152: Comedy Puppy Mill with Rich Aronovitch | Soder Podcast | BONUS

Hey, everybody. Thanks for watching the podcast. I am on the road building this new hour. I also last podcast, I think I screwed up. I am at the Hartford Funny Bone September 18th and 19th only Friday and Saturday only four shows Hartford Funny Bone tickets at Dan Soder.com. Then in October, I'm going to be at Cusadas in Albuquerque. That's Friday and Saturday, the second and the third of October Cusadas in Albuquerque. If I'm saying that wrong, I'll probably punch myself in the balls later when I find out. But Dan Soder.com for all dates. Thanks for watching the podcast and I hope you're doing all right. We just start recording and I'm interested in this. So let's fucking get into it. How old are you? I know you're not supposed to ask a woman her age. Don't ask me my age. I'm not supposed to ask a woman her age. Is it recording? Yeah. I'm not telling you my age. Oh, then cover the mic and then we'll record. Oh, you're old. Yeah. Yeah, you're old. That's why your shoulder hurts. Yeah. You can't do physical shit anymore. I have two young kids. How young? Two and five. Oh, brother. You gotta do a lot of lifting. All day, every day, baby. This is not the problem. It's just when I like this, this motion. Yeah. 15 seconds of debilitating fire. Like, ah, did you lose it in front of your kid? Oh, I've lost him in front of my kids. I mean, when you threw it, were you like, ah, and then your kids like, why is dad? Why is, why is Papa so weak? Yeah. Yeah. Why is my, why is my Papa so Zeta? Yeah. Oh, what a bitch. What a delta. Yeah. That's so funny. Yeah. Hey beta bro. I'm the dad now. Yeah. I'm the dad now. No, um, I don't, I think I did, but I don't think he noticed cause he was too busy. Like, like, you know, spasm. Yeah. He was, he was all over. Are you, so you have two kids, two boys or two boys, two boys. So the thing about what we were talking about, about them calling you like a beta or whatever. Do you know the thing about like, this is always a dynamic I found interesting about if it's like, if you lose a fistfight to your son when he's a teenager, he then kind of becomes the alpha of the house. I'm interested about that. Like if you fought your son and he lost, and then you're just like, even if I lost, yeah. Like, let's say your kid, we're talking about, so your shoulders way worse now. This is like, well, this is like, we're talking. Yeah. 13 years from now. Okay. 13 years from now. Yeah. And he's, he's 17 or something. 18. Oh yeah. Comes home drunk and you're like, well, are you being, or whatever the thing is then, you know, it's not going to be drunk. Yeah. Whatever the fuck they're getting hot. He's going to be sniffing chips. Yeah. Sniffing chips. I did a rail of Lays BBQ. Yeah. And he comes home high on chips, chipped out. Chipped out. Dude, totally. You could see the Cheetos under his nose, that orange dust. Yeah. He looks like that. Your wife is crying and you're like, look what you did to your mother. And then he gets into it and you guys square up. And the next thing you know, metal taste in your mouth. You're picking yourself up off the ground. How do you go about that? First, I get rid of the braces. Second. Yeah. Um, how do I go? That's, that's a, like, imagine that. Cause you go like, like, yeah, but then you go like rubbing your chin and being like, go to your room. Yeah. But then you go, okay, cool. Um, so you better figure out how to feed yourself because ultimately I have all the power. Good. You want to be how you get the power. Oh, you want to live? You know what you do? And I work and get out of my house. Exactly. And I'm not a father. I can't speak on this. I haven't been through this, but if you're a dad at home and you lose a fight to your kid, you got to kick them out. You got to change a lot. You have to remove them. You immediately go. It was nice being your father. Yeah. And, um, you're done. You're out. You can't go your whole life sitting with your back to the wall, like facing the door, like an old sheriff. You have to like kick him out. You have to remove. Yeah. That's where like, this is where that soft parenting have to come in. Hey buddy, it hurts me more than it hurts you. Hey bud. Yeah. You knocked the shit out of me. Hey buddy, you know what? You're going into this room to have one of those talks after he just absolutely one, two, one. And then you're like, Hey bud, first off, I want to say that right hook's really coming along. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And he's just Tyson. Like, yeah. Yeah. He just like, yeah, you were a little girly noises, but now Tyson's like now he's like old. So he does the like, yeah, he does. He does a little more of this. I do want the shirt, you know, Kith Kith. Have you seen the one with Mike Tyson on it? It says Kith. I want that shirt. I want that shirt bad. I might buy that after we do Kith is expensive though, right? I bet it's, I bet it's on pimps. Should I say yes. He knows about fashion. It's a lot. Why is it? It might be my treat to myself after I filmed the special Mike Tyson. When Kith holding two pigeons. Dude, holding two pigeons. Kith. They're holding the kids. I told Shane he should get into pigeons. I told him that should be his thing. Kill us. Yeah. When he moves back here, just have a whole thing on the roof where he's like, you don't understand about pigeons. What I love about them is that they always return. Yeah. You got to understand something about pigeons. Loyal. Yeah. When he pets them and they're like, yeah, dude, you got to understand. Do you know, I was in the morning, I was walking my kid as you do when they don't sleep. I walk, I walk my hairy ass bitch too. Yeah. It was like five in the morning and a van pulled up with a huge net and captured, I would say 30 pigeons. That's what those that's for experiments. Is that what that is? That's for experiments. Dude, it was so creepy. I was like, I yelled like, Hey, like what was I going to do? And also it's pigeons. It's pigeons. There's like, there you go. You're little rats with wings. Yeah. You kind of go, we don't respect you on the food chain. Yeah. I want to love an animal. Yeah. It's like not answering a text to a guy that owes you money. You go, I don't feel bad. You owe me money and you're kind of a shithead. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I answered. Right. Yeah. That is. Oh, do you ever get the, like the guys that are filled with motives are always like, you need an opener. You need someone in your house. So then when they text you, you're like, Oh, that's the business, baby. That's the business. But doesn't have a, I just, I just try to this I've worked on in therapy for 14 years. Boundaries. Yes. Which sometimes helps people. Yeah. That's okay. That's you really do it. Yeah. I really do. I really have like, I used to be such a boundary list slut that you could just come into my life and be like, give me that. And I'd go, will you like me more? And I'll go, I'm a people pleaser. That was scratch the itch. My biggest regret of my twenties was how much of a people pleaser I was, how much of, of like, Oh, if I do this, you're talking to somebody who stayed at ha. Yeah. Dog ha comedy. Are you kidding me? Holy shit. That place was so mean to everybody. I know. And I was like, but I get seven shows a night. That's what it was. But you know what? In your defense, I did that with, um, remember the world next to Broadway. Do you remember that era where they had the show room? That guy, Aaron ran it. We'll edit that out. