Colonial Williamsburg, Burger King at 2AM & American Chaos | History Hyenas

this episode is brought to you by nordstrom for 125 years nordstrom has been part of your story the stylist who found the perfect outfit for your big interview the first pair of walking shoes for your one-year-old the tomato soup you shared with your sister at the cafe these are the moments that make nordstrom nordstrom big or small we're here for all of it celebrating 125 years with new moments still ahead discover it all in nordstrom stores and at nordstrom.com all right guys chrisdcomedy.com i got brand new hour of stand-up material it's been really fun to be back in the comedy clubs july 10th and 11th philadelphia pennsylvania shows are almost sold out so get tickets right now august 21st 22nd portland main empire comedy club go get tickets chrisdcomedy.com that's a very cute portland main is cute yeah right yeah you can see me in east hampton you can see me in new brunswick new jersey philadelphia pa and austin texas this summer tickets yannispappascomedy.com don't forget your all-in-one patreon.com history hyenas for a bonus episodes you don't have to have any ads you can just watch it and get everything including this episode uncensored what's up everybody welcome to another episode of history hyenas i'm chris stefano aka chrissy colostomy bags with me as always is yannis pappas aka yanni pastrami in the ass that's where i just couldn't think of anything that's where it goes yeah how about yanni nice hair day even though yanni got no product in i was gonna say call me yanni 2017 2017 yanni how about natural how about natty yanni natties yanni natties your hair tits are natties right now i don't have any hair tits yeah but you're just a handsome kid that you'll get punched through yeah but xp xp this question let me ask you why is it that i'm a kid that it always looked like i was gonna need hair tits but i still don't need hair tits i'm gonna need hair tits i'm gonna need hair tits i'm gonna need hair tits because cuz you're you're a confusing guy you look like you're balding but you actually have more hair than the rest of us you look like you're skinny but fat you you sound smart but you're a retard way song she ain't that that's just what you are in a nutshell which is also the size of your head yes you nailed it i just nailed it right yes you nailed it you did i think that perfectly summarizes me it's just what it's tilted birds tilted birds tbs we're looking right now we're gonna do a great episode with two birds we would fly into each other and crash a hundred percent and we're gonna do a great episode for you guys today about some of the richest towns in america but right now we have a picture of robert de niro shirtless in the movie cape fear because jesse wants to go puing to start the episode jesse likes jesse's kept it up he likes it because he was going how do you look like that he was really uh he was really shredded i remember him doing like pull-ups in the in the uh jail scene in cape fear it's like again that's where you catch a guy's little gay creeping out just what it is that he remembered his body because somebody's got to break it to jesse that tangerines and plaster don't build muscle that's very good point that's what jesse likes to do jesse says jesse likes to throw a little tangerine a little plaster a little creatine into a shake i think she's gonna get jacked on the stair master it's not happening jesse jesse rides his bike everywhere jesse likes to ride his bike jesse conducts his life like a dutch woman because you came out with two six shooters today it's just what it is because i'm on ketone iq i'm focused so this is what we're doing now no that's just yeah so that's how i'm getting around my sweets i'm drinking a rocking chocolate protein rocket shake this thing is called a rocking protein shake and it's got 50 grams of protein and it's 320 calories so when we're doing our little math remember we talked about this on our protein equations for building muscle if you take the cal if you take the protein content and you times it by 10 you get 500 if the calories are under that that's a good meal for fat loss and building muscle so this is 320 calories so there's 180 calorie difference between uh 500 and 320 so this is a good food for fat loss and muscle building i tuned out all that it's what it is because if you get tuned out you're gonna get tuned out because because i'm not training for anything why do you always treat your health like you're training for something it's just what it is i need to feel like i'm training for something i need to feel like i have a goal yeah or what i'm gonna do is walk onto the tap and see and jump off good way to do it though that's very new york way to do it real cute and the last things i ever see is the valleys and the hudson river where the continental army sailed down and defeated the british in 1776 right the german mind i think needs a goal a solution if you will we need a solution and so i obviously don't want to hurt people yeah so what i do is i'm gonna yourself i gotta hurt myself and if the only way to not hurt myself is i have to be training for imaginary things things that will never come to fruition because you were shoot out of a fucking fruity cannon today it's just what it is because i'm ready to go i'm fueled up on some rhubarb cherry pie that we got from hbo max that uh jesse and i took one bite out of and said that we knew that was freezer burned yeah and we don't want to eat it so we gave it to fat fuck chris italia who's in the next room over who for him an entire rhubarb pie is just a little snack for him it's a snack it's not even the doesn't even come close to the amount of calories he's used to consuming for lunch in secret it's secret he said he didn't want a bite of the pie i said how about i shove it down your pants fatso that's what i love people who eat a lot is um right they always eat politely in public yeah but that's hey teach their own they eat the way men jerk off right you don't jerk off in public you do it in private and then you do it furiously you do it in furiously in or you do it you go upstairs to the bedroom and say that you need to change your clothes but it's really because your family's downstairs on the first floor but you're upstairs jerking off yeah now we would call nick a very quiet guy right he's very quiet all right he he keeps his liberal rage and he's rage contained yeah but can you imagine what he does to his penis in private it's yeah really bad down and he goes you can run but you can't hide yeah it's just what it is yeah and he just beats it yeah he beats it yeah furiously it's just what it is he beats it he's the kind of guy i bet you jerks off into his hat and then puts it on his head so his hat sticks to his he's got some bald spots up here he doesn't he doesn't want to show us he doesn't want to show that's right it's really look at that yeah yeah so the only way to get his his hat on he needs a little glue on it he needs a little glue to keep it on nick but you know we've talked about this three weeks in a row now yeah i think nick's a really handsome guy and we got a girl who dm'd our history hanging his instagram account that wants to go on a date with nick yes if if you're that girl and you're listening to this which you are um dm again because i can't find your message identify yourself yeah because we'd really like to set this up and get this going with with with you uh and nick yeah that would be really cool if nick starts dating this girl change guys you ever noticed that like a guy like nick will be changed by a girl 100 like next thing you know nick's coming in you're like whoa why is the guy wearing a suit yeah exactly and then nick's coming in he's going you know what mom domi's solutions they're really short term if you look at the data set yeah san francisco portland and even previous new york we've tried rent freezes and we go nick's dating some centrist pussy yeah it's what it is see nick the first thing what what she would do is obviously she would get rid of his all his wrestling clothes she wouldn't allow him to wear that he'd have to come out in in regular plain like nice black canvas beautiful t-shirts with maybe not the cargo shorts she would lose a few of the pockets but there would be the right woman the right woman would make a compromise with nick because nick would of course say listen i'll wear what you want me to wear babe but can i at least keep a wrestling action figure in my pocket and the right woman will allow you to do that she will let you keep a tatanka action figure in your pocket or in your in your bag that you bring that has nothing in it right so when he gets nervous