Dartys & Delusions

Okay. I hate fucking doing this. [MUSIC PLAYING] Fuck you! [MUSIC PLAYING] Hey, everyone. Welcome to Beyond Comfort, a podcast all about testing limits of your social anxiety, where your host, Michelle, and Elle. Every episode will follow us on our journey to break out of our comfort zones by doing something our anxieties tend to hold us back from. Whether it's a huge adventure or chatting with someone new, we will take you through the thoughts, conversations, and experiences that trigger the parts of our brains that tell us not to do something. So, Elle, what are we doing today? This week, we are going to a Dirty. When's the last time you went to a Dirty, be honest? Honestly, this is going to make me sound a bit of a loser. But I want to say, second or third year, like I don't even know if I went to a Dirty and fourth year besides Hoko. I don't think that makes you sound like a loser. I think that makes you sound like you prioritize-- Academics? Exactly right. That's not the case, either. So-- Oh, no. Yeah, there's no real excuses for it, except social anxiety. That's why we went. Yeah, that is why we went. So why don't you explain how this came about? How did we just randomly decide we were going to go to a Dirty downtown Toronto? My friend from university, he works for a tequila cooler company called Casadel Ray. And he asked if we wanted to attend the event. And usually, I get those text messages, I say, you know what? Thank you so much for inviting me, but I'm OK. But this time, I was hanging out with Michelle, and I was like, wait, should we just go? Should we go for the podcast? That's how it all started. Mind you, Elle didn't really tell me anything about this event. I don't know who this friend is who invited us. No. She told me it was under the Dawn Valley, which is-- I don't even know what that is, a highway. Well, it was actually under the bent way, but I screwed up and said it wasn't under the Dawn Valley. So the bent way is this huge outdoor space that apparently people host events at frequently, which we would know if we went out. I basically was going in blind no idea. And when you're at university in Ontario, they have these things called bounce events, which are based off alcohol, based off with the fracks and sororities or whatever. And so I didn't know it was a bounce event until we were on the way there. So it was really going in blind. I'm like, oh, I'm not going to see anybody. It's fine. This is going to be totally anonymous. And then all of a sudden hit me, wait a minute. Is this what people do? Do people go to these types of events? Are we going to see everybody? And that may or may not have ended up happening. Is it recording? Hey, guys. I'm here with my friend Tyler, say hi, Tyler. Hey, guys, before we get into all of that, we want to explain our intentions for going into this, our pre-thoughts, all of the things. So when Michelle and I go out, we have so much fun, except whether we have fun in socialize is a completely other different story. We tend to kind of stand in the corner sometimes, we're too shy to actually approach a group or even approach anyone. Should we just go up to people and fucking ahead? What else do we have to do? We wanted to set up tasks for ourselves. We don't want to just stand there like we usually do. So that's what we freaking did. Let's get into them. Once again, I think this was in one of our last ones, but a goal was to complement a stranger. We had to make, but this one was different. We had to make small talk with a stranger. That's hard. Like, small talk to me is actually a nightmare. Well, I think it could be easy with a stranger in some sense because you don't know them. You don't know where the conversation is going to go. There's not really any pressure. Like with somebody you know, it might be, okay, we have to talk about school because I know you from school. That's such a great point. And you're kind of locked in, but with a stranger, you can really just make anything up. And the other hand, it's like, I don't know you. How dare you? Yeah. Like that guy that came up to us randomly? Well, on the dance floor, that guy. Yeah. Oh my god. So picture this. This is this huge Toronto event. There's this mosh pit of a dance floor. There's a DJ and I decided that it was time to go on the dance floor. And you know, when you're out, like sometimes you do hope or expect like a guy comes up to you. In this case, it was not the case. He comes up to us like in a little like linen short sleeve with dark curly hair, a pair of black square sunglasses and light washed denim jeans. And if you can't picture the type of guy I'm describing right now, then I don't know what to tell you because that's all you need to know. Anyways, he comes up to us and puts his arm around me. And he's like, I don't even know what he was saying, but he starts dancing. And all of a sudden, all of my normal, I don't even know if you would call them normal person tendencies, but I just didn't know what to do. Like my whole body went stiff and I was like, oh my god, don't touch me. And then that reaction made my whole body go stiff and be like, I can't even like speak words out of my mouth