143: Cloud Kiss with Michael Rowland | Soder Podcast | EP 140

Hey everybody, I'm back on the road, I am back on the road, working out a new hour. It's a long process and we're at the very beginning of it. But I am going to be at New York Comedy Club in Stanford, Connecticut. I'm going to be there July 16th through the 18th, doing five shows, Greg Stone will be with me. And then just for laughs, Montreal, we added a late show to club soda on July 25th. It's a late show. I'm going to leave at 9.30 now, might be 9 o'clock, dancoder.com for full ticket info. And where you can also get tickets to see me, July 31st and August 1st at the Albany Fuddy Bone. Might be bringing Sag Daddy to God, might be happening, dancoder.com, full ticket info and all tickets available there. I'll see you on the road. Hope you're having a good week. It's just two white guys and hats sitting on a guy. I know, I saw your hat and I was like, okay, good. I just did. I got to get it early for the regs and I was like, dude, I'm not taking a shower. I'm like, fuck this shit. I didn't, I didn't share it. What's funny about white dudes in ball caps now is we just look like ice at lunch. I know. Also, we have to know about our teams. Yeah, dude, guys, don't have to know about their teams. People are coming up to me saying like, like, different players on the team. Are you not a brave guy? Dude, I don't give a fuck. I like being from Atlanta. That's what I care about. I'll tell you what that is, Michael Rowland, hilarious comedian. For those of you watching the podcast going, so do you need to do intros. Michael Rowland. Go watch the stand up. It's also on the show Animal Control, Joe McKaylon Fox, white guys with pointing out sports facts and hats is our autism. It's like where I see you and I go like, David Justice. And if you don't immediately go one of the greatest hitters of all time, I know. I know. People have really gotten in my ass about it. Sometimes I'll lie. Sometimes I'll just go like, yeah, and that's enough. That's enough. That's enough for somebody. Any time you're wearing sports memorabilia and someone says something to you, just go, yeah, absolutely. Have you see, well, I'm like, if I see you in a hat, I'm going to try to relate. That's how I always related to men. Yeah. It was talking sports. I didn't have a dad. My mom was dating guys. It's how I related to my dad. Yeah, yeah. My dad didn't like me. He was out of my life. So when he would call me, I'd better have fodder. I'd better like talk to him about something. So I talked to him about the 49ers of the San Francisco Giants. It's what literally made my sports fans. This is what I do with my dad. My dad, I think, does like me. We don't have any of the same interests at all. At all. Does he get comedy? Yes. No, like, no, his sense of humor kind of sucks. But you know what he is? He's like, I watched him give us speech at my sister's wedding and I watched my mom give us speech. My mom has good taste. My mom was like, we're watching this. We're watching like the Daily Show with George and she's like, this is good shit. And then my dad would be like, you know what I heard this joke about a Chinese guy today. There you go. Oh, whoa. Whoa. I think that's the recipe for a comedian is one funny parent that gets it. And one parent that's just sheer drive drive and he really what when he did his wedding speech, he was good. He was. He's his wedding speech. People were coming up like, your dad's great. He just said a bunch of stuff like he crushed my mom on stage, but a writer, but she's a writer in the off stage. She's got taste. Oh, that's it. She's got taste. Everything she said, I was like, this is tough mom's coming off his very unlikable right now. But she's got to taste. You know what you want to perform? She's got taste. No execution. My recipe was my dad was like world class funny. Really? Yeah. And my mom is entertaining. My mom is, she's very entertaining. She can be funny. My mom can be funny. My dad was funny. Yeah. So my dad was always funny. My dad was like, he would throw jokes that it took me 10 years after I saw him last like get it. Be like, oh, that's funny. Wow. He would have to perform her ass off. What do you mean by that? My mom is like, you can like hold corded a party. She's like a presence. Yeah. My mom's got a large presence. And I realized I was like, oh, that's, it's like when you see athletes in one of their like an NFL player and their dad played in the NBA, but then you find out their mom was like a track star. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know, that's why you have that mix. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was it. Gary was like super funny. My dad and Trish, my mom was like very, she's, she's very performative. She's like a dramatic and I mean this in a positive way. She's like got like stage presence. Yeah. And so you're like, oh, yeah. So like I was just in Tampa and one of my mom's friends that she used to work with like 30 years ago at this insurance company was like, oh, you got your mom's performance, you know. And I was like, oh, yeah. And he was like, your mom's like a large president. And you know, yeah. And when you see that in your parents, you go, I see it on my dad absolutely when he's on stage. And my dad's like, I remember when I was a kid, my mom was like, we're gonna watch Ferris Bueller's Day off. You're gonna fucking love this. And I was like watching it like, oh, my God. This guy's awesome. This guy's getting away with everything and my dad said they're like, this fucking kid. My dad's like that guy's like, this fucking piece of shit. Yeah. It was of course. Yeah. Where's he getting that man? Yeah, he was getting riled up like, why are we showing him this shit? My mom's like, shut up. Oh, you square. You fucking square. Yeah, that is when your parents come and watch you in Atlanta, are they like, have they ever given you notes that hurts? No. They're like, my parents are nice. My parents are nice. They're supportive. They want me to do. My mom wants me to be clean. My mom, the first comic she took me to see was Bill Cosby when I was 12. Yeah. Wow. Very sweet supportive lady. She's like, we're gonna see Bill Cosby. That's an agewell. No. And she'd be like, why can't you be clean like Bill and then everything came out about Bill Cosby. You just let me do my fucking thing. It's not great. Well, I'm like the dirtiest version of myself on stage and then off stage. I'm like, you know. Sweet boy. Yeah. Sweet boy that's not fucking sleeping women. That's the crazy shit. That is the crazy shit because it really was. People are young people now don't understand that before Cosby got in trouble. He was the prime standard of like, why don't you act this way? Why aren't you like Bill Cosby? I'm getting goosebumps thinking about that show. It was awesome. He was, oh my god. Cosby show is the group, if not the greatest sitcom of all time. I never watched that many episodes. I was about to do the baseball thing where I was like, yeah, of course. Oh yeah. I've seen like a few episodes of the show, but I don't know what to do. I grew up when it was on television, when it was like, when the Cosby show came on, you were like, yo, I remember the last Cosby show. I remember they're like, this is it. Cosby show is going away and you're like, no, this is like a standard. Like it can't got like people were like the last cheers. You're like, no. You can't go anyway. Yeah. And then gone Hannibal fucking took him out, took him off a riff off a fucking rip. That's how Hannibal was at the time. Hannibal is so famous his riff, it's killed and I can't kill the fucking I got that couldn't be killed. Mm-hmm. That couldn't be taken down. People knew he's on dude. He's he's on the news being like Spanish fly. Have you seen those clips? Dude, I'll show you even better one. Big J showed me one. One from the Cosby show where he's like, oh, your barbecue sauce and he goes, it gets you the little bit of that. I put something in it, it gives you a little bit of the whole whatever he does. He does a Cosby thing where he's like, it gives you the weeble wobbles. Jay showed me that clip and I was like, he's like the BTK killer. Yeah, he's like bragging about it in letters. He's like, you won't catch me. Just let no one catch me. No one can catch me. Mm-hmm. Waking up. Sick fuck. After a guy like Cosby. So you have to be like, no one's going to believe this. You know what I mean? That's why it's so dastard. Nobody's going to believe you if you wake up, you are not going to believe. And you're like, you fucking monster. You got out of jail. What a monster. I don't know. I really don't know. I think there was like something that they let him out. I'm amazed. This is my, I'm amazed with the human brain that there are people that still defend him. They go like, you mother fuckers, he was fine. And you're like, well, I think usually it was released in 2021. Oh, really? Yeah, dude, he's out. And he's got those homeless, he's got old dog guy now. Yeah. Where it's all cloudy and he's like, puffy. Where are they keeping him? You see that photo? The video. Where he goes? You know what that is? That's like, you know what that reminds me of is when Kevin Spacey did the video. I was saving character and he's like, y'all missed me. Didn't you? And you go, Kevin? No. Fuck you. We don't need this right now. That was like, cause me when he did that, like, cause he was trying to be funny. Cause back in the day, I still got it. That would have gotten me. Yeah, yeah. Like 90s him doing that. Everyone would be like, Bill. Bill. And now they're like, it's crazy. Fucking. It's time now. Just lives in Pennsylvania. That's what we're doing. I'm bumping into a jail bill, cause I'll tell you right now, I wouldn't have the nuts to say shit. No, I wouldn't. I go, sir, himself is the perfect hour of standout comedy. Watch that Dennis bit. Got it on VHS, baby. It is. From my mom. Yeah, it was my mom just being like grooming me, just being like, look at this. How about this? She saw it. Like, she, she put me in a comedy where I was a kid and she was like, check it out. Look at this. Have you ever talked to her about Cosby? Oh yeah, she's like all right. She does I get to do whatever once she came to a show I'm like, you know, I'm dirty. She's like, all right, the lawyers are not out there Yeah, it's just fine as long as you're not okay. I didn't know how bad it could get for you community Man, that's what so funny is back in the day when your parents found out I'm talking about like before us Your parents had shame that you were going into the entertainment industry that you were like a clown But now that all these all the shits coming up about comics they go type raise a monster. Yeah. Yeah, can I raise a horrible? Yeah, yeah, cuz you go, no, I just want to be silly. Most of us are just like now. We just want to be silly fuck around It's so fun. Yeah, and then have that though where they go. Oh, there's a much darker side I wasn't well everybody loves that fucking narrative. I've taken like trips with my mom Where you like hang out with other older people and then like? These fucking squares. I remember this one guy. I was on like a river cruise with my mom and a guy's like Well after after Robin Williams died It seems like these comedians are just off in themselves left and right. Are you a little depressed? And I was like, what? I want to look them down the eyes go. I'm gonna put you in my note I'm gonna name you in my note. I'm not that clever. I'm not that quick. I was just like no No, we don't know we though. No, we though. It's like it could have been masturbation It's like a small percentage honestly