Confessions Of A Redditor | Reading Reddit Stories

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That's She'sBirdie.com. Hi, welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories. I'm Shane, and today's theme is confessions. And I'm joined by two friends who are in confession with me. What are your sins, Ian and Amanda? I haven't touched my wife since we married, and it's been 10 years. And I like that. Okay. And I like that. Yeah, you like that. All right. Don't know why. I don't know why. My confession is that I just have way too much steez. I don't like wherever that's going. And that's my confession, is I'm back with Ian on this couch. And Father, we have sinned. Okay. Can I be honest, though? Going to confessional as someone raised Catholic was very spooky. I never did that. Oh, you had to. What was the craziest thing that you confessed to? Oh, like I ate meat during Lent. They're always like, what are you going to give up? The priest just punches his arm through the thing, chokes you out. Well, whenever they go give up stuff for Lent, you go, okay, vegetables. And they're like, no. Why not? Anyways. Oh, sick. Yeah, pretty cool. All right. Bailey has told me, I feel like this is going to be a really good episode. What? I feel like I love when I have an episode that's like, guys, these stories are pretty crazy. I feel very grateful because I feel like I'm in a lot of those episodes, and I feel very happy. You are in some insane episodes. Yeah. And you? And you? No, nothing unhinged has ever happened in one of my episodes. No. That's a lie. Definitely not. All right. So we have some stories that have confessions in them. And our first one is a very interesting one. So stick with me on this one. It's not going to go the way you expect. Okay. Here we go. This comes from Ask Reddit. So the post is actually a question that's asked. And the comments will give answers. This was posted back in 2012. Ooh. This is an old one. This is a 14-year-old post. Okay. So he's like, am I the asshole for party rocking? Yeah. Okay. They write, what's your secret that could literally ruin your life if it came out? Someone commented, I run a cake business. I charge people hundreds for wedding cakes. Every last one is made using Pillsbury cake mix I buy for $1. A box at Walmart. I suck at baking. Every time I've ever tried to make a cake from scratch, it sucked. But baking is like my whole deal. My friends all call me the cake girl. It's like my whole life is a lie. People compliment my cakes all the time. Telling me how delicious they are. Telling me it's so much better than box mix cake. Telling me they could never bake a cake so delicious. Well, guess what? For $1, they too can make a cake just as delicious. Just add oil, eggs, and water. In my defense, I love cake decorating. I make all of the frostings and fondant from scratch. I just hate baking fucking cakes. I base my prices mostly on the decoration of the cakes and not on the cake itself, if that makes sense. Still, no one knows about this except my husband. Even my best friends think I fucking slave over the oven mixing and baking these damn cakes. I have been doing this for years. If anyone knew, my business and reputation would be in the toilet for sure. I keep telling myself I have to learn how to make the damn cakes without the box mixes, but I never do it. I feel like such a sham sometimes. Whoa. This person is raging out. I can't believe myself. My fucking friends call me cake girl. And I hit them, and they're like, why are you angry? They don't even know the truth. Maybe, maybe, like, maybe I'm off for this, but I don't really see much of an issue with that. He doesn't think it's a big deal. And I actually kind of agree with him. Because I think, like, you still have to be, you still have to be good at baking to get it right. And also, they're making all their, all the fondant and other stuff from scratch. Like and a cake mix. Honestly, a cake, that's the easiest part. It's, it is the easiest part. It's just like the eggs, the flour, sifting it and all that stuff. I don't know enough about baking. It's, it's just specific measurements of like, okay, the butter has to be like the right temp and all that stuff. So they already did it for them. Is there a Pillsbury wedding cake mix though? Because isn't wedding cake a very specific type of flavor? Isn't it a very specific type of flavor? No. Isn't it? I thought wedding, I thought wedding cake has like a, no. Shane, wedding cake can be whatever you want. It's your wedding. I know it can be whatever I want, but like the traditional wedding cake. White cake? It would just be white cake. Yeah, but I thought like, maybe I'm wrong. No, no, what do you think it would be? My mom has always said her favorite type of cake is wedding cake. But she, she has said like there's an almond type of like flavor to it. Oh. No, like there's a, I'm not, I'm saying like it's a white cake. Yes, I understand. You could be right. But I think like tradition, traditional. Yeah. Like I understand people can do whatever they want. Yeah. But I think someone like my mom who's an aficionado of wedding cake would be like. I think your mom would. This would. She, she'd like. She'd find her. Yeah. Someone's, someone might clock it, right? Here's the deal though. Sounds like she's doing a bunch of fondant and like decor on it. So they probably wouldn't even be able to taste it. And, and yeah, I, someone like me would not clock it. Cause like you give me a cake, I'm gonna be like, all right. Look, I mean. I'm slam. I'm eating it so fast. I don't know. Please do not slam any more cake. I do not want to be there to witness it. You're going to look away and it's gone like Batman. It's just in my mouth. Um, anyways. I think, I think the Pillsbury company figured it out. You know, you know, they put probably millions of dollars in R and D getting that box cake just right. And I don't think there's anything wrong to just, you know, take a little shortcut. You know, I, I'm sure, I'm sure all my, all my professional bakers at home can sound off. It sucks. I'm sure it's a lot of work to make that kind of stuff. It is a lot of work. It is a lot of work. It is a lot of work because the temperatures are everything. Baking is really hard and you have to be very, you cannot mess around with baking. You have to be very specific about the ingredients, but she does all of her own fondant. That's extremely difficult. She technically does what I would assume is like, I mean, I'm not a baker, but I, I also want to know how much she's charging because if she's charged, she says, she says, I, what they're paying for is for the decoration and all that stuff. Yeah. But I'm like, if this is far cheaper than all her competitors. And I'm like, yeah. And she's like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But also in your business, are you saying that you're baking this from scratch? Are you lying? Cause then you're liable. Like that is you are, you can be, you can be sued hard. I think she probably is. I mean, I don't think, I don't know how many people are like questioning the wedding cake maker. Like, is it made from scratch? I think they're probably looking at the photos and I think like wedding cake is more of like a statement piece. I agree. Like there was, there was an incident at our wedding. Yeah. At our, um, that sounds wrong. So we had, we had, we threw this big 20 year, uh, anniversary party at the end of the year and we had a giant donut cake made, uh, which I, I think actually YouTube, uh, brought for