Speaker 1Hello and welcome to the How Not to Screw Up Your Kids podcast. So, pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat and enjoy the conversation. This is episode 31 and today I am joined by Clare Ford as we talk about how we can create a positive learning environment for our children to succeed academically. Clare is an award-winning education expert with over 20 years teaching experience, an international best-selling author and founder of Switched On, the cutting-edge global education platform offering inspirational education and parenting solutions. We talk through the common challenges we face as parents. How do we encourage our children to learn without nagging? Clare has created a new platform for children to learn without nagging. She has created an incredible give this week with a free PDF of her top tips for a positive learning environment. So, head over to my free resource library once you've listened to the podcast on drmerryhand.com forward slash library where you'll find the link to download the resource. All you need to do is pop in your email address and get instant access not only to this week's resource but all the other free resources across all my podcast episodes. As ever, if you have enjoyed this episode, I would love it if you could follow and review this podcast so that others can find us and we can spread the love. So, until next time, here's my conversation with Clare. Enjoy! So, hello and welcome and I am genuinely, literally, I'm sitting on my hands because I am so excited that I am joined on today's podcast with Clare Ford. Oh my god, you guys are absolutely in for a show. Huge, huge treat because what's so incredible about Clare and why I just needed her to come on to the podcast is that whilst I talk a huge amount about confident kids from that perspective of them reaching their full potential from a psychological perspective, Clare approaches it in exactly the same sort of approach about confident kids but from an education perspective and I know from the, you know, questions that I get asked time and time again about in talks is how do we create that confidence for our children in that education, in that learning kind of environment from that education perspective so that we create this sort of, as Clare puts it, a positive learning environment.
Speaker 2So, Clare, welcome! Thank you, thank you, thank you, Dr Mary Han. It is amazing to be here. I love chatting with you so much. Oh, I'm so
Speaker 1pleased that you're here. So, I talk a lot about what I call the confidence codes and it's just a sort of an ethos and an approach to life for children around confidence in multiple areas but I know that there'll be parents listening to this that will be thinking my child just is not confident around any of their educational piece, whether it's homework, whether it's approaching things to do with their maths, whether they're little and they're learning their phonics or they're all the way up to their A-levels. Talk to us about the approach that you take and this this particular thing you talk about, about the positive learning environment.
Speaker 2Yeah, sure. So, I think before we get into that slightly, let's just kind of think about, to make it easier to think about what we do want, let's think about what we don't want, right? Let's just think about what we don't want. Let's fill into that a bit more because I'm sure that many of your listeners and, you know, even you yourself and me as a mum, right, I have seen this with children, with my own children. You know, for example, maths anxiety. There was one girl who said, you know, a little snapshot of her and this is what I see with many, many students, you know, she'd been sitting at the back of the class, she'd been too afraid to put her hand up to ask a question because she knew she was behind and she didn't want to be humiliated. But then she was too afraid to put her hand up to ask a question in case she would be asked to actually say something out loud in class. And as a result, of course, she got more and more behind, which then meant she had to rely on the friends that she had with her. And so, she was afraid to put her hand up to ask a question. And so, when she came to me, she was in the bottom three of the class. Her average result for a maths exam paper or test paper was about 13%, right? And what does that do to your confidence as well as a person and what you feel you can do? Exactly. So, I'll tell you what it did. It shattered it. And when she came to me, she had so anxiety. She had exam anxiety. She had panic attacks. She was self-harming. She wasn't eating properly. She was struggling with bullying at school, right? And her self-esteem was absolutely hitting rock bottom. So, this is, of course, what we don't want. We don't want this to happen to anybody's child. We don't want this as a parent, as an educator, as a therapist. We do not want to see children in this position. It's a toxic environment. And this is why a positive learning environment is so crucial. It's not really just about getting the A star, right? We're not like, oh, gosh, everybody's a winner. You know, it's not just that, right? So, let me carry on with Mia's story a little bit. So, when she first came to me for maths, I didn't teach her any maths, right? The first thing I did was I said to her, well done for being on my doorstep and turning up here today. That was a huge step to take. I said, I acknowledge that. I said, I acknowledge you. I see you. And even if you turn around and walk home because you're too scared to come in today, you have done incredibly well. So, that's the thing. We need to, first of all, meet our student where they're at with the fear, with the baggage, right? We need to see our children where they're at. And that is
Speaker 1so powerful, Claire, because I think even as parents, we can meet our children, you know, when they're struggling with their homework and they're saying there's that real fear. So, we need to see our children where they're at. And that is so powerful, so often we get caught into that narrative of, you'll be all right, don't worry about it. And we actually, we just don't meet them where they're at, do we? We don't acknowledge that to them, that maths, that English piece, that writing is huge. That was huge.
