Confessions Of A Redditor | Reading Reddit Stories

Hi, welcome to Smoshreads Reddit Stories. I'm Shane and today's theme is Confessions, and I'm joined by two friends who are in Confession with me. What are your sins, Ian and Amanda? I haven't touched my wife since we married, and it's been ten years. And I like that. And I like that. Okay, all right. Don't know why. My confession is that I just have way too much steez. I don't like wherever that's going, and that's my confession is I'm back with Ian on this couch. And father, we have sinned. Okay, can I be honest though? Going to confessional as someone raised Catholic was very spooky. I never did that. What was the craziest thing that you confessed to? Oh, like I ate meat during Lent. They're always like, what are you going to give up? The priest just punches his arm through the egg there. Shokes you out. Oh, whenever they go give up stuff for Lent, you go, okay, vegetables. And they're like, no. Why not? Oh, sick. Yeah, pretty cool. All right. Bailey has told me I feel like this is going to be a really good episode. What? I love when I have an episode. It's like guys, these stories are crazy. I feel very grateful because I feel like I'm in a lot of those episodes and I feel very happy. Or in some insane episodes. Yeah. And you? And you? No, nothing unhinged has ever happened in one of my episodes. No, that's a lot. Definitely not. All right. So we have some stories that have confessions in them. And our first one is a very interesting one. So stick with me on this one. It's not going to go the way you expect. Okay. Here we go. This comes from Ask Reddit. So the post is actually a question that's asked and the comments will give answers. This was posted back in 2012. This is an old one. It's a 14 year old post. Okay. So he's like, am I the asshole for party rocking? Yeah. Okay. They write, what's your secret that could literally ruin your life if it came out? Someone commented, I run a cake business. I charge people hundreds for wedding cakes. Every last one is made using Pillsbury cake mix I buy for $1 a box at Walmart. I suck at baking. Every time I've ever tried to make a cake from scratch, it sucked. But baking is like my whole deal. My friends all call me the cake girl. It's like my whole life is a lie. People compliment my cakes all the time, telling me how delicious they are, telling me it's so much better than box mix cake, telling me they could never bake a cake so delicious. Well, guess what? For $1, they too can make a cake just as delicious. Just add oil, eggs, and water. In my defense, I love cake decorating. I make all of the frostings and fondant from scratch. I just hate baking fucking cakes. I base my prices mostly on the decoration of the cakes and not on the cake itself if that makes sense. Still, no one knows about this except my husband. Even my best friends think I fucking slave over the oven mixing and baking these damn cakes. I have been doing this for years. If anyone knew my business and reputation would be in the toilet for sure, I keep telling myself I have to learn how to make the damn cakes without the box mixes, but I never do it. I feel like such a sham sometimes. This person is raging. Look out. I can't believe myself. My fucking friends call me cake girl. And I hit them and they're like, "Why are you angry?" I don't even know the truth. Maybe I'm off for this, but I don't really see much of an issue with that. That's something that's a big deal. And I actually kind of agree with him. Because I think you still have to be good at baking to get it right. And also they're making all the fondant and other stuff from scratch. And a cake mix, honestly, that's the easiest part. It is the easiest part. It's just like the eggs, the flour, sifting it and all that stuff. I don't know enough about baking. It's just specific measurements of like, okay, the butter has to be like the right temp and all that stuff. So they already did it for them. Is there a Pillsbury wedding cake mix though? Because isn't wedding cake a very specific type of flavor? I thought wedding cake has like a. No, wedding cake can be whatever you want. I know it can be whatever it wants, but like the traditional wedding cake. It would just be white cake. Yeah, but I thought like, maybe I'm wrong. No, no. My mom has always said her favorite type of cake is wedding cake, but she has said like there's an almond type of like flavor. No, like there is it. I'm saying like it's a white cake. Yes, I understand. You could be right. I think like traditional, like I understand people can do whatever they want, but I think someone like my mom who's an aficionado of wedding cake. I think your mom would. She'd find her. Someone might clock it. Yes, the deal though, sounds like she's doing a bunch of fondant and like decor on it. So they probably wouldn't even be able to taste it. Yeah, someone like me would not clock it, because like, you give me a cake, I'm going to be like, all right. Look, I mean the pills. I'm eating it so fast. Please do not slam any more cake. I don't know. I don't want to be there to witness. You're going to look away. It's gone like Batman. It's just in my mouth. I think the Pillsbury company figured it out, you know? They put probably millions of dollars in R&D, get in that box cake, just right. And I don't think there's anything wrong to just take a little shortcut. I'm sure all my professional bakers at home can sound off. It sucks. I'm sure it's a lot of work to make this stuff. It is a lot of work because temperatures are everything. Baking is really hard and you have to be very. You cannot mess around with baking. You have to be very specific about the ingredients. But she does all of her own fondant. That's extremely difficult. She definitely does what I would assume is like. I mean, I'm not a baker, but I also want to know how much she's charging. Because if she says. She says hundreds. She says what they're paying for is for the decoration and all that stuff. But I'm like, if this is far cheaper than all her competitors, then I'm like, yeah, then you're. But also in your business, are you saying that you're baking this from scratch? Are you lying? Then you're liable. I think she. I think she. You can be sued hard. I think she probably is. I mean, I don't think. I don't know how many people are questioning the wedding cake maker. Is it made from scratch? I think they're probably looking at the photos. And I think like wedding cake is more of like a statement piece. I agree. Like there was an incident at our. That sounds wrong. So we had. We threw this big 20-year anniversary party at the end of the year. And we had a giant donut cake made, which I think actually YouTube brought for us. Whoa. Yeah. We did not know that it was a cake. We thought it was. We all thought it was decoration. And nobody ate it. Nobody cut into it. We did not know it was a cake. No! It was a giant pink frosted sprinkled donut. Why didn't I get to that table? I didn't even get to that table. Did you? No. No. I was talking to. It was sitting there. It was sitting there next to all the desserts. Wait. There was like the churros. H had like a slice of cake. And like the little tree. There's probably other cakes there. I think there was a lot of stuff. There was a bunch of stuff. And the donut was sitting right there. And this is like a two foot by two foot. It was a big old donut. Like one foot high, maybe two feet high. Don't want to take it home? Well, I guess they gave it out to the staff. Hell yeah. Oh, good. As long as someone had it. But yeah, nobody knew that it was actually cake and nobody ever cut into it. Is it cake? I would ate that. That's also the problem is we live in an era