Coaching Session: How Can I Overcome Self-Sabotage And Rebuild Self-Trust? | EP 60

The biggest challenge in this chapter of my life was self-subotageant in the way that I was avoiding boredom I was avoiding doing things that feel comfortable in my mind feels uncomfortable because I need to face some fears and I realized I just self-subotage for some Beliefs that I believed when I was younger and that story that I'm telling about myself who I am But I feel that I already Overgrown that version of me. What's the feeling that comes up when you need to do something that's uncomfortable? The first thing that I want to do is just to run somewhere so it's kind of here What is this sensation trying to tell you? That thing is the core of Myself subotageant and everything and how I feel of the playtrap or after some of the losing me And that is the same thing that was with me for the last how I remember myself last 15 years. Yeah I wrote to you about leadership That from me right now is important to Explore how I can become the leader and I see this is the exact thing that you'll make me Aligned leader who stays confidently on his knees Being leader to this boy means being leader to others leadership starts with self We got to learn to lead ourselves We got to build that trust with ourselves first if you can't lead yourself. How can you lead others? You need to trust your own leadership first Welcome to the Heart of Man podcast a podcast for any man seeking to live in lineman with his deepest core and lead a life of profound meaning and connection I'm your host Alex Lehman and I'm here to empower you through transformative conversations I opening insights and practical wisdom Join me now as a venture into the heart of man. Let's dive in Over the years of being a fellow podcast listener myself I've received immense benefit from listening to coaches and practitioners I've been inspired by offering anonymous coaching sessions to their listeners Every time I tuned in I found these sessions to be an incredible opportunity to get to know myself on a deeper level And while the content of what might be occurring for someone is unique to them The themes are addressed are my eyes universal Themes that we all need to face and work through whether it's moving through self sabotage Overcoming anxiety Finding forgiveness accepting ourselves for who we really are or learning to lead ourselves better To offer you deeper context of my world outside of being a podcaster And to give you a glimpse into my work as a coach and somatic practitioner I decided to periodically release these experiences where I guide someone through a process of the work I offer in person Which includes a one hour coaching session and a one hour breathwork journey In this session you'll have the opportunity to listen to the challenges our tours navigating As we explore the themes of self sabotage, self trust and self leadership Like many men I work with Artur wanted to address the blocks holding them back from doing the work he deeply wants to step into After a few minutes of investigation and directing my curiosity toward his experience We oriented our session around his internal world Something I commonly do within these sessions What Artur ended up finding was a surprise to him as he was completely oblivious to the blind spots right in front of him If you listen closely I would argue that this is going to be a session many of you might be able to relate to Highlighting that self leadership isn't just about the execution of our task lists or the actions we want to take But rather it often begins by being there for ourselves in the moments that are silently demanding it This one was for sure a relatable one for me and I know for many high performers I work with as well If you enjoy the style of podcast and found value in it my encouragement is to let me know reach out Leave a comment or give the podcast a five-star rating to show it some extra love If you've been a listener of the show for a while You'll know that I truly do my best to offer a platform that brings genuine value as a demand excellence of myself And the reason why is because I genuinely care and I want men to succeed My aspiration is to create the kind of role map I wish I had when I was walking through the thick of it in my own journey So without further ado, let's dive into this coaching session with Artur Right Artur it's a pleasure to have you here today. How are you doing? Also being a bit There is a bit inside the underground but I'm a problem and I'm pretty confident Calm and confident What is it like to be in this environment right now in this unique situation with all these cameras all these lights on us and also recognizing we're really coming together for a very intimate conversation for you to experience my work So what is that like right now and what do you notice in your body? I'm feeling a bit like higher high-speed so um It's not that completely I'm relaxed and comfortable but compared to the last time I've been in such a setup and you're not talking about not going to I haven't talked about some intimate stuff It's like earth and That's right There's a huge difference from I'm feeling much more comfortable right now sitting here I'm really glad to hear that and I would as well argue that this is the place where I would really want us to start And this is the place where I would like us to focus Because essentially I really want you to be in a state where you're comfortable Where you're feeling relaxed where you feel safe because I would argue that's as well where we can do some of our deepest work So from there we can as well direct ourselves towards the conversation. So What would allow you in this moment to allow yourself to feel more relaxed? Is there something here right now that would like to be acknowledged or like to be addressed? I think that's just the question of time The more we would get into the process the more relaxed I will become You're now I'm feeling relaxed Wonderful Okay, so I would say let's just go about the process and I will of course remain attuned to you sensitive towards what might be occurring And if I pick anything up, I'll definitely let you know so Looking at it now from this lens of us having a session I would like you just to Bring it together For us in a very concise way. Let's say in around two to three sentences What is it that you're struggling with and as well? What is it that you're hoping to get out of this session today? The biggest challenge for me in the last couple of in the last in this chapter of my life was self-subotage in In the way that I was avoiding boredom I was avoiding doing things that feel somewhat comfortable on in my mind It's not comfortable because I need to face some fears and I need to face some some fears that affect my lower self and my ego Something about myself something about myself I don't like and I try to avoid trying to not look at and this is actually just self-subotage of my success and avoiding doing things that move the needle or doing things that will change my life in the business. Yeah So from what I just picked up on it seems like the thing that you're really working on right now is your business and really wanting to as