Communication Is Hard Until You Structure Your Thinking First!

(upbeat music) - Hey, Tinees coming up on today's episode. - I'm engaged. (laughing) - This ring is the best ring I've ever seen in my entire life. - It's not so well. - It's my dream ring. - And more. - If you guys want to ever, you'd leave the house. I'd get it and I'd have a look at it. - We're both engaged at the same time. - I know. - The two tins, - Tine and art. - Oh, I'm actually feeling like I'm getting emotional. - We've gone through a lot. - We've gone through so much. It was just the best moment of my life. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) - Before we get into it, please subscribe to our YouTube channel at Wednesday's podcast. Enjoy the episode. - Tinees back on the poll. - Hi everyone, I'm Liz back from the poll. - She's back from the poll. - Yay! (clapping) - Are we lots of big? - You go, you go. - I never thought I'd be nervous to say this. I'm engaged. (laughing) (clapping) - We need to go out. - I can't believe it. (laughing) - Day far, - No, for being engaged. - Yeah, so happens. - Stretch. - On Wednesday, he proposed on my birthday. - Maybe you should tell the girl he's the whole spiel. - Yeah. - I'm like, how it happened? 'Cause no one's gonna know. - No, no, no, no, no. So this is my big moment. Oh my god, first of all, I'm like, so happy I can't quite believe it. I knew we'd get married and I knew he would propose in time but I really just didn't think realistically of me this year. So the whole thing completely threw me. And I think a lot of people have inclings or spidey senses and they kind of feel, I see a lot of videos on TikTok and Instagram being like, get ready with me whilst I think my boyfriend might propose tonight. - Wait, wait, wait, wait. I don't like these videos. - And I'm like, I watch them a lot. - I don't know why I don't. - I kind of think it's incredible, obviously, but I just like, that could not have been the opposite of what happened to me. Like, I just sat down from like coming home from the gym. Like it was my birthday. I had my very like average mundane morning routine as I always have. My boyfriend gave me a couple of really lovely gifts and we were doing really lovely, rooting cards. And I was actually got engaged in tears husband's t-shirt. - Swag. - Which sounds really weird. In J-T-shirt that like I bought from like years ago that's like my like, I liked tears. And I just had a shower, been to the gym, sat down on the sofa, we did gifts, we did presents, we did cards and it was such a nice morning. I was having my coffee. It was obviously my birthday. So I had a lunch with a couple of girlfriends in like an hour or two. And Gav goes, oh there's just one more thing in the bag. I've got one more thing for you. And I'm kind of like clearing up packaging and he goes, no sit down. And he comes out with a ring box. Because my brain was so far away from us getting engaged that I didn't see the ring box and put two and two together that he was proposing. So in my head I was like, oh my god, like you've got me a piece of jewelry or some earrings. Like that's so unnecessary. And then he sits down and he opens it. But he doesn't say. - Did he get all of my money? - No. That would have thrown you off 'cause I guess he did that would have initially been like. - You just sat next to me and opened the box on the sofa and doesn't say anything. So we're just staring at one another, right? And I'm at this point computing what's happening. So I'm now realizing, oh my god, this is everything I've literally dreamed of my whole life. He's proposing to me. And it's been a hell of a year guys. I've literally moved to Australia. And it's been a really crazy 10 years even with relationships and with men and with ups and downs. And like, oh my god, I actually feel like I'm gonna get emotional. And actually in that one moment I was like, oh my god, this is happening. And I love him and he's amazing. I'm gonna marry him. And it was just the best moment of my life. - It's a wee wee stupid to do that to say. - No, so I then go to him. I go, you ask. So are you asking me something? - Yeah. - She can pick me goes, you know what I'm asking you. (laughing) - Come on, just ask me. And then I didn't say anything. - Did she say anything? - Did she say yes? - I didn't say anything and then he goes, so is it yes, like will you marry me? - Oh. And I said yes I will. (laughing) - Give me the ring. - And I put it on and I was like, (laughing) and this ring is the best ring I've ever seen in my entire life. - It's so well. And I also do think for like, - And more. - Yeah. - It's the dream ring and more. - But honestly, - It's a proposal like at home. I know you got