he can just take it out and fidget with it it's just what it is because all nick has is a is a notebook and one pen but he's got a full book bag like he's fucking climbing the andes mountains yeah what oh and his water bottle yeah and what is in and that's just when he gets a little cotton mouth from all the weedy smokes all day long what it is nick is only drinks water out of bpa free containers what is in the bag you don't have to show it's just telling well yeah well he's gonna pull out a woman's head nick's what we call a loner yeah cuz you were shot out of a can we shot out of a can today cuz sometimes i had because i had a nice mix yeah so far i came in i had a nice little workout yeah okay i'm up to 15 strain on the whoop i did my physical therapy then i had a little piece of rhubarb pie i had a little yogurt i had a little egg whites with sweet potatoes yeah um i had a uh espresso with coconut water and now i'm having a rocking hot protein shake rocking protein shake chocolate banana protein shake yeah and so i feel good i think i have enough calories in me right now i'm excited because i'm gonna go to the orthopedist then i'm gonna go do my show then i'm gonna go watch the world cup game with my pops You got a lot on your plate Yeah I got a lot on my plate Can somebody We said it on the Patreon Can somebody make a meme Or use AI And put Chrissy's full plate Because I got so much on my plate You're a plate spinner cuz And I'm a Greek So what we do is We take those plates And we throw them at dancers feet It's what it is What we do when we're happy For whatever reason We take the plates And we throw them at people And you know why I'm really excited cuz Because I just booked a family vacation To a little place My favorite place on earth Colonial Williamsburg Are you going? We're going We're going How did you not contact me and my family And let me know Cuz I wanna go with you Well that's I did it out of spite Cuz you sent me a picture Of you and your family At a 1776 commemorative event And I got mad you didn't invite me So I said now I'm going to Williamsburg Cuz you were at a Civil war You were at a Revolutionary War reenactment Yeah and they took pictures with the kids Yeah and I got real mad So I said I'm gonna one up you And I'm going to Colonial Williamsburg And you're not coming Well guess what That means I'm going to Auschwitz It's what it is cuz Cuz I'm going to Auschwitz without you And don't You can't go there without me I'm going to Colonial Williamsburg I'll get you something from the gift shop And then cuz We're going to Colonial Williamsburg We got a four night stay We got a four night stay lined up In one of my favorite The best hotel there Is called the Williamsburg Lodge We got a four night stay At the Williamsburg Lodge We're gonna do nights one and two We walk around Colonial Williamsburg We consume all the You know reenactment stuff they have We just consume consume consume Day three We're gonna go to Colonial Williamsburg We go to Bush Gardens Theme park Cuz we like theme parks Then day four on the way out We go to Yorktown Battlefield Where the British surrendered To the United States We sit on a beach there We get sandwiches And then we drive back home And then we make a little stop At the Pendry Hotel in Baltimore It's about halfway The kids love that hotel We hit the pool there And then we get back home the next day That actually sounds like A A plus vacation for me I'm not a guy Who likes to casino I'm not a guy Who likes Vegas I'm a guy who likes A little something called Cute scenery Cute scenery And we cute hunt And you know what I've decided Cuz I I I I realize So much of my life Is trying to live Somebody else's life Or trying to figure All these things out It's like what do you like As their parent As their father It's like why did I get Into the Revolutionary War Cuz my mom would take me there And I like it I it's interesting to me Why am I trying to learn About all this stuff I don't know but I like to consume Revolutionary War history So why not go to The Revolutionary War Sites Boston Williamsburg All that And then maybe my kids Through osmosis Will start to like it too Oh they undoubtedly will That's what I'm doing Now your mother took you On crazy history tours All the time That was her thing She was like we're going On a history tour We're going to Amish country We're getting butter And you thought it was Cuz she liked history But it was really Because there was an Amish guy That had the hots for your mom That's what it is And she thought he was cute Yeah my mom wanted to My mom wanted to hook up With an Amish guy Cuz she He probably looked like Jeff Bridges with a beard It's what it is And then also I you know As I look back in time I realize that almost Every single colonial American history trip Corresponded with a member Of the mafia calling my house Because my father Owed the money So that was your life That's also Here's also why I think you I think you're the one Who figured this out Is either you figured it out Somebody figured out The other day Is the reason why I move so much Is cuz the first six months Of my life I was on the run That wasn't me But whoever did Was a genius Was a genius Because the first six months Of my life Was spent in Lancaster, Pennsylvania Cuz my dad Owed the mafia some money And they called the house And said that they were Gonna come collect Or they were gonna hurt My mother and me So my mother took me On an Amtrak train And we lived The first six months In Lancaster, Pennsylvania So I was formed on the run And that is how I live my life today Mother in my house Is for sale That is interesting So that is gonna Also cause a little anxiety Oh big That's gonna cause a little That's gonna cause A little anxiety But like we said Your mom's a saint Your mom's a saint But like I Allows you to She allowed him To hold the Leroy stick Up for you Well like I said though When I said a big thing That's changed in my life Like we said on the Patreon I say to myself Cuz my thoughts Sometimes go towards tragedy And I say Is this a tragedy Or is this an inconvenience And 99.9% It's an inconvenience So I treat it as such I don't let my mind Go into tragedy Which it often does It's just an inconvenience Like you said to me Can you bring Can I get you A cappuccino with oat milk A.K.A. a doctor And you said Can I get that For you And I said No problem And you said I don't wanna You know Make you carry anything else And I said Listen A year ago That might have been A tragedy to me I might have said Why has he asked me To hold something That's two pounds This is too much for me He needs to do it himself With his little head But now I said It's just an inconvenience And it wasn't even An inconvenience I actually got to Hold the coffee I got to walk A little bit Out in the sunshine And I kind of Stood around looking I was at the same spot Where I saw Kit Harington last week And I was just Remembering Where he sat And I went over Very quietly And I asked a waiter If anybody And you sniffed his seat Exactly That's what I was gonna say And I went over And I went and sniffed his seat Did you sniff it Because if you didn't If you didn't target That seat for a sniff Then me and you Were going back To that same cafe And we're both Taking half a sniff each That seat was sniffed That was sniffed And so I'm really excited I think that's why I'm coming I think that's why I'm shot out of The fruit cannon today Is because I'm really excited About Colonial Williamsburg And I'm really just excited About You know Kind of Making money How will my life Fit the current things That I enjoy doing Not trying to think Of some abstract life That I want to get to Life is happening now So you're I think what it is Is you're just one of those guys We call Where The toaster May still be going And the bread Might be burning a little bit Right But you think The house is burning down That's what it is But it's just the toaster And you just gotta take The bread out of the toaster Yeah And it sounds like You're taking the bread Out of the toaster I'm taking the bread Out of the toaster And it's kind of What my wife Has been saying to me Almost every day And it's finally Starting to kick in Is she always says Chris what's the problem Right there is no problem There is no problem Yeah Like what's the problem Right Right Cause in my head There's always a problem But there is no problem There's no problem So she was like So it's kind of starting I get it now Cause you know Cause my You know So now I'm starting You're used to problems So therefore you create The problems Because without the problems You don't feel comfortable You feel like something's wrong Cause you're not used to it So now I'm