and they already had like a bad disease that he just didn't want to let progress Yeah, I think my mom saw all the checks and she went Substance abuse problem. No relationship with his father. She goes probably the best place She really looked at it. She was like fuck man. You're doing great. This or jail you turn it into a fucking problem We are right. Yeah, man. Thank God. I was just old enough to to miss oxy cotton It was just old for real. No, for real though. I can't really I'm not joking when I say that really Fuck so many people. I got addicted to percuss sets in high school really because at the time that was the highest-strength oral pain pill you could take Oxy-Cottons came out when I was in college and I was already in alcohol Yeah, yeah, and I just did I already got through the pill thing Yeah, yeah, if that shit would have hit in high school, I absolutely would have done it. He's still smoking the weeds. Yeah Oh, yeah, yeah, dude, what I got to get I got to get back to no booze just weed No booze just weed from listen. I keep going up there's people that it doesn't work I have friends that quit drinking and they can't do it and I get it if you somehow can do it To me, it's the best mixture. It is. It's a lovely mixture. I've done it just to great success I've done like a year with no booze just weed lovely life I also got into cratoms for a little bit. Great. I'm as dangerous. Great. I'm as a dangerous one It'll say that it's if you got a little yeah, I knew people that were like Cratum and also like I never got into like so loft Xanax now never got in that stuff when I was in college all the hot girls would Take a piece of a Xanax bar and drink on it and then blackout. Yeah, and I mean it's like why This is when I'm the most insecure when I have the least amount of money Yeah, and I'm trying to get pussy and I'm like Shocked I never did Danny bars shocked. Why didn't you cuz I didn't like him You didn't like out felt he didn't after I got over percuss that's when I was in high school I was like I don't like that's kind of I thought I did him once I once I got him and I did it on an airplane I didn't I hadn't drank for like a year and I was like flying somewhere and I was like time to start Time to start again, and I took his annex and then I drank a couple drinks on the flight and my brother was like you Disappeared for an hour. I was like what he was like on the flight. You were gone for an hour and then eventually a Stewardess brought you back to the seat No, no memory of it. I have no memory of it I have no memory of it. I think I would say maybe I went to the bathroom make you sit down and did a different seat You go hey, this middle seats open. I know all I know is the store just brought me back to my seat after an hour and my ID and my credit cards We're gone. We're gone. Damn you someone has your driver's license I met this guy and he insisted I take his driver's license. Just kept saying take it take it When you quit for a year, I'm always interested about this because I sometimes Like fantasize what it'd be like to come back to booze, but when I have friends that do come back to booze They're like I don't like it. Some people don't like it because you immediately don't feel control. Yeah, I mean kind of it's kind of I mean, it's like I'm like hammered when you first came back Yeah, yeah, you're not like you're the thing is you're thinking like okay, I'm gonna come back to it I'm gonna do two yeah, three and then you're like you remember why you like drinking you're like oh, yeah I was running this out. I feel incredible. Yeah, I'll just keep going. Why would we stop more of this when I first quit drinking I always would do this thing or I'd go when I hit 10 years. I'm gonna have one night of drinking I'm gonna come back for one night Nice and I was talking to Nate Bargette about it, and I was like My drink on Friday. I got here's what I want 10 years in I'm gonna drink and I'll call you. I'll call Joe to Rose. I'll call out Jackson I'll call all the people he's drink with we'll go to the Creek and drink and he's like yeah one night No, you know what though? I probably should drink beers on Friday night just a guy get used to it for a Saturday and Nate stops and he goes You're already at two nights. You're like yeah, this is why I have to quit It's summertime means trying to lose weight probably trying to stay in swimsuit shape Sometimes you're working a lot don't have time to make those meals that build around your your fitness goals Well, guess what enter factor meals factor has meals built around the goals that you have in mind whether it's weight loss overall nutrition if you want to do you know more protein strength and workout recovery whatever it is every meal is crafted with Functional ingredients like lean proteins colorful veggies whole foods and healthy fats almost call them healthy farts But what I'm saying is factor makes good meals that you can just it's meal prep for you That's exactly what it is and now you can try the newly launched ready to eat salads with ingredients like Lote corn and edamame plus 70 add-on surround out your nutrition from green juices to peanut butter energy bites All I'm saying is if you're looking to get in the shape and you need a good diet Check out factor and if you head to factor meals dot com Slash soda 50 off and use the code soda 50 off You get 50% off and free daily greens per box with new subscriptions only and while supplies last until September 27th, 2026 see website for more details. I know that I'm afraid of Getting into contracts like with cell phone providers. I would I'm a sucker. I sign on for a long time And I'm like what the hell I'm overpaying? Why in the hell didn't someone teach me better? Because there's things in life that you don't want to be transparent like your swimsuit or your search history But when it comes to your wireless bill transparency is everything that's why I meant mobiles wireless plans have no gimmicks No gotches just high-speed data and reliable coverage on T-Mobile 5G network and right now all plans are 15 dollars per month even unlimited to get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month go to mintmobile dot com Slash soda. That's mint mobile dot com slash soda cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile dot com Slash soda. That's it. No cash a Front payments of $45 for three months $90 for six months or a $180 for 12 months plan required 15 per month equivalent taxes and fees extra Initial plan term only greater than 50 GBs greater than 50 gigabytes may slow when network is busy Includes up to 20 gigabyte hotspot giveable device required availability speed and coverage varies see mint mobile dot com I'll tell you this the last season of animal control We did I didn't drink for the whole season. I was like I want to be want to be good I'll be focused and then at the rap party. I was like I'm gonna do it and very quickly it was like Three nights, you're just like you wake up the next day and you're like hungover and you're like well, we got a Gotta take the edge off this I do still after all this time this day drinking Yeah, the idea of getting drunk during the day to me still sounds so fun I used to like it on the road I used to make friends with the people that work at Target because I was half in the bag When I'd go to Target for like socks When you were on the road were you were you would you would day drink up into the shelf? Occasionally. Yeah, I was very hungover from what it was was Thursday was always travel Friday Maybe if I drink usually hard on Thursday's because there's one show. Yeah Friday if I went really hard I would absolutely have to drink on Saturday. Yeah, shout out my friend Greg Rampage USA lives in Seattle I went up there. I was doing shows in Kirkland, Washington, and I got black out on a on a Friday completely blacked out and Woke up one of the worst hangovers I've ever had in my life. We were supposed to get dinner me and Greg were supposed to get dinner Saturday before the show I was so hungover that I had to drink three margaritas of dinner just to get even I remember watching him watch me be like the fuck and I was just like Like it was medicine. I was like And then after the third one I was like you want to do a shot and you started to feel it again bag, baby Yeah, cuz then you're drunk again. Yeah, yeah, yeah, look who can look is okay But I always did feel like a rat packer when I was hammered during the day or I was like maybe everything's fun I feel like that's how guys just used to live dude and it martini lunches. Yeah, that really was like businessmen would go get Fucking drunk it were at lunch and they make business and then they sexually harass their secretaries when they come back They go, "Debra, you look good in that pencil skirt. Hold my meetings." Then they come in the office and he's like, "I wonder if they got sloppy." No one ever talks about old people at Martini lunches. - I know. And they must have. - They must have. - They must have. - Well, there's, I mean, you've watched Mad Men. - No. - No? - Never watched Mad Men. - I mean, you want to talk about Martini lunches, a retrospective. That's the fucking show. - That's the whole show. - And he's like, "Who are the Martini lunches?" They go, "Dude, it's John Ham." It is like John Ham, just like at 3 p.m. on a couch laying down being like, I'm brainstorming. And then one guy pisses himself and they fire him 'cause he couldn't handle the shit. - Yeah, that's where, man, if you were, if you were an alcoholic in the '50s, you could say, "I'll arrive." But if you had the actual, now that we know, it's like a gene, like an addictive gene. - Yeah. - If you had the genetics to be an alcoholic in the '50s, you were a fucking monster. - My grandfather, huge out, both of 'em. - Shout out, shout out, Henry John rolling the first. My boy came back from World War II, just got after it. And he was a salesman, his boss was a drunk. And this was back when, if you were driving drunk, the police would be like, "John, what are you doing?" - Taking nap. - Taking nap, John. - John, getting the back of the cruiser, I'm taking ya home. - Take ya home, where's the misses? - You ran it up on a damn hydrin again. - Yeah, you got the day in your home. - You go, the Henderson's are gonna be mad, but I'll cool it off with a bunch of good taking nap. - I'm gonna smoke it over, take a nap, John. - The first, I've talked about this before, but I'm fascinated about it. Adjusting to a world of DUIs. (laughing) Most of them, like, what the fuck, dude? - I said, when did that happen? Can you look up when DUIs went national? 'Cause my dad had so many DUIs that I did not know about until my grandma died and I cleaned her house out, and I just found all this paperwork. - Wait, really? - Yeah, my dad died in '97. My grandma died in 20, 20, three. - All right, Pete. - That's fine. - I think that's what my grandma did. - Yeah, and I had to clean out her house, and I just found, like, all of his DUIs. - A lot of paperwork. I found a lot of paperwork. Where I was like, damn, I think he had at least four. - Dude, my dad was telling me his dad would just like, he was just getting fucked up on the regular. It was never bad. It was never mean. - They could hold it. - No, I think he was like, he would come home and be like, oh, he was like black out. - He was black out, and my dad is like a very serious guy because of that. My dad is like, he would have to be a criminal. - He was the oldest to five. Yeah, he was the oldest boy, and he was just like, I guess this is on me. - Dude. - I guess this is me now. - The kids then knew the position. They were like, I have to be the man of the house. They couldn't go blog about it. - He's a very serious podcast, like our bitch asses. 