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Speaker 2This episode is brought to you by TXU Energy. For the first time ever, Texans have an energy plan that combines free nights all year with daytime summer savings. It's called Free Nights and Cool Summer. You get free nights every night, all year long, plus a 25% bonus toward your daytime use all summer. It's a first-of-its-kind plan, created for how Texans actually use energy. Discover how much more you could save with Free Nights and Cool Summer. TXU Energy. Energy for everything. Visit TXU.com for more information. Rep number 10004.
Speaker 3Hey guys, welcome back. One of the most dangerous lines in recovery. You can hear anyone say, it's not relapse. Do you know what it is? I'm fine. It's fine. I'm good. I've got this. Ooh, I've got this. I don't need meetings anymore. Complacency in recovery. It doesn't usually show up loud. It shows up quiet, comfortable, and reasonable. Resting on our laurels. We've all been there. The good news, is you can bounce back from it. And in my experience, it's a lot easier to come back from complacency than it is before you relapse, than it is after you relapse. Like, look, we can all be doing better in recovery. I could always be doing more in recovery. It's also important to acknowledge where you're at and not compare yourself to other people's recovery programs. How many times have I sat in the front row of a meeting, third row of a meeting, I don't sit in the front row, and thought to myself, damn, that guy is so much better than me at recovery. I am probably the worst person in recovery after hearing someone else's story. Stop it. Stop comparing yourself. So today we're going to break down what complacency actually is, why it sneaks in, what it looks like before relapse, and how to course correct before things fall apart. Chances are, if you're working a good recovery program, you can catch this before it's too late, before you have a slip, before you have a full-blown relapse. It is possible to get back on the recovery horse. Now, me telling you that I've been complacent before is a huge understatement. I was the guy that did the recovery stuff, went to the meetings, and just to check the boxes. I wasn't actually doing the work that I had been doing previously to get myself sober. You'll hear people say sometimes, and I agree with this too, is one of the worst places to be in recovery is when things are going well. When things are going well, I don't need you. I don't need God. I don't need recovery. I don't need meetings. I don't need anything. When things are going really well, it's if left unchecked. People start to talk and you stop listening. You think you know everything and I've got this, like I said at the beginning. So, I mean, ultimately, I hope today helps you catch yourself before it's too late. I hope you're not sitting here listening to this, beating yourself up because I can do that. I can definitely do that when I hear people's recovery programs and what they look like. And I compare myself, like I said already at the beginning, comparing myself to them. It doesn't do anything for me. I could always be doing more in recovery and it doesn't mean that what I'm doing is not good enough right now. It doesn't mean that I'm not good enough. It just means that I should keep an eye on it. I should keep an eye on things that are falling by the wayside, resting on my laurels, getting complacent, getting comfortable. If I'm maintaining my sobriety, my recovery, I am moving backwards in my opinion. I am regressing. Maintenance is a dangerous word. It's, I need to be growing in recovery, even if it's incremental, progress, not perfection. So complacency, what it is and what it isn't. So plainly, complacency is not relapse. Complacency is emotional autopilot, sort of just striding through, you know, the work is good, the relationship is good. Everything's good. I've got this. I've said that a lot already. I'm sorry. I hate when people say, you've got this. You got this, buddy. No, you don't. You don't got shit. You need help. And so do I. So it's when recovery, recovery stops being intentional. I stop setting intentions in my recovery. I'm just kind of going through the motions, autopilot. Like I said, confidence says I stay ready. Complacency says I don't need to. Ooh, that's good. I love that. I'm ready for whatever happens. I'm preparing for the worst. Complacency is confidence. Expecting the best, preparing for the worst. I'm ready though. I stay ready for whatever life throws at me. Complacency is I don't need to do that. If you're not journaling, if you're not praying, if you're not meditating and at what point, at what point in your, at what, at one point in your recovery, you were doing that, you're basically saying that you don't need to, again, this is not here to spread shame and blame and make you feel like a piece of shit. Just have a look at things. If I'm not doing something in my recovery today, it's because I'm telling, I'm saying that I don't need to do it. Otherwise I'd be doing it. Most relapses don't start with drugs or alcohol. They start with skipped routines, loosened boundaries, quiet disconnection. This was me. You know, I had two major relapses where it started. I mean, it always starts with the emotional relapse first, right? But it started with the thoughts I was having in my head. And I had a routine of telling people about the things that were going on in my head. I stopped doing that. I stopped praying. I still went to meetings, but I was checking the boxes. As I said before, I was checking the recovery boxes. I wasn't, you know, I wasn't showing up late, early to meetings and talking to my friends. I wasn't staying behind and telling them about how