where anything can be cake. That's so very confusing. Bring in Mikey Day and let's do something like cake. Yeah. Wait. Hold on. Is this cake? Is this cake? Try it. Try it. Try it. Try it. I think obviously what we're talking about is the principle of this story. Yeah. And like it's the principle of it. Of like you can't lie and have your whole business model based on a lie. Like I understand you're decorating them. You just beat forthright of like it's Pillsbury cake. But I decorate the fuck out of it and make it look amazing. If someone is throwing a wedding, it's actually a very smart business model I think. Because everything wedding wise is so expensive. Yeah. It's like, hey, I can decorate and make a cake look amazing. It's Pillsbury cake, but I will give you at a discounted price. So you get the aesthetic and it's going to be a delicious cake still. And people would be like, hell yeah, I don't care. Wedding cakes are so overpriced. Unless they're like epic. But it's, but stuff wedding stuff is so expensive that it's like, but I need to know the price of this stuff. Because if she is charging a lot and it's similar to other pancakes. I don't think, but at the end of the day, it's basically the same stuff. It's still going to be flower and sugar. Yeah, but I don't know. I kind of get it. It's like it's the print. If she's charging a lot of money, it is kind of the principle of it. I don't know. Like, I mean, do you do? Like, what do you think the catering companies are doing for the rest of the food that you're eating at a wedding? Oh, I think some catering companies are doing like good stuff. I think it depends, but I think what matters is that they're honest about what they're selling. Sure. Sure. I'm at least sticking with this comments. So I'm trying to start it. I'm trying to start my own wedding cake beef company. I'm like, guys, it's fine. Pillsbury, it's fine. It's okay. That's not just a crumble cookie that I put my name on. Yeah, Jesus. Yeah. Comments, how does Walmart not notice you pushing a card out with hundreds of beds? boxes of $1 cake mix. - Whoa! - Oh, he says, "Ha ha, well, I'm a home-based business, so I usually at most am buying 10 to 20 boxes at a time. I usually line the bottom of the cart with cake mix and then put all my other stuff on top, like 10 bags of powdered sugar. Then I use the self checkout in shame and stack the boxes in my black canvas shopping bags. - Yeah. - My worst fear is running into someone I know or worse yet, whoever the cake is for. While I'm there with all these boxes of cake mix, that's why I act all shade about it. - That's so funny. - Wait, she should not be going out and buying that stuff. She should send someone else to do it because if she gets caught, her business is done. - This is 2012 too, this is Stone Age. - Let's ask. - You can't order it to your house. - Oh my God, you're so right. - Were cars invented? - And cars weren't around then. - Oh my God, it was just a bike there? - You have to, yeah. - Wait, were bikes invented? - They were freshly invented at the time. - Yeah, they're still the wooden wheels. - Yeah. - They didn't have a proper yet. - The big front wheel, small tiny back wheel. - Yeah, pretty far there. - She just flinched stones at there like huge. - Someone said, this is genius. If you meet, this is e-enconventing. This is genius. If you meet someone, just tell them that you're doing a charity bake thing and that you just don't have the time to make your normal cakes for them. So you're getting a friend to come into your shop and whip up a few dozen of these. I love you a little bit. PM your shop and I'll order from you forever. - Oh, someone's flirting. - Hey. - Ian? - No piece said, "Haha, I totally did this once." I told someone I was buying a box mix because I just needed to make cupcakes for my niece's bake sale. I didn't have time to make it from scratch. My business is small and home-based. I rely only on word of mouth and sometimes I'm overwhelmed by the business I get just from that. Someday, I dream of having a real cake shop with assistants and interns. Sigh, a girl can dream. - Imagine, can I see the back of your bake shop? - No. - Line with Pillsbury. - Ooh-hoo. - Who was that? - Hey, it's that little guy. - What is he, by the way? A marshmallow shop? - He's a doboy. - He's a doboy. He's made of duh. Duh. Duh. - Oh. - I've never been to a zoo. - Damn. - I've never seen doboys. - No, I haven't. - Shhh. - Someone said, "I am a culinary student and a mighty fine baker. My baking instructor taught us that many bakers, bakeries, catering companies, restaurants, use cake mix, and why use cake mix? It's quite simple. It's what we expect. If you make a cake from scratch, it has a totally different flavor, different textures, and other little things. As Americans, we expect cakes to taste like boxed cake mix. If we went to Europe, you would be shunned. Don't feel bad. If you can ice a cake, you have my respect. - Yeah. - Okay. - I love educators on Reddit. - Yeah. - I love the therapist on Reddit and the educators on Reddit. - I do think it's sad. - No, it's sad and it does speak to like Americans of like the quality shit. - We're so gross. - It's like when Ireland deemed a subways bread, not bread. They're like, it's actually more closely related to cake. Like our bread, Europe is like, that's not bread. We-- - I feel so much shame right now. - Our foods are so processed and bullshit that-- - Yeah. - That's what we-- - Chocolate isn't chocolate. - Yeah. We're living in like fallout. (laughing) - I'm not, this sucks you guys. - That's right. - It's like, it's true. If people were making cakes from scratch, they'd probably get more negative reviews. 'Cause they're like, what is this? - That's so true. - It's supposed to taste like boxed cake. - That's so true. - I'm like, she's still putting a lot of labor into it. It's not like she's going, she's not like going to like, a publics and like buying a cake and then just like putting some decorations and cake, you know. - Yeah. If the baker is saying that the icing stuff is hardest, then all right, like, do we think all bakeries are using? - No. - Boxes? - No, Porto's can't be. That shit is too good. - Chain, what if they are? - What boxed mix are they using? - Tiramisu box mix. - For the tris-litches. - The three milks? - The three boxes? - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - They're using three boxes with a lot of milk. It's all a lie. - They're using their potato ball cake mix. - I love potato balls. - Yeah. - We love potato balls. - Guys, nobody knows what we're talking about. - I know. - It's fine. - We can't do this. - Guys, sorry. - The next time you go to your local bakery, be like, all right, I want to see the back. - Yeah. - I want the back there. - Open it up. - Let me see. - Right. - Cake is the best thing in the entire- what's your favorite cake? - Ooh, okay. - Oh my God. Okay. Okay, here's an underrated one. I think it's called, like, German force cake. - Oh, yeah, yeah. - So good. - That one. - It's rich. - Is it cherry or is that black force? - That's black force. - Oh, no, not black force. The German, it's like a coconut. - Yeah. - German chocolate cake. Dude, I haven't had that in like, probably a decade, but like, dude, a good German chocolate cake. - Ooh. - Yeah. - There's not a cake that I won't eat. - Really? - I like the, I don't know what cakes that I don't like, but I do think red velvet, red velvet's hard to beat. - So good. So good. And isn't red velvet just like, just vanilla? - It's a lie. - It's chocolate, but it's red. - But like, some about that food coloring. - Red is so bad. - Did you ever, did you ever have the blue velvet cake at milk? Do