starting To feel comfortable In no problem Right Which is real nice And the hope is That you get addicted to that Yeah You get addicted to the feeling Of wanting no problems And it has And it goes a little bit Against my grain Because I've been saying no To so many career opportunities Cause I just don't want to go Cause I'm like I don't really feel like I need to do this I'm happy with what I got going on And then you start to feel This sense of calm But right now I'm still in the infancy of it Where that sense of calm Is feeling like a problem And stress But that's not a problem That's what you want To get addicted to You gotta learn to crawl Before you can walk Yeah That's what it is And right now I'm crawling Right now you're crawling Yeah You're crawling through the smoke Right You're crawling out of the cave The only problem right now Is because it's at a high You have to crawl Because your Achilles tendon Is falling off Exactly And the only thing is I will tell you I will tell you that Because I'm just looking Sometimes for shots of adrenaline That I will eventually Find out of calm Right now I might just Get a little rush It's always When the heat comes It's always We always said If it's over It'll be 102 on Thursday It doesn't mean It's gonna happen It just means It's an urge You have to resist Now are you coming over To my 4th of July party Because I'm having one And we're Which is the way You're supposed to Because they did it To us first And it's 250 years In this country We gotta go Nick Somebody did it to Nick In retaliation It's what it is Yeah That's what it is It's got no hair Now are you gonna come over To my party big or what Cause I want you to come over To my party I'm coming over To your party Big Or are we going over To your house I'm getting So One of us is gonna be In each other's pool I'm getting wet with you Whose pool Are we going into Mine or yours You wanna get wet right I wanna get wet Yeah Are you having a party 4th of July No there's no party going on I think I think I'm gonna be out On the island On You're gonna do the island I think I'm being out On the island Usually Verzi has a party But he's not having A party this year He's not having his He's not having his famous Wow This gotta be the first time In years Why is he not having it First time in years I think that he's going away Wow That's big for Paul No party yeah If you know Paul Verzi's 4th of July parties Are legendary Yeah he's got legendary parties But it's not happening this year That's interesting We're gonna be doing Some family thing But I may need to sneak off And hop into your pool Cause hop into my pool We're gonna keep it Real low key Yeah We're gonna have So for us Obviously low key Is about 90 people Because Jasmine's family Is gonna come over And I think 4th of July What I'll do Is just like a fun 250 year American celebration Is I'm gonna I'm gonna call ICE And have them come over And get some People out of my pool That could Yeah I mean that's a celebration Right there That's the way you celebrate The 250 Yeah Yeah that's the way That's the way you celebrate it That's the way you do it Sometimes I'm Sometimes you know Sometimes I say to myself Like You know What side of this am I on Because I've heard some rumblings About Puerto Rico Not wanting to be part of the US anymore And on the one hand It's like that hurts my family But on the other hand That really helps me They weren't part of the US anymore Because then I could Cause right now ICE can't do anything They can't do anything But ICE could come in real quick If they weren't part of the US anymore Yeah They could They could actually come in And be a little handy To what Could fix your situation We could just fix Yeah we could just fix some issues Yeah that's right Does Puerto Rico Is Puerto Rico trying to not Be part of the United States I don't know Yeah Or just set something up for the joke Oh that works Okay No but Puerto Rico I love my family We're gonna have a nice 4th of July. We're gonna have everybody there. We're gonna do a little barbecue That's the thing with the house, you know, once you have a pool in the backyard your you know I your family's house becomes the house like now that you got the pool your house is in the house Well, what happened to come over to your house? Yeah, cuz that's how it goes It always goes whoever the person who is the most well-off in the family of the friend group the parties go there That's what it is. That's just how it is. Right? It's like boys were like, you know Can we come over to your house for 4th of July? So what am I gonna say? Yeah, I could never say to Tim Dillon. Hey, you want to come over to my apartment in Brooklyn and hang out? No, it's not gonna and it's never how it goes and before you had the pool people were like, you know They like your house is beautiful, but you just had the yard now that you got the pool and the yacht Yeah, people gonna come people gonna come over. Yeah, it's just it. That's just how it goes Your house is just the destination for about 300 or 400 people. It's just what it is. It's what it is It's yeah, your house is just hotel someone. It's what it is because well my pool parties It literally looks like there's a village in my pool right now Why is the United States treat Puerto Rico like a side piece, right? It's almost like secretly texts. How come we don't commit to Puerto Rico and just bring them in because they're a bit of a headache Way song she ain't So that's what it is just a bit of a headache Really fun. Yeah fun, but ahead of doses Yeah, cuz you notice that they're like part of America. They're not part of America. They're part of it It's almost like a girl who's going like when are you gonna leave your wife and commit to me, right? And it's like no, you're the side piece like you are but you're not I'll see you when I want to see you just really I don't want to fuck you. Yeah, you like you have citizenship, but you don't you're not a state Like it's really we treats Puerto Rico like a guma, Puerto Rico, Puerto Rico, though I'll tell you I've been multiple times. It really is a beautiful place Yeah It really is really is and you do kind of feel like you're just in an extension of America Yeah feels that way I've been in Puerto Rico. I haven't been but well, I've been in New York I mean, what's the day what it is? You've been in my house. You came to my wedding. What's the diff, right? What's the diff really? It's what it is. Yeah your wedding just felt like me Tommy Gallucci and a bunch of others Just we're staying at a resort in San Juan. Yeah, it's just what it is. It felt like one side was cops The other side was criminals Latter for that's really funny cuz I know what it felt like, right? Yeah Yeah, that's actually yeah, that's actually Yeah, there was a lot of cops there Tommy brought his walkie-talkie to the wedding he did Tommy Tommy was key He was keeping an eye on thing. Yeah, he was keeping an eye on things cuz he had some perps He had some perp on the sea guys. Look at this GLD jewelry Yanni and I got these GLD chains. We love them. We got some jewelry for our wives They love them this summer style that usually gets expensive fast But GLD gives you that elevated look without draining your wallet. The value is crazy for the quality you're getting cuz yeah And it's waterproof. You never got to take it off. It's beautiful. I mean look at that Oh, just look at that and this pouch is amazing too. Oh the pouch is unbelievable GLD Yeah, I mean you can wear it and then when you if you want to take it off you can put it in that cute I'll you feel that quality. 