Christy Carlson Romano: Disney Fame, Stage Moms & Starting Over

The following podcast is a Deer Media Production. Welcome back to the Not Skinny Bonafat podcast. I'm your host Amanda Hirsch and I still can't believe that I get to chat with some of my favorite stars. I'm a very own podcast where you'll feel like you're just talking shit with your best friends in your living room. Hi guys, how's everybody doing? I realized that I don't have to say welcome in the Not Skinny Bonafat podcast. I'm Amanda Hirsch since you know the podcast you just clicked on and it says it in my intro. So we'll stop doing that maybe not. Anyway, how is everybody? I hope you're having a lovely Tuesday for listening on a Tuesday and if you're listening on another day, another week, another month, another year, then happy whatever day. That is, I'm in a super good mood because I finally shared my redesigned apartment. I also know how to say that. Like my redesigned, my revamped, my, like I finally revealed it. It's been months and I hate waiting. Like I hate it. Like I just wanted to like show you so long ago because you know, you guys like my house is like the background of my life and my stories and my kids and my everything and it was always in your faces. So I obviously was excited to show you what's going to be in your face from now on. And actually, I want to tell you about the way it happened because I had the carpet cleaner. G, you guys know him, he cleans carpets. And he was over in May at some point. And he posted, before I posted, like guess who's the apartment? I'm cleaning or who's rug I'm cleaning. And he like posted just like a quick photo he took. And when I saw my apartment from someone else's like POV, I was horrified. I was like, oh my god, like the pictures on the wall were crooked and like it was just it looked just bad. And I've been nesting ever since I was first pregnant. Like I feel like I'm always looking around at night when I'm sitting on the couch watching to be. Instead of doing that, I'm looking around. I'm just like hating on everything. Like I need to change that. And that's why I always change rugs and whatever. And I can't, listen, I'm not perfect. I don't think I have good apartment designed, you know, taste in choosing it myself. But I never thought to like redo anything because I think about it like, you know, I'm in a rental. Like I have kids, like it's fine. It's okay and it can look okay. Like who needs more than that? And then literally the day that I was mortified by him posting my apartment. And I was like, oh my god, that's what it looks like. Lauren from Klein and Kramer Design reached out to me. She was like, did you ever think to like redo it? Like she was like you're thriving. And like you're doing, you know, so, so well in life. And like you're doing big things. And like your apartment should represent that. And she caught me on such a fine good day to say that to me because I was like, oh my god, I was feeling kind of that. Like I didn't know to say it like that. But I was feeling it. I was like, fuck, yes, fuck, yes. And then we went on this journey. We started with the common area. So like entryway, living room, playroom, to kind of dining area, which in a New York City apartment, it's like all one fucking space. And I just love it. It was so fun to like work with them on it and see like choosing the fabrics and choosing the, you know, everything. And it just made me so much happier. I spend so much time at home. I like I said, just look around all the time. And I can get so frustrated. And my eyes can be so busy and so overstimulated. And now the opposite, it's like looking out. And just feeling like, like so good. So I'm so happy to finally share it. Because now it's going to be in your face 24/7. And it'll look prettier than it did before. I need to post the before photos. You remember just like how cluttered and fucking crazy it is. And to everyone saying white with kids, listen, it is what a fucking is. Like I've already had to clean up Leo's poop. It's more than the kids. It's my old dog is actually ruining my shit. I've had to clean the carpet. But luckily we did choose a lot of like performance fabrics. So we're okay. Anyway, so that's my good mood. My good mood is also because I'm going to see Harry Styles at MSG tonight. I'm so excited about I'm going to wear feathers for Harry. I'm no more others. Anyway, let's get into this week's episode. Because it was such an interesting interview. She was a huge Disney star. One of the first big stars on Disney. You know her from even Stevens. You know her as the voice of Kim possible. You know her from Cadet Kelly. And she's since then was a podcaster. Now an author. She has come out with a book once upon a train wreck. And she talks a lot about like child startup and what that does to kids. You know, and it's such an interesting perspective that she has on it. Obviously she lived it. And her book that I listened to was so great and so interesting. And she's here to talk about all of that. It's Chrissy Carlson Romano for all my Millennial girlies that grew up with her. Like this is just going to bring you right back. Like it's nostalgic. Talk about Hillary, Dev, Lindsay Lohan. Going to school with McCulley Culkins. Carla Jo Hanson. Why she would never let her girls become child actors. And so much more. So enjoy. I'm 5'7" and a half. But I think I'm shrinking. I know I'm shrinking. It's happening. Really? Yeah, 42" and shrinking. I think I grew up. That's my next memoir. What are you doing, shrinking? I grew recently. I tell you. You grew. I thought I was 5'4" and then I went with Noah to a doctor's appointment with my older son. And I imagined myself as an adult does when the before the pediatrician comes in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was 5'5". And I was like, you know what? You can stand it with the pregnancy then. For sure. It has my feet too. Okay. Yeah. It's going to be a 7" and I feel like I'm a 7.5 now. Emotional, spiritual, growth, and physical growth. And physical growth at a lot of pregnancies. Yeah, I think you were pregnant. When was before you were pregnant? That we were texting and we were DMing. Nah. My first kid is 2020. When did you come out? I think it was for your pods supposed to be. Yeah. When did your pod come out? It was 2021 or two. Maybe like when it was like that. That was the era of all that shit that we were doing. The podcast, the back then. Yeah. All the Nostalgia. You still have the podcast? No. No. You stopped doing it. I stopped doing it. I mean, I got a lot of flak for random things. And I was just like kind of over it. Yeah, I just, I don't know. It was like, I didn't get like a lot of flak. I don't want to say like I'm problematic. There's nothing problematic about it. Yeah. It's just that like the whole Nostalgia thing and poking holes at Nostalgia becomes very messy. Yeah. And like people can have problems with that over time. And so like I've had to like. And that was the, that was the, the goal of the pod to talk with other child. It was one of the goals of the pod. Like I had Corey Feldman on and it created like a problem. And I was like, I don't know what to do about this. And like I was like, do I, do I, do I just take it down? So I took it down. And I was like, there's not just a, I'm trying. I was trying to, she asked me. I was just with Caitlin Burstow. And she was asking me, she was like, so how do you like, what's the line between content and, and like showcasing like what the struggle of a child actor is or something like that? Like what, like what's the line between exploitation or something like? I'm like, when you do a podcast, it is monetized. That is just part of how it is produced. And so if you're a guest on a podcast, it's monetized. So you want to create a safe space. But it's not like it's not. People don't understand what it, what it is. Like you have to monetize it. So it becomes hard to be like, I'm not exactly like, a PhD person that's like not by, that's not my thing. Yeah. Yeah. So you didn't want to, you didn't want that responsibility. I didn't love that. I mean, yeah. I thought responsibility. I, I hear you. And I think like for some reason with me, it became a, a thing of like, well, she's our big sister. She's supposed to know better or something like that. Yeah. And I'm like, I'm figuring this out too. Yeah. So it's a little frustrating. I listened to the book once upon a train rack. And I say, listen, because my audiobook girl is, I see you. I hear you. I count. And it's okay. It counts. Of course it counts. Like, did you hear it with me? Of course. Good. Yeah. Okay. Can you hear it not with you? I had friends that I sent the PDF to. Oh, and there's this app. Yeah. I just heard about this app. What is it called? I don't know what they use. Speechify. It's called, you guys. Oh, interesting. Okay. Somebody just told me about this. And then like they could put their PDF into it. And then it spoke to them. And you guys, you can choose apparently like, when it's Peltro to read it to you or something. Oh. On this sheet, just speechify thing. Oh, wow. I want to hear Gwyneth Peltro speak my audiobook. Which is crazy. How like, I mean, that sounds AI is fucked. And I don't know like, did Gwyneth Peltro read every letter? And then I don't know how it works. But it is, because a lot of times you get a PDF and I cannot read off a PDF. No. You know? No, especially the book that I sent them had all the notes and like weird stuff attached to it too. So they really, my girlfriends actually really did me a solid way reading it or listening to it. And do they, do they give you notes, your friends? No. Oh, okay. You just wanted