Comedian Ryan Long Tells The Best Joke Ever | Unsubscribe Podcast 251

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"Yeah, I'm the count of three." "So we crack these on the count down from three." "One, two, three." "Hi, everyone, and welcome to the Unsubscribe Podcast." "I'm joined as always by Eli Double Tap, World Famous Comedian, Mr. Ryan Long, soon to be Congressman Brandon Herrera, and myself, Batman." "Fish guy." "Fish guy." "Fish man, and it's great tap." "Fish boy." "Fish boy." "I should be coming down, dude." "Do we bring the gun zone now or how does this happen?" "We don't want it immediately." "Welcome to Texas." "We need way more drinks." "You think people at the table don't have guns?" "That's crazy." "Yeah." "We sit with them." "You know what's funny? I feel like, obviously, in the internet, you're in sort of different worlds. People are where you guys are that side of the internet that to me is funny, where you just kind of like, I'll see a video of yours and be like, "Who's this guy and just some random guy that's got like eight million views on every video?" "Right." "You know what I mean?" "Who are these guys?" "It's like, you look at the podcast, he said to be like, "Rogan, some guy named Dave." "Yeah, right, right." "That is a weird difference." "The different spheres of influence." "Yeah, but yeah, there's people that before, if there was like some enormous TV show, you'd be like, everyone would know that, where there's just you on the internet being like, enormous, and you're just like, "Who, what's going on over here?" "I mean, while you just show up all the time, like my Instagram reels, and show like that, I'm just like, "Hah, racist joke. That's funny." "Yeah." "Hah." "Hah." "Hah." "We are like two minutes in." "All right. It begins." Dude, it's weird seeing, as you're saying, those big names that you have no, you do not recognize. It's like, cousin Bill is number three on charting on all the Spotify, and you're like, "Who?" "It's cool. Yeah." "Cycle through. What the fuck? I've never heard of that individual." "Dude, I follow Nate the Hoof guy on Facebook. And like, I watch this guy. He just, all he does is clean hooves. This guy's probably a billionaire by now." "Oh, I know. I'm talking about. " He's a failure. "He just cleans the house." "Oh, no shit." "He just cleans the horse's hooves, but he's got every video, 10 gazillion views." He's probably, you know, bigger than 90% of Netflix shows, just cleaning horse hooves. He doesn't even have to clean him anymore. He does it for the love of the game. "You know that people that go to like film school, that's got to piss him off." "Yeah, obviously." "He's like, "I was going to be the next-score sezy, and here comes Hoof guy." "Well, we got to spray some eye-dance, so make sure he's nice." "Yeah, that's it. Every episode is just talking what is wrong with that hoof on that cow, and then. " "Yeah, and other people are doing so much stuff, having extras in their videos and everything, and this guy's just like, "Here we go, another billion dollars." "Bees games are a hoof guy." "You're getting equal viewership, and you're like, "Motherfucker." "It's the, uh, what is that, the law of diminishing returns, I think." "It's like, "Oh, you could just clean hooves." "That's crazy." "Yeah." "No yards." "J, the law moor guy's one of my favorites, just mose yards for an hour." "Your cousin?" "Oh." "No, he's white guy." "It's weird." "He hires my cousin." "Oh, that is weird." But he gets, fucking, 10 to 30 million views per upload of just mowing a yard. He does it for free now, for a love of video. "Yeah." "He's like, "Yes, it's a, it kind of you bought yourself in, because you're just like, you have your job that you didn't want to do, and you started, we were talking about, there's a subway guy. He just films until that subway sandwich is, and he's like, "Well, now he's rich, so he doesn't have to work at subway, but if he, that's his business, he's building his own subway." "Fuck, really painted myself into a corner here." "He's the first guy that if he loses his job at subway, he loses half a million dollars." "Jerrod Vogel, I think." "Well, I just said something." "The second guy." "There's the guy who records himself making sandwiches, and the guy who "Fuck's children." "Sorry, editor, we're in two minutes." "I'd rather be the sandwich guy." "I hope." "Yeah, plumber influencer, that's another one, there's a few of the plumbers, they're just like, I don't want to be painting toilets anymore, but here we are." "I mean, if I had electricians start at Nick, start as an electrician, he was just doing little history beats in between until that one." "I mean, he still has his electricians' license." "Like, he still does that from time to time, which is kind of cool." "Yeah, yeah." "There's just his boss when the boss was like, 'Hey, you're going to have to make a choice, you have to either focus on the internet stuff more or the electrician.' And Nick was like, 'Alright, so I would choose if I were you, the one that makes more money.' He was like, 'I say, so I can see you at Monday, oh no, I'm going to the internet.' "I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to clock in for the internet." "Yeah, I'm not in the internet." "What's your job, Ryan? How'd you get into comedy?" "Your boss is like telling you, he's like, 'Hey, you're late for your shift, you're there with like a gold chain, play with me, like, oh am I, I can buy you.' "You're late to live." "You pull the Bruce Wayne, where you buy the hotel?" "Yeah, we got you into comedy, 'cause it's Mr. Connor was saying." "I'll tell you, also comedy used to be a job a little bit that everyone would kind of do to then get out of it. Like every stand-up used to be like, then you go on a movie star and you don't have to do that anymore, but now it kind of feels like it's its own thing where people do want to do that." "Did you get that weird spot also now with, I think Matt Rive set the standard of that crowd interaction? 'Cause I know a lot of people went, that's a huge part of it." "Mom, I famously the first guy to do crowd work." "I know, but filming it to that level." "That took, he might be the first guy to be doing arenas and doing crowd work." "Yeah." "The entire time." "Literally." "It shows for you." "You're there." "487 C." "Alright. I know I was just fucking with you, but his entire show is crowd work?" "Yes, no." "To be honest, I don't know exactly, but I've seen people do do that. I remember even Russell Peters was doing big theaters and he does a lot of crowd work and I remember they have like three camera guys and they filmed the guy that they're talking to and put him on the screen and it becomes a whole art form." "You've got an Olympic sprinter as your camera guy just getting all the way across." "I'm so tired." "Yeah." "But no, I started in Toronto and the Toronto scene and then I fucking picked up on that Canadian accent." "Please tell me." "You also mentioned hockey earlier." "Oh yeah." "Nobody cares about hockey except Canadian." "Some park, Texas, Texas, go." "We're in real Texas here too, right?" "When I'm in San Antonio, this is the first time that I felt like I was like, oh, this feels like actually what the Texas I read about." "It was at the Mexicans." "Yeah, what did you up?" "I think it was the firework stories, to be honest." "That was Mexican." "When I see like five firework stories in a row, and now we're talking, all right." "I hate that there were no-." "I was driving to the podcast, so there's like firework store, firework store, firework store." "Pretty much everywhere on any highway around San Antonio, you've got firework stores that are like, they only open like fucking three weeks a year or two, like before fourth of July for years." "Are they money laundering operations, do you think?" "Most likely." "No, yeah." "Oh yeah." "It's like, uh, what's the Halloween spirit?" "Yeah." "That's it." "So Toronto, when's about?" "Yeah, Toronto, that's what I started doing comedy, it was there for like ten years, moved in New York, which is probably the opposite of Texas right now." "Yeah." "Oh, yeah?" "You guys think that it's--." "Cold and shitty." "Yeah, it's kind of, uh, if you think about it a little bit." "Sorry, Rich." "It's our Friday, he lives." "No, we got a friend who lives there." "Do you guys hate New York or do you like New York?" "I would never live there." "I've never been in New York City." "I'm in living there's insane." "Yeah." "It's $10,000 to live in a rat hole." "See, that is." "I'm good. No, uh." "Yeah." "I just, going to a place where all of the streets smell like piss all the time." "Oh yeah." "I know why Spider-Man's superpower was not having to touch the sidewalk." "Yeah, yeah." "Just gross." "You don't have a choice to, like, I remember when I first moved there, you're just like everything's far-- you're walking around everywhere and you can't use a bathroom, so you're just like, yeah, yeah, people are just during the day pissing everywhere." "Don't legit." "Yeah, yeah." "No. Well, it makes sense. It smells like it." "I could, mm-hmm." "No, like, even that move, we visited multiple times and the second I land or have to deal with anything in a big city, I'm like, I'm golden." "Yeah, yeah." "It's quiet all day long and then $10,000 for a rat hole." "Yeah, yeah." "Good to go." "But the comedy scenes big there?" "The comedy scene, so people that would say that New York's kind of like, it's right now it's New York, LA, Austin's kind of like the third contender is like the part of the comedy scene. Like, it used to be-- you had to move to New York or LA and probably a lot of things were like this for. finance, you had to be in New York and it feels like that's decentralizing, you know, a little bit where a lot of people, you can make it work in New Austin and then also there's kind of a theory that a lot of people talk about where kind of like new scenes and energy happen in places where people have low rent. So if everything gets interesting, like if you think of, like I mean, even in music that happens where people's parents can afford a garage so a band can actually have drums, you know. In a city like New York, you know, if you go there and you're 20 years old, like it's pretty hard to make it work. So if you go to somewhere where you can kind of live with a bunch of people and it's super cheap, you can spend all your time on, you know, doing whatever art you're up to for the next six years. Well, no one's paying attention. It's kind of like wherever you can have like a little incubator house. Yeah. A bunch of like artists living together. Incubator is the perfect word because it's kind of like you almost need to have like low stakes, making mistakes with no one paying attention to make good things. So these scenes kind of always like pop up in different places, but all the good, all the best comedians in comedy clubs, technically you're in New York. So that's kind of like the Silicon Valley of comedy, I'd say. Yeah, I know that, you know, there's different like comedy clubs and stuff like that that are like very famous in like LA, but I didn't know it was that big in New York. That's just me not being in the industry, I guess, but it's kind of like same as Broadway, like live performance. The live performance part of it took him. People used to say they go, go to New York to get good and then go to LA to get famous. Right. Well, the things are changing because everyone, you know, there's some Atlanta, there's just a bunch of guys doing the, you know, they're thinking Atlanta and a bunch of guys in Chicago. And now it's like, you're like, well, I don't have to be there if I'm like a touring act. And people are kind of skipping steps where it used to be, okay, you go to New York, then you go to LA or, you know, some version of that. And then you get really good in LA and then you're on some TV shows and then you're kind of touring to your audience. And you're like, well, maybe I don't have to live here anymore where it's now people are getting there. Right. Especially, well, like now that the internet, I feel like has jailbroken most of that. Yeah, yeah. Just you're able to just, if you're good and you're funny and people like you and you get out there and you make enough content, well, I feel like, and you can tell me if I'm wrong, but I feel like there stylistically is kind of a difference between New York comics and LA comics. Yeah. What would you describe it as? How do you say it? Uh. He didn't think that. No, no, no, no, no, I was going to, I was going to compare it as like slightly grittier and funny and then just like gay. Switch cities, which the world may never know. Yeah. It used to be, I feel like New York comics used to shit on LA. Now Austin, people are like, there's a kind of like war is always between the cities, but I feel like the Austin shit is kind of getting a little aggressive, aggressive in regards to the like saying the word retard is funny. Dude, every criticism, we're back to 2008. Yeah. Every criticism about a scene, there's probably like some true parts and then some overblown parts. You know what I mean? Yeah, it used to be LA, it was kind of, well, you think actors, it's like more energy than funny. It was the criticism before. New York, maybe you could say you iron out all your personality and it's just a guy like doesn't move and tells jokes, but the jokes are really good. There's a lot of cynicism there too. Right. Yeah, yeah. So you can kind of say like a good thing and a bad thing about every, you know, type of comedy or scene. They always have like the part of it that's good and the part of it that's corny. Interesting. And then what made you start in, you were in Toronto first and then you're like, hey, okay, now I've expanded into it. So I used to, I was in like a band, so I was like a music guy, you music guy, you got tattoos and stuff. No, no, army and anime guy. He hates music. Yeah. I don't listen to music. Like Connor is right. I just do not listen to music. It's not. We call this psychcompathy. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of people that I've talked to, it sounds like the kind of the culture of like being a young band guy might be compared to being like an athlete, like, you know, the same kind of, like a team, you know, I mean, might be the same as sort of like a, you know, a young band scene. And the same as the army. A lot of people said those three things. It's kind of this, you know, just a group of guys. If you're bad at your job, you get shot. Yeah. Obviously the bass player usually takes one. Yeah. Eli famously bad at his job. I know. Is that the music thing? Were you in a scaband? Yeah. Well, kind of like a punk, reggae, rap, scouts, I could be a god damn detective. I don't even know what that is. This is selector. This is the, it was originally, it was, this is kind of the specials logo, but it was also like a record label in the UK. So you're telling me that's town by, by the specials, fucking love that song. You're telling me that's not a blues brother? It kind of looks like a blues brother, but it's a selector. That's what it's selector. Yeah, really? No, not at all. I'm sorry. If I'm just not cultured. I listen to this special while the time at your house. Really? Yeah. Oh no shit. Yeah. And then his special open with a, a, a scissor song. Yeah, that's a, a banal. Oh, so you had prior knowledge. You that doesn't, yeah. Well, I could be an detective, Connor before me. Yeah, I'm so hungover back. So I googled you before I showed you. No, no, no. I could be. Let me detection. What the fuck up. Did you also listen to his voice? No, listen to his special this morning. No. Oh, suck my fucking. I was listening to the fucking low. I saw the specials tattoo on his arm. His openness. His fucking special with scar. That's a reggae band. Very reggae band. Yeah. And captain, I was in a band. Oh, shut the fuck up. Nobody would have intuited that. That's called intuitive reasoning. It's logic. I applied it. I could be a goddamn detective. If only shit that Sherlock Holmes used. You could all suck my fat. If only detectives had access to Google. What do you mean? I watched his special. Appreciate that. Yeah, of course. Problem solved out on YouTube. I had watched a lot of his content beforehand. I didn't need to research. I just figured it'd come in ready with all of his jokes fresh in my mind. I love this stuff. Also found it. Fucking dance up. Oh, my god. It's the perfect jeans. Right. I can leave. I can't feel it. Get on his shoulders. Up here, big boy. Try the perfect jeans out of his earmuffs. Bannon, how perfect are they? Feels like the perfect jeans. They're so flexible. I'm fat. I can actually do squats on them. Usually. I can't do it. I'm picturing you doing squats in the gym with these jeans. I cut. You're there. Like. Eli's just magging on the audience right now. Then make my dick talk. Now you're watching the ad. And pant season is almost here. It's always pant season if you're a f*cking adult. 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And again, that's free returns, free exchanges, when you use code unsub15 to check out. That's 15% off the checkout for the perfect jeans. Connor loves perfect jeans. He does, they fit. It's really nice. Oh, pants. Very odd that the same day you were in San Antonio last year, you're here again, the 14th. Have I been here before? Have you not? I thought I had it, but that happens to me a lot where I have it. Good tour. Oh, there was a pinned comment on your video that was from a year ago. It's very possible, but I just told him I've never been here. Oh, shit. In my mind, I had this my first time. Glad we made an impact. Drugs. Dude, I knew that all right. I was there, front row. Do you remember? I still don't know America that well. So there's, I do do that where I go to places and kind of forget. Or I think I've been somewhere that I haven't. My last year is like, oh, Mexicans this year is like, oh, Mexicans. If I've been here, that's crazy because I've been saying it's the first time here. No, if he was here last year, he'd be like, oh, Mexicans. If he's here this year, where did the Mexicans go? We sent him back. Goddamn, if I've been here, that's crazy. But that I do do that. Same. Detective. Yeah, have the information I learned as false. That's possible. For sure, possible. I don't know who's wrong. I'm loving this one. Yeah. But no, then yeah, so I was doing the music thing. And we were pretty kind of pretty popular in Canada. To America, a decent amount, but like I had a bunch of records. And then during that time, we started doing this like cable access show. Me and the other guy from the band, like Tom Green, kind of. I know that world. I know that world. Like, it was like a lot on the street stuff. 2000s. What time was it? This would have been, I actually don't know years, but I'll tell you how many years ago. You can. Yeah. So I'm 40 now. That would have been when I was 24. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, 16 years ago. Yeah. So 20, 20 years ago. Oh. 20, 26, 2000, 27, 27, 27. I can't do subtraction. 