36 :: Communication to Ignite Romantic Relationships with Rono and Sierra Sullivan

Welcome to Ignite Intimacy, a podcast exploring intimacy, romantic relationships, sexuality, and the all of everything that relates to these hot topics. We're going in, you ready? This is your host, Ms. La. Let's do this. Hello, hello, Ignite Intimacy Community, it is a gorgeous summer day. Whenever you're listening to this episode, no, today was a gorgeous summer day, and I've got two very special people on the line with us today. I'm trying to remember how we actually got connected, you two. I'm drawing a blank as to who was the link that brought us together. Do you remember? Yes. It was in Santa Cruz. Santa Cruz! Yes! At the. Dardasalan. Dardasalan! Oh, yes, Sarah. Sarah Medlecad. That is how we connected. Thank you. My brain is doing different things these days, and remembering all sorts of different things, but sometimes not always where I've met people, which is bizarre, because I used to be really on point with all of that. It'll come again. Anyways, Ronald and Sarah, we met at the start of Salon on Westcliffe Drive, and gorgeous Santa Cruz, and it was a magical night on the ocean, and we both had opportunities to share in the start of Salon, and I remember just immediately feeling something about you too, and just like, "Okay, who are these two? Who are these two powerhouse individuals?" And then we each had an opportunity to perform or tell a story, and I was like, "Oh, yeah, I totally need to connect with these two." And I kind of had a side agenda, because I had met this hot young surfer earlier that day, and he was interested in getting a drink, and so I was checking the clock, checking the clock. I was trying to do what I do to many things in one night, and so we exchanged contact information, and then I was spending some time in LA, and had an opportunity to experience ceremony with you two, and evening with about 25 other people that was just epic and amazing, and so I'm so grateful that the stars have finally aligned for us to actually have a conversation for Ignite intimacy. Yay! Me too! I'm excited. Yeah. So, okay. I'm so curious to know more about you two, and how you, like, first of all, where did you guys meet? And when? How long ago? Oh, my gosh. What was that? It depends on who you ask, and it depends on how many lifetimes you want to talk about. Let's talk about this lifetime. A couple of healers, several different ones have said, "Oh, you guys have been in and out of each other's lives for over 2,500 years, like, back when Christ was on the planet." I was like, "Oh, all right. Cool. Nice. I could feel that." In this lifetime, we actually grew up, we had a couple blocks from each other, and we were. 35, 38 years? Yeah. We were. Wow. We've been living in each other's lives off and on. I was closer to his older sisters. He was closer to my younger sisters, and he was like, "The brother I never had, he used to mow our lawn." And, you know, he was in a band. He was mowing your lawn. Yeah, baby. Yeah. Love that. But it didn't turn romantic until many, many years later. I mean, I joke that he was following me around wherever I went, because he went to the same college as me. He's two years too great, younger, although we're not that far apart in an actual, you know, year-age. But, well, back then, it felt like, you know, worlds apart. And eventually, he made his way out to Los Angeles, where I had been living for several years at the time, and he was actually had showed up with his starter wife as I like to call her. Bless her heart. Yeah. We still love her. And many people need a starter. A starter. Very actually. It's definitely. That's the way. Most of them. And then that didn't last very long, and he then found himself working with a guru of sorts. And I was at the time, both working in the film industry and had started my own magazine for women. And so he started calling upon me as a resource for the project that he was working on a DVD and whatnot, some projects with the guru, and then to promote that. And so we started connecting. Because I had film resources, and then I had promotional resources through the magazine. And then that brought us closer and more connected. We ended up starting a business together called Creative Unite, which was basically a design firm for women entrepreneurs who were wanting to change the world and helping them get their online systems. That was in conjunction with the magazine. Eventually, he became Creative Director of my magazine. And then the friendship/work relationship turned into romance, tech-relationship. Yeah. We were just hanging out all the time. And then when we weren't working together, like it was just fun and fun and fun, and then we weren't hanging out. And I was like, huh, kind of, kind of mishearage. Like, kind of mispronon, and then, like, one fateful night, we called my triumphant return to Hollywood. I was out with some friends on Saturday night, and I said, why don't I just get dropped off at your place? Because I was living in Hollywood. He was living in Venice. He didn't have any, have a need for a car in Venice, or he'd sold his car, and then also didn't found himself working in Hollywood. So he would bust it and stay for a couple of days, and then, yeah, bust back. So, I'd stay overnight, like, two nights, I'd be there three days, stay over two nights, and work from the office there, and then stay at her house, and then go back to Venice. And so this time, I got dropped off on Saturday night, I was like, why don't we get an early start? We'll hang out on Sunday, get to jump on the week, and she's like, that sounds great. So she was out on a date with some dude, and I texted her, because I was