Speaker 1hey what's going on it's bill bird it's time for the thursday afternoon just before friday monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in on you sorry i just felt like doing a little vibrato um vibrato or vibrato either way it was fucking terrible um i'm watching my first hockey
Speaker 2game of the year or the background i got on the fucking washington capitals against the hated habs the montreal canadians they just scored out front whoever number 73 is that's not their first line with uh cole hauser who the fuck what's that guy's name the left wing they got scored 51 last year um anyway dude when is wilson gonna retire jesus fucking christ i'll
Speaker 3tell you you'd love him if he played on your team just blowing out people's fucking knees going for their heads and then just shrugging his shoulders like it was the 300th accident
Speaker 2in a row um i don't understand why players like that like like back in the day al samuelson was just going after people's knees it's just like why don't you just do that to him if the league isn't gonna do anything about this i'm not i'm not saying wilson is at that level i mean the kid can fucking play i'm not saying that i'm just saying there's questionable a lot of questionable shit how many times can you shrug your shoulders going i i don't know what happened there i was i was aiming for his chest and somehow i caught him right on his fucking jaw again um i'm just saying like i just never understood why like what ty domey did to al samuelson it's like it should just be happening every night until the filthy player realizes they either need to change the way they play or they're not good enough to play at that level but if you think you're going to come up here and just start fucking diving boarding and diving at people's fucking knees and hitting them in the jaws they're following through on a shot that filthy fucking shit he plays on the edge those are the things all the homer announcers say you'd love him if he played for you yeah he plays on the edge you know he's definitely had you know uh he's a good kid he's got a big heart and you know he's there if he stands up for his teammates these are all things when the homer announcer is not going to say uh you might want to have a knee brace on double knee braces like john elway when you fucking play against this guy i'll tell you he's good to his mother you know he always calls after every game if that's what they say about his game on the ice that's when you know all right this guy uh you know they they should they should say that about trump you know he leads on the edge you know what i mean sorry drinking a little bit of water here oh billy old guy on the other side on the other side of the once every five years fucking colonoscopy
Speaker 4it's such a funny word you gotta do it to avoid ass cancer colonoscopy sometimes i think it's just
Speaker 3a money maker uh dude at first
Speaker 2they said you gotta get it by the time you figure out how to do it you gotta do it by the time you figure out how to do it
Speaker 1The Bruins always come out to the West coast early they're playing anaheim friday night and then they got uh they got um they got the kings on friday on saturday i i listen watch me i'm gonna weave a promotion into this i'm at the uh fastball comedy festival in mesa arizona on saturday when the bruins play the kings in l.a i'll be out there with the great tom segura and the great rachel feinstein um that's when they play the kings maybe i'll take a ride slow ride win win win again down to watch the bruins maybe i'll do that take the old kiddos down who knows hey who knows who the knows um oh and the canadians answer back i'll tell
Speaker 3you right now if you're in the defense uh you put on the wrong game 8 45 to go in the first number 48 hudson in your program two to one two
Speaker 2to one canadians oh we beat him short side cleanly little bit of traffic
Speaker 1little bit of traffic i don't know uh this is one like the kid who never played sports in the crowd dude i could have stopped that i could have stopped that with my ego kid um anyway hey don't look now but what the the milwaukee brewers are up two games to none against the the new the rebooted not rebooted the uh uh i don't know the latest evil empire i'm gonna fucking sit there oh no i'm gonna go out i'm gonna go out and see uh digger tonight i cannot wait to see that movie don't listen to critics they hate everything and don't listen to douchebags online they hate everything that that tom cruise just that clip there that looks like his best performance i didn't even know it was him and it looks like the most fun he's had since tropic thunder so i i want to see it uh so i'm going to check that out tonight and uh once again uh the social reckoning don't blink and you'll miss me oh freckles is in there for a minute uh we got both jeremy's in there strong and alan white and uh mikey madison and uh fucking billy magnuson got all kinds of fucking amazing people in that aaron sorkin writer and director check it out if you
Speaker 2can um and hopefully you'll understand the message of it and you don't let the people that it's about allow you to politicize it it's kind of funny that they're doing exactly what they say that they do in that thing it's like the kind of the message of that movie is these people that run these platforms realized that there was racist terrorists and predators using it
Speaker 1for for for what they like to do especially predators they were literally sending stuff posing as kids sending horrific stuff to children they knew about it and didn't do anything about it and somehow they're going to turn
Speaker 2this into a trump biden thing and it's like no no no dude it's not this is this transcends that i think everybody on both sides agrees that if there's a predator in the room you need to put
Speaker 1it down i think everybody can get behind that i hope you can i mean i don't know this day and age if somebody
Speaker 2goes to underage island and they have the right fucking tie on like somehow these people don't they don't they still don't see it right there i politicized it see i shouldn't have said that it's hard it's a hard thing to do um
Speaker 1anyway so uh check that out and uh anyways let's get back to fucking anesthesia like they were saying all right mr burr you know i'm at that age where they call me mr mr burr uh we would start to administer the anesthesia this is uh you know you're
Speaker 2gonna feel a little sleepy and i said yeah man i go i love anesthesia i go see in five minutes and they laughed and that's the last thing i remember and then all of a sudden all you do is you just feel an air conditioner on you like it feels like five minutes later and uh and then you're in the recovery room and then that's it that's all there is to it the hardest thing about it if you're fucking you know most guys are afraid to go to the hospital it's it's it's drinking that crap that makes you shit your brains out your fucking brains out one more time shit your fucking brains out um you drink you can only drink like clear liquids the day before i know all of this sounds like it's it's awful but as it's as opposed to getting ass cancer i think this is a smart thing to do see you know the day before you just drink nothing but clear liquids and then around three o'clock you take four pills of like this duralex shit and
Speaker 1then this some something lacks and they they capitalize lax like the airport but it's really like fucking x-lax and and you know you mix it at four and then you start drinking it at five eight ounces every 15 minutes from five to
Speaker 2four ounces and then like you know you tell them i'm fucking you know go tombstone and hell's coming with me whatever that thing is that's coming out of your ass how do i forget that one of the great
Speaker 1fucking lines of all time by one of the greatest actors of all time kurt russell you tell him something something and i'm hell's coming with me that's what i'm going to do i'm going to do it i'm going to do it i'm going to do
Speaker 2it i'm going to do it i'm going to do it oh my god my kids were laughing at me last night we were watching toy story 5 which is great um it's unbelievable how many
Speaker 1times they just they just keep doing that movie over again and it's fucking great they always come up with a new angle on it whatever sorry about the stomach growling i still got that shit going through me
Speaker 2um anyway when did vin diesel start coaching the fucking capitals i love it he's giving the ref hell you give him them you give him shit the fuck kind of call is that vin diesel's brother he might not be fast but he's definitely furious thank you i'll be at the fastball comedy festival
Speaker 1this saturday night october 17th in mesa arizona two on one he
Speaker 3tried to go top shelf um anyway um anyway