Speaker 2I've literally had children sitting in front of me for maths tuition where they've been shaking when they've written the date, before we've even, before I've even opened my mouth, right? Yeah. That's how afraid these children are. Now, you're a doctor, Dr. Mary-Han, you know all about hormones, you know all about cortisol, you know all about how the frontal lobes work, you know that, and a parent knows intuitively, even if we're not doctors, we know a scared child cannot learn. So, to create a positive environment, we've got to get rid of the fear, right? That's the first thing, like it's not rocking signs, but it's really important to say. So, the thing is, this is what I did. I said to this lovely, beautiful young lady, I said, look, we don't even have to do any maths today. I said, tell me what's going on. So, she literally, told me, she told me about the thing I've just told you, how she sat there at the back of the class crying for years, right? I'm like, my goodness. So, that's the second thing. It's not just about meeting them where they're at, it's giving them a space to talk through what's going on, what it's bringing up for them, because these triggers are powerful, right? And this is the work that you do to try and undo all these triggers. And even with adults, we're still triggered by stuff that's happened to us when we're seven. By teachers, by parents that people have told us, oh, just have a go anyway, or don't be so silly, or you can get over it or whatever it is. That's still triggering for us as 50 year old adults. Yeah. So, it's really important to give space to that fear monster so that it can disappear.
Speaker 1God, that's so powerful.
Speaker 2So, I asked her about this and then she told me and I was like, okay, so again, we didn't do any maths. I said, let me give you some, some strategies for your panic attacks because a scared child can't learn. And we have to oxygenate our brain and we have to oxygenate our big organs in order to make them function, right? It's just simple biology. So, you know, when you get nervous, say for example, you're going on stage to do a talk. And if you get really nervous and your breathing gets shallow and it gets higher and higher up your chest, and then eventually you're talking so quickly and you can't breathe properly and your tongue gets tied and sticks to the top of your mouth and all of that, you have to just pause and breathe, right? To be able to function properly. So, I gave her some very simple breathing strategies, which I call my rectangular breath. And I said, this is what you can do Mia, even if it's when you're standing outside my house before you knock on the door, whenever you're feeling anxious, right? Take these breaths and we practice these breaths. And I'm like, how are you feeling now? She's like, yeah, I'm feeling better. And now she's grounded, right? And she's calm. And we've built a relationship. We built some trust and, and I'm creating this environment, which is now not just less toxic, but it's actually a different vibration than she's used to for school and for maths and for getting stuff done. Right? And I'm like, you know what? We've got all the time in the world. It doesn't matter how long it takes you to learn your two times tables. Doesn't matter. I'm not judging you on that. Right? And so that was another really big step. Anyway, fast forward a few weeks, she's doing really, really well. She's, she's understanding all these things. She's like, oh my goodness, it's falling into place. How come no one's ever done this before? Right. And then I get a text from her one day because she's 16 and we're we're on whatsapp and all of that that's what we do 15 16 year olds and she's like Claire she said I've just got the results back from a maths test I'm like oh my god right so first things first before even the result how amazing was it that she could actually go into the class to take the maths test usually she'd have had a panic attack and been throwing up at home and wouldn't have been able to go to school at all so the fact that she was able to walk into a maths classroom on a test day and sit and do the test like even if she'd only written her name that was still already a massive thing yeah huge right huge so she texts me she said I got 42 percent right now my first reaction was 42 I'm supposed to be this amazing tutor like that's barely a pass right that was I'm being honest with you that was my reaction that's many a parent's reaction I'm only saying it out loud because it's what everybody thinks I love that honesty though yes and then I put it back into the perspective and I was like oh okay how are you feeling about that she said I'm feeling amazing she said I'm not in the bottom three in the class anymore she said I'm actually in the top half of the class and she said my maths teachers asked me if I've had a brain transplant right they were so staggered of the fact that she could go from 13 percent to like 43 percent so this is the thing as well it's about not defining our children by that grade by that mark on paper that is exactly what I did subconsciously to this student even though I knew her backstory what a learning for me that was what a humbling experience for me that was and it is so important that
