Colum Tyrrell Has Some Interesting Dinner Plans | Whiskey Ginger

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Home of the Save. This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. You think you know a browser, but Gemini and Chrome, that's new. It can help you with practically anything on the web. Like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a 50-page restoration block. Or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks. Gemini and Chrome is here for it. Ready to make anything online make sense? There's no place like Chrome. Check responses, setup required, compatibility and availability varies 18 plus. Welcome back to Whiskey Ginger, a wave series. Hey, Whiskey Ginger fans. In two days, October 18th, I'm going to be performing with Dave Chappelle. You know him. You've heard of him. Remember that guy? Me and him are doing a show together at Sloan Park in Mesa, Arizona. Mesa is just right next to Tempe, which is in the Phoenix greater metro area. October 18th at Sloan Park where the Cubs do their spring training. Me and Dave Chappelle are going to be doing a stand-up show. Come out and see us. Go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets. That's andrewsantino.com. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. I guess there's one of my favorite people on the other side of the front. I guess what I mean, once again, today, it's Colm Terrell. What's up, everybody? How quick was that? That was good. Colm Terrell. That was awesome. You crushed Terrell, yeah. Terrell. Terrell, yeah. I don't know why you, but it's like you're nervous to say it. Terrell. Terrell. It's out, yeah. Well, Colm's easy to say. Colm's perfect. But Terrell's, because it's- Terrell's a little weird. Terrell. Yeah, a lot of people say Tyrell. Yeah, no, no, you're not Tyrell. But you know my uncle, his name, Tyrone. You got a white uncle, Tyrone? Yeah. Well, Tyrone's from Ireland. We're the original Tyrones. Stop. Yeah. Google it. Tyrone's a county in Ireland, yeah. You're saying the name Tyrone is from Ireland? Uh-huh. I swear to God. It's a place in Ireland. Yeah. The name Tyrone is of Irish origin. It comes from the Gaelic phrase- Big, big. Big guys from there. Big guys from Tyrone. Big, athletic. What is it called? Wait, what's it called? It means land of Aragon or land of Owen. Oh. Land of Aragon. Aragon. That's a Lord of the Rings thing. E-O-G-H-A-N. Owen. Ogan. Owen. O-W-E-N. Can you speak Irish? Yeah, a little bit. You can? I have a little kind of stuff about it. It's one thing. You know, everyone here learns Spanish because you live in Los Angeles, and I'm not interested at all. No. But I would love to learn Irish. Yeah. Well, now you've got the opportunity to kneecap. Just listen to kneecap. I like those guys. If you listen to kneecap and you learn Irish, the only sentences you have are like, anti-Semitic essentially, because that's all they rap about. Let's play a clip. Turn them off, dude. People are learning Irish through kneecap and only learning like pro-Palestine slogans. That's all they have. I like their stuff, though. Kneecap, yeah, I don't understand it, though. What do you mean? Too young? No, I don't understand. I don't understand the words. It's like when I'm listening to Bad Bunny or whatever. I kind of just go with the vibe. It's fine. Yeah, phonetics. And then you Google afterwards and you go, whoa. He's like, I used to fuck my aunt, yeah, and my mom, yeah. Oh, yeah. Bad Bunny's always like. It's weird as shit. Wrong with kissing your cousin or whatever. Yeah, dude. All right. The one Super Bowl song was literally like, I have sex with close first cousins and their friends and their friends. It's like that is. Fuckin' my cousin when we're young and don't know what to do. They're like, all right. And you're like, dude, this rips. I like this song. Yeah. I'm going to learn Irish at some point. Kneecap's a little like that where you're listening to it and then you Google it and it's kind of just like, Hitler was a little misunderstood. And you're like, what? In the hood. And you know. You're like, all right. Let's go, Kneecap. They put out everything on October 7th. They just released everything on October 7th. Album dropped October 7th. No, I'm going to learn it only because when I was a kid and my grandmother, she would always say. Someone would say, Gaelic. Yeah. And she's like, it's not Gaelic. Stop saying Gaelic. What would she say? She'd say, speak in Irish. Irish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like, because people would say, oh, do you speak Gaelic? Sure. Yeah, yeah. Well, it is Gaelic. But Americans think that that's what it. No, but it's Irish. The language is Irish. Yeah, I guess it's, you know, I guess it depends. The English word for Gaelic is Irish. Right. But it's Irish. Yes, Irish. If we're speaking in English, we're talking about the Irish. But you could call it Gaelga. Gaelga. Gaelga. Gaelga. Sounds a little less homeoerotic. I don't think so. Gaelga. Gaelga. Gaelga. You're getting it. Yeah, but Irish sounds great. Irish sounds way better. Like, I would go to those step dancing competitions when I was a kid. Oh, yeah. All my cousins, my mom, all the sisters. Like, all my mom and her sisters did it. And you'd hear it because the old ladies would be there. So you'd hear them sometimes. So we do the Irish dancing where the girls have, like, they have big curly hair. Yeah, oh, yeah. And they just sort of, the legs or whatever and the dresses. But then you guys have it over here. I was doing a show somewhere and I was in the hotel. They had the Irish dancing thing in the conference room. So I was like, let me go check this out. Yeah. But it's more like, it's like a little kind of stripper competition thing. Yeah. It's like a beauty pageant. It's not, like, the wigs are different. They're like Dolly Parton. Sure. And they're like. We're selling sex in America. They're flitted up. I'm not going to lie. And honestly, which I'm not against, but you got to warn a guy. I'm going in there thinking of, like, some sort of a nice Irish. Traditional. Traditional remind me of home thing. But it was just a little, a bunch of little bad bunnies. We sell sex here, brother. You got to know that. Yeah. You've been in America long enough. It was a beauty pageant. That's the only reason you're successful is because you're hot. Mm-hmm. I get that. It's really frustrating. You're not funny. I mean, you're hot. That's kind of it for you. It's kind of frustrating to just try to have a new premise about geopolitics and just a bunch of girls. Woo! Show your dick. Do some crowd work on me. And you're like, ugh. And I'm like, guys. I'm at the TD Arena. You're going, guys. Guys. I'm more than my killer. I'm more than my looks, bitch. My beautiful eyes. I also have a beautiful brain. Yeah. Do crowd work on me. It's become the new standard. I mean, it's so funny. It's everywhere. It's pervasive. It's not just New York. It's not just L.A. It's not Austin. It's everywhere now. Sure, yeah. Crowd work king now. I wonder what the amount of comics, like, if you go up at the cellar, how many comics are only doing crowd work versus material? There's a lot. There's a lot. Almost. More than that. More than half. I would imagine if you see a show with eight comics, at some point, all eight comics are doing crowd work. Isn't that wild? I mean, it's- At some point. It's everywhere. It's fine. There should be a rule, like, you know. Yeah, first two artists did it. There should just be a rule, like, our club doesn't do it. Our club does not do it. We're here for the jokes. That's good. Keep your fucking- You know, because people are still in the front row, like, and they're all excited. I don't like when they're waiting for it. Like, they're looking at you, like, you know, and they're, like, leaning in, like, to talk to me. Talk to me. And you're like, I just want to do fucking jokes. I just wrote all these stupid jokes for you. I hope you wanted to hear some of them. Yeah, but, you know, you could also argue in this world of, like, everyone's on their phones, that this is, like, it feels more communal to be live rather than some guy has a bit about oatmeal or some shit. But it's, like, more rewarding to hear this guy go, are you guys dating? That's your daughter. That was almost Normandy. Oh, is that your daughter? Normandy. Is that what we call them? Yeah, Normandy. Storm it, dude. Storm the dude. The beach of Normandy. Yeah, Normandy. Hey, Omaha Beach. I got one question for you now. Please. Disney? Oh, yeah. What are we talking? Did you go? Oh, yeah. You're a big Disney guy. I'm a big success guy. As long as you're successful, I'll gobble it up. Disney's awesome. Disney's huge. I went to Disney in Florida. Oh, not here. You didn't go to land. You went to world. No, I flew to Florida to witness the. The real deal. Big thing. Big bucket list moment. Don't they have Euro Disney? Where's that? They do in Paris. Gross. Paris is great the first six or seven times, and then I'm like. Six is a lot. I'd say two or three. Let's get out of here. Yeah, but you went to Disney World, the real. Yeah, I've been to Disney Paris, been to Disney World. Wow. Never Disneyland here. No kids, just me and my wife walking around. Yeah, at least you have the wife there, though. If it was just you, a solo, different story. Honestly, I might have more fun. Alone? Maybe. Totally alone? Just running to the front of the line. Yeah. Because then you can get up on the. You get better spots on the rides. Yeah, but what, because they think you have Down syndrome? They let you go up there. They're like, this guy's obviously disabled. You can hear his accent. Yeah. No, no, he's from Alabama. Did you hear that? Yeah, he's disabled. Some bullshit out of my face. No, the Disney solo is. Did you have a weird. What was your. Was your childhood fucking wild? Wild? Yeah, like bad. - No, I had Gray. - Parents still together? - Both alive? Both alive Probably haven't loved each other in years But they're like fucking They're married Yeah So they won't get divorced That's such a great This is married I'm kind of Honestly America divorce is like It's like almost disgusting to me What do you mean like Oh getting divorced here Yeah because you No one made you get married Right And no one made you throw the biggest thing You've ever done Like nothing else will ever come close to A wedding Sure You invite people And then you make a little like list of like Give me this shit Should my friend You're on the B list Like to this thing Right As if it's a big And then they get married You do the whole thing Hotels, dress up And then two years later they go Oh yeah they got divorced And you go Didn't they have a big fucking event Saying they wouldn't do that Am I crazy Yeah But you know what This is what happens when you grow older And people fall out of love But then don't get married Okay well then you're married I'm married yeah You threw the biggest party ever It was so big It was obnoxiously big What if your wife one day is like I'm out I'm fucking tying it to the radio I don't know what I'm doing She's not walking out You're going nowhere No I would rather hear I would rather hear A murder suicide Than a divorce That happens a lot That actually does happen a lot Yeah the honorable way out Yeah That's the way God That was in the Bible You might get into heaven still New Testament Yeah God's like murder sue It's just I can't imagine Any other situation where Equivalent to a marriage Where you go I'm throwing this thing And I need everyone there And we're gonna promise In front of everyone Like it's like You don't need us there You can just do it Just do it privately Just do it privately You're saying if you might get divorced Just do a small wedding I just mean like If I promised everyone And then I committed To like a job or something Yeah Like some sort of a thing And then just four years later I go nah I wasn't really feeling it So what's the cut off What if it's 20 years Hmm Yeah I don't know There's gotta be a Yeah Cause my mom said to me one time She was like I love your dad But I don't know It's hard I was like I guess It's definitely hard It's definitely hard Well cause they get old My parents are so old too now That I could see like Well they're They're not