This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human. Lisa, tell them about our new show. We have a new podcast. It's called Don't Lie to Me. I'm Lexi Juanu, we're two best friends, 22 years apart, but so close at heart. And I'm Lisa de Julio, the old one, which means we have wildly different references, occasionally different opinions, and at this point in my 50s, I've lived it all. Now in my 30s, being the founder of new shoes, good taste is my business. Listen on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, this is Kylie Breikman, Angel Jaretana, Jeremy Cole, Hane Cash McDonald, and we're the hosts of the artist on artist on artist on artist podcast. The improvised character comedy podcast were each week a new panel of artists discuss their craft. Join us for a panel of Eurovision participants. And we do a little Halloween sometimes. Does the pope dress up? He winks on Halloween. It's right up next to the microphone. I hear you'll get the elbows here. The eyelashes hate each other. You never seen it least so quiet as when the pope gets up to wink on Halloween. Listen to artists on artists on artists on artists every Thursday on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Lacey Mosley, author, actor, stand-up comedian, creator, and host of scam goddess podcasts. The true crime comedy podcast, all about robbery, fraud, and those who practice it. Each week I bring on an amazing guest. Ooh, I scam them. What? I could talk to you for an hour. You're a generational yapper, like me. That's why I had to make yapping a job. And now you can catch full episodes of my show on YouTube. Start listening to scam goddess on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi listeners, I'm Nell McShane Wolfhardt, the host of the Girlfriends, Flight or Fight podcast. I'm excited to share the Girlfriends, Flight or Fight story with you. I want to let you know that you can get access to all episodes of season 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 of the Girlfriends, and every single episode of The Girlfriends, Flight or Fight, 100% Add Free. With an iHeart True Crime Plus subscription, available exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Plus, you'll get access to all episodes of the Girlfriends, Flight or Fight, one week ahead of everyone else, available only to iHeart True Crime Plus subscribers. So don't wait, head to Apple Podcasts, search for iHeart True Crime Plus, and subscribe today. Hi, it's Andrea, and we are re-releasing some of our past weekly episodes, and there's a good reason why. For the last year, I have been working with ABC Unturning some of your favorite episodes of Betrayal Weekly into a TV show. The show was called Betrayal Secrets and Lies, and it airs every Sunday at 10 p.m. on ABC. This week, we are re-releasing Crystal Harris' story. Working on Crystal's story was both challenging and incredibly inspiring. At the time, our team was deep in season 5 of Sasuke's story. So we were already sitting with heavy material, and Crystal's story lives in that same space. To me, she's fearless, even though she lived in fear for a very long time. What her story really represents is something we talk about a lot at Betrayal, what it means to prioritize her pain over your abuser's potential. Even when there's evidence, even when you have all the documentation, your credibility can still be questioned. And when you come up against systems like the criminal justice system or civil court that don't protect you the way they should, you don't have to accept that as the end of the story, and Crystal didn't. She used her voice, she pushed back, and she worked to change the system itself. That's the power of testimony, of speaking, and of just doing the damn thing. If you have not heard this story, I won't give any more away. Hearing Crystal's story is fascinating, but seeing it unfold is a whole new experience. So please check out Betrayal's secrets and lies on ABC and Hulu to see Crystal and where her story takes place. Enjoy the episode. Hi everyone, it's Andrea Gunning. Before we start this episode, I want to let you know that we will be talking explicitly about the realities of domestic violence and sexual assault. So please, be mindful with this episode. I came up with my plan, which was, I'm gonna buy a gun. That's my way out. I still remember walking into this gun store, thinking that I cannot believe this is my life. I can't believe this is my life. I'm Andrea Gunning, and this is Betrayal, a show about the people we trust the most, and the deceptions that change everything. I have a thick skin. You're not going to be able to offend me. I don't ever give off a vibe of it's okay to mess with me. That's Crystal Harris. Her story is one of an intimate and personal betrayal, but it's also a story of an institutional one. Crystal grew up in the 70s in Southern California, which at the time was all orange groves. We lived out in the middle of nowhere, and my parents were hippies. From an early age, Crystal was confident. I have pictured myself as an adult since I was little. I mean, five years old, and the vision that always came to me was a "business woman." You know, I saw myself with a briefcase and high heels. She's always been the kind of person who visualizes what she wants and makes it happen. I had my life all planned out. Just as I saw myself as a business woman, I also saw myself as a wife and mother. My plan was to graduate at 21. Hopefully, I would have met my husband at some point in college and we would get married around 23 after I started my career. And then I wanted to have kids when I was 30. That was my plan. Crystal's parents divorced when she was eight, and she moved in with her dad. I saw my mom after the divorce. She didn't really have a profession. She had married my dad when she was 18, and she never went to school. And so she had to like scramble a little bit. And it made me realize I would never want to be left in that position, where I had to rely on someone else for my financial security. So I entered my high school in college years thinking I've got to have a skill. I've got to know how to do something. It was a formative lesson for Crystal. I was 16 years old and I said I'm going to be a financial advisor. And so once I graduated from high school, I got accepted to college and chose finances my major and was off from there. During her last summer of college, Crystal was at home in Southern California, working as a server at a restaurant. One day, a new guy showed up at work. There was this buzz in the restaurant one day, everyone kept going, oh my gosh, Sean is back. Sean is here. Have you seen Sean? And I was like, who's Sean? I finally see him over at the bar. And I was just blown over. I thought he was gorgeous. He was so good looking. He was strong, tan and blonde and muscular. Sean quickly became one of her favorite co-workers. I was a waitress. He was a bus boy. And like if I was just standing at a table with a cup or a plate in my hand, he'd come up and take it from me. He would never let me walk all the way to the dishwasher. He was her type and he caught her attention. An all-American boy and a former college athlete. He attended a private college and he was on their baseball team. He was the pitcher. And I was impressed. And then I learned that he was a math major. And I was impressed by that too because I thought, well, you can't fudge it on being a math major. I respected it. Crystal and Sean spent the whole summer flirting. One night we all decided to go out after work. We had been dancing all night and we've been hanging out with our other friends from work and we were kind of bar hopping. And there's a little bench outside and we were sitting on it and he just kissed me. That led into us having this really cute, fun, almost magical relationship that first year. Crystal still had a year of college left. She drove the hour home every weekend to spend time with Sean. I would race down after school on Friday and it would just be like, oh my god, I missed you. It felt like every weekend was a vacation. Every time
