Chungus and Chungarella

- For decades, a shadowy organization called The Lemonati has kept lemon on top and lime in the shadows. Look around, lemon-forward sodas, even lemon-forward songs. We ran the tracks, slowed them down, reversed them, and squeezed out the truth. ♪ All hail the lemon ♪ - That's lemon propaganda right there. But now, 7UP is fighting back with their new lime-lemon soda. Join the 7 uprising, flip the sip. - Online deal days are back at Kroger. Don't miss your chance for extra savings when you shop pickup or delivery. You can save $30 on your first online order of $75 or more with your digital coupon. Plus, enjoy unlimited free delivery by starting a boost-free trial today. But hurry, these extra savings end October 20th. Restrictions apply, see site for details. Kroger.com. Kroger, fresh for everyone. - If you catch me really working towards a clip in this episode of "Police," don't worry. I need one. And I know I-- - I hate when you work towards clips. - I need a clip. I need a clip. I've written, I have so much shit for today. It's all talkable. I just wanna go back and forth with it. But if you see me doing that, know that I'm aware. I just wanna go back and forth. or else I couldn't go to school, you know, at the toe. Yeah. When you put your shoe on and it pokes your toe. Not in a sharp way, just, like, on a way that you're very aware of. Yeah. I'm going to have to cut that out before I die. Yeah, dress every day like you're going to be your little Lizzie McGuire cartoon. Dress every day, yeah, like, I'm going to go, I'm going to head upstairs and meet, Jesus. Well, the cartoon thing is funny. I saw something the other day. You know how I said the other day, like, I'm getting belly button lint. Like, all of these things are cartoon-esque. Sure. Someone posted the other day and said, like, here's all the evidence that I'm living in a cartoon, and they have, they made a note page. I love note pages when people post these. Yes. Evidence that I'm living in a cartoon. The first one was got a concussion from tripping over my own feet in the house. Okay. Tore my rotator cuff, fell in a traffic hole. Went to pick up a pizza. Domino's and the workers were actively eating my pizza. Talking about my bad. I can make another one if you want. Next one. Tried to buy five bananas at Self-Check. I'd actually bought 50 and tried to return them, but the employee had to individually return them one by one. Broke a bottle of olive oil in the kitchen floor, slipped and fell down while trying to clean it up, and then had to relearn how to manually, like, manually relearn how to sleep. I don't really get how that's a cartoon. I get the slipping and falling. Had to manually relearn. Had to relearn how to sleep because of the olive oil. No, I think that was an unrelated bullet point. Yeah. Okay. My only thing, my only thing was that I have belly button lint. I thought that that was something that like Spongebob would be like when Sandy had to go into hibernation and he was able to make a fur coat out of her trimmings. Start your list. I just made a new list. What is it? It's called things that I've pretended to like that I actually don't. I love this. Yeah. Do you want to hear some of them? Yeah. I want to hear all of them. It's like I will like I'm coming out right now in a way. Like these are things that are precious to a lot of people. I love this. All right. And these are things that I should like, like just based off of my personality too. Okay. Number one and like probably the deepest cut, La La Land. I do not like La La Land. And I've tried so many times. So hard. At first I thought like it was just like something wrong with my movie theater going experience because when I saw it in the theater, I was like, I didn't like that, but that's my fault. And so I just kept saying like, oh, I think I had like a bad experience. Like I'm sure it's like incredible. Saw it again, like probably like a few years ago. And I was like, that's I still didn't care for that. Wow. That must be my fault. Saw it again this weekend. I don't like it. I just don't like it. I think if you give it, three goes, it's really admirable. And I think that I struggle in the same way, like 500 days of summer. I also don't like, I think I just don't like romances that aren't rom-coms where they don't end up together. To me, it's like, that's not what I'm not here. Like, I'm not here for that. And that's just me. That's just my taste. You liked 500 days of summer. No, I don't like 500 days of summer, which is just crazy. Cause, and you know, Matthew Craig Goobler's in it and everything like that. Yeah, I do. I know that. So I don't like 500 days of summer. You know what else I like? This is like, this movie is fine, but it's, I wouldn't ever like choose to watch it. And I don't like particularly like care for it, but I like it better than the other ones I've said. Okay. That was Prada. Why? And what, what's your, what's your hang up? I don't know. It just doesn't speak to me. Wow. You're, you're going to hate the second one. I probably won't see the second one. You will go see. I didn't really like the first one. You'll see the second one. Okay. This is where we get like, this is, these are two things I've been pretending to like this one. I've been really pretending to like, like publicly. And that is the summer. I turned pretty. I know I, it's entertaining to a point, but if not, everyone was watching the summer. I turned pretty. I would have stopped watching after the first episode. I don't really care about it. I like the music. I know. I've never connected with Conrad in the way that everybody else did, which is really shocking. I think. Um, I don't know. I don't know. It's crazy. I don't hate it, but I don't, I don't have the connection to it that everyone else does. And I've just been, this is probably the most uncommon thing that we've ever had because I haven't seen. I'm, I'm, I'm two for three that I haven't seen. Lala land. Haven't seen somewhere. I turned pretty. Haven't watched a single episode. I've watched every single episode of the summer. I turned pretty and I enjoyed it because it was a collection. It was a collective experience. Yeah. I, but I wouldn't have, I don't like it because of its essence. I like it because it's a cultural phenomenon. And if it wasn't, I wouldn't watch it. There were several of those usually during COVID. Another one of those for me is nobody wants this. You