Cruise Ships w/ Jeff Arcuri | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Hello, trippers. We got a great episode for you today. Jeff R. Curry, a killing New York City comic is making his debut not only on the podcast, but also for a special and a specials on Netflix. Netflix, guys, premiering Jeff R. Curry's new special, nice to meet you. Go please go check that out. And here we go with a new episode of "You Be Trippin" and a very themed episode about cruise ships. Also, if you're out there, please subscribe wherever you're watching or listening. Hit the subscribe button right now. Help me out. Hit the subscribe button, let us know. It'll alert you when there's new episodes coming in. We got a lot of great new ones coming in. One about me with an Egypt, Big J. Okerson, a prison episode. A lot of great ones, so please hit the subscribe button and leave a comment for the Algo below. All right, let's start the episode. I prefer like live podcasts. There's so much more fun. It's just because you're playing too, you know, even if the guest, the panel isn't laughed, you got, uh, it's pretty good. Tony's another one to try to get on. Kill Tony. He may or may not have you. That's the thing he's too. It's funny because I love the show. I watch most episodes and I think I open for him once, like a decade ago. And I think I might have annoyed him, but if you did, he did not forget. Yeah, I'm sure. Tony's an elephant. Yeah, and I think it's one of those things where I think, like, I'm like, I'm okay with being a fan from afar. And if it's like, I'm a little gay for it, it's fine. I don't know. I'm not worried about it. Yeah, all the guys who can't get on Rogan, they're always like, there's split between like, fuck him or like, I would have ever. They don't know me. Like, we're not. That was my favorite, my favorite. I've seen a guy fuck that before. Oh my god. Well, not even, I didn't even watch the episode, but the fact that he had the joke where he's like, fuck, Rogan, I'm afraid I lived with him for a year. We got into it because he's like, he has a responsibility. I go, he's a comedian, like a responsibility. What do you have? If you have that audience, yeah, what's the number of followers you get where you can't just make a joke about something anymore? That's my argument. Is that your responsibility to your audience who wants just some retard making a statement that he hasn't researched. Yeah. Yeah, I think that you, if you're starting out, yeah, you can continue that. Also, responsibility, like he talks to scientists. If he believes anything about something, he's done more research than I have. Yeah. And it's like, if this is what he thinks is the truth, then his responsibility is to show that side of it. So that's what, I mean, his argument is that he should be like, there was a lot, we debated on a lot where my whole thing was, I was even like, yeah, he does. I don't even like lean, uh, writer and like that, but I'm just like, dude, it doesn't matter. Like if you're a comedian, if you're telling me that if I get to a point where I have enough audience that I need to, then be politically responsible, I don't want to do this anymore. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it's not worth doing. I mean, I think it's lame anytime a comic supports any political party. Yeah. It's just like lame. You should be shitting in all of them. Yeah. The office clown and you're siding with the boss. Yeah. It's just weird. Yeah. On either side, it's just like, guys, they're all war criminals. What are we doing? What are we doing? Well, that guy is worse. Like fuck off. Where you been and where you going? This is our race travel show. Yeah. We're going to talk about travel today. It's you be driven. Yeah. I remember I was in, uh, I forgot this part of it, but I did, um, Turkey to Greece. Wow. And it was, uh, Cyprus to Greece. Okay. And Cyprus is occupied by Turks. And so I remember when we moved from Cyprus to Greece, they, like, we had to go through a checkpoint. And it was, the guy was like, quiet, quiet. And I was like, in my video, videographer and me in a van, I was like, what the fuck is, what is this? Like, why are we, what are we doing? And they're like, just quiet. And then we're getting through and they have like guns and they're like, are you coming from occupied territory? What's your nationality? What's your, all the shit? The car just all of a sudden the engine just explodes a little bit. Like, just go boom, like that doesn't move. I'm freaking out because I'm like, they shot us. They shot the car. And I'm freaking out. The guy goes, the car's just out. We'll just have to, you know, he's like, I has to turn it on and then go like 10 feet and then turn it off and let it cool down. Wow. And so I'm like, call my manager. I'm like, I'm in the, I'm at a fucking checkpoint between Turkey and Cyprus right now. I don't know what the fuck's going on. And then it ended up, we had to pull all of our stuff out of the thing and sit in like 110 degree weather for like 30 minutes for another van to come. But I was freaking out. I was like, I don't want to do this anymore. I just want to play in Wichita. I heard a thing saying all the troubles in travel, like anytime you're like fucking soaked to the bone and rain and or like a checkpoint, they're fucking making me do this are going to be super fond memories. Like at some point soon. So you're just like this sucks. You're like, this is going to be something we laugh about later. What do you think it will be? Just like, with a checkpoint thing, it was like, it's a fun memory. It's like, wow. Oh, that's true. I thought you were just meeting in the future. There will be no checkpoints. No, I mean, the dangers now gone. They're not going to arrest you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So now it's like, wow, we're so scared. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's like a fun memory now. Oh, yeah. I mean, all those memories of a kid. Yeah. We almost by a client. They wouldn't let us on because of this. Yeah. That's like that talk. But it's like, I don't know, whatever. Yeah, dude. A lot of that shit happened in your, we didn't have a tour manager. I was dumb enough to not have a tour manager. So I was doing it myself and running like in friggin' Belfast, we had, we get out of our hotel. They shut down the road in front of the hotel for a marathon. So we're like, no ubers will come pick us up. So it's me and my videographer, all of our equipment, suitcases, overheads, running through perpendicular to a marathon. As we're running past, that's just one point. You're doing the juice, get the synagogue. The frogger. We had a run through and then we barely made it to a train. Like it was, those, but now I look back finally at that. Yeah. I was freaking out, you know. Yeah. Yeah. There was some guy, okay, I'll get to this in a second. Well, Jeff, our courage, I guess. I'll do a whole drop for you later with your dates and your special is called what? Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you on Netflix right now is first Netflix. Have you had other specials? No. It's for special. First ever. That's huge. Thanks. I'll tell you something that's something that we got. That was really bad. I got a thumb meet on that one. Much older now. I go like, well, let's redo it. Seguro and I did my first special. He said, and he already done a few and he goes, it's all downhill now because all you're trying to do as a comic is get to the point where you can do a special. Yeah. And now you've done it. So now it's just doing more. There's no like extra thing. Yeah. And if it's like, well, now I'll get it on Netflix and I'll get an experience. That's like a different place where it resides, but really it's making a special. So you do it. Now it's all fucking. That's what we could have filmed. They're like with men or like, like YouTube, whatever it may have been. And I'm like, I, not for nothing, but specials used to be more for like, now I'll sell tickets. Right. You know, and I'm like, I'm already kind of selling right now. And I kind of don't want to. Give him reason to ruin it. Yeah. I don't want to, you know, I like the mystery behind like, oh, let's go see his hour because there's not much of it online. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So what are we talking about today? I threw this topic at you. I used to work on cruise ships for like two years. Love it. Cruise ships. So I do them. He wants to sometimes like work visas. All, you know, different instead of like one of his trains. Sure. So this is perfect for this. Great. Because cruise travel is a specific American obese, obese. Yeah. How'd you get on? What'd you do? Stand up on them. Yeah. Yeah. I auditioned. I was just like living in a flop house in Brooklyn. Yeah. And then I got a call from a friend of a friend. I worked at a club. Rob's comedy playhouse in Buffalo, New York. Okay. And the guy that worked there one time was like, hey, man, this, this company wants to audition comedians. It was in Canada, the audition. And I didn't have a passport. So I had to drive like 14 hours audition and then drive home. That's what you can take. Just your license. Yeah. Okay. You can just because I drove through Michigan or whatever it was. And I drove straight there and I audition. It was a nightmare of an audition because it was a live show. But they had it in like a brewery. So there's like families eating. And they have. And it wasn't just comedy. It would be like magic. It would be so it was all the entertainers. Yeah. It's all every type of entertainer. And by the way, people eating, it's a terrible first show. But that's like, this is what you're going to be dealing with. That's true. Right. And that's what happened was the first, the first act was a ACDC cover band. So it was just like 60 year old men and kilts or skirts, which was, they were good. I like them. And then the next act was a comedian who had to go up while they were breaking down in the skirt, bending over. It wouldn't be like that on the cruise show. No, it wouldn't. But it was so funny. I felt so bad. He just ignored it. Didn't address it. The next act was a magician. It was probably a couple more music in between. But then there was a magician. And his trick failed. His assistant, well, like this. And it wasn't there. And he goes, folks, that's a live show. Sometimes it doesn't work out the way you want. Oh, it's your showcase. It's not just a bad show. They're like, we're not booking you. Yeah. And then I go up. And the first thing I say was, you guys remember when that magician fucked up? And it was cake from there. And I just, I go, that's a nightmare. That's a nightmare. That's like me forgetting the joke. That's all I'm here for, you know. And what a gift he gave you. It really was. And then I just did clean comedy. It had to be a clean showcase. And it was fine. But then I left throw home. And then it was me and the ACDC cover band. I got the only ones that got through. And I was just like, I was ecstatic. Because I'm like 1250 a week. Are you kidding me? 1250 bucks plus room and board. Plus room and board. And I was living with five other comics and paying $600 in rent. So I'm like, I'm making twice my rent a week now. Like, wow. I was on cloud nine. And then all the every comic or friend of mine, I brought up. They're like, oh, you're going to be a cruise ship comic. I'm going to be a cruise hack, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, here's my argument with that, which we can get into it a little bit later. Once I explain it is that what's the difference between me performing for a show like Anna cruise ship or you performing in Omaha. Is it the people? Because those are the same exact people. Is it the context? Maybe it's the context. Maybe they didn't pay for the ticket. They're not going to go, you know, enjoy it. I'll tell you what it is. It's because we had a lot of people like the communist or who do like colleges, which is similar. It's like it's for a specific type of person. Okay. You have to showcase, get them and then you do a book, you want a bunch. Sure. When you just do colleges, your act starts to be made for college. Yes. And you see this a lot of times with comics. When they start getting a little bigger and start getting laid, then they start doing jokes to help them get laid instead of just what they would be doing. There's one out. I got big. I guess, you know, I don't believe this, but like special after his big one, just the name is fine. And then and the next one was like very sexual and all those like girls who were into him was like kind of turned off like, oh, I'm sure he got laid more because of it, but it was like a lot of people like, ew. That's fun. That's interesting. I feel like every comic has to go has gone through a few years of their their sex set, like where it's like mostly about minds like who I can't believe I had sex, which is also in itself a tactic. You can argue that like, aw, yeah, I'll have sex with him. Yeah. So but the college acts who would then come back to the comedy store, the like, oh, this shit doesn't quite work here. Cause it's for a different audience. And so then like, well, now I got to do both. And now my college sets, his college sets were like comedy store ready and more edgy than the regular college set. But he had to like also base himself in the real world. I like as long as you get off a cruise ship and come back to the seller. Yes, you're good. So that's the thing is actually, well, I was doing cruises first. And then I got into the seller because I was just doing a random Vegas club, ran to a couple comics like, you should do this. You should host because we did a show. Whatever it was, serendipitous. But then I started weeing myself out of cruises because I was like, I'd rather be broke at the seller than wealthy. So you can make 12, 50 a week here. You can. It's pretty wild. If it, if you do well enough, if you're going in and trying to make in spots, like hella, we do like four each. Yeah. Like, oh, you're good. Yes. Yeah. That's what I pay my therapy with my seller spots. Nice. And the thing is you need more from those seller spots. What do you think she meant by this? This guy Maclin's yet a joke. I mean, he worked at Starbucks because they pay for health insurance, everyone's like they pay for health insurance. Everything except mental health, which is the one thing you need for working at Starbucks. Sure. So you start doing cruise ships. Tell me everything about it. Okay. So let's just say you're starting on cruises. Okay. You would get like, you have to fill out all the shit. Like you're going to be an employee, like background check, everything. You're a contracted employee, but you have to go through