Colum Tyrrell - Apples and Bananas - Episode 963

"It's everywhere I go. I can't escape it. Ads. Ads everywhere. Trying to sell me something new every day. But it's not the product that's the problem. It's the time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. I'll never get back. I'm not crazy. I've done the math. By the time you die, you will have spent an entire year and a half just watching ads. They stole my time. Now I'm going to have my revenge. We have to end this broken system haunted by the remnants of what could have been. But as my plan is coming together, I spotted it. A slightly cheaper alternative to building a time machine to end capitalism. Alright guys, let's take a quick moment and talk about the brand new merch that we have available at skanksmerch.com. You've been asking for hats and we've got three new styles on the site, including the three for life hat and the classic Legion hat plus four new mugs and all of our classic shirts and hoodies are back in stock as well. Order yours today to get your gear in time for skank fists and for the month of October for every 50 bucks you spend on the site. We're going to throw in a free sticker of one of your favorite designs. Head over to skanksmerch.com right now and wrap the show you love. I'll pay the ain't got nothing else leave. Puerto Rican rattle snake venom in your face. Natural born killers lead to the skanks. What's up everybody welcome to the Legion of Skanks Austin edition. Yeah studio show. We get a cave studios here our first time here for some creek ever. Yeah really. Yup. I never been inside. I didn't know what to do. Wow. Yeah, it's beautiful. That's really great. Well beautiful. But I mean, I like the aesthetic of it. It feels like a club. Yes. Yup. And this is a cool area as well. Yes. It was awesome. Yeah. I'm excited to be here. I'm excited. We have amazing guests here as well. We do have an amazing guest. My headphones just went very low. My headphones are making my ears bleed right now. So that's why we're kind of trying to get a new special out today. Oh go check it out bells and whistles. It's on YouTube. Lewis collaborated on it. Very nice of him. Yeah. That's right. Did you guys collaborate on it? I didn't get a chance. What's the club on YouTube? He says, hey, collaborate. And then you hit. Yes, I accept. And I collaborate. And then it goes to your YouTube channel for the day as well. Oh, I have like a thousand followers on my YouTube. So you want. Let's collab. It'll help you. Yeah. Steve wants a bomb. Yeah. Yeah. I need that bomb. But Jacob do maybe. Well, maybe I get someone to. Yeah. Oh, Dylan. Oh Dylan do it. Yeah. Yeah. I know. Thanks. Go watch it. Leave a comment. Shout out to all the skanks fans. Always watch it five times. Watch it on every device. Leave comments. Share with a friend. It's, you know, calm. So Larry, put it on repeat and go to work. Yeah. Well, does that actually count for more views? No, right? I don't know. Set up a new fucking YouTube account every single time. Watch it a thousand times. I live where a lot of people that are not in the business are. And they're always asking me, you know, like, oh, I like this guy. Who else should I like? This is the one to talk about. This is the guy. Tom Tarell is the one to talk about. You share his special. You go, if you like that guy, you'll love this guy. No matter who it is thrown on the car with some friends, you know, do what you got to do. It's fine. Absolutely. You know, it's funny when I did my Comedy Central half hour. And they do the thing at the end of the year they used to do called like the stand-up showdown. Oh, yeah, they would. They would. Yeah. Yeah, you're special. You're like first round J. O'Kristen versus Dane Cook. Yes. Nice. Um, Tammy Pasca Telly won once. And I had said that, uh, like she got mad. She gets so mad to be for saying this on a show. I think I think I will. Well, I am. But I'm saying, but I think she took it much more like whatever. It's like, Tammy Pasca Telly went when there was like legit at that point. Was it a one-on-one? It was one-on-one. Brack brackets. Yeah. She beat you. No, I don't think we want against each other. Oh, okay. She just won in general. She won the whole thing. But she beat the beat. Wow. She beat the person that beat you. Yeah. So you had the reaction like I said, I was like, really? Tammy Pasca Telly won the whole thing. Well, my thing was that like there's some kind of like shenanigans going on. But like, um, so I said, but I love Tammy by love Tammy. You know, Larry, but I'm not like, uh, so and it wasn't like a take. Like her down. I was like, so the next year when I was, you could kind of do that. A girl I knew that I was hooking up with was like, uh, was like, oh, I can like figure out at the bots. Yeah. To have bots vote for you. Yeah. I don't even think I want. I think I stopped doing it at one point. But I think I moved on because of it a few times. So it was almost saying like you cheated. Yeah, I figured it out. She cheated. But I think everyone was doing that. And then but she reached out to me. She was angry. And then I was just like, oh, I kind of explained. I was like, I don't, I wasn't even saying like a shitty thing. And then she was kind of like, yeah, I can use the same company that whoever used to get these buddy people to do that. Yeah. Yeah. You're not the best. It's okay. You're hilarious. But yeah. That's another group best half hour ever. Ever. Oh, it's ever a whole time. And it was all of them were in there. There were a lot of great. I mean, I just, I always remember Dean Cook's. Like it was like 15 minutes. Pablo Francisco's was on all the time. Did you see his documentary? Not really. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's real good. I heard it. It's great. Fuck the hot man. It kind of, honestly, not for an icon, it made me feel like he was a little fucking stupid as shit. Because he had this guy that worked for him for $100,000 a year. And then one day he even sat down and guys, I'm not gonna give you 120. And the guy was like, thanks. And then the next day the guy's like, I bought it. I bought two new houses. Oh, really? And then Dan's just like, yeah, that's what he said. I don't think it was that. I think it was like it was like 100 to like 250 or something. I thought he said baby space. But the point, the point being he had two homes. He bought a house in Maine and a house in Florida. He was dumb. He was dumb to not see that happening. And his wife is lying with the brother's wife is also lying back because they're like, I just thought we were doing great. And that's why he bought me all the purses that I wanted. And I was on my trajectory to have the same exact story. I had my sister be my assistant for a day. And day one, she spent $300 on groceries for her house. I was like, you took my credit card and just bought groceries. You have to know, even if you're playing your relative, if you offer them, they're going to end there's cash out there, they're going to skim off the top. But you do it a reasonable amount, you don't. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, but they want to read out the third day exactly. She was like two year antics. Yes, that has to be. Well, you got to take five, six bucks. I got a couple of scratch off. If you're doing it with some self-righteous thing of like, I deserve more than I'm getting for what I do. What they cook was like, why don't you believe you are deserved 95 percent of it? That's what he went to go do the thing. It was like a movie what he describes. He was like, we went to his account and stuff. And he was like, all right, listen, this is happening. So I need you to drain this account and this and that. The other thing goes, there's nothing in those. Yeah, there's nothing. Also, he stockpiled it in cash. Like the guy had he had cash. He opened up a safe. That's why I thought he was like ripped off merch. There was cash everywhere. The house was full of cash. Oh, yeah, he did like the thing like the bear. They were in like tomato sauce cans. It was every movie. He was just collecting the cash. As soon as he got caught, he goes on the run and they can't find him for a week. And what he was doing was driving across country to different places. And like putting the money in like tomato sauce cans. This is brother. Yeah, he had on the run. He had those. You know, the way he's just out now. Also, how are so just bullet points here? It's fine. How much money did he steal in total? I think like six million. What's it? Yeah, at least I thought how much money was day and cook worth at his peak like a couple hundred million. I think no, no, no, not that much. No, you know, it's funny when he describes it. It really when you watch it happen because he was so big to us too. That it seemed like a thing and he did the arenas and that was like a huge thing. But like the change from arenas back down wasn't very long. And like his movies were like. Yeah, I would put it more. I mean, there were some coke ones like that. And he got like good reviews from us. Can I say if I had $50 million and my sister stole six million from me? Yeah, I would never speak to her again, but I wouldn't put her in jail. No, but it was not what happened. No, it's he claimed. I'm telling you, he cleaned him out down to like a hundred and something thousand dollars. He did get a lot clean about getting cooked to work. Yeah, but he had to go out and like make more. No, he got a lot of the cash back because he found it. He found a bunch of the cash like cash, but then he went on, but he said he did a thing. It's kind of a country thing the way he puts it, but fuck it. He was like, I booked another college like a rena tour. And I said, I'll make this money back before I see this guy in court even and he did. Yeah, more. I think it was, I think he was only worth at the time. Maybe like six million or something. Oh, wow. That's crazy. No, I guess what happened was like houses for that specialty from that house. That's his dream that that's a big part of the documentary. It's a crazy house. Yeah, unbelievable. When he goes. Yeah, he goes, it's my he was we went and looked at he bought it like a year later after he did that tour. Yeah, because he said right before his brother got caught. I see like that was the timeline of it. They went to go look at that house. He was like, this is it. This is my dream house. But it's like, nah, you should go something a little. No, no, that's so crazy, but he says brother put his hand on his shoulder and he was like, he goes, dude, you've worked for it. You've earned it. serve every bit of this. Yeah, let me so tell him to go fucking buy it. He's like he doesn't have the money. Yeah, no money. I'm on the brother side. What do you want me to say here? I mean, the guy he's truthful. He does deserve it. He's working hard for this guy. His brothers out there making millions of hands over a fist. He can also just go and do another tour and make it right back. I don't know. Man, it's your brother. Yeah. Yeah. If I can go out and make $10 million on tour with one tour. It's his half brother. First of all. It's half brother. Yeah, but I do understand that is the funny thing in every one of us for sure has had that the fact how many millionaires we know that you were like, what if I get most destitute my downest or just because I don't want to fucking do anything anymore. If I just went to like a shame or a date just like quietly goes, I'm sure a lot of people do this. Seriously, please get everything a million dollars. Forget it. Maybe he goes, just give me three million dollars. Yeah, that's the three million in life changing though. That's the problem is you're not going to retire with three million. No, no, what if you put you in convenience, put you in convenience. If you're all your money's been stolen, you're not looking to retire. All my money's been stolen. Give me money to retire. Give me enough to. Oh, I'm talking about being rough on my thing. I'm saying like, if tomorrow I was like, dude, I've worked so long and I'm not a Brazilian here. Shane, just break me off like three mill, dude. Shane, I feel like I'm just not working at 50 years old. If you can't make three mill work for the rest of your life, there's something really wrong with you. It's not that. It's not about that. No, it's having it's having that sit there. You have to hold on. Yeah, you sit there. You live off the interest, right? That's what I'm saying. So, but yeah, five million will you, you'll do only $250,000 a year in interest. So you have no idea this man's lifestyle. Jay's fucking out there buying purses. I just regularly. Yeah. That's what you got designed. Well, you've got to have a designer glasses. Yeah, I've got custom, custom tins on. Yeah, they don't make them into rags. Yeah, so in order to retire like and to have a sustainable life, let's see, you're just used to like living the way that you live. You probably need at least $10 million in the bank. You live, you try to do so much more lavish than me. I don't think so. I think we do different lavish things like you buy like designer bags. I take vacations. You can't buy designer bags. I have one in the little half one. That's five designer bags. Yeah. Yes. Right now. I was accurate. Yeah. How many of these Christine have, but I'll say those are those are cheaper than the vacations ever. And you do like vacations a lot, stuff like that. You do a couple of vacations here. It's a different thing. It's a memory. Yeah, you have a young child that you want to like build memories with. Of course. Stuff like that. Yeah. My purse. He needs something to carry. He needs something to carry his fucking tampons. Yeah. I thought there's 24 meter memories. Have your nail polish in these off. I'm not a big. I'm not a big spender. Ultimately on myself for sure. Yeah. Tell me what we got. Yeah. Yeah. Here's where it is. We'll go to a concert and Jay will buy everybody $300 tickets. It'll be 15 people. That's where you spend. That's likely more than I spend every year. If I had a guess, because I want my friends there to enjoy the show with me. That's yeah. That's like Lewis's big gay. Yes. Can't take it with you. Memories. Yeah. We do the same thing. I do the same thing in baseball tickets and sport tickets. I would much rather go like and build a memory with them. Yeah. You know, go buy. You fly first class very often. You probably spend more money just flying first class. And I spend on every vacation. I take every year. No. Yeah. No. Yeah. Wait. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. I don't fly. No. I don't fly first with my family though. Like if we're not, if we're going on a date, like date, we're all. You don't have to. Maybe call for plus. Dude, I got upgraded one time. And then I was flying to Jamaica with like the whole family. And then I felt bad. I was like, I'll give it to my aunt. She's 90 years old. She's never flown first class in her life. I remember I got to argue with my girlfriend about it because my girlfriend wanted it over my aunt. What? It was crazy. By herself. I take a little fighter. By herself. It was fucking insane. She got angry at you. Yeah. No. I swear. It was all the way there. So you had a tolerate because you still need to know. How would you ever do that? That's a personality thing. It's insane. I'm saying almost to say it out loud. I know inside. You're like, I don't know. To not have the sense in you to be like, no, you always eat that shit. I've never want to sleep on the floor of anything in my life. But if like my parents were to think it was just you go like, yeah, of course, you take that. Imagine she made a joke like, oh, I wish, you know, I could have given it to me. Whatever. Would you have been like, oh, yeah, no, let me go get her back or like, no, yeah, yeah. Let me go to my aunt to get her. You got to go. Yeah. I think the point was that my aunt didn't want to eat and my aunt wasn't drinking. So she was like, it's a waste. It's kind of a waste. I'll do screw up one. Yeah. One, three glasses of champagne. Just buy the fucking champagne. You guys landed. She gets all the playing and she goes, hey, Lewis, thanks. Let me sit first class. Yeah. She got a salary stake. Do not on the way back from Spain this year. Just international European flights. They give you just free booths. Yeah. Which I didn't even know. So they were just, I was just drinking wine. Just fucking hammer in the air. They cut me off. Good. Really? They cut me off. They're like, yeah, you've had enough, sir. They're your team. I was like, well, they had four guys. Yeah. And then I had like seven bottles, like little mini bottle of wine. We're all collected right there. What's like fucking dead, it's like being in Denver, you get fucking in the air. I used to have when I was a real boozer, I would have all these little weird tricks to get as much booze as possible, where I would like clock who I'm ordering them from so that they're not really noticing. Not paying attention. And sometimes I go, can I get two? And then I go, we can just keep the other one because then I'll just get it later. And then you'll be able to say that to two different people. So you actually get cheese. It's smart. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The last time I flew internationally, I was broke as shit still. So like I didn't like the idea of getting drinks would have been like, no, there's no way when I went to, I imagine like if I would have thought to do that on my trip to South Africa, yeah, I'm saying there's Australia. Well, I don't know if they were on these things, whatever was I just didn't think of it. It's so funny now that like we're going to Europe and part of my like, like any dread I have of it is just like, fuck, I just hate being on planes. That's like an eight hour or whatever. And they're like, oh, yeah, you just get obliterated. You get obliterated. We're offline first class. Whoa, money bags over here. Yeah. Well, no, for European flight overseas, like eight to 10 hours and overnight, dude, that's my wife and I did that on the way to Paris. Yeah, it's I, it's like, you want to start doing stuff when you get there. So you need a little sleep. The light down bed, like I, I don't do that. I literally almost never purchased first class. What I'll do is the day of they'll have seats available in the black car for three hundred bucks. You can upgrade to first class. I do that. I do sit amount or I just wait to get upgraded. Yeah, you too. Whoa, how to 1% live. We were supposed to view from the top of that. It's like it's storage on the way to Ireland. I jump on this side. I go, try to be like Titanic, like they're all buzzing up at a jug. Enjoy your sleep upstairs. They're making quite a racket down there. Yeah, everyone, all our sports nigger came out of the landing gear on commando and just did the thing where he stepped off the wheel and tried to like catch himself running. You would have been dead. You never saw commando. I don't think I've ever saw commando. Commando. Damn dude. You would have been mando and I know it's called the major thing they missed. Yeah, it's like if you, you try to do the thing where he's like, you try to time your feet when someone jumps out of like a moving garden. They're like, try to run. If your feet are already going, you might just catch the rhythm with you never fucked that up. Oh, I do the airport with those airwalks. They're things, dude. They stop with you don't stop. The black guy just says, good, jump off. No, no, no, you try the traveling. Travel. You get on to the carpet again and you got to go. Yeah, you're talking about jumping off a moving vehicle and you got to time it. Oh, no, dude. It's like you're in the run already. Yeah, you kind of got to like go with it. You know, whoa. Where did you jump? How often are you jumping out of moving vehicles? Taxes. Don't pay him. Oh, wait. No, you ever jump down. But I jumped out of moving like things like golf, golf carts and you got it. Yeah, you got to keep your run going. Speaking of taxis, Jay, at a moment like, I mean, this is what this would be as such of me and you like things. Exactly. So my waymo every, every Uber here is a waymo. I know I've gotten three of them. So and you'd deny it. You like, no, I've never done it. So we'll do it. We'll do it tonight. We'll do it. So it's, it's weird. I don't know. It's kind of weird. Just ride the waymo around. But they, they dropped me off like at the wrong address. Like we're going to walk up less than a block. I know less than a block. But I was so mad. Are you saying that I'm wrong? Yeah. I was so mad that I started fucking, I left garbage in the waymo and I also left the doors open. Nice. And it was like, fuck you. And then they were like sending me things. But you got to close the doors and it's ignored, it's smashed the tiles. Wow. I didn't even think about leaving the doors open. Yeah. Damn, dude. I do. What if that waymo is in that computer right now, though? It's here to get you. Oh, waymo's in the lights. Yeah. Yeah. What are you going to do in waymo's the only way to get around in five years? And also, yeah, like the band from the waymo. I was at the wall. Yeah. We are the hive mind. Yeah. Yeah. So one day you can't open your fridge. Your new AI fridge says, Oh, shit. They are cool, though, dude. I took the app. I'm staring at the fucking window, the entire the front, the entire time. And it's like the terrified. You put on some music that you don't really like, but you can tolerate. And you look out the window and it feels like you're in a real Uber. You know, like, I get in. I'm like, oh, how's it going, buddy? And I just automatically say that. Yeah, you said, Ranton. I'm looking immigrants, huh? Yeah. When are they going to clean up the homeless around here. So you comedy soundtrack is fucking making specials again? - That'd be great. - I agree with you. - If you could press a bar in the infection. - If you're an automated driver and you get to press a button, it's like Southern racist, boo. - You know, church woman from Alabama, boo. - Big bopper, boo, boo, boo. - Before, Uber was a thing, you'd get a female cab driver, and it would be a problem. I literally, I'm not doing this. This is fucking crazy. 'Cause it was like 1% of cab drivers received my life in my hand. - It was crazy. - I'm not paying for the almost murder. - Next year Halloween show, by the way, I'm Big Bopper at your Richie Valence. He's butchering. (laughing) - That is fucking fantastic. (laughing) - Hello, boo, boo, boo. - Richie Valence. - Richie Valence. - Yeah, through the plane crash. (singing in foreign language) - That's a great version. - You just, you combined, you combined, you combined Christmas. (laughing) - Richie Valence, buddy, Holly, and Big Bopper. - What's up everybody? Let's take a second to thank our sponsors at GLD. GLD, yes, it's time to stand out of the crowd with some GLD. GLD has chains, rings, earrings, and watches to elevate your style. Find your new favorite piece or customize it in the GLD custom shop, clean designs, real gold in every piece, and handset stones. You can see and feel the quality craftsmanship in every GLD piece. I'm telling you, I got mine on right now. - I stay, I stay laced up. - I haven't taken, I literally have not taken it off since the day I got it and I shower with it. It's like, it's just part of me now. It's part of my body now, dude. - It's part of my family's history now, dude. You get a lifetime warranty on these things. So, my great, great, great, great grandkids are going to be wearing my GLD Cuban link. - You got to work hard and change the game for a limited time. Only new customers are getting an insane deal. Use code skanks to get 40% off at GLD.com. That's 40% off with code skanks at GLD.com. After you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them. Support the show and tell 'em, Legion of Skanks sent you. - Hey guys, real quick, let's thank one of our amazing sponsors on today's show and that is prize picks. Ooh, prize picks is the best, especially for me because the NBA is back real big. And right now, you can pick a shoot out in the West in a boards battle in the East, but I would just say pick a sixer and lay heavy because prize picks, everything's available nationwide. So, what are you waiting for? It's such a great time of year. It's almost like the sixers can't lose. But you can make your picks like points rebounds. You could also add in football picks. Football's still going on here. I mean, I don't know for sure, like I hear they're still going on. You can add football picks, touchdowns, passing yards, and you can put all of that in the same line up with your basketball picks. The possibilities are endless because everyone and everything is on prize picks. They have live box scores. You can track your picks without leaving the app and a social feature which lets you copy other user's picks and just one click. If you just want to trust other people, like, oh yeah, you just follow Steve, always. - Yeah, I just follow Steve's picks every time. I'm like, this is it, that's all I need. Steve knows sports. - I know what I'm doing, guys. I'll make you very, very little money, marginal money, but it's okay. That's a win in gambling. - As long as you're not losing your winning, in my opinion, as long as you're up. And it's very simple, very simple to use the app. You just simply pick two to six players across any sport and you're going more or less against their projected stats. When you get on there, it's so self-explanatory, so users are friendly and very easy. Download the app today and use the code Skanks and you're going to get $150 in lineups instantly. If you win your first $5 lineup one more time, you download the price picks app, use the code Skanks and you're going to get $150 instantly in lineups if you win that first $5 lineup. Price picks, run your game. - Gentlemen, you know what I did this weekend. - What? Make love to yourself? - No, yes, technically. Actually, yes, better than I ever have in my entire life. - Why? - I went to the, what's it called? The car wash place, the detailing place. And I bought a funnel, which I haven't held the funnel in my life, maybe in 30 years. And I shoved that funnel directly into my asshole, picked my legs back, had my son pour body brain coffee, just the powder, and the creamer directly down the funnel deep into my asshole, and I experienced body brain coffee the way that you guys have been experiencing it for months. And I gotta say, I am now gay. (laughing) - Yeah, I love it. Now I just leave the funnel in there in case anybody wants to pour anything on my ass in any time. Now I'm exclusively just a butt-shucking person. I only take liquids through butt, that thing. - I was kind of like doubting you guys. I was like, okay, guys, you poured your asshole. But I've never been more locked in, dude. - No, you won. - The tongue that I'll eat, I feel like an absorbed directly into my body, my thoughts are thumping right now. I have veins coming out into my body that I've never had in my body before. I feel like Wolverine, the lion's mane, I literally feel in the back of my throat, somehow I went directly into my asshole in the funnel. And I started feeling like a tingling in the back of my throat. I don't know if that's healthy, but