I was doing, which I was doing at once. At one point in my recovery, I stopped doing that. It was a slow burn. My relapse was a slow burn, but it was rough. And one of the hardest things I've ever done. One of the hardest things I've ever done was coming back from that by far. If you can avoid that and I can help you. If not, maybe you need to learn that lesson and do some more research. Hopefully not because it is horrible out there. It still, we still just can't have one. I still just can't have one. I don't know about you, but I can't have one of anything. The important thing here is you don't fall off the cliff. You drift. Toward it cliff being, I mean, I don't have to tell you relapse death. You drift towards it. We are all just one arm lengths away from a drink or drug. One phone call away. It happens like why complacency shows up. As I said to you before, life starts to get better. The bills are paid. Relationships improve. Chaos decreases. Things are starting to look pretty good. I've got, you know, I did all this. You start taking credit for your own life instead of giving credit to the organization. You're a part of the program. You've been working or God pain fades recovery worked. So we stopped doing it. We stopped becoming desperate. Remember when we were desperate? Remember when you were desperate? I remember that it was just felt like it was just yesterday. This gift of desperation starts to fade and things are okay. I don't need as much recovery as I used to have. And sure, that might be true for a lot of people. Okay. So my recovery looks a lot different. I don't have to go to as many meetings as I used to, but recovery, the priority of recovery in my life. Still has to be number one. It doesn't, the time spent per week is maybe not the same going to recovery things, but I am still constantly in a state of recovering. I'm thinking about God. I'm thinking about my defects of character. I'm thinking about how I am in the world. I'm thinking about others, or at least I'm trying to, I'm actively thinking about recovery. Anthony, are you moving toward recovery or toward relapse? It's really, there's no middle ground here. It's you're either moving toward relapse or toward recovery. So when. Pain is the motivator. Comfort becomes the excuse. When pain is the motivator, comfort becomes the excuse to equal ego sneaks back in edging. Got out ego. We start saying things like I'm not like them anymore. I don't need as much help or support. I'm past that phase. I'm changed now. I'm different. I'm healed. I'm cured. I'm better. Any of these ring a bell? I've said them ego reframes vulnerability as weakness. Three routine fatigue. So things start to get boring. I always say this, but most people don't relapse because recovery gets hard. They relapse because it gets boring. It gets mundane. It gets repetitive and we start to look for fun. Again, fun in quotations, dopamine, where do we find dopamine everywhere? But inside us, I'll tell you that much. I use outside things to change my inside meetings feel repetitive. Journaling feels boring. Check-ins feel unnecessary. Why am I doing this? What's the point? I don't need this, but. Repetition is what keeps us stable. Boring recovery is working recovery. Ooh, boring recovery is working recovery. Yeah. That doesn't mean life isn't going to be fun too. That's the other thing I want to emphasize here. Life is fun in recovery. Routines themselves are routines. They're just that they're not supposed to be fun. Like journaling is not fun. It's just a routine. It's a mental habit. It's like going to the gym. I don't enjoy lifting weights at the gym. Maybe some of you do, but I just go because I know what's good for my health and I burned a routine in my head that when I don't go, I feel off recovery is the same. So for comparison, other people are worse than me. This is good. I do this a lot. I'm better than you or you're worse than me. One of those two things I'm doing better than most people. I don't belong here anymore. Comparison kills vigilance. I heard Tony Robbins say this once, but the head compares the head is the head versus the heart, right? We use the head or the heart. We're either in analytical mode or loving mode, God mode. and the head compared compares and shrinks it shrinks everything compares and i'm different i'm better i'm this and that the heart when we think with the heart it amplifies grows and spreads more joy love and connection but when we're using our head we're in this analytical mode i'm me versus you this versus that i need things material it's not a good place to be we're constantly in a state of depression and not enoughness a lack of gratitude anger dangerous place for addicts and alcoholics to be i had a mentor that always told me this you can't be angry and grateful at the same time it's just not possible so what complacency actually looks like early warning signs this is the important stuff here so skipping meetings just this week being less honest with check-ins right keeping back 10 of the truth sharing 90 of the truth when you normally would share 100 of the truth because you should share 100 of the truth avoiding certain people in recovery avoiding even avoiding difficult conversations or hard situations or hard scenarios things you don't want to do taking the easy way out being complacent lazy giving excuses to yourself this sort of mental ban banter back and forth and justifying these things we used to do in active addiction letting resentment go unspoken not talking about resentment that's a big one resentment will take you down man you can resent somebody and it'll just fester in your head until it blows up into smoking meth i'm telling you stopping inventory romanticizing the past saying i'll