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That's 40% off with the code hyenas at GLD com after you purchase they will ask you where you heard about them You know what to tell them please support our show tell them that we send you it's time to Lock in and upgrade your style this summer with GLD guys Cash app if you weren't up to speed already Cash app is way more than just a safe way to send and receive money with the cash app card You unlock a ton of perks without all the hidden fees enjoy benefits like exclusive early access to nationwide concert pre-sales Kendrick Lamar Sabrina carpenter just to name a couple of recent examples plus discounts on everyday purchases and popular brands You've probably already spending your money on add your card to the digital wallet to make your money move easier Yeah, it also adds security to your money by declining suspicious card transactions sending you a notification to make sure the payment is really you If your car is ever lost or stolen you can lock it, which is one tap right in the app. So it's really good Yeah Now turn everyday spending into status with cash app green Download cash app today or visit cash app to learn more about this and other financial benefits new cash app customers can earn $10 if they use the code Cash app 10 in their profile at sign up and send $5 to a friend within 14 days terms apply Cash app is a financial service program Not a bank banking services provided by cash apps bank partners prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank member FDIC Cash app visa debit flex cards issued by Sutton Bank member FDIC and Bancorp and a pursuant to a license from Visa USA Inc See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card Sutton debit flex card and Bancorp debit flex card cash app green feature savings direct deposit rounds up overdraft coverage and discounts provided by cash app a block ink brand visit cash app slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures now Now um, yeah, I'm crying. Yeah, it was funny. Yeah. Yeah, it was a very funny thing I don't think that you'll find many people who when I was getting ready For my wedding in my you know grooms room, whatever One of the family members one of Johnson family members came over to me and you know brought me a drink Which is very nice of him and he said, you know, today's a big day for me, you know I know it's your day he goes But it's a big day for me goes because it's my one-year anniversary of being sober and my 10-year anniversary of not being a Latin King So he's a big day. This is a big day I was a bit 10 years late 10 years out of Latin kicks and one year sober. I said good. Thank you Big day. Yeah, that isn't actually that is a really big day But obviously, you know just kidding just jokes beautiful family But you're more than welcome you guys are more than welcome to come to the house on the 4th of July if you're not doing any Thing it's gonna be a hot one. Yeah Now I got a really good reason why you should join patreon.com slash history hyenas. Tell and this isn't even a pitch This is just the reality. I have not tried to watch something on YouTube the way Jesse was saying So I had no idea what he was talking about. Okay, I don't know what Google's done But you cannot watch anything long-form on YouTube without at least a hundred interruptions Real you it's have you I tried to watch a documentary on YouTube It is the most annoying fucking what have when did that change happen? It's almost like every two minutes Nate Have you seen that too Nick? That's a recent thing I've seen it, but I also don't deal with it cuz I use the ad blockers you and use and YouTube premium blocks that out Right if yeah, but here's the thing they're gonna make you pay for not having commercials, but then just keep giving you commercials anyway So just use the ad blockers. What is the ad blocker? It's just a quick extension that just download onto your Google Chrome and then that's it I've never I haven't seen a commercial on YouTube in like 15 years So when you watch a documentary, there's nothing nothing nothing is the ad blocker free. Does Google allow that? Yeah, it's all free man Everything's free. I don't understand. Everything's free. If you know what to look for a baby. That's the way it works How do I get an ad blocker? It's just on your extensions. I can show you right now. No, but there's got to be a catch No catch. There's gotta be no catch. I'm gonna have China spying on your father's got already spying on our phone They know what I look like. It's a good point. Okay, they look through Nick's phone. They said nothing of national interest here Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, that's the good thing about being me and you and having this show. We are of no interest to foreign interest No, we're we're not gonna be offered any dollars to espouse any position No, because we are two wild cards. Yeah, that just can't be controlled. We're gay shot out of a cannon. We're tilted birds Yeah, well the only people I care about our show are our fans So even if even if somebody within our own American media cared about us and tried to make a story about us We would just we would just cop to everything That we said and our fans would and we would just yell that the show's now on patreon because of stupid ass, you know, CNN or whatever Yeah, I mean when Don Lemon stopped and interviewed me. I mean, I just said that I follow him on Grindr and I called him So I just I just think we're okay. Yeah, because we're not gonna ever we haven't played pretend we haven't we haven't come on here and Presented ourselves as a different version of who we actually are. Yeah, we presented the real versions of ourselves Yeah, because other podcasts they really are interesting And influencers they do take money, right? I mean Tucker Carlson has taken some money's by the house in Qatar It's is he really? Yes. He is you this time of year The kid has taken a couple dollars when you look about how he's switched on so many of his opinions It all makes sense when you say the kid has taken a couple dollars from I mean, I mean cuz living in Qatar looking like Tucker Carlson is a 10 out of 10 And I bet you Qatar offers real numbers and I think The problem with Israel is that they really Jewish Jewish about their offers That's the point. Seven grand a pop ain't nothing in this economy. No, I mean more than that We're gonna need more than seven grand a pop, but the thing is thing is about youtube back to the point is like you cannot watch our pot our podcast when people watch our podcast on youtube it's probably unbearable for them so just join patreon where you're ad free uncensored it's like you don't have to even deal with the ads we read you deal with just the episode the content patreon.com history hyenas where all the fun happens and we will we put we put everything up there ad free and unedited unless you take a clip from something we said and you tag our wives and ask our wives why we're talking about what we're talking about then you're a piece of shit and then we're gonna have to re-upload the episode so don't do that don't do that don't be a little thing we coined on the patreon called we're gonna have a lot of taxes on this app and that's how you know it is a goodie that's just what it is we yeah we came out strong now we're gonna talk you want to talk about rich towns because you went to new jersey and you walked around some nice rich towns and you texted me a couple of houses and you said do you want to go half skis and i said yes but the truth is i had already put offers in on them well that's the point that's the reason i just did the patreon pitches because i want to go half seas with you i want to move to spring lake new jersey big i mean spring lake new jersey is probably one of the best kept secrets they don't want you to know about it and i'm on the patreon telling you about it and it got me interested in something called the irish riviera yeah and then i started researching all these rich beach towns hampton's definitely number one but hampton's took the crown from newport newport rhode island and then you got of course something called breezy point which i wouldn't call it the irish riviera i'd i'd call it more the irish canal yeah it's just kind of a place call it the irish gaza strip yeah a little bit more affordable yeah then what they call the irish riviera which is a little place called spring lake which is still uh demographically speaking 40 irish you still see there's an irish museum there there's irish shops there's irish flags how did you find this place like coming from atlantic city like we're coming from atlantic city we had time to kill until we went to the godsmack concert so you went straight from atlantic city to godsmack yeah i'm bagged up i had burger can get two in the morning that's a crazy thing did you know that that was going to happen yeah right from atlantic city to godsmack yeah my wife put on boots and she tried to look like a rocker but i'm here to say she just looked like a mom who's trying to hold on it's just what it is oh so we so i was like we looked up places and i was like i want a brunch you know me yeah you like brunch a little tilted yeah so i need a brunch and then they gave me a suggestion i looked at the pictures and i said that's a diner yeah i want an upscale brunch i am a so ai suggested grock suggested i try a little uh place called i think it was something berry when you heard the word berry in it that's nice nice yeah and i looked at the pictures i said that looks nice that's it and she said it she said to me it's in spring lake new jersey and when we drove up to third avenue which is the main street of uh spring lake new jersey i went full pewing yeah full pewing i mean it is as fucking cute and elegant as you can imagine wow