16 years ago. 20, 26, 2010. Yeah. There. Yeah. - I'm gonna say, you got TV on. - You got TV on. - I'm like, you have a excuse, that's-- - I dropped it in a high school. I mean, I have so many excuses, I'm 40. - You must've been in a jackass in Tom Green, that sort of stuff, yeah. - Well, you said Tom Green, I was like, oh, you're my age or right now, yeah. - The goat. - Yeah, that was like, o-3-ish. - Yeah, we were doing all these DVDs. Back in the day, it was DVDs. - Oh, sure, so you're recording like, old camcorder. - Oh yeah, in high school, I was huge into the film and everyone. And then, you know, you take the stuff, you put it on the TV, you have to watch it there, you can only kind of like edit it on the thing. - Your parents are way better than mine, 'cause you could afford a camcorder. - Yeah, well that's meant to be. - These are like super crappy ones. And you don't need one for the squad. - Oh, that's true. - Yeah, that's true. But yeah, that is, oh man, that's a huge set. - That was the came back then, yeah. And then you'd kinda, yeah, you put them in, and then I remember the first, I'd like the first iMovie and figured out a edit and you're just like, sick. - Imagine setting your makeup, then forgetting. It's even theirs. Meet new, grippy setting mist from Mavily New York. Gel to mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours with flexible all day comfy grip. Just plump, dewy, hydrated skin that still feels like your skin. Try new, grippy setting mist from Mavily New York. - Maybe it's Mavily. - Windows movie maker. - Yeah, Windows movie maker, yeah. - What do you guys think play? It's a slow intro with sparkles. - Yeah, the store ripe transition. (laughing) - And he felt like a wizard. - Yeah, that's fucking sick. - I'm basically scorsese. - So you were doing that and then you're like, okay, hey, we're. - Yeah, we said we're doing all these DVDs and band stuff and whatever, just filming all sorts of crazy little videos and then we made a, put it together and do a pilot and sold this cable access show that you made $400 in episode four, I did some of that. Then sort of turned that into this show at like bite TV called Ryan Long's Challenge and then during that time I started doing standup. - It's called Ryan Long is Challenge? - Yeah. - That's much better at it. - Not bad, yeah. - I actually put some Ryan Long on you challenge or Ryan Long is challenged. - That is fucking dope. - Yeah, it was like a fake reality show wherever you episode. There's like a new challenge, but they're all, it was all messing with people on the street stuff. That was kind of the little thing. - His challenge is a lie. - Yeah, so just doing all that stuff and then during that time it was kind of like, oh yeah, maybe I should, I guess I should also try standup and then you try standup and you're like, I guess that's my life now. 'Cause you think it's just like, yeah, it's sort of do that. And then you're just like, no, if you wanna do that, it takes over everything in your life and then you're just like, then I guess I've done standup almost every night for the last 15 years now. - No, sure. - God, yeah. - Jesus. - I mean at least like three, four times a week, even, I probably haven't gone a week without doing standup and since I started, yeah. - So I think I know the answer, but I'm just curious, like are the jitters now completely gone? When you stand up in front of a crowd and you're doing like, you know, crowd work or something improv? Like do you just know like, hey, I'm a pro at this point, I can just do it. - Yeah, I feel like the only time you get jitters is almost the reversively you'd think where, like if you go do some like huge show for 2,000 people, that would not, I could literally be just like talking and then go on, it wouldn't even anything. But if I was doing a show for like seven people in the city and it was crappy and then someone that I care about their opinion walks in the room, then all of a sudden you're kind of like, oh right, and then just there, then that's when your brain starts going like, these weird moments, you kind of get nervous for a second. - So what you're telling me is that you don't care about your fans. - No, do you just, can I know, I think what makes you, well I've thought about this before I go, what makes you nervous? Like even with anything, you go, nervousness comes from, I'm not sure how this is gonna shake down. Whereas if I'm in like a theater with tons of people, I kind of know exactly what's gonna happen and there's nothing that could happen that I couldn't handle. - Yeah, like performing to one person sitting on a couch is nightmarish, performing to 700 people where it's just like a blur. - Yeah. - Okay, we got this. It's like a lack of control. - Yeah. - Yeah, that's my worst for you performing in small rooms, like to a handful of people fuck off. - Especially when it's on a couch with a camcorder. - Yeah, this is a very, this is a very bad energy. - I know what's gonna happen. - That's the type of control. - But no, I've been here before. - Okay, couldn't you say like, if you were putting on it, like I can even, you can probably relate this even like to guns, not them saying that's the whole thing or whatever, but like, imagine you were being like, oh come on, I'm gonna put in a demonstration for my fans. If I wouldn't be nervous, but imagine you were kind of messing around in someone that was like really good, it was like over your shoulder. - Yeah, no. - Okay, I know exactly what you're talking about. - You know what I mean? - Yeah, if every video I did, I had Ian from "Forgotten Weapons" like right over my shoulder, like analyzing everything I did. - Yes. - I would have a bit of a complex. - Like all of a sudden, then you're kind of like, oh, am I, do I even know how to shoot a gun? - I know that fact's correct, but is it? - Yeah, yeah. So I feel like those little moments, like kind of getting your head. - And when you say like people that you respect, like somebody who's a pinion, you respect walks into the room, you talking about like other comics. - Yeah, might just be even like your boy that you haven't seen in a while. So it's a lot of times, you know, everyone's out on the road then your friend, you know, people are on the road and then you kind of see him in the city. You're like, oh, what's this guy been up to? You kind of watch his set for 15 minutes. - Yeah. - And then he was like, I actually want to work on stuff. Stop watching me, you know what I mean? But yeah, then someone comes in that you haven't seen in a while and you want them to think you're funny. So then they come in and then you're all sudden, like fuck, I was kind of planning on bombing right now. - I was like, we're on his new stuff now. - I was planning on bombing. - I was like, what was that change to go to comedy? - But what was that change to go to comedy? 'Cause that is like what you're doing a band element and now it's, well, I'll just tell jokes. - That's an interesting switch. - Yeah, because that is, we get up we'll perform in front of like a lot of people and it's just a podcast. It's crowd interaction, it's an amazing time. - Yeah, it sounds sick. - Don't have that fear of walking up by yourself and be like, - Yeah, alone is spooky. - Like boo, I just, like, yeah. - I crumble immediately by myself. - Yeah, everything just becomes normal. I mean, I probably wouldn't want to do whatever you did in the army. - Unfortunately, I don't think most, you know, be bad at your joke. - I mean, that's a fairytale. - Yeah, that's a fairytale jump. - I'd rather get on in front of 700 people that get shot in the ass. - I'd rather bomb on stage than get bombed. - Yeah, that's pretty, yeah. I think most people take that shade to be honest. - But then it becomes normal probably at some point, you know? - It does, it really does. - I mean, okay. - My normal is like, if they shoot me, I hope it's here. - Yeah. - It'll instantly not be my problem. - Yeah. - And I'm not worried anymore. - You know what, it's probably the, it's stand up as the hardest one for the first like five years and then it's like, it's super hard to not be that good at. Could you know there's an easy learning curve? - Yeah, but then it's pretty hard for half a decade, you know? - You have probably seven, eight years for people. And then after that, it just becomes anything else. Like once you've been doing it for eight years and you're like, okay, have an hour, I can do this, then it becomes anything else. Whereas then now I go, sometimes it'll be like, man, this is kind of rough and then you're just like, yeah, but the other version that other people are doing, you're like, then you go and knock the gun and fight people to the, you know what I mean? So you go, it's hard to be, oh man, this is so hard. I gotta go stand in front of people and speak. (laughs) - I will say there's something to be said to about like, especially our podcast format is 'cause like, when you're up there with five of your boys and you know, you got an audience that's already like, they fucking love, you know, a lot of the shit we've done before and so like, they go crazy. - That's gotta be you. - Yeah, exactly, they're there for us. Like we've built that community. But like, being able to have that versus going up into a crowd of, you know, for example, 200, 300 people that you've never fucking met before, that maybe don't know you at all. - Yeah. - And have to make them laugh. That seems like a totally different skill set. - Yeah. It all just becomes a, like, it's becomes regular where you're just like, well, you know how to do it. It becomes the, like, the juice, the octagon analogy of like, yeah, that would be hard to have to go fight the best fighter in the world every night. But you're like, that's not really what you're doing in that scenario. What you're really doing for that UFC fighter is beating up a guy in a bar. Where like, that actually wasn't that stressful or hard. - Oh god, yeah. - 'Cause you're like, yeah, I put, you put work that you're putting together this hour and it's like, now you have this jokes and you're like, and then the things that work it works every time, it's kind of like magic in that sense where you're like, I have this thing it almost always work. And then you, your instincts, you have so many different instincts that, okay, if this happens to do this and they become microscopic and it becomes like second nature, I guess. - You just do the thing you always do. - Yeah, I think everything, like a master. - Mastery or whatever. It probably works similar in like everything. The difference is probably with stand up why it seems maybe sometimes scary. It's like, if you're like, there's 16 year olds that like form a band and then it's pretty good or YouTubers like even that are, you know what? I'm gonna start making some sketches and then within a year you're like, oh, that's actually pretty funny that that one that curve is more like five, six years probably. There's very few people that are just like, oh yeah. - Well, you're also directly facing the like, the number one fear of most people, which is not only public speaking, but public speaking where you're expected to make people laugh, which is far harder. - Yeah, yeah. - And so like you have like, I guarantee you, if you talk to most of the people in the audience or whoever, they would rather jump out of a plane than do a 20 minute set in front of a 500 people. - I'm saying on the podcast, there's so much comfort because like every time I've been on stage, it's like if you throw out a joke and it fucking bombs, I could just flash eyes at Brandon and I'm like, take over. - Yeah. - Like it's not up to me to, well, you guys didn't like that one. - Instant feedback and that's what you have to do with that instant feedback. - You are right, that stinks. Like when you're just there and you're eating it and there's nothing you can do and you're three years in, you don't even have the tools. You're like, this is the worst thing I've ever experienced. - What's the hardest you've ever bombed? - So many times. I mean. - What's the one that sticks in your mind though? It's gotta be one. - One that's funny is there's certain people that you're just like, really not equipped to follow when you're young. I remember some, like, there was this guy, he was in a wheelchair and he went up and he was just like crushing for, it was in front of a black audience too. So black audiences get like, wow, you know. And, and this. - What are you saying? (laughs) - I'm joking. - They'd lose them. They're, they're highs or highs, but they turn on you, they're like fuck you. So, you know what I mean? Like, and then. - What's the best reactions? Like, they are, if they like you. - Yeah. - Audience to add, 'cause it is, oh, that top reaction to you, they, they. - Yeah, my God. - The Mexicans don't call 'em, they too. Oh, white people, they. - I mean, that's a, oh, you're white, they. - Yeah, black friends are the thing, yeah. - Yeah, that's a, that's a definitely a thing. So. - But you lost them. - Well, this guy went up with a wheelchair and he had like a hand that had cerebral palsy. - Sheat codes. - Yeah. - And this guy was like talking about how he's like, fingering girls or this hand. And just, black guys are falling out of their chair. Dying laughing, right? And then I went up immediately and I said something about like gay people and like everyone in the crowd was just like, yo, yo, like, cool. And I remember just being like, I have nine more minutes and then about three minutes in this black room, they have like a DJ that plays like, get off stage music and they're like, shit. - Oh, no. - And I'm like, I probably, I'm maybe a year into comedy and this guy's just like, murdering, I went up, talked about gay people. Everyone was just like, you've been able to puke. Like, and then the DJ puts on like music to kick me off stage. Everyone starts bursting out laughing. And I walked off stage and just like walked into an ocean and I was like, I'm not doing stand-up anymore. But yeah, I wouldn't have 10 more of those. - Gzzz. - Clicker. - All right, well, I guess I'm doing a moro show. - It sucks to stand up stings. - Have you ever woke up and felt like your mattress punched you in your sleep? - I still think it was my wife, but yeah. - Eli, do you have the mattress? - Right here. - A pillow? - No, that's an Eli-sized mattress. (laughing) - Exactly. - Eli, can I fill the pillow? - Of course. - It's so soft. - Goes bad just to launch their brand new mattress line. - Every mattress comes to the 20 to 25 year warranty in a 101 night trial period where if you don't like it, you can send it back. I don't know how many stamps it takes, but you can do it. (laughing) Are you tired of your male carrier liking you? - You take a razor blade, cut it open. You're like, I always wanted to go to Denver and just hide inside of it. Don't do that, but do try Ghost Bed. - And even better, you can get an extra 10% off site-wide. When you use code on subscribe, and then you get to think about us every time you lay in bed. - More than you already do. - That's just cuddled up next to you. - This is on top of their everyday deals on mattresses, adjustable bases, and pillows being up to 50% off versus comparable brands. - Ghost Bed has 60,000 five-star reviews and awards for cooling comfort and support. Head over to gosped.com/unsubscribe to take advantage of this holiday offer. - That's gosped.com/onsubscribe. - Sleep better, stay cooler or Cody's gonna-- - All of you, you're (beep) (laughing) - Gosped.com! - Yeah. - And what is it? Now, do you see your show has to change depending on what location you're at? 'Cause I think that is a big element. Like a very large element. We had that same experience with even the employees as certain locations. - Oh, we're way more opening. - Yeah, certain locations. - Certain locations in New Jersey. (laughing) - We're way more respect, they like this versus just hating us for no reason. - Oh really? - You see that? - That's like your shows. That's interesting when you, it's like you are fans and then what do you think it was? Do you think that they just kind of were expecting something different? - No, the fans love it. It was the employees. - Oh, the employees, the fans were pretty much great everywhere. - You could feel their energy of like a lady walking around like giving you? - Oh no, they made it known. - Like out the gate. We've never been padded down to go in a green room before or in the backstage. - Yeah, and like you're patting people down for weapons for our sake, fuckhead. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - There's these assholes like the entire time and we didn't know what we did. It was because we start the show, we tip every all the employees. - Yeah, you guys are all nice. - Out the gate, like the first thing we do, we haven't seen how you're going to work. It's like here's tips, blah, blah, blah. I hope you just enjoy the show, have fun. - You take care of the people that take care of you. Like if you guys, you know, you're putting on a, you guys are here helping us put on the show that allows us to do all this for our fans. It's like yeah, we'll, we'll, you know, we'll make sure that you're paid accordingly. These people, and well also Jersey, they weren't allowed to get tipped out. They're not allowed to get fired and they're not allowed to get tipped. Wow, I wonder why their performance sucks. - Yeah. - Like, and that's the only time we've ever had a bad experience ever. - Yeah, and it kind of weighs on you. You're on stage like knowing these, the energy of these nine people that don't like me and there's nothing I can do about it. - Our forgets are going off. - We were getting texts the entire time, like where all of our staff, that's like dealing with shit behind the scenes, is like they're bullying us right now. - Ah. - We're like, hey, as soon as you guys get off stage, like while we normally like hang out and everything, bail, we're fucking leaving. - Did you guys talk about it on stage? Did you be like the staffs a bit much? - No, we were still fucking super nice, even say, hey, make sure you tipped 'em out. It was that when we got home, we did an IG story and then they found out the power of the internet or really fast, like, oh. - They got review bombed, like crazy. - You guys, Karen, dumb. - No, dude. - I wanted to Karen something last night. - What happened? - I went to the Alamo rental place. No shout out to Alamo and they wouldn't give me a car because I didn't have my passport. I don't even have my permanent resident card. And they're just like, you have to have a passport and then they're like, they got the manager and she goes, I don't know what you're trying to do, but you're not getting a car. And I was just like, I'll show you, I pulled up their website and it was like, you just need a valid government ID and if you look up valid government ID, permanent resident card counts, it's like your status card or whatever. And then I saw my Toronto license. - Was I say, what's your Canadian driver's license? - Versus my Canadian driver's license, I have my permanent resident card and then like three credit cards, like whatever it was. And then she was just like, no one. I'm like, I'm showing you the thing. And then she was like, you can show me all you want. Like, you're not getting a car and then I just, she goes, that's Texas law that you need a passport and then I go and then try to fall with her for a bit and then walk to the next booth over and the guy gave me a car. But I had, yeah, it was just Texas law, man. - Yeah, yeah, exactly, I went back and I just-- - The next booth, the guy was like, oh, you have $250. Here's the keys. - Yeah. But it was like late at night. - Trying to like you stole it. - I was infuriating. I was like, wanna review upon them. - Cool. - Not the girl's name too. If I drop it, considering it, so is it, though, like the different. - If I was on stage in that scenario that, 'cause that's what you're sitting in there in that energy, I would figure out a way to get rid of that energy as soon as possible. So if I was, for you, you're like, this thing's happening. I would be talking about that immediately, be like, three weird interaction with the staff. Like, that would, 'cause-- - All right. - I'm just like, oh my god. - This is a lie. - It's a lie. It's a lie. - We love our community. But-- - You can do it in a way, though. - There's an elephant in the room. - But you're describing like an elephant in the room, right? - This is just on Instagram stories. - We're in a room full of elephant hunters. It's the problem. - This is, well, you're saying you'd be like, "Stop's really weird, stop, stop, stop." - It was a review bomb. This is just that evening at like 11 a.m. Or 11 p.m. tell two in the morning. We're doing stories about it. And they have probably a thousand reviews already at that, like, on every platform. Like, it's them, just one start poop, poop, poop, poop. And that is a thousand, like, in a three hour window. And you're like, whoa. - And some of it was pretty-- - Oh, I can't remember. - Some of the stuff they did was pretty egregious. Like, not only was it, like, mistreatment. It was, like, harassment of certain people. And just, like, they just all around. We're just a terrible fucking menu. - Everybody, we've never had that before. - No, ever. Out of 20 shows, maybe, roughly. - They still don't know what it was. Like, you never got to the bottom of why these guys have a bone defect with us. - My theory is just Jersey. I don't like that place. Sorry, if you're from Jersey, but you should get out. - It was a wild one. It was the exact