1906, and it's early, so he looked up national. When was it federally a DUI? 'Cause there were states that probably thought that Kentucky, the South is pretty late to stuff. - Well, Georgia, you're from Georgia, but Kentucky's obsessed with bourbon and whiskeys. - They are. - So I feel like they were the last ones to go like, we have to drive. - But then you're from Colorado, and that feels like out West, and it feels like, like don't tell us what the fuck to do. - It was very lawless. So it's a little scrambled. 80s and 2000s. - That's when it really came to you. - DUI primarily regulated by individual states, but federal involvement grew significantly in the 80s and the 2000s. This is why my dad had a lot of DUIs. 'Cause I think I genuinely think. - He was coming out of the '70s, being like, we do whatever they want. - In the Bay Area, they were fucking doing yak. - They were going coke, they were drinking, they were smoking fucking a weed. Services going the '60s and '70s were fucking wild. So I can't imagine them going, you can't drive anymore. Key milestones include the 1984 National Minimum Drinking Age Act, established the 21-year-old minimum, and the 2000 passage of the.08 BAC national standard. - That's it. - That's what it was. 1984, they did that, and then 2000 President Clinton, that kid hammer, had to go and sign legislation requiring states to adopt, I would hate it. - What a fucker, he made the three strike rule, Andy. - You know what's funny, you eyes in? - My dad was dead '97, so he was getting state DUIs. - He wasn't getting that federal sit. - It became a federal case of committed on federal land. - I gotta do it. - State levels date back to early 1900s, 1906. - You got one. - I got a bad one, did you? - Bad, bad. - Can I tell you, that's the one thing I got away from was no kids, no DUIs. - That's beautiful. - My drinking was a success. - How did you get it? - Oh man, well it was just, back in Atlanta, when we were doing stand-up, this is around the time when you came down there, probably, maybe after. I don't know before, I did a punch line, and then I did laughing skull with Jordan Temple. - Yeah. - In like, 2015. - Yeah. - And I drove you to do the regular guys, 96 Rock, 96 Rock in the morning. - Yeah, so this might have been before, 'cause I wasn't driving for a while after this, but it was just so normal for us. In Atlanta, like it was there, we were all drinking hard, and then it was like, just go home. It got too normal, and then I was in the laughing skull, and I had done a show. - Was that a biker, was that a biker bar? - It's just like a bar with a bunch of biker chicks on the walls, and like a giant wood penis, and there was a good bar. - Everybody smokes inside. - Yeah, that's great. - Yeah, what a fun time, kick it mad about that. - I was fucking, I had already had some drinks, and I went outside, and there was this homeless guy that was like, he had all these American flags, and he was like, I was in the Navy, and I was like, my dad was in the Navy, brother. And he goes, really, what part? And I was like, he was a CB, and the guy was like, I always wanted to be a CB. This is the Naval Engineers, and I was like, get your ass in here, I'm buying you a drink. And then we went into the bar, and I just bought this homeless dude a bunch of drinks. We were like going shots and beer, and that's all he wants. - Yeah, and then I got like a little, I felt like I hit my limit, I was like, okay, I gotta go, and I left him in the bar, and I went, and I drove the Taco Bell on Ponce in Atlanta, and I get a text from the bar manager that's like, hey, you're banned from the bar, and I was like, why, he was like, you brought a homeless guy in here, you got him wasted, and now he's refusing to leave. - I left him with Drake, and he was just, like, he got fucked up, and he refused to leave. - You're getting that guy, you let him into the chocolate factory, and then you just let the Uber loop was dealin' them. You're like, brought him in, and you're like, that's the river of chocolate, and you're like, I'ma take a shit in there, and then I'm like, please don't, please don't, but I gotta go to the chocolate. - So, and then, so you got banned from the bar? - I got banned from the bar, that was the last message I see. I get all my food from Taco Bell, fall asleep. - Do you remember your order? - Something big. I had big eyes, big eyes, bigger than the stomach. - I always do a Gordita and a Chalupa, and you're like, who aren't you? - You don't want also a burrito. I was like on that type of time. And so, I don't remember this part, but apparently what happened is I went over and I parked, and I ate my shit, and then I fell asleep with it on my chest. - Oh, you were a hammer, a cop came up. To be fair, I pulled over, I stopped the car. Were you in a parking lot? - The high was, I pulled over on the side of the street. And the cop came and knocked on the window. I don't remember this. He knocked on the window, and apparently what I did was I woke up, and I waved at him, and I drove away. - Oh. - And I drove away at a very slow speed, and he pursued me for maybe two miles. Two miles, I don't remember this. He pursued me for two miles, until I eventually drove over this highway, and then over some lanes of traffic, up onto a curb slowly, and then hit a pole slowly. - Slowly. - Just you bumped into it? - Yeah, and what I remember, this is the scary part, this is the part that's not funny to me, is where I remember coming to, with my foot on an accelerator, and feeling a car not moving, and trying to accelerate. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which, if it was any, like, if it was-- - This guy has maglight on you looking at the other accompli-- - What the fuck? - What the fuck in this guy? - He did it. - Hey. (laughing) And he begs out the window, he goes, "Fuckin' stop." And I'm like, that's what I'm like, "Oh fuck, like I'm like," and so, I go to jail. - Night in jail. - I go to holding, for him county holding. My mom comes and picks me up, I cry. I cry. - Of course. - I was ashamed of myself. You know, jail are holding, not so bad. They put us all in this giant room, and we watched two and a half men for like a long time. - Man, man, man, man, man. - We watched so much two and a half men. - Man, they're getting you ready. - And I was like, I remember there were guys over to the right. (laughing) - Yeah. - There's guys over to the right, you could see all the DUI guys, and I'm like, I'm not gonna sit with the pussy DUI guys. - Fuckin' pussy, I'm gonna murder. - I'm gonna sit with the real guys. All the real guys are just homeless guys. That they've just taken it. - They go, "I heard you take us in and buy us booze." As long as we say we're in the Navy. - And I was, I was between these two guys. And one guy, they like didn't exchange over me where this guy took his sock off, and he had like a little crack in between his toes. And he gave it to the guy for a baloney sandwich. - Damn, what a good trade. - Exactly. Honestly, baloney sandwich for crack. - For a little crack. - You can't find that on, you can't find that trade on the outside. - No, sir, you can't. - How long are you in there? - Dude, like hours, you know. I've actually got my mom. My mom came and I wish I was very ashamed. I was very apologetic, and I was also, what, 26, 27 years old. There's nothing to punish. She was just like, yeah, you fucked up. - Damn, they took your license. - No, the cop was new. Oh, this happened, the cop had moved from Alabama, and I was like, where are you from, man? I was in the back and I was drunk. I remember this, I was like, where are you from? And he goes, Alabama, and I was like, you're gonna arrest me in my city? - I was like that. - I was so funny. - I was like that. - From a conference. - Do you run Z2? - I'll cast a B. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - You go in order, I'll tell you where it is. - That poor police officer, and then, you know, arrest me in my city, the guy went, I wouldn't mind shooting you in the chest. - I'm gonna love to shoot you in the fucking chest. - I wouldn't mind eliminating you all on this earth. - Fucking dickhead, fucking dickhead. - You gonna arrest me in my city? I'd be like, I hate you. - Yeah, I'm very hateable. - Listen, obviously there's bad cops that do fucked up shit, but there's so many good cops that have to put up with assholes shit like that. - All the time. - You gonna arrest me in my city, he goes, I just got shot at it in the apartment complex three hours ago. I don't wanna deal with you. - I fuck you. Like that ego, like drunk ego, being like, who the fuck are you? - He's also nice enough. I had forgotten something like in my car, and he went back to the scene and got it and then brought it back to the jail. I think I was nicer to him after that. I think we had a long ride to the station. - Did you get drunk and cry? Like when my mom found out the Oscar drugs was crazy, she's like, oh, you brought it back for me, I love you. - And the cops like, holy shit, you shouldn't have been driving. - No, at that point, I was heartened. I was heartened by the incident. - You got my taco bell. - Thank you. - I ain't running my green knee now. (laughing) - Yo, there was a girl like that on the inside. I'll never forget, she wouldn't shut the fuck up. (laughing) - What are you talking about? You didn't even get a fucking nickel buck? - You are, yeah, man. - On the inside, she's different. - Describe to you like that, just that. - Girl's crying on the inside. Shit's different than the outside. You wouldn't get that with your clean hands. - With your clean hands, clean records. (laughing) - This lady wouldn't shut the fuck up and they put her in just like this glass box. And she just kept screaming, let me out, let me out. - Dude, for hours and everybody just had to listen to her and everyone was like, shut the fuck up. - Oh my God, you're pleased becoming annoyances. - Oh my God. - Would be my biggest concern about jail. - Insane. - Yeah. - The amount she was yelling and, oh my God. - It's like when you go to a hospital or an emergency room and you realize that you can't complain 'cause there's people with much bigger issues. - Yes. - I used to go to Bellevue 'cause it was like free. If you didn't have health insurance, it's crazy. - It's our most messed up hospital, right? - The expression pimped is made when I said that. And she was like, it's our toughest hospital, yes? - In Bellevue is wild. In my buddy Eli, shout out to Eli when we were waiting tables together. I had to go see a doctor and I was like, I don't have insurance, I have no money. And he's like, go down to Bellevue, bring three of your pay stubs, go to the business office. There are nonprofit, this was 20 years ago. There are nonprofit hospital. They'll give you a card and it'll only cost you $25 to see a doctor based on your income. But you have to call for an appointment. So I called an appointment and you go in and you go like, oh shit. You're in a waiting room with people and they're looking at me like, what are you doing here? You have all your teeth, you have both your eyes. Like you go in there and you'd be like, I can't complain. And one time I went in for an endoscopy 'cause I was having stomach problems. And I was in this like waiting area with people that were in so much pain that I couldn't complain at all. And I don't wait for hours. I still couldn't complain. I was like, oh, can you see me and then you're making nurses like, we've been seeing anything on me one, hold on. And then there's