well. I guess move the needle forward in your own words I'd love to hear what that what that means for you and also how does the self-sabotage show up for you right now? So I will start with that I had I feel that I have done successfully a lot of parts of my life like wellness health fitness relationships with friends community location freedom but business always was struggling and I was thinking why I was always not sitting to the one thing for a long time and it was always changing it was always pivoting and I realized I just self-sabotage for some beliefs that I believed when I was younger and something that that story that I'm telling about myself who I am but I feel that I already overgrown that version of me and I know how to succeed in business. Yeah I unconsciously repeating the same patterns of the same habits that keep me starting to keep me just running in the loop of same like homestead real. And as you're speaking about this right now what do you notice as you're sharing about it as you're sharing about your ways of self-sabotage? It sounds to me like or someone who's very clear, very clear around what it is that he wants and as well what he's as well wanting to move forwards to. However, it seems like not to be fully coming together right now. So what do you notice in your body right now as you're starting to speak about, particularly the self-sabotage? Vulnerability and sensations in my solar plexus. Got it. Area here. It is like something vulnerable. It's something that's also related to personal relationships with women, but also something that was with me for a long time. And now it's just that recently I got clear on okay what the business I want to build. Yeah. Who they want to work with. What they want to go into. To go forwards to before it was much worse. Right now I have this awareness and I aware that there is something on one side that's still like getting me back just to say and just and wants to say me that look at here. Yeah. And for me just to accept it and start learning my these parts of myself. Wonderful. So I want to just offer your reflection here. First of all, it sounds like you have a massive awareness. Massive awareness of stories, beliefs, perhaps certain emotions that you're as well and not fully feeling and you're recognizing that this is really all part of the process, which is wonderful. Right. Sometimes that awareness as well can get a little bit in our way. But check with me as well if this feels accurate to you, but almost a sensing that there's a little bit of judgment. There's a little bit of harshness towards yourself or maybe even criticism around the fact that you know what it is that you're wanting to step into. It's important to you, but it seems like you're not fully going into that. Is that accurate? Exactly. It's comparison to others. Yeah. And I think maybe some redred about how I spend my 20s. Got it. And how I spent my last six, seven years. Yeah. And judgment based on that story. Got it. So it almost sounds to me like you're attempting to correct your 20s. Correct experiences that you've had there, which seems to be creating a lot of pressure for you. I think so. I think that also social media and the narratives that we see in social media are amazing. Young people that in success will it hadn't been like that 10 years ago. Yeah. And I was part in 10 years ago. Hardly part in. And I think unconsciously I have this small judgment to myself that I haven't retired my parents when I was 20 to like I haven't focused on building something meaningful when I was better than so I need to work right now harder. So it is. How does that judgment impact you today? How does it affect you? It used to affect highly myself, esteem and confidence into myself, self trust. Like the biggest, the big world is self trust here. Tell me more about that and what's your relationship to self trust in this moment? The last two, three years I tried a lot of things, a lot of businesses and a lot of them failed. And because I was growing through failure to failure, I lost that self trust into myself because there was no success and everything I was trying to do led to some learnings but I saw that back then as a failure. So if I may just jump in here. What's interesting for me is that it seems like you have to find self trust towards the success of the things that you have pursued. Could that be accurate? I think so. I know right now that self trust is when I'm doing what I say I'm doing and that's also a big part that I self-sabotage by not doing what I know that I need to do. Got it. I know that I need to film this way of self or like edit and share this way of self. I need to that I need to film more content but I have no to do in that chose avoiding distracting myself, postponing to doing something and that led to two years of domestic nation. Well the thing I want to just illuminate here is perhaps really clarifying and really defining for yourself what self trust really is because having a definition of self trust that communicates I say what I do and I do what I say is very different from needing to have a certain level of success from the outcomes that from the actions that you're taking. And I want to as well acknowledge that there is a bit of an external aspect to that that is out of your control. So let me ask you what feels actually more soothing or maybe even more opening to you. What definition would you like to consider for yourself that feels more let's just say that makes the whole idea of self trust more approachable in this moment. Right now self trust for me is doing what I say I will do before it was that other part that got it. Got it. I'm not successful because everything I try is not going to some kind of financial success. And how have you been able to digest or process those experiences particularly when you're framing of self trust was still so defined by the outcomes that you're experiencing. And then as well with the added pressure of the comparison of other individuals who might be getting the success that you're aiming for. Can I repeat the beginning of the question. How have you been able to work with I guess the perceived failures that you've experienced over the few years because I'm seeing that your definition of self trust has changed. Have you been able to process some of those failures and some of those judgments that you had onto yourself. It took time but yeah everything comes to just changing the perspective. So I just realized that first of all I wrote down what I have done and what what I have started in my wins. I wrote down my wins and looked at them and realized that shit. I actually have done a lot of work with big names and helped people. And I then I cannot say I'm failure just after looking on my wins. So that helped me just to look at my life differently changing the perspective. And also realizing where my value is from. And seen differently failures and wins for me failures right now in most cases it's just something that I learned is just trials. And the more failures I have the faster I win. For me it's just become different. Luturian things differently. Got it. So let's draw awareness more towards the sabotage that is occurring but also some of the