gonna split up Sure But you do see how different Their personalities are Because the older my dad gets The more he is settled Into being like Leave me alone Yeah This is what I like Nice Go away That's great But my mom still wants to be like Active and do stuff And da da da And he's not interested So I could see These battles are tough I Like I see it And I'm like oh it's kinda sad Zach same thing Now they don't wanna be With other people It's just Sure You know Sometimes you just wanna kill It does It is like they wanna They're like I don't wanna see him For a couple days My parents are exactly like that My mom's still full of wonder And interest and stuff And my dad is like No He refuses to go anywhere new He goes Same spot He goes to the south He's been to the south of Spain Hundreds of times And he will Refuse to go anywhere else Where does he go Sevilla Or where does he go I think he goes to What's he go to Malaga Oh Malaga's great Malaga yeah Yeah Malaga yeah Porto Banus or something Around that area Somewhere around there So cause his friend Has an apartment Malaga's great But he just goes there And he'll go to the same pub And he talks to the same bartender And drinks the same thing It's kinda nice He'll do that for the rest of his life And he'll never be like I don't wanna be in Paris Learning streets And I'm not doing it He knows Malaga I've seen things I get it This is what I like Yeah If it works it works And my wife's just like I'm sorry my mother Boo Oh no Shit Marry my mom Cut it Send it to her No no Is it too late to let her know But you married an American I married an American yeah She's great You did it just for the green card That's why he's talking All that talk dude Yeah He wanted to be one of us It did speed things up maybe It certainly was Yeah It was in the deciding factor Where's she from She's from New Jersey New Jersey Yeah she's great Her family's great Would you ever Ask her to go back to Ireland Or do you have no interest In going back I think it would be hard I would love to have Some sort of an option To go back Like have a place Have a place On the west coast of Ireland Would be a joy Like out near the cliffs Was that Galway Galway Shannon's over there right Shannon's beautiful I love it over there The west coast of Ireland Is just amazing You're not a Dublin fan I like Dublin a lot It's where I'm from I love Dublin I know but you don't Want to live there anymore I don't think I would Want to move to Because we texted When I was going to Ireland And I was like Going back to Dublin Which by the way Pound for pound Pound for pound The best international show We've ever done Oh yeah It's not even fucking close With the three arena Oh yeah the point We call it the point Not even close We didn't do any other Look Australia was fucking awesome London was good Like these shows were great But Dublin did something to us Well you know You know what it is It was fucking awesome That was probably You did with Bobby Bob yeah Bob They'd never seen anyone Like that before I know That was They tried to capture him If you guys tried to have a bag Yeah Try to snag him and keep him Dude we I just think It was just the treatment They were so receptive Like from the jump Yeah They were ready Chanting Cheering Yelling Yes Yeah There is a thing The vibe was amazing There is a thing And this Yeah This gets a little whatever But I think Irish audiences Are very like What you call Urban audiences Like over here They're enthusiastic Like they're not enthusiastic They're energetic Yeah And if they love you It'll be the best night of your life And if they don't It's gonna ruin your confidence For a while But that's what you need For a while You need the You can't Yeah Middle ground's tough Cause when you have like An okay show You're like Yeah it was fine I guess Yeah Nobody won Nobody lost It's like soccer It's a tie And you're like Fuck a tie But like with that You're like I wanna lose So bad Or win so big Cause the hit was Yeah I know exactly where you stand With the audience Cause we had Dude at the show We brought in Step dancers Who taught me and Bobby How to step live Oh great Dude watching him step And eat shit on Somebody spilled water He spilled water And he slipped Oh he slipped on his own shit Yeah that's Sounds right But those girls Were incredible It was just The music was Like everything was The night was great And I remember leaving And being like I don't know If we're gonna do A better show We should probably Never go back Cause that was like It was It was the best I'm not kissing ass I fucking We love We talk about it Constantly Were you skull and points I was Yeah Well we were You gotta have About 20 Guinness That's the problem though Is I don't drink beer Anymore I drink whiskey And then if I do drink beer I do like Guinness Yes But Something about Guinness I can have More than I should Yeah You can have way too many You're also gonna be surrounded By a bunch of drunk Irish guys Yeah it's easy Of course you're gonna have A few more than you should I know but it's also just like Easy to drink them For some reason It's so nice It's just like a simple It's the best I know I could really Throw my life away To be a Guinness alcoholic Like it's right there You're close I could You're a sniff away Do you have any booze bags In the family Yeah Everyone I mean no but Not like in the I mean like Like Uncle Mark is bad Yeah Well my grandmother was She was big She was a Did she die of it She No but her brain Left her For a while Just gone Yeah So But we had to like go We had to go to Local liquor stores With like photos And go You cannot give her Any more booze Please And she'd come on in And she'd wear these like Like Wealthy glove You know like You know like old Like Cruella De Vil style She'd come in Like She was I don't know She was like a very Bougie bitch And she'd come in And go A bottle of gin And they're like We can't serve you And then she'd be like You fucking cunt Fucking Throw a glove at them Smack them Take off the glove To smack them with it Yeah exactly So wait Gin was her drink Yeah The beef eater gin Yeah She'd crush it Gin's an old lady It gets you rocked It's old lady and my dad Yeah My dad I don't know why my dad JV loves it When I had him here To play To play golf We were supposed to meet my mom And And my wife And A couple of hours Like a friend Yeah And my mom was like Take it easy today And I'm like He's out of town He's playing golf I know my dad's gonna be boozing You know But I had I'm this responsible one I'm his son Like why do I have to look at I'm like He's an adult Dude One of the guys That works at this spot Goes He's like Oh Mr. Santino Your father That is your father I said yeah He goes He's a black guy He goes Mr. Santino Mr. Santino Your father He drank a whole bottle Of B. Pedro gin And I was like No fucking way He's like Yes He want a double Then he want a triple Then he want a quadruple I was like No chance And he shows me the bottle And I was like No more No more And then by the end of the golf round I'm like Dad You had way too much man And he's like I'm fine And I go Let's take a shower And then I thought If he's gonna He's gonna fall In the shower That's great So I like to be near him He's like Got it together I'm like Okay you good He's like I'm good He's like Dressed We walk into the restaurant And my mom is like Oh shit And then I turn And I see my dad Just like Sloppy Staring in his face I was like Dude you lasted so You almost got there We just had to sit And chill He loves gin I don't know why Gin and I are No no no You can get a good I can't remember now There's one gin That's just Spectacular I wish I knew Remember the name Cause I don't really Drink liquors anymore Because it's just No bro No brown anymore I kinda had to just Get away from the heavy stuff Just beer then I've been slowly Just been putting up The bumpers On all of my drinking Till it's just I know you said How many months now You haven't had any sauce A couple You know I had I did have one beer Last weekend One beer is not Which barely counts And I also had about Fifty non-alcoholic beers I tried that for a while It was insane How many non-alcoholic beers I drank Do you know You know O'Connor You know my boy Yeah of course O'Connor does a bit where When we were on the road And he was like I don't know I don't want to get hammered. tonight and i'm like all right so he'll have a shot i'm like i thought you don't want to drink he's like but i'm drinking non-alcoholic beer that's yes so he'll have shots in between na it's insane well but dude on his in his perspective it's actually brilliant because he goes because i would chase that shot with a regular beer and i'd be getting twice as fucked up now i'm getting half as fucked up so it's a little more under control yeah and i was like i don't think so dude you had nine shots yeah like i don't care if there was nothing in between what about a regular beer and some sort of non-alcoholic whiskey then would that be that would even be safer would it yeah if it's like a light beer because you could drink a hundred bud lights yeah they're not that's water yeah that's all i drink too it's just the lowest just light beer it's just constantly trying to parachute the whatever it is does your wife drink yeah she booze hand yeah oh so you're going the other way you're doing it why for career and life i don't know it's just like i'm constantly battling this kind of i love it i just love i've drank with you yeah yeah i love it so much and i'm still still drinking it's just i gotta be like in two months i'm gonna get my two months worth in that weekend and then i'll go back to normal it's funny i go through ways of it where i'm like take some time off like this one i'm on a little time off i think i'll come back when it's my wife's birthday because we're going to do a thing together so i'm like then we'll get it's like truly even if i don't think i'm an alcoholic right but there's i just i could never say for no forever i just could never it wouldn't be worth it to not be able to have like a fucking bottle of wine well you're never going to be able to have a fucking bottle of wine around your deathbed and be like thank god i was sober for the rest of my life after that no because you i would just yes some of the some of the best moments i have from having a couple with people yeah yeah and look if it became a big issue we gotta get drunk it's so easy to just convince yourself it's hard to be like i've been off it and then you go what about this a couple of guinness and in the winter pub yeah we're like a guinness during the day wet like when it's snowing out or raining out and there's like an open fire forget about it oh my god and then in ireland's the best because you go into a pub and it's silent yeah it's like silent but it's well it's because everyone's kind of ashamed because it's 1 p.m and you should you haven't you should have a job but you got fired and you haven't told your wife yet so everyone just like quietly goes in and they just yeah they just one nod and no one wants to talk to each other at all it's great there used to be this great video in of a pub in cork in ireland where the guy walks in and the bartender goes up and goes how's it going seamus and he goes guinness she was like all right and that was it there was a great video someone just did a sketch that i laughed at so hard it was like uh americans going into a bar anywhere and i think it was like i think it was a an irish pub yeah and how the they're all like mocking how loud the americans are sure and shitting on them and then the reversal is like when australians are in an irish pub and the irish are all like oh where are you from in australia they're like so excited to see him i thought it was so funny they say everyone does that it's like look at these friends of mine are fucking idiots yeah i don't know why ireland has such a weird hang-up i i never had it with the irish american thing of like you know you go over and go i'm irish and then they all go you're not irish you're from fucking chicago or whatever you know but i never really cared it's like just like whatever well if you're i mean yeah i'm american yeah you're american but my grandparents are from my own so it's almost like i don't know i guess i