all the rig moral. Your requirement for the ships in terms of like shows is you need to have three different shows, three different 30 minute shows. You have a clean 30 and then two different adult 30s, which anything goes as well. Two different adult. Okay. Which anything goes doesn't mean anything goes. Like, I, anything goes meaning you can go dirty, you can curse, but you can't, I wouldn't go up and talk about politics. People complain, those complaints, if they get to the amount that they can get to, like 10 from one show, they'll like, we'll go watch their act and be like, all right, this is not for us. It's not exactly. It's like, when they just say don't be blue was a big thing when I started, don't be dirty. Don't curse, but then it was like, we don't mean don't curse. Because it's like, well, that guy curses. He's like, yeah, he's lovable and this guy's not cursing, but he's talking about the price of gas and he goes, I would crush an Iraqi baby's skull with my foot if I was on the price of gas and nickel. We're like, there's no cuss words in there. So it's not about cursing. Yes. Yes. But the clean show had to be like, there will be children in the show. Like there are sometimes like five year olds. This is actually interesting to do a crowd like that. Yeah, dude, I found a way to deal with it. Well, number one is you had to have the three different 30 minute shows, but there was per contract, meaning like, let's say one contract was either a weekend or it could be a week. So that could mean that you're doing one show a night or you could mean you're doing a show every other night or two shows every other night, whatever it may be. But one contract is five shows. So let's just say you're on one ship for a five day cruise. You may not have shows the first two days, but then the last three days you have two shows per night and then one show on the last, not whatever it may be. Okay. But you get to repeat. So you have to do five shows total, you have to repeat one of the clean and then one of the dirty. So you're doing repeat shows and you label the shows. Like my clean show is called high mom and my dirty show is called, wow, it's like a fringe hour. Yeah, it's a hundred percent. They don't have to necessarily be themed. It was just from people to identify, hey, I saw this one already, but that didn't stop people because they like to comic. They would come back and see it again. They come back and see the same exact show and then just stare at you through the same punch line. It's like, why is this working again? That's so sucky. It was in that part suck. So I decided to cut all my sets in half and then just crowd work. Like, I'm just going to dip into the crowd. And then for the clean shows, I just wrote clean jokes and had children tell them like I'd be like, who wants to tell a couple? I was just really these clean ones do like I sure I got through a lot of my clean material. I turned some dirty jokes into clean jokes. But for the most part, I'm like, all right, it's a four p.m. show. I'm not going to yield a great material out of this. I'm just going to kind of try and get through this. And so I would just kind of kill time for the most part. Yeah. And so then when you're not doing it, oh, what'd you do? Nothing. I would I started yeah, got my own cabin indoor. No windows. Uh, yeah. Like the joke for comics, I've heard it more than once was if you slip in the shower, you could fall in bed. Like that room house. My time in the room. I had a good 10 minutes on like cruise ship shit. That's the kind of shit. So that's what makes it into a bad combo. We're like, I'm doing this stuff. Actually, no one's really in this vacancy. Same way you always talk about like your loss to the table. You try to do that in New York. It was like, no, no, it's it's not that stayed there. But I never really like I never dedicated. There was some comics that had a half an hour on ships that that was their ship act. They're one half an hour for that reason work. And some of them like the jokes were good because it was like, oh, you know, they're a little racy, a little dicey and a little fun because that's no thing I want to talk about too is the, uh, I don't want to say segregation, but the workers to the people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Basically how compartmentalized all the like the nationalities were. So for example, uh, every ship I worked, the casino staff were all Slavic or Eastern European, all of them. Okay. Because they were known for speaking better English and for their card abilities, I guess. Okay. Um, the security staff were all, um, Filipino, Indonesian, Nepalese, uh, a bunch of them were Gorka soldiers like from the ball. It's like, uh, yeah, from the ball. They were like, they fought against the British or something like that, but they were legit, like soldiers, but all security was Indian or East Asian, all of them were. And then every, all the cleaning crew were Filipino. Filipino. That's what I saw. And the, and the, and the, and the kitchen, the staff, whatever. Yes. Filipino. Yeah. Indonesian and Filipino for the staff. And then the, um, bartending staff is a lot of Indonesian, but they're also mostly a lot of Slavic. And then, or Eastern European, and then, uh, the officers and all of them were usually Italian, mostly Italian. And then a lot of the engineers were South African, actually. Wow. I would just ask everybody, because there's the crew bar. Have you ever been to the crew bar? No. That is always to, I want to one cruise and practical jokers cruise. That's a different experience because you worked as much as possible, because there's like 20 comics on board. Yeah. So it was like me and Sam are real, yeah. Basketball on the deck and doing like, it was like, oh, this is fun. There's going to eat, come with us. I was meeting, I was hanging out. It's still sucked. It, yeah. Now imagine the only comic there is 70 and real bitter. And you're hanging out with him in the whole time. Wow. There was some times where I, dude, I've seen a couple comics get kicked off, like fired right in front of my eyes, because of their act. What? I have a couple of those. Uh, the, uh, one comic. You know, you ever have those guys that overcorrect where you're like, like, they're almost so white 90 or like you did something. Like this guy's comic I worked with. For sure. He was like, Hey, man, uh, word of advice when you take pictures with fans after the show. The women, you don't touch them, man. They'll lose their mind. Don't touch them. Keep your arms wide. Angry. Yeah. Like, you can't touch women during the photo, because you know how they are. Like, it was very like, and don't touch them. I go, I'll be right, man. They know I'm not trying to have sex with them because I'm taking a photo with them. I'm just putting my arm around them. And he's like, that's what they say now. I'm not grabbing their weight. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just like, it was very like, the girl that's the other comic was working with shoes is like, it's very coded to be like, yeah, I don't even touch them because you know, you're going to get canceled. If you even touch them, you're going to get canceled. Like one of those situations, but we're doing a theater show. So usually they, they added, which is they would have like a thousand people in this big like where they'd have the Cirque du Soleil shit or whatever. And they'd have comics go up and do usually 20 minutes back to back. I go up second. He was up first. We just do a piggyback type of show. And it's a PG show. But it's later than normal. It's like 8, 30 or 9 o'clock show. And he should know this. I know this. I'm adamant about checking this. Make sure it's PG or not. He goes up and he's just like, there's a fake brick wall on the LED screen. And he's like, look at that. Um, better than the fucking wall we got down south. Am I right? And everyone's like, what the fuck? Everyone's like, my shifts are seat. We're like, what? And he's like, he's like, all right. All right. Well, it was good. Let's get to know where it was. Where are you guys all from? Like one of those where you're like, oh, you're just struggling already. And somebody's like, Scotland, he's like, oh, Scotland, Scotland. He goes, you know why their fences are so small? Because if they go to jump over them, they smack their balls on them because they're because of those the kilts. And it's just nothing. And some lady yells out, this is a children's show. And he goes, shut up, Karen. And everyone's was just like, "What the fuck?" And she's like. "My children are leaving because of you." And he's like, "Your children don't even love you." And I was like, "What the fuck?" - That's a club act. - That's crazy. - Dude, it was wild. And then he goes, she goes, "Children know what balls are, lady." He's yelling this out. In front of this thousand, there's children in the audience. Children, he goes, "Do me a favor. If you're like 15, 14 or under and you know what balls are, raise your hand." I'm like, "Don't make the children participate." And I'm now behind the bar in the fetal position. - Pringing. - Pringing. The host of the show runs over to me. And it's a small Filipino dude, American. He's like the host, meaning like he runs the comedy show but does a street choke up front and brings us up. And he goes, "What do I do? What do I do?" The bosses are calling, people are complaining. And I go, "I go, honestly dude, "you just walked in the room." I go, "Don't get him fired, but don't lose your job." I go, "Just so you didn't see this part of it." But don't lose your job for this guy. Like, he's fucking up. He doesn't mean like, 'cause if you get caught lying, I don't want him to lose his job, you know. Some of these people, they make four times the average income. - You shouldn't be doing this. - Yeah. - It's not like, yeah, he was fine. He was like, "Dude, what are you doing?" - Yeah. - Also, if you're a cruise ship comic, no offense. You're not, it's not like, you gotta drop the I'm an artist. It's like, "I'm for hire with a specific set "that they want me to do." It's like being a DJ or wedding. You're like, "I'm up doing originals." You can't do that now. You just can't do that. - I'm doing the shit that works. - Yeah. - My closing bit was a snoring bit. Because, oh, which I've gotten, I even got in trouble for that on a PG show. I worked with this woman. The rage in Cajun was her name on the, I forget her, fuck, I forgot her name, dude. We hung out. It was post-pandemic, yeah. We're on the cruise. We just drank whiskey and argued politics. She's just 70 years old from New Orleans, white lady. And she was, dude, I don't know what it is, but old people hate fucking, what's it called? Windmills, like the energy ones? - Oh, really? - Yeah. - What's it called? - Yeah, the one with the thin things. - Yeah, they hate them. - It's crazy. - They just, they lose their mind. They're like, "It's not real. "They're not real." - They're not real. They're not real. - They hate. - Guys, I get it. I get it if you want to keep the coal jobs. But, like, what's wrong with extra power? - Yeah. They're saying that they're all diesel powered and that the government's lying to us. We just be drinking bourbon and just arguing about this. But she, the first day. - I love people like that. 'Cause I figured out this. Instead of going, let me tell you why you're wrong and looking up. I'm like, I'd rather just research this line of thoughts. - Yes. - Like, tell me more. - It was very fun. - And like, so why do they power with diesel just to make less energy? - Yeah. And she was like a fun Republican or fun right wing in the sense that she was really, really hard right. - Yeah. - But not racist. - Yeah. - Like she'd be like, "Let's get this back, Mom." "Come here, let me ask you." Like she'd talk to them like equally and everyone had that equalness to him. Like the racism on the ships were crazy. Like the casual racism. Like, "Come here, you black motherfucker." Like that. Like a Filipino guy telling to a black guy and then them just throwing slurs at each other while drinking and me going, "Oh!" - That's so fun being away from New York where you're like, "Whoa, you guys get after it." - But I had, yeah, that's, yeah. I had a, this lady, I met. The first day I met her was on accident. I just finished my first PG show. It was post-pandemic. So we're stuck on the ship for six weeks now at this point. We just started. These are the comics I'm gonna be with, these three other comics for the whole next six weeks. And she, a lady comes up to me after my first PG show and she goes, "This is supposed to be a PG show." And I don't know who to talk to, manager wise, but you brought up how you were girlfriend snores, which insinuates your sleeping with her and you guys are on Mary. - Whoa, I wasn't interested in the angle. I'm like, "What's the angle?" - Yes, but that's it. - On Mary sleeping in the same bed. - But that's PG. She's talking about a G show. - Yeah, well, that's, I mean, - PG has a simulation. - That's barely PG. To me, it's just, I could have been napping next to a woman and she snored. That doesn't, you know what I mean? But so the, the Cajun lady right next to me, never met her. She just goes, "I'm the other comic." And if you find that dirty, don't come to my fucking show. And there's looked her in the eye. The lady was like this, and I, from that day forward, I'm like, "Let's go get a drink." And she was like the sweetest old lady. I love it. - Did Joey Diaz once were all in La Jolla comedy store. They would send the comics there. It was kind of like the Vegas seller, used to before the pandemic. And it was two hour drives. You'd go down there with somebody and it was me, Diaz and this lady, Kelly Kirsten. And I was on first, I was way dirtier than I am now. And then Kelly was pretty dirty too. And Diaz is the filthiest. - Yeah. - So I'm on, and whoever is this, thinking it's a cleaner show, it was just getting mad, but I'm off from 15. And like, finally, he's done. I could tell that. And then Kelly's on at five minutes of this. They're like, "What the?" And they went out and started complaining. They're like, "You said this is gonna be a clean show." And they're like, "No, we didn't." They said, "Yes, you said the eight o'clock show is a clean show." And then they go, and they go, "I think you might have called the comics "to run Los Angeles." And they're like, "No, I didn't." They're like, "Well, we don't have an eight o'clock show." This is a seven thirties show. - Yeah. - I think you called the other place. And she was like, "No." And this is too dirty. And then Diaz hadn't been on yet. None of us had draws. So they were just there for the club. You just walked over and was