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Speaker 3Okay, welcome back to Recovering Out Loud with your host. My name's Anthony, and I'm an addict and alcoholic, and today I'm going to be talking about one of my favorite topics because this has affected me personally and affects everybody in recovery that I've met. Some are better at hiding it than others, but we're going to talk about cross-addiction, so swapping one addiction for another. I've now quit my substance, and I'm swapping into something else. This could be anything from the gym to steroids to body dysmorphia, to plastic surgery, shopping, gambling. We are looking for the microwave mentality, the quick fix, the Band-Aid solution to whatever problem is going on in here. It takes real work to get to the bottom of this, and I'm still ongoing. This is an ongoing process for me. My big thing, I've went through, I had golf one time. I used to golf three, four times a week in recovery, spent lots of money doing that. There are healthier versions of this, and then there are unhealthy. But at the end of the day, there's a balance. That is the key. We're looking for balance here. One of my favorite quotes, Rich Roll said this one time, "Balance is the fickle lover I can't quite court." Something I just have never been able to handle is getting balance, moderation in my life. Food is another cross-addiction. I have personal experience with this, as I mentioned to you, because when I relapsed, I was getting into steroids, and there was something, a hole that I still hadn't filled yet. Steroids didn't cause me to start smoking meth again, but, or start smoking meth at all. I had never done it before. Steroids got me into this mode of secrets, which is, I talk about this all the time, but you're only as sick as your secrets in recovery. I had a secret. I wasn't telling everybody about what I was doing on the side. I was getting TRT from the doctor. And then I was also getting steroids online because I wanted to feel like I looked good. I wanted you to think I was jacked. Body dysmorphia, this fueled my cross addiction. And it brought me back out to Adderall, brought me out to meth, like I said. And into really, a really dark place after seven and a half years of recovery. So let's talk about it. So you stop drinking, you stop using, but now you're suddenly betting online. You're gambling. You're using these wheel apps that people are into. This is a big one nowadays. I'm getting my dopamine from, it's dopamine seeking behavior. That's what I like to call it. I'm looking for dopamine. I'm looking for hits. I'm looking for drugs, not in the form of drugs, and I can rationalize it, justify it all day. Well, it's not mood or mind altering. So I'm okay with that. I'm okay. Meanwhile, you're going down this path. That's going to lead you to maybe eventually a worse relapse. I'm not saying if you're buying things on Amazon every day that you're going to relapse. I'm not saying that at all. It's the behavior around it and the protection of the cross addiction. Now we're starting to fall into the old behavior. So I'm, I'm ashamed that I'm sticking a needle in my ass every week. And I'm not really telling people about that. My, you know, my mentor, I'm keeping it to myself and now I'm keeping secrets and eventually I'm in the mode of fuck it. So I'm already using this. What's the point? I see Adderall online one day, I start buying it. I get it prescribed because I need to justify and rationalize to myself that I'm not relapsed and I'm getting it from a doctor and it's prescription. So don't, you know, I'm not relapsed yet. Meanwhile, all this behavior is happening in the background. Nobody knows about it. I went, I said to once to a counselor of mine in, in Utah, when I went to rehab there, I was telling people 90% of the truth, but this 10% I was keeping back here. And he said to me, you know, if you're robbing banks, 10% of the time. You know what that makes you a fucking bank robber. This could also go in the form of, so if you start gambling, you quit and you start gambling, you start smoking weed. Maybe you start working 16 hours a day. Workaholism. That's another one. That is the most glorified addiction in our society today. You tell somebody, Oh, I had 20 beers last week. And they're kind of like, dude, that's a little fucked up. You tell them you worked 20 hours one day last week. Everybody's like, Oh man, this guy's on fire. You're going to, you're killing it, bro. You're doing great. It's the same thing. We're still using something to feel better, to change our insides. Social media is another example. If you're scrolling 14 hours a day, you might keep telling yourself it's not that bad because I'm not using drugs. At least I'm not shooting heroin. Today, I'm going to talk about what cross addiction really is, why it happens and how to recognize it before it pulls you back into the same cycle that we all know too well. So cross addiction is when you addictive patterns transfer from one substance or behavior to another. The substance changes, but the underlying addiction process does not. Vaping is another one. All these are just popping into my head as I go. Some examples of this alcohol into cocaine, pills, now alcohol, alcohol, marijuana. This is the most, most common one I see. I was doing a hard substance. Now I'm just smoking weed. What's the problem? You're still blocking yourself off. You're altering your mind. Anyways, I won't get into that whole debate. California sober. Love those people. The point I want to drive home with all