Costco

This is a head gum podcast. Hello and welcome to the Fleet Guide and everything podcast about everything. I'm with your host Tom and I'm Tim. Excuse me. Back away from the mic for a subtle burp. Well subtle subtle. Settle special. It's good that you didn't eat in. Did I just say professional? Probably. Yeah. Very professional. How are you doing this week, Tom? I'm doing good. Did you answer when I asked you how you were doing? No, because you interrupted me and to burp. And back away from the microphone so you didn't interrupt me. Yeah, I didn't interrupt and grind the show to a halt right in the beginning of it. I was going to say, Tom, I'm oddly a little dizzy. I'm not sure what that's about. I'm just like within the last few minutes. Yeah. You know, okay. Alright, so you might be having some medical emergency. Yeah, I don't know. I think the episode just, you heard like a microphone get hit and then a episode ended. I like the idea that like if I dropped dead in the first three minutes of it. So you got to put it in the air. Yeah, you still be like, "Harrick, I got to upload this." Yeah. I got a few, squeeze the few more minutes at all, Tim. I'll still make the title Costco because that's what we're going to talk about. Just a 90 second long file that ends with the sound of a body hitting the floor. A subtle burp and then a quiet death. That's how the complete guy there, everything goes out. I'm good. How are you? Oh, you're a sad, you're dizzy. Yeah. If you heard about this thing online, Tim, people want to know who can win in a fight. A 100 gorilla, no, 100 pen or one gorilla. Yeah. You've heard about this. I've heard about it. This is the new, would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or what 100 duck-sized horses? Yeah. None of this I'd like. Fighting? I just like, be answered either of these, I don't know. I don't know about it. Well, but don't you think it's like fun to think about, fun to speculate? No. No? Do you? Well, what do you think would happen? Who do you think would win? A 100 men or a gorilla? Yeah. I don't know. I don't really know how strong a gorilla is. No, Tim. It's so strong. And now you're going to yell at you. Okay, so then the gorilla wins. Well, there's only one of them. Here's what it comes down to. Yeah. It's how brave the men are and how committed they are to dying for the cause. That's what it is. No, it's about coordination and organization. Well, but that's what it requires. It requires. So people need to sacrifice themselves? Not necessarily willingly, but everybody needs, you know, it's like, when you watch like saving private Ryan and they're on the way to the beaches at Normandy. It's like not all of you are going to be going home today. Have you ever seen that movie? Yeah. What? Not having. Oh, I want to. I thought you were calling me out like, they don't go to, they don't storm the beach in Normandy. No, I wasn't going to call you out on that, but I wasn't sure that it like went down like that with the speech like he said. Maybe not in that movie, but you know, I'm talking about like in more movies, they do that. Not all of you are going to be coming home sons. Yeah. You know, the platoons were actually the commander's sons. Yeah, there was a little effect about war too. That's with lots of kids, lots of sons. Families were bigger back then. Yeah. They had to be because a lot of them would die in war. Yeah. Well, and, yeah, who knows what might happen. We might devolve into a case where we have to worry about how many men it will take to take down a gorilla. Yeah. But that's what it takes knowing like there's going to be sacrifices. There's no way a hundred of us are getting out of here. There's no way the gorilla's not going to tear a few of us apart. At least. Well, what if you're really, what are you a really good plan? Like what? That's what I'm saying. Then come up with the plan. You're on the plan. And I, no, I refuse. Okay. But like, here's what I'm asking. Presumably, the men, it's men, not men and women. It's, yeah, it's men. Okay. Like, you know, I just, but go on. Well, I think it's basically like, you know, a strong, like, you know, fit, like athletic men, not just like take a random, a real beef cakes. Yeah. Take a hundred beef cakes and put them up against the gorilla. Now we're talking. Okay. Presumably, they don't get any any. Then shave the gorilla, but let the men grow their hair out. Presumably, they don't get any tools, right? Yeah. No, bare, bare handed. You mean the gorilla or the men? The either one. Yeah. I think it should be like a gorilla's aren't very good at using tools. So that would be a very bad man. What are like the, what do they do in wrestling where like, I'm top of a ladder. There's like a knife or something. Like, yeah. Yeah. They're like a gun in the tree. I think usually it's the belt is up at the top of the ladder. I'm a knife. Just stab your opponent with. Uh, no, none of that. I'm saying just, you know, okay, but no, this is my question. Okay. And like, I'm going to ask you not to be perverted about this. Oh boy. Well, uh, tall order. I know. No, what I'm saying. What, what are you going to ask me that you have to? Okay. Presumably, uh, you, so they're not going to have any tools, weapons, et cetera. Yeah. Will they be wearing clothes? I imagine they're all in wrestling singlets because you can, like, those can be used in a way like, it's not allowed. Okay. Who's, who's, who's the referee here? There's, there's a human and a gorilla over to seeing everything. So it's fair. Uh, because like, I could see you use the singlet and like, if you can choke it with the, or put it over its face. Yeah, exactly. Or there's a lot to do. So like, I'm assuming new men, yeah, first of gorilla, new, a hundred nude beef cakes. Yeah. First one. Yeah, but here's the thing. Unclothed gorilla. Tim, you've been under nude man against a gorilla. That gorilla is just going to go on a frenzy ripping their channels off. I know. But like the real is eyes are going to light up is you be like, I know how to beat this fight. Wack, Wack, Wack, pop, pop, pop, yankin everything off. Presumably gorilla knows that there's, there's genitals under the, the singlets. I don't know if they do. How would they? I don't know. They're not dumb. I don't think a, uh, most gruelists have not seen a naked human. I don't think. Well, this is why like I can't just make this call, but with no, I have to, I have to get to know the gorilla. I need to get to know the men. Well, let me, let me also say like I think even if you, even if, all right, like let's say hypothetically, you could also make rules that the gorilla has to follow. Right. And if you told the gorilla like you can't rip their channels off. No, no, this is too much. Then then we're like, well, what are you doing here? You and let me finish my thought. That wasn't just a rule. I wasn't just suggesting we get some gorillas that understand a few rules. This is a, you're not talking about