feelings or emotions that you communicate that you're attempting to avoid. So what is it that you would need to feel if you were to take the actions that you communicate you want to take? How I will need to feel. What would you need to feel? What would you show up the moment you would start taking action? So I'm running and the hardest part in running is Luturian Luturian taking on shoes. From me starting is the hardest part. Once I started and doing something I'm getting into the flow and so much easier. For example I will bring the example of editing my VSL video. Getting through edit that you're opening the program and just starting because there's no clear process for me right now. Tades this inner wheel. But once I started editing once I'm in the flow is effortless. So one of the things that I would really love for us to do I'm noticing that within the conversation that we're having so far right now it's still quite heady. I don't know if you're observing that as well yourself. So one of the things that I would like us to really do right now is just to draw your attention towards your body. And just allow yourself to slow everything down. Good yeah that's it close your eyes and just take a few deep breaths. Let's see if you're able to limit the stories that are occurring about everything that you're wanting to achieve and I want us to just really focus on the self-sabotage. Right? So what is the thing that you would need to feel if you didn't distract yourself? The word that came in the first time you asked this and comment right now is "Heaven fun, heaven joy." What I will need to feel "Heaven joy." Okay, so what you're avoiding right now feeling through the self-sabotage is joy. Is that correct? No, that's what I would like to feel. You would like to feel. No, do not have a self-sabotage. God, right. So you would like to step into more joy and aliveness. Great. I love that. What is the thing that you're now feeling as a result of the self-sabotage and what would you need to feel if you didn't start, if you didn't do all this self-sabotage? I'm feeling great now when I need to do something uncomfortable. Yeah. So what's the feeling that comes up when you need to do something that's uncomfortable? Let's see. So I'm the first thing that I want to do is just to run somewhere. So it's kind of fear. Fear. Right. I want to do somewhere. Great. So let's just keep it at that. It's fear. Right. You're feeling fear. Where do you feel that fear? What do you notice? My chest. Okay. Would you be open to working with that fear just a little bit? Yes. Wonderful. Before we jump back into this episode, I want to take the short moment to speak to any man listening who's ready to go deeper. The man who longs to feel at peace with himself, who knows he's capable of more, who can sense there are parts of himself he just hasn't yet been able to reach. The man who craves real connection and fulfillment in his romantic relationship and a more passionate, satisfying intimate life. Through my work, I've had the honor of supporting McClennes through incredible transformations, both personally and professionally. Here's what some of them had to say about our work. I was able to fully reconnect with myself, which enabled me to fully reconnect with my partner. I was just blown away by how skilled he was as a guide, as a coach. He really met me where I was at. Yeah, thank you, Alex, for this amazing time. You changed my life and it's so crazy what's possible in such a short time. Don't think twice. Sign up, take the leap to join him in any of his courses and programs. You will not be disappointed. I feel more confident, more grounded in control of my emotions. It was just a beautiful and magical experience and therefore I'm gonna work with him in future for sure. As men we often overlook our emotional needs, but I'll access someone you can truly rely on to help you work through them. I could not recommend him higher. As you can hear, I've had the privilege of walking alongside men and couples through deep and lasting transformation in the way they live, lead and love. And while my work continues to grow and evolve, one-to-one coaching remains my favorite, the intimacy, the commitment, and the depth inside the container are undeniable. At the time of releasing this episode, I have two spots open for my one-to-one coaching. If you notice even a slight inclination to take this next step, my encouragement is to follow that and reach out for a free connection call with no strings attached. You'll find a link to my type form in the show notes or you can send me a DM on Instagram. It would be an honor to explore how I can support you on your journey. Like you just to either keep your eyes open, just having a soft gaze. If you feel comfortable with it, close down your eyes. Wonderful. And before we begin, I'd like you just to really feel the weight of your sitting bones. Draw your attention again towards the bottom of your feet. And allow yourself to really be in your body in this moment. You know? Notice as well if the head is wanting to figure it out. If there's a part of you that wants to find a solution to it right now. And if available, I would just like to request or ask that part just to soften back a little bit. Just to park back a little bit. Just so we can focus on that fear a little bit longer. So I'm going to ask you a few questions to that sensation that you're feeling in your chest. And I'd like you just to trust the first answers that comes. So recognize that these are more intuitive questions. They might not make logical sense. But just trust the very first thing that shows up for you. So what is the shape of that sensation that you're experiencing in the center of your chest? Trandel. It's a triangle. Okay. Does it have a color? Orange yellow. Orange yellow. Got it. Does it have a particular type of movement or a certain texture? It's not spinning, but it's kind of floating floating. And what do you notice in terms of the movement within your chest? Is there like a weight on your chest? Do you feel a sharp pain? Do you feel yourself caving in? What does your body want to do when you feel the fear? It just tightens. And my body wants to just get it into a bit of fight of flight mode. Fight and flight. Okay. Got it. How does that show up for you when you say that you want to get into fight of flight mode? I mean, I want to do the toilet. You want to run to the toilet. Got it. Yeah. Thanks for being honest around that. So right now, let's just take a few deep breaths. Yeah. And I just want you to remember that I'm right here with you. I'm here with you in every step of the way. So for now, as you're feeling the fear and as you're feeling as well, the desire to run, see if you're able to connect to your breath. See if you're able to connect to the feet of your ground, the weights beneath you and your sitting bones. Notice if you're just able to be with that fear as it is. A part of you that wants to run away right now. Do you also feel it in the center of your chest or do you feel in a different location in your body? I'm feeling it in different parts of my body, my knees, my legs, in my hips. So it's going from the chest down. Okay. Yeah. What's it like to