D in Front of Ick w/ Usama Siddiquee - Episode 272

Sometimes I go to like at-risk youth events and I'll look around. I'm just like, "Man, they're too far gone, man." Let's get a new batch of kids in here. Bro, I used to tutor some of these kids, and I was like, "Bro, I don't know what you want me to do for a one hour a week. This kid is fucked up, man. He's done. This kid is done." I walk in, he's like, "I hate you." And I'm like, "Man, I don't know what to do for now." Especially because you got to swallow your pride, too, when you're like doing those type of activities. It's like some of these kids are going to talk to you crazy. Well, they're, I mean, phenomenally, destroying you, you know? And they're using jokes from, you know, fucking 2002, but it doesn't matter. 'Cause they got their friends, they got the whole crew with your ops. Yeah, everybody laughing, enhancing the length. Right, right, right. So they're like, "Hey, what up, 7-11?" And I was like, "Ah!" And you're like, "It's not even good." No, they call you 7-11? They call me the actual company, bro. Oh, they could. They could. We are their side, we are their side. They might have cooked. The whole, the whole friendship. I guess it's Milwaukee is still a good ass joke. I was calling someone 7-11. It was a brown guy. No, that's crazy. How do you listen to this fight? Don't know what's going on for it. Oh, yeah. Sorry, brother. Jump in. Oh, whoa. That's not what you're doing. Hello. Hey, the radio is for people who are driving. It's blocked. We can do this. I'll drive, bro. Hit them. I'm going to crash on these podcast. [MUSIC PLAYING] Anyway, welcome to the crash dummies episode 270. I'm always forgetting the episode. I think it's 272. 272. We got Usama with us. What's up, y'all? I apologize for jumping in with the story immediately in my back. No, that's how we usually start. We usually start very cold. I think I'll just do the live show stuff and try to insert it somewhere at some other point. Shameless plug on her own side. But how are you liking Milwaukee? I love Milwaukee, bro. I like-- I like a city that's got easy vibes. I live in New York, so whenever it's like traveling, I want to like a chiller place. So I like this energy is good. But it's very white, bro. Hey, wrong? Yeah. Well, I'm in Brookfield. Maybe that's what it is. I mean, it's like even here in Milwaukee, if you're not on the north side, it's pretty white. You get call it diverse. I love when people call places diverse, but it's just like less white people. Bro. OK, I will say, I say, yeah, this is a one-black guy named Tyrone. Yeah, and this place is really diverse. Yeah, you see one black guy at a best buy. You're like, no, we're really doing it out there. He's from Uganda. He's here for a green card. He's not diverse. He'll leave if you get. No, I feel like you all had the one diverse moment last summer. Who's that rapper with the white guy, with the glasses, who dances with him a lot? He's Milwaukee, guys. Oh, Tommy, Tommy, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think that was a nice moment. The Mayor Milwaukee. The Mayor Milwaukee. So I thought that that was the last Milwaukee thing that I was really into. OK, was that that change stuff around the world? I didn't know that was like a big impact on racism. We just liked it. Because none of us thought Milwaukee had any black people at all. So then like that one, the rapper, what's his name, the big Frank? Big Frank, big Frank, yeah. We were like, oh, a white guy and a black guy with best friends, good shit, Milwaukee, OK? So that was last thing that the New Yorkers knew about Milwaukee. Yeah, I can take you somewhere in Milwaukee. It'll change your whole perspective of this shit. Like some people are just shy, like my dad visited for the second time ever. And I've lived in the suburbs every time he's like, visit it. But this time, I was just like, let me show him like another side of Milwaukee took him through there. We actually was like on a street where the street was just so full of people that you couldn't even drive down it. Yeah, just all black people were just all hanging out. It's a block party. Yeah, just a black party. Yeah, 11 a.m. Oh, my God, bro. And my my neighborhood, too, it's like they'll, it's like, it's definitely legal. Some of the some of the blocks they do, they just take a fucking tundra and they put it in one end and they close up the other end and it's like, this is not safe. And if your car is stuck, you're just fucked. The day you fuck you and goodbye and here's the bounce house. Hang out in the bounce house until we're done. Where are you from from? I grew up it. Wait, whoa, whoa, no, no, no, no, that second from was intense. Yeah. Because it's like, you're from a place, but you're from from a Bangladeshi, okay, it's a Bengali. So I grew up in Dallas as a Bengali kid. Got it. That's a good song. You never take me to Bangladesh. Bangladesh. Yes. Oh, you saw that. Oh, we all cross pollinated our media, dude. Cross pollinated. Yeah. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. Boss. But what's your name being? Usama, right? Yeah. When do you realize your name was going to be very problematic? September 12th. What did you tell you? Well, what? No, because the reason I say that is that growing up, growing up, or giving me the Nigerian, they say I say, I'm from Nigeria every episode. Well, that's too long already. But, uh, well, Nigerians and Bengali are very connected. Yeah, very connected. Same. To be a doctor. Yeah. Is that a doctor? But being Nigerian and just being African in general, used to get bully for being African in school, right? Of course. But y'all took a lot of pressure off me. September 12th. Oh, my God. I mean, they took a lot of pressure off being black in America. Yeah. It was nice. I want to say it was nice. No, no. It must have been nice. It was nice to have, like, damn, like, I'm in the airport and everybody ain't looking at me. Yeah. They're looking at you. And then we became a little black and we're like, this just sucks. I don't want this at all. This is ass. Well, how was it? How was it? You sitting in a bar and then you'd be like, two white dudes come over and be like, what are you doing here, boy? And then you're like, ah. Can I see somebody that look like you behind me and be like, ah, what are you doing here? I'm out of here. I'm out of here. I'm out of here. I'm out of here. I'm out of here. You can't expect that. I'm out of here. shit on by racist and we have to figure out a way to get laid. My pushback on that is that for some reason when like white people didn't like back people still to this day, but they wanted to be next to us and they wanted to beat the shit out of us and they wanted to yeah like you said they wanted to the wives wanted to fuck the man and get him in trouble with stuff like that. White people was still scared of y'all. Maybe like across the street, get out of here. I'll take this one like Jack. [ Laughter ] Like, if you ran towards a white person back in the day, they'd like, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm afraid of a white man with a backpacks. - Oh, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. - Like, they got it. - Dude, dude. - It may not even call them terrorists, bro. - Like, these dudes, like, bro. - And they doing that weird spot. I saw like, "Well, there's one in Idaho or some shit." The dude did it at a drive-through. - Yeah. - He imagined if I was at Colvers and somebody pulled out a gun. - Yeah, it's over. - I'm not running and talking about order, first of all. (laughing) - Colvers good. - Yeah, good to know, man. - So y'all still doing orders, so y'all gotta let the fuck up, though. (laughing) (laughing) - Yeah, I mean, we still got the energy, 'cause once Mamdani comes in, there's a little bit of fear now, 'cause now they're like, "Oh, they're in. "They're in the fucking system." So New York definitely had like a Muslim scare when Mamdani was running. - That's when you see, like, that's like real old-school racism. - Yeah. - Like, do I appreciate racism? No, but I just like to see that old-school racism come back. Like, where it, where it's out? - Where they out, they can't hold it, because like this new hidden racism is so annoying, like, you'll be in an area, and you can tell someone's treating you different, but they're so smart, they treat you different in a way that, if you say something, you look crazy, but the old-school racism, just like as soon as a woman, or a minority of like, try to get a little bit power, and it's not in a favor, that's when you see that old-school, like-- - That thing. - Just fuck it, I hate you. (laughing) - Yes, that would happen a lot with Mika. You'll see him on a crowd sometimes, just like doing that headcock, the race is like, "I'm trying to figure out you boy." (laughing) And then you realize you're not in their world, like you're actually outside of their purview, and they hate that, they don't know what to do with you, because you're not white gazed up, you're not under his gaze. You don't do things for him at all, you're outside of him completely, and you're having a good life outside of him, and that he hates all of that. - I like that point. I think racism definitely has transformed. It used to be just like, if I don't like the color, or where you came from, I don't like you. Now it's like, there's been so many people, like there's people that look like you, look people that look like me, people that look like Mike, there's Nigerian here from Nigeria. (laughing) - Oh my God. - He's been here, he's been here. - He's been here, he's been here, he's been here. (laughing) - No, he's not bald. - No, he's not bald. - No, that's crazy. - That's because there's a lot of them in Dallas. - Yeah, that's all about that, man. - I dated Habeşah, I dated the Ethiopian, and I know all about the Africans, man, I'm a huge fan of him. - Hey. (laughing) - He seems ready to all work. I love what you're doing out there. I love the vagina. He loves it. African vagina, but the, but the, but the new racism is like, are you my, are you, are you for me? Are you? 'Cause you know, you go to Ann Arbor, I see so many brown people acting like, I want to say they're acting white, but it's just like, they looking at you crazy if you pull up, they looking at you, like, I'm a black dude, and I got, bro, and you thought that we're together, but they're like, no, I got the wins from them, so I must say with them, it's crazy, and also you'll see how, who they, who they platform in entertainment too. All the ones who make it are, you go to LA, see all the black actresses and the brown actresses and the actors, they're just like, you know, because they know that's how you, what you got to do to make it, and that's the ones that they love, they platform them, they give them the main roles, and the one who is too black, too brown, they got to do indie films, they got to do a lot of shit, yeah, he's the blackest actor on Toobie, making a fool of himself, and you're like, fuck, man, he should have been, you know, a better movie, but that's the thing. Like, how can I prove I'm a good actor if I'm on Toobie, and somebody just, somebody just shot me in the shoulder, and he's like, fuck you daddy, you know, like, work to LA, oh my god. Is that one Tay Diggs clip that's popping up right now? Yeah, I, I, I, I, I've never watched the full clip, I didn't watch all you got to watch it. I just saw the title and I didn't watch the full clip. Yeah, I don't know what, who Tay Diggs owes money to. It's a unique case with all these bad movies, because he was gambling too much, and he just, he, Tay Diggs is gambling problem, that thing that I, I've never heard anybody call Nick Cage, though, oh, Oh, Nicholas Cage, Nick, Nicholas Cage, fuck, I played Mortal Cobb at a lot. Yeah, that's right. It's Johnny Cage. Okay, Nick Cage, my mind, Nick Cage's house better. She sound like a shit, like a porn on it. Yeah, that's way cooler than what, my bad, that, my bad, Nick Cage, also I had a conversation. I was like, on FaceTime with my cousin, not to skip passes. I just don't want to let this leave my brain. I got a call on one of my cousins. I was on, like, group FaceTime with them, like, five other cousins, like, really, you know, you see who