don't know why they i'm american people get hung up on it they get so tribal yeah because they don't want americans people don't like americans dude they don't want us to like uh what is it called like um intercept or like they don't want us to like take something away from somewhere else they think it's like you have enough america go away yeah did you grow up in like an irish neighborhood like was there no no no no no no no like that well my grandmother's house was like my grant where my mom grew up and and all the families around them you know it's like the you know the hurley he's and the o'malley's and they all had fucking 15 kids my mom's one of 10 okay yeah all of the people in their neighborhood are 10 to 12 kids that's awesome yeah that's all that's all they grew up around yes so cool that's all my mom knew from her generation gotta bring it back catholic school getting beat by the nuns yeah my mom's schools we drove by we just went to a cubs game and she went to a school called immaculata that was it's it's gone now this is the funny dude this is i can you can hear you already you know my dad you don't know my dad but you already know my dad of course so we drive by drive by my mom's like i think my high school is around here and i was like really mom do you remember the block immaculata look at this is insane immaculata wait hold on hold on latin for some yeah you're gonna love this though here immaculata uh permanently closed this is my favorite thing in the world so i go i go i go mom your high school was right there she goes yeah it's not a it's not immaculata anymore i go what is it it's the american islamic islamic school and my dad immediately he goes oh is that and i go dad we're in an uber just chill out this fucking country i was like yeah i was like dude we're in an uber chill out i go if we it was our car a bit of an allegory for this country if you ask me you can feel my dad to the point you can feel him like grip i was like dad dad we're in someone else's car yeah chill the fuck the islamic school for trans kids the islamic school for pre-teen uh mid-transition yeah yeah spectrum kids yeah my dad i could feel my dad like his neck yeah and i was like we're going to a cubs game dude just chill out just hang out yeah no she but they got i didn't go to catholic school i did i did as a kid kid i went to moody bible in the city and then when we left the city moody bible moody bible moody moody was the name m-o-o-d-y yeah like moody yeah okay so i was like i'm gonna go to catholic school and i'm gonna moody yeah okay it had been a it had been a name of a guy look up moody bible i don't know he's a little moody he's a little moody he's moody isn't he moody the moody bible moody bible institute that's what i was a little moody who was it named after probably like it was named after its founder patrick moody dwight lyman moody oh my chicago evangelist okay all right so you have to wear like you have to like wear a little fucking blazer and a tie and everything we were so young it was so i was a kid i didn't even know the difference i don't i don't know if i had to and then i went south but um but i never got the nun thing but my mom was always like you have no idea what you missed because my mom used to get fucked she would tell they'd beat the shit out of those kind of you know what i just feel like i do i feel like if i was given the opportunity to just have free reign to beat the shit out of a bunch of kids i i think i don't know if i have the moral compass with my heart to say no yeah you you should you know what i mean if i was if i was a 1940s priest i just feel like i'd be wailing on those all the other priests are like well here you're just hitting the kids you're not doing anything else with them and you're like no i'm just hitting them locked in i've had no fat before the big fight yeah call them you're not eating lunch you're like six of these guys bring in the biggest six of them what's the age limit though at some point like when do you think you can stop hitting them when they're like because then they can fight back when they're big yeah 14 15. what do you think the in america right now who what do you think the the like the youngest kid that could beat the balls off you is right now right now 12 11 or 12. you there's an 11 year old out there that would wreck have you seen these kids on the internet no they're i'm saying you see these kids that are athletes adult looking 11 year olds yeah they look like you're grown men you're looking that up yeah yeah that's my whole feed just dogs 11 year old dogs and 11 year old boys it's like an app soldiers coming home you tell me how old they are you tell me the jury ladies and gentlemen the jury look at this kid and tell me that they ain't looking 18. dude you'll see these i'll see a video come on my stream of like bleacher report it'll be like middle school phenom yeah uh getting getting already scouted by the nba 11 year old kid who's like 6 4 and you're like what the fuck i do love those like just these like nfl prospects where these guys are just like humiliating oh yeah when they're nine it's like it's like the thing in the simpsons where like uh is it like nelson like quarterbacks to himself he just loves it in the air and then he's like oh my god he's like oh my god that's what that that's literally what these guys that's what it looks i think an 11 year old could beat our ass a 10 year old i want to just there's got to be a 10 10 is on the 10s on the cusp a big corn fed yeah some nebraska kid yeah big nebraska some fucking farm kid yeah come up and knock us out just beat the brakes we had a kid who was 6 2 in seventh grade oh yeah we had a couple of kids we had kids some kind of yeah he did okay me play sports yeah giantism yeah big massive head and we're he's dead now by the way that kid died yeah yeah i remember that was a rumor i think organ failure at 15 years old yeah sure okay i'm working on my own organ failure on my own no we had we had kids in junior high that were big big big boys i i remember um a couple of kids and then we had scrimmage for football junior high and i was like what position am i playing again and they were like uh oh well we're gonna put you at receiver now i was like fantastic because i just saw if i had to go to a game and i was like oh my god i'm going to go up against a guy yeah i was like a receiver is going to be a db or a safety will be similar size as me dude some of those other kids i was like i think i'm going to quit football yeah because they were just getting so bigger than me so fast i was like not on football and i get well i guess wrestling you go by weight but football is like the real eye-opener for this country because we don't have our sports are well rugby yeah but rugby you can you can survive rugby the way the sport works you can survive i know but you start getting clipped by some of those guys as you get older it's i mean like i yeah yeah my brother-in-law plays in a rugby league uh his my brother-in-law's uh his parents are born in ireland he was born in new york but he plays with a bunch of these irish kids sure and i mean from ireland yeah yeah they all come over because they get They get easy scholarships and stuff. We'll probably give you guys money, yeah. We'll give anybody money. Come on over. You guys are great for money. Yeah, we're good for money, dude. Come on over. And we even give it away. Live overseas, we'll give you more money, dude. Ask Solinsky or whatever the fuck his name is. Yeah, big rugby scholarships in Israel right now. Huge. That's where you got it. You want to beat the brakes off of Palestine the real way? Come play Irish rugby in Israel. That's so funny. No, dude, they all play in those rugby leagues. But you could see, you just can see the talent level of some of those kids when they know how to hit right. Uh-uh, no thanks, man. Well, it's just, there's a weird thing. You learn how to get tackled. I don't think it's, the impact's not the same as football. Football is like raw, like you're standing there, you get smashed. Like rugby is kind of, you're kind of going with the tackle kind of thing. Sometimes you get smashed. You see some people get fucking annihilated. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can, yeah. I played rugby for a couple of years, and I was the, like, I was the best. I was the small guy on the wing that just sends you to the wing. And I'm like not, like, I'm like 6'1", 200 pounds or something. But I was on that team. I was looking up at everybody, and yeah, they would crush you. We're like the same. I'm 6'1". I'm 200. We look like two different kinds of 200. Hey, you want to wear my shirt? Yeah, I could actually. You want my Disney shirt? No, man, you keep it. Very different. Yeah, than the Dead. Yeah, the Dead. The Dead probably played at Disney. Who fucking, I'm sure they did. I'm sure. It's all corporate. Everything's corporate now. It's all bullshit. This is corporate. This has got to be corporate branded. The fact that we're about wearing merch is kind of embarrassing, but whatever. You should wear merch. You should? Yeah, I should wear merch. You've got to support. This is all, everything is merch. I guess you're right. Isn't that funny? If they didn't want us to wear their merch, they wouldn't put their name on the thing. We're just walking billboards for everything. Yeah. The only thing you get away with is pants. And those pants have a shit on it, too. Yeah. I do. My whole wardrobe really, other than this, I bought this, but everything else is I go to Ross Dress for less, and I just get the cheapest stuff, or I wear my friend's merch, podcast stuff. Yeah, podcast merch. That's all I use. We wear a pretty fair amount of podcast. He wears anything I get for free, and I get that Budweiser jacket I gave to him. I haven't gone into a real store looking for a real thing. Well, why? Why? Never. I don't need it. If I need something, I'll buy it on the internet and have it shipped to my house. If I'm like, I really need socks. Yeah, yeah. I'm not going to go in. The last time I was in New York, I had to go get underwear. I fucking didn't pack enough, and I was like, I have no time to do laundry. So I just went to go get underwear, and I realized I was in a department store, and I was like, I don't think I've been inside of a store to buy stuff. You don't need it. You'd get sponsored by all these places. Yeah, they throw you shit. Or you need a new pair of jeans. You scroll on your friend's merch site. Next thing you know, you're wearing the fucking two beers, 1K jeans. We might be drunk shoes. Although, of all people who would have the most clothing for merch, it would probably be Louis. Louis would probably have a merch line of every kind of clothing. If he could sell it, he would. Because he's a businessman. He's a businessman. He knows what the fuck he's doing. He's a business. Man. Yeah, Louis, if he could make a dollar off it, he would sell it. But he's not really a fashion guy. He's like, we went to Nobu. Louis isn't a fashion guy. Not really. We went to Nobu, and he wore cut-off jeans. Love that. And he had a tap-out shirt. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, and I think he had his hat on, kind of like this. He's unapologetically him. Yeah, he's awesome. That's why I like him. He's one of the best guys ever. Are you, when's Skankfest? Skankfest, I don't know. Are you doing it this year? I'm doing it, yeah, this year. It's got to be in the end of the year, right? It's towards November-ish. He gets mad at me every time he asks me to go do that. I'm always like, brother, I'm working on a thing. Go on, I'm way too famous for this. No, that's not true. You should go, I'm way too famous for this. Well, people do it all the time. You do pop up a lot. Every show I watch, you pop up, I got to turn it off. You got too much bullshit, yeah. November 13th. November, I thought it was November. Where is it, New Orleans? New Orleans. It's great. They did it there last year. It was really great, fantastic. He said it's amazing. It's beautiful where they have it, because they have it right on the, I guess, the port or the bay or whatever, and there's a big Ferris wheel, and the sunset comes over. It's just, it's like, it's more like a hippie kind of Woodstock-y festival than it is a bunch of incels who can't get laid, really. Because everyone thinks it's just a bunch of bikers who, you know, hate Indians, but it's really, it's not that. No. That is the brand, but the real person is like very, everyone's on acid and telling you how much they love. Yeah, it's a lot of like, it does, it's kind of like how they do it in New Orleans. It's kind of like how they do it in New Orleans. It's kind of like the misunderstood of like ICP, where people like think they know what ICP culture is. And yes, some of that is there. Whatever you're thinking is there, but the other side of it is very like communal, sweet. 