this. This is addiction is not just about the substance. If I would argue is not about the substance at all. The substance is, it's a solution to our problem that is deeper, but it's also a symptom of our drinking alcohol is, but a symptom of our alcoholism. I like the effect produced by drugs and alcohol because I don't want to feel me. I don't want to hear the voices in my head. I don't want to think about tomorrow. I don't want to think about yesterday. I'm going to drink because it makes all that go away. So why does cross addiction happen? Well, the brain is still wants relief. Addiction. Rewires the brain's reward system. We all know that I talk about it a lot in the other episodes, your brain learns substance equals relief, drink, smoking, alcohol, whatever your thing is, meth equals relief substance equals comfort substance equals escape. 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The thing about gambling too is I can do it in secret and no one would know. Unless you're checking credit card statements, you wouldn't know. Sex, porn, food, work, exercise, shopping, social media. They can all become addictive because they also trigger dopamine and emotional escape. So like I said to you before, the socially acceptable ones, workaholism, extreme fitness, constant productivity. I need to always be doing something and I can never sit with myself because I'm always doing something. And if I'm not achieving something, not working towards my goals, I must be a piece of shit. I must be useless. Underneath all this, there's a lot of things that I can do. I can do a lot of things. I can that you will see. You might see. Obsession, loss of balance, avoidance of emotions like I said, compulsion. The behavior might look healthy on the outside but is still a function of emotional escape. I am not dealing with the deeper issues at hand here. So what are some signs that you might be experiencing cross addiction? Obsessive thinking. When I'm not doing that behavior or substance, am I thinking about it constantly? Some examples of this is when can I do it next? You're planning and I used to write down all my steroid regimen and that used to give me dopamine. I remember I'd be sitting in meetings at work and I would be writing down my stack for my steroid use and I would get so excited about it. I'm going to go on this cycle this day and I'm going to add up all these milligrams of this and that and it was the perfect plan. I'm going to get jacked and I did. Let me tell you, when I got jacked, I didn't get happier. Maybe the voice, it's never enough at the end of the day. There's always more jacked and I look back at pictures now of myself when I was on steroids at the peak. I was fucking ripped and I remember at that time not being happy with the way I looked. I look at it now and I'm like, wow, I'd be so happy with that today. All perception. It's hilarious how the mind works. There's, for us anyways, for me, there's always more. There's always more ripped. This is a disease of not enough. I am not enough. It is not enough. One is too many. A thousand is never enough. Two, loss of control. You plan one thing and do another. I'll do only a little and you do more than you plan to. Prime example. Three, emotional dependence. You rely on the behavior to regulate your mood, escape discomfort, change how you feel. This takes a lot of deeper work and journaling and meditation and prayer and bouncing it off of people. Am I using this as a crutch? Ask yourself that. Am I avoiding the feeling behind here? Am I avoiding feelings at all? Four, it starts to replace recovery practices. This one's big. Instead of doing things that support recovery, like meetings, connection, coffee, reflection, healthy coping, you're doing said thing. The behavior becomes the primary emotional regulator. The work is not coming from in here. My solution is not coming from in here, which is where it is. It's coming from out there. I'm getting my solution, my relief out there somehow. Either in substance, chemical, behavior, outcome, people clapping, right? People giving me attaboys. It's coming from outside of me. The solution is inside all along. It is within you. You need to look for it and dig deeper and sit in quiet. Be on your own. You need to look for it and dig deeper and sit in quiet. Be on your own. You need to look for it and dig deeper and sit in quiet. Be on your own. You need to look for it and dig deeper and sit in quiet. Be on your own. You need to look for it and dig deeper and sit in quiet. Tap into a spirituality to a connection greater than yourself, power greater than yourself. That's the way I do it. So the difference between coping and cross addiction. Recovery can actually involve finding healthier outlets. Things like exercise, hobbies, social connection, creative work. These are all good things to fuel creativity and promote emotional regulation. Exercise is a huge one to regulate your nervous system and provide peace and calm and serenity. The difference is compulsion versus balance. Healthy coping is I can take it or leave it. Cross addiction is it becomes necessary to function emotionally. I can't live without it. I can't function emotionally without it. So what's the solution? Treat the addiction, not the substance. It's not sexy, but it's effective. Real recovery focuses on the underlying addiction process. So things that help prevent cross addiction, emotional awareness, meditation is a huge practical tool. I use it, guided meditation every morning, watching my emotions, watching my thoughts, being