same set, exact same. Like, everything we do, we modify a small amount. But the starting is the same. We're always going to use the same jokes at the beginning when we're introducing calling people out. And it was just, like, instantly, like, no, no. If they just, like, 50, 60% of the show is the same. Like, there's a lot of ad-libbing. We're all just, we're all just bros onstage hanging out. And like, we're, if I switch to the end, we're, yeah. We got a structure, but we're also onstage like, trying to make each other laugh. Which is, I think, always kind of a fun vibe. - Yeah, hell yeah. - And that was just, nothing was inordinately different. But, but them, they were very different. And no matter what we did, just, we're just never work with a union in that side of the space, ever. We didn't even get to do, like, a sound check. - Without a union, it was a union, yeah. - I mean, those are hard to deal with. And every time you're just like, hey, I'm thinking about putting, just like, a small thing on the wall. And they're like, boom, we're going to need the small thing on the wall, guy. That's, yeah, we've got seven fucking people. That's another $2,000. It's, literally, it's everything. You're just like, hey, I'm going to be wearing a hat. Is that a problem? And they go, oh. - Well, you didn't tell us we had the higher a hat. - Yeah, you know, we got the Tony, who's that hat guy? How are you going to call that? We got a call, Tony, two hats. It's a, you get this hat or this hat. Which hat do you want to wear? No, you can't wear that hat. What is that? It's a red hat. Dude, they, oh my god, I know. We got to call fucking Nick. He's the red hat guy. - They, they didn't let us do a sound check because they said, "Oh, yeah." - Yeah, no, we have our dedicated two-hour smoke break. If you don't get your sound check done by this time, then you don't get to do one. I'm like, okay, cool. Then after where we had a medical emergency, there was somebody who actually had passed out and they were trying to get EMS in there. They turned off the lights. And they're like, oh, well union rules, you want the lights back on as $2,000? It's not a joke. - Are you kidding me? - No, that genuinely is an action. - This is an action, it's an action. - It's an action, it's an action, it's an action. - I experience this tons of times. That was our room. - I'm in a TV show though, it was like union. It was just like, well the beta might exist and it's just every day. - All right, well you open the door. All right, TV show that we've shown. - Tell us about TV show. - Oh, it's just the exact same thing. Well, when I did my show at CBC, we did like this digital series called Toronto. I was just sketching about Toronto, but it was just every same thing where you're just like, you want to change anything. Okay, I want to just, like for example, you know what you guys are filming? You're like, you know what? Let's put our boy in for one shot. You're just like, okay, that's going to take a month of like prep. Everything is just enormous. And then I didn't do it. So I was kind of like, I can, we're small enough. I could probably get away with this stuff. So I would just be like, we need an extra like, you know, let's put the camera guy there for a second. And then, you know what I mean, they tracked me down. They're like, you owe me 20 grand. Do you? - Imagine setting your makeup. Then forgetting it's even theirs. Gel to mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours with flexible all day, comfy grip. - Maybe it's Mabelie. - It is wild when we had to do a working with Union and it was part of a video game high school. And the crowd, we needed a reaction crowd shot in an office. And it's like, okay, everyone go up. And they start screaming for us like, no, no, no, scream me. No yelling, no nothing. Just, 'cause you have to pay for that. That is an emotional charge. - Because it's a speaking line. - Not silent on camera. - Yep. - Dude, and the dust roll. - Okay, that shit I ever heard my life. - It's fucking wild. - Yeah, but they know the theaters. The theater ones, they've really, the live theaters, they've really got on lockdown. And you're in some small place. Like, I wanted to do, I think I was in Toronto. I wanted to do like a minute long intro video. And it was just like, I mean, they won your first board. - It's crazy, Jesus. - I feel like Hollywood's like that spider man pointing at Spider-Man meme. It's like, who's killing Hollywood? (laughing) You guys with your dumb fucking rules. Like, of course, now the barrier to entry is so low to do shit on the internet now. - Yeah, yeah. And they're happening simultaneously, right? - Yeah. - So that's kind of a weird position where we're like, we're gonna make it harder at the same time. People don't need us as much. - Yeah, we're gonna make it harder in a time where our competition is so much more prepared to overtake us for the war on attention. - I remember in the like, acting unions, which I've been in at some point. - The film actors go nice. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. (laughing) - The film actors go after-- - (laughing) - I mean, I was like, watch you have to wait for connoisseurs. - I said, ha! - I was like, there it is. - (laughing) - Yeah, very high-res stuff yet. - For me. - And then, (laughing) an actor, I don't wanna talk about my craft of acting, but, no, it would be, there was a point where they were saying that if people wanted to make Instagram videos on their own channel, they can't because they're a union actor. So they have to pay the fee, and it was just like, you guys, are you trying to make yourself obsolete? So everyone was just like, okay, well, I'm not doing social media stuff. So I guess, do what you gotta do. And then there's like, oh, you're kicked out into me like, oh no. (laughing) - Ooh. - Ooh. - No, I'm gonna have to make money on my own. - No. - Yeah. - It feels like the train industry, as soon as commercial flights started taking off, you're like, oh, yeah, you do your silly airplane business. We'll be here forever. - Yeah, yeah, and then, yeah, I'd be the equivalent of the trains being like, also, there's a three-hour process to get on the train, and then, - Well, you have to pay 14, three million dollars. - And then also, your permanent resident card will not be registered. (laughing) (laughing) - You're like, I don't need you. - Fuck. - So what is the locations you do perform the best, or you have to move on? - I do the Comedy Cellar, New York Comedy Club. The stand, there was a club called Williamsburg Comedy Club. I was doing a lot, St. Mark's in New York. But, yeah, the Comedy Cellar's kind of like, the main club in New York, you might say. And then the stand in New York Comedy Club. - Have you never heard of that? Is that like, kind of like the. - Comedy Store? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And probably the New York that, yeah. - Thank you for knowing exactly what I was talking about, but I guess I could not have come up with the name of the spot. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, LA, LA is the Comedy Store, which is kind of as like a, I don't know, that is a cool energy, 'cause it's kind of this old, like, feels like, you know, people say it feels like it has ghosts there, but like, LA has this weird kind of, you know, vibe where it feels like someone was killed there, and I think there has been people shot there and stuff like that, so it's, it's got kind of like a romantic vibe in a weird way. - It's kind of like Old Vegas, in a sense, where you're like, there's all these people that have been through here, like, these are the people that perform, these are the people that like built this place up, like, you're like, oh, fuck, I'm standing in the same place as these people did. - And Comedy Seller has a vibe too, where I'm actually, honestly, since I've been there, I've even been able to be conscious of it, whereas like, a lot of times, you know, and you kind of like look back at times, you're like, oh, that was sick, but you didn't notice it at the time. I feel like Comedy Store, I have a seller have actually been able to, as I'm there, be like, oh, yeah, this is cool, you know? It's like, you know, walk, and I live like super close, you'd like walk there, and just every famous person's there, and the shows are all good, and the rooms are perfect for comedy, and just, then you kind of finish your set, have a beer, watch David Tal, and you're just like, oh, yeah, this is like, I bet you years from now, I'll be like, oh, this was sick, you know? - Now when you say when the room is perfect for comedy, what do you mean by that? - The, I'm not like the best guy in the world in knowing the exact dimensions and stuff, but there's like a science, the simplest one is low ceilings, sometimes you're just like, pretty obvious, low ceilings have carpets, like your chairs are better acoustics, you know, there's certain backgrounds that look better than others, don't have like a crazy backlight where you can't see it, but most of it's sound, most of it is, the audience is dark enough, because when the audience is bright, they don't laugh as much, you know, little things like that. - Yeah, 'cause I was told like the worst thing for like a comedy show like that is to have an audience that, but let's for example, you got 1,000 seats, 400 of 'em are filled. It's better to have like a room that seats 400 with 400 people, 'cause if people aren't shoulder-to-shoulder, they don't laugh. - They laugh more when they're, yeah, 'cause it's an energy, it's an energy, right? - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah. And then when they're bright and think they're cool, the worst clubs are bright and like hip. Like people, like a guy, like you have a well-dressed dude, like a guy like you that's there with like a hot date, you know what I mean? And they're sitting there and it's like, I think any guy that is there with like a girl and he's kind of like trying to impress her and she's, like no guy's gonna be like, ah, you know what I mean? - Right, right. - You know, it's a most, you're gonna be like, like everyone's trying to be cool. And then on top of that, it's bright, so it's not even like dark where you can lose yourself. So like hip, bright, tables instead. Yeah, that's the kind of, the worst ones in the city I've tried. - That kind of sucks 'cause it sucks the fun out of the audience too. Like you're not allowed to laugh. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. What you want started to trust, what you want is like, on the road club where this guy's been with his wife for 10 years and he doesn't give a shit what she thinks of him, you know what I mean? And she, if he's like, ah, like he could be dying after and she's not gonna, and she's like, oh, that was a lot. And he's like, yeah, I won't go, whatever, do something. What do you wanna leave me? - I'm gonna still fireman's carry to the Uber. Like, you're going home together no matter what. - I think through all of our years in business on the internet, we've all used Shopify. I've used it for merch and my skate shop in a couple other businesses. - I will actually agree 100% on that. Everything we do is run through Shopify. - Even bunkers run through Shopify. - Our shoes, which is a separate company, is run through Shopify and they talk together because of Shopify. - Shopify runs the world. - Did you know Shopify will actually help you design a website also, Cody? - I know I didn't know (beep) about starting an online store when I started my career online. And Shopify just made it super, super easy for my dumbest. Bring it up as if people haven't heard about my brand though. That's actually easy, Eli. Shopify helps you find your customers with easy to use email and social media campaigns. - Step Cody, what happens if I get stuck? - Shopify is always around to share advice with their award-winning 24/7 customer service. - Step support, bro, you got my back. - And your front. Shopify helps millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e-commerce in the US. From household names like Mattel or Jim Shark to new brands, just getting started. - Unsub-shoes, unsub-merch, bunker. - No (beep) we've all been doing this for over a decade and Shopify is the easiest e-commerce platform we've ever used. - I think every single one of us has used Shopify at one point. I think all our businesses right now are using Shopify. - No, except mine, but that's because it's guns. Can't do that. - Just one of them can't. Turn those dreams into SFX, Cha-ching. Shopify new sell sound. And give them the best shot at success with Shopify. Dine out for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at Shopify.com/unsubpod. - Shopify.com/unsubpod. - That's super interesting in psychology 'cause you don't have control of like, hey, I just went, we always set at the beginning of the show it's like, hey, kill house lights and then the stage lights. Here's the beats where we will want house lights to be turned on and kill them right after. You have zero control of that on just on random shows day to day. - Yeah. I mean, that's, I mean, And part of the city, when you're in the city, part of it is more like if you think of if you're like a fighter or an athlete, you kind of think a city so it's a little more like the gym. So it's like I'm actually not, what you're saying is like, oh you might not be able to like lift as much or hit your, hit your PRs or whatever and you go, that's not, I could care less. - I'm not interested. - So I'm really there and you're like working on Yukai. I've sat there all week or all day and being like, I have this new thing. I'm trying to try and this and this. Oh, maybe if I do that there and you're kind of trying to get a read on that. I'm not there to, for, you know if people kind of say this, but like if I go to this cellar and I'm like, oh, that guy killed, he had the best said. It's like, yeah, 'cause you kind of like, we're, you know what I mean? Like a lot of times, there's shows where that's me. Like, there's a lot of times where there's shows in the city where I go on and I'm like, I go really kill and people are just like, oh, that was, you were like the best one. I'm like, yeah, 'cause I'm a, yeah. I was gonna go and like work on all this new stuff. There's too many people here and everyone was watching and I was like, and instead of doing that, I went and killed. Like, you know what I mean? The thing is easier. - You just like, did your good shit. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Or the, yeah, the new things I'm working on. Yeah, it's like, so some of it is like, cowardice when you're killing. - Dude, that's like a fine line. - Do you think there's like a reliable way that you can workshop new material without having to go in front of a live audience? - No. - Or you just always like, I've gotta hear what they, I was gonna repeat it in front of the fucking mirror, you psychopath. - Well, you know what I mean? Like, there's a way we just like, you're like, I think this is gonna be really good, but it's just one of those like, until first contact with the enemy you don't know. - Yeah, that's what I'd say. And you, and I believe me every person and probably me a ton when you start, you obviously, you're, when you get busy and things are working good, like, you're always like, how do I make this more efficient? And obviously the answer is like, well, if I could not do that part. And then yeah, but you end up wasting more time 'cause you kind of sit there and being like, this, I figured it out, like, this is gonna work. And then you, you end up wasting like, a day working on this thing and if you just went and did it, you'd be like, actually, no. - Like the vibe was wrong. - Yeah, no, as soon as you say it, you're kind of like, you know, that kind of doesn't feel right. And you can get a vibe, you can weed some out where it's like, you know, saying stuff to your friends and saying that we're like, I can weed out where I'm like, I can weed stuff out. But if I, if I'm like, oh, I think this is good and I say it to some people and I'm like, I think, and then you go on stage and you're like, that wasn't really, you know what I mean? - Yeah, I'll do that a lot to like, friend sometimes too. I'm just like, all right, if I'm working on a joke for a video, I'm just like, ah, like, I'll throw it out. I'm like, oh, that didn't get the response I wanted. - All right, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - Maybe workshopped out a little bit. - Yeah, also there's kind of a thing with maybe other format, even like making funny videos or, you know, doing people who do funny articles or other funny things. It's like, that game is a lot about having like, a lot of sevens consistently. Even like in TV, a lot of jokes. There's like, it's about, it's about, it's that, stand up more like the threshold of this makes it into the hours like so much higher that there's like a higher reading out process, you know? So if you're just making, like there's videos where it's like, okay, I put out a video and it had, you know, 30 kind of laugh points in it and some of those probably were bees, some of them, but like pretty consistent. Where it's stand up, if you ended 30 of those, you'd be like, maybe I have one thing, you know? - Yeah. - So the threshold is just so much higher. - What was one of the jokes you did that was like, you're like, this will crush. I think this is going to be the one and then you just watched the opposite happen. - Oh, that's funny. The, yeah, just, the joke, like we're for a week, I've just been like, well, I solved comedy, and you go on stage, you go, turns out, I didn't solve any, I didn't solve. - This is it, the platinum joke. - The one everybody's been working for since the dawn of time. - This is my crime moment, yeah. - We'll say, you made that comment about posting consistent sevens and that's how I built my career. - It took great events, great events to that. (laughing) - Man, whether it become girls or jokes, nothing wrong with me. - There you just didn't do. - Just hitting that right, no, not field, every time. It's getting a little bit stuck, no home runs so far, but it's worked out just fucking fine. - Yeah, I always, even just recently, you'll have a thing where you have a small point where you go, like you have this whole bit and then just the one tiny part of it is like, I guess that's something, but this nine minute thing that I thought was, and I was just like, you know, family is really important for poor people and then you go, that's it. And then this whole other thing, I go, this one little line at the beginning was gonna laugh every time and then I was just like, and then this whole, so I guess like, maybe when I have a joke about family, I can get that back in there. But, there has been times where I've had things personally where I'm like, oh, this is, I know it's good, because I know I'm like, I know I'm like on to something here, but it took me nine years to, you know, 'cause every time I've kind of finished a special or I'm like, you know what? Let me look at all my old notes and maybe there's something there every time. I'm like, why did I ever, this is gold. And then you bring it out, try it for a week, force it and I go, yeah, I'm back in this closet with that. (laughing) - No, this is, oh my, you're disgusting. - I mean, it really is like a girl where it's like, you get back with the hot girl and you're like, why did I ever stop doing this girl rule? And then like, week three, you're like, that's why, right? - Oh, yeah, she just scratched my house. That's, yeah, she's crying again. That's why the reason. - Ah, she was stupid. (laughing) - Yeah, yeah, I definitely feel like jokes have it. You probably had things like that, but yet jokes and kind of be like that where you're just like, what, it's just perfect. And then you, you're like, no, it wasn't quite perfect. That's why, and you could never have solved that last little part of it. Do you have them where it sticks out into your mind? Where you're like, this joke is the one, it will solve comedy. And I'm gonna present it and the blood joke. - Oh, oh, well, I'll tell you the, this is me teaching you about colonization, but. - Oh, thank you, thanks, I'm going. - I love you. - For the record, I do not think this is gonna be solving comedy. (laughing) - That's not my