she was around Sean. I was totally smitten. He was different. I had never dated anybody that I thought was smarter than me, but I thought he was smarter than me." After she graduated from college, Crystal turned her attention to her next goal, getting a job. She'd gotten her degree in finance, and she wanted to be a financial advisor. "I really worked hard at getting my foot in the door somewhere. I interviewed everywhere, all the major firms on Wall Street." Then she found a firm who gave her a chance, but she would have to work for it. They said, "If you can open 25 accounts and bring in $500,000 in assets, then we'll put you into our actual training program." And I said, "Okay, fair enough." I worked my ass off, and I was able to get that done within four months, and so I got hired. The firm had a branch in her in Sean's town, but before she started working there, they sent her to New York City for a training program. Sean and Crystal had been dating for two years, and Sean visited her in New York when he could. He would do New York for the weekend, as tourists. At some point, we were up at the top of the statue of Liberty like in the crown, and that's where he proposed to me. I quickly said, "Yes," and I can remember saying we can get married when, like next week, or a year, he said, "Whatever you want." She planned their wedding in six months. Everything was falling into place. I felt totally sure. I love him. He loves me. We're starting life together, and I was really in a happy place in my life. Her wedding day was picture perfect. It was lovely, beautiful. I was happy to be married, but it felt like, of course I'm getting married, like this is what I do. It's my plan. This is a day that's supposed to come. It's here. Let's do it. Next on the list. We got married in January, and by that June, we purchased our first condo. It started us like building our life. Sean's dad owned a used car dealership in town, and he got a job working there. But Sean's career would be temporary. Early on, the couple made an agreement. When they were ready to start a family, Crystal would be the breadwinner, and Sean would stay at home with the kids. Neither of us believed in daycare, so he had always said he'd be happy to stay home with them. And I just thought to myself, wow, great. That lets me have my career, but I could still have kids. Knowing Sean would be a stay-at-home dad when the time came, allowed Crystal to focus on building her career. The stock market opens at 6.30 a.m. West Coast time. It was my job to manage people's portfolios. To figure out what a client needed, what their goals were, what their risk tolerance was, and invest appropriately. You either make it or you don't. And so I always liked that aspect that the sky was the limit. Her husband supported her career wholeheartedly. Sean, literally from the time we first met, he seemed so proud to be with me. He just loved that. I was ambitious, and that I knew where I was going. I'd close some new account, and I'd come home, and he would be just as happy as I was. We would totally celebrate together. They were a regular couple in their 20s. Spending weekends with friends, they even joined a wreck softball team together, which was especially fun because Sean could show off his college baseball skills. We played every Wednesday night, and then we would always go for a pizza and beer after. It gave me a chance to watch him be amazing, because he really was athletically amazing. He could run faster than any other man. He could hit the ball further. I was like, wow. I know he loved me, and I loved him very much. That was the base of everything. At home, he was affectionate, doting, and for a while, things were really great. Living together, she began to notice they had two different approaches to conflict. I'm the type of person if I'm mad at you, I will tell you right now. But one minute later, I'm fine. It's out. It's over. But Sean would do things where let's say he got off work at six. He wouldn't come home until like nine or 10 or whenever. And he finally just like stroll through the door and I go, what the hell? Why are you late? And he would be like, well, do you remember last Wednesday when you said such a such to me? I've been really mad about that. Crystal had never seen someone hold onto resentment the way that Sean did. Two years into the marriage, one of their cars broke down. So for a week, Crystal and Sean had to share a car. They both needed it to get to work. Crystal started her job at 6.30 in the morning. She would take a break around 8.30 to pick Sean up and take him to his job at the dealership. Within just a few days, the car became a source of tension. Every day he'd say, come pick me up, let's say 8.45 and I would get there and he would still be in bed or still in the shower. Whatever it was, he was nowhere near ready every day. And I had had it. I was pissed. I didn't like how he was just so dismissive of my time. But one day, the fight over the car became something different. We got in a big fight over it. Eventually we get in the car and I'm driving him to work. And we're still fighting. He's in the passenger's seat. Next thing I know, he took his left hand, it was in a fist and just sort of balked me in my eye on my cheek. And I just was reeling. I pulled the car over and I'm trying to get my head together, trying to figure out what just happened. I had never been hit before by a man in my life. I just remember thinking, get him to work and then you're on your own. You've got the car, you've got the safety of the office. Don't provoke him anymore. I just shut my mouth, not fighting anymore. She had an instinctual reaction, which was to stay calm and get him out of her car. Once she was alone, she knew what she had to do. Get back to the office, call the police, call an attorney, call my mom. This is huge. And my marriage is over. That is what I did. I told everybody and I hired a divorce attorney and filed a police report. I did everything I ever said I would do if a man hit me. When Crystal got home that day, he had broken the whole sliding glass door. But Sean wasn't home. He'd been arrested for assaulting Crystal. She wanted to be far away from him. And I got a restraining order. By the end of that day, he was not allowed to come in the house. They were separated for some time. About a month or so went by. Then Crystal got a call from Sean's dad. I respected his dad very much and he was telling me how devastated Sean is. And how this was such a huge wake up call for him. He knows he did wrong. His dad kept saying, you know, you're a part of this family. We love you. Sean's already going to anger management classes. I remember thinking that's great that they have such a thing. It was court ordered and it just seemed official. This was 1998 when court ordered anger management was still new. This was Crystal's first time learning about it and she was relieved to hear he was getting help. Despite what Sean had done, anger management sounded like it was just what he needed. I really thought that could be the key to us getting back together. After talking to his dad, she was open to hearing Sean out. She wanted his apology. I was willing to talk to him on the phone. I was trying to get a sense of if he understood how bad what he did was, he really seemed like he was sorry and he did wrong. I thought I love him. He loves me. I love him.