this going through memories. And for some reason, we got on the subject of porn, and we were like, they were just talking about porn. I said, we, they were, yeah, I'm trying to call them down, like, fellas, fellas, fellas. And my cousin goes, where's God in all this? I was not cheering time by God. Why are you gay? Why? But he was like, sometimes he searches up porn by the guy, because he, his excuse was, quote unquote, he'd be fucking a shit out, then bitches, and he make them show the true colors. And I was like, I don't know. That's pos like, like, pos, and he was trying to justify it, and he's like, he's like, I would say he's the toughest cousin, like, he's a cousin that was like, hilarious, legit, like, he would shoot somebody. So it's like, people give him grace, like, people don't just jump in and correct them and be like, whatever. But like, I'm the one that has that power, and I'm like, yo, everybody's just trying to gloss personally. Hold on. Well, you know how it's to it's like, you had to follow up words because it's, it's pa, it's not paused. Maybe just the name. Yeah. But if you like, the name, and then like, fucking them, or big, big, big smash, I feel like if your porn search has more than five, eight, five words in it, it's like, I know you, you try to get way too exact. You're on a punting plan. I'm in the corner. I don't know. I'm a Bella danger. Plus. I don't need bed. Plus. I don't like that statement because I'm a like, I'm a former porn addict, like, like from like 16 to 19, crazy. But I don't like that because there's been times I'll lose videos, like the internet's not like it is. No. Yeah. Like you can find your videos so easily. Whatever you want to search. Oh, accident. Good. But I'm telling you, back in the day, if you don't remember what color shirt she had on the video. No. No, cut. Like, where's the girl in the pink shirt? That's what I put. Who's mom put her out on the side of the street? No, back going through the first three seconds, not it, not it, not it, not it, not it, not it, not it. Right in the dick size on it. He landed a little tag that the tag descriptions, he did that. You can met him. Damn, how many times does this girl play the nurse? She was being typecast, look at you. She should have probably put her wings. She never graduated. Goddamn. Oh, my God. You're right. Genevieve Jolie was one. There was one nurse one. But it was in the summer. So he's also like sweaty. So I was like, I was typing Genevieve Jolie nurse summer. That's for him. That's for him. That's for him. That's for him. You're good. That's for him. You're good. That's for him. That's for him. That's for him. That's for him. That's for him. You're good. - No, you're stallion. - Two-y, two-y, oh my God. You'll type in, you'll type in pause into the search bar. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Listen, just so you know pause. - Whoa. - That's pretty vulnerable. Lowkey, I think that, you know, the fact that he said that means he'll be very comfortable, which all, as a family. - Oh, no, which is beautiful. - I forgot to say this. He's also homophobic. (laughs) - Ain't right, that ain't right. - No, he's not right. No, he's still like, he's very like old school, like. - Yeah. - No, we don't say it. - But he's gonna play that shit. - He's also old school enough, like he's older, like he's older cousin, he doesn't say pause either. - Oh, yeah. - Like, pause? - Whoa. - Pause is demon, like he says is gay. - It's the, it's the gateway to a gay. - Yeah. - Yeah. - He's like, don't bring that shit over here. If I said I wanted to suck on something, I don't need it. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Oh, man, man. Yeah, the old school, I had to roommate Clarence when I first came to New York, man, this guy was the oldest school. He did, I was gay, 'cause I was just like, I had earrings and I was just, I was like a skinny, he thought skinny was gay. - Yeah. - 'Cause he was like a bill-ass dude and then I feel like he was gay, low-key. I remember he would bring in some people in late night, 3 a.m. And I was like, this sounds like dudes fucking. - Yeah, 'cause I was, I was poor. - I was poor. - You can't get gay, can't get gay. - I was like, pause, pause, pause. - And listen, no, you gotta explain that. - I'm fine. - Well, I'll tell you all the other way. - Okay, go ahead. - So I lived in a room in Bushwick, my first game of New York, no money, right? It was just a sub lease, I paid 500. And the dude that was, got my money, he lived there before. He was just older fucking big ass, black dude. And I was like, okay, whatever, fucking. And he was just like, he's like, you gay man? And I was like, no, bro, I'm so poor, I had no orientation. I got no, no, nobody in my life. He's like, no, I'm straight, man, he's like, hey, hey, man. But he was so concerned with that, I was like, that was weird. I never saw him, I never really, I'll get money to him every month. Then he was fucking a lot. It was our shape was the same wall, right? So I wouldn't think any of it. I was like, this guy's fucking had phones, right? But then sometime, bro, 4 a.m., you'd be like two types of grunts. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, like a soprano, like a tenor. We doing a bumbershop quartet in there. Why does it sound like a, why does it sound like an Oklahoma dream? He's playing the Nick Cannonball. And so I was like, I think you get, and you know, you don't wanna hear too much 'cause there's a certain moment where you're like, no, no, I'm just tearing two guys up. Look at some. I would put the guy put back on his life, his life. But I had a feeling he would reserve like real late night shit, because I'd only hear the two grunt type shit when he was 4 a.m., 5 a.m., so he must be really bringing him in like late night, nobody's gonna know. And then one day, he locked me out of the place because he was not using my money to pay the rent. And so I had to climb up the side of my house to get my shit, put my needle fully glass and my needle opened up, the full meat opened up, pause, fuck. And then I saw bone in the, and then I, he was just copying the cops and he was fucking, and then I had to go hobble to the emergency room. It was a crazy day. Oh my God. That's so crazy. That's a wild stuff. Bye bye. I skipped a couple of parts. But no, you did have to explain how you know what gay sex sounds like, I'm sorry. Man, you're the gay police man, you always making sure you know, I just, I just wanna make sure like when people explain like, you know, when A2, like, oh, yeah, I heard it was gay sex, like, no, you got to, same wallet, I'm like, wait a minute. I was, I was a detective. That place is not big enough to play tennis. Oh. Yeah. We're gonna take a quick break from today's podcast to thank today's sponsor, GLD, Bella Summers still here from Festival season, Beast Trist, Pull Parties, Weddings, you name it. 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Type in crash dummies under podcasts when you sign up. It'll really help the show. Mandatory disclaimers. One, Ernie is a financial technology company, not a bank. Two, access limits are based on your Ernie's and risk factors. Standard cash hours take one to two business days with no mandatory fees. Three, Expo diet transfers available for fee, tips on voluntary, and don't affect the service. And four, available in selects, takes terms and restrictions applied. Visit urnin.com for full details. Now, back to the podcast. Well, yeah, saying Netflix. You are on Netflix, Kevin Hart's "Funniest Fox." Yeah, yeah. You run it up, too. But I always think that for me, it always seemed like a lot of these shows. The people that come runner up, always kind of like, their careers are still going well as well. Yeah, American Idol. Yeah, American Idol. American Idol is a perfect example. You know, Clay again, everybody was second runner up. I think what's from Jennifer Hudson was a second place, I think. Loki. Yeah, I think so. I mean, yeah. You're right. Well, how has life been kind of like after the show now? Because obviously you're on tour now. It's crazy, bro. It really was crazy. Because before, I was selling what, like, 30% a weekend. Right. 40 if I'm hustling. Yeah. Until February. Oh, fine. So it's blessings. It's really, it's like been in the game. What, 14 years now? Do a comedy. So it's like, it's a good time to get it because it's just been hustling forever. And you know, in comedy, it takes forever to get good, takes forever to people to want to see you. So when it happened, I, we didn't know it was going to be big. We were just seeing a real time. Like, oh, this is top 10 for a while. Oh, she was staying and up 10. So it is lightning strike a little bit. And it's not lost to me how crazy this is, how much attention's coming my way. But I'm also like 30s. So I'm not overtaken. Yeah. If I was 25, I'd be really deep in just like the ego of it all and the, oh, man, we say that all the time. Yeah. All the time. Oh, right. Y'all are younger. If there was 25 of you, if I was 25 of you walking there, they'd be women everywhere. What the world? Like, oh, my god. Hi. Welcome. I'd bring a bossy of this. Can I sit here? Is that water? It's water is laid out, longs they don't take bubbles. Female attention is coming. But now I have the age to be like, this is all dangerous. You can feel the devil re in it. No, you can see the horns. Yeah. Because they're trying to consume. They're not trying to build. They're trying to consume you a little bit. And sometimes you're down to be consumed, looking, right? And you're like, it's all good. Yeah. You can bite. But as, as you go. So you're at meet and greet with no greet? You know, anyone talk about anything, getting on podcast, the long person sees it. And then it puts on my life. Yeah, yeah. I'm a virgin. Yes. I'm going to brown. I'm 7-11 virgin. That's okay. For all the tends to purposely. But going up with immigrant parents, how did it go from like, you're Nigerian, right? Yes. Okay. But how do you go from like, you're ruining your life to tell them telling everybody that they raised you? You know this. You know this, bro. It's the, I was a doctor kid. I was going to be in Texas. I got into med school. I was in my. Oh, you got into med school? Yeah. Oh, god damn. Then I, you can check out for a year. Yeah. What about you two, bitch? Yeah, that's true. Dude, I was a, I was a, the med school track. I got in. Parents were elated. I didn't have any secretly on the side because I was like, I really want this life. But I was too scared to want it. So I deferred for you. You know, if you get into med school, if you have a family issue, that's deep. That's deep enough. You can write to them, be like, hey, I know I got in. What can I defer for a year so I can help my family, whatever. Right? So my mom had this like bunion or something on her foot. I turned it into like polio or something. I made it into something horrific, right? And they were like, whoa, all the time you need no worries. So I made it into this big thing so that I was able to have a year to just like, think. Let me just fucking figure out if I want to do comedy or not. So I was in Dallas, hustling, starting there, doing the shit. And then my, when I told my parents, it was a day before I was leaving to New York. So I was like, hey, by the way, I'm not going to do medicine. I'm going to do comedy, right? And you're just fucking explosion. My mom was throwing shit. My dad with the single, you know, the dad tier, right? All that. They didn't talk me for years. They were very, very upset, the very heartbroken, get out of here, conditional shit. But then once, what happens, what happens, like a couple of aunties start seeing your shit. They come to your mom. Like, yeah, it's all here, man. And they're like, oh, god, no. And now it's so much support. And it's like, maybe it's too much, you know, so before it's like, you're out of my house. And now it's like, listen, me and my friends, we're going to see a show. You come to other house, 2 PM, me and 3 friends, our set, you're coming, you know? And so it's like, now it's, it's too much. So I was like, they don't know how to never be normal. Yeah. I'm proud of you. Good job. It's always like, get out or I have enough his number. I found it. We're