Dancing

Hello everyone. Hello. Hello. When we record, we also record a backup on our own computers. We're not fools. No. And I left my backup running last time. And it ran for days and days and days and days. Oh my god, you backed up. The juicy, juicy stuff. You backed up everything. On those tapes. Backed up life. You backed up life. This is what brought down Nixon. And I did think, oh, this will be like an interesting document of the sounds within my home. That's a kind of Andy Warhol art project, potentially type things. Are you going to put it on a rocket and fire it into space as a warning? What is really disturbing? So I realized it and I thought, right, I'm going to listen back to this. Yeah, I live alone. So there's not very much noise in the house. But it'd be interesting to see what there is. Desperately sad, tablo, you've painted already quite alone listening back to the last three days to see if anything happened. Is it constantly just noise that you go, oh, okay, mental reminder, you can't put your dick in that. How? Mental reminder, you can't put your dick in that. Turns out you can put your dick in that. And that's why I'm keeping the Vitamix. It really was quite depressing to be honest. The noises we make, isn't it? Yeah, the noises. So the sounds that happen are, this little room I record in, I don't really come in unless I'm doing work. So the rest of the things happen in another room. So it was all quite a faint. I had to boost the signal quite hard. Yes. So there's mostly toilet flushing and trombone practice. So there's a lot of snoring, basically. So in the night, you could hear the snoring. Yeah, wow. And then the sound of me getting up in the morning is absolutely disgusting. Right, because it takes a while to roll the egg off the counter in the first place, isn't it? And then there's the smashing of the surface of the egg and then you emerge through the gloop. I'm really born once more. Because Benjamin, yeah, you're not just morally and ethically cold blooded. You're literally on, you're quite sick of what your physical cold blood is, which means you have to be rebirthed out of an egg every day. Otherwise, you wouldn't make it through the night, would you? Well, every night, instead of going to bed, I have to return to the egg. Yes, you return to the egg. And nutrients are fed directly into your anus and armpits. A series of sacks and pouches that contain nutrients, and it's all just stuff from twixes, isn't it? And pepper amy's all messed up. Yes, the excretion buckets are a bit of a sight in the morning. It's true. The problem is, when I was first created, pepper amy had brought out a promotional crossover with twix called the Twix Arami. Which was your first name, wasn't it? You were one of the early prototypes who was centered and the whole project had to be abandoned. And they're still trying to burn that lab down to this day. They are trying to burn it down. It's taking years to try and burn that thing down. You fools, the hubris, I told you a twix arami could never work. And that was actually, it was Glenn Hoddle, wasn't it? Yes, it's formerly manager Glenn Hoddle. Which is why you don't hear it from him many more. It's not a coincidence. Yeah, is that the character in "Trassic Park", isn't it? It's based on Glenn Hoddle, isn't it? The Diplodocus. If you look at the Diplodocus, all his mannerisms, they were all captured. They were modecaps, weren't they from Glenn Hoddle? Yeah, so you were actually a prototype for a Twix Arami, weren't you? I'm a negative, what's the word? Like a sort of spin-off. Yeah, you're one of the many unexpected sequelae of that experiment. Sequelae? Yeah, so sequelae, of course, is the plural of the sequelus. And sequelae is a pejorative term for a loud piglet. Yes, of course, Twix Arami, so it was the '70s. Just stick 15 years on Ben's age as well while we're at it. Well, Ben's gestational period was immense, wasn't it? I wasn't born until the mid '80s, but yeah, well, it saw out the Wilson government saw out. Brief Hoddle into England. It saw out three England managers, two prime ministers, four different people playing Morse. It saw out the three David Susheys. Who is the current David Susheys? It's currently David Susheys, who's actually the great grandson of the original David Susheys. Yes, so Twix Arami, the idea, because it was the '70s, so the idea was, if we combine the protein of meat, the two most perfect nutrients that they knew about, in which was meat. Well, of a sort. Sort of meat. Sort of meat, and wafer biscuits. And caramel, caramel. Well, they're going to use it to feed super soldiers, weren't they? That was it. It was a cold war thing. Yeah, it was a cold war thing. Yes, so this recording of me waking up, what I didn't realise, I didn't realise I do quite a lot, is kind of self narrate my day and kind of talk to myself. I probably didn't know I was doing that. So there's a lot of like, oh bloody hell. Just a lot of noises, and you can hear me sort of crashing around. The nurses will be here in a couple of minutes. Don't tell them what you did in the shed last night, all the way. They'll worry again. They won't be all day. But it's an early middle-aged thing, isn't it? It's because Ben is very much in the early, early up, down with slope. Sundrenched up Plundtundry. Yeah, that's right. So you say you're very early in that journey. But I think it's, there's a sort of self-duration, because I also live alone. I mean, I dread to think what the noises I'd be making. There comes a point in someone's life where I know what you mean about that narrative voice, but there's a kind of, there's a kind of attitude that goes with it, which is like, oh, yeah. Oh, what's falling off today? Oh, yeah. Oh, I suppose about a piss again. The same old dance. Where is that going to come out of the storm and wonder? Yeah, and there's a kind of, if I drop something or break something, I think it's going to go, yeah, yeah. Yeah, of course. Another spoon, fucks, another spoon. Of course I have. You know what I mean? It goes with a sort of, and I think it's all, there's no getting round it. It's all noises which tend towards a right-wing political viewpoint. Do you think it's not the noises of change being possible? It's not the noises of hope. No, it's the noise of decline before the managed spit has managed to clone kicks in. Yeah. You're so right, though, that in the three days of recordings, there's no moment where I go, oh, God's we need a wealth tax. Exactly. It's a sad thing that we have to fight against. It's up to us how much we fight against it or not, we've come to it. None of it sees a better, a better society. Does it? No. It's like, oh, it's all like the world, the world is the way it is, and you've just gone up blinding by the telegraph and get yourself to know for us. That's where your body's trying to take you. It's trying to take you in that direction. Yeah, I have that. Oh, I love the fuck. Yeah, Shao, God, I'm going to have to have a little bloody shower. Yeah, so half of the noise is of that very much that the other half is just me singing to myself. Again, didn't really realize I was doing it, but I'll be singing sort of what I'm doing a bit like a self narrating song. I'm concealing my assets in the morning. That's what I call putting on my pants. Concealing your diminishing assets. I mean, you've basically got an entirely paper penis at this point. None of it. It's basically negative genitals. I'm very much in the same basket as you, Bondo. I'm further down, I'm further down, I'm further up, down the path. But do you sing yourself? I didn't realize I did it. Well, you know what? I think the singing is where there's hope. I think hold on to the singing because you don't really get right wing singers. Well, no, we sort of do actually. And also a lot of the musicians that we once thought of as really quite cool as we've discussed before that they tend to start a little bit towards the right. Yeah, I think there's I think there's hope in the singing, maybe. Yeah, you're not in it. You haven't entirely given in. And the other thing on the recordings then is I went through the night time. I boosted the signal. Yeah. What do you mean you boosted the single by the second time you said that? Because first time in summer setting, I don't understand I tend to disagree. Second time, I normally I would normally ignore it. But because we're in a work situation now, I feel like I have to ask you what do you mean by that