100%. Yeah, it's very the opposite of what people think. Like, my only hiccup, I did, we did say we wanted to go to a live show, because they're touring a lot right now. Yeah. I just don't want to get sprayed with pop. I'm not, I don't want. Yeah. I just do not want to get sprayed with pop. I just like, that's my literal, I'm like, don't spray me with pop. I want to see your show. Yeah. Not at the cost of me getting wet. Yeah. I'm just not interested in being wet at a show. Yeah. Like, we just wanted to go see a show, my wife and I. And I was like, you know, everyone's, it was at the Greek, which is probably our best outdoor venue, man. It's fucking incredible. And I go there, and I got high as fuck. And I sat and listened to the whole show, and people around me were standing up. And my wife was like, do you want to stand up at any point? I was like, no. Just a listener. I want to be down, comfortable. Yeah, yeah. I'm watching. It's, my view was perfect. You could see from where you were sitting. Oh, it was perfect. No, you weren't just looking at someone. No, there was a bunch of empty rows in front of us. It was like, as if God was like, how high are you? And I was like, I'm ripped. And he's like, I'm going to make sure no one's in front of you so you can sit down. Because I did not want to stand up. That's so, yeah. I just wanted to chill. I was like, when I go see shows, I'm at the age now where I'm like, can I enjoy this the most comfortably possible? Yeah. I'm at that age where it's like, too many people singing along. No, no. Where you're kind of going, all right. All right. All right. Easy, guys. Easy, easy. Slow it down. Let them do a little bit of the hard work. Will they ever sing? That's the old thing. Pay $200. You wouldn't shut up? It sounds like a dad. Yeah. Are you in the band, too? No? Then shut the fuck up. It's like my dad. Are you going to stand all the time, buddy? Hey, great view down here, too. Come on. That's awesome. You got to go to the Greek with your wife. Get high as hell. It's no great band. That's where I'm at right now. We're so spoiled. Like, that should be like a milestone moment in anyone's life. It's like such a, in the history of humans, like, just be able to do it. It's so cool. Contribute nothing to society. Just go enjoy music high. Go get high in L.A. and watch fucking music. We live a pretty good life down here. It's fine. It's quiet. And then afterwards you're in traffic going, ugh. God. My Uber's not for 10 minutes or whatever we're complaining about. But that's like so cool. I've learned to thwart that with every single sporting event and everything I do. I either go, it's either get out of there comically early so you never have to face traffic. This is anywhere in the country. Or if you want to watch the whole thing, no matter what. No matter what it is. Stay and stay for a long time. Stay for an hour. Go to a bar down the street. Yeah. Yeah. Then you don't even know what happened. So whenever I say that to someone, I go, if you're in a rush, you got to get out. If you're going to like a Laker game or you're going to a Dodger game, it's like, if you really don't want to be here that long, fine. Leave in the fifth inning. Leave in the sixth. Beat everybody. But if you want to have fun, stay with me. We'll walk to a bar. I'll meet up with him, which we do often. The Douglas. Yeah. Or shortstop. We go over the hill from the Dodger game. Nice. I kill an hour and a half. I give him money when he's on an uncomfortable date. I was embarrassing him. He's on a date. I'm hammered. Yeah. He's got some girl and I'm just, I just kept giving him money. I was like, take this girl somewhere nice. You give a kid like something. Go get yourself a snack. That's exactly what I was doing. Go get yourself some martinis. No, he was with a friend and I was like, I was like just feeding him money. I was like, did I give you money already? That's so funny. Come get some more money. Well, I don't have a kid. He's like my son. Nice. You know, and he bought that coffee, by the way, which I know he tomorrow, he's going to be like, can I have six bucks for the coffee? Yeah. Aren't you? Well, I'll come back around. Well, you're not doing well. No. Do you ever turn down a show? Every show I watch on Netflix, you're a fucking head. I'm not on any show. What am I on? What's the fucking? What am I on? I watched you on the fucking Ali Wong. The fucking Ali Wong. I did the first season of Beef. Beef and Broccoli. Yeah. Beef and Broccoli. I saw it. I saw it. It was a good show. You're in it. Thank you, dude. Chow Mein. Henry Poole. What else? Shut the fuck up, McConnell. You're on Dave. Dave was great. Yeah, it's a long time. Three, four years. One of the funniest scenes, I swear, that ever cracked me was the ass eating scene when the garage goes up. Yeah, I held so hard to that. And I think I had to pause the show. It was so fucking fun. That was an incredible moment. It was called the milking table. Yeah. And the joke was supposed to be, because your cock is supposed to go in it. Yeah. And someone's supposed to jerk you, blow you. But he, I think they pitched it, like Jeff had pitched it, that it's funnier if he does it wrong, if he doesn't know how to sit on it. And he puts his ass on it instead of his balls through it. And I was like, that's so funny. But they just saw slowly. Nowhere to go. That was great. The funny thing was they wanted to do a test run of that scene. They were like, let's run it. Because what's so funny is like, you're an actor, but you're also a human. And they forget that you're a human. They're like, are you going to be able to drive the car? Are you going to be able to drive the car up into the driveway? You're like, what? I didn't forget how to be a human. Because they're like, can we do a test of it? You're like, no. Let's do our staging of the car. Yeah, dude. It's a fucking car. I drive these all the time. I drove one here. But so they wanted to test it. And I said no, because I wanted to see it for the first time organically. Because I was like, if I see it, it's not going to be as funny in my mind. Sure. And then because I'll know the bit. And that take is almost certainly the first take that we did. Because when we did it again and again, you lose the wonderment of it. Yeah. Like, the beat's gone. But there's something about the freezing in the moment, too. Because I remember my brother walked in on me with an ex-girlfriend years and years ago. My brother threw a party. He's older than me. So I must have been like 18 or 17 or something. So he's like four years older than me. But me and my girl at the time, we slipped off into his bedroom. room and started banging oh shit and we're just like banging on the bed and i have her in his room in his room yeah whatever i know and i have his like i have her like legs up over her shoulders and then the door just opens slowly and i just froze and so it was like and then he just walks in and just just like there was just like a 10 second silence words exchanged yeah and he just like slowly walked back out of the room and she was just like we all just you got to continue though yeah he's gone now i got to buddy i need five seconds more here yeah can you stay in here i'm almost done yeah i'd like to look at you while i finish yeah substitute in my my my mom caught me getting head in high school and that was tough right that was really tough she walked in my room i was there on her knees or something were you sitting i was in bed she was like she was she was in i was laying on my back in bed she was in my bed bobbing undercover yeah under the covers this is kind of least but i was a but i'm i could you're you're yeah and and my mom walks in and i was like get and i remember i remember not knowing what to say and i would never speak to my mother this way but i remember thinking i have to emote get out but i go get the fuck out and i thought why would and my mom to her credit was like oh my god oh my god and close the door and i thought why would i ever say get the fuck out to my mom like i would never talk like that to my mom but i got so scared you panicked i panicked and then it's like you think you're like my girl was like what the fuck what the fuck why when you lock the door what the fuck and i was like i don't fucking know i don't know and then we're like sitting there and she's like oh my fucking god you have to go downstairs past your fucking parents to leave and i was like all right chill out just just hang you know we'll figure it out and like 10 minutes goes by and i was like well we should we should finish you got a fan with the damage is done yeah we're already here dude you only need blue balls we already bombed we gotta take them all out i was like you know what dude let's finish it up and then she goes downstairs i walk with her and i'm trying to like shield her from them so she can get out the door as fast as possible my mom was like goodbye and i was like oh god dude well we don't know if was she expecting an apology or something i don't know dude i just think they were pissed off because it was like don't ever curse at me yeah my mom well my mom was mad about that but it was also like you take that to the basement head the basement it's okay to get basement is dome basements where you get dome yeah it's for the dome if you want to go fuck around you go downstairs you don't go upstairs that's a no-no rule dude you can't do that you go in the fucking basement they sat you down and said this they go you want it to crack her open go ahead we have we have the the fuck room does checking your bank statements feel like digging through a dusty attic full of forgotten subscriptions and old free trials oh out of canceling by handling it for you think of it as operation get your sanity back over 200 subscriptions are cancelable so get started in the experian app and see how much you could save results will vary not all subscriptions eligible savings not guaranteed paid membership with connected payment account required to see experian.com for details tammy regularly hauls stuff to her kids at college that's why she shops at bj's wholesale club saving up to 25 off grocery store prices beef jerky microwave meals laundry pods even they can't screw up have you met my kids and with bj's gas she gets there for less they call me the road warrior this is your home road warrior mom home of the save join for just 20 at bj's.com slash mesquite and save 10 cents per gallon for six months open soon limited time offer new members only bj's home of the save this episode is brought to you by google chrome you think you know a browser but gemini and chrome that's new it can help you with practically anything on the web like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a 50 page restoration block or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks gemini and chrome is here for it ready to make anything online make sense there's no place like chrome check responses set up required compatibility and availability varies 18 plus yeah my dad my dad's like i lit it up i put lights everything for you little fucker what do you we got the swing we got everything down there for you hey i do the basement was the get but also the basement as you walked up had a sense of guilt because everyone knew what was going on the base was great because you get steps at least so you'll hear the you'll hear them coming you'll hear the yeah oh yeah yeah the little bell or whatever your little trap bell put bell on your family members that's mom's bell mom get out of here yeah no did you have basements in ireland no no no yeah you don't have