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I didn't realize we were about to talk. This is going into. Yeah. We'll just do it. Yep. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry. One of those things where it shows me with the, no, no, no, no, don't worry. You don't know. I see full legal names all the time on this shit. That's the master of editing. Um, that was like, ha, that was a little bit better version of ha. So to explain to people that don't know, uh, there is a level of hell and comedy in New York city that is ran by people who truly do not care about the art form or the people trying to do it. They don't care about standup. They are literally running a puppy mill of a standup comedy. It is a puppy mill. It is like, dude, I remember. Can I just give you the best example of what you're talking about? Yeah. I was getting a heckler. We're going to talk about the depths of hell. The depths of hell. So they used to, they had to, they begged the people to come in. They didn't, they didn't. They're all barked. We're talking about clubs that are barked. Yeah. They literally barked it. And if you don't know what barking is, if you visit New York, I'll give you an example. Hey guys, we had a great comedy show tonight. We got Robin Williams, Joan Rivers, and, um, and Jerry Lewis come see the show. And I've had Lewis on who did that. And I've like explained, I've, you know, I've explained. Lewis is different. He's a hustler who cared about the art form. That is true, but he lied still. Oh yeah. But he did. Yeah. I agree with you on that. I mean, skank fest is in the Bahamas this year. Yeah. It's fire festivals. It's in that same location. They're saying it's New Orleans. It's not, it's not in New Orleans. It's actually, no, I'm kidding. It's in New Orleans. Have you bet? It's great. I've never, I want to do it. But I don't know. I, you know what I think happened and we'll go back to the second. I was on a cruise where I was, I was touring with edit this out. Uh, it actually doesn't matter. Jim Brewer at the time. And, uh, before he kind of got a little wacky. Sure. I know everyone was left alone too long. Yeah. Yeah. Before exactly. He was left alone too long. And then all of a sudden, dude, so many, so many comics just went, so many comics got left alone too long and you went, Oh shit. Have you ever let, have you ever left like milk or ranch out of the refrigerator by accident? That's what COVID did to a lot of people. And in the kitchen you go, I left the fucking, I can't have that. That'll hurt me now. And I love Jim and I still love Jim, but he has like, he's like, are those clouds or all those in are like, Oh, come on, Jim. So, um, so before this, like when he was just super friendly and we were out, we did, um, ship rocked and he brought me on. And then these guys before they blew up, we're like podcasting and someone talking about big J Lewis and Dave. And I was on a podcast with them and someone, I won't say who me made an AIDS joke. And one of these. musician's brother had died of AIDS, walked up and thought it was Big Jay and threw wine at his face. Oh, my God, you're the reason that Three Doors Down or Three Days Grace and the Legion of Skanks hate each other? Yes. I'm going about that. I was very public in that beef. We were on the bonfire, like, yo, fuck Three Doors Down. Is it Three Doors Down or Three Days Grace? It's some monkey-looking bassist guy. I want to text Jay because we talked about it a lot. Dude, they all went to fight. We don't have to edit that out. They all went to fight. That was because of you. But he thought it was Jay who said it, and it was me. I made some age joke, and then I was like, I can't fight because I can't get kid off. I make Jim look bad, and I can't fight because I'm not. That's me. It was Three Days Grace. And then three, I'm like, but there's a show going on in an audience. So I was like, I kept podcasting by myself. Oh, that's so funny while the fight happened. So I think that this is maybe in my mind because I'm a mind reader, and it's never good. But I'm like, that must have been the day they're like, fuck that guy. Yeah. He should have fought with us. I can understand. Oh, fought with them. Yeah. That is more skanks mentality. Yeah, that should have been. You should have. You should have thrown down with them. Yes. Yes. And I was like, I love these guys, and I've known them for a long time. But I can't get Jim in trouble. Can I tell you that's my- That's probably why it is. And I understand that. And I think if you gave that clarity to Lewis that you were like, dude, I was pretty much a guest of another guy on the boat, and I didn't want- This is so many years ago. Do you know how crazy it would be to be like, listen, something's been bothering me. Do you remember stuff I brought up to Lewis from 2009? Oh, we're good then. I'm going to call him after this. Lewis will be like, doggy, don't worry about it. It was fucking hilarious. Come on, let's talk about it. Like, come on, go on Real House Podcast and tell us. I think- I would do it. Because I will tell you, that is why I love Lewis so much. Because he is my one friend that I have zero doubt that if shit went down, I would look behind me and Lewis would be ready to fight. Of course. Like, without even hesitating, I go, well, Lewis is behind me. In fact, a lot of cases, like Nate's joke that he did on Conan, a lot of times you have to stop Lewis. From fighting everybody. Yeah. That's the problem. It's not, will he get my back? It's, oh, no, he's in the front and he's leading and he's punching people that have no involvement in the situation. Lewis, the guy just cut me off in Starbucks and then realized I was in line. Dude, I have been in so many goddamn situations where all of a sudden Lewis will go, this fucking guy. And you go, what? Yeah. You know, like you look down at your phone for a second and you go, who are you fighting? He's literally like when you're in traffic. And you look down and then all of a sudden all the cars like, oh, that's Lewis. But he's the man. I fucking love that guy more than I want to. A lot of the times. Yeah. It's annoying how much you like him. I love him. I just, I fuck. And you know what? He'll like have me mad. And he talked, we talked about this on the regs. He'll have me mad to the point where he'll know I'm mad and he'll call me. And within three minutes, I'm fine. He's like, what are you fucking? We just like the phone, the phone answers. And we go like. And then he goes like, no, why are you mad? And you're like, oh, yeah, I'm not mad. It's so funny. It's so funny that I know when I'm mad at Lewis that within three minutes, I'm not going to be mad. And then I go like, it's like being hangry. You know, when you're angry and you go, I'm hangry. I act like this because I need to eat. And then you eat and you go, oh, fuck. He's also like your abused puppy. So, you know, you're like, all right. Yeah. Just put the put the toy down. But I didn't know you were the three days grace. I didn't know you three doors, three doors. Yeah. Three