don't like that. Same. No, I don't just, it didn't hit or you didn't connect. It did not. It didn't connect with, I didn't connect to it. I liked it, but I didn't connect enough to like, be like, Oh, there's a new, there's a new season coming out or whatever. I just didn't, I didn't subscribe, which is sad. I watched the first season and I was like, okay. And also I like the Judaism and it kind of rubbed me the wrong way. But even besides that, I was like, you've said that before. Yeah, I've said that before, but even besides that, I was just like, okay, I do love Adam Brody, but like, I don't know. There's something was not hitting for me. And then I watched the second and didn't even finish it. I don't know, man. I don't know what to say. Second season. Second season. Yes. I watched like a lot of man hours into, you're putting a lot of man hours into these shows that you like, you didn't even like to start with. I know because it's like, I'm like, what's wrong with me? Because I believe, and I've always believed that when everyone likes something, it's because it's good. Like, that's why I like popular things. It's like, yeah, we all like this because it's good. Like, I don't like people that don't like popular things just for the sake of it. Cause like, no, everyone likes us because it's good. So I usually subscribe to that. So it's really hard for me when there's something that everybody likes that I can't get on board with. And it's not, it's just, it's just not my taste. I don't know. I need to stop apologizing. It's just like preference, but, and then the last one, which this is something I do like to an extent, but I do think it's overrated. And that is fourth wing, which is kind of, I don't know. I would say like that's most people's favorite, even like above ACOTAR that I can't even speak to it in any way to that. But I would say I think fourth wing is just okay. I think the second book is the best, which people don't really like. I thought the third book was so bad that I don't think I'll be continuing with the series. And people are like, fourth wing is romantic. You know, you read three books out of a series and then decided, well, the fourth one isn't out, but I don't think I'll be reading it when it does come out. Talk about, sunken cost fallacy, Jesus age. I know. But like when I was reading the third, I was like, and they're Connor, they're thick, you know, tiny, tiny text, 600 pages. So it's like, I can't, how much more of that can I, can I do for something that I'm not super passionate? I wish, I wish you would have done less than you did. Yeah. That's upsetting to me. Yeah. But anyway, that is my, my latest list and I'm going to keep adding to it. And I feel, I don't know. Okay. Having shared that, I know I'm going to get some pushback and you know, I understand it. Um, but that's just where my heart is. I think a lot of people are going to like follow suit and be like, I also didn't like La La Land. And I think La La Land is probably the biggest offender on that list. And like, I love Emma Stone. I love Ryan Gosling. I love old Hollywood. I love movie musicals. It doesn't make sense. I love the guys who did the music. Like, it's just even the music and all and I'm like, I don't care. Is it, is it original pieces? It's original pieces. Yeah. I'm not going to see it, but yeah. So that's, Hey, that's just me. The Illuminati has spent decades keeping lemon on top and lime in the shadows. Their lemon agenda has infiltrated everything. Even our music that hits on named after the color of lemons. Not a coincidence. Big lemon has been pulling strings in the industry for years. Think about it. But now seven up is fighting back with their new lime lemon soda. Now lime comes first. Seven up. Flip the sip. Hank joined BJ's wholesale club the day he became a father of 30. I coach football. Now coach Hank saves up to 25% off grocery store prices, 30 pounds of pasta, three cases of protein bars, 75 sports drinks. And that's just pregame. He knows teamwork and BJ's knows savings. This is your home coach home of the save. Join for just $20 at BJ's.com slash mesquite and save 10 cents per gallon for six months. Open soon. Limited time offer. New members only BJ's home of the save. That's fine. Also, like you've been the opposite for a lot of things too, that I had that list of like hills you tried to die on. And like I resurrected you and pulled you to the top of them. Yeah. And like a lot of them, this is just like the opposite. opposite end of that. i was gonna pass away on this hill and i'm ready to throw in the towel here if this is just yeah i'm hoping that my mind will change with devil wears prada because that's the only one that i haven't seen super recently that i'm like maybe at this age i will connect to it more but i don't know that's a good trope of movies it's like the the young professional woman that works at a magazine or like whatever fashion label like that's that's gonna be i feel like that's gonna be like gone because they can't rewrite no one i guess you could work at a magazine still but it's just not like mag it's not like we got to go to print in three days what are we gonna write about everyone you know what i think my heart just doesn't connect to that type of storyline because i've just never been someone to like prioritize hustle yeah and work over like i don't know anything which like i'm not saying is a good thing that's just how what unfortunately how the cook my cookie crumbled why are you beating yourself up over i don't know i feel i do it doesn't feel comfortable for me not to like things that people like yeah i like can't i don't even know how to wrap my house my house i don't know how to wrap my house around this i don't know how to wrap my house around this one this so what is what is the show with the dragons in it the book fourth wing no the show the show with the dragons brook game of thrones yes game of thrones like i do not do not give one little like an ounce like a droplet i don't have a i don't have nothing nothing in me is interested in that i do want to know that i have tried several times on planes and in the first scene it's a threesome with like several women on top doesn't tickle you doesn't tickle your pickle the young man no um i don't it's i don't know and then like i'm happy for people i'm genuinely even like with wicked right now i really kind of like i think it's good i'm not like a huge fan um i'm happy that so