boost the signal? Well, the recordings are very, very quiet because nothing's happening in this room. So it's all sound from elsewhere. So I have to raise the volume quite a lot. - Okay, raise the volume, okay. - So it's quite kind of, it feels very FBI 'cause it's all quite hissing kind of like, - It's just like you're researching one of the worst perverts (laughs) in police history. - It feels so much like I'm sitting in a van outside my own home listening to some bugs. - And actually, listening to it, you're starting to wonder if this job is starting to take its toll on you because it's so dark. - Yeah, exactly. - What are you having to listen to? - What's weird is at night, so then I could look at the waveform and look for sounds. - Oh wow. - I was gonna sit for eight hours and listen. - Yeah, look at somebody who has submarine sonar operator. - Just tuning into nothing at all, but some waveforms. - But there are noises that happen at night. So there's my gentle snoring, which you can sometimes, sometimes punches through in the more violent moments. - Okay. - Well, I'm really gasping for air. (laughs) - So I didn't know you were a snorer. - I know Mike's a snorer, 'cause I've been in a room with, we talked about before I've been in a room. - And you've documented, yeah. - It's like sort of being attacked by Gibbons. (laughs) - Mike snoring. - You keep, you keep being attacked by like over 15 Gibbons. - And that's the moment when there is some sort of passage of air going back and forth. - Yeah. - Never mind the hours. I think I spent completely occluded. - Cannot oxygen going into my brain at all. - The damage sleep does to me every day. - Yeah, yeah. - That's a race of millions of seconds, your brain cells just turning themselves off. - You are physically narrow-minded aren't you, as a person, your brain doesn't have the space. - Oh, yeah. - Because essentially it's a corridor, isn't it? - Yeah, that's right. - Yeah. - 'Cause if you look at most brains, they have that tangled, sausage-y kind of kind of tangled up. Look, yours is just one, it's just like a sort of, it's just sort of one chew. - Yeah. - It's surrounded by some sort of like compost, really. I suppose. (laughs) - By a sort of fibrous camouflage. - Yeah. - Yeah. - So what else is there? Are there non-BP noises? - Well, this is it. At night, it turns out my house is haunted by ghosts because there is just kind of noises that happen. Of things, sort of bashing into things, but I can't look at what it is. - For more polterghosts, you rather than sort of wailings and pinings. - No, very polterghosty, yeah. - So it's all, I imagine quite explainable somehow, but I can't look at what they are. It's just like bangs, and yeah, things hitting other things. - Oh, gosh. Yeah. - Do you find that disturbing? Are you seems to be okay with it? - Not really, because I assume it's just, I'm a rational gentleman, isn't it? - What are you gonna do about it? It is what it is, isn't it? You know? (laughs) I know what you mean. I think I'd be the same as well. - I could see a sort of semi-transpan horseman sort of galloping up and down Oxford Street, beheading people, and I'd still just think that it's just some sort of weather pattern or something. (laughs) - Yeah, I think I could never, the level of proof would have to be so high. I'd have to be murdered by a ghost before I decided that ghosts were in it. - You'd have to be a ghost yourself. - If I saw a beheaded horseman beheading people on Oxford Street, I would think probably some kind of promotional campaign. - Yes. - Hello, fellow fresh. - Hello, friends, like don't lose your head. They can pile up. (laughs) On the topic of things like that, yes, last night I made, if I'd been listening to myself last night, I'd have heard the comforting sizzle of a de-gloved sausage (laughs) wrestling in a frying pan. Because last night, I made myself sausage. - Why did you de-glove it? - I made myself sausage pasta. - You take the sausage out of its skin and what happens is it kind of turns into mint, turns into a kind of porky sausagey mince. You're basically beating the system. - You're turning sausage into mince. - I don't think you're beating the system. - I want my bits of sausage. - Those are the best bits. - No, I think, 'cause I think I'm being sitting climb, I'm eating mince, but it's sausage prices. (laughs) - I'll give you with that. - I'm eating cheap meat, a cheap meat crisis. (laughs) - But have a different meat that's cheap as well, prices. And if you don't believe that, then why am I beheading people on Oxford Street? (laughs) - That's marketing. (laughs) When you remove a sausage from its skin, it's very intense. The thing I think it's most similar to is if you've ever lammed. If you've ever birthed a lamb during lambing season. (laughs) - No, I mean, you can't have done sure me. (laughs) - No, but I've seen people on television do it. (laughs) - Specifically Jeremy Clarkson. - And I just want to say, you haven't gone off on some sort of metropolitan elite, executive weekend where they take it to the cotswolds. - No, but it is the kind of thing. - They tell you that you're birthing a lamb. - It is the kind of thing. - I'm drawn to the papi mashay model of a, of a you. - And a very, very small papi mashay model of a Jeremy Clarkson. - Yeah, it comes out of the you. (laughs) - Covered in sort of amniotic food. (laughs) - And that's what's coming. And yeah, you think that the top gear guys have left that version of the show that they did on Amazon? (laughs) - The Grand Tour. - Think again. - Because it's the big birthing. That's their next, that's their next TV show. It's all of them being birthing. - What, what they rode tests to different birth can I say? (laughs) - You've got Richard Hammond going through the birth canal of a giraffe in the Serengeti. - Tell me you're not tuning in. - Big marks for talk. (laughs) - You're laughing, but I'm subscribing to Hulu or whatever that's fucking on to give that a go. (laughs) - To see James May quit sizing the lack of cup holders in a hippo's uterus. (laughs) 'Cause it's the only thing that's more extreme and it's the ultimate journey. Let's face it, journeying from A to B in a car. Every journey is just a version of the original journey, which is from the womb of an angular. (laughs) - Where we all started into the shiny floor of a TV studio. (laughs) Into the comting arms of Stephen Mulhoorn. (laughs) - Yeah. - I think the fact that the grand tour of just gone with the three middle aged white men configuration in turn to 26 is very heartening for me and for us. (laughs) - They've kept the basic template in place. (laughs) - Although one of them I'd say is not middle aged, one of them is quite young, the train guy. - Frontier's bourgeois. - Yeah, but he's got the interests of middle aged man, isn't he? - That's true. - Will you be tipping into the new series of the grand tour? - I think I will actually just make me out of curiosity. It just feels like one of those kind of things where you go. I wonder if they've managed to pull this off. - Yeah, okay. - 'Cause I racked up no minutes of the first one. How was the first one? - Was it the same template as Top Gear? - It was, but they made a big play of the fact that the BBC's shackles were off. - Oh, right. - We punch any producer we want at any time. (laughs) We've lost another one. - I think anytime anyone is liberated from what they see is the thing that's holding them back, it tends to be the thing that was actually holding them up. - Yes. (laughs) - So true. - That's so true. And that is why I persist. And you'll be pleased to sit here. I have signed the contract for another six month of doing the three beans out of podcast with you two. (laughs) - And also, my shingles-based dating app. (laughs) - Which is. - Krusty. (laughs) - Which was Krusty Love. - Singles with shingles. - AKA Krusty Love. (laughs) - Yeah, early numbers aren't good. But the first shingle, shingle mingle, the first shingle mingle Greek with Derek Pringle. (laughs) We've rehearsed it last week at the top of the shard. It was a medium success. Probably 'cause the people behind the shard didn't approve of it. So we weren't gonna have to use the lifts. (laughs) - Did you use the rope ladders on the outside? - Yeah, and suckers. (laughs) - Yeah, we had to, BIO toilet plunger. - We had to use the BIO toilet plunger to get up the side. Which when you're laboring with shingles is a big ask. (laughs) - Also, at a shingle, singles