them to. They're my mom friends. So I was like, are you guys still going to want to know me after reading this? Like PTA-wise. Like PTA. Am I screwed with mom friends? It is weird to be a public person. But also like, be a mom, go to the school things. Yeah. And have people know things about you. It's going to be weird. I mean, they know things about you even before the book. But you're saying there's more feelings. or because of things that maybe people didn't know were in the book. - Yeah, definitely. - Like what? What do you worry-- - I drug an alcohol usage? - I can't, but that was old deal. - True, you know what? - You're right. And I like to think that I live in Austin, Texas and it's a community of people that keep it weird. But we also do live in sort of the bougie area, if you will. And I'm kind of worried that some of the bougie moms are gonna be bougie. And I don't know, but here's the thing. The whole point of this book is about when you start to own your story and you stop caring so much about what people think. And like if I wouldn't be living up to the goal of this book, if I didn't at least question myself and be like, "Okay, what are we doing here?" Like I think this book, it took me two years to write this book and it's perpetually teaching me things about myself and my marriage and me as a mother and me as a professional and as a creator. And like there's just so many aspects of it. It's literally like holding up a mirror to myself and being like, "Bitch, this is your life." How did you decide to write it? Like how did it come about? I was asked if I had been considering doing something like this by my editor, shout out to Ronnie, who I loved dearly. And I was kind of, you know, they were kind of, they were itching to see if I would do it. And I had already done so many of these like YouTube videos and TikToks that were going viral and random things that were just out there for the public to consume. And I think finally just Simon and Schuster element was like, let's make a call over to her and see if she's, if she'd be interested in this. But the book proposal was where it had to really diverge from whatever I had been telling people to really digging deeper and be like, "Yeah, they don't know about this and they don't know about that." And these are things that I haven't shared. So these are, there's some stories in there that are way deeper than what people know. - When you say things that are, that when viral, are we talking the Anne Hathaway video? - I had to take that out actually. - I chose to take it, so there's an anecdote essentially about me going on a, on audition for Parade, The Musical, that I, I booked and Anne had been sitting in the, we were talking and we were, she was very, very sweet. And I just met her there and I went in before her for the audition and I, I did have a really, really stellar audition and I ended up booking the part like in the room and she was like, right after me. And so there was an anecdote there where I could have shared it, but because of this whole weird Anne Hathaway gate thing that's happened with me. - You decided not to? - I decided not to, I was like, I'll just take it out. - Okay, so of course like I knew, I knew that because I listened to the book, but the, the Anne Hathaway video, I feel like it's one of those things in social media that when people just read a headline, they can get it completely wrong, right? So like you can Google it and you could be like, okay, Christie said she could have had her career. But if you watch the video, obviously that's not what you were. - What did I say that, that's insane. - I mean, I clipped, I clipped a, so when you start posting anywhere, your platform, whether it's, I don't know, dear media or whether it's YouTube or TikTok, they have best practices. And they're like, this is how you title an episode. This is how you title-- - We'll look at the clicks. - Right, we'll look at the clicks. And then of course it's up to you for your authenticity sake, for your brand sake, for you to be like, well, how messy am I gonna get? - Yeah. - You're like, what am I gonna say to get people to click and convert and stuff. And so in the beginning phases of me being a YouTuber, I did the Anne Hathaway thing. And I was like, this should clit clicks. But I didn't, but I didn't realize though, is that people would misconstrue it so heavily. You know what I'm saying? I thought people would be like, what does she mean by that? Oh, that's what she means by that. But they didn't, they're like, she means that. - Yeah. - So the internet lacks nuance. And I learned that the hard way, because there are so many people that have literally taken one headline that I said and been like, no, Christie thinks that she's Anne Hathaway. She's psychotic, she's a crazy person. - How did you deal with receiving backlash for that? - I've received backlash for various things in my career at this point as a creator, I will say. And what I've realized is that there's the irony of people making content off your content when they are calling you out for making said content. And they are doing the exact same thing to make money. And then what-- - For the kids too? - For the kids to go. - Like literally. - I'll go get going, I'll get going. - The amount of drama content that's made on the internet is something that I just never could have understood. And I think that everybody gets this at a certain point. I think if anything, when you have haters, it's because you're doing something right, I guess. But it's up to you to kind of still gut-check with yourself. And you'd be like, wait, maybe I was wrong for doing that? Or can I live with the fact that I did do a little like messy clipping because it didn't hurt anybody. It certainly didn't hurt Anne Hathaway's career. That bitch is killing it right now. - She is crushing it and she looks gorgeous. And she's got that baby on the way. - Like you didn't say anything hate full about anybody who didn't hurt anybody. And by the way-- - I would never do that. - In this video, this is a person I feel like everyone has even the haters or people miscontrolling it, have had a moment in their life kind of a revolving door's moment. Remember that movie with sliding doors, it was called. But a revolving door's moment where it's like, what would have happened if? And people also, we do this, everyone does this, even though we say we shouldn't, we compare ourselves to other people and wonder why we're not doing those things. And all that is human nature also. - It's really interesting how the internet just chooses things to be upset about. - Yeah. - And so therefore, I would say that where I'm out of my life now is just accepting that that is part of it and part of showing up. And but what I think worries me about the past and posting and stuff is that people will try to put that onto my book and be like, oh, this is Christie sort of complaining about her past or being bitter. This book is not like that at all. This book has so much to do with being a mother, my alcoholism, my drug usage, like my toxic relationships, ending up in an FBI office, like being in New York 9/11, which I have shared about, but going to Afghanistan. And like there's, I mean, you've listened to the book, there's a lot of different corners of the world that my ass just stumbled into. - Yeah. - And the reflections upon those things that have nothing to do with trying to click bait or try to convert people or anything like that. This book is a genuine piece of my life on paper. - I really enjoyed it. - Good. - And I really enjoyed hearing your story. I think it's fascinating. Obviously we're all fascinated by people in Hollywood and actors and child stars and how they get to, how they started, how they got to where they are. Like that's just fascinating to me. And you really do kind of take us through that entire journey from when you were five. I mean, it goes chronologically. - Yep. - It literally goes by years by how old you were from when you started when you were five and until today, you write in the prologue that your quarter life crisis happened on the internet. What did you mean by that? How did that play out? - Which part? All of it? - I feel like, I feel like just after having my kids, I was really, after having my first kid, it's even sort of alluded to in the book, I started creating content and it gave me such a new chapter in my career and I was able to monetize my content and become a creator and identify as a creator, which, you know, even though I have this traditional background, I was still kind of like, well, what am I now, right? And what even, I didn't even think of nostalgia in the beginning phases of posting. I was mostly posting like, here's my pregnancy bump and like, here's my toys. And initially I was posting just to get free baby stuff. - Yeah. - And then it became a thing of like, I got a deal for like 12 months that actually got me out of a little apartment with my husband in West Hollywood out to a house in Orange County. And so we were leasing it of course, but it was like, still the idea that like, wow, this is a new lane for us as new parents. Where does this go? - And you didn't have to rely on like booking the next thing. - Exactly, you didn't have to wait for the phone to ring. - Yeah. - You got to actually take a photo in the grocery store of a serial brand or a this or that and hit them up on Instagram and be like, hey, would you like to set up a phone call? I'd really like to talk to you about my love for your product. And most of the time it's a very genuine conversation about, hey, like, do you guys have budget and would you-- - You were doing outreach at the beginning? - I