Confessing Our Toxic Traits | Booked, Blonde & Busy BONUS w/ Olivia Ponton

saying how you feel out loud is terrifying but that's what hinge's new free audiobook no ordinary love is all about it's a collection of real love stories about five couples that met on hinge the stories are written and read by temby dinton hurst nicola dynan curtis garner raven smith and rufy thorpe i hunter harris wrote and read the forward the audiobook's out now give it a listen this episode is brought to you by welch's fruit snacks back to school season can be tough on parents but choosing a snack you and your kids can both get behind doesn't have to be stock up on welch's fruit snacks made with whole fruit and now made with no artificial dyes it's a snack kids already love and one you can feel good about giving them go back to school with welch's fruit snacks now made with no artificial dyes okay welcome back to booked blonde and busy off rip toxic trait what's your toxic trait jojo me mm-hmm don't think i have one that's just not true um a toxic trait phoenix anything that you know does she not because we live together i feel like do i take out the trash no she's very clean and very meticulous i don't want to say your toxic trait i also don't think you have like a toxic trait i like to never well okay then you say it what's my toxic is subjective are there traits that are less good than others sure i don't know i don't know if it's inherently toxic you're so good with your words but you're very avoidant avoidant yeah and i think that that can mimic toxicity in some patterns cool i agree avoidant i'm yeah extremely avoidant but you're also very your energy is very magnetic and it's palpable which i think sometimes can be hard for people to navigate but i'm just not a very confrontational person too so now yeah that's it i feel like you kind of are i agree like you i've seen those paragraphs you've sent like i agree that's like a pretty like some paragraphs like in person oh in person you're not confident no not at all but then you go home and you like master up a master plan and yeah because that's because like i can't speak my words confrontation necessarily has to be in person like i think that a lot of the times people do get like really flustered by having to say something to somebody's face and then you're dealing with like all the love that you have for them as a person while you're trying to talk to them about something that's upsetting you that can be difficult but i do think you are confrontational just in like a maybe more like reserved i've thought about what i'm going to say first way fine no no i agree with that but i don't think that's inherently i i don't even think that's terrible like she's like that's a good quality don't keep it to yourself like whatever what do you think your toxic trade is um i'm codependent anxious attachment style one's like the opposite almost but i'm saying you don't want to wait come back see let's hang out you guys have a better toxic trade than being codependent like you guys speak in a happy loving relationship it's like not your toxic no but but it was anxious anxious attachment style is the toxic trait do you know what i mean but you guys have one that's not together like mine but mine is of everything i'm like if there's a really bad problem like i will just avoid and like i'll detach and i'll be like so you're like me it's really hard to not be codependent like we've we've grown so much together like a huge part of our personality is like from each other exactly exactly so like it's like really hard to like even know what's like your own even you kind of just merge into one south like we share a toothbrush and we're like chill with it once in a while not right not every day let's she's like whoa whoa whoa no i'm like lost my toothbrush and i used tannins for like three months and i'm like it's mine now no she just i got a new one she took it so let's clarify that we didn't share one yes guys you know it's like night time when you're like maybe tomorrow maybe tomorrow again and again right yeah yeah exactly well phoenix doesn't close cabinet doors okay i don't do that is this therapy you don't do that either yeah yeah it's a big problem pisses me off yeah no no it's i don't know what it is about having a cabinet slightly a job no it's no i don't understand hey look i'm making it easier for the next person to open the door that's what i always think it's just like no no i get it but that's definitely not my toxic trait like cabinet door open what if you like leave the oven on one time what's your toxic trait what's mine yeah i i mean anybody listening to this probably has a plethora of toxic traits that i have a plethora i really have so many talks but i do think that i think i'm very lenient with my boundaries and i expect people to be lenient with theirs like there's not anything really that anybody could say to me or do to me that would make me not love them and i think that i sometimes expect that in return i agree with and i think that that's probably my toxic trait like i will breach boundaries or urge conversations or do things in that light that to some people might feel invasive whoa we and that's saying how you feel out loud is terrifying but that's what hinges new free audiobook no ordinary love is all about it's a collection of real love stories about five couples that met on hinge the stories are written and read by temby dinton hurst nicola dinan curtis garner raven smith and rufy thorpe i hunter harris wrote and read the foreword the audiobook's out now give it a listen this episode is brought to you by welch's fruit snacks back to school season can be tough on parents but choosing a snack you and your kids can both get behind doesn't have to be stock up on welch's fruit snacks made with whole fruit and now made with no artificial dyes it's a snack kids already love and one you can feel good about giving them go back to school with welch's fruit snacks now made with no artificial dyes wow i've like never even thought about that but that is like a thousand percent me like i'm so like oh yeah maybe this is boundary maybe it's not so then when other people explain their boundaries to me i'm like oh like let's talk about this little bit more and they're like no i just said that i don't feel comfortable talking about that and i'm like well why not and then that comes across as like i'm not