Speaker 1we remember that because we get so caught up in it it doesn't necessarily always come from that place that we we're being uber competitive we want our child to be the top but it's those numbers don't really belie the effort and that sense of achievement that she would have had I mean that was like three and a half times the scores that she's had previously exactly and for her the framing was that she wasn't in the bottom three but she was in the top half that's phenomenal
Speaker 2that's phenomenal and so of course as a result of that you know what her confidence went up but not just in maths she started talking to me about what she wants to do how she wants to be a midwife I've written a book on how to have a positive pregnancy I'm showing her this book she's getting overexcited we're talking about Dr Bruce Lipton and epigenetics we're talking about how you can how a woman's thoughts can change the baby in the womb we're talking about all this stuff this high vibrational intellectual stuff because suddenly she fell in love with her and she said you're going to be an amazing midwife like whatever babies you help birth into this world that's going to be incredible right what a gift and yet this poor young lady for all those years had gone through her life thinking she was just nothing thinking she had nothing to offer right so it just shows what doors that opens because that that is what that is what that is what
Speaker 1doors that opens because that that increase in confidence that ability that she felt that she suddenly had then allowed her to to open her lens even wider well if I can do this in this situation what else can I do and stuff I'm guessing that she was holding on to aspirations that she potentially never had shared with anyone
Speaker 2exactly exactly and you know what she she had such fortitude you know she's going to get herself the thing is with the maths she said to me oh she said I had a lovely weekend I met her and she said I had a lovely weekend I met her and she said I had a lovely weekend I met my friend and I'm like okay that's nice right and she said the thing was she said I could understand the bus timetables and I did and I wasn't late she said I'm not late to anything anymore she said my mark went up in history I said well that's amazing fantastic you know why is that she said I could plan my answer because I could understand I could read the time because it's an old-fashioned analog clock there's no children understand analog they all read digital so when you say you've got 10 minutes and stop at 5 23 well what does that look like yeah they don't know I'm like my god this is amazing because of maths now and her anxiety or lack of she can now meet her friends she knows how to read bus timetables train timetables she's not putting herself in danger by hanging around somewhere waiting for a bus or train in the dark she can she can you know plan her time effectively for exams and for everything else it means you get to interviews on time I mean she'll get to work and she'll get to work on time it's scary the positive impact that this has had with such a small change really that I made and what I would
Speaker 1what I would ask Claire because I'm sure there'll be parents listening to this and saying oh well that's fine Claire because you're a professional and you know what you're doing how does a parent in those moments create and instill the confidence that you did yeah so
Speaker 2I think the thing is it's about having an open honest communication it's about communicating effectively isn't it and what happened obviously with Mia and her mum was was she asked for help she said I need help now if you as a parent if this isn't your area of expertise then outsource and find someone whose area it is right so there are other things that my sons have needed help with that yes I could help Mia with her maths but I might not have been able to help one of my sons with his handling his emotions when he was really depressed and an almost suicidal Dr. Mary Han I had to go and take him to a professional counsellor that works with young people right and and that's fine that's what you do you find the help but you have to be able to open up the doorway for your child to even come and talk to you and ask for the help yeah that's
Speaker 1so important isn't it if that if that door isn't already open if that means communication isn't already there they're not going to come to you which is why we talk so much about communication
Speaker 2and I think with our teenagers we have to trust their better judgment you know we're always the first you know I mean as educators and as therapists and we know about their brain development and risk-taking behavior and wanting to go against the parents and all of that like we know all of this but let's also give them some kudos for actually being able to take responsibility for their own learning and for their own choices so many times I've been proven wrong by my boys with the choices that they've made and the choices that they should have made right and when it's when we've had a conversation afterwards and I said well why haven't you done that like why didn't you go to that party or why didn't you go to that that black tie do and I was thinking oh it's all formal and they're going to look like James Bond and they might have a special first kiss and all of this right the reason my boys didn't go was because it wasn't an environment they wanted to be in they didn't want to be tarred with the same brush as those boys who spike girls drinks they didn't want to be in an environment where where um people were in danger and and acting out and doing things that they shouldn't really have been doing that weren't safe but they couldn't tell me about those behaviors because I was their mother but they could just choose to not be a part of it yeah and there was me pushing them into it so we have to trust that young people do sometimes know what is best for them yeah