like, hey, where are you? Yeah, you're coming, and so the story goes as she tells it that she went back to making out with him, and the whole time she was like, I just kind of went home and hang out with her on it. And then she came home. Oh, yeah. It's really almost over. Yeah, but you tell you the whole story, how far do you know what I mean? Yeah, tell us. I want the juicy details. So I come home, and I find these beautiful notes, like I drive into my driveway, and there's a note outside my gate, and I walk in my gate, and there's a note on the door, and then I walk in the kitchen, and there's a note, and they can just beautiful, the very typical of who he is as a person, so I didn't think much of it. I was like, oh, that's so sweet. What a nice guy. You know? I find him. He had a little too much to drink at his outing with his friends. Oops. One drink. That was a double. It was a double huge. It was like a soupy cup. Oh, my God. So he was passed out on the couch, and I was like, oh, that's so sweet. So I started to get ready for bed, and then I went up to bed, and I thought, well, he was so nice to leave me these notes. I should at least wake him up and just tell him I'm home, and so I did. And at the time, he had been sometimes sleeping in my bed totally platonic. Like we were like, like, you know, brother, sister, actually, friends, you know, co-workers now, or whatever. Partners, business partners. It was very platonic. Because there's no other space. Yeah, at a tiny little place, in a very uncomfortable futon couch. So that's right. I was like, ah, what the heck, sleep in the bed. So I said, well, where do you want to sleep? I'm going up to bed, and so he's like, oh, of course, I go up to bed with you. And he was a little, a little randy that night, I guess. And he started to, you know, he was always given, like, good, you know, arm rubs or like rubs or back rubs. And he got a little fresh that night, and I thought I was batting him away because, you know, old friend, business partner, he'd actually dated my younger sister many, many moons ago, and had actually dated my best friend who he introduced me to. And those are all crazy stories, too, but he was very off limits, let's just say. Yeah, he was not, but after bad trying to bat him away, I finally realized, what am I doing? Nice. I thought to myself, I'm taking care of everyone else, but me. And here's this amazing human being that I've grown very close to, and we've had amazing times together, and we're best friends. Why not just have a night? And so we did. And the next day, we were like, oh, that was really good. Maybe we should keep playing around, but be very quiet about it until we're sure. And the rest is history. Yeah, or her story. Her story. Her story. Her story. Awesome. And so, so you guys, yeah, so you guys have been in this sort of like, you know, supporting other people with like businesses and, you know, empowering women and, and Rano, you also do some work in the space of empowering men as well, correct? I do. Yeah. Like we've both been in the empowering women, me for about 10 years here, for about 15, and then throughout that whole process, because of our relationship, because we were friends for so long and because of all of that, as soon as we got into relationship, you know, the second week, you know, when the first issue comes up, we were both, we both like pointed our fingers at each other. It's you, it's you. (audience cheering) Wait a minute. Last week it wasn't an issue when we were friends, but now the sun that's an issue. And so how much baggage gel the sun comes into the room I didn't realize how much baggage came into the room when I got intimate. I just thought it was everybody else's problem. We know each other so well. It's going to be like butter, baby. Because of that, we immediately were like, we need to get right back into what we now call the friendship box. And we're like, we got to get right back into the friendship box. And let's sort this out. Let's find out where our edges are. Let's find out where our crap is. And so because of that, all these couples started flocking to us too and say, hey, can you help us? Can you help us? And so we've been working with men and that capacity for many, many, many years now. And then just recently I started working with a colleague and friend of mine, Destin Garrick, who does, he's like the premier men's expert in the world on men's sexuality. And so that's a lot of the men's work. Destin Garrick. Okay. And it's the evolved masculine. Okay, cool. I want to link it. So in the show notes, so people can find it. Yeah, yeah, great. D E S T E N G E R E K. Oh, Destin, I N. So D S T I N G E R E K. There we go. Awesome. And so, so basically that was, did you work with Destin or did you, were you just aware of his work? I was just aware of his work and we were friends. And and it's a, it's a very similar path to what I've been on my whole life. And when I do work with men, which is, which is rare and becoming less rare, it's, it's a very similar. So that's why we, we just started working together. I'm, I'm, I'm consulting with him on his business and helping him grow it and things like that. Awesome. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Cool. And so, and so were you both at the time that you got into the world. So you had started the magazine, Sierra, and you were building that and that was really like in the space of kind of like seeding this work that you're doing that you've been doing for 15 years, empowering women. So you're already doing that work. And then Rano shows up on the scene. Yeah, I'll help you empower some women. Yeah, I love that. And not only do you love women, you love powerful women. Yeah. Yeah. So can we talk about that for a second, this whole thing? The difference between women and powerful women. And the men that love them or don't, like what is the deal with? Like, I have had so many people say to me, like, because I'm like single, you know, and, and I'm a hot, powerful, beautiful, amazing woman, right? In my, in my, and fun, and funny, and smart, and everything, you know, but I'm like also fiercely independent. And anyways, I just did landmark. So I'm like, anyways, I know why I'm fiercely independent. But now I know, like, for sure why I'm fiercely independent. And it happened a long, long time ago. So, you know, it's like, people are like, oh, you're, you're like, do you think it's because you're too powerful? Or like, do you think it's because you're too strong? Or like, I've had men say, like, how do men deal with you? You're such a powerful woman, you know? And I've, I've had this story around, like, men don't, like, men are afraid of you. And I'm like, then I don't want, I don't want those kind of men. You know what I mean? So, can, can you all talk to us about this story out there about powerful women and the men that can't take it and deal with it? And the men that do, you know, the men that are like, oh, I want a powerful woman, you know? Oh my gosh, we could spend episodes on this. And maybe we will. Seriously, so, but I'm going to cut to the chase and give my, my take and then I'll hand it over to Rano. So this is, well, everybody kind of like, take a breath before I'm about to hear what I'm about to say because it's really, it's an evolved place that I'm inviting in all of us for this conversation. Let's just take that breath. So at the very core of that issue, I mean, we could, we could point to all of the reasons why we're here and what's happening and how we all behave and what repercussions of that behavior are and what that's added to the wounding and the, you know, I mean, there's so much like I said to talk about, but I want to get right to the place where we can really understand women in our independence, because I also have been and still am very independent for many reasons, much of what probably you discovered in landmark the places where we have to, you know, fight, fight for our rights and stand for ourselves and be strong in the face of places we didn't get the love and nurturing we needed and blah, blah, blah, blah. It was really powerful, profound, you know, and the resulting power that comes from that and how it has been wonderful in many ways and also not serving in the realms of the heart and relationship. And so the other night I was having this very conversation with two other powerful women, my sister-in-law, a round of sister and a friend who was over and what we discovered in the conversation or what came forth was the very dance of the masculine and the feminine and where we've seen ourselves in such a polarity for so long, whether it was women in how long and then this polarity switched to men being in power and women being disempowered and now this power struggle and the way that we see a play out in the world, we saw a play out on the presidential stage in this last election. I mean, you know, it's intense and really where the work lies is in the very place that neither of us, neither SAC, really wants to go because we've been told that it's the place of certain death and destruction. Right. And what I mean by that is where us very fiercely, powerfully, strong independent women need to stop doing so fucking much because there's no space for the men to stand in their powerfully strong, fiercely independent masculine when we're doing so damn much. And to not do feels like, well, how will I live? How will I survive? Who's going to pick up the slack? We have all these weak, weak poems, you know, "Mamzy, Pamzy, men," that can't blah, blah, blah because the men are literally going, how can I help? Wait, you don't want my help? Oh, well, then screw you. I'm going to sit over here and, you know, drink beers and burp and laugh at my buddies and play video games or whatever. I mean, I know I'm stereotyping completely right now. Only like every three months. Yeah, be completely, you know, I'm going to the stream with the stereotypes here, but just to prove a point here and to illustrate and not prove. I'm not trying to prove anything actually to illustrate a point. And really where the men are needing the women to surrender more, in order for them to actually be of service in the way they do most, they've really desire to be, but they've been habituated out of it in many regards. And the women just have that surrender means like, what? I mean, where do we even go with that? I mean, I would say we go into the arms of our sisters so that we can learn how to surrender and be held so that we also can surrender and be held by our men. But until we all ready ourselves for that Mexican standoff moment where the way I call it, it's like the infinity symbol, right? The polarity, the dance, the polarity, but in that infinity symbol, there's that X marks the spot right in the middle. And that's the moment of pure shift where the woman gets a surrender and be held and land in the arms of her man who's going to swoop in at the last moment and catch her because there's nothing he's not going to let her fall. He's not, you know, and this is healthy women, healthy man, you know, but the essence of it, of the truth of what the design of Mexican and feminine hold is that moment. And it's the same design as universal law. And I was just listening to another friend of mine, I'm working with Derek Rydell, who teaches a lot of spiritual principles. And what he was saying, it's the same thing as like everyone's just sitting around waiting for