going to call her. I always say because my dad doesn't like, my dad still doesn't truly understand what we do. Yeah. So I was like, interesting because like he'll be like, Michael, your uncle said that he saw you on TikTok, like, so good job. Yeah. I have the same like poetic than that you're in poetry. Very, very, very hilarious. Where you're like, you're dumb. You and we's dumb. I never in the same way. I love that. I know. Because that year is very literal. Yeah, yeah. It's just like, yes. Like, yeah, useless. Yeah, useless boy. It's like, okay. They always say shit, they really hit their core. No, useless. Crazy. Yeah. Yeah. He was like, damn. I just got your remote yesterday. My mom, FaceTime. First thing. You fact, no. It's not good. You're the face. It's like that. Yeah. Boom. Very straightforward. Especially if like the other, one of your people, your age, people, that they're the same ages you are doing better than you in the sense. Of course, bro. Yeah. Like, your cousin, your cousin, John, is a medical school. Yeah. I think, you know, being compared, that's why all my cousins, they sell drugs. I'll see. As soon as I stand through to a college campus, they, like, that's a chosen one right there. And you understand, but I'm just on drugs, but I'm on a college. I want to college. I want to college drugs. Look who they sell into. Look it. They spoil the community. He don't know why right now, my customers, my customers, where's your customer? My customer, my customer's got family's jobs. My dad, my dad has like been in tune since day one and he watches every single episode and his dope because like, he gets to hit me up and be like, man, that episode was great. That episode blah, blah, blah, but it like when we're out in public, like my dad, like, he takes over. Uh-huh. Like, I'll just see him in the corner and I have his phone and I can see like crash on his podcast. And he's showing five people and he's pointing back at me. You're like, come over here. They say they know you. Yeah, just just. Oh, yeah. That's cute. Let's give her a hug. Yeah. That's what my mom is. That now they concern that you're not being respectful. Yeah. So my mom is like, you better fucking respect everybody. My mom is ashamed if the cleaners at the hotel, I got to clean the room. Yeah. She ashamed. So we got to fully leave the hotel. We always like, we have to clean the place. Yeah. Because what happens if they clean? That is a shame or not. So it's like, kind of like that. Now you represent in me, uh, you better be fucking nice. Exactly. They try to make sure they do. They try to pair because they miss some spots. And you tell me that without you, like, you never took that immigrant parents will always put you in the most awkward situations, too, because they'll FaceTime you or video call you, what's up? You, right? And they'll be with, like, they're your old family friends, like, you know, auntie Jovita is here right now. Say hi to her. She's just, you know, like, and you saw this bitch once you were free. You're like, I just like, the conversation is always very dry. It's like, how are you? I'm like, I'm good. How are you being good? Good. Good. And then they'll still keep the, cause especially like if I'm with my mom, they'll keep the, the phone in your face. They'll never know when to move the camera. Like, bro, all right. You have a good one. And then you're the interesting word. Three years later, you got to bring on Jovita something. Yeah. When you go to Nigeria, you're like, on Jovita wants to tread me. Yeah. You're going to find that way to bring it down. I don't know. I don't want to sit there. Yeah. The worst is, the worst is finding out information during that time that you're being introducing that person. Yeah. Yeah. My dad and FaceTime, he'd be like, yo, this was your auntie that took care of me when I was in jail. What's the jail? Wait, I was just looking for your mom and left and was fucking the other dude like, whoa, whoa. What I have to do? Yeah. So you know the Uncle John. It's not really a Uncle John. That's a dude your mom will smug it. That's so true, man. My mom is, she's for the girl. You know, whatever you gotta do, it's for the girls. Like, they better like me. Now, I remember thinking one dude was my uncle and tell, like, I had a bad dream, and I was in a liberal and I was just, like, hyperventling. He's just, like, my first dream of me getting killed. And, like, he was there, and he was, like, you good? You good? I'm, like, man, uncle Johnny, you always-- oh, right, wait a minute. It's two a-a-a-bitch. Why in a way? What the fuck? Why are you sweating? You're my son, do you want it? I don't know. You got my son. You got all my skies, all the signs. No, oh, my god, dude. I've been with some married, little girls, you know. And, like, you know, after you fuck, you gotta, like, walk. Maybe you gotta go thirsty, so you gotta in the house. And you start seeing, like, the signs that this is not a place to hang out. And the kids stuff. There's tricycles. And then, Lord knows what happened. I don't remember happening to me, but if they come out, now you just have to fucking do it. No, and I be correct. And that was just indelible in their-- in their head. Yeah, I could never do-- I've never been in a situation where, like, somebody is, like, recently divorced, or they got a family. Because I'd be so afraid, like, this dude still has a key hurts on that. Man, that's my biggest fear of him. You know, we're different. Like, back in the day, when I was, I mean, really? Because that was not cool in high school. So I was like, any opportunity to fuck. I was, like, going for it. Because once I got the ability to, like, the juice or whatever, then I was like, I got to undo my past of being lame as fuck. So I was-- I never had any issues with anything. No, that's true, too. I used to do anything. Like, if there was any sign that I could have sex in high school, I didn't give a fuck what I had to do. Related? We'll think about it later. [LAUGHTER] Whoa. You said anything, you said anything. You said anything. Because that isn't that bad. You in the back of the family, so you saying, just go untie. You take it off your shirt. No, let me get one before I take off my shirt. Look at it so long. So your mom is my mom's sister. That's not good. When you start drawing, you have to draw the trip. The family tree. To explain it, so you take your nose and shit like-- Oh, no. So hold on, hold on, hold on, look at this family tree. You draw the one line. You trying to convince her? Look, your great granddad was white. It's like, it's like hitting figures. But like, it was proposing. It was like, you know what I mean, you know what I mean? You got like arcs. Let's just wear a kind of jacket. Yeah, you take it off immediately. Oh my god, that jacket. And it's not the reunion. You still wear it, yeah. Not. Bro, that's not it. No, y'all, y'all taking off the same reunion shirt is crazy. [LAUGHTER] You know, she had the white one on, bro. It's here, dead grandmas face on it, man. That's right, man. You came on the dead grandmas face. She died, okay. Once she died, I shit over with it. Yeah, you know what I mean. She wanted me to be out there. We ain't got no lie, don't you? I ain't dead to good, dad. Yeah, you see, it's like racing and shit. It's like, she proud of me, because she wants me to have a good life, even in the family. Come on, don't you? Don't you want to be a Targaryen? They go crazy on that, man. No, they do. No, that's too crazy. They're doing some gnarly shit on that. I got to stop watching something. I'm like, and I'm a crazy guy who's down with all the shit. I'm just like, what are y'all doing? I kind of got lost on the house. I'm southern black lady. I'm like, this ain't right. No, I'm used to doing that in House of Dragons. I kind of got lost. No, no, no, no, no, no, I can't-- No, let's not do any spoilers, because House of Dragons still in season three. What's up? Like, this little like season one to two. Yeah. You know, season one had what we're talking about. You'd be right. I don't like spoilers. Yeah, I don't like spoilers. I'm not spoilers. Yeah. We're not going to do that. But the base of the House of Dragons-- They say we sported Odyssey, because we said Travis Scott wasn't the first scene. Yeah. He's not even part of that. Yeah, I'm like, bro, he was-- I'm talk show saying he wasn't the movie. No, I didn't like his acting. I thought his acting was kind of nice. He only had three lines. He was-- he had managed to be acid. No, I fuck with Travis Scott. And I fuck with what Christopher Nolan was trying to portray in how it matches at that time. No, no, it was cool. Shout out to Travis Scott, because usually you don't have time to go get popcorn. [LAUGHTER] And the second time I saw him, I'm like, oh, yeah. Here's the-- [LAUGHTER] Yeah. That's the fight they get in my three-second scene. All right. Not against rapper. Yeah. I was like, wait, because I was like, that's not Travis Scott. I whisper to my girlfriend. I'm like, if he comes on the screen again, I'm going to have a race. I swear to God. I've got a pee. That's a perfect time to go to-- Because there's a lot of movies. So you've got to pick your point, pick your point. I did one. Anyway, come back in the movies. He's still on the screen? Yeah. You know, I'm going to spoil that. I was going to say something for that. Watch out. Sorry. I had to stop. Oh, you almost spoiled it. Oh, I guess I spoiled it about something like, wait, he comes on the screen. I'll never lose it in your game. OK, no more spoilers. But even though the story's been fucking written, y'all just fucking complain about the fucking thing. It's only been 2,000 years. 2,000. Hello. Hello. Y'all the-- Hello. Hello. Oh my gosh. I can't believe I actually got on. I'm kind of crazy. Yeah. On the crowds of these podcasts, we were our boy Usama as well. What's up, bro? Whoops. What's up? What's up? I got a question for you. What's your dilemma? It is being a trans lesbian in the wonderful year of 2026. Whoa. Are you now all? But are you trying to let go of you, bro? Not exactly, bro. I said, what's up, bro? Like, what's up, like, bro? Yeah. You like it as a-- But we didn't know it. It's all voice. Yeah. I understand. I don't voice train. I don't sound feminine. I know. So it's OK. OK. But yes, I am trans. I'm a trans woman. OK. But you're also a lesbian. Yes. OK. Can you walk us through this? Yeah, I am confused. I mean, I support you, bro. We didn't, whatever. But like, I also don't know what trans lesbian means if I can get the description. It literally is just a trans woman who's a lesbian. So you like women? I do like women, yes. And only women. Only women. Oh, god. God, yeah. Wait, so you were a man before and you became a woman? Uh, let's one way to put it. OK, don't have-- As you put it, though, schoolless. OK. Yeah, I don't think the crazed homies have had like a trans person. No, that's what I'm going to learn. We're here to learn all of-- I've never met anyone like you. So it's just like, this is a new experience for all of us. Yeah. OK. We're open to learning. OK. OK. To learn. OK. I would say, at least for me, personally, yeah, like my trans experience is I used to be-- I was born a man. I used to be a boy. I would no longer call myself that. Several experiences that I've gone through sort of disconnected me from the male experience. I never felt like a man. I never really felt that masculine. Something's happened. And yeah, like, I sort of just found out, like, yeah, like I'm a trans woman. OK. Yeah, I've heard of that journey before. That's something I've seen and I've read about. So I've definitely seen that before. I think the lesbian part is what we need the explanation from. OK. Why? What's difficult to understand about that? No, I think I get it now. No, I get it. I get it. OK. But I just feel like-- So you're always attracted to women, then? Yeah. Got it. OK. So your attraction just didn't change. It was just that-- Well, OK. So like, there was a period in time when I thought I was, like, pansexual. Got it. That illusion quickly got broken after some experiences. So-- So how is it-- is dating difficult for you, then? Because if you're looking for-- Yeah. Women. Right. Very specific that are-- Yeah. Lesbian, and