and i said what is this place and the first thing i did and i started texting pictures to yourself tim dillon and i said have you heard of this place why don't you live here this is the irish riviera these are for irish people who somehow figured out a way of not joining the police department yeah that's you why aren't you walking around here in flip-flops with a polo shirt with sweat stains on it yeah and some sort of peach shorts did he know of this place he had never heard of it wow and he started googling and he found out that the median uh house uh sale house prices are four million up whoa it's all mansions wide streets private tennis club absolutely fucking cute i don't know why the only thing i don't like about it is it's 95 percent white and 95 percent home ownership that is bad that's not okay not okay freeze the rent so i mean because the oh and you said third avenue which is that hits close to home because third avenue bay ridge that's where you felt close home and the only difference between third avenue bay ridge and third avenue spring lake is the amount of muslims yeah don't see many of them in spring lake i would i would argue yeah the right spring lake spring lake is such a nice spot that because i believe you would be considered a minority there yeah yeah and i don't know that i'd allow to i would probably not be legally allowed to enter with all of my family it would not happen they would make an excuse about the house you were trying to buy it would just they keep coming up with another excuse it's just what it is they would say we have certain ordinances here oh my god there's a water main thing we're about to knock this building down sorry can you please just go about two or three townships over that's where you might be a little bit more comfortable it might be able the people in a couple townships over are more comfortable with the word fiesta yeah we don't okay yeah chris i know that you love this house but i just want to tell you that just so you know that there is not a 7-eleven in this town it's just not there is that going to be a problem for you there's not a 7-eleven you are not allowed to barbecue in the park in this town is that okay okay i don't know if you can do that yes yeah we don't have a western union yeah the thing is when you drive down ocean i think it's called ocean drive and you start you can just drive through the towns right by the ocean they just change as you go right they really change and spring lake is the uh the premier one and it was called the irish riviera and they don't know uh if it was this uh martin something guy who was one of these original rich um irish dudes who built saint catherine's there and he he built it um he built it to look like saint peter's basilica and he dedicated to his daughter catherine these are catholic people catholic people they're catholic irish people now okay so so and spring lake it's it's how far from atlantic city it's only about an hour plus oh so you're closer to manhattan yeah wow so people theoretically go here for the day from where you are the general location you could get there probably in an hour plus so should we do a little spring lake day i would love that but again i don't know how welcome you'd be i just was looking around and i just didn't see any chains i didn't see any tattoos i just didn't see any white trash it's just so but how was the brunch the brunch was exceptional would they allow me to put protein in my omelet they would do their protein shakes today protein shakes in my for my oatmeal it's not really that type of jersey sure i think you want to go i think you want to go wherever they film the jersey sure i think that's where you want to go to belmont you want to go to belmont yeah you're welcome in belmont yeah you're welcome in belmont was the berry place good it was cute it's really cute yeah and of course it was owned by greeks and the last thing you wanted to do after seeing this beautiful heavenly town on a spring lake is go to a godsmack concert right exactly is that one of the last things you wanted to do that's one of the last things you were exhausted going into that concert right i was exhausted how do you know these things because i just know because i could just put myself in your shoes and i can make my hair and i can make my hair and i can make my hair four times smaller and be inside your body is because you just did shows all weekend and you know i strolled big strolled big yeah doing the you know dealing with the cigarette smoke and you know smell of you know uh cocoa butter in the tropicana and you were just dealing with it and then trying to get through and not eating the healthiest food and and having to wear an n95 mask around your opener and and you felt you know you had a beautiful day you were you were charged up at spring lake walking around strolling in the beautiful sunshine and all you want to do is get home to your family and and and have your tesla drive you home maybe you were a little bit banged up from the night before and then unfortunately had to go to a godsmack concert which you were probably saying you know to your wife like why couldn't you just do this with your friends it was unbelievable to go from spring lake to a godsmack concert it's unbelievable the range right the absolute range in humanity that we have just the mindset of the people that we live in and the people that we love and the people that we care about and the people that we love and the people that we love and the people that we care about just when when the scenery changes the people change in such a drastic way i can understand why the aliens don't land yeah i just get it they don't get i just they just go and like what is the species and then for you from where jersey is you probably had what a two-hour drive home after that yeah so no no from from from the godsmack concert we talked i was i what i went back to the island so it was really only an hour and change hour and change after godsmack after god so it's not okay it's not terrible yeah this episode is brought to you by nordstrom for 125 years nordstrom has been part of your story the stylist who found the perfect outfit for your big interview the first pair of walking shoes for your one-year-old the tomato soup you shared with your sister at the cafe these are the moments that make nordstrom nordstrom big or small we're here for all of it celebrating 125 years with new moments still add discover it all in nordstrom stores and at nordstrom.com now it lows faster quotes start at the lows pro desk got a material list handwritten on a sticky note or saved as a photo perfect bring it to us and get a quote in minutes and if you don't see what you need on the shelf We'll help you get it. You can access thousands of products beyond what's available in-store or on Lowes.com, right from the Lowes Pro Desk. Build quotes faster and source the materials you need to keep your jobs moving. Just like that at Lowes. But then we had Burger King because we were starving. At 2 a.m. 2 a.m. That really bangs you up. Yeah, Burger King. What'd you get? Did you get a Whopper? Well, I can never just get a Whopper with cheese. I always got to get a Whopper with cheese, and then I always get a little mini-me Whopper. I get two. Yeah, you got a squeak Whopper. I got a squeak Whopper on the side. I can't just get one Whopper. Did you eat the fries, too? And I convinced myself I'm not getting fries, so that's the healthier choice, but then I need the mini-Whopper. I need a little backup. The Whopper needs a little backup. So you got a Whopper, you got a mini-Whopper, and what else did you get? That's all I got. And you didn't get a soda or anything like that? No, I never. I saved the calories. I don't drink soda anymore. So you just drank soda in years? I drank water. I drank water. Wow. And you ate it in the car? We ate it in the car in the Tesla drove, and we just had a little picnic in the Tesla. Yeah, and what'd your wife get? Because women, they probably just got a little junior Whopper. She tried to get a Whopper, just a plain Whopper with nothing on it, and it was two in the morning, and the people who work at a Burger King at one or two in the morning, they don't understand your requests to specialize your Whopper. You just get whatever comes out of the microwave and gets wrapped up. She was upset, and she just had to pick condiments off her Whopper. Well, she was cursing at these good-for-nothings. But yeah, that was so—so you had a very fun weekend. You were exhausted, but you showed up here today to do the show for the people. You did the show. Now I ask you, do you want to do a spot on my 6 o'clock show at the Village Underground? I don't want to be there. I