many people get this collective experience where one they they i like i'm happy when a huge group of people is so busy with each other and they find this community like that makes me happy for them i agree i love people loving stuff i truly do which i think is why i struggle with not liking things that most people love because i want you to be a part i want to deeply i want to deeply to the point where i will just pretend most of the time but i'm i just yeah i had to come out i don't i don't have the pretending in me i'm just like you guys go to movie night or whatever it is that you guys are doing and and get back to me when you're done so you're not going to see wicked part two i probably will just to be like to be able to have something to talk about with you on the podcast i mean i might i do have to dive into it today though oh well then yeah so you might not even need to see it because i have to go i have to do it today yeah before i burst no worries no absolutely okay thanks champ do it today if you want to yeah i do well it's more like i do need to why don't you do it now because we're here you want me to do it now i mean i'm not gonna have much to contribute if you want to do it at the end we could do it no well here's actually the thing connor because i don't have much to contribute as well and here's why i saw wicked for you good on on monday night and the reason i don't will not have much to contribute right now is because there has not been a language created that has the words that i need to describe the way i feel about what i saw what's this i can't speak to the experience with the words that i have access to in english it was so beyond language i it was so beyond language it was transcendent in a medical way does that make sense i almost died i almost died in the theater during as long as your mind which i knew i was going to i knew that was going to happen i told you that was going to happen that's the number with alphaba and fiero okay cynthia and jonathan bailey i knew that i was going to die and i was prepared to it but also in a way you're never prepared for for when you're going to die as much as you think you are you got to trust like you're about to meet jesus i i was dressed like i was going to meet jesus because i knew i knew it was coming but as much as you guys know that you're going to die during as long as your mind you still you just can't prepare for it i'm sorry to say you are just going to have to go into it and just be open to death taking you thanks i did die came back to life in time for no good deed passed away again so i i it was freaking incredible in a way that has never been done these women ariana grande and cynthia erivo like they're done like they have their legacy is set in stone they have done something so perfect they don't have to work again a day in their lives they're done they're done legacy and a hundred million dollars will really do it for you i don't know what to say i don't know what to say i don't know what to say i don't know what to say it's really true that his looks are the least interesting thing about him and that's crazy because they're so insane but his acting the way the depth and dimension that he brings to fiero that i'm sorry it didn't exist in the stage production what he has done like i just you guys just need to see it i don't have the i wish i had the language especially because this is a podcast so i do wish i had the language i don't i don't i don't have the language to describe it 1500 word essay i wish i had the words i wish i had the words i do i wish i had the words he i mean i i didn't even know that that fiero was was capable of this until jonathan bailey showed me wow just wow i just can't wait for everyone to see it um it it's just it's beyond and i think part two of the stage production act two i always leave with questions i'm like wait that's kind of inconsistent with the wizard of oz like wait does glinda know that elphaba is still alive like i have all these questions when i leave the theater i had no questions when i left the movie theater they wrapped everything up so perfectly everything that they added as an addition that wasn't in the stage production added value um there were two new songs connor that don't exist in the stage production one for glinda and one for elphaba the one that ariana sang was just absolutely incredible and added so much to glinda's growth and storyline and i thought that it was just like beyond a perfect addition elphaba's i don't it was like pretty but i don't think that it was necessary i'm curious to see what everyone else thinks um the last thing i'll say is because i was having a medical situation during the film and was like transcending out of my body in a way where i was meeting jesus um nessa you know nessa she was having a conversation with one of the munchkins and she was like hey avaric and then i was like okay like obviously i'm like tweaking to do the medical no she was talking to someone named avaric there's a munchkin named avaric i don't is that like a first name at all it's not even a last name except for my lineage my line did you look into it i don't know any other avarics yeah i looked into it there's a munchkin named avaric i don't know any other avarics yeah i looked into it there's a munchkin named avaric that's interesting so everyone like when you go see wicked like that's my brother that's your namesake that's your legacy so you're in the legacy i literally i truly was like oh like i'm i'm meeting jesus right now as they're communicating to me through the film but no they that they did there is a character named avaric and he's a munchkin and that's amazing that is amazing yeah uh can i ask the munchkins who are they i can't picture them like ethan slater's character bach is a munchkin most of them i feel like are ginger and they're just like kind of tiny is that not problematic at all well in the original wizard of oz i think there was a mixture of like children and little people yeah but now in which like i feel like they would not do now especially because there's a big difference between those two demographics like they're not the same thing um but now i think it's just like they just like kind of wear the same outfit like they're just like in munchkin clothes oh they're munchkin yeah they're just in munchkin clothes um yeah more so identifiable by their clothes and hair i see yeah okay i see yeah they live in munchkin munchkin