I'll tell you right now, feel pretty locked in mentally. ADD is not fucking ripping through my life. The Ashwaganda, I'll tell you right now, I'm feeling, the best mood of my life. I feel like I'm on ecstasy right now. I'm saying it's the Ashwaganda. And overall, usually I get jittery when I drink coffee. I don't know if it's because I poured it in my asshole or because of the L-theanine, but either way, dude. Body-brained coffee, I found a new way to enjoy it. - I'll tell you what else is ganda, my hemorrhoids. Once I poured it in, those hemorrhoids shrunk right up and Ashwaganda, they are. You know? - We don't know for sure. We can't say for sure that it's a fact that the body brain itself cured Steve's hemorrhoids, but it didn't hurt. That's a good one. - It didn't hurt. I'll tell you that right now. - You won't inflame your hemorrhoids. - You would assume it would direct contact with a hemorrhoid when you know, aggravated, no. They succumb to the Ashwaganda, the neurotropics. - Ashwaganda, today Ashwaganda tomorrow, where it is, coffee. - Ashwaganda forever. - Yeah. - Look, try it out, you're gonna love it. Drink it, don't pour it in your ass. It's great, it tastes like real coffee 'cause it is real coffee blended with the tropics and adaptogens that are gonna make you feel like the best version of yourself. Support your testosterone, support your mood, support your energy, mental clarity, focus. We just want you to great creamer as well. If you guys wanna try and both out, we have an amazing deal for you. Go to bodybringcoffee.com. Use the promo code LOS gift. You're getting 10% off the coffee and the creamer together. Plus we're giving you a free gift. We're giving you this brand new body brain mug, which I have right here in my hand. You guys can say it's amazing, my little muscle mug. Or, or you could choose the body brain milk frother so you could blend your coffee and creamer together. Give it a try, you're gonna love it. See what everyone's raving about. All of our five star reviews on Shopify and Amazon. These guys can't be lying. Don't listen, may listen to them. Use that promo code LOS gift. All right, where were we? What, you were on Rogan today? - I was on Rogan. - And we're great. - Ops and downs. - We had a lot of fun at times, you know what I mean? - I can't believe you were nervous. 'Cause the special came out. All my focus has been like, just on that. And then it came out today. And I mean, I'm like, fuck about to do Rogan. So I don't like trying to like learn about Irish. - You know, we all feel that. What do you think the birth of that is with him? It's like, there's no other podcast you do. If I'm gonna do "Are You Garbage" or anything like that, you just go and do it. - Yeah. - And we're gonna have fun. Like the pressure. I wonder if you're the most famous person in the world that a large puff comes from. - I think he understands or do you think he would be like, you were nervous to talk, or do you know what I'm doing? - I think he just thinks people are just nervous all the time. - He's like, I'm just like you. And then a spaceship comes down to pick him up. - Yeah, I'm just like you. He's a Jector seat, shoots him into a fucking plane. - He was, there was two moments. So in one moment, we were talking about how great Patrice was. And then like, oh yeah. And then I brought up that bit he has about watching TV and his girlfriend comes over and such ruining it. And like, he's just like looking at me. He doesn't know it. And I'm like, you know, he's like, - What are you doing? And he's like looking at me and I was like, what'd you do, and then he opened the window. Oh, you're eating a hamburger? And like, Rougas is like, look at me. And I'm like, look at like the biggest idiot ever. - Rooting Patrice is on me. - Oh man. - And then I had the Andy go, ha, ha. And he can see him kind of, he's like, ah. - That's his fake laugh, he goes, yeah. I'm finished now, Joe. - Oh, that's the way, and by the way, we should do a count of it tomorrow. How many want with you? - No, when he does that, when he goes, ha, ha, ha, ha. - That's not a real laugh, Joe. - I've heard you laugh. - That was a roll. - Yeah. - I'm shit in my pants, dude. - You know, that'll make a laugh. - That'll make a laugh, dude. - That'll make it a real laugh. - You're statement on Rogen. You shit in your pants like Rogen. I just shit myself. - You're move. - Yeah. - Alpha move. - Yeah, this is my property now. - Minute one, I've already defecated right underwear. - You're move, Rogen. - You did, if you call him Rogen the whole time. (laughing) - Are they gonna keep going? Am I doing wrong? Do I say? - Do I say anything wrong? - Call him Joey. - Wait, am I saying it wrong, Jen? - Joey, Joey again. - Joey, Rogan. - Rogan, Rogan. - Rogan. - Rogan, like Rogan, right? - Yeah, we're saying it the same way, Rogan. - No, he's got intimidating presence. - Definitely. - I'm sure from his perspective it's just like, he's also like, 'cause I've never even met him till last night. He's so fucking like, thick. - Yeah, he's wide. - Well people like, oh, Rogan's short, I was like, yeah, but he's fucking as wide as a house. - He has no neck. He's got traps that size of fucking heads. And he's just little pit bull where you go, 'cause you see him, you're like, why is that even kind of so intimidating? And then you meet him and you go, yeah Mr. Rogan, trans people lived worst day of Mr. Rogan. - What was it? - Yeah, oh, it was a fucking scout, crazy. - I don't know. - That low center gravity can get you in the air. - Yeah. - Quick, I bet. - I'm gonna get picked me up like a fucking barbell. - You just nod all you, like you would get you down. - Oh yeah, what were you? - Fucking ruined you. - When he said a conversation and he's early into it, he was with on Monday, the top gear guy was in town, and they would do it in person. - Yeah, yeah, and they were in the green room. We were in the girl with the cord. - Well, yeah, the girl. This girl was like, just interrupting their story and like-- - It was just some bit. - There was some food in the room. There was a chicken parm and some pasta. She was eating it like in front of them and like slur. Like, we got huge for doing our show and I was hungry, dude. But he was in the front of, Joe was in the front of the food. And there was no version of me being like, excuse me, Joe and Top Gear guy. Can you move out of the way so I can get some chicken parm out of the thing? I just waited till they were done starving my own body, you know? - Yeah. - I'm not gonna interrupt Joe and it's only-- - Why are you with me when she gave him the cord? - No. - Oh, so maybe it was a different girl. I don't know. This girl, she was blonde hair glasses. - Yes, but she was with the, what's the, the Asian lady that did the-- - It's the same girl. - It's the same girl. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Trust me, I've heard about this girl from multiple different people in Austin. - Oh really, yeah. - She asked, dude, she goes, Joe, you're the-- - I'm listening. - I'm asking her if I can smoke weed. - You can smoke weed near. - You can? - A hundred percent. - Oh, you're just kidding. - Oh, I don't know. - That's how you can. - You can, yeah, yeah, yeah. Obviously. - Thank you. - Oh, so you could have just asked Pat instead of going over his head, Jesus Christ dude. - You guys really? - I don't have any power. - What if Pat says he's not maybe ready to smoke weed? - Pat might say yes, and I don't want him to get in shit 'cause like, he says yes, I wouldn't-- - She lets Lamar do it, so. - Oh, then Jesus, Lamar Christ. - You know, he levels above Lamarior? - Yeah, white. (laughing) - Top level. - Bull! - Bull! - Dude, this girl, this girl. - Oh, the level. - Jack Bay. (laughing) - Dude, this girl. - Difference for it. - Joe Swathe is dude. - Apples and Black people. (laughing) - Apples and bananas. (laughing) - Yes. - No. - Oh. - Yeah, thanks, thanks, thanks. - Yep. - That's right. We're on Legion of Skanks, boys. - That's right, Creech. - So, this girl interrupts the conversation between Joe and this dude. I thought it was, what's his name? - Jimmy Carr. - Jimmy Carr, but it was apparently was this guy. And she goes, she goes, a hand Joe Rogan, a business card. And Joe, like, his hands don't move. Like, you know when somebody goes to give you a business card, you'll like, put your hand out so automatically, like, a natural, like, if somebody hands you something. His hands don't move. And he looks down and goes, what's that? She goes, it's my card. He goes, I don't want that. And then he just went straight back to the conversation. And he just watched this girl so leave her body in the most uncomfortable way. I was just like. - She's a porn girl, too. - She's a porn girl? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what they all said last night. She's a porn girl. - You want a business card? - Joe's always been like that. - Hey, do you want to take my card? - I mean, he was famous when I met him from, you know, before he was just shoot me, you know, like he before even fear fact, but he was in the middle of the news right here. - But like, if you come, yeah, new radio, sorry. If you came up to him, like, a girl would be like, oh my god, I'm like, great, he's like, don't touch me. He was always like, don't, I can't, I don't go up to you and touch you. Don't touch me. I don't understand, but he was like, he's always been that like, don't do that. - No, it is, I don't want that. - I don't think any of us have or know anybody else with convictions, yeah, where he's like, I take so much uncomfortable stuff, not like an abullying sense. I'm talking about like a weird drunk lady doing something and leaning on your budget. I just have, I kind of have like the, I go into the almost a submissive like, okay, okay. Until I get like, then I, it's the switch is too fast 'cause I don't have the basic like, miss, don't do that. - You don't do that. - Yes, I think Joe's always like that. - I have like that, I have to get to let her make, like going at some point, she'll be a human being and realize that she should just stop doing this or whatever. - People that feel entitled, like they're like, I'm just gonna go and do what I want to you. Like, hand you something, give you something, grab you, like he doesn't have no tolerance for that. - Well some people are also like, they have no, whatever it is, maybe whatever version of being on the spectrum, they don't get social cues. So it's like, I have to just assume this girl just, like, could you watch it happen and you're like, oh, there's no, like this is gonna go so poorly. Like, you're in the green room, you're trying to like network with Rogues. It's just not the way to do it. And yeah, she was just, it was beautiful to watch. - I guess everybody's gotta shoot their shot, but it's how you take it. - There was definitely moments where, and I knew it in my heart, if this was an any other room, I would've just said, hey, shut up. But I did like, 'cause you know, we were talking or in politics stuff, I don't know the answers to what they were talking about. He pulled up a Trump tweet. And he goes, have you seen the Trump tweet? And I was like, no, he's like, pulls it up. But you don't see the whole thing. So he pulls up on the screen and he starts reading it. And I'm like, we're going. And about 60 seconds, I'm like, I just pretty long. And then they scroll down a little. Not every minute goes by. He's reading this whole thing. And I mean, it must've been six minutes. I just kept scrolling. I scrolled. - You got the antidote for that. - It just, what's the, you rip apart? - No, let's just, let's Steve read it. - Yep. - I was on a reading call. - It's gang fast. - We go, Joe, if you don't mind, if you would. - I've got our own. - I would have loved to have Steve come in and just help that guy. - I can't read it. - It just goes on. - I tell you the first time where that time that I went on with Ari, she fear it was funny. Because we were there to talk about my special. And when we first started, she goes, you got to see this new data builder trying to get past in the Senate. And then she goes, Jamie, bring it up. It was like a deal. - I was afraid of this bill. And I was like, I was going to do it. - How did you do that, like, legislation behind it? - I go. - Article six, six, seven, one. - I swore to you, I looked at my shirt. And I was wearing a GGA on shirt to go, dude, you ever see GGA on stuff? That guy was crazy. And then I just like got, I'm like, I can't, I don't know what we call it. - I think he did that at one point. And then, I don't know where we were. And then a shooting star goes by because he has the, this fucking stars up there. And I was like, fucking stars are cool, right? (laughing) - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Are you into a strong twin? - Are you into a astrology ceiling fan? - Do you think he has an agenda? - I'm like, who's that? - I'm a big fan. - I want to bring up the bar. - No, I think he just, I think Jargers goes. Regardless of who the guest is, I know I definitely want to talk about this, something in the news today. - If it's not somebody that's more-- - You're a specialist, I think. - Yeah, if you have somebody coming on and like, your thing is you, you understand about gut biome, health, and shit. - You won't get asked a political thing then or something like that. Is that what you're saying? - I agree. - First half, I think-- - Why don't we get asked everything? - First half of the show tomorrow, we see something about it. - Doesn't respect us. - I think we just talk-- - He goes, shh, he goes talk. (laughing) - Joe will just