just a guy next to me going, oh, just making a noise that I was like, yeah, yeah, get to him, yeah, yeah, go him. My tummy hurts. Have you watched the pit at all? No, what a fun show. That's the 24 hours in the emergency room. Yeah, yeah. It's a whole shift in the emergency room. It's great. I heard a rumor that they were trying to do a reboot of ER. I think that's correct. And they wouldn't sign off on it. So they're like, all right, we'll just get that actor. Just do 24 with one of the guys from the door. Yeah, it's a great show. But yeah, it gives you some empathy for like the wait times and like how, like hard the doctors are working in there trying to see everybody. People are coming in. People are fucked up. And they're going to help. And you guys, I understand help. Yeah. You're number seven. When we get through the six in front of you for very good reason, we'll get to you. We will get to you. Yeah, I don't think, I think people lost touch with that idea of like in the age of instant everything in the age of like you're the star. Fucking, this is your, you're the main character. You're not. We're in a big society that relies on other people like, sometimes other people take priority and that's okay. Yeah. I think a hospital is where you go like, I'm going to chill the fuck out. Chill the fuck out. Let me just sit the fuck out. Maybe you got a near infection, an understated hurts. Chill a little bit. Yeah. Cause you see that real shit. I'd go to Bellevue and I'd be like, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'd be waiting for like three hours in the back. You and I'm like, get this guy. Speaking of the language, I don't know. Yeah. Oh, so long. I was like, grab a stomach and be like, this guy's in so much pain. There was wild. That was like, one of the ones where I was like, man, our health insurance is sure it's broken. Yeah. Our health care system really is sad. That is one of the messages of the show. Yeah. Yeah, they're like, boy is this system very hot and fucked up. Fuck up. Very fucked up. All the insurance guys when that guy got shot, they went, hey, don't put our faces out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the funniest reaction of Luigi was all the CEOs of other insurance companies going, whoa, whoa, whoa, guys, guys. This is a bad idea. Yeah. This is a really bad idea and everyone's like, I think it's a good idea and they go, it's not though. It's not, I don't know. It seems like crazy to me that we have all the technology, but you can't see a doctor. Yeah. The show sponsor might better help. Better help. I guess you just came fresh from therapy, so he's feeling real connected. No, I genuinely do love, I am coming from therapy and I had a good session today. And I think that's what therapy is. It's like going to the gym for your brain. You get a good workout, you feel better, and then you go for the next one. It's all about consistency. It's hard to find a therapist, yes. But when you find a therapist, it is very rewarding. And better help has over 30,000 therapists and it's the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 6 million people globally. And it gets an average rating out of 4.9 out of 5, which if you're a rating is guy like me, you go with it. Better help therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the United States. And better help does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences. And then with their 12 years experience and industry leading match for fulfillment rate, it means they typically get it right the first time. But if it isn't right, guess what? You could switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored recommendations. Don't let stigma stand in the way of support. Start therapy with better help. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/soder. That's better help, aglp.com/soder. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. 41 DUIs are estimated by one Tennessee State trooper. Jesus. - This is a guy that's not just letting you go home. - The Tennessee Bureau of Investigation, which is just a guy, it's just a guy named like Lucky. - Yeah. - He goes, "Oh, I watch the streets from my sober DUIs. Four times higher than previously reported." - Wait, sober DUIs? - They're giving people who are sober DUIs. - Wow. - The county throughout 41 DUIs are estimated by former Tennessee State trooper. Also, parole between 2021 and 2024 with 22 of those cases involving drivers who are later shown not to have blood alcohol content levels above the legal limit. And with 14 of the 22 cases, the drivers had some alcohol in their systems at the time of their arrest. But in at least eight cases, the drivers arrested, tested negative for both drugs and alcohol. The other 19 DUI cases were reportedly dropped for other reasons, including parole being unavailable for court. Isn't that the thing they always say when you get a speeding ticket? - Yeah. - You'll go to court, the couple will ever show up. - Yeah, yeah. Always. - If I were a cop, I would show up to everyone. - I went to court for the DUI, he showed up. - He did? - He was there. Also, the lawyer was like, "I got a lawyer 'cause I had run from the police." I had done a lot. I was like, "I should go to jail." They were like, usually a DUI gets knocked down to like a reckless driving. He tried to do that with a lawyer. The lawyer's like, "We're gonna knock this down to a DUI." - Yeah, that's really funny. - That's what we're gonna do. - I can't even get you DUI. - No, but if you went up on a curb-- - You're like, "We're getting a DUI." And he was like, "If you want to come to court early, I'd done all this stuff preemptively. I'd done all this community service and all the stuff before he even went to court 'cause the lawyer's like, "We're gonna go "and the judge can be like, you're a good kid." - You're a good guy, get out of here. He goes, if you want to see the video you come early and I was like, "I don't want to see the video." 'Cause I'm very shamefully hurt. - Even as a comic? - It's gonna live in my head. It's gonna live in my head. I'm gonna be very ashamed. And sure enough, I walked to court. I'm not too early, but I get there. And the lawyer's watching it like he's watching like an episode of Jackass. He's like, "Oh, oh." I watch him, he's watching it. He's like, he can't sit still. He's moving. from one side of the court to the other to the copy's like you remember the part would he oh my god oh no you're such a fuck I was like watch it I was like no and then he came out and he goes I'm gonna be honest with him in where's the UI video I've ever seen I've seen a lot that's the worst I've ever seen and I was like oh my god was there any moment of pride in that was there any moment of real like if you're gonna fail fail spectacularly yeah that's right bitch you can't remember me I mean I definitely like tell the story of him like watching it watching it like a black dude watches magic just like just like running yeah just like sprinting terrified dude he's watching it dude it was I mean it was nuts that's crazy you never want your lawyer going force one of those and dude and he was before that he was comforting me I was very ashamed when I first met with him I was like I can't believe it to this and everybody kept saying this he said this my dad said this he's like everybody gets one man is your one you just hold it and he goes now I'm about to drive to Al-Foretta because I fell I went to high school with been boned in the 16-year-old so keep it all in perspective buddy oh yeah and then I found out afterwards they let me back into the bar and the manager that it banned me from that bar was like your lawyer that you hired comes in here every lunch period and runs he has to do martini lunch every lunch he's a fucking lunch which means that's how bad your video was is that it's not even a guy that doesn't understand alcohol culture it's a guy that goes holy shit I'm drunk right now I didn't drink for a year after that that was like when I'm gonna I'm gonna take a year what brought you back after a year I got a girlfriend and it was stressing me out he's like I need it I was like I'm gonna go back to the country so it's like a country song you're like I got me woman and she's driving me to drink that's what it was to I try to think every time I slipped it was always like in convenience that made me upset like what airports delayed flight I mean that's I mean if you're gonna drink it's an airport airport the rules are out the fucking window no matter what time it is I said I miss day drinking you miss airport yes I miss light drinking ooh I miss getting drunk enough that I'm willing to leave and come back to security just smoke a cigarette right St. Louis airport I was flying Chicago St. Louis St. Louis back to New York this is like when I had to buy like flights with six layovers to afford it and it was I was coming home from La La Paloza I went to La La Paloza and I was it's like 2011 2012 and I get to the St. Louis Airport and our flight gets delayed and I went I just went to the bar started drinking and I was like what's security like here and they're like it's not that bad I remember exactly which part of the parking garage I went to in the St. Louis Airport smoked like two or three cigarettes came back through was late was the last person to board the flight and came on smelling like cigarettes and whiskey and and wanted to talk to everybody I remember there was like a flight where they're like we'd all board and then they're like hey we're actually not going to be able to take off for a couple hours or like an hour if you guys want to get off for a little bit I was like show enough get off crush a few whiskey's get back on right before their bed take off like who we did you come in hot I ended up kissing the lady next to me in my seat but potentially we had I was like I was I was I was firing can we made out with a woman I played all cylinders I had a charm I'd never had and and you guys made out we made out did you guys hang out after that no no she wanted to it I was like that was just for the that was a light sky that was a sky kiss Bailey you get to the cloud kiss first it only time it's ever happened kiss me in the clouds kiss me in the clouds I leave me alone like I'd never do this digging this diggers and ears on the ground only in the sky yeah I have you don't realize how annoying you are when you get on a plane drunk no you think you think everybody loves you think it's a sitcom yeah I'm the neighbor that gets the cheer I when I used to go visit my mom for Christmas when I was like you know still waiting tables and drinking here she I wanted to smoke cigarette in the only place you could smoke cigarette DIA was this like bar on the second level of the terminal and I was like I'll go up there I had like an hour to my flight I was like I'll go up there smoke cigarette get a burger fucking go to say whatever sit down at the bar couple Jameson's couple fat tires turns out Raven Steelers was kicking off I was flying home on a Sunday so I go fucking Raven Steelers I'm smoking cigarettes I don't want to yeah this is everything I need I don't look at my fucking phone and then I'm like oh they it's 15 minutes past boarding yeah and I fucking I get drunkenly on the plane and want to talk to everybody about Steelers Ravens no one cares all you guys watching is Raven Steelers game and they're like yeah putty get to your seat I'm like buckling in and being like a fuck it looks pretty good fuck it looks like he had to want to smith on a slam and they're a big man you're a presence you're getting on late somebody thought they had an open seat and I'm moving this is burly in