Speaker 1oh billy freckles this is my last uh my last um foray of the year on the road and then uh that's it i've already started my christmas shopping and then i'm gonna hang with the kids and i'm gonna try to get try to get some hours in this year man i barely flew um i took some uh i took a lesson the other day um i took a lesson the other day doing the whole uh all the auto rotations doing the whole uh all the auto rotations doing the whole uh all the auto rotations and shit those things are fucking fun as hell man and shit those things are fucking fun as hell man and i've got you know my instructor's always and i've got you know my instructor's always and i've got you know my instructor's always doing that shit like chopping throttle or doing that shit like chopping throttle or doing that shit like chopping throttle or whatever and it's good it just gets that whatever and it's good it just gets that whatever and it's good it just gets that muscle memory where you just slam the muscle memory where you just slam the muscle memory where you just slam the collective down collective down collective down um you know it's just it's always it's um you know it's just it's always it's always good to do stuff like that and uh always good to do stuff like that and uh always good to do stuff like that and uh today you know what killed me was today today you know what killed me was today today you know what killed me was today was the perfect day was the perfect day was the perfect day to go on a ride motorcycle ride through to go on a ride motorcycle ride through to go on a ride motorcycle ride through one of the infinite amount of canyons one of the infinite amount of canyons one of the infinite amount of canyons out here don't ever listen to somebody out here don't ever listen to somebody out here don't ever listen to somebody talk shit about la man talk shit about la man talk shit about la man like i'm telling you there's like i'm telling you there's like i'm telling you there's the same way like where you live there's the same way like where you live there's the same way like where you live there's all this cool shit to do there's so all this cool shit to do there's so all this cool shit to do there's so much cool shit to do out here especially much cool shit to do out here especially much cool shit to do out here especially during the week when everybody's at work during the week when everybody's at work during the week when everybody's at work speaking of fast and the furious that's speaking of fast and the furious that's speaking of fast and the furious that's when old old billy when old old billy
Speaker 2when old old billy rides the canyons dragging an ankle not rides the canyons dragging an ankle not rides the canyons dragging an ankle not a knee not a shoulder a knee not a shoulder side of
Speaker 1my foot oh look at that would side of my foot oh look at that would side of my foot oh look at that would you look at that
Speaker 2you look at that you look at that um all right policy genius everybody um all right policy genius everybody um all right policy genius everybody we're going to do some reads here for we're going to do some reads here for we're going to do some reads here for the week policy genius you know a quick the week policy genius you know a quick the week policy genius you know a quick act of preparation can make all the act of preparation can make all the act of preparation can make all the difference so before the season gets difference so before the season gets difference so before the season gets even busier even busier even busier check off one to do that can safeguard check off one to do that can safeguard check off one to do that can safeguard your family's future quickly find free your family's future quickly find free your family's future quickly find free life insurance quotes tailored to your life insurance quotes tailored to your life insurance quotes tailored to your family needs with policy genius policy family needs with policy genius policy family needs with policy genius policy genius genius genius helps you find your most affordable helps you find your most affordable helps you find your most affordable policy that meets your needs policy that meets your needs policy that meets your needs they answer questions handle paperwork they answer questions handle paperwork they answer questions handle paperwork and advocate for you throughout the and advocate for you throughout the and advocate for you throughout the process policy genius has thousands of process policy genius has thousands of process policy genius has thousands of five-star reviews on google and trust five-star reviews on google and trust five-star reviews on google and trust pilot pilot not just google and trust pilot from not just google and trust pilot from not just google and trust pilot from customers who found the best policy fit customers who found the best policy fit customers who found the best policy fit for their needs for their needs for their needs with policy genius you can find 20-year with policy genius you can find 20-year with policy genius you can find 20-year life insurance policy starting at just life insurance policy starting at just life insurance policy starting at just 276 dollars a year for 1 million in 276 dollars a year for 1 million in 276 dollars a year for 1 million in coverage coverage coverage head to policygenius.com slash bill burr head to policygenius.com slash bill burr head to policygenius.com slash bill burr to compare life insurance quotes from top to compare life insurance quotes from top to compare life insurance quotes from top companies and see how much you could companies and see how much you could companies and see how much you could save save save that's policygenius.com slash bill burr that's policygenius.com slash bill burr that's policygenius.com slash bill burr Fast-growing trees, man. You know, you've heard me talk about them as fast-growing trees, man. But right now, they're trees.com, man. The same trusted online nursery with the simpler name, man. Trees.com, man, is America's largest, most trusted online nursery with thousands of trees and plants and over 3 million happy customers. They have all the plants your yard and home needs, including fruit trees. Hey, fellas. Privacy trees, get the fuck out of here. Hey, flowering trees, shrubs. Shrubs, sort of the Vegas Raiders of fucking shrubs, of plants. And houseplants. Houseplants. All grown with care and guaranteed to arrive healthy. Their thrive and alive guarantee promises that your plants arrive happy and healthy. They're alive and thrive. Guaranteed promises your plants will have a vibe. We already said that shit. This is my favorite thing coming up. You don't need a big goddamn yard. Plus, you get ongoing support from trained plant experts who can help you plan your landscape, choose the right plants, and learn how to care for them every step of the way. I mean, that's important, you know. But this is the best one. You don't need a big yard or a lot of space. You can grow lemon, avocado, olive, or fig trees along with a wide variety of houseplants, all grown with your care and hand-selected.
Speaker 1Thank you. look at this guy fucking lurch that guy in that outfit
Speaker 2first of all his fist would take up your whole face this has to be like growing up outside of Boston like that's when you size whenever you look at somebody that's the first thing you think about dude what if that guy fucking suck at me what if I was drinking a Sam Adams summer ale and I didn't realize you know because I was thinking about who I was gonna take the over the under I didn't realize I was looking at this guy across the bar and then he fucking came over if that guy ever fucking punched me in the head that would be the end of this podcast and I don't mean this episode I mean this podcast there would be a guest host on Monday memorializing me one of the early people earliest people to do a podcast never got the big podcast deal never transitioned over to the video never fucking read the tea leaves never got Obama or Trump on there just kind of started and am I like the the what was what was the name of what's that fucking heavy metal group that everybody was at Anvil I mean am I the Anvil of fucking podcasters like I started with Metallica you know the Rogans and the Marins and all and they all fucking shut up and I just stayed in the garage you know where I believe hey hey where I belonged you know I think Jerry Garcia said it best when he said and if you go and no one should follow that path was meant for your steps alone you know dude I live by that I had my mother stitch that on a fucking pillow then I spilled a root beer float on it but you can still read most of it you know I would wash it but she sewed the cover on it so I mean I can't get this stuff in wet or also I'll have mold you know um which by the way don't ever buy into that bullshit when you go into a fucking cigar shop and they give you a moldy cigar and they try to tell you that those are flavor crystals no that is mold and it's like just give me a give me a fresh one that doesn't have spores of mold on the side of it oh Billy no sticks I'm not gonna lie to you I smoked four last weekend all right but I only you know did it in two nights I met two different friends back-to-back days and after four four cigars I was like blech and I went right back off them I'm right back to Billy's special occasions I'm off the weed what is it I'm I am 29 to 10 when you listen to this dude it'll be 30 days and then tomorrow we'll be 31 if you're not good at math and that'll be officially a month and I think dude I could pass a fucking