them just don't bother no we just well you never have there's no tornadoes we're in above ground people yeah you really are not like you guys little little whatever you went to vietnam you learned that you loved your little little tunnelers we have basements just for tornadoes that's the only reason why we have them like it would be underground what's that the irish seem like they'd be under potatoes and stuff they were down there with them is this what you do is this what you do i'm very irish potatoes he's not the brightest kid he doesn't know much i think i can say it i'm pretty irish yeah his name is macon corkery macon corkery well i guess if you say it like that it's definitely irish macon corkery tell him your brother's names seamus and flanagan seamus and flanagan yeah oh my god it's almost offensive yeah it's almost like you pitching a show in the 80s or something what's your family name the what mc what corkery is our last corkery c-o-r-k-e-r-y corkery i don't know his first name is macon do you know any macon it's also a family last name so it's well that's definitely a family name yeah to go first is crazy macon i've never heard of a like kind of anything i do love i love this that you're putting this actual irish shutting down because in his little head yeah he's like i'm a real irish american i got it i got a macon i claim minnesota my name is mcsurley mcsurley yeah yeah i was born in the pub uh-huh wonderful sound when did your family come over uh i think probably the 1820s jesus let it go let it go buddy that's a long time that's way too long 1820s and you guys are still coming with great grandparents and you're still naming people seamus oh yeah you gotta keep you gotta keep naming them seamus you gotta keep naming them seamus he's got a good kid from he's a good they're a good family they're good people good irish yeah keep it going dude keep it cooking what about the parent do you mind my dad's name keen keen k-e-a-n k-e-a-n isn't that c should be c-i-a-n yeah c-i-a-n is not even the irish way to spell it right but i know i i knew that yeah well you're a real irish guy not this fucking not this pretend yeah it's phony yeah dress up i'm i'm you're laughing you're laughing i'm a midwesterner you're a midwest lapper and his mom's name is tanisha that's a weird that's a curveball yeah it's a curveball dude yeah you would never saw that she's just jane she's black irish yeah jane one of my favorite songs jefferson starship jane nice jane is jane uh no they're good people all jokes aside the corkeries are good people we love them very much i like yeah the corkeries all right i'm excited for you to become a pop i don't know if you're talking about that but uh yeah we just just the next step i'm married now so you know it's coming yeah the kids are gonna come is she younger than you your wife uh by a month how old are you 36 time yeah it's time's ticking yeah i don't mind you know i'm happy to have them if you don't have them don't care i think we would care oh you would yeah i don't know i'm i'm very i guess i would have too much fomo i gotta do things i gotta try it you wanna i gotta have at least a kid for a while you know just six or seven years give it a couple of years give it up if it's no good yeah yeah some sort of return policy on a kid would be pretty solid they should have those i mean you could just leave it somewhere people do that all the time you could sell it yeah you know send them selling stuff now because they're tracing everything now so you just you got to leave it yeah whenever i see that when i go past a firehouse and i always see like this safe space to drop kids you know they have those signs that say like at firehouses they're they're they're um they're safe houses for people that don't that want to give up their babies it used to be the you just drop it off in the firehouse and run away yeah and every time i see that sign i think how fucking sad what a place that you're in that you just you're like fuck it i'm leaving it i just i can't do it i'm just let me drop it off at these drunks playing i know my grandfather's a fireman like a poker house you know they're lifting weights talking you know what they're doing in there fighting they're not reading in there they're not reading in there the worst place a lot they're lifting weights playing video games talking shit yeah trimming each other's mustaches and then 69ing that's all they're doing they're just taking photos of naked chicks to each other yo check out this girl i matched uh we talked to the local fire station near my house because there was a guy lighting shit on fire down the street sweet sweet sweet man homeless guy barking at everybody lighting shit on fire so we call the fire station my wife's like there's a man lighting shit on fire and it's like causing little fires just want to let you guys know because it's dry as fuck here there's brush everywhere fireman was like he was like i heard him on the i heard him on the other side he's like oh yeah did you call the cops we couldn't get through to the non-emergency line he was like all right we'll check it out brother your whole gig is fire fire is your gig yeah they're not they don't give a fuck the job is like the the mental toughness of not doing anything most of the day just all day trying to distract yourself except for here here they have to here when it's fire season fucking the worst and also then they get called here so if a homeless guy is lighting his asshole on fire under a bridge they just have to show up with the cops and they're not doing anything you guys have big fires out here no not yet anyway where are you at are you in queens i'm in new jersey jersey shore went to the other side huh yeah i had to that's where she's from them oh yeah so you went to oh you're close i went to the family the deal was she married a comedian who's not very successful so i don't have any money but we have to live with her family that's kind of this that's kind of the deal yeah if i was successful i could drag her to fucking boise idaho like i want to that's where you want to be i think boys boise idaho idaho is gray it is good are you being facetious no no i mean it's truly one of the nicest places in the world so don't let this leave i actually love they have a little basque region the the northern spain shepherds there was all these kids dragged to boise in the 1900s because boise is similar to northwest spain yeah in landscape wise so some guy realized it looked exactly the same he drove he went back he drove and he grabbed a bunch of kids who are shepherds like just a bunch of like a hundred of these like 10 years and raised them and dragged them to fucking boise and now years later they have this like cool basque region district with spanish-speaking kids they don't speak spanish but they all they teach they had to eat the food the culture the music that's pretty cool as hell you should tell fancy about that he'd fucking love that shit yes our producer's from spain he would love he's from western spain too it depends on the yeah this is the thing that people in spain don't like they have he knows catalonia no he's from um he's he's from uh he's there right now though no he is there right now he's back in spain yeah he's back in spain visiting his uh his family with his little baby um that's kind of i do like boise i'm not gonna lie i'm a mountain guy took us there yeah and we went and floated down the river oh wow and i'm not lying dude i was like this is fucking incredible this might be the best yeah because you do imagine you go i'll be doing this every day yeah you go i'd get into horse riding and yeah you imagine if you're out of my own farm yeah yeah louis had a joke about that where you visit a town and you're like i could live here yeah i was like that san diego and man i'd be up at 5 a.m i'd be surfing every day surfing and running my wife would be 20 years younger and all these like imagining scenarios that just don't exist i'd be shredded for some reason fucking jacked as shit yeah i'd be i own a i don't know crossfit gym i'm like stand up at night i got to colorado like dude i'd get into bike mountain biking and i'd be shredded everywhere i always imagine i'm in the best shape of my life if i lived here i'd be jacked yeah can't do it in jersey you can't do it in jersey you can't do it in jersey you can't too many canoes too many hoagies did you go to the shore this summer i actually haven't no have you been down to the jersey shore yeah yeah i've been a few yeah that's a whole thing dude it's good but we don't really i like it i like the trashy italian you head down to a place like there's a place called djs down the shore and just it's just no one it's like no one cares about how bad it is almost you know it's like they embrace it's a part of the beauty we're getting drunk we're doing bad coke we're fucking gonna you know i'm gonna make out with my my boyfriend my boyfriend's brother yeah my brother yeah yeah i'm gonna fight i'm gonna gel my hair back like an absolute dickhead it's the only place you can still get that it's awesome you can get some of that in like south florida there's some places where it's got that but but not like the jersey shore this this like toxic italian it's like a toxic italian energy is great you like that it's so good that's much better than like when people go to like the cape or martha's vineyard you're like that's fucking boring i love it i love a lobster roll but you you need the lack of stds up there really affects there's not enough crazy guys with syphilis dude that's how you know it's bad down there in jersey when you go when i drove in to do uh borgata or whatever they had those billboards for std checks it was like gonorrhea is at an all-time high you're like holy shit big comeback on gonorrhea well what do they say i had we saw one for super it was like super clement super gonorrhea or do you know this and like the there was a billboard it was like it's gotten stronger it there is a super gonorrhea or super chlamydia so fun super gonorrhea super gonorrhea and the pills can't beat it they can it's strong drug resistant gonorrhea drug resistant dude that's how good they're getting at the shore i'd love to know the science behind this but like there was like essentially because it's because it's it's mutated it someone's got two people had gonorrhea and they just super fucking you think you can fucking kill me penicillin super gonorrhea you'll never take me down penicillin get the fuck out of here dude he's got his hair slicked back that's cool gonorrhea dude that's awesome i got super gonorrhea i gotta be honest i got super gonorrhea you'd have to text people yeah i'm cool i gotta i'm so sorry i just found out i have super gonorrhea you say it positively i think you should get tested some girl you slept with she's like why you're like i think we got super gonorrhea she's like holy fucking shit we got the super one yeah wagyu gonorrhea i got nobu gonorrhea that's so funny that you're saying that you and lewis went to nobu and he wore a cut-off shirt this is like yeah that's exactly what i loved it one of the best meals i've had in my life nobu yeah was it here or in new york it was here here yeah the one on the beach i don't know where oh you didn't know if it was on the beach i don't think it was on the beach no there's one in la siena there's one in the city the nice one is on the water it's it's absurdist it's like a it's like an entourage yeah where this is absurd yeah i'm eating fish over the ocean where and everyone's house is burnt down yeah that's what we do the best yeah just enjoy the aftermath of suffering we do i mean and we're never gonna fix it now we just approved the city council just approved uh 10 to 3 that homeless encampments are legal again we're so bad set up tent dude yeah what are we doing with all these homeless guys what are we gonna well we gotta ship them so years ago we tried i like shipped them out to the desert we've talked about this yeah but they put them on a bus and they got it's kidnapping it is yeah but it's trafficking it's trafficking yeah but they smell so bad that i do believe there's a there's like a cutoff point hygiene level where yeah there's almost like a it's like a smell pollution it's like a noise where