biologically, women. They're dating. So yeah, who do you date? Women. I'm not dating anyone right now on some corny shit. I'm dating myself. No, I'm not. No, I'm not. I've been there. I've been there. Oh, OK. OK. Sometimes two times a day, I get it myself. Sometimes three times a day, I get it myself. You me sexual. For now, for now. You look fat. Yeah, for now. For now. But no. So I mean, Lesbians are, at least in my experience, the biggest community of allies to Transwomen. Got it. There's a group of Transwomen who are-- there's a group of Lesbians who are transphobic. What we call terse. Oh, wait, I know this one. T-E-R-F, right? T-E-R-F. Trans exclusionary. Hold on. Come on. Radical feminist. Radical feminist. That's it, bro. Crazy. What's up, dude? That's a crazy fool. What's up on there, bro? You got to go-- You're so-- He has a-- He also cheated, though. What? He has a pocket on his shirt. And when you have a pocket on your shirt-- Hey. Bro. You can get extra thoughts. Whoa. It's giving turf behavior here. It's giving Patrick. Patrick, I'm not going to-- I'm not going to label you. Patrick, turf. [laughter] - Oh my god. - No, I'm kidding. No, I don't know what you're related to that. No, I'm all for you. - No, no, no, no. - I'm not not me neither. - No turf over here, only platinum on grass. (laughing) - Okay, all right. - Which grass not by the way? - She's trans. - Hmm. - Grass. (laughing) - Okay. - All right. - We love you, bro. I mean, it's really all, all, all, we, I hope you have fun. - No, no, no, no, no. I hope you have fun. - I'm really happy. - I'm happy now, then. - Yeah. - And I hope truly we find happiness. Honestly, everyone deserves love in their life. And I know it's like, you're living truthfully, so that's always beautiful. And sometimes living truthfully makes it harder for people to accept you, because they got issues on their own shit. So, I'm all love from here, man. And then back to the dating scene left for you, then. - Yeah, so I think my biggest problem is, just generally a lesbian problem, the lesbian community, at least over here in the Northeast, is very shy, there's a lot of tropes about how we behave ourselves in lesbian bars on dating apps, on this sort of stuff, that, like for example, I think we're very shy. Lesbians don't initiate, that's just something we're kind of adverse to. But particularly being like a trans lesbian, that trans woman moniker adds in like an extra layer of difficulty for sure, that often weeds out a decent number of people, because it's like, oh, like I'm not into that, blah, blah. So it's also another matter, yeah. - So like you say, like lesbians are like shy? Who, what like, in your area? - Yeah. - Oh, okay. - About a second. - I'm in New York. - Okay, you never met a, you never met a Wisconsin lesbian. They're not your deal, come on. They're gonna have a tunnel in a basketball in their hands. - And they'll be like, I'll ride you like a Harley. - What's going on baby? - Wisconsin lesbian is the best, man. - Yo, I'll keep that in mind for the next time I'm in Wisconsin. (laughing) - You've never come in here. You gotta be on the prowl. But no, I know this feeling good, because I know New York has a little bit of like that, they're a little bit left on a level that's kind of intense with their kind of up-throwing ass a little bit, and excuse the pun. But like the idea is like a lot of the smaller towns, lesbians and culture are way cooler. I know New York LA can be a little like hoidi-toidi. So I would maybe even suggest going to a smaller town where they have, you know, and try and maybe dating there a little bit. Maybe even go to Jersey truly. (laughing) - He's like, I'm not that desperate. (laughing) - Locke, I think smaller towns might have what you're vibe, 'cause you seem a little homely yourself energetically. - I seem a little what? - Like chill, like you're not into the fucking, you know. - Oh, homely, homely, homely. - Good energy. - Wait, wait, wait, wait, what did you think he said? - Lonely. - Oh my God. (laughing) - What, we are alone. (laughing) - Far. - I'm gonna be sexual, I'm gonna be sexual. - I got friends. - I got friends. - Me, me sexual, you're right. You're just me sexual or I know. - You're like, I appreciate the co. Oh, what's your thoughts on the Inus Cancer thing? - Call 'em Inus. (laughing) - I'll be the same name, right? - Inus Cancer. - Inus Cancer. - No, you know what? Disrespect them, like, disrespect them like that, 'cause he's mad, disrespect them. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I don't get a fucking name. - He's a whole dumb shit, no. Fuck him. - And he pushed the brunt, fuck him. - He pushed the brunt. - Yeah, yeah. - We don't play that shit. - Don't push me. - Wasn't he the one who got COVID? - No, that's what, that's what he go back to. - Yeah, yeah. - What he go back to. (laughing) - I'm gonna die. - I'm gonna die. - I have really, I have, you have a good one. - Much love, man. - Thank you. - Inus Cancer, Rudy, go back. (laughing) - He was going off. - Hey. - Why the fuck are you laughing? (laughing) - This is it. - This is it, this is it. - Inside joke over here, Bucco. - You don't know what's going on. - I thought it was a comedy podcast. - No, you're good, my phone, really, my phone. - We got our boy Usama here with us. What's up, bro? - Wait, who there? - Don't worry about it, bro. - What happened guys? - You'll see when you see the clip, bro. What's your dilemma? - Is he black? I'm just wondering. - Hey, yeah, I'm black. - All right. - So it's all good. - All right. (laughing) - I'm a black dude, I'm a black all right. - What's your dilemma? - So like, if I were like an NBA or like NFL Hall of Famer, and like my nephew or some like wants to wear my retired Jersey number, is it okay if I tell him no if he sucks? - Whoa. - That's y'all. - How close are you to this nephew? 'Cause I feel like, let's say even if you are close, you know what I'm saying? Like, I think Kim Hardaway, Jr. - Is he? - Is he hypothetically making himself a Hall of Famer? - Yes. - And then giving himself another hypothetical that his nephew will want to wear his Jersey. That's how good are you? Maybe your nephew wouldn't help the Jersey area. - My name in the rafters, bro. I don't need you more help. - What college is your nephew going to? What the fuck are we talking about? - You're not about to make us, no, you're asking us a fucking hypothetical, did you insert another hypothetical? - Do you have siblings? - Yeah, I got some ones. - Do they have kids? - Not yet. - So you made up that, you don't even know if you're having a nephew. - Oh, wait a sec, he's not even a person yet. - Bro, as a black man, I gotta say. - You cannot be making big kids. That's already scared of me. (laughing) - But okay, I think you're more of your gripes with people that it's the real Hall of Famers that are actually happening. So I think he put a name on who you're actually talking about and who you think shouldn't get their retired number. - I think it was on the heat, right? Like, you know Tim Hardaway's senior, I think his numbers number 10 on the heat is retired. - Yeah, but that's the one. - So Tim Hardaway got traded to the heat. - That's Tim Hardaway, this should be Tim Hardaway's called me. (laughing) - It's a hypothetical. - Okay, what's the message to Tim Hardaway, bro? - Y'all gonna get called me, what are you talking about? - Y'all gonna be asking you. - What's your message to Tim Hardaway? So he might hear this. - If you name your son with the same name as you and then you say you can't weigh your number, that's crazy. - I think it's if it's your son, that's a different level than nephew too. - So the man with no kids and nephews, come on man. (laughing) - You named him Hardaway junior, but you can't weigh your number? - What's your name? I'm sorry, I don't wanna know your name. Do you have the same name as your dad? - No. - No, he's Nigerian, I can hear it. (laughing) - That's crazy, man. - Are you Nigerian or yes or no? - Right, exactly. - Mike's not doing it too though. - And your evil too. - How you know that? - You can hear it, bro. - What the hell? - Come on, bro. - All right, bro. - What are you doing? - He's a Jolof rice coming out of his mouth. - No, it definitely was. You have a good one, bro. Hello? - Hello. - Welcome to "Crashing Me" spot cast. - Oh shit. Hey, what's up? - Well, so funny. - I'm just, (laughing) nothing, nothing. - We trying to laugh too though. - She's high. - Bro. - What is going on? (laughing) - You're high enough. - Hello, welcome to "Crashing Me". - No, I'm not high, I'm not high. - I'm just, I just can't believe you all call me, but continue. - Okay. - So you kind of freaking out. - I want to be cursed out by Pat. I'm sorry. - Oh my god. - I didn't even say anything. - Try to be on that aggressive shit sometimes. But we do have our friend Usama here as well. What's up? - Oh, okay. What's up, what's up? - All right, I got that question for you. What's your dilemma? - I'm very sorry. - People are so annoyed when I'm on it. - They always are. (laughing) - I'm sorry. They say, "You said Usama." - I was like, "Wait, what?" - No, go ahead, go ahead. - Oh, she's so nervous. - Okay. My dilemma is that I'm engaged and I'm starting to have doubts about getting married. - Hmm, meatlittle. - Sweet. - Okay. - What are some of your concerns? - I'm just starting to not be attracted to him anymore. - Oh, how long have I been together? - Four years. - Oh, that's the key. - Is it like a physical attraction thing that's happening? - Yeah, I'm just starting to get the ache a lot, like. - What's he doing? That's icky. - My god, don't like the way he dressed. - Oh, yeah. - I don't like, like, I don't, I just feel like he's becoming too comfortable. And now that we like engaged, I feel like it's just gonna stay the same. - How old are you? How old are you? - I'm 25. - Okay, how old is he? - 26. - Okay, how long you did your date before you got engaged? - Like four and a half years? - Four and a half years. So you didn't think he was icky. The whole four and a half years and two you got engaged. And then you, what about, so like, what did he dress like four and a half years ago? - I don't know. - That's funny. - I mean, the same, but like, for four years, I've been telling him to like, get better. And now I'm like, I don't know what else to say. - So what else, what, like, what else on the attractiveness thing, like the gain? way. You don't like the way his hair is. Yeah, I don't like the way his hair is like. Are you talking about these things? Yeah, I have, I have talked to him and I feel like you'll listen, but then you'll just be like, I'll shoot you. We hear for the long run. So who cares? Oh, he like, you got that smoke attitude like you're not going to wear it. Yeah. And you like, I can't go somewhere. Have you expressed to him that you're starting to lose that traction, not just the individual concerns? No, I'm not trying to ruin my chance of getting married, like with that. Oh, there it is. Wow. This is going to crash and burn. She just want to want to make a little like red pillars. You got to bang the neighbor. You're going to bang the neighbor in two years or less. So are you? Are you? Wait, wait. I know. You already you already have a neighbor in mind. I know. I know. I'm not like that. I don't want to be like my dad, bro, too. Oh, yes. I was always saying you already. I'm saying you blow it. He's the only one that's going to die. The mother of the neighbor will move in with acid wash jeans. No, but I mean, he's not on that sparkly sheet. He's not on the, he ain't, he ain't, I don't know like, but that's what I was saying. I was saying like, so he gave you the egg, but not that much. Yeah, girl. Yeah, yeah, girl, please. I need to try to answer. Any who, um, so why don't you just call off the, I guess the wedding? Girl, I mean to do. Oh, shit. You already got deposits like we are. It's just no, but it's going to be even worse. Like, you know, divorce is super expensive. Yeah, but, you know, he got money too. Oh, okay. Oh, so he paid, does he pay all your bills? Yeah. Oh, man, the goal of having an egg, the goal of having it, it's our style to mix with the goal. You can't even afford an egg. His egg is maybe just fucking he has all no money, but he working through his eggs of your poverty. What? No, no, we joke, we joke. No, no, no, you got a job, though, right? I'm guessing you got a career. Oh, yeah. What's your job? I'm finding it. Oh, okay. Okay. She got employed too. You better marry this guy. You better suck his dick. Like there's no other thing in the world, you see what I'm coming from. No, like, please put a D in front of you. He's making me talk like that. I usually don't. Listen, you you can do anything you want. I would say that don't waste this time. Don't, don't waste this time. But I think I think your biggest because every time we bring you a concern about, you know, you marrying the wrong person, you come back to us with some type of financial solution. And that's why you're staying. So I think you need to get yourself together financially. That way you can make a conscious decision because it sounds like, you know, it's up in the air because you know, you'll see your life will be four one K four x, what you like to do. Let's get you on the right track. Like, what do you like to do? Like, what do you think you can make money doing something you got telling me? I mean, I got a college degree. So what's your degree? What's your major business? In general. You're right behind it. I thought you got a major in business type shit. I'm not going to lie, baby girl. You might have to marry him. I was hoping she said, I got a major in hospitality. We got to send you back to college. We need that tuition money. You better stay with him. A major in neck. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Oh, man. No, but I think I don't think you're in a financial position to have the conversation that you're trying to have right now because where would you go if like everything ended today? I'm not in a financial. No, no, can I ask you this question? If he came home today and to say, I heard you don't crash on each podcast. Get the hell out of my house. What would you say? I would say, okay, and figure it out. I'm a, I'm a G. I can figure it out. What are you going to lay? What are you going to live immediately? Like, where do you go that night? I mean, I'm going to my friend's house or hotel. It's not like I'm broke. I got money. Yeah, yeah, but like how long do you think like what's the next step at that? Put my life back together and get a job. I know, but what I'm saying is like, you don't have like the future. If you didn't marry with him, you don't know what's going to happen and you don't know like the future of like, if you leave, you don't know what's going to happen. So you don't know the future of either. So you got to think of one plan. You guys caught it. We'll just get married. How long we got? I'm not, I'm not releasing that day. The date is very look cool. That's smart by you. Very smart. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, that is this year, is this year. It's all right. Listen, you, you in a tough place for real. It's hard to get left together in less than a year. You're going to get married to this guy. It's probably going to happen. You're probably, I think we both, we all know. I mean, everybody have their doubts and you know, yeah, that's true. This could just be pretty wedding dowels. Yeah, you could be getting cold feet. Yeah. Yeah. Now, cold feet and then time. Right. It's like, where I'm like, I'm not set up like that. So I think I think you, I think you love him because you was with him for four and a half years. So there's definitely some love there. I think you need to find a different approach in telling him about your ex, whatever you're doing now working. Yeah, yeah, because if it's past aggressive and yeah, yeah, yeah. When he gives you like some, you know, the shopping money, maybe buy him the jeans and the clothes that you kind of want to see him in. Oh, damn. Or maybe the registry, the marriage. Like, hey, can anyone just buy us Sarah? Hey, why? Why? Why the registry only meant the clothes? No, no. But the thing is like, fashion guy, give me the egg. Like, you shouldn't be wearing the same jeans as me. Oh, my God. Why can I go into your closet and rug? Hey, let's thank him for taking you off the fucking march. Yeah. Come on. You're off. You're off. Get her off the street. I feel sorry for you. But fuck, bro. Oh, my God. Send your registry, bro. We got you. We got you, bro. Send you some of you views. Wait, because you have a registry like that. No, but I will send you some stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Just any registry. We got you. We got to be cap. Oh, okay. We swear. We never cap. You can ask anybody we ever worry. I got my ticket to come see y'all. What's up? What's the? I'm not telling that. I'm not. I know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If you listen to us, no, as soon as the ticket's dropped, bro, I got it. A staff. Well, his car. Well, his car is coming alone. She's coming alone. I know. I am coming alone. No, we got to what? We got to be careful with you at the meet and greet. Yeah. Yeah. Keep your hands to your side. Because you're like, I like those jeans. Yeah. You're like, oh, shit. I don't worry. Y'all know about you. I really don't know about you. Oh, she raised us too. Yeah. We got it. All right. All right. You have a good one. Bro, y'all service me. All right. Much love. Hello. Hello. What do you do? What do you do? I got a question for you, bro. What's your dilemma? Yes, sir. My dilemma is that toilet paper is not glove shaped. Holy paper is in glove shape. Okay. What are you having problems with the toilet paper we have now? I'm just I didn't think that the utility of a glove shape. See, I'm an inventor. I came up with this. I thought this would be a brilliant idea. Okay. I wouldn't have made lots of money on it, but I haven't executed it. It's okay. No, let's do it. What type of plight? This sounds poor as hell. You sound like you're deep and poverty. It's not like you want to reuse because you want this to be reusable. Who's that? Who's that? Oh, what's up, man? I'm with Sama. Oh, Sama. Yeah. What's up? Yeah. Something like that. Oh, my god. Go. No, he got he got to be middle Eastern. He got to be middle Eastern because he said who's Sama. He's like, no, no, this guy's Mexican for sure. Where are you from? North Africa. Oh, Eritrea, Egypt. But no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm North Africa. I'm Tunisia. Oh, Tunisia, bro. Tunisia. Okay. They they races up there. No, he said, but a lot of them like my friend, but yeah, it's more like we have no, we have we have some we have some black people. I sometimes like to my family, but they do, they do get a little races up there. But isn't races them everywhere. Yeah. Okay, but it's okay. So when you use this glove-shaped tissue, right, how are you taking it off your hand? No, no, understand my logic. So first you put it on like you're a surgeon. Boom, sterile. And then your big-ish finger, pinky, ring finger, middle finger, index finger, and then with the thumb. That's five wipes right there. Lip the glove inside out another time with the inside. What do you think you invent it as way? You don't think this is sterile as we do you think none of the shit that's on the finger is going to get on you when you take it out and put the other finger. Yeah. Are you, is do you getting on you when you're pulling out the toilet paper to fold it in half? No, do you wear a toilet? It's a teepee glove. So you take it, you take the doodle glove off. I'm also wiped inside out your wipe. Yeah, I'm wiping out. That's six wipes, six wipes in one. Three-ply. All right, this is Shark Tank, bro. I live through a tomato at you right now. I'm going to give you zero dollars for 100% of your company. I actually get you 10,000 if you don't ever say that. But if I get, but if I gave one you guys the glove to do a demonstration, you guys. No, no, no. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Love that. Yeah. No, you good. What up, bro? Crafts. Yeah. Good. What's good. Stupid. The area of different voice on the part is our boy, Usama with us today. All right. Are you doing, man? You say, Usama? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, shit. What's up, yeah? Are you doing, bro? Are we friends? Can I help now? Yeah, bro. I'm pretty fun. Who's going to ask the dilemma question? Uh, what's your dilemma, bro? All right. He's old. Oh, he's playing shots, bro. Get out the way, yo. How you be driving at night, you know, and it'd be full. All he is going to slingshot in a park of like five different color lights. All playing different types of music, music. Why is he listening to, why is he listening to a need a baker and he listening to Chinky? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of the train rides. That's the worst mashup of all time. Like, yes, and I'm drunk driving right now. I'm distracted. I don't need to be worried. Maybe all his that think they out, because they do got the ones that we try like to need a baker, but then you pull up at the stoplight. They're all here. Listen to the sex you read. You know, you know, you know the lyrics, too. You know, all the lyrics. They look like George Washington Carver. They're bouncing like me. They're missing a tank top two. What beaters? What beaters of shade? I love my favorite thing is seeing like a old head on the slingshots and they would have grown as way younger than always. Bro, you know, she's spending his money like a mother. Bro. She got the car in her pocket. Yeah, she's spending the cars say 401k on it. Oh, what's your message to the slingshot people then. Hey, man, hang up. Get out of here. Take put them back in the garage. We see y'all next summer. Next summer, come with some age appropriate music. Take the lights down. We see y'all without the lights. Yo, we see you, George. It's hilarious. I'll greener above, right? I'm going to hear that car go. I feel like the people that have slingshots don't really own them. I wish you're like that's a rental. Yeah, definitely. I want to hear old-school shit when they pull up. I want to hear no fucking, I want to hear no new ice man. I want to hear nothing. I want to hear. I know you. Freddie Ruff in the first one. The old music. The music do be banging in there too. Like they have the best speaker system. But sometimes it's not. It's an old slingshot. And then you hear the bass. You have an old slingshot. You want to look fly. Yeah, the cheapest slingshot. Bro, you got to spend money on the slingshot. Actually, I just want to play unique music. Yeah, I don't want to hear flow right now. Welcome to my show. That's a flow right now. You have a good one, man. Funny. Was a lie that your parents kind of told you, but then you kind of discovered as a kid that wasn't true. I was in my first was a. I didn't hear the question. The lie that your parents would always tell when you're a kid. And when you had that kind of like flashing moment when it's like, oh shit, they were always lying. And my moment was when my parents used to tell me that you know, it'd be like 730 and I'll be like, oh, can we go get something down? It was going to be like, no, they're closed. At that time, there was no real way of verifying that they were like actually closed. And then you start like going out and shit like you start to be outside by yourself and like 730. It's like, wait, y'all still open. It was a lie this whole time. And you can't do shit about it either. That's brutal because they don't want to eat my dolls. My mom didn't let me eat fast food as much as one of my parents divorced. It was like, well, I was over my calories as a kid with my dad's house. And then it was like back to normal when I'm at my mom. Then you're a kid and you're like, you fucked this because you want to eat like the creative. I mean, dude, my parents were very much anti-fast food. They're like, fuck you. We never any snacks in the house, bro. It was the draconian existence. It was like, I was an audience living. We were living like we're on a ship. We had rations. And I hated my house, man. Now go to my friend's house, bro, Oreos, fuck every fucking every, I'm like, what? We never had any loose snacks in the house, bro. Loose snacks is fucking no. That's how you know you're rich when the snack is loose. Like why is there five bag