Speaker 1piss test that's how they used to say it back east oh dude he flunked a fucking piss test yeah he got fired yeah now he's doing overnights at UPS eight bucks an hour you know it's good work but dude it's fucking back-breaking work fucking mufflers and shit and they make you do it by yourself oh yeah dude I did that one summer I used to go through four fucking t-shirts a night absolutely you know but you know I had a buddy of mine he used to get crank you remember crank it's probably just speed but people just call it crank you just fucking get it it was sort of like liquid cocaine um anyway I think that's a good place
Speaker 2to stop October baseball you know I always act like this is the best time of year for sports it is and it isn't it's just fucking overload and now with college football on fire it's just the best time of year for sports it is and it isn't it's just fucking overload and now with friday nights too and then you got like the NHL you got my stomach growling you got fucking uh the NBA start next week and what's it NBA start next week and what's it NBA start next week and what's it starting with huh they know they're no starting with huh they know they're no starting with huh they know they're no fucking you know they're not stupid they're fucking you know they're not stupid they're fucking you know they're not stupid they're starting with the Philadelphia 76ers starting with the Philadelphia 76ers um defending NBA the New York Knicks are um defending NBA the New York Knicks are trying to go back to back how fucking trying to go back to back how fucking great is that that's amazing and we'll great is that that's amazing and we'll see if Brad Stevens is actually uh slick see if Brad Stevens is actually uh slick here like he knew what he was doing I here like he knew what he was doing I trust in Brad Stevens you know maybe trust in Brad Stevens you know maybe there's a little more air like I don't I there's a little more air like I don't I don't see any air on that 76er team you
Speaker 3don't see any air on that 76er team you know you know it's gonna take you a know you know you know it's gonna take you a couple of months for these guys to couple of months for these guys to figure out how to all work together it's figure out how to all work together it's a lot of talent it's a lot of talent
Speaker 2a lot of talent it's a lot of talent I don't know man I don't know man I mean that the the fucking 76ers I mean that the the fucking 76ers to my fucking no basketball playing ass to my fucking no basketball playing ass white flat ass look to me like remember white flat ass look to me like remember when VH1 would do VH1 the Divas when VH1 would do VH1 the Divas and then they would go out there and they and then they would go out there and they all low-key didn't like each other and all low-key didn't like each other and they would fucking be trying to out you they would fucking be trying to out you this high I'm gonna go higher you went this high I'm gonna go higher you went low I'm gonna try to go a little lower I low I'm gonna try to go a little lower I kind of feel like that's what they're kind of feel like that's what they're building over there building over there um I don't know um I don't know but if they actually play like a team but if they actually play like a team but I just feel like the only guy that but I just feel like the only guy that was ever to get able to get that many was ever to get able to get that many stars to play like a team was Phil stars to play like a team was Phil Jackson Jackson there was something about when he there was something about when he whistled with his pinkies like they would whistled with his pinkies like they would all listen and I'm so surprised no all listen and I'm so surprised no coach ever learned how to do let me see coach ever learned how to do let me see if I can do that
Speaker 4if I can do that I just be able to
Speaker 2do that I can't I didn't I just be able to do that I can't I didn't realize how gross it was to be realize how gross it was to be sticking your fingers in your mouth without sticking your fingers in your mouth without washing them and then I learned washing them and then I learned how to do it the right way the Mexican way how to do it the right way the Mexican way like I don't think you're officially like I don't think you're officially Mexican unless you you're fluent in Mexican unless you you're fluent in Spanish and you can whistle without Spanish and you can whistle without using your fingers like I don't know using your fingers like I don't know I've been in the gym for a long time I've been in the gym for a long time I've been in LA every they can all do it I've been in LA every they can all do it they can all do it that's like you know they can all do it that's like you know they can speak three languages like they can speak three languages like English Spanish and whistling they're English Spanish and whistling they're fluent in all three I thought I could
Speaker 3fluent in all three I thought I could do that man that pisses
Speaker 2me off I'm gonna do that man that pisses me off I'm gonna fucking pass out all right that's it fucking pass out all right that's it everybody that's the fucking Thursday everybody that's the fucking Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast morning podcast listen to the music that the great Andrew listen to the music that the great Andrew Themelis picked out and also all of this Themelis picked out and also all of this great fucking rock music is coming my
Speaker 3great fucking rock music is coming my way way with 25.1 seconds to go with 25.1
Speaker 4seconds to go two to two baby
Speaker 3got ourselves a bad burner
Speaker 2all of this two to two baby got ourselves a bad burner all of this great music being played by great music being played by all these young bands people playing guitar bass all these young bands people playing guitar bass players their drummers they're looking at each players their drummers they're looking at each other and all of these fucking old people my age other and all of these fucking old people my age oh where's all the good fucking music start oh where's all the good fucking music start clicking on it it'll end up in your algorithm clicking on it it'll end up in your algorithm these kids can play all right that's it have a these kids can play all right that's it have a great weekend you cunts enjoy the bonus episode great weekend you cunts enjoy the bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast and I'll talk to you on Monday
Speaker 5morning podcast and I'll talk to you on Monday I sincerely miss those heavy metal bands I used I sincerely miss those heavy metal bands I used to go see on the landing in the summer she fell in love to go see on the landing in the summer she fell in love with the drummer she fell in love with the with the drummer she fell in love with the drummer she fell in love shiny shiny pants and bleached shiny shiny pants and bleached blonde hair a double kick drum by the river in the summer she fell in blonde hair a double kick drum by the river in the summer she fell in love with the drummer another than another she fell in love I miss the innocence I've known Playing kiss covers beautiful and stone Hey, what's going on?
Speaker 2It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, October 15th, 2018. What's going on? How are ya? You hear the echo, echo, echo. I am in New York City, everybody. I am here for the next two, three days. I'm dealing with a bunch of press to promote my show at Madison Square Garden on November 7th of this same year of our Lord and the Chinese chicken. Whatever the fucking Chinese, whatever it is. Is it the year of the monkey? That was the year I was born. I was born the year of the monkey, you know? I find that very offensive. I am not a monkey. Yeah, I am. I'm a dancing monkey. I was born in the Chinese New Year of the dancing monkey. Shanghai shit joke. Sorry. Do alliteration right there. Did my work. Anyways, what's good? I mean, could I be having a better sports weekend?
Speaker 3I mean, I got to tell you, if I'm Bill Byrne, I got to be pretty fucking happy with what I saw last night on the fucking boob tube.
Speaker 2You would think. You would think that I would be excited last night that my New England Patriots. That I would be excited that they knocked off the undefeated Kansas City Chiefs. Okay. Now, obviously, I am happy that we won the fucking game. But if somebody is going to sit there and tell me that that's what a football game is going to look like in the future, I don't even know what that was like watching two people play in Madden football. You know, it reminded me of the. Super Bowl last year where there was just no defense. And you know who likes shit like that? People who aren't fans of the fucking game.
Speaker 3I just, you know, Tyreek Hill, everybody. How many, how many fucking times was he going to, was he going to catch a fucking ball?
Speaker 2It was like that when Tom Brady goes down, leads us down like he always fucking does for the go ahead score. All right. Tyreek Hill, number 10 in your fucking playbook, in your program. A fucking accountant who doesn't watch sports would be like, hey, you know, I don't want to come off like a know-it-all. I barely watched this game, but I'm going to say you might want to cover that number 10 guy.