go, shh, shh, shh. - I think we should just go right in, heavy AI talk, AI, the future of AI, and then-- - But I'm working half of the show, the flying Tesla car, we get it out of there. - Easy peasy. - We just let him go, we're just sitting smoke, we'll hang out, we'll let him go. - Everyone has a plan until you guess I can face. - That's the same. - I'm going in there, I'm not a fucking talk about how communism's great, and then a media like I'm capitalism. I love capitalism. (laughing) - You got to get these off well, but right now-- - Oh, oh, oh, oh, you're like, oh, hilariously challenge him, but like, you know, it's like-- - Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, no. - You might get a situation like that where you go, come in his green, he goes, why would you think that, and you go-- - Shhh, shh, shh. - I did do a joke. - You go shh, shh, I'm stuck now. - I did a joke that I just remembered that he kind of didn't get where I said something like, oh, Trump must work harder than the 90-odd president. Because not only is he president, he's earned, he's gone up in value of $2 billion in the last two years. That's a guy who's working hard. - Yeah. - And he's like, no, no, I think he's kind of like scamming. I was like, yeah, that's the-- that was what I was alluding to, and he goes, no, no, no, he's obviously doing some shit, you shit. - No. - I was like, that was kind of tippin' around that. - Yeah. - Yeah, I'm a-- - But it's fun, he's great. - No, Joe's a man, dude, Joe Funjoy. - He's a joy. - Yeah, he, uh, he's, uh, with the only big platform that'll have me on, so I love him. - I mean, this is a, this is like an amazing thing for me. - When's the last time you were on Rogan? Uh, 2000, that's it, 2009? - It was like when I was-- - It was like when it was a logiton camera. - Yeah. - He was on the 9/11, that's it. - September, September 6, 2001. - Yeah. When was the last time I was asked or when was the last time I was on? - Those are two very different questions. - Oh, shit. I thought this was, I sent you guys this in the group. There's a girl who like, uh, she posted an old kiltony video from seven years ago, with me, you, and Shane on the panel. And my assumption is the Shane thing is in the ether with the, the Jim Schwartz SNL thing. So, Shagfest? - No, no, no. - This was the main room, right? - This was in the main room at the comedy store, and this is old kiltony. And we just happened to be the panel that day. So it was a hot girl. You, what's funny is, I went back and watched the entire, like, 10 or 15-minute-long segment, 'cause she just posted, like, you know, a two-minute reel of essentially us, sexually harassing her. So we can watch it, but I think we should watch. - I want to say, am I genuinely involved in this harassment? - Yeah. - Okay, good. - No, it's all funny. So here, I don't know. - I know it's all funny. I say it's good, 'cause you do a lot of, like, you say a lot of "wee" sometimes, and we're like, that's what we're not doing. - No, it was, it was, - You guys, we come in, we're going to make heavy research. - Were you that I didn't know the end word? - No, no, no, no. If I'm getting the blame, I'd like to be a part. - Yes, of course. And Shane was actually, it was funny, the way she clipped it up was, it looks like Shane's kind of defending her. - Yes. - But the whole, if you, you'll remember this, when we go back and watch the whole thing, you'll remember it, because it was a hot girl who bombs. - I forget my sentences in the middle. - Dude, it was a hot girl who bombed, right? And then the whole thing is us being like, oh, you're so funny. That was the whole thing. So we keep on, like, going back to that, and then you and Shane start battling over her, and Shane's like, so pull up the clip of what she, what she did, then we, we should watch the full thing. And well, like, I mean, God bless, first of all, she aged like shit. I will say that. - Is it? Did she? - Yeah, watch when you see her back in the bed. - She's not bad. - What do you do for work? - I'm a studio coordinator. I like work around a studio that you don't have to care. - Same girl? - Yeah, just looks like a different person. - I don't want an angel. Yeah. - Absolutely. - Yo, dude, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, bro. - It's better, dude. - I went up. - I'm sorry about you. - I'm sorry. - I'm sorry. - Yeah, yeah, stand on the X. I used to, for those of you that just listened to the podcast, I hope that you've caught on to the fact that Carrie Miller is a beautiful girl, right? - Yeah, but even the video people can't see her. [MUSIC] >> Turn the music down, Jesus. >> Lady. >> I want to die. >> I want to die. >> It's great. >> It's like, sure. Sure. She happens to have a fantastic, but like, I mean, you got to look as if you want to be with someone. >> Yeah, I was telling you. She has that substance. >> What do you do for work? >> That's the video that she posted. And the thing is dramatic music, dramatic, for this cringe fest. Where it's like, if you watch the full video and we should, she literally comes up, she bombs. Like, she bombs terribly. And then is really, really boring in the interview. The only thing interesting and funny that happened was literally us doing that. And I will say even before, we did Killtony on Monday. There was a good-looking doctor. That was literally my jokes about him being good looking. Like, it's the elephant in the room. If you're a good-looking comedian, you go up on a shell like Killtony. Obviously, comedians are going to comment on your looks. >> Yeah, Guy Orgero. >> Guy Orgero. >> Who's a jacked dude with like fucking muscles? >> Yeah. >> The whole thing we would have been gay for the guy. >> I was just saying, I keep saying, we'd fight over the guy the same way. >> Yeah, 100%. So, that's, it's just the elephant. >> But you know, a tree arkey. >> Yeah. >> That's how she spit it down. >> She's now mad about this. >> Well, this is the, that was the recent video. >> That was from a couple days ago. >> Is this video going to show that I go harder? Because what I would say happened there, was you pointed at her ass, and then I, that's what I tried to, I tried to do what I do, is I take your blunt-forced trauma and I try to soften it up. I've melted down and spread it on the bun a little bit. >> No. >> Actually, if you watch this, you rape her in the video. >> No way. >> So, what do you go to? >> Is that what happens? >> So, we have not got any calls about this. >> Seven years later is when she decided to make this. >> It's when Shane is doing the SNL thing, and it's in the, like, guys. >> No, I thought she follows Haley's comment. >> Yeah, you look great compared to there. >> [LAUGH] >> I mean, you look a lot better now. >> I mean, we're already staring at her. >> If you want to, if you want to. >> Yeah, by the way. >> Yeah. >> Oh, God. >> You can watch each one of them. >> Like, boom, boom. >> And then lose it. >> Wait, I go. >> Who talks? >> Who talks? >> Who says what the who first? >> I said, go back, go back. Look, who's like, we were pigs. >> We were pigs. >> We were pigs. >> I'm up the meeting. >> Hey. >> Look at that. >> Okay, all right. >> So, Jay, you're right. >> You said something, Lewis. >> And me and Shane both laughed at it. >> [LAUGH] >> Dude, she looks like a cartoon that got punched. >> As someone who has had a little bit of experience, I've done a bit of judge on the naked roast. >> Yeah. >> Okay. >> Two times where a hot girl has come out. And her ass is, that's the way you get the whole time, but naked, her whole body, right? And I immediately have to listen to what Zack says is her name. I have to write the name down on a piece of paper that they give us. >> Yeah. >> Because I don't listen to any, I cannot concentrate on anything. >> So. >> For the first like minute and a half, dude. >> So, maybe, I mean, Olivia? >> Yeah. >> So, I have to make sure I write her name down. Otherwise, I'll be like, whatever. >> It looks like Shane's eyes open to so wide that there's no sunk in. >> Pull it back again. I do want to see who's guilty of looking first. Wait, wait. >> Dude, no, I don't know. Dude, Jay looks- >> No, I guarantee you. >> You're sharing. >> You say something first. >> Who knows what I said? I might have said, hey guys, respect her. >> Her entrance, you could see. She comes from behind all of you. It's like, she's rooted. >> What a beautiful name. >> Yeah, she's pretty hot. >> Yeah, so we go. >> I mean, so blue. >> Beautiful. >> Now, yeah, it would bang, bang, bang. You know what? Now, me. >> Pull back, pull back. >> I'm looking through it. >> I can. >> Yeah. >> You know what I'm trying to look at this guy in the front. >> I'm trying to see like sailboats and a magic gun. >> I'm trying to see the audience through your heart. >> I'm staring so hard. >> You're staring long enough you'll be able to see her asshole. >> Yeah. >> Well, let's see. Jay, I'm going to watch- >> I'm going to watch your eyes this time. >> Hey, hey. >> You watch mine. >> Oh, this one unfairness to you. She comes right- >> Jay, Jay already did it. >> Jay already did it. >> It might be exact same- >> Shane's also watching. >> Yeah, Shane's in. >> This is like the final of a hundress sprint and- >> Red band's looking. Tony's trying to see if she has a brother somewhere. He goes, "Do I know this last name till she have a hot brother?" That's an unflattering pause on her face there, though. >> I don't want to even say she's hot because she hates that apparently. >> Yeah. >> You're just right. >> So now some such a judge on- >> You just missed the war. >> I have to judge her on her comedy. That's crazy. >> Yeah. >> That's crazy. >> I'll be serious. >> I was so glad I saw you. You were hitting on me when I had the camouflage shirt on before and you did one of these. And I was like so confused. When does that work? Like, I don't understand. I was hoping- That's fantastic. I was like, "I got to change my fucking shirt. This is not working." He was like, "Are you a marine?" I'm like, "A little me?" No. And then, I don't know. Does that work for anybody? [Laughter] >> That sound? No. >> She's awesome. >> Great. >> By the way, Louis, I haven't seen my eyes keep going to you and stringing her fucking head. >> We only used the hospital told us. >> We only used the hospital told us that we should know. >> But you keep saying things about her ass. >> You are. >> You are. >> I've been trusting her comedy. You probably are. You're trusting her comedy. But you're saying it's like- I'll tell her she's the funniest girl in the world if she shows her that ass. I'll tell her what you're telling me right here is you'll kill your family for her or something. >> I might. I mean, yeah. >> That's a great pause. >> She looks like she eats oats in the woods. [Laughter] >> This bitch is fucking raising her cat form in the woods. >> Well, ever since you completely sexualized her when she was trying just to be funny, she's decided to just go natural. >> Good. >> Record situation. >> But she was, they had to cremate her in sections because they were afraid of a grease fire. >> I'm not kidding. >> You guys are laughing because she is bombing. >> It's a good woman. >> Now Jason's saying, you know what? You're right. >> Yes, yes. >> She's bleeding. >> Mom. >> I'm attacking her. >> That was great. >> Holy fuck, that was so good. >> That was so fucking great. >> I can't believe how good that was. >> Shit. >> She's good. >> The funniest woman I've ever seen in my entire life. >> So hot. >> Is that what we talked about? >> I don't know. >> It's a presence. >> She's going to make the bit that funny. >> Yes. >> Probably that was kind of like what was going on there. Here's the thing. We'll continue to watch it. But it's like, we're just making, we literally salvage the entire segment. She was bombing. Watch me. She answers the questions. She doesn't have any interesting answers. She's not like, for her to just edit it down to just being like, oh, look, I was sexually harassed on Killtony seven years ago. That's crazy. >> I don't know. Also, when things like this happen, I think like the bullying nature of it, they say that we have. When it's like, you can always go like, you wouldn't be interested in fucking eat all three of it. And we'd all take those lumps with laughs. And then we start making fun of each other. You know what I'm saying? It's like, it's so, there's such an air of seriousness plugged into all these funny things that sucks so much. It's all nonsense. >> Yeah. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> Okay. >> For real, I was highly into him. I was like, this is fucking good. >> I told King I was going to tell you how good you were. And then he started elbowing me and taking the microphone. >> I'm sorry to cut off our panel, I guess. But I got to check in with former president Bill Clinton, ladies and gentlemen. >> Yeah, I would like to offer you an internship. >> I mean, it's all just good, clean fun. It's just like, it's not like an aggressive, nobody sent her a DM afterwards. Nobody tried to actually fuck this girl afterwards. Nobody, like, that was it. It was just a benign. >> I do it since the lead of the DM. >> I think the roomful people call her pretty. >> The music that she puts on, like that whatever that drama music is. It's to cover the laughs because people, like, if you look at it without that drama, you see the whole thing. >> It's funny. >> Well, it's funny. >> No, we're funny. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> We're being funny. >> Yeah, but is she still touring? What's she up to? >> Yeah. >> How's the working out? >> Good. [APPLAUSE] >> So Carrie Miller, is your first time on the show? >> Welcome back. >> This is before Tony really had the format down. >> So far. -Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, first question, first question. -Yeah, I get around the looks. -Where's my mom? -Where'd it be on the looks? -Bomba. -Bomba. -What do you do for a living? -Camy something interesting, Max. -It's great. -A few months. -A few months, so that's perfect. -That's it. -That's exactly what she has it. -She has it. -That's quick. That's good. -Can I just say she's natural. -With a couple of private lessons, you could probably be doing produced bar shows in a couple weeks. -All right. Showtime special. -I'm out on a fast track if you don't think you're ready. -Red band taking a shot at Brendan Shaw right there, by the way. -Oh, really? -Yeah, because Shaw but just had a showtime special that came out. -Who is hitting on you? -Yeah, sir. -That guy? -Oh, no, okay. -Sit down. -Was it an audience member? -Yes. -He's confident. Are you your fucking mind, sir? -It was an interesting move. You took a chance calling him out. That's really what he did. He did the kissing noises. And he brought it up. Didn't really have. -He's getting laughs over there. -Taken chances. -Yeah. That guy looks like Forrest Cump from when he was jogging across the street. -Yeah. -That's right. -Because he never stopped. For the jerk Harry Shaw. show guy, you know that with the beard on. - Carrie. - Opposite. - Red band's reference, he said the Drew Carey show guy with a beard on is so funny. It's like, it's, the guy's a guy with a beard obviously. - Yeah, yeah. - But he looks nothing like the Drew Carey show guys. - Just any reference with the beard. - Yeah. - You can say anybody goes, "He's like how he made dough with a beard." - Yeah, yeah. - He had more sims than if he grew his face in here. (laughter) - You know what? - What a shitty reference. - That was worse than her. - You're a CZ top, imagine then without the beard. - She should post a video going, "Red band focused stuff." (laughter) - That joke's stung red, bro. (laughter) - Carrie Miller. So what made you want to start to understand up? - I like making people laugh. - Oh, really, where do you, where do you do that at? - Where do you going to start? (laughter) - Like where are you doing it before you started? - So sweet, I love the funny one. - I didn't have for a long time. - Oh, you didn't, for a long time. You live here in California. - So you're comfortable saying yes and I like that. (laughter) - These guys, you know, Bill Clinton is a very, very horny president. So Carrie, what do you do for work? - Oh, like what exactly does that mean? - I like work around the studio that shoots content for the company. - Oh, what an angel. - Yeah. - What an absolute angel. - You wanna cut it out, bro? (laughter) - Fucking respect her, dude. I'm sorry about these fucking dudes. (laughter) I'm fucking sorry. - Stand behind me. - Yeah, stand on the X. - I used to-- - I used to stand on the X. - Into Jeffree Epstein's, eh! Now, for those of you that just listen to the podcast, which is believe it or not, the great majority of consumers of this show. Clearly, I hope that you've caught on to the fact that Carrie Miller is a beautiful girl, right? - Yeah, but even the video people can't see her ass. (laughter) - I'm joking. - Yeah, chill, chill, chill. - I don't know what to pause at you. And at this part, her ass is phenomenal. What do you want me to say? Even here watching your back, I'm not gonna apologize for pointing out to the one who-- - You're not the apologize, but I was saying what your ex is into the muck. - We weren't so deep in the muck at this point. - No. - No. - Okay, I said, Jane and Jane, you're having a good giggling. - Yeah. - You're being-- - You're being gross. - You're being gross. - You're being porn-reacon up our white time. - You go, yeah, yeah, all jokes aside. She's a fucking real fucking girl. All jokes aside, I really hurt this thing. (laughter) All jokes aside, I'm really, she's in danger. - Me and Steve would be on the fucking view if it wasn't for those. (laughter) - Yeah. - We'd be promoting Skankfest Bay Pass as part of the view. Maybe I'll put it in the gut. - A angel fest. - Joy Bayhart telling us it sounds a lovely hand. - Sweetheart fest. - Show them pictures of the fucking - We'll be go over, yeah. - You boys and plus some, again, it's really good. - I don't see people. - You guys have a good time left, y'all. - I'm a Ferris wheel, I like the neck, the neck. - I'm not the naked roast. (laughter) - And I saw some of that. - Oh, by the way. - I saw some thing called a Zacameco. - Can I, can I, I made an executive decision without you guys for a first mistake? I did big naturals today. - Big naturals? - Yeah. - Did you invite big naturals to the naked roast? - I said, do you want to be, would you be willing to do be the judge? - No, right, big naturals. She's doing kind of for a month and a half. - To be the judge. - She's gonna judge it. - Yes, because she said, she's gonna judge it. - Great idea. - You know why? She goes, because I don't want to, (clears throat) because I'm not a roaster. I go, how about this? You just sit at the panel. - And I go, I put my underwear on, so you don't even feel like you could put your underwear on. But what you can put on is anything on top. - No, what'd she say? - You can't put your underwear on there. - She's like, I'll do that. - She said, she would judge the naked roast. - I go, look, I may be stepping over my bounds but I'll clear it over here. - You will get a hotel room, a suite. (all laughing) - I go, I don't even know. - I don't even know. - I don't even know. - I don't even be over stepping here, but we're gonna hell a coffee, yeah. - Fly you out, private DJ. 'Cause I said, I thought you're the day about pitching it to Heidi. - Ooh. - And I go, I don't think Heidi would be naked. - I don't know, but maybe she would do it topless. And that would be, I think we'd be too busy. - Yeah, I think too many. - I think he would be, we'd have though. - So Val, Val's gonna be a scaring fence. Val would 100% do it. - She did it last year. - She did do it last year. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That was great. - She's, look, you gotta convince her not to be naked. - Yeah, Val, which falls on, Val. - Just saying, I'm sorry that I have some self-respect. - And by the way, I told big naturals on the podcast, we had a great time, but you know, the reason I did this is kind of because of this is my favorite stuff. And I'm interested in this stuff. Big naturals, I told her. And she loved that. She understood. - No, no, she's, she's, she's actually hilarious. And she's super fucking talented. And she's, why'd you laugh about that? She's actually, I see what you're doing. - Oh, hilarious. - But yeah, I know, she makes me laugh. - No way, this is how you handle our sexual harassment. - It wasn't a big naturals, does it? - Yeah. - You use it to get us on your own. - Yeah, even our name, you just call it a big naturals. - You use it to make your career. - Kit Calibris. - Yes. - C-A-I-T-C-A-S-A-A-R-E-A-C. - I like just calling them the naturals. - Well, that she has a show right here. - Big naturals. - Come sit. - Wait a minute, where does she sit? - A mostly show. - Wait a minute, she sit. - No, she does a, she does an actual standup show. - Oh really? - A mostly called big naturals. - She's not naked though, is it? - No, she's not naked. - She does it on a trampoline. She should, if she was actually smart, she would literally have a mini trampoline, she would just do all of her jokes jumping up and down on it. - Yeah, and I just promised to deliver Jay. - Jay, to do the podcast. - You're here for a week. - No, no, no, no, it doesn't have to be this time, but in the future. - At some point, you think you're too good for a big naturals did? - Maybe. - You didn't know the purse? - I might be able to go to a purse shop. - Two shirts at the end. - I worth a big 90s t-shirt. - I got one for me and one for my wife. - You got it too far away. - That's like naming your mistress thing too. - It's so crazy. - Gentlemen, we gotta take a quick moment to think the best underwear in the game. Sheath underwear. It's getting cold outside. You gotta make sure your dick and balls have extra layers with sheath underwear. Sheath's innovative dual pouch system. Let your boys breathe freely and sheath luxurious fabric is built to move with you all day long. 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So you actually have a second layer. - Yeah, my old man piss. - Dude, that's where that's like where the whole pouch of piss ends up in my secondary pouch. And that's I love it there. I love being able to hang my root into a secondary pouch and freely let my prostate eliminate all the year and in my body. - And they're also trusted by the UFC themselves. So that means you can definitely hit a woman in these. - Oh yeah, of course. - And probably catch you. I mean, if you're like one of these older guys like a Dan Henderson or a Randy Couture, those guys fought into the like 50s. I'm sure they had piss all up in their sheaths. - Absolutely. - Not piss. No, mostly, as I say by the time they take those under we're off after a fight, mostly piss. - Mostly, you gotta see what to believe at yourself. Go to sheath.com and use the promo code LOS and you're gonna get 20% off. - That's right. - How nice is that? They even offer a first pair guarantee. So it was not for you. Sheath will give you your money right back. But once you try. - I'm gonna get back just for one second. I mean, Dan Henderson, Randy Couture, mostly pissed. You thought they squirted in those underwear. - Yeah, dude, it was actually just mostly pissed. - You could ring it out after and it was, you thought it was sweat, but it was actually urination everyone. - I thought they, I thought they were coming from the excitement of tackling and taking down and destroying another man. But now just old guys, we can piss in their underwear. One more time, that's sheath, sh-e-a-t-h.com/l-o-s. Use that code LOS for 20% off. Sheath underwear, the underwear of legends. Thank you to sheath for sponsoring the episode and check them out. - All right, guys, let's take a quick moment and thank ultra pouches for supporting the show. Ultra pouches are, you see people pouching. People pouch all the time. People love the pouches and the proceeds. People love purple pussy pouches. - They have purple pouches. - I'll put purple pouches. - They have, they have purple pouches. - People love the pick up pack board. The pick up pack board. The pussy pouch. - Damn. - The pussy pouch is going to have to do the thing with the pouches and the thing is open to the caffeine that puts you out of both. Not put you pouch. - Say that five times best. - Everybody loves ultra pouches. They are designed for mental clarity and enhanced focus. Nicotine free, caffeine free, packed with a blend of beneficial new tropics, but I've never even heard of until I, Lewis started yapping about them and vitamins. But now I know. - Help your brain, man. - You dropped it. - You know, G-Sharp focused. - We're in the fucking Rogan sphere now. Dude, you better start learning about neutropics. - Yeah. - Damn right. I can't, well right now I'm working out five times a day. So I'm just, I'm getting that part down. 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Like, what exactly does that mean? Fucking respect her, dude. Every Epstein's eggs. No, he started. I'll post it. First of all, Joel Burke started the ass talk and nobody laughed. So that's probably what broke the ice. And then people, you know, what people seem to be enjoying sexualizing her. Maybe they'll let me show you how to do it right. You got to get a laugh with it. If you don't get a laugh, I don't disagree with that. When some people go out, when you remember that feeling, when you started getting like, with someone bombs, you feel like you have the recipe. You go like, oh, I see what they're doing wrong. I'm going to go up there and do the thing. And then you do it. And it's shit. Also, this crap does stuff actually. You've never seen the gomezian technique. The gomeasions. The gomeasions. Just listen to the podcast, which is believe it or not, the great majority of consumers of this show. You're putting the video people can't see her ass. She said, thank you. I don't know what to tell you. Do you see that? She said, thank you. Hold on. Yeah, she does like a curtsy and says, thank you. That's crazy. Even the video people can't see her ass. Dude, but it's just like it's more than that, though. It's like, sure, sure. We were being hilarious. It happens to have a fantastic ass, but like, I mean, you got to look. And I apologize. Did you see me apologize right there? But dude, it was in the middle of a buckle, knee-buckling laughter. Still counts. Still counts. It does hurt, though. It's always lavier, because I'm so sorry. Yeah, true. You are. You are that. You're that big world lamp. I'm so sorry. I cheated on you. Oh, fuck it. I'm so sorry. It was hilarious, though. It was hilarious. It was hilarious. It was like your best friend right in front of your face. They'll bring a guy up in a wheelchair that's a burn victim and will make fun of his burns. And like, we are just calling her pretty. Talk about my ass. We're just calling her pretty. That's it. I can't, I don't know. That's just not like, don't be pretty then. She listened. She's not. Well, buddy, don't worry. She changed that vibe. If you want to be with her. No, she looks like a fucking model right there. Like, that's smart. Like, right there is like insane. You all right? That's a fly. I did. No, I didn't. I wanted to hit my punchline. There's a fly that's the size of a fucking model. I half dollar size flies. I'm on my knee right in my eye. I just close to me and replay. I hope it lands on lose his head. It landed on my knee and I swear to God it winked him. He felt the weight of it. Yeah, look down on it. I was like, what the fuck? He's like, oh shit, bonfire, right? He's a fan. He's a crackle crackle. Let me just, let me just take a moment to talk to whoever is writing a blog about this as they're listening, uh, that it was Carrie who brought up that she gets hit on at the beginning of her set. The first half of her set was about that. So that's why I feel I can completely rationalize doing this to a human being pulled out of the button. Oh my God. I'm told he's toning it down. You're telling me throws out of the bus right there or the left? Hey, guys, these guys are on the left. Excuse me. I'm coming on the left. Sorry, Pete. It's throwing something to bust a little bit. She's Christ. Roast. They're only good when they're racist. Who an island before? Look at her spread out a lot. Is that a common thing? You get a lot of like cat calls and things like that. I wouldn't say a lot. Now, like, uh, other than this guy back here and everybody on the stage, uh, like how often does that happen? Um, not that often. She's going to say like, she's like one word responses, like just very like, and by the way, I understand you're nervous in the moment. You didn't do well in your set. It's like, but like to come out seven years later and be like, look, she wants to like leave for sure. Yeah. No. If you bomb on Killtony, it's a goddamn night. I mean, I couldn't imagine like, and then having to stand there and like, you're thinking about how bad you did. You're feeling terrible. At this time, the show was in a massive show that this time the show is maybe about. We only know two things about her. She's not funny. And she's, and she's hot. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, literally, we're not even focusing on her not being funny at all. I don't know. This stuff used to kind of pass us comedy back in the day, guys, but you guys got a fucking back in the day. What is back in the day? Seven years. Five years. We're relic. Fifty five years. COVID. Fucking opened my eyes back in the day. Yeah. That is mailbox. Good. Oh, you're single. Yes. Interesting. So watch. Strong and dependent war. Yeah. Oh, my god. Red bangers. You have cute feet. Oh, my god. Red bangers. You have cute feet. Oh, fucking line. Red bang. I'll be honest. That's why. That was a step. That's all trolling. That was eight steps ahead of anything we've set so far. He's priced red beans. Can you guys release a statement saying I was all red then. Yeah, you just put together that clip right there and be like, put out a written lawyer proof. Yeah. How did you know that? You've got cute feet. He's looking. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you're single. Wow. Is she wearing shoes though? What's he mean? Cute feet. I guess they're small. So watch. You have really cute feet. Oh, my god. Now that's where I draw the fucking line. Jesus Christ. Really cute feet. Look at him. What do you even? All right. The size of a baby's. All right. So if you had to pick one of us to date. Classic. Hypothetically. I'm not dating anyone right now. So. Why aren't you dating anyone? What's the part? What's wrong with you? I'm trying to focus on my comedy. No, don't. No, don't. That's great. So, Carrie, how often do you stand up? You're doing a lot of spots per week? Yeah, I'm going to like three a week. Right. And your job as a studio coordinator that leaves you nights open. Right. Interesting. Carrie, if you were going, if a guy that you were having sex with was to tell you that he cannot come by having sex. What would you do to try to call back from an early question? Yeah. You know, I, I don't know. I think it would depend on each individual person. I think it seems like we're trying to get spank-panked things from her and goes, hey, if you were going to make a guy come like in a bathroom. What would be like the move? Like what's the thing? A lot of spit. A little bit of spit. Tony. Jay, now you don't think that was too far. Jay. No, I'm absolutely, I'm actually parodying what just happened. The question? No, I understand. But do you think that she understood that? Yeah. No. Yes. Of course. Wow. She didn't understand. That was the moment when she said seven years from now. She clocked it. She was like seven years from now. I'm putting something down. Jay, look at her face. Look at her face. She's uncomfortable. Look at her face. Look at her face. That's a face of an uncomfortable woman. It looks like she's shitting. That's how uncomfortable you're doing. She's holding her ass. She's afraid. Look, I'm having a better time. How could she? You're giggling into your hand. Lewis is a staring at her pussy. Damn, dude. Get in with Mick Tartaglioni. Let me just tell you, I've never been happier to say that I'm only turned on by butt-fucking pedophiles. Oh. And I'm the only one that's immune to this right now. I will say one say what the band is. Wow. What else? Anything else you do for fun? Any hobbies or anything like that? I like skateboarding. Uh-huh. Skateboarding. Why do you? I love skateboarding. You do the way to second. Hillary, you skateboard? I do now. Oh. Nice. Oh, wow. Even Hillary. Look at this. Wow. I want to change my campaign to I'm with her. Wow. Heck, yeah. Bill, what do you think about this? It's got to behave. You're as unacceptable. Oh, for a read, she denied it. All right, Carrie. Well, that was fun. For a few months in, you know, you're doing it. You're fucking taking chances. Like, you know, if I don't know if it was a good move to acknowledge the guy that hit on you, but if you had something to go to, like, it's like, that's the, that's a segment. What is she saying that she's like, she's supposed to that video, uh, being like, what does it say next to it? Like, I read it before you guys take that stuff dramatic music for the cringe or whatever, dramatic edit for the cringe. It's a matter of photo over today. Just out of curiosity, just because that's a dog. That's on. And what is it? It's us. Let me see the one thing video she made again to clip now that I have folk. What do you do for work? I'm a studio coordinator. I like work around the studio that shoots content for the company. Oh, what an angel. Yeah. What an absolute angel. Yo, dude, you want to cut it out, bro? It's better than football. I went up. I'm sorry about the I'm sorry. I uh, yeah, stand on the X. I used to For those of you that just listened to the podcast, I hope that you've potted on to the fact that Carrie Miller is a beautiful girl, right? Yeah, but even the video people can't see her I heard driving home so specifically Lewis bringing up her ass was the thing that probably yep, it's like probably it's it's it's evidence It's exactly yeah, yeah, I was having fun until Lewis had to think that part out specifically You true me. That's a that's what revisioness history that you know that's but I want to see her full blog from back then She's probably talking about big JB in a real perfect. No, this is definitely Full content. This is an editing. I bet you she was like, but here's a good good question Do you think that in that original video that she's shit on Shane too? Because that's the point of this it's that it's to be on the shame on the shame side of the whole thing that he Prespected me. I assume during this hole. Oh, is that was ever point is that I think that's what because look You see it says like he supported me. So it's like she's like he like to do No, no, but he's saying that she's saying she's kind of getting on Shane's back because he he told us Comment down, but he was just kidding because he was no, but she knows the context of what she was doing. No, I know that edit shows no context Yes doing that. Look at the edit. It looks like we're sexually harassing her. Yes. That she's stopping it. Does she say anything besides just the first thing? No, no, that's it. That's it. There's no more Fantastic. I feel like deeply Comments are mostly just crashing or being like you went on kill Tony and didn't expect these guys to make these jokes. Yeah, that's mostly Comment. They built that platform Luckily the music drones out the blabbering is hilarious This is what broke you holy shit Comedy is not what do you do Yeah, I look I don't I don't hate it on the girl, but I just she hates on us Have the respond to somebody posting a video. It's it's it's like an edit like to even to edit out all the Contacts of everyone's just being funny. The bit is that we're sexually harassing her. It's not that we're actually sexually harassing her Yeah, I hope that you guys don't get canceled the two of you because I don't have to do this show with myself Well, you see Lewis is an animal and I have to go up there I have to go behind him and clean up his dog shit with those my little bags that hurts. Yeah, you know what? You know what did we should do plugs just because of that. Okay. Let's fucked up Comment you plug a brand new special those and whistles out right now on youtube crushing it go give it a watch When I was calm got some dates or anything obviously check out cock fight me left for it just in bowling I got some dates coming up in Charlotte. I'm doing Key West comedy club. I got Boston. I got an Irish tour coming up Arlen Limerick Belfast go away all being announced so anyone over there and London will be event announced eventually And I got some other dates on my website column terrell.com for all that stuff. Please. Thank you You're right boy Lewis come see me live in the road guys There's a few tickets left for story wars in Los Angeles next week But I think Thursday might be completely sold out but definitely come Wednesday and Thursday if you can get tickets Right after that. We have skank fest happening Single day past is only available now so you guys can still come saturday is gonna sound out probably by the end of the week If I had to guess so if you want to come you got to use your tickets right now Otherwise just come Friday Sunday if you're local or whatever You know, it's good. But yeah, get those tickets skank fest.com. Shout out to your creative for making it all possible after that I'll be in Pekip City, New York at laugh it up comedy club South Bend, Indiana Grand Rapids, Michigan, Hobart, Indiana Tampa, Florida for New Year's Eve and then a brand new tour setting up for 2027 Do you want to promote story wars live in Europe? We're doing a little European run June 1st through 5th Dublin Glasgow London It's gonna be a blast so get those tickets right now my website is Lewis of skanks.com subscribe the gas digital if you love the show We do a bonus Friday night. So the Friday night hang just a three of us you only can get it by subscribing We also have over 900 episodes in the on-demand library only available by subscribing all ad free Uncensored pre-release on all the episodes access to the racist live chat more grab my book knives and spoons and God bless America Steve arena well everyone's writing a book so maybe I should write a book I'm gonna write a book so pre-order my book that I had just thought on the right right now get ready to that I'll have it up on Steve right here. I did the poker show yesterday in Kim Conlon wrote a book She did yeah, there's a chapter about me cheating on her can't wait for that. She wrote a book chapter about me Yeah, so I go that's it. I'm writing the fuck the book. She sent it to me. She's like hey, is this okay? She was she didn't ask and I literally I was like first. I'm not reading an entire chapter. That's crazy So it was like so it was like yes, obviously it's okay But if she details like her going in my phone and there was like another girl that I was seeing and we were like texting hookers Have threesomes with us And that's how she got it. I was cheating on her Is me being with another woman that she's never met or seen being like hey, this is right another person And then let's bring another let's bring a prostitute in to have a threesome. Wow. Yeah, I long gonna read her book Yeah, I think I just read it. Yeah Steve Renaissance Easy.com tickets hilarities Irving, Texas mothership Comedy Key West next year. I just talked to Tom. Yeah, the other night. So get ready for those those will most of them are on My website are ready Steve Renzi.com check that out and At Steve Renzi's Easy.com on Instagram is where I am for the socials So do that too. Yeah, boy big jcomedy.com for all my dates. Greatest yet for life tour happening now Louisville Kentucky stress factory Oklahoma City going to be doing the uh after hanging out the red dog So much more. I've gone through the whole year uh ending uh right after Christmas In Philadelphia helium comedy club Uh, there's so much more fun stuff fun announcements coming in the new year. So stay tuned listen to the bonfire Faction talk series 6M 137 with me and Robert Kelly And of course story wars right here on the guest digital network Woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo All right nice austin teahouse rum fun. Yeah. Yeah. What are you doing food tomorrow? Um yes after that because I I'm trying to like do as many shit as I'm doing Tommy Pope's podcast That's at 530. Yeah, 530 is many shit as much just dish because I was thinking of dish look at dish Yeah, and I'm about fucked up my mind with What are we with tomorrow doing Kim Congdon show? No, we're not anymore. That's canceled. So we have nothing