Dan St. Germain, Bonnie McFarlane, & Geo Perez - Grip of Fupa - Episode 961

"It's everywhere I go. I can't escape it. Ads. Ads everywhere. Trying to sell me something new every day. But it's not the product that's the problem. It's the time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. I'll never get back. I'm not crazy. I've done the math. By the time you die, you will have spent an entire year and a half just watching ads. They stole my time. Now I'm going to have my revenge. We have to end this broken system haunted by the remnants of what could have been. But as my plan is coming together, I spotted it. A slightly cheaper alternative to building a time machine to end capitalism. Alright guys, let's take a quick moment and talk about the brand new merch that we have available at skanksmerch.com. You've been asking for hats and we've got three new styles on the site, including the three-for-life hat and the classic Legion hat plus four new mugs. And all of our classic shirts and hoodies are back in stock as well. Order yours today to get your gear in time for skank fists. And for the month of October for every 50 bucks you spend on the site, we're going to throw in a free sticker of one of your favorite designs. Head over to skanksmerch.com right now and wrap the show you love. Yeah! Welcome to your favorite podcast everybody to my ride through great wrist TV rent is easy. And I like to introduce this hot girl right here who will get harassed in all the comments for the next week. This hot girl right here about to get harassed. I'm literally shitting my fucking mouth. Oh yeah, you like that. You like that? Put your fingers in her mouth dude. Dude, I do the shocker to her nose in her mouth to and the pink one of this thing. Oh yeah, I guess I go oh, I want to smell yourself. How does that smell? Good. Here we go. Get a whiff. Grabbing this guy's face now. Bro you want to taste? He looks miserable dude. Come get some bro. Is that the guy from Tony's special audience? I don't like things. I do not like comedy jokes. This podcast is too offensive. I came to sit here and mix smug face. Dude, why are you so pissed dude? The guy that looks like pizza dough dude that's fucking that's legendary that's legendary. That's legendary billiards champion. That's Minnesota fast. Oh shit. He's just thinking about all the money's missing out on that hustling people right now. This girl's missing our fingers. There you go. Get a taste. Look at it. Look at all. I know which way cameras work. Me either. Open up. I could do this for the entire part. Guys, let's bring out our guests. All right, let's give this guy a taste. Go on sir. You're a billiards champion. Get a smell. Nice right? It's like nothing. It's like I just put my finger in an elbow. It doesn't smug anything. I can't do it. She's clean. We have amazing guests. Let's get in the fuck out here. What do you say? Yeah. Our first guest is recording his new special Thursday, November 12th right here in New York City. Let's make some noise for our old friend, the hilarious Dan Saint Germain. Thanks for having me, fellas. Public. We love having you. But there's a different DSG could show up each time. Sometimes you're back off the wagon. Sometimes you're on the wagon. Sometimes you're depressed. I'm happy. Well, I'm always depressed, but I'm on the wagon right now. All right, there we go. You look fantastic. You sound great unless someone's buying you some. Wow, I drank all mine already. Then we can change it. But no, I'm good right now. I'm not. I'm not hammered or on pills or on coke right now. Nice. All right. That's great. It's fantastic. Also not on coke boozer pills. Our next guest. She's the author of your better than me. She also has a great documentary called Women Aren't Funny. She is one of our favorites here. Make some noise for the hilarious Bonnie McFarlane. Bonnie, so stylish that Jack it's very now. I got it at a state sale. Really? Yeah, I think a gig I died and that's the shit. That's not a theater nation. I don't think it is now. It's in a state sale. I got I got it. It was boss buying like old paintings from the place. No, I've cut them off. No, thanks for having me guys. I thought I was doing story wars. No, no, no, it's this. It's this. It's slightly disappointing. But okay, let's do it. Our topics are we gonna do tonight? I'm scared. Bonnie gets nervous every time she comes in. She's like, what are we talking about rape? You don't realize all three. I know, but here's the thing is you don't realize like oh, 'cause I'm a woman. It's gonna be okay for me. It's not. I'm I'm gonna get fucking trashed for just laughing. Well, have I just pre-approved the first bit is excuses for Lindsey Clancy and then we move on to that one I'm good with. Can we play devil's advocate for the Cornell seven? Besides that we got some golden ticket stuff. This is one of the things we have to do. So we have to we have to justify Lindsey Clancy's actions. You have to justify the Cornell seven's actions. That's the whole show. Okay. Yeah. No, I think I can do that. I did. I don't know if you guys said I said this to your producers, but literally the Lindsey Clancy supporters outside the courtroom are doing the skinks. Nice. One thing we show we we stand for killing your own children. I really mean this. If if Lindsey Clancy was a legion of skanks fan, I would support her wholeheartedly. Yeah. If you like me, I like you. Period. Dude, she made it up. She made it up to me. I'm a show. Oh, yeah. Louisville data. Fucking we're gonna get that. It's walking again. Get her a fucking narrow dumb sponsor. She's gonna be walking with her Elon Musk legs or something. I think I we have to start the show. I think I I am pretty I do want to hear about this. It's time for another edition of isn't an incident. This time involving me, the Puerto Rico. This time, this time, usually time. So if you guys don't know incidents are or as Legion thanks to defines incidents are it's a public happening where it gets so out of hand that people would start pulling out their cell phones and start recording. Or do or do. But if sometimes people aren't there. I mean, I'm excited for this. So I'll tell you right now before we even get into it. This we don't need to reserve judgment. This was an incident unquestionably. Hold on a second. See peak. Could you grab some water for? Oh, yeah. Sorry. No worries. Go on. Step on it. Yeah. Yeah. Please. She's fucking parked. I only want water from someone who's physically handicapped. Yes. Oh, I have great news. Oh. All that long. He's twirling when I'm right now. So all right. So this was I would just got done doing real ass podcast. And I'm I'm leaving. I'm parked directly in front of the studio. Right. Nice little spot. I parked it before you. Oh, it's nice right in front of the studio. Juicy. So I go to pull out. I check my rear view mirror. I see a biker coming. And he zips past your bicycle bicyclists. Yes. He zips past. And I was like, all right. Cool. And then I just stop paying attention for a second. I check my phone for a second. Then I just pull out another bicyclist is coming down the road at that exact time. Right. So I pull out. He swarves to avoid hitting my car. He falls off his bike and busses ass. hilarious. Yeah. Pretty funny overall. Wow. That would be an instant. That's one of those things you hope your phone's out for. So it's not it. See, here's the thing. This is even slightly an incident. This. Oh, this all going off bike and eating shit hard is incident. And so that's not your incident. Is it an incident or is that just a moment you want to catch on camera to laugh at? I mean, if he's heard, it's an incident. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the guy falls off his bike. I immediately stop. I rolled out my window, but dude are you okay? Get out of the way you dumb fuck Get a car you fucking loser. Move out of your mom's basement. You piece of shit Take that broken leg and get yourself an uber. I can I can laugh at this I think You can laugh at this right as a as a guy is a white guy. By the way this story Great white guy good good buddy. This story ends with you not being with a laugh at any of it just so you know. Oh Shit funny laugh now because I don't know it. I turn this down Body get your laughter. I just told them to turn everyone down. It's very last we're just boiling water on the stuff You haven't thrown it in the ingredient doggy. There's yeah, as of right now You it's completely okay to laugh with it's getting real quick. It's about to be out All right, here we go. So I'm like dude are you okay? He's like oh he's like piss right? He's like he's like Fuck dude. He's like what's where you going? What are you doing? What's where you're going? And I'm like dude I'm so sorry. Like I'm so sorry. Are you okay? You said sorry? I'm sure I'm shocked when Amanda's that but okay. No, you get it. Listen if someone gets hurt too You're like fuck by the way. I'm just playing to the two women in this crowd So the guy's kind of like embarrassed and pissed but not hurt So he's just kind of like dude switch we're going and I was like I'm really sorry to do this my bad He was like and then he gets on his bike and he starts to pull away Right now I start to pull up a little bit and I hear a woman scream. Oh, no. I hear a woman man here. We go I hear a woman screaming white just cuz you saw you know, right? I don't know who's screaming yet I just see the biker stop and he's like he's like no, no, it's okay. It's okay. I don't like what's going on So he's like no, no, it's okay. So then I get out of the car and I'm like what's up to the lady and it's a Spanish woman like maybe a Puerto Rican lady Latina of sorts, okay for sure or it could have been like she could have been a dark one just just a loud woman Puerto Ricans are knowing No, I said okay. All right. Oh, how old? 32 to 5. Okay, so she's like she's an abuela. I didn't even think you saw So she's an abuela she's pushing it she's pushing it so I'm like So she's like she's like you can't leave you just hit a pedestrian and I was like Mind your fucking business, you commonwealth dwell in I mean immediately like I'm like mind your fucking business bitch. Can't fucking slob bitch That's like fucking that's like that's like seven chains. Yeah, that's all the words. He knows Kitchen Center I'm just sort of spitting my entire vocabulary Fuck can't Abortion can I say const can I say const rape and work three times? You know what counts up two cuts you two Not guilty What was she wearing She wanted it So she yes, she starts out and I was like so the guy even goes miss it. It's okay. I'm fine We we we talked and then she's like she's like no you can't leave so then the guy's like I'm going I gotta go and then he leaves he just takes off on his bike She's like if my grandson Jose can get arrested for nonsense Wait the guy left the guy like he's not hurt He just fell off his bike and was like I got to go fucking no words with you guys like we're good to go Whatever I don't give a shit dude. I got a weak rest appointment. I can't deal with this so he So he takes off and she's like yeah, so she's like you can't so then I'm like Now I'm like I want it because here's the thing When you're justified in that moment. Yeah, well now it's like well fuck you bitch good now What is what is your thing here justifies almost the wrong word, but you're like? Like this lady is complete busy body Yeah, well I think I know it happened the guy left and you were like I can take her right you're like now without him now I can go full Well, nope, I was just kind of like it was just almost like mind your fucking literally we dealt with it as man Right, he's gone mind you tell it is yeah saying it. That was man. It's not a real like I hear you No, we two men out of conversation I said I'm sorry you say you handle like men that I was like I'm so sorry you're killing your bicycle and goes I fell off my bicycle and really hurt him so sorry I saw another biker go by and I just didn't think I thought it was over and then you came by It's okay, man. Look things happen mistakes happen. Let me help you up mister. You saw us handle that like men You fucking twat This blonde here has never been air-fingered by us by the way Everyone gets a little t-roll experiments college Kiss you guys kiss with it now Bonnie air finger Bonnie come on you have the air-finger the sluts this story that's gonna get you made me fucking put my fingers in your ass earlier Tickles and Claire for you Jokes on you. He's a woman too. There it is Bonnie, I did ask you to pull my classroom and in my ass earlier, but if I these guys did I would have been gay so She's like I'm calling the cops and now I'm like I'm supposed to go meet my girlfriend for dinner But I was like I'm not coming to dinner I have to wait for the cops now because I can't just leave like nothing's happened this guy's way who called the cops? The woman I'm like I'm like I'm like call the cops yesterday gone. The guy's gone on the bike. Don't do that be so Cop I hope the cops show up. Yeah That's so funny where it's like who do you want her? Yeah, fucking press charges because it hurt my feelings emotionally Now you can't give her an accent. She was more white woman than a Spanish woman. It's not you she's telling this story She's like I don't some fucking Puerto Rican dude Oh, I didn't even hit him sir. Oh, he was really sorry. Oh, I'm so sorry. We talked about it like hermanos We were two amigos talking it out You come in here with your crazy So I cook a rocha So that I hit my horn I was like His ground effects lights were going off. You're making me so mad right now on these are shooting his guns Oh, you root and toot So now she's like I'm gonna call cops so now I'm supposed to go to dinner But I was like I'm canceling dinner because I have to because you might have had to pay I get I see what's going on I'm gonna save a little cash here. Can we give it a little at least a little back so we're so funny about this is Lewis's girlfriend just moved here from across the country Yeah, yeah, just right in time to see Lewis fucking be Lewis in the wild just like She got to see she got to see a piece of full Lewis. Oh, she saw Lewis. I remember in Connecticut. She saw in the hotel where they Shit, yeah, you know what's her fault now. I have to say that in court. I go she saw I mean Malhegan son, so she should have known better. She knew it. She was getting in so she wanted it So when now she's starting to call the cops, but I'm going like the guy left like I know at the very least slightly have a wall works Like there's no crime to be reported the guy's gone. She can't just so I'm at that at this point I want the cops to come now, right? So now I'm getting even more that's the most non-portory can think I'm getting more Just legal advice. I'm calling her a bitch is geo in the room get the sheriff dog Geo Geo by the lights. I don't kid I'll watch the entire thing Geo Perez shadow Geo president the back right now. So I went so hard like at this point I'm just gonna like fuck you bitch call the cops you call the marshals. This is an unincorporated area. You fucking pig I'm like I'm calling her every name was like you're a fuck. He's nobody fucking like I'm like I'm pointing at people on block Like people are laughing at this point. I'm like look. They're all laughing at