Speaker 3Mahone comes up to the line. Yeah. Right. Fucking the guy goes out untouched. Running across the middle of a fucking NFL defense, un-fucking-touched. Tra-la-la. Catches the fucking ball. I don't know. I was in a sports spot. Was it 60, 70, 80 fucking yards? Untouched. Who would have thought? That. Patrick Showtime Mahone was going to go to fucking the guy he'd been going to who had been killing you the whole fucking game. I understand if the guy beats you. I understand that. But to basically not even cover the guy. I mean, I would expect to see some play
Speaker 2like that in Central Park. Watching a couple of Wall Street psychopaths playing fucking touch football. That was pathetic. It was fucking pathetic. All right. Haven't said that. I love Patrick Mahone. I'm sold on the guy now. All right. I don't crown somebody king in September of their first fucking year as a starter. But yes. Yes. Fucking amazing. Just an amazing beast of a fucking player. Having said that, I don't know what in the I don't know what the fuck is going on. Dude, that fucking guy in the Kansas City Chiefs where they're trying to suggest that he had Tom Brady for a sack and he's like, oh, oh, oh, don't hurt the quarterback. And then he fucking he runs in for a touchdown. It's just like. I, you know, I understand, I guess, because of the the concussions and the long term effects, I guess I have to adjust how I watch the game. And when it comes to quarterback, who's getting who? All right. Those are the hot chicks. Okay. They're not paying a cover. They're not buying a drink. You know, they're going to be sitting there looking at their fucking Instagram board out of their fucking minds because they get everything. That's what a quarterback is going to be. All right. Depending on what they're doing for the league, because those are the ones that, you know, bring in the money. But that, you know. I don't know. It's fun to watch all of that offense, but like watching that, watching a guy sack a quarterback and then unsack him because he doesn't want to get in trouble. And then seeing that same guy who runs worse than me score a touchdown, I guess was fun because I was a Patriots fan. But as a fan of football, I mean, I don't know. I guess I want to. I remember a long time ago, I watched the NFL films. This is before, you know, they started overly protecting quarterbacks and, you know, leading with your shoulder, which I think is a good thing. Who's getting who? Right. Not to protect overly. But I remember seeing this old school football guy player. He played in the 1950s or 40s, and they asked him what you thought about today's NFL. And this was like in the 90s. And he just was talking through his teeth. He's like, I wouldn't watch a football game today. You almost fucking his head almost exploded. Steam coming out of his ears. And I was just laughing, going like, what the fuck is wrong with this guy? And now that I am old enough to. You've seen the game change. As much as it has, I feel like I'm turning into that guy. Hey, Bill, what do you think about your team beating the Chiefs last night? You fucking how do you not cover Tyreek Hill? Like I'm fucking. Dude, I was in this sports bar and the whole game, it was just people screaming, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It was like they were watching an eight year old try to land a jumbo jet. It was the energy in the fucking room, you know, which I guess is great. Oh, by the way. Epic fucking sports bar guy. I really learned how much people hate the fucking Patriots. With. The fucking. They hatred this guy had to he literally got he got thrown out of the bar like he was fucking Earl Weaver. It was like. I swear to God, it was like watching a baseball manager get ejected. He got thrown out of a sports bar, not for fighting because how much he was yelling at the fucking TV, like completely lost. His composure. I saw so much of me in this guy, but it's like I do it in private. I do it when I'm driving a car or when I'm at home with my wife, which is why, you know, she fucking, you know, doesn't like me. You know, she likes me, but I mean, I'm tough to live with. This fucking guy was like when the, you know, Patriots went up big, right? Twenty four to whatever. You know, when the chief started coming back, this guy like he just fucking lost it. He like the whole night was fucking hilarious because I went in there with a friend of mine and we were we were meeting another buddy of mine. And. I was texting him going, hey, man, we're almost here. All right. You know, we're pulling up and he's like, cool, cool. Right. So I go in there. I don't see him. So I'm like, oh, shit, that's weird. I can't believe I fucking beat this guy here. So we grab a table going out. You know, we got one other guy comments. We grabbed a four top and we're sitting there. And. The Patriots scored a touchdown. I just hear this fucking guy just be like, yeah, that's what I'm talking about. America. Just being an idiot. And I'm like, who the fuck is that? Jackass. I look down and it's my buddy that I'm supposed to be fucking hanging out with. So me and my friend, we left and get a shit. We go over there. So we sit down. So that's the first clue that there was going to be this lunacy. So at that point, we'd gone up like twenty four to like fucking three or six or something like that. It was like, wow, man, then mop on the floor with these guys. This is crazy. Right. And all of a sudden, the chiefs start coming back. It's like twenty four, thirteen, twenty four, twenty. And this fucking guy. Down the end of the bar, man. And he looked like he was older than me. You know, but at this point in my age, I probably was fucking five, seven years older than this guy. Right. But but I'm in Hollywood. So I take care of myself. I drink plenty of water. I use lotions. This fucking guy was agent like that fucking Quint in in Jaws. Right. So he's down, you know, when the chief scored the first time she scores, he's like, yeah, all right. You know, and then when they scored the second time. He just started yelling like, that's right, that's right, it's twenty eighteen. This is the new this is the new NFL. It's fucking over for you. It is over for you. He was yelling about the Patriots. He was so sick of them winning. And I'm telling you, and then the Patriots, of course, come back and match it. And, you know, we got a couple of pass interference calls and this fucking guy was losing his shit and just getting madder and madder. And it's it started. It off where he would yell about the play and then yell about it for three minutes. And then it just was five minutes, seven minutes. And then he was just yelling at the fucking TV and he had just completely lost all composure. And the Patriots went up by seven again and they looked like they were pulling away. He missed the whole end of the fucking game. I just wish he was like it was getting. You know, the old me would have engaged with this guy, you know, because I was having a couple of pops, but I was kind of like. You know, older and wiser. You know, when the Chiefs went up by three points and he was when he was screaming, this is the new rule, blah, blah, blah. I did one point, one point yelled out and I went regular season because he was starting to annoy me. And then he just completely like I said, he was just yelling. Like, I mean, the only thing was missing was this guy like. Just if they had a home plate on the ballroom floor and he could have just pushed the dirt all over it. I mean, he completely fucking lost it.
Speaker 3And was just going to fucking fucking referees and that fucking Pittsburgh game. And fucking motherfuckers. This is fucking bullshit. And everybody in here knows it.
Speaker 2He said that everybody in here knows it. And I was just I was like. Yeah, I was just like, is that what? I was just like, is that what? I look like. That's fucking I'm this guy. But he took it to a next in like the next level. You know what I mean? Well, you thought. Like, you know, it was like I was fucking Michael Jordan of losing my shit, you know? And then along comes Kobe Bryant. You're like, oh, wow, I thought, oh, well, that's not a good comparison because he wasn't better. I don't know, Dan Marino, right? That's not a good comparison because Dan Marino would have thrown for $6,000. You know, whatever, you're a fucking Hall of Famer. You put up all these fucking numbers, you're like, no one's ever going to catch this guy. And then all of a sudden you see yourself get topped. You're like, wow, man, records really are meant to be broken. Even the ones no one wants to break. So I guess they had been warning the guy. Because it got to the point where it was kind of like he basically turned everybody into the bar, into like his kid. And he was the dad driving the car. And everybody was just sort of looking around like. Dad's really getting worked up today, huh? So. And he was with this woman and she was just smiling, looking down at the bar. I mean, she couldn't have been with him. She would have she would have been mortified. I don't know. Or she's just the biggest saint ever. And she just what I like. I like a passionate fella. So anyways, the bouncer comes in. And literally just taps. Him on the shoulder is like, you have to go. And he put his jacket on. He didn't resist on any level, but he never stopped yelling. And screamed the whole way out of the bar. It was like it was literally like performance art. And. And everybody in the bar just had like such like a funny attitude towards it, like. There was no. None of that fucking shit that goes on today where that triggered me. And is this a safe space? It was none of that. People were just laughing. Just watching like one of the most epic fucking frustrated sports fans I've ever seen. I mean. I actually started I did. I tried to start the slow clap when he was being escorted out. You know, I just felt like the guy he deserved a round of applause. I haven't I don't I've never seen anybody. Like, you know, back in the day, they came up with something in the 70s. Because people were. We're throwing shit at their TVs and they were breaking them while they were watching television. So somebody invented like this thing. It looked like a brick, but it was soft and you could throw it. But this, you know, eventually that went away because the satisfaction is the sound of glass shattering. You know. Of breaking the thing. That's making you that either, you know, is not working for you. Speaking as a person with the temper, right? You want to you want you want the inanimate object to pay. Which is why I remember a long time ago when this actor I'm not going to say his fucking name, whatever. He was trying to call his laugh and the fucking phone wasn't working. And he called down to the hotel, the front desk, and they couldn't help him. Make it work. So he ripped it out of the wall and he went downstairs and he threw it. He threw the phone at the fucking guy. You know, the guy got a little cut on his head and shit. But I got to be honest with you, like. As much as he shouldn't have done that, I can't imagine. The release that that must have been how sad. He literally took the thing. That wasn't working. And he threw it at the person that