you remember milk? - I love milk. Milk. - I think the answer is I like chocolate cake. There was this ice cream place in LA, and they had a blue velvet cake, and apparently it turned your poop green. - Hell yeah. - 'Cause it was so vibrant blue. - Wow. - Like, yeah. - Also shut up to ice cream cake. - I could go up the ice cream cake. - No ice cream cake, rocks. - Ice cream cake, rocks. - It's an inferior cake. - Same, something is happening to you right now. - I know, but we'll keep going on Reddit stories, but are you sick? - Ice cream creak, ice cream creak. - Ice cream creak. - Love ice cream cake. - Okay. - I think I was- - I'll tell you guys my favorite cake since then we got fucking out. - Yeah. - Oh my god, do you pose the question? - I like chocolate cake with vanilla. - Oh. - Lavender cake. I know it sounds fucked up. - Oh god, I've never had that. - No, that sounds good. - You love fourth. - Out of fourth. - Oh, I love fourth. - I love fourth. - You like lavender ice cream and stuff. - Love, lavender ice cream. - Lavender ice cream. - Ooh, that's spring in the cake. - Oh, Rose like Rose or Lavender. - Can we order some cakes? - We ordered some cake to the show right now. - Even the most people. - We got some cakes. - No. - Persian ice cream. Rose pistachio saffron. - Oh yeah. - Yeah, that sounds good. - Nadi. - All right. - Okay. - Update. (laughs) - Update of what? - Cake first. - For creak. (laughs) - Up. - Up creak. - Up. - Up cake. (laughs) - Let's get creaked. (laughs) - Hey, um, Shane, remember when you said you'll eat any cake? - Yeah, that was a bad thing, man. - That was crazy. - We're gonna, we're gonna fuck it up for you. - And I stand, just stand on it. - Yeah. - All right, cool. - I stand on that cake. (laughs) - I actually think that you need to go. (laughs) - You stand on it. (laughs) - I stand on that cake. - All right, give us the creak, up cake. - Up cake. - You're calling me unwell. Look at you. - I'm already accepted it. (laughs) - I found it. - I found it. - I'm finally fine with it. - All right, update from this commenter, the cake lady. - Didn't know we needed an update from this person. - Well, we do. - We've already decided we're good. - She's like, "Fieldberry is suing." (laughs) - It's three years later. - Whoa. - Whoa! - Wait. - Do we think they got caught? - They must've gotten caught. - Wait, could this be? - What is going on? - I don't know. - What if it turns out to be prue from the great British bake-up? - She's leaving great British bake-up. - No, 'cause this was from 2012. - This is now 2015. - Oh my God. - She could've found her creak. - Paulus is a Paul Hollywooder prue. - We'll see. All right, kiddos. Here I am. Ren texted me and said, "My people need me." (laughs) I guess there was a thread that got big and mentioned this thread. Here's your update. I actually no longer make cakes. I got a divorce and moved into a much smaller home. And at that point, I had no place to decorate cakes. I was also really burnt out. It's an incredibly hard art. Very time consuming and requires a lot of tools and space. About a year later, I moved in with my now boyfriend. We have a pretty big kitchen. I wanted to sell my equipment and tools and the billion giant cake pans I have. But he convinced me not to. He said I should keep it on the back burner for a while and see if I want to do it again later. He didn't know me when I was a decorator, but he saw the photos and told me it would be a shame if I never did it again. I want to share some photos, but it would be so easy to trace them back to my old cake blog. Maybe I can find one or two photos that were never posted there. So they posted some photos, I guess. - Oh no. - And now you have an update from three more years later. - They were arrested and in jail in a smaller part. - I think at this stage, I care less about the cakes and more I hope this new relationship works out. - I mean, too. - As you got a divorce, I was like, I didn't think about that. - Well, I really wanted cake and she said no more cake. - I'm done with cake. Okay, update three more years later. I have a sort of hilarious update at this point. About a year and a half ago, I was diagnosed with a Wheat intolerance. - Okay. - All right, well, yep. We've got the two Wheat intolerant people in this room with us. - Less so for me now. I beat it. - He's beaten it, he's beaten the intolerance. - I beat the wheat. - I beat my wheat every night. - Okay. - Sorry. - I stand on cake. He beats the wheat. - This is so-- - Yeah, what are you doing, Anna? - I eat creak, okay? I love eating creak. - She's in the wheat. - She's in the wheat from creak. - Up creak. - Yeah, I slowly gluten myself. - I remember you said-- - Yeah, yeah, I think I'm beating it. - Wow, okay. - Okay, so I'm only just fried, but with wheat. - Exactly. - Yeah. - Hers is different. - No, I think Emily's will kill her. - You're supposed to. - Yeah, Emily will die. - Emily will die, I'm just too strong. - No, I think, I think yours will be alive. (laughing) Okay. - All right, I'm kidding. - Hold on, Emily. - They were diagnosed with a wheat intolerance. My intestines decided they no longer wanted to digest wheat anymore. Woo! I actually just thought I was dying for a few months. It was really stressful. Anyway, I can't even fucking eat cake anymore. I still have all of my equipment and whatnot. I make a quick cake now and then, but trust me when I say gluten-free cake mixes are better than anything I could make from scratch, LOL. Here's a cute little cake I made for my birthday last year. It's not amazing, but it's not bad considering I rarely make cakes anymore. That's, they're a good decorating. - Yeah. - Whoa, that's a cute little unicorn. - This cake is great. - No, I was gonna say. - This cake is a friendly 2017. - I mean, the unicorn right out the middle. - Yeah. - What a crazy craic. (laughing) - You're never gonna let me lift that down. (laughing) - Yeah, I'm glad. - No. - Someone said, "Craic is forever you." - They keep writing. I still receive so many messages on this account. I'm sorry if I don't reply, but I never check this account. I've got everything in that inbox from people trying to guess who I am, to people giving me recipes, to people begging me for cake photos, and one guy who wanted a video of me eating cake. - Oh, okay. - And you finished unlock? - Well, has he ever seen? (laughing) - What are you gonna say, we don't know? - Cakefarts. - Oh, cakefarts, hell yeah, dude. Anyhow, I'm getting married again. Woo, second time as a charm. To a dude I met on Reddit. - Wait. - So, they're getting married. - Not the boyfriend? - Not the boyfriend. I think to a different person. - Oh, 'cause he wanted a dude they met on Reddit. - Okay. - And our wedding planner asked me to please not try to make my own wedding cake because she has seen it end in a stressful disaster so many times. - I'm gonna take her advice and leave the cake making to someone else. And when she gets the cake, she's gonna be like, I know this is Pillberry. - Yeah, I know. - Wait, this is the happy ending for the happy ending. She got away with it. - Wow. - She got away with it. - I feel like I don't necessarily believe in karma, but it is funny that she was like, okay, I'm making fake cakes. I'm no longer allowed to eat cake. - Yeah. - Yeah. - It's kind of, there's something. - There's something kind of there. - Yeah, there's something kind of there maybe. - Yeah. - No more beating the wheat. - So then why did I get a gluten intolerance? - Because you're just a sinful man. - That's true. - Back to confession. - Yeah, father. - But you were absolved. - I've been beating my wheat. - Well, he brought it up again. - So he's allowed to now