current opinion on what I'm gonna say. - No, this is, on record, Brian Long says, this is the best joke ever written. He wrote it personally, the funniest joke, thank you sir, ever written. He compared it to colonization. (laughing) - I have achieved comedy. (laughing) - Now that I've done with comedy, you know, I've got something out of it. - This is his retirement joke. - The next stop is cancer. (laughing) - Obviously, yes. Probably easier, actually. (laughing) - That's why I said that. - You're sneaking things down there? - No, but I can get you one for fun. - Oh, you got one, may I? - Yeah, buddy. - Oh, thank you. There's the guest on the podcast. Thank you so much, sir. - Oh, there's citrus too, I love you, sir. - Yeah, good flavors. Sixies? - Yeah. - Yeah, hope. - You ever done guys? - No, I'm not a guy, I haven't done that. - They're illegal in Canadian. - Well, when I was in, I did, I did like a year up to her and they had like 16s in these crazy numbers. And it's funny, 'cause you first do it and you're just like, it's, you're like, this is insane. Why is anyone, and then by the fourth one, you're just like, pop it. You're like, your body adapts quick. These are allos and feeling in these three fingers. - Yeah. - I've seen the ones that like from Europe where they have like the 50 milligram, like zins and shit. - Oh yeah. - Wait, to me, I'm like, I would be immediately physically ill within like three minutes. There's no way. Ryan was about to tell the funniest joke ever. - Oh, that's right. - No, I wasn't, I pivoted out of telling the joke in an interesting way, I said, I'm gonna do something else, but I just pulled up funniest joke ever. I was going up, really set the tone for me. - I said I was gonna teach you about colonizing. Do you guys know about colonization? - Well, because I'm Iris, which is the original colony and the original terrorists, which you probably know about, but for your audience who doesn't know about colonization, back in the day, England used to go to all these other countries and improve them. And because they're (laughs) asked for a few spices, nothing crazy, you know what I'm saying? - And it's actually good. - All the spices and using none of them. - Yeah, it would be like your buddy coming to your house and cleaning the place, puts in a soda stream when he leaves. He's like, mind if I take some oregano and you're like, what the fuck, you know? But then, yeah, they used to, you're trying to help, they'd call these other countries, be like, India, we have toilets now, they'd be like, where are you told you we're good? Click, you know? - It's sad. (laughs) - They'd be like, Australia, you guys need criminals, they'd be like, we don't need any, we don't need any, we're like, they're on their way, you know? And then England went to-- - Trust me, they had bloody. - They had a few, but they need more. And then England went to the Middle East and give them the best present, you could ever ask for, which is 85,000 Jews. And without so much to thank you, by the way, I wish I had 85,000 Jews. And Jamaica was jealous, they're like, we want Jews, they're like, you already have black people, don't get greedy. And they said, once they've become reggae stars, we're still gonna need a few Jews to manage them. And they said the Jews can't help because they're busy sending over the black people. Now, that is 20% historically accurate. I'm going to tell my kids that was the trade triangle. (laughing) - I hate that, that is the viral clip that just happened. - So let you know, that is the viral clip right there. - Hey, editor, when you clipped that up into a short, please leave my face out of this thing, dude. - Yeah, for the record, I love that. - I love that. - I'm so floated away. - Is that not correct, like right now, that's why America has to be the colonizer. And that's why America's running on money. They're gonna have to start an only fan. 'Cause you think about it. You tell me, we're carrying the baton for Britain. - Why do you think Britain has a mosque on every corner and put people in jail for speech? 'Cause they're trying to disguise themselves as Muslim in hopes that someone colonizes them for a change. 'Cause they're always the colonizers, never the colonizers. - Well, you know, once we get Greenland, who knows? - That's what I said, I said Trump's been spinning a wheel just to figure out which dictator he's gonna rule. He's like, Greenland, it's yellow. He's like, "Kim Jong Un, we're gonna get it." - He says color paths for some reason. - Brown, you're gonna London. (laughing) That's a good that's yeah, I don't kill here in San Antonio made it a third of the way through that white claw and he finally opened up you bullied me into doing a job. Brandon. Brandon, Cody call him the one word win AK 50. I sense the disturbance in the force. What's up? How do you like those turtle beast noise canceling headphones? They're the stealth 700. They're fantastic. The noise canceling is so good all I hear is tonight is. Ah God these are comfortable. They're really comfy. Yeah, those are dope. Turtle Beach makes them range your pro. You went January actually, Cody, actually like put those on. Oh, they're those are legit comfortable. Turtle Beach, what you doing over there girl? You make it so hot ass stuff like your squishies. 3D spatial audio to improve your gaming that will work really good in Tarkov, your people's footsteps and in pub G. I can't wait to use a turtle beach headset to listen for footsteps in Tarkov running the new AK 50 while I get still killed from a woodline. I can't see what Eli, there's a global cabal that's working behind the scenes to control all media and that's why we should have never gone off the gold standard. Hey, hold on hold on 80 hour battery life. 80 hour battery life. Holy s**t, there's a lot of switches. Can't stress enough how comfortable these are and if you've been in a long gaming session, which I'm sure all of us have unfortunately. I wear adult diapers when I play World of Warcraft. You should be euthanized. Ah. Also controls headphones. Great. This. Game hard. Head to Turtle Beach and use code unsub for 10% off your entire order. That's 10% off your entire order at turtlebeach.com with using code unsub. After your purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Please support unsub and tell them where you got them. Tell them unsub since there regards. That's what's crazy. It's like a joke like that. We'll work in some areas and then it's not. No, I don't. I'm in New York, dude. So my who should be honest, it's for me, it's because I know I know the question you're asking. For me, it's sort of the opposite where I'm like a, you know, like I do better in, I'm like a city urban guy, you know what I mean? I'm from Toronto, then New York, like all my jokes are made there where sometimes in places like this, I feel a little more, I got to change it a little. In what way? In what way do you change it, I guess? Well, a lot of times you're, you, the vibe of like, okay, so in New York, people have like a things that they think that they agree with. Oh, I mean, it can go both ways, but like, let's say you were talking about gay people, two people that are New Yorkers. That is different than talking about that to someone who maybe isn't even like about it. Gotcha. They're not even open up to the jokes for it or even that commute back. They don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, they're like, sometimes I remember like in Toronto, I talked about like Indian people because like, there's dude, all like my boys are Indian and it was very like part of the culture and that Indian friends. Yeah, I have Indian friends and then you kind of, I remember even in like being in, you come to some place here, you be like, Indian, you know, Indian dudes like this and they're just like, I guess, like, I'll take your word for it. Yeah. Like, it's not that they're, if they've ever been to the cascus. Yeah, they're not even like offended or not offended. They just don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Interesting. It's like, you know, like, you see all these New York comments come out here and talk about some ways that everyone's like, I don't know if that what happens on there. I don't take the subway. It's a relatability to the joke. Yeah, yeah. So sometimes the pushback that you're like, the joke is built on like a certain amount of pushback that no longer exist, then you're like, well, then what are we doing here? That and I wonder like, do you have to, like, kind of adjust because I guess it's easier to be edgy in like LA in New York. Yeah, it's a different type of, it's a different thing that's edgy because like a certain, a certain element of comedy is like, okay, you're doing the thing you're not supposed to do. Like, you're saying the thing you're not supposed to say and that's why, but it's relatable. So I guess there's an element of comedy in that, like, do you find it harder when you go to places that aren't so much in those spheres? Well, you just go the other way. They still have their things. Oh, that's true. I guess that is true. There's kind of different, like, if you think of, there's more like, Texas is a little more serious, right? So Texas people, you know, that's where you go. I know what you mean, but I was kind of thinking, like, if you think of like Florida trash, you know, it's kind of in my mind, I was thinking like, if you talk about like a Texas guy, but like, why is guns? It's like, well, it's a second amendment, and there's kind of like a philosophy. If you talk to Florida, it's like, why do you have guns? Like, so someone doesn't steal my pills. Is that what you know? It's like, case I get serious about the next one. It's like getting from like a hooker at NASCAR, like, Florida trash is like a different type of. So there's there's a reason the Florida man vibe exists. Yeah, yeah. So Texas people are serious in the way that, you know, sometimes, you know, New York people are serious, but just about different topics, you know? Interesting. So you kind of go the other way. You know, like, maybe talking to you about God to certain people is obviously, like, in New York, that would be like the least edgy thing you could ever do. Right. They're like, yeah, that's what we all believe here. It's just like, uh, well, you know, yeah, yeah. Like you, you flip it. It's like it's actually to talk about probably a law in New York. And here it's, you can probably say, whatever, but a lot of it, like if you go real hard on Jesus, people might be like, shut up. Yeah. But well, and then there's the balance of like, okay, how do you turn that into comedy? Because there's like, okay, there's offending people, and then there's offending people in a funny way, you know? Because I mean, I feel like, I mean, I'm not really just, just be honest, I'm explaining it as much as people think I am for the audience sake, not your sick. I'm not trying to teach you how to do comedy, because God knows you know how to do it. But no, but I'm like, no, that you, but you're, you actually are right. Like there is, it's, there is a difference between like the purpose of this was to like offend people. And then the other part of it is like the purpose for this was to get someone to be like, ah, that actually is good. You know, I said that. Mom would have self-awareness. I'm like, I don't want to come off like I'm man-splaining. Like, I don't want to come off like I'm man-splaining. I don't want to come off like I'm man-splaining. Tell'd like a media and how to do comedy. Comedy is such a stupid thing to be an expert on because every, it is obviously, but it's, if you're like a engineer and you're an expert, we don't all do a bit of engineering. You know, with comedy, you're like, I'm an expert, comedy. Everyone's been joking around with their friends the whole life. So everyone also does this. Well, I made a comment this morning to Brandon, not to fucking suck your, but I was like, you know, he just, he's got that natural inclination because there was a joke you made where you were talking about you were like, I've been getting pushed this targeted ad for a an entirely female based, not to fuck up your own joke, but an entirely female based moving company. And then just very subtly go, so like a really moving company. Yeah, it's just, oh, you slid that right in. It's like, oh, that's perfect. My algorithm right now, I've been saying this, but it's like, it's funny because I have like just all disability shit. Like, there's a guy on the arms, no legs, he rolls around because they send you one. And then obviously you look like it. Yeah. And then the algorithm's like, yo, that's your shit. I love like my algorithms like all right now sea lions and yours like not paraplegics. Just it's my, it's my favorite joy. It's that's what happens. There's this one one. She's got this no skin condition. She's always posting them like, I know skin. She posted, she was like, I want this blind date with a guy and he was so surprised by my appearance. And I was like, yeah, I don't know if she'd be blind dating without skin. Like bare minimum. I'm a blind date, I'm expecting skin. Like I don't think that's things I want my partner to bring to the table skin. Pretty reasonable expectation minimum. Oh, that's kind of on you. That's fucked. Yeah. I'm like, I'm gonna hate that because so much in custom to them talking. That's hard cut back. I guess the real. Yeah, the real piece. You got a lot of something on. Nevermind. No, no, all right. Yeah. The real piece is just your buddy. You sent you up on that blind date. You come back. He like, out of go. You're like, didn't have skin. You mentioned that in the writer. Set me up with the fucking California raisin. Lord sod from Power Rangers. But it is funny. Yeah, when you just get like, actually, I was never getting like another like an algorithm for like black Twitter or you know, like some like Muslim algorithm where and you're just like realizing like, I don't know any of this shit. Do you just go down those rabbit holes as soon as you get exposed to it, you're just like, okay, I need to know more. I'm going to like this one. It's going to feed. It's going to catch me on the right track. It's going to feel disaster. Mine's Spanish because I read it. I speak Spanish. I speak enough Spanish that I like I can read it and I can speak it conversationally. But like on Reels, it's the same thing where I'll open up like a Spanish meme and it takes me longer to understand Spanish than it does English, obviously. So I'll open up an English or a meme in English and it's like boom flick and I open up one in Spanish and it takes me twice as long to comprehend. And they're like he loves this. And then I will just have the most Mexican feed. on Instagram for like a week and a half. - Well, that's the problem. Sometimes I'll fall asleep while like doom scrolling or whatever. Like I'll wake up in the middle and I check my notifications or whatever one thing leads to another. I'll like, I'll open up my fucking, you know, feed and then I'll fall asleep on it. So like the algorithm says, like my watch time is 100% dedicated to whatever the fuck that was. I'm like, oh great. Well, I know what my next three days looks like. - God, I love the algorithm. It just, it learns, you start. - Yeah, we said it. - That's, it takes balls. - I've, how do you reset it? - I don't know, I either haven't looked but my body did it. - Start a new account. - And he's been pushing it. Now he's like, yeah, you can reset your algorithms. - Well, dude, it goes stock settings. - It's terrifying because what happens, I had, it will start presenting you, your old stuff used to watch when I started say hi, that's a brand new, that's a brand new channel, everything. So I started watching content on that. Bro, did that not just start feeding videos I've already watched before? It's like, oh, I think you would like this. I'm like, oh. - Can you do you pretty quick? - Yeah, like in a couple of days it was like, oh, you probably like this and I'm like, I've watched that video before. How did you know that? - There's also a difference too between like, like if you, like go to your buddies YouTube account. Like you're just like at your buddy's house and you pull up the smart TV. It's like, oh, okay, well, this looks like fairly similar to my feed, but like with a couple, a couple of my buddies eclectic interests. When you go to like an Airbnb where somebody is still logged in and you just like open that up and you're like, this is somebody who has no access to my circles. We have nothing in common. - You're living in a different world. - You look through their feed. It's like, oh my God, I'm just suddenly getting blasted by Mr. Beast and all this, like you're like, oh, God, what's going on here? - Yeah, you're like someone, I guess I knew someone was watching him, but I never seen this video on my feed. - It's out here. We are different worlds. - I was kind of talking about this on stage before, but like they're kind of setting up dudes because they only send you, if you're a dude guaranteed the first thing they try is like hot chicks, right? And then no matter what you're, you have to go boom, boom, boom, or the algorithm's just like feeding you hot chicks. And then if any of your chick looks at your things, like it's all a chicks and you're just like, I'm being set up, you know what? - Samarna's mind looks, I look just autistic and retarded. It's like cars, space, cars, space, cameras, space. - Because they won't recommend gun stuff anymore. So that's what my feed naturally, it used to be. - Holy shit, they don't run in gun stuff? - No, no, it's been years, years and years. - On YouTube? - Holy shit, I didn't even think about that. - Yeah, even IG or anything will not recommend a single fucking firearm, even though that's our space. - Yeah, so now it's your space, it's in cars, but like in reality, 95% of what I actually consume is firearm stuff and like my actual feed. - Yeah, that's interesting. I never get it, yeah, I definitely never get any firearm stuff, but you can just see lines and firearms and firearms in one to one life. - I'll spend a little bit more time here in Texas. - We'll shoot you around. - Yeah, I mean, I fired a gun once in my life and I was just, yeah, yeah, yeah, and I was kind of like. - I like both times you said that, you've done the gun. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I shot a gun. - So like, time's in my life and then you did it again. - When you brought that. - Wait, in what context? - I like went to the gun range of the guy. - We're at. - In Toronto. And honestly, I was just kind of bored. - That must be it. - What is a Toronto gun range and evidence locker? - How was it? - Gunpowder. - Yeah, we busted out the daisies. - It was pretty crazy. - Two, three minutes to load it. - You'll never believe it. My buddy shot his eye out. - Yeah, there's a flag that says bang. - Some sparkles come out of it. - God, we took you shooting if we were ever now. Like here. - We'll take you out with some of my toys. - Yeah, let me go with you guys. - Yeah, but this one, when I went, he did have a lot of guns and I remember by gun four and he was like, okay, I was cool and he was like, yeah, there's 12 more guns and I was like, all right. - You say it was like, you said a lot of guns or a shot guns. - Cute. - Yeah. - He had a brick barrel 12 gauge. - How do you need it? - Do you think it's a city thing a little bit? 'Cause I was even, I don't know if this is funny, but like the idea of, yeah, and I agree with like, you know what the government to tread on you, but like when you're on, when you're in the city and everyone's there and there's a guy like yelling and screaming on crack in the subway, you're like, the government to tread on that guy a little. (laughing) - I wish the government would do 60 cc's of tread on that guy at the moment. You got a minute trending on that guy, please. - It's a needle, this is tread. (laughing) - Are you from Toronto? - Yeah. - Oh, right. - So you've only ever lived in big cities? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And I've never, yeah, I've never. - We started the conversation talking about Toronto, like it's like a little podentown in Canada. - Nice. - It's a huge fucking city. - I think it's third or fourth biggest metropolitan in North America. - 'Cause in my understanding of Canada, like most of the population is like down toward the United States, Canada border, and it's like mostly in like a pocket of a handful of cities. - Yeah, yeah, kind of, it's a Southern Ontario's like the big spot for sure. - It was like population in Canada is what, like 40? - Yeah. - Yeah. - Toronto is south of Detroit, if I'm not mistaken. - Is it really? - Yeah, let it be boys? - Yeah, kind of. - I guess that does track. - Huh? - Pump me on the spot with Joe. (laughing) - Is he going up the line? - Joe, let's do it. (laughing) - Well, 'cause you were talking about Renton in New York, yeah, I've seen like rent prices in Toronto or fuck too. - Yeah, Toronto's high, Vancouver's the highest. Like that's kind of like how Silicon Valley is still alive. - Yeah, California of Canada. - But I said, yeah, I've said half the country wants to get rid of illegal immigrants and half the country wants to get rid of guns and there's way too many of either to make a dent. (laughing) - If there ever is some similarities, when you see either on the subway, you say, yeah, no, no, you're not. And I keep one of each and my trunk for protection. (laughing) - How often do you go back to the homeland? - A couple times a year. You think, everything, I mean, you guys are busy dudes too. It seems like, you know, you have like multiple channels, you're touring, like, everything that I say, I'm gonna do, I do lots of, like, I have so many things, I'm like, oh, I'm gonna go to Austinmore, I'm gonna go to LA more, and then, oh yeah, I'm gonna, like, I just, my list of things that I'm going to do is ever increasing and none of I do. - That was my, I think my New Year's resolution, like, two years ago was, oh, man, I really enjoyed that Elkhont, me and Cody did. And like, I'm gonna do more hunting this year 'cause I really fucking love it. - Yeah. - That year, I did zero fucking hunting. It's like, well, nah, right, fuck me, I guess. - Really fine. - Two whole days next to each other where I don't have shit going on. - Me and my boys went to Puerto Rico, just like me and like, some of my, like, close friends from Toronto. And it was like the first time in a little bit I've done just like a random, went for five days and you're just like, yeah, it left being like, we have to do this every weekend. And you're just like, maybe 2029. - Well, even Cody's bachelor party was so nice, it was so relaxing, and then within two days. - I was like, everybody left early. - Yeah. - It was like, I gotta get home and get shit done. - Oh, I gotta, I'm so behind right now. - Yeah. - Off of this two days of being off, like, fuck. - It's the first time I slept, I fell asleep in a fucking hammock. That was the most peaceful I've ever been in my entire life. We had like five people who like aren't constantly like in this lifestyle, we're like, go, go, go, go. And then we had three days of fuck off. We're just doing nothing, which was kind of weird. Like, no expectation of content, no expectation of any, I don't think we filmed a single fucking thing. - No, nobody, nobody's on their phone. - We're just probably good, because there's nothing worse than when you're just like, alright, I'm gonna chill and then four guys are like, making videos. - Oh, I would've been pissed. - We can't do one day. My body went, they went to the, I think it was the Yankees game. And he was just like, we went with five guys and he was like, three of the guys were filming like Instagram videos the whole time for them. And he's like, what are we doing? - Bunk off, yeah. - Yeah. - Okay, no. - Thank you. - Influencers. - Yeah, but I mean, it is out of control, but yeah, so, I mean, that's as you get older, period, you got to really, I think that's why things like, even, I mean, I know that you've made like a career out of it, which makes it different, but like all the stuff you're doing, it kind of is a reason to hang out with people. So, you kind of systemize. I mean, comedy is a bit like that too. I talk to it with my boys and you're at the club with your boys. So, you almost like, need your life to already include, you know, your social stuff or it's hard to make it work. - Right. - Probably, I don't know. Maybe there's a better way that I don't know about. - I mean, it makes sense, like, especially when you have people with like similar interests, similar careers, whatever, like you naturally gravitate toward each other. - Yeah, 'cause otherwise, I mean, then otherwise, you're just like, I never, like, everything is just in a, like, on a treadmill. - Yeah. Oh, and you're not learning from that at all. You're the kid. - Yeah. - Know with it, do you learn more from when you bomb or when you do a good show? - Probably when you, well, if you're working on a joke, you, and it does get, I don't know if learning is the right word, but yeah, probably learning more from your bomb, but it would be like anything, I would say, there's a depreciating returns. Like, you wouldn't be just like, well, I've just been bombing for 10 weeks straight, I'm really learning. (laughing) - Every word is so fucking hard. - God, nobody laughed last night. - I don't think you, I don't think you learned if it's going on for 10 weeks from the map setup. - Just not, I'm still learning for 15 days. - I don't think you like this joke. - You're gonna look like fucking Yakuob with the joke in front of me. I've learned so much. - I've learned so much. - The worst comic ever. - Yeah, your body has a good set of taking a night off, I assume. (laughing) - What do you consider like the lifecycle for a joke? Like, how long will you run? - These days it's for people that are kind of like in the game where you're, you know, touring and then you wanna come back to that place with a new hour, it's like, it's different now than it was 10 years ago. It really is like, you put together this hour, you kind of, over the course of year and a half to two years, you know, probably tops and then you record it and then you start again, which is that's that's a part of the torture. Like when you're talking about what sucks, what sucks is going and doing an hour where you're like, I have maybe like eight minutes, you know, and you're just like walking the plank when you don't have to. It's probably I guess it would be like a fighter fighting with like his arms tied behind his back or something. You're just like, I can kill this guy. It's kind of that's that's the part that that's cis cycle moves like. Fast right now because you kind of that's the expectation, but you're like, I'll have to you want to put out specials, and then you also you want to go back to a place with like a new act like new act where they, you know, didn't just kind of see you do that. So that cycle like that's the part that stinks. But yeah, so the life cycle, depending on where it was in that, you know, maximum two years. Because I guess that's the interesting part about comedy now, like outside looking in is that so many people record like, you know, their best, they everybody wants to do like a good real or a good short or something like that. And you take some of your best material because you want to put your best foot forward, but you're also robbing yourself of your best jokes for a live show. So like where do you find that balance? Well, sometimes you can put it out like at the beginning, and then it kind of keeps getting better, and then you're almost putting it out of the end to it. I have noticed that people care less than you think, you know, we're all kind of, you know, you toil over like, should I, you know, this is about reusing. Like they want to hear the greatest hits type shit. Yeah, you start, you kind of, you do think a little bit more than other people do, where it's like, well, if I burn this, then it's done. And then it's obviously the best joke in the world. So how could I, you know, you kind of put it out, and then I put it on my special, like no one says anything. Yeah, I mean, look at the donkey story. Oh, yeah, that we've repeated that one for every, I mean, since the the second tour started, we've done that same joke. The only time we actually were feel free and it's an actual good question. You don't tell it a third time. No, it's not, it's not, explain it a little bit. Like our buddy Zach, like veteran with signs, telling a story, essentially about, forgive me, you two audience. Yes, sorry for making them do that. A deployment to Afghanistan, where him and his buddies are watching a bunch of potential insurgents, sodomize a donkey, and we, we acted out live on stage, which is like, it's, it's a guy's going to do man donkey guys do. Oh, thank God, we don't, but close your anger at the donkey every time. So we have that story. It's pretty aggressive. It's pretty aggressive, but it's still funny. Yeah, people love it. But when we did the Iowa show, we did a show back to back. And some of the people stayed for both 40%. So we changed, so we changed in literally everything. We were also shit wrecked. It was a hundred percent. We drunk it at that point. So the second show changed completely. And you get to see that interaction. Oh, man, I thought you would do the same set over. This is a completely new set. And then it's like, oh no, and they would have been fine with it. You think we don't know. They love the second set. They love you be in your own head, dude. I'll say I try to. Well, no, I told the guys there. It was like, first or second show because we were so shit wrecked. And I was like, second show killed more, I believe. And then we started asking the audience. Like, second show was fuck. We just took your word for it. Yeah, dude, the second show, like everyone fucking like, even Jake and everyone that was there on our side. They were like, Holy shit, you guys killed that second set. And it was drunk, not giving a fuck. Oh, we got to put on something new for the audience. Oh, it worked. Have you done that in comedy where you have to do a back to back show? Okay. I mean, in the city, I'll be like talking to the, if I do a club and they're like, oh, yeah, we're going to have the same audience stay. I'm just like, can you not? That's why I like that talent to do it. Like, what are we doing here? How does that go? I wouldn't do it. If I, if I, you're like, no, fuck off. No, I mean, if I was in the city and I'm like, hey, I'm like, we've been reading all day. I have this like new thing I'm like working on. And then I was like, okay, I'm going to do these two shows at this place. And they're like, oh, most of the audience is staying. I'll be just like, okay, I'm leaving to go somewhere else. Because I'm like, well, there's no point. Okay. At my audience, like, if I'm doing my hour, like, no, I don't have a backup hour that I'm doing right now. That was crazy. That was my question. So you're obviously your specials an hour. Do you, like, do you do an hour every time? Or is it like you go like, no, every time it's you never like, oh, let me pop up for 10 minutes. Oh, in the city. Yeah, yeah, cities. When you say the city. Do you mean New York City? I like it. There's, I mean, any city that has like a. We're not happy. Yeah, non-headliner clubs. Yeah, yeah. For example, tonight in San Antonio, you're going to do an hour. Yeah. No, fuck or more like, yeah, our. No shit. Yeah. Okay. God. Yeah. See, that's so intimidating to me. Like to stand up in front of an audience, just to see it. People and just if you bomb 15 minutes. Okay. But no, how do you say you have that like one story that you say works every time, right? Sure. Okay. Now imagine you had 85 of those. But what do you now be intimidating? Like or now you'd be like, well, no, I have these 85 things that I say that like work. At least in my mind. And I know that's something that like you said, that there's a there's a big, you know, the learning curve's fucking crazy. Once you get good at it, you're good at it. But like, at least to me, because I don't have people to to bounce stuff off of. That would be very intimidating to me. Yeah. You know, be one of the hardest things right now. Pride period is people that are trying to put together, like a live performance, well, they're like popular and running their business because it's like it almost requires seven years or five to seven years of like, this is all that I didn't thought about. You know, but that's that's to be like us stand up, to be competent where you're like doing your live performance with your boys and what's funny and we add stuff, like, you know, that's maybe not that's not that, you know, to be fair, I feel like that that's probably proficiency in anything, though, you know, you've got to just dedicate so much time to it because especially like how many people start out in comedy versus how many people succeed in comedy. Okay, but the reason I like, I'm not even trying to put comedy higher, but I describe it as if you think of, if you were a really, really good football player runner, right? And you started playing basketball and you're like, you know, 15 years old, you start probably in two years, you're going to be pretty good. Like if you're the best football player, right? You go, stand up for more like you started playing hockey, you're like, we can't skate, you know, so if you're like the best football player, you were a track star and you start playing basketball, it's pretty likely in a couple of years, you're also going to be really good at basketball. So that's why so many Canadians, you're not going to be that good in two years. Yeah, that's why so many Canadians are comedians. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of Canadian comedians. Yeah, the reason not you know. Yeah, see now that makes sense. All right, I get it. Basically, all you got to know is that Mike is like a Pock, you know, and you're just trying to put it in the other end of the night and just get fucking two points up on the scoreboard and have a good time out there, boys. Now, well, no need to get gay about it, but I don't need to get all hockey. Have you seen the new hockey show? He did rivalry. You guys haven't seen that? No. It's the number one show right now. The only Canadian show I'm aware of is Kenny versus Spenny. Those guys are good. I've been friends with Kenny. No shit. Hell yeah. Yeah, yeah, neither of them knows what I'm talking about. Great Canadian show. Well, hockey is getting sort of popular in America, but this was, this is a show that's popular in America, but it's funny because it's a hockey show and it's essentially the two stars of each team are in like a gay relationship. And it's popular, not with hockey fans. I can't imagine why. It's literally like Sidney Crosby, you know, the edgekinder, like the fucking edge of the game. It's like a hilarious show. Great Canada show. Making it the second gay show next to actual hockey. But yeah, it's like kind of a hit and it's sort of, you know, I guess girls' leg are something. Just taking off right now. I've never heard of this show. Oh, it's so funny. But I mean, I'm kind of saying inside of hockey stuff, but I'm not the biggest talking about hockey guy, but you guys have made me feel like I am. You've never heard it brought up ever before a song from Canadians. Alright, fine. Fair enough. I feel like I know New York guys that are in the hot, like the Rangers. People are always going. Sounds like a very white kid. Yeah, it's cold as shit. You're sitting next to two Mexicans. What are you like baseball or something? How about them blue jays then? Now, I mean, Eli had stick ball. Oh, yeah, soccer with those shoes. Moan yard. Yeah, Moan yard's Olympics. Our favorite sport was paying rent. Are you Mexican too? Yeah, a little bit. Okay. What do you think he was? I guess a Spanish, some type of Spanish, so I sort of Mexican. Yeah, it's got some German. Mostly Hispanic. And then I've got that Lebanese nose that gets me stopped at airports. A little Middle Eastern. Yeah, a midsection of the face. The midsection of the face. It's like, ah, excuse me, sir. You look randomly selected. It's my professional racism. One of the first times I met Brandon. I think I go, you got a little Lebanese nose. You part Lebanese? You nailed it? Yeah, he did. I mean, very good at being racist. I was like, who told you? That's like, no, I saw it in your bone structure. Interesting. Now it's just broken. Thanks, Eli. So you got everything. Lebanese, Mexican, and would you say German? Yeah, German. My great-grandmother was actually a World War II civilian in Germany. So she grew up in Manhattan. She was actually a former podcast guest. Is that what you told you? It's the million. It's the million. She was there at the parade. - Yeah. (all laughing) - Brain is like. - I, oh my God. - I love the song. - Talk, tell the story about the song. - Oh my God. - Okay, so I love my omitted death. She's 92 years old now. She genuinely grew up in a German city like during World War II. And that's amazing stories. Like just an amazing woman. Just telling like that entire time period in history. But I fucked with her one time and I feel kind of bad about this. (all laughing) I started playing, I took her on like an eight hour road trip down to Orlando, Florida. So meeting up with some more family members of mine. So I grabbed her, we drove down, we're like four or five hours into the road trip. It's just me and her. And then I played that. It's like a German marching song from World War II. It's called Erica. - Yeah. - Everybody knows it. It's like V from German song from World War II. Just to see. 'Cause I have phones on the Oxford. I'm like, "Ah, I'm curious to see how you respond to this." She started singing the words in fluent German. - Oh yeah. - And then she told me a story I had never heard. And I'm like so glad I did it. 