the bridge to appear, but the bridge won't appear until you leap. And so it's that same kind of thing until the woman falls out herself to fall over and be caught. And consciously, not just like, catch me. Yeah, right. Not dancing in the strength. Yeah. Yeah. But it to fully allow, allow that. And the man will step up and catch. Then the man will step up and catch. And who's, you know, it's like that moment where none of us trust the other to do it. Because of everything that we've been conditioned and are healing. Well, yeah, I mean, this is, you know, this is powerful stuff here. And it's like the emasculation of men, where, and I, oh, God, I mean, I did it. I've done it. I do it, you know, and I'm learning how to not do it. I'm learning how to ask in just authentic ways, even though, you know, half the time, I'm still like asking loaded questions and, you know, whatever, I, I see it in the world where when we just take on everything, like, and it's like, no, I got this. No, I got that. No, I got, you know, it's like, and it's like allow yourself to be supported. Even if it's not the man in your relationship or the woman in your relationship or whatever gender you associate with or whatever you're into, you know, like, whoever you're into, even if it's just in platonic or business relationships or whatever, it's like starting to allow ourselves to receive support and ask for support, you know, because it gets really old when someone has this story of like, I do it all, it's all on me. Blah, blah, blah. And it's like, well, if you're not, if you're not, ask for support, like don't complain, you know, and it's not easy to always ask for support, right? Like, that's an edge that a lot of us are riding is like, all right, I need to ask for support here, you know, and like, I want to be able to do it all because isn't it easy to not be a burden on other people, right? Like, well, right, when we come from that perspective, that is a burden, right? I mean, instead of, instead of where I have had to learn, and I've taken, you know, many classes and things to learn, read many books to learn this and expand trial and error to learn this is there's a powerful, fun, playful, juicy, pleasurable way of actually asking that is a turn on for both the Asker and the giver. And I think, yes, give us an example. One of the things that we have to throw this in here, because it's so hilarious, one of the things that we say often in our courses and with the people we teach is nobody likes a flabby ask, right? No one likes a flabby ask. It's like these floaters, the where we come from this wounded and martyr, you know, weak plays. No, I don't want to ask them a burden. And so we float things or we sort of round about, like wouldn't it be nice if such and such instead of saying, would you please or direct? But the flip side is oftentimes we're afraid of coming across of as looking to bossy or bitchy or controlling if we're too direct, right? So it's like, what's the girl to do? What's anybody to do rather, you know? And and so because this is this is not just a female thing, I see it all the time and men too in for various reasons, but I'll speak specifically to women and right now because that's what I've had to learn is there and Rano has been really amazing at encouraging this out of me because it is it's a messy process or one of my mentors has said, you know, it's always awkward until it's elegant and it's it can be super edgy and messy to play with the power or learn how to wield our power and our power for women is men deeply desire our happiness and they live for our happiness. And that's really all they want. That's all they want because I mean, that's why there's added, you know, sayings like happy wife happy life and things like that because men men really source a lot of their own happiness through the happiness of the women around them, their mothers or sisters, their lovers, you know, and so when we can instigate a request from them with the idea showing very clearly that would make us happy, then they're much quicker to jump to action for us. And so the playfulness that needs to come with that request is it's like non-negotiable and that means for one, and I'll do my best to give you an example, for one, we also as women need to be self-sourced enough and resource enough and filled enough in our own tanks and our own pleasure and our own joy and our own happiness and our own turn on and our own excitement that it becomes a natural extension of how we make our requests of other people. And so back to the women needing women for this like sisterhood is a number one, you know, like top of the line top grade fuel for all women. When we have a strong sisterhood in place, we have everything we need in order to exist in the way that I'm speaking of. And then we get to be more playful with our requests and we get to say things like, wow, you know, it would make me really happy or I would make me so excited if this were to be, you know, if you were to give me this or not, you could probably even give a better example of how you love me to ask for things. Well, so if we step back at like one more picture and we look at why why men and certain type of women are very successful in military or are very successful in business or very successful in the current constructs of our patriarchal society, it's because we're we work really well with directives and we're single focus creatures where women as Alison Armstrong would say are diffuse awareness creatures. So, you know, the gatherers versus the hunters and not that women can't be hunters and not that men can't be gathers, but just as a let's just say the majority are like we hunt the deer hunt the deer single focus single focus