because he's absolved. - All right. - You are kind of absolved. - Say five Hail Mary's. - Don't do it in the mirror. That's what I'm supposed to do. - I don't know what any of this stuff means. - Or what? - Biggie Smalls will come. - What? - Did you just make that up? - No, have you never heard the-- - No. - I would have said in the mirror if I knew that was going to happen. I thought some creepy lady was going to come and steal my soul. Biggie's coming. (laughing) - It's a stupid, I think it's a South Park reference in the-- - Oh, whatever. - Producer note, there are eight more largely uneventful updates that span across a few years, leading this to be a 10 plus year long reddit famous thread. - Wow. - This person just keeps on posting. - Wow, they're like, I never saw this, but I'm dating again. - Yeah, it's like, all right. But this time it's a reddit mod, so, you know, moving up. - Moving up. - Moving up, maybe. - Okay, our next story. - Whoa, that was one story. - That was one story. - Okay, this comes from true off my chest and it was posted in 2022. My wife and everyone else thinks I got laid off, but really I quit so I could make a go at being a Twitch streamer full-time. (blows raspberry) - Don't quit your job to do Twitch. - No. - Yeah. - No. - It is a tough career path. - No, no, no. - All right, my wife doesn't follow or know anything about Twitch or video games at all. She doesn't have any knowledge of or connection to the industry I use to work in. She is a paramedic, so she works different shifts and does not know I stream at times when she is not home. Her salary is enough to cover our bills, although things will be a bit tighter until I start making money on my stream. I'm not going to tell anyone until I'm bringing in enough money that I can do it full-time. I've never been happier and not stressed as I am now. It's easy for me to lock myself in my home office and say I'm networking and job hunting when I'm really streaming if my wife and/or my three-year-old is home. If she's not working or my daughter is not at daycare, it's harder, but I make it work. I feel a bit guilty for lying, but I have wanted to do this for a long time. No one that I know in real life knows, obviously posting this with a throwaway. Oh. - So nobody knows. - So he thinks that, so he's just telling people that he's like job-searching. - He's networking. - Won't she have some questions if she's hearing, and go, "Oh boom, headshot!" - Okay, on me, on me. Okay, I'm down. - It makes me so sad that the three-year-olds involve. - Oh, yes. - This is really wrong. - No. - And she's a paramedic. - She's a paramedic, paramedic. - Paramedics should get paid more, but I don't think they get paid to not- - I don't think I know. - If I had to be like, she can cover both of us in a baby and a kid. Him also being like, "Oh yeah, when I start making money "off of this, you can't add cash." - As someone who's been in the entertainment industry a long time, it's like it could take a long time before you make money off. - This makes me sad because he could be a stay-at-home dad right now and probably help them out a lot. Oh no, the three-year-old probably in school. - I don't know. - But it's the fact that he's also, he's streaming. - Yeah. - Someone's gonna catch him. Like, it's like what's- - Well, nobody's gonna catch him 'cause he has, probably two viewers. - He probably has zero, I think, like statistically. - Yeah. - Statistically, the average streamer has zero viewers 'cause you either kind of have zero or you get a following. - He's just playing video games. - Yeah, okay. - I mean, he's, he's, yeah. I mean, there's a lot of creators that, you know, they'll have, they'll have like the streaming or YouTube as like a side gig until it starts making money. - Yeah. - And then they'll leave their job. But to leave your job and start streaming and like, like before any proof of like success is. - 'Cause he didn't say he was fired. - No, he left. - He left. - He quit. He said that he got fired. He quit. So he made this decision. Also, I do think, if you're married also, especially if you have a kid, like you need to get to your spouse of like, I'm gonna quit my job. It's like, 'cause it's like, oh yeah. So she doesn't know that she is now the provider for the household and is for the pro foreseeable future. - And I hope she finds out. - And like you, and I bet he knows this is a terrible idea because why else would he keep it secret? - It's true off my chest. He literally is like, well, this Reddit is like an anonymous thing, but it's also like. - I think we've read, we've definitely read another story about a guy who was trying to get into streaming. And like, I just think it is. - Support comes from wise. The smart way to manage the currencies you need around the world. Your life is global. Your money should be two. Some providers promise no fees on overseas transfers. Don't be fooled. Extra costs often hide in bloated exchange rates. Choose wise. You can send, spend, and receive money in over 40 currencies. Count on the exchange rate that you'd usually see on Google. That's how millions save billions on hidden fees. Be smart. Get wise. Visit wise.com. T's and C's apply. - People do not realize how hard it is to break into these industries, right? Like, people clown on streamers of like, "Oh, it's an easy job." And it's like. - I think we're not an easy job. - Think about what you want to, if the job is easier or not. It is one of the hardest jobs to like, get a following and make money off of. I mean, at least like start a TikTok first and then use that TikTok to market the stream. But to just be a streamer, where are your viewers coming from? - Yeah. - Right. - I do get frustrated when people are like, "Oh, it's the easiest job on the planet." I'm like, "It's really, it's easy." - It's not. - There are harder jobs, right? - Sure. - But there's a lot more know how that goes into it 'cause like you're saying it's like, every streamer I know, they really know how to like, you have to know marketing. You have to know like the know how of all the platforms. You have to know how to put yourself out there. How to like, clip things and put them and make people's interest. You have to know what games you should be playing. What are hot right now? - Oh God. - But also for the sky. - It's a lot. - But also like you say, like there are other harder jobs out there. Yes, and those jobs pay money. - Right. - Like streaming as a job. - Doesn't pay. - It technically does lay anything. - It won't pay anything until you are one of the biggest streamers. And which you're not even being paid really for like, add revenue that like running on your stream. You're being paid for like brand deals and stuff mostly. - Also like insurance, anything to help out his family. - Yeah. - Crazy. - Oh my God. - It's also a job. - Yeah, it's also a job that has no guarantee. He could have a successful month where he's like, I've got viewers and then they could go away. - Yeah. - Like this is not a sustainable future. - This makes me really mad because of the three-year-old. - Yeah. - Absolutely. - And it would make me mad no matter what. - Yeah. - And if this guy was single, if I knew this guy and he's like, I'm quitting my job to stream, I'd be like, you should keep your job and you should stream. - Yeah. - You can. - Well, he wouldn't be able to do this without his wife's paycheck. - I know. And she doesn't realize she's supporting his thing. - That is upsetting. - Um, comments, that's such a horrible thing to do. You do absolutely nothing for your house. household and a liar too, damn. - Okay, someone said you are being a really, really bad husband. If I was your wife, I would not