right now. No, and he kept like trying to come up to us like a few times, but our vibes like we tried to like dance a little better and it was just not okay. But yeah, so that was that was one of them. What else we wanted to say, hide random people walking by. Definitely did not do that. Definitely didn't do that. I mean, I thought we did it. What the hell? That is so odd. I don't know. What versions of us were making this little task list. It's a little interesting. But one that we did do was say, excuse me, are you and then say a random name to somebody knowing it's not them but trying to convince them that it is their name, which is crazy. We did that. And I think that-- We were trying to guess later stranger. That was what it was to do list. I think I called him Ron. Ron, that's the name that comes to your head, Ron. For some reason, Ron is ringing about. I think it was actually Oscar was his real name. So that's the guy that followed us on Instagram. I woke up with his Instagram. No, no, no. I didn't accept it. You made that mistake. Oh. When I was out, I made that mistake because I one had made that mistake in the morning. Nothing wrong with the guy. But I'm never going to see you or talk to you again. So why would I accept you on Instagram? And then what's the last one that we did was supposed to be rejection roulette. So we do things that we know 100% we're going to reject it from. So they were requested for it with a stranger. Which technically we did. We took a photo of this group of guys that we didn't know. True. So technically we did that when we were in the photo with them. Yeah, we didn't get a picture with them, but we took a picture of these random men. I don't know why. I don't know what we're going to do with it, but we'll see. And we're supposed to-- what was the last one that we were supposed to do? Oh. I know what it is. What is it? Ask for a free drink. Oh, my gosh. And we did. Well, El did. Fuck, I like now thinking about going in with the house. Whatever, it wasn't that bad. We pretended like we had a free drink pass. Because there was a bit of confusion surrounding the free drink pass. And so I said, El just go ask for the free drink. And they were like, no, we don't do that here. And we said, OK, no need to be rude. Yeah, I'm still confused about the drink pass. Let's calm down. Why don't we just explain it? Just give some context, please. So we did a few things on our list, but I think the main thing about doing something like this is kind of just going and throwing yourself into the experience and seeing what happens. Because that was, we did set goals to, aside from the task, because we knew we were either going to get too drunk to do the task, or we were going to be too so much to do the task, one of the two. Exactly. And they both happened. OK, guys, where at the point of the night where who gets a fuck? No, literally who gets a fuck? We're not going to put this in. We sound like idiots. OK, fine. Our goals were to not take ourselves too seriously, to go with the flow, and to just check ourselves. Is it us or is it the function? What's the problem? Yeah, I don't think we were really nervous, necessarily going into this, because we do go out in Toronto, not often, often, but frequent enough to not be nervous to go out to an event like this. The only thing was is that I didn't really know what it was, number one and number two, that it was during the day. I didn't really like that much. Yeah. And then on our way there, so the funny little thing with this bounce app is that you can see who RSVPs to the event. What? What? Oh, you're kidding. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I don't know why they do that. Like, no, I think it is a good thing. It's like you want to see if your friends are going, but also shouldn't you be able to text your friends if they're going, if they're really your friend? Exactly. So we were scrolling through this list of 2,000 freaking names. We saw a couple people from high school. So instant anxiety. [SIGHS] Let's just add a whole extra level of fuck. I got really stressed out because my number one thing these days is I love to be anonymous. And I just wasn't really-- I don't know. I just wasn't really anticipating seeing a bunch of people that I knew. And then it's the same thing that goes back to, I think, what we said. And our first episode is like expectations and planning. It's like we made a plan. I had some expectations. And then last minute, literally 10 minutes away, it changed, and it just freaked me out. There was no rational reason to be stressed out by the guest list. It just-- No, absolutely not. And I think it's so funny that it made us so stressed out at the beginning. And then once we got there, we saw them. Everything was fine. Oh yeah, it's purely anticipation. Once we were there, I was so happy to see them. We spent the entire night with them. Yeah. It was really fine. We'll get to it later. But we fully spent the whole night with them. We had such a blast. Yeah. But I will say, though, that the car ride, we also just prayed with coolers. We split some coolers. And I thought we were a good level of tip C to go into a event like this. But then