still do outreach. - Oh, you do. - Yeah, I still do outreach. - You sound like you're a business lady. - Do I? - Yeah, I did wear a suit for you. - You did wear a suit. - I did wear a suit. - No, it just sounds like you really do take this business seriously and like you're like, I'm a creator. I, like, you're in it. - I love creators. I have nothing but like absolute joy in my heart for what it means to be somebody who creates because it's really hard. - Yeah. - This job is a very consistent thing that is 24/7. And you do need to find a right team for you over time because I've run and gunned it by myself with my husband and like very few people have been welcomed into the fold of this. And then I've had a lot of turnover over time because I've been like, I can do this on my own. I don't need to pay this person. And so it's, you can always rely on yourself and that way it becomes a little harder to say to yourself, well, the money is really good and you figure out how to keep that going. And you also want to make sure though that A, you're promoting things that you really believe in and then B, that you're never not making enough content for it to kind of balance out. You know what I mean? Like, you got to make enough content for people to be like, well, this is, I'm still tuning in to talk to Christie and I want to see your story time and, and, yeah, it can't just be QVC. We'll be right back after the break. I am still trying to get a good life to like, let me be a partner because I am so obsessed with that life and I feel like they don't get enough love. Like, I discovered them when I was really trying to be low, low, low carb and I was looking for a wrap. Like everyone's posting wraps and I'm like, I want to need a wrap. I want a wrap, I just wanted a lower carb wrap and I've tried a bunch that had too much fiber and wasn't going for my tummy like, I've tried it all. And then I got to egg life, okay? These wraps are made from egg whites, so no flour, high in protein from the eggs, low in carbs and literally clean ingredients. So good. And my go to is making like a PB and J roll up for breakfast as I'm running out the door with no one. And then he's like taking a bite and I'm like, or I love to make like a turkey and cheese roll up or anything. You put anything in there, tuna, make a sandwich, like make it sweet, make it salty, whatever you want. They also have versatile flavors. Like they have a cinnamon flavor. I love doing the PB and J on that. They also have the regular one, which I'm obsessed with. It's the yellow color. They also have what is it called, everything but the bagel vibes. They have a bunch. So check it out. They are packed with flavor and protein without the extra carbs and calories plus gluten-free, dairy-free, egg life, egg white wraps make it easy to sink in high quality protein into your favorite meals and snacks. Find egg life chilling in the refrigerated section all the whole foods, Kroger, Target, Walmart and more. Visit egglifefoods.com to find a retailer near you and tag me so I can see what you cook up. I need more ideas. Visit egglifefoods.com to find a retailer near you. You guys I told you this a while ago and I will say it again, merit beauty is where it's at. I have never been a huge makeup person over the years. You know, I've gotten better at it. I've gotten better at like choosing the right products and it really started with merit. And I remember when it came out and I immediately recognized the founders and really believed in them and what they were saying that the brand is, you know, is clean beauty. One of the first minimalist clean beauty brands, everything just made sense. Like I get so overwhelmed when a brand has a lot of products and merit beauty is not about that. Okay. It's about like an easy five minute routine. And listen, Paula started. I'm wearing a sweatshirt. Okay. I need those minutes that I get ready to really be efficient. Okay. And merit makes that so easy with elevated makeup that is designed to help you look polished. So I slap on their primer. That is amazing. I could put the glow serum under the primer. By the way, I love their minimalistic because it's like a concealer slash a foundation in one. Okay. Bronzer is amazing, flush bombs, their blush is beyond. Everything is swipeable is the other thing. Like, let me swipe everything. I love swiping everything. Anyway, routines only give you time back if they're efficient and merit beauty is designed to help you look put together in minutes, perfect for those busy fall days when you want to feel like your best self without a complicated routine. Fall is a perfect time for a fresh start. So make it your back to me season with merit. Right now, merit beauty is offering my listeners their signature makeup bag, which I have in it. So cute. It's not just make it back. It's an accessory free with your first order at merit beauty.com. That's merit beauty, M E R I T beauty.com merit beauty.com and we're back. It's funny. I just did a like a day with no social media, okay, instead of fasting for Yom Kippur. Sorry, my Jewish friends. I didn't do the fast, but I you fasted another one digitally. Yeah. Yeah. Which is huge deal for me. Okay. Well, I saw this message that was like, and then when I came back, I was like, Oh, like this is what happened when, you know, I wasn't online. Yeah. And so when I was like, well, not very smart, like for you to do this, because like I knew all the things that, you know, you talked about when you came back and I was like, how about like, it was one day, you know, like one fucking day in a year, I'll deal with that. I'll take the hit of the one day that I didn't give you the new information. The new. Yeah. And people find reasons to just be mad. I know. They do. In the book, you did make a decision to write a little note to your daughters, to the girls. Yeah. Is it every chapter? It's every chapter. It's every chapter. Yeah. How did you decide to do that? That was really the engine of the book proposal. We were, you know, what makes this different from every other child actor's love memoir is that I'm a mom, you know, Jeanette McCurdy had one, Allison Stoner had one. And luckily, I've been blessed with two beautiful little girls that changed my life. And becoming a mom is what caused me to understand my issues with alcohol and get sober. And everything in my life has changed since becoming a mom. So I'd be remiss to not sort of include them in this book. And actually in the back of the book, there's a picture of my daughter right here. It's not on the audio. It wouldn't be on the audiobook. But so this is my little girl at the age that I was when I started the business. And so we put her in the same dress as me as the cover where I'm all busted up and coming out, but she's going into the hole. So I love this. This is just a little inside inside. But if you guys get the hard cover, a little added thing there, but did your other daughter get but her that she's not I'm like, she didn't, but she probably will. Okay. Yeah. One day she will, my girl. But I'll just say, listen, it was because she was the age that I was when I started in your room. And she also doesn't like being photographed. Okay. My oldest daughter hates it. And I find it extremely triggering for me because I'm like, oh my God, we can't take any photos of you. If you're uncomfortable, we're not going to do anything like we don't want to make you feel like anything. And of course, like I don't really, I post my kids for holidays. Like if we have like a Christmas photo or something like that, like I'm okay with that. But for the most part, I'm not posting them on online. You saying the book hard stop when it comes to being open to your kids going into the industry, right? Yeah. Like you feel very strongly about it. Well, because there's not enough infrastructure to protect them, even though my husband and I would be the best stage parents for them. That may be true, but it's also a tremendous sacrifice for the parent to choose to essentially have their child, have a career or not them because how are you doing that? That's why I think, I think nepotism rules the day when it comes to having successful child actors, even though there's bumps in the road for them, they have something to fall back on. They have a lot of resources, and they kind of already have a path paved. I was talking to Trish Cyrus the other day, and we were talking about how Miley kind of had sort of the blueprint because she'd already been with Billy Ray, and they'd already been sort of making their way with him and understanding how to like budget, and they had the CPA, and Dolly Parton was like the first person to give her a manager, you know? So I just think that there's certain legs up that really are true to offset certain traumas that people that come from like middle-middle-class homes like myself don't have to endure as much of. There's probably other things that they have to deal with as well, but there are things that they're not dealing with. Because your mom, who you call a stage mom in this book, she literally had to leave the home with your father and three other siblings, right? Yeah, we, yeah. Be like, bye. See you. We're going on the road. But this is something. I don't know if you say it in the book, you know, if there's like the bottom line to this, like if it was your dream or her dream. Right. I never say that. You don't say that. I never say that, but I would say it was more her dream than my dream, but it was her dream for me to be successful. It wasn't, I think, her dream in her mind for her to be successful ever. I don't think my mom had enough self worth in herself. I think she had of, she was very