Speaker 1oh my god that is that's so helpful to kind of to help us frame the importance of communication isn't just so that our children can tell us when they're struggling emotionally but so that they can talk to us about their options when they feel they might be struggling in areas of their academic and in their learning and their education yes because we assume that they're going to always talk to us about that but they might not talk to us about their emotions but the two are linked
Speaker 2really they're really linked and this is the first thing in my kind of like tip you know for a positive learning environment whether I create this online whether I create this in a small group whether I create this with one-to-one whether I'm creating it as a mum with my sons and even actually with my partner or or anybody that that I'm with it's having that being safe to express yourself without fear of humiliation or judgment because you know as soon as you listen to a child or even a significant other in your life and you and you listen and then you go but as soon as you put that in that's a judgment right there yeah so it's about creating a space without fear of humiliation or judgment that's the key thing that underpins everything it's
Speaker 1totally how do we stop that but because obviously as parents we come with all of our own baggage but we come with our own with our learning and I think a lot of the time as parents we don't want to see our children in pain and we sort of think well I know I only wish I'd studied harder or done this and I could have achieved and I want to impart that on my child so how can we avoid the but well
Speaker 2we can avoid that by doing our work on ourselves right that's our baggage that's our journey that's our stuff and who says that you have to work harder to get the grades I've I've mentored many a young student who's an A-star student without having to do that and that's what actually makes them depressed right they're like it's too easy like what am I missing here I'm I'm able to like I've cracked the system what's going on have thought their parent would have been like oh my gosh it's amazing no these these high functioning highly intelligent girls are also having their own emotional issues so no it's not always you have to work hard to get the grades i teach children to work smarter not harder let's find ways we can hack the system let's find a quick way that we can find this answer why are we working harder i love that this is hard work's a good thing where did that come from and i guess
Speaker 1it the word working harder just creates these connotations that it's a slog that it's going to be difficult and i guess i mean i often talk about making sure that we acknowledge to our children that for example what i hear time and time again and maybe claire you can kind of talk to this specifically and again i don't think parents are saying it in a way deliberately but there's a lot of this sort of oh well don't worry i wasn't particularly good at maths or don't worry i wasn't really good at english as a way of making sure that i was
Speaker 2really good at it but i don't think it's a good thing to say to your child why do we need to stop saying that we really need to stop saying that because you are not your child your child might be the next einstein he might be fantastic or she might be fantastic at maths they might be the next person to get you know they might be getting the nobel peace prize or inventing something absolutely incredible and life-changing for humanity that could have an environmental impact on the world and i think it's really important for parents to be able to say hey don't worry about not being good at this because i'm not or don't or you're like your father he was never good at that or you're like your brother no look at the person in front of you and respect them for their natural gifts talents and attributes and the things that they're bringing into our lifetimes right now
Speaker 1respect that yeah and that's really hard and i think a lot of the time when parents are trying to do that they're trying to do it from a perspective of being disrespectful but i think it's almost a way of trying to soften the blow and if their child is struggling with maths it's almost like well don't worry we've never really you know we're not a mathematical family
Speaker 2we're not a mathematical family we're a creative family we're very arty in this family what happens what happens when you have your third child and they're the scientist and they hear you going oh don't worry we're a creative family and they're thinking i'm not creative i like numbers where can who can they talk to yeah when they can't see the image they can't see the vision they can't hear the poetry they're not interested in the music but they love the numbers it makes them feel excited to see that where's that third child going to go then in that non-mathematical family right we have to stop labelling yeah