of chips right? And I was like, well, how do people do this? My house had like one Oreo that was like eight years old. And if you ate it, you died, you know. It's not cookie jar. That was just, you know, 90 years old. Yeah, I always envied like families that could keep snacks and not eat them in one day. No, no, Dennis. My parents hated new us to brothers. So we were just like, he's ravenous dudes. And so my mom was like, fuck all y'all. And she had secret. So that was the thing I noticed. My mom said she didn't have any snacks. I found her fucking stash in her room. Man, I should like find a gold mine. Brothers, she had like Oreo. She had her chips away. She had the jalapeno chip petal cooked. She had the fucking shit ice cream. She had a little fridge. Your first time tasting like some like jalapeno chips were like salt and vinegar. Cause like when I was growing up, it was like plain ladies. Yeah. Maybe you get some cheesy ladies. But your first time taking that step to like the salt and vinegar in a pickle which you're up to. This guy describing like the most hood existed. You don't for real. It's not what the suburbs, but like your life is. No, no, no, no, no. I live in a suburbs in Milwaukee. Oh, God, yeah, he's. Oh, I was like, can you say, oh my, this is a hood life. I was like, wait, you know, the first time you had pledge tools that were brand name. No, I just hate when the caviar is just a little odd. You never had your meat like walking or you. No, I just so embedded. Nobody. Dollar Tree has some caviar at one point. Oh, yeah, yeah, when they were having like the stakes there too. All the stakes. There's one bad. If you put it in some ramen and drink it in some house, you got a medium. Well, that you got a well done. That's like not a medium. You can't, you can't take a chance of that. Nobody do a fucking fire and bring it back up. Oh, going back to your question. My dad used to tell me, because you know, like high school parties, they used to end at midnight, end at like 1230. And every time I went, my dad would come give me like 1150, 1145. And we'd be in the car and I was like, oh, it was 15 minutes. It was 45 minutes. Well, I got a lease earlier. You're just like, nothing good happens after midnight. So, I was like, I had never been out like after midnight. And then my freshman year of college, I'm like, shit, like it's 1150. I'm getting antsy. Yeah. But then it's like, oh, shit. My dad hasn't even called me yet. It hasn't even made sure. So I'm partying. And then like, I had sex that night. And I like called them like right after I had sex. And I'm like, man, you a liar, bro. It's 1230 right now. That's so funny. So much banging happens because you just hang out a little extra. And the guy she wanted left, he was there. I'm like, I'm willing, I'm willing, I don't dare look at you. Volunteer, that's true to do ski meme like. And this is also about used to do. Yeah, again, in the past, even the long time ago. But, hey, South Asians, y'all were cooking too. And when you guys were kids too. 'Cause y'all had beards when y'all were in fourth grade. You know y'all used to cook. Y'all had beards, third grade, fourth grade. But look at that good-looking beard. It was like stringy, it looked like-- But y'all still had beards though. Dude, bro, y'all were cooking. We didn't think, bro, when we were going up, we didn't think any black just wanted any-- we looked it up to us in any direction at all. It was us to y'all, 'cause it was rap cultures. We loved y'all, we were like, y'all, the coolest. We didn't think anyone. The one black guy who called me cool when I was a kid was my dude, I was tutoring math. And he was a tutoring man, I told him-- Check out. I taught him, and he was like, man, you're cool. And I'm like, you know, ascending. But that's why it's interesting now. I got a lot of black people coming to my shows. I have to tell my kids self, it's like, no, it's the culture's move now, where black dudes can love brown shit, brown people can love black. White kids are like in brown shit. It's different now than it was back then where it was like, white culture, black culture, and you need to choose to be a fan of one. And everything else is like nothing. So it's a little different. OK. I don't know, as black people, like who we, like, with deem is cool, like culturally like that. Right, it would have to be-- I feel like it would have to be like Asians, maybe. Asians were very cool, could it? But not like-- not like that. That's very, very broad. Not like-- not like a black-- Yeah. Japanese culture is Japanese. We have Lakeland, Japan, like we had Japan exchange students. Dude, no, no. And then Wu-Tai clan, obviously, was big in Japanese. Yeah, yeah. So it was like just having like one of the, like, I had a couple of Lakeland, Japan kids be like, man, I like you, man, you, you're a good guy. And it's like, damn, that mean more than 1,000 white dudes in. You don't, bro, because you got to something that might not have been gotten to. Yeah. What do you all think of, like, Jay Sean, when he was coming out? I remember, he was like the first brown guy to pop up with a little wind song. I literally just heard of-- Just like you was cool. Was he, like, a brown-- No, he was dope, though. Was this-- was this song? Baby, baby, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down. And then, like, little wind had some verse, you know, down, like the temple. [INAUDIBLE] And he was on some lean heavy at the time, so. And she was going, she was all vows back then, man. I feel like you couldn't make a Wu-Tai clan now. No way. Because you owe me, like, black in nation. Just like being a group and then calling yourself a Wu-Tai clan with nobody's age in the name. [LAUGHTER] Like, they got away with that in the past. Obviously, because it's like the thing, but now, you wouldn't get away with that. Because sometimes you look back at, like, hip hop. And you see some of the songs. The one song I was looking back at, it was like the-- was the "Buster Rive" song. Yeah. [MUSIC - "Buster Rive"] But then sometimes, when you got Arcofina, who kind of got big off a black accent? I'm like, it kind of goes back and forth. Wait a minute. Is Gigi racist? No, because this is Gigi's one letter off of-- Oh, what's his-- what's his hit song? No, no, I'm saying the name itself. No, what is his-- What's his hit song? Right there. [LAUGHTER] Oh, fuck. You made me say that. No, it said it, I didn't say it. No, we watching you, Gigi. Low key. But about to have that G real quick. I feel like what you-- remember that Jeremy Lin had that one issue with the one-- I think I was the player who was hating on his dreads? Oh, it was Ken Yon Martin. Ken Yon Martin, right? And then Jeremy Lin was like, well, very classy. He was like, hey, man, I love black culture of you. I might be a poster growing up. The same way you have Asian characters on your arm. You know, we all-- And I think that it made it in. Like, Ken Yon Martin had the tattoo that didn't really make sense either. Wait, wait, wait. You never saw this? No, fuck that. Fuck that. Jeremy Lin had fucking dreads. Yeah, he did, dude. Yeah, he did. Yeah, he did. He was the whole thing. Yeah, man. Ken Yon Martin got on him. He's like, man, this guy taught me black. It's ain't right. And then Ken Yon Martin was like, I see the Asian characters on your arm. So we both out here doing the shit. No, no, no. But basically Jeremy Lin is saying, lowly, we're both stupid as shit. Yeah, we both. We both do it when he was on the Brooklyn. Oh, whoa. You don't remember that? I don't-- I didn't remember. He wasn't getting as much like playing time at that point, too. I don't think those are dreads, though. They're like braids, braids, yeah, yeah. I mean, people like-- When people do like fighting, they usually get their hair. If they have like straight hair, they'll just get it braided back, too. So-- But one of these did look like dress, though. Yeah. You got to get me, Martin, some flack, though. A Chinese symbol for a tattoo. Come on, now. Wait, wait. That's everybody. That's like the first tattoo that you think of. To me, it's respectful to the culture. Listen, I got the color red on my shit right now. This should say red, waffle. I don't give a fuck. Like, no, no. But that's the beauty of it. It's like, people go way too crazy about it for the 2018-2019, but it doesn't really matter. Yeah. I mean, now you can't get neck tattoos, though. Why? Because you don't see the trend of it. OK, no, no, no, no, no, no. Before you tell them, everybody just have them give us three things that you attach to on your neck. OK. And then we'll explain after. Fuck, OK. How are you sure? You got to attach to it right here on your neck. OK, I think it would be, if I was doing it, I think the letters down, like the Mexicans do this. I think the show loads, they got like the, you know, honor on the neck. OK. That's kind of cool. He got some honorable neck. Honorable neck. Honorable neck. Yeah. But that's the sponsor. No, it's the sponsor. But that's the thing with them. So everybody is out of this. So anytime anybody has like a neck tattoo, they always, like, they're really just named the item on their, though, the, the theme on their neck. Yeah. And just add neck. Oh. Like I always have to go. And it's like, go through. Yeah, go through. Yeah. So dude had a, a beehive on it. Oh, God. They call them the nectar collection. Yeah. That's super great. I got, so I have this neck tattoo right here. Like, but it's like a really small one. Yeah. And I have a cross on this side. Yeah. And I got this one. So it was like, protective throat. And then the cross, they're like, oh, you got, you got protective coat and bloodthroat. I'm like, bro, what the fuck? And my shit's not even like crazy. Bro, the first one was somebody had like a cross on their neck on their way. What would they say? I probably, I figured out the thing that would say, it was like Christ, like, it was prayer hand. Yeah. God, God, throat, throat, God, blessed, blessed, throat, God, down, bro. Yeah. Now the end of the fool you out of some shit, like other co-hosts, Carrie, she always gets on us, like the bedazzle, like shirt kind of face, even though I kind of been out that face a little bit. But I have like three, I have like three semi bedazzle shirts in my closet that I can't even wear anymore because I'm like, hey, bully me out of it. Bro, dude, I had this something really tight pants back in the day. Us too. And you see our thighs? Yeah. Y'all are huge. Look at how goofy we look. I was glad they bullied me. I got bullied. I'm just kidding, James. I appreciate that. Yeah, yeah. That was brutal. later, I'm sure. Well, whatever whatever black women say in fashion is law. Like that's like one person like because they also they can crack jokes. They can crack. So if you don't follow what they think, then they start saying like, it's fucking Sarah says something like I don't like your shirt. I shut off. The fuck up. You know what she said? I'm the best thing about you. How many times are you going to wear the black spaghetti shirts? And they go in packs before white girls in the blue jeans. In dirty white. But the person's Louis Vuitton. They love the person where they go off. They go crazy with the person. I will say anything learned about fashion was a black woman shitting on me. And anything about dating was a black woman shitting on me. When I first came to New York, first day of one of those was this lady in Mershita and I was walking on the street and she was like, oh man, I was like, what's going on? I'm 23, 24. I don't know anything. And she's like, why am I walking on the curbside? And I'm like, what? She's like, yeah, they're saying right. And from then on, I know you go on you walk on the curbside with the girl. And every time in dating a woman's been like, you're not going to walk me to my Uber. So now now I know, walk the one to the Uber. It's like, you're welcome and have taught me more about dating. They'll just say it as opposed to just taking it. Only you only get to do those things that the girl likes, you know, what do you mean? Like walk a girl to a Uber? She got her group chat. Then he followed me to the fucking Uber. That is true though. That's why it's kind of like that gray area because