like, "Get the fuck out, you bitch! You fucking piece of shit! Get the fuck out of here!" - Oh, man. - Just like chased her out. He was done. He was like, "Don't stay for me." - Wow. - It was pretty much like, "Get out. You're done." - Oh, shit. You gotta love that, though. The, you know, as I've adjusted, I've chameleon myself a few times, and I hate myself after every time. And I love comics that are on a bash like that. - You know what I do now? It's me and, what's it live? It's a fucking block in his name, but we were talking, he dropped an n-bomb on stage. Talking about a story, talking about a story where he was arrested and they called them the N-word Tom Brady, because he looked like Tom Brady. - So he said like this, like that? - Yeah, he's like, they call me, yeah. - He did an impression of them. - Yeah. - Oh, he didn't know, if you-- - Which also, if you pretended to sound black, that's-- - Yeah, which also, it's like, that's even less acceptable now, but not even as told that story, like in a context, you could do it now. Now even the term the N-word is people like, don't even do that. - Yeah. Anyway, this lady, like a one eighth black lady, comes up to us trying to defend her one eighth. With her seven eighths of angry. And she was like, don't ever, there's never a reason to use that word, how dare you. And it hit me then. I'm like, ever since then, there's how I've handled it. I'm like, you know what? You're absolutely right. I never thought about it that way. I'm not going to do that ever again. And then they go, well, you shouldn't do it. I'm like, lady, I 100% see it. You're right. I feel terrible. And then I'm like, I'm gonna keep doing whatever I want. Like, get away from it. - They know you're, you're plaking them a little bit. - Maybe not, maybe not. But because they want to fight and you don't give them one. And then also it's like, what am I gonna learn something right now? - Yeah. - I know you're annoying. Get out of here. - Yeah. - So it's like, how do I get out of here fastest? I agree with them. - That's true. Yeah. - Yeah. - It's all fun and gains. But I don't think you need to make jokes about death. I'm like, you know what, damn, you're right. We should be kind of happier. Oh, work on it. I'm like, okay, I'm doing that later tonight. - Yeah. - Yeah. - What are you talking about? 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And after you sign up, they're going to ask you how you heard about superpower. Tell them you be tripping sentia and support the show. Support your health and support your show. What could be better? - Hi guys, today's episode of You Be Trippin is brought to you by Cash App. Built in card security that keeps your money safe, the protection you expect. When you get the Cash App card, not only do you get access to a ton of perks and benefits like exclusive early access to nationwide concept pre-sales or discounts on popular brands, but you also have extra security with the power to instantly lock or unlock your card right from your phone in just one tap. If a suspicious transaction pops up on your card, Cash App has your back by automatically declining the purchase and sending you a heads up to confirm that it's if it's you or not. Behind the scenes, you can rest assured knowing the account balance is protected by 24/7 fraud monitoring. 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You're not, you're a subhuman. You're an employee. I mean, that, that, that, what do they call it? So staff and customers. Carnival's the one I worked. Okay. And that's the lower wrong. Is it really strong of cruise ships? Carnival's the most well-known. Yeah. I mean, it's the McDonald's of the sea. Yeah. So everyone knows Carnival, but also Princess. Yeah. And all that. They're owned. They're all of them are owned. It's all Black Rock. Like, it's all not actual Black Rock, but it's all like Princess owns Carnival. Carnival owns most of the higher luxuries. I believe like not Royal, but like another, not Royal. But they own another one where one's like, yeah, Carnival is the trash one and they make fun of it. It's like, it's the same company. So it's like Lexus and Toyota? Yeah. 100%. There's, there's, like, we're going on a Princess cruise to Alaska. It's the same company. It's Carnival. Interesting. But they have the higher end and then they have their budget end. Okay. And what was your question? Sorry, for if you're allowed to talk to the customers and if you're, if what the sex, if there's sex going on. So yeah, there can be. Yeah. They're not supposed to be. So there's, like, Carnival is low or wrong. And so what you happen is when you sign on you are technically a contracted employee. You have to fall all the employee rules except for a few. One of which is that I can eat and drink, like not a call like anywhere on the cruise ship that the guests can as long as it's. You're allowed, my face. I'm allowed to go eat there. But I have to wear my name tag. To let them know you're a subhuman. Yes. To let them, to beat to, to, to not, because if I was in line for the buffet, there's a long line for buffet. I can't get in line until the line goes to lower. Wow. But was there an employee section to eat? Like if you wanted to. There were. Yeah. And that's where only the employees. Like, we're all the. And it was just. 100% Vegas. It's dark. It feels really depressed buttered spaghetti and hot dogs. Like that type of shit. Yeah. That's all it was is down there. And sometimes the food was better. Like sometimes they dated rice. You're like, they're going to do rice better. Yeah. You know, I mean, like, yeah. And like this though. And you'd see them, like, making fixing it up and use it. Like it was, I was like, all right. Sometimes I'd eat down there. But I could eat wherever I wanted. Which was a good and bad thing. Like the food was better for the guests. But I'm wearing a name tag. And I was just on stage twice last night. If I'm sitting down and eating people that are, there's only 2000, 1000 people there. They're going, oh, funny guy. And they sit down next to you. They're drinking their big gulp. And they're just talking to you. And I'm just trying to. You can go. I can't eat when someone sits next to me like that. I just all stop eating. And then I'll just let my food get cold. And then they'll leave. So if there is a knowing part of it, you can't bring food back to your room ever. What? Yeah, ever. It's not allowed. No plates, no apples, nothing. You can't have it in there. What? Cleanliness or something? I think so. I think that they don't just don't want somebody doing that all the time. I remember them real strict on everybody coming in, a smiling Filipino. It's like, let me spray your hands with hands sanitizer. Let me spray your hands because if anybody got sick, everybody's getting sick and they have to fight it. You have to report diarrhea right away. You have to report it. And first of all, I already do that to Lewis. Every time I have diarrhea, I take a video. Really? I let them know. I have had diarrhea. Let me know what you think. There is blood in this. I should have used that malicious compliance. That would have been great. But not only do I have a video evidence, not a picture evidence video. And not only do you have to report your diarrhea, if your bunkmate has diarrhea and they don't report it, you have to report that you tell on them. That they have diarrhea. Smell something, say something. So I remember people are getting in trouble for that. Dude, I had diarrhea. I have, I'm lactose intolerant, and I never know what they're cooking. I was blasting most weeks. I'm not reporting it. So you have to, you can eat up there, whatever. There's the crew bar than the regular bars. You could order drinks, but you have to pay full price. So you could have a $16 mojito or go to the crew bar where drinks were insanely discounted, like a vodka tonic, teetos, in soda, which is like a shot in whatever, $0.98. Yeah. So I was getting wasted for $6. Your abuser? I was. On the cruise ships, I had nothing to do. And that's how I'd make friends. Here's everything I believed about cruise ships, especially my friend Steve Simone does them a lot. And so he's met the old timers too. And you go one of two ways and sometimes just shift either get drunk every day or workout. Yeah. And sometimes like, I can't do that. It's been seven straight years of drinking every single day because what else am I going to do? And then it's like, I'm going to work on my body. I was doing both. Wow. I would just run on the top deck. And then at night, I'd go like, have a drink. If I didn't have shows that night, I'd just read in the crew bar till it started getting busy. And then I'd find like, usually I'd flock toward the UK. Like an operator's got a pub with his newspaper. Yeah, kind of. Oh dude, it was, I was I was I was crazy in the wolves. I was reading a lot of books on. Just fucking door. I want a door. Me in a white claw. Just check London. Did I remember? Not only was I reading about wolves at the time, I remember really talking people up about them. I never heard out about something. Everybody's into this, right? It was about the reintroduction of wolves into Yellowstone. I'm like, it saved the national part. I was losing my mind talking about wolves. But then yeah, I would just get I would flock to like the UK singer. A lot of them with the singers were UK. Okay. And the performers, which was a sad site sometimes. I remember I hooked up with one and I made a joke to her. I go, it's funny. It's fun finding ourselves on our the downturn of our careers, you know. She didn't agree. Yeah, yeah. I was like, okay, but she blew her knee out dancing like four years prior. She was 32. She's on a cruise ship dancing here. I'm like, yeah, you know, I'm like, I'm on a cruise ship after doing late night. I'm this is where I'm I was I was like, this is where I'm gonna live. I'm fine with it. I'll make six figures a year. I'll have you know, whatever. I'll I'm fine with this. I was happy with it. I forgot my train of thought, but I was talking about the drinking and then I flock to like the UK singers and stuff. And then the hooking up part you could. There's nothing about it. Guests, no way. Never. But there must have been on my one cruise. So I'm very limited data points. One of the comics hooked up with like somebody was there with their parents who were like, we love and practical jokers. They grew up watching it and they're like 23 now and they hooked up. But there wasn't rules like that. It was like a written your own boat for practical jokers. Yeah, that's day. Yeah, that's that's different. But I've heard like an absolute note. But you must get women coming up to you afterwards going, oh my god, I saw yesterday. What are you doing? You want to? Yeah. What are you doing tonight? You know what? I think it comes with age where you ever like you think you just think about it practically and and and this one ain't worth it. There's that and there's also like you don't think about the night of a sleeping with them. I think about the sneaking out the repercussions and the guilt and the fear of getting caught because you hear all the stories. There's stories of they search your bunk randomly. It's two knocks in an open. What? There's no there's no like they would randomly do that. Like at least once per contract I just see it open the door. So what's off sleep and whatever it is. Let's grow. Yeah, random inspection. In case if there's somebody in there, if you're you know anything going on, one thing that would happen is I would use hairspray or steam in the shower. It would set my fire alarm off. And then they rush into the room every time like all the time and then just I could be just in a towel holding. Like if you're stuck in a cigarette, we're stopping you. Yeah. Yeah. There's stories of them walking in and like opening the cabinet of the comedian and there's like a 23 year old girl in there like that. Like she was trying to hide her. And what do they do? They just let you off the next thing you're fired immediately. If you're caught, if a guest is caught in your cabin or you're caught in a guest cabin, it's one strike. What do you do until then? Is there a brig? Or do you just stay in your cabin? No, they you stay in your cabin. They send they assign a security guard outside of it. They sit outside the door. There's people that you see videos online of like a security guard sitting outside a cruise person's room and like a guest. And it's because they either got in trouble or they yeah, they're just not allowed to interact with guests until they get to the next police station or the next island. And they let them off and then get them home or you get home in your own. I don't think you have to get home in your own. That's all yours. You're done. Dude, you know, only times I've we've pulled up to port in back to America and they just arrested like seven people with morns because they go, we know where you're going to be at this time. We see that your passport was flagged as leaving the country and we know when that cruise returns. So they're waiting for you. I would every time I was on a back to back like I'd do a three day than a five day. I'd go to the balcony on the part no matter what time it's like 8 a.m. 9 a.m. and I'd always watch and there'd be like just 10 soldiers and they'd just just random dudes just like oh fuck and then they were getting arrested. That's so cool. It was pretty sick to watch. Yeah, but just knowing I'm like man that guy was having the week of his life not knowing, you know. What a final last week. It's like point break like let me do one last. There was one where they were stealing and dooping people's credit cards throughout the ship and they found them. through whatever it was. And they had them like de-bored and then the cops were all, they actually know somebody who was doing it on the beach from the ship. So they were walking along the beach, just scanning people's cards and taking their info. And they got caught, I guess. And before the ship left, they like seized the ship. And then they had to bring this. It was a young, good-looking couple. They got off. - A couple. - Yeah, young buff. And I'm like, that was a-- - I love a couple doing crimes together. - It is kind of hot. - It's kind of hot. - It's a little bit, yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - There's been a rest. I had a death during one of my shows. - As long as it's not like abductions and sexual stuff. - Yeah. - No, this isn't as fun. - It's usually trafficking. - Yeah. - It's like the wife was like, get her, pick her. - Yeah, Bonnie and Clyde, and what they used to be. - Bonnie and Clyde, that's much. - Now they're all just banging in the banks. - Yeah. - I had a lady die or a guy. I don't know who it was. - On a ship. - On a ship, there was a code red or code black, whichever I'll forget which one it is, means death. And a lot of anybody who's cruised more than like, a lot of these people go on cruises like five times a year. They know what the codes mean. And what happens is they shut down an entire floor of the cruise. - Why? - So, because they have a dead body, they need to remove it. So they send medical, which is like emergency medical code blues. - What? - They can't have anyone to see that on a fun cruise. - No. There's, I got stories. They're, so I was on stage doing the theater set. One of my theater sets. And not only does it play through the speakers, it shuts your microphone off. So I'm in the middle of a clean show. And it was like code red, please no visitors or guests on floor nine. We have code red on floor nine, whatever code black, whatever brown whatever it was. And everyone knew. I didn't know the time, but everyone, there's a solemn presence. And then everyone, I was like, yeah, somebody died. And then I was like, that's crazy. And then I was like going down. I was taking the stairs and I saw a body bag. They had like a body bag. And they had like security on every part of the stairs. Because I had a name tag, they're like, you're one of us. Keep going. And I saw a body bag after I set. Yeah, that's through me off. - Freaky. - Then stories I've heard. The rest of it's like a lot of stories like of children dying. 