care if you started making money doing this because I would be heartbroken that you lied and deceived me. And not over something small, overquitting your job. The entire financial burden is now on her and she doesn't even know. What if she decides to quit or gets fired? You guys would be upshits Creek without a paddle. Not being dramatic, but I would leave you over this. This is insanity. Someone said, Yikes, you're lying to your wife and putting both of your financial futures at risk. Chances are you will never make a significant amount of money from Twitch. You just won't. For the vast majority of people, any kind of content creation is a hobby, not a career. - Chaudi. - Whoa, they're going hard, and you know what? - Absolutely. - And he deserves it. - Yeah, man. - And the only thing he never even expressed like, "Oh shoot, this is all my wife," whatever. He's like, "I've always wanted to do this and I do kind of feel bad." - Like he never really expressed for Morse, that bad. - I feel like, I know this is going a bit extreme, but I feel like he's not cut out to be a dad. Like to be a parent, I think you can't just make those kinds of self. It's a selfish decision. 'Cause it's always been my dream to be a streamer. Brother, you have a three-year-old child. - I have a three-year-old. - Like the kid comes first. - Always. - I don't think it's a crazy take. Like the kid should come first. Why are you pursuing your dreams at the risk of their child's life? - I agree, or at least like, if you have a kid, you and your partner are in like a massive partnership, and everything needs to be discussed. - Yeah, for sure. - Everything is a group decision. - Yeah. Also, it's like, we know this guy has no viewers right now, 'cause he just started doing this. He's like, "Yeah, this is my dream." I'm like, "No man, you just wanted to have no responsibility to play video games in your office." - Yeah. - It's possible. - Come on, man. Like, you're not treating this like a job. - Right. - I'm talking about this like a job. You're talking about it like, "I just want to go in there and play video games." - It makes me so sad that he's in a closed office, and the wife is probably like, "Oh yeah, we can't go in there and disturb daddy "'cause he's working." Aw, it's like, "Get's me." - I know. - Let's find him. - Well, we have an update. And I think it's from a-- - An upgrade. - An upgrade. You're never-- It's gonna be years from now. - I'm done. - No, I'm not done. - We're gonna be in our 60s, and we're gonna reconnect after years, and you're gonna be like-- - Reconnect. - Okay, like-- - We're breaking up? - No. - Maybe I'll run it. Like, we'll see each other in our 60s, and then all of a sudden you'll be like, "Oh, Amanda, you're gonna be like, "Up, Craig." - We'll run into each other and like a, you know, Croatia or something. - Yeah. - I guess after we've broken up and reconnected. - We're both at like a restaurant. I see you from across the way. - And you go. - Oh, Amanda. - And I go like this. - Oh. - Is that how, is that how Batman? - That'd be good. - We're gonna have like Batman. - We're gonna have like a big about his Christian pal. - And what's his name? - Well, do we help again, Batman began. - Thank you. - All right, Batman. - Up, Craig. - All right, update, and I think it's from a good time afterwards, because he writes, "I know I'll probably get flamed, but I get it. "I understand that I am the one who ruined my life "in my marriage. "My divorce was finalized a year ago." She found out about six months after I posted. He let this go on for six months. - He's not good. - He's not good. - He's not a good person. - Try and find that job. - I understand that I was wrong and that I screwed up. I regret my stupidity so much. She left our flat with our daughter, and went to live with her sister, and hired a solicitor, and that was it. Don't be stupid like me. We've been divorced for a year, and I found out she just started dating again. I'm gutted. I miss her. I miss my daughter, because she only lives with me half the time. Whenever I see my wife's sister, or other members of her family, they give me the stink eye. I can't believe I was such a lazy fuck while she was out there busting her ass as a paramedic. I understand why everyone hates me and sided with her. I know I'll get judged either way, but I'm posting a case anyone understands what I'm going through, and being gutted when your ex starts dating again. - I don't care. - Now I'm just sad. - I don't care if you have at all. - Kind of like, hey man. - I'm actually really happy that his wife was like peace. - Yeah, I mean, I felt like it was kind of inevitable. Like he really set itself up for failure. - It's borderline like where you sabotage in your life. But I don't really, yeah, it's kind of like, all right man, your sob story. I'm like, what are you doing? Like, what are you doing for your daughter now? What are you doing for your own life now? I don't want to hear about how sad you are that she's dating again. That's part of divorce. You didn't care about your marriage when you were in it. - It's a divorce when your child is three. It's really, really hard. - He doesn't care about his daughter. He's not talking about his daughter here. He's talking about himself. - He's like, damn, she's seeing someone else. - He's like, oh, my life is so awful. - That's it. - No, 100%. - Like, hey man, aren't you like, oh, you know what I realized? It was really stupid. Yes, I screwed up. But I really am trying to be the best father and be to my daughter and I'm working on all this. - He's like, this is what I'm going through. - I'm just like, okay, dude. - And the man that the ex-wife is now dating, ex-cusy. (laughing) - What? - My ex-wife is now dating K-so and I'm gunning. (laughing) He's so funny, he's so many viewers. - Oh, Twitter. - This is true, this is true. - No, no, totally, yeah. - No, I got it. - No, I got it. - No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's crazy. No, I got it, it's super cool. All right. - She's probably dating a paramedic, come on. - Our doctor, don't you be? - Oh, the helicopter pilot. - Oh my god. - And her and her daughter like flying over the waterfalls in Kauai and they're like, oh, look at that. - So cool. - She's like, you're so awesome and he's like, I love you. - Yeah. (laughing) - And then what? - Oh my god, they've said I love you to each other. - Upbreak. - Upbreak. - Oh, they're gonna need a wedding cake pretty soon. (cheering) - He's done. - Oh, yeah, 'cause, yeah, the wheat and tolerance. - Yeah. (laughing) - Shoot. - Our next story. This comes from true off my chest and it was posted in 2025. - July of 2020. - Whoa! - Getting a little more recent than 2012. PSA, if you're the friend who blocks guys from talking to your attractive friend, you're not protecting anyone. You're just being controlling. Whoa. - What? - I need to vent about something that happened last weekend and I'm curious if other guys have experienced this. I'm 31, have a decent career, been told I'm good looking and generally don't have issues meeting people. I've had my fair share of success dating and usually feel pretty confident in social situations. But last Saturday at this club downtown, I encountered something that just blew my mind. There was this absolutely stunning woman at the bar. Let's call her Sarah. She was clearly interested making eye contact, smiling when I looked at her, the whole nine yards. So I walk over to introduce myself and immediately this other woman, let's call her fridge. - What the hell? - Jesus Christ. - What a nightmare. - Yeah, he's doing a lot of-- - Fridge! - Yeah, man, I'm really listening to your PSA right now. - Fridge. - So I