Dane Cook & The Funny Money

So Dane did a documentary about his family. Can we say that? In particular, my older brother. Your older brother. Yeah, yeah. My family's in it. There's another reason that people don't watch it, and it's because they, too, are criminals. No, no, no. That's not why. That's not why. No, no, no. They don't want to identify. Fuck you. Fuck you, dude. Fuck you, dude. No, no, no. Fuck you, dude. I shouldn't be doing it today. Dane had to yes and you so hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll fix it. I'll be fixed. I didn't sleep well last night. That was not a good job. You liked it. I liked it. I didn't like it. I didn't like it. You weren't sleeping well. Not the reaction wasn't good. Why are you not sleeping well? You're fucking living the life. You have great people around you. You have a beautiful soul. You think that these people are around me all the time? They just got here. Speak, Dane. I never see these people. I see them every day. You see them more than I see you. Hold my hand for a second. Okay. Now, how are we doing? Put your fucking hand. Don't fucking hit it. What is wrong with you today? Because I want to be connected with you. You're bonding. Because I feel like lately, I feel like Bobby and I lately, we've been at a different frequency. There's another podcast. Okay, all right. And we had a little bit of a skirmish. Hey, can we say something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This whole team has watched it. You've watched the documentary. We have a lot of questions about your brother. Okay. We'll get into all of it. First of all, I just want to say it's insane that the other team didn't. Okay. Oh! Slam! I mean, I just feel like. Oh, slam, dude. You have a legend. Slam! Why would you not watch the documentary? A legend. I saw it. We have questions about Erica. I don't know if you've seen it. I did see it. Because if you'd seen it, you would have been saying, I need to talk about Erica. I need to talk about this fucking person or this particular thing, and you haven't said those things yet. But when I watch things, right, I multitask. He's like a duo. He's like an iPhone duo. What is this thing that when you're talking, you're doing lately? Pop, pop, pop, watch. Is this. We have a game. What is this thing where you crash your hands together? You get me insane. You drive me insane. You get me all riled up. Dude. Your energy. I want to say about your energy. Okay. Your energy has been playful but aggressive. Wow. Yeah, with chest out, right? You keep saying this chest out thing. A lot of it. You keep saying this. I'm sorry because you have a doll's chest, but this is what a chest is like. A doll's chest. A chest is usually out. Really? Yes. You have a concave chest. I have an American girl chest. Well. I was trying to think of a doll, and that was the only doll. Let me. Give me a. Give me a. I have a Chucky chest. There you go. Teddy Ruxpin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So, all right. So what you're saying is, okay, let's make amends. Let's find out. Let's make amends, Bobby. Let's introduce everyone in the room, all right? What's going on? No, I just looked up a concave chest. Those are tough. Yeah, those are tough. All right. So, we have Ramsey Badawi here. You know what I mean? Ramsey, good to see you. Good to see you, Dane. We have Luke Bilko. Luke. Sure. Luke's parked my car. He's excellent. Three-point turn right over here. That's my specialty. Yes. Question, who tips better, Bobby or Dane at the comedy show? Everyone tips good, you know? Very good. Oh, but some tip a little bit better than me. Better than others. You know, I never keep track of it, really. Yes. You can say that Dane tips better than me if he does. Be honest with me. It won't hurt my feelings because I don't do it every time. Can I? Maybe there was a time I didn't tip. I'm not a tip tracker, really. Okay. I was going to say maybe one time I didn't tip you, and you were like, Dane didn't tip me at all, so I got to know what's up. I think it's about the vibes that you bring into the lot. If you're positive energy and you're like, because Ramsey did the same job, and I think it's like if you're positive vibes, no tip, but if you're a huge, if you're like so, yeah, yeah. I think your guys' tips are on par with one another. It's just Dane doesn't put you in a headlock and throw you over. Dane doesn't smash his car into someone else's car. Dane isn't hitting you in the nuts and, you know, making you, Jesus. But wait a second. Can I do, and you know what I like to do, Bobby? The second somebody makes a very strong point, point, counterpoint. Thanks. I fucking know I do this, and it drives you nuts. I love it. Can I point, counterpoint? Some, let's call them artists, Canadians are artists. Sometimes people are in their head. There's a lot that they bring to the day before they pull into that lot. And then maybe, even though there's tact, right? There's tact, but maybe the line between tact and sometimes like I'm going through some strife. I'm going through a dilemma. I'm going through something personal that when I pull into the lot, you know, this is the place where I can just come in and focus on what I'm here to do. Like bone cancer. Like bone cancer. Yeah. Bone cancer. Why? No, because things are, people are going through things. Yeah. It could be bone cancer. If somebody pulled into the lot and they have bone cancer. Yeah. Then clearly you would, you would bring in a bit of. Right, right. And I might not want to tip. You're not a good time Charlie if you're dealing with bone cancer. Are you saying that? Good, good preference. You're saying that when you don't tip, it's because you think you might have bone cancer. No, no, no. I'm just, no, I'm not saying me specifically. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. I never went on, I'm going to pretend I have bone cancer. I'm just saying that if I happen to have bone cancer, right? And you're not privy to it and I don't tip you, right? Yeah. As well. That's why. Right. Okay. Well, I'll keep track of that for now. Can I just put, I want to put a button. I shouldn't have interrupted you because. No, you didn't. No, no, no. Here's what you were doing. You are an expert helper. You were skiing? No. Yeah, yeah, you were. No, no. You were skiing, right? And I'm like a log. You know what I am? I'm like a notebook and you're like a highlighter. And that's what you do. Sometimes I feel like I can see the yellow highlight. That's what exactly I'm doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm taking notes for you. Specifically. I'm honing in on. Yeah, yeah. I'm honing in on what you're. Wait. Yeah, yeah. Go ahead. Is this fighting or not? No. Yeah, I can't tell. We can't tell. We can't tell. Let me say something, kids. We can't tell. All right, this, we're from a generation. This is how we talk. Well, we're just the idea. No, this is how ideas are formed. This is how relationships are petrified. This is almost like a think tank. Right. By way of anarchy. It's like there's always a little bit of a vitriol and a little bit of a verbal skirmishing and sometimes there's a melee. That's sometimes right. But you know why? A tit for tat. It's because there's so much, or a tat for tit. Or an ule. Or an ule. Or an ule. Or an ule. Ooh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes I do an ule. But can I now bring it back and just finish this? How about this? Bring it back, go forward, backwards, and then bring it back again. Not every comedian, I think, is walking in with just that sort of openness about them because I think a lot of the comics that, fair to say, that you deal with are probably high-level people and they're walking into a high-level situation and they want to do the best that they can and when they leave, you might be saying, but Dane Cook, why aren't they on the way out chilled out and being more like top of the mountain? Because maybe they didn't live up to the expectations they had pulling into the lot. You guys need to chill the fuck out on me. Chill the fuck out. Just park the car. I said it was chill. No, no, no. We were on your side, Dane. We were on your side. Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were against me. We were against you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were against me. What you don't realize is everybody that pulls into that lot is in a fucking ambulance that they are driving themselves to and they're hoping to heal themselves by way of stand-up comedy. And what you don't understand is that if you go against me, you go against him. I just learned that. I learned that the hard way. That's what you don't understand, right? Because him and I went to war together. Were you guys at the comedy store at the same time? No, we were never at the comedy store. He was at the Laugh. I was at the store. Right? But we had, like, you know, communique. But you guys had your places that you would meet, though, right? Like Dublin's and all those, you know. I don't know what kind of Persian fucking black magic you're doing right here with your hands, dude, but I'm just fucking talking. Persian black magic. Yeah, I've seen it in the fucking, there's documentaries about it, about West Bank and all that stuff. Stop doing that. Persian? Yeah, yeah. I don't have, you know what I mean? I might have believed, but I don't want to share it. But anyway, you know. We've crossed paths a lot. Bobby Lee and I have, we've been on shows together all around town. I mean, sometimes I'm at the store. He's been at the factory. For the most part, we're in our little camps. And then Dublin's where we met. Yes. Yeah, at Tuesdays we would meet at Dublin's. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's how we, see, he would do Dublin. Have you heard of it? He'd crush. Dublin's is legendary. What is it? For the audience, what is it? Okay, well, you want to? Sunset Boulevard. Well, you do a line, I do a line. Okay, ready? What is this, impromptu? Fuck you, dude. Dane and I are from fucking back in the 2000s. The years was 2001, two and three. Exactly, dude. Right, so. Sunset Boulevard. Right. Irish bar. Oh, you're trying, he's just trying to explain. Do it again. Do it again. I can't believe it. The year was 2001, two and three. It was a beautiful Irish bar. Sunset Boulevard, in its heyday. Comedy on the uptick. At eight o'clock, Tuesday night, second floor. Free show. Booth carved out of a corner. Turned into a makeshift stage. Lights. The audience, Johnson Timberlake, Cameron Diaz. What? Wait, celebrities like that? At a free show? Oh, dude, dude. The first time I played Dublin's, I got off stage, and all I saw was business cards. Oh. And you pick them, and it's like, you know what I mean? Brilson and Gregg. I mean, just like everybody. Hand this to Dane. They were saying, hand this to Dane. Here are my cards. And I had my little Bobby book that I gave you at the end. Here's all the business cards. You would come in, so Bobby's crushing, and I'm figuring, my stand-up's starting to figure it out, and then something happened on this free show on Tuesday nights with a lot of beautiful women and a lot of cool dudes, and here's what happened to me one night. I went into Dublin's. I said, everybody's crushing, and Jay Davis, who started the night with I Met Ahmed, and he put me on last, and I went out on the balcony. I looked at Sunset Boulevard one night, and I was just standing out there. I was like, man, how do I take this up a notch when I'm going up against Murder's Row, okay, all night? And then I looked at Sunset. And I went, wait a second. I said, this town, I'm standing by myself on that balcony overlooking the front, right? And I go, this town is not a comedy town. This town was built on rock and roll. Sunset Boulevard. from