engaged at home. - It's not too special. - It was so low key in romance. - It was so special. - In fact, it was just us. No one was like head to toe glam, like down up like photo opportunities. It was so raw. It was so like special. And actually like I almost felt like I'd blacked out, like looking back like I know that you have your proposal recorded, which was just for you guys. And you can look back at that. I feel like Gav isn't very content savvy. No, he's great at what he does. But like he wouldn't have thought of like, I'm gonna record this moment. - No, you put it up in here. - Yeah. - So you've already forgotten. - At least you remember all the leader of him, like actually how he said stuff. - Oh yeah, I remember everything because there wasn't much that was said. (laughing) So it got to be honest. But one of the first things I said to him when I realized what was happening and I put the ring on and he said, "Well, you marry me." I think the first thing I said was to my parents, no. 'Cause obviously this is all happening in Australia. - That was one of my first thoughts with me. He told me I was like, "I'm wondering if I'm honest." - And he was like, "Yeah, I spoke to a parent." I actually spoke to him both last night and I spoke to them before and I asked people blessing and he said that my dad was really emotional. (screaming) I know. - When did he ask your dad? - I think a few days before and then spoke to them again the night before about what was happening. - Fine, so they were preps. - Yeah. And then, so he did it like half 11 a.m. Sydney time. So all my friends and family had just gone to sleep. So I also then just to add, so after we get engaged, grab goes, "Oh, by the way, I've got a laser appointment now." So I'm just gonna head to that, so I'll see you shortly. (laughing) - I'm dead. - I just need to do that. - And to be fair, it was my birthday and I was going to a lunch with a couple of girlfriends. So we then, he had to go to an appointment. I was going to have lunch with my friends, which was always the plan. And then I just sat in this idea. - No idea. - And I sat in this Uber on my way to the restaurant with no friends and family awake, hadn't told anyone, hadn't been able to speak to anyone. I was going to see my two close friends in Australia and I was like, "I've just got a hold out and wait to show them." And they were like, "What?" (laughing) "I'm sorry, come on." And then, Gav came and joined and we had some champagne and it was just like, "Oh my God, how lovely." - And then the whole of the UK woke up and then I felt like I got to relive it because it was on the table. - So I messaged you. - Yeah. - Happy birthday, Tim. I think it was at eight o'clock in the morning. - Yeah, I woke up. It just caused me straight away. And I was like, "I'm not expecting you to call me straight away 'cause it was your birthday." And I wasn't gonna call you on your birthday 'cause I should be doing stuff. And then she was like, "Hi." And I was like, "How are you, Matthew?" She was like, "And I'm engaged." (laughing) - What? - I screamed a chord and like, "Oh my close friends reaction. I've got such a good video of everyone." And honestly, Melissa looks absolutely. - I was like, like, "What has it ever done to be fair?" Everyone was like, "What?" Like, "What?" - You know when someone's like, about to get engaged and there's like, you murmur it to your friends and it like, surely it's gonna be this year. - Yeah, yeah. - That was not bad. - Absolutely not. (laughing) - To the point where Tim was like, "I thought probably next year, but I was hoping for it." - I was hoping for it. It would be next year, but obviously like so thrilled that it's happened. - We're so excited. - We couldn't be more buzzing about this whole situation. I can't stop looking at it. You know what's meant to? I've not even met Gav. (laughing) - I know. - How mentor? - Do I have met him? - Do you know what the other thing is? - He's about Gav, like obviously living in Australia and us like dating, is that like, there's no like, "Oh, do you want to just go for a drink?" It has to be like, "Oh, like, what you're doing next week, "can't you fancy going for a meal?" Because he's the other end of the world, quite literally 10,000 miles away. It's, everything has to be so pre-planned. And then it's Christmas and dates don't work. And then it's like summer holidays and everyone's so busy. So it's like, we actually do have time soon in the next two weeks. We've got both going to be in New Yorker. - So that's going to be amazing. And also what a lovely place to celebrate. - Yeah. - How are you? - I can't wait to eat him. - You'll be on say. - He said that word, yeah. - Yeah, so when we