present, taking account of what's going on in this current moment, not thinking about tomorrow, not thinking about yesterday. Prayer is another one. Tapping into a power. Hey God, power greater than me, spiritual creator of the universe, help remove my fear so that I can be silent. Help remove my sadness. Help remove my need to always be right. Help remove my obsession over this problem so that I can be silent. Help remove my sadness. Help remove my need to always be right. Help remove my sadness. Help remove my sadness. Help remove my sadness. Get the creativity to solve said problem in the silence. Therapy is another coping mechanism, addressing trauma, learning to sit with discomfort, community and accountability and self-reflection. This whole recovery process is about honest self-appraisal, self-searching, self-examination. Why do I do the things that I do? Why am I like this? What do I do when a negative emotion comes up? What do I do when somebody is yelling at me on the street? What are my patterns? Recognize them. Be aware. Document them. Ask other people that are close to you. Hey, what do I do when I get angry? When something bad happens? How do I react? The big point here, recovery isn't just removing substances. It's learning how to live without needing to escape your life. How do I live without needing or wanting to escape the current situation? Not having resistance. Suffering is fear. Sorry, suffering is pain times resistance. So let's say it's 2,000 units of pain. If we can talk about this practically, let's say somebody passing away in my life causes, that's a bad example actually because that's painful. Let's talk about something more common. Okay, I'll give an example from my life. My tenant left all her shit behind at her house and it was hard for me to get her out and I was stressing about it for a long time. I was stressing about it for a long time and I was if that caused me 2,000 units of pain to have to deal with that and to have to sell my house and to have to get somebody out and I'm not getting rent, I'm paying my mortgage and nothing is coming in and I'm now struggling. This is now affecting my pocketbook. I'm freaking out. That causes me 2,000 units of pain. Me now sitting in that problem, obsessing over it, not trying to solve it but obsessing over it, being fearful of the outcome, trying to control the outcome, trying burning up foolishly, that's another 10,000 units of pain and I know you can relate to this because we all do it. If bad thing happens, we amplify bad thing by applying our story on it, by spinning our story. Oh, she's never going to move out. I'm never going to sell my house. I'm going to be poor. I'm going to lose my house now. I'm not going to be able to pay my mortgage. Now I have to, all this shit goes up in my head and it's not true. These stories I spin. Stop spinning the wheel. I'm not going to be able to pay my mortgage. I'm not going to be able to pay my mortgage. I'm not going to be able to pay my mortgage. I'm not going to be able to pay my mortgage. I'm not going to be able to pay my mortgage. I'm not going to be able to pay my mortgage. I'm not going to be able to dive into a side tangent there but it felt necessary to get out. Powerful way to end this will be addiction is incredibly adaptive. You hear people say your addiction is doing pushups in the parking lot. I found that to be true. It's getting stronger. It's progressive and if I relapse again, I don't know if I have another recovery in me to be honest. I know I have another relapse. I don't know if I have another recovery because it was hard to come back here. If you close one door, I always say this. Recovery is like having six garbage cans and five lids. There's always something that's coming up. There's something I have to deal with and it's not a curse. That is just the way it is. I can pay more attention. When I was in addiction, I had six garbage cans and zero lids. Everything was smelling like shit all the time. Focus on what's causing you pain and suffering in your life. Not pain. Causing you suffering in your life. Stop resisting it. The worst thing you can do is tell yourself that this can't be happening. This thing isn't supposed to happen. I shouldn't be feeling. Having this scenario happened in my life. Stop resisting. Accept it. The answer to the solution will come when you're quiet. The creativity will come. Recovery is not just about quitting something. Like I said, it's about changing how we cope, how we regulate emotions, and how we deal with circumstances. There are no problems in life today. There are just circumstances. I always say this, but when it rains, it's a bad day because it ruined my barbecue party. When in other parts of the world, they're happy it rains because it grows their skin. It's a bad day because it ruined my barbecue party. When in other parts of the world, they're happy it rains because it ruined my barbecue party. I am spinning a negative connotation, a negative story on said circumstance. When those things change, how we cope, how we regulate emotions, how we deal with life, when that changes, the addiction has nowhere left to hide. And then you can begin to heal and be present and not be in the state of disturbed all the time. Be able to help others. Recovery is simple, not easy. And if no one has told you this yet today, I love you. Thanks for listening. Please like, subscribe, and share this video. And if you haven't already, subscribe, follow the podcast, and have a wonderful day.
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