us. Whoa. Yeah. We did not know that it was a cake. We thought it was, we all thought it was decoration and nobody ate it. Nobody cut into it. We did not know it was a cake. No. We didn't. We didn't. We didn't. We didn't. We didn't. Why didn't I get to that table? I didn't even get to that table. Did you? No. No. I was talking to too many people. It was sitting there. It was sitting there next to all the desserts. Wait. It was like the churros. H had like a slice of cake. And like the little treats. There's probably other cakes there. I think there was a lot of stuff. Yeah. There was a bunch of stuff and the donut was sitting right there. Wait. That's so sad. Did someone take it home? Well, I guess they gave it out to the staff. Hell yeah. Oh, good. As long as someone had it. But yeah, nobody knew that it was actually cake and nobody ever cut into it. Is it cake? I would ate that. That's also the problem is we live in an era where anything can be cake. That's true. So it can be very confusing. Bring in Mikey Day and let's do something with the cake right now. Yeah. Let's guess. Hold on. Is this cake? Is this cake? Take a bite. Try it. Is this microphone cake? Try it. I think obviously what we're talking about is the principle of this story. Yeah. The principle of it of like, you can't lie and have your whole business model based on a lie. I understand you're decorating them. Just be forthright of like, it's Pillsbury cake, but I decorate the fuck out of it and make it look amazing. Yeah. If someone was throwing a wedding, it's actually a very smart business model, I think, because everything wedding wise is so expensive that it's like, hey, I can decorate and make a cake look amazing. It's Pillsbury cake, but I will give you at a discounted price. So you get the aesthetic and it's going to be a delicious cake still. And people would be like, hell yeah, I don't care. Wedding cakes are so overpriced unless they're like epic. Yeah. But it's but stuff, wedding stuff is so expensive that it's like, but I need to know the price of this stuff, because if she is charging a lot and it's similar to other wedding cakes. I don't think. But at the end of the day, it's basically the same stuff. It's still going to be flour and sugar. Yeah, but I don't know. I kind of get it. It's like it's the if if she's charging a lot of money, it is kind of the principle of it. Because I don't know, like, I mean, do you like what do you think the catering companies are doing for the rest of the food that you're eating at a wedding? Oh, I think some catering companies are doing like good stuff. I think it depends. But I think what matters is that they're honest about what they're selling. Sure, sure. Sticking with this comments. I'm trying to start it. I'm trying to start my own wedding wedding cake beef company. I'm like, guys, it's fine. It's fine. It's OK. That's not just a crumble cookie that I put my name on. Yeah, geez. Yeah. Yeah. How does Walmart not notice you pushing a cart out with hundreds of boxes of one dollar cake mix? Whoa. OP says, haha. Well, I'm a home based business, so I usually at most am buying 10 to 20 boxes at a time. I usually line the bottom of the cart with cake mix and then put all my other stuff on top, like 10 bags of powdered sugar. Then I use the self-checkout in shame and stack the boxes in my black canvas shopping bags. My worst fear is running into someone I know or worse yet, whoever the cake is for. While I'm there with all these boxes of cake mix. That's why I act all shady about it. That's so funny. Wait, she should not be going out and buying that stuff. She should send someone else to do it because if she gets caught, her business is done. This is 2012, too. This is a stone age. Let's ask. You can't order it to your house. Oh, my God. You're so right. Were cars invented? Cars weren't around then. Oh, my God. Is it a bike there? You have to. Yeah. Wait, were bikes invented? They were freshly invented in 2012. There's still the wooden wheels. They didn't have rubber yet. The big front wheel, small, tiny back wheel. Yeah, Penny Farthing. She just Flintstones it there with a huge. Someone said, this is genius. This is Ian commenting. This is genius. If you meet someone, just tell them that you're doing a charity bake thing and that you just don't have the time to make your normal cakes for them. So you're getting a friend to come into your shop and whip up a few dozen of these. I love you a little bit. PM your shop and I'll order from you forever. Oh, someone's flirting. Hey, Ian. OP said, haha, I totally did this once. I told someone I was buying a box mix because I just needed to make cupcakes for my niece's bake sale and I didn't have time to make it from scratch. My business is small and home based. I rely only on word of mouth and sometimes I'm overwhelmed by the business I get just from that. Someday I dream of having a real cake shop with assistants and interns. Sigh. A girl can dream. Imagine. Can I see the back of your bake shop? No. Lined with Pillsbury. Who was that? Hey, it's that little guy. It's that little guy. What is he, by the way? A marshmallow chef? He's a dough boy. He's a dough boy. He's made of dough. Duh. Duh. Oh. Have you never been to a zoo? Damn. Have you never seen dough boys? No, I haven't. Someone said, I am a culinary student and a mighty fine baker. My baking instructor taught us that many bakers, bakeries, catering companies, restaurants use cake mix. And why use cake mix? It's quite simple. It's what we expect. If you make a cake from scratch, it has a totally different flavor. Different textures and other little things. As Americans, we expect cakes to taste like boxed cake mix. If we went to Europe, you would be shunned. Don't feel bad. If you can ice a cake, you have my respect. Yeah. Okay. I love the educators on Reddit. I love the therapists on Reddit and the educators on Reddit. I do think it's sad, though. It's sad and it does speak to, like, Americans of, like, the quality of shit. We're so gross. Because it's like when Ireland deemed Subway's bread not break. It's actually more closely related to cake. Like, our bread, like, Europe is like, "That's not bread." I feel so much shame right now. Our foods are so processed and bullshit that— Yeah, chocolate isn't chocolate. Yeah. We're living in, like, fallout. I'm not— Ugh, this sucks, you guys. That's very funny. It's true. If people were making cakes from scratch, they'd probably get more negative reviews because they're like, "What is this?" That's so true. It's supposed to be boxed. It's supposed to taste like boxed cake. That's so true. And, like, she's still putting a lot of labor into it. It's not like she's— Of course. She's not, like, going to, like, a Publix and, like, buying a cake and then just, like, putting some decorations on the cake. Of course. You know? Yeah. If the baker is saying that the icing stuff is hardest, then all right. Like, just take— Yeah. Do we think all bakeries are using— No. —boxes? No. Porto's can't be. That shit is too good. Shane, what if they are? What box mix are they using? Ah! Tiramisu box mix! For their tres leches? The three milks? The tre— Three boxes? Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! They're using three boxes with a lot of milk. It's all a lie. They're using their potato ball cake mix. Oh, I love potato balls. Yeah. We love potato balls. Guys, nobody knows what we're talking about outside of LA. I know. It's fine. We can't do this. Guys, sorry. The next time you go to your local bakery, be like, "All right, I want to see the back." Yeah! I want to go back there. Ask for a tour. Open it up. Let me see. Open it up. Yeah. All right. Cake is the best thing in the entire—what's your favorite cake? Ooh. Okay. Oh my god. Okay. You know what? Okay, here's an underrated one. I think it's called German Forest Cake. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So good. That one? It's good. It's cherry? It's rich. Isn't it cherry? Or is that Black Forest? That's Black Forest. Oh, no. Not Black Forest. The German—it's like a coconut— Yeah. German chocolate cake. Dude, I haven't had that in probably a decade, but dude, a good German chocolate cake? Ooh. Yum, yum. There's not a cake that I won't eat. Really? I like— Hell yeah, dude. I don't know what cakes that I don't like. But I do think red velvet. Red velvet's hard to beat. So good. So good. And isn't red velvet just like vanilla? It's a lie. It's chocolate with food coloring and cream cheese. But like something about that food coloring. Red is so good. Did you ever have the blue velvet cake at Milk? Do you remember Milk? I love Milk. I think the answer is I like chocolate cake. There was this ice cream place in LA, and they had a blue velvet cake, and apparently it turned Turned your poop green. Hell yeah. Because it was so vibrant blue. Wow. Like, yeah. Also, shout out to ice cream cake. I grew up with ice cream cake. No, ice cream cake rocks. Ice cream cake rocks. It's an inferior cake. Shane, something is happening to you right now. And I don't think you feel well, but we'll keep going on Reddit stories. But are you sick? Ice cream cake. Ice cream cake. Ice cream cake. Love ice cream cake. Okay. I'll tell you guys my favorite cake since none of you guys fucking asked. Yeah, let's hear it. Oh my God, you posed the question. I like chocolate cake with vanilla. Or lavender cake. I know it sounds fucked up. I've never had lavender cake. No, that sounds good. You love floral. Alcove? I love floral. You like lavender ice cream and stuff. I love lavender. Let's bring in the cake. Rose or lavender. Can we order some cake? Can we order some cake to the show right now? Have you been to Mosh D. Malone's? No. Persian ice cream. Rose pistachio saffron. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that sounds good. Naughty. All right. Okay. Update. Update to what? A cake person? Crank. Up. Up, Crank. Up. Up, Crank. Let's get cranked up. Hey, Shane. Sorry. Remember when you said you'll eat any cake? Yeah, that was a bad statement. That was crazy. We're going to fuck it up for you. And I stand on it. All right, cool. I stand on that cake and I eat it. I actually think that you need to go home. You stand on it. I stand on that cake. All right, give us a quick up, Crank. Up, Crank. You're calling me unwell. Look at you. I've already accepted it. I'm fine with it. I'm fine. I'm totally fine with it. All right. Update. Update from this commenter, the cake lady. Didn't know we needed an update from this person. Well, we do. We've already decided we're good. She's like, Pillsbury is suing. It's three years later. What the hell? Wait. Wait. Do we think they got caught? They must have gotten caught. Wait, could this be? What is going on? I don't know. What if it turns out to be Prue from the Great British Bake Off? She's leaving Great British Bake Off. No, because this is from 2012. This is now 2012. This is 2015. So she could have found her career. Tell us. Is it Paul Hollywood or Prue? We'll see. All right, kiddos. Here I am. A friend texted me and said my people need me. Ha ha ha. I guess there was a thread that got big and mentioned this thread. Here's your update. I actually no longer make cakes. I got a divorce and moved into a much smaller home. And at that point, I had no place to decorate cakes. I was also really burnt out. It's an incredibly hard art. Very time consuming and requires a lot of tools and space. About a year later, I moved in with my now boyfriend. We have a pretty big kitchen. I wanted to sell my equipment and tools and the billion giant cake pans I have. But he convinced me not to. He said I should keep it on the back burner for a while and see if I want to do it again later. He didn't know me when I was a decorator, but he saw the photos and told me it would be a shame if I never did it again. I want to share some photos, but it would be so easy to trace them back to my old cake blog. Maybe I can find one or two photos that were never posted there. So they posted some photos, I guess. Oh, no. And now we have an update from three more years later. They're arrested and in jail in a smaller apartment. I think it's. this stage i care less about the cakes and more i hope this new relationship works out me too she got a divorce i was like i didn't think well the guy really wanted cake and she said no more cake i'm done with okay update three more years later i have a sort of hilarious update at this point about a year and a half ago i was diagnosed with a wheat intolerance okay all right well yep we've got we've got the we've got the two wheat intolerant people in this room with less so for me now i've beaten it you've beaten it i beat it the intolerance i beat the wheat how'd you beat i'm beating my weed every night hey no hey no i stand on cake he beats the weed this is so yeah what do you do and i eat crake okay i love eating crake stop yeah i slowly glutened myself i remember you said that yeah yeah yeah i think i've beaten it wow okay so still afraid of the bride but with wheat exactly yeah hers is different no i think emily's will kill her emily will die emily will die i'm just i'm just too strong you know i think i think yours was a lie okay all right i'm kidding i was they were diagnosed with a wheat intolerance my intestines decided they no longer wanted to digest wheat anymore i actually just thought i was dying for a few months it was really sad i was dying for a few months i was dying for a few months i was really stressful anyway i can't even eat cake anymore i still have all of my equipment and whatnot i make a quick cake now and then but trust me when i say gluten-free cake mixes are better than anything i could make from scratch lol here's a cute little cake i made for my birthday last year it's not amazing but it's not bad considering i rarely make cakes anymore that's they're a good decorator whoa that's a cute little unicorn this cake is no i was gonna say this cake is extremely 2017 i mean the unicorn right out the middle yeah what a crazy craig you're never gonna let me live that down no someone said craig is forever you they keep writing i still receive so many messages on this account i'm sorry if i don't reply but i never check this account i've got everything in that inbox from people trying to guess who i am to people giving me recipes to people begging me for cake photos and one guy who wanted a video of me eating cake oh okay well new fetish unlocked well has he ever seen what are you gonna say we don't know cake farts oh cake farts hell yeah dude anyhow i'm getting married again again second time is a charm to a dude i met on reddit wait so they're getting married not the boyfriend i think to a different person oh because he wanted he wanted a dude they met on reddit okay and our wedding planner asked me to please not try to make my own wedding cake because she has seen it end in a stressful disaster so many times i'm going to take her advice and leave the cake making to someone else and when she gets the cake she's gonna be like i know this is pillberry yeah i know yeah wait this is a happy