Speaker 1and that's a really that's such an important thing to remember is that it's as human beings i think we quite often find it easier to play people in categories and in groups because it's that we know from a brain point of view it's a natural shortcut but actually when it comes to our children's education and their passions about learning if we want to engage them it's not helpful to kind of pigeonhole or segment them based on oh you're good you like math therefore you must love science or you're very much like your father or your mother or as a family we're very musical or as a family we're very sciency
Speaker 2no no and you know it's not helpful to pigeonhole at all because what you're actually doing is you're cutting off their opportunities to experience something else that you you're just assuming they're not going to necessarily like or have an aptitude for you know you may have a really sporty family in fact i remember having a an ex-boyfriend in paris and he was the black sheep of the family right his family were all doctors and lawyers very intellectual kind of family and he was an actor right my goodness the stick that he got you know from his brothers you know oh it's not a proper career it's not this it's not that you know and he was like so he was he then became the family clown that's how he had to navigate his dynamics in that relationship when they all sat around at meal times and things he then had to play up to that yeah which meant that then if there was something serious that he wanted to do he had to play up to that and he had to play up to that and he had to play up to that and he had to play up to that and he had to play up to that and to think about or be or do or have that felt like it wasn't something he could access how dangerous is that
Speaker 1yeah and i do talk about this idea that we create these roles and you know inadvertently that our children then slot into and and we as adults if we have siblings these family roles i was the good girl because obviously i was the middle child let's not go into that one but we do create these roles and what then happens is the child lives up to that expectation and if they're as the funny one or the joker they then carry that clown-esque behavior in all sorts of scenarios and don't fully step up into their full potential because it's not part of the narrative that's been created for them
Speaker 2that's right claire
Speaker 1can i ask you very specifically around because i know there's i want to talk about this work that you do specifically about self-expression because i think that is such an important piece for parents to understand but what i also want to ask you because there'll be people listening to this who haven't got teens who have got younger children that are trying to create and trying to do their best to create this sort of positive learning environment when children are really really young what advice what would you be saying to the you know the parent who's got the reception child year one child that's coming home from school exhausted and doesn't want to do their homework or doesn't want to do their spellings or phonics or whatever that
Speaker 2might be well first of all i would say you know what a blessing and what a fantastic years to have ahead of you because they're truly magical at that age and so enjoy the magic enjoy the magic please enjoy the magic put away the books tell the teacher that your child is too tired to do the homework and have fun playing with bubbles in the bath have fun playing hide and seek have fun making dens have fun cooking baking play-doh making a mess painting with your hands whatever it is have fun learning is fun learning is not just nine to three in a classroom learning can be any time any place anywhere anywhere in the world forget the phonics forget the reading read to them at bedtime listen to stories in the car immerse them in a language-rich environment without making it a chore
Speaker 1and then what what do you say to the parents that will be listening to this i'll be saying i i don't have that you know school of i've got a reading record i've got to kind of do that and also i'm guessing also the children those who've got older children that are then stepping into the sort of year twos where there'll be sats and other years how do we create because i would imagine that it would probably be if we can create that i don't i don't like using the word discipline but we could if we can create a habit around learning from a school of learning and i'm guessing that we can create a habit from that from a school of learning and i'm guessing that we can create a habit from a school of learning and i'm guessing that we can