Motley Crue on back in the 70s and all that. I said, I need to be rock and roll. I need to start thinking of this. Not like, this isn't New York City stand-up. This is something else. And then I went up that night, and I don't know. Just something else I figured out. Something else was in that room, and it really helped me to build up where I'm at. You were a crusher before that. I was taking it to the limit. It's as if you were on that balcony, all the fucking skies opened up, and you got a fucking comedy electricity. No, but he went to the next level. I'm giving a metaphor, Bobby. I'm giving a metaphor example. But I did do that. I know, but you already had it. You're already the guy, right? I mean, coming up to the balcony and going, you know what I mean? And having a fucking Ram Dass, you know what I mean? Ram Dass spiritual experience. Oh, I'm Eckhart Tolle. I'm Eckhart Tolle, power of now. We have to live in the moment. I'm Mike Destiny. What the fuck are you talking about? Wow to you, dude. Your chest all high, right? My chest isn't high. Sometimes you're wrong. Go ahead, add your, you guys have to say shit, man. Yeah, go, yeah, add in, dude. I feel like everyone's looking at my chest. Every time Bobby says, my chest all out. It's a very Peck-heavy episode. It's a Peck-y, yeah. So listen. You're just riding the fucking, you're just riding the lightning over there. It's getting a little hot on the fucking. I'm kidding. I'm sure you had that experience. I did have the experience. Yeah, I apologize for even downgrading it that way. I apologize for your apologies. Listen, we're all good. We're friendly. The point is that we turned a corner at Dublin's. And we knew each other. And I knew that he was on his way. And I felt like I was on my way as well. Well, I didn't feel like I was on my way. Yeah, I'm curious. When you came to LA, were you like, were you familiar with Bobby? Did you, were you like. First of all, why is Bobby breathing like he just ran the fucking special. He did a can't kill thing. I just get emotional. Go ahead. I get it. Go ahead. I was just curious. Were you like aware of Bobby? Or like, did you guys meet here? Like, what was your. I don't remember the first time I saw Bobby set. I don't remember. But I do remember watching him. And I've been doing enough stand up. And I'd gone through the gauntlet of New York where you could point at somebody. And you could go, that person, if they figure it out, they're going. They're going. I hadn't figured it out completely. I had not figured it out. You hadn't had your balcony moment. Oh, fuck. See? Yeah, yeah. You know what? Maybe that's the thing. I don't have a balcony moment. Makes you open my heart up. You know what I'm going to do? Your chest. I'll tell you what I'm going to do, dude. No, I'm going to. Yeah, Bobby. I'm going to go to the roof of the comedy store. Maybe don't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, Bobby. Where all the leaves are, I'm going to sit on the edge. Right by the billboard. Right by the new billboard. Yeah, yeah. And just dangle my feet over the fucking edge. I don't know. Open my arms and go, may I have a Dane Cook experience, please? May I have. I want a Dane Cook experience. I will sit there for days until I get one. Okay. Okay? And that's what I'm going to do, right? So I can have an experience like you, friend. All right? Listen, guy. I know. I know. Madison Square Garden. I know all of it, you know? Yeah, Madison Square Garden. What? You're making fun of my speech impediment? Oh, boy. Oh, here we go, kiddo. Yeah? No. You like to bully your elders? No, no, no, no. I have respect for my elders. Yeah. Sometimes I have a speech impediment. You like to bow? We're both bowing. Okay. To our elder. All right, so. It's a sign of respect. See, back then, you never bowed to me because you weren't racist. That's what we didn't have in the early 2000s is bowing. I did not bow. He never bowed. He never did any. He never did an accent in front of me. You know, this is a white comic, right, that's, you know, a good white. He is. You know, and I want to celebrate good whites today. Oh, okay. Right. Let's celebrate. Good whites. And let's list them. Let's list the good. Let's go around the room and list the good whites that Dane's a part of. I'm going to start, okay? Schindler. Okay. That's good. Freed all those people, dude. Good white, dude. George Washington? I own slaves. James Van Der Beek. James Van Der Beek, yes. We've had him on the pod. Old friend. Okay. Good one. Alfred Noble. Who's that? The Nobel Peace Prize. They named it after him. Jesus, dude. Jesus Christ. All right. It's a science. Are we in a Ken Burns documentary? Ken Burns. Ken Burns. That's a good white. That's mine. That was mine. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to claim that. But you're really a part of that good group. How does that. That group. Ken Burns. No, no, no. You don't have to say it as a minority. It really is a comp. Yeah. There's 10. It's a comp like. Compliment. I believe it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Coming from you. Anyway. What water is mine, by the way? Is there a water here? You can have whatever you want. You want this one here? No, right there. Blue one. You don't like this? Yeah. I'll crack that open. Why'd you. Okay. So it says in my notes here that there was something that was stolen from you. Oh, yeah. Okay. So let's get into it. Okay. Yeah, yeah, Cash App for your money. Cash App, good for your money. Cash App, dude. If you weren't up to speed already, Cash App is way more than just a safe way to send and receive money. 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It's like, God forbid a girl have a night out and spend $1 too much and I would get slapped with like a $37 overdraft fee. With Cash App, you don't do, they don't do that. Guys, download Cash App today and make your money work for you. Visit our link in bio. Cash App, I'm talking about built, built for your rent, for your rent, good, good, so good. Built. I love it. I've been hearing people talking about built for many, many times. Really? For a while now. And my first reaction was, why didn't this exist sooner? Honestly, when I was paying rent, why didn't I? Oh my God. It would have been such a lifesaver to actually like receive points for paying rent. You know, and so I want to redeem points. I'm a redeemer too. And I'd say I would redeem my points with Lyft rides, probably amazon.com, I don't spend a lot on that. You can also- I like member only experiences. What member only experiences do you love? Like SoulCycle. Wait, you love giving- It's a fitness class. Okay. Wait, but you love giving gift cards for people's birthdays. Yeah, I know. And you can get gift cards from 120 places, 120 different brands. That's incredible. What should we do, Claude? Well, you first download the built app. Yeah. That's the first step is download the built app. What's the second one? You link any credit or debit card to the app, so purchases at your local spots become even more rewarding. And what else? And third, they have a neighborhood concierge, Bobby, so you ask this concierge in the app pretty much anything and they'll tell you about exclusive member benefits at restaurants. So you have a question, you're like, hey, I want to get invited to Jose Andres's whatever, whatever. Jose Andres. And you're like, help me out, concierge. And they'll do it for you guys. Download the built app and join membership for where you live at joinbuilt.com/belly. That's J-O-I-N-B-I-L-T.com/belly. Use our link so they know we sent you. Get built. Get built for yourself. What's up? I'm Sam Salem, and this is my new podcast, After School Snack with All Things Comedy, a show where my friends- My friends tell me a beloved childhood snack. And despite my terrible cooking skills, I make it from scratch, which sometimes leads to reactions like this. Does it taste just like your mom's? No. It tastes like. But other times, reactions like this. Mmm. This is really good. I have hard Pilates class. And I'd like to say that I'm a pretty well researched guy, but don't take my word for it. See what my guests have to say. You the fans. Wait, where did you get this? Nah, this crazy, bro. Stop. And it's produced by All Things Comedy. Produced by Max Castillo, a.k.a. Big Time Macca. I make a theme song for each guest. And unlike Sam's cooking, it always goes exactly like this. Man, you a real musician, bro. After School Snack dropping every Thursday wherever you get your podcasts, and make sure to watch on YouTube and Spotify Video. This program going to the top. I appreciate you. Thank you. What's up, everybody? I am Jeremy Elder. I'm Corey Peter Lane. And I'm Hunter Saling. And we are the hosts of the Business Casual Show on the All Things Comedy Network. It's a comedy podcast. It's hilarious. We've got bits that each of us prepare and surprise the other ones with. With many guests that you know and love. Paul F. Tompkins. Angela G. Aritana. Joe Firestone. And many more. Past bits include making chicken-flavored pop rocks. Bringing in a really big sword. Making beer thick. We're the stupidest people alive. We have been best friends for 10 years, and there is no signs of stopping. I think it's 11 years now. We've been best friends for 11 years, and it's about to end. So tune in while you can every Monday where you get your podcast. Yeah. Let's do one that's just for millennials. Oh, yeah. Okay. Great. What's up, doggos and pupperinos? You Hufflepuffs. Are you Hufflepuffs ready for a podcast that's going to make you say wowzers? Then get your gym faces ready because we're about to do some crazy Dwight-ass stuff that's going to blow your fricking bams off. Every Monday, wherever you get your podcasts. Hello. I'm stand-up comedian Leslie Liao, joined by- Stand-up comedian Jason M. Brown. Oh, that's not how we talk Disgusting We do a podcast together called Happy fun times And the purpose of the podcast Is to share moments of joy And obviously Hatred Hatred Extreme hatred For each other And for the way we live our lives We talk about human behavior Social norms And we fight Yes and you do it wrong And I do it right And I do it right And if you want to have a If you want to have a Happy fun time With two sad funny comedians Get it on YouTube You can find our podcast Exactly And Spotify Spotify Apple Pay Apple No Apple Podcasts And if you're listening to this You know exactly Where to find your podcast Tune in Tune in We hope to hear And see you there Mwah Disgusting Oh Hi there I'm Bruce Gray And I'm Kelly Ryan And we're married comedians One year ago We decided to elope And not tell anybody So to celebrate Our one year anniversary We've decided to have A podcast Because we wanted to Disappoint our Parents twice It's called Hold Your Peace Because even though We're a happily married couple We love conflict So we've decided to invite Our funniest friends To talk about What pisses them off It's available everywhere You get your podcast With video available On Spotify And YouTube We'll see you there Something that was Stolen from you Oh yeah Okay so let's get into Okay so We do have a lot of questions We do have a lot of questions So raise your hand If you saw Funny Money Great movie By the way I got a screen Can I say this Dane let me say this I got a screener What screener Still rented it I rented it too He did rent it I rented it too More money in your pocket I appreciate that I was like you know what I'm gonna help him out I got you bro I may have paid you More money than your brother But I sauced you Some four bucks I was like dude The strange thing about When you go through Something like this That's so public Is the amount of people That reach out And want to basically Give you money Here's an example I just did a show In