you you lose your human rights because it's icky uh oh there is your ickiness takes away your rights i do yes yeah it's sad because i i know it's morally wrong but there is a there's a fucking smell to the point where you go all right buddy i'm not gonna do this community anymore or we just have a mobile shower we just shower people off we're like you can stay here yeah some sort of a we're gonna spritz you down yeah nice hosing yeah yeah a decent sort of sort of a housing prison in the 40s yeah de-louse them well we got we probably have a lot of those hoses left over from civil rights movement jim crow they gotta be around somewhere that we could whip them out some collector has those vintage that's a jim crow hose protester getting mauled just getting worked yeah honestly that's my only problem with homeless people is the stink the stench i don't know what to but where you are you don't get a lot of homeless down there in jersey not a jersey no but when you're in the city you go to the city it's a different world yeah they should be they should be in the down the jersey way nicer it's just it's hard to walk around you know it's hard to walk around it's not a walkable it's hard to get your needs i think about that sometimes if i'm on a highway and i'm passing an underpass and i go that'd be a good place if i ever got homeless i'd go there because there's a grocery store right down that hill you think about the resources you're like where would i go i don't know where i'd go to get the thing yeah i have my bridge picked out you do yeah if it all falls apart in la i have my bridge kind of excited about my bridge interesting can't tell you where i think i'd rather go somewhere small and be the i'd be like you know be the big fish in a small pond ah you know big stinky fish yeah go somewhere where there's no homeless people where would you go boise maybe boise maybe boise but then i think boise i would just like i would my thing was i'd learn the best way to fly fish or something and then i'd just be a fly fish and people would like you to teach them how to yeah you'd become very successful you know i'm just i'm just too much of a winner to be homeless i think i'd do it for a while and then i'd just be a millionaire over it yeah just be a multi-millionaire it's gonna be funny to be the stinky irish guy in boise yeah i mean what i think they'd like me the talk of the town though i think they'd like me have you seen the stinky homeless irish guy who fly fishes yeah it's incredible he's the worst fly fish you've ever met just casting into the street like you know he's nowhere near the water that fish was attached to the rod the whole time give me the money i'm wasted piss in my pants all right i'm so dumb i i i there's a comic amir okay amir amir goes fishing like every day he goes out here here and goes fish he's like i bring back such great fish and i'm always like there's fish right there and he was like yeah dude it's the fucking ocean and my brain was like yeah but i just don't see people fishing out there in my mind i'm like that's not where it happens you know how like if you don't you don't want to know where it is sure it's like the hot dog you're like what's in i don't fucking they don't know where it is it does it down there like somebody showed me a video this is crazy you could find this of like an old meat factory and they had slits on the ground like slates slated boards and after they cut all the meat and everything what they swept between the slates that went down carried in a trough and that became package store meat for like hot dog meat and all that stuff and you're like the hot dog's just whatever's left over right it used to be i think now it's different i feel like now it's cardboard it's like a piece of american folklore now the hot dog origin it's like the it's like the pink stuff that was in a mcnugget like that's not real right where they say lips and assholes is the old joke yeah it says hot dogs do not get slit cuts in modern meat factories factories cook it in inside temporary cases and specialized machines yeah it's all legit now but the old it's probably less healthy now it's probably less exactly like the whatever they've replaced away is actually more cost efficient than the fucking leftovers on the floor for 100 they haven't like said like that was bad they said that was costing us too much money it was expensive let's let's let's put something worse than that 100 how do we find a chemical that tastes like floorboards yeah yeah yeah and we'll manufacture that and then we'll sell it to these idiots yeah that is true i had three hot dogs at the cubs game the other day too and I thought I can't not I don't care at any point it's like this it's like yeah dude I like to eat healthy and then sometimes you're like okay I'm here you got it yeah I'm not gonna have a hot dog and then I have to have two and when you have two you're like I could do three I could do three whatever who gives a shit have you ever tried the 999 I never did the 999 I'll tell you this I can easily do the nine beers and nine innings that I can do legend because I've done that easy but the nine dogs is so hard nine dogs get you and it's so much salt it's just so much salt I have a friend that did five yeah five is a fuckload but he'd finished the nine beers so he kept with the beers but he goes dude I can't have another piece I can't do the food the food is nauseating yeah the food is just a nightmare but 999 I think this kid might be able to do it I had eight hot dogs at Walt's one night the pinball bar he's disgusting he could do it you're just like randomly dropping eight dogs well because I ate three and then someone was like that's a lot and I was like I wonder how many I can eat I think I still got some room and I was just pushing I wanted to get to ten and then they ran out of hot dogs they cut you off they cut me off they cut you off you've had enough we've had enough don't make a scene we've ordered you an Uber we had a guy in college they had dollar taco night taco Tuesdays at Del Taco and we were like who could eat the most and I knew I wasn't tacos weren't going to be my thing pieces of pizza slices of pizza I could fuck up almost anybody sure give me a little bit of weed and a couple of sodas dude see you later I could fucking eat two larges on my own easy I've smoked a couple in my day but this dude was like taco Tuesday and he was like over under on me eating twelve I was like twelve tacos is absurd that's so many tacos well I've done it a little yeah they're little but twelve is a lot those add up he got eighteen down nice eighteen down we all had to owe him money on it and I thought eighteen was absurd he died shortly thereafter of course but eighteen tacos there's a limit I'd be willing to try a nine nine nine with you yeah we a few comics from New York did it one time at Yankees no we went down to Philly oh you went down yeah went down Shane Gillis yeah that's his last name do you know him? Gillis? Shane? I think it's Shane the tires guy? yeah I know him he's big in this country I guess anyway here? yeah I've never heard of him yeah no he's done some stuff but I know a guy so what him O'Connor Tommy Pope I guess exactly we all went down did the nine nine nine challenge and it was the food was the hardest thing yeah but just the combination of all the I completed the challenge fuck you completed it get like a group photo and then like in a hot dog haze I went to the bathroom and puked everywhere of course worst also when I puke I don't know what it is I'm like not logical about anything so I went to the bathroom we're in a box but like an executive box so it's like the fucking you're in a suite yeah yeah there's like the CEO of some gambling fucking company you know all these like whatever and I ran through the bathroom and I got I puked in the sink oh dude I don't know why I didn't puke toilet's right there yeah I just I don't like getting down on my knees in a bathroom it's not my only at school as a young boy the flashbacks are if I'm not getting an Xbox out of it photo of flattery that's crazy dude puked in the sink I puked in the sink did you clean it out I puked in the sink and it just blocked it just filled it up yeah right so then I was trying to like and I'm panicking too because you know you're in this suite there's like you know I don't know shit Jenny Ortega and all these like psychos there so then I'm just like spooning oh bro I'm like spooning the sick into the into the trash can into the toilet yeah real animal and so then I started using the tissues sure no I started putting it to the resourceful guy I couldn't get the cupping right so I got the trash can and started putting it into the trash can of course the whole thing's clean the sink is blocked but it's all clean and now the trash can is just like overflowing with my sick so I pull out I pick up the bag and I was like I'll just throw it in another I'll just throw it in another spot I pick up the bag it burst all over the floor and I just walked away and as I said that's that's when you walk on you somebody puked in the bathroom I got with someone I tried to help but I don't know what yeah and then they close off the whole situation for you and I was like I don't know who that is it was a big puke all down my chest you 999'd well I did and then it was 9 9 8 and then it was 9 9 7 each one hot dogs with a bun with the bun nothing on them I just did ketchup mustard and that's it that's it bang lobbed them in what did O'Connor get to do you remember he did the whole thing he did them but he did it reverse I think he just did the 9 dogs immediately if I remember correctly he just did he did a 9 and 9 rather than like a kind of a pacing out it's interesting if I remember correctly I wonder what the best math is I bet you if you eat the dogs if you eat the dogs first because I imagine when you get beer swollen you can't put any food on that so you might as well eat the dogs first and then try to slosh it with beer I think you gotta eat the dogs sit for like 45 minutes and then just chug and then yeah and then Foley H. Foley from well he probably did 1818 he did 9 on the Uber there he did a little pregame that dude's the man yeah but like we probably knocked it out we did look at one point he was crushing and then because I guess he was probably on a diet at the time too so then this was his like guilt free snack well it's a competition baby I gotta you know we look over he was eating like chicken fingers and he like he was adding in burgers to the thing a little side quest 999 for a guy his size is no big deal yeah what does it say it says just doing it like a marathon like keep a very consistent one beer and one hot dog per inning don't overload it because it could lead to cramps and early burnout ah see the early burnout see that's what I would think you gotta drink your electrolytes if you're gonna yeah yeah I guess as a chap it's not really something I wanna get good at either no it was like Edward Fortyhands did you ever do that yeah like I knew guys in college that could wreck you know what that is of course yeah I knew guys that could wreck that and I hated malt liquor sure so I was always like well I don't even wanna be good at this no it's not a skill I want but I knew guys that could just smash it and then be done beat everybody yeah and then go back to regular life and I was like I can't it made me just the smell of malt liquor made me nauseous I had a guy who came to a show one time and I was just like you know meeting people afterwards and he was wearing like a food competition shirt that he'd won or whatever and I was like what's with the shirt he's like oh I tried to do these food challenges and he's like I was part of like an oyster competition and I was like I've never been more horrified like of all the things in the world it's like you know like what's the Joey Chestnuts like the hot dog thing but it was a bunch of slobs slurping oysters like see if you can get 50 oysters down in 10 minutes it's like what is the no one wins no one wins I know you're wearing this shirt like this is awesome no nobody wins I've never been more revolted by anything I think I'm off oysters now I think I'm done because of the Gibson's thing what's that oh bro this is crazy you