oh, it's-- >> Yeah, that's duct taped. It taped it back together. Also, OP's hand is in the frame. He's got a spider tattooed on his hand. And a dagger. >> It looks like a dagger. >> The hand is because his username is on the back of his hand. >> Oh, his username is on the back of his hand. >> That's awesome. >> To guarantee that it's him. He wanted everyone to know for sure that this is real. >> And it's not duct tape, Shane. He's reinforcing his assets. >> Yes, he's reinforcing his assets. He's securing his assets. >> So the margins couldn't be quantitative. >> And if he bought multiple cheeses, he would have been diversifying his assets. >> Exactly. >> Which is what he should have done. >> That's what he should have done. >> He bought some blue cheeses as well. Okay, this is awesome. >> This is awesome. >> I am so happy right now. >> This guy's real. >> This guy is out there and he is among us. And he votes. >> And he has all this money that's never voted in his life. >> No. >> This guy does not vote. >> He has all this money. >> How did he get all that money and then lost it so fast? >> And you're talking to this guy and you're like, how did you blow $40,000? And he explained this, I've been like, you should have just gone to Vegas. >> That's fun. >> His odds were better to go to Vegas in real life. >> Yeah. >> It's just not enough cheese for me. >> It is a thing you're going to buy $20,000 of cheese. I need to see some cheese. >> But this is heritage. >> Who cares? >> I want big cheese. >> Big bug, big cheese. >> Comments, I hope girlfriend got her $4,000 back. Opie said, integrity is an asset that does not depreciate unlike her savings which will be eaten by inflation. >> I got to punch this guy. >> Bro, that's it, that's it, that's it. >> I thought there was more. >> Okay. >> That's it. >> That's it. >> That's it. >> That's it. >> Everything over cheese. >> Good, good. >> Budge. >> He truly lost his girlfriend all of his money and his apartment. >> Over the cheese. >> He absolutely destroyed his life. >> My God. >> For cheese. >> He deserves it. >> He deserves it. >> Yeah. >> Okay, but real talk. How yummy you think that cheese is? >> You know that cheese is probably so good. >> Yeah. >> I'm hungry for the cheese. >> Let me talk about that. >> I don't know. >> The crystals in there. Ooh, I had a cheddar last night. Crunch, crunch. Delish. >> I'm like, maybe I'd be a customer. >> I would buy some cheese. >> I'd buy some cheese at Market Press. >> You have as a handle. >> Oh, I'm not going to reach out to them. >> Okay. >> It's also been over a year. It's-- >> This is actually-- >> Oh. >> This was this month. >> Wait, we have to get some of his cheese. >> We got to get some cheese. >> All right. We'll buy some of his cheese. >> We'll buy some of your cheese. >> I'm sure he's hoping eBay-- >> He's hoping eBay-- >> How viral this went, that he's going to sell some cheese. >> Oh, it might. >> He might go, okay. >> Whoa, whoa, whoa. >> Maybe this is going to sell some cheese. >> Maybe he's actually so smart. >> Wait. >> He's 40-chess, 40-cheese cheese. >> 40-cheese. >> Mousetrap. >> There's an old reference for you. >> Well, that's all our stories. Thank you both for joining me. >> That was awesome. >> That was awesome. >> And thank you all for watching. We're going to be performing Smoshri's Red Stories Live in LA on the sixth and the eighth. That's Wednesday and Friday this week. For Netflix is a joke. So we hope to see some of you there. And also, we're going to be doing a lot of other Smoshri's Red Stories live shows this year. So make sure to look out for those. We're going to be all over the place, all over the globe, perhaps. So keep an eye out. Anyways, see you next week. Bye. >> Bye.