it's like, you either have to be asked to do it. You got to like really know. You're right. But you're right. If you fuck up, then the group chat is then your nickname is like Jack the Ripper or something. They'd be nicknaming you the meanest fucking shit in those group chats. If you don't fuck right, if you don't do the good job the first time you're done, you're cooked. You're cooked in the group chat. No, the thing about it, I thought it was more so it's for kidnapping reasons that you got to walk on the inside of the curve. I thought it was like a car. A car. A car. It's the mud. A horse carriage mud. You got to be there. Oh, that's the old school. Okay. I thought I'd also play more of your jacket over your jacket. The That's might have been the dumbest shit. The knifeers be on the other side They'd be hanging out on the inside of the alley You walk past the alley You walk past the dangerous killers But the car, watch out for the car I'll be listening And I feel like both are gonna get wet Hopefully Yeah, it's true, right? Right, the car's gonna kill you You know, hit my quota You get kidnapped and I get kidnapped I'm gonna be a quota So I never got that, but it's like, whatever you want, ladies You know, whatever you want, what do you want? Legit, whatever you want, that'll complain A lot of guys were getting mad about the pain of the first date Like, I do that, it's like bro, they're telling you You want it, just do it, just do it Legit, you might go $250 for that first date And not spend $250 in the next three weeks With the same girl You don't realize, bro, you put in early there's dividends You get it later, she just wanted to prove that you can do it - She'd like to save money. - Yeah. - Sorry, that was bars from home. - Sorry, sorry. (laughing) - Bad Abingale, huh? - No. - I wasn't. - Yeah. - I will say bars, like when you listen to like rap or you listen to like spoken word, that shit make you move differently. Like I'm not stoic when I come to like word, so I got a good rap barbie like. (laughing) - You fuck you get that from me. - Yeah. - I think of a nation of appropriation. (laughing) - Not at all. - That's right. - We were disrespecting agents like crazy. - Oh, I can't tell you how many times I'd just be like, I'm in a karate chop, you high, yeah. Like when I was younger, you're like not really like, like that's racist, you know? (laughing) - What's that one freestyle with that one kid in Connecticut? He's like bitch with the chops, sticks high, y'all. (laughing) - Chopsticks, chopsticks. - Or like, that was the Migos, the Migos back, you know, like call back. - Yeah, y'all. - Yeah, that's what I'm saying, bro. - They got the most disrespect. Like just as far as like continuing on like, my people, my people that I didn't wanna disrespect them, I say. (laughing) - I was saying they got the most, but. - No, but it's like all boots on the ground too. - It's all love, you know? - Yes. - I think that when the rhyme is there, you just do the rhyme, you know? - What rhymes with chops, sticks, you know? - It's like, small sticks, right? (laughing) - I feel like black people too, like I'm, I feel like we're like the, we get touchy when we hear bars. Like the slapping on the chest name. - Oh, I was like, oh yeah. - I'm laughing, I'm fucking. - But for me, like even in football, I was never the raw, raw type of player, very quiet player. So I used to hate when we like, there'd be like the white jaw's white. - Let's go. - Like they butt heads and she like like, "Bro, you're not butting my head." - You weren't, you weren't pre, but you were post though. - All right. - And a lot of people were different. - What do you mean? (laughing) - You weren't pre-celebration hype, but you were post-celebration hype like crazy. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Like if somebody made a great play or made something, you'd be like that. So I think like people differ. - Dude, like you know when LeBron and Howard and Rose were getting up on that stage. - Yeah, yeah. - And then, you know, LeBron's new. - Yeah. - And you see Derek Rose, like. - No, I was Derek Rose. - Derek Rose, because we didn't have any to celebrate yet. - Yeah, yeah. - Right? - Derek Rose is not finished, man. - Right. - When he got that big gunk, he was always like, "Ah!" - Yeah. - You're right, I respect that completely. - Like we're always like that though. Like you kind of got hyped sometimes pre-game, but like I feel like-- - My shit was fake though. - Yeah. - I was a senior leader that was looked like, everybody looked to me for leadership. So I was more of like, if I can be corny at this point, everybody that I think I'm cooler than can be corny. So I use my coolness, like, I'm ready for this game. - Right. - And like if I show you, this is not lame, then you'll do it too. - That's cool, that's cool. - I think also because I'm very like monotone. So like my shouting voice was not like a voice that I was like, confident. - Yeah, yeah. - You know what I mean, it's just like-- - Let's go, dude. - Let's go. Let's go. - I'm like, I'm very like demotivating, man. - My problem with speeches is like, I got a little bit too honest. I used to be talking to the bench players and when somebody knee water-- - Get-- (laughing) - That's funny. - Don't just say this fucking thing. - Don't be bad. - Don't sit there while your teammates make a play. - Put your helmet on, take your fucking jersey and get the walk. - Bro, the worst thing that happened on our football team is that the star player, it'll be on a way game. And the star player forget his jersey and his helmet, right? And then-- - Oh, he wears-- - He started looking around. I'm like, who's jersey you've got to take, isn't it? (laughing) And then, 'cause like, me and Pat were the people like, their culture's like, A, bro. Go tell Tyler that he must have to give up his jersey. 'Cause you know-- - You know, we're nice. - Yeah, yeah. - You know what I'm saying in a way, like that's how it's like, A, Tyler bro. Coach said that, you know, you've been doing really good, having a good week, but, you know, I boy, I boy, Adam. This is politicians, this is politicians. - Right. - And Tyler's not dumb. - Tyler's like, man. - I boy, Adam, he forgot his jersey, stupid as fuck. I don't know what he's thinking. And Coach said that you, you know, you're the team player and you would give up your jersey. - And listen, bro. - We woulda went to a lot of other people, but they wouldn't understand how you gonna understand, 'cause you understand the whole concept of football. - Yeah. - Like, team player, bro. - And Tyler's the only white guy and he's like, I know what's going on here. - Yeah, yeah. - And then when our boy-- - Pull the team, man. - When our boy Adam was scoring his touchdown, Tyler, you did that. - You did that, that's what you did. - Bro, you know what? - Actually, bro, whatever stats he gets today goes under your name, dude. Donation to you. - That's my bro. - 3,250 yards received. - That's brutal. - That'll bring your total to 2.53, right? (laughing) - And it is mine. - He's like, man, Patrick's a piece of shit, bro. - That's the thing that I learned in my adult life, because I used to think whatever interaction I had with somebody, that's what it was. And till I got older and started to realize like, damn, every, like, sometimes I'll have a good interaction with somebody and I walk away, like, wait, what a bitch, you know what I'm saying? But during the conversation, I was like, yeah, man, have a good day. And I'm like, yeah, have a good day, you little bitch. - Like, walk away. - We'd be locking in and then we ashamed of ourselves. - Yeah. - I was corny as fucking the government. - Exactly. - And then you were like, hi, hi, he, he, he. - So you're falling back like, hey, bro, tell me about your day again, bro. - You weren't funny, you're not funny. - He max how I was doing. - Hey, bitches, nigga, I don't care about you for some time. - I'm trying to keep them comfortable. I'm a lover of humans, I love people. - Exactly. - So I'd be giving them leeway where I'm like, you're gonna, you need a little more shit in your life. - Yeah. - I was he-hawing and had some bad stories. - No real shit, but the, but going back to that, it just like, people are doing that to you too. - No, oh my god. - And then your first realization is kind of, you kind of hurt. - Yeah. - 'Cause you like, you know what's crazy, bro? Like, once I got a little, the fame has been, you know, kind of, but this is like the first, like, real pop, right? So now it's sometimes like, girls who are very big fans. And you say like, hey, thanks for coming. They're like, and you're like, fuck, that feels bad. - Yeah. - 'Cause you know, they're just laugh, 'cause they wanna, - Yeah. - and the famous person. So whenever they got to do, their mind didn't like, fight or flight. And it's some reactions where you're like, man, that is, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just something to fuck. - The obnoxious laugh for something you said that was very right. - That's not like, dude, it ruined your whole vibe, dude. - Oh no. - That's the first time. - Am I corny? You're like, am I? (laughing) - Corny? - It's not even saying. - I'm like, huh? (laughing) - No, my thing, like, when I was single, and like, when, like, women will reach out, it's just like, who else do you follow? And it was just like, always like that. Like, okay, you follow me, you liked all my picks. But, why are you following, oh, yeah, of course. - Yeah, of course. - But, let me not say that. - Yeah. - But, why the fuck are you following Donald Rowling? - Yeah. (laughing) - So, I'm doing this a while ago. - That's so funny. - But, it's just like, it was just like, you only following me and Donald Rowling. - There's no way. - I started, but I went to the gym immediately after I, like, but then after you fucked, you'd be like, so what do you know about Donald Rowling? You didn't get him on the pie, like, you had a connection to, yeah, I fucked him once, he was terrible at it. - Oh, fuck, here we go. (laughing) - Yeah, man. I mean, the funniest thing is on Instagram, sometimes like, you're, maybe you're going, you're doing a little hoe, clicking, tapping, and you find yourself in a place, interesting place. No, you don't know anybody. Anytime you find a hoe that's nine degrees outside your center, there's always one friend of yours that's like in the photo. Like, there's one, like, really horny bro. I'm in Bangladesh. - Yeah, yeah. - Now one dude's like, by Ian, you're like, "How are you here?" - How are you in Bangladesh? - Yeah. (laughing) - No, no, come on now. - Sometimes I'll send a picture and like, bro, look who's in the likes and like, how? - No, this is very neat. This is very neat out the way. - Like, out the way. Sometimes, sometimes the worst one is like, if it's like a bot page, and it's like a page like, "Oh, damn, I can tell like, this is some AI generated." - Yeah. - AI generated coach, and then he like, see my, and it's like, wait, why is my friend following this person in the likes? - And then you disrespect them, 'cause now you're like, he's not a man of culture, huh? - Yeah, he dumb. - And especially because you see it so often, you don't only have to see his name, you just see his like, little profile picture. (laughing) I'm like, "What?" Like, you're in a blue background. (laughing) - You ugly for real. - Oh man. - Oh man. - But let's, I say this like probably every 20 podcasts, the horniness and liking something. Like, I've literally search stuff up and be like, "Man, I really like this picture." And this is too horny for me to be like a, - Yeah. - Like the ass is too big for me to ask this. - Like, it's just like, it's too horny. Like, what makes you double tap? What makes you be like, "Man, this looks so crazy." You can save it to your phone, you can screenshot it. But you were so horny, you can't control it. He said, "No, I'm gonna leave my dinner on footprint right here." And there's like camel tone and it's like horrific. And he has with your wife's name like, "Fuck her." And you're like, "I like it." You just don't care, man. You try to talk to somebody like, "Bro, why would you use your thumbs to like it?" Like, "Bro, I gotta confess you." "I don't even use my thumbs." 