i was not familiar with their game yeah well that's awesome that sounded like a really wholesome 360hp oh and there's going to be one more just speechless i have one more thing to say this isn't no i i'm not speechless for this i have something i have words um there's a moment in as long as your mind which i think but i'm not positive also exists in the stage production because i think i might have had this thought before but i'm not positive where jonathan bailey fiero says to alphaba you're beautiful and then alphaba says you don't have to lie and then he says i'm not lying i'm just looking at things in a different way and because it's Jonathan Bailey, saying that it's like that's beautiful that being said yeah i was in a situation where a man said to me you're beautiful and i said you don't have to lie and he said i'm not lying i'm just looking at things in a different way oh murder suicide does that make sense yeah like that's not that's not something i love that's not something i want i would want you to say it's totally great when jonathan says it as fiero to elphaba it's beautiful and amazing someone ever said that to me on site you're so funny for a girl wow it's looking at things in a different way oh thanks oh thanks chungus that's like you take the glasses off yeah and it's like oh i'd never considered that you'd be hot under the these glasses yeah this changes everything just flagging if my future boyfriend is watching this and and you tell me i'm beautiful and i say you don't have to lie and you say that you're just you're not lying you're looking at things in a different way like it's over for both of us so those are your last words so chungo say your last words chungy you're about to meet jesus i hope you like your outfit anyway that's mostly what i have to say about wicked for good it was so good and incredible and i'm gonna see it again on friday oh that's exciting yeah i'm really excited oh my god as long as your mind was so sensual also which i was kind of surprised because it is rated g so i was like wow this is sexy but in a way that's like it's okay because like it is still g but so sexy and it was kind of scary too when you remember it when you saw wicked how bach changes into the tin man and fiero changes into the scarecrow and they transform those were kind of scary too like if i was scared i had several times where i was really scared the whole like yeah the monkeys were the worst part obviously but like there were several times where i was like this is like legit not 100 g yes it was really it was like the max amount g you could be before wait it's pg sorry this is the it was the most pg it could be before being 13 because i was spooked anyway i think that's about it i have to say with the with the language that i've been given that i've access to well we could do when you find more language we could just do we could do a another recap i guess yeah maybe friday i'll be i'll get more language i really do feel like you covered i feel like i watched the movie no you do not i do i feel like i actually watched the alternate ending because i feel like i didn't watch the movie like i don't remember like i i blacked out like i don't remember a lot so i'm really excited for friday when hopefully i can kind of like i was so annoying to be sitting next to you i feel horrible for the woman that was next to me i was moaning groaning i i am gonna say something that is gonna come off as mean sure but just because of my personal preference and things that i like when i go to the movies i do like to watch the movie and it's quiet i didn't want to be doing what i did i can't imagine how the the dots i'd be having in the theater if everyone was made like as actively involved in the in the flick as as they were i imagine they early like fan screening that i went to so everyone like everyone stood up and clapped at the end yeah i'd be um no good deed i'd stood up at the end of as long as your mind and saluted i salute to you fiero wow what he did i didn't know could be done holy i admire i admire your past i don't have never felt that way about seriously maybe like the cliffs of mohair you know like i don't know this is how you say that i'm not saying you're wrong i've just only read it i think it's the cliffs of mohair but i'm you see something like that i'm like wow this is amazing i want to salute these rocks yeah i can't imagine seeing something in film and being like yeah i'm gonna stand up this is genuinely just like how i feel salute thanks like i'm not even exaggerating about like how i felt like i was meeting jesus no i believe you really actively like there were thoughts in my head that are like i'm i'm going to die i 100 i don't have even a single doubt yeah about how you were feeling i feel it through the screen it was amazing so stoked for you thanks i can't wait to see it again thanks for listening the lemonati has spent decades keeping lemon on top and lime in the shadows their lemon agenda has infiltrated everything even our music that hit song named after the color of lemons not a coincidence big lemon has been pulling strings in the industry for years think about it but now seven up is fighting back with their new lime lemon soda now lime comes first seven up flip the sip now at kroger your points add up to more ways to save every trip use them your way to take dollars off groceries at checkout or save at the pump you can even save up to 35 on your next fill up same points more choices with low prices on fresh quality food plus digital and personalized offers tailored to how you shop your dollar goes further redeem your points online or in the app kroger fresh for everyone restrictions apply c-sider store for details tammy regularly hauls stuff to her kids at college that's why she shops at bj's wholesale club saving up to 25 off grocery store prices beef jerky microwave meals laundry pods even they can't screw up have you met my kids and with bj's gas she gets there for less they call me the road warrior this is your home road warrior mom home of the save join for just twenty dollars at bjs.com slash mesquite and save 10 cents per gallon for six months open soon limited time offer new members only bj's home of the save oh no i was locked in just now how were your last shows oh so amazing so glad to have done it in new york yeah so i'm done with tour that's crazy actually officially it's done with tour i'm done with tour i'm done with tour you've