all he needs is a little bit of help to figure out why he did that, and we can still have our life together. But she wanted to let him know he'd messed up, and he would be held accountable for what he'd done. I slowly let him back in the house. It took two or three months. We had a divorce proceeding and everything. I dropped everything. Except what I did not drop was the actual police charge. He did it, he hit me, and it was important to me that that stand. So he was prosecuted and pled guilty, and that did go on his record. And the consequences he faced were long lasting. He was on probation for three years, and I felt sufficiently satisfied that he was getting that help he needed, and that we were going to be okay. That moment in the car felt like an outlier, and there otherwise steady relationship. There's not like an infidelity issue. There was not even a jealousy issue. I thought that was good, we never fought about money. He was not a drinker, never took drugs, didn't smoke, and I just thought that's a great foundation for a good marriage. And we loved each other. Over the next three years, they slowly rebuilt trust. Crystal felt grounded in her relationship with Sean. I just never thinking we should start thinking about having kids, and it was part of my plan anyway. So the following January of 2002, I went off the pill, and we started trying to have a baby, and I got pregnant immediately. Crystal was thrilled. I couldn't wait for Sean to get home and tell him in person, like I call him immediately, and I'm like, I am pregnant. He was happy, so happy. Sean and Crystal found out that they were going to have a boy. They felt really connected through her entire pregnancy. He's treated me great. It was a very sweet time in our relationship. And in 2002, their son was born. Sean was there. He was crying, and loving, and proud of me, and cheerleading, and being perfect. Their son became their whole world. That's when Sean quit his job, and like the couple had planned, became a stay-at-home dad. He was home with the baby, and I was on maternity leave for like four months, and then I went back. I thought our plan was working out pretty well. But once he quit working, something changed in Sean. The whole thing about putting me in my place, and the passive aggressiveness, and that kind of stuff seemed to pick up a lot. When Sean and I would fight, it would be bigger. Things would escalate further than they ever had. It just got to a different level after our first son was born. Like one time, a fight got so intense that Crystal had to escape to her neighbor's house. And he followed me. He comes in there. He grabs me. He opens their fridge, and takes milk out of the fridge and just pours it all over me right in front of them. He had humiliated her in front of her friends, and he didn't care. Crystal felt exposed, because up until this point, she'd been living with Sean's escalation in private. After I took Sean back, I never told anyone in my family that my life was anything but perfect. Part of it was not even just protecting Sean, was protecting my own ego. Crystal wouldn't dare engage Sean after an explosive fight. She'd wait for him to cool down, but sometimes that would take days or weeks. I wasn't happy, but I felt like I could tolerate a lot to keep my family together for my kids. Like I could put up with the bullshit. Incidents like this started happening more frequently, and oftentimes Crystal would get the police involved to help de-escalate the situation. Never did I get physically assaulted. It was just more scary stuff, and I called the police a number of times. Things went on like this for two years, and then Sean's dad got lung cancer and died a month before our second child was born. And it sent Sean into deep, deep depression. He was playing video games all night, and then he would sleep all day, even though he's the one home with the kids. Crystal was doing everything she could to hold their family together, but it was getting harder. As time went on, I would throw out the divorce word pretty often, just because I would say I can't live like this. My intention in doing that was to hopefully have him go, "Oh my gosh, I don't want to lose her. I better straighten up." Crystal was still in love with Sean. She wanted to fight for their family, and hope that things could be different, and she held on to that hope for five years. The shit was happening more and more and more, and finally it gets to the point early fall of 2007, something happened when we got in a fight. After the altercation, Sean looked the house. He didn't come back for days. Crystal had no idea where he was or what would happen next. Eventually, he showed back up. When he came back in the house, he was different. So calm. It was like he had been meditating on this whole new plan to keep me in line. He came in with intent. He tells me that he is sick of me calling the police on him. He is sick of me threatening to divorce him, and that is all ending now. That's never going to happen again, and if I ever do it again, he's going to kill me. He was serious, and it was terrifying. I believed him. I had never felt so helpless in my life. Usually I could come up with a plan. I had no plan. That decisive planned out person who's got her act together found herself in a box. Lisa, we should tell them about our new show. Oh my god, Lexi. I'm Lexi Iwanyu, we're two best friends, 22 years apart, but so close at heart. And I'm Lisa Julio, the old one, which means we have wildly different references, occasionally different opinions, and at this point in my 50s, I've lived it all. I'm not gonna get any of your fighting. That is wild. I learned that about you today. Now in my 30s, being the founder of New Shoes, good taste is my business, and I've always got something to say. If men were just honest about this, there would be so much more peace in the world. We're going to talk about dating, relationships, beauty, getting older, and a little wiser. We're best friends, but we don't always agree. Because you told us how accommodating you are. Obviously, I would do what I think I could do to fight the fight, but there's only so much fight I can fight. Don't lie to me. Don't lie to me. Don't lie to me. Don't lie to me. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I don't really care. Hi, this is Kylie Breikman, Angel Jaretana. Jeremy Colhand, Patrick McDonald. And we're the hosts of the Artisan Artisan Artisan Artist Podcast. The Improvised Character Comedy Podcast, where each week a new panel of artists discuss their craft. Join us for a panel of wellness influencers. What I try to do is foe journal. I don't know, have you guys heard of foe journaling? Yeah, it's reading. It's called reading. So we don't like to use that word anymore. Okay. A panel of New Yorker cartoonists. Have you guys done Terry Gross' Peloton Classic? No! I've been dying too. I'm so sorry. I'm seeing a reading of Sudako in the Thousand Paper Cranes by Auderman Donalds at the Wonderland bookstore, 14. That's crazy. I went to the Wonderland bookstore yesterday, and I heard Nora Jones do a reading of Zero Doctor 30. No way! Patrick of the last bookstore, though. Kim Katrol is reading the guitar tabs of yesterday. A panel of Eurovision participants. I hear you get the elbows here. You never seen Italy's so quiet as when the Pope gets up to wink on Halloween. Listen to artists on artists on artists on the iHeard Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Lacey Moses.
author actor, stand-up comedian, creator, and host of SCAM Goddess Podcasts. The True Crime Comedy Podcasts all about robbery, fraud, and those who practice it. Each week I bring on incredible guests like Conan O'Brien, Iowa Deppery, Lamor and Morris, and Nicole Byer. Ooh, I scammed them. What? And the scams run the gamut. I'm talking about scams from the 1800s, all the way up to today. I also warn you and keep you safe against scammers. Call your grandparents, tell your parents to stop clicking on links, please. If there's a scam, I'm here to protect you. And I'm also here to laugh with you. So if you like fun, if you like comedy, and you like learning, and protecting yourself from criminals, start listening to Scam Goddess on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Scam Goddess! Hi listeners, I'm Nell McShane Wolffhart, the host of the Girlfriends Flight or Fight Podcast. I'm excited to share the Girlfriends Flight or Fight story with you. And want to let you know that you can get access to all episodes of Season 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 of the Girlfriends. And every single episode of The Girlfriends Flight or Fight, 100% Add Free. Plus, you'll get access to all episodes of The Girlfriends Flight or Fight, one week ahead of everyone else. Available only to iHeart True Crime Plus subscribers. So don't wait. Head to Apple Podcasts, search for iHeart True Crime Plus, and subscribe today. After Sean lost his father, he mentally started to unravel, worse than before. Verbal abuse was a constant in the Harris household. When things escalated, Crystal would often call the cops. But after one particularly explosive altercation, Sean left the house. And after a few days, Sean came back with a clear message. He was in control. And if she challenged him, he would kill her. I remember just trying to play it cool at first, thinking maybe he's still really mad. But whenever I went to revisit it, days later, weeks later, months later, and just say, like, you didn't mean that. You're just mad. He would double down on it and say, no, that is what I mean. So Crystal fell in line. She avoided doing anything that could upset him. I thought I'm going to be so nice to him. If I'm so nice to him, how could he be mean to me? But then he said, the meaner I act to you, the nicer you act to me. Anything she did to try and regain control backfire. She needed support. For the first time in my life, I start going to church because I am out of answers. I have no plan. I feel helpless. Crystal leaned on the church and its community. There she felt less alone. A few months later, the church was hosting an Easter icon. Crystal wanted to take her sons. They were five and two at the time. I begged Shawn to go to this thing with me. It's like the kids will have so much fun. Do it for them. And he did not want to go. He finally super begrudgingly agreed to come. The whole time, Shawn was miserable. He would wander off or snap at her. What was supposed to be a fun holiday event ended up being really stressful. After the event, Crystal and Shawn were pulling out of the church parking lot. Crystal sat in the passenger seat, exhausted with the two boys in the back. Shawn is starting to like flip off these cars and stuff. And I'm like, oh my god, I'm so embarrassed because these are people I go to church with. I just said, Shawn, do not flip these people off. And I had a snow cone in my hand and I was looking out the passenger window. Next thing I know, the whole thing just explodes because Shawn's hand has come across and whacked it out of my face and hit my face a little bit too. And then he takes his finger and he puts it right in the soft part of my throat. Like right in the front and he just starts pushing really hard. And I'm trying to back up, but I'm crying and I'm yelling and I'm telling him to stop. And my son is diagonal from me and my other son's behind me. And hearing all this the oldest one, he's telling his daddy to stop. Nothing had ever happened in front of the kids before. And I just realized at that moment how delusional I had been thinking that I could keep any of this under control. She needed to get out, but she was afraid for her life. And now she was afraid for her kids' lives. In that moment, Crystal made a decision. I'm gonna buy a gun. That's my way out. To get out of this marriage and stay alive because I knew he would come after me. Let's say I called the police that moment, like that night. I truly believed that he would just be out the next day and come and kill me. I felt like I could not make any moves for safety until I had that gun. It just felt like a lifeline to me. Crystal wasted no time. I went that very same night. In California, there's a 10-day waiting period between purchasing a gun and taking possession of it. So for Crystal, it was just a matter of getting through those next 10 days. Once she did pick up the gun, she would take her and her boys and leave Sean