mingle, it's sometimes quite hard to work out. What are the Doritos that have been provided? - And what are just bits of crusty old skin that fall off? (laughs) - And same goes for the thick cheese dip, then. - We shouldn't have chosen a thick cheese. - I know that my hand, my whole hand's up. (laughs) - The thick cheese dip, there was far too much, far too much of a gray area. (laughs) So that was all went to waste. Also had my day, do you remember those dating singles nights where you used to have, it was called traffic lights or something? You'd have red, red meant, I'm not single. - So is there no way you were there? - Yep, yeah. - Green means I'm actively infectious. (laughs) - Well, this is the shingles version. (laughs) - So yeah, so the, our version at the shingles night was, so yeah, there was, yeah, red was actually infectious and seeping, yes, okay. Amber was, yeah, moderately infectious, not seeping so crusty, yeah. And red was, I've actually never had singles. I just want to take part in the scene. (laughs) (laughs) Just find out what it's all about. (laughs) But it's not the wonderful thing about shingles is that we've kind of most of us, like 90% of us have kind of got it at all times. - Is that right? - Deep within us. - If your spine brings us together. - It's in your spinal canal. So I never knew about shingles, I had, I had, I actually hadn't even thought about shingles that much. And actually now that I've had it, it's opened up a whole new world to me, really. - Well, those who haven't suffered are just, we're all just walking around like, I'm lit fireworks. Yeah. Ready to go. Exactly. Yeah. Because just to explain, if people don't know, it's the same virus as chickenpox, right? Indeed. As you get chickenpox as a kid, and then it just sits in your spine for years and years and years? Yes, it's in your nervous system. Ready to go. And does that mean it had chickenpox as a child? Yeah. Yeah. Because it's extraordinary. Because. One does one that doesn't want what made Henry Packer. Hmm. Maybe it was the shingles. I mean, maybe it was the chickenpox. Yeah. Could have just been a virus from a member of the Herpes family. We don't. It could just be that it's herpes. And that might be the explanation. It's a form of herpes. It's reductive. What's going on with me? It's all. It's a form of the Herpecaea magnumata virus. It'll have a name like that when it'll have a bigger name. It's more like that. Also, it started to. I started to lean into it in conversations. I'd go. I've got herpes. I started to take. I mean, shingles. I mean, shingles. It's a strong owner. Especially the singles, though. Oh, yeah. It's icebreakers, yeah. You're definitely going to be talked about. But I've told. Because you know, when you're just ill, you're ill and no one gives a shit. But it's quite good having a name to stick to it. I've got shingles. Hmm. I've been using it in emails. I was using. I mean, I had to cancel some gigs because of it, which I'm very sorry about to anyone. I had to miss that gig. I couldn't go. But at that point, it was extremely bad. It's not factually funny. I don't know why you two, I've seen this sort of fucking laugh. It isn't. Well, I guess just because better than I have seen an awful lot of comedy over the years. And so, you know, we would be interested in seeing, you know. The shingles version of your show. Of course we would. But that's just. That's just one of you. For most people, they don't want to just see a man not being able to do a show because he's. Florridly out of that. It is extreme nerve pain. It really is. So if anyone would like to come to one of your singles with shingles. Yes. Slash, crusty love events. Yep. Just turn up at the shard. So turn up at the shard. Every shingles day. Sorry, sorry, Thursday to you. So she. I'm trying to make Thursdays be requested the shingles day. Also, guys, like gender equality is very important. It's not just her piece, it's his piece as well. That's right. A very good point, Bonjo, thanks for making that. Very good. Very good. And just, yeah, very much underscoring your mid-life decline as well. That's perfect. That's good stuff. That's a big part of it. Yeah. And actually, I'm actually hoping to quite soon write a book on the history of her piece. Or as I might actually call it the history of his piece. (Laughter) You're getting some pushback from the editorial feed on that title, aren't you? It's hard to know what it's about. That's the one you're just glancing at. It's through the bookshop window. That's the problem. But that's society's fault, not mine. And also, people that are. There's quite a lot of what we call shingles appropriation going on, which is people pretending they've got a rash, pretending to be doubled over in nerve pain. Look, you will get. The chances are you will get shingles at some point. Mm-hmm. Just wait. It'll happen when you're ready. And I would say, statistically, probably someone else's listening with shingles. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, they say every minute. Someone probably has shingles, definitely has shingles, at least. I mean, probably 50. I don't know. (Laughter) You mean they're below, so I imagine. Hundreds, probably thousands, I don't know. But if that's you, dear listener. And if that's you, well soon. Get well soon. Indeed. (Music) Let's turn on the bean machine. Yes, please. It idea. (Music) This week's topic, as sent in by Sandor. Sandor. Sandor. Sandor. Back, Sandor. From what is described as the other side of wherever. Mm-hmm. Sandor is a. Sandor does sound like some sort of being/god. Sandor, you've already picked our interest to it. We're already one over by Sandor. I would say. Sandor could be a sort of entity that precedes everything. (Laughter) Sandor. Sandor. Sandor sounds like the main contender to set up a rival to Packadonia. Yes. No, Sandor. No, no. In the final reckoning, it'll be between Packadonia and Sandor Opia. Ride with me, Packadonian Guard, tonight we vanquished Sandor. (Laughter) And by that, do you mean we're getting on the tube to a coaster that you know. Yeah. Sandor works. Yeah, but it's in a business park. And then, but it is a good one. Yeah. But it is a good one. And the Wi-Fi is decent. (Laughter) Anyway, Sandor put into the boom machine the topic of dancing. Oh. I'm instantly transported to several traumatic memories. Really, really painful sores on my back and under my right nipple. I'm just talking about shingles again. (Laughter) If you're single and you've got shingles, don't hide your sores under a brushball. (Laughter) Packadonia's special shingle revealing t-shirts. Perfect for the Pasadolble. Perfect for doing a Packadonia Pasadolble. Pasadolble! Pasadolble! So, Packadonia is the only pro shingles religion. So, especially special t-shirts which you can adapt to reveal your rash sections. Actually, you've got different panels you could pull off that they kind of velcroed on. Velcroed on panels exactly. And Velcroed turns out it's very, very aggravating for these shingles. (Laughter) Good thing about shingles though is when you do get shingles, you don't dwell on it, do you? It doesn't intrude on every single thought you have. (Laughter) Certainly doesn't. It's a relentless neurological pain, suffering it. It really does intrude into my thoughts a little bit. Yeah. Interesting phenomenon, but again, not one to fight, one to embrace. Oh, Henry. And you wet the hangry with shingles. If you eat our combination, beef shin. So, it's reduced beef shin. It's all soft and slow cooked, spread on top of a juicing onion pringle. And we call that shingle. (Laughter) Which is a bit confusing, because you. But again, there's a lot of teething trouble going. There's a lot of you trying to work out actively on the scene at the moment, isn't there? But you can be part of those, you know, founding, you know, that founding group. If you turn up to the right coster at the right time. Yeah. Next Thursday. With the right source. If you know, you know. (Laughter) And that's also been a problem, because a lot of people don't know. Most people. We've let. We've let. Or there's no one knows. But. Well, there wasn't idea, wasn't there, that if you were the right kind of person, that your shingles would spell out the address? They would spell out the directions. Turns out that hasn't happened. Yeah, but also a lot of times people have the shingle rash on their backs. So, if an arrow on your back is pointing left, who's