be with this right now? Yeah. So what I would like you just to do is actually I would like us just to honor that desire to move, that desire to run. So notice if in this moment you're able to just gently move your feet back and forth. So just gently rubbing them against the rug beneath you as if you're walking. So just allowing as well that somatic movement of wanting to walk, of wanting to step away to be here. It comes down. It comes down. Beautiful. Good. Wonderful. So just welcoming that. Yeah. So just keep allowing that. I'm going to invite you as well just to take a few deep breaths. And notice if you're able to allow some soft exhales as well with some gentle sound just to as well accompany that. Good. Yeah. I don't know what your experience has been in the past, but I can imagine that there's been moments where perhaps you felt trapped or you couldn't feel like you could step out of a situation and that made you feel incredibly scared. Could there be some truth to that? I don't want one one picture in my mind right now when a child is crying and what does mom she is? How it all these moments? Cradling. Yeah. And that's the feeling that I'm doing to myself to calm down that part. Wonderful. Yeah. Beautiful. So just notice as well here how you're able to soothe yourself. So what's your sensation towards that sense of fear right now? Sensation. Yeah. How do you feel towards the fear right now? Is it more available for you to be with it? Are you do you notice yourself feeling more open towards the fear? I'm definitely feeling more open towards this. Beautiful. Okay. Good. So would you be willing to just approach the fear a little bit longer or have a few more questions towards it? Yes. Wonderful. So if this sensation of fear had a voice right now, what would it say to you? What is the sensation trying to tell you? Good. It's scared. Scared. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So would like you just to ask it what it's scared of? The words that the here is alone? Mm-hmm. Lonely. Yeah. So you're scared of being all alone. Is that accurate? Yeah. Yeah. And notice if you're able to, as you're in this conversation here with me right now, as you're drawing your attention towards that sensation of fear that is terrified of being alone, notice the part of you that can as well observe the entire experience. Notice the part of you that's detached of that and can like a father or like a parent figure, be with that part of you that is terrified. Is that possible? Is that available to you right now? I'm going to be with the part that is unattached. Yeah. So can you notice that an aspect of you is terrified, terrified of being alone, whereas another aspect of you that's just watching it? I don't see right now anyone around. Got it. Well, I guess what I'm trying to communicate to you, you can watch yourself that you're scared, right? Yeah. But part of you that's watching you that's scared is not scared. Could that, that's accurate, right? Yes. Beautiful. So just watch that. Watch how a part of you is terrified, terrified of being alone, whereas another aspect of you can watch that and be detached to that. Yeah. So again, just taking a few deep breaths. So just acknowledging the part of you that is terrified of being alone. Can you remember a time when you first felt that? Probably between the Jordan and kindergarten. Yeah. I wonder if there are certain images or a certain scene that is coming up for you as you think about this. Yeah, it is. I'm honestly going to, I'm trying to, yeah. Going to the room where it is supposed to sleep. And while other teeds are playing, I'm trying for another 30 minutes. Yeah. Until I'm getting comfortable and maybe I just express emotions and get back to the teeds. So as you watch that scene of that little boy crying, crying for his mother, what do you witness in him? What do you observe in him? Is he, is he aware that his mother is coming back or what do you, what do you perceive in him? No, he feels late. The mom left him forever. Got it. Yeah. He's not confident. He's not comfortable. Yeah. He doesn't know why. Yeah. Yeah, I'm just feeling a lot of compassion here right now for that little boy. Just considering as well that it's a very scary proposition to live with, which is never going to come back. He's going to be all alone. Yeah. So what did that little boy decide in that moment? What did he learn to believe about himself and how is he as well learned to protect himself from that fear of being all alone? He learned that something, he learned something about his value and he learned that people will leave him alone. Yeah. He's separate. He doesn't belong. And you also share there's something here about his value. What is it about his value that you believe he took on as a belief? This one is harder. He's not valuable, but I don't know why. Yeah. But he seems that if he will do, right now I will say please the people but you, he will make people happy. They won't left him alone. Got it. So is that the way that you learn to cope with that fear of being all alone, of being excommunicated, excommunicated? Is that how you learn to protect yourself from that? I start feeling the pain. It's interesting. Yeah. Is it still in the chest? Yeah, it's in the chest. Okay. So I'm going to just invite you just to stay with it. Keep breathing into it and just allow yourself as well to allow some space for that pain. Answering your question. He learned to defend himself in the way of closing himself and avoid him. Yeah. And just crying and feeling grief and feeling betrayal or feeling it, nothing made sense. Yeah. Hmm. Okay. You still feel that pain in your chest? It's not that intensive. Got it. Okay. Well, just let me know if it returns. But I guess what I'm hearing is that there was a deep sense of betrayal. I came from that experience, you know, for that little boy. And so he saw the world as helpless. Yeah. That now we didn't help him. Got it. So there's a helplessness that you experienced in that moment. And it seems like it is that very helplessness challenged me if I'm mistaken. But it seems like that is that very helplessness that you're attempting to now avoid today. Is that very helplessness that you've learned to protect yourself from? Yes. And it's not just business, but I see it all in all relationships. So how is it showing up? Then somebody leaves me or I have a breakup. I feel these sensations and I'm closing myself, closing my heart. Yeah. And I'm feeling that lower, that less energy. I don't want to do it, but I see the world as a helpless. Yeah. Same with business. Hmm. How are those connected? How do you see that? How do you see himself? How I see myself, my values, my value as a person, as a man. So how have you learned to define yourself? How have you started to relate to yourself in terms of your value, whether it's in relationships or in business? Can you ask for a different way? Yeah. So as a result of that very difficult experience for that little boy, right? It seems like the world was perfect up until that point where he was safe, he was protected, everything was okay, his needs were met. And all of a sudden he goes to kindergarten. His mom leaves him. He doesn't really know what's