cocoa. Are you? No, no. Coco Tim, Coco is dead. Yeah. I think so. Yeah. Like recently, I think. Yeah. And by recently, you mean, but I like 10 years ago. No. But you think it's very recently within the 2018 seven years ago. Yeah. That's exactly what I said. You said 10 years ago. Yeah. Roundup. It's called. It's called rounding up every year of it. And like if we're around and I was going around the nearest five, then it's actually five. So we're not rounding to the nearest five. We're rounding up. So it's either 10 or zero. Either cocoa either died today or cocoa died. I think my exaggerated, like, oh, do you think it was recent? And it was actually 10 years ago. And it was seven. It's not too far off. That's fair. I feel like my joke has still been made. I still don't think like, I don't know. It depends. All sorts of men. There's all sorts of gorillas. We can't dwell. I didn't finish my thought about even. I didn't want you to see. Even if you could give the gorilla rules. All right. No ripping off weeners or nuts. Okay. But everything else is fair game. The girl is going to go, oh, okay, cool. I'll rip their noses and arms off and beat them with that. Right. Like I don't think you'd be in much better shape. You wouldn't, if you had a gorilla ripped your arm off, you would be like, woo, thank god. You didn't pull up my nuts. Right. I want to, you know. Would you rather have a gorilla rip off your nuts or rip off your arm? Arm, I think. Yeah. The witch arm. Which, my dominant or? Gorilla choice. No, no, then. But he doesn't know either. So, you know, you don't have to worry about like, you know, if it's a mean gorilla, he knows I'm a lucky. Nice gorilla. Yeah, I'm gonna do your favor here. Yeah, which arm which arm do you use the least? Yeah, I'm gonna take care Anyway, I don't I'm fundamentally against having these types of discussions What if I get we get taken over by aliens and they're like this is you know the entertainment We came all these light years and we're I guess we'll see who wins Yeah, if that happens yeah Nine out of 10 cases it's gonna be the gorilla. Okay Wait, they're gonna they're gonna run this multiple times. Yeah, it's a season You know like you know, they're gonna have like probably each episode They'll have like a few different fights and maybe they will mix it up Maybe there will be like you know for the second fight tonight that we got a gorilla that can follow rules We've told it what they should do it can rip genitals off and it's it's promised to abide by those rules Well, if the gorilla just runs you know the table on these these beef cakes Which he which he will especially if they hesitate right so I think what the aliens need to do the for the next Bout hmm. It's 150 beef cakes now like you got it like oh just keep it same gorilla Same and you find out you know, we find out this gorillas threshold. Yeah, gorillas beef cake threshold now if the The Men win do you do like two gorillas versus 100 men or or you just reduce the number of men all right 75 men versus gorilla But the thing is Presumably some of those men will have died in gorilla battle, right? Yeah, I mean you there's like a so you know we're in a situation where aliens have taken over the planet and they've rounded up all the beef cakes They've got just no I know but like a stable of beef cakes waiting, you know, like if if it's like the Roman Coliseum the men win if the gorilla dies, right? Yeah, the gorilla wins if all 100 men if they kill the grill not just the gorilla dies The gorilla shows up feeling a little busy to the Big gorilla Medical emergency that doesn't count no, but what I'm saying is like there could be one man standing and the man win if the Gorilla is dead. Yeah, he has won so like it's not it's not a binary what I'm saying right like where the gorilla wins He's he's beat it's one beat a hundred, you know like he won a hundred nothing Right, but if if the men win it could be like yeah, we won 60 to one, you know, I mean yeah Yeah, I mean that's what makes it interesting. That's why you can run it over and over again. Yeah, we're gonna Get that started. Yeah, now do you think you could beat off a hundred men? Tim it is another episode one of these rip from the headlines episodes What about a store that's been around for 41 years, but guess what I went there today. Oh wow. Yeah, that's quite a headline Yeah, I mean and you're not even gonna see that headline till tomorrow morning. No, I saw The extra extra yeah Local buffoon goes to big box store Is that considered a big box? Now there were a lot of big boxes in it's a big box warehouse Okay So let me explain what this place is for people maybe outside Costco is a store For maybe for people outside the US that aren't as familiar with this They're not the only one. There's also BJs And I forget what else these Sam's club Sam's club is yeah, the Walmart version But it's basically these warehouses that sell stuff in bulk big big bulk items right and like over the years They've evolved they're not like you know it used to be when I went to price club as a kid and it was like I don't think we should be in here. It feels dangerous like there's too many forklifts Yeah, it's like this is an operating warehouse Yeah, I remember going to price club as a kid too and it was because my the Business my mom worked for had like a membership. Yeah, I think it used to be like a lot stricter That was like you had to have a business to have a membership at I think they even price club probably changed that at some point, but I feel like that was the way it started But the thing about Costco is it's You had to join a club if the join a club you have to buy a membership you can't just show up and go shopping You can show up in browse all you want no, you can't show up in browse you're not you're not allowed in really yeah Tim Boy the good thing I went there today. I mean I'm a member Have you ever been there no you don't get around to it? You have no longer a member Tom. Oh, okay. I've Renemist my membership Wow, well that's rare which we'll get into No at the door you have to scan your card Now I it wasn't always that way Tom Maybe maybe not I think you're wrong, but I'm pretty sure It wasn't always that way. I'm pretty sure it was always that way based on what based on like remembering another time I went to Costco like 20 years ago With who with a member who I don't remember who? Okay, so you you know the whole process, but you don't know who the member was with you I forget who the person I was with was but I remember so you were not a member yourself No, you're allowed to bring a guess right so so who was the member Tom? I don't remember so but you remember the check-in process But you don't remember who you were checking in with that seems very suspect to me It doesn't seem that suspect because I've been to places with lots of different people But I'd only been to Costco. I think one time before this time. Yeah, and you don't remember who that was with That