trying to read it with money? Back mirrors. It's reversed. You get the wrong coordinates. Which is adds another level of confusion in terms of which ways, which. It's on the longer tubes. Which one's the longer tubes? Because you wish on the latitude. Is it from your point of view? Is it from the shingles point of view? Is it shingles right? Like, stage right? All these things are hot, hot debate. And again, it's caused the left. It's the debate that's hot. If we draw this feeling hot. (Laughter) Because of the shingles payment. It's such a hard community to rally to be honest. I'm finding it a really hard community rally. There's very little shingles pride out there. And that's what you're trying to tell us. Not a lot of shingles pride. Also, a lot of people wish shingles are in retirement homes as well. (Laughter) Or they're often part of their lowest ed. Generally. (Laughter) It's really hard to motivate them. It's hard to get them active. I have a coma, but it's easy. They're brought low by other things. And when you tell them the meetings at the top of the shard, there's two toilet plungers. See you there. They're struggling to summon the energy to go out and get a pint of milk. No, no, no, no, no. The scale Britain's largest building. Cross oceans, potentially. And scale, the scale was short. I mean, a lot of them, the last talk, the toilet building they've heard of, you know, in terms of their memories, the oxo tower. You know, they just, they haven't even heard of the star. Yeah. When that was built, they all thought that that was the end of architecture. Didn't they? Did they? We've done it. When the oxo tower went out. You know about the oxo tower, Ben? I've seen the oxo tower. I've not been up it. I lived very near the oxo tower for a while. Back in the day. What do you think about that? It's a pretty cool tower. Isn't it the oxo tower? Pretty cool. And very near, I think, the HQ of Hello Magazine. Is that true? It certainly was when I lived in that neck of the woods. It's very near. I tell you what, it's near. It's near where they filmed this morning. Yes. And I once was on this morning because I was walking you through. Why? You would, you would dress as a program fucking. I knew that wasn't a real program fucking. I knew it was stupid. It was too tall. It was so slow. The movements were so clunky. And the way I was eating those beef strips was so world-worthy. I've never seen a program fucking looking. I've never seen a paragraph fucking demand condiments. Have you got any whole grain, actually? This beef's a bit bland and dry. That noise it made, has it shifted up and down the little stick it was on? That world weary sciet kept doing. Remember? Yeah. It broke wind every time it stood up. It's over. Yeah. I kept making eyes at Fern Britain. It really is. And then, do you remember the Paragon Falcon Keeper had to keep on hiding your blushes, been making up stuff, but I'm sorry, that's don't worry, Fern, that's just an ocular problem that some Paragon Falcon said. It's a hunting instinct that they can't do anything about it. He's riddled with parasites. He had to keep on making that, that's not a caveat, didn't he? Get a good say, take away everyone. It's Paragon Falcon, it's absolutely. It's got it's more parasite than it's Paragon Falcon at this point. It's basically a flying bag of parasites. It's a flying parasite hotel basically, but can't fly. That's why it's drinking strongbow. It just needs a bit of confidence. Where's confidence? And also all the yeast in there. That's what the tapeworms are demanding. It's amazing, it can communicate these desires. They're so blurgers. I'm trying to fight, basically, we're trying to fight fire with the strongbow, because we're at our wit's end with this fucking Paragon Falcon. If it was the 70s, I'd have shot him right now. Just shot him weeks ago with 70s. I can't shift this fucking dickhead off my, I can't get my hands. George, I know how I was actually on this morning. Yeah, also, can I just say that was really amusing, little comical diversion we went on, and it was all founded on my misconception that we were actually talking about the one show. Similar vibe though, because they both have a window behind where you can see the outside world. Yeah, exactly. Yes. And heartwarming animal segments. That's right. So, would you like to know the real reason I was on this morning? Yes, please. Yes. So, I'd visited the tape modem, which is kind of in that area, and I was walking along the south bank, and they were doing, you know, when they get a doctor on, I think he was called Dr. Chris. I think it was Dr. Chris, and they set up a gazebo on the south bank. No, I think Dr. Chris was sort of, kind of, silver-headed, avancular type. Yes. He was the kind of, like, friendly family doctor that you wish you had. And they were doing tests on, like, testing members of the public, with, I think, Mike, would it be called spirometry? Yes, for your lungs. Yeah, lung function test. So, you just turn up to the gazebo and your wife runs in your vest, and see what it's offer, is it? Well, yeah, and then they cut my bollocks. He said cough. And then I was signed up to the Navy. So, they were testing the lung function of just people walking past. And the idea was, like, come down. Get your lung function tested. Yeah. Mine was kind of fine. Most pupils were fine. And then I watched, as Philips Gofield had his lung tested. Yeah. And it was a bit awkward, because they were kind of like, oh, it's not actually that good. Oh, no. And it was a bit weird to have that happen live on television. Yes. And unexpected, because he looks, he went back then, he looked pale and hearty. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So, he was so much exude. He wanted the image was a sort of super clean living. Like, yes, this is not someone you imagine has got sort of a hundred pack year history of this. No, exactly. On the red Marlborough, whatever. This man had played Joseph in Joseph's technical dream, go, you know, he's a proven set of pipes. Exactly. But the fact is, you don't know what's really going on with people's health, Benjamin, until someone doesn't add Hock test on you and a gazebo on the southbound. And then you know. But that's why you should always wear my super velcro's ain't no shame in it. Shingles shirts. Because at least you're getting an airing, aren't you? Exactly. Yeah. Yes. They sort of said, oh, this is actually on the sort of lower bound of what we'd expect. And I just thought, I actually, this was such a bad idea. Why, why you publicly diagnosing people and things on the street? Yes. Because it's not always good, is it? No, of course not. Terrible idea. Terrible idea. Terrible idea. Which is why also there'd be something which is no, that the llamas unbilical cord is strangling, which is Hammond. This was a terrible idea. We never should have tried to birth here. We can only save one. Do we save Hammond or the Lama? Call in and vote. Hammond is back to being amazing, amazing television. Text Hammond or Lama. It's so the line is so thin between the two, isn't it? Well, one of them is a pretty basic mammal that can just amount, so I'll have a couple of basic tasks. It'll spit in your face as soon as, look at you, with a horrible acrid milk. But decent up a steep incline and the other has just died. The competition's over. We're meant to be talking about dancing. Dancing, well we ought to know about dancing, aren't we? Because here we are in Britain, a nation famed across the world for its sensual dancing. For its dancing. For its sensual dancing. I used to do a lot of sort of Welsh country dancing as a child. We had to do country dancing as in primary school, at P and P.E. Yes. That was a thing. But it was unclear why I can't remember any of it. At the time, I feel like I've got the sense that we were being prepared to be proper functioning adults in society. We would need to know our country dances. Otherwise, how will you marry? Exactly. For when we presented as debutants for our first season. But it really did slip, by the way. It was all about meatiness of Karl's, wasn't it? Yes, yes, yes. The Karl's muscles had to be really, really worked on. Mike, you've got Karl's muscles like lunchboxes, haven't you? True. If you're actually a 12-year-old's lunchbox. I'm working on them right now. But yeah, beefiness of legs and dancing was all linked, wasn't it? Your manhood was all like, how good you are at dancing and how meaty are Karl's