shy, still is very painfully shy, which is why this is kind of hard for her, this book and me talking about her and stuff like that, it's, it's causing some friction, but I'm trying to be as respectful as possible while also like owning my life story. And I write a letter to her at the end of the book as well. Yeah. And I printed out that letter and I had her read that letter first before reading the book. How did she feel about the letter? She, she's been okay so far with everything. She's given me, you know, there was a few things about her drinking that she asked me to take out. And so I reframed it a little bit, but, but in general, I think like she did not stand in the way of the book being what it needed to be. Were you, because I know in the book you mentioned, you moved her out to be closer to you. Is that still the case? She is still there. So she's close. She's very close. She texted me like right before I got here. Okay. So, because like I'm going to give you my honest like, do it, reaction to that letter. Yeah. It felt like there was still stuff there. There's still growth to be had. Do you know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Like, as a mom, you're a mom, you love your girls. Like, I felt like, obviously, as a mom, I would have wanted, you know, more, like to feel more love for my daughter. You know, it felt very, um, like, there was more stuff there. And like, that it, it, it isn't kind of all solved in that, you know, you're still working, working through it. A thousand percent. The book does not promise answers. That once I will tell you, it, it's definitely reflective of me being sort of a work in progress now. But it definitely gives context to like, why I've done what I've done and how I've done it, which I think, to leave that behind for the girls matters most to me because then they can be like, "Oh, this is, this makes sense." But with my mom, you know, I, I'm not sure. There's, there's, there's been a lot of accounting of stage moms, but it's a very, like, one-sided, almost demonization of them. Right. I think what the book tries to do is humanize. And what I would like to do is try to humanize it and be like, "Mom, you are a stage mom. Just own it." Like, you never wanted to be called it and stage parents say, "Don't call me a stage mom." Like, you are a stage mom at a certain point. Just a matter of what kind of stage mom are you. But the idea of it is like, there's a certain kind of person that gravitates towards allowing their child to remove the childhood part of their child. You know, like, can you be a child actor without having a stage parent? Is the question. I don't think so. I don't think so. But you even said, I will say, like you just said, if your kids were to go in the industry, you'd be a great stage parent. Like, you use that not in a negative way. So I can tell. Right. There's a spectrum. Yeah. There's the ones that downright abuse them and then there's the ones that amplify and raise them up. You know, like, Zendaya's mom seems really amazing, but we don't know. But the truth is, Zendaya seems pretty well adjusted. They seem to have a pretty, I mean, you can tell that they have a pretty good relationship. And, you know, there's certain people that are success stories out there, like the TN Tamara and Taj, like that whole Maori family seems really great and well adjusted as well. But, I mean, everybody has their drama points. You know, like, Zendaya hadn't talked in a while. Right. And so everybody's got their, their shit. But what do you, what do you think that you still feel that, that hasn't been resolved with like, with my mom, with your mom, yeah? Money. You know, I'm still taking care of her with my brother. And what hurts the most is that, you know, she was never really able to figure out a way to sort of find herself away from me or my dad, you know? And like, I mean, this is me getting really vulnerable now. But I just, I want what's best for her. But unfortunately, what's best for her is just to be taken care of at this point. Like, she's turning 80. Oh, you know what I mean? Like, she had me later. I'm the youngest of the four. And she's turning 80. Yeah. Give the woman some peace at this point. Right. We've, she's, she's being good enough to like, not stand in my way with the book. And it's not that I'm paying her off. Okay. Guys, I don't know. I don't know. I mean, it's a part of me that's like, you know, still feeling weird about money with her is I think I'll always feel a little bit like, you know, unclean about it. And because of the years that you were working because of the years that she was employed by me. And like, I had a year of not talking to her after that when I was about 21. And I had a boyfriend at the time that was like, don't talk to your family. Right. Perhaps that was the right move in some ways, but other ways, the no contact thing. There was no, there was no fallback structure to, to kind of go to therapy and talk to somebody about that and grow from that or reintegrate my family. It was just, I was no contact. Then he dumped me. Then I was contact again. And, and they've always accepted you when you came back and they did, but with conditions. Oh, okay. So I come from like a very middle middle class Italian American family from Connecticut. And like, they're very tri-state. And, you know, they're educated and love all of that. But they're still very brutally honest, rough around the edges, kind of people. And so they'd never let me forget my position. And like, you're the littlest, you're the smallest. Like when you're in this house, you listen to what we have to say. And it underserved me because I became a very compliant child and I stayed a very compliant person for like a really long time. And so when I went no contact, I thought that I was getting away from that identity by sort of rushing into the arms of somebody who I was being equally compliant towards. And so I went from like one codependent situation to another. Yeah. And I mean, that's, what's I think so maybe frustrating about reading this book is that you're going to root for me, but you're also going to be like, Christy, what are you doing? I don't know that I felt that way. Oh, good. Yeah. I mean, you did get into some bad relationships, you know, but who hasn't? All right. And at the end of the day, like, you're in a good relationship now. Yes. So that's what matters. Yes. But these kind of toxic relationships, would you call them that you go go through in the book? Do you think like when you try to think about like why you ended up with like guys like that at the point in your life, like, have you figured out the why? Absolutely. I was just I was in love with people, places and things like I was addicted to that. You know, I think that that all came out in the end with alcohol and breaking that cycle. And for me, I was in Alan on for a while. And that's actually when I was assaulted and that was somebody I had met through Alan on, which is part of the reason why even though I've been 10 years sober, I don't, I don't do program. And so because you're traumatized from from that experience, I was traumatized from that. And also, I just think that like, I remember somebody telling me that program would let you down or know what it was it that people in program would let you down, but the program would not. And I, and I, and I, I think that I'm doing program in my own way. And I've done it for 10 years. Since you got pregnant with your first daughter, you've been sober. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Was that hard? We're like being pregnant. And because that's like what you decided. I wasn't trying out kind of drunk. I was a binge drinking, kind of solve your problems by partying, going out, having fun. Yeah. And I'm sure I would have been like an amazing wine mom. Like I'm sure that would have been my jam. But I don't know how folks do it with, with having to get up early and having, I mean, the fact that you did cook for the first time of Paris Hilton's house is a good story. I was like, I'm so glad you got into that. No, so glad you guys. I was like, that's, that's a good story. And like you came out alive. I was old to start to try cocaine. I was like 20, let's see, 23 or something like that. Yeah. 23, 24. Did you like it? Not really. Okay. Not really. I think what I liked was the attention I got for doing it in front of people. And like you feel cool doing it in a moment in the room with the people. Yeah. And everybody's like, I got the Disney girl to do cocaine for the first time. And it was like, were you scared that was going to get out? Like when you were you weren't. I didn't care. I didn't care. I didn't think that, well, first of all, I'd been clubbing for a while just trying to get noticed by paparazzi and it never happened. What do you mean? By the way, all the places you mentioned brought me back from hide. To what was the other one? Well, vinyl was one. And then you mentioned those apartments you lived on. The villas. The villas. Yes. We're then Audrina and Lauren moved in. Yes. Yes. And we were filming that when I lived there. Sick. You not try to get on that. Like what were you calling? I remember being at the pool and they were filming at one point. Yeah. And we're not like, they seem cool. I'm not cool enough to hang out with them. So tell me about trying to get noticed by paparazzi at the club. So before Instagram. Yeah. You really didn't have control over your image. It was whatever the paparazzi TMZ or, you know, page six, like really saw of you. And they had and Perez Hilton, of course. Like that was how you were able to change people's opinion of you. And at that time, I had