couldn't help him make it work. I mean, that is just like, you know, two for two. Right. That's like a that's like pitching a perfect game in anger. So anyways, hats off. To that fucking guy. Hats off to Patrick Mahomes. He's fucking amazing. Chiefs have a great fucking team. But like. You know. Um. I don't know how anybody thinks either one of those teams is going to win the fucking Super Bowl. You can't. They both let up 40. And was it 40 and 43 points? And everybody's. I remember seeing that back in the fucking day. Like that was how the Dolphins never won when they had Dan Marino because they had no fucking defense. It was just like, all right, Dan. You know, we're going to give up 35, 38 points. Do you got 48? Are you in here again today? He had to go out and score fucking 40 points so he could win by two or three. And those teams never won Super Bowls. And to this fucking day. He gets shit for it. Like they blame the one guy who wasn't a problem. They blame the fucking guy that got him to as far as they could fucking go before they would run into a fucking great defense. Which would. You know, knock down whatever Dan was going to do by seven to 10 points. But his shit defense would still give up the fucking 35, 38 points. And then they'd lose. And then everybody. Oh, Dan Marino can't win the big one. You know, fucking Joe Montana couldn't win the big one with those fucking defenses. I mean, how many times you got to watch sports? Defense wins championships. OK, I don't know what the fuck everybody's so excited about last night's goddamn game. Watching two teams giving up 40 points. I can't wait to, you know, come playoff time. I could play off playoff. Right. Anyway, so. Meanwhile, on a TV screen right next to it. Was the Red Sox and the Astros. Now, I was out doing spots, so I missed like the first half of the game. I came by the time I came in. It was five to four. I don't know how price looked or whatever. I got to go read some shit on it. But I think he left at five four. So I believe if. If Kimbrell hadn't let that run in to make it seven to five. I used to know how this works. I think he would have got the victory. So if that is the case, then he kind of got screwed out of out of a win last night. But. I got to tell you, the Astros fucking let us up off the mat because obviously going up to always huge. But the thing was, they beat sale. And that's what the Yankees had to do. They had to beat sale because then you get. The price and price has not won in October. So you basically got yourself two fucking wins. And for the Yankees, they got the first two out of three that they needed. And even with the Astros, if you win the first two fucking games, the other team has to win for the next five. And you just have to go two and three. See, it's all about the math. So. You know, I did not have high hopes for how we were going to look. Against the Astros and how. Game one went down was how I thought the series was going to go down. But after watching last night, I was like, all right, you know. This is the fucking Sylvester Stallone. Ain't so bad. Ain't so bad. But. They are an incredible fucking team. So we shall see. Hey, who's that bearded guy with the Bob Stanley body that we have in middle relief? That guy's been doing all right. When I saw him, I had flashbacks to 1986. With Bob Stanley running out of the bullpen. I mean, that fucking guy, I swear to God, like he had like a cop body. Like a stereotypical, like, like bad cop. I don't mean crooked cop. I mean, like, you know. Just, you know, you just keep every year. You just order a bigger uniform. You know, one of those fucking guys. And then just coming running out. You know. This skinny. Fucking legs and his flabby fucking. I mean, how are you like a professional athlete and then you can't take your shirt off at the pool? You know, it's just fucking unbelievable to me. That's basically the body that guy had. So old muffin top Johnson, whoever the fuck we have on coming out in middle relief. That guy is he's just been aces. He's been fucking aces. And Kimbrough just, you know, you die a thousand fucking deaths with that guy. It's just like he's going to let in at least one run is what I've seen. I've just come to expect. And. The shit that I say when you are this motherfucker, this fucking hook arm, son of a bell, you follow. Yeah, of course. Of course. You walked him right. I have. The second he gets in the game, I stand up and I just start pacing. And I know that, like, I'm also a lunatic, but I hats off. To that fucking guy like that guy last night. He's one of those grown men that when his team finally wins it, like he's he's going to fucking cry. Like he's like, this is the new NFL. Like how much it meant to him for his team to win and how sick he was. Of the Patriots, just fucking getting all the calls and all the shit that you say about all the all the fucking great teams. I've fucking been there and I was just to watch it. It was I really learned a lot about myself. Um. It's very rare that you see two exciting games like that and then somebody's behavior is at the same level. I mean, all three of them were aces, but Jesus Christ, is that Mahomes kid good? My God. I wish that Monday Night Guy didn't fucking hype him up so much and make me a fucking contrarian, like tap into that shit. It's like, can you just let me watch him be great and then I can say he's great rather than you spoon-feeding what I'm supposed to be? I hope you realize what you just saw. All right, buddy, dial it down. It reminds me of like when that woman with the Yankees, the Roger Clemens called, Roger Clemens, oh
Speaker 3my goodness gracious.
Speaker 2Both of them should be doing wrestling. By the way, I want to thank everyone that came out in Saginaw, Michigan. First of all, I landed at the airport and I swung by the old address where my great-grandparents lived. They had a house and my great-grandfather evidently dug the basement by hand. Stubborn German guy, right? By the way, I don't know how the fuck you do that without your house falling down into the hole. I would imagine you'd have to start in the middle of the road, work your way out and then pick one side. And as you started to do it, you have to put something underneath the fucking foundation. Because I wouldn't feel safe going within two feet of whatever dirt the fucking foundation was sitting on. I don't know how the fuck you do that. But my buddy was laughing because we showed up to where the house was supposed to be the address and there was no house there anymore. In fact, a lot in that area. You know, the houses are obviously my. My great-great-grandparents lived there a hundred fucking years ago. So the house is no longer there. It's not like it was knocked down. They put up something new. It was just like an empty lot. And my buddy was joking, being like, well, you know, your grandfather dug a basement here. Maybe that's why the house isn't here anymore. But I got to tell you, man, that theater that I played in, the sound in that theater was incredible. Just. It was such a live. Theater. It was incredible. I was like, wow, man, there's another one. He could tape a fucking special in here. And the crowd was awesome. And, you know, I was teasing him about fucking, you know, being farmers and all of that dumb shit that I do. And, you know, we were going to try to. We were driving right down to Ann Arbor for the University of Michigan-Wisconsin Badger game the next day. And we were meeting some buddies in a bar and all of that shit. By the way, I don't know if you've seen it. By the way, yeah, Sober October is just out the window for me. It's not happening. All right? I'm having a bad year. Next year. Next year, I'll win the title. So, anyways, I was saying in my head, all right, I usually do, like, upwards of 90 minutes. I'm probably going to do, like, an hour and 15, jump in the car, I'm going to get the fuck out of here, blah, blah, blah, and all that shit. And I had such a good time. I ended up doing, like, an hour 30, an hour 35. I ended up going out, doing, like, the meet-and-greet thing. But it still all worked out because we found this bar that was open until 2 in the morning. And me and my buddies, you know, Verzi, Bartnick, and our two other buddies that we go to the games with every year, we were having such a good fucking time just laughing. It's like the most laughs I've had on a weekend. Just laughing our fucking asses off. Just breaking each other's balls. And we were just having such a good time. And we were so excited about the game the next day. You know, like, all this, like, the people that work there, they just start liking you. And they were coming over. And, you know, next thing you know, the bar's closed. And they're like, all right, well, let's just go downstairs because it was a downstairs area so we don't get in trouble. And then we stayed down there until, like, fucking 4 in the morning. So thank God it was a 7.30 game. So the next day, we fucking wake up. We go out to go get something to eat before we head over to the tailgate where I'm meeting a bunch of other friends, you know, some of my relatives and all that shit to tailgate before we go into the fucking big house, right? This is my weekend. Ridiculous, right? So we go out to this place to get something to eat, man. And I'll tell you, like, when I tell you everything was just okay, it was all almost, like, that almost tasted good, you know? How long it took for the food to get out. They didn't clear off any of the fucking plates. It was so fucking funny. Like, it was just one of the worst run places I've been to in a long time. And, like, I remember at one point, we, um, I just saw this random, you know, person at work there go by. And I just said, hey, excuse me, can we get our, uh, can we get our check? She's like, uh, you're going to have to ask your server, and I don't know who that is. And I'm looking at her like, well, go fucking find out. And then, you know, of course she doesn't. And I finally see our server, and I do that. And then she comes up, and she goes, excuse me, the people over there are trying to say that you're somebody. Are you somebody? Are you, are you Bill Maher? That's what she said, which was so fucking perfect. Because the food, all the food was almost good, and then she almost recognized me. She recognized me and almost got my name right. So we were fucking crying laughing about how they just kept almost, and then she goes, what is your name? And I go, Michael. And she goes, Michael who? And I go, Strahan. And then afterwards I go, no, no, no, I am. I go, um, actually Bill Burr, Bill Maher does. And she goes, all right. She goes, so who was the guy you said you were? I said, Michael Strahan. He goes, I used to play for the New York Giants. Now he does one of my games. One of those morning talk shows. And she goes, oh, what? So like, you think that, you know, because I work in a sports bar that you just got to say like a sports person's name. That's kind of stereotypical, isn't it? And I looked at her like, am I getting like me too'd right now? Like what, what the fuck kind of energy is that? You know, really that, that part was like fucking annoying to me. Like, like how fucking fully yourself are you?