going on, but the place that he goes is his mom wouldn't ever go back. She would ever come back, right? And is that moment that you experienced, let's just say a certain wake up call to a level of betrayal? Yeah. Yeah. And that is. I don't feel like I have friends there. Or somebody that can. understand me. So I'm feeling like the whole world is just left me behind. Got it. Got it. So it sounds to me like you weren't just left by the person that you love. And that seems to be as well kind of a theme in your life. Being left by the person that you love. But as well no one can support you. Yeah. Yeah? No one can help you. Yeah? So what's your relationship today in terms of receiving help? Hmm. Yeah, I have problems with that. Mm-hmm. Tell me more. For me it's harder to ask for help. I'm learning that but. It. I will. I know that my dad is the same but. I will do something on my own and will straddle. But I will not ask for help. But as I will stand there. I am not. that. that. I don't deserve it. You don't deserve it. Yeah. This word. Yeah. Hmm. So again just checking in with your body. What do you notice as you're speaking about this? How is this all landing? It is resonating a lot. I'm even feeling. to my hands. In the way that. I'm sweating but. I'm getting. getting hotter like I mean. Yeah. The temperature. Got it. Yeah. So it's. I'm feeling the vulnerability of. when I'm. like diving deeper. Yeah. So let's take a moment here again just to direct our tension again back to that little boy. Yeah. And. if the scene is not in front of you right now. I'd like you just to draw your attention towards it. Paint the scene of that experience. Where his mother is leaving. And. where that boy is just noticing. His mom. stepping away further and further. And I'd like. Yes. In the scene is he's laying down on the bed. And. Yeah. Yeah. So I'd like you just to visualize as if you're in the scene here right now. And for now, like you just to. watch the scene playing out. how far do you see yourself away from that little boy? I saw myself. at three meters far away. But every time I was closer and closer and right now I. I'm. I'm that boy. Yeah, you're that boy. Okay. Well, I'd like you just to see if you're able to create a little bit of space. between that experience of that little boy. and you yourself within your current age. Is that available? Is that available? Is that available? Is that available? Yeah. Beautiful. I'm seeing him from the back. Yeah. But I don't know if you can see him from the front. Hmm. You can't see him from the front. No. Yeah. Hmm. So notice what had to happen if you were just to step a little bit closer. Nothing. He's still continue to cry. Yeah. Hmm. He's slowing down on his side. Hmm. His position is closed. Yeah. So see if you're able to come almost to the level where you can touch him. And see if you're able to just allow a compassionate presence. without placing your hands on him. And just notice what happens in that moment. When you just welcome his experience, his sadness. He turned to me. Okay. Hmm. And as he turns around, what do you notice now? I'm sitting near. on the side near him. Yeah. Hmm. But what do you like to tell you? That he's scared. He's scared. Hmm. Yeah. And what is he needing? Feeling that he belongs, but also he's feeling that there is someone near. someone he knows, someone he trusts, someone he loves, and someone who loves him. Hmm. Yeah. Hmm. How does that impact you when you hear those words in terms of what he needs? Well, a lot of you have to really feel that. I felt when he turns. turns back to me. I felt that he already feels better. Hmm. He doesn't feel so lonely. Hmm. And when I'm here, what he needs, I realize in that everything he needs, he already has. Inside himself. Hmm. Is that his experience or is that the experience that you perceive of him? That's my experience. Right. So what is his experience? What does he need? What does he need of you? Be with him. Yeah. Is that something that you'd be available to? Yeah. Hmm. How would he like you to be with him? Letting older brother, it being someone who is older and more confident and someone that can defend you and be a cowardly or a coward, he needs it. So he will feel confident, stain, and he will feel that there is a wall behind him that he can just hold on. So notice what happens in your system when you hear those words in terms of what he is wanting from you. Right. He really wants you to support him to be with him. I felt the sensation here going down into the stomach. Into the stomach. Okay. Yeah. How does that impact you? Is that something that you're willing to take on for him and with him? Oh yeah. Yeah. Hmm. I would love to. Yeah. Can you share that with him? Hmm. How does he respond? He's still scared, but he feels trauma. Yeah. Stop crying. Well, maybe you can ask him what he would require and need from you in order to feel less scared. Trust. Trust. He needs your trust. He needs trust. Yeah. Coming back to that topic of self-trust. Well, what would support him in trusting you more? What would support? Yeah. So, he doesn't fully trust you yet. Yeah. What does he need in order to trust you more? Just be with him. In the moments when he feels scared when he feels that just be there. Got it. And have you done that? No. Oh, avoiding. Yeah. That's it. Right? And when you were avoiding, how is he feeling as a result of you avoiding? Worse. Got it. So, I'd like you just to take a moment just to really receive the words I'm going to say now and just let those land. But the very experience that that little boy had in relationship to his mother, this is the very thing that you're as well doing to that little boy. The moment he needs you, the moment he's scared, you're not there. Can you see that? I can feel it. Yeah. What are you feeling? Sensation, my stomach. Sensation in your stomach. Like, he is a dream, with what you say. Yeah. Hmm. Right? So just recognize as well, the responsibility that comes with that. And also the impact that you're having as a result of not being there. Right? And it's not the shame here, but it's to bring back responsibility. And responsibility is a big word for me. Yeah. I was feeling, I was thinking that I'm responsible, but in a lot of times and moments, I was in the victimhood and I was taking role, so responsibility from me, avoiding responsibility. Mm-hmm. Even I was lying to myself saying that I'm responsible, but I was not. Yeah. So if I'm going to make a bold statement here, but I would say the thing where one invite more responsibility in your life is this very thing. It's not more actions. It's not more to do this. It's not more tasks. It's this very thing. And when that feeling comes up, you know, when that sensation of fear comes up, that you're able to meet it and that you're with it. Yeah. And that you're here for that little boy and the ways that he wasn't supported in the past. Is that something that you're willing to take on? 100%. Beautiful. Wonderful. Yeah. So let yourself just to take a few deep breaths. And I'd like you just to check in with him one last time before I got you out of this. Does he require anything else from you? Trust. Trust. Look here. No need to trust him. Okay. What