muscles? I think the reason that you and I might quote were taught how to do country dancing as children. It's because there needs to be a certain amount of old folk dancing knowledge in the country, because when a dignitary visits for another country, when they get up to plain, someone needs to be doing that. That's right. At the bottom of the stairs. Yeah, because they've got the chest with the costumes in it. That's not changing at all. Exactly. Mine is your repair. So you need your national dress. You're right. Yes, it just needs yes, on a population level. Because King Charles must believe that around the world, people are just constantly dancing and doing their national classes. Wearing very strange tall hats. Yeah, because he just sees them every day. All stand for the King. We're entering the regal zone. Off with their heads. On with the show. Listen up to the naves and the shopkeepers. Bring me more at five. The regal zone. King Charles was known to be quite a good dancer in his youth, I think. What can dance? Yeah, just sort of like disco dancing. Because you know, you know, Prince King Charles. King Prince Charles. So King Prince, King Prince Charles and the imposter witch. Come here. What's in Jezebel? Jezebel was in the Bible and she seducted us. Yes, seduced someone. I can't believe it was. Was it Samson? Jezebel was the daughter of Isabel of Tire and the wife of Ahab King of Israel. She got a bad press. Whatever way you look at it. I'm looking at it. Right. Jezebel replaced Yahwism with Baal and Asherash's worship and responsible for Naboth's death. Oh, why me? This caused irreversible damage to the reputation of the on-ride dynasty who were all already unpopular amongst these relights. For these offensive, Jezebel was de-fenestrated. Oh, good God. She had all her trees cut down. She loved those trees. She's de-fenestrated and then devoured by dogs. Yeah. Oh, dear God. That's not nice. But I'm sure Jezebel does mean like, yeah, someone being seductuous. So yeah, thanks for feeling us in on that. So I'll crack, I'll crack myself. Camilla, the imposter Jezebel with. Thank you. In a key, a King Charles, he was quite the swordsman in his day and by sword, I'm talking about dick. He was known to be, he was quite a kind of you know, he was like a sexy dancing womanizer. Yes, I've certainly never heard of a child's being. No, there's footage of him doing cool. Do you mean he was a keen amateur or the genuinely was a bit tasty on the tiles? Could he actually cut some rug? Not like was, not like you, Mike's an incredible guy. Yeah, so we are talking to someone who will really throw some moves. Oh, I'll cut it up and slice it up. Sure. Yes. If the mood, if the mood takes me, no formal training there. Mike dancing is absolutely incredible. I mean, I saw people leaving a Berlin nightclub because because Mike was dancing. It's that level. They're like, it's eye-catching, isn't it? It's destroying. It's destroying. - Yes, this is what people say. - It's distracting. - It's sort of Marmite, isn't it? - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But Marmite, you dropped on the floor outside the back of the kitchen and it's landed from some feathers of a dead pigeon or something. Yeah, that's sort of Marmite, yeah. - I remember when I was a kid, we had a German exchange in our school and I hadn't gone to Germany, I wasn't involved in it, but some Germans came to our school. - So it's one way exchange? - No, there wasn't exchange, but I wasn't involved in it. So I didn't experience doing a fan bit of going to Germany. I just experienced there being Germans in our school for a bit. And also that's part of the fact that you were a byproduct of a pepperoni twist. (laughing) - Yeah, I haven't got a passport. - Combo snack, you got another passport at that point. - But I remember there was some kind of disco thing put on. So we went to the disco and the Germans were there and they all started doing sort of weird ballroom style dancing that apparently they all get taught as kids. - Oh really? - Where it's like kind of, you know, like man and woman. - Yeah. - Slightly strictly come dancing, he and stuff. And we were like, what the hell is this? And then they explained, yeah we just learned this in school and we all know this and it's a thing. - Yeah. - But they would also do it. That's the other thing about the Europeans is that they would be like, oh, having a party. Great, let's have a good time. - Yeah. - As opposed to sort of hiding in the corner, hoping that, you know, someone's got some hooch or something. (laughing) - He's got things going. - Yeah. - It was weird. - Can I say Mike, you've just lumped in all your opinions as one type and imagining we all have the same characteristics? - Yes. - And? - Good to see you. (laughing) - I do think genuinely over the channel, they are a bit better at having a good time without lubrication. - Can I say, I would have, you know the thing of like, having a preset way of dancing that they've all learned. - Yeah. - I would have loved that growing up because I have really traumatic memories associated to dance. I mean, traumatic is overdoing it a bit, but as soon as dance came up as a topic, I pictured a few sort of difficult moments from my past, which is as a kid, if there was an age where suddenly there was sort of disco-type things happening. I think I was maybe 12 around there. The first disco-ish things were happening. And because of the '60s, bloody '60s, which ruined this thing, right? I think we can all agree on that now. I think if we listen to Ben's noises he makes in the mornings, there's a bloody, heavy heart to kiss. (laughing) - That's actually, he was gonna pay for it then. (laughing) - Oh yeah, nice idea of who's actually paying for it. - Ringo bloody star, don't think so. - You're gonna pay for it, don't think so. The fact is, it's the invisible hand of the market. That's all we have, the invisible hand of the market. (laughing) - You're talking about the sort of school-type disco, there's sort of sports hall, there's one novelty light, trestle table with squash, teacher at the DJ decks, that kind of thing. - Yeah, it was sort of that sort of thing. And also maybe some people's birthday parties would become a little bit disco-y at that age. Because of the '60s, I think. There isn't a set way of dancing. 'Cause the '60s brought in a way of dancing, which feels great, but, and I can prove this with top of the pop footage from the time, it looks absolutely shit. (laughing) But like, you know, people are dancing in the '60s, you see, ultimately, you don't know how this looks. Dance like no one's watching Henry. Dance like no one's watching, exactly. But because of that, there was no set, so it was completely just free, you know, the discos, it was just, you sort of do what you want sort of thing. - Yes, but it's also helped by the people doing it, probably like in their '20s and not physically falling to pieces. Yeah, it's, you can get away with a lot more, I think at that point in your life, can you? In terms of dance moves and outfits and the works, right? - Oh yes, oh yes, the crap, the craved hand of death hovers over us all, yes. (laughing) Thanks for that reminder of it. If you wasn't already reminded by the shingles ravaging his nervous system. (laughing) But who was it who asked for the question at the topic? - Sandor. - Oh, Sandor. Sandor, the shadow of the Reaper. (laughing) Falls across our chat. Is that who Sandor is? - Well, Sandor is from the other side of wherever, so we don't know what that means. Could be, Sandor is bigger than life and death. But what I remember was, it was utterly terrifying to me. I could not do it, because, and if there'd been rules in place, you know, like a Waltz, I totally agree. - I would have, yeah, I'd have been able to get into that space. - 'Cause I always think that with like Jane Austen, sort of TV adaptations, you think everyone knows what you meant to do, you just do the moves. You just make a big tunnel, everyone runs through it, and if you've got blue enough blood, you get to marry it. (laughing) But yeah, like, that's how it works. - I totally agree, Henry, like everyone knew what to do. So, because there was no rules, it just felt like some people are good at dancing and some people aren't. And some people are wall flowers, which is what I was, which is you get stuck to the wall. And again, I think it was an early sign of the shingles to come. (laughing) My body was literally