the car ride, mind you, Uber has no music. I said, sir, do you have an ox cord? He said, no. I don't even think he actually acknowledged my question. No, he was on the phone. He was on the phone. And then we looked at this guest list, and then it just completely sobered me up, walking into this massive event with 2,000 people completely sobered me up. So the second we got there, I was like, OK, too coolers to the face. And then we were golden. We're several drinks in. We're several. Yeah. Because if you were here, you would know the vibes are like, ravi, like, people are jarong. I think what maybe nervous too is just walking in there, seeing that everybody was not on the same outfit vibe that we were on. We didn't even dress the part we gave us another piece of social inside of the-- We're dressed for downtown Toronto. We are not dressed for day festival. People are dressed for daytime festivals. It's like, it's-- we're underground. [BLANK_AUDIO] There's no sun shining on us, we're gonna be cold! It was bad. Like, we were there in our jeans, like, a nice top, and leather jackets kind of vibe. Like, we went for, like, the downtown Toronto, it's gonna be cold, kind of look. Not even, it wasn't cold, but we weren't directly in the sun, like, we were covered. No, like, by the time we got there, it was, like, 6.30 p.m., why on earth would it be warm still? No. And, mind you, it started at, like, what, four? Mm-hmm. We were just, passionately late. Some of these girls looked like they were going to Coach Allah, and don't get me wrong. Cute outfits. Like, everybody looked great. It's just, like, I was like, oh, this is not, like, nobody told me this was the dress code. No, nobody told us, and I was really just respectful on our way. Oh, no, it was. So that also threw us off, and, like, the whole dance floor situation, it was just a lot. But I will say, I feel like when we did run into high school people, I just felt a little bit more relaxed. Not necessarily at the start, 'cause it's the whole, like, oh, what are you doing now? What are you doing for school and blah, blah, blah? What do you wanna do? Like, oh, my God. Like, doing not have to answer this question enough. In the professional setting, I'm trying to go out and have a good time right now. I don't wanna think about this. So after we got over all of those initial questions, then I feel like it was fun. It was like, oh, just catching up. I haven't seen my friend Michelle in so long. And Elle, it's great to see you. I'm seeing her since high school. Running into them very much gave us a go with the flow mentality, 'cause we were like, we don't know anybody else here. It's just the two of us, which we also need to please dear God's top going out and do os. But when it's actually going out downtown Toronto and event, we should start going out in groups, because that's how we feel the most comfortable. Like, when we were with them, we felt comfortable. Like, everything, at first obviously we were anxious, whatever. But again, we eventually felt comfortable. We then we started being spontaneous. Will we have done that on our own? Probably not. No. Or even if it was a random group of people, so it was kind of like a blessing in disguise that we ran into them, even though we were so freaking anxious about it. Yeah. We needed to think like the one thing that we were most scared of for the event, even though it was like a 10 minute before a situation turned out to be what made the event fun. Yeah. So it's a good thing. We ended up going into like two different bars and just like catching up with people. We were at King's Top. We ended up staying out into like three in the morning, winning at home till four. So when we were out, we both ran into somebody that we knew. And I got-- [LAUGHS] She's getting shy. I can't do it. OK. This is what happened to people. Oh, Lord. Long story short, me and him, I guess, hit it off. I gave him my phone number. We were texting for a couple days. He asked me out on a date. I don't remember the last time I freaking went on a date. So I just said no. [LAUGHS] I don't know. It was just too much. Like it was way too overstimulating. He asked me out for the next day, which first I don't like that. So that's like maybe just me thing. Oh, so you're saying he only gave you one day advanced to prepare. And it was my last day of my hair. Like I-- It was the day before Hairwash Day. How dare you? No, like he didn't understand. But also too, it's like-- I don't know. It's just these small things that I was just like this is not-- this is not how I want to be asked out at all. So as much as that anxiety did hold me back. Because I should have just said yes. No matter how he asked me, I should have just said yes. Just for the experience. Like sometimes you just need to do things for the plot. Yeah. But at the same time, he didn't ask me in the right way. Like I stand by that. She has standards, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, the standards are high. And I think it's like almost like they're so high so that nobody can even like frickin' come in. But just think about it though. Like the downtown Toronto dating scene is horrible. The only guy that