been clubbing since I was like, well, really since I was like 16, but I've been really aggressively clubbing to try to get noticed since I was like 21. Because you thought it would change the Disney image review. Yes. So that I could be seen with the right people or going to the right places. And did anybody give you this advice? Or this was you thought it? No, this was sort of probably my own weird rumination. But it seemed like what other people were doing to get noticed was also like the maximum covers and stuff like that. So I was like, I need to do a maximum cover. But the irony is that I didn't have a publicist or a stylist or like anybody really guiding my, I didn't, I don't know why that thought never occurred to me to like team up with people. And you thought you could do it. I guess I was like, I guess I was like, yeah, this is just what I need to do. And I was very naive. You ran into Lindsey Lohan at the club. Oh my god. I was such an idiot. What? That was at vinyl. Yeah. You said vinyl was here. So when I was doing beauty in the beast, I was about 21. And I remember Joey Faton was there and he had like, he showed me his like lip tattoo of his wife now ex-wife at the time. So, and I remember seeing her and I was like, I'm going to sidle up to her and we're going to like be friends. And I was like, I said something about Hillary Duff that was like, oh, yeah. And then, and then she was like, and she was like, well, you should hear what she said about you. And I didn't say anything all that mean. But I was like, she was the toughest under age. Wait, they were beefing at the time. They were beefing. They were beefing. wanted to be like, I'm team, let's see. - I'm team Weelo. - Yeah, I'm team Weelo. - I know it was a time, and I was wasted. I just want to point out. - And she said what? - She said something to the effect of like, well, you should hear what she said about you, which is like the toughest, long island girl thing that you could, and it was like, I guess we're not gonna be friends. And like, I would, I'll kick myself because it's like an embarrassing story, but we all have things, and that's what I hope makes the book relatable, where it's like foot in mouth, you were dumb. - Right. - And now you've learned from that. - Have you guys seen that Nikki Reed and Ian Sommel, owner, owner? Have a company called the absorption company, and I just trust whatever these two say. Like, they're all about health and wellness and like, living on a farm. Like, I actually don't know where they live, but she has been wearing the same shoes for years because she's so sustainable and amazing. 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Was that like 60th? Yeah, it is. That's what I went to beacon. Oh, yeah. So when you were describing that, because the American ballet academy was at the fucking street for me. It's exactly what you were describing. So where was P-O-F-P-E-S? Where was that? 60th and 10th. That was where beacon was. I know. So where? 60th between 9th and 10th. Yeah. That's literally, how did I never see any of these people? Because you're a little bit older than me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So maybe that's why. Maybe. But when you were describing that time, for some why I really felt it, because I was there. I'm so glad. I was there. I'm so glad you find it relatable. So relatable. OK, so this is a moment I really found relatable. So you were in school with a bunch of famous people, the Colkins, McColley, and Karen, right? Yep. And that was after Home Alone. And you said that he moved at you. Yeah, I was so weird. I've been moved at. What? Yeah. Does that thing-- Dick. Dick voice. Dick voice at that age? Yeah. Must've been. That's calling you a cow, right? I think so. Yeah. Wow. My guy said, when I answered back said, sorry, I don't, I don't speak. Cow? What an asshole. I know little kids can be, I mean, why do you think he moved at you? I don't know. I thought he was on drugs. Yeah. You describe him not so greatly in the book at the time. He was just out there at the time. Yeah. I think he was in his partying phase, which we all know he had. Yeah. I think that their family had a culture of sort of like just partying and going out and just like really just a different kind of family, you know. Yeah. And you could emancipate it from his dad at the time. There was like major beef with the mom and the dad. Right. You remember that? Yeah. His dad was like a really bad stage dad. Right. And then they all were living in like two apartments next door to PCS. And I was really good friends with his baby sister. And yeah, their lifestyle wasn't the best because they were a big family scrunched into, you know, little apartments. But and he was taking care of his family. Are you happy to see them so happy like I would I would only hope the best for anybody that I've ever come across like I'm literally not bitter about anyone else is it's concluding and how the way. Why were you saying before that word bitter came up in the book too? Is that some people's like conception of you? I think so. Well, I'm a female in media and I think that that can come up because when you start to have an opinion, I think you get labeled like bitter pretty quickly. And when you're reflecting on your past or you're like, yeah, you know, like we said before, like, you know, this happened and this is how I feel about it. Whatever you feel, someone's going to get mad about. Right. And so the first thing that I think the easiest thing to call a woman is bitter. Right. If I've realized that, I think if I would try to read it, it's like if somebody's talking about things that didn't go the way they wanted to in their lives, they must be bitter. And it's like, I'm reflecting and I'm letting you in on what happened. Yeah. And I think that these are stories that not a lot of people know about. Yeah. And when I start poking holes in people's nostalgia, which it deregulates them because I think when you think about what people do to scroll, they sort of self-south when they scroll on the internet, but what they do with nostalgia is that they're scrolling in their head to be like, Oh, I need to find the time in my brain that I felt safe. And she's poking a hole at that because she was my childhood. And I do know her so well. But the fact that she's telling me this about, you know, shy or Hillary or Raven or whoever, it makes me uncomfortable. Right. And I don't mean to do that, but this is just a truth. And if you choose to listen, then you'll see that I'm not bitter. You were one of the, I think the public has kind of came to a reckoning with shy, I would say. But you do describe your relationship in the book on even Stevens, and it wasn't good from the beginning. It was not. You didn't vibe to see the list. It was oil and water. How old were you when you started? So I was 14 when we shot that pilot. And he was, he must have been like 12 no vibes and he was, he actually called, he's a legend in so far that he called up at like eight years old, his manager, his then manager. I forget last name, Crosby. And he was with him for a really, really long time. He might still be with him. And he called him up and he was like, I found his number in the phone book at like eight or nine years old. Like he wanted this. Because he needed it because of his, his childhood and the upbringing that he was having was so bad. So somehow he had a dream and he made it happen for himself. And I don't know if his parents were like, if you want this, go find somebody. But he made it happen. And he was like a Venice Beach kind of like bum kid kind of like you'd see in that movie kids that you used to watch, that horrible, horrible movie. And like I mentioned it in the book too, but it's like that kind of vagrant fun, but like also very chaotic and very scary kind of lifestyle. And he was very young to be having that. And he's, he's, you know, made movies about this like this was his, his way of life. His dad was sort of this recovering drug addict who was his shaperone on set, which I kind of wish he hadn't been because I feel like that was a little inappropriate to have somebody who had assault charges on them, be like around young women. Yeah. I'm not okay with that. And you were, were you aware of that at the time? I was it. I only became aware of that over the last couple years and that kind of doesn't. that will well with me, that my executive producers would have been okay with that. - Yeah. - Like, come on, there's like young women around and he's like, you know, kind of a sleazy. - But at the time you're 14 and he's 12. - He's 12, yep, yep. - And what causes a 14 year old and a 12 year old to like just not get along? - The way that they're being raised. - Yeah. - You know what I mean, like I was being raised and brought up to be like this like type A, I mean exactly like Ren Stevens, like you know your lines, you hit your marks, you don't mess up. - Yeah. - You're a New York kid, like that comes with a certain kind of echelon of, you know, especially like you go to school of American Ballet or I was trying to go into pre-college Juliard and be an opera. And like everything that we were doing, my mom called it cross training, came with a certain dollar amount of training. And I actually was affording that for myself, like anything that we were booking about-- - You were paying for it. - Yeah, including my tuition, yeah. Which I only just found out through writing this book. I was like, Mom, she's like, yeah, no, that's why we had to do all the financial packages because you were paying it for yourself. - You were paying it for yourself. - Yeah. So I was like, well shit, that's why NEPO babies have it