that and I don't I'm so sorry about this I really enjoy watching Ray Lewis play the positional linebacker and they're like I don't think he did what they said he did two people he could kill one guy but not two yeah it was airport drinking is in your head the greatest and for everyone else a huge problem huge cuz now when I'm traveling and I see people black out in an airport I'm like oh brother I get it stay the fuck away from me yeah don't bring that shit over here I do get jealous when I see a two thirds empty beer at a bar at an airport you make the best of friends made out with a girl I made out with a girl that is crazy it is crazy it only happened the one time I've never talked about it I'm kind of I'm bragging you know what's funny is sometimes you know I don't know about you but self admittedly I don't think I ever had a lot of game and I remember I went to Florida with my friends and I got blacked out at the pool and I ended up going on a date with one of the waitresses that worked there yeah don't remember yeah they're like do you remember going on a date last night know it yeah you like took a girl from the restaurant you guys went to the beach and got dinner I was like yeah you got out of your own way yeah I got out of my own way I got out of my own way it was just like whatever you had game I heard you get around who I that I got around no I think it was comics we're all carnies so you spend time around each other yeah it happens yeah but it like real world game zero yeah that's real the game is different if it's like you just got off stage yeah and you're like yeah how about that Patrice used to call it the yellow sun he's like it's it's like Superman the yellow sun it gives us powers the stage but the farther you get away from it the less power you have true and you feel like a weak little bitch oh my god anybody ever touch me oh my god dude I'd go to like regular shit hmm this is like 2010 and I meet people maybe like and you're like well then I'll go get drunk because that's where it was bars or comedy clubs the idea of going to like a club like a dance club terrifying to me to terrifying so that trip to Florida the same trip to Florida it was it was in Miami and we were all going because one of my friends was turning 30 the idea of Miami is scary to me I hate Miami but I was still drinking and I was like yeah fuck it let's go to Miami and we go down to Miami we're in South Beach we go to the Fountain Blue or like Fountain Blue I forget it's like a nice club my friends want to go to the club my friend who's birthday oh guys I grew up with they wait in line to get in the club yeah and then the club's like six dudes no seven of us he goes I can let five of you in and me and my buddy went the math me and my buddy went you want to go drink at the bar anyway yeah and we went and drank at the fucking lobby bar of the and it was more fun yeah my friends went to the club and they're like it's sucked to cost this I was like oh we got blown I don't think I've ever been to a club I've never done the thing where I like waited in line for some I remember I people love club culture I know I went and met a girl at a club I was like me to go outside she was coming out we'd already gone on the couple dates and I had my fucking backpack I'm always walking around with my backpack because they need my notebooks because I need my notebooks I just got over that dude I'm like I'm about to be 43 I got over that three years ago I'm out of there I'm outside of there with my dumb little backpack and there's a guy this fucking piece of shit just like with this big dumb mustache and a fur coat and he controls the list and I'm watching him and he's just relishing like looking at people and being like no no look at somebody and he'll go in a lift the velvet rope and I'm like this piece of shit I would never stand here and let this fucker pass judgment on me trying to go centerfield some pussy outside of a club that you know and you're like with your glove yeah I felt I felt I felt cool I was like hey I'm not going in there for that you know when she comes out though it's like being an airport with someone lands on a flight you go over here over here you know let's get out of you unless we fucked tonight dude that was that was I would that's what I mean I had no game if you took me outside of the comedy scene or waiting [BLANK_AUDIO] because of the co-worker game. - Yes. - I either had co-worker game, or I had, you saw me perform, everything else besides that. - But I think this is normal. This is like most guys. Most guys have their sphere of, what is it? Aptitudes, fear of knowledge, and that's where you, that's where you. - So you got strike. - Yeah, yeah. - Dude, there's guys that are like good at going to clubs. I'm friends with some of them. They're like good at going to clubs and buying a drink and going up and being like, they're good at having this conversation. What do you do? Oh yeah, that's really, they can do that. I can't do that at all. - Can't do it. - I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, like. Now, you put me at a diner? You're in trouble. (laughing) You put me at a diner, you put a diner, you put me a friend and two ladies at a diner, I'm running that shit, I'm running that shit. - So you come alive. - Club, Arizona, I did horrible at when I was in college. - Really? - 'Cause I did not have bar or club at a dinner table, and where'd you go to school? - I went to Cal State University, Northridge. - Oh hell yeah. - You used to have like, North of California. - No, where's Northridge? - No, no, no, that's, it's a suburb of Los Angeles. It's just Northridge. It's where the big earthquake happened. - Oh, shit, that's what I was saying. - I'm just an emperor of alley. - So you went, Cal State, how did you end up? - I went to Cal State, Northridge. - Out there. - Because my parents were supportive. I was like, I'm gonna do film production stuff. I had gone to this, like, art school in Atlanta. I got into like, film, I was like, I want to film stuff. And I didn't get into any, I didn't get it. The film schools are like USC, UCLA, Chapman, NYU, Emerson. None of them, I got, I got wait list of the Emerson. And I remember my mom looked up Cal State, Northridge, 'cause she'd heard like, people that work in the industry go to Cal State, Northridge. And she was like. - That's a good mom. - That's a good mom. - That's a good mom. - She's known the shorthand. She knew what I was capable of. And I remember, she looked at the school and she got excited, she was like, you can get in here. You can do it. You can get in here. I mean, you have the same level of dumbass hurry, where our mom's new, where we could get in. 'Cause like, I applied to see you. And they're like, wait list. And CSU was like, maybe. And then my mom was like, try out a state. And I went to Arizona, and Arizona was like. - I got a state. - And then write a letter about how your dad died. - And I wrote a letter, and Arizona was like, okay. And then I was like, they got it in Arizona. I got, through this, is no one to call Ronald Warner. - Yeah. - I got into Florida State. - Oh. - But I didn't get into the film production program, which is probably good. If I got into Florida State, I would have been a totally different guy. - You'd be dead. - I would have died. I would have died. - There's certain schools that I think about if I would have gone through, I would have been dead. - Yeah. - University of Indiana. - Why? - It's a party school. - Yeah. - I had friends that went to Bloomington, and they're like, it's a fucking drinking school. - Yeah, yeah. - Does not get enough credit. So if you're a Hoosier, congratulations on the national title and football. But also, you deserve more credit as a party school. 'Cause the people that I used to party with and drink with that went to Indiana, were like fucking pros. Indiana, I went to Arizona and everyone's like, Arizona's a party school. - Can you talk about it like it's the biggest party school in the country? - Arizona State is. - Oh, right. - Arizona, if you're a rich kid and you're in a frat, you're gonna have the best time in the world. If you're a rich kid and your dad's just gonna give you endless amounts of money, go to Arizona. Join a frat, you'll do good cocaine, you'll hang out with beautiful women. - You'll live forever. - And bleach blonde. If you just are a low life piece of shit and you want a party, go to Arizona State. You can get in and every night there, there's a party. We drive up from Tucson to Tempe and be like, I talked to Santino about this all the time 'cause Santino went to ASU. I was like, you went to the party school. We go up there and you'd be like, you'd see pool parties in an apartment complex on a Wednesday that you're like, this is like an on-to-rach episode. It's like crazy. Like the women there, and also, Arizona State, they're dumbasses. You just need to go wild cats. I'm always gonna be a wild cat. Wow. 2.5 GPA to get into fucking Arizona State. - Yeah. - So that was always the knock was that we had the slightly uglier, uglier smarter women. And they just had the greatest party school of the time. - Yeah. - Arizona State, it's like, it's Balker. I don't know if it's still like that. But at the turn of the century, Merrick, when I was there, '01 to '05, Arizona State. - I mean, when I was coming up there was still, people still talked about Arizona State. - They were like, the list would come out like. - Yeah, playboy list. - Playboy would do. - Arizona State. - And people at Arizona would always go like, yeah, Arizona's up there. And you go, "Mother fucker up, Ben and Tempe." We're not touching that. - Yeah. - Maybe they are in the frats, but not in regular, not in the gen pop. - I tried the gen pop. I love throwing gen pop. - I was gen pop, dude. I was just a regular. - I tried the fret thing. - You did? - I did. - You rushed. - I rushed, but I didn't plan to. There was just this group of guys that were like, you should join. And I was like, "Oh, they were crew." I realized we were like, we were like the bad news bears for a turn. We were like, "Yo, ZBT, those are still my balls." - ZBT, that was the Jewish fret. - Yeah, we weren't Jewish. It wasn't Jewish, but it was Jewish friends, right? - It was Jewish friends, but we were not, we were not super Jewish. - My roommate, at the time it was a drug deal in Israeli, moved way through ZBT. - Yeah, yeah. - Oh, those teams connected and they were fucking, swung and fucking. - We were like, we were like a fairy, Mexican friend. - That's great. The Jewish family state Northridge team. - I'm showing up and being like, "There's the ZBT. I want to see my brothers." And then they're like, "Oh no. Oh no, hey." - Oh, he was so close. - We're of a different tribe. - They come from a different one. - I did that for the 12, bro. - And then I quit, but I did it. I tried it because I was like, maybe this will help me get women. And it's just instilled a lot of really terrible drinking habits. - Did you, yeah, 'cause they, that rush process. - But dude, it was like, no, they're women weren't coming to the front either. - See, I wasn't like bad. - The people at Arizona in my freshman dorms that rushed. A lot of them got laid and I was like, I immediately saw the benefit. - Yeah. - And I was like, just in gene shorts in my room, drinking fucking Milwaukee's best. And smoking cigarettes, straight out there, shout out Apache Santa Cruz, the dorms. I would just be chilling outside smoking cigarettes and then my friend Morgan would come with a girl. And we'd be like, yeah, we met at this Theta SAE social and I'd be like, cool, cool, cool. You guys want smoke resin