forever. But within a few days, Sean started threatening her again. She wanted evidence of the threats and violence against her, in case she would ever need it in court. This was 2008, before iPhones were mainstream. Crystal had to be resourceful. I thought I'm gonna need proof this is happening to me. So I decided I was gonna get a tape recorder. As a note for listeners, Crystal is about to describe an instance of graphic domestic violence. If you'd prefer not to hear this, you can fast forward three and a half minutes. And so we get to Friday and I get home from work and he immediately says to me, "I can't stand to be around you. Either you need to leave or I do." I still had my high heels on and my business suit and my nylons and everything and I just was like, "Okay, fine." Crystal decided to give Sean some space. She went up to her bedroom. She'd stay out of his way for the rest of the night. I had just gotten in bed and next thing I know, he comes strolling in the room and wants to have sex. And I said, "No, no, we're not having sex." And he starts in on me like, "Well, we are married, aren't we?" And then he starts saying, "This is not up for negotiation." I can remember a flood of adrenaline going through my body like, "Oh my god, what is happening?" I'm not able to talk my way out of it. He's 220 pounds. I was 120 pounds. I couldn't hurt him if I tried, whereas he could kill me. And as I realized I'm not getting out of this, I remembered I've got that tape recorder nearby. I couldn't physically stop this from happening, but I could at least have proof that it was happening. And so I started begging him to let me go to the bathroom. And it took me a little bit, but he finally let me go to the bathroom. And as I came out of the bathroom, I stopped at my underwear drawer and acted like I was getting something out. And I hit that play and record button, and then I closed the drawer. And then I decided to just try and act like maybe you didn't mean what you were saying before. I'm gonna go check on the kids. Like I was just trying to like get out of there, like put this off in some way, shape, or form. And he got super mad that I didn't come back to the bed. Then I tried to leave, and he jumped over the bed and grabbed me by the arm and wamped me upside the head and started choking me and pulled me back to the bed. He raped her that night. When he's finished, I'm thinking he's maybe gonna feel bad. I don't know. I'm walking to the bathroom to clean up and get a hold of myself, and I'm still reeling from what happened. But I said something like, "I can't believe you just fucking raped your own wife." He comes into the bathroom and he hits me again, upside the head, and he's like, "Don't fucking lie to me." I kept saying, "Okay, I'm sorry I was confused." Okay, and he's like, "You're not confused. I'm gonna. "
"Carve that on your head when I dump your fucking body in a ditch." And he even starts to taunt me about calling the police. He's like, "Are you gonna call the police?" "Go ahead, I wish you would. Please do. Give me a reason." Later that night, she checked the tape recorder to see if it had captured anything. "The audio quality was shit, but it was there. Not only did it catch the rape on tape, it caught his death threat, it caught everything." "I kept it like it was the most precious jewel ever. I didn't leave it anywhere in the house. It would go with me wherever I went." Now Crystal had proof. This was a serious escalation in violence. Wednesday was five days away, and that's when she could pick up her gun. In the meantime, she was trying to lay low and survive. "I'm just gonna be super nice to him and just get to Wednesday." The next day I took the kids to Legoland. That day was fine. I had no interaction with Sean. Sunday, I took the kids to where my mom lived and visited with her, and that was the first time I told anyone what happened because now I have a plan. Like now I can tell her this is what's been happening to me, but don't worry, I've caught it under control. And so, of course, she didn't want me to go home to him that day, but I said I have to, I just have to play along until I get this gun on Wednesday." And she agreed. She went back home and went to work on Monday. The day passed without much interaction between her and Sean. I want to mention here again that Crystal is going to describe a final escalation in violence. If you'd prefer not to hear this, you can fast forward a minute and a half. Tuesday, I had a long day just in the office, and when I got home at like 6630, he just started in on me immediately. Like, where have you been all day? What have you been doing? And he tells me that he was tracking my phone that day, and that I'm a fucking liar, and he just put his hands around my neck. And he started choking me. So hard. And so long, and he would not let go. I kept having this thought process in my head like, is he trying to kill me? Is he going to accidentally kill me? Either way, I'm dead. And his eyes were black. He did not care at all what I was saying. Nothing I said mattered. He raped Crystal again. This time, he was even more violent than before. He finally finishes, and I just remember getting up, completely naked, and just walking like a zombie almost to the bathroom, and just getting in the shower, and crying like the most I've ever cried in my life, because I just can't believe all this happened to me. I also had like a complete revelation, which was, I'm not going to die if I leave. I'm going to die if I stay. Crystal was life-threatening. A report from the Journal of Emergency Medicine in 2008 shows that strangulation is one of the strongest predictors of future lethal violence. Victims who have been strangled by a partner are 750% more likely to be killed by that same partner. Crystal was violated, almost died. Sean seemed unbothered. As if it was any other night, he logged on to play video games with his friends. Sean was playing this online role-playing game called World of Warcraft. He always played on the third floor wearing headphones, so Crystal hoped he wouldn't be able to hear what she was doing. He thought I was going to bed like normal. I put pillows in the bed, then I just walked out the front door. I