Reno And the guy writes me After this guy DMs me He's a big deal I don't want to say Who he is Just in case he doesn't Want me to put him on But big deal And I'm like And he says Hey if I can meet you And take a picture I have something I want to give you And we go over to him And take a picture And he goes listen I want to give you Five grand And I just want to Take a picture with you And go into the blackjack And he goes And whatever you win In two hands I just want you to keep it No I swear on my life I've never gotten that So we walk in Walk into the High limits room I go what's the rule He goes the rule is You have to play Two hands 2,500 each And then you get To keep whatever First hand Lay it down I hit a 20 Dealer has zip Second hand I do one of those things Where it's like Two, three, five One, two, two And then I get 19 dealer busts And I said to the guy I go what do I get to keep He goes just give me My cup of eight grand Back in my pocket And more and more People have reached out And I'm getting Some of them I didn't even reply But like people that are like I just want to help you And someone I'm like I'm okay I just want you to know that Like I went back on tour A lot has happened Since this time But it really does Open up the The idea that people Are like I just want to Be a part of this That's so unfair That happened to you That I want to be a part of Some kind of like Almost the way people Want to do a GoFundMe Even though you're like Okay this person Their tree fort Burnt down right In Encino And they do like The evening news They go they set up A GoFundMe They just need to raise 22,000 480,000 dollars later It's like overkill And I kind of feel like This is one of those moments Where people are reaching out So don't give Dane any money Yeah don't give him Yeah yeah yeah He has enough He has enough Yeah yeah yeah So funny money Do you have questions About the The program I have plenty of questions I have a lot Yeah yeah yeah So let me Can I You can ask me anything There's no limits On what I'll talk about What you can ask You know Some people get like I don't know Should I bring that up Go for it How much money Is in your bank account Why would you Fucking ask me that That is some bullshit That is some fucking bullshit As I've ever heard of That was rude Alright so Everything's on the line Everything's on the line You said it's on We can ask anything And so Go ahead Ramsey Give him a quest No let me Let me Let me put the Because people might not Let me educate people Give him the The synopsis And speed date them Up to now So Dane's a stand up Yes 35 years Yeah yeah yeah Can we start there Start from the beginning He's from Boston Boston Arlington That's pretty much all I know That's pretty much all I know Yeah yeah yeah Everything else is sort of minute Upper poor But anyway Some movies But So Dane Did a documentary About His family Can we say that Yeah In particular my older brother Your older brother Yeah yeah My family's in it Your family's in it And your brother Did something to you Yeah bad guy Nefarious Yeah nefarious Thief in the night Now yeah And Dane Made a documentary Called Funny Money That's right Yeah Telling this You know what I mean Foreboding story It's the empire Strikes back moment Of my life and career It's the fucking Middle area Where everything gets Real rough and tumbly Real bad There's a little bit Of the come out What am I doing You're putting Somebody a headlock No no no What am I doing You're trying to hold Your fist back It's a snake in your hand You said empire Empire strikes back It's the robot hand It's like Oh Oh yeah Oh this Oh What he says Oh yeah Luke loses the hand Let's move on It's too late That derailed It derailed it It derailed it You know what I mean The timing was off Well in all fairness Dane didn't get involved This thing that you were doing It was a little much You said empire strikes back So I did the hand thing You could have said He told me you killed him Instead you just started Doing this thing With a nub Yeah Yeah yeah Okay Yeah I'm gonna do Other empire strikes back In references Yeah go for it No I'm gonna sprinkle it In the fucking thing Okay Okay Alright so Anyway go ahead This is the empire strikes back I thought If I'm gonna tell this story I want it to be gritty And I want it to be Sort of Dark And I still want it to be funny I want it to be the funniest True crime documentary Out there That was my goal Many years ago Before I even thought I could tell the story It was like How do I even fucking Get this off my heart It was killing me It was like Something I I was like People don't see me for me Cause I had this thing happen And I need to present it And that's what the documentary is I thought they smelled bad On the outside That is from Wait Star Wars Empire strikes back That's Han Solo Yeah with a tauntaun In the beginning of empire With a tauntaun Yeah yeah yeah That's right And he crawls in Right right To survive Oh no he puts Luke in there That's right Right And he uses the lightsaber Right And then his funny line Yeah I thought they smelled bad On the outside On the outside Well yeah You put the inflection Emotional I did a little Harrison Ford Yeah anyway So funny money Were you thinking about it The whole time Wait can I Can I do a quick impersonation Right here Just Luke right here Ready I don't do a lot of impersonations But I got one It's masterful This is Harrison Ford's mouth In anything that he ever does You ready Okay ready Yeah That's good That's so good That is the It's so good It is good That's what he does Yeah that's what he does Yeah Okay stop You can cut some of this But use the best pieces Yeah yeah Cut it down We'll cut it down Okay I do have a question Go for it Jumping into like There's this moment In the documentary I don't know if this is like A spoiler or whatever Did you use chat GPT for this Or are these questions That you really came up with No these are questions That I really came up with In my own brain You'll know Because they're not very good Okay There was a moment Where you check your bank account Yes And that's a huge moment In the film Best moment probably That means that Up until this point You never checked Your bank account Sound familiar You never check That's right I'm the same way You're a never check guy No I was Until recently Because like Was there a moment Where you just You know Are you guys familiar With fraud and forgery Sure Yeah Okay so what my brother did And this is tricky to say this Because I have to give it to him In this sense Even though he's a bad criminal Smartly He made Word documents And accepted Sell sheets That looked Very much Like actual Consolidated statements That you would look at If you were looking At your financials By way of A family member Who's presenting them to you In other words I have to look at 90 pages And go The Amex bill is this He would put everything In one place And it looked And it's in the documentary It looked very Professional So did I look In my bank account No But was I looking At monthly statements Thinking that I was Yes So he was A pretty smart guy Because it's interesting He goes from being A prison warden Who gets stabbed In the head basically Not a warden That's the guy That runs the whole thing Cigar He's a guard He's a shashank redemption He's a guard A warden He's a guard He's a guard He's a guard He gets beat You very graciously And throughout the movie By the way It's incredible How kind you are to Him and his whole family You bring him in And And he comes to work for me He comes to do He comes to Quit the prison Why get attacked by inmates On a Saturday night When you can be At a ha ha chuckle Some place By the way Not even a ha ha chuckle He was just working From Boston And you would be All over the country Or wherever I told him You stay home Take care of your son I'm gonna go out there I will Not only I had to make enough wage To then get a benefits package That covered him The way the state Of Massachusetts Covered him So I had to work that hard To get that level Of umbrella policy To cover my brother in law I was blown away By how good he was I mean I don't know if he was good Or if it was just your trust But it was like He was able to pull off Pretty sophisticated stuff Was he a smart guy Was that his Of course he was a smart guy He's a cook Well I don't know No he's a Macaulay That's the whole thing See if you watch The documentary He's not my full brother Bobby He's not my full brother He has a different father He's stuck in the dock Literally Didn't have to say anything He's a Macaulay Of the Macaulay lineage And I'm Dane Cook And I'm Dane Cook and my father has a fucking chest like me. See, I love you to me. I love you, Bobby. I know. And you know. What's that from? Oh, that's Han Solo with Princess Leia. Yeah, I like that. I like the little segues. Yeah, yeah. See, when there's heat on me, dude, I do a Star Trek reference. Yeah, Star Wars. Just that specific movie. How smart am I? I did three references to that specific movie. Yeah, but Daryl is Daryl McCauley. Okay. And I'm Dean Cook. Reference this movie. Yeah, we're referencing this one. We're recording this. Please use that in the clips. Clip it! Yeah, yeah. Okay, good one, Rams. Okay. You will not be opening for me anymore. So go ahead, Dean. So because Daryl was a McCauley and I'm a Cook, I sort of was like, hey, you know what? His little whatever you call them, picadillos are the things that made him sort of a little bit different. He sort of had his way of doing things. I had mine. But I grew up with him and I did trust him. I trusted him with everything. I trusted him with my whole heart. He looks good. He's an accountant. Look at him. I trusted him with my business. I trusted him with my dreams. And so this documentary, I think, is like where comedy and tragedy absolutely are intersecting in my life. Do you think something happened when he was like injured at the prison that like changed his kind of personality or yeah, brain chemistry? Well, let me ask you this. Do you think that you could get bonked on the head and that would change not only the entirety of how you sort of like circumvent yourself? No, I don't think that you could get bonked on the head and that would change not only how you sort of like circumvent other people, the relationships you have with them, but you would then have to almost go back in your mind and go, okay, I know I'm fucked up because of this injury, but all the memories that I have that I continue to celebrate with my brother, it's not like I could look at him and go, you're different about our mom's birthday or you're different about when we recollect about. So that would be a very specific brain injury to go. I'm only injured for the future and I'm not injured in hindsight. So no, I definitely think that they. But have you seen the movie? I've seen the lady that got bonked to the head and then she started speaking with the Chinese accent. That's a really. And I want to talk about her because I've been. I've been. Please, please. Yeah. I've seen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I've been in. For the people. I've been in. Your headphones on? Here we go. Yeah. It's there's a little mute button right there that you. Yeah. Oh, I'm right here in Vienna. About five years ago now, I had a stroke like event. This is your brother. I don't believe this. This is your half brother. Sorry if that's. That's offensive, but I. You know what's scary? She does a better Asian accent than I do. It's pretty good. That's the problem. It was half changed my brain activity. All right. Push pause. She's not just Chinese. She's not. Everyone do their favorite Chinese accent. Okay. And Ramsey, go. I don't think so, buddy. All right. Anyway. Yeah. So I'm really uncomfortable doing a Chinese accent, but I