would that look like for him? How would he like you to trust him? That he is with me. Yeah. That we need each other. Yeah. Can you also sense that? Yeah. That you need him? How do you need him? Does he is that innocence of me? That's it. Beautiful. Be yourself. I love it. Yeah. It's aspects, I would argue, he's an aspect of your humanity. Yeah. An aspect of your purity. An aspect of your aliveness. An aspect of your life force. Each world. Every world felt the sensations. An aspect of your creativity. Yeah. But what you've done is you've shut yourself completely and entirely off of it. How can you lead a business with that? How can you trust yourself in the absence of that? He agrees. Yeah. And I agree. All bodies were brightened. Beautiful. So, I'm going to slowly guide you out of this. But before I do, just allow yourself to share some final words towards him. And notice if you're able to make him a promise, a promise that whatever might resonate with you, I don't want to put my words onto your mouth. But I want you to make him a promise, a promise that you can keep in terms of how you can be there. So you can actually rebuild that relationship of trust to him. I said that I'll, I said him that I love you and that I will be with you. Wonderful. Cool. So I'm going to just invite you to take a few deep breaths and just let it go with some sound on the exhale and visualize as you're exhaling, as if you're just allowing any excess energy that might still be present, just to be composted into the earth. Maybe just giving yourself just a gentle, very subtle shake, maybe some gentle movement. Starting to draw your attention back into the space, feeling your feet, feeling your sitting bones, your own time gently opening your eyes. And before you direct your attention towards me, just orientate yourself in the room. Maybe have a look at three to five objects, just taking some time to come back into the space. Okay. Beautiful. First of all, thank you. Thank you for your willingness. Thank you for your vulnerability. Thank you for your opportunity as well to really go to those places. I couldn't have done that without you. We're going to be wrapping up in a few moments, but I just want to take a moment here just to check in with you how you are and yeah, what you're noticing. Hmm. You never know how it will turn out. Yeah. I was not expecting to do it to dread there. I was not expecting to. Likewise. To the point that I can draw such deep and meet that boy. So it was unexpected. It was oversputations was great. It was I felt that. That thing is the core of myself, the bodhagen, and everything. And how I feel after playtrap or after some of the leaves me. And that is the same thing that was with me for the last. How I remember myself last 15 years. Yeah. And my reaction and my actions based on those reactions. And that's the only thing I need to accept and be with. Be myself. Not say be different or level up, but just be complete and aligned with who I am. Grow one and innocent child in one person. I love that man. And I love hearing all that. And like I said, I really appreciate your willingness to go to those places. And like I said, we're going to be wrapping up in the next five minutes. But I just want to bring a little bit more, I guess, into the conceptual just for you to as well notice how you're able to integrate this into your life. But as well, how it might connect with your life and the challenges that you're experiencing. And it seems like it's already very crystal clear for you. But I just want to again reflect it back to you in terms of what I'm seeing. But it seems like there was a time in your life where you had experienced deep states of loss, betrayal, fear, helplessness. And it sounds like you were in that situation left all alone with it. Right? And no one was there to really protect you and support you with it. And there's many theories on trauma. But one of the ways that Peter Levine, one of my heroes, I'm going to say speaks about it is that the biggest pain comes when we're in the absence of another empathetic person. So someone that can hold us empathetically through the pain that we're experiencing. Right? So it sounds like with that there is a bunch of protective mechanisms that have come as a result of that. Big one for that is self-reliance, you know, and as well avoidance. And not as well allowing yourself to really receive support. Yeah? But as well not allowing yourself to be seen, not allowing yourself to have part of your humanity in a way you've had to be disconnected from yourself. You've been here all the time, everything to say. Yeah, beautiful. You've had to be disconnected from your body because being in your body you would actually need to feel the pain. You would actually need to feel the fear, right? So all these distractions are actually an attempt for you to not feel the very thing that little boy felt. And what happens ironically with that is you're prolonging it. You're extending it. You're doing the very thing that you experienced, right? And that's usually how we do it in a very insidious way. Yeah. And so the pathway forward here for you, like I told you, it's not enough tasks, it's not showing up more. I would argue those things are going to be a byproduct when you're there for that part of you that feels afraid. Yeah? That part of you that feels helpless. When you're able to allow a little bit more space in your life, you know, just to allow that to breathe and be there for it. You know? Notice how you're feeling right now. Do you feel much fear in this state? Do you feel much helplessness? - No. - Yeah. So would you say that taking action from this space is a lot easier? - Of course. - Yeah. Right. So that's what I'm really inviting you into here. In those moments when you feel that resistance coming up, let yourself direct more attention towards it. Yeah? Be with that part. You can very much do it within dialogue and the way that we did it here and all as well give you some prompts once we come out of this conversation for you to as well actively work with that. But notice if you're able to come to that place where you're able to truly be with that part, the moment where you can actually just allow the fear to be there without resisting it. - Yeah, that's right, right. - Yeah, beautiful. Well, we're gonna have an opportunity to come into a closing share after a breath work session. But I just wanna check in with you if there's anything else that you would like to share here or if there's anything else that you would love me to know before we come into a conclusion of the first part, the first segment of our session. - So see this is, I wrote to you about leadership that from me right now it's important to explore how I can become the leader and I see it. This is the exact thing that you'll make me a lion leader who stays confidently on his knees. - Exactly. Being leader to this boy means being leader to others. That's it man, leadership starts with self. Yeah, we gotta learn to lead ourselves. We gotta build that trust with ourselves first. If you can't lead yourself, how can you lead others? Right? You need to trust your own leadership first. And the way that you're gonna do it is not