'Cause there's like the big atrium in the middle. Aspirele staircases. They kids stand on a luggish to look over the thing. - A good topple. - 10 floors down just through the cruise ship. The comic that told me about the story, he's like, I hate to burn you with the stories. Like, dude, I just, most nights I hear the sound. And I'm like, oh God. - What sound of the crunchy child? - The child hitting the bottom of the, and that story still gets me, dude. Imagine that, like your parent, you're just, he's climbing up. Yeah. - Do you have any overboard? - Not on, not what I was on. - Not what I was on. - Like a cruise divorce, I'll call 'em. - I've had. - That's the gotta be. - I've seen some shit go down. Like, the screaming arguments. I've seen a couple fights. There's also, Carnival has, it's kind of sneaky. They do longer cruises. - Can you hear a little bit? - What, oh, am I too far? - Yeah, I'm in bed. - Am I bad? They have like, the 10 day cruises. So my first ever cruise was a 10 day back-to-back with a three day. So it was like a 10-day Panamanian cruise through the Panaman Canal. - That's cool. - And then, yeah, which was like two weeks, which was, retirement age, people. They're going on a 10 day cruise. - Yeah, that's what I wanted to do. - Who these people are. - The next one was a three day cruise, spring break. And it was spring break. So it was me and this other comic. And his name, just in case I don't wanna talk shit about, 'cause I'm gonna talk shit about 'em, he had like a catchphrase in his name, like the party guy, like, you know, I'm Tim, the party guy, McEloph or whatever. McEloph, oh no, I just, that's a friend of mine. And so, he had to go up, and I was doing the, he did his set, did well on his PG. Like, the PG show was like 4 p.m. that goes a very retirement cruise. And then I went up and bombed. Like, just talking about fucking dating, you know. And he walks up to me, I'll never forget. He's like, you gotta adjust your act to the age groups, your playing for, man. And I remember just being like, you fuck you. 'Cause I hated this about 'em, is that he was hitting his business cards out to my audience before my show. Like, he came back for my show and was like, and just a reminder, I'm the fun guy. And was given business cards out. And he wasn't a comic, he never did it on land. He was a cruise director that found that he can make more money doing comedy. So he switched, and he wears full wacky suits. - Wow. - He's gonna know, anybody who's working on those businesses. - That's fun. That sucks. He has a catchphrase and wears silly suits. He's like you if you didn't make it ironic or funny. - Great. (laughing) - I do love suits. I do love weird suits. And then I went up and I bombed and then he told me that. And then the next was back-to-back was spring rate cruise. And then he fucking ate shit. - Oh, 'cause he can't do it. - He was like real people. - Yeah, doing his impressions of the preachers and stuff like that. And then I fucking crushed. And it was like, I was doing like extra time. It was so fun. And then I walked up to him after I go, you gotta adjust to the audience. I was like, I deserve that. And I was like, yeah, dude. - We saw, there was a comic at the store who was that definitely worked a lot of cruise ships. And he was a cruise ship act. And he was like, you shouldn't be in LA, New York comedy. You're a cruise ship act. It's fine. But like, dude, this is like different here. And I remember him doing just like a teen tour. They had these teen tours at the improv where they was like, these 14 years of go across the country. And one of the shows you could go. One of the things was go see a show at the improv. And they would tell you like, hey, it's a teen tour. If you don't wanna do it, we'll get someone else's. It's okay. - Okay. - But I loved it. I'm like, I never get a 14 year old audience. And I get extra dirty. - Really? I don't know. - So does anything goes? - They don't care. I'm trying to do well. - Yeah, it's like-- - But I'm like, these kids want filth. - Yeah. - And everyone was trying to clean it up. But sometimes you'd do dirty, would be like, they can't even comprehend it. Like, I had a bit about fucking in the shower. And they're like, that's beyond, we're just imagining sex. This is like, you can't what? But like, but like, this guy did this bit, this cruise ship act bit. And he was like, he needs a guitar comic. He's talking about Blinkway too. And he's making all these jokes about them being like, kind of like the Sex Pizz like hardcore punk band. But everybody's like, they're not punk like that dude. They're like nice people. They're not like, like, you clearly don't know who you've been talking about. - You're talking about the Sex Pizzles to 14 year olds at the time? - No, he's talking about Blinkway too. But he's making them seem like they're like, "Pah, fuck off, man, I'll do what I want." - Oh, it's like, that's not Blink. - Yeah, that's not Blink 1802. He's like, and then they're like, we know who they are. It's not at all. - Yeah, time to long. - It's a big follower of Bigfoot. You know what I mean? If you wanted to do jokes like that, it's fine. - Yeah. - When was this? - I mean, 15 years ago. - Okay, all right. - Yeah, 'cause not a comic anymore. So, okay, let's talk about the food also. Because I told you I gained 17 pounds in like, in like eight days or whatever it was. - I mean, it's a choice. I was doing it long enough. You were there for like, this is the one time I'm doing this. I looked at it as like, I got seven more contracts for the years now. I'm gonna be on the cruises for a while. I need to come up with some sort of routine. So I would just, I would eat healthier. I would like run every day, read every day, and write every day. That was my three things. - That's good. - And it was honestly like the healthiest I've been in terms of like that. But then just like, to make up for the social part of it or being anxious, I would like, I'd have a couple drinks at the end of the night and then walk over and be like, hey, I'm only here for a week. 'Cause these people are on cruise for six to eight months. So I'm on for a week. They don't give a fuck. Like they know I'm gonna be leaving. So it's hard to make friends. Like, can I buy you guys all around and let me sit with you guys and chat and they're like, hell yeah, come on over. 99% of the time they were like, they became like friends. I still, they still visit me in New York. Like we're still friends, yeah. 'Cause a lot of them are very talented singers, you know? Yeah, you could hook on. - The difference between making it and not making it, sometimes is like a break here or there. - Yeah. - Where you're like, dude, you're hallowed talented. There's no reason you haven't got a record deal. I don't know. - It's it, the reason I got into the seller, which arguably is the reason for my pivot and to being more successful was because I did a hike in Vegas with Matt Brasard and after I hosted a show with him, he was like, you should host at the seller. And that's, it was, I was like, I'd be like, oh. - If I didn't do that hike, if I didn't, you know, all the things, like I think about that, like. - Rogan has a story of, he was trying, there's a showcase for this big time manager and at one of the comedy clubs, maybe laughs. No, it wasn't last, wait, before that. But Austin, at the one-up family hall, I think. But anyway, they were like, you're true dirty. You can't be on it. And he's like, okay. And so he's over at Nick's comedy stop, just performing. The manager got bored of these guys doing their acts. And he was like, man, am I really enjoying these guys? And just took a walk and then saw, oh, Nick's comedy stop. And went in there and saw Joe just killing dirty, filthy, but like crushing. And he was like, oh, this guy's great. Hey, let me talk to you, you need representation? - Whoa. - And it was just like a lucky thing if the guy had stopped to go to the bathroom or not stopped to go, he would have missed him. He'd probably still be like a bar comic in Boston. - You know, and I agree, and I also, I semi-disagree that I feel like cream rises to a certain degree. Like if it wasn't him, he would have been found. Like, my wife will kind of remind me. Like if that didn't happen, something else. Well, 'cause I also never looked at anything besides comedy. I was like, if cruise ships, I'll just do this, but I'm gonna keep making myself better at this. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like that thing of like, they asked some golfing, Nick Feldos. Like, man, you hit that lucky shot out of the, out of the rough over that tree on 817. He goes, hey, it's funny. Like, maybe it's, he stole the quote, but he goes, more I practice the luckier I seem to get. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So like, yeah, you'll have more opportunities, but like, you need that one. - Yes, you also need to have done it for 16 years prior to have that one. - Joey from Friends, I think he booked another pilot that year. - Matt LeBlanc, yeah. - It got dropped. It's like, we're not, that's not going. And he was just in time. at the end of policies in the audition for one more pilot that was friends but if you just get that or if the other show lasts a half season he's not worried is. Do you do Vio or auditioning stuff like no I hit it doing it. I stopped doing it I told my agent I was like they were like hey you keep not doing these I'm like I only want to do cool stuff yeah and she says what's cool I'm like I can't tell you but the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 that was a not cool one so I didn't want to go but I know I feel bad you're working so hard to get me these auditions. I know I've been shitty about it and like some of them are really cool. Making enough money that was the thing too I had a path is going to be different you're going to get offered something. I think that's not like I'm like oh that's what I want but like I also look at it that way where now with a comedy is the way it is yeah you're telling me to take two weeks off to shoot something for this amount of money when I could take I could do two club weekends. Better a week on S for you yeah yeah yeah it doesn't make as much nice but not what you're getting and I met with like on an animation studio it was like one of those meetings where it I didn't know it started it was like I was just kind of cool we're just talking about video games and shit and then it started and then he talked about he's like listen man I go I'm not going to send you anything that's not going to be like crazy because you guys made more on the road than you're going to make my studio and I go you're a fucking real one for that dude no one mentions that ever getting on a Monday yeah like the longevity and the residuals and shit are great but yes I just love what we do so high level right now in terms of like finances yeah it's like yeah yeah it's pretty great and you done like arena I did kill Tony oh yeah yeah yeah and then I did one with Shane in Washington DC how is that that was pretty sick but I mean I was so nervous have you done them no I was so nervous I was so nervous kill Tony was different because I was doing a kind of a character yeah yeah yeah I made a real reactionary more than interrupting calm people like your fat you're ugly to really doing like let me be the heel here which was actually glorious and I was really had a lot of fun with it yeah Tony and I were trying to he's so cool it like just coming up with stuff and I was like so how do you want to do that so I'm like yeah I'm going to show like a fake dick or fake vagina I don't know and I was like at some point I'm like oh I should interrupt the back he's like yep that's like an hour before that's great yep let's get you a cool let's get you back there I love the swings they take like it was just like as he's talking and I'm like hold on one goddamn second he's like what I'm going to the crowd I've never seen so many fat pieces of shit in my life dude I'm trying that makes my balls go inside that was very nervous walking through all those people once you get going you get going but then with Shane I was so nervous but I just you know it's like what you said with that showcase so you got lucky somebody bombed ahead of you yeah this this is where I used to watch basketball games I grew up there so yeah this is where I used to watch the wizards lose here all the time yeah one laugh and I'm like now I'm good nice but if I don't get that first laugh fuck it sucks 20,000 people not laughing at you that's so many people man so many people I feel like shit at the shows where there's like 1500 and I look at the back row and I'm like are you enjoying this are you having fun yeah yeah um so okay the food at these things yeah sorry one of my memories is watching these Filipino smiling guys take just plates full of one bite eaten yeah because it's a buffet that's why I gave away it was like I'll have a hamburger I'm like oh people always go I'll get one slice of pizza like oh a whole thing of fries and then it's like oh does there are so many let me try bite of each and just dumping plates of un eaten food that could feed their village yep and just smiling just like whatever the way it was inst it was