ending for her she got away with it wow she got away with it she got away with it i feel like i don't necessarily believe in karma but it is funny that she's like okay i'm making fake cakes i'm no longer allowed to eat yeah yeah it's kind of there's something there's something kind of there yeah there's something kind of there maybe yeah no more beating the wheat so then why did i get a gluten intolerance because you're just a sinful man that's true back to confession i guess i'll yeah uh father um but you were absolved i've i've been beating my wheat oh my god he's brought it up again so he's allowed to now because he's absolved all right so what are they saying say five hail marys i don't know don't do it in the mirror i don't know i don't know what this stuff means or what biggie smalls will come what did you just make that up no have you never heard the no i would have said in the mirror if i knew that was gonna happen i thought some creepy lady was gonna come and steal my soul biggie's coming it's a stupid it's i think it's a south park reference whatever producer note there are eight more largely uneventful updates that span across a few years leading this to be a 10 plus year long reddit famous thread wow this person just keeps on posting wow they're like i never saw this but i'm dating again yeah it's like all right but this time it's a reddit mod so you know moving up moving up moving on maybe okay our next story whoa that was one story that was one story okay this comes from true off my chest and it was posted in 2022 my wife and everyone else thinks i got laid off but really i quit so i could make a go at being a twitch streamer full-time don't quit your job to do twitch no yeah no no it is a tough career path no no no all right my wife doesn't follow or know anything about twitch or video games at all she doesn't have any knowledge of or connection to the industry i used to work in she is a paramedic so she works different shifts and does not know i stream at times when she is not home her salary is enough to cover our bills although things will be a bit tighter until i start making money on my stream i'm not going to tell anyone until i'm bringing in enough money that i can do it full time i have never been happier and not stressed as i am now it's easy for me to lock myself in my home office and say i'm networking and job hunting when i'm really streaming if my wife and or my three-year-old is home if she's not working or my daughter is not at daycare it's harder but i make it work i feel a bit guilty for lying but i have wanted to do this for a long time no one that i know in real life knows obviously posting this with a throwaway oh so nobody knows they he thinks that so he's just telling people he's like job these networking won't she have some questions if she's hearing go oh boom headshot okay on me on me okay i'm down it makes me so sad that the three-year-old's involved yes this is really horrible and she said she's a paramedic she's a paramedic paramedics should get paid more but i don't think they get paid do not for him to be like she can cover both of us and a baby and you have a kid um him also being like oh yeah when this when i start making money off of this i you can't as someone like who got worked has been in the entertainment industry a long time it's like it could take a long time before you make money off this makes me sad because he could be a stay-at-home dad right now and probably help them out a lot oh no the three-year-old's probably in school i don't know like but it's the fact that he's also he's streaming yeah someone's gonna catch him like it's like well nobody nobody's gonna catch him because he has probably two viewers he probably has zero i think like statistically yeah statistically the average streamer has zero viewers because it you either kind of zero or you get a following he's just playing video games yeah okay i mean he's he's yeah i mean there's there's a lot of creators that you know they'll have they have like the streaming or youtube as like a side gig until it starts making money yeah and then they'll leave their job but to leave your job and start streaming and like like before any proof of of like success oh my god is because he didn't get fired he didn't he left he quit he said that he got fired he quit so he made this decision also i i do think if you're married also especially if you have a kid like you need to communicate to your spouse of like i'm gonna quit my job it's like because it's like oh yeah so she doesn't know yeah that she is now the provider for the household yeah and is for the foreseeable future and i hope she finds out and like you and i bet he knows this is a terrible idea because why else would he keep it secret it's true off my chest he literally is like well this reddit is like an anonymous thing but it's also like no i think we've read we've definitely read another story about a guy who was trying to get into streaming and like i just think it is people do not realize how hard it is to break into these industries right like people clown on streamers of like oh it's an easy job and it's like it's not an easy job what you want of how if the job is easy or not it is one of the hardest jobs to like get a following and make money yeah i mean at least like start a tiktok first and then use that tiktok right to market the stream but to just be a streamer where are your viewers coming from yeah right i do get frustrated when people are like oh it's the easiest job on the planet i'm like it's it's really it's it's not there are harder jobs right sure but there's a lot more know-how that goes into it because like you're saying it's like every streamer i know they really know how to like you have to know marketing you have to know like yeah the know-how of all the platforms you have to know how to put yourself out there how to like clip things and put them and make get people's interest you have to know what games you should be playing what are hot right now like i'm so overwhelmed for this guy but also like you say you say like there are other there are jobs pay money yeah like streaming as a job doesn't pay it technically doesn't pay anything it won't pay anything until you are one of the biggest streamers in which you're not even being paid really for like ad revenue that like running on your stream you're being paid for like brand deals and stuff mostly uh also like insurance any anything to help out his family yeah crazy oh my god it's also a job yeah it's also a job that has no guarantee he could have a successful month where he's like i've got viewers and then they could go away yeah like this is not a sustainable future this makes me really mad because of the three-year-old yeah absolutely it would make me mad no matter what but yeah and if this guy was single if i knew this guy and he's like i'm quitting my job to stream i'd be like you should keep your job and you should stream yeah you can well he wouldn't be able to do this without his wife's paycheck i know and she doesn't realize she's supporting his that is upsetting um comments that's such a horrible thing to do you do absolutely nothing for your household and a liar too damn okay someone said you are being a really really bad husband if i was your wife i would not care if you started making money doing this because i would be heartbroken that you lied and deceived me and not over something small over quitting your job the entire financial burden is now on her and she doesn't even know what if she decides to quit or gets fired you