you've said it before you'll say it is done there's no way there's a couple rogue i'm doing one-off shows tour is done uh-huh the fibs and friends thing it's done um i got an i got an inbound obviously like last thursday the day before or no last wednesday the day before the show from a friend of the pod none other than miss alana glazer who was like i'd love to come on the show like she she was like actually actively wanting to do some shows during the new york comedy fest and i was like i have a spot for you that is like nuts that i mean for me someone who watched in college i'm i'm i'm working towards a bachelor degree i'm sitting there my roommates and i all watched broad city it was to the point where someone watched an episode that was like right at the very beginning of like we're all splitting one hulu account it was a big deal if someone's like logging in and watching an episode that we're all watching going from that and then having the woman that wrote broad city oh like bring me out on my final shows of my first tour ever like normal bone chilling bone chilling us us in the green room hanging out that's my friend yeah i want you to remember that every time you're like comparing yourself to something that someone else is doing imagine telling your college self that alana glazer brought you out on your right the last show of your sold out two-year comedy tour right no i mean it was it was great it was great it was just so awesome so many people came to the show and then so many people came to the after part it was just like so it was a perfect cherry on top it looked like across the board the perfect cherry i couldn't have asked for a better cherry it was such an amazing cherry it's cherry season after all it is cherry season it's been cherries for a minute and it will kind of been just like kind of chungo city since doing my final show it's kind of like oh hey like i kind of i went a little bit i went a little bit like brain dead like my brain has gotten into relaxation yeah good let it well i can't well i can't you gotta keep grinding girl i'm in the i'm in the i'm in the prada mentality and i'm i'm i'm ready to keep going but it's just yeah have wrapped on that but it is weird being done i understand that feeling i felt that way when i finished writing yeah right yeah it's weird well it's just like all you've known for so long it's like now what all you've known for so long and then it's like you wake up and it's like i need to huh huh i need a what i need a i need a i need you know really really really want to help with that if you but yeah well talking about brain dead this is something i have to talk to you through this with you okay this experience that i had have you shopped at cvs recently uh i feel like i'm always at cvs but i've been getting my meds delivered because i can't like go get them so no not recently but like of course recently yes um the new experience of shopping at cvs especially like in a city they have everything locked up yes everything is locked away behind bars or like behind this glass case i'll never understand the things they choose to lock up the deodorant deodorant can you use it to make meth no i just think it's like what probably what people need and it's probably goes missing a lot because it's like i need deodorant and whatever just yeah it's bizarre it is the biggest humiliation ritual um to walk into cvs walk over there's a taylor swift song playing and then you have to push a button it stops the song in an otherwise quiet cvs pharmacy and goes uh attention choppers there is a young man on aisle four that is buying dandruff shampoo you will notice him there's only four of you in this in this place you will see that that this guy in aisle four he has dandruff and he's buying the shampoo this is why i go puff my dandruff shampoo and then it goes we need an attendant the attendant walks over once you fucking dad walks over he goes you really needed you needed dandruff shampoo you flaky nasty bitch so bad that i had to walk over here unlocks it you get it it's humiliating and then you are looking for toothpaste or something and then you turn around you're two two steps away from where you just were this happened to me last night not necessarily with dandruff shampoo there's just an example what did it happen with last night dandruff shampoo but i i needed toothpaste and they of course have toothpaste locked ups and then i had to push the button and same person comes over and is like like i hate you i want you dead this person wants me dead and so after like having this you know my my minimum wage personal shopper walk me by the hand to go go you know this person hates me is not like getting paid enough to be walking around the store with me to like get all my groceries then i get to the one part that they let you get to the one part that they let you get to the one part that they let you do yourself check out the one thing they trust you with is checking out and i locked the machine to check out twice because i kept putting my stuff in the bagging area too quickly and they would they have this little alarm that goes off that's like we're sending help help is on the way this is why i don't go i don't do that shit brooke it was it gets worse like the person has to come over unlock it for me type in the thing like hey moron yeah there's a two-step thing can you shit like unlocks it and i get to the end i'm going really quickly because i need to get out because there's only four there's literally four people in here and no one else is having an issue except me i get to the very end i'm going really quickly and i actually i guess i clicked like sign up for cvs card and i go i'm not clicking back because if my siren goes off again i'm gonna explode so i sign up for a cvs card and i get to the very end and i click like submit or whatever and it goes you already have an account you already have a cvs card siren goes off guy has to come over like you already have one why did you sign i almost just like gave him he probably thinks i'm like some sick freak that like really liked calling him over you know right i really just wanted to give him my wallet and leave but he had to unlock it they didn't even type in my cvs card i walk out i that was i as i walked out of that cvs last night which i will never do again it was just clown music playing in my head i felt like the like symbols that you they don't make it easy no it was humiliating it