because if we're constantly looking around everywhere like, then we're confused and that's what's even a rye with some of the challenges with men today is because the they are like video game. There's so many different things that we're losing ourself on. So when a woman can say, I need this, I want that we're like, yeah, no problem. I'll even do it this way, but let me break it down even simpler. Sierra will be like, I'd, how would you say this? Let me think. I'm really hungry. Yeah, that's just a loaded question or loaded ask, loaded statement. Awesome. You're hungry. I'm hungry. Are you hungry? No, I'm not really hungry. Social star. But if she says, if she literally says, can you make me some food? I will get up and I will make her food. Even if I'm in the middle of a whole bunch of stuff and I don't have time to make her food, I'll be like, or I'll say, baby, I don't have time to make you food. How can I support you? I'll at least get her in a dialogue to help her support herself. But if she's just like, I'm hungry, or like, these are floaters. These are flabby asks that if she's like, I'm hungry, I need you to make me some food. Will you make me some food right now? Yes, I will make you food right now. Or help me figure out what I need to eat, what I can eat right now. Whatever. It's a big difference. And like literally, she'll ask for something, half the flabby ask, and I won't do anything. But then when she says, would you mind going to the car and grabbing my scarf? Yes, I'm cold. I wish I had my scarf. That's what she says. Yeah. And I've gotten to the point now where I specifically won't do it, even though I know what she's asking because I want to train her to ask. So she can get what she wants elsewhere. Totally. She's trained me over the years doesn't mean it's going to help her in life. Right. So I'm like, I just look at her. Oh, I love them. So say it again, and I'll be like, what do you want? Can you please go to the car and get my scarf? I hop right up and I go get it because now I have a purpose. I love this. Yeah. Yeah. So you and then you sprinkle. Oh, remember that when you sprinkle a little playfulness into once you've learned that and really get that that's helpful. And if you still feel you might not get it, then it helps us sprinkle a little like playful flirtation pleasure fun, you know, just sprinkling some words like it would make me really happy or I'd be really happy if things like that. Yeah. Or like or like baby, I would just be like filled with love and appreciation if you could make me a grilled cheese sandwich right now. Well now you're making me hard. Exactly. And I'm not even in a relationship. I can't wait to practice. Yeah. Got it. Got it, girl. You practice that. You are golden. Well, you know, so five thousand things want to come out of my mouth right now. And so I'm thinking about Alice and Armstrong. You mentioned Alice and Armstrong. And I'm actually like have for ever been like halfway through the Queen's Code. So like I still haven't finished the book that's taking forever. But I get it. I get like what she's talking about there. So tell us a little bit about Alice and Armstrong. She has a powerful pioneer in the field of really truly relationships and and understanding men. I mean, her website is understandmen.com. And I studied with her gosh, almost probably 12 over a decade ago when I first got introduced to her work. I was really mad at the time like, why do I need to understand men? I can't understand us. I don't want to understand men. Exactly. I was like, you know, old, you know, no, they need to understand me. And I remember at the time, one of her trainers said to me, well, that's really great. I understand that. However, if you would actually like to be happy and enjoy your relationships with men, then it's up to you to do the work. Exactly. I was like, okay, that makes sense because I'll get through in that. So I really didn't help me. And her work has, you know, she's written many books, but she's also has courses much like landmarks. It's a training company. You're there's multiple different courses. She's added a lot more courses for men to take about understanding women as well in the last several, you know, years or more. And they're phenomenal. They really are phenomenal. And Ronald mentioned the hunter deer, the hunter deer. She talks from a place of human biology versus human spirit. And although we have evolved greatly in the human spirit realm, our biology has not hardly moved at all in the last several thousands of more years. And we default often to biological responses. And if we can understand them with our human spirit, we can make different choices. And the human spirit can continually evolve less. Just know that there are biological responses that happen and biological traits that come forward that were made for the survival of our species like hunter deer and gather and things like that gather the berries and whatnot. And when we can look at them from the eyes of spirit, we can have better relationships and more loving understanding and compassion for each other. I love that. Well, and so this is another thing that I really got out of landmark. And it's interesting because I've done a lot of these courses through the years. And I believe a lot of these courses pull from the landmark, whatever philosophy or whatever, because there seems to be these strings, right? These lines that run through all these different programs about, you know, like your past and the stories and blah, blah, blah, all that stuff. And so I'm thinking about how you start to see like your blind spot. right and like what you said about like why do I need to understand men? I need men to understand me like and how