will. Oh, I want you to take my daughter of your money. I feel terrible doing that. No, no. I know her actually. She's actually part of my legal counsel. And it's very strange. Oh, my God. First of all. If my story is so strange, it gets weirder because she's part of my. Dude, imagine a closing statement from her. Oh, my God. Very good. So go ahead, guys. Questions, concerns. Okay. Another question. You must have been living pretty frugally. Wait, wait. Push pause for a second. Dan, could you do me a favor? Yeah. Can you flip your phones over to its flat side? Yeah. Okay. Thank you. Both. Three phones. Yeah. Yeah. Was the messages popping up or something? No, no, no. I don't like looking at the time. Oh. Yeah, yeah. There we go. I like to be free flowing. Yeah. And not worried about time. Yeah. Because time is something that we create. Can we explain that? No, really. I don't understand that. Time is something that we have a function. Okay. Calendars and the numerology of it. That means nothing. It means it's arbitrary. It's arbitrary. Thank you. Let's just leave it there. Okay. Good. Go ahead. You must have been living pretty frugally during this time because your brother is spending all this money he's taking in. It's like if you wanted to buy a big house or because there is that house moment. I really wanted to hate the fact that you started with frugally. And then I thought, you know what? I'm going to go with frugally, even though I think it's frugal. But. But. Frugal-ish. Frugal-ish? Frugal-ish. But it's a great. I got to give it to him. That's a great question because I was still living within my means. He would take the credit cards and he would go, okay, Dane spent this much. That means that I could use this. This much for Eric and I for concert tickets. And then he started another card later on. So for a while he was doing it like seeing what I spent and then spending what he wanted. You never had a moment as a young comic who's like killing it and be like, I'm going to buy a Lambo. Like, I want to buy a Porsche. I bought an Aston Martin. Oh, my God. Yeah. But that was again, when I look back, I found that statement when we did the forensics audit. That's when I go back and I looked at my whole twelve years of what he did to me and that like three months he curbed. What he took. But then I did a tour three months later and he just doubled what he took then. Yeah. It was almost like he felt slighted that he couldn't steal more when I bought that nice car. And so he just stole more later. And there's no guilt from him. There's nothing from them. Him. No. Why? How can you do that? How can you use somebody's money in that way, especially a family member and not feel any kind of remorse? I just don't think people that are in the business of stealing are also. So he's a narcissist, is he a narcissist? Oh, yeah, no, there's definitely there's there's got to be some megalomania, some narcissism, possibly schizophrenia. I mean, there's there growing up. Did you see signs like that with him or no? I saw a person that you could say, and this is tricky because in our business we do this a lot. And you guys see this also the fine line between eclectic and that's a fucking weirdo. Some people are eclectic and they ride that line and they're interesting and they're in there. Um. And they're what is that where they're respectful and they're capable, but other people are past eclectic and they're into something else, which is like, you're sketchy, fucking weird. And so I didn't I didn't realize I just thought he was, you know, he did his thing, but he never there was no red flags that made me go. Maybe he was an eccentric brother that you had or something. Yeah, it was just he was a little off, but not a way that you would ever go like, man, I got to, like, be careful of what I do around this guy. No, if anything, he was so sort of simple. He was a simple. Even even before there was money. That's what makes it trickier. Before there was money. He was still just that simple. Darryl, you want some ice cream? What do you want? Vanilla. Like there was nothing more to him to indicate this is a guy that would want extra or more. So realize that before there was even money, he was already like that. Yeah. Yeah. It's so funny because I feel like I'm frugal in a weird like frugal. Leany. What's the word? Yeah. For foolish. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What? Why do you think that face frugal? Awesome. Frugal. Can we pull it up? I like nice things. I know. Let me. Can I explain myself before you do this? Okay, because may I defend myself, please? Before you do this, what are you looking at? My shoes want to see what you're wearing? Yeah. Okay. Let me say something. All right. So I don't buy like, you know, I have friends, right? They have the same kind of economic evaluation that I have. Is that the right? Yeah. Kind of like that. I'm okay with that. Okay. And, you know, they'll go, Oh, I just bought like, you know, I mean, a boat. Yeah. Yeah. It's not, you know what I mean? Or I bought like, you know what I mean? Another property somewhere that I'm not going to live in, you know what I mean? And I don't do that. Why? Because I like to buy food, like really nice dinners. Okay. We've had to like to buy multiple different restaurants and door dash all of them and have each one race to see who gets to your house first. Yeah, that's what I've been doing. Okay. Is that video games? What video games? Yeah, it's frugal. What do you like video? I play video games. Okay. So you would you invest in like a supercomputer? Would you like it? Like, no, no, no. But I'll spend the $100 instead of the $70 on the Grand Theft Auto coming out. The premium. Yeah, good call. You don't have to answer this. Do you know what your net worth has been at its peak? Or maybe it's at its peak. Would you even know that if I said to you, hey, what was per capita the best year that you've ever had? This year. Financially? This year. This year. Yeah. Because, well, you're more responsible and now you're looking at-- I'm looking at it. No, no, but what I did was-- Yeah, and you're on a heater. So I understand. You're like, he's on fire, right? It's amazing. You have to come up. Yeah. What do you mean? Heaters. What's a heater mean? Yeah, a heater doing it. You're on a fucking-- I'm not a hea-- no, I'm downer. No. Really? I feel like I'm going down. You just said this is the most weird comedians are so weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you just said it is the best year of your life. That makes you a heater. Yeah. Yeah. And I say you're on a heater. You have a great podcast. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a heater. I'm a heater. I bring your name up to people and they go, oh, I love Bobby. All right, heater, heater. And then they go, is he weird? Yeah. Am I weird? Hey, what is your answer? Yeah. I always say he's eclectic. No, you're one of those comedians. Eclectic, weird. No, I don't say you're weird. But people always ask. They want to know about you. When I say I'm a stand-up, they go, oh, do you know Bobby Lee? And I go, yeah. And they go, oh, man, he's hilarious. What's he like? Yeah. They want to know. So I'll go to gigs, right? And they'll go-- at the end of the gig, they'll go-- and this happens a lot, right? They'll come up to me and they go, great week. I mean, great night. And I go, thank you. And they're like, really good experience. And I'm like, oh, cool. And they'll be like, yeah, we heard things. And I go, what? That you were weird. And they go, I'm like this, right? Every show. This is the staff, by the way. It's like the GM talking. Every show, I go walk in. I go, what's up? Thanks for working on that. But they think you're going to be weird. They think he's weird in a way that he's going to have weird demands? Or are these going to be not easy to deal with, weird? Yeah, exactly. A little bit of both. He's going to be getting naked in the green room. No, no, no. I don't do any of that. No, no, no. I'm like, good job. Was there an era that you would walk into a gig and not high-five, but maybe like, I don't know, do some fucking shit that made people go like, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no. Never, never, never. In fact, you know what I mean? In fact, if I may-- Where does it come from? What? Where does that-- then where does that preconceived notion-- When people go, Bobby Lee, I'm a fan, but is he weird or whatever, or what's he like? It's the same thing. I just have – I don't know. People think that I'm – you know what I mean? Maybe because of the stage presence or what he puts out in the world. Do you not get any of that, Dane? Do people ever make false assumptions about you? I've had the same thing happen where the internet sort of writes a narrative and then you're like – from the outside, you're like, oh, I guess they think I'm this persona this way. Or if somebody else that you respect says something – like Joan Rivers. Joan Rivers one time went on Howard Stern, and I'd never met Joan Rivers. I never made a Joan Rivers joke about facelifts or anything. Never had a bad word to say about Joan Rivers. Howard Stern goes, what do you think of up-and-coming comics like Dane Cook? She goes, oh, he's an asshole. And she went off on me like she knew me. From that, other people that love Joan Rivers would fucking write me or meet me and be like, oh, man, what did you do? And I'm like, nothing. And so sometimes by way of that, you become a version of what people are projecting. I think with Bobby, it's like the characters, Mad TV. Even years ago, remember, we've told the story. You'd jump on me, and we'd fake hump, and you'd jump into my arms. Remember that? You'd fake hump me. So eccentric. No, no, no. Your hello is you'd jump into my arms, and you would fucking fake hump me, and it was a whole thing. Korean hello. Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, you stop that. I did I know you stopped I don't want to talk about it yeah but you stopped it was leaving at that yeah yeah so I don't want to talk about me anymore but my point is is that speaking of Joan Rivers I had an incident with her too don't do that don't drive me crazy you did too? yeah I was on a red carpet right yeah and she kept screaming Lee get the fuck out of my shot were you in the shot? yeah but I was told I was told I mean I was doing red carpet interviews and I was told to stand there oh so you're doing the interviews yeah you're in the shot for that reason okay there's 20 30 different productions going on okay so I just happened to be in her shot and then Jimmy Kimmel aired it and she goes he said something he digged on me he said something like why would anyone give a fuck about Bobby Lee or something like that what? yeah it was like a weird slam and I remember crying about it do you guys ever have a moment when this is happening because of course there's also like you have your onstage like comedy persona when people start taking it too seriously and making fun of you do you ever think about like I have to be a different person and try and bend the knee to these people? no no no no you're in the moment in there you're like am I doing it wrong you're like you know what I mean you're like you know trying to survive yeah you know what I mean and also I know who she is she's a legend sure right so you have a legend screaming at you and you're like but I was told to stand here right and then you know what I mean and then all of a sudden it comes back to you and you're like it appears on Kimmel and they rip on you what the fuck is going on here yeah and that changes people's perspective even though you really didn't have anything to do with why and then it makes me go I don't like Joan Rivers you just here's what happens and it's many years ago I don't