adhered to the wall. I just got so self-conscious. And it was utterly painful. And I remember going to some sort of discovered, weirdly, the friend I had who was the best at dancing was a guy called Ben. - Why is that weird? - Because I imagine that you're terrible at dance. - Correct. (laughing) - Thank you, honestly. Sometimes just get it out, just be open with it, like with your shingles rashes. Get one of the shirts. (laughing) And I remember being at this thing and he was just dancing and he just somehow looked cool. And I suppose it was about being unself-conscious and letting go or something that I couldn't do because I've got such a vibrant mind, always thinking, analyzing, thinking, thinking, thinking. Whereas some people were just cool and just relaxed and stuff, Mike, I'm guessing you were in that category. - Which category? - Not because you don't think, but because I know you do think, Mike. And you do have thoughts. - I have always enjoyed a boogie boogie. - Just like, how are you at that age? Were you, 'cause you're a great dancer. - At that age, less so, no, the sort of tween-y age, no, would have been hanging back. - But I, that's also 'cause I was quite late to develop her. So I was, I would have been quite sort of. - Yeah, but you more than made up him. (laughing) - Oh, more than made up. - But Senna, yeah, hitting sort of like, yeah, that university isn't and beyond Senna, I thought this is quite, this is a really good fun, all this kind of stuff. - So I've got this in my mind, it's a thing to aspire to is not caring. 'Cause I'll be, you know, I'll look to my left or right and there'll be some guy, oh girl, dance, you know, like dancing crazily, maybe not looking cool, but it doesn't matter 'cause they don't care. You know like, it's that quality of not caring because they don't care. It doesn't matter, they don't look not cool or silly because they don't care. I'm trapped in this kind of mental arithmetic of trying to work out. - They're not entering a conversation. - No, no, no, no, no, no. - But it's an awful situation where if you care about not doing it well, you won't do it well. So you have to somehow forget to care about what you're doing with dancing. - Yes, specifically this is with dancing. We're talking about, we're not talking about operating a crane or a submarine that all had a cop to it, for example. We're doing like a emergency single surgery. - Exactly. - But then actually is it better to not care what you're doing? But Mike, in fact that's that's that's that's I like that point you've made because actually is it better to not care what you're doing? But why is it better to be one of these relaxed dancers? Like are these the kind of people that walk into a Starbucks loudly fart? (laughing) - Barge in the queue. And you know, like if you don't care, maybe you're a dickhead, maybe you cool dancing fuckers are actually what's wrong with society? - Maybe they do care, but they care about something else. - Basically, if you don't care what people think you end up, you are Maria Margles. - Yes, farting on television. (laughing) - Farting on television. - Oh yeah, a bit of caring what people think is quite useful at a societal level, I think. - Yeah, exactly. - Yeah, I've never fully bought into the idea of it's great to not care what people think. - But maybe it's the self-conscious ones, the awkward ones, who are the best actually please. - Arise. - Packadoni! (laughing) - Anyway, thank you Sandor. - Thank you, Sandor. - Thanks, Sandor. - I will dance with you in the next life. (upbeat music) (air whooshing) - I would just say some good news in. So obviously for the next shingles singles meet up. So we can't use this shard anymore, but I've managed to bag us a location. So this is in the town hall of Dingle. So that's the coastal town of Dingle in Ireland. I think it's for its Dingle Dolphin. Called Fungi, who we talked about before on the podcast. So that'll be happening next Thursday at the Dingle town hall. So that's the Dingle shingles, single mingle in Dingle. - Sponsored by Pringles. (laughing) - So see there and do bring Pringles, if you wanna eat Pringles, because they're lending us the name, but they're not providing any Pringles. - Play the jingle. - Play the jingle. - Oh. (laughing) - Oh, that is sensitive. - Ooh. - Ooh. - Oh. - Fantastic new look, eh? - Oh, that is sensitive. - Blistering eruptions. - Ooh. - Ooh, zingerefemotus rash. - Ooh. - Ooh. - Oh. - Particularly troublesome for the sick and elderly. - Ooh. - Oh. - Ooh. - It's not her face. - Ooh. - Ooh. - Ooh, a new I should have eaten more yogurt. - There is no approval correlation between shingles and the consumption of yogurts. - And of course, whether you have shingles or not, you are warmly welcome to come and see me perform my tour pencil case. You've got a song coming up very, very soon indeed. It won't ever hear me. - Yes, so also I'm going to Manchester on the 18th of September. Birmingham on the 23rd of September, Liverpool on the 30th of September. So all of those are selling fast. Get yourselves down there. And also, yeah, Waltham, Soho, Waltham, Stowe in London. I've got a second date added, which is also nearly sold out. - 29th of October. - Don't tarry. - And many other locations. Go down to henrypacker.com. - I think I'm writing saying, Henry, that it's still full color. (laughing) It's still full color. And there is a picture of my head attached to a cat which does a wonderful little animated sequence where it wobbles from left to right. And if you want to see it happen again, press refresh. (laughing) - Terrific, thank you, Henry. - Thanks very much. (upbeat music) - Okay, time to read some emails. - Yes, please. - And we're going to play a version of the email jingle sent in by Rianon from Cardiff. - Oh, thank you. - You recently called out for Welsh jingle, so here's my take on the email jingle. She says the singing's poor, but I think the grammar's good. So there's that. She also reveals that, 'cause we were asking people about if we had any Guinness World Record holders. - Oh yes. - She said, "I'm not one, but my husband helped his friend become one and is in the 2025 World Record book because he's got the most rabbits tattoos of anyone on Earth." (laughing) - How many? - It's only four apparently. (laughing) - It's a really unpotential reason for everyone. - No one knows why, but. - He has 69 rabbit tattoos. - Oh, okay. - On the chest are two, what I would describe is photorealistic rabbits. - Ben, that's him holding two rabbits. That's not two photorealistic rabbits. (laughing) - No, no, no, no, it's a tattoo of his own hands holding rabbits and his nipple. - Photorealistic tattoo of his own. (laughing) Hang on, are those real rabbits? - Yes. - He's holding two rabbits in that photo. - No, he's tattooed his hands. It's a classic shoplift. - I mean, no, no, no. - It's a classic shoplift. - Come on. - So it looks like you're holding two rabbits. You go into the shop. (laughing) - And meanwhile, you're helping yourself to free rabbits. You went in a pet shop. - It's a classic, it's a classic. - It's basically the burger on a string trip for pet shops. It's the absolute classic. And he'll be walking out with 15, 25, 30 pounds worth of free rabbits, won't he? (laughing) - But the staff will think, "Oh, he's tattooed some photorealistic rabbits under his arms." - Yeah, that's the great pet shop thieves. - All you use that kind of tattoos. There's a tattoo there, it's a brilliant one. - And no, you can too. - At a three-bean salad shop. - Anyway, here is Rian on's email jingle. (singing in foreign language) (singing in foreign language) - We have the clues. (laughing) - I think that's a pretty sweet thing. - I love that. Very soothing. - Yeah. - So we've ticked off, we've had Scots Gallic. - Yeah. - So what do we need? - Manx, Breton. - We've had Welsh. - Obviously we've had English. So we need to tick off Manx, Jersey French. Ulster Scots, Breton Irish. - Scots. - Gillesian. (laughing) - That we were doing the Manx and Languages of the UK. - Oh, I see, I thought we were just doing all Celtic. - All Celtic language. - Okay, yeah, maybe. - Yeah. - Yes. - Yeah, happy to open it up, really. - Old Leedsie. - You know what I say? - Cumbric. - You don't hear much Cumbric these days, do you? (laughing) - Old Leedsie. - Mass bit of Surrey RP. (laughing) - Really cut glass. - Some cut glass Surrey RP. - Rigate RP. (laughing) - Thank you for that, Rian on. - No, and thank you