seems very suspect Tom. I could narrow it down. I'm not going to do that on the podcast Hmm, well, I don't I think this is like the time Why would they let people in if you're not allowed to buy anything unless you have a membership? Because you go you're enticed by it. You're like oh my god look at all this cool stuff and look at these fabulous prices All right, I'm going and you could sign up at the checkout counter like they won't let you check out Yeah, the sign you have to sign up at the member counter. You can't sign up at the checkout I think you could at the time at some point Tom for a guy who had never been there For a guy that lies about saying that he's a member and then spouts all this nonsense when he hasn't been there in years But what I'm talking about is years ago is what I'm saying maybe Oh God, I mean at this point is lost to the sands of time. We'll never know Yeah, I like the the the Phantom person that got you in 2006 to Costco It's like I I could narrow it down to like two or three people that I I would have think it was but I don't specifically remember And I'm sorry if that if that means that everything else I'm saying is a lie Tim's not paying attention. He's googling Did he used to be able to just go in I was gonna tell you in fairness you may be right that may be a change and it may be because Like they just then what have we been talking about for the last 10 minutes when you're like nope You knew you've always needed you've always needed to scan it because I was there 20 years ago in a with with a friend Friend who was it? It had been a business associate or even a family member No, and I did I said to you I don't I think it's always been like this and you're like you And then when I tell you in fairness you may be right you're like whoa, I didn't you say Fine you may be right you're kind as I may be crazy, but um it just like the eluding tech you're looking for yeah Well, I was gonna say I wouldn't be surprised if if it has changed if that is You know hadn't always been the case because Holy hell this place is Mobbed I can't imagine what it would be like if you could just walk in without having to scan a card first Right Yeah, I'm sure they're doing this because like right now Costco is having a moment. Yeah, like it's it's Well, you were saying this and I hadn't really heard this Yeah, I mean this is this is conjecture that I heard on social media, but like I think it was also like you know that the In in response to Target oh like a limiting the limiting yeah, there was like an organized boycott. Yeah, and so like the graphs that I on social media. And I know, the target's stock price or revenues went down and they showed cascos in the same time. And it was like going up at the same rate and cascos also affirmed their DEI policies in the same time. So there was an agenda to the narrative there, but assuming those two graphs were correct, what they were implying was like, and people just left target to go to casca. - Yeah, maybe. Well, and I'm sure yeah, that there are people that have done that, but I'm sure there's also a lot of people that have reacted to everything becoming more expensive and going like, 'cause that was kind of what happened with us. Like we had been, I forget what it was, like buying, you know, just like random, you know, stuff at the supermarket and the prices, you know, everybody knows prices have just been going up and up lately that there are like certain things that we were like, - Thanks, Biden. - Exactly, is it these two Biden's economy? I heard that there were certain things that, you know, we buy a lot, you know, things like toilet paper or whatever, paper towels, like things that you're just always buying. - How many rows of toilet paper a day? - Four or five a day, just me. - There's a blood bath. - Yeah, and they're the mega rolls too. It's not nice. - Kind of toilet paper you have in this house, though. - We're a Scott's family. - Yeah, just like, you don't need those, who are those perverted bears? - Yeah, but here's the thing, dude. - These bears, this whole family of bears, all ages, all they talk about all day is shitting. (laughing) The Charmin bears, sickos. - Well, and also it's like, look, I get it, I appreciate you having nice soft toilet paper, but I feel like the really soft toilet paper with the lotions and everything, they don't work as well. Like, you feel like you have to use a lot more of it. It's kind of like, look, you need a little grit, you know? That's how you clean stuff up. - Yeah. - Like, we don't, you know, I don't use a silk towel to wipe down the kitchen. - No. - I'm not saying you sand paper, but like, - No, Scott, a little abrasive. - You wanna have some surface to it. - I really want, I've never used a bidet. I want to become a bidet guy. - Okay. - But I simply can't. (laughing) My household won't allow it. - Oh, you're a, your wife and son won't allow it? - Yeah, I don't want to think about my three year old. - Yeah, yeah, I think you can't get something like that with that three year old. Oh, here's, we got a new thing in the bathroom and you press it, water shoots out. Don't press that button, though. - Yeah. (laughing) We got something that's maybe the most fun button to press in the house now. - Yeah. Also, like, I don't really understand how a bidet works. - Yeah, maybe either. - Like, and we're gonna get a letter. It's just like, I don't understand that you don't walk out of there, soak and wet. - I think sometimes you do. But I think it's like very directed, you know? - Yeah. - You know, it's like a squirt gun, like a water gun. Super soaker. - Mm-hmm. - All right. - Yeah. Anyway. - Anyway. So yeah, it was something like that, that kind of stuff that we were like, this is insane. Like, every week the price has been going up. We should get a Costco membership and start buying, certain things in bigger quantities. - It's tough in New York City, though. We don't have a big garage to put all your-- - Oh, yeah. That's the thing. Like, the toilet paper and paper towels, and I think they only really had one size, but that size was like 64 toilet paper rolls. - Well, you bought that. - That's in your home right now? - Yeah. - I don't, to my wife's credit, I don't know where it is. - Wow. - So she did a good job, that you made way somewhere. - Is it just like, you know, like random roll, did she open it up and just stash rolls? - No, I don't think so, 'cause I know when, like, we came in and came back to the house and started putting stuff away. Like, everything was away, but the toilet paper and paper towels were still out, and it was just kind of like, I mean, I'm not gonna be the one to say it, but I think it's just gonna be the way they'll leave you. - This is just our furniture now, so. - Yeah, maybe we can reshape this into a chair and make the best of it. So that was like our big impetus to like finally get a Costco membership. But all that stuff's great too, the, you know, standing firm with their