you. You fucking dumb bitch How does it feel to be like that she heard her mom going they're all gonna laugh at you They're all gonna laugh at you and then she used her telekinesis to blow your car. No, fuck So as you found a fucking Puerto Rican carry as I'm Carita All these paper towels roll my own cell So So you don't mind the display right now you are full blown. I'm so justified. This is the best show he's ever had You know most attended probably well. There's more people You know, there's more people watching me than I've had in a year at least So I'm like now I'm going like I want the cops to come now. I'm getting big and I'm fuck fuck you bitch Now she's on the phone with the cops and she's going I'm like a fuck you used to bitch. She's like he's threatening me No, you should have kept quiet while she was on the phone with the cops. No, I have a Geo's there as a witness, another half. Why can't you stop being Puerto Rican for three seconds? The barbers watching, there's a barber watching, he's ever come as a barber, how do you want the barber? No, there's a barber watching. No, there's not, there's no Eastern barbers. No, because he was in the barbershop, he comes out. He can't have with his knives like this. I can't see what's happening. It's the beginning of Beauty and the Beast. Yeah, I know what's happening. So, so I'm getting extra loud now and I'm kind of being performative for everybody, but I'm just corner, I'm just still corner every now and then. Guys, this girl's fat, right? How fat is she? She's so fat, yeah. So then the pig can't go in, big, big, big, big. Dude, no, it gets better. No, what did you do, Lewis? What did you do? So let me tell you, it's not what I did. As I'm being loud and boy sure, it's sort of performing to Gio, other comedians watching the barber. This is Lewis, so it could end in him, Mormon-wifing, this girl with digital girlfriend. She's moving in tomorrow, I got one of those big, big, big moving fans are gonna come get her stuff and bring her home. But she spit my face, I fell in love with her. So girls not bisexual, but she's gonna well in the figure now. So she, she calls the cops, right? She's on the phone with them. As I'm like, being like, bring the fucking cops, bitch, I want the cops come, a guy, two doors down from the studio, okay? Or I should say, I've been, I'll show you him, pokes head out the window and he looks kind of like, this is by the way Alphabet City, so you reached out the window and he went, oh my god, this guy, this guy, this guy, this guy, pokes his head out the window, right? Oh great. Now, here's a thing, oh my friends died from AIDS in the 80s, this is an important part, it's fun, it's your saying. It's actually funny that you're saying this, listen, most of the things I say is for shadowing. This is for shadowing. Oh my god. Oh god. Ooh, it's gonna aid if you ever say it, I stay, I stay, it's keeping it funny. It's my whenever. Whoever started that chant was so discombined, you just don't have to start a chant. It's a blessing and a curse on their head of chant. Oh my god, sorry, I'm getting so frustrated, I'm gonna finger this girl, but I'm working a bolt right now. I'm gonna put my pinky and you put your pinky in at the same time. Oh, that's both of us. Dude, they're both squirters. Oh, look, that's mostly piss, that's mostly piss, get the water out of my hand. I like the chain sheets, I like the chainsheets. I don't want to speak to you. No, no, no. Well, you know, it's further away from where I want to drink your squirt piss. Me and fucking drink your squirt piss. Where is he? This guy sucks. You think you're working at the gym in shorts, you squat. What? Steve Fingerhand, man. I feel like I'm in my old time, he doesn't do a fucking thing, he just sits there. He's just thumb it his mouth. You've got thumb it his mouth, the thumb it his hand's getting red like a clit, look at that. He's going to pop. Steve Stinger and I'm working, I'm working the nips. All right, we are sorry, get back to the story. This guy pokes his head out the window, okay, and he starts yelling at me. Don't make me come down there, dude, that's it. Yes. Yes. Yes. But let me tell you. Dude, you've been training for this moment. Wait, he's on the girl's side? Yes. He's like a real dude. He's like, what is he? He's a real asshole. He's a real asshole. Why are you yelling at a woman? And I was like, so then, I don't even pay attention yet, but I see a guy and I'm like, I was like, fuck you. I was a buddy. Come fucking down here. And fucking do something. I thought you were here. Keep a fucking bitch. And what do you say? I want you to come down here. He went. Nah, dude, I'm at 6, you're at 9, don't you listen. So he's got, you almost got to hear the voice. Okay. You have to show me your smoke. So hold on. Oh, I want to hear his first line because he definitely said you don't want this smoke. So here's what he does. Okay. By the way, you started filming him like a Karen. Yeah. Yeah. Before I started filming. Now I think he's in the throttle. This guy's got a real fuck. This guy's fucking that girl. They have a podcast on gas digital next week with two of them. He's called fucking Louis. So I'm like, I was like, I was like, I was like, so I will fuck you up. I dare you to come here. You fucking pussy bitch. And I was like, I'm going to do champion. The rest of my, the rest of my vocabulary comes out of this guy. I was going to say. And probably some of the other ones. Now, let me say this in a more important part of the story. Okay. Before I get to what he did next, he's got a very womanly voice. Oh. Now, so now, I believe that this is a female to male trans. Oh. Shut up, trans. No wonder, no wonder he's acting like a real ass dude. So listen. I was like, finally. Listen, about three times a year, Louis tells a story, or I tell a story, where within the story, we realize why we're brothers. There's so much, we're so opposite in so many things. There's so many things we are not, we don't agree on it all. But once in a while, and this is one of them stories where I'm like, yeah, I will have a dream about this where I'm just Louis in it and I go, and I will convince myself, I go, I think this is happening in these village. So I believe he's got a very effeminate voice and he's like, yeah, and a woman, I'll come down there. And I'm going, come on down, Michaela, formerly Michael. So I'm like, I'm like, come down here. And he's like, yeah, you want, you want this smoke? And then he disappears. Then he comes back into the window with a gun. But little does he know you've got to go to, we've got to, we can't shoot each other. Yeah, we can. What do you guys want to go? I'm going to get there. Fucking nuts, dude. I don't give a shit about that. You should aim at me if I'm aiming at me, motherfucker. Oh, what a waste of a bullet, you're going to go to jail for murder and I'm going to kill myself first. As soon as you pull that trigger, I'm pulling the trigger. I should have beat you to it, bro. What's the, what's the, the Karen doing at this point? She's still, I know him, I'm yelling at him, her. You guys are both stupid. Then I'm yelling at the Karen, so I'm going to both of them, right? And I'm like, I was like, fuck you. And I realized that it's a trans and I was like, fuck you, you traini, faggot bitch. I'm screaming. Don't put the camera on me, don't put the camera on me, don't put the camera on me, don't put the camera on me. I swear to God, this is true, man, don't talk or it shows Bonnie. So I used to hear that it's either, it's either a female, the male trans or it's a gay, like Pipsqueak, dude, it's like a, it does not look like a woman at all, like if you look at this. No, that picture. Yeah, say hello to my fucking sick 45 bitch. I got top and bottom surgery. Come get a piece, dog. By the way, look, I don't know, could it be, is that one of your other scars? I don't think it's a trans. It might just be a gay guy. Okay. Whoever it is has more tea than this one. Yeah. Alright, so kids think you mean it's the tea of a fresh trans. No, I was just saying no, but I'm sorry. Poor Dan. So, so that's, that's one of, by the way, I pull out my camera when this dude chick pulls out the gun. What? Can I pull out camera? Yeah. So I'm like, so then I start going, I was like, show me, show me what you're going to do, show me your smoke. And then you see, puts the gun down at a side, right? It's there. Uh huh. And he said, he was like, drive away and I'm going to show you. He started, he started saying he was going to shoot my windows out when I drive away. Alright. That's moving target. Yeah. I like that. So. Now, I'm arguing with him. I'm arguing with him. So funny. If he tried to, you drove away and he shot a child by accident. This is national news. He goes, yeah, he was going to teach that guy a lesson for yelling at a lady, but then he actually murdered a child. I mean, well, no, there's funny. There's people walking by and I'm like, and I'm trying to be funny at the same time. So I'm like, fuck you. You fucking nasty AIDS-ridden piece of shit. And there's one who walks by with the kids and I'm like, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm like, you're spitting AIDS on her kids. Close up on Bonnie. You know what I like is that you guys are using the right pronouns. True. She. He. That was the funniest prep commercial fucking gathering. You're spraying AIDS on these kids. Yeah. If you don't want to spray AIDS on kids anymore, take prep every day, guys. Yeah, take prep every day. You are the New York City life and that's my life. It doesn't hurt. Just take it. So. So now it's recreationally take prep. What am I doing here? Now let's just talk about you. Prep. We're doing our ad reads. We are going to do prep. So I hope you're okay with that. After using this microphone. Yeah, it's fine for the best. So so now I'm screaming at this he she she he whatever it is, I'm screaming at this Puerto Rican woman. I'm going back and forth. He doesn't know the race. I know. He's a gender. It's a white lady boy. Yeah. So. Talk it for 40 minutes. - Now I got a crowd really fucking watching. And I'm like, I want the cops to get here now for the love of God. - This guy flashed a gun at you. That's a big deal. - Yeah, so you're not in his house. That's a big deal he fled. - That's kind of funny. At that point it wasn't even thinking. - 'Cause you were like, you were like weirdly, fucking completely consumed by your attraction for this thing. - No, I was like, you were like, "I see if that was a girl, I'd be a pretty hutch." - If somebody brandishes a gun in New York City, I don't believe it's real. Like in my mind it's like a replica or it's like a BB gun. - It doesn't matter. They're in same kind of trouble, of course. But I'm just saying, in New York City, it's so hard to get a gun. And this is like a white dude chick in a window on E6 Street. I'm just feeling it's not real. I'm not afraid that this person's gonna shoot. - Keep your eyes wide. - Yeah, it probably shoots at a little flag. It has a cock coming and it says bang. (all laughing) Bang, that's what I was saying, yeah. Fuck you. (all laughing) - That's just fucked around. JD fans never. (all laughing) - Built schools, not bombs. (all laughing) - So whatever it is, I'm still just kind of talking shit. And I'm like, yeah, I was like, come downstairs pussy. So then shoot me, ma'am. So the cops roll up, right? He, she goes inside. The woman's there, right? The cops roll up immediately. I go to the cop car and I'm like, this stupid bitch called you for no fucking reason at all. I was like, I'm so sorry that she's wasting tax payer dollars. This is what happened. - Yeah, tax payer dollars. They love that. - Yeah, they love it. - So then. - That's why they got into it. - You should have been like, hey, this fucking lady boy in the window says that they pay your taxes. You gotta do what they say. - So listen. So they separate me and the woman. The guy's gone, right? They separate me and the woman. One cop talks to me, one cop talks to her. Within three seconds, they're both like, this is a non-issue. You can go like, man, son of your business. They literally were like, there's none of your business. She's like, but, but I was like, that's right, bitch. Don't you feel like a stupid fucking pig? I told her, I'm some Santa Claus. I was like, I told everyone she's a stupid pig, but she didn't want to believe me. Everyone's gonna be like, I'm gonna say, but she's a dumb pig right there. Like, Sarah, just go. You got it. I was like, no, no, no, no. I was like, I'm ducking on this bitch. (laughing) You're right, you're not wrong. You're wrong. - Officer says she's fat with me. (laughing) Says she's fat with me, Officer. Get the fat pig can't going. Oh, well, I'm not fucking leaving. - I'm calling her a pig, not you a pig. I respect you. - Paul, Sarah, Paul, Diet Coke, actually, please. - So, then the cops are like, all right, you can go, Sarah, Santa, but you know what? And I was like, well, I'm sorry, guys. And then about to get in the car, and then I'm like, wait a minute. Fucking he's, she pulled the gun on me. And I told him, I was like, oh, I was like, you see, you know, this person. - Hey guy, shit, I was forgot. This guy threatened to shoot me in the face and then brandished a gun. (laughing) You know what? I was so wrapped up in this lady just saying stuff that I forgot that a trans brandished a gun and threatened to shoot me. Either a trans or a tiny gay man with a woman-leave voice. - So they were like, so I got to yell to a woman and I just buried the lead. (laughing) - So, they were like, wait, what? And then I showed them the videos. And I was like, yeah, I was like, I was like, he's got a gun right there. Then Geo chimes in. I don't even think Geo is telling the truth. Geo's like, I saw the gun, 100%. Geo's just standing there. I'm-- - Damn dude, that's how we got it. I gel early. (audience cheering) Oh, Geo internal affairs press. (laughing) - Oh, fuck me. - Geo press. I saw the whole thing officer. - Don't be telling these people I'm a snitch. - What the fuck? (laughing) - Damn, dude. - Geo, have I missed anything in the story so far? - Did you tell him about the Black Lady? - You forgot to tell him that Geo plays Bongo's in Cypress Hill. (laughing) - I told him that I said he was gonna spit AIDS on them. - Okay, yeah, I told that point. - The Black Lady in front of her kids. - Yeah, yeah. - So anyway, thanks, Geo. - What it cops like, we hate AIDS. - Can I, can I say one more thing before I leave? - Of course you can't plug your dates. - So, listen on the gay podcast. Oh, guys, did you? - Yeah, I'm the gay, I'm the gay, I'm the gay, I'm the gay, I'm the gay. (cheering and clapping) - You forgot the saying that when the cops came, the lady was there and when she saw that the ambulance a fire truck and three other squad cars came, she left. - Oh, yeah, she was gone. - She left when she started like, oh, shit, I called so. - Well, the cops told her she was wrong and then she was fucking dipped off, right? 