guys would be up schitt's creek without a paddle not being dramatic but i would leave you over this this is insanity someone said yikes yeah you're lying to your wife and putting both of your financial futures at risk chances are you will never make a significant amount of money from twitch you just won't for the vast majority of people any kind of content creation is a hobby not a career ciao dude whoa they're going hard and you know what he deserves it yeah and the only thing he never even expressed like oh shoot this is all my wife whatever he's like i've always wanted to do this and i do kind of feel bad it's like he never really expressed remorse that bad i feel like i know this is going a bit extreme but i feel like he's not cut out to be a dad like yeah or to be a parent like i think um you know you you can't just make those kinds of self it's a selfish decision because it you know it's always been my dream to be a streamer brother you have a three-year-old child like the kid comes first always is that i don't think it's a crazy take like the kid should come first why are you pursuing your your dreams at the risk of or your child's life i agree or at least like if you have a kid you and your partner are in like a massive partnership and everything needs to be discussed yeah for sure everything is a group decision yeah also it's just it's like it's like we know this guy has no viewers right now because he just started doing this he's like yeah this is my dream i'm like no man you just wanted to have no responsibility and play video games in your office yeah it's possible come on man like you're not treating this like a job right talking about this like a job you're talking about like i just want to go in there and play video it makes me so sad that he's in a closed office and the wife is probably like oh yeah we can't go in there and disturb daddy because he's working oh this like gets me i know let's find him well we have an update and i think it's from an upgrade you're never it's gonna be years from now i'm done now i'm done we're we're gonna be in our 60s and we're gonna reconnect after years and you're gonna be like reconnect okay like we're breaking up no like maybe i'll like i'll run it like we'll see each other in our 60s and then i'll send you back i'll be like oh amanda back up craig we'll run into each other in like a you know croatia or something i guess after we broken up and reconnected we're both at a at like a restaurant i see you from across and you go oh amanda and i go like this oh and that's it is that how is that how batman does it okay yeah we're gonna end like that's it we're gonna end like that all i can think about is christian pale and what's his name why do we get up again batman begin thank you all right batman up craig all right update and i think it's from a good time afterwards because he writes i know i'll probably get flamed but i get it i understand that i am the one who ruined my life and my marriage my divorce was finalized a year ago yeah she found out about six months after i he let this go on for six months he's um hey look the job market's hard out there you know it's just he's not a good person trying to find that job i understand that i was wrong and that i screwed up i regret my stupidity so much she left our flat with our daughter and went to live with her sister and hired a solicitor and that was it don't be stupid like me we've been divorced for a year and i found out she just started dating again i'm gutted i miss her i miss my daughter because she only lives with me half the time whenever i see my wife's sister or other members of her family give me the stink eye i can't believe i was such a lazy fuck while she was out there busting her ass as a paramedic i understand why everyone hates me and sided with her i know i'll get judged either way but i'm posting in case anyone understands what i'm going through and being gutted when your ex starts dating again well now i'm here now i'm just sad i don't i don't care for him at all kind of like hey man like actually really happy that his wife was like peace yeah i mean i felt like it was kind of inevitable like he really set himself up for failure it's it'll it's borderline like were you sabotaging your life um but uh very i don't really yeah it's kind of like all right man your sob story i'm like what are you doing like what are you doing for your daughter now what are you doing for your own life now yeah i don't want to hear about how sad you are that she's dating again like that's part of divorce yeah you didn't care about your marriage when you were in it oh it's a divorce when your child is three it's really really hard he doesn't care about his daughter he's not talking about his daughter here he's like damn she's seeing someone else he's like oh my life is so awful that's it no 100% about like hey man aren't you like oh you know what i realized it was really stupid yes i screwed up but i really am trying to be the best father i can be to my daughter and i'm working on all this like this is what i'm going through i'm just like okay dude yeah and the uh and the man that the uh the ex-wife is now dating xqc what my my ex-wife is now dating queso and i'm gutting it he's so funny there's so many viewers oh twitch streamers no no totally yeah people that made no i got it careers out of it no yeah yeah yeah crazy no i got it it's super cool all right she's probably dating a paramedic come on or doctor doctor oh yeah of course a helicopter pilot oh my god and her and her daughter are like flying over the waterfalls in kawaii and they're like oh look at that so cool she's like you're so awesome and he's like i love you yeah and then what my god they've fallen in love with each other and they're like oh my god they've fallen in love with each other and they're like oh my god they've fallen in love with each other and they're like oh my god they've fallen in love with each other said i love you to each other upcrake oh great oh they're gonna need a wedding cake pretty soon he's done oh yeah because yeah the wheat intolerance yeah shoot our next story this comes from true off my chest and it was posted in uh 2025 july of 2020 getting a little more recent than 2012 psa if you're the friend who blocks guys from talking to your attractive friend you're not protecting anyone you're just being controlling whoa all right i need to vent about something that happened last weekend and i'm curious if other guys have experienced this i'm 31 have a decent career been told i'm good looking and generally don't have issues meeting people i've had my fair share of success dating and usually feel pretty confident in social situations but last saturday at this club downtown i encountered something that just blew my mind there was this absolutely stunning woman at the bar let's call her sarah she was she was clearly interested making eye contact smiling when i looked at her the whole nine yards so i walk over to introduce myself and immediately this other woman let's call her fridge what the hell what a nightmare yeah he's doing he's doing a lot of yeah yeah man i'm really i'm really listening to your psa right now so i walk over to introduce myself and immediately this other woman let's call her fridge this ugly skank yeah yeah literally steps between us she's not interested the fridge says arms crossed like a bouncer but here's the thing sarah was clearly interested she was giving me the look you know she even tried to step around her friend to continue our conversation but the fridge kept repositioning