powerful is it when you finally have that like aha moment because I kind of feel like I'm pretending that I'm not like that but there is a part of me that's like oh god do I really need to like understand like why he's not calling and why then when he says this like the what does that mean and all that stuff and and yeah yeah that's a powerful place to be is to say like yeah I want to understand whatever the you know gender is that you're into it's like saying yes to understanding more fully that viewpoint so that then you can then you see yourself right like through that overstanding you start to see yourself more fully and how you're showing up in that context absolutely I mean what I got from the courses that I took from her was a deeper understanding of myself more than I even understood man I really got the dance of masculine and feminine and whether at the time I was not in a relationship either when I was taking those courses and I there was nobody I could just which I was grateful for because then I just I wasn't trying to just apply it to my man you know I got to really see it from a whole a holistic perspective and I got the depth of what masculine was and what feminine was and how I could even serve my own masculine and feminine within me as well as the dance of of that and the actual you know physical realm hmm I love that I love that and so what was it like for you to coming together in because I'm so intrigued by this like experience that we have right where it's like friends no problem you work through stuff whatever you don't get attached in the ways that you get attached when you're like bang and someone you know and then all of a sudden you start being sexual with someone and it's like it just shifts the energy and so like I love that statement of like okay we need to go into the friend box to work this stuff out what ways are you to what how is that evolved in your relationship to work with issues yeah so it's evolved a lot and let me set a pretense that are getting into relationship just to give you some more context and then we'll go right into that the moment you swap spit literally someone else's saliva and their cellular DNA and different aspects will remain in your body for up to 90 days and so they are gonna cycle in you for that time now if you go a step further and have more intimate relationships or have sex or you know those kinds of thing or orgasm or those things are involved there are a whole slew of new chemicals that get released in your body and then it clouds your ability to make just normal informed decisions like oh should I have a coffee or should I have some tea it becomes oh my god coffee the coffee or the tea oh there's so many different pieces that get put in there so that's a key piece and I think an important aspect to just keep in mind that the moment you go like Sierra's mother used to say you can never go back to holding hands so the moment that you choose to go down that road know that you are going to have a very difficult time discerning whether or not somebody's actually a good fit for you because the chemical the bonding hormones everything else gets released in your body and until you have your next bleed for a woman that's when they get released and and then it's your system resets but it's not 100% reset and I'll just say that the reason what for that is because back in the day woman would bond until they bleed because that may be the father you know the provider for their child and so the human chemistry would put them in bondage to that male until they knew whether they're pregnant or not if they weren't pregnant they were no longer in bondage to that to that male yeah so the question in the US was how has our ability to remain in the friendship box or communicator move through challenging issues changed over the years it's certainly gotten better and better and we've done a lot of our own deep personal work to become economous or you know developing awareness of how triggers or pieces show up and a huge one for us is a process that we developed called sacred space and I believe you're going to include a link for everybody if they want to download this guide it's it's a free support guide we want everyone in relationship or not in any relationship it's a communication tool for any relationship any relationship and you know get that read it share it talk about it like it's just a super helpful thing basically a huge core principle that has been developed in us over the years is something we call intention experience and in most of us go through life just going from experience to experience it's like experience experience experience I wake up okay I just had a wake up experience okay now I'm going to go have an exercise experience or I'm going to have a breakfast experience and then I'm going to get into my day and have that experience and I'm going to go to work and have that experience but very few of us get up and before we even get out of bed or open our eyes you know we're usually bombarded with a whole bunch of things we're like okay what is my intention for my morning practice or my morning ritual how do I want my morning to go or maybe even before you go to bed how do I want my morning to go what is my intention for waking up so that as I go to bed I'm very clear when I wake up what that experience is going to be and so what that does for Sierra and I is it when we were living as just experience experience people we oftentimes found ourselves in similar situations over and over again that caused heightened reactions or turmoil or stress or challenges to arise between us and when we finally were aware enough to recognize that these oh here we are again we're on our way to a party and we're stressing