intense and I will say man the amount of like the Philippines going hi beautiful thick picture over here like this and then you meet them in the crew bar and they're like these fucking fat pieces of shit really my favorite so happy my favorite part was hearing them talk about like the diamond members like the people who have been on so many cruises they get a lanyard that says they're like diamond medallion of delta whatever like but they had they wear it around as if they're like and you better not you should know my complaints go further you know like this this air of like you want to treat us better and they know that they go we have to treat those people great but we hate them more because of it all the hate for Americans on the ships was I lived for it dude I was Canadian and there's a cruise ship Americans yeah they're that's a hundred minutes saying they're best I would defense I go you're not seeing the coasts at all you're not seeing any of the big cities you're seeing a lot of the people that are driving into Galveston, Texas to take this cruise you know I got a fight with this Uruguayan guy shout out heronimo and he was like he was like he was getting like Che Guevara up without having read his works and stuff like why the American interventionism was like they don't know how lucky they look all these people like you think any of us can afford to like travel for a year like this Israeli guy this American guy I'm like yeah but dude you're only meeting the guys that can afford to do that yeah who saved up yeah but like you're not meeting any of the ones who can't pay their rent that's a lot of them too yeah so yeah it's like you're meeting a subset of people fat cruise ship people that's your only show of America yes you would hate it they're they're they're yes you were Canadian you just said you were Canadian oh yeah until like in the beginning I would say I'm Canadian and then there there'd be another fun reveal let me go actually from New York I just like I don't know if you guys how you guys felt yeah you know I was a bit like the reveal in college when you give the bouncer the bar you've been going to your real ID for the first time and he's like he's not Jeff R. Curry I'm Smith and you know like no you're like mother fucker I thought you've worked two years as Tom Smith yeah like well and those days are over buddy there was a lot of racism too on for black comics versus white what do you mean in the two years I was on cruise ships they told me that they would there's possibility of drug test okay I got drug tests once every comic I talk to they're like every contract every what every contract like once a week like I asked every black comic are worth like Mike E. Winfield oh you see I mean him did a ship together and he joined in halfway through my two week so he was like I was already on board and if we had good sets like he was a fun hang we'd go to the nightclub and the thing and drink separately but like watch the drunk people sunburn trying to dance and he was getting attention so bad at dancing let loose for the first time in 20 years oh yeah oh still like this still some glasses on her head and it's like 11 p.m. like it was it was fun to watch and uh this the Tampa special where you go uh just have him here oh yeah dude hell yeah except those are not reflective oh yeah that's right that's right sorry Tampa okay reflective ones next time they would uh yeah we remember I would we're having a drink after the birth and I already been going to that night club every night having a drink as a ritual watching the people dance and then leaving and he was like I'll go with you will hang out halfway through his first reign like you can't be in here and he's like I'm a comedian he goes you can't be in here and I go well I'm a comedian too and he goes all right then you can't be here too and I'm like I've been here every night and I you have no problem he goes you just due to out and so he was like man they're just fans they want to take pictures you know because people are taking pictures in the nightclub and he's I don't care out so he's like just so you know like he didn't let this go and I fucking love this like Mike Mike he's like just so you know we are allowed to do this I'm gonna just make sure you get in a little bit of trouble for making me feel like less of a person like he just kind of like was telling this guy like very articulately like this sucks yeah and then he goes and this is what we're gonna do now he goes I have a lot of fans and then I want to take pictures and I'm sure he's got some people want to take pictures so let's do this and he grabbed two chairs and we went to the front of the nightclub and sat and two chairs facing the entrance and just chilled there with our drinks and sat and asked people came out he got up and took pictures with each of them right in front of the security guard that kicked him out and the whole time the security guys was looking around because they'll never go sorry man sorry I'm not at all obviously coming I don't know I just said some well that's what spawn me going have you been drug testing like every time I said my first one last uh yesterday and I was like that's crazy I got it done once and I was nervous because I was high and if you they find weed in your system you're out like it's gone but yeah you can't smoke a week before you get there no it's still in your system you're you're technically yeah so I'll be honest weed of course you're gonna smoke weed acquired place like no one's there about it's like your course you're going I will say I did get like weed sober for from the beginning I was like I'm not gonna risk it this is more money than I've ever seen yeah so I just didn't smoke weed I barely drink and I was like oh the clarity I'm gonna read I'm gonna write and all this stuff and then I started doing like edibles in the sour patch kids bag or like and because you weren't worried about getting tested no I didn't happen yet it had been a year so I'm like fuck it and then within a few cruises I was like I took the edibles and then I was they're like we have testing so I'm like freaking out I'm like trucking water and then pissing and then going down there and be like I don't know what to do like I can't pee I'm just you know I can't pee and then I go so sit here and chill and then I could tell he was like a Indian doctor guy or it was like one of the staff here he knows this guy's on drugs yes and he could tell like in my job meaning I'm a drug tester if you have any excuse yeah you're like you're like you're hiding what could you be hiding drug use yeah and so he remember he I sat there pipe for 30 minutes he goes we got to get this like we got to get this done I was like all right man I'm just you know I'm just nervous peer you know and he was very obvious that I was hiding it he goes like this he tests normally when he tested he dips it in and then they hold it they put it down they read they wait like 30 seconds like okay you're good to go in that heavy leave he goes like this he goes you're good and then throws it away like it didn't a lot of time to dry and like to restore the results and I was like thank you so fucking much. Bottom of drink at the true bar after that was the easiest I was a fucking the coolest guy It's been eight bucks and everyone's like this guy rules you're drinking on me tonight. Yeah, you remember the wizardator No, there was a guy front where you front Michigan grew up in New York. Okay. Yeah, yeah guy played for the Vikings you got caught Weed which at least the NBA collective bargaining agreement said you can't test for a weed Contest for anything else because they're like we smoke weed if you catch a smoking that's different sure I guess but like none of us care It's just weed now. It's legal. So it doesn't matter But like but like so this guy on the Minnesota Vikings Got one of these things to keep in your pocket to fake a drug test because he smoked so much Oh, he was he got called the wizardator. It's this thing and the guy used to come to fat Tuesday at the comedy store And we talked to him and stuff. He was a fun guy. He was like an offensive lineman or something and we're like So so they caught on they banned him for like a year sure because like you're I mean you're cheating a drug test Yeah, I mean cheating steroids, which is worse for them And also I was a blanketed thing some places need drug tests like if you're doing a heavy machinery and you're I can't have you on anything, but anyway, so we're like can you smoke weed now? He goes no I'm like what about the offseason? It was broke my career is over if I smoke weed and get caught It's the day I retire. I will be smoking weed and now at this point There's too much to lose. Yeah, because you got banned for years like you're done if you could call it again Oh, it's yeah the wizardator. Who's the guy is find out who the guy was on the Vikings? I think it was the Vikings That's because it's like a thing where you yeah, cuz then that's why they have to do this thing where like you have to Empty your pockets and then they watch you pee or something Ontario Smith. Yeah. Yeah He dropped his dry synthetic urine Wow Ontario Smith. He was so cool Viking. I got my memory right nice The license is of fake prosthetic correction on that one all right. Oh, yeah Yeah, he has to be squirted out there and they keep it at a certain temperature because you can't have cold urine They're like why should you urine cold dude? I like to think they used his model and he's like these men are all wearing my dick now Who otherwise how do they he's just doing it from memory? He's making a little prosthetic dick or he's got to have a bottle He claimed the device was first cousin smart. Oh, man, your long suspension. Well, I man. My memory we really hit Well there did they do they have multiple races for the penises Yeah, maybe they should because you can't pull out a white tiny white It has to be just scale. I can they had a few different ones when I looked in the Google images What they had a few different colors and I looked in Google. No, let's see it. Oh, yeah. Let's see the listeners Few different colors. No, forgive me. So they're a magnet, but isn't there two? Is that like band-aids? Oh, yeah, that Wow, look at those. Oh, they're all on circumcised. Oh, there are some circumcised And so you sharpies the base and it pours that out of the out of a dick. So if I kind of see Wow, that's such a shiny black that would have been sick on shark tank dude And we got each room for you Kevin. I have one with a little shark head on it. It's tan brown black Lewis has multi-colored if you ever seen Lewis it's like different colors It'll be like the dark blue out brown of the base and then the white and then the dark brown again It's crazy as well. It's like that. No, it's just a weird dick. Oh, you're seeing his normal penis. Yeah, yeah Why I was thinking he got like a off-brand one or something, but you're just talking about his actual It looks like that jar of sand, you know with colorful sand. Oh, sure He had a way it goes like different things. It looks like mountains. Yeah, that's only been a pleasant memory until now I'm gonna only now anytime I step into a Spencer's gift. So I'm gonna think of Lewis going to stick do that thing of waiting outside. I did that to get into the cellar She was giving me like a spot a week when I got past here I already had like a stand-up TV show on the air like it wasn't even just a like CBS like data. It was like Man, I'm running a stand-up, but she was like I don't know So I'd wait I'd wait outside she used to do the line and I would just be out there and have people and I go Dude, I get a picture. I'm like. Yeah, sure man. And have a girl like who are you? I'm one of your regulars lady. No, no But I didn't say anything she would just like and then it started like I get more spots I think and does that kind of is that not kind of cool that the playing field is semi-level under her and her eye That it like I did a one-a-m show recently and Neil Brennan was on it. What the fuck? Yeah, I don't enjoy five Netflix specials and even he brought it up. He's like tell her, you know But he doesn't he'll still do it. He's not gonna cancel it But it's just one of those things where you take what you can get cuz it's still sand put his foot down He was like hey, I'm tired and I actually sell out massive theaters like we should do as many in the eights and nine. No shit I gotta get up for shit now like come on. That gave me anxiety thinking about saying that too. I would never Yeah, I remember my spots when I got my spots. I got a the the pressard put me in as a host Yeah, that was what I was initially supposed to do and then Jordan and Caitlin had just gotten past before me and they're like at some point she's and I didn't get any host spots She goes at some point she's gonna ask you to host Practice saying no because you're not gonna feel like saying no in the moment cuz it's esti it's mommy But practice saying no. Yeah, be ready for it. So I rehearsed it I practiced it and then one day we were all sitting in a table and then she just walks mind me in front of everyone So would you ever host and all my pride? I just go. I'll do whatever you want me to do And everyone's like you dude. I'm like yeah, that's worse than just saying yes I said I said oh She saw me host a show in in Montreal and it was my show And I had to kick out a heckler like After one comic and it was like oh this guy's gonna fuck it up everybody. So then I went back on I was like hey dude you get you got to get out of here. You're like you can tell it's beyond Yeah, whatever. I was also a door guy for a while. I was like you got to go you can't be here I'm not bringing him he's like shut up. I'll be fine. I'm like dude. I'm literally not gonna continue the show You got to get out of here S.T. was there so she saw me handle it right and then she started like making me host But I'm like a pretty bad host. I just ran a show. I just went up first And at some point she goes you don't like hosting do you? I'm like no, I hate it. Yeah, and I'm not good at it She was like and then it stopped That's guy still got a respect she goes and sees the shows still freaks me out and I see that silhouette dude Did you have to get tested for STDs before you went on the cruises? I used to fuck a gymnast who was on cruises And every time I was like interesting. I know I'm wondering because no, I've only been tested twice in my whole life so I'm kidding I remember no, I don't think I did I got I yeah, I hooked up with one person on a ship. I think what this chick told me was like we all The performers have to get tested because they can't let anybody on with like herpes or gonorrhea or the committee or anything