got on the plane, I can't remember how it was said, but Gav said to me, "Oh, this is very traveling to London." He was like, "Because my fiance's family lived there." And I was like, (laughing) "In our toolkit wedding room." - I feel so grown up. I feel like a child bride. - I'm like 31. - I feel like a teen bride. - I do just need to grow up. - And this is just what happens. But I'm like, oh my god. - You're a lovely age. - I also just feel like so excited that like, he's my life partner. Like he is the best guy in the world. - So wonderful. That's sort of how really-- - And we have the best time together. And I just think he's the coolest person I really do. - I know. - Oh, that's so cool. - Okay, cheers. Also like we're both engaged at the same time. - I know. - And I think I told you, yeah, I did on the part about it was like, I was the same like five days out of engagement on the board. And I surprised you the day off. - It was the best time out. - It was like the same thing. - What can we call this? - Yeah, can we name it like? - Is the Tim's take. - There's nothing to you about our wedding. - Like Tim takes. - The two Tim's, Ty the Noth. - The two Tim's Ty the Noth. - Wow. - I've never had this. Two besties engaged anywhere. - I've never had the same time. - Actually that's untrue. - Oh no, I've never had it. - I've never known anyone. - But I can think of two best friends engaged at the same time going through it. I can just think of Timothy. (laughing) - So bad. - Tim, Timothy. Who's gonna be Timothy and who's gonna be Tim? - I think I'm Timothy and I think you're Tim. - Also I'm not Tim. You're just renamed him. It's very confusing. Ruby's the original Tim. - Tiny Tim from Scrooge. - Yes. - With a broken black. (laughing) - How appealing. - And Sophie gave Ruby that name. - She started it. - And then everyone got hooked on it. - And then Ruby just said. - She was so desperate to tell me why it was Tim. Tiny Tim just said, you know from Scrooge. That's you. - I was like, why? - Where did she call that from? - I can't stop hearing it's actually outrageous. - We're at lunch and I was like, I can't listen to unnoticed on me anything you're talking to me about 'cause I'm just can't stop like he looked at it, it's ho-a-me-sa. - He's done really well. - It's an actual rock on your hand. Like it's amazing. (laughing) - Did he look peckable too? - No, what you wanted. - Yeah, we'd spoken about getting engaged, getting married, our future, what that looks like. Like we knew it would happen in time and he always asked me what my dream ring would be. Also what he likes, he's got a really great eye. He's really loves fashion art and has appreciation for it. I felt like a lot of men don't have. I always knew I wanted something really simple and really classic and I kind of wasn't entirely sure on shape necessarily. I like the oval, which is what I have. And I like that I do have a really thin band, like quite holy bee burrass. - Yes. - And then toyed with yellow gold. I don't, he's just like, so he had-- - He shouldn't have gone wrong with what he's done. - No, it's a massive gorgeous oval on the gold band. - And we said like one big dime. - Yeah. - Oh no, it's very simple band and that's exactly what he's nailed. - And it's fucking funny. - And I feel so lucky and it's perfect. Like I can't fault her. - And this has been in the works since like Christmas. - Yeah, Christmas, really. - I don't know. I don't know how these boys keep that to themselves and don't let it slip. - He said, he said, he said, he said to me, he goes, whenever you'd leave the house or you were away, I'd get it. - Wait, so he'd had it, it was made already. - No, I think it was only made in the last few months. I think it got like-- - Fuck, that's a long time to have to keep it in the house. - I've had it for a good few months in the house before he proposed. - And he was waiting for my birthday. And he would like just have a sit down and have sit with it for a bit. - And I was at the house. I need to have a little learn. He said he would always have a look when I was gone. - I'm probably just practice just a-- - I'm not getting to what Toby used to do. - Yes, all the videos of Toby. But Toby fully got down on one knee. - Yeah. - Which is the traditional way you do it. - Did Gav just black out on this? I didn't even think about how I was gonna do it. - He said he wanted to do whatever felt natural to him. And it was in that moment felt like-- - Also, because you didn't actually know what was in it into the box's own. - He said he was noticing disbelief life. (laughing) He had never. I guess if he'd got down and you would have been like, I could hear you while promoting and then it would have