really don't, which is wild because I'm still passionate about this career, but I'm passionate about not doing it. Right. I don't want to do it. But are you going to get your roof cleaned today? I may get my roof cleaned today. I don't know. I don't know. Here's the funny thing. I know that you're going to go look for sneakers. I always do that. You always want to go look for sneakers. I'm always on the hunt. And you always say, oh, let's take a look in this store. And I always have to tell Yanni, we just went in that store yesterday. Right. I have a little problem. You have a little problem. I do like a little— I've been—by the way, you know what I've been doing? Yeah. And it's actually—again, to each their own. I've been decluttering my house, like decluttering room by room, and it feels good to have less. Even taking my kids' toys and things that we know they haven't played with in a long time, just got rid of them, gave them to kids who need them, and they got upset for like five minutes. Their life is over five minutes, and they haven't talked about the toy in a week. Yeah. And I've been decluttering—I got rid of like 90% of my sneakers. And I'm telling you, cuz, decluttering feels good. Feels real good. It's always like we have it so good in this country. We buy so much stuff. You don't realize. You're like, oh, I got a deal on this thing. But this is something you're going to throw out, and you're going to have to pay to throw out. You don't need it. I had to get a dumpster in my house. Just to throw out half the shit, half the toys that my mother-in-law buys these kids. I mean, these kids, if you came to my house, it would look like we were running a preschool. They have too many toys. When I was a kid, I had to steal a 20 out of my dad's pocket to go buy WWF figures. Yeah. And that's all I had was like three or four. I don't even know if I ever got the Iron Sheik. It's what it is, guys. I mean, we only had enough WWF action figures to fit in our ass. That's all we had. That's all we had. Which is, for me, I got a tight ass, so it was only one at a time. Mine's deeper, so I was able to get three or four up there. Yeah. Well, I used to put a G.I. Joe and run around with it. And he used to hang out there. It was called G.I. Joe Rodeo, and I had fun doing it. Now, I'm telling you, being happier with less, I've been really into it lately. And Jazz, at first, I was annoying her with it, like whatever, because I was saying like, oh, we got to do this, do that. We got to tidy up. We got to clean this, clean that. And then I started finally saying, what do people do? Lead by example. So I said, you know what I'm going to do? I'm not going to do anything. I'm just going to control my space. My space. I decluttered my half of the closet. I decluttered my side of the bed. I decluttered my things. And then after about three days, Jazz was noticing how much easier it was for me to get my clothes to look for things, and then she started decluttering. And now she told me today that she was in one of our daughter's rooms decluttering her room. And then little by little, if you go a month or two, if you just do one room a week, after about six, seven weeks, your house is going to be, you're going to feel amazing. Now, how much time did you spend throwing away empty Sprite bottles with Newport butts in it? That was majority of the things that we threw away. And I would find one chunk like that, and then I couldn't find one that matches, so I would just throw them away. Yeah. Sounds like somebody's been reading the 12-step program. It's just- You're cleaning your side of the street. I'm cleaning my side of the street. That's what I can control. That's what you chose. You just cleaned your side of the street. Because you realize, you realize, you know, you get married and then you realize, you know, there's a sense of permanence there. So you say either you can learn about decluttering and you can learn about cleaning up your side of the street or- Because how much- How many days in a row can you fall asleep with a gun in your mouth and not pull the trigger? One of those days your finger's going to slip and you're going to end it all, so try not to do that. So pick up a book and read about decluttering. Because you got a, you got an odd pattern of addictions. Suites, houses, chaos. Have you ever tried just going on smack? I think your life might be a little easier. Because I'm going on God smack. If you were just- I'm actually addicted to smack. That would- That's all I do is I do smack. If you just- Smack. Maybe all these other things would be a little more stable because your addiction would be an actual drug. Yeah, it's what it is, right? I should do that. Yeah. Yeah. Do a little smack. Because you've cyphered through a few addictions that aren't really typical addictions. Well, my father has been staying with me through the last week and I actually did say to myself the other day, I said, I wonder what it would feel like to take some of my dad's pills. Because my dad, my dad's one of those guys- He's got. He's got the, he's got the- That's right. The collection box of pills. He's got, he's got pills in them every day, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and he just, he just lets them rip. Yeah. So I threw, I went to throw in my dad's compression socks and take some of his pills. Yeah. There is a stage of life, probably the last decade or so, where you just always walk around with an organized draw of pills. My dad's got that. Yeah. He's got a lot of pills. He's at that stage. Yeah. So the funny thing is, is that Spring Lake- Because your voice is- It's a little raspy right now. I think you're coming down with a cold, and I just want to let you know, I'm getting a little puing. You like the rasp. I like a rasp voice, guy. I think that's because I was screaming at the Godsmack concert going, fuck yeah. Fuck yeah, loud as fuck. Do you know any of their songs? No. Britney knew them all. Yeah, it's funny. I don't know any of their songs, but I will say Sully's very talented. He's a talented kid. He's a talented kid, and- And the Stone Temple Pilots opened, which is an amazing band. Yeah, they were great. And then his girlfriend, Tiffany, or no, Dorothy. Opened, and she's got her band, and it was great. I'm becoming a rock and roll guy. I want to be a middle-aged rock and roll guy. I want to go see Bon Jovi cover band. I want to go to a Bon Jovi concert. I want to go to a Metallica concert. It's not the way I grew up. I grew up listening to rap music. The white world is foreign to me. So how long was the concert? What time did you guys get there? Way too long. Seven o'clock? We got there seven o'clock, because my wife was so excited to go, because she likes that particular band. She needs to be on time. She likes to be on time. Right. So we went there. I mean, it's really like four hours, dude. I mean, Stone Temple Pilots and them, they did like hour sets each. She did like a half hour. Were you like waiting for the show to end? I was tired. You're tired. You're standing. Because you have to stand. You can't sit in your seat in a Godsmack concert, right? You can't sit in your seat. But some of those people who were there could not stand up. They couldn't stand, yeah. So that helped, too, because when I sat down, everyone just thought I was one of the other disabled people at the show. Yeah. There was a lot of people who brought their own seats to the concert. Yeah, it's what it is. Yeah. Some people brought their own. Because they can't fit in the regulation seats. Some people, you go, is that rude? They're not standing for the National Anthem? They go, no. They just can't stand. They can't stand. That's all. Some people can't stand. They were motorized around. They travel. They got their own cars. Yeah. They got their own people cars. There's a lot of people cars I saw there. So it was wild to go from the absolute height of wealth to a Godsmack concert, which was not that. Right. It was the opposite of that. And it just shows you that. There are two Americas, but there's much more of one and much less of the other. That's what it is, yeah. You know, there's not many places I think like that left. You know, like Newport, Rhode Island at one point was like that. Right. And those places are funny because they try to keep people out. Right. And then Godsmack's trying to let everyone in. And, yeah. Yeah, so it's just totally different. Right. It's totally different, but it's funny how. These shorts are too short. They're too short. And my legs are white, right? So white, dude. I'm white. Yeah, the upper thigh is gross. And you know what I said the other day, which is crazy that I said this in public? I was at an F45 