after that That's why I thought an eight o'clock dinner would be great, but Well, yeah, if we're gonna do that barbecue spot. I mean, I mean, we can go to there's another there's a spot We go to dinner later. I would love to big slick because you've been doing nice dinner. I went to Sushi last night. Nice. So we're just with Brian O'Neal. Yeah. Love it old. Yeah dude. He's the best. He's in town too. My fancy big spenders I just get Wendy's in my room Even when you're here. Oh, how my god, dude. They deliver out here Gotta get it now. Everyone's awesome Wendy's. It's pretty good. I did take one of those scooters last night. No, you did Yeah, because I started walking around my area face. Yeah, you can handle a closing Trump tour. Yeah, jump on a fucking fucking now. I have a a scooter incident. We're gonna lose you to a fucking Suda I'm I'm the I felt free on this scooter though up and down the road and I feel like you ride through the sketch pretty quickly I that's how I got to the speeder you speed it up. I hit it through the schedule was like 15 miles an hour 10 I mean, I was cruising. Yeah, 11 12 13 maybe yeah gets up to 50 Downhill no, no, no, no uphill. That's why I took them. I'm not just like I can't do this right now But yeah, it was awesome Maybe get one in New York Driving from Long Island I don't e-bike dude. It rules. My kids have those scooter things. I don't really come off and you ride your e-bike Um before it was cold like pretty much every day really yeah every day. Yeah by yourself I don't know if I'm gonna put on it around New Jersey Just in my neighbor if I make phone calls I just go out and spoke a cigarette and ride around the neighborhood really you're like it You're like a teenager on a BMX Yeah, yeah, I mean like you you just like oh, so you're just you're not riding it to like kind of ride it You're just like cruising on it. He's not in between cigarettes. All this Sats it up and And you're not pedaling just I picture Jay. Yeah, remember the ocean spray guy that got ready for exercise It's a fucking go out there. It's a look cool. Oh shit get the wind through your hair. I hear you and then I'll go take it to get cigarettes to the gas station You fucking look it up. Would you leave it out there leave it out there fuck it's right in front of the door man that's it that's it. Well, I'm gonna I'm gonna seal Jay Z bike. Yeah, it's probably nice too. Look at my new bike. Yeah, you got a free rate per game Yeah, no, who you somebody? Yeah, no one gave it to me. I bought it. He gave it he Had it sent to vote by Christchurch had it sent to Vos yeah, because Vos said he liked it and then Vos realized that he's I mean, he's too old to yeah, he's way too old. Yeah, he was like there's just no way he should do that. Yeah, he's probably got a band-hips or something and so I I bought it for from for a thousand thousand bucks. How much are they retail? I Think it's like a twenty five hundred three thousand dollar break. But it was a gift and he sold it Yeah, which is a vlog. I was gonna give it to my go look. He got it. So I was like I'll sell it. I'll buy it I'm not gonna fucking me gave me a massive discount. I mean, it was still like the plastic shit on it. Yeah, do you plus this your cruise bike? That's my crew It's yeah, I'll be rolling around the six fall. Yes, fine as you're saying it though You are realizing it sounds kind of fun to just roll around dude. I just said pictured you like the ocean spray guy Remember the guy that was like yeah, I got the absolutely fucking just cruising down with your skateboard bike So you got down to the store you kick the stand to leave it there you walk in you say I'm a couple scratch-offs Yeah, killing time come home plug that bitch in. That's awesome dude. What a life? Yeah, we should all get ebikes. We should take a waymo together. I'm down. So afraid of waymo. Why was we afraid of dude? Oh, I'm the driverless robot car Dude, I'm telling you what's to be afraid of I mean there's dancers there. I think it's safer than I think waymo's getting less accidents in humans That can't be proportionally true at all proportionally no There's 10 billion humans in earth and there's right 300 waymo's that's what I'm saying So yeah, I guess if you're saying proportionally speaking, yeah, it's only 300. It should be perfect There's some great videos of them just like doing stuff where they just don't drive over construction workers Well, they shoot out and also the shoot out in Austin and then the waymo came and just like parked Imagine being the back just like oh my god Chatch is is waymo bulletproof is it bulletproof? I saw one way that the person got to the car park where there's lots of girl And the way mo just didn't stop and it just started doing circles and the guy's chasing and the guy's making a video No, he's in the car. Oh, and I can't get out I wouldn't leave the other day. I Well, so you could just open the door and then it stops. So that yeah fucking retarded When I ordered a waymo the other day I got into it and then it wouldn't start driving So really and then I'm like, you know, I'm always I if I'm taking you to press the button I just I learned it says start right. No, I hit sort right. Obviously it didn't do anything you just sat there obviously So like all right, come on. Let's go. Let's go and then I hit Oh, right away dude Right away. Yeah, well, I'm sitting there. It's the slowest mode. They're not they're not going away. I'm not your pet I'm actually finishing up my shift Can you find someone else? You gotta realize they're not there's no like get let's get the fuck their mode You know like on the waymo. Yeah, change the mode on it. You're like, dude. I'm such a big hurry Yes, just please. It doesn't cost anything to be nice. It taps the sign. Yeah Curd to see cost nutty What I do like though is they don't ask for a tip Yeah, like you don't have the talk there's no option to tip the waymo like we're on a Uber How it says whatever? I got on mine and I was like it just sat there I was like walking into the store and I kind of kept looking back and I'm like All right by waymo and it was like just I'll I want to see you walk in I want to make sure you get in safe I would even sleep until I know you're okay It would have what if waymo's also won't pick up like people Remember I I forgot I've got Emergency or something at home. I left my No, I think I left a baby on tree dress. Oh my pool guy's here. Oh My bad Sorry, I thought you were my cousin That's the future though. That is what it will be within 10 years that is every Uber every left like Can they be driven at all? No, you can't touch it, but you they there is an over like ride mode. Yeah, why else would they have a override it But if they wanted to oh I think you could be like I'll tell you waymo When I was doing your mom's house They were gonna think I route that was gonna take me like 40 minutes whatever it was and it's Be like a 15 minute ride or whatever it was then I called I contacted support I was like I gotta go I'm running late. I'm the you know May it Google me. I'm losing you. I'm gonna put it in rattlesake This isn't gonna go well What a fuck this thing up? Yeah, and then I ended up having to cancel the ride and then ordering a human it was a it was a whole thing. It's not perfect yet Yeah, I tried doing all this with a taxi. I literally he'd yesterday It was gonna try to live my life without my phone I called the hotel I was staying at and they were like I'm a could you call me a taxi? They go no, yeah, we can It's a liability I go for who for what what if I get raped like for who and I was like they go just use Uber Whatever I go. I don't have a phone. They were like what what I was like I had it go downstairs to the van the premises I went downstairs He's missing a shoe How did you get in sir? You're covered in cussing shit that I got okay. Yeah, I got fucking scrape something big I got no phone bitch. All right. Can you call me a taxi? I'm a little short right now. I'll fend more you 20 grand So have a phone. I got a phone now. Yes But when I went to I went to the valley and I go can you call me a fly dude as a issue? Dude, we got to shoot that thing. It's big dude. I had an event mode of the valley I got it. He's injured. He's injured. We got to track him like an elk. We got to find him. Hey He's down a winger - this is our first hour of roger tomorrow We fucking pray. Yeah, my flight's a hard to fucking track. Anyway, I gave the kid a 40 bucks and he called me a Uber to the the mall where the Apple store was. Oh nice. Yeah, and then I was off and there was a thing their money Yeah, I got that guy sent you your phone. I called Steve's phone. Yeah, yeah, I spoke to the guy that I tried to call Steve to tell him that we were gonna do the poker show here and Some dude answered and I was like this and sound like see, but I still went into it I was like, so if we got to do this poker show and the guy's like, yeah, he's like I'm at a restaurant He was like your your friend left his phone here and I've been trying to figure out how to like give it to somebody Yeah, and then I sent Steve a text coming in the mail But he wouldn't send it here. I tried to get him to send it to me. Yeah, and he was like no I'm sick because I sent in my my I go this is me you if you click the screen You'll see this me my license and this is where I want you to send it And then I was like, oh, wait, can you send it to Austin? I'll be in Austin just send it there and he's like no I'm sending it to like seems like oh, he's like over and I'll send you the money. Yeah, I was like and the guy was like no No, no, no, I don't really deal with that. I don't do Venmo He was like one of those people that was like I'm only gonna send it Yeah, like yeah, I'm only sending to the address that I'm the person I'm not third party in this thing like he was a very skittish about that So he sent it to my house, but in the meantime, I didn't realize how much you gave it giving him as a reward I tried to tell him he'll send me your Venmo. I'd like to thank you. He's like just pay it forward. He was like one of those like Dude so I bet there's a sticky low to come right in the middle of your fucking. I mean, I'm gonna clean the shit out of this thing Yeah, and maybe there's no way he could get to my password Maybe he's got the he's got the filth of your wife. Oh, I mean How many how many combinations of four digit passwords do you think there are well also how does he know it's four do we have to guess that I think that's like an actual fact. No, I know I know the fact because I do a thing called Fermi is it nine hundred nine there's a nine thousand nine hundred ninety nine Is it six million twenty five hundred seventy three minutes? What 125,600 minutes. Yeah, I know it takes a break to get eight. Yeah How long does it take to die from your eight from never pays? Why pay rent? To go see the console with the original. Oh, yeah, I audition for it. I swear to God the OG rent like when I got out of college I was like, well, I'm gonna hit the ground running minus what go on those open auditions. I went on rent I went on sopranos that's lined up with everybody else, but rent on Broadway. Yeah I thought I could get away with like like like just kind of sell in the song with charisma Inside Yeah, exactly like did you come up be a lady tonight? Yeah, yeah, I was gonna have done that style and then been like and then you know they need you You just auditioned and then they were all they just said do it. You did a monologue in a song. Well, yeah, I don't remember what monologue I remember what song it was. I think I might have done luck be a lady Maybe That's hilarious. Yeah, man. No, I saw Christine went to go see it on Friday, and I was I was like oh shit Rents back text it was like rents back. It was a one-time boxer engagement. They might do it again now. Yeah, I mean it was a star Started apparently was it for Ray's charity was it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love right on Broadway was it AIDS for sure wasn't all really 100% I think they said it was definitely for an AIDS thing. Is it AIDS? We talked about this. Yeah, it's done What are they still raising money for? I need to raise money more quotes. Yeah, we know that you know the guy about the Wu Tang out made really expensive that AIDS. That is true former former Legion of Saints. Yes for religious That's Martin Schrely. - Yeah dude, I loved it. I saw rent maybe three times on Broadway. I saw an off-broadway with James in Jersey, like a local, like, playhouse. - Is this your favorite musical? - Uh, no, I think Book of Mormon's my favorite musical. - Book of Mormon's Slaps. - Yeah, Book of Mormon's this shit. But it rates up there. I'm definitely up there with my favorite musicals. - Oh, go home, go home, go home, go home. - That's a classic. - I'm in the guy's shit. - I saw rent, rent was great. - Yeah. - So we're having a cultured conversation, Jay. - Dude, the best play I ever saw. - Enjoy your Wendy's, the best play I ever saw. I saw, um, - You're right, I got to cross my legs like this again. - True. - This is too genuinely for me. - Your legs are too skinny to cross, I'm like that. - I do this, I do this. But it feels nice to kind of crush your balls. - Me too, I love it. - Give me a bit of a hug. - Yeah. - Not a little bit of a keeps me warm and tight. - Yeah. - What do you ask her? What are you asking? I see your legs are too skinny to cross, I'm like this. What is it? - No, I know you can do it, I'm saying, but it looks too effeminate because you have skinny legs. - Show your legs, lift up your pants. - What? - Jay goes, stuff flirting. - Jay loves this, I've