been open. But because you opened it and you would have been like, "It was a kind of opening day." I loved it. (laughing) - I was like, "Kee-hee-hee." - Like, "Hey, you like it." - Oh my god, I wish I had a video of this moment. I would love to see it. - What are you gonna do for your wedding band? You know, 'cause I've something like, even though I'm like day five engaged, I'm like, "I wonder what I'll do." - And he has to have like a gap in it so I can like click in. - Yeah, almost like shape under. - Yeah. - No, it's not a great. I quite like it. I prefer the look of an engagement ring without a wedding band around it. - That's the thing I'm like, I think it's way she-ker. But I think it's she-ker to say my wife than my fiance. - Yeah, fiance can be a bit. - There's something a bit, I almost feel like I'm boasting and I feel embarrassed like I'm showing off. - Yeah. - So I just say boyfriend. - Do you? - I can't bring myself to say fiance. - I can't. - I have been saying it, but I don't know if it's 'cause I'm just day four or five. - I've never said it in my life. - Oh really? - I can't bring myself. But I can't wait to say husband. I think that's really cool and I think it's really chic. - Yeah, I agree. - But I think it's cool to just have an engagement ring. It's no wedding band. - I think it's because it's like a topic of conversation. - I think being engaged is just so fun and how like- - It just feels like young. - Young, yeah, yeah. - Whereas marriage I just think if I'm her has even married 30 years. - Yeah, so happy marriage. - So happy marriage. - It's where at least a couple of years away. - I've had planning a big wedding. And I honestly can't wait. - I don't think it would be that big. - I don't think we'll have that many people. I think we'll do close. - I think we'll do close. - You say that, but when you add up your close friends and your family and then here's in my mind, I'm like, let's have a small wedding. And Toby's like, what's that? And I'm like, like 50, 60 people and he's like, "K, that's just your friends." I'm like, exactly. Let's just have it married. - But it does like when you add in both people. - Yeah, family is friends. - You then soon get to like 120 people. And then all those close friends always have and boyfriend. - I don't know if you have it. - And the region of 150. - Wow, okay. - It's a solid, nice number, I think. - Can't send out the save dates, yeah. - I can't believe we're gonna have a, your wedding's gonna fly by. Like it's actually not that long, is it? - Yeah, we were just talking, we need to get Ruby's Brick, Brice, Mastro, ask for cash. - Yeah, we're trying a lot. - When I'm doing my like, try on day. - Not gonna leave it there. - Timmy's not gonna be here, so we're gonna try and do it for. - Yeah, we've got like a couple of options, haven't we? - Also like you could just choose it online. Like you could choose your save. - I love the whole idea, like, - Trying it on and getting the car. - Yeah, no you're right, getting the car. - If I can, I'd much rather do that. - Yeah, fair. - It makes it more of a thing. - It just makes it more of a thing. We can make a day out of it, like we can lunch before. And like, it's also that makes me feel like I'm like, supporting you. - You're making a part of that. - As well, rather than me just ordering it online, like I'm doing it with you. It's all sister made of honor. - She is. - So nice. - But like, I've told everything I would like to have. - Mm-hmm. - And then she's like a UK to have a few surprises. And I'm like, absolutely. - Ah, I feel like, I'd be like, yes, give me all this right. - But I don't want anything, I've banned pink. Someone wants to wear pink fine. I don't want any themes. Avail for myself is great. And then we call it a day then. Like just not everyone to be like dressed up vibes. - I like that. - I kind of like the idea of like, boozy dinner then turns into a party. - I love that. So do I. But like also like, if it happens, I don't like the idea of all this pressure like all have to go out at midnight. Like when you read schedules like that, it makes my heart twitch a bit. I also don't want anyone to feel like they have to do anything. Love me planning a hendu like, well, I know. - I want it to kind of go with the flow a bit. Like obviously you need reservations and things. But like, I don't want it to become this like, hectic schedule. - I will say though, at Sophie's hand, we did go out once. - No, we were all tired of it. - We were. - We were. - We were. - So bad at the whole. - I had so much. - You and I fell upstairs coming back home. But walking to our room, we fell up the stairs, walking back. - I've never been so consistently drunk. Actually, you