came up to us, this entire event, not saying that like we need frickin' men coming out left-right in center. But like I don't know. I feel like it's just not typically like this where no guys come and interact with you. The only guy who came was Dance McGee Guy. Mm-hmm. And we didn't want Dance McGee. I didn't want Dance McGee. Not that I really wanted anyone else there either. And like I know we could go up to people, but like we're going up to people that test our social anxiety. I'm not going up to people like for I'm actually interested in because that's just too scary. Yeah. Why would you ever do that? And I don't know. Like even when I have, I've gone out on like two or three dating updates. And they're just like, I don't know how to describe it, but they just feel so platonic because I've just met this person. Mm-hmm. And it's like we're just going out to get like one drink. I don't really know how to act because I'm just like, I want you to get to know me, but like, my get to know me personality is just friendly. And like that's a thing I feel like with me a lot with guys is like, I'm just friendly. And it's if I were to actually like you, I wouldn't be so friendly, I'd be more shy. And like, we're so 100%. I am so shy when I like somebody. So like that's not good because how am I supposed to build on something? If I'm just being friendly, but also like, if there's going to be a spark, there's going to be a spark. I've went on what two or three dates, like obviously I'm not finding my man in two or three dates. Like it's going to take more than that. But I don't know, I just feel like it's so discouraging and it's so boring. And now that I'm thinking back on this with my any guy that I've liked, it's always because we were either like in a friend group first, or like I just absolutely knew. There was a familiar, familiar, what's the word? Familiarity, is that it? Yeah, but I don't think it's wrong. It really does. I don't know. Anyways, it was just like a familiar feeling. Like I felt comfortable. Yeah. That was my whole thing. Like I felt comfortable with you if I was friends with you before and then I developed feelings because I found who you were as a person. I can't just go on a rant. At the date. No. But that kind of makes sense, so because I'm the same way. Like either I'm in a friend group with you first and then it has time to kind of slow burn and I'm like, OMG. OMG was crazy, sorry. (laughing) OMG. Fuck off. Absolutely fuck off. Absolutely shut up. And then we're getting aggressive again. What's with this episode? I don't know. But either like we're friends person, it's time for a slow burn. But I'm also so much like, once I decide that I like you, it is very hard to get me not to like you anymore. Like I will just keep trying and trying and trying. Trying. Oh lord. And like that doesn't work because if a guy did that to me, it also wouldn't work. So I need to just really understand what guys do things to me and I don't like it. I'm pretty sure guys aren't gonna like it if I do it to them. That's a very good observation and I agree. 'Cause I also feel like we're both kind of like guy mentality when it comes to men. 100%. Like whenever somebody comes onto strong or they're like a little bit too nice, I know it's so bad to say, like it's just like, oh my god, this is just moving too fast. Like I didn't have time to wrap my head around it or I've had too much time to wrap my head around it. Like it's a lot, dating just hard. Breathe or like let me breathe. That's what I'm saying. The only ones I've gone on have been spontaneous. Like I do it the day of or hours before 'cause I'm in like a, okay let's go mode. Like there's no time to back out. So I just have to go. Yeah. So actually, Elsa shouldn't like being asked for the next day for me personally. You would love it. Ask me immediately. Otherwise I'm gonna have too much time to think. Ask me for like two hours from now. No seriously. That's crazy. I think that's what has to happen. Otherwise I won't go. So then what about the Sunday, "Skaries" effect you saying no to the sky or no? No, I don't think so. So maybe you will go out with it. Maybe I'll convince you to go out with it. I just need to find like we just need to find a friend group and then all fall in love with one of them. So out of the whole day, what do you think your favorite and least favorite moment was? Favorite moment would honestly, and this is sounds crazy would be to run into like our high school friends. I think it was because I felt comfortable and we were with a group of people that I was like, okay, it's not us against the world anymore. It's like us with the world. I'm really proud of us though how we handle those conversations. My least favorite moment is when the brick and bar lights started flickering on to tell you to go home and I realized it was two in the morning. Like that, or three in the morning, like that's bad. Like that's really bad. That was my least favorite 'cause that's the second I sobered up and I was like, oh my god. How did we make it up? 