class. Yeah. And one of the trainers, who I don't know what she was, maybe she's like dark-skinned Italian or white, but she goes, oh my God, your legs are so white. And I said, that's the way I want them. You like them white. Yeah, because I said I want to make them even whiter. You want to be whiter. Yeah, when people say that, oh, you're so white, I say, yeah, that's because I was chosen and you weren't. Ways are changing. Makes me a little mad. All I can think about when I. But my legs are white and disgusting, right? All I can think about when I see that leg is there are guys who are attracted to other guys who like that leg, and that's funny to me. That guy is really funny. What about the guy whose feet, who we had on the feet, he would twinkle his toes? He likes it. Yeah, there's somebody who's actually sexually attracted to that image. Somebody's jerking off to this right now, right? Yeah, somebody likes that. That's funny, right? If you think about it. And I get my leg up pretty high. It's really funny, right? Yeah, because you got pasty males. Male legs. They're bad, right? And I don't shave them. They're just hairless. Yeah, you're kind of like Asian that way. I'm a hairless, yeah. Are a lot of Germans hairless? I don't know. Their kind of legs are like a Sphinx cat. I guess something to do with my Uncle Russell. It's right. That's what it's got to be, cuz. That's what it has to be. Yeah, my shorts are too short. And Jazz said my shorts were too short when I was leaving. She was like, are you wearing my shorts? Yeah. And I just left the house anyway. And I said, I want to just wear a short shirt. Well, at least you coordinated your New Balance socks with your New Balance shoes. And my New Balance shorts. Yeah. You can tell when a guy is entering middle age, the more New Balance products, because they're podiatrist approved. They're just comfy, wumpy. They're just comfy, wumpy, and they're actually podiatrist approved. And the reason why I have to wear mostly New Balance is because I've gotten rid of all the rest of my shoes. I threw away too many shoes. Can we be honest? Like, we all are one. We are the same. But we do have differences. And a lot of times, though, differences show up in the way we buy and the shoes we wear. Right? White people, they go to the store. They put the shoe on. They try it on. Then they take a lap around the store to see what kind of comfort we're dealing with. Right. How, you know, I'm going to use these to mountain climb. I'm going to use, I need comfort. I need, it's got to be efficacious. It's got to be ergonomically correct on my foot. And black people go in and just say, I need those Jordans. And they say, those are $700. And they say, I'm a size 10. And then they say, we don't have a size 10. We only got a size 8. And then the black guy goes, cut off my shoes. I'm buying them. That's what it is. Right? It's what it is. And that's just different. And we're all just different. But we all, at the end of the day, are bees in the same hive. We're bees in the same hive. But we're just bees wearing different shoes. We're bees wearing different shoes. That's what it is. That's right. And in Spring Lake, you see a lot of leather. You see a lot of leather sandals. In a place like Spring Lake, you see a lot of the shoes are, they have a lot of support. And a lot of the sizes are a size 11. A size 12 wide. Right. They do that. In other communities, they don't do a size wide. No. This, they do. Yeah. They don't seek specifications that are tailored to the foot. Everything's off the rack in Belmar. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's off the rack. Off the rack. But here, things are fitted. Things are tailored. Yeah. Now, cuz, let me ask you this. Is everything settled with your pool now? Is your pool good? And have you guys been taking dips in? Settled. Settled, except for the fact that we're getting a little mud runoff through the wall. So, I haven't. I haven't been given that final payment yet. And again, is this the main episode? This is the Patreon episode. I mean, this is the main episode. Yeah. Sorry about that. Yeah. So, I'm very happy with the pool. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And there's just a little mud runoff. And that happens. It's just something that happens. Just happens. A little bit. Yeah. And we'll see. Hello to the people listening to the show who made my pool. Yeah. Great. And we're all accepting of a little mud runoff. Yeah. But it's not supposed to be that way. So, fix it. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't run. Yeah. To the pool, you're saying? No. It just. He's aware. Right. He's aware. Right. So, it's just. Yeah. It's coming through the wall a little bit. It's not supposed to be doing that. Yeah. So, we're going to fix that. Yeah. And it's just one of those things where it's like. If you were wondering why the last payment hasn't come out. I just want to make sure everything works. Everything works. Everything works. I don't know. Maybe it could just be because the specifications weren't measured properly. I don't know. But there is a little mud runoff. And I'm not. It's coming through the wall when it rained. It's not supposed to come through the retaining wall. That's all. That's just. That's just. Kind of the point of a wall is to stop those things. That's what we'd stop. But as we know, walls don't always work. Yeah. Right. It just don't always. When you. Sometimes they find a way to get over the wall. It's what it is. It's what it is. And if you need any. If you need any proof of that, just come to one of my pool parties. And you've seen some of them got over the wall. You think. How funny. Wei Zongxian. That great wall of China. And then it just didn't work. That was a lot of effort. What they forgot about is you can't build a wall into the water. Yeah. So you can just go right around a wall. Right around the wall. And especially in China. I mean, building the wall, you're keeping people out. But how the hell am I supposed to know who's supposed to be on what side of the wall? That's always a problem. Right. I mean, come on, guys. In that part of the world, it's very easy to infiltrate. I mean, what the hell is the difference between the Ming and the Bing dynasty? There's not a difference. It just sounds like one letter. I mean, that's all it sounds like to me. So, I mean, let's be honest, guy. Una Fesa, Una Rasa. What side of the wall are you supposed to be on? As Italians and Greeks. Be on. Yeah, I mean, it's just everyone looks the same. Guys. Yeah. Can we just separate the world into India, China, Spanish? Right. Right? India, China, Spanish. Can we just make it? How would we make it easier? The way these three hyenas would do it. One side of the world's India. One side of the world's Spanish. One side of the world's Africa. One side of the world's white. That's it. That's all you got to do. If everyone retreated back to their home. Base. That's what it is. Are you in the white part, the Spanish part, the Indian, Chinese part, or the black part? That's all. We're kidding. We can't. We're just joking around. We're joking around. Speaking of walls, what side of the wall are you on? The good guys are on the patreon.com slash history hyena side, where we read out the newest members of the matriarchy every single week. We give points for the funniest name. The funniest name wins the PPW, the pseudo penis of the week. We encourage you guys to make funny names. We thank you so much for your support. Here we go. I'm going to read out the newest members of the matriarchy. This is always very, very fun. Probably our most fun part of the show. Giannis, just spit on the floor. I got a little runoff from my zin in my mouth. That means I had it in too long. So we got Chrissy's fart while watching men's Olympic swimming, a.k.a. a stiff wind. Edward, Hayden White, Trent X, Jesus, Pesadio. The big gulp you get behind 7-Eleven. It's what it is. Okay. Kids getting a blowjob. The big gulp that you get behind 7-Eleven. That's a chicken finger. Not famous Colin. Young Chrissy D got his chimney swept in the night. Only rape kit we need is he sleeps with the TV on and the light. I don't get it. Went for something. Okay. Went for something there. Sawyer Eagleson, Giorgio DiPaola, Jimmy Jizz Wizard. Chicken finger. Jallison, Joe Lopez, Purse Murphy, Vegan from El Paso. Call me the Lone Star. Whoops. A lot of 14. Okay. Removed some ribs and bought a Tesla. Now I can't stop getting Roadhead Acapella. Okay. Removed some ribs. So he removed his ribs so he can suck his own dick and the Tesla drives him. Oh, that's one of those. That's so good that we didn't even get it. Right. You get a Drexler for that. Right. For the