was the most dehumanizing experience ever yeah i just went for just a couple things i don't have the name but like no can i ask you a question about the andrew shampoo because i just it's that time of year and i also just got a fresh order it gets cold and my scalp gets i got a fresh order and as well are you doing head and shoulders yeah i want i don't want you to be doing that no i know you told me i told you you told me about your dry scalp let's call it dry scalp shampoo okay you don't need to there's nothing to be ashamed of everyone has dandruff so you've got this chungus life and basically you've got this dry scalp so i use head and shoulders every now and then it's it's kind of like a treat you use this nasty smelling yeah medical grade you have to use t-gel if you don't want dandruff brooke t-gel if you want dandruff use head and shoulders t-gel smells like it's medical grade it's a serious chemical leak from a factory and i need to like evacuate my home quick if you want to have dandruff use head and shoulders dandruff use head and shoulders if you want dandruff but i want to smell like fresh and clean i put and i do a double shampoo i do my t-gel and then i do a nice smelling i don't want to do t-gel is truly like you will not have dandruff i don't know what else to tell you either t-gel it like sounds it sounds like it's neutrogena uh it's neutrogena it smells like so fucking bad it's not bad it's just definitely like medical no it smells like burnt hair no it's really not i don't think it smells that bad it just smells like oh thank you you're gonna get rid of my dandruff that's that's the smell to me it smells bad it smells bad it's not like holy shit i wish this was my perfume but it's not you're being drama it smells bad anyway if anyone else is out there and it's like i still have dandruff because i'm using head and shoulders you need to use t-gel i will say the um black syrupy appearance it might throw you off for a second coupled with the more medicinal smell it will work i love things that work it looks like what came out of my drain in my old yeah it looks like and it smells it's the smell is not that bad it's just like it smells like a hospital yeah like where it smells like it's gonna send you to the hospital it smells so bad no wait i have so many things to say okay hit me with something from your list that you don't share with me i have so many things on my list i it's almost hard to know where to begin um have you seen the guy on tiktok matt the art teacher who is possibly probably kevin james yes is it kevin james it has to be it's crazy that everyone's doing this mr fantasy thing now oh my god i didn't even think about that but this is different because he's not even like cam he's not in a disguise at all it's just kevin james as an art teacher i know but he's an art teacher and he's got full he's an art teacher but he's this basically if you don't know like there's this guy on tiktok matt the art teacher and he's got full he's an art teacher and he's like matt taylor who is he is kevin james like it's just kevin james but he's like hey i'm i'm matt uh i'm an art teacher and he like goes through his like art classroom and it's like why are you are you are you matt taylor because because why would kevin james be doing this necessarily promote a show where he's an art teacher named matt that which is a it's brilliant way to do it because you get introduced to this like influencer that's an arts teacher named matt you are like i want more of matt well good news there's a show coming out he had me going he had me defending him to a group of people who were like brooke you're an idiot that's kevin james i said that's not kevin james that is matt taylor he had me going it's i don't even have it just being kevin james so after mr fit after mr fantasy i like this whole thing is well mr one person can do it maybe two dressed up in a disguise kevin james was just matt taylor is just kevin james i think it's i mean i think it's a if you feel which arguably worse that i was defending that if you feel an affinity towards matt james the art teacher then he's already won you over for his tv show i know this was brilliant i'm gonna watch the tv show did you see the one the drake one recently there's a street performer that is performing michael jackson and he looks he's dressed like michael jackson but it's drake no have you izzy okay we're not gonna be able to find it's gonna be on tiktok just know that i was hurt i made my stake here first i saw him and before he starts popping up it wouldn't surprise me if drake like needed the public like the pr thing of like doing like a matt taylor mr fantasy situation speaking of mr f he was at dancing with the stars last night i saw that as was zach he was being so precious because did you see him turn to his mom when dylan got like i think dylan got like on the lines or something and zach was like are those good scores oh and his mom was like yeah and then zach started cheering like he genuinely didn't know which which leads me to wonder have has he been watching which also leads me to wonder if the guy that tells you when to clap just wasn't doing his job right you had a lot to say about the guy who tells you to clap that guy i is my is my number one enemy i i i understood he he ruffled your feathers yeah i mean oh there he is i'm the most annoying person to watch dancing with the stars with because i'm just like and it's i'm not even doing it on purpose like it's Truly, like, you would think you're watching, like, a TikTok, like, Delaney Rowe skit of, like, Girl Who Knows Dylan Efron. But, like, I'm not even doing it on purpose. Like, I'm watching with a group of people. I'm like, oh, man, that was great. Like, maybe I'll text Dylan and be like, good job. Like, I have his number and stuff like that. Like, I don't know. I think I'm seeing him pretty soon. Like, I'm so fucking annoying. I texted him last week. You did. I love him so much. He's my, like, that is like a, he is like a brother to me. That is my family. It's ridiculous. I was like, come on, all tens. Come on. No response. He's very busy. I know. That's just like, if I text someone something that's like a congrats or whatever, I'm not, because of me on my birthday, I'm not responding every time. It's like, thank you. That was just a sentiment. It's like sitting. It's like going to someone's birthday or someone's something like a wedding. You don't see a ton of