doors down to Superman. Three days. Great. So, right. So, you know how someone like. And his brother did just die of AIDS. I think so. I kind of didn't know that. That does shift the situation. I didn't know that. Like, I just made some. Because also, if you're dying of AIDS in 2026, that is tragic. It wasn't 2026. Oh, this is like 2015. This was right when we started the bonfire. This was before they were anything. Yeah. So, this is. Because we talked about it again on the bonfire. Like, so 2014 or 2015. Because it might have been 2013. I'm holding on to this. This is over 10 years. I need to go to your therapist. Yeah. It's great, man. I think every human being should go to therapy. Drop that better help ad. Right there. Wait. Where's better help? No. It's just like a thing. Better help is like a. Oh, that's. Drop that better help sponsor. But back to like losing a fight to your kids. So, yeah. So, wait. No. So, then. Okay. That was whatever that is. Now, ha. This is the story. Oh, ha. We got to talk about fucking ha. So, here's how it's happened. So, there was. There was a guy named Exine who. I remember Exine. He was like Nuprin. Little. Yellow. Different. Yeah. That's right. That was. But that's a joke that will not land. Is he alive still? He's such. I don't know. Hopefully, you're good. I think he might be still alive. Good for him. But it's probably not going well. I don't know. He was very. He was always very nice to me. He's. He was very nice. He had. He was. He had some wild stories. But he was. So, let me. So, okay. So, he brings me. So, when you go to comedy clubs. I just want people to know this. What's crazy about these levels of comedy clubs we're talking about. The ha. And what the world was. Was. It was like. Finding someone buried in a mine. Where you would like. Go down these stairs. And you would see a comic that you hadn't seen in like two years. And you'd be like. This is where you've been. Yeah. Like the light. When they splash on him. And they're like. They're like. Help. Yeah. I'm looking for the canary. Get me out of here. Does anybody know anyone at Stand Up New York? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Who books. Gladys. Heard there's a new room where Sal's Comedy Hole was. Sal's Comedy Hole. Oh, yeah. Perfect example. Another one. So, this was. Brother, I was born in the darkness. Moved by. I came up through all that shit. Oh, yes, baby. I know. They hated me. And I couldn't. They wouldn't give me spots. Really? Yeah. Well, look who's doing better now. Suck my dick, Francisco. You fat fucking hack. They wouldn't give you spots? Really? Yeah. You gotta work for it. Yeah. Yeah. That's what he said. That's it. And I went, oh, cool. I'll just go work. You gotta do seven spots. I'll give you, pay me for six. Because you gotta do one for free. Yeah. He died of karma. And. Oh, did I take back my middle finger? Yeah. No, no, like this. Yeah, down, down. Yeah, he was gross. But, and I was. He was Dan Herschon. Go buy him a hot dog one time. It made me so mad. I wanted to punch him in the head. Oh, yeah. There was a lot of that. Joe List was like, literally, I had to take Joe List outside. Yeah. Because he was so mad. Because Joe was working at Ha. Yeah. They gave him spots. Yeah. And I was trying to get in, and they were. Yeah. They gave me a spot once. Yeah, it's, it's, he, dude, this is when he told me, we're not paying Aziz. And I'm like, why? He goes, there's a war, and he's doing jokes about Bush. And I go, you said you're gonna pay him. You gotta pay him. He's like, I'm paying that guy. He, I go, you can't censor comics. You're talking about Aziz Ansari. Uh-huh. And he's not gonna pay him for being at Ha. When he was, yes, before he was Aziz. When he was coming out. Yeah. Yeah, when he was, like, doing the strip and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was right when I moved here. That's right. And then he blew the fuck up. Yeah, blew the fuck up. Human Giant was what blew him up. Is that what it was? Yeah, it was that sketch. It was great. Human Giant was fucking great. Yeah. And then he did the Apatow movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you know, he, he, he was. I remember that. He was like a rocket. He launched. Yeah. Anyway, so, so, so I was performing one night, and this woman was heckling me, and I said something like, hey, if, you know, if you died in a fire, I'd feel bad for the fire or something like that. And he had gone back and forth, you know, and then, like, I, you know, and then she got, gets up. I see what's about to happen. She turns bright green. She cocks her head back and projectile vomits at my feet. And the owner walks up, hands me a mop. No way. On my kid's life. So I was literally, the first two rows left, so they all, like, left, and so I'm literally mopping and telling jokes. Oh. And I, and, and you think that would not have been the point where you would have, like, where you go, I'm not staying? Yeah, but you know what? There's something about that, that there's, like, I don't know if I've ever told this story on the podcast before about Nate at The World, but The World was a different kind of hell. Because a lot of times, Ha had people that spoke English in the crowd. But The World didn't. I called it The World because that motherfucker, everyone was from, so that, you remember that show was, it was all bringers. It was, I mean, not bringers. It was all barked in. So what would happen? It was all bringers. It was all barkers. So how. Same with the, ha, same, same shit different toilet. So here's the model, and I don't know if this is still the model, but what they would do is they'd put barkers on, they would go, hey, come to this show, it's comics from Comedy Central, HBO, this is when networks still mattered, NBC and CBS. Yep. Come see all of them, and we got a great comedy show, and comedy wasn't popular, so people literally, you could lie to them about what it was. It was like snake oil salesman. Yeah, yeah, hey, it's Dan Soder from the, from the David Letterman show with Tom Cotter. My favorite story. My favorite story. I'm sorry. It's Big Jay Oakerson is going to the Laugh Factory, remember when the Laugh Factory was in Times Square? For two seconds, yeah. For two seconds, for maybe a year. Maybe a year. Jay and his ex-wife, it's like a Saturday night, Jay's going to do like four shows at the Laugh Factory, and a barker comes up to him and he goes, yo, man, get tickets to the Laugh Factory. We got everybody. We got people from SNL, from Comedy Central, from this. He goes, tonight we got Dean Edwards, and the guy, you know, shows him the lineup, and Jay goes, what about that guy, and points to his picture, and he goes, what about that guy, and he goes, man, fuck that guy, you want to see Dean Edwards, and he goes, that's me, and the guy goes, what's up, Big Jay, and like that. So, we've told that story on the bonfire, it's one of my favorite stories of all time, and then Big Jay and I, when we started the bonfire, we went to go get pictures, because Comedy Central got us a billboard in Times Square, so we were going to Times Square to take a picture with, I think, Dave Kimowitz, our IP, he was with us at the time, and he took a picture, and we're walking back to the studio, and this guy goes, yo, stand up New