out about something why are we on our way to have fun and we're stressing out what's going on so we realized we're like how do we want our time from leaving the house getting in the car and arriving at the party how would we like that time to go how would we like it to be what what do we need in order to show up powerfully so that we're not stressed out in the car on the way there and I'm just I'm just kind of like making up one but like we did have that challenge for a while like on our way to camp I'd always be like I gotta get a camp I gotta get a camp and I'd be stressed out and she's like why are you so stressed out that we'd be like fighting on the way to camp can't be in our like like house up in upstate New York you call them camps but you know that everywhere else in the world they call them cottages or like houses yeah and so so simply by having an intention before we go into something it makes a huge difference and I'll just give you one more example like if you're going into a networking event or something like that as a business owner and you're you're wanting to network you can just show up there or you can be like okay how do I want to show up at this networking event what experience do I want to get out of it and and in what are the contacts or what's the end result that I want so that when you're showing up to something you have that experience so I'll pause there and see if you have any questions and we can go deeper if you want. Well yeah I mean I just I'm so loving this because setting an intention having a vision for you know what you want to create instead of just like being in the experience of it like oh I'm having this experience and I'm having that experience and then like yeah like you know something came up with my twin sister which look you want to you know fertile soil for transformation yeah come into the next life as a twin because I'm going to tell you what you have all these communication issues constantly like it's like you know I guess that's been I guess maybe my relationship right like through the years and we're planning I'm you know leaving New York today and going on this awesome summer adventure road trip for 10 days and heading up state and to your land up there like kind of sort of but not really but you know in that same vibe same vein the lake house is in New York which is if you you know if you've never been in New York state in the summer please do yourself a favor like come here it is a magical environment in the summertime in New York state so but yeah like we were talking about some details around it and like I was really excited and and I am excited but like I was like you know in that moment I was like feeling like oh I'm like just like the anticipation I'm like a real anticipation person which is something we're gonna talk about on another podcast because definitely want to talk about that anticipation energy but you know because for me it's all about the build-up right it's like even in Christmas time it's like if you if you like I'm a holiday person I love the holidays like I'm not religious at all but I love the energy and the celebration the environment of the holiday and the experience of the holidays and I realized the last several years that if I don't enjoy the build-up like if I fuck around and I don't enjoy between Thanksgiving and Christmas day like it's gone because Christmas day comes and then the 26 is just any other old day right so yeah so and it's the same thing with summer it's like I realized these last few years if I don't fully immerse myself in July and that it was more so maybe when my daughter was still in grade school and whatever because once August hits you're heading towards a school year like it's all about like preparing for the school year and like whatever so it's like if if I don't enjoy July I'm fucked like that's a story right but it's like you know I'm just I'm I'm saying it that way just to make a point so and I am making I'm trying to make a point and not saying something I love that clarification that you shared earlier Sierra so I we were prepping and talking about some plans and you know we're doing this birthday party because my twin sister and I our big sister and my daughter all have decade birthdays this summer so like 20 40 and 50 and so we're gonna have this big party And it's really not that dig of a deal, the party part. But we're going to have family over and stuff. But so we're talking about this and all of a sudden distress level went from like 0 to like 100. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what is going on here? Like, I want to feel good about this. Like, I am so excited to come home. Like, don't fuck with my anticipation. I'm really feeling this anticipation. And I want to keep feeling it, you know? So we found a way to work around it. We actually paused the conversation. And we revisited the conversation the next day, which was really powerful for us. And so like creating that space, right? But then what happened is the next day when we talked about it, is it was like, okay, so like, this is how I want to feel. Coming home and going to this festival and going to, you know, mom and dad's and, you know, like, this is how I want to experience it. Like, how do you want to experience it? What do you want to feel? And what do you want the experience to be like? And from that place, literally all the charge went away. Yes. And it was like, now we're getting somewhere with this communication piece, you know? And then Yellowport talks a lot, right, about like the display map and how do you want to feel in the experience of or as you're leading up to, like, what do you want to feel? How do you want to feel in that, in your choice to do XYZ? Yeah, that