herself like some kind of human wall this went on for 20 minutes this is very funny yeah this went on for 20 minutes every 20 minutes every time just walk away yeah every time i tried to have a normal conversation with sarah the fridge would interrupt with she has a boyfriend she didn't she's not looking to meet anyone tonight she obviously was or just physically blocking access the most frustrating part sarah looked genuinely annoyed with her friend's behavior too at one point she literally mouthed sorry to me over the fridge's shoulder i've seen this before but never this extreme it's like some women have appointed themselves as the official gatekeeper to their attractive friends they act like they're protecting them but from what a normal conversation with a respectful guy look i get it yeah respectful guy that refers to a woman as a fridge the dumpster was blocking me again god i'm a knight look look i get it if a guy is being creepy or aggressive then absolutely step in but i was being completely respectful sarah was clearly interested and this woman was just blocking for the sake of blocking i genuinely don't understand the psychology here the worst part is that it's not just hurting the guy it's taking away sarah's ability to make her own decisions about who she wants to talk to honestly it's making me want to avoid group approaches entirely yeah walk away yeah yeah yeah this is what also like he's this is unreliable narrator too absolutely like he's such unreliable she was like sorry i really want to talk to you but the fridge is blocking me yeah i'm so sorry oh my god yeah friend is awful yeah it's and i could i could even see her i guess i could see her still saying sorry just to like yeah not be not sure you know the whole thing of like we don't know yeah you don't want to piss off a random man at a bar because because things yeah it could be scary so so like yeah her friend running defense and then sarah being like sorry Like, I could see that. Yeah. Also, he said she had a boyfriend, but then he was like, oh, she didn't. And he goes in front of this and says, she didn't. It's like, how do you know? Did she say that she didn't? Also, was she really, like, looking at him? I have a hard time believing that, too, because as we know, like, some guys will take, like, the smallest little thing and be like, oh, she's in love with me and she wants to have sex with me. Or she was looking at him because she's like, why does this guy keep staring at me? Or she was probably like, do we know each other? Yeah, there'd be a million explanations. Real quick, the top comment, I think, really kind of nails this in a way. I've had friends run interference before without me asking them to. But if I was ever interested in someone, they never did this. Sarah obviously never corrected her friend. Yes. She wasn't interested. Most of us don't like men who refer to women as fridges. More at six. To good use of that. Yeah, him, like, trying to buy, like, sell us on this, but referring to a woman as the fridge. Yeah. Like, referring to the woman that he's not interested in as an object. I'm like, yeah, I think this tells me everything I need to know. Here's the deal. Like, as a woman, it is a rite of passage that you are going to have those friends, those sisters who fight for you on your behalf, whether you want it or not. It's just, like, part of the deal. And sometimes it's like, hey, I can handle myself. And sometimes it's like, hey, thanks for taking care of me. Like, it just happens. Yeah. But it's honestly up to. It's up to Sarah to be like, I'm not interested. And if this went on for 20 minutes, I have a feeling that if Sarah's friends with the fridge, if she was interested in this guy, she'd be like, oh, okay, hey. You know, back down, Amy is probably her name. And she's probably like, okay, back down, like, I got it. Like, I actually was kind of interested. Absolutely. But clearly not. And also, if she was interested, you know who's going to know first? The fucking friend. Yeah. She's going to go, that guy's cute. Oh, shit, he's coming over. Yeah. She probably went, oh, fuck, this guy's coming over. Oh, God, oh, God, this is going to be so awkward. And the friend was like, I got it. Yeah. That's probably what happened. Don't you worry about it. I've, yeah, don't you worry about it. I just don't know, like, how does something like this continue for 20 minutes? I don't know. What's the conversation there? But I just want to, but can I, but I know. The amount of times I've, I've not seen it, but I've heard about just men being relentless. Yeah. Like forever. Oh, this has absolutely happened to me. And my little sister has been like, bro, if you don't back up, I'm going to do something. And he's like, oh, okay. So anyways, they don't, it doesn't. There's a video and it could be staged, but I've heard of this happening to people. There's a video of it's New Year's, like New Year's, like right as the ball drops. Oh, wait, I haven't seen that. There's these girls celebrating together and they're like cheering because the fireworks are going off. I haven't seen this. And this guy walks up to try to get it. Try to talk to them. And they're truly just trying to ignore him and just be like, woo. And he just doesn't leave. Just, and it's as like, it's like, it's New Year's fireworks. And they're just trying to cheer and they're just kind of like, ah, yeah, yeah. It's midnight. And he's truly just there, like trying to talk to them. And he's like acting like you guys are being ridiculous. You like champagne? God, you guys are awful. It's like, they're having a moment. Like they're, they're doing their thing. It's kind of agonizing, especially at a bar where there's alcohol. Like, it's like, if this guy's, if this guy's already clueless, and then he's a couple of drinks in and he's more clueless. Just because we're dressed up, we want to show off our bodies. We want to have a good time with our friends in a public space. Does not mean it's for you, bitches. It's for us. It's for our friends. And if it's for you, trust me, you will know. If we want it, you will know. We will make it. No, I'm pretty sure it was for me. I'm pretty sure it was all for me. We will make it so clear. Like, what is the deal? And also, you know what I also hate is when people overcorrect. When they like, literally like, well, I couldn't go up to you because like, you know, the Me Too movement and everything. It's like, yes, okay, there's that too. But it's just like, trust me, you will know when we want to give you the time. Nobody has a problem with him going up the first time and being like, hey. And being told like, no, and be like, yeah, no, we're good. And the friend said it. Yeah. It's like, fine. It's like, all right. If Sarah's really interested, you made the move and she'll be like, actually, I do want to talk to him. Okay. But then you hold off and like, hey, and if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen, man. Like, stop bothering them. That's the issue is like, I don't like, I don't want men to be so afraid that they have to like cower. But if your friend is saying. I think there's, as someone who is afraid of making people uncomfortable, I also think it's been a bullshit tactic sometimes of making women feel bad for the boundaries that are set where it's like, well, we're. Yeah. Pointing out that it'd be uncomfortable. And the guy's going, well, because. You're a bitch. Because you guys have set boundaries. Yeah. Now, we can't say anything. Yeah. It's like, okay. And it's like, we're