and play Madden 02? - This is what I was about. It's like, there were dudes you could smoke weed with and drink with. It was like, they would do these events and I'd be like, I can't, I'm not built for this. - Yeah, where I started really resenting it at Arizona was once they got into the frats, they were like, you can't come to our parties. And what I liked about the University of Colorado when I lived in Denver was when we would go visit our friends, older brother, who went to see you. You could get into frat parties. Just pay five bucks for a keg cup and you were in. Shed a red cup and then you were drinking and it was like, it literally reminded me of the movies where it's like a house party and you're like, oh, excuse me and everyone's drinking and they're like, who are you? And you're like, I live in this dorm and they're like, fine. Arizona was like dickheads, like they were fucking me. - They were gatekeeping the whole thing. - And you were like, I don't, my roommate one time, our junior year went to go sell a quarter pound to one of the frats, which will remain nameless. If you see me live, I'll tell you who it was. He was selling a quarter pound to a guy, fucking four ounces. He's like going to sell this guy and this is like, they want the weed, he had really good weed. And I'm like chilling with him. I was always the weed dealer's roommate. I was always what I was. And I'm like, just chilling there and this guy's like, who the fuck are you? And I was like, oh, my roommates, I didn't want to say anything because I go, my roommate's doing business with so and so. And the guy, I remember this fucking clear as day. The guy goes, cool, cool. You got three minutes to get out of this house where I'm gonna kick the shit out of you. And I go, I don't think that's a good idea for you. Not saying I was a bad ass, just 'cause I knew. And he was like, no, I fucked that. You got three minutes from a kick shit out of you and there was a, they were in the bedroom. - Did he seem capable? - Yeah, they would have kicked shit out of me. They're all very good shape, probably steroids. - Yeah, yeah. - Would it beat the fucking breaks off me? - Fucking hate you. - I would have, I'd have picked one of them. - Yeah, you know what I would have scratched one of their eyes out. - Oh, a little guy, you're a big guy. I always think, hey, you're a big fellow in the world. - I'm a big guy that gouges. - Yeah. - Yeah, I like the gouges out. - 'Cause I want figures. - Yeah, I got pino fingers bitch. I'll fucking press your point. - Play your eyes like a goddamn sonata. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I remember knocking on the door and being like a mirror. And he was like in the room. And I was like a mirror. And the guy's like, I don't know who you're knocking for. And you know, like when doors would open at fraternity houses and you'd see into the room, like you saw their personality. This was like the kid that sold weed at the frat. And I remember opening the door and being like, hey, this kid saying he's gonna kick shit out of me if I don't leave in three minutes. And they like, got, I got double mad at. So this guy's mad at me 'cause I'm at the frat. And then I opened the door in the middle of a fucking thousand, over a thousand dollar weed deal. And I go, guys, I'm being yelled at. And then they're like, check the fucking door. And I'm like, and I just left and went out front and smoked a cigarette on the sidewalk. - Motherfucker. - And then a mirror like comes up. This isn't before cell phones. - Yeah. - So before texting. - Yeah. - So he just comes outside and he's like, where were you? And I was like, I try to tell you, I got kicked out. - But dude, that guy made me just like, I'm so mad. I know. I've never felt like, fuck you dude. I don't even wanna be here. - Yeah. - I don't wanna be, I don't like your frat. - I've remembered every slate like that in my life. - All the time. - All the time. I genuinely dislike the University of Arizona 'cause there were so many guys that were like, it's like that. - Yeah. - They're like, what are you doing? You're like, nothing man, I just wanna get high. - What the fuck are they now? - They act like you do your friends. There's some guys, all my friends from Arizona, I still like if they reach out. I'll be like, what's up dude? - Yeah. - But there's been guys that I genuinely hated in college that I remember that someone else would go, I was talking to so and so when he remembers you and I go, keep my name out of that motherfucker's mouth. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. like it. 'Cause now that you're public, now that you're in the public, you know, you're on a fucking Fox TV show. - Yeah, yeah. - I'm sure there's people that reach out to you that you're like, leave me the fuck alone. - Sound. - Yeah? - Not a ton. - That's not a ton. - And by the way, I didn't have like a lot of enemies at Arizona, but there's a couple of dildos I remember that I'm like, we're our friends. - I know. - Fucking, you were never friends with me. - Yeah. - You didn't come to my fucking house and take bongloads and play PlayStation 2 with me. - Get the fuck to come up in for them. What would that look like? - You know what it is, a lot of the times what you don't realize is when you're young and you're going through something like that, you don't realize that you're in a bad position, but these people are in the best they're ever gonna do position, so just wait. - Yeah. - It's literally, it's like being mad at the internet. Just wait a little bit and it'll change. - Yeah. - Like, don't comment back. 'Cause we're gonna say to comment comics all the time. Don't comment back with someone, talk shit. What are you doing? - Yeah. - Just give it a little. - And then you won't care. - Yeah, that's really genuinely very true. Same advice to college students. If someone's being a fuck to you, have it fuel you and then wait. - There's that fuel. That's kind of been, I mean, it's worked for me this far. That's kind of been the game plan. I remember in so many situations, just being the bottom of the totem pole and being like, you know what? - Fuck you motherfucker. - You know what? - You know what? - Fuckin', and I don't think enough people talk about that because they go like, no, you gotta be above it and do that and you go, fuck that shit. Have it fucking motivate you especially when you're young. - Do you know how many times, and I say this for guys that are lonely right now that are in their 20s and you're like, I can't meet a woman that's into the things I'm into. Stay yourself, don't change for these bitches 'cause you will find someone that likes what you like. - Yes. - It took me forever, but I kept in college, I always had girls that I had crushes on and they were like, I like you like a friend. - Yeah. - So you're like, oh, I just suck and you think you suck and you go, I just think you like the wrong people. - Yeah. - You're liking women that you wouldn't like if you dated anyways. - Yeah. - 'Cause they're into different stuff. They wanna go to the farmer's market. They wanna go hiking and all this shit and you don't wanna do that and you go, well, I gotta do that to get a woman. You don't. You just gotta look for what you want in a woman. 'Cause when I started, when I met Katie, I was like, oh, I was wrong my whole life. - Yeah. - Who I was going after. I always thought like, oh, girl, a Katie wouldn't like me or whatever, it's like we have the same interests. We like the same shit. Just find someone that you're into, that shares the same stuff. And then hope they like you back. - Yeah. - That's the hard part. - Yeah. - But I was going after like hot blonde girls at Arizona that were like, no. (laughing) - They're like, this guy has a Range Rover once to fuck me. I'm like, I got a dog's stratus and you can come hang out with me while I do the overnight at KFMA. (laughing) - No. - The overnight at KFMA. - I used to be at overnight DJ. - Oh, that's sick. - I didn't like Arizona. I wanted to leave and then I was gonna transfer my mom gave me this speech where she was like, she didn't even really give me a speech. She goes, I don't know, I just didn't really think I raised you to be a quitter like that. And I was like-- - Damn. - Because she was right. It was my freshman year and I wasn't having fun because I was doing the same thing. I was going to try to hang out with people that weren't like me. - Yeah. - I was trying to go to these parties with people that weren't, rich kids from fucking San Diego that had money. They weren't like me, they didn't understand. And I didn't like them. And so I was like, oh, fuck, and then I got a job, I started doing college radio and I started working at the radio station in Tucson and I met all my dogs. I met everybody and that gave me the confidence to start doing stand up and then I just was at laughs. I was either at KFMA or laughs all the time. And people were like, Arizona, it's like, what paid for my whole school? So I will support that team, especially this March. Let's go wildcats. But I'm never gonna do the thing where it was like, it was the greatest time of my life. It wasn't. It set me up for the greatest time of my life which was moving here and doing stand, which was like, oh, this is like, I think how a lot of people feel when they go to college is how I felt when I moved to New York with stand up. - Yeah. - Where I went, oh, you're like me. So I don't fault people that have a good time in college. Just maybe finding people that are like minded like you. Like there are guys that join Fratz and they go like, this is what I wanted. Shirtless arms over each other going, right, brothers. And they need that. And now they're in the corporate world and they go like, do you remember when I was getting my dick sucked at fucking Boise State? - Yeah, yeah. - And you're like, I'm glad you had that. - Yeah. - Delayed gratification. - Yes. - You're not having it in college. It's just delayed gratification. You'll find it. - Absolutely. - But you gotta keep working. - That's what it is. I really feel like that's what sucks about the instant culture. 'Cause everyone goes, you should be happy right now. It's like, no, you shouldn't. It should actually be a little miserable. - Especially in your 20s, man. You're trying to piece it together. It's like painful. It's fucking painful. - Enjoy your skin being tight. - Yeah. - Enjoy being able to sleep wherever you can without your neck hurting. I could sleep nine hours uninterrupted on a couch. It may be flip. - I was living on couches. - Did I live on a couch? - I can't even. - When I moved out to Hoboken, did you stand up? I lived on a fucking futon. - You were in Hoboken on a futon? - Seven months. - God damn. - And shout out to Morgan and Norberto and Jimmy Balls, my roommates. They let me live on the fucking futon. We could smoke cigarettes inside, which was. - Oh, I've dropped out of school for a year and part of the time I lived in a hostel. I lived and worked in a hostel on Venice Fucking Beach. And we could smoke cigarettes everywhere. - Changes. - And it was, I was 21 years old. I didn't have any money and I would clean rooms at night to sleep there and just crush marble or rents. - Yes. - What a cowboy killer's. - What did you find in those rooms? - What did I find? - Nothing crazy. - Nothing crazy. - Nothing crazy. - 'Cause I saw you think, probably 'cause you like a lot more often. - I met interesting people for sure. You meet so many cool people. - Yeah, people that travel. - People that travel. - It's like meeting someone like Irish, you're fear. It goes, oh, I just go there and I live there for a little bit. I never had those, that kind of stuff. - So many crazy people. It was awesome. But that was man, the smoking cigarettes inside. - Dude, when I used to wake up, when I lived with them, and I would just swing my feet over the futon and pull my pack of camel lights. - Yeah. - People would want out and be like, "Fuck, we got going on today." Blighted out the side, turned on the TV and watched the sports center and be like, hungover. - Yeah. - And I was really hungover from the night before. Just being like, "Fuck, I do those guys." I took, I saw Morgan for like the first time in years. And he always would be like, you call me gay, 'cause how much I like to stand up. 