easier 'cause they can. - Right, you know, it's like you just have something, the stakes aren't as high when it comes to that. That might be an unpopular opinion, 'cause I know NEPO babies are-- - No, I mean, I think the NEP, I think NEPO babies have started to own it. And obviously we love the ones who do and say exactly that. Like, it's made, the privilege has made it easier. A lot of people have had good responses. And I respect it when they don't try to make it seem like it's a coincidence. - Right, right. - You know, or just the term is like, I'm so over at NEPO baby. - Yeah, me too. - It's like annoying. - It is true. - But let's go back to PCS for a second, 'cause I need to envision you're going to the school, Scarlett Johansson is there. - Christina Richie is there. - Yeah, they were all in the older. Jordana Brewster was there. - Yeah. - Remember Gabby Hoffman. - Was that like overwhelming nerve-wracking? - I think it was nerve-wracking, actually. Now that I think about it, because you're going to a school where the popular kid is the most famous kid. And so it signals to you that what's true outside of the school is true inside of the school. So the culture is like a work hustle culture. And so yeah, I mean, I will say what's cool about PCS is that they have kids from all different backgrounds. So they don't just have actors. They have the protege violinist from Taiwan that are being sponsored to go there and staying at Juilliard because their government is paying for it, or they have these beautiful dancers that are killing themselves just to become a company dancers eventually. And some of them are marked to be the next big thing. And you had the inventor of Ballsack went there? You were Ballsack? - No, what is that? - It was like some weird squishy Ballsack thing. And there was like, we had protege highly functioning professional golfers and horseback writers and ice skaters and Cirque du Soleil kids went there. And like you name it, like our talent show that we had every year was insane. You ended up leaving, was it because of, there was some bullying? - Oh yeah, there was a lot of bullying for me in my life. Yeah, I had a lot of that. - Cause you were, I think you mentioned like maybe, you had some stickers. And the other girls were like talking about like sex and stuff and the other stickers in your backpack. - It's so funny. So I have a daughter right now who's about to turn 10. And she's really into her imagination. And I'm getting so triggered by it because I think I was a late bloomer as well. And emotionally she relates to people but she's relating to them on another level. And she still wears like a onesie that looks like a moth or a onesie that looks like a capy bar. And like, you know, one of the zipper ones you can kind of like run around the house in. And she is a kid. She is a true, almost like how we're raising our kids to be like 90s kids, like it's that vibe. And I'm so proud of that because somehow she doesn't have the bullying culture around her. And so many parents are breaking that cycle making sure that they're accountable with their kids and the way that they're behaving. And I am blessed to have a community of people that really are accepting of her. But if I was her at her age, I would have been bullied, which I was bullied. Because I was, I was similar in that way of just like collecting stickers and being a little weirdo and just theater kid energy. Theater kid energy, yeah. But you became friends with Scarlett after finding her intimidating at first. I would say sort of frenemies. Frenemies. I would say frenemies and so far that it was never like a true friendship. But she ended up, you know, coming to my house in Connecticut for like my eighth grade graduation party and, you know, trying to hit on my brother. And luckily he was like a sleep at the time. And luckily for who? I know, right? I know. And he missed out. I know he did. But she also didn't look like the way she looks now. You know, like she was still just a little kid. Yeah. And, but she was very mature for her age. And you didn't feel like you were there. I was not there, yeah. And so I guess that, I wasn't bullied by Scarlett in that way. I think that there was just some animosity between the vibes. It was more like-- Like, both trying to get roles and-- No, I think it was more like schoolgirl animosity with the girl that came into the friend group and kind of became friends with the friends. That's you. You came into the-- She came into the friend group. She was newer than you. She was newer than me in eighth grade. Yeah. And I had been there since like fifth or sixth grade. OK. And so I was-- and my friends matter to me so much because I just didn't have a good home life. And so my friends that I did manage to have-- and I'd been bullied through elementary school as well. So, you know, it's not something I'm proud of, you know, because I'm like, what did I do wrong still to this day? And it's sort of like I'm making peace with it now that I have girls that are this age. And that's part of the beauty of the book, too, is that it's really cathartic for me to go back and be like, OK, where were we at with this? How do we feel about this? And how are we moving past this and moving through it? Yeah. So yeah, that's kind of how it feels. So at what point did you leave that school? Was it because of me booked? It was Sticker Gate, actually. I think it was the Sticker Gate that we call it in the book. That you were like, I'm done with this. I want to go back. And by the way, you describing-- because I hate public transportation-- you having to come in from Connecticut every day for school. Is-- and your mom was coming with you. Yeah. See, this is what I don't understand. Like, you know, she's the right guy. She really did, you know, she made some mistakes. But she-- the train with you every day. I'm telling you, like, I couldn't train. No, I would be like, we're not doing this. No, you want to be-- I'm sure there's many things you want to be in life. But being an actor is not going to be the one. I'm going to do for you. Yeah. But God lover, she had the vision. And even to this day, I have a hard time talking to her about it. I'm just like, what were you thinking? I mean, I think that you do come to not to give much of the book away. But I think you do come to some sort of an understanding at the end of, like, where that came from. And how it's not all bad, obviously. Right, right. Exactly. Or wanting your success and-- And because how many of us-- I used to be mad at my mom that she didn't make me a, you know, Michelle Tanner. Like, no, I could have done that. A lot of people would like that. Why didn't you take me? You know, why didn't you quit your job uproot your life? What about your siblings at that time? Or they-- I mean, they were-- like, with your dad, just great kids. Yeah. He wasn't too happy about it, but how did that really play out? No. So my family's really displaced. Unfortunately, I think that the long-term side effects of this have caused a lot of rifts in my family. I think that what ended up happening is that my sisters grew up way too fast. I have two older sisters. My brother lost his mom when he was in middle school and dealing with ADHD. And now that we know what ADHD looks like, and he had it pretty severely, I mean, he was able to rein it in, but he didn't have the support team that he would have needed, you know? Yeah. And he put himself into sports. And I think I'm closest to my brother because I have so much compassion for everything that he went through. Because he was younger. He was younger over four years' difference. And so with my sisters, though, that they grew up, got boyfriends, went to college all within the realm of me, beginning my career and through Disney. They were kind of off on their own. But they have their issues with my mom because of this. And I think they have issues with you. Oh, yeah. They have issues with me. But I think that it's been misprojected over the years. And unfortunately, we need serious counseling now. I think if there's ever going to be a good and decent relationship with them, I think we need family mediation at this point. And it's not anything in particular has happened. It's just that over the years, we didn't get some of that really important bonding time that you have. And I see it with my girls. They have so much bonding time together. And I'll talk to my husband and we'll be like, could you imagine being like, OK, Izzy, we're going to take Sofia and we're going to just go be in LA with her for months. Yeah, months. And she's going to be-- and you're going to be fine. And you'll leave you here with dad and that'll be that. And it's just like you, this isn't, this is also. a very common occurrence, very common. - Comes to the child actor behavior and what it takes this kind of sacrifices, the displacement of the family unit. - I forget who was on my pot and talked about this, and I wonder if that's in your experience, that it could happen from like an already kind of shaken up home. - Oh yeah. - And maybe like an escape for one of the parents. Like it doesn't just like, you know, 'cause you were just giving an example of your home, you probably wouldn't do that because you wouldn't leave your husband. - To your risk. - Yeah. - It's an at-risk home. - Yeah. - Interesting. - Do you relate to that? Do you feel like-- - I relate to that hardcore, yeah. But it is sad because you have sisters, you know? And like, you girls not getting the time to really, do you remember thinking about it then? Like, oh, I wish I was like with the rest of my family. Did you not-- - I think so. I think that that I had to get used to that. And eventually we just kind of felt like strangers because then they went to college and it was kind of like I would see them and they would just be so far removed from my experience. And then what ended up happening was, the damage was done at that point. But what ended up happening was when we were all at an age where we could go party together. We would drink together and party together in New York City and do things like that. And I would like help my brother pick up women because he'd be like, oh, get the girl because you're, you know, who you are. And so there was a time in a heyday where we had some familiarity with each other. But what I will tell you is that there was damage done and like that it never really went away. - Yeah. - And, you know, now that my mom's getting older and I'm sort of responsible for her and my brother shares that responsibility with me and my sisters don't. It's caused sort of a fracture in the family. - Yeah. - Is your dad-- - My dad passed. - Okay, all right. You do discuss that in the book. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, he passed. Oh my gosh, like nine years ago now or something. But yeah. - When you described him being there for you with those bare hugs and the coll-- Like I literally like smelled the cologne. - Oh, good. - Like, you know what I mean? Like those moments of getting that just like tight hug that you need. - It was rare, you know, because I didn't get to see him that much. So I think that the things like, you know, the souvenirs that he got me from when he was, some of my earliest memories of him are very positive. But my mom really sullied my relationship with him because she had so much sort of emotional incest is a whole nother thing that people deal with when it comes to very dysfunctional families. And she kind of projected a lot of that onto me and sort of used me as her therapist over the years. - Right. - And so it's in the book. I had to tone it down a little bit for her. But I remember when she read the book she goes, "Well, your dad comes off as like a shining example of me." - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Mom, I was like, this is just, this is just what we got to do here. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's complicated, right? - It's complicated. - It's complicated. - Okay, so throughout all of this just 'cause somehow we're almost done with the fucking pod. - Oh my gosh. - We're gonna jump. So you did, from when you started, you got roles, you got plays, you got stuff like that. Then you get even seasons, you move to LA, right? - I'm 16. - By the way, it's a big deal. Like do you feel at the time like I'm getting the thing that I'm gonna pop off and-- - Yeah. - I think so. I didn't know how big this was gonna be because we were the first generation of Disney Channel stars. - Yeah. - The first squad. - Yeah. - You know, we didn't make the kind of money they're making now, not nearly as much, which they deserve, by the way. - Are there residuals? How does that work? - Residuals kind of fall off after 10 years. - Okay. - So after 10 cycles, if you manage to get 10 cycles of, you know, rewans, then they get fractionally like sliced every time. - I also googled why it ended and it said that it ended because it hit Disney's strict-- - '65 episode policy. - Is that true? - Yeah. At the time, they weren't really going past it because they needed programming. So they were trying to resource new, they wanted new ideas because they didn't, they were still a very new original programming station. - So it ended no matter how-- - Well-- - It hosted and then I think Hillary Duff's show, I don't know if they did '65 or if they did one more, but I know, I think Reavans show was the first show to actually go past it. - Break it. - And then, "Compossible" was the first animated show to break that as well. - You guys didn't know who voices "Compossible," huh? So when it ended, were you kind of happy to get out into the world and do new things? - Yes. I think interestingly enough, I was playing a middle schooler and I was graduating high school. So it felt kind of like I was the old kid in the young body, but I also was a little scared as to what the next steps were going to be. I had auditioned for a bunch of different pilots right after even Steven's was ending and I tested for six. I booked two and I did one, which was like the creator of friends. And it was called boarding school. And it was about a girl in high school who goes out to a bar with a fake ID and ends up finding out that she kissed her teacher and that they like had this amazing night together and they like kiss at the end of the night. She goes back to school the next day and it's like her teacher and it's boarding school. So like there's no parents. And so they were in these like, it was for Fox and they made us wear push-up bras and like slutty little like, you know, like uniforms. And I was like, this is gonna go. And I was like, it's like a Ross and Rachel, will they or won't they? It's like, no, they won't because he's an adult and she's a child. But you didn't think it was wrong as what you're getting out of the time. At the time, I don't think Hollywood and our culture just did it. We just talked about it. Lucy Hale just talked about that. She did an interview and they asked her what she would revisit or she has a different opinion about pretty liars. She said that, that her affair with her teacher is wrong. And then it was looked at like, who, you know, and that, she was. Also, weren't they high school age as well in that show? It's statutory rape, it's not right, it's predatory. So you thought I was gonna go, that didn't go. So when that didn't go, I knew I had gotten into Barnard and I said to myself, well, this is a win-win. And I had the director of that pilot talk to me and he goes, are you sure you wanna leave right now because you just got off of this show, off of this Disney show. And if you leave right now, you're ruining the momentum. - Yeah. - And I said, no, I want out. I want out for a little while and then I'll come back when I want to. So again, I think I was naive. I do think if I would have teamed up and gotten a publicist and a stylist and like, I got a whole thing and really fought for, I eventually ended up with ICM which was great after my Broadway run with Beauty and the Beast. But, you know, by then the momentum was already gone and that director probably was right. But look, that's why a lot of these child actors are illiterate because they don't go to college I'm telling you because the, as much as there's a lot of people that can be smart and they can hold themselves well into an interview, they're not as literate as you think they are because their schooling is bad. The studio teacher system is broken. - The onset situation. - Broken, broken, broken. - But how do you explain that a lot of them are smart? - They're smart in a different way. I mean, they were smart enough to stay versus my dumb ass. That one took a friggin' idly school. - But you can't say that because there was something in you that you kept saying even in the book, like you wanted to go to college. Like you knew that was like. - I think I needed a break. I think I was burnt out. - Yeah. - I think I was burnt out for sure. - Yeah. - Because remember I was doing-- - So let me go to an Ivy League and-- - I know, right? - What's going on with me? - What's, so let me go like-- - This is what I'm talking about. You root for me, but then you're like, "Christy, why?" - You're like, "I need a break." I'd be like, "Come on, beauty, yeah, that's a great idea." - First of all, probably getting in felt really good, right? - Yeah. - Like, it's hard to get in. - Yeah. - That means like there's so much more going for you than just, you know, being an actress and booking the next role. So that probably felt validating on the scene. - Very moment. - Yeah, but I get it, losing the momentum and knowing to strike when the iron is hot and all that shit. But is it like a hashtag, no regret situation? - Or do you still have like regret there? - Let's see, do I have regret? - No, because I think everything is happening the way that God is willing it to happen. I've had enough things happen to me lately, you know, with a gunshot and-- - Yeah, so that made it into the book. - Yes, it did, at the epilogue, yeah. - Yeah, it made it in. I was wondering 'cause I know books take a while and you know everything. - Yeah. - Why was that important for you to include in the-- - It was important because I got shot. (laughing) That's why. - I mean, not that it's funny. - No, it's hilarious. - It's hilarious. - We can laugh about it now. - Well, you were laughing about it in the moment kind of. - Is that true? - I mean, I was, that's right. In the book, I talk about it. - Yeah. - I was making jokes and how the hell was that the way you were coping? - I think I'm just deranged. I think being a kid actor just makes you a deranged person. - What did your husband think about-- - He thought it was kind of deranged and probably thought it was, you know, my husband's a former Marine, so he's deranged too in that way. So I think if anything, something that really bonds us together is this fellow derangement. I say that, but it's really a dark sense of humor. - Yeah. - And to be able to do that in the moment. - I felt hopeless. - Yeah. - You know, I felt really hopeless and I thought that, I think I was in shock. My body was in shock. I was shot with bird shot, about 250 feet away. - What does that mean? - Oh, so bird shot is a different kind of bullet to buck shot. Buck shot is used to hunt deer, bird shot is used to shoot clays, which is what I was