human beings. So when you go up to a human being and you test the waters and they say, no, thank you. Go, okay, great. I'm going to leave now. Yeah. Done and done. It's as simple as that. But their egos get involved. They feel so rejected. So this guy probably just stood there and they probably had their setup, their drinks. They probably waited for a spot at the bar. They're like, well, we're not leaving. Right. And he probably just stood there forever. Also, this guy's writing a whole Reddit post about this interaction. It's just like, hey, man, let it go. Like, I'm sorry. Like, it's another day. Go. There's a bunch of people out there. If you're going to bars, like. Also, she's friends with the fridge. So if you even got in a date with her. Exactly. Guess who's going to show up? The fridge. The fridge is there. She's going to pick up her friend. But it's just like, yeah, he has no respect for. Oh, this is so, so annoying. Another comment says, I hope there's a fridge, stove, dishwasher, butcher block, craftsman's tool chest and Jeep Grand Cherokee surrounding all your future conquests. Jeep Grand Cherokee? Yeah, you got to watch out for that one. That one? That's if the fridge had a gun. You're dead. Lastly, someone said, I'm a woman and I've seen this play out multiple times in club settings. Sarah did not want you. And her friend was running interference. The friend was playing bad cops so they could safely reject. Yeah. You know how many men probably came up to her wanting to talk and also had to be rejected. And now here you are running to Reddit about it, thinking you have it all figured out. Tale as old as time, you know nothing about how women operate. Yeah. There's just this like sense of entitlement of like, I'm entitled to this stranger's time. And it's like, and I think you make a really good point, Amanda, of being like, it's okay to like go up and say hi and introduce yourself. There's nothing wrong with that. But anything past that point is entitlement. Thinking that you're entitled to this person's time. You know, it's not the easiest thing for us to go, hey, I'm not interested. No, thank you. It's not the. It's not the easiest thing in the world. It's awkward. It's uncomfortable. We want to just enjoy. We don't want to deal with that either. So when we say it, we're saying it because we have enough respect for the moment and ourselves to be like, hey, like, no worries, all good. But like, I have a boyfriend or whatever. And then when you fucking react like that, it's like, all right, this is not simpatico. We're not on the same page. Time to call the Jeep in Cherokee. Yeah. Yeah. Now I have to fight. And now my night's ruined. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Our next story. Oh, wow. Is a confession that came from January of 2025. I carry pumpkin seeds in my pocket and plant them everywhere I go. I've been doing this for over 20 years. Yeah. This is the type of confession I love. I love. Johnny Appleseed. That's just a wild thing. The pumpkin man. The pumpkin man. Ew, that sounds so creepy. Johnny Pumpkin Seed. Oh, ew. Sounds like Mr. Pumpkins from SNL. Remember? Mr. S. Pumpkins? Oh, sure. Yeah. His, um, his own thing. I fucking love that sketch so much. I've actually never seen it. David S. Pumpkins. I've actually never seen the sketch. You've never watched? Tom Hanks. My millennial ass loves that sketch. Me too. So much. I think it's so funny because it's absurd. There's nothing happening. It makes no sense. That's why I love it. And it's Tom Hanks. Yeah. It's so good, man. You got to watch it. It's so stupid. All right. Okay. There is no reason that I do this other than I find it funny. I hear whispers. I don't know how a pumpkin grew here. Oh, well, I never run out of seeds. I got pumpkin patches across the country. Till next time, lend a hand, leave a smile. What? I don't trust this person. I will say, can I be honest? What he's doing is harmless, maybe even benevolent. I do think there's something about this guy that is more sinister in nature than ever. Yeah. I was just about to say, he sounds like a villain. I think this guy is evil. He's like, lend a hand. These little seeds need some fertilizer. Yeah. He's got like bodies in the trunk. We have nothing to point that he is a bad person. He's planting a seed with a human finger in there. Oh, my God. If it comes out, like if there's an update, it's like, actually, we're the police. We found this guy. He's murdered many people. Well, you go to a pumpkin patch and he's like, this is all mine. I hate this. This is my land. This is hilarious. I kind of can't with this man. It's something about it being pumpkin. What's his name? Charles. I kind of, I wish it was a more edible food because like most people, most people don't eat pumpkins. Like a squash guy? I'm into that. Pumpkin puree, really good for you. Yeah, but people don't do that. Yeah, it's so cute. People always just like Halloween, they just throw their pumpkins away. They don't even keep the seeds usually. He's like, oh my God, it's Halloween. Let's dig into them and carve them up. I always bake the seeds. Oh yeah, pepitas? The seeds are so good. Pepitas. They're so good. You make pepitas? Yeah, I do. Put a little salt on them. Nice. Love them. What would pumpkin guy think about that? I guess it'd be atrocious to him because he likes to plant the seeds. Yeah, he likes to plant them and see what grows and then take over the land. I feel like pumpkins though, how well do they grow in most environments? I don't think anything's growing in his path. I don't know. And he's like, I visited again and there was a city built. I like how he's like, I hear whispers. How did a pumpkin grow here? I'm like, you're revisiting the scene of the crime like a serial killer. Oh no. The whispers are not a good people. I kind of feel like we should all plant pumpkins around our places of residence and see if it works. Wait, that means he's going to show up. I don't think there's any, I would have a hard time believing that pumpkins would grow in LA. We have days that reach like 100. 105 degrees nowadays. Wouldn't that kill it? This is really creepy to me. My gourd knowledge is not good. So I don't know. I don't know about what it's not a gourd. It's not gourd. Oh, I'm sorry. It's not gourd. It's not, it's not good. Okay. Anyways. All right. It's not very gourd comments. Someone said Johnny pumpkin seed. We already said that we already said that we're way ahead of you. Someone said, we, we reply. Fuck you. We already said that. Yeah. Idiot. Someone said, I have a buddy who does this in downtown Detroit with sunflower seeds. He plants them in sad looking places and goes back and takes photos once they grow. Okay. Well, that's sweet. I've heard of people doing this. Something about flowers feels better. Sunflower guy sounds fun. Flowers. I've seen people do it with wildflowers. Yes. That's sweet. Johnny pumpkin seed. As long as they're local. If you do it with local wildflowers, I approve. Yeah. Okay. Someone said, so it was you. A random pumpkin grew at my apartment complex. Learned the hard way. The stems are spiky. Oh, so he is sinister in nature. We knew it. He's trying to take over the US of A. He's a Batman villain. Yeah. Oh my God. Definitely. What does he wear? Overalls? Ew. Probably. I like overalls. The farmer. But not on this guy. With the straw hat. I finally found you, pumpkin man. You're all done. We brought up Batman again, you guys. Yeah. What? Everything's Batman. Yeah. Lastly, someone said, oh, where have you done your