'Cause we were college friends. And then I moved out here and he'd be like, "You're so gay for comedy." 'Cause I'd be like, oh, 'cause I rest in peace to shack. The old bouncer at the seller, but Big James used to me to him. - Yeah. - When I first moved here and I became friends with like Lewis and Jay and all of them. And Jay was like, oh, you should know shack. - And I wasn't in at the seller. But shack was like, yeah, he'd let you sit on the runners and watch the shows. And I'd watch like Gerardo and fucking Patrice. - Patrice wasn't in a, he had already been kicked out of the seller. So it was Gerardo, Mike D. Stefano, a tell. But I just, like Todd Lynn, I just come to watch him. And I would like, I was obsessed with it. And then I'd just go get drunk at like a shitty bar and like, whoever I was with, comedy wise. We just talk about the sets we watched. And then I'd just come home blacked out. But Morgan would always be like, dude, so gay. He'd just follow other men around to watch. And I'd go, oh, I want to do this. And I haven't seen him in like 12 years. - Yeah. - And then we got dinner in the city. And he's like, I can't believe you're a comic now. And you're like, I know. It was so gay for it that I became it. But that's what I think is like a lot, what's missed now with the culture of like instant celebrity and YouTube fame and that shit, go get into something. - Yeah. - And go get show into it that you like, like live it. - Yeah. - Like give yourself to it. - Yeah. - I think that's missed on a lot of shit. Like what you're talking about with film. I think that's a great idea. What your mom did was awesome. - Yeah. - She's like, this is LA. This is where they make film. I mean, now Atlanta. But I know the place you left became no fucking LA, but like, her having the idea of like Northridge, Cal State Northridge, you could just be right there in LA in the valley or wherever it is in the fucking lake. - And all my boys, I went to school with their, they all work in the industry. - That's what I'm all doing, fucking great. They all work in the industry. - Having that parent that can do that. - My mom was like, listen, I work, she worked for an insurance company. She's like, I cover five states. You can go to college in one of those five states. 'Cause I need to know I could touch down and call a lawyer if you need help. And I was like, great piece of advice. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And I was like, Arizona? She was like, yeah. And I was like, all right, I'll go to Arizona. - Fuck yeah. - Texas Arizona, Wyoming, Colorado, New Mexico, or one other one. And I was like, I'm gonna talk. - Yeah. It was that, that was her territory. - Yeah, yeah. - And so she would travel all the time and then she was like, you can go to one of those, but you're like, fuck yeah. - That's wide open country, brother. - But that's what it is. You gotta go somewhere that makes sense. Take shots you can make. - Yeah. - People don't do that. - That's true. - People go like, I wanna be famous. You see that in standup all the time. They go, I remember barking in the West Village and I met this guy named Scott. I hope he's all right, but I remember meeting him and he went, yeah dude, I'm gonna get in two weeks here. Then I'm gonna try to get into the cellar. He's like, within a year, I'm gonna be on SNL and I was like, oh brother. - So many delusional people, I guess. - Oh brother. - 'Cause I really started hitting it in the L.A., which is even more. - You started in the L.A. 'Cause I was out there for school. I didn't know that's where you started. - I technically started as a kid. I started as a kid in Atlanta. My mom got me in a standup as a kid. - I didn't realize how old were you? - Dude, I was like, there was, I mean, I went to a summer camp for comedy called Kid Comedy when I was like, 12? And where they just teach you like Abin and Costello bits. - Sure. - They should be on first. - That's great though, that's so basic structure. - It's amazing. And then my mom was so in tune with what I was good at and she was like, all right, we'll try this. And then that lady at a class and she would like write jokes for you. and it would be like, Like last week I got a 70, my highest grade ever on a spelling test. I know, I know, I've got to start cheating off smarter kids. You write you shit like that. And then your graduation, our graduation was at the punchline in Atlanta, and she got fucking Dom Arrera to come out because Dom Arrera's like niece was in the program. So it was similar to like what Tiffany had to say when she was a kid at the, uh, at the laugh factory. It was like, it was one of them's put in Atlanta. It didn't last that long. Janet Schultz. She stole my dog. I love that. And then I got into like, you know, so when you're doing it in Atlanta, when you're at Northridge, are you like, let me go do stand up? Dude, I was like, I had done it a couple times because another kid in the dorm was interested in stand up. He was really good. It's guy Dylan Niles. He was like, he's really into like one liners. He was great. He was a very smart dude. And I was like, I used to do this shit. And I would just get, you know, get hammered and just suck. But then I remember I was trying to do homework one day. It was like physics of music, some bullshit class that they give to dummies where you have to have a math. And they're like, how about the physics of music? And I was even bad at that. And I was like, fuck this. I'm going to try to do it and stand up again. I went to the ha ha cafe. I took the bus. I was like 20 and I was like, I did that and I was like, I'm going to drop out and just do stand up. Really? I dropped out. Was your mom mad when you dropped out? No. Supportive. Really? Supportive? You know what's crazy, man, is like, you do comedy long enough that you realize how lucky we are to have supportive. I know. But I, I, I'm a little jealous of people that didn't have parents that were supportive or sort of did it on their own because I sometimes think there's like, there's a weakness to me and a strength to them that they like through it all were like, no, I actually think this is going to work. I see that. I understand. I wonder what I would have done if I didn't have people behind me being like, you could do this. I understand that. That's like there is something about that where you're like, oh, I admire that you were like everyone was like, you fucking suck and you're like, I don't, yeah, I just go, I know. I don't know. I fucking, sorry. I get up, dude. I suck. But I remember like telling my mom like, I'm doing stand up, my mom was like, great. And then I was like, I think this is because I was doing it at the University of Arizona. Yeah. Thursday, like doing like MC weekends. Yeah. Fuck yeah. And then like going to Albuquerque and doing like laughs out there like as an MC and then like the Casino gigs. And finally, I was like, I think I'm going to do stand up and my mom went, listen, I just need to get your college degree. She's like, that truly is as a single mom, the only thing I care about. I feel like if you got your degree, it says I did my job. Yeah. And I was like, fair. And then she's like, but after that, do whatever the fuck you want. Yeah. So then I graduated college and I was like, hey, I'm going to do a year of stand up and working at KFMA here. Then I'm going to move to New York and my mom without even batting an I went fuck yeah. Yeah. Go for it. Go do that shit. And you were like, that's where I feel lucky. That's where I think it's a strength where other people had because I think a lot of guys get stopped. They don't have the like fuck you. I am funny. And then the parents go, fuck no, you're not and you go, yeah, you're right. You're right. Yeah, you're right. I mean, you might have been crushed by that. Yeah. And I did it. My mom wanted the same thing. I dropped out for a year and I did stand up towards the end. I wasn't doing so. I bombed so bad I stopped for a few months. Oh, it was early bombed. Oh my god. It was brutal. Yeah. This guy booked me. It was when I was living in the hustle on Venice Beach. And I just talked to him at a bar and he was like, there's this fucking reggae band. It's playing a, you should come and do stand up in between them. And then he was like, it's the best reggae band in Venice Beach. And I did it and I invited people from the hostel that I just started working at. I got so drunk, I went up there, bombed my tits off. And the guy that had booked me through the silence looks at me and goes, I thought you were funny, man. Oh, through the silence. I got off. I was so embarrassed that people from the hostel had seen it, people have to live and work with. But I'll never forget the drummer like this cool like blonde dude. I come out and I was like, I really goofed it and he goes, hey man, you know what they call that? Experience. Hey. Yo. Thanks dude. I got a thank you dude. I'm going to be dead in two years. Some thing about me. He fucking. I'm going to be gone. Never forget that motherfucker. Yeah. But I stopped for like three months after that. And then I went back to school and just did stand up on the side and got my degree. What did you do? Standing in LA for a year, drove for Uber, doing stand up. And then I was like, let me go back to Atlanta where it like you just can get better faster. Be from where I'm from. I didn't want to be like a comic from Los Angeles or one of the be from Atlanta. That was always the thing I thought because I was in Tucson, which is close to LA. Yeah. And I was like, always obsessed with New York guys. And I was like, no, no, no, no. I got to go to New York and everyone that I did comedy with was like, LA is right here. And they're like, who do you know in New York? And I was like, I know Morgan, I know Morgan from school. And I called him. I still remember I was watching a Yankees Tigers playoff game. And I was smoking resin out on my little balcony on my porch in Tucson. And I went, let me see if Morgan's living in New York. And I thought Hoboken was part of New York. That's how, that's how fucking stupid I was. And I called him and I went, where do you live? And he goes, I live in Hoboken. And I was like, I think I'm going to move out there. And he was like, you can live on my couch. And I was like, are you for real? And I just remember that because I was watching that playoff game. And the Yankees were what reminded me of like, oh, yeah, I could call Morgan, he moves out there. And he let me fucking move out here. And then like January 6th, 2007, I fucking moved out to New York and had zero idea about this city. I had no idea where anything was. This city is fucking terrifying when you move here. I bet. And how old are you? Fucking 22, 23? Yeah. You move out here and I literally took a gypsy cap from LaGuardia that ripped me off. Ripped me off. Just to take me to fucking Penn station. Yeah. Ripped me off. Me and another fucking country bumpkin that landed at LaGuardia. And now I have like heat for gypsy cab guys. Dude, that's Agala. Are we landed on Sunday? And you guys are like, get out of my way. You chucked $200 from me when I had nothing. 