went all the way out of our gate, and I hid in some bushes and I called 911. Oh my god, Lexi. I'm Lexi Iwaneo, we're two best friends, 22 years apart, but so close at heart. And I'm Lisa Giulio, the old one, which means we have wildly different references, occasionally different opinions, and at this point in my 50s I've lived it all. I'm not going to get any worse than fighting. That is wild. Now in my 30s, being the founder of New Shoes, good taste is my business, and I've always got got something to say. - If men were just honest about this, there would be so much more peace in the world. - We're gonna talk about dating, relationships, beauty, getting older, and the little wiser. - We're best friends, but we don't always agree. - Because you told us how accommodating you are. - Obviously, I would do what I think I could do to fight the fight, but there's only so much fight I can fight. - Don't lie to me. - Don't lie to me. - Don't lie to me. - Lier. - Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I don't really care. - Hi, this is Kylie Breikman, Angel Jaretana. - Jeremy Cole, Hane Cash, McDonald. - And we're the hosts of the artists on artists on artists on artists podcast. - The improvised character comedy podcast were each week a new panel of artists discuss their craft. - Join us for a panel of wellness influencers. - What I try to do is foe journal. I don't know if you guys are to foe journaling. - Yeah, it's reading. It's called reading. - So you're, so we don't like to use that word anymore. - Okay. - A panel of New Yorker cartoonists. - Have you guys done Terry Gross' Peloton class? - No! - I've been dying too. - I'm so sorry. I'm seeing a reading of Sadako in the Thousand Paper Cranes by Audrement Donalds at the Wonderland Bookstore, 14. - That's crazy. I went to the Wonderland Bookstore yesterday and I heard Nora Jones do a reading of Zero Doctor 30. - No way. - I have to come to the last bookstore though. - A panel of Eurovision participants. - And we do a little Halloween sometimes. - Does the Pope dress up? - He winks on Halloween. - It's right up next to the microphone. - I hear you get the bubbles here. - You've never seen Italy so quiet as when the Pope gets up to wink on Halloween. - Listen to artists on artists on artists on the IHIRD radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. - I'm Lacey Mosley, author, actor, stand-up comedian, creator, and host of Scam Goddess Podcasts. - The True Crime Comedy Podcasts, all about robbery, fraud, and those who practice it. - Each week I bring on incredible guests like Conan O'Brien, Iowa Deppery, Lamor and Morris and Nicole Byer. - Ooh, I scammed them. - What? - I could talk to you for an hour. - You're a generational yapper, like me. - That's why I had to make yapping a job. - And the scams run the gamut. I'm talking about scams from the 1800s. All the way up to today. So if you like fun, if you like comedy, and you like learning and protecting yourself from criminals, start listening to Scam Goddess on the IHIRD radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. ♪ Scam Goddess ♪ - Hi listeners, I'm Nell McShane Wolfhardt, the host of The Girlfriends, Flight or Fight Podcast. And want to let you know that you can get access to all episodes of season one, two, three, four, and five of The Girlfriends. And every single episode of The Girlfriends, Flight or Fight, 100% add free. With an IHIRD True Crime Plus subscription, available exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Plus, you'll get access to all episodes of The Girlfriends, Flight or Fight, one week ahead of everyone else, available only to IHIRD True Crime Plus subscribers. So don't wait, head to Apple Podcasts, search for IHIRD True Crime Plus, and subscribe today. - After surviving multiple violent attacks at the hands of her husband, Sean, Crystal knew she needed to act quickly. That night, while Sean played video games, Crystal snuck out of the house, hid in some bushes in her neighborhood and called 911. - I left the door unlocked and I gave him permission to go in. And I told them where he was. And they just went up there to the third floor and arrested him. Crystal called the police at 9 p.m. but her night wouldn't end until noon the next day. - I was with police and we were waiting on search warrants
and we were getting the kids out to my parents. I had to go to the hospital that night for a sexual assault rape test. - After finishing the medical exam and filing a police report, Crystal's attention turned to her kids. They'd been home during both attacks, but they were in their bedrooms. Crystal was confident that they hadn't seen or heard the attacks, but they had been in the car a week earlier after the Easter egg hunt. Immediately, when I'm back with them, I tell them the truth. Because here's the thing. My son who saw Sean hit that snow cone out of my face and kind of choked me, kept saying, "Are you gonna do something? We need to call the police." But I kept telling him like, "Mommy has it under control." So this is now like a week and a half after that. And now his dad's in jail. And I just linked him. I just said, "Member when daddy hurt mommy, he's in jail, he hurt mommy." And it just made complete sense to him. He was like, "Okay, yeah, I shouldn't have hurt you." - Then Crystal had to tell the rest of her family and close friends what she had been through. - My dad was just devastated. Everyone just couldn't believe the way that my life had been for so long. - With Sean and Jail, Crystal felt relieved. But she was surprised to find that there was another emotion, grief. - I made vows to this man. I spent my whole adult life with him. I made children with him. I actually mourned for quite a long time after he was arrested. The life I thought I was gonna have with him. In order to cope, Crystal threw herself into work. Work was keeping me sane and things were so crazy every day at work. Crystal had always been the breadwinner in her marriage with Sean. She managed the family's finances. So when Sean's bail was posted, Crystal was the one in control. - When they first arrested him, I canceled all of his credit cards. So it made whatever was in his wallet not work. Because I thought his