Speaker 3You know, do you think that's all I am as a person? It's like, I don't even fucking know you.
Speaker 2The only reason why I said Strahan is because I didn't think there'd be a follow-up question to Michael. Um, that was the first name I thought of. Um, anyway, so I did stand up last night at Gotham comedy club and I was having a great time until I started making fun of women. And then everybody just fucking pulls back. It's one of my issues with fucking doing standup in New York city. Now is everybody is so air quote woke. It's like you, it's like doing standup at a fucking woman's college. I feel like I'm performing. I'm performing in front of old people on a cruise ship and you look at them and they're like half my age and they're borderline fanning themselves. And you're just looking at them like, guys, I'm 50. You should be shocking me. I'm telling you this fucking generation. It's not millennials. It's a generation that, you know, what is it? Z, whatever the fuck they call these fucking people. The, the, the level of midlife crisis that these people are going to have is just, it's just going to be off the fucking, it's going to be off the fucking rails. So anyways, um, after crying, laughing the night before we were in this place, the, uh, we were calling it the almost something or other, just crying, laughing. It's just how poorly run the fucking thing was. Right. Um, then we're out in the parking lot. We're trying to decide, all right, are we going to Uber over there? Other, you know, cause Uber is just taking forever to call or whatever. And so we finally decided we're going to Uber and we just started singing this Bruce, Bruce Springsteen song. Just trashing each other. Uh, you know, that in my whole time, we just kept doing that. It was making fun of Barton because he was driving. Joe can't see shit. He's like farsighted. So he could see the fucking big house from Saginaw, but he couldn't see the car fucking two feet in front of him. And we're driving and it's raining out. And Verzi's in the back seat, like a quiver in his voice the entire fucking time. And I've resigned. I've resigned myself to the fact that we're going to die. And Paul was mad at me that I didn't get as upset as he was. It's just like, dude, we're doing 80 miles an hour with the guy who can't see in the rain. So what am I, Jack Ryan? Am I going to fucking reach over and grab the wheel? It's like, we're, we're, we're either going to live or die. You know, we're not walking away with severe injuries. This is going to be a fireball death. So we just was singing. And I can't remember. It was Joe Bartnick. He can't see shit changing lanes in the rain. I can't even do it anymore. I fucking shredded my voice doing it. And it just went all around. Paul Verzi. And the whole fucking thing. And then they sang one about me. And we're just drinking in this parking lot, laughing. Like the whole weekend was, it just was one nonstop fucking laugh. Then we get to the end. We get to the tailgate. My buddies are on this golf course. And I. have the uber drop us off on the other side of the golf course we had to walk like 10 fairways and you know the ball breaking started by the second hole and i'm like i think it's over the next hill yeah bill it's over the next hill like where the fuck are we you know i believe there was a magellan reference i can't even remember and we're just fucking laughing right and we finally end up finding um finding the tailgate we're throwing the football around we're playing that beanbag toss game or whatever that one of the guys there he made his own he built it from hand and then he had in the hole he had it lit he had like lights around the hole on the inside it was just like to a whole other level and it got really fucking competitive and versi and this dude al that we go with they would like the two best i'm like you guys are the dream team you got to take down the dentist because this kid who was a dentist was the guy who fucking built the thing himself um cornhole i believe is what the fucking game's called and it got to the point everyone was just so fucking into it right and uh i sucked at it like i just kept going for the hole i never got one that just i didn't you gotta like that robert parish foul shot arc to your shit so anyways um we're standing they were playing and all of a sudden this fucking guy you know people kept walking between us throwing him you know we were taking our time letting people pass and one guy i swear to god looked like the dude from fucking radiohead he just comes walking up and he's fucking hammered real slowly and then i tried to grab one of the bags out of my buddy's hands and you know he's sort of a midwest guy so they you know those guys they got like a long fuse midwest people but you know when they snap forget about it because they like had to pick up tractors when they were kids so they fucking squeeze you to death so he kind of chills out and i got the east coast short fuse so i just didn't like it because he wasn't saying anything and he was just staring that kid down so i just looked at him as a 50 year old man at a tailgate i looked at him and i said the fuck is your problem like like i'm gonna roll around on the grass with this guy with my fucked up shoulder my 50 year old body right not even not even thinking oh i've been p90x and have you bill you're half a century old keep your fucking mouth shut and drink your rolling rock but i didn't so what the fuck is your problem so he's walking away and he's staring at me and i'm fucking staring at him and i'm like going uh i'm about ready to get into a fight why uh i got a kid like what am i doing but like i'm not gonna fucking look away from this fucking guy because as much as i'm thinking that i fucking hate this kid right so he's staring at me he's staring at me and then all of a sudden he won't stop staring as he's kind of walking away and he's just as he's getting into a distance of like all right i think he's just gonna bluff his way out of this he fucking walks into an empty chair of somebody else's tailgate and when i tell you it took like nine seconds for this guy to slowly it was like somebody chopped down a redwood how long it took for him to fall and all the tailgates because they were kind of watching it the whole thing transpire uh like three tailgates as this guy falls everyone were like oh the crowd and everybody's dying laughing and then he stands up he's still staring at me like you ever see a drunk guy fall down but he doesn't spill any part of his beverage that's what he was doing but with like a stare down he had a cigarette that's what he had and he fucking hits the ground and he's still staring at me that radio head with one fucking eye more open than the other one and then he puts a cigarette in his mouth and as he's getting up he's still staring at me and he grabs the chair and for half a second i'm like this fucking lunatic is gonna throw this chair at me and he just stood the fucking thing up and then looked at everybody and did a giant wave like it was the end of the performance and i want to say he got an applause break and he walked away so now we're all once again crying laughing fucking crying laughing just having the best time ever then we end up we end up going into the game you know i'm a couple of heaters in here so this is when it becomes like the slideshow right we're at the tailgate shonk chink now we're getting checked by security um so we're fucking going into the big house and i'm telling my buddies i'm like dude it's not going to look like anything as you're walking up to it like two-thirds of it they dug it into the ground it's when you go in there you see the fucking magnitude of this fucking place it's going to be unreal so we walked in there and one of my buddies i don't know how he did it but you know you know the thing is that i'm There's no booze in there. He snuck an entire fifth of Crown Royal. I mean, like, like the one Keith Richards would take a swig out of. Sit down and he just pulls it out. And the people behind us laughed. It was so fucking ridiculous that he got it in. They were just laughing at Jesus Christ. They started laughing and we just shared it with everyone around us. So then we were sort of like surround. It was like when you play chess and you build a castle. We did that with drunk people around us and it was fucking cold out. And then we just kept everybody warm. And just proceed. And then, oh, then the fucking pregame thing started. I'm trying to find the video. They have James Earl Jones do it. And they're like, we are the Michigan Wolverines. We've won more games than any other college football team. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then at one point he goes, we bow to no one. And we were just laughing like, dude, I'm ready to run through a fucking wall. And then the Wolverines come running out. We were sitting right on the 50 yard line, like 12 rows up. We weren't too low that, you know, you lose like depth of perception. You know, we were sitting perfectly. And they all just come fucking running. One whole side of 100,000 people is screaming, go. And then the other side would go, boo. It was fucking, just got chills. And then the game started and fucking Michigan had their way with them. Thank God, because I did not want to see them lose, you know. And that would have ruined the experience. I always root for the fucking home team, you know, unless LSU is playing. And then the game was great. I mean, it sucked if you were Badger fans because they kind of just had their way with them. But it was such a fucking, like, an amazing experience. And the amount of laughs that we had, I really think, like, we were all sitting there talking. I think that was the best one. I'm calling it right now. We're going to have a hangover one next year. We're like, last year when we went, we went to LSU Florida Gators. And it was just so fucking. Um, hot out that it was, it was almost impossible to enjoy yourself. It was, it was, it was fucking ridiculous. So I think next year we're going to try to go to Clemson. Um, I think we're going to try to go to Clemson or something like that. And, uh, we're going to try to knock out all those ones that are in like hurricane, you know, part of the world. Just so, uh. You know, with global warming and all of that shit, we want to try to knock those out before those stadiums are underwater. So it's so sad, but what you can't do anything but laugh about it. Right. Um, oh, I got to text this person back. I'll be there. I'll be there around 12, 15. There we go. There we go. So, um, all right. Plowing at list. Let me do a couple of reads here. Let me do Joe Bartnik. Okay, here we go. All right. Let's get into some of the questions here for the week. Oh, here's some upcoming dates. Baltimore, Maryland, October 18th. This Thursday, I'll be at the, the Modell model lyric, uh, early show is sold out late show. Tick, uh, tickets still available. Atlantic city, New Jersey, Borgata resort. October 19th, two shows, uh, Phoenix, Arizona, October 26th, Comerica theater, um, evening show says sold out stand up live. Oh, I'm doing a, I'm doing a live podcast. Once again, the only time I've ever done it before was the same place. Stand up live Monday morning podcast taping. There's still a few tickets still available. Um, New York city, Madison square garden. I'll be there November 7th and Chicago, November 8th through 10th. I'll be, uh, tickets still available for the late show on the eighth. Um, Oh my God. The late show. So that means I'm doing two shows. Jesus Christ. Chicago. Oh, you guys always supported me, man. I really appreciate that. All right. All right. Sociopath Island. Yo, Billy one punch. Check out psycho pass. It's an anime show about the same idea you had last week. Throwing all the psychos on an Island. Um, Hey, you know what, man? I got a, I actually just watched the, uh, I watched a clip of that. I think I'm going to get into that show. As far as I can tell, because there's no talking or anything, there's no dialogue in it, it looks like there's a group of people who aren't sociopaths, and for some reason they have to go to Psycho Island and fucking maybe rescue somebody. I don't know, but it's definitely interesting. And as always, I came up with a great idea that not only did somebody else already have, they've already developed it. That happens to me all the time. And the worst case of it was the time when I wanted to do a parody of a drum instructional video, and someone's like, somebody already did that. I was like, you've got to be fucking kidding me. Fred Armisen. All right. Dude, you called it DNA. Yo, Bill, listening to the throwback last week, and you mentioned how even if you don't bank online, your shit is online anyways. That was 2010. Now you're coming down on Ancestry DNA test, and I think history is going to repeat itself. This article, basically says that even if you don't send your DNA into the internet, they will be able to deduce all of your DNA info anyways. Yeah, they need like 6 million people. They're halfway there. All felons, you know, have to give up their fucking DNA. And then all these fucking mouth-breathing fucking morons who just trust people are sending in their fucking saliva to the fucking internet. It's so stupid. The article says once the registry reaches 3 million. Oh, okay, I was wrong. They'll be able to send in their fucking saliva. They'll be able to identify the people who haven't sent in their DNA. Currently, they're at the 1 million mark. Dude, you called it. Yeah. And it's like, what are they going to do with it? Like the fact that you're going to sit there and you're going to depend on all of these fucking people to do the right thing. I mean, look what's going on. Like everybody knows what the fuck is going on in the world right now. But you can't really talk about it because they got the game so sewed up that you're viewed as like a sociopath or fucking un-American. You can remotely criticize what the fucking people who are making tons of money off of other people's misery are. And they're just going to have you. It's going to be game, set, fucking match. And I'm not even going to read that article because it's going to be so fucking depressing because people are just, they're just going to keep doing it. Yeah, it's just going to be like. I think it all ties into how people that are in control, if they're doing wrong things, it makes you paranoid and you cannot have enough information on people. And then also, there's no fucking way that these people, when they go to those Bilderberg fucking meetings, there is no fucking way that they are not having hardcore, you know, I need to go to the hotel bar after this and fucking drink this meeting off talks about the population problem and climate change. There's no fucking way. That they're not talking about that shit and how the fuck they're going to handle it and how they're going to survive and who else they're going to determine is going to survive. And that God has put us in power. We have to make these tough decisions, which I mean, I like I have a solution on how you could fucking solve those problems. But, you know, I don't know. So I think they're trying to get as much information so they know, you know, I think once they get everybody microchipped then that's when they're going to start fucking thin in the herd and they need to do it quick. And this right here, this train of thought is why I don't watch the fucking news because that's everything that's going on and everything that they're showing. That's what I can't even watch the weather channel anymore. I'm just like, dude, this is like, this is this is a fucking done deal here. This is over. Anyways, buying a car. Hey, let's get back to some fucking bread and circus here. Buying a car. Dear Billy Ball Boy. Hey, Bill. First, I just first just wanted to say thank you for your show you put on in Springfield. It was fantastic and definitely would love to see you come back sometime. I had a great time, too. Thank you. I always listen to the podcast on my bus ride to school. Anyways, I am a sophomore in high school and I just received my permit. Ah, good for you, man. That's a big day. I have a job and I'm saving up for a car. I was wondering what your first car ever was and what kind of car would be good for a first time. And what should I look for when buying a car that would be beneficial? Thanks and go fuck yourself. I had a 1983 Ford Ranger, four cylinder, five speed overdrive, black vinyl seats, fire engine red, the long bed. There was not two wheel drive, nothing cool about it. But it only had 19,000 miles on when I bought it. So it was definitely reliable. I paid five grand for it. I went out and got a loan in with the job. So, you know, I got a loan. I established credit and that type of shit. Still remember my, my, it was Danvers Savings Bank, one Conan Street, Danvers, Mass, something, something, something. And my payment was $138 and 63 cents. I still fucking remember that. So if I was you, you're obviously going to buy a used car. I mean, I always loved the Hondas and the Toyotas back in the day because those engines would just last forever. I don't know what they're doing now, but I remember I, I got some acting work and I made some money, but I've always been a frugal son of a bitch. So rather than buying a