convictions. - Yeah. - Is that the thing too, honestly, like, even if you're, you know, you disagree, in which case I figure a dickhead, but, but like, don't you at least, like, I feel like when you, if you're the kind of person that's like, "Ah, this company changed their policy, "we won," that's like, no, the company just does what they are afraid, you know, like, everything is financial. And sometimes they're wrong, sometimes they do things for money and it winds up not working, which it sounds like maybe it was the case with Target, but, but anyway. But I noticed that Irvay worked there, seemed like they were in a great mood. And I was like, "This is insane, "this is the most stressful situation I've ever been in "and they're well compensated, right?" - Yeah, yeah, they're apparently well compensated and taking care of and stuff and. - Yeah. Do you know about Costco's values? - No. - Well, I mean, I saw a lot of them. I told you, a lot of things were very cheap. I saw a lot of values. - This is their code of ethics. - Okay. - And this is like a major preparation. - Did I maybe sign this when I signed up for a membership that I was supposed to be? - I was still applied by this code of ethics. - All right, so this is the third largest retailer in the world. - Wow. - Costco, right? All right, that was a weird-- - It's crazy, I never heard about it before today. - Yeah, I mean, it's only appeared in the headline starting today because your appearance, yeah. In order to achieve their mission, this is the code of ethics. Number one, obey the law. Number two. - It sounds simple, but a lot of companies don't-- - I would say probably, for the third largest retailer in the world to be first and foremost, cut the shit, we're gonna obey the law. - Yeah, I mean, I don't know if you saw, but Apple just lost their appeal on their injunction over app fees, which is great because that directly affects us with Patreon. And they're referring to the North California DA, one of the vice president of finance that they said, lied under oath on the stand. And they're like, yeah, this guy, like we have all the evidence, we're referring this, he should go to jail for criminal contempt, he lied under oath. - Hey, Steve Jobs, that doesn't sound like O'Bing the law. - I mean, it wasn't Steve Jobs, it was a different guy altogether. - Well, Steve Jobs didn't even have a license plate on his car, and he parked in the handicap spot. - That's true. - Yeah. - Who's O'Bing the law now? - Yeah. But I mean, to your point, it's like, I don't know if somebody told this guy to lie, or he just knew on his own to lie, but somewhere he learned, like, oh, it's okay to break the law. When I work for Apple, people broke the law. - Ooh, like what? - We didn't pass a fire inspection, and one of the, for like a new store, one of the guys from Cupertino went out to the, he was like, oh, I'll be back, and he came back with an envelope full of cash, and showed to me, he's like, I have to go get this fire sheet. - Whoa. - Yeah, and he's like, he comes back, he's like, oh, surprise, surprise, we just passed inspection. - Wow. - I mean, we're up to the highest levels. - Yeah, I mean, we're up to the highest levels. - Highest levels of whatever fire department. - Well, that man was Steve Jobs. - Wow, okay. Number two, take care of our members. That's you, Tom, that used to be me. I don't feel very well taking care of the Costco at the moment. Number three, take care of our employees. Number four, respect our suppliers. - That's it, simple ethics. - Would it kill him to add number five? Just have fun. - You know what? Let's see, if we do these four things throughout our organization, we would achieve our ultimate goal. We just have fun. - Oh, okay. All right, well, they got there in the end. I wanted to talk about, 'cause that kind of brings me to their business model, 'cause I was like looking into this. Because the insane thing is that they make the majority of their money off membership fees. Which is only $60 a year for the standard membership. - Right. - However, what I told you about that you're a rare beast, they have 90% retention rate year over year on their memberships. - Tom. - Which is way higher retention than anybody else has in any business. - If I lived in any other place in America, Yeah, yeah, I'd be I wouldn't be a do they have like different levels of membership? They do but I don't think it even really because I know there's there is like a business one and then there is like an Executive one I'd I'd pay double. Yeah, it's just a matter of the two Costco's That I know of in New York Or in New York City are just always two goddamn crowded and they're not as like big and fun as the ones that I've been to And number two, I can't really buy things in bulk because I don't have any space, right? Otherwise, I'd be a proud card carrying member of cost I do all my shopping at Costco So we got I bought a Costco membership online Because I thought like oh, this will save time like a buy it online and then It says here you can take it to the store and they'll like activate it and give you a real card and you know Take your picture and all that That's fun. I like it in my picture taking I got my picture taken a day. I can show it to you later That camera, uh-huh didn't steal your soul did it? No, I don't think so why is that a thing with Costco cameras? No, just all cameras. Oh It's fun to get your picture taken, but sometimes it steals your stuff I didn't realize that you adopted the omniscience thinking about cameras What was I talking about? Oh, yeah, so we bought the bought the membership online and it's like all right Well, good now let's go the store and activate it This was a month ago two months ago Tim we could try it for a half hour to find a place to park not a close place to park Any place to park right including blocks away from the The Costco and me I'm thinking well, just take public transit not if you're buying in bulk No, no and there and there's nothing near there like you would have to walk pretty far right to a subway or bus stop Yeah, that's the whole point our car was packed and I don't think we even like did that crazy a shop, you know what I mean right? So we literally like and and we went during the middle of a weekday figuring like okay This is probably like a good time to go no Couldn't even park after a half hour. It was like all right. I'm gonna I feel like I'm gonna blow my brains out if I try to find parking any longer Like let's just cut our losses ago home And that was the one in Brooklyn we went to the one in Rigo Park Today okay in Queens and that one was much better because they have a parking garage Pay three dollars for parking is like yes, this is well, I will gladly pay three dollars To not have to drive around for a half hour before I give up right Um well Tom you beat the system because you're three dollars, but small I didn't beat the system I don't think it's a system. It's just there are too many people trying