respecting their boundaries and i'm like no i'm just curious about you and why you think that way and why you don't want to talk about that now totally but sometimes you have to give people the space because sometimes they're not ready to talk about stuff like that that was interesting i think it's a good thing that you're being nosy what'd you say i said maybe it's just being nosy well being nosy is totally okay but i feel like it pushes somebody further away when you're trying to nail information out of it's kind of like reverse psychology 100 like if well i just give you the space right like if i'm trying to get something out of you and you're not wanting to give me that information and i said give it to me you're gonna keep getting more anxious and more closed versus i'm like okay tell me when you're ready and then you're like maybe i do want to tell you yeah you know what i mean i also think though that for our generation specifically like in a lot of relationships that i witness i think people are so comfortable being surface level and not digging deep into like where the problems stem from or like the built-up resentment like the amount of people i observe just happy in like the uncomfortability that they feel in their dynamics just for the sake of having them is shocking i think also with that like so many people are comfortable in relationships that they're not comfortable with i was just experiencing a relationship who i'm not very close to either of the relationships but someone recently got married and it was a girl and a boy and a very happy relationship the girl's ex-boyfriend married someone else and she spent the whole day crying about it but they've been dating for like five years so it's like why are you that down bad but and then i was talking to the woman i know someone that's friends with the boyfriend and they were explaining like i'm too stuck in the relationship i can't break up with her and going back into that if they had a deep intellectual emotion with each other i feel like you could talk about like not being happy and i feel like you shouldn't ever be stuck in your relationship like that's just in my opinion not healthy and it's like what do you talk about in day-to-day if you feel stuck like that is sunk cost fallacy and like it's basically a psychological term can you guys just listen i am listening we just wanted that okay one more time it's called sunk cost fallacy where essentially people are staying in relationships because they are so comfortable in a cycle that they don't want to break it and they've just built their day-to-day life around these people that they don't want to break up even though if they put all this work in they're actually going to be happier and better off without that person yeah yeah i think so many people are in relationships that they're just not happy with and they just like i feel like we even when we go out to parties we like witness couples and we're like why are you guys dating like this does not make any sense at all and then i think that just makes it special when you do see two people together and you're like oh like actually understand why you guys are dating I'm convinced I'm convinced this is a really hot take I'm convinced that it's all because of Instagram and social media that people are like this I'm convinced that we've become so attached to like this perfect image and like how we want to be perceived so desperately by other people that we're so content posting things and being in relationships that illustrate an illusion of something that's worthy of people's acceptance when in reality it's like actually not at all but we're totally fine as long as other people think yeah but I think that like literally goes right into like sex in the city like if you guys watched it like how many people do they all date they go on like three dates and they break up and then but they it's like you don't have that pressure of like social media being like oh like I've been single for so long I just want someone to post with or this or that and I feel like I have an extremely hot take with this you guys know how I feel about relationships and social media in itself but like there's no reason why you should be posting like an eight paragraph long message online send that to them send it like I was on a trip recently it's crazy but there was a couple on the trip and everyone else knew that there was problems with this couple and they were just acting really weird the girl was really like not kind to everyone it was just like a weird experience and there was a lot of like backhanded things that she would say and she ends up posting on instagram being like I'm so blessed to be on this like a crazy pair off and be like thank you so much my amazing boyfriend for inviting me on this trip and I'm just like send it to them send it to them yeah why are you adding him on instagram yeah and like writing this whole thing it just felt like I people in the like our group chat like sent him was like what the hell is going on like send like I feel like there's way more value if you just like even speak it to them like totally can it come out of you like in one sentence yeah it's so performative but it really is just it shows you how much we just place so much value and how other people perceive us like as long as all of my followers know that we're in a happy relationship then I can believe we all are yeah but like does it really matter if you guys are having intimate truthful loving conversation when you're just the two of you probably not literally like my bible like that's what I think it's crazy should she say that about the kisses is that weird she doesn't care she presses send this is the love story of real hinge couple Daniel and Roisin written and read by me Rufy Thorpe listen to the free audiobook now on any journey using uber it helps to know you're getting into the right car pin verification adds an extra step to make sure your ride is your ride before the trip begins your app gives you a unique pin just tell it to your driver and they'll enter it in their app before the ride can start hey what's your pin two five three eight that way you know you're in the right car taking the right trip and your driver knows you're the right passenger make sure your ride is your ride with pin verification from uber one more way uber is putting safety at every turn learn more on the uber app