by taking more actions. It's by showing up. Of course, take the actions, but the actions will come with a lot less resistance when you can just be there. All right? - Well, we're gonna close off the segment here. First of all, thank you again. Thanks for your vulnerability. Thanks for your willingness to show up here and I'm excited as well to segue over to our breathwork session. - Thank you for such a long time. - Before we move into the final part of the coaching session, we'll want to offer a bit of context about facilitated breath rep patterning or FBR for short, explaining what it is and how I integrate it within my work, create real tangible shifts and change. The recording you're about to hear picks up after the breathwork journey itself. So before we dive in, let me share a few words about this practice and why I believe it's such an important complement to the coaching process. FBR is a form of clinical breathwork that combines precise analysis of a person's breathing mechanics with touch-based facilitation and verbal guidance. Every session begins with a clear observation of the breath, noticing how the inhale moves into the body, how the exhale leaves the body, which muscles are active, and where there is tension, balance, over effort or collapse. From there, we move forward with deliberate interventions, whether it's touchwork, a verbal cue, a shift in tone or music, reading a kind of call and response between my facilitation and the client's nervous system. The purpose isn't to guide a breather toward a one correct way of breathing, but to help restore range, slow and dynamism. Aiming to support the remembrance of the natural intelligence of the body and breath. Now you might ask yourself, why breathwork? Well, if you consider that we breathe on average, 21,000 to 26,000 times a day, and if we've habitually learned to breathe poorly, or am now that the way is, that means we're repeating those same patterns thousands of times every single day. But if we can shift the way we breathe subconsciously, the impact on our physical, mental, and emotional health can be profound. When that happens, the body begins to unlearn old breathing or holding patterns that might have been formed in moments of stress or adversity, and new pathways are created, allowing for greater harmony, balance, and functionality. Often, this also includes integrating aspects of ourselves. We may have long forgotten, helping us connect more deeply to our humanity, and build greater capacity, resilience, and emotional fluidity. Combining a top-down, unbodied coaching approach with this deeply body-based practice is my favorite way of working with clients. Through thousands of hours of experience, I've come to observe that the content we explore and bring into awareness within coaching sessions, often becomes the most important point for deeper work through the sub and unconscious layers of the body, and access through the breath. This allows for the completion of past experiences, behavioral change at the nervous system level, in the emergence of new pathways. This can often lead to a whole range of benefits, fooding improved sleep, digestion, mental clarity, and overall relaxation, allowing us to short more resilient, and better equipped to handle the ups and downs of life in a calm and grounded way. It's important to note that due to the depth of this work, and the necessary hands-on support, the silitated breath-wrap patterning is only offered in person. If this has sparked your curiosity, and you have the ability to do this work in person, you can either fill out the type form, linked in the show notes, or message me directly on Instagram to connect further. Now, without further ado, let's dive into this final caution over session, on the other side of the breath-wrap journey. - All right, our tour. So what the listeners don't know is that we've just gone through one hour breath-work journey, and this is our last 15 minutes, where you just get an opportunity, just to share your experience, anything that came alive. I hadn't asked you yet, so I'm really curious to hear how the breath-work journey's been, and as well, what came up as well as a result of the coaching session we had prior. - Man. I think you changed my life. But I don't breath-work, I'm doing it daily, but I don't breath-work at least a couple of times, that being lead by someone. I have never been on such, I have never experienced, what I experienced this time. I did mushrooms, I have different sessions with magic mushrooms, silo-sybian, and I thought I'd be in deep. Now, this was spiritual experience. The breath-work itself was normal, what happened after, made me realize, this is it, that's this moment. I saw my dad boy in that room, me standing behind him, holding him, and God was standing behind me, holding me. And behind him is just divinity, it's just divine energy, bright. And I realized that he was always with me. I was never alone. That was spiritual experience. I've seen, I have never seen this in my life, and I have never felt so connected to these, I didn't say divine energy or God, right. Who always with me, that's why I started crying, but I was not crying, I was almost laughing about how stupid I was, thinking that it's just me, it's just I'm trying. This is a spiritual experience that I felt life happens through me, not because of me, not through me, but through me. And after I just felt that I'm still feeling that my back is, there is a wall in my back, not the wall, but there is somebody who is standing behind me. I just noticed myself relaxing as I hear that, so it's interesting, right? It's beautiful. Keep going. And I want to Jordan about this, I definitely, I felt that I want to, I want to draw the charge, you know, the charge and that just, yeah, be more like close to the rod and like start praying more often. But, they seem that this is just inner feeling that, there is always, he always with me. [BLANK_AUDIO] That's what's interesting. That's what I didn't expect. That's happened after breathwork, not during breathwork. I just saw this clear picture of this young child, young boy standing behind him. And this. It was not the human, it was being with bright energy. It was. I cannot explain it. It's all the pictures that I see in this so clear and I see it for so long. I didn't even feel that it's just my imagination because the pictures are strumming and drawing. But this was just with me for so long. I guess that's how we can describe spiritual experiences by the fact that they're very hard to explain. They're not explainable through words. Even some of the words you know, it makes no sense for him to at least know that. That could be it, right? But I guess maybe if I may just jump in here for a moment and of course if there's anything else I'd love to hear it. But I ponder on the fact and this is also something that I've been exploring in my own life. I consider that we have a relationship to self, to ourselves, relationship to others, and then relationship to life. And you know, you can add any other words that might be fitting for you under this idea of life. But for me, there is this recognition that there is something bigger than myself that is holding me, that