never seen it so he goes, do I? - I got, dude, my legs are probably crazy. - Yeah, dude, like Rocky III, little calves, little legs. I don't say little legs, it's just skinny legs. - He's jealous because you can't sit like this. - No, I really can't, I'm a big fat leg. - Yeah, you look uncomfortable sitting like that. - Ow. - But I, there was never, I always thought this was what crossing legs fit. - It is. - This is it. - This is when men cross their legs. - This? - Women cross their legs like this and like this. - No, men only do it like this because they don't wanna do this 'cause it's gay. - No. - So you're like this and it's less comfortable. - This is a, no, no, no, no. - This is when women cross their legs. - I will not, this is weirdly more comfortable. - If I'm playing cards with my high school friends, which we do quite often, I would never sit like this. - That's crazy. - I would always pick it. - This is a podcast, of course. If you're a man who makes your living podcasting, this is acceptable. - Yeah. - Are you talking about rent and we're talking about crossing legs? Hey boys, welcome back. - All you guys auditioning for muses, I got offered an audition, well, I guess that offered, I got an audition for-- - What? - What play? - South Pacific. - Boys, just so you know. - I liked it the audition stuff and I was just like-- - I auditioned for the movie version of In The Heights. - Oh yeah. - Don't think if I get a Broadway play offer, I'm taking it because they're dark, they're dark. They're dark on Monday. So I could still obviously do the show. - Oh yeah, should be fine. - Make your own, buddy. What are we doing? Waiting around for some motherfucking guys to do it. - I just listened to a 30 minute documentary about the fall of "Susical the Musical" and that would failed. - Really? - It was on "Susical the Musical" so then it came up in the algorithm and it's like the rise in fall of "Susical the Musical." - Oh really? - And it was like, yeah, like the whole thing was like-- - Was it like warning what your production to avoid? Like don't do this trick. - No, I'm Broadway. It had like an eight month run on Broadway. It was a worst-received musical. They lost $11 million in the amount of time that it was there. And then they sort of remade it off Broadway and that's when it became a hit. And now it's the most produced musical for like high schools, middle schools, like independent productions. Like, and they fixed it. - I'm trying to take Bobby Kelly to a paranormal activity on "Broadway" 'cause he reacts like a black woman. - No, I'm not into that either. - He go, he reacts like a black woman to horror. But I took, the only Broadway show I ever went to. I went when I was young, my grandma took me to "Lem is Rob," I hated it. - Oh, "Lem is." - I'm great. - I love "Lem is." - Love "Lem is." - Look down. - Look down. - Your face is not your own. - I don't know. - Bring any bells? - No, I don't even have the reference to it. - Now bring me a present, it's just a one. The time is up and your parole is begun. You know what that means? - Yes, that means I'm free. - Yeah. - No. - That means you get your yellow ticket of leave. You are a thief. I saw the loaf of bread. You robbed a house. - My bro, what do you do? - He fed you. - I don't know. - My sister's child was supposed to death. - No, no, no, stop it. You will starve again unless you learn the meaning of the law. - I learned the meaning of those 19 years. - Let's do a musical. Guys, we gotta chill the fuck out for the love of God. We're doing a god damn comedy show. I wanna finish my god damn thought. - Please. - I also saw the Phantom of the Opera. - Softly. (audience laughing) - Calvin's lead, triumph and presence of. ♪ And your light away from the garish light of day ♪ ♪ Let your spirit ♪ - Oh, the cow man and the father should be proud. - Oh, the cow man should be proud. ♪ The mother should be proud of the music of the night ♪ - So that play actually blew it. - What? - Yeah, I still found that one. - Oh, shit, leave the fill. - Bam, bam, bam. - The fucking piece. - That's bad. - It's bad. - That's a bad place. - He's an alley catch. - My mom. - My mom. - My mom, my entire childhood, the thing that my mom would say is you guys, for your birthday this year, we're going to see cats in Broadway. And it was, I mean, for years, it was the thing that my mom would fucking say. And we never saw cats. (audience laughing) She was just bringing this up. - We didn't even wanna see cats. - It's gay away. - I'm gonna yell at you. (audience laughing) - What a thing to throw out there. - It's every year. - Then I'm gonna ask this'll keep 'em quiet. - I wish I would have seen Rocky. I wish I would have seen Lost Boys. - And Broadway. - Yeah. - Are you done already? - Lost Boys. - Lost Boys done already. - That might be still going. - That's a Frankie Valley one. - No. - That's like Jerseywood. - No, Lost Boys is the Vampire. - The Vampire, they make your Broadway show. - Michael Jackson is the one way. - Bobby Kelly telling me that he tried to come in the bonfire and tell us what he's doing. He's wearing the merch, by the way, from the play. He goes, I went to go see the outsiders with Dawn this weekend and Max. And like, I thought I was going to see like a play, like the play of the outsiders. He goes, it's a fucking musical. It's like, I got the idea because I had no idea I'm sitting down and then as soon as it starts off, I look over at Dawn. Like, are you kidding me? He's trying to sell that as the story. And I go, you didn't hear the orchestra. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's your whole outsiders, the musical. It's never not in the title of everything about all the signage outside. Everything about the merch he's wearing. So it's always his outsiders, the musical. - You know what, dude. - He's like, oh, I love it. And he is, and it's being all right. - But also, the play would be great. The play would be great, but the musical's good. - Yeah. - Exactly. - The play would be great. Same thing with like, lost boys. It can only be like funny. There's no way that's good. - Dude, I saw a true west of a straight play not a musical, like in, I don't know, 90s. And it was with, it's a two-hand, two-guy play. It's a Sam Shepard play. And Philip Seymour Hoffman and John C. Riley played the two brothers. - That was probably great. - And every three days, they switched roles. - Wow. - So you could go see it like multiple times. And it was completely different because those two guys played it very different the way they played the other brother. - Every three days, they would just fuckin' switch roles. - Wow. - Crazy. - Guys. - Let's get in line for our tickets now. Let's fuck this stuff, fuck this. - No, dude, I love a musical. I can't wait, James is the lead. Or he is one of the leads in suicide with a musical. He got booked as Horton, the elephant. And yeah, what we're going, I hope you guys are available to come support Baby James in his first leading role. - Yeah, I will. - I'll throw flowers. - I've got to be Christmas time. - No, end of February or the beginning of March. - I'm gonna throw flowers in prep at 'em. - So he doesn't get aids. - That's, so he doesn't spread the aids. - He doesn't spread it. (all laughing) - Slow down. (all laughing) - I'm getting it, I'm getting it, I'm getting spreading it, dude. - Boy, is it, is it cute? Take it if you don't have aids? - Yeah, absolutely. - Or is it, if you have aids, you take it? - You know, I say absolutely, but I'm almost certain. I'd say that. - What is it for prep? Is it, do you take it and then you stop spreading your own aids or so you don't get aids from the gay men you're having at work? - I don't know, I don't know the answer to that. But I know that there's a pill that you can take to avoid it. - Yeah. - If you don't have it, but you have to test negative for it. - But is it kind of like a herpes thing where you can only get it if it's flaring up? - It's a HIV negative people to block the virus from taking hold and spreading it in the body. - Oh, okay. - So it really is, so you can go to town on these aids. - Yeah, I gotta be honest, what a world that opens up. - I'm not even gay, but when I'm single, I should probably just take prep just in case. - Yeah, you sleep out, I'm for sure. - Why? - Because I fuck horse. - Body brain. - No, we're prep. - Are you, are you tired of mixing all you, yeah. - There's gotta be some packets. - They have, it's gotta be like you look up hot girls with aids. - I'm sure there is. - I'm just off to porn stars that got aids in the scene that they got aids. That's up to Prave. - There's aids. - There's aids. There's one famous one where a girl like had sex with, 'cause the guys have gay sex, so that's how they make money in porn. And then they go and do like orgy scenes with women. And there's one chick who famously got aids in an orgy scene, and I jerked off to completion to that scene. - Is a Cameron, whatever. - I don't remember. - There was a girl who was on, I know that, I followed, she was on a VH1 show to like, tool academy or something. - Oh, she got aids. That's right, I remember. - And she was like hot, bitch. She was weird. - Lot of enough. - I figured a Cameron something, she went under Cameron Adams maybe, but. - Oh, it's back. - Whatever something, whatever, you know what's up? - No, he's angry. - You know what's funny, but whatever. You know what sucks about her? This happens with a couple of porn stars where there's a girl by that name, and a gay porn star by that name too. - Yeah, this is Jay trying to explain away his gay porn history. - Well, she's one of those. - Gaping Adams. (all laughing) - Yeah, cockstroke, cockstroke Jim. - Yeah, just bill, just bill. - William, but she, I followed because she was on that show, and then she started doing porn. I followed her Twitter because she would like post stuff on there, and she, you know, 'cause the only excitement about it was that she was on a TV show that was like straight on VH1. It didn't seem like she would be doing this. And then she posted a thing one day where she goes, hey guys, gonna be back online in a couple hours, doing a live, something the night, Thank you very much. I have to go get checked out 'cause another dickhead fucked up and brought HIV into the business again. - Oh, you had to watch it a real time before finding it. There's no response, like, or no response, but not no response, but no response. There's just no post by her for months, and then it comes back, and the first post back is like, thank you guys so much for being so understanding and supportive through this difficult time. I was like, she was like, "Guys, go in there, doctor." - Yeah, there's this stuff. - Stupid technicality, I guess. - I have full-blown AIDS. - Going into a clinic, going to get my AIDS test, and then it was going dark, but she only did three scenes. - Oh. - And then getting AIDS on your third scene? - Yeah. - Oh my god, you read your first time. - Nobody had a problem with one gang, but everything else was like one guy, one guy, and then a gang bang scene, and it's definitely that guy. - But I assume, can I just-- - Maybe that was one I dropped off to, to be honest. - Your first one, you're probably in the minor league, so you're dealing with amateurs and stuff. - It's a pull. - Yeah, it's that level. So you're like, if I can get through this, I know once I get to the pros, I'm probably going to avoid AIDS. - I know we're jumping back and forth, but I just looked up to see if they did cry a little sister in the Lost Boys musical, and yeah, they do. - Of course. - Well, they don't do, it's not the full version of this. - I gotta go piss. - We're wrapping up in a minute anyway. - Yeah, wait, we're wrapping up literally. So I just wanted to keep you pull up the track called "Thou Shall Not." It's gonna be the Broadway cast recording. - It's gonna be so bad. - It's great, dude. It won't be. It's like someone's like, you never went to go see what was like the stupid hair metal one? They made a movie out of it that was awful. Like I wouldn't go to the fucking thing. - It was like the motley crew one, was it? - It's sort of. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. - Did you get your fitted for your fangs yet? - Uh-oh. - Did you? - Yeah. - Where's the guy come? - Yeah, he met me here. Nice guy. - Yeah. - Gab, Shadow Gabo. - He's gonna happen for you before the week ends over. - He's gonna give me one Friday, yeah. This is the original. (upbeat music) - That's good. (laughing) - It's exactly as fun as I wanted it today. (laughing) - Good. (upbeat music) - Say what, it could be worse. - It could be worse, dude. It's pretty cool. And also in the song, belong to someone they also incorporate some samples of the original theme. (upbeat music) Nice. - The Lost Boys original cast for belong to someone. Yeah, no, that's the one. - All right. - You gotta go make peace. - I gotta piss. - Gab, Tara, everybody, make sure you check it. Bells and whistles are new special available right now, the man on YouTube. Thank you guys for listening, and we will catch you on the next one. Until then, peace. - We've been listening to the Legion of Skanks podcast with Big J Opperson. - Did you suck it? I think I'm instinctually suck it. - Big with three C. - Yes, we fuckin' over, Lewis. - Lewis Gomez. - Lewis Gomez, you motherfucker. (clears throat) - Lewis J Gomez. - You're trying to watch a retard, Droswastika, it's hilarious. - I'm sort of known as a point guard of podcasting. Being a fat gay guy is so fuckin' awesome. - And comedian Steve Ranna Zeezy. - The Legion of Skanks podcast. (upbeat music) (soft music)