200 is crazy. I don't say fucking ripped off. I'm an idiot. And I was a country bumpkin. And they, good for them. That's how they survive. It's the law of the jungle. And they fucking got me. Did I get one? But I remember being like, dude, it's like when you go to a difficult level in a video game and it's not unlocked. Yeah. And you're just like doing small moves and you're like, I don't even know where I'm at. Moving into this city. I still missed that, like taking the subway the wrong way. Yeah. And being like, fuck, I'm in Queens. I was supposed to go downtown, like just not knowing where I was. I was so exciting to be a loser and then struggling. Yeah. Just struggling. That's where you got to find fun in it. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And that's where the booze really comes into play. The early, early years of New York. This is fun. The through open mics. Nothing better than get a little loose for that. I just bring it out of bar telling people at the bar you're going to go to stand up and they go, well, you got more balls than I do. Yeah, dude, I used to love the shout out stand up New York's Sunday open mic. And I do, like, just hitting the mics. There used to be a website called Giggle chick where she would list every open mic in New York. And I had it in my fucking notebook. I had that notebook. In LA. LA was bad Slava. Bad Slava. I do. I remember that. 'Cause the first time I went to LA. Bad Slava. They were like, oh, you'd look up bad Slava all the mics you could get up. Yeah. 'Cause LA, I would probably bet in New York seven or eight years before I tried to go out there and do a set. And LA was not having it. Yeah. Fuck out. Yeah, it was fine. It was fine to come up. But dude, I was doing like the hot cafe in this place called Marty's, which is just a guy who had an office space with three rooms in it. People from LA back ten years ago will tell you about Marty's. Three rooms in it. And you would just give them five dollars and you would go do stand up in the three rooms for other comics. One or two. One or two, guys. And you were just running through your shit. Dude, I mean, Monday nights barking for the comedy village in the West Village. You did it. You barked. And dude, at the time I was barking, list was hosting the Monday night show. So he didn't have to bark. Wow. He was hosting. But the barking crew was like me, Graham K, Andrew Schultz, Thomas Dale, a couple of other people. We were all barking. Wow, wild. Yeah. And we'd all bark in the West Village. I didn't bark in LA. What I did was I did. You would. I worked at the Ha Ha Cafe. You sketchy motherfuckers. And I would send a text blast. All blast. Text blast. It was like, you just won two free tickets with comics from HBO. Showtime. Call Center. And half of the text back would be like, take me off this fucking list. How many fucking, and I did that to do the open mic for free instead of paying $5. So texts weren't prevalent when I was in Tucson, you know, four, because I started in 04, 05, 06, I did Tucson, 04, 06. And laughs, the comedy club had a call room where open micers would go in there and then just blast their phone, that's being like, hey, coming up, we got TC Hatter and Marciane. Come check them out Friday and Saturday and then they would get like, that was how they got into the club. And I, my buddy Matt, a bunch of people I knew do that and I was like, I can't do that. I ran, I, I wasn't about, I ran like a bringer. I used to make calls for a bringer show. Really? I have my old, in that notebook, Gary Veter was on that. Gary Veter was on the list where I'd call for this lady. This lady picked me up like at a bus stop. She didn't it was that stand-up stand-up New York stand-up New York open mic and she was like hey, I need help I'll give you a spot every Monday on this show that like Jim Norton would do Joroldo Patrice the guys I idolized and she was like all you have to do is call these 10 people get 10 people to bring 10 friends And I didn't know what a bringer was and then the second someone told me what that was I was like that's gross And they're like well, you're helping out and I was like oh no I'm not joking. I think I started doing that. I moved to your January started doing that in February was done by April God damn being like I don't want to do that That's fucked up and she was like well, then you'll have to bark and I was like oh bark I'd much rather bark than fucking call people Yeah, yeah, oh the dirty shit dude this system that they did it would be like you'd ask they would ask somebody to do The Monday competition show and they'd be like you give us $20 we give you 20 tickets and then you sell those tickets however you want and I Think I was so hard up for stage time. I never pressed anybody to sell tickets I never was the one that like push people sell tickets I just ran the soundboard and I got to do my 10 minutes on the show god I wonder who is this equivalent in the Epstein files All I would do is make sure that there was shrimp on the island For Jeffrey it is I feel shame. I've never admitted this is like you just told your story of how you were morally above it I was like well Here's a thing I was morally above it, but I kind of knew what I was doing was dirty and then when it was Joe list was the one that put it crystal clear to me because you're helping Book a bringer show. Yeah, yeah, and I was like oh He's like can't do that and I was like I got him. Did you ever did you ever do a bringer show? Yeah, I did bringers. I brought shout out Caitlin all good. She's been married for a long time But she was a high school friend. Uh-huh, and she brought she was in the city working at a I forget what she was working I think Hillsstone she we're gonna a restaurant And I was like you got to come see me got to come see me do stand up and her and her boyfriend at the time came With my buddy my buddy Vic and I remember the lady was mad at me because I was supposed to have five people and I brought three and she went She went well now you're gonna go on late and the show started at 8 p.m. I went up second to last in front of Five people three of them remind two of them were the guy that went last The only reason I went second to last decided three and he had two and I remember going like And I was so mad because the beginning of the show was packed and it was how it was like Jim Norton What Jim Norton specifically went up and I watched him and I was like obsessed with the opian Anthony I couldn't oh yeah, and he walked out and I was like oh fuck oh fuck and then I went up at like I was mad Because I'd been featuring I'd been co-featuring at last. Yeah horse shit jokes. Yeah, horse shit joke You were fucking feature and I was like dude, I was doing 20 now. I can't even get three minutes on this bringer show I'm so mad. I'm so mad. Yeah. That's just what it was. He's what it was. You move that you got you that shit But you know absolutely when I move from Atlanta Wait until I was like pretty like I was I was good in the Atlanta, you know, I was you know Maybe I was working then you come here and I was good and they're like fuck you And that's the thing about New York that I'll tell any comic that's in another city no You should move to New York. It's good for station, but just no No one gives a fuck. Yeah, also the suit no one gives a fuck who you were in your scene what you did in your scene I moved I convinced I was one of the people that convinced Shane to move here And he was over in Philly. Yeah, yeah, and I remember walking him to the stand in the stand-go and I don't give a fuck I remember him walking to the cellar don't disguise fucking hilarious and they go I don't give a fuck I remember when Shane they were doing the the auditions for this week at the comedy cellar Yeah, that's a fat black at the fat black and Shane did a set and didn't get it I talk about that would Liz all the time and I went up I had to go to Liz and go I fucking promise you He's hilarious. She was like well, he didn't do well on his first S.C. watching me didn't do well and I was like I swear to God this guy is good the first time I saw him was What the fuck was that place? I forget the name of it. It was upstairs. It was up a long flight of stairs Oh on 44th Street no down more closer to Union Square maybe off 14th Long stairs long stairs sort of had in a curtain. It was a long thin room Anyway, it was the first place I saw Shane and I was just hanging in the back and it was so he was so funny He was the joke about like a sister being on heroin. Oh, yeah Yeah, it's like it's great if you hit her a guitar, but she's a snail tech or she works in a hair salon Yeah, it's talking about taking her to the amusement park. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's great It's great and then I remember seeing that audition because I did the same audition the next night And I went the first night just to see and I just walked in and I was like, dude, you're so funny And he's been so nice to me ever since then he's the best. Yeah He's just a good dude, but I he was he was king shit and Philly. Yeah, and I was like what you graduated you beat the level come up to New York Thinking like this is gonna be a layup. No, it's not gonna lay up and everyone's like I don't give a it's brutal and you're like So just know if you're a comic and you're thinking about moving to New York Get over the idea of them being excited. You're here. Yeah, you just have to be here show up do well people I was doing mad open mics. I was just muscling through it and then eventually something catches and you start to you get an idea What the scene is you make your friends and then shout out to Rebecca Trent at the creek shout out to Lewis at poster dog I found people that went you're funny come we'll give you regular spots Because I was doing check spots and open mics and finally when I got a real like in front of a real crowd You go I'm doing stand up. Yeah, yeah, and then you just built shout out to Makala. Yeah, she put you up She put me up. She's one of the first people put me up guys got I remember the first people to put you up Yeah, I've got it to Chloe if Shin Wayne Raida Lewis Jay Gomez and Rebecca Trent were the three people that were like I'll give you spots. Oh and Dennis at the last factory I hope you are right, dude He was the bartender the booker got it was the last factory in Times Square. Mm-hmm It got they sold it to a different company it became Times Square Art Center and Then Dennis was the bartender that became the booker and he was like I think you're funny. I'll give you spots and I was like what's up? I was like what's up. This is awesome. And then I'd get way too drunk That was another thing Michael Rowan's fucking hilarious Watch him on YouTube watch him on animal control on Fox and see him live season one through three on Netflix now Is it yeah Netflix? Yeah, we got some on Netflix. That's awesome. It's really helpful Are you on the road seeing it now dude? I'm gonna be I was just in Rutherford, New Jersey at bananas. Yeah, shout out shout out fun Yeah, I'm bad hotel, but it's fun hotel, but it's fun. They they're doing a good thing over there They went all right. They've been around since the year. I got no road dates after that. So hopefully something shakes my mind Yeah, I mean if I I'm getting some new dates on the books. We'll fucking go out together. I would love to yeah We'll hang out. I would love to yeah hell yeah Michael Rowan rules and so do you. Thanks for watching this good bye. Stay in [Music]