know when it was I made a decision in my stand up where it was like I want to be as close to who I am offstage on so I don't have to delineate was that because of the Dane Cook that da da da da like I just wanted everything to sort of be like within the same confines so that my truth on stage was my truth offstage and if somebody want to say something or fuck with me then it's like okay they can do that but it's not by way of like something that I saw or misconstrued or whatever here's I think that and this is my hot take on you oh if I'm doing hot take we're ready for it yeah yeah you is I you know there was no one that encapsulated la comedy than Dane at that time period yeah you know I mean I I was there I was in among it I witnessed it I mean I was you know I mean yeah I was there you know my eyes were beholden to the nature of all things more okay more more what more yeah it was sincere and now I know there's light in the darkest places and I saw light protruding through the Dublin's when it was dark I'm not done or can I finish because that wasn't a good one yeah I'll finish that I'll finish that yeah yeah linear thinking creating magic yeah I mean destiny anyway um what I want to really say about you is is that um I think a lot of it was jealousy okay because your style of comedy was so different your setups were funny you make your own dang cookie mannerisms you know I mean that we're really funny you know perif I remember that I remember that too right yeah yeah I've stolen it okay sometimes I wink sometimes I'll say perif and I'll go fuck Dane says a minute I'm so sorry uh-huh that's how big you've influenced a lot of people truncate words now yeah they truncate words but um my point is is that there and it was a perception thing but my point is is that if you were there you knew that it was the real deal you know I mean and it's like you you blow up you rose pretty fast in that time period right and to us it seems a long time because we went through the open mic States and all the things right so people but in terms of like you know mean observer outside an observer right you right and all of a sudden you just started doing movies and this and that and I think you know a lot of people were just jealous you know I really believe that in the movie Dane you do it's a lot of them you know from the beginning of your career from the way you try to get a high five I don't know how long I have to wait there the timing was great if somebody turns their head and you're going to high five you need to make a noise in it I don't think so yeah no no ready this is what I would have done with the pretty ready turn away I'm going to show you what a fucking person does when they're going to high five I know the other person turn right right ready go you turn away okay see that let you know something else is going on oh I see hey hey that's how you raise it first and then hey you don't do it at the same time well hey whatever okay anyway so day was a real deal and um of course I mean they had so many like everybody was doing Dane for what 10 years in LA I mean it was that you know yeah you know but when you were in the in the movie you go through a lot of your career right you start in the very beginning and you see kind of the open mic you see the video camera old found footage then you go like vicious circle even that that by the way emotionally impacted me because I remember watching that right being so lit up by that yeah how did you feel going through all of that like did were you prepared to go first time all the footage yet as you as you were you know not not the vicious but just everything like going through boss you know early days in Boston going through the New York stuff like yeah was there and up the ranks are you mean like in real time as you reviewed the as I reviewed it it was like because it was way more I gave myself more grace I gave myself more props I knew there was a lot of comics nipping at my fucking heels I knew that there was a lot of animosity but when you're a young kid and you're breaking through you can't call a morning DJ and go they're just jealous of me you're like I need to be old with some wrinkles and some fucking mileage to then go here's the truth there's a lot of envy yeah and they want this spot but but they're gonna get here some of them will some of them won't but it isn't a spot that you're even given it's so political there's way more reasons that a person starts sort of zeitgeist in when they do so I understood that then but when I look back and they were cutting I didn't cut it by the way sure I did the interviews the director Brett Harvey went away for six months I never saw it I was not a puff piece not me over the shoulder helping it was just interviews I don't even know who else he's gonna talk to oh I don't know anything it's just the interview but when he sent me the roughest you let the director just do it but the first meeting I said I don't I don't like in I love documentaries I go I don't fucking think a documentary is a documentary if the person you're making it about is a part of the production yes I said I'm not gonna tell you I don't like that shot of me or I'm crying here but so he took it and he showed it to me and that whole sequence especially the sequence of vicious circle in that was that got chills man I was so cool imagine it like this I'm watching it and not only am i reliving going I did that I don't even know what the hell I'm doing I don't know what I'm doing I don't know if you want to know about hair hymns hymns you want to know about it hymns hair hymns is built on science of regrowth hymns hair you guys your treatment can include finasteride an ingredient shown to stop hair loss and minoxidil an ingredient used to regrow hair in a little as little as three to six months combined into a plant per life to you I love James and him Sarah you love Jim's you love Jim's hair I love him Sarah getting started it's simple all you have to do is answer a few questions online and connect with a licensed provider who determines if 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safety information hey it's Matteo Lane and Nick Smith from the I never liked you podcast and we are two best friends friends we are two work colleagues who to have a podcast where we bicker, banter, argue, complain, and laugh. Well. Well. We try. And solve world hunger. I thought you were going to say mysteries. And we solve mysteries. We solve mysteries. Are we the Scooby-Doo gang? We are. We also discuss topics anywhere from pop culture, what's happening right now, to our personal lives, and who we think is gay. We drop new episodes every Thursday on whatever platform you watch or listen to podcasts. And not only am I reliving going, I did that. I was the first arena comic since like Dice at his height. Yeah. For the next generation. And not only am I doing that in Boston, and this is the beginning of a long run for me, but as I'm watching the footage, I'm also going, then this kid is going to go through the worst period of like, my parents are going to pass away, and then my brother's going to do this thing, and he's going to lead me in the worst predicament that I could possibly be in. But then that kid is going to have another moment sharing all of it. So imagine watching your career from that perspective of like, all the shitty things that you think aren't going to add up, they finally add up. And then you think, oh, I'm set, but the worst is still ahead. You thought you made it past the fucking, the worst part. And so to be able to watch it now in celebration with people I love, and it's a greater feeling. Even now, looking at that period of my life. Dude, it's crazy. Wow. Do you think that, like, I'm so curious about the MySpace of it all, because that is before my time. And it's so interesting hearing you talk about like, going on MySpace and realizing that there's like, people on there and you have friend requests. Like, you started to get popularity on MySpace. Are you posting, this is going to sound so dumb, but I literally know nothing about MySpace. Are you posting standup clips on it? No. Are you posting like, Twitter jokes? Like, how are you? So back then, there wasn't the ability to post on Twitter. You couldn't post video, but you could post links to forums. Forums were like the hang. Forums were where like, if you had an interest, if you were like, I'm into collectibles, you could go into a forum. There'd be 100,000 people that have signed up on any given night. Some people are live chatting in the forum. Yep. I would go into a forum with a uploaded WAV file,.wav, or an mp3, early, of my standup. And I would say, if there's any standup comedy fans in here, and a lot of people would be like, get the fuck out of here. We're talking collectibles. A few people would click it. Wow, I didn't know that. And they'd come over. And I also put something, which now we have DMs, right? Everybody DMs everybody. Back then, we had IMs. Instant message was what AOL provided, which was just the same thing. Sure, sure. Only somebody would instant message you, and it would pop up as a pop-up, not here, but on your computer. So I give people my IM. I tell people, this is my MySpace or danecook.com. And those clips, until I'm on Comedy Central with my first real, like, television appearance, those clips are being passed around sort of like underground. So are you going up at the Laugh Factory and putting a tape recorder down at a certain point and going, I'm gonna, or whatever, some recording device, and you go, this is for my MySpace. I'm gonna push this on my MySpace. Two things that I would do. I would do clips, like I would take that and cut up clips and then put it on, there was something called Kazaa, LimeWire, Napster. And these were places you could like bit torrent and download audio. So I would cut them up and post them, or I would just put them on links on like a separate web page and I would share them in all these. By the way, I'd go into like pregnant lady third trimester forums and I'd be like, anybody needs a laugh while you're in that tough last one. So the thing that was interesting though is I also did something on my website which was I would do a weekly like, I guess a rant called the Voice of Doom and then I would upload it and once a week this jukebox, it was called a jukebox, the Dane Cook Voice of Doom jukebox, you could listen and every Friday I would do like, here's what my weekend plans are and I'd rant sort of about the week. That was before it was even called podcasting. And then even comics that I knew that I'd bust their ball like burr and stuff like suddenly you're doing a version of, by the way, and everybody should and could have been doing that version but I'm saying I did that like get to know me just through. See this is why I never made it. Because of all these little, I never did any of it. It's like also, you know, Gabriel had a system. Do you know what his system was? I didn't know. No, Gabriel had a, he made up his own system. I saw Tom Green a lot online and I learned a lot even from, I thought Tom was like the most entrepreneurial and I thought like even though Tom had his fame, I thought like, oh, I'm very different and he's more like this sort of a performance artist and I'm a stand up. And so I did look at Tom a lot as being one of those. What Gabriel did was he would go to shows, right? And, you know, he would do a meet and greet every show, right? And it's like, you know, you can take a photo with me but we take the photo. Yeah. And we put it on our site. Yeah. Right? And then we exchange it and we grab your email. And so they collect all this gigantic email database. That's so weird. But he did that 20 years ago. Yeah. Yeah. And I remember CA calling me going, well, this is what Gabriel does. I go, I'm