the bride and groom. You don't see a ton of the birthday person if it's a large birthday. Yeah. But they know that you're there. Exactly. That's all that matters. I don't understand. I haven't watched Dancing with the Stars really before this season. So I don't understand how next week is the finale and there's five left. I don't think I've watched this far into Dancing with the Stars. So what, Izzy, what happens if there's five? They just pick one? Mm-hmm. I think it gets dropped down to two. Let me just look it up. Because it's it. Next week is the last episode. Yeah. Does it get dropped down to two and then they live dance? Dancing with the Stars finale involves two rounds, a redemption or fan favorite dance and a freestyle dance. For the finale, the five couples will compete and the winner is determined by combining the judges scores from these dances and the public's vote tomorrow that night. This is the kind of thing where I'll just have to watch it because I don't understand. No voting on the final round. Okay. I'll just watch. We'll tune in to. But yeah, I'm really excited about that. Wait, what was yesterday Oscars or Grammys or what? What just happened? Academy. So it was the Grammys. Whoa. I don't think any of them. It was the Governor's Awards, but it's from the Academy. So I think it's the Grammys. I thought Oscars. I don't think the Oscars are the Academy. They definitely are because they're called the Academy Awards. And the Grammys. The Grammys are the Academy too. I honestly don't know, but I'm positive the Oscars are. The Academy is also sports and outdoors. So which one is it? Academy? Definitely the Oscars. But it's also the Grammys. Maybe. I don't know about that, but I'm positive. Okay. It's Grammys. The Grammys is the Recording Academy. Recording Academy. Yeah. What is the Motion Picture Academy? Is that the. Sure. Yeah. Oscars? Yeah. So it's two different Academies? Totally. What's an Academy? But I think like the Academy, when people just refer to it colloquially like that, is the Motion Picture one. No, because when you say thank you to the Academy, like Billie Eilish would say that. Those are like the people who voted. Like you're part of the Academy. I think when people talk about the Academy, they're really, it's mostly the Oscars one. I'm looking. Okay. I'm looking. I haven't opened Instagram in two days. Yeah. Oh, you're right. It is movies. And to see Reese Feldman front and center on every single post. He's so good at what he does. It's insane. At the Academy post. It's just like, so amazing. He deserves the world. One, he's so good. Two, genuine good person. Both. Agree. Genuine good person. Alert. Reese Feldman. I agree. He's fabulous. I wonder when we will move past. And by the way, love them. But I wonder when we'll move past the need for award shows. Do you like them? I do. I want to go to them. I do like award shows. And I, why do we not have one for books? I guess most authors don't want that. I guess most authors are introverts. Oh, an award show? Probably because they want to just read them. They probably don't want to be on Sage, but I want at least like Goodreads as like a Goodreads Choice Awards. I think we should have a more like mainstream book award rather than just like the Booker Prize one, which is for like fine literature. Like, Hey, let's include rom-coms in something. Do it. Start it. Okay. I just like, I don't get it for, I guess I don't get it for music. Movies make sense to me like, cause there's a lot of subjectiveness, but like music, it's like the most famous person is going to win every single time. No. Remember when that one person won who I like way back in the day and everyone was like so mad. I don't even know who they are. Like, I don't even know what you're talking about. Some one, was it like Beck or something? Oh, cause Beck won over Beyonce. Yeah. And I didn't know who they were. They? Yeah. It's a band. I didn't even know who they were. So. Okay. Okay. But like most or not most people, but like a lot of people, Beyonce is more famous by a long shot. That's true. Well, Beck was just voted by the academy. Sure. But you just said it's, it's a popularity contest where it's, it's probably, it might not be. I think it is now. I do think it is now. I don't think you would have a Beck situation in current day because it would there just be public upset and people just will boycott award shows and they need the viewerships. That's why I think that influencers are even in that's, I think that's why we're invited to stuff. Cause people watch when people post about it. I don't mean to sound entitled. Hello? Hello. Can you hear me? Yeah. Oh, I don't mean to sound entitled. I wasn't invited to the wicked premiere. I wasn't either. Oh, well that's, you don't care for it. I live here though. That's true. At first I was like, okay, I'm not really upset because I, maybe they're just inviting New York people. It's almost like everyone from Los Angeles was there too. I just hope they're not mad at me. Like that was my, I was scared. I did something. Cause like, why would they be mad? I don't know. I was invited to everything last year. And I'm like, what did I do between then and now to, to get removed from the invite list, especially as someone who's like a very extreme fan, it's just like something I'm sure you will not entitled to be going to these things, of course, but I feel like that is the one thing that's like, makes it make sense for me in a way. Okay. You just gave them, you found, you found, no, you found the words to just, to give them every out accolade known to man, even though you were speechless for about, for a, a, Hey, they can't get me down. No. Hey, they're not going to stop me from, from loving what I do and doing what I love. Right. And if you do it, you love, you never were going to. Yeah. Am I pissed? A hundred percent. Am I ever going to stop supporting them? Never in a million years. Thanks. Thank you. Joke's on them. When I host my own wicked premiere with just me and Jonathan Bailey, how's that going to work? Yes. It will be amazing. Thank you, Audrey. I'm your biggest, youngest. Hi, Audrey. It's me. Your biggest chungus. Hi, Audrey. Would you like me to read your future or your past? I have a feeling. Hmm. Guess who's back on the medium? Yeah. Nathan Fielder. Yeah. And that's probably maybe one of the reasons that I can't get on. One of the many reasons I can't get on is I am announcing who