for soothing Henry. - Yeah, that was ugly. - He'll be on the public home for the rest of the week. Libby from Minnesota, emails. - I know, Libby. - What's the stereotype of a Minnesotan? - I think very cold winters. - Minnesotan, it's the one where it's a bit like Canada. It's so far up North, it's a bit Canada-ish in the voices and they're like, oh, is that where Fargo is? Is that a Minnesotan? - Fargo I think is in one of the decoters. - But they move around those states and they're not all set in there, but I'm moving around. - But it's that sort of vibe. So it's chilly, it's lots of apple pie and horrific murders. (laughing) Everything's really homespun and lovely. Everyone's got like a kind of woven picture of an owl. Somewhere in there in the nice wood panel kitchen. - But very unsentimental organized crime groups. - Yes. - Yes, deeply unsentimental. - Yeah. - Organized crime groups, exactly. - Well, Libby from Minnesota writes, "Hello Beans." Last week's episode featured an email where in the center questioned the meaning of NAF. - Ah yes. - And the host struggled to think of none of a non-UK slang equivalent. I would like to propose a few alternative definitions from American colloquialisms. - It's pleased. - She says tacky. - Okay. - I think this is probably the best match. I assume you probably know this word, but it may be more commonly used here. I don't think NAF means tacky, Louis, I'm sorry. - Well, the trouble is it's mirrors within mirrors 'cause it's whether it's just tacky mean the same thing in America as it does here. 'Cause tacky here doesn't mean the same as NAF. - No. - But it is close, it is close. It's in the same, you know. - It's in the cul-de-sac for sure. - Yeah, it's in the cul-de-sac, but it's a very, very long cul-de-sac. (laughing) And everything's a fucking cul-de-sac at the end of the day, isn't it? We get born, we die, it's a fucking cul-de-sac. Isn't it? We all end up back where we started pretty much. Sorry about that. (laughing) - ♪ Back in Daniel ♪ (laughing) - Okay, so her next word that she thinks may become is it? - Passe. - Passe. - Passe is closer to tacky. I mean, again, it's a similar cul-de-sac, but it's further away, I think it's gone past tacky and is further away from NAF. - Personally. - Yes. - So you're saying this cul-de-sac is a spectrum? Is that what you're saying? - I'm saying there's lots going on in this cul-de-sac, but it's got, it's a cul-de-sac, there's got NAF in it, and it's also got tacky in Passe, absolutely. They might even have trit in there somewhere, you know, if you look hard enough. - Okay, so we're gonna have to use basic, we're gonna have to lean into the metaphor and use a town planning analogy to work out. What we're talking about. So a cul-de-sac has to start somewhere and in somewhere. - Yeah. - Where does it start? Where does it end? And in what order are these different concepts on it? - I wonder if NAF is at the end. They were trying to get it. - NAF is deep down away past that the main road, yeah, at the turning circle of the cul-de-sac, where people insist on parking, even though it causes a real problem. (laughing) - I'm trying to turn around. Got to reverse all the way up the cul-de-sac. So actually quite a high risk. But of course, when this estate was built, most families had one car, but now families will often have two or sometimes three cars in the size of the car. So just, obviously, we were ridiculous these days. - It's like a fucking boat. (laughing) - And also, when are they gonna close down the library and turn it into a Tesco's? (laughing) So we've got tacky. - So you think you move along from tacky to get to Pasey? I think Pasey is further along than tacky. - Pasey is near the mouth of the cul-de-sac by the road. - NAF is all the way down at the end. - Towards the anus. - You're seeing a cul-de-sac has a mouth in an anus or too many? - You're saying that. - No, you're saying that. (laughing) - It might. - Play the jingle. - The cul-de-sac definitely doesn't have a road anus. It might have a pedestrian anus. - A little pedestrian-us might, Mike. - It's basic biology. If something has a mouth, it has an anus. - Fact. (laughing) - I would love emails on this topic. (laughing) - It's Henry Wright, 'cause I think he might be. - Why, I don't know, because a river doesn't have an anus, does it? - Yes. - Have you seen it? - Have you seen it? (laughing) - I don't know what that means. I don't know. (laughing) - I do know this. - The ax has anus. It doesn't have anus. - Does it? (laughing) - Mike, sometimes I wish you were an anus, but you're very much a current anus. (laughing) Sorry, sorry I had to say it. I felt an anus, I had to say it. (laughing) - If something has a mouth, it has either an a, okay, minimum, a cloaca. - Yeah. - But generally speaking, it's gonna happen. - Well, unless you're an octopus, 'cause then you've got a combie, mouth, anus, beak. - Yeah. - It says, yeah, it's a special adaptor, beak. (laughing) (laughing) - But it's not a coltopus, because that would be an eight and eight sort of, - Yeah. - An eight leg. called us out leading to a single brain, which down planning purposes is just not workable. No, no. The more we think about this color, I think Libby is pretty close with tacky, it's just not quite, but I don't know if I can express the difference between tacky enough, but I would use them slightly differently. Tacky has a connotation of cheap, which which NAF doesn't have. NAF is poorly judged, whereas tacky has that layered into it. Passee means "out of date" specifically. So it's almost like "Nathness" is the, "You're right, Mike." I think "Math" or "Michael" isn't Mike, but his name's Mike. Sorry, sorry. Just who's you, if you're Michael? Or just who's my colleague? With the greatest respect, by the way, whenever anyone says that, they always then say something which doesn't have much respect attached to it. You notice that. People often in the football world go with respect, "Sheffield is dog shit." Yeah. You're tangenting, Henry. You're tangenting heart. I'm tangeting. Okay, sorry. So, you could say that NAF is almost like a, if we could create kind of our old version of a, of a Venn diagram. Okay. What we've got is. NAF. NAF. NAF. So NAF is the sort of the bigger concept. And within it, you've got the higher pitched sort of subsidiary concepts of tacky and Passee. So NAF. Tacky Passee. NAF is the, the holding, NAF NAF NAF. I'm quite tired now. Are you saying that you think NAF is like an umbrella term? Because I think you're totally wrong. I think NAF is more specific than these. Okay. You're okay. So when you started saying NAF's about sort of judgment misjudged, you could be, you could be NAF because you're Passee, you could be NAF because you're tacky. That's what I think. Okay. I might be wrong. But I think with NAF, you're always trying to be, you think with NAF, you think you're up to the minute and top draw and call Trump gilding the Oval Office is all of them. Right? If you want to avenge. It's NAF tacky and Passee. That's good. Yeah. Yeah. That is good, Mike. Have a bun. Thank you. So the other words that Libby thinks might be helpful. Square. But square can be, square is just generally sort of completely uncool, but it can be knowingly uncool. You could be quite sort of like, you could be someone who knows when they're going out in their, you know, their waterproof trousers. Yeah. Mike, you're saying someone, but we all know you're talking about it. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. I mean, you know that square, but maybe you might not care that it's square. You might be someone might shout your square. Well, that's bringing irony, which then turns us into like a three-dimensional cul-de-sac. Well, the next one, I think, does make this three-dimensional cul-de-sac. I think the next one is interesting to me. OK. What's Libby got for us now? Finally, I'm glad that about three minutes into this segment. You're interested in it, Ben. Camp. Oh. I think there is an intersection between NAF camp. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There is, but that's where NAF, NAF, and there's when ironic NAF might be. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Something might be ironically NAF. Yes, because Libby writes camp has a bit more repulsive connotation. Often used affectionately to describe something that's cheerful, gaudy, and/or queer-coded. Yes. But you're right. I think often there's like a sort of-- Yeah, an irony around something that's NAF can become-- Encounters. Cibbling, of course, is kitsch. That's what the next word that Libby writes, kitsch-y. Yes, yeah. But I think usually the person who is truly NAF, if they're doing something that is truly NAF, I think they believe that it is somehow higher status than it is. Yes. My status from cool, or from seduction, or whatever it might be, you know? So again, all these examples. Mike, you used to go out seducing people wearing waterproof trousers. [LAUGHTER] Didn't you? With the sense of ironic camp about the whole thing, yeah. And what you would do is you would walk up to a woman in a bar, you'd introduce herself, you would then deliberately in advance come a spill, beer, or live your trousers. And you would say, no, no, no, don't worry. I don't need to mop it up. Yeah, these jeans are laminated. These jeans? Elaminated. Don't worry, these trousers are chicken leather. And completely waterproof. And also, don't worry about the smell. That's actually very, very normal with chicken leather. The final word that Libby writes about is one that I wonder if I have heard of. But I wonder if you haven't heard of chuggy? Oh, no. I don't know that. I don't know how he's spelling that. CH-E-U-G-Y. No, I'm not familiar with that at all. Does that sound like something you'd say to like a-- to a guinea pig or something? Chuggy, chuggy, chuggy. Oh, you're chuggy. Is that just having very big, very cheeks? So Libby writes, I'm told this is a Gen Z slang pejorative, four millennials, and associated cultural milieu. OK. So it's millennials slacking off Gen Z? The Gen Zs, they think we're naff because we're older than them. Gen Zs, the most skating eye they have is for millennials. Yes. It's the self in the case, the next door neighbor generation. Really good. So they don't mind Gen X as much. Gen X is just like, they just think we're crap, but I think they abhor millennials. They think millennials are cringe. Yeah, cringe is the big thing they say about millennials. OK. But I think they think Gen X is cool because we, me-- because we are radiohead. And basically that-- because they're into radiohead and stuff, aren't they now? Yeah. Gen Z, they're into that stuff. And that's basically me. I mean, yes, me. I mean, I'm basically radiohead. It's just sliding doors, isn't it, as to whether I'm in radiohead? Who's to say I'm not in radiohead? I might be one of the people who isn't a lead singer in radiohead. I easily could be. I could be Moby. Chuggy. Chuggy. Chuggy. Think styles of people that are out-of-date, aren't cool or trying too hard to be trendy. So the try hard element is quite important for naffness, I think, as well. Yeah. Anyway, I feel we do need to put this to bed, but thank you, Libby. That was-- yeah, I enjoyed that. That was interesting, Libby. I think what we need is-- we can often call on this. We need someone PhD-level linguistics. Oh, yeah. I want credentials. I'm literally sat in front of your men. [LAUGHTER] He did-- sorry, I just called like-- He just did a brilliant-- you're trying to-- you're trying to realm me, or so. Was that just-- sorry. I'm sorry, Henry. I want like a Susie dense character to weigh in. But you know what I think, actually. And this is a topic maybe that we can get deeply into on a future episode, because we're certainly the right people to talk about this, which is the concept balancing against all of these is cool. See you next week on Three Being Salad. [LAUGHTER] Do you think-- Let's see how the room is, isn't it? Cool is this massive concept that's so hard to pin down. And all of these other words are about not managing to be it in different ways. And it's so hard to define what cool is. People ask me, yeah, natural. I don't know what. I don't know how. I just-- yeah, just want to-- [LAUGHTER] If I was to think about it too much, it would go away. So I don't, so I don't-- I don't actually like to talk about it. People have learned now to not to not call me cool. If that, in fact-- [LAUGHTER] That's rare, isn't it? It's been-- it's been incredibly-- It's never actually-- you know, it's almost as if it was never. It's been-- I've been so clear on that that people have avoided calling me. Calling me, certainly since I was born. And then there have been some pre-UTRO in utero stuff. Yeah, a couple of older brothers crossing their fingers. And then immediate disappointment. You were wearing sunglasses on the ultrasound, right? I was quite cool on the ultrasound, yeah. Yeah. Little thumbs up. They often do a thumbs up, the babies on the ultrasound. Well, thumbs up. Sitting on the bonnet of a juxtaphasic cell car. [LAUGHTER] But yeah, these are all different ways to fail to attain that, aren't they? OK. Anyway, thank you for your email, Libby. Yeah, thank you. I think to continue to be explored this area. [MUSIC PLAYING] It's time to pay the ferryman. [MUSIC PLAYING] Thank you to everyone who signed up at our Patreon. Yes, thank you. Thank you. Patreon.com/4sas3beansallard. There were two tears to sign up at. The Sean Bean tear involves getting a shout out from Mike from the Sean Bean lounge, where Mike was last night. That certainly was. It was the bone xylophone night, wasn't it? It was indeed. Thank you, Ben. And here's my report. It was bone xylophone night last night at the Sean Bean lounge, with thanks to the biggest Dave who provided the natural tone bars by donating most of his spare ribs. While the accidental tone bars were sourced from the special bag where Karris Flowers keeps what's left of her victim. The bones were tuned by Alistair Beck and his very capable apprentice, Torben, and soon bean loungers were queuing around the block to perform for the pleasure of Sean Bean himself, who sat before the bone's islephone in his islephone throne. Ryan wondered out loud if we ought to use one of the islephones that made up the islephone throne rather than the bone's islephone, and immediately had his bones confiscated and turned into a spare islephone. In case Sean Bean fancied getting involved in his islephone duet, although he's never expressed in interest previously. Christopher Burns stepped up to play first and had talked a big game about his definitive rendition of Rimsky course coughs flight of the bumblebee, but when Push came to shove, he'd forgotten his mallets. He bravely tried to style it out with his fists, but was forced to retire when they disintegrated. Catherine then played "Living on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi, Rosie McTuthy played "Lose Yourself" by M&M, XB played Madonna's Vogue, and Sean Bean was pleased. Jay of Donnie, Cat Scott, Sister of Chris, Daisy Makin and Louis Ostriker, each played YouTube's album "Songs of Innocence" in full, back-to-back-and-one at a time, and Sean Bean had to be taken to the infirmary. The absence of an authority figure resulted in immediate lutec. Professor Lupa, Chris Hello, Sosage, Presiland, Hans Boxnick, Orson, and DMB were seen tearing islephones off the islephone throne, and attempting to make good their escape by riding said islephones using their little wheels at the bottom of the islephone frames. They tried to power these improvised vehicles by shouting in the opposite direction to the one they wanted to go in. In the hope their faces would function as ersat jet engines. Before they could build up speed, however, Jen Twyford Hines blocked their paths with a set of cartilage kettle drums, while Holly Mean and Tom subdued the looters with a gold bladder clavicle. Tina Rodeer attempted to repair the islephone throne to no avail, and so dispatched, finstable, Mr. Loch Ness, Laran Degreeshare, and Jack Lowe to kidnap the entire percussion section of the Bournemouth Symphony Orchestra, and ransom them for as many fresh islephones as it takes to get the Sean Beans islephone throne up to snuff. Thanks all. Okay, let's finish off the episode with a version of our theme tune. If you'd like to send us a theme tune, please do send it to [email protected], Robin has emailed. Thank you, Robin. Hello Beans, we have a six-month-old. And as such, we've been listening to a lot of background calm baby music. I thought this might be a good idea for a version of the theme tune, so in a severely sleep deprived state, I created this absolute nonsense. Thanks for getting me through some early morning walks with the little Amber. Cheers, Robin. Oh, remember and thank you, Robin. And thanks everyone for listening. Thank you, Pa. Goodbye. [Music] [Music]