'Cause there's some pictures, you just like, "This picture's always like a good one looking one, it might be a little thirsty, but it's still like, very subtle. It's not in your face." But it's like, when it's just 90% of your screen is fat ass and I see you liking every picture, it's like, "All right, bro." You know, then you started to follow count and when you go to the date, latest follow, then a girl can see like 19 women. And you're like, "What do I do?" My ex was like, very honest. She was a digital fucking detective. You gotta be careful. To me, that's like a gateway drug. And I'm not gonna say what it's a gateway drug into, but it's just like similar to like, it's like Coke to me. It's like, "Yes, you can do Coke, and I'm fine with you doing Coke." But I do believe that you can murder somebody if you do Coke. - Right, right. - Like, they're the same way. There's like, some hyphen is to it. Like, if you snort Coke and you get paranoid about something, I believe you would just stab the shit out of somebody and be like, "Oh, what did I do, shit?" - We started, we don't trust the guy who's like, "Whoah, twirly." - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Energy is dangerous, bro. - We're hanging out out with one of our friends in Chicago. And we recently discovered that he does Coke. - Okay. - So, but now, and he used to be like-- - Oh, but does Coke. - Like, yeah. - He said I'm saying like, "Did Coke or does Coke?" - Does Coke? - It's part of his life. - Like does Coke, like-- - 'Cause he used to be the life of the party. He's like, "Damn, Hazi has so much energy." - And now. - And now we, me and past saw. He's like, "Oh, it took him all that long." - Yeah, because he's like a friend, but it's like a very acquaintance. It's like a friend of a friend. - It's like when you found out Sammy Sosa took P.E.Ds. The guy who was like, "Damn, that hurt." - That hurt. - So, "Damn, I thought this was a natural hurt." - It hurt. - And then he went, "Why?" And you're like, "Damn, how much insecure did you got?" - You got to take drugs. - At the end, you got to take white drugs. - Yeah. - But then you start kind of like, you kind of get a little, you get a little self-conscious. It's like, "No, it's like, damn, my radar. "My Coke radar is, no, it's acid." - Sammy Sosa reminds me, you know, when you go to Dairy Queen and you get like a dipped Coke? - Oh, bro. (laughing) - And then the machine's broken kind of? - Yeah. - It's like, even. - Eat the chocolate part opposites. (laughing) - Yeah, bro, he old yogurt, man. (laughing) - That's what he is. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Sammy Sosa, look, he's a little different now. He's the, all those people that got the surgeries, man, they don't look good. - So he got, I don't understand how you got to like that. What's it? - I think it's like bleaching cream. - Bleaching cream, yeah. He wanted you a fair and lovelier, some shit. - And India has the same problem. - That's a crazy change, though. - That's like two episodes. - Yeah, well, India has like a whole industry of skin night lagging, it's a whole issue. That's called fair and lovelier, it's the main product. Call fair and it's like this brutal, it's unhealthy. Is there to lighten your skin? It's all snake oil. - Things your makings were doing that a lot now, but. - Really? It's a lot less now. - Fuck. - That's a way a lot. - Do Africans like blackness? Or is that like, are people wanna be light in Nigeria? - No, no, no. - No, no, it's cool, right? Nigerians love being a Nigerian, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - You're a pride, I think. - I got a couple of albino cousins, though, so there wasn't really their choice. - Oh, no. - That's gonna be so sad, yeah. - Nine-inch dig, but they're white. I was like, get out of here. We're done. We're done with you. - I'm Sony, I am black, I am Nigerian. - Okay, so I saw, this is, there's a lot of racism on TikTok. - Oh yeah, so much. - So I was looking at, so I think China launched a rocket just recently, and it had an anomaly, and it exploded seconds after launching, and somebody was, somebody, all the comments were like, - Oh boy. - All the comments were like racist, and it was just like thousands of them. - Like what, like what exactly? - And it just to be like, somebody said like, "Rot-ro, don't you be an anomaly?" - I know, I know, I know, bro. Which, I didn't write that, I read that too. Then it transferred to like, I was like, I don't know if that's racist, 'cause everybody's coming in, and then somebody was just, you guys are joking about how Chinese people talk, and nobody's worried about the pilots. And somebody was like, "Nobody's worried about the pilots because the rocket was unmanned." And then somebody under the comments was like, "So you don't like women?" (laughing) I was like, "Where am I at?" And I was like, bro. When you get on the internet, you can end up in crazy places, I hate it, dude. I hate my own fucking feed, man. I hate my own comments. - Oh man. Sometimes it'd be like, bro. - I'll do any show on Muslims, man. They're like, "You were burning the hell for the eternity." Really? - All the time, all the time, bro. - Do you delete those, or do you keep 'em on them? - No, I keep 'em, I don't give a fuck, dude. 'Cause I don't wanna live a life where I'm just like, you know, y'all have power over me. You said it, done, you keep it. Sometimes I'll delete a comment if it's very niche comment. And I know our audience will only comment about it if they see that comment. - Okay, oh shit. - Sometimes it just be like to stop it. 'Cause I've seen a very niche joke or something offensive they were saying. And I was like, "Okay, that was dumb." But I left it, whatever. And then it's just the replies on there. - Okay, here's the difference. Why, I guess I don't block it, is what I see where you're coming from? Is that, if I say Indian man, or a South Asian man? They know computers, so you block 'em. They're like, "Oh, nice try, guy." "I know what you live, fuck you." And so, you don't need to push those guys. So I'm scared of their abilities online. - Yeah, that's not, I don't fuck with them. So they have their fun, they go back to their life. But Vendetta, Vendetta Indians are dangerous, bro. They're dangerous, they'll get you. - But the power to lead in comments is crazy. And I've learned that obviously through crash, I mean, 'cause sometimes we'll have a comment where like we just had a video about a woman, and then somebody made a comment just like, "Y'all shouldn't be laughing at her like this." And the comment had 50,000 likes. And like, no legit, 50,000 likes. 'Cause a video in viral, 50,000 likes, and then maybe another 100 people that comment under are agreeing with her. - Got down. - And I deleted the comment. And then all you see in the other comments is like, "Where's the comment that y'all talking about?" - Oh, he's like good. - Once you delete a comment, like that shit is gone. - You can delete the replies. - It's powerful. - It's powerful. - It's so powerful. - You can delete your own replies. - No, it looks like they're talking to themselves. - Yeah, that's a big one, big one. - No, if I'm feeling petty, and I see somebody has like a 50,000 like, and it's like, I'm talking shit about this, I wait to a pause up in the middle of this. I wait to like, oh 40,000 likes, and you talking shit about this? - Oh no. - Oh, also y'all's clips that go viral. Some of them are gnarly. - Yeah, yeah. - People are like, "I fucked a bitch, I fucked a mama dude." - It's like, "Let's go." - Yeah. - Y'all won't. - We try to do, me and Pat Lee now is like, we try to like, do no more cheating calls for at least. - That's how I found y'all. - That's crazy. - 'Cause sometimes, it's getting a lot, and it's like, very draining for us. - Yeah. - The funny part is like, how we shoot this podcast, we don't even know what call is worth. - On this part, it might be like, five, two, one. - Like, what? - We don't even know, we don't even know, we're about to call them live. - Oh, they're live. - That's amazing. - People don't know that. Like, we'll sit in the studio for an hour and a half, try to do live callers, and get nothing, and have to come back the next day, and do a call. - Really? - I've been wearing this outfit since there. - There you go. (laughing) - That's crazy. - Yeah, like, we see me, and they be like, "We're praying, aren't there?" - We're praying, we pray that we get a good call with you today. - What the hell? - Yeah. - It's gonna be some 7-Eleven shit, man. (laughing) - A question of 7-Eleven. (laughing) - Man. - What else, man? - Anyway, Usama can say to you coming on the podcast. - Y'all the best. - Anything to shout out, I know you're on tour, anything recent, 'cause it's gonna come out on Wednesday, so. - Gotcha, man. - Any dates after Wednesday. - Follow me @usama stands up. My podcast, Usama and Dylan save your life. I do a podcast with my boy Dylan. I got tours everywhere. Usama stands up.com/shows, man. - No, I got a lot. - Everywhere. - Everywhere, all the tour of tour until April. Everywhere, I'm sold out in a lot of places. Come through, say what's up, come laugh. My shit is fire. It'll be fun, dude. - I like Dylan. - Yeah, my guy. - He gives me, like, comfortability. - He my guy. - He's my guy. - I love Goldberg. - Yeah. - Oh, that's cool. - Yeah, that's cool. - Put it in the world. (laughing) - So, yeah, man, he gives me comfortability. Listen to him. - He's my guy. - Y'all funny as hell. - No, no, thank you. - Appreciate it. - And then, also, maybe if you guys go to CrashDummy'sLive.com, we're also on tour. By the time y'all listen to this, Sam Fran will be tomorrow. If you listen to this on the Wednesday, and then we're gonna be in LA, then New York, D.C. Boston, and then the rest of the dates you'll see. - Are you KP Bull? - I'm in England. - I'm in England, we're in there. Three dates in England, so. - There's not many tickets left in London. - Yeah, why don't you sell it now? - God damn. Shout out to you. - Ma'am, come on in there. - Yeah, a lot of Nigerians. Shout to y'all. - Oh, dude. - It's gonna be Nigerian. - I'm bringing it. - I'm not, man. - I might be, I might do the first comedy show, uh, "Crowcer." - Yeah. - No legit. - I don't think they're gonna touch you. - You're gonna be like, "Hey, that's good." - I'm proud, sir. - I make sure I do leave my cash up, press like you. - No, I was worried about this, dude. I thought he went, I thought, you know what I'm saying? 'Cause they say like, "Oh, you know, Nigerian scammers." - And that's, no, no. And that's stereotypical. - He's so racist, bro. - That's stereotypical. - Well, they come to Yahoo boys, right? - Yeah, yeah. - Yahoo boys, yeah. - So, you know, he's never done, I wouldn't say he's never done anything. Everything he's done scamwise has been American-esque. - It's in your blood, bro. - No, it's been American. - No, no, no, no, no, no, listen, it's been American-esque, right? And like, this is our first time doing a show all day. C's and I didn't know like the vent bright was connected to our paypal and the shit was coming in like year-olds And when it was coming in I it would just kept being transaction after transaction, and I said damn let's do into it again I was like oh bro the London show is selling great like super fast I had to turn to know if I've never had I don't have my PayPal notifications right so I was I'm gonna turn it off and then I was like the show is selling really good And he's like, oh, that's what that was I was like, bro, what'd you think was happening? He's like bro. I thought I got him the allegations, bro I thought I mean it's brother It was like a week later is like bro. I thought y'all I'm like, so you thought this whole week? I was like scam it I was definitely about to ask him for something. I was counting up the money. I'm every transaction I'm like calculate, okay We have $5,000 right now I'm about to ask this nigga for a hundred I think it's the methodology Yo bro, you got tomorrow a thousand dollars. So does he say no, why not you go over this look at this Oh, they don't spread on it. They were like yeah, I wasn't not doing that. I was like yeah I have three old ladies in Wisconsin. They give me a thousand dollars a week. Oh my god damn Charming