know that sound like the other week. I was in Andorra, I was consistently drunk. But like. - Sophie's was so fun and we went out. But like it wasn't like the wildest thing ever. Do you know what I mean? - Yes. - It was fun and we were boozy and it was, and we were out. - So it wasn't hungover. - Yeah, because we just kept drinking. - Yeah, maybe that's why. - I just felt consistently like the right amount of piss throughout the whole thing. You know, there's some really annoying days, not that everything's about drinking. But there are some days where you, the alcohol doesn't hit and you feel like you're tracking back and nothing's happening. And you're like, it's just not hitting me in the right way and I'm over it and I want to go to bed. 'Cause it's just not feeling right and I don't want to drink anymore. That didn't happen. It was like every drink, the hard greens and the champagne just went to my house so evenly. It was like day one of the hen and Lucia, who's one of Georgia's friends, who's so great, so funny. - This woman is fucking tonight. I can't even describe. - Oh, no, we forgot her. She's sitting down. - I saw her on TikTok. - Same with all of her everywhere. - She's so beautiful. - Me, so it's down, she goes, "I have a hard greens on the champagne." - No, we're actually ordering coffee. This is like 9 a.m. everyone's like, "I'm starting the day nice and civilized. I'll have a hard greens of champagne please." It was so like classy. - The way she's doing. - And so dead panzeria. - Dead panzeria. - I don't forget either of them. - It sent us into like an oblivion of hysterics. I don't think we were covered for the whole day. - Her due was so good. It was so fun. - It was really good. - And actually we was such a large group that I'm always, I remember getting, I was 22, I remember thinking like, "Oh my God, I'm nervous because there's so many people." But actually did just work, didn't there? - It was fine. And there was like, you know what? Not too much of like a big group, all know each other and then a few on the side. It was sort of like pockets of two or three, or four. And actually a lot of us knew and had integrated so many times before anyway. So actually worked. - But it is quite hard merging friendship groups sometimes. - Yeah, it's like a birthday. You know, when you have a birthday and you're inviting everyone from all different walks of life. And you're like, "Oh my God, are they all gonna get on?" But then over the years, as time goes by and you do those birthdays every year, it is, you do see the same people. - That's true. - So it becomes a bit easier. So by the time you get to ahead and hopefully, you kind of all know one another. - Yes, that's true. - Okay, should we go into some dilemmas? (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) - Dilemma one. Hi girls, my ex and I broke up in February. We loved each other, but one of our biggest issues was that his anxiety around commitment. - Oh my God, you're talking about me. - He cared about me, but first stopped him from fully stepping into the relationship in the way I needed. Since the break up, we haven't actually been in touch, which gave us both proper space. We've actually started seeing each other again at social events and that's brought us back into each other's lives. So you must have like a lot of mutual friends. - Yeah, neither of them, same friendship group. - During that time apart, he started therapy and his lot of work on himself. He now wants us to get back together and he said he's 100% sure. (sighs) - I've had the story before. - He's been very clear that he sees a future with me and he has spoken seriously about marriage. There is also a four year age gap. He's 26 and I'm 30. And I do wonder whether the part of the issue is simply timing and maturity. Part of me truly believes things could be different this time. We've agreed that if we do try again, it would be very slow and honest conversations first. But how do I know and given someone a second chance is right versus repeating old patterns. And how should families and friends opinions matter when some are supported, but others are protective after seeing how hurt I was. I really would love some advice. - Oh gosh. - We've both got back with X's. I've got back with Toby. - And I actually got a ring on it. - I guess it's like, you kind of just have to go with your gut and intuition slightly. And if you really love him and think that he's changed and that you're gonna. But does he need to change if he's having relationship anxiety? That's like something they will have to over carbonobacter who he's with. - Yeah, true. - It's not like he's been a dick. - No. - It's just something that I'm harder. - I