distribution? As a newlywed, put in a flower garden out front, but somehow ended up with a very enthusiastic cherry tomato bush and a horking huge pumpkin. Neighbors- Fuck. Horking? I also don't like- Who are all of these people? Horton, here's a who. I built a garden. Somehow, pumpkin guy, not the worst person. Now it's this lady. A newlywed making a garden? Yikes. My horking huge pumpkin. Neighbors literally would stop to see if it was real. Probably 25 to 30 pounds, and we made masses of pumpkin puree from it. Hey. You keep doing this. You may have just inspired me, too. Opie responded, only in the USA so far, but I fear I've said- Did I not say US of A? Only in the USA so far, but I fear I've said too much. The villain side of me wishes to reveal everything, while the magician side wishes to reveal nothing. I feel torn. Sincerely, Carl. Carl! Did I say Charlie? You said Charles. Why does he keep signing off with- Wait, he keeps saying that, and I feel something happening. It's like, if you watch this for seven days, you're going to get- Don't say that phrase again. What did he say? Help a hand, leave a smile? All of a sudden, I'm talking, all of a sudden, I go, oh, I don't find- And I go, hork, here's a- No, that's a hork. That's a horking huge vine coming out of you. And the vine goes through me, and it goes through Ian. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no, and then the pumpkins grow here. And then Ian just goes, pepitas. Pepitas. Now we got lots of pepitas. I don't like this guy. Carl is way worse. Because Charles is like, okay, he's kind of fun, a little proper. Carl is like- Carl is sinister. Carl is sinister. Carl. Carl the pumpkin man. The pumpkin-er. Yeah, he wears overalls and like big boots. Yeah. Like big black boots. Somebody needs to make fan art of Carl. Yeah. I want to see Carl the pumpkin, Johnny Pumpkin Seed. Ugh. Despise him. Someone must stop. Don't ever say his phrase again. No. No. That's not even it. That's not even it. What is it? Leave a smile. Lend a hand, leave a smile. Shut up. Are you crazy? Leave a smile. You're letting the demon in. Well, we're not talking in the mirror, so Biggie smiles won't matter. One more comment from Carl. Someone commented, LMAO, I just came from a dark and sad thread outlining the dark future of America, and your post completely changed my brainwave. Thanks so much. Keep doing you, boo. And Carl responded. Oh, no. He's like- Carl. He's becoming a creepypasta. Yeah. He responded, even if we enter an apocalyptic-type world, there will always be dark and always be light. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness. I find it where I can. I find peace in little moments. I hope you find peace, too, fellow traveler. No. Sincerely, Carl. Chase! Ian's going! Ian! No! Ian! No! Oh, he's gone. He spoke. They commented to me like, yeah, I'm really nervous about the future of America, and he wrote like a- Dark time. If he's like a prophet of the future. Dark times are important, my little one. Dark times are coming. My little seed. Dark times are good. We must plant you to- We must plant the seeds of positivity for the future. Ugh, I hate this. Carl will kill us all. What if Carl saves us from the apocalypse? No, he won't. When everything collapses, the pumpkins are the only things that sustain us. Yeah, what if one day we wake up and on the news, it's like, oh my God, Trump, Putin, and Netanyahu all found with pumpkins. Growing out of their faces. It's like, oh, what happened? This is the last of us. So hard right now. The last of us, but pumpkin. But pumpkin. I will say, we kind of called it. Your first, like, intro to this, we were like, oh, he's a villain. And he said the words himself. He said he's a villain, but also a magician. Which is worse. Oh, what is he making disappear? Children? Us? Wait, I'm spooked. I'm scared. I'm horking. I'm scared. I'm horking scared. Horking, here's a hill. I'm a newlywed. We have one final quick story here. We were going to cut and end the show, but we just got the go ahead. We could do this last story. So this is a bonus. All right. This comes from Well That Sucks. This was posted in March of this year. This was posted two days ago as of recording this. Sent this confession to the wrong Kelly. Wrong. So they have multiple Kellys in their contacts. Ooh. Sent it to the wrong one. They go. They write. This is a text. I'm extra pissed today because my coochie lips keep falling out of my underwear and it keeps chafing crying emoji. Oh, my God. I mean, look, we've all been there. And Kelly responds, no, I totally get that. That's the worst. OP responds with a crying emoji and then laughing crying emoji. And then Kelly responds, it's always great when it happens at the gym, too. Crying emojis, like sad, like, oh, emojis. They go, no. And then they respond. OP responds, no, wrong Kelly. I'm so sorry. Oh, my God. Kelly's such a good sport. Yeah. Kelly's a real one. Which Kelly is this? I don't know. And how did they know? How did they like? I think they just realized after a minute. I was just like, yeah, different last name. But they were just like, I totally get it. It's the worst. Yeah, I love them. I mean, they were also like and at the gym. I don't think you said I don't think you sent it to the wrong Kelly. I don't think you sent it to the wrong Kelly. I think you sent it to the right. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. And and they're like, there's always I've always wanted to talk to you about this, actually. Yeah. I've been meaning to. Wrong Kelly. Wrong. My ass. I'm the right Kelly. Comments. Someone said, I like Kelly better than OP. OP said, me, too, to be honest. Someone said, you'd better pivot this into a stronger friendship with the wrong Kelly. Someone said, seems like it was the right Kelly, to be honest. Someone said, at least she was a homegirl about it. I'd be mortified, but relieved to know someone can relate. OP. Said that was basically the turn of events. Then I had to tell the Internet about it. I have to know who this Kelly is. Is she like her, you know, teacher when she was younger? Yeah, I don't know. We don't know anything about therapist. We can only assume whoever it was. I mean, they're very helpful. I mean, you could almost say that she lent a hand and left a smile. That's not. And now he's going to kill us. And I can't believe you said it again. Yeah. Sucks. That's the new Smosh motto. I never want to see a pumpkin in my life. Put it in the new studio. Lend a hand. Leave a smile. Yeah, big neon. And I'm like, I can't wait. On the next Reddit set. That's going to be covered in pumpkin vines. On the new Reddit set, which you're going to see next Saturday. It will be right above bed. No! And we're just going to have a whole thing of cake. Yeah. Hillsbury Doughboy cake. Doughboy. I'll be a doughboy for Halloween. Upcrake. That's going to be the new bug. Actually, that's really insensitive if you dress up as a doughboy. You think? It's extremely insensitive. Isn't he basically naked the whole time with like a little sash? He doesn't even have a sash. Yeah, he's just going full. I think he's just fully. He's full nude. But he has a hat. He has a hat. He has a hat. Well, that's fine. I'm like, happy Halloween. Everyone's like, cover her up. She's naked with a hat. Hide him. Anyways, thank you both for joining me for these confessions. Thank you. This was crazy. Are we safe? No. Okay. Anyways, and thank you all for watching. And we'll see you next Saturday. Goodbye. Bye, pumpkin. Lend a hand. Leave a smile. Y'all stop saying it.