to go there. So there are two different For personal memberships Tom you can be a gold star member. Yeah, that's kind of the base. That's $65 a year And now can I that's not stealing valor um no I'm telling people I'm a goal. I'm part of a gold star family I mean you can like put on your resume But if I asked you have to you have to elaborate. I have to yeah Then for double the price 130 dollars a year Wait, what you said you were happily willing to pay you get the executive membership And that the only difference there is it comes with you get access to the boardroom Yeah, you go in there you can talk about how your mat is hell But you're not because you're being respected by the company right so they know a lot of guys aren't gonna take advantage of that Go in there. Yeah, that their man is hell a lot of a lot of the Take it as a company or just happy. Yeah, just happy at home. It was having fun Now you get an annual two percent reward. Okay, which is like So this is clearly aimed at like hey do you come here a lot? Yeah, like do you do major spending here for like a big family or business or something like that right and then you also Get Costco services discounts, which is additional benefits But you know what I like about this what's that I feel like this is this goes along with their ethics of like it's not like Oh, you get like a premium shopping experience like you get to use an express lane or like It's not the fastpass at Disney World where it's like you know you in there as a gold star member Proud, uh, you know the proud American gold star family. Yeah, and it's just like you're watching these rich assholes Like cut the line and everything like no everybody's waiting in the same lines. Yeah, just some people are getting two percent Yeah, it's literally like do the math of like would two percent of your yearly purchases here be more than 60 dollars. Look they got a calculator Look at that. You know how it's called size your household essentials and all your Your budgets and it'll tell you what that estimated two percent reward size. Why is that on there Well, they need to know your broad size. They want to get an accurate picture of you That's what the picture is for for the card. I know they want to be able to fill it out until we can be like 3d Uh That's one of the other things is uh there's a bunch of perverts Right They also they have I think a visa card that gives you a free membership right Uh And maybe that 2% tax so maybe if like you had a business in the use Costco it makes sense to uh Uh go there. They don't have like produce and stuff there. Yeah. Yeah. Really? They have a big produce section Huh. Yeah. They have everything. Wow. Yeah, because we didn't even honestly go into the produce section because it was like All right, we don't need to buy produce in bulk like that. Is it all bulk? I'm pretty sure Like it was like that will go bad. We don't need 5 pounds of uh, you know grapes or whatever. Mm-hmm Do dogs eat grips? No dogs can eat it. No, they're toxic to dogs. Yeah Uh and also the solution to it like we're not gonna eat that enough. This is we can start feeding it to our 25 pound dog. Why not? You can but it's not gonna have to if they weren't toxic to dogs. Yeah, they're not gonna like grapes. It's not gonna make a big difference You know, no, you always eat more grapes than you think you're gonna eat and I think that would go for dogs too if it didn't kill them Uh, they cap their markup at 14% for branded items and 15% for Kirkland signature, which is their yeah house brand You know what I thought it was cool when like people started wearing like Kirkland Merch but now yeah, but now it's played out I think yeah Yeah, I mean if you want it's like it's apparently nice stuff like you want to buy it and wear it. That's fine, but like yeah And don't don't be like nobody's like rip a dripped out. Yeah, that's what that's a phrase that I use a lot too uh Tim you were talking about their Their customers how good they are to their customers Mm-hmm members members members executives Part of that is their return policy. They have one of retail's most flexible return policies now tell me more about this Most items are returnable any time if unsatisfied and that includes like when so when I bought the Costco membership Online and then you we couldn't get into store. I was like, oh shit. I guess I'll go look if I can return it And I looked and it's like oh you can return it anytime and they'll give you all your money back like For any reason. What if I bought a really big lollipop They'll take it back even if I've gotten a few licks and Tim there are stories of people returning Use the days Huh, I was like I give it a shot people returning Dead Christmas trees in January People returning empty wine bottles. Okay. If I were a shareholder though I'd be upset about this stuff now now there's there's there's a difference between Respecting your members and being taken advantage of and I think allowing somebody to take an advantage of you Should a lack of respect for both you and that person well the thing is they they do have uh Like they do Reserve the right to cancel your membership, right? So like if if they do think you're abusing that Uh They will cancel your membership, but I guess it's the kind of thing of like I don't know maybe when they look up your membership It shows how much a person spent and they're like yeah, just give this person their 50 bucks back for the tree They've spent 10 grand over the past few years and and have an haven returned other stuff It is a 90-day return window for electronics and major appliances and there are certain things that are not returnable um You know Gold bars Silver coins tickets digital goods shop cards alcohol and cigarettes. I didn't go into a store and just be like I have Pick enough some gold bars Well, yeah, I don't yeah, I guess I didn't see where they have them there I'm guessing like by the jewelry or they're probably not out like the impulse. No, I'm sure it's like under a locked cage or whatever, because I saw like I walked by the jewelry and it's all in like, you know, acrylic cases or whatever. You know what I didn't see there that I was like, oh, that is interesting. I should investigate further about this. They were selling packages to Metz game tickets and $30 food voucher for 100 bucks. Ooh, yeah. Yeah. And I think it's, you know, probably like decent tickets. And, uh, yeah, so that's what 35 bucks a ticket. Yeah. It's not bad. Yeah. Hey, uh, they're being I forgot about this. And that there are stories of people. There, there was a viral TikTok that showed a shopper being banned for using her husband's card staff or broke privileges immediately upon scan. And there are also stories of like people going in there and being like, oh, she ever got something in the car or whatever. And then just like not being able to get back in. I had to leave and they come back because they had the carts outside the store. And I was kind of and like I had to scan my card again. I couldn't be like, oh, you just saw me. Right. Scan. Well, that's, uh, you know, it's just showing respect. Um, uh, what else did I want to talk about these? They're, uh, do you know about these? Their membership and shopping hacks, Tim? No, I do want to point out, um, my TV is from Costco. Just why did you want to point that out? Cause I bought a TV at Costco. Say your TV has like a dark spot that you can't get rid of or something. Yeah, but that's not Costco. It's probably that it happened. Like, go for your deck. Oh, shit. It's only 90 days for things like TVs. But, uh, well, now I'm just looking at the TVs on the Costco website. Look at the TV. I mean, you can find the TV TV. But yeah, you can wait until the episode's over. I'm going to forget. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Go ahead and order a TV. You're right. Now, um, so like I'm actually, I did research for this episode after going to Costco that I wish I had done before. Oh, yeah. The hacks, all right. The hacks. I guess that's more important than me, uh, talking about some of my favorite purchases there like my television. Well, a few things here. So hacks to get in there if you don't, um, have a card. Um, I had read that you could, if you got a prescription sent there, yeah, could go pick it up. Yeah. I tried that one's years ago at the one in Brooklyn. Like, there was a time where I didn't, uh, after I was laid off from a job, I didn't have healthcare. So I was like, I don't know. I got sick or something and like everything. It was expensive. So I was like, all right, I'll go to Costco and they didn't let me in. But I think I don't know. I probably screwed something up or maybe that's just not true. And again, maybe that changed. Yeah. But there are other ways in, um, if you should have brought your, uh, you know, magical member friend that you forget who it was. Well, so members came, you forgot who that person was. I could have gotten you in. And you're much needed medicine. Members can bring two nonmembers per visit. Wow. And I think a standard membership as two members. I think so. Yeah. Cause I know like we, me and my wife both got cards today. Which I'll show you later. Don't worry. I didn't forget. Um, so the cards are very no frills too. I like it. Yeah. Um, although there are also stories of travelers using their Costco cards as ID for the TSA. Uh, yeah. That doesn't seem. No, it seems, uh, but apparently people, it sounds like people have been able to show their Costco card because it has your picture on it. Mm hmm. And a like, you know, credit card or whatever in the same name. Right. And they'll take that as proof. Also, you're going to the airport to fly somewhere, bring identification. I don't think it's that hard. Uh, like you brought your Costco card, but not your driver's license or a passport. Come on. Yeah. You stupid. You probably, probably stupid. Do you leave your house without ID? No. Yeah. I don't, I mean, let's not get into this. Yeah, but, but I'm just saying like I always want that with me. Yeah. You know, with, with, you know, I, uh, so you get to show your papers. Yeah. Or what if I get killed by a gorilla and then they're like, well, we'll never know what this, who this guy was, he ripped off his handles and his head and his hands. Wow. We've got nothing to go on. They usually, the first, the first way they try to identify a dead body by the Jettel's. Yeah. All right. So the, oh, the other way you can get in, you can use a loaded Costco cash card for entry. I use a lot of loaded gun. Flash that. All you have to do is open up your jacket and go. See what I got there? Why don't you step aside? No, if you buy, if a Costco member buys somebody a gift card for Costco, that gift card will get them in as long as it has money on it. I don't know if they can reload it. I don't know. Probably not because that's, that seems like a loophole. Yeah. Is it be like, well, you don't need a membership. Just keep reloading this card somebody gave you. Um, and honestly, Costco's hoping you're going in there with a gift card. Like, oh, it's really going to be the gift card, right? And then you're in there. You're spending more than that. Well, will they allow you to spend more than that? I was thinking you'd be like, oh, this place is great. I'll just spend the 65 bucks. I'll come back here all the time. Yeah. I mean, I'm, I come back here every day of my life, including Christmas day. I'm sure they've like run the numbers and found like, yeah, this is good. Most people that do this thing, either coming in by a ton of shit, you know, they get a $50 card, but they spend $400 or they get a membership themselves. Yeah. I, you know what I might have been thinking about earlier, Tom? What's that? Is that like, you can get a, a, like day pass to go in. You can? Like where it's like, you can't buy anything. Like it's like, you get, but it's, I guess like, you can't just walk it. So you can do it. And then like, that's when you can be like, all right, I'm in like, I'm dead. Like this is amazing. Like I like the full. That makes sense. It's like they wouldn't sell a membership without the option of like, see what they have. So maybe, maybe we were both right, Tom. Yeah. Well, except for you lying about, well, I, I, I bought things because I was with a Costco member at the time. It's just smack. I didn't just take a tour like a loser. It's smacked of the, the story of like, oh yeah, I get a doughnut of peachery all the time. I never said I do it all the time, but I've done it before. Yeah, but you don't remember when it was a long time ago. Like I remember that it was a long time ago. I can't tell you the exact day. Anyway, the other, the shopping hacks to him about the prices, which is, this is a thing I wish I knew going in there. I found this out from a website called Costco 97.com. Ooh. It sounds like a radio station, right? Sounds. I thought it sounded like a cool like throwback TV show. So this website specifically tracks items that end in a price that ends with 97 cents. So, you know, period 97. Why is that? That means it's a clearance markdown. So if something ends in 97, you know that that's a really good price. Like you're never going to find a better price than that. Look at this 65 inch Sony Bravia 7 4K LED LCD TV. And is it end with a 97? Yeah, no, I'm on Costco 97.com right now. Oh, yeah. It's marked down from 1899 to freaking 999. Wow. And that's $18,000. No, $1800. Yeah. So it's almost half right. Yeah. I believe that also means that they are like not going to be carrying that anymore. So it's also like, Hey, this is, this is on clearance. We were not stocking this anymore and it's cheaper than ever. But also things with a star on them indicated this discontinued item. So I guess maybe not necessarily on clearance, not necessarily on, you know, a cheaper price, but this is discontinued. Is your last chance? It's not true. Yeah, if you like it, get, get some now. And