York, we got a great picture. great show tonight someone so and so so and so dan soda's gonna be there and big j goes are you gonna be there tonight and i went nope and he went nah dan soda's gonna be there not realizing i was here you just said nope i go i'm not gonna be there and then i went you sure he's gonna be there tonight anyway yeah and this is how dumb i am i checked my phone i checked my calendar to be like hold on hold on literally while everyone i think someone has a picture of it online somewhere do you see me checking my phone being like okay i'm not there so no this is a lie you're lying to these people but the world was barked in and they didn't care as long as they came in so a lot of times you were getting like a lot of scandinavians yeah a lot of spaniards a lot of italians great tippers yeah great tippers yeah a lot of germans they would just come in and sit there but didn't speak english and the way the lineup was i'll still like that i know i know i remember the hostile show i i fucking just saw a picture from the hostile show like a week ago yeah but so they'd be an mc and then they would put like either nate bargetzi me yannis mark norman or joe list right and then we'd do a set 15 minute set and then there would be five barkers doing seven minutes and it would just if you went in the middle and then they would be like josh spear would close out or like joey gay someone would close out that could like really end the show well and uh i remember going up in the middle and being like oh this is this is like truly useless like there's like i'm speaking and i can tell you don't know what i'm saying and they would like laugh at noises yeah but i swear to god i watched i remember the show i watched bargetzi just oh yeah i brought it up with isabelle about the the the titling of his his name of his thing i watched him just give up and be like man y'all don't even know what i'm saying do you yeah yeah and it got so funny that i watched him like that was like a i don't know if he would agree but for me as his friend it was like watching someone take a leap in their uh abilities where he was just like oh i don't care i'll just be myself on stage so then when he went in front of a real crowd he was like calm in a way that was like great to watch but it was all because of those fucking shows well also yeah i drank so much when i used to do those shows yeah go to barcelona but it was a mess i used to live with nate oh yeah you him and uh dustin and nick nevicki yeah in the astoria house yes yeah in that giant that giant converted store and we used to watch him because no one like he wasn't you know so we would put him and if they they he's got the nate gear and it's a brilliant gear yes but if they're not getting into that gear superman and they're not yeah it was like we would be like are you kidding me yeah what yeah they're like i don't know i don't know what is this an accent what is on the line yeah do you remember years ago um comet uh carolines did like they would always do competitions of course they always love to do competitions motherfuck motherfucking clubs in the 2000s oh they love love the competition funniest verb yeah so they did this thing called world series of baseball uh world series of comedy yes and they would oh they did a whole they won that i believe i was on his team we didn't win we didn't we were on the astros oh it was me nate and dan shacky that was our team oh but the reason i bring this up is we were going against will sylvins reese waters and someone else yeah he's in dc now he's doing great yeah he's doing like uh sports and politics and stuff nice but we were um nice guy it went nate went first so how would it do how the games would be played was one comic from a team would go up then another comic from the other team would go up and those guys would win a point and then the second team the two others would go up and if it went to a third that would be the tiebreaker so usually we would put nate last hoping that if we had a tiebreaker nate would go up it was when he started doing conan's a lot he was doing starting to get shit but this time we were like oh they're having will sylvins lead off and will it so i was like nate you go first and then i'll go third if if reese you know if they push it and i remember nate went up and did great like really had a great set and then will went up and murdered will was killing and we were sitting on that second row of chairs at caroline's you know when they shut the curtain we're sitting on that second row and nate just goes he leans into me he goes is this a who can talk funnier competition because i think i'm getting nailed right now it was so funny that's crazy yeah that's what we were watching going why you why you why you do that to me yeah he was doing that yeah that's when nate leaned over he goes is this a who could talk funnier competition dude i just said reese is a nice guy and then i realized in our business do you realize how low the bar is oh my god nice guy i don't think people know you're like as long as he doesn't slip into the dms of a 16 year old he's a nice guy it really i i i think it has to be on par with police officers right son of a bitch he was selling drugs yeah i thought he was here to protect that's what it is with comedy where you feel like i think the worst one is where you find out people steal jokes that's like the one where you go i found that one that's like in a guy that i'm like friendly with for years like legitimate child no like legit like he's i think he's i was like what oh man i was like what i wonder if there's ever guys that get caught with child there are there's a good average where you go i knew that you know what i mean i mean it's like that actor just came up well like the it was the principal in ferris bueller yes he was a child there was another actor that just got caught i don't know if you can look that up he was like a pretty he's like yeah go ahead you know rose mcgowan just fell on me speaking of that's pretty cool that's pretty i was like what i know right that's what you gotta do you gotta get older to where women from the 2000s that would have blown your mind that in 2026 you go not that bad yeah yeah still got it one rotator cuff yeah she's old though now and you go that's just wait just wait if you wait long enough he's married to another famous actress this dude's been in shit that is cosby oh yeah i mean that was that's so disappointing because his comedy is so great who cosby cosby himself is one of the best hours one of the best hours ever and i used to watch it and now it's so disappointing involved in child because hold on i'll find it right now it's sorry child no there's so many fucking guys jesus christ it's so much if you type in it's crazy it just gives a list of who's not it's a list of he's the ones who are not in child god his name's like jeremy oh man we'll i'll figure this out but my algorithm is like excuse me what all these denver nuggets well alex english oh yeah like the comic yeah that was one of the least i ever had with him first time i ever met alex english i was like i'm a denver nuggets fan he goes i know there was a point guys i was like hell yeah but i think that's awesome if you have the same name as an athlete hell yeah yes that's it from the west wing