'Cause we weren't supposed to be out that late. No, we were supposed to go home at like 12. Not even, we were supposed to go home at 10. No. Yeah, the event ended at 10. Okay, but we knew we were going out after that. I didn't. (laughing) How about you? Well, I can tell you when 100% my least favorite moment was when we were at the second bar we went to after the event. And I didn't understand like we kept continuing on the night and I was just confused 'cause we had agreed to not continue on the night. I'm like, I'm down just so you need to let me know what's happening. And then we sat down at public gardens. Everybody was ordering a drink and I'm thinking we're going home soon. So I'm like, nah, it's okay. I won't get another drink. And then it comes to El's turn and she goes, oh yeah, I'll take a Valkyzeria and I was like, oh, oh, no problem. So that was probably my least favorite was, you know, getting cut out of the drink situation. I shouldn't have even gone to drink. I should have gone home. I should have gone to fucking Uber. That's what I should have gone. And then everyone was offering me their like, teramisu drinks. Ew, they got teramisu drinks. You tried it. It's right. Oh my God. But my, honestly, my favorite part of the night was probably when we were at the event and we went up top to like these stairs. And you and I just went off by ourselves with shocker, that's my favorite part of the night. And like we're talking into the mic, like debriefing about the situation. Okay, but we're out here. We're going to start doing things but people are fucking looking at us and I'm going to hit them with the bow and arrow. Oh, whoa, whoa. We need this chill. We need to chill out. Fuck, we're-- That was probably my favorite because we just like-- we just realized how drunk we were and how ridiculous the situation was. And that was like right before, right before, right after we ran into everybody, I think. It was right after because the second we got up those stairs to go to the upstairs bar, we saw them. Okay, yeah, would you go would you do this again like something similar? I would I think I would go again and we should go out with friends next time Yeah, and we should go out with more people like I think what we should have done and retrospect is looked at the Guest list beforehand and to really test the social anxiety text those people that we did know and be like Here you going and like just to like get that initial anxiety over with to just recognize that people that we know are going Yeah, or not or not, but like no, I get I get your point I get you like for the social anxiety aspect in particular how do we had like looked at it before kind of figured out more of what was going on I would have been way less nervous going in because I wasn't nervous until we started looking at the stuff and we only looked at it 10 minutes prior Mm-hmm. Yeah, I get that But that's only if we did it again like I'm still satisfied with how we did it and like oh yeah The fact that we went with the flow and all of these things, but if we were to do it again having had that experience I feel like now I would feel comfortable to like text certain people and be like Such true see you there not like oh my god. Let's make a plan. Let's do this and that but like yeah Saw your going like we'll see you there. That's true. What was I gonna fucking say? Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck But yeah, I'm proud of us happy for us that we went out on a what day was the week was it was it not like a Thursday or something? Oh, work Okay, I'm making things up now. I genuinely feel like was actually one with the flow. No, yeah, I agree and I don't do that like if Somebody would were to go on a typical night. Let's say if it wasn't just me and you if somebody were to go to a next bar And I didn't have that in my plan. I would not be going. I'd be calling my Uber home Like that's when my night would end, but I fully was just like like yeah, let's go with them like we're gonna have fun Like who? But yeah, so anyways just your sign to really get out there and try to as much as possible go with the flow no matter what the scenario is Just trust yourself. I think we just need especially me like we just need a plan less and go with the flow more Yeah, be more spontaneous That's something we should work on maybe that's our goal for this week Is to be more spontaneous just say yes to things yeah Oh, and you know what our goal from last week was compliment to stranger and look what we did this week Oh my god, I just did it without even thinking. I mean, sorry. We planned that So yeah, why don't we do this week do some do one thing spontaneous that's out of your typical routine? Mm-hmm say yes to something that normally you would say no to I can try okay. Okay, we're right. I love that Okay, I'm excited for us me too Um, so yeah, thank you everyone for listening. Yeah, thanks for listening guys follow us on Instagram at beyond comfort podcasts Fuck yeah for updates for Sneak peeks on what's happening next mm-hmm. Just to know what's going on in our lives would be sharing a little bit But not sure I never too much ever she much that would give us social anxiety are you kidding? And yeah, we'll see you mother fuckers next week. Yeah. Okay. Love. Yeah. Okay. Love you. Bye. Bye [BLANK_AUDIO]