walk over to introduce myself and immediately this other woman, let's call her fridge. - This ugly skank. - Yeah, let's literally steps between us. She's not interested. The fridge says arms crossed like a bouncer. But here's the thing. Sarah was clearly interested. She was giving me the look, you know? She even tried to step around her friend to continue our conversation. But the fridge kept repositioning herself like some kind of human wall. This went on for 20 minutes. - This is very funny. - Yeah, this went on for 20 minutes. Every time-- - 20 minutes. Ever of them just walk away. - Yeah. - Every time I tried to have a normal conversation with Sarah, the fridge would interrupt with, she has a boyfriend. She didn't. She's not looking to meet anyone tonight. She obviously was. Or just physically blocking access. The most frustrating part, Sarah looked genuinely annoyed with her friend's behavior, too. At one point, she literally mowed sorry to me over the fridge's shoulder. I've seen this before, but never this extreme. It's like some women have appointed themselves as the official gatekeeper to their attractive friends. They act like they're protecting them, but from what? A normal conversation with a respectful guy. Look, I get-- - Yeah, respectful guy that refers to a woman as a friend. - The doctor was blocking me again. God, I have a night. - Look, look, I get it if a guy is being creepier aggressive, then absolutely step in. But I was being completely respectful. Sarah was clearly interested and this woman was just blocking for the sake of blocking. I genuinely don't understand the psychology here. The worst part is that it's not just hurting the guy. It's taking away Sarah's ability to make her own decisions about who she wants to talk to. Honestly, it's making me want to avoid group approaches entirely. - Yeah. - Walk. Oh, wait. - Yeah, yeah, this is-- - What? - Also, this is unreliable narrator too. - Absolutely. - Where he's such unreliable. - Sarah was like, "Sorry, I really want to talk to you, but the fridge is blocking me." - Yeah. - I'm so sorry. Oh, my God, the friend is awful. - Yeah, it's-- - And I could even see her. I guess I could see her still saying, "Sorry," just to not be-- - Sure. - The whole thing of, like, we don't know-- - It's so awkward. - Yeah, you don't want to piss off a random man at a bar because things happen. - Yeah, thanks. - It'd be scary. - So, like, yeah, her friend running defense and then Sarah being like, "Sorry, I could see that." - Yeah. - Like, put-- - Also, he said she had a boyfriend, but then he was like, "Oh, she didn't." - And he goes and says, "She didn't." It's like, "How do you know?" - I didn't know. - Did she say that she didn't? - Also, was she really like looking at him? - I have a hard time believing that too, because as we know, like, some guys will take, like, the smallest little thing and be like, "Oh, she's in love with me." - She knows. - She knows of me. - Or she was looking at him, 'cause she was like, "Why does this guy keep staring at me?" You know? Should we go ahead, do we, do we know each other? Yeah, there's a million explanations. Real quick, the top comment, I think, really kind of nails this in a way. I've had friends run interference before without me asking them to. But if I was ever interested in someone, they never did this. Sarah obviously never corrected her friend. Yes, she wasn't interested. Most of us don't like men who refer to women as fridges, more at six. (laughing) You're gonna use that. Yeah, him, like trying to buy, like, sell us on this, but referring to a woman as the fridge. Like referring to the woman that he's not interested in as an object, I'm like, yeah, I think this tells me everything. Here's the deal, like as a woman, it is a right of passage that you are gonna have those friends, those sisters who fight for you all on your behalf, whether you want it or not. It's just like part of the deal. And sometimes it's like, hey, I can handle myself. And sometimes it's like, hey, thanks for taking care of me. Like, it just happens, but it's honestly up to Sarah to be like, I'm not interested. And if this went on for 20 minutes, I have a feeling that if Sarah's friends with the fridge, if she was interested in the sky, she'd be like, oh, okay, hey, you know what I'm saying. Amy is probably her name. And she's probably like, okay, back down, like I got it. Like I actually was kind of interested. Absolutely, but clearly. And also, if she was interested, you know who's gonna know first, the fucking friend. Yeah. She's gonna go, that guy's cute. Oh shit, he's coming over. Yeah. She probably went, oh fuck, this guy's coming over. Oh god, oh god, this is gonna be so awkward. And the fridge was like, I got it. Yeah. That's probably what-- Don't you worry about it. (laughing) I've, yeah. Don't you worry about it. (laughing) I just don't know like, how does something like this continue for 20 minutes? I don't know. What's the conversation there? But it's what I, but can I, but there is-- I know. The amount of times I've not seen it, but I've heard about just men being relentless. Yeah. Forever. Oh, this has absolutely happened to me. And my little sister has been like, bro, if you don't back up, I'm gonna do something. And he's like, oh, okay, so anyways. They don't, it doesn't. There's a video, and it could be staged, but I've heard of this happening to people. There's a video of its New Year's, like New Year's, right as the ball drops. Oh, these girls, these girls celebrating together, and they're like cheering 'cause the fireworks are going off, and this guy walks up to try to talk to them. And they're truly just trying to ignore them and just be like, woo, and he just doesn't leave. Just, and it's as like, it's like-- It's so awkward. It's New Year's, but-- He's like, well, and they're trying to cheer, and they're just kind of like, yeah, it's midnight. And he's truly just, they're like, trying to talk to them. And he's like, acting like you guys are being ridiculous. You like champagne? God, you guys are awful. It's like, they're having a moment. Like, they're doing their thing. It's kind of agonizing, especially at a bar where there's alcohol. Like, it's like, if this guy's already clueless, and then he's a couple drinks in, and he's more clueless. Just because we're dressed up, we wanna show off our bodies. We wanna have a good time with our friends in a public space. Does not mean it's for you, bitches. It's for us. It's for our friends. And if it's for you, trust me. You will know if we want it, you will know. We will make it. No, I'm pretty sure it was for me. I'm pretty sure it was all for me. So clear. Like, what is it to you? And also, you know what I also hate is when people over-correct. When they literally like, well, I couldn't go up to you because like, you know, the Me Too movement, everything. It's like, yes, okay, there's that too. But it's just like, trust me, you will know. When we want to give you the time. Nobody has a problem with him going up the first time being, hey, and being told like, no, and be like, no, we're good. And the friend said it. Yeah. It's like, fine, it's like, all right. If Sarah's really interested, you made the move and she'll be like, actually, I do wanna talk to him. Okay. But then you hold off and like, hey, and if it doesn't happen, man, like, stop bothering her. That's the issue is like, I don't want men to be so afraid that they have to like, how are, but if your friend is saying, I think there's, as someone who is afraid of making people uncomfortable, I also think it's been a bullshit tactic. Sometimes of making women feel bad for the boundaries that are set where it's like, well, we're