It's just gonna spread to everybody because So when I was like she was like you know the work on him. I just got tested. I was like how do you know she goes like constantly because Because I mean just blind faith that you you're good too. It's always worked out for me Well, I mean for her to be like no, I'm tested. So we're gonna be fine tonight. It's crazy I'm like well, I have not been tested. Yeah, I'm taking a lot of chance. It was sluts like you Not taking a lot of word for it. I had yeah, we had a it's good point It was a it was your career on me being honest. Yeah, right I had a lady she just like randomly where like it was one of those things all the only for a couple weeks and then she's like Are you gonna make a move or not? I was like, yeah, I didn't even know what I was supposed to. It's like fuck yeah, dude That's what it was all about. And we hooked up and it was nice. It was fine And then the next day she left my cabin and then I was walking around cloud nine like fluent cool guy, you know And then I didn't realize until I went up to another couple that I had met a singer songwriter a couple And they pointed at my name tag and they started laughing. I just walked around with her name On my chest Just in line for breakfast. I met the Entertainment director. It looked like I was bragging like and look what I get And then I walked up to her and I go Yo, I go we switch name tags. Did you wear mine today? And she goes no, I'm not retarded. I didn't see I know I mean neither I didn't I saw it was not my name, and I didn't wear it. What's wrong with you? I was like, I didn't know I'm not used to this Um Damn, what's your activities on the cruise What is it about fat Americans who love cruises? Why aren't you such a look down on thing? Why look down on some people love it I think some people love it because of the like you're treated like you're The first time I called sir when I was 12 years old and I'm a carnival cruise and I was like oh you went on I was like with your family as a kid a couple times first comedy show ever went to I wrote I wrote Who was it? Joe? I don't remember obviously. Yeah, you know, uh, but I wrote jokes For the comedy show when I was a kid not wrote but like I went into a book and got street jokes because I in my head I'm like, what if he's struggling and he goes hey kid So I remember I went to every comedy show Hoping they'd be like hey kid and be like I got a couple of things like this And I remember that's why I did the thing with the kids I tell that story and then I'm like So I'm gonna give you a chance to tell one joke and I pre-wrote them like how do you make a tissue dance put a boogie in it like that type of stuff And the audience would lose their minds as a five-year-old saying it um But yeah, I I went on there as a kid I liked the freedom of like At the time I was like this is this is an entire country. That's how big this boat is. It's really big, huh? You can you don't lose your kids. I think it's a lot of Absent T parents. They'll be fine. There's somewhere a lot of the girls I met that worked with the kids We're like our biggest issue is pickups. It's not drop-offs Like drop-offs there's a there's a round of parents out the door at 7.30 a.m And then it pickups at 6 pm. There's There's like some people won't show up 'til seven, like, "Oh, forgot!" And they're wasted and they pick up their three year old. It's a free daycare. They're all on the same ship. They can get wasted, not have to drive anywhere. There's an American feel. Let's go to Mexico, but in America. - Oh, that's another thing we gotta talk about. The stops. - Yeah. - So the one I went on, it was like something that like, this doesn't actually, it's Mexico, I guess. But like, so you go for three days to get to it, you're there for a few hours, you go three days back. But they're like, it's, I think it's not owned by Mexico. It's like owned by the cruise ships. - Yeah, they own ports. - Yeah, and so they're building, to me. If you went deeper, we would want some staff. Like, let's get out of here. We'll go like an hour from here. Where it's actually a nice beat. - Yeah. - But they go, it looks like what Mexicans think Americans think Mexico is. - Yeah. - So they're building it to form. - It's sombreros right out the gate. Like, get your, get your Viagra, some brairos, and then Toby Keith Smart and Grille. Like, that's within 30 minutes of every cruise port was just more America, but within the Mexican sun. - Wow. - It was mostly just that. - Get your Viagra, it was a lot of that. - A lot of Viagra's, coding is 'cause it was legal over the counter and a lot of in Mexico and stuff. So people get coding. - Everyone in Southeast Asia, they're like, if you see a cruise ship in the port, don't buy any drugs, the price is tripled. - Oh yeah. - So wait 'til they're gone and then it goes down to normal. Buying weed, things like that, people would, people are stupid 'cause they scan everything when they come in, they have drug dogs and shit. People would come back with stuff, and then they'd just confiscate it, or just throw it away, a lot of the stuff. We had, like a, fuck a couple. - The ship would go in and we're cool, like they're just dropping like the Bahamas or anything like fun. - Yeah, early on, there was a couple moments where I was like, this could be sick. They dropped me off in Turks and Kekos 'cause there was a, something happened where someone had to leave the ship so they're like, hey, fall out. And I was on that shit. In 2019 when I started, I was like scouring the emails every day for any fall outs because they'd be like, fall out, I need someone in Costa Rica tomorrow. And I'd be like, yes. - So you'd fly there? - So yeah, it was one of the examples. I flew to Costa Rica, landed, and then it was like me and some singers and an engineer and this van. And they're like, all right, we're all good at this van. I go, everyone get the long seats, they go, the long seats get dibs now, like the long seats, like the benches. And I was like, that's fine, you guys take them. I go, I'll just sit on the stand-up seat, six hour drive through Costa Rica. Like seven a.m. after a six hour flight. And I was like, oh, that's why they wanted, everyone laid down and passed out. And I was just sitting, it just like leaves flying by my head for six hours. I remember that being a nightmare and then getting on the ship and then just be like, it's sick though. I got to fly to Costa Rica. I had another one where they landed, they flew me to Turks and Kekos and they said the ship, there's a fallout, whatever it is, but the ship won't be here for three days. So I stayed with the podium in a hotel where I was the only guest in this hotel is me, the guest manager who was also the bartender and my laptop, no internet, no nothing. So I would just go down there and write and then she'd go from the desk to the bar and just chat with me and hang out for three days. And it was like so sick, it was so fun. I genuinely was so happy, my room opened it up and it was just the water was right there. I was so close to it and I'm like, this could be really cool. And then you get on the ship and it's just like, all right, we're doing the congel line, you know? And it's a lot of that. The force happiness would kill me. The post pandemic, we weren't allowed to leave the ship because they did COVID rapid test and stuff. So post pandemic, I had to stay on the ship for six weeks, right? Not getting on. Whoa, but the customers could. But they can't, you can't be responsible for it happening. No, like I, yeah, I just had to stay on the ship and watch from the top. That would drive me fucking losing my mind, dude. That was the worst. Post pandemic ships was when I got into the sellers, thank God, but that's when I was like, this isn't fun anymore. 'Cause you had to stay in your room, unless you just had to eat. - Couldn't even balcony or anything? - No balcony and-- - Could you work your way up to a balcony? Like if you've been there for 10, 15 years, would you be like, you got seniority? - Not for carnival. I did a celebrity cruise one time. I was getting, this is actually funny. I was getting off a ship on carnival. They call me as we're getting to poor. They go, hey listen, there's a fallout of celebrity cruise line needs a comic. Literally like in two hours, you need to get bored this other ship, it pays triple, but you need to do two shows and nine 45 minutes each and it's a higher quality dress code. Like I have to wear khakis and polos. And I go, fuck it, for $4,500, whatever it was, six grand. I go, great, so I run off the ship. I throw my clothes away 'cause it's all t-shirts and shit. I go to the store, I buy all brand new polos and pants. I'm boarding, as I'm boarding the ship, I video of it. It's just pasties, thongs, half naked everybody. And I go, what the fuck, it was a booze, like a EDM cruise where they rented out the cruise. And it was like all these high-end EDM people. And I'm like, what the fuck is going on? Everyone's naked. I'm carrying a suitcase full of brand new polos. I get on and the guy was like, all right, so they didn't tell you what this was. And I was like, no, he's like sweating frantically and he's holding things, he goes, this is an EDM cruise. He goes, there's not really any comedy. I don't know what to tell you. And I was like, well, what am I doing? What are you doing there? We're gonna find a show time for you. I have to get back to you though. It won't be for a few days. I just enjoy yourself, man. Here's a room number. It gave me a balcony, oh, sorry, window, king bed, my own little living room area. And then for the next seven days, I did one show on the fifth day at nine o'clock for like 20 people. - You could pay every day regardless. - I got paid the same amount. And I just, I bought a drink package. - Really? - And then I met people and hung out. They were doing mushroom as an acid and all this shit. And it was the most I partied, but like after three days, I wanted to kill myself. Because imagine three years in a year on an EDM cruise. And it's 11 a.m. And the breakfast area is like, (mumbles) - Oh my god. - It was, it was nasty. I couldn't sleep because of the base the whole time. After it was fun, it was not fun. But while it was fun, I was like, I'm living the life, dude, this is so sick. - Oh. - Yeah, but that cruise, they're like, don't wear a name tag. You can go wherever you want. Do whatever you want. - Come here, buddy. You want up? Nope, okay. All right. - I'm trying to think of anything else I'm missing too. - Yeah. - Of story wise. - I think it's a cool, would you do it now? It's like a customer? - I'm going on a cruise. - Oh, that's right. - I'm doing an Alaskan cruise. - That's about nature. - And it's more expensive. Like I got like, it's like a, it would be elderly people. They're not gonna have a congeal line. They're not gonna have, you know, a silent disco. - Yeah. - On the top deck. - Oh wait, why is there such a stigma on cruises? - There is. - It's like, you're traveling, but you're doing the lamest, possible way. Like you're not even leaving your, that you take the whole hotel with you pretty much. - It's comfort. - It's 100% like, and also find a cheaper way to get a family of five to Mexico. - But you're not really going to Mexico. - They don't care. - At least on the love boat, it was like, now we're going to Porto Vallarta, I think. - There's a lot of Porto Vallarta. - I've been up there after a few times. - But you hang there for at least for an adventure. - Yeah. - I don't know. - Five hours max, six hours max. Some cruises will do an overnight in the port for some of them. Where you get to go in a hotel if you want or go out there and do that. This is a rare. But those exist. There are better ones. I think there's a resurgence with cruises right now because of the economy. It's a good cheaper vacation. - Yeah, I met a guy and he was like, you gotta get the, he was all about like, you know how people get gamble? That's all about points and like, you gotta get your card at this place. It does better buybacks in this place. They did it with that with like packages like, bro, get the package 'cause you can drink crazy. And it is being way cheaper than if you buy each drink. And you're like, okay, you could just, I mean, don't obviously don't stay home and just go to a bar but like. - No, you shouldn't be looking forward to a cruise. - Are there like water slides in shape? You've been on those? - Yeah. You can do water slides. There's like the obstacle course off the side of the boat above it where they tie you in and stuff. But it is trippy looking down. - That's fun. The ocean, there's usually the basketball courts. There's like the outdoor gyms. Like, there is shit that for, if I were to complain about doing cruises, I'd be so fucking privileged and out of touch. If to be like, yeah, all I had, the internet wasn't even that good and the basketball court was kind of full. Like, I had nothing to do all day except read and the free library they had that was always empty. - Oh yeah. - Dude, I would steal, I have my books are stolen from the library. 'Cause they're like, it says carnival, probably carnival and there's a hole to stick her off. And I'm like, cool, guess I got another book. - Damn. Okay, so I ask everybody this at the end of the pods, but it's not right answer on these, but like, what's a country or a place you wanna go? That's like calling. It sounds like we are number one place but something was like, I wanna go there. And then two, if you have any travel tips, either specific to cruises or anything, or just general. - Okay, cool. I would say, travel wise, I definitely wanna go to Africa in some point. - Yeah. - I think. I think. I just wanna see, I wanna see the animals, the sickest animals in the world, not in a cage. That's the only place I think you can see animals like that. - Monroe did a, he went to Kenya and did like a safari. - Really? - Yeah, he was doing a show and then they were like, hey, do you wanna get you a free safari? And he's like, okay, so him and his chick went, or old episode of this podcast, he talked about it. And the mornings in like Sahara and like lions are kind of around - I love that. - And then he was like, everybody's looking at him 'cause like, it's this young black guy doing it. We're 65 and saved up our lives for this. They were like, what do you do for a living? - Yeah. - Like, it doesn't make sense that it's a 29 year old would be here. - Sure. - And he goes, oh, they just got me this 'cause they know him and like, all right, that makes sense. - You also need to have that in your soul to like wanna go do you see something like that? Because-- - Saagala would never want that. He's like, ew, right, where's the shower? - That's, that's like my dad guy. My dad's like New Yorker, born and raised. But when he worked in the city, he got like, he switched from Fuji to Kodak, whatever for the company. And they're like, we're gonna send you to Africa, all expense paid, your whole family. And he didn't wanna go 'cause he's like, I don't wanna get the shots. And I'm like, it's gonna be hot. It's gonna be bugs, so he took a cruise to Turks and Kekos. Everyone took Turks and Kekos instead. I remember being like, that would've been such a core memory for me as a kid. Going to Africa at 12? - Oh my god, yeah, single orphans in the wild. - Yeah. I would love to do Safari, see animals in the wild, that type of thing. 