new car in like the late nineties, I bought a 1988 Honda Accord LX, five speed, four to a five speed. And I fucking loved that car. It had a hundred thousand miles on it when I drove it. And that fucking thing could cruise at a hundred miles an hour. Still no fucking problem. It was such a well-built car. So if I, I was going to go used, you know, you gotta be, you gotta be careful with whatever the flashy cars are. Like when I was a kid, everybody would try to go out and buy the Burt Reynolds fucking Trans Am with the screaming chicken of the flaming Eagle, whatever the fuck they called it on the hood. And you just had to know that those cars were, they were driven like a sports car, fucking burnouts and neutral drops and all the shit that people used to do, trying to do the Jim Rockford backing it up and whipping the fucking, the front end around. So I don't know. And I also liked having a four door car cause I used to like heading out with my friends. Everybody could pile in and you know, all depends on what you're looking for. But I would definitely, I would get something that is, is that has the reputation of lasting rather than, I don't know. I mean, you do want something kind of cool. Try it. If you can blend both those worlds, something kind of cool looking, but also it's going to last. I would get something like that. And you know, if you have to take out a little bit of a loan, you know, you already got a job. That's fucking cool. You establish credit. You pay the fucker off. And then, you know, then you're into that world, right? Learn about money and all of that shit. All right. Halloween costumes. I got to wrap this up quick here. Cause I got a quick run here. Dear Billy, dear, Billy's the dear Dr. Billy Stein. I have a two year old daughter. Oh, congratulations as well. And I'm starting to remember all this fun stuff. We do this autumn season, jump in piles of leave, watch Halloween movies and try to scare the shit out of ourselves by running through the woods at night. I don't think I've ever heard you recall any favorite Halloween costumes or Halloween memories. Do you and Nia have any place plans to dress up your daughter? Also, if you had a professional costume and makeup team, what would you go for as Halloween? At this point in your life? Um, PS, nothing goes better with a cigar than apple cider. Nothing. Really? Really? Well, it just so happens. I know somebody who makes apple cider, who also happens to be one of my favorite drummers of all time. Tim Alexander from Primus. He has his own, uh, cider. What the fuck is it called again? He just fucking asked me if I wanted some too. And I told him I can't, I'm fucking, in sober October, which I was, and now I'm not, let's see Tim Alexander cider. The shit is if you're into, if you're into fucking cider, man. Okay. Herb cider.com. Um, what do we got here? Here we go. Yeah. It's called herb cider. It's hard. Uh, herb cider is a craft cider produced by world renowned drummer, Tim Herb, Alexander and his wife, Shama created their first batch of cider in their garage in the fall of 2016. Yeah, dude, he gave me some of that stuff. It's fucking delicious. And then I brought me, he gave me like a whole case of it. So I brought it down to the comedy store and I gave it out to a bunch of comics. And everybody was just like, kind of fucking went nuts for it. So anyways, um, let's get back to the Halloween stuff. Um, um, um, um, um, uh, okay. What are you asking me? Uh, do I have any plans to dress up? Yeah. I mean, I usually dress up. I dress up like John Bonham or a fucking, you know, maybe I was going to go as Vinnie Paul this year, you know, just as he passed away this year or something like that. And as far as our daughter, my wife was talking, she was going to dress, dress her up like Bruno Mars because our daughter has like curly hair. She's so fucking cute. It's ridiculous. But, uh, at the last second, she went to the costume place and she got us all like matching, like skeleton costume. which I thought was a little hacky going on. she told me the idea but then i saw them they're really fucking cool and it's gonna look cute you know we're having a nia does uh the kid halloween party every year so we have a bunch of kids come over so i guess i couldn't dress up like something too scary and i guess if i dressed up like john bonham or vinnie paul they wouldn't know who it was and it probably just looked like a scary fucking guy um so anyways um did i answer your question i don't even fucking know i was thinking about smoking a cigar drinking some fucking apple cider though are underrated uh going to things by yourself uh no girls no friends no family no problem hey they're billy freckle glutes my whole life i had this dilemma regarding going to events or social gatherings alone i've even had friends say that i if you eat alone at a restaurant or mcdonald's or something that's social suicide well no one ever told me that i love going to shit by myself uh this can be really debilitating especially if your work schedule sucks you live in a town or a million other reasons but i figured i figured what but i finally figured it out who cares half the time that you that you do have a group to go to something with people flake want to change plans times etc if there's an event you really want to go to you have to think about yourself and just go even if you are by yourself and i write this as i'm a little nervous wanting to go to see a comedy show tonight that i have to drive a bit to that's out of the way and go there alone well i'll be honest with you i just don't sit up front if you go to a comedy show alone but other than that there's no problem with it and then you know usually meet people you know i used to go to shit by myself all the time baseball games football games all that shit except i wouldn't talk to anybody because i was a fucking lunatic anyways i say this constant i say this constantly having to deal with the issue uh including your tours some very good friends dropped out of going to your show show well i don't blame them i just feel like for me it puts you in this spot of oh now i just can't go and your instinct is that you getting that experience is impossible what and your instinct is that you getting that experience is impossible well fuck that you might as well go because if you think of it in that way you will miss out on a thousand bill burr special sporting events holidays and before you know it you're you're at the end of your road and have all these piled up regrets forget about the stigma of solo attending things live your life and have fun did you guys hear my stomach growling there try not to eat like a fucking asshole here um and that's all you have to say that's all i have to say about that uh can't wait for you uh to see you at the garden you ranty bastard go fuck yourself thanks for the laugh inspiration and one more time go fuck yourself yeah dude go if you want to go go just because someone else can't go i mean what are they what are they the the fucking dictator of what you go to absolutely go to you by yourself and then chat up a couple of ladies who are you here with ah i came by myself it's actually like a fucking strong move all my friends flaked and i was like fuck it i'm gonna go i'm somebody nice and look at i ran into you and
Speaker 4then you're in right gonna find my baby gonna hold it have an afternoon delight i came to this shit all by myself and now i'm talking to you would you like to see my dick hey i was just fucking around please don't meet to me aid sorry um anyways would you like to see my dick i asked fucking permission why are you flipping out please don't put that on twitter uh sorry i'm losing my fucking mind you know what i
Speaker 2realized too i'm in my fucking fucking apartment here and and and people gonna be hearing me down the hall singing about me too stuff and i don't want to trigger anybody all right that shit all right go red socks go patriots patrick mahomes is the real deal i miss defense in the nfl um that's all i have to say go fuck yourself and i'll
Speaker 5check in on you on thursday unlock my body and move myself to dance you know i'm liquid flow and glowing glass classical music blasting massive ringing in my ears oh i sincerely miss those heavy metal bands used to go see on the landing in the summer she fell in love with the drummer she fell in love with another she fell in love i miss the innocence playing kiss covers beautiful and stone i miss the innocence i've known playing kiss covers beautiful and stone playing kiss colors beautiful and stone beautiful and stone playing kiss colors beautiful and stone
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