'Cause by the way, she just accepted, there was just, you're wrong as soon as she goes, oh, okay. - Yeah, basically. - And I got introduced to some of my co-hosts, it's like, yo, Lewis is about to get to a fight out here. So I run out to studio and I see him and he's yelling at a Puerto Rican lady and I'm like, oh, I get to watch a Lewis incident lot. - Yeah. - And it was the best thing ever. Did not disappoint. - Was I not killing with everyone on the block? - Dude, you killed with everybody. - Killed with everybody. (cheering and clapping) - That's it. - Yeah, yeah. - Everybody that stopped and went up to Lewis and it's like, what the fuck is wrong with this bitch? (laughing) - Everybody who's on Lewis's side. - That said, I think we could all agree, even if we're on the right side of justice, the right side of history, that was an incident. - No, that's not done. - Oh my God, what? - What else? - I'm so sorry, what if it somehow becomes not an incident now? - Yeah. - You go, and anyway, the cops were like, yeah, the ambulance is here for something else. - We'll drive you to the show. - So the cops, then they're like, wait, what? So then they're like, they start getting on the phones. So now there's like 12 cops on the block. - They block off the block. - And ambulance. - They shut down the block so people can't walk or drive down the block, right? - Good, good. - Because there's a fucking, either a tiny gay guy or a trans, right? - I thought you were working with the older white lady because the voice's up. - Yeah, and it looked like Connor McGregor. - Yeah. - So that-- - A T-moo Connor McGregor. - Good, that's good. - That's good. - That's good. I'll be honest with you. - I've never heard anyone say a T-moo day. - I'll be honest with you. I would say live in Austin and try to get on Killton. (laughter) - I would say sustainable opportunity. - The honesty, it's worth the money to stay in a hotel until you get on with that. (laughter) - So. - So. - One bad joke. - Cool. (laughter) - Bad. - It's great. I was saying you write the funny, gold ticket bill. - Body and two are a fucking genius. (laughter) So then I'm like, the cops are coming. Now they're all around the outside of this fucking place, right? I'm talking to them and then I'm like, I was like, yeah, I was like, this is a gun, they're like, are you sure? I was like, I am positive. I was like, I swear on my son's life. It was like, if it's not a gun. - They were like, he wouldn't do that with his son. He loves his son. - Well, no, they, I was like, if it's not a gun, it was like, he's she brandished like a BB gun or a replica or something to make it look like it was a gun. - And the cops were like, can you stop calling her he's she? (laughter) - No. - You go that. - That sort of thing. The cops came, I was like, okay. - That window thing might have a gun. (laughter) - 25 dollars in the village. - I mean, what is it? Like, 45 minutes of the cops being on the block, like trying to figure out what they're gonna do. - They didn't reach out to that person at all. - Let me tell you, I'm like, that's the window. I was like, that's the window. I was like, and I see the person kind of peeking through and they see the cops over there. So I was like, that's, I was like, it's 100% of that. So then after like 45 minutes, they finally start like buzzing. I'm assuming they were waiting for something. I have no idea. They were out like, what the protocol was. - Dude, they had a sniper somewhere. - They started buzzing, right? So they get up into the building, like eight cops go inside, we're outside to kind of watch this. It's just like, oh, I can't wait till this fucking person. I want to watch some drag down, putting cops. I'm gonna laugh in his face. - You guys are crazy. What are you doing? - Yeah. - You're making a big mistake. - The Puerto Rican's nuts. I've got bottom surgery. You have fucked up now, Roy. - So we hear-- - I give you the PBA. - I hear this person screaming. Like, well, the cops are inside. You hear, like, just yelling and I'm like, I was like, oh shit, it's a gun fight. Yes, yes. I was like, a couple cops might get killed, but she's definitely going down. - Oh, my God, whoa. - She's definitely going to he. He's going to, hey, it was great. So then the cops start coming out. I'm like, all right, where's he at? Where's he at? Where's he at? They come down and the one cop goes, yeah, it wasn't a gun. And I was like, what? He was like, yeah, it was a Black Dildo. Come on. Oh, I swear to God. Oh, my God. - I swear to God. - I swear to God. You know what a Black Dildo looks like. - I was like, wait a minute, I didn't even show it celebrating. There's no way it's a Black Dildo. - Wait, he held it by the-- - You go, no, yeah, because I was afraid. I didn't even start talking to him. He goes, no, that can be a Black Dildo. I was afraid. I wasn't scaling the wall. [LAUGHTER] My ass will start opening up a dead wet mattress. I didn't have a Pavlovy in fucking swap now. - You flak still it. He held it by the balls and just pointed it. - No, I guess he went like this. - No, no, I've said that Dildo had a handle. Oh, yeah, the Dildo had a handle. I guess he had a pistol grip Dildo or something. - Oh, it's the fucking Dildo from the go. - It's not, it's not Dildo from the go. I couldn't, but that was the Dildo attached to it. - Oh my God. - Yeah, you're right. - And what they were yelling at him, they're like, we want to see your gun. He's like, you're not seeing my Dildo. You mother fuckers. - You guys are fucking, you're intruding on my fucking rights. - I mean, probably got Dildo juice on my back. - Dildo, are you happy? It's this thing I shove in my fucking weird man made pussy from time to time. (laughing) - No, it's the opposite. You're getting it mixed up. - Oh, sorry. My man made cock, I fucking-- - Still going in. - I slap it against my man. - I slap it against my fucking weird reener. - They saw that cock and they're like, fucking mom, don't they? (laughing) - This is like damn it, fucking mom. - I'm telling you, I'll tell you what, they want to get out there so fast. This is like when, this is the '80s, when the fucking gay guy with the hole in his head showed up in McDonald's and was like, there's a guy pouring acid in my head, destroying my brain. And then Jeffrey Dahmer came in, the McDonald's right behind him and went, this is my boyfriend, he's just drunk and they went, get the fuck outta here. (laughing) We don't want to deal with your gay shit. And then he brought him back to the hotel and finished killing him. The cops were like, all right, we'll go, you fucking, I mean, that's where the cops, we all had a laugh. - I gotta say, that is an absolute incident with-- - Of course. - Well, I think we can all agree, it couldn't have happened any other way. - No. - Okay, it had to come to this, yeah. - It came to its complete form. - It also could have ended with Lewis going like, "Fuck you, bitch, and trying your way." - I know, he took paper dinner. - He's like, "I got two hours to kill. Let's see where this goes." - If he pulled the cops gun out and shot at him, if he pulled the cops gun out and shot at the training in the window, I wouldn't like that. - He's gonna deal though. (all laughing) - What, self-defense? - Dude, the cops, the look on the cops' faces, they were just so like, it's a black deal though. They were, they, it was the best call they've had in the history of the police force. - By the way, they never had a better call. - Dude, this is on the fucking ninth precinct fucking podcast story right now, exactly the same. - You guys can't post any of these clips. - What do you mean? - We have a, we have a solo shot on here. - I can't believe I was worried that you guys wouldn't talk about Shane. (all laughing) - That's, that's Nick. That's the next hour. - That's the next hour. - Dude, but when you hear a trans person with a gun, I thought Louis was gonna get shot at the end of this. I don't wanna leave 'cause it was either Louis getting shot or shot out between the cops. - Why, 'cause you didn't trans have nothing to lose? - God, you are so transphobic. It makes me sick. - Oh, well, that was, I think that was three incidents. - Yeah, there was so much incident there. - Yeah, there's a lot of incident. - People turn their cameras on, yes, that's a fair thing. Three times people turn their cameras on. - Three, maybe four incidents. - Any one of those things could have been an incident on the road? - I'm in the reveal of being a black dildo. It's, it was, I mean, one of the funniest things. - By the way, being a black dildo is almost America's funniest video CBS worthy. (all laughing) The right blurring and right bleeping. That's a fuck, that should go right next to a fucking. - Dude, but he literally held it up like it was like that. I was like, oh shit. And I mean, now that I think back, it's so obviously a black dildo. (all laughing) - It would be great if the guy who you hit originally comes back at the end. He's like, this is still going on. (all laughing) - Everybody, get behind a car. This guy's gonna come on all of us. - I'm showered. I picked my date up. - No, he does two laps of a day. (all laughing) - I'm actually back here to fuck that guy. (all laughing) - Hey, well, you still honor my reservation. I'm 15 minutes late because the guy put a black dildo on me. (all laughing) - Yeah, it was, yeah, it was quite the incident, boys. - That's it. - Great job, that is it. - Thank you guys, thank you. - Good job blowing your stack as you go. (audience applauding) - So, I mean, we should talk about some of these other things. I just was so excited to tell everyone about that. - That was great story. - Yeah, great story. All right, guys, let's get a quick moment and thank Body Brain Coffin for supporting this show. (all cheering) Every time we have a show here, we hand out cups of Body Brain Coffin to the audience before they get in. And they're so fucking pumped. Everyone's the stasurer, it's good, the fucking roof right now. Everyone's the brain function and their memory is better. Their mood is great. Oh, overall, which is incredible. See, if you were drinking Body Brain lately, you told me how much you loved it. - Dude, I love it. I told you I don't drink coffee. I just fucking shoot it right up my nostrils. And it is so good for me. It makes my brain work great. I read better. I am a better dad. - Your dick's harder, probably. - Yeah, dude, my dick works great. - Yeah. - Plus, we just want to brand new creamers. Well, we're doing it for a very special deal right now. If you guys want to try Body Brain Coffee and Creamer, you can try them both. 10% off, go to BodyBrainCoffee.com. All you got to do is use the promo code, LOSGIFT. LOSGIFT. You're going to get 10% off if you buy the two pack of the coffee and the creamer. Plus, we're going to give you a free gift, either the mug or the milk frother. Absolutely free for a limited time while it supplies less. So once again, go to BodyBrainCoffee.com. Use that promo code, LOSGIFT, and get a free gift. Hey, what's up, Skanks? I want to take a second to thank on brand new sponsor, Benchmade. What's up? Benchmade knives are the best you'll ever use. It's professional grade gear for any kind of job. Trusted by military personnel, security professionals, and outdoor experts. Benchmade knives are built to last with each one hand assembled and sharpened by expert technicians in Oregon. - Ooh, Oregon. - Oregon. - Oregon, dude, that's up. Yeah, they don't mess around out there. Whether you're using it around the house or at work or at outdoors, a Benchmade knife is quality. You can depend on whether it counts the most. - Dude, I love my Benchmade knives. - Right, I was going to say that you get it. I got them today, and I did it a weird, I don't know why I did this test, like I know anything about knives, but I took them out and tried to cut the shipping paper that it came with. - Yeah. - They're fucking sharpish. - Super sharpish. - Is it a chef knife? - It's a chef knife, and they sent this one here, the Bugout Knife. - Yeah, Bugout Knife. - It's the legendary Bugout Knife. - If you want to threaten a woman in the streets of New York City, this is the knife to go out. - Oh my God, this should be called the purse match. - Yup. - I mean, the Bugout Knife is lightweight, strong, low profile, keep it in your pocket, and then fucking percent it would definitely be here. - Yeah. - An ideal companion for any task or environment, Benchmade offers a lifetime warranty and free sharpening on all sides. - But this thing will slice through a victim like warm butter. - Nope. (laughing) - When you buy a Benchmade knife, you'll truly buying it for life. Upgrade your everyday carry. - 25 to life. (laughing) - You're gonna need a lawyer. - Upgrade your everyday carry at benchmade.com. That's B-E-N-C-H-M-A-D-E.com for knives built to last a lifetime. - They're beautiful. - After you purchase the last where you heard about them, you've got to say show your support and let them know Legion of Skang sent you. - Hell yeah. - Close enough. - Close enough. - Steve, you're gonna panic on this readoff, dude. - Let's think a quick moment and thank GLD for supporting the show. We love GLD. Best jewelry I've ever owned in my entire life. You don't have a weak-ass jewelry game. We don't. Jay's constantly, Jay's always wearing his fucking GLD gear. Which, Jay, you kind of mocked me at first for wearing my GLD and now you can't stop wearing it. - I wear my little bar wire bracelet every single day. - And you wear your icy around your neck. - I wear my sorry neck, but not every day. I wear it on jersey day and certain hoodie day when I'm gonna be around. How do you say this good for the ad read? Ethnics? - Okay. Fall is the perfect time to pick up something from GLD's amazing collabs with NFL, NBA, Major League Baseball, and the NHL. And every GLD product comes with a lifetime warranty. So it's an heirloom piece that you can have forever. Necklaces, bracelets, rings, watches, anything you need. Handset stones, real gold in every piece. Right now, all you gotta do is work hard and change the game. And for a limited time, only new customers are getting an insane deal. Use code "Skanks" to get, check this out, guys. 40% off. - Yes, you did it. Look at that. - 40% off. - Ooh. - Fresh. - Clean. - You almost snatched that shit and we're outside. - Code. - Yo, wrong neighborhood money grip. - Code Skanks at GLD.com. Three letters, GLD.com. Once again, use that code "Skanks" for 40% off. All right, where were we? There's a lot of fun things going on right now. I mean, should we talk about the shit and thing for a minute? - Yeah, absolutely. - Yeah, boy. - No, this is fun. Because I thought of this this weekend. I watched a lot. I couldn't believe, especially because he cursed on live TV, which turns out it's not even bad. You can do that after 11/30. It's not that big of a deal. The fact that people got mad about that. I didn't see that coming at all. - Don't mind about what? The swear. - We're addressing like slots in the gym? - No. - Saying women just like horses. - We're addressing like horses in the gym. - That's right. - I didn't realize all that shit. And it was the entire internet this weekend. It was the entire internet. But on the meeting, I said, we got to throw a thing up called the files of, it's that he wasn't talking about you files. Because my favorite thing in the world is these morbidly obese fucking disgusting girls. By the way, wearing like middle of thigh length shorts that aren't the shorts he's talking about, very specifically, that are like wearing my whore thing. So I guess I'm a total whore. And really, at