deal with it later sweeping it under the rug do we have any rub sweeper rug sweepers in here i used to do that all the time all my problems that's tomorrow anthony's problem i'll just sweep it under the rug and then it blows up in your face a week later complacency sounds logical and that's why it's dangerous so next first we have early warning signs next we have emotional signs irritability restlessness boredom low-grade resentment you're just sort of hating everything and everyone feeling disconnected but not knowing why this sort of emptiness inside maybe not crisis just something's off i don't feel comfortable in my own skin i want to be there i'm everywhere i am i don't want to be here in this moment now i want to be over there i'm constantly scanning and people are pissing me off and not following my plan and my script and i'm having this low level resentment that just follow me around like a black cloud that's the emotional signs behavioral drift so these are when the actions start to come up these actions are going to come up and i'm going to be there and i'm going to be there and i'm going to be there and i'm going to be there and i'm going to be there and i'm going to be there and i'm going to be there and i'm going to be there and i'm going to be there and i'm going to be there and i'm going to be there and i'm going to be there and i'm going to be there and i'm going to be there and i'm going to be there and i'm going to be there and start you start to notice these more isolation more scrolling on your phone less structure less service i'm not helping as much as i used to less gratitude more self-focus i'm focusing on me nothing is exploding but nothing is growing either it's kind of again you're in this sort of middle state or you're not growing and you're not moving backwards but you're maintaining which in my opinion again is you're regressing we're regressing we're declining why complacency is so risky addiction doesn't disappear it goes dormant i'm sure a lot of you know that already but recovery isn't about getting cured it's about staying connected to a power greater than me could be a group of people could be a recovery program it's just not me i'm outside of myself i'm connected to others and to the universe to god so your skills start to atrophy they start to wear out it's like you don't work out at the gym you stop going to the gym for a while you're going to get fat it's just the way it goes you're going to lose muscle awareness dulls tolerance for discomfort drops so again things start to piss you off where they normally wouldn't have pissed you off before so then life hits stress loss conflict fatigue something happens life life's you and suddenly you're unprepared for me this i had an example of this in my last relapse when one of my my my friends passed away and it was very unexpected he took his own life and it was very sad and it affected me more than i realized it did i thought i was prepared for it but i wasn't talking enough about it wasn't i wasn't processing it with others i wasn't focusing on my how i was reacting to the situation and that's what happens you start to get complacent and then life happens as it does and you're not prepared you're not ready i wasn't ready for it i eventually led to a relapse i'm not saying that was the reason i relapsed but it added to the list of unmanageability in my life at that time so next how complacency turns into relapse so you might be asking me like okay well that's great how does that this mean i'm gonna end up drinking and using drugs again i don't feel like drinking and using drugs listen you when we relapse when we don't think about i relapse when i don't think about relapsing it just it's it's in the low level in the background of my mind emotionally like i said to you it doesn't come out of nowhere it doesn't happen overnight so there's a progression here first it's comfort second is distance i'm distancing myself i'm going places and i'm holding my arm out like this like a football player a stiff arm stay back don't get to you don't i'm okay i've got this i don't need your help everything's great everything's great rationalization three rationalization so i'm rationalizing behavior socially unacceptable behavior i'm giving reasons for my socially unacceptable behavior things i normally wouldn't do for disconnection five emotional relapse six mental bargaining six mental bargaining seven physical relapse so you're actually using the drugs now i guess emotional relapse the difference between emotional relapse and mental bargaining so emotional relapse is i'm just i'm getting angry when anger comes up i'm fully acting on anger when i did a whole episode emotional sobriety if you're interested go listen to it but uh staying emotionally sober is a whole other task in of itself i'm being aware of my emotions and not letting them manage my life so five emotional relapse six mental bargaining seven physical relapse i'm now i've now physically relapsed i'm using the drugs and i'm in the craving progression uh the addiction cycle not a good place to be relapse is not a moment it is a process it happens over time and it's not it's a number of moments not one moment it doesn't just happen you don't just decide we're going to use drugs one more minute it's been building up you just don't see it that way okay how to course correct so what's the solution here you give me a lot of problems anthony what's the solution one name it early label it say it out loud i think i'm drifting hey friend in recovery can i bounce something off of you i feel like i'm drifting from the program i don't feel as good i can i talk to you about it what do you think about this remove the shame awareness is intervention you're raising