yeah one of the guys from west wing who what's his name timothy busfield that's the one because listen obviously i just googled it you know who timothy busfield is i'll show you rich yeah i do oh not this guy this guy yes oh yeah dude not only was he in west wing he was in kids dude field of dreams revenge of the nerds he's poindexter damn it i love revenge of the nerds damn it god damn it land oh he was in billions yeah he was in your show a co-worker of my co-worker though we had no scenes together that you know he goes put on this diaper and run around this office baby baby baby one it's uh i'm a method actor yeah suck of this passy i need i need you to use this binky yeah god damn it he really was in billions damn that's you really find out that's it it's got to be like when you find out it does it has to be like when a cop is like he killed that damn it i saw your co-worker paul walking down the by the cellar the other night yeah he's the man he seems really cool truly uh like a real person we were trying to get him on the podcast he was down to do it we just couldn't have it work out like a date and time he's the man dude yeah i would walk up and he'd just be outside on his phone at like table reads because that was the only time i saw him because we weren't like you know yeah we only had one scene together in seven seasons uh but he was the main he would like just be on his phone and i'd come up he'd be like dan soda and i'd be like what's up paul he's like how are you doing i'm doing fine i'm doing fine i'm doing fine i'm doing fine i'm the life of a stand-up yeah yeah you know when you like you like your funny co-workers the most yeah that's always why what we were as consummate people pleasers going please like me please like me subtext please like me please like me and if you're funny they're gonna probably like you more that was a hundred percent i always whenever i had someone funny i worked with at work and you would like see that they're on the same shift even at like bed bath and beyond i'd be like paul's here the best is if they're also carpet chest hair today i had We had a friend like that and we would terrorize the teachers. do um snoring with our eyes open so i go that's very fun and they'd be like rich and then i'd stop and then they would pick it up that's great and so we would just go back and forth like who's doing that it's like it's it's not me and then they would hear that's class clown mentality which is like you need that uh at a job that you hate yeah like i can't i would put probably i bet i could go to an amazon warehouse and pull the funniest person from that and i could i probably could coach them to win the netflix thing you know what i mean yeah talent yeah send me to like uh um like an amazon fulfillment center in kentucky show me who the funniest guy is and i'll be like me and joey gay when we started had we kept getting each other bad jobs that's survival jobs yeah we were i mean like shady lone guy what was your what was your worst survival job we were selling vending machines in the empire state building oh that carried such products as advil aqua sister bear motor might all mylanta ginseng condom sweet breath sun energy that kind of thing your product your product costs 25 cents your customer pays a dollar that's 75 cents profit for one product now imagine let's say 10 people a day that's 750 a day times oh i don't know seven days seven multi-billion dollars you're going to be making in cash and you know the advantages of cash i don't have to tell you that and let me hold on let me see if the locations are available there's two locations in your area i don't know if you want it but i got another guy on the phone you want it yes or no you got so you would go you'd go to the empire state building they would put ads they end up like in all these little weird papers back then people would call in and the people that were there were all i mean all criminals can i tell you right now what a full circle moment this is my mom's boyfriend no was one of those guys that you called and bought in no he bought no he bought no i'm telling you right now at my lowest in my life no i would probably say i don't want to hear this the worst the most sad i've ever been in my life was eighth grade through sophomore year just that year i broke my shoulder playing football my girlfriend cheated on me my dad died yeah my mom's boyfriend was a fucking he bought vending machines he bought vending machines and put him in nail salons and shit and we would have the merchandise down in the basement and i would steal it i would just eat so much skittles and twigs oh that was can't yeah this is so this was at first it seemed super legit right but then dude i watched him take a bath yeah and my mom was the one that put up the money yeah she got vending is a bad world it's a bad investment bad world my dad was still alive and when i told him that joe was doing vending machines my dad goes is he fucking with the mafia and i go what do you mean and he goes well instead of vending machines he was doing san francisco the mafia runs the vending machines and the fucking like my dad was like not hyperbole not i've heard my dad like had worked in all these dingy shitty jobs in san francisco he was like oh vending machines is 100 mob yeah and i was like oh i hope it's the mob so they put joe in a fucking river that'd be my benefit dude we all had fake names and we didn't figure out why and the first day when he was explaining joey you say this one you call me i'm the i'm the closer and then he goes but don't listen to me i'm high he lifted up a newspaper and did a line of coke on his interview sick sick and then when honestly it's that kind of it's that kind of do good oh dude the minute i realized your attitude we when i sold one and then i started getting like hey where are the keys where and i was like oh i can't do this this is horrible i didn't realize how bad i got that was like okay it's shady like something doesn't feel right there's a guy who's like it's literally standing on his desk like and you go you got to shake the trees beg they are borrowing steel why you're gonna make so much money oh they're doing that yeah yeah they're like and then and there's a guy was a preacher who was missing his two front teeth are those guys all in crypto now probably like did where did they where did all the grifts go because i'm just gotta be crypto i'm just saying there was something vending coin there was so something pure about grifters back then because they were in their own little culture they had their own little grifts they weren't in politics they weren't in entertainment they weren't in all this stuff they were just like you know if i sell these vending machines i can make six dollars to every two dollars that they make like dude they they moved into low mortgages and loans for a few years yeah that's why 08 collapsed yes that's why 08 because they all they went okay telemarketing's done then they moved into mortgages and loans that's where they moved to they went absolutely will sell you a loan bad credit is a good thing that was the guy you say bad credit is a good thing guy we're gonna put you under the mop this was this was a guy in in somewhere in brooklyn named benny benny the deal we called him benny the deal and he