know. I know. - Sometimes it's easier when someone's been a dick, isn't it? - Yeah. - Because you can kind of just go cold turkey and cut them out and process things differently. I mean, I guess there's no harm in trying because otherwise you're just gonna continuously think, what if, like, and then you wanna watch him move on if you don't give him a chance to, and like, you'll always be thinking about this guy that, like, wanted to do back and you had this great relationship with and you loved, but he wasn't ready. And I think timing is so key and important. I guess like, with four years age gap of your 30, you probably just wanna check that you're like, wanting the same things. - In the same time. - In the same time. Not that that has to happen, like, right here and now, but, like, you're on the journey to, like, wanting the same things with one another. Also, like, this anxiety thing will probably come and go. And it's probably nothing to do, like, if it's the same sort of situation as, like, what Toby had, like, it was actually nothing to do with the relationship, but because it relationships, like, the one thing that's like closest to you, it's like, when someone's in a bad mood, you take up the person closest to you, you then sort of cling it onto that, like, oh, maybe it's this, it's the issue. And then actually, you find out it's not, this issue's gonna follow me around, like, wherever I go. It's difficult when you've got, like, family and friends giving so much opinion, but at the end of the day, like, he's not, like, been an awful guy. I think you should give him a second chance, but I would really make sure that he's at a stage where, also, it might be hard when you get back together. Like, Toby and I, I would say the year after I was getting back together was fucking hard. 'Cause, like, ultimately, he was still going through so much, like, relationship anxiety. And I was like, you know, I was sput being with me again. He was like, kind of, yeah. Like, I know it's not you. I know it's not our relationship, but the angler's part of me is just going, yeah. And you have to kind of, like, not take it personally. Which is easier said than done when. So hard. But also, there's, like, a slight resentment from you, I'm assuming, 'cause it's like, well, you've broken up with me. I've got that, but you, like, how do I know you're not gonna do it again? But, like, you're, you're also taking a risk, 'cause you're, like, I love you. But, I, and I want this to work. So, I'm gonna, I'm gonna be with you, because I believe that the outcome is greater than, like, the anxiety. But you just want him to come back for all the right reasons, which is, I need to be with you, I want to be with you, I want to build a life with you, and I've made a mistake. And I want to get through this shit. Yes, with you. And people go through things, and people break up, and people get back together, and then they spend a lifetime together, and they have never been happier, and they needed to go through that breakup to realize that they're meant to be with one another. Yeah. And I guess you don't know until you try. Do you really? And you might be always thinking, what if? Yeah, which is the last thing you want to do. So, I. So, if you give it another go, and it's another six to nine months of you dating him, it doesn't work out, you'll then be like, I am done. Yeah, I've done. Yeah, I tried. Yeah. I think that's what you do. Okay, love you so much. Good luck. But I know what it's like. I do. I can really relate. So, good luck. Okay, dilemma two. Okay, right. Hi, girls. I genuinely cannot believe I'm writing this in, at my big age of 26, but here we are. Girls, my friend has started dating my ex. Don't like this. Don't like that. I feel like I'm losing my mind, literally, real life, Amanda, and Kiar, from the summer house. Okay, I haven't watched this, but Georgia Haboo has told me about it. So, I kind of know what you're referring to here. For context, she knows the full history, and he she's still me, and it literally broke my heart. She'd heard me unpack that whole relationship's more times than I can count. So, this isn't an, oh, I didn't realize you'd mind situation. She knew it would hurt me. I've already confronted her about it, and somehow I came out of the conversation, feeling like I was the crazy one. She got defensive, gave me the whole, we just connected speech, and basically implied I should be happy for her. The worst part is, I didn't even want him back. It's the principle. It's the fact of every man in the city, sounds like, um, it's like a city. Every man in the city, she picked the one she knows I have history with. It's the audacity. It's the girl code violation