creativity. Kosher ham candle. Call it a frisbee meat menorah. It's really good. Drexler. Brennan Wright, Zazu, Matt Linden, Jake, Oliver Robeson, Chrissy's leaky balloon knot. What's a balloon knot again? You're an asshole. That's an ass? Yeah. So it's a chicken finger. Seth Evans, Mike, Josh Pagano, meat, ninja please, Sean Donovan, Silent Guy, Connor, Tane Cantrell, fagos you're no one eunuch okay oh fagos you're number one eunuch oh fagos you're number one yeah yeah fagos fagos is a funny yeah because his name was bagos wasn't it yeah i remember bobby decini making toots fight for my money call me mr yeast maddie son david jacobson gsr21 kim forthen hugo provosto ham strokers ejacula that's really good yeah i'm gonna put that on the list because we this is the one's the longest we've ever went without getting yeah that one's really funny ejacula is funny yeah got a couple of guys competing to do my taxes call it ultimate frisbee put them on the list and two contenders back to back it's just so funny the way it happens yeah cute kid who gets nervy after he uses his glue gun chrissy's got that dog in him call him the glue gun golden receiver put him on the list yeah yeah it is they got muzzies working at the hospital call it a staff infection put him on the list it's just but it's too good staff infection they're working at the hospital it's too good okay we're gonna leave it for now all right yeah it's it's a borderline but it's too good excuse me mr gnome you can't bring those sweater bombs on the plane put them on the list that's what it is dude this was a dry list that it just took off just what happens that's what you have to continuously listen absolutely new york knicks more like new york dings we can't do anything with your work we can't do anything with your work yeah jesus jesus shrouded cock print turned me catholic drex should i put that on or drex i think it's sacrilegious hunter johnson jamie hotte trevor zellerman sean sam dutch oven my frisbee girlfriend called all right we can't yeah the last thing caesar saw was yannis parallel parking i don't get it what's he what's he i don't know what's he getting at there i don't know last thing he saw was yannis parallel park i don't get it i don't get it a dl on grinder making twinkies benjamin bates moderate to severe it's just funny chicken finger because it's just funny random flung off a cliff in brazil like an amazon frisbee okay hoss has heartburn michelle obama's confetti cannon off the franks and beams off the franks and beams i like that That's a chicken finger of note. Very creative. I'm a transcontinental railroad, so run a train on me. Drexler. Okay. I in comf, a Yanni manifesto. I in comf. Okay, like I in, all right. They spelled it E-Y-E. I don't know. Oh. Yeah. Okay. Good try. Out of the pleasure crevice into the stench trench. List it. Yeah? Yeah. Stench trench, you like that? Yeah, into the crevice. Yeah, that's really good. Crushing Chinese peptides, call me Ji Jing Pyeong. Okay. John B., Logan H., off the beam, I'll take Timmy D.'s peen for some green. Put him on the list. Tim wants to get paid to get piped. Yeah. Tyler Baskin, Chris Yetso, Nathan Andrews, Muzzy Fumes, Christian Views, Christian Man Rubia, banged out a kush girl, now my baby got a bird face. Oh, Jesus. Can't do anything with that. The word before is really funny, too. The Muslim view. Muzzy Fumes, Christian Views? Probably means he's a Semitic kid who's Christian from like Syria or Libya or something. That's what it is. That's very funny. Ivanka's thong, Caesar, they call my sphincter the action figure guillotine. Put him on the fucking list. Yeah. Take out the catapult. It's also coincidentally, we made a joke about that on the podcast. Yeah, it's just happened. happens that way it's so weird when that happens you know what's funny when this list started i saw it i saw it like the pages and i went what if we don't i was actually thinking like what if we don't have one and then they just exploded it's just what happens my favorite resembles a frisbee named him robbie rodenstein okay dan matanis chicken nuggets with a hard r okay hunter i shit in my hands and clap uh direct all right yeah kids special needs yeah now the list is it's unfortunate cameron colin shemek aj dakota kevin straight to the back thank you kevin celebrating juneteenth on the 20th because leroy's are always late ladder 14 rexler helen keller sex ed teacher jesus jesus christ it's fucked up steve what do we do with that what do you do waste it's too fucked up yeah good one though yeah and then and then uh chrissy's french executioner and then we got steven strong kyle masturbates james hogan anthony savage dallas buckner i like kyle masturbates present tense yeah i like that present tense all right so here is the list it started off real slow we thought we're gonna get anything but then some bangers started coming out of just nowhere it's just when it rains it pours so we got ham strokers ejacula keep it around so we got a couple of guys competing to do my taxes called ultimate frisbee we gotta keep that around jesus christ chrissy's got that dog in him calling the golden receiver okay we can we can chicken finger that okay they got muzzies working in the hospital call it a staff infection we're gonna you know we're gonna we're gonna honor your work but we're gonna say you walked into one so they're on the walked into one list for the year yes then we got excuse me mr noam you can't bring those sweater bombs on the plane it's just unfortunate it's just funny but it's kind of old news right yeah really good though um then we got out of the pleasure crevice into the stench trench really good unfortunately not gonna make it to drexler off the beam i'll take timmy d's peen for some green that's really good right but we're gonna we're gonna direct not gonna make it yeah they call my sphincter the action figure guillotine we got to keep that one around yeah so we do have three yeah we like i say i always say i'm pretty sure we do this right jackula got a couple of guys competing to do my taxes called ultimate frisbee or they call my sphincter the action figure guillotine okay we're gonna take the first one it's nick's favorite he laughed every time it came up but i just don't think it has the meat that the other two what do you think would you agree yeah yeah all right nick agrees yeah hamstrokers ejaculars out it's really good though so it's between got a couple of guys competing to do my taxes call it ultimate frisbee or they call my sphincter the action figure guillotine well we're in a very very very very predictable and common dilemma right it seems to be we're always choosing between a really good gay joke or a jew joke yeah it just seems to be where we land that's what the podcast has is what it is is it a gay joke or a jew joke we have not we have been in this situation many times before so it's really which way you want to go jesse they're equally funny what do you think jess my vote is for frisbee that's the best worded frisbee joke i've heard so far so i'm going for and there's a lot of them and there's a lot of them do you agree yeah i like ultimate frisbee but listen i mean we're talking about the way he phrased putting a g.i. joe figure in his asshole as his call his ass it's a guillotine because he's putting the head in so you're so your vote is guillotine it's just i think my vote is guillotine yeah which is crazy so it's come down to me it's come down to you again and we're putting more on your plate i mean i got too much my plate i mean guy because i think i gotta go with guillotine so that's a tie it's a tie so then we're gonna have to do we're gonna have to go to patreon yeah we just go to them we'll make the list we're gonna we we hate to do this but the fans get involved and this is honestly we feel the fairest way to do it yeah when we can't decide we ask the fans and we'll we will read out who the winner is next week who the fan vote is it is between got a couple of guys competing to do my taxes called ultimate frisbee really good or they call my sphincter the ultimate frisbee action figure guillotine they're both equally good so it's up to you guys you tell us who it is patreon.com history hyenas is where all the fun happens the episodes continue there right now endless summer escapes start here travel the worlds of netflix irl inspired by fan favorites like stranger things and squid game brave the upside down face off with the front man play leveled up arcade games shop exclusive merch you and enjoy themed food and drinks beat the heat play eat and shop on repeat at netflix house at galleria dallas bring your crew and save get your 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