used to talk about he was like i saw this come and he was i had this talk like this he was just gonna have baby and then he just went baby oil and we were like so like oh this guy had a shitty job and someone gets pervy oh it's great as a man as a woman i can't imagine what it's like as a guy like oh baby oil like like restaurant managers like bad restaurant managers when hot girls would get hired you'd be like bro yeah yeah yeah keep it in your pants oh yeah yeah yeah like she's beautiful yeah yeah yeah totally i had one of those i had one of those jobs where you were i was across from lincoln center shut up and um and it was the you had to you had to tip the guy that sat you and i didn't realize like you have to over tip him they're like you tip him 10 i was like okay here's 10 and my friend when he goes you have to give him more than 10 i go why he goes that's why you never make any money i go really goes yeah let's switch sides he can't see we were in like that hidden part of the restaurant i go i'll take yours you take my i go okay i doubled his sales doubled so he sat this guy was like he was just printing money and i'm sitting there like table okay table and all like foreigners and like he was like it was like he's like this night sucked i'm like oh my gosh it really does matter so i i got fired because they thought someone thought i looked like another guy and this guy was like was drinking on the job all the time and like those guys were the best they you'd find wine hidden all over the restaurant you do is in paper i watched the guy kill a frozen margarita by putting it and he goes the trick is you got to put the straw to the top of your mouth and that way it goes down you don't get brain freeze and i watched him put it in and go and the whole thing went down and he went all right i'm gonna run my drinks and i was like dude you're like getting drunk on the way to the table yeah it's great so he was being and so they complained about him and they but they said it was me and then they fired me and i was so pissed i went back in and we had this moose bucket that weighed like 95 pounds and we hid it from the desserts like you take it off the tray but here's the desserts and somebody like where's the moose bucket and you're like what was the moose bucket it was a vat of chocolate moose and and whipped cream and you have to you have to carry it you have to run all the way off city block back to get it table side moose and you go yeah flop you know like in this nice wrestling like slide you just like every slop you're like i hate my life how do i myself how do i fake my own death yeah why did it go wrong i used to feel that way about salsa trios because it was like trying to be fancy and i had these little dishes and you had to like pour the different salsas and i'd be like i fucking hate this shit and i think that's why it's important when you like to in our business like remember that stuff oh all the time when i'm like i'm i'm just the host at the cellar that's what i'll do i'll do that on the road where i'm like oh i'm at a funny bone for four days and i'm lonely and then i'll go get lunch and i'll watch some one clock into micros yep and i'll go i'm fine yeah i'm literally gonna leave here smoke a joint go back to my hotel take a shower and go do two shows yeah i'm fine yeah yeah i'm good that's why it is it is good to get like i think like uh when i meet people that have had success early in their career i have a few in mind yeah but you just go like i don't think you appreciate it at all the come up i watch the best part yes i watched this person and i definitely won't say the name on air yeah and uh and um paid for their act became wildly successful within four years like majorly successful but everything is business business and i'm like you should have just gone to law school yeah you should have become a doctor this makes there's someone else who i'll say after we record again you know the rules you catch my live show i will tell you i've always said if people remember this and i don't say the name but they come out and i'm doing a show and they go who are you guys talking about i go this person oh great it's a great way to sell tickets i just go i'll fucking tell you i'll tell you it's called the secret push genius but i remember uh one person that got like real big real quick and you were like oh you never had the experience of like struggling to the point where you enjoy this yeah like where they're just like they're all business all the time and i was talking to a friend of ours a mutual friend and i brought that person up and immediately our friend was like they would have been a ceo in a marketing company on fifth avenue he's like that's literally where they would have been you know what i think about and we're we're we're both olds i think about i don't think i'm old we're both old um i think about all the people that came into comedy that would have just worked at mtv oh so many people so many people you think about people that you watch at the cellar and you go oh you're a vj oh you're not a comic oh you're supposed to be like coming up we got a new sabrina carpenter video but don't go anywhere because i heard there's a little shade It had her ex in it. And now they're on stage going, what's up? You know, it just sucks. Could you imagine one of them in this movie, the Jaws? We're going to need a bigger boat. I mean, that's where we're headed, dude. You watch all the shit. They're going to remake this with like Jaws while they're getting eaten and doing like trying to do a video, like a selfie video. You cheer for the shark in that one? Yeah, you're cheering for the shark. He has dark eyes, black eyes, but at least he's not on his phone all the time. At least the shark makes eye contact. At least he knows when he's in a social situation. The shark's going, look up from your phone. Yeah. Instead of the story of the ship going down, 1,200 souls in 240. It's just about, I remember getting into an elevator and saying hello. Yeah. Talking to people, not staring. Can we just talk about the weather? Just staring at your phone. The worst is when my kid's trying to make a human connection with someone that won't look in their phone. I get angry. When my two-year-old, who's so cute, objectively cute, not just because I'm the dad, but really, really cute, and he's got this goofy smile, and he's trying to make eye contact, and the person won't just, and I'm like, and they're just not, and I'm like. Just on their phone? Just on their phone. You know what I do now? I look at their phone. I just look at their phone. I did that the other day. Just like in the elevator, and if they won't talk to me, I'll just go. I made a comment. A little lean will make people go. Yeah. You go, hey, how you doing? I did that. I've done it. I've done it. I've done it multiple times in my own building. They were watching the news or something, and I go, yeah, nothing good there, and they're like, and they were like, actually, the prince is in town, and I'm like, oh. Oh, shut up. Or the Charles, the king. King Charles. Yeah, King Charles. I go, this is King Charles about to take a dump. You know what I mean? Up top. How you doing? Got any porn on that thing? He's trying to shift it around. No, that's cool. What's up with some T&A on that