'Cause I was just fucking with her a little bit. I'm like, "Ah, curious." She started singing along. She said, "I used to sing this song when I was a kid because her name is Erica." - Her? - Yeah, yeah. - And she said that she's like, I would watch the GIs. It was just the word that she knew. She's soldiers, whatever. Marching on the street. I would watch the GIs. They'd march by singing the song. And every time they said Erica, I would say, "That's me." She's like nine years old. - Yeah, yeah. - But yeah, no, just as straightforward of, you know, not see, you know, World War II German soldiers walking by. - Wow. - It's just crazy to hear the experience of somebody like growing up in that time period. And just, I mean, God, the thing she had to go through was crazy. - I'm bad, yeah. My actual grandfather fought in World War I for Canada. - No shit, oh, dude, the World War I went back to the other side. - The World War I Canadians went crazy. The Canadians of World War I, like, were the reason some of the rules of warfare were written. - Really? - Oh yeah, you guys were rough. - You guys were gnarly. - I don't know that. - I didn't know that. - Mm-hmm. - Wait, what? - What was the up to over there? - Oh, they were cleaning up trenches. - Were they using all the fun gases? - So the Germans, yeah, the Germans were in their trenches and they were like, "Oh, we all have to follow "the rules of war." And the Canadians showed up and they were like, "What are rules of war?" - 'Cause at this point, it was probably a bunch of trash Irish people, too. - Yeah, just showed up, welcome to Canada. - What was the, I know there's a story about the grenades. - Yeah, about how they would talk. And I don't know if this is real or not. - I mean, they were dancing over the food cans. - They were tossing over cans of food in the enemy trenches. And so they'd all like, bunch of 'cause they were all starving. - Yeah. - So they just, "Oh, okay, cool." Like the Canadians from their trenches were chucking over cans of food over to the German lines, over and over and over again. So the Germans were all bunch up 'cause they're starving. - Have those dogs. - Yeah. - And then day six, they chuck over a can of food with a fucking grenade in all the Germans. - And a bunch of hand grenades. - Yeah, yeah. - Team up, that's not part of the Geneva Convention, eh? - Not in well. - It was prior to. So-- - Also, think you are in this time period without the age of information, and then they're trying to pitch this rules of war where people are trying to-- - Broken telephone in a rule of war, yeah. - And then it's like, no, dude, no, you have to kill 'em the right way. Refuck you with me. - Yeah. - In the right, you're fucking with me. - In the words of Patrick Swayze from the 1984 red dawn. Geneva? - I ain't never heard of it. (laughing) - It's the hardest shit to wrap your mind around, especially in that time frame. I would have done the same. Like, oh, just fucking throw it just like I found a good way to kill some people. (laughing) - Yeah. - I don't know how to tell you this, but it's tuning chance. - It's tuning chance grenade. - A lot of people thought the same thing after the Geneva Convention and did that, so. - It still is going. - Yeah. - The Aussies and where'd they fight? It was a big battle in the Mediterranean. World War I, yeah. The Aussies were in, we were just talking about it the other night. - Yeah. It wasn't Gallipoli. Somebody, trying to put Swiss Alps? - No, well, that's a different story. But in the battle of Gallipoli, and comments will correct me because I'm wrong. (laughing) But they were dropping cigarettes with leaflets. And they were like, you know, surrender to the Brits. This is a battle. It's not worth fighting for. You shouldn't be dying for your government, et cetera, et cetera. And the Ottomans were like, oh, free cigarettes. And they did that over and over and over and over again for like six weeks over the course of this entire, you know, long-term campaign. So it's like six weeks in and boom, here comes the package. And everybody's like, oh, here are the fucking British propaganda cigarettes again. They had laced them with opium. - Huh. - So all the Ottomans smoked these cigarettes and we're like, I'm really fucking sleepy. I'm just gonna sick off fucking nap. Went to bed and I think it was either the Brits of the Aussies just rolled over the front lines and everybody was asleep. And they captured like 60,000 fucking soldiers. Plot twist, it made them impossible to bathe in that bed. (laughing) So it was the day that won't die, dammit. - Yeah, that's fine, man. - It's wild, yeah. - You wore fear so wild. - I mean, you know the whole thing about the, like, what is that about the work I'm sitting in? (laughing) - He's told those stories before. - Allegedly. - They've all been cut from the podcast. Well, you know, like the whole, like, drip rifle stuff, right? - No. - I think that was also the Australians. - That was the Australians they go lipply with the Piscans. - Yeah, where they would just basically, they, they were trying to retreat. And so they were trying to, like, show that they were still there on the front lines, like occasionally taking pop shots while they withdrew all of their troops. And so they had set up rifles with-- - Have a shoot? - Well, they had, like, essentially a water bottle with a can below it that they would have a steady drip stream going. And when it got heavy enough from dripping, it would pull the trigger of the rifle. So, like, sporadically, throughout the night, they had a couple hundred rifles that were just firing off shots. They had retreated, like-- - Well, I believe that. - Our other primary guys, though, as far. - They all pissed in oil cans, yeah. - That's fucking wild. So, I don't even know that story. - And this is all stuff that Nick could tell better. - No, but he's got to be an eyewall. - Nick's in Iowa. Let me open up my notes for YouTube videos. (laughing) - Tell this exact-- - Ideas. - I stole from Nick. (laughing) Type, type, type, type, type, type, type, type. - Yeah, when I grew up, I knew one guy that, like, joined the army in my entire life. And that, like, crazy, the difference. Like, I would imagine you guys brought into a bond, right? - I mean, three people at the podcast are better, right? - Yeah, exactly. - Or did something with-- - Like, one guy that I went to high school with, that, out of all of my extended network, I knew one guy that went join the army, that's wild to me. - I guess it, it greatly depends on where you grew up. Like, I grew up Fort Bragg. - Yeah. - So, like, everybody, like, all of my friends, dads, were all, like, you know, green berets, or, you know, Rangers, or whatever. - So, but you're also in the US, like, how much of, how much do we spend on the military each year? - A good bit. - Yeah, it's a good career path once you get. - Some people I used to say that, like, the, that won't, actually, one guy my brother knew, he was, like, I went there, but the, I think, a lot of times that the Canadian army would go, like, train the Taliban, or, no, train the Afghanistan people, to then just go get the shit kicked out of the Taliban. - Yeah. - They would spend, like, three years training them, and then they would just run out there. - We never did that, either. - Yeah, we never trained the AA, or the IA. - Did you do training? - Oh, no, no, I was, I was not a man. I was talking about the American, like, what was the ANA? - IA, and then AA. So, you have the IA's, IA's, IA's, IA's, IA's, IA's, IA's, Afghan army. - But it's interesting. You're just, like, a lot of times, you're just, like, the Army, and you're just training, you're just about training them, you're training, like, a guy that was, you know, was a cashier two years ago. - Yeah, and you're training these individuals that haven't, you think, okay, what is the dumbest private I have, and how hard was it to train him with weapons? - The jumping jack footage. - That is just gonna go there. - All you have to go to is, okay, now I need you guys to do this. One, two, three, four, one, two, three, four. Crazy, we're doing that. And you get to watch the struggle of their life. And then now it's like, oh, I have to leave these individuals into combat. - Have you seen you have an Afghan army story? - Yeah, and then the function to monkey bars. - Oh, the ISIS monkey bars? - Yeah, he's talking about, he's like, do the word flip flops. They're posting their videos of them on monkey bars. Like, they're the kings of the combat. I wanna fuck with them, terrify it. - Yeah, you're just taking like a bunch of random farmers and you're just like, wanna be like, and they're like, "Yes, we have no choice." And you're doing the best again with it, and then you see how much they hate each other. And you're like, "Oh, oh, okay, well more crimes." We were wondering, "Okay, you guys are gonna do that "on your own." (laughing) - Pop, pop. (laughing) - Did you guys see stuff like that? Where you're just like, "Oh, you can't do anything." A lot of that stuff is against, like, you were like, "Hey, okay, hey, we just did this ambush. "We have these individuals alive. "And we need you to arrest them and do whatever "you're going to do." And then you see fear entered the guys we arrested, eyes, 'cause they're like, "Fuck." They're sooner or later. - The Americans played by the rules, more. - We are, yeah, exactly. It's like, those guys are just going to kill us. There is no, they're not gonna enter again, they're gonna let us out. Oh, that's gone now. - I guess it's kind of like World War II Germany where it's like, "Oh, well, you can surrender "to the Americans or you can surrender to the Russians." - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's like, "Ha, guess which one you want a surrender to?" - And that's what was happening a lot of times. It was like, "Okay, cool. "Hey, IPs, even the Iraqi police is like, "Hey, we got these guys. "We've run them up, fucking take care, do whatever you want." It's like, "Okay, they're excited." And then you see fear. It's like, "Whoa, we're not getting arrested by you guys." It's like, "Oh no, we don't give a fuck." Like, we're letting you all internally handle this. - Family business. - Yeah, and it's just like, Mr. and Mr. No, no. They're not good guys. How many of you are just trying to kill us? - I don't think any of you want to bring us together. - There's some animosity on that where you're just like, "No, no, you were just shooting at my boys." Like, fuck off. I don't care what happens to me. - We didn't even look at that time. It's just so ingrained. Getting shot at was no big deal. As long as you didn't hit one of us, it's like when you hit one of us. I got, again, you're in so many gun fights. You do not get, "Oh, I got in a gun fight. "You shot him. "I don't give a fuck." Your team B, I'm team A. - Fucking team P lost. - No animosity. It was nothing past that. And now we're handing you to Team C, have fun. - But, well, Team C's gonna probably kill you, but because they said they're not going to, but hey, we're just handing it off. That's literally how that is up there. - Yeah, Team C signed the paperwork. They're not gonna fucking murder you, so we're good. - Yeah, yeah. - Or you're dropping off Team B back where, like the most we would do is, okay, hey, we grabbed a bad guy, we interrogated. There was no proof or anything. We found liars, we found copper, we found anything that's not like actual warheads. - Okay, well, just drop 'em back off. And you just drive 'em, you escort 'em, and then you're really kind when you drop 'em off to their neighborhood, dude. Thank you so much, here's some water. Appreciate everything you've done. Now, what does everyone that views that interaction look like? - Yeah, yeah. - Oh, so you just talked. - Yeah, yeah. - Even though we didn't do anything, we just handed water and said, "Hey, thank you for everything." - Thank you for supporting the American troops. (laughing) And now, I don't know what happened, like, that's it. You follow the rules, we really get a follow in the rules. War's weird, it's the best way. - If you look back at being in there, I mean, like, that was kind of fun. Or like, no, I don't know if fun's the right word. Like, fondly, or do you look back at being like, that was fucked? - Well, dude, Dakota was the best example when he was on, because he got an instant. He's like, man, an individual that was like, "Oh, I missed the gunfights, I don't miss all that." You probably weren't in a lot of gunfights. The second you're in a gunfight, that's an instant, oh, this is not as much fun as you would think it is. This sucks. - Actually, this is what I thought. - Jumping out of helicopters, jumping out of planes, getting into gunfights, war would be an amazing thing. It's like, experience everyone should have, goes out the window after like, round one gets close to you, like, wow. - Turns out when you leave the two-minute highlight reel, it's like, this is it. - Getting to get kind of sucks. (laughing) - And especially when it's like, "Hey, you're getting shot at, "now you have to run towards set gunfire." - Yeah, yeah. - And you're like, "Why?" We could stay in, this vehicle is protecting it pretty well. It's just peeing off of it. No, you're dropping ramps in and you're running towards it. - But I mean. (laughing) Oh, we're going now. Okay, let's do this thing. - I guess what he's hitting at that, I don't think I've ever even asked you as a friend is, what's the element of the army we're being deployed that you miss the most? I know there's the camaraderie aspect of it, but it's protecting your own, it's being there for your friends, that level of friendship, brotherhood, you will never find anywhere else 'cause these are individuals that will lay down their life. - Related to the fact that you were potentially going to die at any moment. - Yeah, and I would put my life in front of my own for my buddy. That is very hard to have anywhere else. It's why I get along. Like, you guys get to see like, those guys, Eli Crane, like how fast we just get along, and that's why it's that. Oh, you've done that same, you've had that same experience. You put your life in, you gave two shits about yours because you cared more about the people next to you, you're left in this. - You may not have been in my trench, but you were in a trench. - Yeah, and you always find Gibbs from NCIS, always has a special bond with the other military men. - Yeah, thank you, that's a critical. Welcome to the comedy podcast. - Oh, yeah. Unsubscribed comedy podcast. - It's probably the most featuring comedian Ryan Wong. - It's probably the most comedy-oriented podcast we've had in a while, even though it's technically a comedy podcast. - He's hit it with those films. - Ryan, tell us a story about the time you were shot at. (laughing) - Me and Streets of A.J. - I'm Terry Dominic. - Well, you are from Toronto. - They did have my high school, did have a bunch of shootings in the front, so you have to do metal detectors, and we had a bunch of bullet holes in our front door for a while. - Yeah, Mexicans. - I'll tell you one. (laughing) - No, the other kind. (laughing) - Oh yeah, do you think Mexicans walked all the way up to Toronto and they got to Los Angeles instead of probably taking off? (laughing) - He's cold. - They don't even make it up to New York, usually. - So I just kept on walking. (laughing) - That's the Southern border. - You think they forced gumpt up to New York? (laughing) - There was a guy at my school that held up a teacher at gunpoint, but he was like kind of a guy we were friends with, and we still have these notes you could write to get people out of school, like a doctor's notes we stole, and our my boy, there was the band, actually. He wrote this guy a note to get him out of school that he then used to hold up the teacher, and then there was the helicopter chase to this guy, and then got him in his house, then they eventually rested him. I got in jail forever, but. (laughing) - He was in your band, you said? - No, no, the guy who was in my band was my boy. - Oh, gay. - He had to know. - Yeah, but the guy who did it was kind of like a buddy, yeah, like the loose, not like in the squad, but he was like-- - Six degrees from Kevin Bacon. - We had a big end, I guess. - Put it this way. We knew him enough to have, he had a nickname. (laughing) - What did he tell the teacher? - No, he came to the, he went to some other teacher, got a note that I'm not in school, and then for some reason went to, we at least think called portables, which is a little like outside of the school, really little fake classrooms, and then went, took another teacher, it was like I want your-- - Like what was it like a money-in-shit like that? - Like a double wide, or like what was it, like a trailer type thing? - They kind of were like trailers, but they're not on wheels, yeah. It's called a portable, but it would be, I guess if you went to like-- - Like a manufacturer? - You know when you see in Africa, and they have like a little school house, we have like outside of our school, they need to expand the school. They don't have enough rooms, so they have like 40 of these like little mini schools. - For poverty. - Not just 'cause they don't have any more room, you know what I mean? But that's what they make, you know, they add these things. - They have more room, but they don't have the budget. - I'm sure you have a version. - Yeah, poor neighbor. It's a, they will stand this up, we'll call it this. - These things are pretty, I don't know, I guess you can probably have a different name for them. You never have that, like where there's, you have your school in a name, a bunch of like a little outside. - Oh yeah, no, I spent second grade in a single wide. Yeah, no, like is it? - Single wide, okay, that's what you call. - A little trailer is outside. What's up? - You were home school. - Last three years. - Oh really? - Yeah, yeah, just the last three years. - Is that your mom? - I was at my parents, but mostly it's, like they get like a curriculum, like you'll buy a curriculum where like, that's where I learned like, instead of going to the public school, I did three years homeschooling. So I learned like speech and debate. I learned finance, I learned business, and a bunch of other things. Instead of learning what I'd learn in public school, which is that I was gay. (laughing) - You had to learn that in the real world. - Yeah, exactly, right? That was hard earned is what that was. - Is it correct me if I'm wrong, Ryan? - But Toronto is like the Chicago of Canada, is it not? - Like in terms of, it's pretty dangerous. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, fairly dangerous, yeah. - We need it, it's expensive and dangerous. - It takes a certain type of guy, I'm like that though. - Oh, shut the fuck up. I'm that guy though, you know what I'm saying? So, depends who you are. Obviously, you'd have trouble there, but you know what I'm saying? - Well, it's Canada crime, it doesn't count. - Yeah, I was getting-- - Hey, like maybe don't do that, eh? - You all right? - Hey buddy. - Yeah, I think after I left, like car jackings where they went real light on car jacking, so it was just like everyone was getting stolen. - Kind of the craziest thing, I don't even remember, like the accent that the people have in Toronto were like y'all, for real, no, huh? - They're this weird kind of like gangster accent, but-- - No, I have a gangster accent. - Maybe an accent? - Toronto accent, big on TikTok, look at that. - It's cute as hell, it's so cute. - You know, I knew someone would know. It's like how it got popular, you know what I mean? - Could you try to do the best representation of it? - I can do it good. - Y'all honestly, dog, y'all, for real, y'all men's is actually crazy, eh? Yo, Cody, don't fucking talk to me like that, eh? - If that's what it is. That's pretty good. - Okay. - So this dude like held up kind of like an old woman and shot her for her car 'cause she ended up some, something happened, he shot her, and then he was on the run and then he was making TikTok videos being like-- - Y'all, I didn't even want it to go down like that, eh? Y'all, I'm kind of mad that I shot that old lady still, but-- - Are you-- - And shitting me? - Yeah, this is like four months ago. - Oh my God. - You sound like a Mexican Canadian. - It's a mix of like Jamaican and whatever else. - But wait, they banned handgun sales in Canada. How does that, how's that possible? - Is it how do the criminals get guns if they're ill? - That's crazy. - Uh huh. - No one knows. - No one knows. - This should, it's a forensic book. - This should be studied. - Excuse me. It's supposed to have that? (laughing) - Actually that's a legal law. - That's illegal and I think you'll know what that's actually very impolite for you to have that handgun here. - Yeah, I don't mean to be that guy. But if you like just, if you walk away, like I won't tell the, the mountaineers that you got that. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. We can both walk away, but yeah, yeah. So I don't know if they're stealing my car. I didn't, you don't point out like buddy. I mean, you're the one that's in trouble. (laughing) I mean, we both got problems. I don't know if you're in trouble. Charter, but that, you're, you're in some hot water there. (laughing) Turn it off. Oh my God. - The British cops, like stop, or y'all stop again. (laughing) - Yeah, I mean, New York feels a little more dangerous than Toronto's probably like only certain areas. New York feels a little wilder. Like if you're on subways in New York, it feels wilder than, yeah, yeah. - You feel like there's just not enough like shit. - Oversight. - Like, are people overseeing like the crying stuff or like there's more law enforcement in Toronto or just like in New York, outside of my, I lived in the East Village and there would be a fight outside there every day while you're trying to sleep. And then this is like during COVID. I remember people would just start setting up shop there like tents and stuff like that. Then the guy who was the bodega guy would get in like a fight with them and then ripped down their tents and then they'd get in a fight. And then I remember winning on, I went on tour and came back and there's like a big blood spot 'cause someone got like murdered like right in the, you're gone. - Yeah, it's just like crazy shit, you know? There's always people, and then there'd be like, there'd be kind of like regulars that were you know, this guy had like no shirt on kind of like jacked black dude, but like not from working out just jacked 'cause he built like that, you know? And then had like scars all over his face and his back. And like some one day you'd see him and he'd be like, "Oh, what's up, how you doing?" And then the next day you'd see him and he'd be like, (laughing) "Fuckin' like, you know, I feel like. " - Somebody gave him $20. (laughing) - Yeah, yeah. - No, no, no, no, no. - Oh no. - It's like the forbidden like see-saw horse or whatever, outside of the fuckin' HEB. - Yeah. - It's like, oh shit, you put $0.25 in the machine. Now it's high. (laughing) - I remember the first time I got there at a comedy show with this guy, Casey Eroer, is my buddy. He, I've been in New York for 48 hours, and I was doing a show at this place. It doesn't exist, LL Comedy Club. And then he went on stage. Someone in the audience started like yelling at him, like you know, heckling him, being like shut up and he was like, what the, he wants you shut up and then he gets on stage, tries to like start fight Casey Eroer. The balancer comes in, huge dude. Starts trying to grab him. And then he punches the balancer, big brawl, the woman's involved. And then this goes on for a good like six minutes. Huge fight, they stop. - Six minutes is crazy. - Crazy, they stop the show. And then please calm everything. And this is like, I'm like, so this is New York comedy, huh? (laughing) New York comedy is crazy. And, but I never seen that again, but that was like the first day I was there. But you see, I don't know, just cities are, it just kind of becomes like normal, I guess. But you just know, like if someone's on the subway and it's like wild, you're just like get to the net. I'll just move to the next card. I'm gonna try to get involved. - So, that actually reminded me a little bit of like the billbird getting confrontational in like Philly. I think it's like the famous example. - Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Is there a comedian that you kind of look up to that you're just like, off? Like I love the way they handle shit like that. And especially when it comes to like hacklers. I don't know about like the number one heckler, the number one heckler guys are probably the like one line, like guys who have the most one lineers. You know like, like, you know what David Telles, he's kind of like a guy that like everyone loves in New York. - I don't know. - And he's like pretty, pretty famous guy, but he's kind of like in New York. I think a lot of people are too scary with the best. - He has a Jew. - Yeah, how many other guys are super funny? Yeah, you know he is. But you know, they have like (laughing) the guys who have the most like one lineers and they've been doing it for a long time. I feel like anything that happens, they have like a fucking line of the banger lines for it. You know, 'cause they're just like, you know, I think comes to the point where you've been doing it long enough, you're like, oh, I have a line for like every situation and everything. - You got a little book. You're like, yeah, yeah. - Your mind is a book, you know? You're like, red shirt, I have a red shirt. You know, kind of becomes that. But I don't have a specific favorite heckler comic. I think Louie's probably still the best Canadian alive probably. - No shit. - That's what I think. - Yeah. - I've had a lot of stuff. Who's a guy in Austin who his name's Kermetskir. Do you know Kermetskir? - The name sounds very familiar. - He actually, he's on the Jimmy Dorshow, but I always thought he was, he was one of the first people that I saw that I thought was like doing comedy like a different way that I was like, oh, that's cool. Like you can just kind of, 'cause I remember when you first started kind of everyone's, you know, you kind of, there's like five ways that people do comedy. And then I felt like sometimes you see a guy that's just like doing their own thing and it's working and you're kind of like, oh right, you can kind of like beat, you can beat comedy into you. Where it's like I'm doing the way that I talk and I sort of, you rejected it instead of just like, fitting a mold of what exists already. - That's why I like people like to norm McDonald. Well, for example, like he was just, he's a guy who just completely broke the mold of traditional comedy. - Yeah, totally. You know who a normal McDonald really sucks for? All the other people there that sound like normal McDonald. - Everybody else trying to be normal McDonald. - Or that actually do sound like that. Like that area outside of Ottawa. There's like so many, like there's a few comic that weren't trying to sound like him. They do sound like them. - That's just the way they talk. - Yeah, you know what I mean? Like yeah, you go, you go, oh that guy's doing norm. You're like, no, they all sound like that. - No, they just sound like that. - Have you, have you listened to his autobiography? - I know the one where it's kind of like half fake, half real, right? - Yes, oh my God, that is my favorite. - No, I'm the best. - Yeah, yeah. - Dude, just him telling his bullshit life story where he's making up half of it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - But that would, you're right. That is a perfect example of a guy just being like, I'm gonna like invent a new way of doing something. I always thought that was really cool. - Dude, Kurt Matskirt, like you're not joking. Homeboy won an Emmy and a Peabody Award for American Standup comedian. - Oh, Kurt's like in a world that I thought you guys might know. - At least I'm a monster of fucking comedy. - He's like, I call him Jimmy Dorshow, if you know who that is. - What, can you show me a picture? Like, like, A.D. - But yeah, I don't know names. - He's like, by the way. - He's not one of my good friends in comedy too. I just like find him so funny. - 'Cause I know the name, I don't think I've ever seen him. - Oh, hey, hey, yeah, him. Yeah, he was just on Rogan, like two days ago. - I told you, man. - No shit, yeah. - You're taking the scene tapped in. - He's crashing at the holy shit to have, that was a war, that's wild. - Yeah, but there's a lot of like, random guys. That's a, and, you know, in the city. Like, there's a lot of like, random New Yorkers, like, yeah, killers, and that maybe people don't know about enough, but maybe will. - Did you, now, did he help you get into the comedy space? Like, hey, I wanna try this, or was that? - No, I kinda made friends with him after. - No shit. - To be honest, but like, that was like, I feel like when I was in Toronto that, like, the popular, there was kind of like a group of comedians that were kind of like the hip-new York comedians at the time. But they, none of them were like that famous, you know? - Gotcha, and none of them, like, did you have any aspirations from big comedians at that point in your life to be like, hey, I wanna join this. - No, at the time, when I started stand-up comedy, I'd probably seen, like, Jerry Seinfeld special. - You're like, this is comedy, God, I can do this. - No, because I, no, it really was. I was like, obsessed with like, like, Tom Green, and Andy Milnakis, Sashibar and Cohen. I thought that, I'm Jamie Kendi, who I've like, kinda hung out with now. I thought that show was so funny. Like, that kind of, on that stuff, I was like, you know, I like Sandler, like, people like that, but that was my. - You are the most 40-year-old man I've ever met with. (laughing) - I will defend, dude, I'm the most, I'm the most, like, Sandler to defend. - I'm the most, like, Sandler to defend. (laughing) - No, he's got, like, the best gig ever, now where he's just like, oh, I'm gonna, like, pump out these, like, decent enough comedy movies with all of my best friends in exotic places where we get to just be in Hawaii for three months. - Yeah. - It's like, dude, fuck, that's the, that's the fucking American dream. He really did beat the system. - Yeah. - But you guys like that, and then I was like, because I was, the way that I thought about it at the time, which, that's why it felt different to me. I was like, everything else, I was like, oh, I'm gonna do this and then you do that and do that. And then stand up, I was kind of like, I'm doing all this comedy stuff. And it felt like, oh, if you go to stand up, that felt like a more measurable way in like sports where enacting, it was like, is the best actor getting the, like, who knows? You could really replace people with other people sometimes and maybe would have made a difference. Whereas in like, sports, you're like, no, that guy's the best and I felt like, stand up would have been more of that where you go. If you're like so good, you can't be ignored. In my opinion, it was before YouTube. Now there's a versions of it where if you're making the best stuff, like, you'll find your audience, but it was kind of before that, right? You could, in industry could ignore someone that's amazing. I feel like they can't really do that now. And at the time, I felt like stand up was kind of like a way around that. But I didn't, so then when I actually started doing it, I didn't realize that you're like, oh, this isn't like a thing you do. This is like a life you have. - I don't think, and what is that like? 'Cause a lot of people don't realize, oh, this is a complete lifestyle. This isn't something you can do half-ass, this is. I have to go all in. It's not 40 hours, this is 60 hours. 80, 100 hours a week. - Yeah, probably like an athlete being like, I'm like a, you know, I'm, oh, I'm gonna it's gonna like train a little less. You're like, oh, so you're gonna stop doing it. - Unless you're Mighty Mouse, who like has a, he's a MMA fighter who's just a fucking, you know, top tier athlete, literally with UFC and everything. But he had a job at Red Lobster while he was the UFC champion. - It's wild. - Incredible. - He was, and to that, like, you were talking about it, dude, everyone else at that level was doing this whole time. - It's leverage. - Full fucking time. Mighty Mouse was doing it an hour a week without a coach. And then he had a secondary coach. And it was his first big UFC fight that was hard. - That is. - Getting the championship and they're like, hey, so do you want to quit Red Lobster, yeah? - Yeah. - Yeah. - Homey, like put everything into this. He's like, oh, okay. - Yes, sir. - And then he just started crushing. - Yeah, I'm in the UFC, but Red Lobster's my passion. (laughing) - I want to be the number one server of all time. - Related to all of that, you said you were living in Toronto, you were in a band, you started doing comedy, and then you moved to New York. What were you doing prior to? Like, what was your full-time job before, like, were you working-- - I said, like, random jobs, I never, like, I never, 'cause-- - Just fucking around. - The band got kind of popular when I was in college. - So the band was your job? - Yeah, and then, but I did stuff, like, I would, when the band was kind of popular, I was, started this little company making music videos, so I started kinda, and we were pretty like in, so I would make a lot of people's music videos, and I had a little company, I probably did like 15 a year, and then, kind of, while I was doing that, I was doing, like, we started doing the cable access show, but I would always have, I'd have like a couple, you know, gigs that just like, I don't, you've done film stuff, right? I don't if you ever had, like, gigs that, like, came to you over the years, but when I wasn't making enough money, I'd have these things where it's like, oh, this person has this video that they make, do you wanna make it? It takes, like, took me four or five days, I would do it with my little company, make, like, 10 grand a year, have, like, three of those, and then you're like, okay, I make, kind of, like, 25, 30 with my little thing, and then make, you know, 25 for my music video racket, and then make 30 in entertainment, and all those numbers were probably inflated, but, like, you have the whole thing up to more, like, 50 or 60, and then you're like, okay, that was, I kind of had, like-- - Which American dollars is about 40, but yeah. - So I had like, rackets, you know what I mean? Like, you'd make, and then, you know, when I started comedy, and, you know, they're probably after two or three years of making, you know, 15, 20 in comedy, and then 15, 20 here, and 15, 20 here, and then, so I kinda, yeah, I never had, like, I had jobs jobs before, I worked at a hockey rink, I worked for the city for a bit, but like, mostly it was after college with the success of the band, I kinda partitioned that into having these, like, rackets, and then I had, like, my series at CBC, that would make money, and I had all these little things like that. - What was the comedy money-- - Phil, like, probably is the best way to describe it. - Where was the breakoff point where you were like, oh, I can fuck off, I make enough money that I can move to New York and do comedy full-time? - Well, I couldn't move before. I was, when I was in, I moved here at, like, 32, by, like, 29, like, I had a, I was, like, a real person that, you know. - Yeah. - Like, I wasn't, like, I had, you know, enough of these little things. Like, we had an office, somebody in Danny, who I do, my podcast, The Boys' Cast With. We had a little office in Toronto that was all of our boys who were film people. And, you know, if you, it was more like, if you needed more work, there was always stuff, like, and I was a really good editor, right? So, there was always stuff I could do if I wanted to. But, I always thought that was the best device for, like, young person that's trying to do something, is, like, find out how to make 30 grand a year with the least amount of hours possible, so you can kind of spend your time doing other things, and then never nickel and dime the career you're pursuing. Like, so many people are arguing over, like, 40 bucks here and there. It's like, figure out a scheme to, like, get by, you know, that doesn't have to, I mean, Bar, if you're, like, a hot chick bartender is a good scheme, but, like, rather, figure out a scheme where you can, like, make enough to survive without worrying about that that much. And then, like, kind of, then you can just be, like, okay, I can just focus on this thing that I'm building. - You're building all of this. - I have a good job of, like, we all have, like, a job prior. Like, there was the job that we did while we were doing the thing we wanted to do in the background. - So you did it that way. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, a lot of people, as you're, it's that I will move into this location and get it ready, and then I will supplement that job with everything else to make sure this lifestyle doesn't change. I will do comedy. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - This is how I get comedy. - Yeah, and maybe I would have thought of that if I hadn't been in the scenario where I was already, like, kind of famous before. So there's like a part, you know what I mean? It felt like, like, weirdly, like, if I was, I was like, kind of weirdly, like, half made it, if that makes sense. So I was more like, I wanted to figure out rackets, like, in this thing a little bit. - Yeah, and it helps your overall job, because now you're like, hey, I'm doing these skit comedy or whatever. - You know, you could convince yourself of that, whether it was true, I could convince myself that kind of it's helping. - Dude, I would do that. I'm like, oh, well, at least I'm learning X, Y, and C, and then I can apply it to this, and then I can figure, actually, you're basically doing it. - Yeah, I'm talking about this all day, 'cause LA was that, I mean, the acting scene or LA scene was so different, especially at that time, like, 2012. YouTube, no one gives a fuck about, you need to be an entertainment industry, and then you're trying to be, pay the bills with the YouTube or the side jobs, and then while doing your actor's card, or-- - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Which, I mean, so many of those people too, I remember the early days, you could think of Fred, or whoever, they're like, oh yeah, the biggest thing is Fred goes to Hollywood, you have somebody who's succeeding in the influencer, YouTube world, going to try to be legitimate in the Hollywood scene, and then they tank. - Yeah. - Because you don't realize, okay, we are actually the new economy, and freelance. It's like, you're actually, you're working for yourself instead of working for a studio that works for a union that works for who, and you got these 18 tiers up the chain, whereas reality, like, you're working. - You need to watch all these people, and you're just like, look at all those actors who you're now trying to be. It's like, they're all trying to start a podcast. - Yeah, we'll Smith started a YouTube channel. Like, what does that tell you? Oh, that would flip spots so fast with a lot of things, because it is, all right, I'm really big on this side, but I can't put butts in seats. I can't do a lot of stuff. Comedy, I know I've talked to WME, or Freddie, or any of these YouTube individuals. You know, like, man, they think just because they have this audience that naturally, that audience will go to a show. They might go once, it has to be, you know. - And that is the hardest thing. It's like, no, I have an internet presence. Like, fuckin' congratulations. You didn't build a community aspect to it. No one's gonna show up. And now, these big theaters, these big shows, they, oh, we'll do a 2000 seat venue, 300 people show up. What the fuck's going on? I thought you said you could sell this out. Why I thought that, well, they watch my YouTube videos. Does the fuck come matter? - Yeah. - That's, how is that with the comedian, like YouTube space? Do you see a lot of comedian YouTubers trying to get on shows with you, or they're just not filling out seats? Like, how is that whole world coming from the traditional side of comedy? - Yeah, like, the community thing that you're saying is funny, because like, in comedy, in a weird way, it's almost, I don't know, frowned upon is the wrong, the right word, but like, it feels like, all of that stuff of, like, the stuff that YouTubers do to build a community almost feels like you're not supposed to do that or something. - Interesting. - We have a long-standing joke, if you say community, we all have to drink, so you're fucking this up over here. - Yeah, well, you're kind of, it's a little more like, you know, this is the stuff I'm doing, and I don't, I'm kind of like, keep, I'm not, like, I'm not babysitting a group of people, I'm making stuff, and if they like it, that's cool. But, yeah, I mean, that's one of the things that's like, in the last three years is happening, like, crazy, is there's so many people that build this big audience, and then there's a million people being like, hey, you can make a lot of money if you go do a live performance for them, and then they're just like, what do I do? And then I can't think of, I mean, I kind of feel almost grateful that I was maybe, the point where I was really selling tickets, I was been doing stand-up for 10 years, so I could kind of like, handle, you know, do it, but like, being not good enough to do an hour of stand-up, and then going and like, disappointing, you know, 500 people a night, and then be like, and now I'm gonna do this tomorrow, and then, and then I'm gonna do it tomorrow. It's like, I feel like that's torture. - Yeah, but I've disappointed one person a night for the year, so like, it's not that big a deal. - And then they go, you know, I even, Louis used to say about, this is a Louis CK quote, but he used to talk about when we, you guys were saying putting together the new hours, people were like, if you have like an hour of stand-up and someone's like a big fan, and then you come back to their city like a couple years later, and it's this, and then they'll come the second time, and then if the second time, it's like, mostly the same kind of thing, they'll like, they might even still have a good time, but they're not coming the third time, you know what I mean? So it's like, if you wanna build like, yeah, I call these tours and people come see me every time, it's like, the truth is a lot of those people just are capable of that right now, from no fault of their own. They're just like, not, you know, if I got famous doing like, trick shots and then I had to go play in the NBA, you know what I mean, or whatever it was. So I feel like a lot of people are like struggling with like, what to do with that. And some people are figuring it out. I mean, you guys are doing a podcast, some people are like, I do this show where I kind of bring people, I kind of do 10 minutes, then we do like a Q&A, and we, some people like, figured out how to put together like a cool dating show or something. So I think people are figuring