'Cause I don't know, I thought I'd do that in Australia. And then the guy drove an hour to go to a koala. They brought a koala sanctuary. And they didn't even, they go, yeah, you get to pet the koala, hold the koala. I go, that'll be an experience. I'm in Australia, let's do it. I go there and they're like, new policy. You cannot hold nor pet the koala. - What? - You can only, and they bring you weight in line, they hold the koala and then they let you with one finger touch the koala. And I go, this is fucking the last thing. - What? - I don't want to do this. I refused. My friends are like, we waited. Stimulated down, I'm like, I'm not gonna touch him. I'm just not gonna, at a possible, I'm not gonna touch him with one finger. Pay $40 to touch a koala with one finger. - Oh. - On the outside. - Yeah, it could hurt if that's a whole different thing. - Well then, travel tip, damn. Get TSA pre-check, dude. - What's not bad? - It really does, I've not missed so many flights because of that. - My buddy who's open for me for two years still doesn't have it, drives me fucking nuts. Where he goes, I guess I'll just see you there. I guess I'll see you there. I go, it'll take you 12 minutes one day of your life and you're gonna be done. - Yeah, just go do it. - It's done. TSA pre-check, the. - It's a shake down. It's like, why? I'm an American, I'm not doing it. What the fuck is this? - Yeah. - It's like, but just pay the shake down. - Yeah. - It's 80 bucks. - It's better than clear. - Yeah, it's 80 bucks, 100 bucks. Whatever it is, just pay the shake down and make your life easier. - Do the TSA pre-check. 'Cause pretty much every other country outside of the United States, everyone has TSA pre-check. 'Cause there's no, they're just like, just go ahead, shoes on, belt on. - I was in Iceland and we took a, we took me and my friend Ari from Iceland, took a flight to the north from the south, from Reykjavik to the north to go see some northern stuff. - Yeah. - And he's like, I don't gonna park the car, go in, whatever, and I was like, okay. And then I was like, hey, I take it, like, what's your name, like Ari Shafir? Like, I don't know, he just took it. And I was like, okay, you don't, do you see any idea or anything? Like, do you think there's another artist that's gonna show up? - Yeah. - Thinking, and by the way, if that did happen, then you would show up and they'd be like, well there's two of you, let's find out who it is. And I'm like, I don't know, we just have to, like, why? - Yeah. - And then you boarded and like, my bags don't get checked, like, check for what? - Yeah. - Like, no one's trying to attack Iceland. - That blew my mind, traveling, all of Europe. It was just so last. - Let's go, just a year or five. - Yeah. - What do I do with my water? Like, I don't know, what do you want to do with your water? - Yeah. - What? - He gave me mine. I remember I went through with the water and he goes, hold on, then he goes like this and gives it to me on the other side. Like, I think, where's that? Was that in America? - I don't know. - 'Cause his water allowed on planes in like, whatever it was, I was just way easier to do in Europe. I would say the TSA pre-check is huge. - Let's hop up, you know. - Gotta get some pre-check. - That's also very basic for a travel pod, come on. - Yeah. - You know? - Let's think about it. - How about this? Here's one. - Okay. - I'll get you that one. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Don't get pre-check. - Okay. - I would say, whenever you travel somewhere, allow yourself a day of nothing. - Boom, that's a great one. - Because if you go in going day one, we do this, day two, we do this, day three, we do this, day four, we travel, you're gonna fucking hate day three because you're not gonna have a day where you didn't have anything planned. - Yeah, and let's just be a little bored. - Yes. - But then you'll find something. - Yeah. - Because you're like, "Oh, I'm bored," but then like an hour later you're like, "Oh, we're doing something fun." 'Cause your body will make you stop the boredom. - Or you do nothing until 4 p.m. then have a good dinner and then you go, "Now tomorrow I'm hyped to go out and do some shit." I do think you need, that's just maybe me, that I need, like, I need rest. I get exhausted quick with traveling and shit. If I go to a club weekend, Monday, Tuesday, I'm toast. I'm like, I don't wanna do anything. - Yeah, day of nothing is really good. - Day of nothing. - One day of nothing per country. - No reservations. I just feel like this week, Anthony Bourdain, the show no reservations means like, don't make reservations. I thought he meant don't hold back. - That's what I was doing. - I think he meant like show up and then figure it out when you get there. Talk to people, say, "What's cool here?" - He's just not a fan of the indigenous people of America. - Maybe, no reservations. And that was enough, bro. Get your own home. - All right, Jeff, congratulations on the special. That's fucking awesome. That's really as cool. - Thanks, man. - A special for a comedian is like the best thing we do. It only comes around once every few years, at best. So it's pretty fucking cool. Guys, everybody check it out on Netflix. Right now, and then I'll do the bumper too, and all your tour dates are all at JeffRcurry.com. - Yes, sir. - And I'll do more later. - Sweet. Thanks, buddy, congrats. - Thank you, man. - Well, there's the episode, everybody. I hope you enjoyed it. JeffRcurry, make sure to check out a special, nice to meet you on Netflix right now. There's no way to comment on the special, but he's a killer. He's a New York City killer. He's a tough follow, for sure. New York City is the number one city in stand-up comedy. Bar none. There's really no competition. I have left that city because it was too hard to follow, guys, like JeffRcurry. Guys, you don't even know about. And they're just crushers all the time. And eventually, Netflix gets to know about him. And they put on this special, nice to meet you. I'm having a blast out here in Jolly-Ole. By the way, please subscribe. We're ever watching a listen in. Man, the World Cup is alive out here. They really get into this. I don't know how it is in the states. People are asking me, "Well, are you rooting for the states?" And I'm like, I mean, I'm rooting for the Ecuador. I'm rooting for the United States. I'm pulling for both those teams. I spend a lot of time in each. So of course, I have a soft spot in my heart for each of 'em. Brazil, I spend almost, I spend over a month there in January and February. What's the project? Toro-bom. Toro-bom, Toro-bom. That's all I know. I meet these guys. I was wearing my Fluminensei jersey when Brazil does game days. So I wear my Nick's jerseys on U.S. game days. I wear my three Lions jerseys when my home team England is playing. And I wear my Fluminensei jersey when Brazil is playing. And I get the yellow out of boys. I get thought, "Oh, yeah." And a lot of them don't know English. And I was like, "Oh, yeah." We're going to the end. Like, they say something and they're pigeon tongue. It sounds like, but someone punched them in the face and buried 'em in mud. That's what I say about Australian accent too. But I'll be use it. Dude, everybody goes out for the three Lions. Last game was sick. Last game was sick. I got the sick jersey so I could blend in. It's my home country. (laughs) Today's episode was recorded by, "Oh, it was recorded by Jorge, a gas digital." Everyone shout out Jorge on the ones in twos on this. He's doing all the ones with a green screen. Well, Tyler did the green screen. Any helped with the two, any given Sunday. Given Sunday is a Native American name. And he was his first, was a slave name. Would they put on 'em? Because given Sunday was not allowed. The given Sunday's was a tribe, Native Americans. And so each had the name given Sunday, and they had a better name. But yeah, there was his white captors, named him any. So he helped, Tyler helped, and Jorge was on the ones in twos during the recording. All these ones with the passports in the background. That's all Jorge at gas digital. So shout out to him. But it was produced by your mom's house network and edited by Alan Caffey. Listen to by Neanna Palette. She's got a pallet for doofuses. I'm glad I'm in the bushes here. So people cannot see when I go by. Let's go. Jeff R. Curry. Here's some tour days. By the way, please subscribe wherever you watch it. Listen to guys. Shows, Jeff R. Curry. Okay. And leave a comment for the algorithm. Also, I didn't get any correct guesses last week. I didn't get any correct guesses last week. Who can name me? I got some close ones. Who can name me the 24 teams in the World Cup? Countries that I've been to. 24 and only 24. If you guess I'm all right, unless we get somebody in last week's episodes, comments who get it. Then they get it first. But if you get it right, all 24, two free tickets to any show in 2027 and 2028, or if you're in UK or somewhere I'm playing on a local show in 2026, you can have those as well. Got announcements coming where the trip around the world is coming. Now that I'm almost settled in my new place, I still gotta find an apartment. I still gotta let the flat. I gotta get all the lingo. Once I get that, I'll have time to go over it. Guys, I'm lazy. I don't know if you know that. I'm irresponsible and I'm lazy. And I went traveling for almost a year. My stuff's been in storage for almost a year. So I was close, it was a lot to weed through, but I haven't forgotten it and I'm getting back to it. The UB trip and Patreon. Not many people are on there, but you have paid for a trip around the world for a listener. And we're gonna pick that and tell you about it in the next coming months. Also somebody picked a UB trip and sticker out at a house that I put up in Guatemala. You get two free tickets to a show. I was coming the next week, the week after. Jeff are curious in the world. You can check all those true dates out there. our curry.com. By the way, I have a special as well. Jew. I have three specials on Netflix. Jew, they just put up to basically nothing for me. It's crazy. A few Jews saw it. There was no other needle move at all. America's sweetheart, which I promoted crazy. That did well. You should watch that. Especially in this time of anger and divisiveness. America's sweetheart is the special for you. If you feel like, why are we all these just throats? What's the deal here? Why are we all arguing about inside comedy about this guy? I got to report to this guy. I'll knock him this guy saying this, opt out. And if you need a method or why, watch America's sweetheart. And then double negative. My first special in there in 2017, which was when Netflix was the king. God, those days were fucking killer. But all three specials on Netflix right now. I also have two specials on YouTube. I got Jew, which is my best special I've ever done. YouTube.com/RSphere. Go check it out. Leave a comment. Jeff, and then what do I have? I have my comedy central one. No, I move before that. Passive aggressive. It's on there as well. Jeff or Curry, Jeff or Curry.com playing at the great outdoors comedy. Forget to watch a special obviously. Nice to meet you on Netflix right now. July 18th. He's at the great outdoors comedy festival Winnipeg, then Edmonton, Calgary. Oh, it's a whole tour. Vancouver, Mrs. Saga, and then he's touring. Oh, these are sold out. Fort Wayne, Indiana, Oxnard, Stanford, Orlando, Fort Lauderdale, New Brunswick, Sacramento, Huntsville, Alabama, comedy works. The greatest club in the world. San Diego. Damn, look at these fucking arenas theaters you're doing. The Masonic, two shows of the Masonic, also that out of the third in San Francisco. Portland, Seattle, Victoria, BC, nice bro, Salt Lake City, Las Vegas, Cleveland. These are mostly theaters now. Cleveland, Saginaw. This is getting an extra Indianapolis, St. Louis, Cedar Rapids, Minneapolis, Madison, and Des Moines. And then I'm not going into March of next year, Kansas City, Wichita, Tulsa, San Antonio. So that's it. I'm going to tell you about the one cruise I ever went on. I don't think we covered it in here. It was the impractical joker's cruise by Salvo, kind of, and he rigged it. He rigged it. He realized, I think I went on season two or three. And season one, he was like, let's have some comedy on there. The other guys were like, is this a prank? And he goes, no, guys, I don't prank in every moment. It's not like that. And then he goes, he sure it's not a prank. And he goes, it's not a prank. I just want to take some stand up comedy should be on there. And so he had one or two. And then he realized what to do wrong. He goes, let me invite a bunch of stand up comedy. And that's what we did. Me, Becky One, Norman, Sam Marille, Bert Kreisner, excuse me, Bort, Bert Kreisner. Have you guys gotten the end yet? Did you watch the end? Did you love it? I did it for you. If you want to get it, the end is at reshaffir.com right now, along with my zero tour dates. Well, I get settled in this new country. I'm touring in 2027. Yeah, Bert Kreisner was on there. Damn, who else? Yamann Nika. I think maybe Adrian, no ways, before we were friends if so, could be, I don't know. That's who I remember. That's who I remember, because I gained 17 pounds in seven days. It's non-stop food. It took me three months to lose that weight. You know what people are doing now? This is my general. You know, I got to go back to these, like, whatever it's called, you know, stream of consciousness to fuck it. Oh no, I don't have me on the roll one. Get on the jab for, like, that's what they call it, on the jab for, like, two weeks, losing weight and then getting back off the jab. You know, when I gained an extra 10-15 pounds, I'm like, oh, shoot, I got to go to Whole Foods, I got to start getting salads, it takes me about a week or two to actually go start doing it. And then the first time I'll try, and I'll have, like, salads for, like, three days. I'm like, oh, good. So I can have a shwarma now. And then I get a shwarma, and then I'm like, and then I get another one and another one. I'm like, oh, it's on right back. I'm like, you know, and then it takes another, like, month and then you finally start getting the salads. Maybe sometimes two months. And then eventually, like, all right, I'll lose those 15 pounds. In, like, three weeks, really. Once I get focused on only salads for, like, three weeks and only lean meats and stuff like that, just getting salmon from the packets, eating that alone, only eggs, you know. No carbs, no carbs, no carbs. And then I go back to eating normally, which is not a diet. I'm not a fatty. I'm not one of those disgusting fat people. No, I just gained some pounds sometimes, as with the family for the holidays, on a cruise. You know, I gained 10, 15. I'm about 50 pounds overweight. I'm about fucking bored, bored, excuse me. So I just get back and then use my normal standard, which is, like, pizza twice a week. You know, salads four times a week, lunches, and then eat whatever, eat whatever, I have pretty good metabolism. But I get back to it. So you get in the jab for, like, a couple weeks. And then it takes away your cravings. You can't. You just fucking toss your food around. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Anyway, I gotta do that. I should have done that then. Anyways, a lot of fun. It was a lot of fun. But every time I'll be like, past like two other guys, I think we had 15 comics on board. And you'd pass three comics, and they're like, you want to go eat, I mean, I'm like, no, I just ate like two hours ago because it's buffet. You can eat whatever you want. And they go, okay. And like, well, I mean, I'll sit with you. And then as you're sitting there, like, it's been two hours, like, well, I'll have some fries. And you go up and get some fries. And then you're like, oh, pass out. It's a fucking pizza. It just came out of the oven. I'll go have a slice. Well, I don't know if I'll have pepperoni or cheese. I'm just going to eat. And it will on each. You can throw it away. The Filipino guys are going to throw it away with a smile, thinking about their villagers that are starving to death. And then you're like, oh, shoot, there's some cakes. You have one of each of those. And now you've had, I pretty much had six meals a day, six full meals a day, same 17 pounds in seven days. It was disgusting. It was coming right off sober October, too. So all the gains I made for drinking free, me and Burke Chrysher, it was Halloween night. It's starting November 1st. We're in New Orleans, Halloween night, October 31st. We broke our sobriety. Oh, it was a great memory. This whole chat hole trip was great. Broke our sobriety went down to Bourbon Street, did it the burnt way. Dude, if you're in a drinking scenario, you want to be with, with Burke. He knows how to do it. He knows how to enter into situations. He knows how to turn you up. So like, Dorosa, I love him. He's a pig, but I love him. He'll go. Let's have shots. That's not it. I've come with a new way. If you want people to do shots, it's not like, listen, if you're on board, if you're like as you get any shots, and if you know your crew, that's fine. But if you don't, you go shots. It's like, well, that's going to make somebody throw up. They're barely on. You've been drinking for a while. Dorosa's a late shot guy. I'm an early shot guy. Get started with one shot, shot in a beer. My new thing is, hey, can you turn it up 10 percent? Hey, can you finish what's in that beer and order another one? I noticed you have a third left. Pound that. Let's get another one. That's it. Just turn it up 10 percent. Whatever your 10 percent is, get there. None of us have tolerance of Borg or Dorosa. So Bert will get you just going without saying turn it up 10 percent. He vibes that the way everything everywhere all at once espouses the views of Martin Luther King and Buddhism. But espouses the views of can you turn it up 10 percent and you can and he gets you there. That's one of the best guys in the world to drink with him that way. And he'll go into like, let's go into this place. It looks cool. And they'll be doing like frozen drinks and you'd be like, yeah, sure, dude, he'll just get you there. So him on Bourbon Street to break our sobriety, dude, great. It was great. It was great. And then we finished the whole cruise. We went to a New Orleans Saints game, got back and suddenly went straight to a Saints game. So both Bart Jersey's pardon me, we take. Bert bought two jurors and gave me one. I gave mine to a New Orleans Saints fan later. Bert fell asleep during the game, fair enough. He was drinking hard on the cruise. And then we left him like the third quarter. Anyway, go through lions, everybody. So that cruise was fun. I gained a lot of weight. I would never go on another one. That was the best case scenario way at 15, 16 other friends doing club shows. Doing 10, 15-minute sets of people who knew what stand-up comedy was. So the working was never going to be better and the hang was never going to be better. We played basketball. Guys, I'm filming a fucking bumper. And I would never go on one again. I wouldn't go as a customer. I wouldn't go as an employee. I mean, it would have to be like the Billy Strings cruise. Even then, no. I'll just go to a show. It's Billy Strings, new album coming out. OK, I'm going to continue this. One new thing to watch every week. Watch or take it. Oh, Billy, you're next week. I'm sorry. No offense, I haven't heard the whole album. I heard the first song, solid, really good. I haven't heard the whole album. And I heard it while I was taking a dump, so it wasn't fair. I was taking a dump and scrolling, but it was really good. But I haven't given it a fair listen. Next week, I'll listen to the whole album. I think, if it's out yet. Also, if you're in London, come to my podcast. Or if you can't do my podcast, come relapse with me. I won't do math. Unless you're doing math. Don't-- OK, either way, by the way, don't do hard drugs with someone who is relapsing, because they don't know their tolerance. And they definitely don't know your tolerance. If you want to do hard drugs, do it with someone who's just starting like you, which is probably not the best way, or someone who's in the game for a while. And you can talk to-- before they're on the drugs, saying, hey, so I've never done it. Could you start me off slowly? And they're like, sure, because they want to get you going. They want to have a partner. They're embarrassing what they're doing. The real coke fiends, the real meth heads, they're embarrassing what they're doing. So they want to be happy with a partner. So they're going to get you. If you talk to them before they're fucked, they'll get you slowly. Just get me a first one. I could become a real partner for you, but you've got to get me in. That's what you do with. Don't relapse. That's how you, Philip, see more half-minute. They don't know that the new stuff is better. Anyway, Billy, next week, hopefully, if the album's out. But this week, obsession, woo! Best movie I've seen in a long time. Backrooms was last week, and the little album would always. But obsession, I'll say nothing more. I'll say nothing more. And when I give you advice and stuff of what to watch, definitely don't watch a preview to fuck it back up. Should I watch it or not? That's just ruining the surprises for yourself. I knew nothing, going like me, obsession. That's my pick. It's in theaters. Who doesn't love a movie theater? Anyway, I get no points on that. But the guys who made it obsession, if you want to send me $100, that would be cool. And if you guys watching on YouTube, while you're leaving a comment on a $75, also would be cool. Or go watch what I especially drew on YouTube, send $5 there, because that's the one that I was really out of pocket on. That's the one that cost me everything. It's hard broken even. We did it, everybody. As long as I can break even on projects, I'm in. The end also made our money back. And then, you know, a lot more. Go get the end right now at rshfr.com. Go get one episode if you haven't seen it yet. Start with whichever one you want. I'll tell you the best. It's not the best ones. It's supposed to even prefer, really. My two episodes I'm on, episode one with Colin Tiro and Tom Segura, episode four, or five, with me Duncan Trussel and Mark Norman. And I'm on episode four, as well, at the end, with Roy Wood, with a bonus story. OK, I think that's it. I forget what else I would have to say. That's it, subscribe where we watch and listen. Guys, next week's episode, I have not picked out yet. Could be Hamilton Morris. Could do one of the last ones I have on Israel. I have another one coming that I'm trying to get done on Gaza. It's tough, because everyone who wants to do Israel wants to weigh in politically. But I'm like, unless you are part of the politics there, you can't weigh on what's happening now. I want to hear what was happening when you were there, you know. So I read a story by a guest I had on my old podcast about being in Ecuador when there was a revolution breaking out. And OK, great. That's what I want to hear. But I don't want to hear from me now about what's happening Ecuador now with the gangs or Neboa, the new leader. I don't know. It wasn't there for Neboa, you know. But if I was there, I'll tell you about the election that was there. It was happening when I was there, where they did a recount. OK, so they do a runoff. They have like 17 parties, and they do a election. And then top two parties face each other. So you would think, well, if one guy gets 40%, the next best gets 20%, and all the others split up, 40% went. But it's not like that, because the guy who gets 20%, all the guys who gets 2%, 4%, 5%. Sometimes they're pretty close to them. If you had a runoff between Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders, let's say, and Hillary won, the Bernie Sanders people would eventually go over to Hillary, most. Some might jump over to the ones who were like, oh, I want an outsider. I don't want someone who's embezzling our money and doing all this stuff and lying. So maybe an outsider. Some of those would go to Trump, but a lot probably would go to Hillary Clinton. So they had that. So they had the top two. And this indigenous guy, for everybody, I think, a group of 7 or 17, I forget. Long hair, phony. He didn't have long hair before, but he's playing the game, whatever. He got the second. But then they were like, well, it's too close. We got to have a recount. Then the recount happens. Oh, guess what? The businessman, he's now in second. And the guy in first, by the way, was he was part of the old group. So it was the guy who was a leader. This is crazy. There was a guy-- see, I can't comment on what's happening now. I can comment on what's happening then. There was a guy who was a leader. This is what the told me when I was there. So this is commenting on before, but this is what they told me. He had been ostracized. He had been sent out. And he was a neo-lib, which I don't fully understand. But he had been kicked out. I think he was living in Belgium with his wife. He would be arrested. He set foot in Ecuador. He rebuilt all their molecules, all the boardwalks. He canceled all debt. He said, we're not doing business with America, which I-- I understand. I agree with it. It's like, we can't tell our own corn if they're being funded by their government for their corn. How are we going to compete? And their corn is like these big fucking kernels, not in the straight line. They're all fucking janky and shit. And he goes, fuck off. We're going to undercut us for our corn. You're going to hurt our people, which-- I get that. That makes sense. America didn't like that at all. Anyway, so they overthrew them, which they overthrew people all the time. That wasn't a big deal. And they sent them out. So this guy running was like, if I win, he said, I'm running with this guy, not Maduro, fuck. I forget his name. The Neolib, as my vice president. He wasn't even in the country. He's under arrest orders if he's set foot in the country. And he goes, that guy is my vice president. As soon as I win, I will pardon him. And then I will step down and let him take over the presidency. So a lot of people wanted the old ways. Neolib and Neocon, I don't know how they link up. But I think it's like-- I think it's kind of like the super liberal and the super conservative meetup on don't hit me with a COVID vaccine. One is like, you're not putting that shit in my body. It's going to turn me gay. The other is, you're not putting that shit in my body. It's going to give me autism. I don't need deodorant. I can use lemons. So anyway, so the businessman, who came in third, then they did a recount in the businessman's district, the capital, via kill. I'm going to put this down for a second. Nope, they're not looking. And he was on the board of the recount commission. Anyway, so then he came in second, big up war. They said we're going to sue them. And then eventually, the recount commissioner-- ah, actually, we don't have a case. The businessman's recount. He ran a lot like Trump, where he convinced the poor people, this is what they said. This is what they told me. I don't really understand this stuff. They convinced the poor people that he's in it for you. And I was like, is he? And the very day I talked to, like, scuba diving stuff, was like, no, he just makes them believe it. This guy, the businessman. Anyway, businessman won. He's been ousted. Don't worry about that. So he won the runoff. He got second. And then he beat the fucking O'Neal-Lib. And then that was it. So anyway, the point is, we have an Israel episode coming. I made the guy not talk about politics. He would have been on the side of Israel. This was always right, kind of, but it's the other side. This was always wrong, kind of side. Know what he's really talking. So I stay out of the politics unless you're actually there during something. If you write that festival, that'd be a good one. But obviously, you'd have to be able to comment. But I wouldn't be like, what led to this? I do have, with that in mind, a Gaza episode coming, with someone who has been there over the years. And probably will get political during that. But we'll handle it in the right way. In a loving manner. Anyway, I think that's it. So I don't know what episode is next week. But if you subscribe, you'll find out. One of theirs. Maybe Hamilton Morris, on good bone. South Africa, two countries. It was a good episode. All right, guys, that's it. Thank you for tuning in. I really appreciate it. I think I have nothing-- I think I feel like there's something else to say, but I don't really know a list. So instead, I'll just say, go England, my home country. Yes, there it is. Bye.