the end of every of these, it should just be a voice going, nah, he wasn't talking about you. - Well, it's also like we like when women dress like, like the people are really taking it all out of context. Guys don't actually give a fuck about women dressing slutty in the gym. It rules. - We love them. - No, but the guys dress slutty or ladies be naked. - But again, the virtue. (crowd cheering) - No, but the virtue. - The virtue. - Not rally energy. - But the virtue signal of like, so a woman can't dress how she wants to get in tune with her body and spend an hour just getting in touch with her body. And it's like, they're acting like it's not a real thing that like a girl goes with a three camera shoot with her shorts upper ass to fucking do it only fans in the gym. That happens all day long. - I think that's one out of every 500,000 women in the gym. I think women are just dressing in tight clothes in the gym 'cause that's just the culture we live in now. - No, again, that's why I said, I think he got a lot of shit weirdly because he's talking about a very specific thing. And it's those shorts that do the thing where they have the fucking pleats to go into your ass crack, which is a look at my ass crack shorts. - Everything heads that way. - Of course. - But I don't think that every woman that goes to the gym wearing that is an only fan. I'm like, that's hell. - That's not all women dress going to the gym. - No, it's false, that's not true. - It's on most women dress going to the gym. - No. - Jay, you haven't been to a gym in 30 years. What are you talking about? - I got a gym in my house and I've been in front of you. - Your gym at your house is not a gym where women are getting dressed up in. - No, for sure, but I tell you what, I did CrossFit for a couple of years. CrossFit women are fat ducks. - No, no fat ducks. - Every woman does the thing. - CrossFit women look like blocks of the shoes. - No, super. - CrossFit women are disgusting. - No, what I did, I posted, listen, I posted up here's a thing. No, there was girls in great shape. And if I was the fucking fat shit at the CrossFit. - Leave it to yourself. but I would post up behind Chicks and Lou Lemons all the time, but I didn't think they were being hores of the gym. I really didn't, but after I stopped doing CrossFit, is when that became a phenomenon with the fucking wrinkles going up the ass. - What are your, what are wrinkles going up the ass? - The shorts, Lewis, the ones that go up the ass. - The whole, yeah. - That's how, what the, the spin. - No, no. - That's not even the right one. - That's not them. - You need the ration. - That's not them. - And you once that made your ass. - That was called, it's like, it's magnificent. - And by the way, he's talking about, that's, that's, that's, that's similar. - We're less clothes ladies. - No, no. - No, but you got, you're not fine with them. There you go. - There you go. - That is meant to look at your ass. - Yeah, so. - Yeah, no shit. - But I'm saying, but when I'm wearing a sleeveless t-shirt, it's meant to look at my arms. - Yeah, but I'm saying, my point is, - What? - Change joke. They keep stopping at, they keep showing the thing when everybody is getting angry at their going. So Shane says, every woman in the gym just like hores, he, he describes these very specific shorts, which I've never seen on a girl who's not fucking filming herself with the fucking gym. I'm not talking about tiny shorts or short shorts. That's comfortable, sure. It's hot, regardless, but I'm saying this, but what's funny is the Shane videos that I'm talking about, are girls who are morbidly obescoing like, wearing my horse shorts, just doing it or whatever. And you're like, now he didn't mean you for sure. - Yeah, I gotta say, Jay, I was, I was very mixed up at this whole week. I didn't know where I, I didn't know where to go. But, you know, after my gender warrior hero, Casey Anthony came out against that, that's on our sheet, by the way. - I'm gonna have to stand with Casey. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Well, I have to stand with Kristalia. - This is one of the funniest things ever. Bonnie, you have to be a little, appreciate, you have to appreciate the ridiculousness in this. Casey Anthony, you know this? - Yeah, I know. - Casey Anthony releases a statement, Casey Anthony, who famously murdered her daughter. - Which, I think we can all hilarious. - Oh, are you serious for sure? - He gets it. - No, it's funny. - She's actually here. - Bonnie, you proved the point of documentary. Women in fact can be funny and boy, does she nail this? (laughing) Because she is Casey Anthony, famous child murder, or child murder or stand by, whatever it was. - Yeah, literally. - Women can dress however they want. Women in the gym can dress however they want. Many of the opinions on how women dress, need to, you know what, Steve, I've been given Bobby a lot of practice on the read-offs, yeah. There's a big breed of coming at SkankFest. Steve, take a shot at this. - Go fast to God. - Women in the gym can dress however they want. - Men will, he needs about how women dress, need to all the way go to fuck themselves. - Fuck you, I had the word too many times. - No toxic masculinity trend needs to end. These fragile men need to get out of the way of women in totality. We do not answer to you. We do not dress for you. We do not need your useless opinions. - We can kill our babies if we want to. - Two-letter. - Women be mindful of the men you choose to elect into office during this election cycle. Listen to the words they are saying and to their actions and behavior. Choose men who are allies with women. Not those who want to do, oh fuck. Not what? (audience cheering) - Shit, that's his aunt. - That's his aunt. - That's his aunt. - Someone's getting his aunt's. - Not those who want it, I was, wait a minute, hold on. Not those who want nothing more than to have us housemates and fix it. - Nope, nope, you left a whole word out. That's his aunt's. - I hate this lesson. I hate this lesson. - Take him to the comma. - Steve is panicking in his own way. - Yeah, from the comma, dude, from the comma. Not those. - Ready, shh. - Not, I heard retar. - You're doing the same, you're doing what Bobby. - You're doing what Bobby does. You buy time, you're trying to read ahead. - I get way out of my mind. - You're trying to read ahead, you're trying to read ahead by stalling. - Go, from the comma. - Those who want nothing more to have, oh fuck. - You left two full words out. - Okay, shut up, okay. - Not those who want nothing more than to have us as housemates and sexmates. (audience cheering) - Says the lady who murdered her child and went out to do coke that night. - She was. - I wanted to murder her child and a man who can't read. I think we nailed it here tonight. - Yeah. - That's called her spectrum. - Yeah. - Yeah, it was tough. - You know, in a lot of ways your jacket represents that. The spectrum of funny. - Yeah. (laughing) - I did better than the fucking lady who was press secretary for a week. - You did, but he didn't do bad. I'll tell you what. - You know her name. - Whoever's getting your Zots is taking, it's taking a few of those right now. - Yeah, you see many different things. Did you weigh in on Lindsey Clancy? - No, no, she didn't at all. - Could you have, do you have the other one of that lady talking to her mom in the car that I sent? - The lady would think of a bunch of other things. - The Gator Land one, that same girl. Again, this is what's funny. What I like about this chick particularly. She's the one dancing in front of the, yeah, this right here. But for this thing, this is so funny, what's more to crazy to me. And it's almost a problem with the Dan Levy thing. The guy who came out first again, changed from the thing. Is that he immediately misquotes the whole thing. He goes, so if girls wear short shorts there, blah, blah, blah. It's like, it's not what he said. He very much described very specific shorts. So that's all, this girl here, she's so, I mean, Bonnie, please listen to me when I tell you, I'm your friend that I know I try to go easy when you're here so nothing happens to you. This is the most, not- - No, men can be vicious to other women who are laughing at men. - But this woman is, I'm telling you, no one, if she sat in a parking lot in fucking Harlem with her snatch out all night long, a homeless wouldn't put his car in the day, what? - They would not, Bonnie. - That doesn't sound like a problem. - Put it again, put it again, put it again. It's almost more. - The act like men have standards, I don't know. - All right, that might have been too far. But I will say this, it's the twisting of the thing. Shane says, I don't know what happened when women at the gym started dressing like whores. That's the statement they're angry about. There's a joke that goes beyond it, but let's say they stop there. This chick here, she goes, her premise is, see you judge women by how rapable they are. And coming from this fucking morbidly obese face is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. - It's rapable. - It's exactly what we're talking about. You only value women based on their rapability for you. That's crazy. - And welcome to the new "The New Los Legion of Skank" segment. How rapable is this woman? - Come on, buddy. - By the way, it's on a one to ten, one being not rapable at all. - 10 being Cosby. - Are you guys like, like, - She's a seven out of 10 Cosby. - You would need a blow dart, fucking gun, to fucking rape that girl. - Oh yeah, you have to try and cause her. - Yeah, yeah, like eight hours in the woods. - You got it, you have to tranquilize her, you will not overpower her physically. (laughing) - She has to be scared. - You have to scare, you have to scare, you got to take somebody hostage in her family or something. - 100%. - Here's the best part of this, is I win. Her mother is driving the car, she's driving, but her mother's next to her. Her mother is so sick of her. It's be, her mother, she's like, please. - You don't have to fuck up. - Fucking Dilbert grape. - She's like, she really is, yeah, she's like, your dad left 'cause you're fat. (laughing) - No respect for anyone you're not attracted to. - Crazy. - Mom, what do you say? (laughing) - She just pushes her ass. - She's like three more years till I leave this earth. - That's it, that's it. - That Disney adult is fucking hilarious. These are so, that's a Jew. (laughing) I swear to God, that's a good one. - Speed that body, oh my God. - Bonnie, that's a Gaza Jew, just be careful. Oh wait, by the way, this is gonna get you points with Voss. (laughing) Oh my God, this is gonna make Voss so happy. - Bonnie, breastfeets. - Is there any more? - The zombie Kensington Jew. - You have a compilation, let's see a compilation. - Not you. - First of all, that's the same girl. That's the same girl, by the way. - That's her? - Yeah. - Are those spandex? - Doesn't matter. - If you start to roll those off and be like an avalanche - Can I tell you something Steve? I'm gonna give you bad news, you might not know 'cause you married for a long time. At that weight, everything is spandex. (laughing) It would matter if she was wearing jeans, it would matter if she was wearing anything else. If you're having a towel around her waist, she'd be like, is that a spandex towel? (laughing) It was really taken in the form of her. - I don't know man, she's like a gatoral hand seven, you know? - Oh, no doubt dude, she got laid this day. (laughing) - God. - It's why you say you repeat it like so. - Where's the mom? - It looks so weird. - It would be weird. - She's gone away by a gator and she has no idea how lucky she is because that has has to be the equivalent of like someone as skinny as Steve O. Remember when he hung stakes off of his dick? - Yeah. - And walk over a fucking gator line. She has to be the equivalent of walking with four stakes. (laughing) - God. - Go play it. What does he even think say at the end of her? - The fuck rape culture, yes. - The fuck rape culture and massage in a gas. - Yes. - Massage in a gas. - She wants you guys to know. She wants you guys to know by the way, she's anti-rape. - Now hold on, I read this out. - He got a pro-rape like some people. - I read this out like things to do. Fuck. - Yeah, no. (laughing) - Go to a museum. - Go to a museum and watch fucking Pat McAfee. - Oh yeah. - Yeah. - Fine, I'll do all those things. - I thought this was the core four values. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Fuck rape culture. - Everyone is a gas. - This is David Goggins lecture. - By the way, this should be one of those shirts. This should be one of those fucking shirts they have and we should sell a skank fest where it's like, you know, it says the name of a cast. - Yeah. - The fuck rape, culture, massage, and skizzles. Make it Star Wars theme. Is that being like fucking, yes, it'd be like AJ. J.C. whatever the Backtree boys Pause it. She's already made the mistake of she's doing the thing like I'm wearing I think those aren't the shorts He was told Jay let it go. I mean I've never I've never known anyone to be so specific about a joke No, it's kind of talking about all girls with the gym. Nope. All right It doesn't matter it does Not you she gets her eyebrows done, and that's what she chose She looks like you a little bit. Yeah I probably agree with you Bonnie. This girl needs a chin beard Someone's got to define a jawline for her and his name is Jay the barber Why don't all the women that hate Shane look like Shane? I know you're talking like Mike Mike like like like Mariah Gilles. Yeah, she didn't a wide lens to shoot this What the fuck in Gilles? Or are we gonna wait for him to see something else drogatory about women? I just want to know like do I need to prepare? What are we doing, baby? Does that grow up? Did that grow up small nostrils? There's our face growing around her nostrils I don't know what's going on, but this bitch has blonde eyelashes and a giant pimple and that's making me furious That could be a herpie. Do you think it's a herpie now? I don't know, but it looks like she was far away from them She also has a it looks like she also has a healing wound on the floor says from a comic Shane is technically bad at his job Oh, she might be let's hear her input and Bonnie. I hate to tell you if you have to go to the bathroom If she is we are gonna watch her property Where do you say no comic in Chicago for four years? I played it every major You want the smoke? I'm gonna shoot you I got a black cog gun shoved in my pussy to keep it open until it heals She sounds just like you did I'm gonna tell you right now, brother. You're gonna say your prayers take your vitamins damn, dude That's you want to see my chubby clip. Let's go. That's formerly Chicago comic Ray La Palski Die your eyelashes, squish your pimples Always keep your fake fucking pussy wet. I've played every major club. I've played in other states Why does she sound like she's doing a voice to mock man? I play everywhere Chicago theater to pick Everywhere you go. I like the point. I'm a live half a regular You like my horse shorts Fuck Bonnie why are you laughing? Is she opening for you this weekend? I just I just I don't know why you guys are so triggered by all this They're they're triggered first by Shane, right? But then you guys are being like little pussy's because you're being triggered by all these It is weird to be so like into making fun of ugly women when you guys are the It is fair Yeah, no one's baby. Yeah, no one thinks more about your starters It's weird to be this into sticking up for Shane like he's a millionaire. He doesn't need you. Oh, no, no It's if these women are upsetting you. It's just like let it go. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, maybe it's not for you I think you don't like it Let it go. Oh, I didn't know you're gonna challenge a body I thought I was doing story wars. I'm so sorry Did you bring it to show up here? And you're like I didn't have to hear my stories Can I say but it is weird to go this hard Fucking week and day out I will say that we picked the things. I said it was a very specific thing is that the funny of these people coming out again Shane There's women in the thing that aren't as funny where they're like They're like deadlifting they're like bodybuilder chicks and they go I guess I'm a whore. Also. They're not Who cares? What do you give a shit? It's only making him richer. Oh, no, I thought I thought I was helping you in any fucking way Yes, it is If you want to get like likes and stuff off a fucking making fun of fat women I mean it's like no, no, it's more like the ridiculousness of like the statement the statement the girl made a fat chick in the back No, Bonnie, I think the statement the girl made is so she's she she I didn't listen I tuned out a lot. I started just mentally hating all of you Hold on wait a minute. Let me see why why are you getting up? Why are you being triggered about? because now Because I'm in a room full of men We're turning this into a rally woman woman that I figured woman Remember we for me, I edged woman, everyone's laughing and having fun Okay I don't want to feel bad. I want to say the thing I'm laughing about what the thing I picked was that first thing with that girl And it was because the twist as a comedian you have to understand the twisting of a situa what that joke is to that girl going You're judging people by their rape a bill it is a fucking But you guys proved your point. You are no we're actually doing exactly. Yeah, that was hold on That was a real fat and disgusting. She's easily Therefore You know, easy is the rape head. She said if her legs were open in a car. No one would do it true, but she's rapable if somebody wants he's down for it But that is my think the funny if that is the things like the fact that someone can twist the Joe is a calm. He have to get that the joke I don't have to get it Jay. I don't Also, buddy, let me say I don't get this at all. I don't know. I think you guys are so much funnier than let me say this I think that you're being gay right now But this is an ongoing story in the comedy community that's pretty funny that all week long people are putting out reaction videos And it's hilarious that these are the reaction videos. So we're not making fun of it to a room full of people that are laughing and having a good time People that are laughing and having a good time. We're not I don't think we're crossing any sort of fucking lining Yes, we're always gonna get our boys back because it's legionist gang's loyalty or fucking death That's the way we roll And if somebody was making fun of you I'm not trying to stop it. If somebody was strashing you we would do the exact same fucking thing because it was about a Rich and famous if you're a friend we will always get our friends back every fucking time I think that's lovely and you're getting the backs of some random fucking dumb bitches on the internet as opposed to just laughing at them because they're laughing I just haven't I'm not I'm not on anybody's side on it. I just don't I don't like making fun of people because they're fat I don't you know, that's a wise because they're fat and stupid For Bobby just fat that'd be I think for this guy. I'm gonna make fun of him Can I ask something on a level of it though? Yeah The show you do that would you fuck them like a guy? I'm sorry when the when the guy came up with that idea on this show It's a hilarious show. I'm saying like isn't the end of the day. It's mean spirited. No, but it's gotten listen What you it's mean spirited you asked me to do it. It's not mean spirited. I don't know who said that One of the meanest people I've ever met Look at me in the face been like you're a fucking fat loser Listen if it had been two people I would have been with you, but it's just going on We go back to shitting on Sebastian Manesco Fuck you I got I got my check last week. It was like 70% less. Let's go Italian, I heard it's fake. He's French Canadian. We have a whole compilation that we're probably gonna bail on now But go ahead and do it. I want to ruin people's fun. You know, you guys just how you get off Did you find the Casey Anthony part of it? I talked to Casey. I think it was very funny. Pretty hilarious Casey Anthony came out again. Yeah, I mean by the way our next segment is going to be Our male fans that have sent in pictures of their giant breasts. Yeah You don't care if it's mean spirited towards a man that are sent out in their pictures Wait, this is what we do the show is mean spirited and we get fun of everybody. It's not the it's mean spirited We happen to choose women first, but we're about to go to big-titted men right now. True, so I see why I was fucking invited to this goddamn. Oh, it's the big titty man segment now great. I guess me and Jake can go fuck ourselves My tits aren't lady like anymore. Yes, well, it's also nice, but they're not awesome. The contest is called best tits Men only and it is men who have the most supple beautiful looking breasts So I guess we are calm, but are we gonna just see them first like in it and then pull out? This is round two. This is we already saw he seems to see them and I suckle one. That's my question Let's do plugs real quick and Bonnie we're gonna over fence I'll be at skank fest Bonnie is one of the funniest comedians in the fucking world Bonnie McFarrow is legitimate really one of the funniest You go see her wherever you can see her. I think body is the most I think I said this about it. I think that Bonnie's the most underrated joke writer in comedy. Fuck yeah It always feels like a half insult, but it's, I know what they mean. (audience applauds) - Bonnie, I know nobody respects your joke right now. We all think it's the best. - I get called that a lot too, because you're underrated. It goes, "I think I'm rated." (audience laughs) - That's a big fight. - That's a big fight. - Who said that? - Just when anybody says I'm underrated, I always go, "I'm not rated." - I'm not rated. - I'm rated. - I'm rated. - Gio, what are you talking, my friend? Listen to my podcast on the gate right here on "Guess Digital." I'll be at Dojo Comedy tomorrow with a cup of coffee, eight o'clock. (audience applauds) Dance Intermin. - I got a special guys in November 12th at the New York Comedy Festival to stand west. Check that out. And if you're in Boston, October 29th, Boston Comedy Studios. (audience applauds) - Nice picture. - Oh yeah. - Thank you. - Shout out Megan Thompson, she did a good job. - Come see me on the road, guys. Go to my website, louisofskanks.com. This weekend I will be in North Charleston, South Carolina, at the Witsend Comedy Lounge. I'm very excited about that. We're gonna be in Los Angeles doing story wars at the comedy store. Just a couple tickets left for those shows. We'll sell out to get them now. After that, I got Pekipsi coming up. South Bend, Indiana, Grand Rapids. Hobark, Indiana, Tampa, Florida, and more. And I gotta say, story wars were going international. But for the first time ever, the first week of June, we're going to London, Dublin, Glasgow, and Amsterdam. (audience applauds) Our first ever international story wars show. So get those tickets. - Dude, these girls are so hot for us going international. - Oh, they fucking love it. - How does that feel? - Oh, smell each other. - Oh. - Smell each other. Play with his tets, play with that guy's tets. - So, yeah, go to my website. Also subscribe to guys digital. If you love the show, we do a bonus show. We Friday night, just three of us, 15 years strong, three for life. I get the uncensored ad-free version of the show. All the shit that we cut out from Bonnie today. - Oh, thank you. - This will be the uncensored version. - Thank you. - Thank you. - It's gonna be literally, it's just gonna be Bonnie's mouth like this. There's like, you guys are so cool and funny, huh? (audience laughs) - Stick it to me, you guys. - Yeah, stick it to these fat bitches. Bonnie, Bonnie, settle down. We're just fucking with them a little bit. - You go hard in the paint. - But yeah, make sure you guys also get your skank for sick at skankfast.com. Single, they pass is still available. So come to skankfest in November 13th or 15th in New Orleans. We're changing the location after this year, so it won't be New Orleans next year. So make sure you come and experience the 10th annual skankfest. - Oh, yeah, Steve. - Yeah. Well, bad news, fantasy football. I lost Alisa and this week. - Oh my God, dude. - Lisa, she's about 15 black guys at once. - I know. - Well, I figured she had some inside information. (laughs) Did that make it better though than afterwards you could back off to her getting gang banged? - Yeah, that was pretty dope. - But I did, all right. But anyway, Steverends easy.com for tickets. Atlanta was fun. I'm going to skankfest. I'm going to, oh yeah, I'll take this. Polarities. Then I got, oh, the Irving, Texas. Yeah, the new punchline in Irving, Texas. Comedy mother ship, Uncle Vinnie. So check out Steverends easy.com for tickets. All right, see you on the road. (audience applauds) - Yeah, boy, bigjcommy.com for all my days. Greatest gap for a lot of tour happening right now. Come and see me to sleep near you. I'm all over the fucking place. I'm in a, let's see. Well, I'm in Rochester. This is coming weekend. First time there in a long time. Comedy at the Carlson. What the frig? After that, I will be in Austin, Texas. Comedy mother ship. I have to we do those two story wars on Wednesday. So I believe I'm there, they're both sold out. But what am I there? Thursday, also or no? Just Friday. Friday, story wars just Thursday. Story wars. Thursday? Maybe, I don't know. No, it's Wednesday. And then Thursday we're doing Rogan. Me, Steve and Lewis are doing, right? That's right. That's right. And then I'm going to be at the mothership. Maybe not after Rogan, here's Bonnie's opinions on our podcast. All right. He's not going to like this. We're going to be out of the Rogan sphere. You're about to knock me right out of the sphere. What are you doing? I'm already just in the berm of manosphere. Story wars also having a comedy story. And then that weekend, I will be at the Breya Improv, first time in a long time, doing a full week in there for the first time. Skankfest, Berk Chrysher's Cruz, stress factory, Thanksgiving weekend, Louisville Comedy Club, Philly coming home to Philly, Oklahoma City. I'll be there at the Red Dog after the show is my favorite. Helium Comedy Club that day after Christmas for the next three days. I was going to add shows, but I'm not. And I'll tell you why when I'm there. So if you're at those shows, you'll hear great news. We will be doing a fucking Bond Fire, Skankfest. Listen to the Bond Fire. Five days a week, Faction Talk Series. XM-03 is being the great Robert Kelly. And then, of course, the read-off, dude. I'm so excited for it. And then, of course, story wars right here on the guest digital network. Yes. [APPLAUSE] Yes. Should we-- so a big thing that we can all agree on, this is comedians. Before we get into the test contest, I feel like we should. I think this is great. So what's going on right now is the AI is taken over. And people are taking real jokes and then putting them through, like, hot AI models and going viral with it. AI slots. They're not even good jokes. AI slots. AI slots. It's all AI slots, right? But here's a problem. We're old dudes that aren't-- we don't have TikTok faces. We don't have-- we don't represent the algorithm. Remember you called us all ugly, Bonnie? Remember Bonnie? Sorry. But you said we were all ugly. I didn't say that. I said, you looked the way you looked. Yeah, which we know. But you know what you meant? You know what you meant. It was well implied. Yeah, we all know. All I heard was, you guys are funnier than this. That's all I was like, that's all I'm taking over. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. That didn't even hit me at all. I was like, now, this is right in the pocket with the funnier. Just about as funnier as always. You know, most of my funnier is pretty much just making a lot of a vat, too. So here's the thing what we did. And it's all silly. And we had the producers put us into AI, create our own AI vouchers. Oh, my God, that's so funny. So we're going to go viral, hopefully. Hopefully. We have some samples. Let's see, let's see those BBLs. Yeah, I can see this. Let's see. I hope I'm wearing these very specific shorts. Now, this is also-- we're also going to judge how rapable our AI model is as well. So we just do fuckable. I'd like Bonnie to enjoy yourself. Thank you. Let me laugh on camera. Let's just decide, would we bang her? That's going to be hard. OK, yeah. We'll be bang this AI model. So this first-- this is just to show the audience an example of what's happening before. What's happening? So this dude, they're just taking his joke. They're both hot in their own way. So I love that they're both wearing the same thing. So what are they doing with Dan St. Germain's jokes? Yeah. Not just stole my joke. I bought a two bedroom, so I could rent out the other bedroom. And I got this really cute roommate. Yeah, I got this really cute roommate. But we made out, so I had to make a move. So we made outside to make a move. It also said, I had to make a move instead of him move. And whenever I put text on my video, that's what it auto-corrects to, and I have to manually go in and change it. And I know it pulls from-- No, she posts a video. And from his bedroom. I know. From his bedroom into mine. And from his bedroom into mine. And that's pretty much the gist of it. They're just taking-- Yeah, I kind of want to continue to watch our video. But I'm holding my tongue, so Bonnie doesn't get mad at me. OK, is this what we're going to do now? The whole rest of the fucking time. We're not. All right, thank you. I'm sorry. All right, we got it. So now-- I want to see what G Mike-- how good G Mike has got in there. This is all stuff. It's online. I found this online. What? The people of kind of stolen your company. Oh, that you've found it online. Yeah, so here, I could post. I know how you recognize who this company is going to be. I hope that's my evidence. I think I'm going to say soda. OK. People ask, what's the toughest part of doing stand-up comedy? You've got to travel a lot, you know? I love my family, love my wife and kids. But if I had to be the toughest thing about leaving, it would be trying not to smile while I pack my suitcase week after week. That's me. Try not to scare me down. Holy shit, I'm hot. It's you. Oh my god, Steve for life, that's right. Holy shit, Steve, your mid-drift is hot. Which is the middle of