Speaker 2create a habit from a school of learning and i'm guessing that we can create a habit from a school of learning and i'm guessing that we can create a habit from a school of learning and i'm guessing that we can create a habit from a school of learning and i'm guessing that we can create a habit from a school of learning and i'm guessing that we can create a habit from a school of learning and i'm guessing that we can create a habit from a school of learning and i'm guessing that we can create a habit from a school of learning and i'm guessing that we can create a habit from a school of learning and i'm guessing that we can create a habit from a school of learning and i'm guessing that we can create too well good luck when you're trying to get them to revise for their GCSEs right so what habit are we creating but if you're talking about study skills and a positive attitude to learning then it's more about for me what I did with my boys it's more about creating curious questions a curious environment curiosity let's see if we can remember five words in five minutes let's see if you know you can come up with a different way to write that sentence right so it's not always just doing the homework that's given coming home having a quick snack you know no television and this was my life right you know no television until you've done xyz right and I get that I get that but actually here's the thing every child is different if your child's on the you know on on the spectrum we've got you know some kind of neurodiversity they might need to run around and go to the park and do their homework and then they're going to do their homework and then they're going to do their play first like they might need to come home and have a meltdown first they might need to have some food and fresh air first they might need to have a change of scene they might not even be able to engage for five more minutes they've been holding it together so hard in school for the whole day so everybody's child is different yeah and you need to remember where they're at and you have to value and respect them you have to listen to them you have to communicate with them they have to feel seen and heard and you have to value and respect them you have to listen to them you have to listen to them you have to listen to them you have to listen to them before they can tap back into that cerebral state one of the worst things we can do as parents and I did this nearly every day so I'm owning up to this is to ask our children on the way back from school whether we're walking or whether we're in the car what did you learn today how was your day like we think we're being the nice parent and we want to find out and well they're sick and tired so and and what's the response normally there we can it's like nothing oh nothing I can't remember I don't know right was lunch good you all right you just get grunts right because they don't want to talk about it it's been too hard all day so the home has to be a safe space where they can let off steam they can have fun they can relax they can play their games they can play with the pets they can fight each other they can do all of that and then there's a little bit of learning as well now obviously about creating the habits you know and the the screen time and the gaming and the bedtime and not going to bed too late and all of that that has to be something that you know becomes your kind of your charter you have to have your your spouse if you're living with somebody to also have those rules you have to respect those rules for yourself my son pulled me up on how often i was on my phone and when we compared the data i was on my phone more than he was on his phone okay fair enough all right scary actually
Speaker 1because we don't we assume my children have done exactly the same class they pulled me up you know the number of times i've said um you know you're always on your phone it's like mum you're always checking your work emails yes
Speaker 2exactly , so if we haven't got good boundaries good healthy boundaries for ourself who are we to tell our children what to do yeah right how can we tell them that they need to go and run around in the garden when we're sitting there with a glass of wine and a packet of crisps how can we tell them that they need to eat their vegetables when we're eating a pizza how can we tell them that they need to stop going on the screen when we're in front of the television how can we tell them that they need to go to bed early and get a decent night's sleep if we don't have good boundaries for ourselves when we're eating a pizza how can we tell them that they need to stop going on the screen when we're in front of the television how can we tell them that they need to go to bed early and get a decent night's sleep when we're staying up after they've gone to bed doing our work filing our emails and you know filling in our diaries and doing everything else because that's how our day has to go we we can't tell them to do those things unless we're prepared to do them ourselves
Speaker 1yeah no that's so it's so true and it's such an apt reminder and I love Claire the way that you talked about this curiosity let's see if we can get another set you use that word in another sentence and it does require more effort on our part and us being you know being on our toes in a little way but actually the environment that it creates and the attitude towards learning the investment in our time that we place when they are younger pays dividends when they're older because then they have that independence they do naturally they are curious they will read around they'll put in that whole stuff that we've been talking about in the past you know it's just a matter of time and that's when you see the fruits of your labor I guess that's it and so the