phone? You want to go to Lobster Tube? You ever heard of tcreamy.com? Dude. It'll make you a famous actor. Go to Hamster Act. You ever watch Bang Boss? Oh, they're trying to get them to do it? That's so funny. Trying to get people to change their internet? Type this in? Yeah, go to.go. Type this in. Have you ever looked at porn on your phone? What? Yeah, it would, I've never, not, I don't watch porn. Of course I do, but it will ruin, because then you get, then you can start getting all the spam and stuff from like, are you lonely? Yeah, don't ever watch porn. I never watch on your phone. I primarily watch on my phone. Really? Yeah, that's my cat device, dude. That's your chat. I turn this thing sideways, and by the way, good luck in your fucking conservative states, like Texas and shit. Oh, where they were like, they're like, are you, they make you now put your ID or something. Yeah, but someone has Nord VPN. So I'm watching. Play the ad. So check me out watching porn in California while I'm really in Texas. Yeah, dude. I don't know. It's this. That shit. I'm like, get out of here. I'm on the road. I got a jack. Yeah, I got a jack. I don't empty the clip. We're in trouble. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that's really all it is. It's just like, did that ever change? What? Like at one point, you're going to be like, like a tell. It's got a joke. He's like, I watch porn. Not as much as you think I do. That's yeah. I mean, yeah, best of all time. He's the best. He is the goat. But he, David tells the graceful time. I think so. He makes me laugh harder than anybody else. If you're talking about consistency of high level. Comedy, there's no one better than David. Tell no one. And it's not even close. Like Dave Chappelle is my, my favorite comedian of all time, but it's not close. Yeah. But he, but talk to him. He doesn't think so. Of course, which is probably what makes it great. Yeah. It really is a gift and a curse. Yeah. Where you'll go, Dave, that set was fantastic. We opened for, uh, we were both on Shane show at Madison Square Garden. Yeah. It's not even close to tell how the best set. It was like, perfect. It was like pitch perfect. And let me guess. He gets off and he's like, ah, well, I'm sorry, guys. In the green room, Katie and Dave are sitting on a couch talking and she goes, can you believe you thought he had a bad set? And I went, I reject it now. I go, just stop that. I'm over that. You're the best of all time. I just, I shoo shoo it. I go, stop. What does he, what does he do? And he goes, he does, he gets mad. He goes, it's for, and you go, no, I'm not doing this. I'm not going, I'm not the hottest girl with the giant tits going. I'm ugly. I'm not doing that. Yeah. I'm going, no, you know what you are. You're a baby. Sydney's sweet and going, I'm fat. Do I look fat in this? Yeah. Shut up. Shut up. Yes. Yeah. You'd be even cooler if you're fat. Cause then your titties would get even bigger. I don't even know how the fuck that would be possible. What are you doing? Yeah. Let me see Sydney on your phone. Also, you're an adult in 2026. Have a screen protector. See my screen. Wow. How does that work? You just buy one. You just put it over your phone. It's like a bank. Remember bank tellers used to have that screen? Yeah, dude. Timothy Bostfeld. More like Timothy Bostfeld. Yeah. Bostfeld. Aronovich is going to be cranking it to old Tim Toulou. My coworker from Billions. Right under my nose. Watching child porn. I had no idea. Dude. And I'll say the name after. Okay. So wait, what names do we have to say? The child porn. Write that down. Child porn. Ungrateful for their success. Four years. Great. And then the one I told you about. And then the one. And then there's also one. Marketing CEO. Marketing CEO. Yeah. Then there's like, there's, there's like, I can't, it's too specific. Dude, I can't, we can't, I can't bring it up. I kind of want you to. Okay, so. We can edit it. All right. We'll edit it. I don't know if he's on a tremendous amount of drugs or whatever, but I have been sending. Hold on. Here we go. No, dude. We're not. We're good. We can't bring that up. Edit this whole thing. Yeah, yeah. This is, but it's, but it makes me laugh. It makes me laugh how bad it is. Oh, it gets shared. Oh, it gets shared. Oh, it gets shared. Okay. Okay. It gets shared. Nothing on the internet is not seen. Dude. Do you understand what I mean? Bro, I made fun of this guy. Did I show you the video? The guy came at me. The guy came at me. Yeah, we have people like get mad at us all the time if we make jokes, but they'll try to like, we used to do the cards thing. We used to open cards and like athletes, kids would write us and be like, you said my dad's name wrong. Cause we'd open basketball cards from 1988. And they'd be like, actually, my dad was fucking good. And you're like, I know, I know. I'm fucking being silly. So this guy wrote, tag me, pussy. You already cut off the punchline. What's up with that? That's what he messaged me. Now I didn't respond. The video. And then I do this. Oh, you just did it. I just made fun of him and it went viral and he found me and like, what do I respond to? Like I just didn't. And I was trolling me and trolling the people in the comments. I'm like, boost the algorithm. I don't care. Do I respond? No. Right. You don't respond. Someone knocking at your door. It's Jehovah's witness. Yeah. I just go. Okay. Yeah. Whatever. You just go, dude. Yeah. I got a crazy one. I'll tell you off air. That just happened to me. Another off air. Dude, I'm going to pay for your ticket. See you next time. Dan Sutter.com for all the live dates. Rich Aronovich. Rich is funny. Rich is funny. Rich is funny.com. Do you remember when we, when people, when you did have websites where you just hand out business cards? Oh, I was a king of handing out business cards. What was the free business card website? It was like free. Vista. Vista. Yeah. Dude. Crush it. Nailed it. Nailed it. For three. Vista. Vista. I remember getting my box of vistas and being like, cause on one side there's a business card. You turn around. I was like Vista on the back. But I remember standing on those stairs at Caroline's and being like, Hey, Hey, thanks. Thanks. And then you'd walk, you'd leave and you see your cards littered all through Midtown everywhere. You'd be like, that's my. You just brought back a memory I haven't thought of in so long. Right. You'd see your face. Which is going outside of Caroline. Caroline's just smoking a cigarette going, Hey. Yeah. That's my face. There's like five cards. Yeah. Five. Oh, I would see it everywhere. I would do it everywhere. And they would hand it to me and be like, tear. Oh my God. You feel so defeated. I haven't thought about that in so long. That feeling. Were you like, cause there, uh, Caroline's used to have a giant staircase where you'd go down and then you'd go down into the showroom and you would stand right there cause people would be coming up and you'd just hand out your business card and you'd be like, thanks for coming to the show. Hope you had a great time. Thanks for coming to the show. And then you'd go back down and have a couple of beers or whatever and hang out and then I'd go to smoke a cigarette and I'd go outside and be like, Oh, everybody threw me away. Oh man. In front