awareness you're being conscious of your starting to get complacent in recovery and there's nothing wrong with it we all do it anyone that tells you they're perfect in recovery slap them in the face don't actually but we all drift from recovery once in a while the important thing is to notice and get back to return to basics not new tools this is so important these are old tools we're not revolutionizing the wheel here in recovery we're going back to the basics i like to think of it as you're a baseball player and you need to have all the bases covered the meetings the therapist the fellowship whatever your thing is routine sleep food movement and honesty most important of all honesty make sure you're in the right place and you're in the right place and you're in the right place and you're in the right place make sure one person on this earth knows every secret about you no secrets secrets keep us sick and you will relapse if you have secrets i promise you it's only a matter of time every time i relapsed i wasn't practicing honesty with myself and others that's how i relapsed every time dishonesty you don't need breakthrough you need consistency three increase connection not isolation call someone be of service go ask to buy someone a coffee show up imperfectly connection interrupts complacency again connection interrupts complacency get connected plug back into the jug tap back into recovery tap back into the source the god whatever your higher power four audit your recovery ask what did i stop doing and this is when pen to paper helps get it written down what did i stop doing what am i avoiding where am i numbing who am i not talking to what what did i stop doing what am i avoiding where am i numbing who am i not talking to write it down journal five stay teachable humility recovery requires it recovery requires humility you never graduate from this thing there's no end goal it's a journey it's a marathon not a sprint there is no certificate given out here no diploma in recovery and thank god because that means the possibilities are endless the outcomes are endless what a gift i can do anything growth keeps you safe just keep growing good for you a friend of mine used to always say it's like you have a spiritual bank account am i is this action depositing into my spiritual bank account or withdrawing if i miss a meeting or i don't talk to a friend in recovery am i depositing am i filling my spiritual cup or am i emptying my spiritual cup you can't there's no middle ground you're either emptying it or filling it the moment you think you're done learning is the moment you're vulnerable that's so important the moment you know i'm right yeah but i've got this you're done learning you're fucked start to notice that if you stop learning in that's another telltale sign if you're not learning in all situations a newcomer gets up to speak and you're writing them off because he's brand new that's a problem you can learn something in every situation i can learn something in every single situation every single one okay in closing complacency is not failure it's a signal a reminder to re-engage with your people with your recovery program with your god with your practices your routines comfort i'm going to leave you with some closing lines here Hopefully you can identify this before a relapse because again, it is not fun out there. Drugs have not gotten cheaper. They have not gotten better. If anything has gotten worse, your chances of overdosing now are more, but I don't need to tell you that. And plus me telling you that is not going to change anything. Just be aware of your recovery program. You don't need to be perfect. You don't need to be like me. You don't need to be like your friend. You need to be more like you. Comfort isn't the enemy. Forgetting how you got here is. Don't ever forget the gift of desperation. Don't ever forget when you were first coming in and how that felt. The look on your parents' eyes, your wife's eyes, your husband's eyes when you first were deciding to get help. Keep those mental images in your mind. Stay close to the things that saved your life. So the things that worked in the beginning of your recovery, come back to them. Stay close to the things that helped you back then. It doesn't mean you have to go to seven meetings a week like you used to, but use the things that worked for you back then now. Back to basics. Recovery doesn't need to be dramatic. Just deliberate. Intentional. If you like this episode, please share it. Rate, like, subscribe to the podcast. It helps me so, so much. I love all of you. I'm sorry there hasn't been more guests coming on. I've been super busy and the studio is getting expensive now. So hopefully we will be having more people on going forward. But I do enjoy these small episodes. Send me a message on TikTok or Instagram. I'm on TikTok now because Instagram banned me. I'm on TikTok now because Instagram banned me for a bit because of that cocaine video. Anyways, I talk about it too much. I love you. Thank you for being here. Have a wonderful, blessed day. If no one's told you this yet, I love you.
Speaker 2This episode is brought to you by TXU Energy. For the first time ever, Texans have an energy plan that combines free nights all year with daytime summer savings. It's called Free Nights and Cool Summer. You get free nights every night all year long, plus a 25% bonus toward your daytime use all summer. It's a first of its kind plan created for how Texans actually use energy. Discover how much more you can get from TXU Energy. And how much more you could save with Free Nights and Cool Summer. TXU Energy. Energy for everything. Visit TXU.com for more information. Rep number 10004.
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