Speaker 2thing is for these parents that you mentioned who've got children in reception year one year two being fully present is the best teaching environment and learning environment you can give your child being fully present right being there fully present means turning your phone off and putting it on aeroplane mode it means shutting down your own computer and it means closing your diary and it means being fully present to the reading to the painting to the silliness to the cooking to the conversation to the playing to the whatever it is to the tidying up but be fully present not the whole entire time but there must be moments of being fully present because that is what your child is learning from you how to be fully present now if they're fully present in your child's life how to be fully present in your child's life how to be fully present in your child's life how to be fully present now if they're fully present in your child's life how to be fully present now if they're fully present in your child's life how to be fully present now if they're fully present in your child's life learning right if you're focusing on that one thing then you're going to get it done yeah whereas if you're showing your child that being fully present is watching the telly while you're texting and you're having a conversation with them that's how they're going to do their schoolwork they're going to have their music on they're going to be on snapchat with their friends and they're going to be
Speaker 1revising for their gcses at the same time god that's so powerful that is so it's just that be fully present I think I'm actually gonna write that somewhere that I see all of the time so I love that now Claire I'm just conscious of time I want to move on because I want to make sure that we cover this this is really important is the work that you do around self-expression because I think this for me has so much potential for our children to kind of connect with themselves and who they are tell everybody what what you mean by this and how you create this opportunity for children
Speaker 2yes thank you so much so what I mean by this is that they're in an environment where they are allowed to express themselves to express their emotions to express their feelings to express their opinions right and this for me as a child growing up I realized didn't happen which is why I ended up being compliant being a people pleaser and actually ending up having a nervous breakdown because I wasn't allowed to be fully expressed I wasn't allowed to express my creativity right I wasn't allowed to express my spirituality you know when I was saying oh you know that I could see that I was fascinated with the stars or I was fascinated with nature and then it would always be right come along come in do your times tables do this do that right time you know it was shut down all these things were shut down when I you know could see I could see auras I didn't know that's what they were when I was a little girl but that's what I could see and you know don't be so silly right so whenever you're saying to a child don't be so silly don't be so ridiculous come along now put that away da da da da da when they're in the flow of something this is this is the problem with the school bell right the school bell is disrupting learning because it's like Pavlos dog you're waiting for the bell you start tidying up ahead of time and you're waiting to be released whereas actually when you're in the flow of learning you're not waiting for it to finish right it becomes a journey of discovery it becomes like being a detective an unpeeling of the layers right even for small children if you watch small children and this is the gift we've been given Mary hand during kovat was that we were able to observe our children at home and you know if they get back to school they get back to school and so they get bored fantastic let them find something to do watch what they do right they always find something to do they find a way to play and they find a way to learn and this is how they begin to express themselves and this is how you can then see what their unique gifts talents and attributes are you see when I was left to my own devices as a little girl to play I actually played schools I learned all my techniques up I learned all my boys up I gave them things to do I drew little resources I gave them lots of ticks and stars and I've played being a teacher because I that's what I wanted to do not because I was told to do it so when they begin to express themselves through play through being bored and finding something that is then soul driven it's soul led because we haven't told them what to do their higher self is showing them what to do to have fun and to learn then that is where the magic happens and then when they get into the flow of that and they're telling themselves their little stories in their head or they're working out where to put things through choice that is self-expression as a learner right so how as parents do we create that so the way I have created it for my children is that they both love love love stories words poems rhymes right so we used to tell stories make up stories everything became a story you know we'd go on a a walk and we'd be looking for the Gruffalo all this kind of thing right we'd have you know teddy bears picnics and things like that out in the garden and it would all lead to storytelling right not necessarily having to write it down using the lexical way but it was using language through story this for me as a parent has been the most powerful way to stimulate my boys imagination to stimulate their love of reading to stimulate their love of writing and to allow them to express themselves because then they can use other characters they can have a baddie in their story which is their alter ego their anger they can have the goody in the story which is how they are aspiring to be they can play out conflicts in their stories which they may have had in the playground and things like this so for me this language-led learning I feel is a fabulous way to help children to express themselves oh that's