then things that, so I guess most things end in 99 cents. Things that end in zero cents or 88 cents are special manager mark downs or last chance deals. Interesting. Yeah, just so and you know what I it's one of those things I wish I knew ahead of time because there were some prices when I was in there that I was like How come like this brand name is cheaper than the Kirkland brand and I think it in some of those cases It may have been that kind of thing like oh this they're clearing this out They Do high turnover? I Guess that that's already been mentioned. Oh the food court Tim. Yeah, we haven't even talked about that if you raise the price of hot dogs I'll kill you Who said that wait you don't know this so man Okay, I know about the Costco guys and their friend the Rizzler Do you know about them oh the boom guys? Yeah, I don't want to They review food on TikTok boom or doom But they also well, I guess they review everything at Costco Mm-hmm because it can't just be the food the that they sell at the food stand because there are very limited options there Right, but explain explain the thing with the hot dogs so the founder Jim Senegal yeah, Senegal Senegal And the CEO Greg Jeleneck, okay, we're talking mm-hmm. And you know the hot dog You know what is a hot dog cost so they have a $150 Which get a hot dog positive because $100 Well, it's $1.50 for a hot dog in a soda. Yeah, so this guy Craig Jeleneck mm-hmm goes up to Jim Senegal who is the the founder and said Jim we can't sell this hot dog. This is according to the CEO okay I came to know when this was Because this started in 1985 and they have not raised the price in 40 years now This was this is an anecdote. He relayed in 2018, so I came to him once and said Jim We can't sell this hot dog for a buck 50 we are losing our rear ends and he said if you raise the effing hot dog I will kill you figure it out That's all I really needed by the way if you raised the price to 175 it would not be that big of a deal People would still buy it, but the mindset is that when you think of Costco you think of the $1.50 hot dog in soda Yeah, what we figured out we could do is build our own hot dog manufacturing plants And make our own Kirkland signature hot dogs now we're doing so much hot dog business that we've opened up another plant Wow, yeah, it's gonna say like what does figure it out me? Well, I think it is like all right like this is gonna be a lost leader and like figure out a way to make it not even though like you are you are yeah You're beholden to this 14 and 50 15% mark up like that's interesting that like the prices are Secked oh, yeah, well, and it's also crazy because they're they're a whole thing. I mean I was gonna say I guess it's different in other places, but I feel like Costco's are busy all the time everywhere Like that's why it's it's the third biggest retail you like If you're the third biggest retailer in the world you don't have locations that are sleepy, you know, right? Like I imagine they're also the kind of company that when they build a new one they've done like extensive like Modeling to show like this area can support Costco this big We we should build one here man. There is a new Costco opening near my in-laws Re-vamping the Costco and there it is very different state. Yeah, it is the talk of the town there I can imagine yeah If there was one opening in our town that would be the talk of the town. Yeah Oh, I was gonna say the the food court is like kind of yes a lost leader and they talk about like oh people come in for You know the dollar 50 hot dog, but then they spend more money on everything. I cannot imagine a Reality where I would go to Costco with I'm just gonna get a hot dog and I'm gonna leave like it's way too much of a Commitment yeah, but if it's also like well you in your situation. Yeah, if there's a if it's like Hey, I'm gonna go like I need to do my grocery shopping right should I go over to the stop and shop or should I go Five minutes yeah past that to the Costco and while I'm there I'll pick up lunch You know cost me a dollar freaking 50. Well, that's what I'm saying. I think it's more Yeah, I guess that's still like convincing somebody yeah for sure like I think that's a man I mean I'm telling you like the whole time I was shopping I was so excited about like and when it's all done. Yeah, we're gonna go in the food court I'm gonna guess I'm out of this food. I heard the Costco guys talking about I always used to do my Shopping before going back to college. Yeah After the summer at Costco, you know, like yeah, buy a few things a deal by some some soaps Yeah, you're at the buy-deodorant and bulky staying I go yeah, I go through the order and like you go through toilet paper Using it on your butt. Yeah Yeah, and that's why that's why the bidet thing also When do you apply the deodorant? Yeah before I have it. It's all wet down there. Yeah It's very confusing. Do you like putting deodorant on if your armpits are wet? No, I need my armpits to be like a little bit wet I feel like to get like but not but not soaking wet, you know, because then it's like now everything Depends on how long I've let my armpit hair grow. Oh, you trim your armpit hair regularly. Yeah You have like real long armpit hair. Yeah, I mean a good cheggy. Yeah, I got a I got a I guess I trim mine a little bit in the summer maybe Really? This is very interesting to me. Yeah, yeah, I know I rarely have to trim my I feel like armpit hair used to be longer I think it just naturally got shorter My eyebrows are getting longer. I think that's what happened. It's all attached. I think Anyway Besides the hot dogs they're also famous for well, this is not a Food court item, but they're 499 rotisserie chicken. Oh, yeah Which is another thing that I remember reading an article about that it was like they had to start up their own Companies chicken situation. Yeah, because it was just like I think they still lose money on every rotisserie chicken, but But not as much as they were losing before A lot of chickens are killed True well, obviously chicken you think about you're buying a rotisserie chicken for $5 and it's like there's no way this cost five like The entire time this thing was alive. It only cost $5 like food and Can then not to mention like the Killing and processing and like well that I think a lot of times they find people that would happily do it for free. Hmm Oh, maybe they make a little bit more because they actually the people pay pay. Yeah, Costco gets paid No, you know what Tim unfortunately well fortunately, I guess there aren't enough sickos in the world because They sell 137 million chickens annually Um, and it costs as of Since 2015 it is cost Costco 30 to 40 million dollars in losses annually. Hmm Switching to bags in 2024 from like plastic containers And at another 385 million dollar annual loss that that feels like too much. Yeah, maybe that's wrong I didn't hook him up with a bag supplier that I'll save him some money. Yeah, but I saw