daddy's going to do drugs, though, guys. Can we share her tour dates? Where is she next? Who is this? She's an angel. A girl sent from heaven. Is that my new personality or my new person? Could you just holograms send that out on the road? You'd probably would share it. Oh my god. By the way, you have to put this on the Legion of Skanks. You have to put the individual videos on the Legion of Skanks. Yeah, I want the advertising. Just think if this was you, you could be making 70% of what you're making now. Wow. She's cute. How do you know that's like, how could someone know that's AI? I don't know. I mean, the other ones are pretty obvious, but she's like, I thought they'd gotten so good. I mean, I thought the whole thing was the fingers at one point, but it's just that the fingers have gotten good. Right, ladies? The hair's right. I mean, it is. She's really, really cute. Look at that. You guys are so fresh. After our fingers have gotten all in there so many times, she's so fresh. Both of you. Should I be outraged? No, it's great. Okay, so here's the-- But how many likes did she get on that? We're going to hoist it. Here's the next one. Oh, that's Jay. That's Jay. That's Jay. I think it was Lois. I'll say it was. I'll say it was Lois. A hot Latina? That was the woman that Lois was arguing with her. You eating biker? Lois probably know me. For those of you who don't know me, I just turned 41 years old on April 3rd. Thank you. April 4th day is my birthday, and I became a comedian. Isn't that the perfect birthday for a comedian? Isn't that I run? Is it that perfect? I have another friend who was born on Columbus Day and he's a murderer and a rapist. [ Laughter ] Yeah, we always talk about it like, "Dude, we were born to do what we do." This is fucking crazy. [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] First of all, hey, I love you. How does that feel? Great job, lady. I want you to put it out. I wanted to go by. And Bonnie, you said women weren't funny. I guarantee you, I guarantee you, in her comments, she's got a ton of guys being like, "Where's the joke?" [ Laughter ] Columbus, comments. Has this been posted already? Do you mind? Okay. That was, I believe, she's 41 now. Oh, oh, that's hilarious. [ Cheers and applause ] Okay, so wait, so this is speed, right? I think this is a real comedian that's told you. Oh, shit. Dude, look at those hips. Jane, she's very funny. Jane, can we turn you into her? This is crazy. She is fucking way more excited. Oh, dude, imagine she was wearing those shorts that Jane was specifically talking about? I wish my legs and body looked like that in that special. Wow. No offense, Jane. But I definitely want to hear her talk about Black Cox more. All day long. I'll tell you. Sir, I mean this. And I mean this is a complete compliment that I'm genuinely happy. First, and I mean this. Full Black person, since I've been here today. It's so exciting. A lot of people here said they were Black and then I go, "Oh, nice." And they go, "Well, I mean my mom's white or something." By the way, it's always my mom's white. [ Laughter ] Let's go. Let's go. Dude. Dude, the back shot. The back shot. Even the back shot, I was like. Can I see the back shot? Is that him, her? Is that from the special? Let's see. Them, they. Them, they, sir. Yeah, look. Ooh. Ooh, yay. Look at those jeans. I fucking wish, dude. Were you hot? I said, I gotta wear a belt. Like, I'm gonna do heroin in my dick. [ Laughter ] The camera work is great. That is so hot. It's expensive camera work. [ Laughter ] Well, and then A.I. I like how the arrow comes out of her ass. Like, she just fired it. Yeah. I love the -- The pioneer ghost woman watching the front row. Yeah. [ Laughter ] She was like a fucking like a painting that came to life. She's a louper. Yeah, a louper. [ Laughter ] So, gee, Mike, put these out on the Legion of Stank's Instagram and see if we can get some traction. I think you guys are gonna pick some a little more complete for me, but let's put them out there. It's fine. [ Laughter ] Just give me a little bit of just a fucking jab when I was throwing haymakers. [ Laughter ] What's up, Skanks fans? Let's take a second to thank our sponsor for today's show, and that is Ultra Pouches. Yeah. Ultra Pouches. [ Applause ] They really are amazing. The best functional lip pouches in the game, and they do it all with no nicotine, and no caffeine. They're designed for mental clarity and enhanced focus. Ultra Pouches are nicotine-free, caffeine-free, and they're packed with a blend of neutropics and vitamins, neutropics. I wanted to even know until Lewis started getting involved in neutropics. Yeah. You love it. He's like, "Did you get your ultra pouches? Give them to me. I love neutropics." Well, it's Alpha GPC, which I was already taking before we had ultra pouches. It all sounds like stuff I was going to send you to rehab for, but it's good for you. [ Laughter ] They have Alpha GPC and B12 in each of them. They taste great as well. Tropical, watermelon, blue-raz, winter-green, cool mint. My favorite is the tropical without a doubt. And they're ideal for athletes, runners, and anyone else that's trying to live a little bit cleaner. I'm a watermelon guy, but I grew up in West Philly. That's true. Blue-raz, a close second. Ultra is the ultimate guilt-free pouch, delivering instant focus and mental clarity without nicotine or caffeine. And new customers right now can use the code Legion to get 15% off at takeultra.com. That's t-a-k-e-u-l-t-r-a.com. 15% off with promo code Legion. Hey, Skanks. Look out. It's holiday season, baby. Come on, holiday shopping is around the corner and it gets expensive real fast. Ridge is here to make it easier with a deal on their amazing power banks. Ridge, friends and family sales running now through November 5th by two Ridge power banks, and you'll get a third one for free. So one for each family. You fucking degenerates. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Ridge is five more myths. Yeah, so what? Get one for each your wife, your mistress, and your girlfriend. I bring it everywhere, Steve. My power bank, I charge. You can charge multiple devices at once. It has three charges on it. So I need that. Everything in my life runs out at the exact same time. So I got to charge it all up at once. Yeah, dude, fucking. So if you have a watch and a phone and another that you can charge at the same time, me and my son, when we were in Spain, I had the power bank the whole time. I charge them both at the same time while we were out and about banks. What? No. What was that? It wouldn't make the thing. Okay. Your son's. I hope he dies. No. What? I would just say that about my son. No, I would never. No, I would never. No, I can't wait. I'm going to get three for my kids. Everyone needs it. Everyone's phone's always dead. Christmas time's almost here. This is a great stocking stuffer. Or, you know, main gift. Yeah. Depending on your times. You fucking $100 stocking stuffers. This is the fuck out of here, dude. This is what you're getting. Are you ready to get a head start on gifting? Get these now. You can find Rich's Power Bank at Best Buy and Amazon. Or, you could be awesome and go to rich.com/LOS10. That's rich.com/LOS10 for Rich's friends and family sale, where you can buy two rich power banks and get a third one for free. That's rich. Now, they're down to less than $100. I won't do the math 33 something. I don't remember. Shop smart this holiday season with Rich. One more time at rich.com/LOS10. So if you buy two rich power banks, you're going to get that third one for free. All right. Let's get back into it. Now, we have to get to our-- Finals. Is it our finals? No. This is round two. It might be-- Well, we had eight finals. Only four cent videos in. So this could be the finals if you want. If three of them suck. Oh, so have a this. We'll eliminate two. We'll have the final two compete. Go ahead. We'll have them do something else. Yes. So this is the best hits. Men only competition. It's a talent show today. Body? You're about to come alive. We have the four semifinalist Joe Anthony Hans and James. I don't know why my son would submit for this, but that's OK. He did what he did. And that's OK. I just got a lot of men. He's got a lot of men. Look, they're not big, but they're tasty. So he's got a lot of them. Just helping a handicap. Let's go. Let's go. Who is this? Is this Joe first? Yeah, this is Joe. Do they show their faces eventually? Uh, we've seen past their faces. Doesn't matter. I mean, I'd like to know. You're right for this fucking Rorschach test of a stomach. Yeah, a lot of these guys look like an undershot of a cock if it had eyes on the bottom of the head and they were whistling. You really got to think about it. What the fuck is wrong with you? You're being mean to these guys? No, they look great. What if he's a sh*t in the audience? These are men. Do you understand that men? Lewis, you've all people know this show is fucking viciously spirited. Let's see. If you get in our way, we will crush you. Guys, you're funnier than that. Guys, do you know what I realize that we're funnier than making fun of these men's tits? We are, but I still want to. Go ahead. Now we're going to see him. Do you see him from this? Legion's gang's kiss. Oh, he made the kiss. Oh, buddy. He's got a beautiful body. Oh, buddy. Holy sh*t. I think I see the vision of the Virgin Mary. Does he have two extra nipples underneath his head? Extra f*cking tits. He's got more tits. Is that painted? Because there's like anrioles. So let me see what this guy's doing. He's doing the infamous Legion's gang's kiss between me and Jay. Steve was there. Steve will never forget him. Steve also has a 9/11 bin to never forget around Steve's head. We never will. Which we'll never forget about. We never will forget. That's always going to be a thing. It's always going to be a thing. Are those four nipples? Does he have four? That's what I was saying. I don't know what's happening. He's got so much stomach fat that he's formed multiple tits on his stomach. No, he does. Those are extra tits. I'm telling you, I feel like I would have remembered this from round one. It's like no. I don't even remember this shoe. I think he drew nipples in. That he's a f*cking phenomenal artist. He should not be living in whatever this hovel he's in. I thought they were going to be nice tits. I really did. I don't know what in my head got. You never-- You never-- Take the hair and everything else happening now. Yes, nice tits. The tits. You can't see his real nipples. His nipples are those cute little perky ones. Now, wait, show what he's supposed to get. I can't see the nipples. When he squeezes them together. Because he's got our faces. Yeah, their faces are there. Oh, that's-- But right there, if that was a picture sentence, let's say you might-- Like, he stuck those on. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He thought those were part of his tits. No, I thought it was-- He printed Jay's head 50% larger than mine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very weird. He's got one big nipple. That's his bigger area. Yeah, sure. He's got to cover up the whole thing. I'm telling you, take the hair away, that cleavage. You get a picture of that top tits. You're like, that's a nice big tits. And maybe, by the way, maybe saggers. But you're like, still, I'd be-- That's fine. It's like a cow. That's like-- No, no, no. But I'm just saying you just got the cleavage. This does look like it's still from a documentary about factory farming. [LAUGHTER] It is, actually. And it's against it for the record. All right, good. His talent. [LAUGHTER] Goddamn it. -No, no, no, no, no. -It's a real mipples. -Oh, my God. -At least the stomach looks like an ass. Why didn't he think it'd draw-- why didn't he make the-- put his belly button in the middle of the X of the Skanks' bow? -Oh, he tried, dude, but look, he got-- it's so much-- Scanney's off-center. -Look at the bottom of it, like he, like, can't, like, go over with more curve 15 times. -Yeah, that's a bit-- -That's a bit-- -You understand? [laughs] -I always worry with comedy stuff that I explain this wrong. Is it fair to say that there's about a cumulative three inches of marker that is in between things we'll never see. -Oh, yes. -You know, I mean, like, boy, if you pull the marker out of those little wrinkles, like, there's three more inches of marker, like, you use-- -No, I think it's what circle, but you can actually see three. -Yeah, yeah. -I feel like-- I feel like if he stretches it out, it's going to be dotted lines. -I feel like the map for national treasure comes out, or something. -Absolutely. That's very possible, also. This guy could have things hidden in those wrinkles. -Look at the eye-brows. The eye-brows actually look kind of cool. -Ah, fuck. -Bonnie, what are they called on the ass cheeks of those shorts? -Rushing. -He's-- [laughs] -Well, he could put those shorts on his stomach and his fucking stomach will look phenomenal. - Dude, that guy is a fucking slut-gut. [laughs] -I would not-- This is not a deal breaker because I fuck so many single miles with stomachs like that. -You sure? -Oh, nice. -Oh, because I was going to apologize and say, like, you know what, guys, some people do have to rape. -Yeah. -You know, but maybe not. -Maybe not. [laughs] -Maybe not. -Yep. -Maybe not. -Is that the entire talent? -All right, one more time for Joe. -Yeah, he's a good Joe. -I'd say what? -I would give-- -They haven't scored yet, but I would give a higher score if he would have thrown Steve off his stomach. -Yes, right. -Because Steve ran away. -That's true. -That's true. -All right, are we going to do one to five? You want to give a rating for a talent? -Oh, this is talent? [laughs] -This is talent contest. -This is talent. -You can take it a little play if-- -You did a play if-- -It's not just based on looks. -No, that was ground one. -That was talent. -All round one was based on looks and rounds two is talent. -I guess I give him a five out of five. -Five out of five. -Okay, good. -All right. -Bonnie McFarlane, five out of five. -G.O. -She loves Peter. -The fact that I could double titty fuck him, I have to give him a five. -Okay, five out of five. That's a double titty fuck. [laughter] -You know, guys, I thought he was brave. So I want to give him a seven out of ten. -Seven out of ten. -I thought he was brave. -That's a 3.5. -Wait, that was out of five. -It's out of five. It's a different 3.5. -Guys, I wasn't paying attention. [laughter] -3.5. Lewis? -I mean, look, it was a damn near-perfect talent, but I don't want to give a damn near-perfect score because I feel like, you know, where do we go from there? -Exactly. -You think it's going to get better than this? -I think it could. Maybe. -I don't know. -I don't see milk yet. -I'm going to give him a 3.75. -Where'd other talent could they have, you know? -I'm going 3.5, so I said it would be a seven out of ten. Also, I agree because, and I would have given more points. -What did it mean? -I had the same size. -What if it had an eye, and if our heads were the same size, and you threw Steve off in a way of running away because he hated what happened, but he seemed to be stuck between here, and I believe second set of full tips. -I'm going to say 3.5 as well. I want to give a little room to see what could be