of that restaurant that is now a junior's cheesecake. Yeah. It used to be like a Chinese restaurant. There was a themed one there for a while where the characters who used to work waiters would go. That's on the, that, that diner's still there. That's if you go right out of Caroline's talking. If you went left, it was like a big Chinese restaurant that was owned by the same, uh, a group that owned my restaurant that I worked at. Fuck. She was like, I forget what it was called, but dude, that Caroline's in Times Square was so much fun. Yeah. That was shitty. It was that bringer show. Monday nights. Dude. I did one where I brought rum and Cokes and I would host it. I would bring, I would, this was when I was like a few months in a car. Okay. And I brought like fifth people flew into show. No, this was Andy. Oh yeah. I remember that show. Speaking of off air. Yeah. We have to talk about that. He's dead now. He's canceled. Oh yeah. Well, but no surprise there. Yeah. He's stuck. So I came in, I made him, I made him probably a thousand bucks and I go, hi, I'm rich. I like being like, Hey, I just brought 50 and he goes, I'm eating. And I was like, you are not a good person, dude. I used to do prom shows. Oh yeah. Oh, there's a skill to it. There's a skill to it. But let me say, cause we're almost done. But let me say, I had to fully explain what a prom show was to Katie because she has no idea because most. Just. outside of New York City uh after prom no after prom is like they set up a casino a casino at the high school or they do something where you go to this after prom where all the kids from high school are now you know still in their tuxes but they're dancing it's not the dance New York City I guess was a tradition kids from Long Island kids from the city would have these comedy shows after prom at danger fields danger fields carolines yep it'd be two in the morning yep and i would be very drunk and so would they and so would they and that was the that was the mixture yeah i would just go up there and go you guys are fucking kids you have no idea eat all the free food you can that's all i was doing i was going because i was maybe 23 at the time 24 so i was going on i was going i'm you five years in the future you have no money eat all you can eat get as fat as you can you'll burn it off later and then there was there still is a duane reed across the street from where it was and they used to sell corona 40s and the bars were always closed at carolines because it was two in the morning so i would bring two corona 40s and just sit in the green room and i'd smoke cigarettes in the bathroom and drink those 40s and i'd get fucking i was already drunk but i'd get fucking blackout and then i'd just yell at kids and i remember doing this i remember doing this joke about rushing to the scariest white people that was like one of my big joke and i did this joke about like being scared in a neighborhood and this girl went that's racist and i just went shut the fuck up and i remember i remember after the thing caroline's like yo you can't be going to the kids like that they're still kids and i was like i don't give a shit yeah yeah you're giving me 20 yeah yeah yeah exactly 20 bucks 20 bucks and a check too yeah and a disrespectful oh i i got a check one time for eight dollars like pen and paper does not be need to be involved you just give me fucking money just give me eight bucks god i remember those shows and you'd watch comedians certain kind of comedians would murder you know what it was it's the beginning of the crowd work epidemic because the guys that always kill social media is the crowd work epidemic yeah but those guys were like the beginning you would watch them do crowd work and you'd be like what are they doing but then they'd be killing yeah and you'd be like i don't like that i don't i don't mind the skill of it no i like the skill of it there's people that are unbelievable at it jay rich voss todd berry curson's phenomenal rich aronovich i like wait what huh who said that where'd you from by round of applause where you from look at this shirt what are you gay hey this guy's a pizza cloth don't bring don't bring it to me yeah check your gun at the door no but like i really like when it's um yeah there was like really great crowd paula poundstone was great at crowd work was she she was amazing at it yes she's just rocked those blazers with the dude she was great she was like the right like she was um i tell you this what uh mr don rickles oh yeah my grandma and grandpa went and saw don rickles in the 50s and my grandma didn't like him really she thought he was mean and i was like that was the whole point yeah that's a pain yeah is this your wife jesus and when she said that there really was a moment where i went i'm on rickles side yeah i think my grandma would be a shitty audience member but what i think is that she's not a shitty audience member like especially i see this now it's like you're fishing for a clip yeah like it used to be like guys would get up there and we're like doing you know pie sets where they're like i remember these two gross road hacks were like i'm not getting paid but it's a pie set and they get up there and try to get laid from the stage like they were like and you're like oh god and then and they called it a pie set and you're like oh but this is what that's turned into now the uh oh this might this is a clip yeah keep going this is a clip i make fun of those i make fun of it now i'm like what's your mother's maiden name your social security number clip it that's funny put it on the internet i need it out there yeah i knew they're out there dude you were one of the first people i remember when i moved to the city we were taking a queen we were taking a cab back to queens together and you were like upper level and you were and we were on the 59th street bridge and i was like why upper level and it was such a welcome to new york moment you go because it's faster there's less lights and these motherfuckers are always trying to rip you off i lived by that for the for the 15 years i lived in queens i lived by that rule i think it was a lower level what's that it wasn't the lower level okay you were absolutely correct i was right because lower level upper level feeds in there's one light and then you go on 21st and you can get to astoria right versus lower level you get locked up yeah yeah yeah yeah that's right oh you're right you're right upper level fucking nailed it yeah 59th street bridge upper level baby clip it rich is funny.com rich aronovich rich is funny and also social media youtube yeah i got a special out i'm doing another one i had i filmed one and i don't like it so i'm killing it i like that yeah i look at him all the time that's what more comics should do i look because i i took i did an hour and like whatever plus i edited down to an hour and like no one's watching an hour so i cut it into two and i put out the first one i really liked it and the second one i'm like it's good but it's not i'm not proud of it good and i grew out of it i'm like a lot of these jokes i've just like are so much better now i'm like i'm just gonna kill it do it yeah go refilm it yeah go to his youtube we'll put a link in the bio yeah go to my uh instagram it's fire rich aronovich thank you for watching god bless