because I I didn't see where the rotisserie chickens even Word today, but I saw a guy carrying one with a big smile on his face They also had I mean This is like a little disgusting, I guess, but they had bags of like just pull human hands hand pulled rotisserie chicken meat Just like all in a like vacuum sealed you know, five pound block All right, now it's kind of like shit should I get that that would probably be like all I need it'd be fine How much how much was it was like 13 bucks? That's crazy. That's that's lunch for like for three weeks Yeah Chicken's act as traffic magnets attracting shoppers you on average spend $400 per visit We spent I think like 350 on this visit. What is - Did you buy? Let's see your haul. - I'll see, though. Well, I can tell you some of the stuff. - Did you buy a television? - No. - Did you know my TV came from Pascale? - No, and actually, I left there happy with myself. Okay, we didn't buy shit. We didn't impulse buy stuff. - Right. Oh, see. Well, you know the whole treasure hunt thing, right? They're always rearranging stuff. - Oh, so you can't. - They want you to stumble upon, "Oh, Costco has it." "Oh, what is this?" - Yeah. - So they can go like-- - I mean, we definitely got some stuff that, yeah, we didn't go in there thinking, but alive it was kind of like, "Oh, like, I just bought this yogurt at the store the other day." And it was this much money, and here's like a 15 pack that's $12. - Right. - Yeah, all right. I'm gonna buy that. I didn't come in here thinking that because I didn't really know they would have this. And that would be that kind of a price. So there was like a lot of that kind of stuff, but. - So I see, I understand you got yogurt. - Mm-hmm. - You got toilet paper. - Yeah. - You got paper towels. - Cashews. - All right. How many, how many cashews did you buy? - A lot. I think it's maybe like a five pound bag. Maybe not five. - Maybe like a 6,000 cashew bag. - Yeah, somewhere around there. - Yeah. - Oh, I did buy a lot of uncooked chicken breasts. - Mm-hmm. - You're freezing those up? - Yeah. Because they sell chicken breasts that like, I don't know, comes in something that kind of looks like like a Kevlar vest. Where it's just like a big plastic thing because they're all individually sealed, which is great. 'Cause then yeah, you can freeze them and just cut them apart. So yeah, I got one of those. Oh man, I got this huge block. I'll show you this on your way out. We have a carry gold double-ender cheddar cheese. - Yeah, that's cool. Yeah. Yeah, so that's some of the stuff. - About 350 bucks. - 10 pack of brittle water filters. - I always buy both by water filters and then like, I always forget I have them. And then I was like, nah, that's about three individual packages since then, 'cause I forgot that I had nine more under my, so a word of caution, Tom. Every morning wake up, make the first thing you think. I got a whole bunch of water filters. - Well, I mean, it's a 10 pack, so like, it's gonna be hard to hide. - Yeah. - That was probably one of the biggest ticket items 'cause I think there was 50 bucks. - Huh. - Yeah. - Just still like a lot cheaper. I think they're probably like $13 if you buy them one at a time. - You know what I got, Tom? Did I tell you this? I got this like water filter. I don't need a britt of filter. I'm filtering it at the tap. - Wow, well, save it for next time. - Some really, really mean Russian guy was putting it in, and he yelled at me about it. - They sell Kirkland brand liquor, but I didn't, I actually didn't see, I like, I didn't go over by the, actually I don't know, maybe they don't at in New York because like supermarkets can't sell liquor in New York like you need a liquor store license. Because like, I saw the beer and I didn't really go near, because I was like, I don't need to buy like a 36 pack of beer. They sell coffins, but that's just online. - Yeah. - Yeah, I'm like. - Everybody got on the band KISS or selling that KISS coffin, or yeah. I'd be cool, I'd like to be buried in one. - They're expensive I think. - That's okay, I'm worth it. - Oh, you know what, I'll do the plugs, and I have one more interesting fact. - Yeah, I can do that. - Costco. - You can find out more about the show at tcgt.com. You can find our social media links, sir. Our Reddit, our Discord, and our Patreon.com/compleakive where you get a bonus weekly episode. This week it's Fast Food Friday. We're going over all the fast food news you choose to chew for April 2025. - Yeah. - A lot of it. - Even though it's May now, we're recapping April. - We're recapping, where are we gonna tell you the news before it happened? - Yeah, what is this, this sort of early edition? - Patreon.com/compleakive, you can find that. - We should try to do that. - A whole hell of a lot more. Tim, all for only $50 a month. - Tim, do you know, you know what, maybe I have two interesting facts for you here. Oh, maybe I have three. The smallest. Choose one. - I wanna hear it off here. I was just kidding. - All right, the smallest store, 76,000 square feet in Juno, Alaska, the largest 235,000 square feet in Salt Lake City. That's a big, that's like almost four times bigger. - Yeah, I feel like in Alaska too, you got all this wide open space. - Yeah, what are you doing? - Yeah. - Right, yeah, a lot. I was gonna joke, well, it costs a lot to heat it. That probably gets. - Yeah. - One of the reasons. Another one, top sales location is in Oahu, Hawaii. It was the first store to top 500 million in annual sales, despite Hawaii's smaller population. And I think similarly here, can you guess which country has the highest membership of-- - Like per capita? - Per capita. I'm gonna say, Canada. - A million miles away. Iceland. 75% of households in Iceland have a Costco card. After locals used to charter planes for Costco goods. - Wow. - Because they're far from everything. - Right, you wanna, yeah. - And yeah, Costco found out that people from Iceland were chartering planes just to, and they were like, "Yo, we'll go build one in Iceland." And they were like, "Great." - Why didn't you guys just ask? - Every household will buy a membership and go here. - We will shun the ones who don't. - I'm guessing just because it's much, much cheaper, 'cause Iceland's not super remote, but a little remote. Everything you gotta, the ship or fly, put on a ship or fly there. - I mean, when you think about it, isn't about the case with everything. - No, 'cause you got roads. - You got roads in Iceland? - Yeah, but you can't drive shit to Iceland from other places. - Yeah, but you can't, but they can make things there. - Yeah, but I don't think they make a ton of things. - Right. - Like the produce isn't, it has to be flown in, it can't be driven in. Unless it knows somebody that has a membership and it can take along with them. - Ah, but, you know, 10 years later, you'll have no regulation of who are the 10 years. - All right, you'll see you next week. (upbeat music) - That was a hit gun podcast.