not doing that. Are you out of your fucking mind? I have no idea even how to begin. I did an interview with Rob Lowe recently and I'd never- Rob was just here, yeah. Okay, I never did his podcast but he asked me to do his podcast. And in the middle of the podcast, and it's like, this is what later I learned I was experiencing like some of the, not resentment but some of the pushback when I made it was even Rob Lowe the other day was like, you know what happened to me one time in 2006 and I'm like, oh, I'm going to get a Rob Lowe story. He goes, ah, my career was in sort of like you know, ebb and a flow and I went into my agents at wherever and he goes, and you know what they said to me? I go, what? And he goes, they said, you should be doing what Dane Cook is doing. And I realized right then that's why Rob Lowe never fucked with me. Like right then, I go, and I said to him, I go, wait, is that why? I go, you probably resent it and he was like, yeah, of course. I was never friends with Rob Lowe because people were putting me in other people's faces as I'm the example. Kind of interesting, maybe that's what was a motivating factor behind what your brother did. I mean, a little bit of like why everybody going, look at Dane, he's the special one in the family. He didn't show me that, man. He didn't show me a guy that was like, like, I never catch him like this, like looking like, fuck, I wish I could do what you do. He was just so like, you know, just more simple, simple minded. The footage of him in the background, for example, of like Vicious Circle and all that stuff where you see him walking you out, it's like haunting to see now. It is haunting. Yeah. It is. I really have to watch this thing. I'm inspired. I'm inspired to watch this. Some night, Bobby's going to just text me in the middle of the night and you know what he's going to write? Something like, holy fuck, this is awesome. I have so many questions. Can I knock on your door? I cannot wait 20 years and just pat myself on the back for one thing, which I'm patting by way of Brett Harvey, the director, Scorgy Productions, Rocky Moutelier, but I'm going to take the pat on this one thing in real time and not in 20 years. I knew the first day I sat in the chair, the first interview with the director, just the first question he asked, I said, I know that this is going to be one of the most fucking unbelievable documentaries whenever it comes out because it's got all this fucking drama, money, a heist, all this crazy shit, potentially murder, which you got to see, potentially like that level of fucking crime and it's got all the, it's got money, it's got the high rise of my career. Fuck, I want to watch it. You got to watch it. I'm going to watch it, dude. Everybody watching is going to watch it before you watch it. You're going to be sitting home doing that thing with your hand. No, I'm not going to, yeah, yeah, I'm going to do this. It is so haunting because I even, I listen back to like Harmful is Swallowed and you mentioned in the BK Lounge joke, you're like, oh, my brother Daryl at the BK Lounge and I'm like, whoa, this is like like a ghost haunting your every single bit on the way. There's like, oh, Daryl is so involved. He's not only is he involved, but then there's bits where I had over the years. Could we get Bobby some WD-40 for this chair? It sounds like a fucking old boat is over here. I'm in the middle. I'm on heaters. Yeah, I'm sorry. I got to sit still. Am I moving around too much? You're doing a lot of this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It just sounds like an old lady pushing herself down a hallway in a nursing home. It's creaker than normal. Yeah, we'll get you. Yeah, yeah, square, square. I didn't even remember what I was saying. I was getting, oh, Daryl, but it was this idea of like, I even had a bit once where I said, I always wanted to be a family with a deep, dark secret and I say that in my standup. I go, imagine like looking at your family and realizing that somebody does something fucking weird and you have a deep, dark secret and then I realize I have a deep, dark secret in my own family. Yeah. Weak that chair, man, if you're feeling it. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Ramsey, can I ask you something? Are there Dane cookisms in my act? What do you mean, Dane cookisms? Is there anything that I do that's very kind of cookish? I feel like he's influenced me a little bit. I think it's hard to say because Dane's physicality did influence so many people, but you're a very, I don't know. It's hard to. I don't. I can't say that. No, I can look at people and I know. I can look at somebody and go, I can look at somebody and go, why can't they just come to me and go, dude, I watched a lot of your standup and I really loved it. That's cool. I watched Steve Martin. There's certain things in Steve Martin's fluidity that I do, that I emulate, that I wanted to do, but I think that Bobby and I, we came up, like our graduating classes are almost right next to each other. You could argue that there's a good chunk of comics that have certain sort of like cadence and attitude. That was just the way we came up. I just think that the way Bobby does it is there's real, the love of the game and it's real in the moment and it doesn't feel sort of like preconceived like pre-planned, which I love. Listen. Come on, man. What? What's the matter? Everything is noisy. Everything is noisy. I'm so sorry. I am so sorry. I slept four hours last night. Oh. Yeah. Why didn't you get more sleep? I don't know. Anxiety. Because I'm coming today? I think a little bit. Yeah. Should I watch it? Should I watch it? Oh, you've spent them all day. I can't watch it. Do you think that maybe, do you think there's a part of you that's a little trepidatious about watching it because you fear somebody, you know, pulling a fast one on you or something? No, no, no. No, no. That's not it. It literally is that like, I just forget to. He gave you an out. Yeah, yeah. He gave you an out. I can't take the out. You couldn't take the out. There's another reason that people don't watch it and it's because they too are criminals. No, no, no. That's not why. That's not why. No, no. Fuck you, dude. Fuck you. Fuck you, dude. Fuck you, dude. No, no, no. I don't know why I have it and I feel bad as, really bad because I've had you on my other podcast and this one. You were the first person to write me. I know. He sent me a picture. I'm probably the first guy to ever buy it. He sent me a picture and he said, dude, and I told my wife, I go, I go, you know, comics are fucking the worst. I go, but Bobby just wrote me. Look at that. Bobby, he sent me a beautiful picture. I wanted to show you. This is my, okay, I'm going to show you, okay. Okay, recently purchased, right? Oh, so you bought it. So I bought it. I bought it way back here, right? Now, unfortunately, I've seen all these movies before. I've watched Obsession 12 times. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but if you want to be, it'd be a good, it's funnier if I haven't seen it. You know that. I want to share someday all the, you know how many bullshit, like, I'm not going to name this name, but one comic wrote me the other day. It was literally like, saw the thing was released, man. Wow. That's wild, dude. It's like, dude, you pick up a fucking phone and call me and go, you did this fucking dude. I'm glad you, like that. Yeah, I get, I understand. You writing that though, really, it made me night until you didn't watch it and now you've ruined my life. That's so funny. That is really good. Well, it was me being performative by night. Yeah, you were. You got caught. I don't watch it. I never watch it. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, don't watch it. You phony baloney, dude. You got caught. I think I was being performative, like, I'm being cool, you know what I mean? You suck, dude. Right? I suck, right? I think I suck. Do you think that maybe you don't want to watch it because for the two hours it's all about me and not about you? Dane, Dane, Dane, Dane, Dane, Dane. That's a real good slam. Awesome. Did you say Dane Cook? I just wanted to be more specific. Dane Cook, Dane Cook, Dane Cook. I have another, I have a movie specific question. Yeah. When you were, because when you, when this is all going down, because I was thinking about this earlier, you're at the height of your career. Yeah. Are there, you're having the, the worst year of your life. Are there like FBI agents trying to take pictures with you? Like, are you getting into that? Oh yeah. That must have been a weird moment where you're like doing a Sufi with like a guy while you're like crying. All the cops, all those Boston State Troopers, some of the FBI, even the Attorney General's Office of Massachusetts, Martha Coakley, shout out to Martha and team. They, even when I called those offices and I, some of them I called, I'm literally calling the Attorney General's Office being like, I got to report my brother. Here's my legal team. And, and, and many times I would get phone calls from like a police sergeant, like in the, in that Boston accent, like, you know, hey cook, I know we're not supposed to call you, but we got to tell you this thing. Then they would tell me something that they found or something that like they uncovered. Highly, like that's so against protocol. Is it illegal? It's illegal. Like they can't. Why would you say that now? Well, well now I can say it because you're not going to know the names or whatever, but at the time they would, they would call me and then say, kid, check your fucking email. You're never going to, you're never going to fucking believe what we found in the drywall. And then I check my email. Now keep in mind at the time, I'm both still in a panic of like, how much am I going to get back? My career is not as white hot as I was three, four years ago. I've cooled. And so I'm like, okay, how much am I going to get back? So I opened the email. It's a picture of cash on a table and two things are happening. One is like, you're like, wow, okay, I got that back. Whatever this is, I'm getting this back. And so you're, you're excited. Yeah. And then there's like dread and betrayal. Right. But then there's a, there's a little piece of you. That's like, damn, this is, this is fucking dramatic. Sure. Like all of that is swirling. Like when I finally got in my therapy, I'm not even kidding. The first month of my therapy, I said to him, I said, I don't even know how to fucking begin talking about what my life is, but I don't know where to start talking about my career in the rare air. I don't know where to talk about the kid that I was that had fucking terrible self, self esteem. I, I hated myself. I was self loathing. I didn't know where to begin with the betrayal. And my brother, my parents had just died. Like I swear to God, the first four weeks I was like, I don't know what the fuck to even say. Wow. I'm not sure what to say. And then finally four weeks in, I was like, okay, I think I want to talk a little bit about, and I started somewhere and then it was just brick by brick figuring out how to figure it out. I mean the trauma of it, right? I mean, did you work on the trauma of it? Yeah, I did. I had to, I had to work on the, this is what I said. Ready? I hope you appreciate this. When I started the therapy, I went, this one year, cause 2011, I wasn't in the clubs really much at all. It's the only year of my life that I really sort of, I guess took off because I was like, if I'm going to do this and really get better, I'm going to, I have to work as hard on myself as I ever have on my career. And that was the goal. And I'm not going to do standup until I know I've worked hard enough on, on me to go. I think I'm improving and I'm getting healthier because if I didn't, I'm not even kidding. I don't think I ever would have gotten myself back in a way that I felt like, I was worthy of having the momentum again and having another fucking era in my life or comedy. Yeah. You never went away. No, I didn't. I didn't stop, but I stopped for that little bit just to figure out like, just in my, you know what I mean? Proof. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Make the sound, make the sound. Have you, have you spoken to Erica since the doc came out? No. Cause she ends by doing this whole thing and then being like, Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Don't tell, don't give too, too much away. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No spoilers, but she does end with sort of like a call to action that I didn't expect. Um, I'll tell you a quick story about that. She has not reached out, but I'll tell you what did happen. Tell me how, just try to put yourself. And this is, this is his brother. Describe it to me. All right. That's it. That's all. It's his brother. Your brother. Okay. Can I talk? Go ahead. You. Brother's wife. Brother's wife. Freddie. Freddie. Freddie. If anybody doesn't want spoilers, the next 10 seconds, just go like this. Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. Okay. Ready? Spoilers. I don't want to hear it. No, no, not spoiler spoilers, but you get like, you're not going to watch it. Just consume some of this movie. He's going to watch it. Just consume some of it. We'll bleep it out. Okay. You knew that. Yeah. Okay. So he knows. Imagine this. You ready? I'm going to set the scene. I'll try to do it in a very dramatic way as well. Yeah, please. Okay. This, my brother and this person, you know, they, I send them to prison because of these things that they did on all these different counts. Okay. And not only do I send them to prison because of the, the crimes that they've done, but there's a multitude of other things that I know about these people, even before the criminal activity that I know they they're nefarious and they're, they're not, they're not good people. Okay. There. So imagine now I'm sitting in the movie theater, watching the, the finished documentary. There's 500 people in the movie theater. I said to my wife, I go, I want popcorn. I want to watch my life story. I want to watch the worst moment of my life, but I want to have popcorn. Did you do a speech? I did not. I, at the end, I did something at the end. I was supposed to open it up with a speech. I wasn't ready. You open with it. I wasn't Bobby. I honestly, I was like, cause I didn't even know if this is going to play. I don't know if this, how this is going to be received. Nobody had seen it outside. But afterwards you must've had confidence. Like, Oh, they loved it. You know, the big chest thing that you always say about me. Yeah. My chest was like, yeah. Okay. So now I'm sitting there, I've got the popcorn and I'm watching the movie. And by this point, when you see her later in the film, I've already leaned over to my wife at a certain point and said, this, this is working. This works. And now the crowd is laughing and they're, or they're gasping or sometimes people are swearing at the screen. And I'm like, this is really working. And then Erica looks into the camera. Do you remember this part? Of course. Yeah. And she's looking at me and I'm sitting in the audience and I'm eating popcorn and she's fucking yelling at me. Well, in the, from the movie. And I take a second, I lean back and I look around and I'm watching now 500 people that are all like this and I'm watching them and I'm remembering what she put me through and how I felt like suffocated when it was happening from her and my brother. But now I'm eating popcorn and I lean over to my wife, who's one of my, one of my favorite stories, the rest of my life. I lean over to my wife and I go, whatever she, whatever she stole, anything that she took, I said, this is priceless. Wow. Insane. Wow. Insane. Insane. Insane. I don't even know how to explain all the, where you go. You took something negative and you put it into a fucking positive dude. But in a story that I know, if people watch it, if you don't know me, you're not a fan of mine. You're as a true crime alone. You're going to go. Oh, it's very, very thrilling. Yeah. Thanks man. She is a character. I could not believe I was like yelling at my TV. She was. Wow. I mean, it's insane. That moment he's talking about too is I, I, it's now going to hit way harder. If you watch that, dude, I feel so fucking bad right now. You have to understand, all jokes aside, I feel so fucking terrible. I feel like a terrible friend. No, I love you. No, no, no, I'm done. I'm done. Let me finish. Let me finish. Let me finish my fucking show. Trauma dump on me. Trauma dump. I haven't been through enough trauma in my life, but you can trauma dump. Yeah, yeah, I'm going to trauma dump, right? I feel like a fucking, you know what I mean? Not a compadre. Yeah. Not a compatriot. Yeah. Not a compo. I want to do another comp. I didn't come up with one. Maybe a crony. A crony. Yeah, yeah, yeah, crony. I don't feel good about it, you know? And I have to really examine where I am with friendships. Yeah. Well, when you take your 16-hour sleep tonight, you know, I just want you to. That's a slam. Yeah, yeah, I love resting. You slept a lot. Okay, I love resting. That's more than a rest. All right. Usually I sleep about 10, 12 hours. If I get about six, it's not good. Anyway, so Dane, while we're here. Hi. Do we. Back in the MySpace days, though, remember those. Do you ever do a secret show? No, I don't think I did. Oh. I used to hear about these. They used to do these MySpace secret shows. No, I didn't know about that. And it was sponsored by MySpace. And so they would do pop-up shows. And I did one in Hawaii through MySpace. It was really cool. It was like during noon, just some random, you know what I mean? That's crazy. Small little venue. That's an early top-up. Yeah. Were you active on the MySpace scene? No, but I had already. I had been on Mad, and so they did a pop-up. Anyway, since you're here. I'm sorry. I don't know why I did that. I said that. But we have two young. I'm sorry. We have two. What's going on? What? I like it. We have two young. The business that you and I grew up in is not the same. No, it's gone. Completely gone, right? So these new young guys right here, right? They were where we were 25 years ago. Yeah. Do you have any advice for them? I know. I know. It's hard. I try to do it because these guys open up for me, and I try to, but. The thing about what Dane did with comedy is he kind of created the existence of what we have today. I was telling Luke, Luke's a little younger than me, that today it's kind of normal to see a guy sell out Madison Square Garden, but nobody really did that self-made on their own before you. So it's very interesting. You probably have a lot more relevant advice to give to younger comics, I think, than most people. I think people would maybe think. You might find this interesting, the answer I'm going to give, because everything now is so online, right? Now, even. First of all, the way I think of an audience is very different. I used to think of an audience as a group of people that it's their night out to grab a show, have some laughs with me. I don't even. My philosophy is this is a group of people that have their own platforms, their creators in their own right. Whether they. Whether they consider themselves entertainers, they're here to share in an experience, enjoy my show, but share their experience with their platform. So you sort of know, I'm in business with this crowd tonight. It's not just the people that are here to have some laughs and go home. It's people that are going to leave and go, hey, to my 600 people that watch my tutorials every day, where I show you new and interesting ways to do your hair, blah, blah, blah. I just saw a great show. So you now know you're in cahoots. So you do want to think of it more as like your live shows are still. The meet and greet used to be, where are you from and who's with you? And now it's like, what's your YouTube? What's your fucking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you know that, right? But this is the thing that I think is sort of trippy is I would be doing anything to create in the actual space that then other people are observing and reporting on the digital space. In other words, you're not trying to crack into the top. Top 20 podcasts that everybody else is already doing that, that, and that. You want to try to do something that's so unique to you that other people are going to bring it on those and you're like niche marketing, where all those other 20 podcasts. My documentary, for example, there's a lot of podcasts I didn't do, but they're talking about my podcast because that's what other audiences are wanting. I want their prescription on my story. So that only happens if you're creating things. I think that are multifaceted, dramatic, funny. What does it all come back to? Simply just be truthful. Be your truth. If something happened to you when you were nine years old, whether it was grim or something you did, hey, guess what? I was in the fucking backseat when my father used to be the number one robber in Pennsylvania. He used to rob banks and you were in the backseat. You need to be taught. That needs to be your whole fucking thing because that's probably the most stark, funny truth at the center of your life. If you're not talking about the most impactful thing at the center that you know the center of your life, you know the center of your life, you know. I know that that Boston Garden moment, I say it in the doc, it's the middle of my life. Everything led to that moment that was good and then things were not going to fucking be so good after that central moment. So take your central moment, make that your hub, build everything around that, and then you want other people bringing that out into the world and sharing it. And don't try to crack the digital world so much as the actual world. That was legendary. I came up with that. You stole that from Bob? I told that to him earlier. I practiced that speech all night. I wrote it down word for word. Exactly, dude. In your face, dude. Nice, yeah. Why don't you listen to me, man? Dude, I tried. Yeah, yeah. That's good. That's really good advice from me, dude. Really good, poignant stuff there, Dane. Yeah, poignant. Dr. Dane, right? I like seeing people win, man. I know, I know. That's part of my next chapter, too. I just want to, like, I'm even trying to develop something more. Yeah, we've softened. Oh, yeah, me too. We've softened. I felt, you know, I felt like I was still flying a little too high. When? Just moments ago. No, no, no. No, but listen to me, right? Over the years, you and I have softened. Oh, yes. Yeah. Do you know what I mean by that? Yes. What, then? Well, I feel like there's no barriers, and there used to be a little bit of a fog. Yes, yes, yes. And now when I see you in the hallway, even if it's just a quick high and by, I always say, I love you, Bob. I love you, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's, I don't know if that's old age. I don't know if it's because of the generation that we came up in, but it's like, that's, it never used to be like that. It used to be more competitive, I guess, and there was a little bit of jealousy. Not in terms of me to you. I've had jealousy with other comics. Yeah, I've been mad about certain things. About, you know, especially roles. Yeah. And, like, I can't get in. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's so. I think it's so unfortunate when certain, especially comics, mostly comics, because that's our world, hold on to those kind of grudges and stuff, and I know some to this day that can't just be like, we can be cool with each other now. We got families. We have deeper, I have deeper faith. We have deep, like, we can be cool, and that, to me, is where it's like, I'd love to be sitting at more tables with even more comics we know, and some of them just won't reach out, and I'm like, I wonder what's causing them to feel a blockade, because I'd really be interested in their story as well. Yeah. Like, this is a moment to talk about my story, but in reality, I'm going to use this moment to then begin a platform where I get to have other people come and talk about what they've been through. And I'm a little hesitant to ask about this, but I am curious. Nine inches. That's it. That was it. Probably big head, too. Yeah, that's good. Let's move on. Like, white head. It's white head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Hesitant about what? Well, because you talk about, like, grudges and beefs in the comedy community and eventually getting over it and all this stuff. And I know there was some contention with, like, Louie and that whole thing. And then you go on his show and all that stuff. Was that a big, like, squash the beef moment? I think so. Like, when he calls you and says, I want you to come do my show. Yeah. And Louie and I have been great for a lot of years as well. That was almost like the early version of a couple of comics have a squabble, but the internet really took things. Yeah. I mean, talk about just, like, elevating it to a place where even I at that time was like, this is so ridiculous. Yeah. And it hurt. I mean, it really did. It was like, damn, this sucks. I also respect Louie. But not only are we good, when he called me to do the show, that was his version of, I'm going to take the boot off your neck because he knew he put it there. So I will say this honestly. I did that episode of his show. And then I remember saying to him after, like, cut, we're done. And I knew just by way of us sitting there, I said, Louie, just think about what we could have done if this fucking didn't have to be part of our narrative. Just think about what we could make and maybe still make. So to me, it's like. If that's another example of, like, squash beefs. If you have beef with people, do not let that stuff, like, linger. Don't let it get stuck on the internet wall. Just, like, go to. Why are you smiling? No, just. No, no, why. Are you dealing with something? No, no, no. No, no, why are you smiling? Oh, be honest. I think you're smiling at me. Be honest. Beef. Are you smiling at me? Yeah, a little. Beefs, it's interesting. I don't know. No, no, no. Go say what you're going to say. Because you smile, you smile. We all have beefs. No, no, no. Beef? Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, we all have beefs in this world. It's an interesting concept to hear. Oh, so it's not a personal. It's not a personal attack on me. Do you have any beefs? What? I don't have any beefs. There's no grievances you want to air right now. I don't have any grievances. And I'm going to say this too, right, Jack? All right? Grievances going once. Hey, Captain, hold on. I have one. Go ahead. There's been, I don't know how many Bobby Lee and Friends shows at the Comedy Store. Yeah. I thought you and I were friends. Yeah. We are friends. I haven't done any. I don't book those. Okay. I show up on Sundays. I go, who's on the lineup? Am I not right? No, he's great. Yeah, yeah. You can do Sunday. Okay. I don't give a fuck. Okay. Yeah. Why would I give a fuck? Well, we squashed our beef. I'm glad I brought it up. There was no beef. Nice work, Luke. - You know what, that was quick, that was tidy. I will ask a quick follow-up question. Do you know the person who's in charge of-- - Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do, I do, I do, I do. - So you could do a phone call and quickly say, hey-- - Yeah, but I refuse to. - Ah, that's right. - Yeah, I refuse to. Here's another thing-- - That's fair. - 'Cause I think you're alluding to, my friend, that I am one that creates beef, or I'm in beef. Or I'm in-- - Yeah, beef, that's true. - It's all for show. I do it for podcasting reasons. - Of course. - I create these narratives where there's tension. - Yeah, there's no metal, there's no malice. - There's no malice behind it, friend, all right? - I don't believe it. - What, you don't believe it? You don't believe it? You think there's malice in it? - No, no, I believe that you are-- - I'll tell you another thing that I do, Jack. - Tell me about it. - If I may call you that, all right? Is this, dude, I don't take things as personally anymore, friend. - You don't. - All right, I'll give you an example. The other day, I was at a restaurant. - Okay. - And I saw a director. I don't know him, big fan, though. And from across the room, I go, what's up, right? Big fan. And he put me, he acted as if he's never seen me before, you know what I mean? And we have close connections, you know what I mean? And I was like, maybe I made it too big? - What was the context? You were in a restaurant far away from him? - He stood up and screamed across the room. - That kind of yell was like-- - Yeah, I know. - Two different sides of a canyon. - Let's suppose that red chair is the guy. - 15 feet away. - I am here. - What type of restaurant, paint that, too? - Right, it's a, I don't wanna get into the restaurant, but yeah, yeah. - But is it a chilled out place, or is it like a tavern, is it a honky tonk? - It's a Michelin star restaurant. - Oh. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You're screaming across the room. - Hey! - I go, "James Gunn!" It was James Gunn! - What course are you on? - It was James Gunn, it was where James Gunn, and as soon as it came out of my mouth, I was like, too loud, way too loud, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was out already, and then his reaction wasn't what, you know what I mean? And normally, you know, maybe 20 years ago, I would've taken that personally. - Right. - And ruminated about it, like, I was too loud, I just burned a brick, you know, this and that. I don't give a fuck. - Yeah, you might have bone cancer, you don't know. - Bone cancer? - Yeah, good, good callback, yeah, man, he could have bone cancer. - He probably had it, maybe at a set at the comedy store in a few minutes. - Yeah, yeah, that's good. - So what's next for you, Dainey? - What's next? - I don't think I've ever been called Dainey. - Yeah, Dainey. - Little Dainey, well, yeah. - Okay, well, obviously, the rest of the year is just gonna be, you know, talking about funny money. It's gonna be in Australia, we're gonna go there, UK, it's gonna be all over the world, so. - Wow. - I'm excited about streaming on Netflix and all the different territories. I get to go and talk to fans and just stay behind the, you know, the excitement that people are feeling here. And then, I can't give too much away, but I can say this. There is gonna be a companion piece, let's call it that, because so much has happened since funny money, and there's been a lot of new information. - What? - Wow. - There's been a lot of things that I would even say are probably equal to, if not even more, dramatic and compelling than what's happened, so I've been offered by somebody to come do a companion piece, and then I was also, knock on wood, meeting with a company that wants to turn it into a series, like a Succession meets Breaking Bad kind of thing. - Oh, that's cool. - Big production house. - Wow. - So I would be executive producing and casting, basically the story of my life. - Wow. - Brother and brother. - It's gonna be hard to find you. - Ah, yeah. - I'm right here, man. - It's gonna be like a 27-year-old version of me. Somebody can sort of-- - I don't know, you know what's gonna be difficult? Your mannerisms on stage. - Who's gonna be young Bobby Lee? I need a young Bobby Lee. - Oh, why would I be in it? - That's good. - I'm gonna have comics. - Dublin, bro. - Back in the day. It's gonna be from that era. - Oh, that would be so cool. - Peter Kim, you should play yourself. - If you don't think I'm gonna have a scene, can I say this? - Yeah. - I'm going, I will say this right now. This show gets made, there'll be a scene, at least, of somebody, one of the comedians, or me, watching TV and watching Mad TV, and I will put Bobby Lee, in some way, will be in this series. - Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow. Well, you heard it here first. - That's right. - Yeah, someone's gonna play me in something. Yeah, yeah, I wonder who. - You're gonna play me in something. - Jimmy O. Yang, maybe. - Oh, okay. - Honestly, I like Jimmy. - Yeah, you gotta cast Charles. - I want Charles Milton, though. - Ah. - Milton, dude, I went bowling with this guy, dude. - Yeah. - Dude, he's a real true man. - Yeah, no, he's a stud, bro. Look at this guy. - His lips, dude. - Can you please pay Bobby? - Is he looks maxing? - No, that's his natural look, dude. - Oh, wow. - Yeah, anyway, give Danny. - Wait, wait. - I got a question for you. - I got a question. - A question. - Are you still playing? And if you are, are you playing the new Call of Duty? - I am playing Call of Duty. - I played with you a couple times on Warzone. - I played the new DMZ mode, and I really like it, but I wanna see what Warzone's doing. I will tell you, my whole life, once I'm done with the PR, can I be very honest, Grand Theft Auto. I'm gonna probably be like two weeks of just like hanging out at home, GTA 6. I hope it's as amazing. - We're all gonna do that. Okay, we're all gonna fucking do that. Yeah, yeah. - It's not special. - And then a big tour, a big tour next year, and a big comedy special, and I can't say where that's gonna be. - Okay, you don't have to. - But we got it fucking going. - Let me tell you, you cocksucker, let me tell you something, Danny, all right? You are the worst person to play fucking Warzone with. - Why? - Yeah, because you and Steve Aoki, right, are the two worst because you guys are controlling. - Oh. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've heard it from many people that play with you. - I'm a Sergeant First Class. What else do you want me to do? - Get behind the wall, what are you doing, Lee? - What are you doing? - The one time I played with you, what are you doing, Lee? - 'Cause you're pointing the gun in the air. - It doesn't matter. - Why are you doing this? - People are coming into the fucking map. Will you play War, 'cause I'm, 'cause-- - We're gonna download it today. - We're gonna download it today, right? - Yes. - In two weeks, you know what I mean? - Well, we can play DMZ, our multiplayer right now, too. - We can play DMZ for now. I think it's good, but I wanna play Warzone. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I would love to be in a group. You guys don't play, right? - I play, I play. - You play, you play. - I wanna play. - I play, I play. - I'm pretty good at Warzone. - You have the new game? I haven't gotten it just because I'm kinda like waiting to hear, people seem like they like it, so I'm like, okay, maybe I will get it. - All right, so, if you play Warzone, can we have another shot at it? - Yes. - You'll have an advantage. - And your tone will be different. - My tone will be different. - Yeah. - 'Cause I'm not good. - Vastly different. - I'm not good. - Yeah, if you call me Dainey, though, this I don't like. - You don't like it? - Oh yeah, all right, did it really offend you? - No, I didn't, I don't think it's got a ring to it that I enjoy. - There's no ring, I know, it's a little annoying. - Dainey? - Yeah, it sounds annoying. - It sounds like Gumby or something. - Yeah, yeah, I won't do it again. Anyway, guys, give Dane Cook a round of applause. - Thank you. - Thank you. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