bail would probably be like 25 grand or 10 grand or something. He had like a million 350 bail. I felt safe with that. - Sean's criminal trial took multiple years. The worst thing that happened during those two and a half years is Sean finally did make bail. He's living with his mom. He becomes a cab driver. - While they waited for the criminal trial, Crystal and Sean were duking it out in family court, negotiating custody of the kids. And on top of that, Sean was demanding money. - Sean wanted spousal support and we haven't had the criminal trial yet. And so my word is the only evidence in the case at that point in family court. The judge rules that yes, there was domestic violence and rape in this case. That's just one factor though. And the bigger factor is that I'm the breadwinner and it would be sexist if I don't order some spousal support for the husband. I was just so outraged. I remember leaving court that day. Sean passed me in the car and had a number one sign like he's the winner. He rubbed it in my face. He would laugh when we got out of the courtroom. And I kept saying he's a violent rapist. - According to the family court judge, Crystal would have to pay the man that raped her, violated her, the man that almost killed her. At the next hearing, the judge ruled on how much Crystal would pay Sean in spousal support. - Sean normally would have been awarded maybe $3,000 a month, but because of the domestic violence finding in this case, the judge said, "I'll knock that down to $1,000 a month." And I remember someone saying, "What is that, the rape discount?" And not only did I have to pay him spousal support, I also was ordered to pay half of his attorney's fees, another $47,000. - Crystal knew this wasn't right. Survivors shouldn't be forced to pay their abusers. Around that same time, I had happened to see a date line where a woman in California was ordered to pay spousal support to the man who was convicted of attempting to murder her. - This woman had to pay the man that wanted her dead, but instead of accepting the ruling, she had worked to change the law in California. Crystal thought that survivors of spousal rape deserved the same protections, and it got her thinking. The next time she was in court, - I can remember saying to the judge, I said, "If you order me to pay this, I am gonna get the law changed." And he was like, "You're gonna change the law?" - When Crystal sets her mind to something, she gets it done. She got to work right away. - I went to my local assemblyman, and when I went into the office, I said, "I'm a constituent of yours." And I just told them what happened. - After hearing Crystal's story, her local representatives agreed the law needed to be changed to better protect survivors. They began the process of writing a bill and sharing Crystal's story with other California lawmakers. - Every single person that we've talked about it to would just be horrified and stunned to find out that this could even happen to someone, that they could be forced to pay their own rapist, spousal support. - The bill quickly gained traction. - Almost immediately there was like 20 different lawmakers that had their name on this bill. - The district attorney also agreed that this law should be changed and volunteered to write the law. - The fact that the district attorney wrote the law and it was backed by the entire California District attorney's association, blended us a huge amount of weight. - But the process of introducing the new bill and changing California law would take time. While Crystal and Sean's family court case dragged on, Sean's criminal trial finally began. Crystal gathered all the evidence she had, including the tape recording of Sean's violent attack. - I don't know what I expected. I kind of maybe expected just to go in and be like, here's the tape and ask me whatever you want and just have them believe me. - During the trial, Crystal discovered a horrible truth. - When you are a rape victim, you are on trial too. - You're cross-examined and every move you made, every decision you made is scrutinized as much as his. - Crystal thought the trial would be quick because she had a recording of the attack. And on that tape, Sean could be heard making explicit threats against her life. The recording was played in her trial. - The fact that I taped what happened to me just for that same reason where I'm thinking, God, how is anybody gonna believe this? It just was like, wow. In 2008, it was just not done. Nowadays, everybody tapes everything. - As for Sean's legal defense. - What's the only defense you can come up with if there's an audio tape? - Oh, we were role-playing, of course. You know, that's his defense that he goes with. Their defense was so insulting to me. - Sean was facing three very serious charges. - He was charged with four-storal copulation, spousal rape, and saw to me. - When the verdict finally came down, the jury only found him guilty on one of those three charges. - The jury convicted him of the four-storal copulation, which is on tape. - But the jury was deadlocked on the two other charges, saw to me by force and forcible spousal rape. Even though those acts were caught on tape too, the jury wasn't fully convinced, so the court ultimately dismissed the charges. - I was mad, I was mad at that verdict. It raises the question, if Crystal hadn't recorded the attacks, would there have been a trial at all? Because she was married to her rapist, Crystal felt like the courts treated her case differently. After the verdict, he was sentenced to six years for the crime. - And I remember thinking, what am I gonna do when he gets out? Because like it all starts again. My fear of him killing me, my worry for my kids, everything. It just will begin again. She started thinking of ways she could protect herself when that day came. - And so I got a security protection train, German Shepherd. He was amazing. That moment on I knew I was safe. Like between all the other stuff I had, but the dog, like I knew Sean couldn't be hiding in my house. It finally gave me peace of mind. - Sean would be locked up for five years. While he was still behind bars, She worked hard to change the law, so she wouldn't have to pay him spousal support.