is key. That is one of the biggest ingredients in the manifestation process. And often people end up in the other place where you just talked about the stress and the worry and the concern and the, you know, they in between, which then, of course, makes it either manifest really poorly or not manifest at all, or, you know, you get there and you're not even in a place to enjoy it because you pushed so much funk into the space. Yeah, yeah, totally. Well, and so I'm just looking at the time. I know we're both kind of on timeframes today with everything we've got going on. And I'm like, we got into some juicy stuff here, but like we haven't even scratched the surface of juicy with you too. So like, definitely have to have you come again and record another conversation because you two are a dynamic duo in this world. You are this beautiful, powerful, magical blend of masculine and feminine dancing and, and journeying and, and experiencing and sharing and bringing community community together, opening people's hearts and minds and, and pussies and, you know, cockies and everything, you know, you're like, you're like opening, helping people across the globe open up in these really profound and magical ways. And what I wanted to share is just your bio before we sign off here. Just so everyone on the line, you know, can just get a deeper taste of who we're speaking with here today. So Rana and Sierra are often described as a dynamic duo. I did not read that before I said that. So it'd be absolutely, absolutely. And transformational force who have dedicated their lives work to supporting women and couples in awakening their highest potential and realigning their North Star to create greater success in life, love and spirituality. Sharing over 30 years of adventure together as friends, business partners, lovers, husband and wife, change agents, ceremony facilitators, pleasure provocateurs and ambassadors of fun, holler. Rana and Sierra help their clients transform, struggle, exhaustion and stress into flow, ease and the ability to effortlessly magnetize and manifest what they truly desire in life. Using their diverse knowledge, deep into it, of gifts and real life experiences, they offer a plethora of programs and life experiences through their company, life stylized. A bicostal based personal development company focused on lifestyle design, sacred ceremony and empowerment mentoring for women and couples. So tell us where can people find you online? Well, there's lots of places where you're parented down, but I would say our main site, which is very old and still very potent with the content and the offerings there, the very older in the process of figuring out if they're going to rebuild it or turn it to the ground. But for now, it's lifestyleized.com. Just L-I-F-E-S-T-Y-L-I-Z-E-D. Z-E-D-E-D-L-S-E-D-L-S-E-D-L-S-E-D-L-S-E-D-L-S-D. And then from that site, they can find them. We're about to say there's a site that we had created for a series called the Art of Love series with some really power players, like Ariel Ford and Mary and Williamson, all those big wigs, Allison, all those big wigs. But we have built this beautiful site called hotsexylove.com, which is a great place for-- that's where the Sacred Space guide, the process that we didn't really get into talking too much about. But we reference-- there's a step-by-step guide on how to create Sacred Space for all the single ladies out there. There's one of those single ladies. Oh, my single ladies. Thank you, Beyoncé. Good to hear you, Hands Up. [LAUGHTER] They can find Rana's 1, 2, 3 dating process, a slightly controversial, but super effective process for not losing yourself and dating and actually having the best time ever in doing that. So they can get that video. And then there's a few videos that I have recorded about where we tend to be. I kind of talked a little bit about it earlier in this interview, but ways that we might be repelling men, and where we might be too much in our masculine, and why that is, and how to get more playful. And fun. And so all those really fun, great resources are there. And that's hotsexylove.com. Yes. I mean, look, I'm just going to speak for myself. I want hot sexy love all day, all night, and all my life. So thank you, Beyoncé. Thank you for being the two of you, for being who you are, for following the energy, for listening, for tuning in, for universe guiding you to each other, and for just sharing so powerfully in this life, in this lifetime. The work you do is profound and transformational. It truly is. And I have been blessed to at least experience one ceremony with you guys, definitely looking forward to more adventures and amazing experiences with you. So you heard it here. Everyone who's listening, ignite intimacy, lifestyleize.com, hotsexylove.com, check it out. We'll have some resources in the show notes. And yeah, you heard it here. Rano and Sierra with Laura Ayesha on Ignite Intimacy. Thank you so much, you too. You're so welcome. Our pleasure. Our pleasure, thanks. Awesome. Well, our pleasure and your pleasure, and it's all connected. More pleasure. More pleasure for everyone. And stay blessed. And until the next time, we will see you on the line. Ciao for now. [MUSIC PLAYING] Give thanks for tuning in to another conversation on the Ignite Intimacy Podcast Hotline. We love that you choose to spend your time with us. Check us out online at Igniteintimacy.com and subscribe to us on iTunes. Also, tell your friends all about it. This beautiful music was arranged by Jason Faff and Mike Cory. And this podcast is produced by yours truly, Ms. La. Give thanks again, and we'll see you on the next one. In the meantime, let your light shine bright and ignite your intimacy.