out- - Thought you were talking about like Zach. - There's so many, I don't know the names of the people who do the dating shows, but I know there's some of them that seem pretty popular. - God, I'm sure I don't remember his last name, but Zach, he's like the guy that does like, he brings in the girls and they do like, the dating show, like, kinda stuff. - Dude, there's a-- - It's fucking hilarious. - Yeah, yeah, so people are figuring out like, what do I, what is my live performance look like? And then probably after that, they're figuring out like, do I actually want to do this? (laughs) - Dude, it's hard because I can't say from that side of the fence, you have, how do I say it? It is, the company is like, well, they won't tour next year, or we'll hold that back on them. And it's like, we don't give a shit about tour and we're doing this for everyone else. This is not, we just give two. - This is not our lifestyle. - Zach just-- - Yeah, I know that guy, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, that guy. I haven't seen his stuff. - Yeah, have you not? - You were talking about the white room thing. - Yeah, you know, no, I'm maybe he does a live version, but I'm just saying there's all these, you know, random guys that build this big thing and they have this live, you know, dating with the audience, comes up or whatever. - Doing that live sounds fucking crazy. Yeah, having no editorial control is, that's a gamble, especially with something that sensitive. - Yeah, I guess so, but they're, well, then, I mean, you got to figure something out if you want to tour. - Yeah. - But I guess the other side is, you don't have to tour, you know, that's a big thing. A lot of people are learning this thing. - One of these days, Eli will figure that out. - We don't, we do not have to. Everyone else, why do we do it, Eli? - For the community. - Give a podcasting, I don't put podcasting in that same category, like, a podcast going to a live podcast is actually pretty normal. - Here's the, here. - I don't see that as for your category. - For yours, being able to do this for a year and a half at this point, I'm a two and a half years, we now sell out 2,200 seat venues. Like in a week and a half, we will sell out 2,200 seat venues. - What is 2,200 seat venue man? - Just 2,000 people. - 2,000. - What is the 200 man? - 200 seats. - 2,200 is what he's trying to say. - Yeah, 2,200. - 2,200. - 2,200. - Oh, yeah, yeah, 2,200. - However you want to say that. - I knew you weren't saying 2,200 seat venues. But I was like, what are you saying? - That is how a 2,000 or 2,000 seat venues. - This is a seven shows a day. - We do 2,000 big gold polls per year. - Why are you doing so many shows? - Yeah, but I was like, also awesome. Why are you working right now? Why is every venue 2,200 seats? - We're really good at that. That is our max capacity. No more to let us know something. - This one's, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, that's awesome, yeah. - Because how fast that happened, we got truly blessed with being five people on the stage and we get it interact and everyone has a good time. A lot of comedians were going to talk to me and be like, how the fuck? - That is really quick to scale that size. And at first, we didn't. We were like 400 seat venues and then we barely sold out. - I mean, our first one was like 300 seats? - Yeah. - 300, 400 was fantastic. - It was where actually we're like tonight. Like we laugh out loud. That was our, and we were nervous as fuck. - First, first, first. - Yeah, it was 300 seats and we were terrified. - Well, I mean, I'm sure there's some places where you'll go. Like, I mean, you know, like I'm next week, I'm doing 1,500 in Toronto and then I'm doing 500 in Houston and then tonight's gonna be 300. Like, so, you know, I'm-- - Yeah, it's scales. - No, it depends, I'm just saying it depends on where you go. You're like, oh, and then maybe if you go to London, then you're like, oh, that's just five. You know, it depends on-- - Right. - So there's always a place where you're selling more tickets and less tickets if you want to go. There is a question. - But even still, just like, even though it's like few-- - I'm sorry to interrupt, but I know for you guys, it's the exact same amount every two places, 2,200. - I mean, we keep it like relatively close 'cause it's big hubs too, where it's like Denver, Phoenix, Boston, like, you know, big, big conglomerates like that. But I just go back to our first ever show where we were all just terrified. Like, I just remember the feeling in the green room where we've never been on stage before. - Oh, I know. - Like, this is-- - Oh, this is one of the biggest things. It's like, where you used to talking behind a camera, where two millions of people, the second that million turns into 300 in front of me-- - Can you start it with a big place? - It was like 300 was the-- - It was a lot, right, but yeah, you didn't-- - I mean, for a lot of people, that is like, oh, but three to 500 during that first tour. - Enter stage left, Richard High. - Yeah, yeah. Exposed his butthole and testicles - Right on the entire crowd. - It was St. Patrick's Day. - Sick. - He was wearing a kilton, just mooned the whole fucking audience as we walked out, and we're like, well, that sets the tone. - Yeah, like, all right, fair enough. - Now, we don't have to worry. Period. - Yeah, it's just that weird spot of how fast it evolved into that size, and we're truly blessed because we have a huge audience, but two million people behind a camera versus 300 people in front of them. - Yeah, absolutely fucking terrifying to all of us. - Yeah, different scale. - Cody. - Cody hates it, he has the largest box of the fuck up. - Do you know, so Boston, I think it's the Wilbur Theater. - I did the Wilbur. - Yeah, we did the Wilbur last tour. And, you know, there's the base floor, the second floor, and then there's a third floor way to top. - That was awesome. - It's cool, and they call it the wall of laughter. - Yeah, 'cause they built a comedy club in the bottom. - Oh no shit. - That's the reason. So, if you, the part that has the tables, it feels like a comedy club. That's why everyone does their specials there. - Oh shit, I didn't know that. - Yeah. - So, yeah, they have a theater, but then they have a little floor essentially in front of the theater that feels like a comedy club. - That's fucking cool. - No, no, well, when we did it, Cody, well, 'cause the way the lighting was set up, Cody didn't know there was a third floor. - Oh yeah, yeah. - So, he's got massive stage fright, and like at one point, like one of us just like, "Hey, Cody, look up there." And he goes, "Oh, fuck, I just had no clue. There was an entire extra 300 fucking people there." - In that wild, like, time though, there's, there's some podcasts that do, like a live podcast, and they do a arena, and you're just like, man, what a wild, do there's this podcast and go back, I think it's Mike Ward's podcast. They did the, like, basketball sports stadium. - Right. - Just into two guys, there's Chatton. - And like logical brain, it makes sense, but like caveman brain, none of the shit computes. - Yeah, yeah. Well, as the rules are all, there is none. - Yeah. We were terrified with the 360. - Oh, dude. - We visited the 360? - Phoenix. - It was all the way around. - Yeah, Phoenix, and it was, - That's weird. - It was a 240, like, 'cause it was one of those things. Like, how the fuck, where we are on a table, we are taught, the people behind us won't have a good time. We need to like, push everyone this way. Ha. The only place there wasn't people was the entrance ramp behind us. - Yeah. - It was, I'm like, oh yeah. A table full of veterans, famously comfortable with people sitting behind them for an hour and a half. - Terrified. What is it like for you when you walk out on that? Or you, do you sit, what's your actual stage presence, like, four stuff like that? Now, are you walking and looking at each area when you walk and talk? - Dude, I, like, honestly, this stuff feel, it just doesn't feel like anything to me. That's why. - Like, I'm, it really, I don't know, but I guess I've been performing since I was like 16, but it really, it's not even like a nervous thing or not. I'm more like in my head, like, okay, I'm gonna think about it. I might be thinking about something, like, okay, I wanna try this new thing or I wanna do that, but, like, the actual, oh, everyone's here, like, I just feel nothing, it's like a relevant. - So, go see his shows. - Yeah. - He doesn't care about you at all. - That's what you want. - He's a humility check. What was everybody's first job? - No, you'd be like, if you walked into, I feel the way that if I walked into a room with my friends, like, if I walked into a room with, like, my bodies, I'm not like, oh, I'm not like nervous. - So you just lost the nerves every time? - Yeah, it just feels regular. You do it every single night, you know what I mean? It just feels like regular. - The last show, that's when they opened those, like, hey, five minutes. I used to sleep before a show. I'll take my naps, Brandon's like, oh, it hit. I'm like, huh? - You guys have a stand-up that does anything before you guys go on? - No, it's just straight. - I've said that. - That'll make it easier, 'cause going first is notoriously a little harder. - Especially in San Antonio, we have so many friends, like Justin Governell, like, people that do-- - Have a local person do 10 minutes before, that'll make it better for you. - I feel like we should. - But the crowd, what do we walk out to? Thunderous fucking applause. - At the same time, yeah. - That was a lot of fun. - I feel like it's also good for the audience, too. Like, you know, 10 minutes-- - You warmed them up. - Yeah, 10 minutes of just like, oh, you know, they're warmed up, you're ready to laugh, you're having a good time while you're waiting for the, you know, you-- - That's a toe brainer. That would be like 101 if I was like-- - Yeah, you're gonna put this forward. - Yeah, put someone before. Have someone do something beforehand, yeah? - It'd be interesting to try it, 'cause it'd be that, 'cause Jake gets booed going on stage, just for his, Jake will be on stage. And this is our-- - Well, that sounds like a Jake problem. - Yeah, and he goes on and it's like, hey, I'm speaking for this, not this. And Jake's not even into the intro of like, hey, no cell phones, he does this a little bit. But people are like, we didn't pay for you. Like, Jesus Christ, that's why I would not want to put that on an Indian comedian. We're like, hey, what's up? It's-- - We'll put a special-- - We have so many fucking-- - We have so many comedians that are former podcast guests, though. - Yeah. - Do you think our audience is gonna be kind of-- - Yeah, the lawyer is gonna-- - I do. - Right. - I'm saying, hey, overcourt. - Now, what you need is a guy that does film and we like, tour with us and he's also kind of worked for you. - We're gonna just throw you on stage next time. - Well, you can't afford to-- - No. (laughing) - Nah, I'm sure. - Yeah, that's not a lie. - All right. - Yeah, honestly, I betcha you would do it and you'd be like, oh shit, that's way better. - It'd be a good fucking, let's test it for the next year. - I feel like we should, like I've been hard on that that I think that like, yeah, if an opener. - Yeah, 'cause it pretty much, even every big musician and whatnot, when they do a big tour, they have openers and stuff like that. - Yeah, it's something to keep people entertained if they show up early, you know, stuff like that. And if people miss it, then they miss it, whatever, but it's, I don't know, keeps people entertained. - Yeah. - Where you, like a lot of mediums that you're like, we'll do it differently and then like, after a few years, you're like, there's a reason everyone did it like that. - You know what I mean, we've had delicious, Iowa's a great example, 45-minute delay, because 60% of the audience tried to bring in guns. (laughing) And they had to go back to their car. Now we're doing it. - You left, now we're doing it. - And then they're like, why is it the show starting in New Orleans? - Yeah, your baby's like, your, your show's like a little baby show. (laughing) - The rapper. (laughing) - Yeah, literally. - Literally, it's it. (laughing) - Everyone was bringing guns and you were like, hey, they delayed it by like 45 minutes. - Oh my gosh. - Oh my gosh. - Because it was like, everyone's trying to bring in guns, right? - They seem they're having a cat Williams. (laughing) - Well, they're, yeah. - It's so funny. Yeah, you guys are dealing with gangster rap problems. (laughing) - They tried to bring guns in here. - Yeah. - It was the, the Nashville show where they came back. The management came back. They were like, hey, you know, we're glad you're here. This is this. The staff is a little concerned. A lot of your people are trying to bring in firearms. - We don't like carrying. - No, no, not even that. - You can see it. - Just like, they're like, well, we're worried that they're gonna bring in firearms. We're like, no, no, not our crowd. They know the rules. They know the laws, stuff like that. And then we walk outside and there's a guy carrying a fucking AT4. Like, well, they went into sight. (laughing) - I'd jug it out. - That's so funny. - I get it's an empty tube. But when you're dealing with a fucking, you know, arena that doesn't deal with this shit. - Yeah, I get it. - So wait, where's the rest of your tube? - That's so funny. I'm just like kind of on tour always. Like I try to do, I try to do about two weekends a month is like what I think makes sense for me. So right now, I guess I don't know when this is gonna come out but Santa Tonya, Houston and Austin are sold out. But then I'm, I don't think you guys have, do you mind if I pull up my dates? - No, not really the purpose. - Yeah, by all means. - Thank you. But yeah, then I'm doing big theater in Toronto. Ottawa still has some tickets, Toronto's basically sold out. But then Miami, Naples, Jacksonville, Little Florida Run, San Francisco, Sacramento, Philadelphia, Madison, Vancouver, Portland, Minneapolis, Lansing, Theater, Chicago, Detroit, Winnipeg, Spokane, Phoenix, Santa Ana, Pueblo, Boston, Halifax, Nashville, Kansas City, Calgary, D.C. Providence, RyanLongcomedy.com. - And so what is your last date on that tour? - It's always, like it's kind of just, so the way that I am currently doing it is not like just one big tour. It's more that I do about 24 weekends a year, sort of thing, you know? And that just kind of goes on forever. When I do release a special, I'll probably take like four months off to do press and we're gonna stuff in this and that, but it's kind of just, that's like, I'm trying to be in like a, you're trying to more like, systemize like a manageable life as opposed to like, it's off then it's on, it's off then it's on. This is just like always. - 24th of metric shit done. And also send that to show, so we can put that up on screen. - Okay, yeah. - So everyone knows the exact dates. - Do the, I get that we all like, we're privileged to be able to do the job that we have, right? - Yeah, I think so. - But do you still enjoy it? - Yeah, to be honest, it's the problem with being busy, I'm sure it's like, there's too much stuff other than the thing. Like I kind of, it's funny 'cause I used to look back at, you know, when I was probably like four years into this or whatever, you'd be like, man, it'd be so sick to be there. And then you could just no stand up. And you're like, actually it's here is when I was, when I had nothing, this is when I could, now it's like you're doing stand up well managing a lot of other things, you know? So to me, it's like the thing that I like most is, when I'm like, my whole life is problem I'm trying to solve is how can I mostly just focus on the things, you know? So with stand up, I do love the problem is that it's hard to really do when you're doing a million other things. So most of my time is spend, how can I do the least amount of other things and actually just do this? - It's not hard. - Yeah. - When now where can everyone find you on social media? - All of my socials are at Ryan Long Comedy and the podcast is The Boyz Cast With Ryan Long. - Who do you do The Boyz Cast With? - Danny Polis-Chuck. And he's a comedian also from Toronto that lives in New York as well. You might have seen his stuff. He does a lot of funny sketches and stuff. - Probably, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, it's probably again, it's one of those things that comes across your feet all the time. - No for sure, yeah. - And you're like, oh shit, that guy. - Yeah, no, that's what I say to you guys. It's like cool, I've obviously seen like your face and your face a bunch of times, but. - Fuck you, Connor. - Who the fuck am I? - No, I've seen the podcast and I remember my first note was I was like, that looks really good. - But I know, don't make him feel good, it's it. - I remember I think in your shit looks really good. And then I was just like impressed with that. You, it's cool that there's these, you know, just, you're like, oh, just, you know, who's that guy? And you go, oh yeah, they're making crazy money just doing this, like you don't need anyone. And to me, that's like cool when you meet other people that are just in like a different, like slightly different thing, I'm sure there's some crossover on people we know and stuff like that. But I don't, I think it's sick. - Well, it's been a genuine pleasure to disappoint you in person. - Yeah. - That's a, yeah. - Yeah, I'm glad you guys are doing it, man. I'm glad it's going well. - Oh, that's hell, fuck it. - If you come to New York, I'll come to the show. If you come to New York, I choose you again. Are you, are you gonna come to New York? Have you done New York? - We have. We did Jersey, I don't think we'll go back there, but we might do New York, who knows. - Some cool theaters in New York, man, that's like. - We wanted to make money. - The idea is our goal, Eli's always wanted to do, sorry, Eli's always wanted to do Madison Square Garden, so. - Yeah, that'd be sick dude. - We've scaled right now 300, 800, 2000 sold out, so this one will be 5,000 seats if we can sell it for venues at 5,000 seats each, then we'll get Madison Square Garden for 20 years. - You know one another? - I have this fucking dialed into a goddamn size. - Well here's the, it's a fucking stretch goal, but at the same time, if we just do one fucking big unsub-tour like this is the unsub-netka. This is the only show we're doing the entire tour, all unsub-fans there, I think maybe we can do it. - Yeah. - We won't sell it out. - Oh, we will. I will make that a fucking thing. Oh, we'll make an event around it. Sounds like a challenge. - We write rent out, like literally rent out Nareena, you know, make the tickets affordable, so people will actually do it. - Yeah. - Cut out a tick, like cut out a ticketing service, you know? - Yeah, we're thankfully super blessed on, even who we work with on any of the aspect. 'Cause WWE, yeah. - No, the only reason I was saying that is I was like, if you're trying to sell it in Nareena and the goal is like how many tickets can we sell? You wanna like cut out all these, like get it down to 25 bucks. Like you know what I mean? Like, all I was saying was like in this one situation where you're like my goal is just sell like as many as possible and trying to, like we're like trying to step up. Well, one of the ways to help that is like, how can we get these tickets as cheap as possible, you know? - Fill this bitch out and then we have fear. - Go Connor. - Go Connor. - Soon to sell out Madison Square Garden. Thank you for tuning in to the Unsubscribed Podcast. As always, I've been joined by Eli Double Tap, the one, the only Ryan, some have called him the longest long. - Gun guy. - Gun guy, huge gun guy. Future Congressman Brandon Herrera and myself. - Feesh. - Batman. Feesh. - Fish man. - Thank you for tuning in. - As always, Ryan, we're gonna be fun to you. - Again? - Again. - One more time. - One more time, we're just going to rinse, repeat. - We're very nice with all this promo you're giving. - Yeah, we're doing. - RyanLongCommony.com. - RyanLongCommony, RyanLongCommony. - BigDickCommony.com. - We love you guys. Kisses, fuck you. 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