Speaker 1just so incredible because you're just allowing the child to be themselves and through that create a story and a narrative that really taps into their interests really and all we
Speaker 2have to do is listen yes and yeah here's another thing Mary-Hann a surprising thing that happened so even people might be thinking well that's lovely but I've got older children like they don't like stories anymore right they've grown up they're not interested in stories that's for babies right that's what they think nobody's too old for stories by the way but no so I did a um a program with a teenager part of our mentoring and one of her things was that she loved poetry and during lockdown she felt very closed down expressed expressing herself she felt very isolated and I said to her well one of her targets we set smart smart goals and one of her targets was to connect with our friend on whatsapp or whatever because she couldn't see her and I said why don't you do a little mini project together you know why don't you maybe write a poem together and she did and she wrote the most incredible poem and here's the thing Mary-Hann in that poem she actually came out as gay and she wrote the most beautiful poem and the way she expressed that was that on the coffee cups on the kitchen table they said hers and hers right and that's almost going to make me cry because for her to have found a way to have expressed her feelings and her sexuality through poetry just because it was given as a kind of a a little thing to do in lockdown right but the power that this had so i can't this is the foundation of everything in the beginning was the word if our children cannot express themselves in a way that mirrors and matches how they're feeling inside then they're forever going to be stuck they're never going to become fully potentialized
Speaker 1no and that oh my gosh claire that is just like the most powerful thing for us to end on that you know in terms of helping us to really get clear that as parents we need to acknowledge and see our children where they're at giving them that space particularly if they're not feeling confident about their work so that that monster can be realized and then placed away but it's that communication is key and that language and being able to see our children for who they are rather than see our children through our eyes and our past experiences about our education and also what we think that kind of narrative that we've been told about what a bright capable good student is which is looking at end results rather than that whole process now we're going to be sharing your tips on the the the the the the the the the the the within the podcast library so that's www.drmaryhand.com forward slash library and so you'll be able to get the resources there but just while it's on air as well claire how can people find you my good my two my children are that bit older now but people will be listening to this i'm sure i'll be thinking i need a bit of claire in my life how do they find you
Speaker 2thank you so the easiest place to go to is switched on global.com which is the name of my academy and there's resources on there there's ways that you can get in touch with me on there there's courses on there there's all sorts of things on there so um yes switched on global.com you can find me i'm also all over social media claire ford or switched on you'll find me hop into my dm send me a message i love chatting with people so uh happy to have a conversation but if you want to know a bit more about me and a bit more about the switched on academy for the positive learning environment for this you know meaningful relevant and fun teaching you know for the curiosity piece and the collaboration piece and all of that and to get your child to become a switched on learner so that they're not defined just by their grades but they're actually intrinsically motivated from the inside then go and check out switched on global.com amazing and
Speaker 1we'll make sure that that all those links are also on claire's they are on claire's resources which are also in the library so head on over there claire i am so grateful so so grateful you've had some unbelievably powerful commentary from that and i've you know even with mine at 18 and 21 i've taken away a load even because their their journey has not yet ended as neither has my educational journey ended yet so some really wonderful wise words thank you so much thank
Speaker 2you so much mary hann pleasure as always you you
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