of the century. And other words, that of this. Now I'm stuck because we have the same friend group, and I don't want to be the one who made it weird, but she is the one who made it the weirdest first. Am I overreacting, or is this as insane as I think? And how do I exist in the same group, chat as hell without losing my mind? - Okay, I think this is different. I mean, firstly, it sounds really quite awful. I think you need to weigh up, like how close is this friend to you? Like, if she sounds like she's one of your close friends, which sounds awful. And then like, also, I guess like, he obviously sounded like a very significant part of your life, like how long were you with him for? I guess it's not always a timestamp thing, like even like if it was only a few months, you obviously meant a lot. - It depends on what your feelings are now. - Yeah. - I think it's very easy to look back and be like, at the time he meant so much to me, and I keep breaking my heart. But now, do you still love him? - Yeah. - Do you want to be with him? - Does he still make your heart ache? And does he just tell me how when you're around him, blah, blah, blah. If it's like, oh, I kind of get a bit of nervous and butterflies purely because back to his mind, I don't know, because I actually have feelings for him. I honestly would just fucking let it go. Like if you don't want to be with him, - Then don't. - Good red ends. - Honestly, like, I do get it. It's obviously against girl code. But like, if you've moved on from it, I wouldn't get hung up. I wouldn't let his hair problem now. - I agree. I think that like if you really don't want to be with him, like what's the point of almost wasting your time and energy, like stressing and worrying about a situation. It's like, but you don't want him in your life as much as you can look back with like, fond memories and like, whatever happened with you guys happened. But then do you think it would change the dynamic? So if you forget him, you're over him and you don't want him, would it change the dynamic between you and your girlfriend? Like would you be like, so tell me everything, like, how's. - I know you mean, like, - Make it a bit awkward probably at first. - Would it be if you had to jump, try and just jump over that stage? - Yeah. - But there is like, I guess it's frustrating when he's used on you. He's been an asshole and he's pulled on your heart during so much and you're like, no, you're gonna do it him really. - I don't know, I'm looking at this from so many different angles. Because I'm looking also Sophie and Jamie like, Sophie was good friends with Jamie's ex and then look at how wonderful and happy. And Jamie was good friends with Sam. - True. - So I'm like, you have to just be happy for people. And then they can. - I want it Cliff, I'm like, I hope you marry her. - Exactly. - So I think if you actually. - I agree with you. - Do you know what I do? - I do agree with you. - I think you're more annoyed because you feel like you should be. - Yeah, I agree. - Like, I get, he was a dick. Just be like, I do think that you shouldn't have gone for my ex, however, I'm gonna be happy for you guys. But I do think it's worth losing your mind over and people, it will just divide the group. And I think you just, that's the way, it's easier for you if you just, and you're gonna have a better time being okay with it than making an issue out of it. - Good luck, babe. - Good luck. - I feel like I'm really anti-girl code with that. - No, I do know what I really actually, I agree with you. I think we are all conditioned that way. And I hope for her sake that she has actually moved on anyway. 'Cause it doesn't sound like he was very good to her. - Good luck. - Please tell us, like, what happened? - If any drama on Vales throughout this whole thing. - I wanna know. - But yeah, same. - Love you. - Love you. - Thank you so much Tim for coming on. Love you Ruby and I love your ring. (laughs) - Thank you, Beau, for passing us the lesson. - Thank you for having me. - That's the best time. (upbeat music) - That's it for this week Wednesdays, but God, don't you just fancy some more Melissa? - Yeah, I'd really love a follow-up to some of those dilemmas. I wanna know what happens. - Well then, Tynese, we have got some news for you. We have launched a premium version of Wednesdays. Now, lesson. Subscribe is get access to the podcast, AdFree. With bonus episodes, it's pretty amazing. It's also packed full of Dylan the follow-ups, which we love, and some of our more personal stories and recommendations. - And it's super easy. You just listen on your favorite app. - How cool does that? - Amazing. And all the info is in the episode description and in our Insta bio.