know Gibson's Steakhouse you know what that is no Gibson's Google this a guy ate oysters like a month ago and he slipped into a fucking coma because there was a crazy bacteria this is nuts dude you see it a high profile lawsuit was talking about like daytime television plot in Oakbrook, Illinois alleging that the contaminated raw oysters consumed there on June 30th caused a severe bacterial infection cardiac arrest and permanent brain damage in a 44 year old customer oh he has brain damage dude he's alive he's alive with brain damage he got out of the coma now he's fine now yeah he had cardiac arrest and bacterial infection from the oysters permanent brain damage yeah bro you're eating raw sea creature it's not worth it you know what though I oysters aren't good enough for that but I truly believe in this weird almost like divine situation where it's like none of that nothing like nothing stupid like that's ever happened to me so it's like I kind of don't feel like it's never gonna happen to you no I've never fallen off a cliff do you ever see people idiots falling off cliffs and stuff and you go well that's Darwinism I mean that's because people got too close to the edge Darwinism but this is also like just divine this is random you think he deserves it I think he might have been a little bit brain damaged already like the way weed can bring out psychosis like underlining I think this guy had an underlining coma you're like that was it was gonna come one way or another I just can't imagine a bacteria doing that to me it seems a little you're too tough for that a little yeah it is true I don't wash my hands ever really refuse to it's a big that's a sigh up for sure washing your hands I think hygiene is like a marketing ploy you're the one that talked about stinky homeless guys and you're talking about hygiene well they smell is like a fact but like germs that I can't see alright buddy relax I'll buy your soap because it's like socially after you shit you're gonna wash your hands I'll definitely yeah yeah yeah okay well that's what do you mean that's the same thing like I don't wash my hands after I pee I wash my hands because my hands I don't want my hands smelling like shit right but I don't think what if there's food on my fingers I hate but like yeah but if I picked I'll pick up old dry shit and like control it but I don't want it off my hands I think that's fine out of your fucking mind I think that's okay gross like actual shit yeah like you know do you ever just see old white dog shit on the ground and talk it out don't pick it up you do it's good luck Irish she says he's Irish yeah you're not Irish dude you don't know shit corkery we're gonna have to strip your fucking name dude in Ireland we pick up the dog shit I'm hygienic to the point where I will wash my hands and stuff like that but your wife probably got something to say about that it's probably blown out of proportion I think some of it is like after you pee I think Seinfeld had that bit where he's like why am I washing my hands after I pee my penis has never touched anything all day it's clean my hands have touched nonsense all day you should wash your hands before you pee when I touch my penis Carlin would talk about that too he's like I don't wash my hands after I shit unless I shit on them all the greats have bits about not washing their hands when we're watching of them. I don't wash my hands unless I shit on them. Splashback's a big thing too. You know, you don't realize until you're pissing with your shorts. You can feel it on your legs. You feel it on your shin. So you go, the shin area of my jeans must be all piss. Yeah, these are all piss pants. From here down, it must be like you must be carrying around like a pound. I have piss socks on. These are for piss. Okay, nice. Yeah, I soak them in piss before I leave, so that way it's, you know. Oh yeah, they're like a darn tuft. What's the wall? I'll talk to the wall or whatever. Are you tired of your socks not catching enough of your piss? Yeah. These are going to catch all of your piss. Really soak the piss up. It is true when you feel that on your ankles, you're like, oh my god. I think if a woman found out how much we splash back onto our legs, there'd be a whole thing going on. Take a woman once into a men's bathroom and show them the floor around a urinal, it's hysterical. Yeah. The amount of piss on the floor is comical. Some of it looks like people just deliberately peed on the floor. Yeah, but have you ever been the guy who made a mess? Have you never been the guy who's made a mess and you go, fuck. I have not missed a urinal. No, but it's like you pull it out and you're pissing before you get it aimed. No, it's insane. I don't even know what you're talking about. It starts before he gets it. Irish. Now he's Irish. Now he's back on board. He was off. Now he's back. Now if something happens, something gets snagged somewhere, so it goes the wrong direction and then you go, fuck. No. Never been that guy? In your life, you've never made any piss? Maybe when I was a little boy, yeah. All right, well, you know what I'm talking about. In your grown-up? When I was growing up now? No. See, this is the problem with having a successful career is that you can't be honest to the people. You can't piss on the floor anymore? This will cause you a roll. You're thinking. Oh, no, do I get a lot of flack one time when I said I peed in the sink on airplanes? People got so fucking mad at me. People got so fucking mad at that. That's great. Well, because here's why. Tell me, please. Some of the airplanes are airplanes. Some of the smaller ones, like the regional jets, were the same height. The ceiling's like this, so your arched head, like you can't stand up to pee. And you're too far from the toilet. The sink was like right there, and so I just turned, I pissed right in that thing. And I thought, I gotta do this every time. It was incredible. Are you like life acting in a video? Oh, dude, it was incredible. And people on the internet were like, I'm fucking disgusting. I was like, I didn't do it every time. Yeah, but again, it's not really bad. Like, I get it's bad, but it's like. Yeah, it's not gonna do anything to you. If I come in then next. Yeah, you're not touching the bowl. If anything, it's like soap, it's cleaned so fast, and that's where the soap gets washed into. It's gotta be. Actually, it's probably a bit more hygienic. Thank you. Because there's soap in it. You heard it. It's a little backwards, sure. Yes, see? Yeah. And people got mad. I pooped in the sink. People got real upset. That was. Yeah. Left it in there. Yeah, of course. Because it has one of those stoppers that like. Flight attendant? That was like. The stopper's broken in there. You know, I couldn't. Somebody pooped in the sink. I'm the somebody. Here's a little. Pissing in the kitchen sink. I've never done it. Kissing in the kitchen. Kissing in the kitchen. Pissing in the kitchen sink is a little difficult. It's not at a pissable height. It's not. So you really gotta work for your dinner. Tiptoes it, yeah. You gotta get up on the tippy toes, and you can't piss out of. The thing is, you can't piss out of full stream, because it's so close you're gonna get splashed back. So it's gotta be a little bit of a. You kinda gotta really nurse it out, slow it out. Right. So you have to control the. You have to have muscle control. Yeah, it's a good PC. Kegel exercise? Kegel exercise, for sure. Because if you go too fast, it really flies everywhere. Which you've probably experienced in the airplane. You have to be slow. You gotta slow it out. You can't unleash hell. You have to pee on the side, and you have to make the swirl. You have to pee so it goes. You know, so it swirls. Yeah, create a. Create a little. What is it called? Whirlpool? Whirlpool, yeah. Or you can back up and do a St. Louis arch into it. Yeah, you arch in there. I guess you could try do the arch. That's. Yeah. And then as you're finishing, you have to get closer. You have to get closer. There's just so much athleticism involved. Girls never have fun when they pee. They don't. They just don't get to do it. No. That's why they bring everyone in. My wife said that. She's like, how fun you get to just wave it, point it different places. Yeah, whiz it all over the place. Because I piss in our backyard all the time. When we're out there with the dog and I have to pee. Yeah. I just pee right in the backyard. That's good. She's like, good for you. That's nice that you get to do that. Yeah. It's like a game at the fair. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the aim, the aimer. Yeah. I love peeing outside. Yeah, it's cool. It's just the nicest thing to just piss outside. I don't know. It's just something about it. You're like. When the winter and the steam starts hitting your face. And the steam rises from your piss. I'm an outdoor man. I'm like outdoor boys. Pissing in the snow is. Yeah. It is such a wonderful feeling. Did you didn't grow, did it snow where you grew up? Rarely. Almost never, right? Yeah. If it did, it fucked up the whole country. Northern Ireland gets snow, yeah? I don't think so. Really? That far north? It's not that big of a, it's not that big of a country to like discriminate. Yeah, but they're pretty far up there. It's like a few hours drive. It's not really not that big of a thing. Well, but a few hours from here to San Francisco, they get snow, we don't. You could be right. Yeah, you're not good at geography, are you? Well, I just don't feel like Ireland. Ireland's not a snow country. Not really, no. Every other year we'll. You'll get something. Yeah, we get something. We're not equipped. We had big, I remember having big blizzards and I just shut down the country for like a month. Because we just, we ran out of salt. We like ran out of salt. We were like ringing France going, can. Can we have some salt? Can I borrow some fucking salt? Yeah, and they had to like ship it over to us and everything. We just don't have it. You know they were real cunts about it. Yeah, yeah. Oh, we need it for the fuck. I remember the first time I had that in France. I never had, I barely heard of it. I never, my wife and I were, we're dating and we went to Paris and she was like, we should try foie gras. We've never had it. And I was like, yeah, I'll try it. And then you try it and you're like, it's weird. It's a weird flavor. And then when they tell you what it is, you're like, oh, this is fucking terrible. I don't want that. It's like duck liver, is it? Yeah, but it's like they, they, they fucking stuff, they, they force feed it till it's dead. It's illegal in a lot of states in the US, but I had it in Illinois. They can, you know, they force feed it to get. Where's the, where's the line though? You know, because like we, we kind of do that with milk where you're just like. Yeah, milk's bad. Forcing a cow to be pregnant. 