is on the platform on a public podcast. But you didn't care. Yeah. Okay. Just saying. I have two more things to say, unless you want to talk about Nathan Fielder being on Raya. I don't have anything else. Like I, like, really, I want, I want, I really want you guys to start looking for a sub, a go home. Yeah. Like until I can find my, my powers, I really need you guys to find someone. You're going through something just because tour ended. Yup. No, it's been six weeks of like, no, I can't clip anything. Nothing's funny. It's like, we don't do this for the clips. Some people are like, no, I can't clip anything. I can't do this for the clips. an orange so that i can come because i said i can merge my grapes and turn them into one orange god willing this the orange is near this humongous green fruit so i can merge them too it's incredible and indescribable this game fruit merge if you are digital to your phone do not download fruit merge i really wish someone was there to tell me that all i want to do is merge fruit all day it's amazing that my lips can chap as aggressively as they do even though there's like not a ton of lip yeah my chelitis has been really bad with my dandruff i just wiped my lips on my lips it was like it feels like i'm sandpapering my my mic away um i'm gonna put tea gel on my lips and get back to you don't put tea gel on your lips brooke we will never see you again why oh because that's poisonous yeah if it gets in your mouth that's so true tea gel poison shrimp is bugs um i had a list this morning too i was going to tell you about earlier i just remembered tell me it's not good this is not like a good list this is just like one that's come to mind because my favorite thing to say a long time ago when i would meet someone's dog because i met this dog named amanda i love that and i said as if this year could get any worse i keep getting coming across diseases online that i think would be great names for like i've always said i think parvo would be a great name for a dog cholera is beautiful too cholera would be a gorgeous yeah oh my god cholera you put a collar on a dog but i also think arfid is a new disease that i've just started to learn about and i think arfid would be a perfect name for a totally i'm on the arfid side of tiktok arfid has over i'm inundated with arfid content and then the last one is lupus is lupus not like a gorgeous name for like a mutt well that reminds me of lupin who was a harry potter character who turned into a werewolf so it is very like dog like that's awesome yeah so you're on to something lupus gorgeous hound arfid a smaller maybe toy size arfid i what are those like it's like toto toto toto is arfid toto arfid parvo heroic that dog is a dog hero there's kids trapped in a cave up on a mountain parvo is on his way running supplies of the mountain he finds them parvo is here to save you parvo digs and digs and digs parvo runs them down to the tent well maybe just one boy runs the one boy down to the town parvo statue of parvo in town in the town square and the and the and the town cheers parvo yeah parvo parvo it wouldn't work the same with arfid arfid would not be climbing scaling a mountain to save the boy arfid's too little arfid's far too little more of an intellectual arfid has been sheltered i'm sorry i burped lupus dom cannot even yeah so arfid is an eating situation right yeah it's like you're like you have like a very like visceral reaction to certain foods like you can't eat most is it so i was reading about it last night and someone said like i had arfid not to discredit if it like it's real but someone was like i had arfid and then i went to therapy because i have i just started dating this girl who's like has a great palate now i like love thai food and i love spicy food and he was like i would think i was just a picky eater yeah i think it is it is definitely picky eating to an extreme like i don't really know much about it like i don't know if it's like categorized in some sort of medical book i don't know but i do think you can get over it that would be intense to talk to someone with arfid and be like you should get over it well i like like you think it's like oh just picky eating and then you watch someone with arfid try to eat something that they can't and it's like like they like wow you would think that they're being waterboarded yeah i mean i don't care if you have arfid arfid it up like i do not care but like you can have peanut butter and jelly for your life i have like peanut butter like maybe they just don't like a lot of foods because if someone tried to feed me blue cheese like i would be having that sort of reaction like i'd be screaming and crying but you don't have arfid i know but i'm just saying like maybe i do maybe arfid is just maybe they just have arfid for more things fuck my big fat chungus arfid palette fuck my arfid chungus life okay let's let's go to the bonus okay all right you guys we'll wrap it up it's nothing new that i'm brain dead i've been here i don't want to stay here so i'm working on i'm gonna do some exercises today for my brain i'm gonna like drop things and catch them my other hand and then tap we can do exercises in the bonus maybe i'll do some sudoku i love sudoku cool we'll be doing sudoku and then we'll see you guys over there bye thank you guys for listening also bye bye coca-cola for the big for the small the short and the tall peacemakers risk takers for the optimists pessimists for long distance love for introverts and extroverts the thinkers and the doers for old friends and new coca-cola for everyone pick up some coca-cola at a store near you fall never arrives all at once first the air then the light and slowly the things you love begin to find each other a jacket meets a dress a hoodie slips beneath a blazer an old cap finds a new scarf because you don't simply step into the season you create it layer by layer until it finally feels like fall find fall your way at ross you finding a doctor is hard enough finding the right doctor even harder someone who takes your insurance has an available appointment when you need one and feels like someone you can actually open up to that's where zocdoc comes in download the zocdoc app to search and compare doctors by specialty insurance and availability read real patient reviews find the right fit for you and book instantly because getting seen by the right doctor matters zocdoc ready to be seen download the zocdoc app today