is supporting me through my journey that is there. And very similar to yourself, I've been in situations where I perceive that I'm all on my own. It's all up to me. And no one's there to really support me. And I have all these protectors similar to yourself, like that warrior. Like you know, I can see the warrior in you that had really needed to do everything that he could in order to protect himself. Not realizing, as he said, that he's always supported in some ways, right? I realized that he just was a render and trust him. Yeah. I see what happens through me. That's his will. Not trying to be so selfish about it, but everything that happens in life is because of me. Yeah. What does that feel like, just considering to operate in life from a deeper place of flow or surrender using your word? I had a lot of moments when my life was on the edge in different ways. And I knew that those moments turns out it was something spiritual because. I do not believe that he just chants that I'm here and not somewhere else and I'm alive and not dead. I literally had those moments on the edge. And now I just need to explain everything. I just need to let go and trust and not trying to control everything right. And what might also be useful here to understand is that that warrior in you, that part in you that just wants to do, that wants to execute, that wants to take action, that guy doesn't need to retire and not do what he loves to do. However, it's going to come from a different place, right? And you can operate in a more aligned way, right? With the flow of what's occurring, you can then use your willpower to execute not from a place of force, or from a place of resistance or tension towards what is happening and you like having this story, I don't want this thing to happen. Things should be different, but more operating from a place of like acceptance, like true surrender. And from there executing. You asked about what to see your intention for these methods. And I said acceptance. I just accepted that here's how it is. Well listen, then we're going to wrap this one up, but I'm just so happy for you. Is there any final words that you would like to bring here before we come to a close to a session? After you've shared anything else that's here, I just want to share a few more ideas. Just on everything that we experience, just to tie a bow on all of this. But it's hard to, I don't know. Yeah. Somebody needs to have their spirits. That's it. For anyone who has an experience this and is like pondering on what is going on here. I think it's a truly experiential sensation or experience, right? Very hard to explain. However, I guess I just want to bring it to the entire conversation that we had covered, which is you came here today because you wanted to step into deeper self-trust. And what we had come to realize that it isn't just in the actions that you're intending to do. Of course, that's a part of it. But I think what was really missed here was an important stepping stone in between that wasn't being fully acknowledged and fully addressed, which is there was a deep fear around taking some of the actions that you wanted to take, right? Because one of the trauma therapists that I really love is Gabor Mate. I don't know if you've ever heard of him. But he speaks about this idea of authenticity and attachment. And as children, we will always choose attachment over authenticity. And as children, I think that can be a really good plan and keeps us safe at least at that time. It seems like from a child's perspective, let's just say, it seems like the best path forward. However, as adults, that can become quite difficult, especially when we want to lead relationships, we want to lead businesses, because the foundation of them requires us to be authentic. And so, you, wanting to step into deeper self-leadership, requires your authenticity. However, here there has been a coupling for you that your authenticity is not safe. Because you need to ensure that you belong. And in order for you to actually step into the authenticity, you got to allow the space for that part of you that is deeply afraid, deeply afraid of losing people, deeply afraid of being excommunicated, deeply afraid of risking his belonging, and learning to be with that part of you, learning to love that part of you, learning to provide and give that part of you the things you might have not received as a child. Not because your parents didn't want to provide you these things, maybe they were just not aware or they were not present, you know, similar to that circumstance or situation in kindergarten, right? It's about providing yourself that. And the more you provide yourself that, the deeper sense of trust you will experience towards yourself. Because the moments you, quote unquote, "require yourself," you need yourself, you're there. Because prior to that, you hadn't been. Every time those feelings come up, came up, you would avoid them. So you're teaching yourself that in those moments when things get difficult, you're not there. And I think this experience within the coaching, perhaps as well within the breathwork session, has taught you that it's really about that. And from there, the execution, the self-leadership, is going to be a lot more effortless. There's not going to be all this force, all this pressure you're putting on yourself. Does that all make sense? It made sense. Good day, little brother. Well, is there any final words or anything else before we come into a wrap? I think it does it, dude. Wonderful. Well, I'm just so grateful that you are willing to put yourself through this. Thank you as well for doing it within this setup. And I really trust as well, and hope that listeners will receive a lot of value from your courage, from your transparency, from your honesty, from your vulnerability. And I just want to say, man to man, you know, how much gratitude I have for you and how proud I am for you, like for you to really go to those places today, man. So I'm really grateful to have had the opportunity to support you in this way. To those amazing. Thank you. I appreciate it. It'll help. Beautiful. Well, listeners, I hope you received a lot of value from this conversation, this coaching session today. For me, this was a new way to as well show myself in a different light, something that individuals usually don't see unless they actually step into a coaching session with me. So I hope you as well receive value from my own willingness to as well step into some tenderness and some vulnerability. And until next time, signing off. Thank you for listening to this. episode, your time and attention is truly appreciated. If you enjoyed the show, make sure to subscribe to stay tuned for my upcoming episodes. And in case you know somebody who would find this episode helpful, I encourage you to pay it forward. Finally, if you've personally been receiving value from the show, one way you're able to support this podcast is by leaving a five-star rating and a written review on Apple podcasts or Spotify. Not only does this help more people find the show, but it also supports me in bringing more incredible guests on for the future. I'm your host, Alex Lehman, and until next time, signing off.