pointing out that, you know, uncomfortable and guys are going, well, because you guys have said boundaries now. We can't say anything. It's like, okay. And it's like, we're human beings. So when you go up to a human being and you test the waters and they say, no, thank you, go, okay, great. I'm going to leave now done and it's as simple as that. But their egos get involved. They feel so rejected. So this guy probably just stood there and they probably had their set up, their drinks. They probably waited for a spot at the bar. They're like, well, we're not leaving, right? And he probably just stood there forever. Also, this guy is writing a whole reddit post about this interaction. It's just like, hey, man, let it go. Like, I'm sorry. - That's true. Like, it's another day, there's a bunch of people out there if you're going to bars. - Also, she's friends with the fridge. So if you even got in a date with her. - Exactly. - Guess she's going to show up the fridge. - The fridge is there. - She's going to pick up her friend. - But it's like, yeah, he has no respect for her. - Oh, this is so annoying. - Another comment says, I hope there's a fridge, stove, dishwasher, butcher, block, craftsman, tool chest, and Jeep Grand Cherokee surrounding all your future con quests. - Jeep Grand Cherokee. - Yeah, you got to watch up for that one. - That one, well. - That's if the fridge had gone. - You're dead. - You're dead. - Yeah. - Lastly, someone said, I'm a woman, and I've seen this play out multiple times in club settings. Sarah did not want you. And her friend was running interference. The friend was playing bad cops so they could safely reject people like you. You know how many men probably came up to her wanting to talk and also had to be rejected. And now here you are running to read it about it. Thinking you have it all figured out. Tail is old as time. You know nothing about how women operate. - Yeah, there's just this like sense of entitlement of like time entitled to the stranger's time. - Absolutely. - And it's like, and I think you make a really good point, a man of being like, it's okay to like go up and say hi and introduce yourself. There's nothing wrong with that. - Absolutely. - But anything past that point is entitlement. - Absolutely. - Thinking that you're entitled to this person's time and-- - You know, it's not the easiest thing for us to go, hey, I'm not interested. No, thank you. I'm not the easiest thing in the world. It's awkward. It's uncomfortable. You want to just, we don't want to deal with that either. So when we say it, we're saying it because we have enough respect for the moment and ourselves to be like, hey, like no worries, all good, but like I have a boyfriend or whatever. And then when you fucking react like that, it's like, all right. - Yeah. - Or this is not sympatica. We're not on the same page. Now I have to find-- - Time to call the GP and Cherokee. - Yeah. - Yeah, now I have to, I feel like the fight. And now my night's ruined. - Yeah, yeah. All right, our next story is a confession that came from January of 2025. I carry pumpkin seeds in my pocket and plant them everywhere I go. I've been doing this for over 20 years. - Yeah. - This is the type of confession I love. - I love John Hapelkin. - That's just a wildkin, man. The pumpkin man. - You know, that sounds so crazy. - Johnny pumpkin seed. - Oh, you, sounds like Mr. Pumpkins from SNL, remember Mr. S. Pumpkins? - Oh, where, yeah. - His arm is on time. - Did it, did it, did it. - I fucking love that skill. - Me too. - I've actually never seen it. - David S. Pumpkins. - I've actually never seen-- - You've never watched. - Tom Hanks. - My millennialist loves that skill so much. I think it's so funny 'cause it's absurd. - There's nothing happening. - It makes no sense. That's why I love it. And it's Tom Hanks. - Yeah. - It's so good, man. You gotta watch it. It's so-- - All right. - Okay. - I carry pumpkin seeds in my pocket and plant them everywhere I go. There is no reason that I do this other than I find it funny. I hear whispers. I don't know how a pumpkin grew here. (laughing) Oh, well, I never run out of seeds. I got pumpkin patches across the country. 'Til next time, lend a hand, leave a smile. - Oh, what? - I don't trust this person. - I will say, can I be honest? What he's doing is harmless, maybe even benevolent. I do think there's something about this guy that is more sinister in nature than everybody else. - I don't even say, I think he sounds like a villain. - I think this guy is, he's like, - He's like to hand. - These little seeds need some fertilizer. - Yeah, look, he's got like bodies in the trunk. - And we have nothing to point that he is a bad person. - He's planting a seed with a human finger in there. - Oh my God. - It comes out like, there's an update. It's like actually where the police we found this guy. He's murdered many people. - Well, you know how a pumpkin patch, and he's like, this is all mine. - I think this is my land. - This is hilarious. - I kind of can't with this man. - It's something about it being pumped. - What's his name, Charles? - I kind of, I wish he was a more edible food, 'cause like most people don't eat pumpkins. - It's a squash guy. - I think it was like, if it was more of your aim. - I'm really good for you. - Yeah, but people don't do that. - Yeah, it's so cute. - It's always just like Halloween. They just throw their pumpkins away. They don't even keep the seeds. - That's true. - He's like, oh my God, Halloween. Let's dig into them and carve them up. - I always make the seeds. - Oh yeah, the peas are so good. - The peas are so good. - They're so good. - You make the peas? Yeah, I do. Put a little salt on them. - Nice. - Love them. - But what pumpkin guy think about that? - I guess it'd be atrocious to him, 'cause he likes to plant the seeds. - Yeah, he likes to plant them and see what grows and then take over the land. - I think pumpkins though wouldn't, how well do they grow? I don't think anything's growing in his path. -I don't know. -He's like, "I visited it again, and there was a city built." -I was like, "I hear whispers. How did a pumpkin grow here?" I'm like, "You're revisiting the scene of the crime like a serial killer." -Oh, no. -The whispers, the whispers are not people. -I kind of feel like we should all plant pumpkins around our places of residence and see if it works. -Wait, that means he's going to show up. -I don't think there's any -- I would have a hard time believing that pumpkins would grow in L.A. We have days that reach 105 degrees nowadays. -Guys. -When they fill it, this is really creepy to me. -My gourd knowledge is not good, so I don't know. -I don't know about -- -What? -It's not a gourd. -It's not a gourd. -Oh, I'm sorry. -My gourd knowledge is not good. -It's not gourd. -It's not good. -Okay. -That's face. -Anyways, it's not very gourd. -Comments, someone said, "Junnie pumpkin seed," we already said that. -Oh, we already said that. -Oh, we already -- -We're way ahead of you. -Someone said, "We reply, "Fuck you." We already said that. -Someone said, "I have a buddy who does this in downtown Detroit with sunflower seeds." He plants them in sad-looking places and goes back and takes photos once they grow. -Okay, well, that's sweet. -I've heard of people doing this. -Some people's flowers feels better. -Some flower guy sounds fun. -Flowers. I've seen people do it with wildflowers. -Yes. That's sweet, as long as they're local. -Junnie pumpkin seed. -If you do it with local wildflowers, I approve. -Okay. -Someone said, "So it was you. A random pumpkin grew up my apartment complex. Learned the hard way that stems are spiky." -Oh, so he is sinister in -- -We knew