once he got out. In 2012, after a year of lobbying, California passed a bill which introduced exceptions to spousal support payments, in cases of spousal rape. The bill protects spousal rape victims whose abusers have been convicted in criminal court from being financially obligated to their attackers. Crystal was instrumental in getting this legislation passed. She told her story again and again, to help lawmakers understand. "If they can't put a face to the bill, it doesn't mean anything for some reason. You can't just introduce this in theory, like this could happen. No, you have to be like, no, it happened to her. And she's sitting right here at the end of it all. I'm so proud of what I've done and what I've been able to get done." But the story doesn't end there. Six years after Sean's release, Crystal got a call from the district attorney's office. "The deputy district attorney was sort of like, I'm so sorry to bother you. I know this might be upsetting, but I wanted to let you know that Sean Harris has been arrested." After Sean got out of prison, he was arrested for raping another woman and sexually abusing that woman's underage daughter. Crystal felt like she'd been telling the courts for years about how dangerous Sean was. She was enraged that it took him harming two other people for his violence to be taken seriously. "He is a fucking criminal rapist and he did it to someone else. But here's the thing. When Sean was arrested in 2021 again for the same crime and charged with five felonies in that case, this time he was sentenced to 100 years to life because the conviction in my case was in the record." It all counts. If Crystal hadn't pressed charges or hadn't documented his crimes, Sean's sentence could have been much lighter. "You have to get it on the record. Abusers, they don't stop. They're going to keep doing it and they're going to get worse, they're going to escalate and they're going to get caught. And you need to have it on the record all along the way so that they can finally get what they deserve. Like Sean finally has any sentence to 100 years to life." That sentence gave Crystal a sense of relief to live the rest of her life without fear. "I'm not sure I would be where I am mentally today without that because there's just this level of I would never ever have let my guard down if he was out, ever. And that's just a hard way to live." Crystal never expected to become an advocate for survivors of spousal rape and domestic violence. "At this age of 53, I just have a compassion that I didn't have when I was young. Life is hard. I've learned like everybody has something and it's shocking how many people have this, have domestic violence or some aspect of domestic violence in their life." After she left Sean, she needed a break. She wanted to prioritize herself and her kids. So she decided not to think about dating until her kids were at least 18. I ended up going 12 years without dating. In 2020, I let myself go on a dating app for the first time and I met an amazing man. We're married today and he could not be a better person. In the past few years, Crystal has been thriving. She and her husband lived together on a beautiful hillside in Southern California. "We've got 10 acres and built a custom house. We can see all the way to the ocean, all the city lights below. It's amazing. I feel like the life I have today is everything I sacrificed and planned for years ago." We end every episode with the same question. "Why do you want to share your story?" "I loved him. I wanted everything with him and the fact that that same man is the one who made me so afraid for my life. That's the betrayal." "I feel like women are not that well-served by the common advice that's given of just just get out. I feel like that's too simplistic. You have to have a shield of some sort when you get out and that shield is documentation. You have to think like a chess board. Think all the way to the end. I just feel like women need to hear that. They're not told that by the official sources because it's it's a little bit counter to safety sometimes. You could get hurt doing the recording. You could get hurt by staying long enough to get the documentation and it's like not the legal thing to say but I'm just telling you that's what you need." If you are victimized the way that I was and the way that so many people are, you should not be the one who is living in fear. On the next episode of The Trail Weekly, we pull out of our house. We get about two blocks from the old house and he looks at me and he says, "I think I'm getting ready to be arrested." Within seconds of that coming out of his mouth, the squad card lit us up and pulled us over. If you would like to reach out to the betrayal team or want to tell us your betrayal story, email us at
[email protected]. That's
[email protected]. Or follow us on Instagram @betrayalpod. You can also connect with me on Instagram @itsandraygunning. To access our newsletter, view additional content, and connect with the betrayal community, join our substack @betrayal.substack.com. We're grateful for your support. One way to show support is by subscribing to our show on Apple Podcasts. And don't forget to write and review Betrayal. Five star reviews go a long way. A big thank you to all of our listeners. Betrayal is a production of Glass Podcasts, a division of Glass Entertainment Group in partnership with iHeart Podcasts. The show is executive produced by Nancy Glass and Jennifer Fason, who is stated and produced by me, Andrea Gunning. This episode was written and produced by Olivia Hewitt and Monique LeBord, with additional production from Ben Federman, casting support from Curry Richman. Our iHeart team is Ali Perry and Jessica Crincheck, audio editing and mixing by Matt Delvecchio, additional audio editing by Tanner Robbins. Betrayal's theme composed by Oliver Baines, Music Library provided by Mib Music. And for more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. And I'm Lisa Di Giulio, the old one, which means we have wildly different references, occasionally different opinions. And at this point in my 50s, I've lived it all. Listen on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Lacey Mosley, author, actor, stand-up, comedian, creator and host of Scam Goddess Podcast. The True Crime Comedy Podcast, all about robbery, fraud and those who practice it. Ooh, I scammed him. What? Start listening to Scam Goddess on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, this is Kylie Breakman, Angel Jaretana. Jeremy Colhane, Patrick McDonald. And we're the hosts of the artists on artists on artists on artists podcast. The improvised character comedy podcast where each week a new panel of artists discuss their craft. He, he winks on Halloween. I hear you get the elbows here, the eyelashes hate each other. You never seen Italy so quiet as when the Pope gets up to wink on Halloween. Listen to artists on artists on artists on artists every Thursday on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi listeners, I'm Nell McShane Wolfhardt. The host of the Girlfriends Flight or Fight Podcast. And want to let you know that you can get access to all episodes of season 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 of the Girlfriends and every single episode of the Girlfriends Flight or Fight. 100%
add free. With an iHeart True Crime Plus subscription available exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Plus, you'll get access to all episodes of the Girlfriends Flight or Fight one week ahead of everyone else. [BLANK_AUDIO]
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