perfect. But these are -- this is a good start, and I really appreciate. I do remember his tints now, and they are beautiful. -Is there a way to get a hold of him that asks what's happening on that second set? -Those are definitely tints. -Is that -- -Is that -- -There's a real good chance he's dead. -Sure, a real good chance he is. -I hope his number isn't working and his mom answers crying. -Are you friends with Ethan? We just want to get the skinny on his tints. -Yeah. -All right, let's go with number two. Anthony, competitor number two, Anthony. You guys are keeping track of the scores, right? -Of course. -Great. Anthony. -Uh-oh. -Oh! -It's that kind of fuck people up. -What? -What did that say? That was too fast. I don't hear any -- I don't hear any. -I don't see what it is. -The Mammie Monoliths. -The Mammie Monoliths, an off-Broadway disaster. -Okay. -It's got a little work on it. -It's got a little RC or RC. -I was always teased, we were growing up. Kids were pointing to say, "What are those?" "Fuckin' e-cups. For years, I was ashamed, and I tried to hide them. But no matter what I did, I couldn't confine them. This contest made me realize something. God doesn't make mistakes. -Good job. -These fethnatties are better than any fakes. Some men are born with a six-pack of steel. Some men are born with arms-women feel. But I was giving a different gift. -You show us your 10s, dude. -Body. -See how we feel, buddy? We're winning and talking. -Body, finally. Now you're on it. -Who guys pause it when we're talking? -Yes. -Body, do you see what it's like when you have a dumb bitch yapping when you just want to see the kids? -So I'm gonna come over to your side, guys. -I'd love to suck your dick, but can you listen to some of my boaters first? -Sure. -Very well because they know. -Yes, go ahead. -You don't think a guy is trying to fucking play a song on this guitar? -Oh, my God. How many girls I've tried to fuck that I've been like, "Just wanna go back and listen to this set real quick." -Oh, God. -On my left, a national treasure. On my right, every men's pleasure. -Oh, my God. -Put them together. -What have you got? -A nice little pocket for you. -Oh, God. -Oh, fuck yes. -Oh, my God. -Oh, my God. -I have a sick son. -Body, men are humiliating themselves. -I feel like, I feel like this is just like an average dude body. I don't get what-- -Look at those milkers when he put them together, Bonnie. -I mean, he shaved. -I feel like a lot of guys in here could do that. -I don't know. -I don't know. -It doesn't seem special. -Why would he rope this whole fucking thing? -You also wrote a whole part of it. -The worst part of it. -It's a one-man show. -No, I give this guy a one. -It's crazy that woman was able to film it while being changed to a radiant. -Yeah. -And it took a lot of skill. -I remember this guy. -This guy is gentle. -Yeah, he's a gentle guy. -This guy is gentle. -No, we lose respect. -Those are eight-foot ceilings, by the way. -Kate? -It's crazy. -He's in the fucking beast. -This guy wins regardless. -He's doing tinder. -He's doing man-tid poetry in the beast body. -This couldn't be wrong. -I feel like it's just too average. -It's not anything. -Hold on, I have to say, as his tits in general, as I'm looking at him here or not, we're judging the talent, not the body or the tent. -Body. -Look, he gave himself a mark. -So he knew exactly. -Look at that. -Oh, my God. -That's amazing. -Oh, my God. -He found a camera. -He's trying. -He's trying. -He wrote something. -I get one by chance. -I appreciate the effort. -Shane is quite fucked and fucking filmed. -I think you guys are defending him so much. -It's like you guys are like, "This is me." -I want you to like him, so I can make fun of him. -He's like, "This guy is cool. He's just like me." -I stand by him at 1.5. -Let's see, hold on. -This guy gets knocked out because of you, buddy. I'm gonna be so fucking big. -Let's finish the talent and then make-- -Oh, there's more talent. -He's got another 30 seconds. -Maybe he'll do that. -Maybe he'll change her mind. -I don't think my body's better than this guy. That's my problem with it. -No, he's gigantic, Jay. -Bolding Shake. -Whoa. -That's impressive. -He's got a nicer cock than you. -No, he does not. -Yes, he does. -That was a grip of Fupa. -100%. -Yeah, dude. -He is gripping his Fupa. There's no thing. -Grippin' Fupa is his metal band name. -Grippin' Fupa. -Grippin' Fupa. -Can we please start a band called Grippin' Fupa? -What else deals that? -Gripp of Fupa. -Grippin' Fupa. -Grippin' Fupa. -Grippin' Fupa. -Okay. -Can we just see the contours of his penis or no? -No, dude. -I bet you're like 10% of his penis in that handful. -I promise you his dick is below his bottom face. -This guy's got a massive cock chest. -You're off, dude. -Stop it. -We'll see. -Hey, thanks. Am I making your dick bigger? Give credit where credit is due. When you go home tonight, your balls will be blue. You can take my dignity and you can take my pride. But never again will my city's hide it. [ Cheers and applause ] -My angel. -Are you going to lover of Yards, Bonnie? -Yeah. -I don't like rhyming poems. -Come on. [ Laughter ] -That was the -- that was the -- That was the -- the "Kagebird" sings for fat guys. [ Laughter ] -I know -- I know where the "Kage Rhetisserie" sings. -Oh, my God. -Let's go to the scoring body. She said 1.5 percent of the time. -I just -- I feel like he's got a normal body. I'm -- I'm sorry. I've seen bigger tits on people sitting here at this table. Okay. [ Laughter ] -So this is so funny. -I've never disrobed in front of you. I'd be humiliated. -But really, like, is -- do you think those are big tits? -Those weren't the craziest of them. -No. -But I think he -- -It took some good pictures. -And they didn't poke up. They were just normal. -No, he didn't take pictures. And he -- -I've fucked guys that look like that. -Yeah, yeah. -Oh, my God. -So sorry. -We're going to everyone do Yards fucking up. -Yes. -All these guys are good. -What? -When you go outside, I was going to stick in a circle and he goes, "Thanks for getting those guys just changed their subjects." -They're real pieces of shit. -I hate how they talk about women like that. -So false is going to die soon. -I'm never going to live this down, am I? I should have just went to the bathroom and ever came back. That's what I was gonna do. I was like, just get off I just take a massive shit I wouldn't care everything like body rolls She shit's just like us. Oh, she's thinking fucking massive dumb. She missed the whole She would have killed him that segment, but fuck it out. I want it. It was shit to take Alright, so what do you say 1.5? Bonnie is so the same 1.5 Wow, Gio Since he only had two titties, I'm gonna give him two 1.4 10 I'll give him a 2.5 for the poem. I'll give him an extra 0.5 Yeah, I'll give him a 4 for the poem. You got to give him a 4. Wow for the poem. Almost perfect The Odyssey is This guy's gonna kill himself and say something. Dan's a writer. He appreciates the right All right, so I give the last guy 3.75 and I thought that his talent was a little not only do you have better tits But I think his talent was a little bit more creative and represented the show a little more But I will say that this guy's one man one memory show was pretty nice So I'm gonna give him a 2.75 And I'm going to point five one point five because this man Disrespected enough Wow, wow did everything we've asked him to do. They wrote something It was beautifully shot in right in the middle good talent tits were garbage. I know his tits are great You saw pictures of them. We saw that one that black and white one with the nice shadowing the first round Oh, yeah, yeah, go back to that This guy is a 5 but a bit of a shutter bug Steve. I know It's really upset. I don't think it's a Steve's come to this guy many times. Yeah, many many times. Yeah, well, we do share the email That's it five for me. All right, let's go to our next competitor Hans who by the way, Hans was the winner of worst life last year. We got to come to skank fest He lived a skate fest On that show - were you on that show? Why do you keep coming back? I don't know. I thought it was story wars She'd be the name of the episode Story wars did you submit stories body? When are they going to tell me the subject? Yeah, Hans former winner of golden tickets But I hope we do is we just get so often now and every time just make it be like I really do think this was story But I'm here. I drove in and I got a center Well, I thought that I was still getting paid. I was like All right, let's see Hans Well, okay, now we're talking We fucking have our sea biscuits dude. I'll tell you right now Suspenders. Suspenders do wonders for cleavage. They just naturally looks like a fucking this guy That's like a calendar and a fireman's place to fire stage Is this the guy who lives in the hottest place on the planet? Yes, he had did he have a sword maybe or something I thought he thought he fought in the fights and like won the Members his video from last year was like in in like Mexico with like you saw like the swirls from like the gas And he was playing a sword. Yeah We're gonna shoot the air conditioner. You know his life sucks. Look at that air conditioner His Padre had his Padre had to make a fucking wooden shelf for so that AC he's so fat, and he has that tiny AC Life sucks every day for harm. Can I ask you guys a question? What what like I know there's fat guys They don't have tits that big like what makes the the the tits so big Well, the fat's got nowhere to go. Yeah, it's got it. It's got to take place. So eventually it goes Well, you could have been a woman. So I guess we'll just give you titties I'll tell you what that air conditioner that vent is always clean that fucking filter is clean all the time This guy never goes to sleep with that clean We want to like keyboard cleaner. He sprays on it. Yeah So far to draw I mean I I like this So far it's even steven to they get separated and I go all right guys you go when you work it out Brothers your brothers. I just don't like how he's beating up that black dilder than that I like guys titties are moving more than his head. Yeah, he got gasped on that one By the way pausing for a second do you see what I said where it looks like if someone drew a face on the bottom of a dick Like if it was pointing straight up and they put eyes on the bottom of the helmet Thank you. So that wasn't mean. Well, I can't come again, Jay. So this is your spent. Yeah, I'm spent Come on This this bill is so long If he said he could have only fans this guy, what if he fucking like paraglides from them? What's going to happen? There's so much to happen here So if you guys know this guy's big J. Lewis. Yes, Sam Gamwise from Gloria Reigns. I mean those are real They may have a shot at you this motherfucker The fuck was that about what are you saying? I'm fly from Lord I think yeah, you call it a strong fucking ass. He's a shit This guy's taking shots at you with your big fat. Huh this guy Adam's mind the fat guy from a lord or him back that up Yeah, huh, do you have your mind? What you're gonna get Steve back at the ring? He's adult. Is he something? Shit, we got this. So except if you guys do this guy's big J. Lewis Sam Gamwise from Gloria Reigns Can I say see we make fun of the fact run to be to be fair to be fair Look at that beautiful Just that's the picture she's so horny for you right now dude tightened up that fucking ball This is a woman with a till like that called you Sam wise Whatever you want to call me gollum. Give me that. Yeah, absolutely. She's oh my god. Take me to more door Can he suck it I'm gonna sit in this room with the air conditioner on low for the next 30 minutes Survive isn't funny isn't funny when your bellies big enough that you can't tell if the suspenders are working actively working against this Yes, what's trying everything again? I just feel tightness on my neck dude a hundred percent tension This guy's gonna have goldberg traps by the end of the fucking season It looks like it's titties are trying to push the suspenders off his shoulders damn right to get all get out of here What if what does he's like like my talent is that I'm actually gonna skydive it's about to be great. I'm up at the base jump fuckers Carlos Garcia wasn't a thing I'm gonna base jump fuckers Joe Rogan overstay Athletic I am what what I'm gonna do Six punches. He's done for the day You'll go with a bench presses, okay? This is his talent I'm gonna check my Twitter My Uber each the 70 minutes away Complete complete we're gonna hit the ball so soon as I finish There's been Chris we're gonna By the way, why does he have a real like genuine? That's no he's got a genuine like rack, but he's using the wall those don't call it. It's a rack Sorry No, but he has but he genuinely has like the Joe Weeter like order when you're 13 weights on like a real expensive rack Yeah, it's insane looking Well, just like no my points the real rack for like real weights. Yeah, you see that he has a little kids weight set on look I'll thin the bar is also look at the top of the top of the fence. Is he near Mexican prison? What is this no? It's a doby dude. I said that the weights are on the inside of the I'm not crazy. I don't have to be a gym rat to see there's a problem here. I'm just going on it's a curl bar It's an easy curl bar. Yes, which is not the right length for All I mean we doing here. He's gonna bench press curl weight Easy curl bar and he has ten pound weights. All right. Let's say it's ten to five on each Yeah, there's two dude. I hope that things stuff right out of his hand and falls right on it's fuck by the way It's 55 pounds one hundredth of what he weighs. Yeah Also tenth also his tits are so big that he's just gonna do this Yeah, that's right. He's got midget arms on fucking fat tits I hope he struggles. It's fuck that's that we all said that gym is definitely his cousin left him that before he was with the jail. Okay, that's possible. Can I say this? We might be judging early. The talent might be is whenever he puts the weights against his tits, that his belly button whistles, the don't worry, be happy. I don't think it's gonna happen. And he goes, don't worry. Is this talent working out and not getting a heart attack? Yeah, maybe. I'm scared. He's going to be alright. He looks like he's giving up on whatever he was doing. I'll tell you what, we do have fans that would send us their death. He probably told the guy filming like, "If I die, send it." No matter what, you can take my tickets home. Yeah. My name is Hans, and I co-sign my friend taking my tickets, if I die. By the way, if I did all these activities in the sun, I would definitely be sweating way more than he is. So, power to him. Oh, buddy, let me tell you something, you do not understand the river that is forming under those tits. As the guys have ever been fat, there's a whole thing. Let's do some of the talent, please. There's Ben Priss, we're gonna tell, we're gonna do some dumbass hitting another river. Start a prank. Hit, finally, hit the band and then hit the third earth on Max, baby. What's happening? I don't even know his big name. This is what my last relapse looked like, by the way, famous junkie Delante Westell. He did that with one hole. Oh, no. No, hit it again. I died like this on the show ones. Yeah, he passed out. Good, Hans. Oh, that sounds healthy. Now I'm going to bench press 40 pounds. 