it. He's trying to take over the U.S. survey. -He's a Batman villain. -Yeah, definitely. -What is he wear, overalls? -Yeah. -Probably. -I like overalls. -The farmer. -But not on the straw hat. -I finally found you pumpkin man. -You're going to do it. -I brought up Batman again, you guys. -Yeah. -Everything's Batman. -Yeah. -Lastly, someone said, "Oh, where have you done your distribution?" As a newlywed, put in a flower garden out front, but somehow ended up with a very enthusiastic cherry tomato bush and a horking huge pumpkin. Neighbors like, "Fuck horking." -I also don't like-- -Who are all the people? -Horton, here's a hoe. -I built a garden. -Somehow pumpkin guy, not the one person. -Now it's -- -I'm newlywed, making a garden? -Yikes. -My horking huge pumpkin. Neighbors literally would stop to see if it was real. Probably 25 to 30 pounds, and we made masses of pumpkin puree from it. -Hey. -You keep doing this. You may have just inspired me, too. Opie responded, "Only in the USA so far, but I fear I've said. " -That's the USA. -Only in the USA so far. But I fear I've said too much. The villain side of me wishes to reveal everything, while the magician's side wishes to reveal nothing. I feel torn. Till next time, lend a hand. Leave a smile. Sincerely, Carl. -Oh, Carl. Did I say "Charlie"? -You said "Charles"? Why does it keep signing off with you? -He keeps saying that, and I feel something happening. It's like, if you watch this for seven days, you're going to get -- Don't say that phrase again. -What do you say? Help a hand, leave a smile? -I'm talking also. I go, "Oh, I don't find him." And I go, "Horton, here's a horking huge vine coming out of you." -And the vine goes through me, and it goes through me. -Oh, no. Oh, no. -Oh, no. And then the pumpkins grow here. And then Ian goes, "Papitas." -Papitas. -Now we got lots of papitas. -Charles is way worse. Because Charles is like, "Okay, he's kind of fun, a little proper. -Charles. -Charles, sinister. -Charles. -Charles, the pumpkin man. -He wears overalls and big boots. -Someone needs to make fan art of Carl. -I want to see Carl, the pumpkin, Johnny pumpkin seed. -Despise him. Someone must stop. -Don't ever say his phrase again. -Help a hand, leave a smile. -No! -That's not even it. -That's not even it. -Leave a smile, uh, uh, uh. -Chanda hand, leave a smile. -Chanda hand. -Leave a smile. -Are you crazy? -Leave a smile. -You're letting me leave a smile. -Well, we're not talking in the mirror. So, a biggie smiles one. -One more comment from Carl. -Someone commented, "LMAO, I just came from a dark and sad thread outlining the dark future of America. And your post completely changed my brainwave. Thanks so much. Keep doing you, Boo." And Carl responded. -Oh, no. He's like, "Oh, Carl, this is a good creepypasta." He's responded, "Even if we enter an apocalyptic type world, there will always be dark and always be light. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness. I find it where I can. I find peace in little moments. I hope you find peace too, fellow traveler. Lend a hand. Leave a smile. -No! -Cearsly Carl. -Shake! It's going. -He's no. -He's no. -Oh, he's gone. -He spoke. They commented me like, "Yeah, I'm really nervous about the future of America." And he wrote like a. -Dark times. -He's like a prophet of the future. -Dark times are important, my little one. -Dark times are coming. -My little seed. Dark times are good. We must plan. -We must plan the seeds of positivity for the future. -Oh, I hate this. -Carl will kill us all. -What if Carl saves us from the apocalypse? -No, he won't. -When everything collapses, the pumpkins are the only things that sustain us. -Yeah, what if one day we wake up in on the news? It's like, "Oh my God, Trump, Putin, and Netanyahu all found with pumpkins growing out of their faces." -It's like, "Oh, what happened?" -This is the last of us so hard right now. -The last of us, but pumpkin. -But pumpkin? -I will say, we kind of called it. Your first intro to this, we were like, "Oh, he's a villain." And he said the words himself. -He said he's a villain, but also a magician. -A magician. -Which is worse. -Oh, what is he making disappear? Children? -Us? -Wait. -I'm spooked. -I'm scared. -I'm harkin' scared. -I'm harkin' scared. -Harkin' here's a hill. I have a newlywed. -We have one final quick story here. -We were gonna cut an end of the show, but we just got to go ahead. We could do the last story. -Yeah, here we go. -All right. This comes from Well That Sucks. This was posted in March of this year. This was posted two days ago as of recording this. -Well, sent this confession to the wrong kelly. Wrong. So they have multiple kellies in their contact. -Ooh. -Since the wrong one. They go. They write, "This is a text. I'm extra pissed today because my koochi lips keep falling out of my underwear and it keeps chafing crying emoji." -Oh, my God. -I mean, look, we've all been there. -And Kelly responds, "No, I totally get that. That's the worst." O.P. responds with the crying emoji and then laughing crying emoji. And then Kelly responds, "It's always great when it happens at the gym too." Crying emojis, like sad, like, "Oh, lia emojis." They go, "No." And then they respond, "O.P. response, no, wrong kelly. I'm so sorry." -Oh, my God. -Kelly's such a good sport. -Yeah. Kelly's a real one. -Which Kelly is this Kelly? -I don't know. -And how did they know? -How did they, like, kind of find out? -They just realized after a minute. I was just like, "Oh, yeah, send it to me." -Different last name. -But they were just like, "No, I totally get it. It's the worst." -Yeah, I love them. And then they were also, like, end of the gym, right? -You said, "I don't think you sent it to the wrong kelly. I think you sent it to the right kelly." -Yeah. -They yes and and they're like, "I've always wanted to talk to you about this, actually." -Comments, someone said, "I like Kelly better than O.P." O.P. said, "Me too, to be honest." Someone said, "You'd better pivot this into a stronger friendship with the wrong kelly." Someone said, "Seems like it was the right kelly, to be honest." Someone said, "At least she was a homegirl about it. I'd be mortified, but relieved to know someone can relate." O.P. said, "That was basically the turn of events." Then I had to tell the internet about it. -I have to know who this kelly is. Is she, like, her, you know, teacher when she was younger? -Yeah, we don't know anything about it. -Is she a therapist? -We can only assume. -Whoever it was, I mean, they're very helpful. -You could almost say that she bled into hand and left a smile. -And now he's going to kill us. -And I can't believe you said it again. -Yeah, sucks. That's the new Smosh motto. -I never want to see a pumpkin in my life. -We're put in the new studio. -Leave us in my own form. -I can't wait on the next Reddit set. -That's recovered in pumpkin vines. -On the new Reddit set, which you're going to see next Saturday. -It will be right above me. -We're just going to have a whole thing of cake. -Hillsbury Doboy cake. -I'll get a Doboy for Halloween. -That's really insensitive if you dress up as a Doboy. -You think? -Isn't he basically naked the whole time with a little sash? -I don't even have a sash. -Yeah, he's just going full. -I think he's just fully naked. -But he has a hat. -He has a hat. -Well, that's fine. -I'm like, "Have you Halloween?" Everyone's like, "Cover her up." -He's naked with that hat. -I do. -Anyways, thank you both for joining me for these confessions. -Any time. -This was crazy. -Are we safe? -No. -Okay. -Anyways, and thank you all for watching, and we'll see you next Saturday. -Goodbye. -Bye, pubgillin. -I can't leave a smile. -Stop saying it.