100%. Milk is bad. I'm never not drinking it. It's the best. I love it. Something about a duck. Cows are bullshit. Cows are kind of bullshit. We made them. Yeah, cows are bullshit. Yeah. Ducks, you're like, ah, come on, that's a little tiny bird. Leave it alone. It's worthless. What about that? They used to do that. And you probably have the hookup for that. Yeah. For this. Because you're, you're Hollywood elite friends. Yeah. Now that you can't have, go to the islands anymore. What, baby foreskin? What is it? What do you need, placenta? What do you got? The, the bird that they, they drown in the brandy. There's a canary, there's a little canary bird. I think you guys call it a titmouse here, is it? There's a little canary bird and they, the way they cook it, they, they have brandy and they drown it. So then boiling brandy? Not boiling brandy. I think it's just regular room temperature brandy. And then he will inhale the brandy so it gets into their body and then they deep fry it and then you get to eat the, you eat the bird whole and you eat his head off it. Yeah. It's like this, it's illegal all over the world except on billionaires boats. It's like, what is this called? Ordaland bunting. Yeah. Ordaland bunting. Yeah. Yeah. It's something, it's something with, they're suspended upside down over container of armagnac and then, and by dipping and they are drowned before being marinated in the brandy. Oh my God. Yeah. They drown them alive so that they inhale the thing. It's like a delicacy and it's like, it's also like some weird like spiritual kind of thing. It's completely legal. It's a tiny little songbird that's captured force fed grain until they grow massively fat and they're drowned in brandy before being roasted whole and eaten in a single bite. Where's this from? This has got to be a British. It's French. French. And they're tiny like chicken wings, tiny things. And then you eat it and there's also a thing, what they do, there's a tradition. You've never seen this? No, bro. They put a tea towel, like a little napkin over your head. There's a tradition. You put the napkin over your head, you dip your bird and you eat it underneath the napkin. So no one sees you eating it? So no one sees the, how dare you eat the thing. And then all these French guys just go and create like great movies or whatever. Like, it's like a kind of a cool, like I do, I kind of want to do it, you know? Yeah. Cause like, why not? For the story. Just so that. There's no chance it tastes that good. Again, you just do it once. Yeah. Then I'll, then I'll say, hey, no, you shouldn't do that. The process is sexier than the food. Yeah. Like the food you'll eat. Well, you eat a whole, like the bones break apart. Yeah. And then it'll break in its mouth and in your mouth and everything. But yeah, look, see? Whoa. That's pretty sick. Yeah, I want one. I think, truly, can I say, do you think, how hard do you think it would be for you to get that? You must have, you must have a guy who knows a guy. Sure. Cause I did, I did text Tim Dillon about this one time going, do you have the hookup? Of all people, he's my guy. And he was just like, nah, yeah, it's very hard to get. He's who I would text. Yeah, you would do the same thing. Tim? I would text Tim. We need to do some illegal feeding. Who else do I call? Yeah. Wait, what is it called? Say it again. Bunting? It's called Ortolan Bunting. Ortolan Bunting. Yeah, this tiny little bird and they cook it bad and you're not allowed to even cook it like, like in a knot. I kind of want to, I kind of want to text someone right now and be like, can I get Ortolan Bunting? I just want to know who's got the connection. Yeah, how do you even get that? But where is it in the United States? No, it's completely, it's illegal all over the world. Yeah. But you can get it. It can't be that illegal. There's pictures of it all over the internet. Yeah, this is, these are all date. These are, this is 2005. Yeah, 2005. This is pre-Me Too. Oh, that's how they stopped it. Yeah, the Me Too movement really rocked. They're like, we won't put up with Weinstein and Ortolan Bunting. While we're, while we're, while we got you, while we got you, got your attention. Tim would be the guy I would text. Tim is the kind of guy that if I'm anywhere in the world, really, and I'm like, need recommendations for a good restaurant. He'd be like, buddy, buddy. Yeah. He would, he would, he would tell me exactly where to go. He'd be like, go see my friend. He's a chef. Yeah, go see my friend. Go, go, go to this like He knows, he knows fucking everybody. I'm going to this like three-star Michelin place. Like, shit. Dog shit. Dog shit. The only people eating there are fucking losers and criminally insane. He's incredible. He's the only guy I know that has like four residences. I mean, dude, he's a single guy. No family, no kids. Awesome. And he's got, he lives, he's Batman. Like he's genuinely Batman. Yeah, yeah. And it's like the perfect like alibi all the time. You in New York? Nah. Nah, I'm in LA. What, you want me to do a thing? Nah, I'm in LA. Sorry. Yeah, it's great. Two seconds later he posts. Or when he's in New York, you're like, are you in New York? He's like, I'm in Long Island. Yeah, yeah. I'm in the Hamptons. What is it first? Dude, he's like, what is it? Tell me what you want, then we'll talk. Yeah, he's got the perfect escape. He is like living that, the dream work comics are like, I'm bi-coastal or I live in multiple cities. A lot of people are full of shit. He actually does it. Yeah, he's doing a lot of that. Yeah. I mean, did you ever go to his house here? Yeah, before. The old one. In the hills? Yeah, yeah. It's hilarious. Yeah. You're like, who are you, dude? Yeah, dude, I went to, I went. It was huge. I went to his house and he had this hot tub. And it was raining, but we just like got in the hot tub anyway. And we're just like hanging out. He's like, it's fucking great, right? And I'm just like, it's freezing. It's freezing. And he's like, yeah, Matt Escalco is over there. All right. Yeah, that's what he does. Just in a tub with, like, watching Hollywood Hills in the pissing rain. I'm like, is this it? That is Hollywood. Yeah, this is it. That's actually what Hollywood is now. Doesn't get better than this, huh? It's the best. Isn't this the best? Yeah. I don't know what sushi order that has. All right, I'm going to try to find, spell it just so I have it in my, spell it. How do you spell it? O-R-T-O-L-A-N bunting. B-U-N-T-I-N-G. All right, I'm going to find out. I'd love to. It's been illegal since 1999. Borderland. Do you want to guess how much it is per bird on the black market? Guess how much what? Wait, but like, how is the bird, like, when I'm buying it on the black market, what am I getting? You're buying a single bird per bird. Is it in a cage? No, no, I believe it's already prepared. Oh, no, this is already done. On the black market. On the black market, each bird has got to be. These are little birds. But you're not getting, like, a vacuum-packed, pre-cooked fucking. I'm assuming at, like, some black market restaurant. It's not like some sort of a fucking heat-up-in-your-microwave, like, thing. I mean, this is, like, at a restaurant. It's served to you on a yacht in international waters. It's got to be $1,000 a bird. $20,000 a bird. Wait, really? I'm going crazy, yeah. $160 to $270. See? We can get a couple birds, yeah. $260? Yeah, it says €150 to €250, which is $160. This is not, this is easy. This is not regulated. I think it's just hard. I think it's just hard to find. I was thinking, me, Dana White, fucking yacht. Let's go. You, Dana Trump on a yacht. Have you had orderling banking? That's the best of it. It's because it's illegal. It makes it taste better. The fees, if you get caught, is up to €9,000 and up to six months in prison. €9,000? That's nothing. Water off a duck's back for you. Just over €10,000. Nothing. He walked right, he wouldn't even notice it. Wouldn't even know it's gone. I should have had more. That's like weed in Texas now. Yeah, what's going on there? Fucking Texas is stupid. Is it really that bad? It's so stupid, Texas. They're like, we're the freest state in the union. You're like, really, dude? You can't have fucking weed and chicks can't get an abortion if they want to? Shut the fuck up. No abortion, no porn hub. No porn. No porn hub. It's such a stupid fucking state sometimes. You're like, what are you guys doing? This whole, like, we're free. You're like, are you? Sounds pretty restricted to me. Sounds like the most restrictive fucking place on earth. No weed is ridiculous. Dude. Yeah, it's crazy. Well, that's because lobbyists, because big tobacco and stuff are like, fuck that. But is gambling and all this shit allowed? I think gambling is legal down there. Can you bet on whatever? I don't want to mention it. I mean, Kalshi, all these online gambling things, it's never been easier to gamble on Clearly, this is the biggest bug sweeping through America right now. Oh, yeah. And, you know, we'll cut to some commercial, but. Yeah, we will right now. We probably will. But like, whatever, get your money, you know. But it's like, clearly, that's the thing that should be regulated. And now they're just like, no, no, people are eating too much Doritos. Let's fucking. We can get rid of the weed. I know. It's so fucked up. Well, the weed thing's got to be a tobacco and alcohol lobbyist. Yeah. They don't want weed. Because weed is so nice and safe and easy. And you're not beating your fucking spouse when you're on pot. You are, but it's so funny. It's sweet. It's so funny. You're howling. You just find it so funny. No, I think it's another symptom of we're too free. Anytime we get too free, government's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Stop it. Sorry. It's just saying. But just use a VPN when I'm in Texas. When I'm anywhere, I use a VPN if I want to watch porn. Isn't that a little much? A little fapping that. Don't you feel like it's a little much to log into your little, like, uh. VPN? No, just turn it on. Is it? Easier than, you know, in Texas and all those states, you have to, like, show your face or your ID. I might have unlocked a kink because I was in Florida and no porn. I found a audio erotica site. Where there's just, like, a girl talking and she's like, yeah, she's, like, acting out the whole thing. She's like, oh, we shouldn't be doing this. And then I'm like, ah, like, I don't think I came hard, that hard in 20 years. Just headphones on. I'm telling you, it's like the way the book is battered in the movie. The audio is just all enough. Well, it's kind of like when I was in high school, Victoria's Secret was incredible because it was like the idea of not seeing it was hot. Because you're like, it's right there, I know it's right there, but I can't see it. So it was so hot because you couldn't see it. And when you see it, you're like, yeah, it's. Sometimes, like, porn is like a little. I never got into those, like, photos of, like, big spread legs. Hustler? Yeah, I never got into the whole, like, when every page is fucking open, you know. Yeah, it's gross. Yeah, it's weird. You're like, cut that out. No, give me a little something to work for. Tease me. Let me earn my orgasm. I love you. I appreciate you coming on the show. This is awesome. This is great. What's the plug for your tour? What's your website? Columnterral.com Yeah, head over there. I'm on tour everywhere. Everywhere around this country? Everywhere around this country, yeah. Are you going international or no? I'm going to be working on it. Nothing booked yet. Yeah, you should do. You've been doing it, right? I'm trying. Can I just ask, before we go, how does that feel to be able to go, like, oh, I've got fans in. In overseas? Like, what's that feel like? I mean, like I said, we were talking about the Dublin thing was. Exactly. Like, that's, like, so surreal to me. To go over there? Well, even Australia was wild. Because you're like, why are we going to Australia? Are there people that'll like us down there? And I was like. I think you think your brain is like, it's just America. The world loves comedy. It's just. Is it accessible? And is there a place to do it? Like, is there a proper venue in certain cities? Because I realize, like, Burr, I remember years ago, Burr was doing, like, a big European tour. And there was a couple places I was like, do they have enough English-speaking people in that country? And he was like, way more than you'd ever imagine. He's like, and they fucking love comedy. I just, it's, like, hard to get to the place. But now that we got there, it's incredible. I hope they. That's so cool. We hope we can still do it. That's awesome. Until they tell us to fuck off, you know? That's great. We'll keep doing it. We end the show the same way. Go to his website. Please go see him live. He's a very funny dude. Friend of the family. Look into that camera. Say one word or one phrase. This one right here. One word or one phrase to end the episode. It could be a word of wisdom. It could be a phrase. Whatever you want. Fortune favors the brave. In. Results will vary. Visit Experian.com for details. Experian. Tammy regularly hauls stuff to her kids at college. That's why she shops at BJ's Wholesale Club saving up to 25% off grocery store prices. Beef jerky, microwave meals, laundry pods, even they can't screw up. Have you met my kids? And with BJ's gas, she gets there for less. They call me the road warrior. This is your home, road warrior mom. Home of the save. Join for just $20 at BJs.com/Mosquite and save 10 cents per gallon for six months. Open soon. 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