55. Oh, god. The bench is the most impressive thing in this whole thing. Yeah, can you say, can we say the bench? We should say the bench you are once. Yeah, can you rewind that? I don't think you noticed it, but he only started sweating after he hit the bomb. He was good. Now he's like, man, I'm huffing and puffing. Man, Hans is one of those bodies that's covered in the sores from things just rubbing on his body. Shirts, railings, seatbelts. He's got grease marks on his titties. Oh, no, those. Three. Quatro. Bank. Bule, bule. Bule. See the bench, dude. He clips his whole thing. Was that something? By the way, this is a whoshing. I saw his that's about. By the way, he if you fuck him, he's got to be on top because look his boobs just go right away. Like that's true. You're right. He's got to be back over. Yeah. He's going to squeeze him together and suck them shit. He looks like he's coming now. All right. All right, hold on. He's going to do another bunk now. I'm going to go die. I collapse. All right. I'm just going to sleep here for a minute. Another one. Don't worry. It's okay. Now I'm going to go breastfeed my daughter. Don't give us that. There's no weed in that. It's just horrible. It's making me mad. He's fucking to her. He lives. He doesn't have a lot of weed. He gets all of it out. That was the weed for the week. Now he's going to do burpees. Oh, he's like, wait a minute. What do these do? These hold down my sandwiches. They don't swing away in the way. But these hold down the balloons and the kids and yet. Man, those studies are going two different directions completely. One is come is North fucking east and the other one is Southwest. The dogs about to attack him. Now I present my assistant. Yeah. Yeah. Now I'm going to eat this dog. All right. That is the lovely puddles, everybody. And if I don't lift it, it falls on the dog. Sorry, Claude. Let's see. I'm judging his form here. All right. Eyes up. Eyes forward. He's got four eyes forward. It's all back. It's all back. No, eyes forward. Shit. These are suspended away. Eyes up. Head up. Oh. Oh. Okay. Oh, no. No. No. No. No. If you let's go with his hands, it holds up with his stomach. He wins. No way. He gets it. It's all back. Oh, no, dude. Does he split his head open? Get it up. Yeah. Oh, God. Oh, my. What happened? What happened to his head? What happened? He's like, "So what does that emergency brain search give you?" Sorry, guys. I had a stroke and an aneurysm. I had to cut my brain open. Sorry, guys. I'm going to have to get the butt cut out. Yeah. He'd be in the head. I had a little bit of that referee for a dream thing happened to me, so they had to sat me a little bit. Yeah, so, you know, they just took out a little piece of my brain. He goes, "We're leaving a little bit of pressure. I'm doing good now." My brain was swelling, but they took out a piece of my skull, and now I can think clearly. Is he wearing a hat? I don't get it. What happened with his arms? His arms are gone, guys. So that's another story. Oh, I keep missing his arms. I tried to catch a moving train. That's from the diabetes. Yeah, so they removed my arms. That's okay. I think the hair is the craziest thing on me, but also my arms are missing. Right now, I swear to God, I will say, if his talent is taking his shirt off with his teeth, because he has no arms to show his titties, that is a five for me. If you can do a bird christia with no arms, I want to see this t-shirt. 1,000,000%. If my left foot's just fucking shirt off right now, he's a shoot. Here's the thing. I don't know what's happening here, but care. If this better be a fucking. If he's in the doctor's office right now, because he heard himself. Oh, I like to believe that the hair cut is. He's somewhere he's not at home, because look. I feel like the haircut is unrelated to this video in any way. I think that's just a different wife situation led him to that, and then also he's like, "Fuck, it sucks on video day." He's like, "So, I'm here in the dentist's office, and they have really good air conditioning, actually. You know it would be so much better if all of a sudden he has a Japanese samurai accent now after the aneurysm. Fucking awesome. He just fucking cuts his fucking hygienist in half." I can see even though I still made the wait. I was like, "You know what? It just gave me the best of my fun. Can you give me the father electricity, the mother of all mouth lovers, but no one percent, you know, I did it, so I'll be seeing you guys in the Netherlands. Remember, we thought he was in a dentist office, and there's a dark board in the background. What the fuck is this?" He is. He is every pre-existing condition in one. Can we just tell him he won so he doesn't fucking come after all of us? I don't know what the transition was, and where he is now, and what he just said for the past. You see, Bonnie, making fun of these guys could be dangerous. He said, "He wanted to get a haircut, so he got the father of electricity Benjamin Franklin." They both smelled really bad, so yeah, I don't know what this guy's fucking deal. I don't know what the hell it was lifting the weight. I have a feeling he's showing up no matter what. You can beat me in a wrestling MMA or boxing match, you're not going to win against me. 100%. See you in your lanes, baby. Well, there are no winners when this guy dies in the ring. We did dangerously let him fight last year. Yes, we're going to be liable for this guy's death for sure. That's how Lewis sounded when he was screaming at the lady. Fuck you up, bitch. I did not threaten that woman. I'll throw right now for this guy. Zero. No, stop it, Steve. Zero, I won. Zero, was it? Yeah, I mean one. He doesn't know the fuck I am, Lewis. You can take a shot of Steve. I didn't call you Sam. Sam, why? Sam, why? Yeah, yeah, all right, Steve, that's fair. That is fair. I'm going to give him a one because I don't know what the talent was. He's going to give him a one. Yeah, I'm going to give him a one because I guess it was this talent that he survived all that. I guess that he confused the fuck out of us. Yeah, he was what I'll say, he was creative. What? You're the guy who wrote a fucking Canterbury Tales. Lewis just liked that he had a home gym. Yeah, I like him. He's got the wrong bars on it. Let me just say this. Okay, it's a danger. First of all, his deadlift for him, that was impressive for him. No, no, that was an impressive. That's a hundred percent back. That guy's going to have to be wearing those fucking actual suspenders. Those home depots that keep you back in love. He's fucked. Yeah, that back was terrible. Well, let's go to Bonnie. What are you thinking now? I give him a five. Oh, yeah, this guy was great. Dark horse for Bonnie. Yeah, he shows up as a different guy at the end. He lost weight, I think, even at the end. He's entirely filming me. - I didn't know what was coming next, this guy was massive surprise. - I had a five, for being a man of many faces, fair enough. - G.O. what do you think? - I would have gave him a four, but the fact that he had to do a cutscene to catch his breath. - Yeah. - I give him a three. - And all he did was head. - I shaved his head in between. - Dan St. Germain. - I thought he had the best tits of the three. - He did definitely. - So I've got to, you know, I've got to give him a five. - Wow. - Five from him. - Yeah. - I know, I really like him. - How many more are there? - One more for this. - Okay. - Pony's really fucking good. - No, no. Because I didn't know, you know, I want to-- - One more, yeah. - We're sending a bar for sure. - She wants to plan what river to drive into. - Yeah. - I know. - My vote here really probably matters. Steve gave a zero, J gave a one. - I want to give a five, a perfect score. - Perfect, perfection. - Guys, I got to give a five. - It could be better. - No notes. - Out of all the cards I saw. - I thought that Hans is the best talent so far. I'm going to give him a 4.25. - Wow. - 1.25. He put his life on the line for the competition. Simply doing one rep of any exercise might kill that, maybe. - Yeah, I agree with you. Scary. - I mean, he put the suspenders on. That's enough for me. - Yeah. - Let's go to our final talent, which is going to be James. - Okay. Okay, pause it. You dumbass, you have a real talent. - Wow, hang on, you dumbass. - Yeah, man, you know what I was talking about. Hold on. - I wish he was playing with his tits. - Hold on, man, bang on the tits. - We don't know what that's going to happen. - He knows the tits. - He knows the tits challenge. - If he does, hold on, I'll tell you right now. If he does Bongo tits, the man's going to skate fast. - Yeah, I'm giving him a five. Bongo tits gets a five for me. - Very positive. If he plays an arithmic song with tits. - On his tits, or if he uses his tits to hit the bongo? - No, it's either one. - Oh, really? Okay, I was going to say straight to the bongo. - And he does. - One of these. - Okay, that's a full-time muppet move. You know, if he does it, I'm excited. - I'll give extra points if he bongos from under the tits. - Well, let's see. - Yeah. (crowd cheering) - Wow. - And. - Yeah. - Bongo tits. - Yeah. - Oh! - Oh! - Have you? - Oh! - Wow. - Nice tits. - Oh, Paula, we have liftoffs. - Oh, my God. - My goodness. - My goodness. - And those are great tits. - Tits. - Tits. - Tits. - Tits. - Tits. - Tits. - Tits. - Tits. - I'm going to call this guy. I'm going to call this guy Neo Perky. - Yeah. - Snap it. - And on the seventh day, God rested. I'm going to call him Titi Puente. (crowd cheering) ♪ In the jungle ♪ ♪ The mighty jungle ♪ ♪ The lion sleeps tonight ♪ - Oh, we know it. - Oh, we know it. - Oh, we know it. ♪ We know it, we know it ♪ ♪ We know it, we know it ♪ ♪ We know it, we know it ♪ ♪ We know it ♪ - Whoa! - Yeah! - Oh! - Next one points. ♪ We know it ♪ - Yeah! - Yeah! - Yeah! (crowd cheering) - Oh! - Yeah! - Yeah! - Yeah! - Yeah! - Yeah! - Yeah! - Yeah! - And you can see that he loves it, you know? - Yeah! - Oh, and I can't, and somebody at Skankfest, it's more talented than me. I refuse. (crowd cheering) - This is crazy. - Exactly. - He's incredible. (crowd cheering) - This guy's fucking. (crowd cheering) - Oh my God, that's something, I mean, we have to whittle down the two, but I mean. - Just give your score. The score is? - Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I mean, do you want to start first, Steve? - Is that it? - That's it, yeah. - That's it. - Well, let him finish. - Should we get that fucking flourish? - Sure, sure. - There's more. (upbeat music) - Oh, thanks a lot. (upbeat music) (crowd cheering) - Yeah! - Yeah! - Yeah! - Whoa! (crowd cheering) - Yeah! (crowd cheering) - Oh, dear, you almost were on this with that G-Mike. (crowd cheering) - A for effort right there. - Steve, what do you think of it? - Yeah, look, you know what, I love my poet guy, but this was unbelievable. This was more than anyone can ask for. I'm gonna have to give it a five. - Wow. - Five for Steve. (crowd cheering) - They are glorious fits. - Big J. - Easy for me, that was crazy titt talent. Five out of five for Steve. - Wow, beautiful. (crowd cheering) - I'll tell you right now, I wish I could give it six, but I can't, so I have to give it five. That guy, I was in, it was perfect. It was better than perfect somehow. - I'm with Lewis, I gotta give it a five, it would be a six. - Wow. (crowd cheering) - Give it to your friends, dude. I love titties, I love drums. - Perfect five for titties, one down, perfect five. (crowd cheering) - Bond and Farley. - I say five. - Five. (crowd cheering) - Big down, perfect score. He's got a perfect score. (crowd cheering) - Swoops. - Double points. - Run, believe it. - Run, yeah. (laughter) - Shit. - Dan also has got a story to watch. - I'm telling people, we just get to know each other. - That's how you get to know each other. - I'm gonna say yeah. - So, let's go with our score, Talley's, Alex, G Mike, the dirges are working hard right now, doing simple math. (laughter) They have calculators. - I can do it in my head right now. - The results are in. (laughter) - Hans was in last place with 15.25. - Well, that's ridiculous. - Hans, that's ridiculous. - The man wrote a poem, it had great lighting. - No, that's wrong. - No, no, no, no. (laughter) - Hans was going all the way. - Sorry. - His talent was surviving and shaving his head. - I didn't even know what the fuck I was. - His talent was surviving long enough to make a terrible haircut decision. (laughter) If he just wanted to die during that workout, we'd never would have seen that. (laughter) - Since we know James won, you want to do that first, and then it's between us. - Yeah, yeah, James was a spedient. - He's the drummer James won. Guys, he's coming to the next shot on the phone base. (applause) - Cover score. Talley's next week. - Perfect 30. Beautiful chance, beautiful talent. (laughter) - In third place. (laughter) - Was Anthony was 18.25 points. - Who's Anthony? - And which one is this? - Joe, if you want to fill it up. So this is the two, come on. - Can't say Joe made it. - Wow. - He's really late, heavy. You want to fucking it, guys? He's like, fuck, my draft, Kings. - Fuck. - Ladies and gentlemen, your finalist coming through for next week. Skateboards going to pick it's Joe. (applause) And James. (applause) - Wow. - I'm not happy about this. - Wow. I mean, I wish I could give them both Skatefests tickets. - Right now. Well. - I wish I had the power to do that. - So they've got to outdo each other next week. - Yeah. - Well, we're going to figure out what they have. - Titty fight. - What is going to be next week? Do we know what the finals are going to be? - No, it's at the end of the nipples and fight to the death. - It's like a dark night, yeah. - Yeah. - I think it's something more sensual than that. - Yeah, like get the lick their own tits. - I think suck your own tits. - Yeah. - Why? - Let's go. - You need to get those tickets. - You need to get them to get a, get a dildo. - See which one will cover the dildo like a titty fucking contest. - It's two, it's just, we're going on size. - Yeah, we'll bring them to a farm and have like a bunch of kids milk them. - You know what I mean? - Make it educational. - Maybe they can run across the field while people shoot them with BB guns and see you get some more hurt. - We'll see. - They're going to really be here? - No, they won't be here, but they'll be here in spirit. - Oh. - Well, one of them will be. - Five times Skatefests comes. - Yeah, we'll have to figure out what it's going to be, but I think it's going to be something more sensual next week. - I remember you guys mentioning wet t-shirt contest, so that could be part of it. - No, wet t-shirt contest would be very nice. - Something artful, Bonnie. - Sensual. - Sensual. - Yeah. - Tasteful. - Like tasteful nudity. - Yeah. - It's a power. - Have the magic shorts. - Jim outfits. - I'm just spitballing guys. - Don't make it slow. - I think we're all funnier than that. - I don't know. - I don't know. - I don't know. - I think we've been listening to the Legion of Skanks podcast with Big J.O.P.R.S.A. - Did you suck it? - I think I was dicksily suck it. - I think we've three scenes. - Let's be fucking over, Lewis. - The Legion of Skanks Podcasts. - The Legion of Skanks Podcasts.