doing, or to shoot birds. And so that is a bullet that is that is fragments within a bullet that scatter out one shot, and then that's what it's called peppering. - So you got that in your eye. - But that's the thing is that I got peppered in a way that went under a fat pocket by the grace of God and resting into a very critical place in the back of my eye, a pencil tip, which is one millimeter away from anything critical to blind me. And so like my off-throwed pastition was like one of the best in the world. He's like, I don't use miracle, but I'm usually taking kids eyes out from nerf gun shots. Like you're very lucky. - Wow. - This is it. And then I also still have the bullet in my forehead because they were like, my plastic surgeon was like, if I dig it out, you'll have a scar. And I was like, we don't know what the scar is. - Keep the bullet in. - Keep it in. - Can you feel it? - Yeah, I think you can actually. - Really? - Yeah, I think you can. And I really do forget that it's there, but I live with two pieces of gun shot in my face. But now and then I'm like, Jesus. - Well, you never go to a gun brand thing. - I don't want to. - Okay, yeah. - I know that my husband is so sweet. He's like, you know, I really don't want you to, you know, have any fear of this. You know, because he's so responsible and it had nothing to do with him. - But I have no fear of guns as valid. - I think while my girls are young, and I have so much to live for, and if anything has taught me anything is that, you know, karma's real and everything's real, let's just like, let's just hold off and anything that could get into our path. - So after even Stevens, cadet Kelly, when we all know it and love it, how intimidated were you to go into working with Hillary? - I think at the time I knew that she was like the next big thing for the channel. And I never really positioned myself as the thing for them. I was a little older. I think my eye was set on going to college. So I think to me, I knew there was a sort of expiration date with me in the, but I didn't know what that meant. I was too naive to know that this was potentially like a jumping off point for me. Whereas with Hillary, her career was being plotted from the jump. You know, like they were being extremely intentional with everything that she was doing. And I think that cadet Kelly was meant to be a really big deal. I'm really grateful that they were like, well, Christie is our second, you know, most popular actress on the channel. Let's get her to be. - And you're like, I'll take that. I'll take that. - Yeah. - Yeah, it's a huge, - At the time they did something called true confessions with Shia, he was filming it at the same time as us like in staying in the same hotel for, I don't know, some crossover week. And he played a person with learning disabilities or with actual disabilities, which now looking back I think would be problematic, but it was called true confessions. And I just remember us all having dinner together and it was Hillary, her mom, Shia, might have been his dad. I'm not sure, but my mom and Gary Marsh, she was the president of the channel at the time. And it's sort of feeling like we were the most important people on the channel at that time. And it was something new. Like there wasn't anyone in our way. - Yeah. - But I knew that even Stevens was having to share the limelight with this new show, which came right after ours, Lizzie McCuire. Did you hear what she recently said about the show? - No. - About the, about Cadet Kelly, sorry, she said. - Oh, okay, what she said. - No, she said, she's wondering why Disney didn't follow up with number two. So this is about people thinking it was a lesbian love story. - Okay. - You haven't seen this? - I think I may have. - Okay, so the internet had a big thing that went on about, I don't know. - I hopped on it, a lesbian love story. - I hopped on it several times. - And she said, I'm wondering why Disney didn't want to follow up with the number two, because 100% it seems like it would have gone in a great direction for the sequel. - Oh yeah. - Yeah. - Of course it would have. - Yeah. - I think you could do anything with it. - Do you feel like it was giving gay vibes? - No. (laughing) - I think that it was a kid's D-com. And like, I don't think definitively, we can say that it was a gay love story. What I do think it did though is that it helped a lot of gay young women find themselves and identify, because they didn't have that kind of representation. Now they actually do have that in kids programming. And even in animated shows and stuff like that, like I was watching the Teenage Crackin movie, and there's like a character that's asking a girl to the prom. And so there's a lot more gay representation. - So then you think they were, kids were trying to find it maybe in places where it was in her truth of that. - You do talk about Hillary Duff's mom. - Yes, I do. - That she was kind of a different kind of stage mom. - Very polar opposite to my mom. - Which is a compliment to your mom kind of in that way. - It's a compliment to both of them though. - I mean, look, I think Susan probably pissed off a lot of executives, but she also set her daughter up for success financially. And I think emotionally it was probably really hard for Hillary to find the mom daughter dynamic, you know, and I say that knowing other things too. But I think all in all, they still seem like they're, and they talk to each other and whatnot. - Oh, they have a relationship today? - From what I've seen. - I mean, I wasn't sure. - Yeah, I don't think she talks to her sister. - Oh, okay. - But yeah, and recently, I think we saw, not we, my mother-in-law saw Susan Duff in her retirement community or something, which is so random, that is random. And she was like, oh, Christy, I know her. So hopefully she still likes me after the book comes out. - After, I mean, you described like a couple situations with her, I don't think you've said anything negative, but it does. - No, it's just real. It's not like good or bad. It's just what was. Were you jealous at the time of like, why isn't my mom doing the things that Hillary does? - But then if I say I was jealous, then I'm bitter, right? So it's kind of tough. But I think that, I think that I was jealous that she had so much organized in her team. I think I was like, these people, like I said in the book, like these people are playing chess and we're playing checkers or barely playing checkers. - Right. - So like, it became very clear to me that there was a problem. - Well, you're not the only one to have spoken about Hillary Duff's mom. For him, he knew has had a story about her. - Yeah. - You saw his story about her. - Yeah. - Did you see what he posted recently? - He's he divorced? - Well, he just posted a social media that he hid rock bottom. How does that like, maybe you didn't see this post specifically, but-- - No, I know about it. - Yeah. - I thought it was because of his divorce. - I think there's a situation with that. - Yeah. - He was also around your time. - Yes. - Right. So when you see like a fellow child actor like struggling or have gone through it or, you know, do you kind of feel it? - Yeah, I get super triggered by it and it's led me here. You know, I don't think I would have started speaking up about this stuff if I hadn't become a parent. - Yeah. - You know, because I think it's easy for somebody who maybe lived through this and is doing okay and still acting in the industry. Like somebody like Jake Thomas or somebody. And it's very convenient for them not to speak up about this stuff and kind of just be in their own lane and like do their own thing and that's great for them. But when you become a parent, you can kind of start to piece together things that happen to you and you're like, but I don't want that for the next generation. I don't want that for children as a whole. And so you inherently become an advocate for all children everywhere. And that is probably why I started speaking up about this is because I became a parent, I had my sobriety and I started sort of piecing things together for myself and healing and being like, this is wrong and why is child labor not called out for what it is? And you know, maybe it's not as prevalent now. Maybe it's all different now because we have social media influencers who are kids and vloggers who are kids on YouTube. And there's not as many regulations for them. And I can go on and on and on about this. But when I see somebody like Frankie having a hard time, of course it triggers me because it's like, of course it's another one of our friends. Another one of our very small population of people who's lived through this and they're having a hard time. And I wish that I could just reach out and be like, hey, you're good, you got this or whatever. Or just even like, you know, support. But it's just we're not, we're all sort of dislocated. I'm gonna tell you that is something that what people don't really talk about. Is that you think that we all know each other, but we don't and there's still a sort of strange competitiveness about it. Where it's kind of like, well, I don't have my inbox flooded with people being like, Christy, I can't wait for your book. You're doing this for all of us. Like, I've been noticing, I've actually had one instance with a person that I was the opposite where it was like, I hope this isn't like my book. And I was like, okay, well, let's not go there. So I personally think that, interesting. I know, I know. And I just think that if we could get out of each other's way, real, real change could happen. But until we all come together, I don't know if we're ever gonna be able to come and be one voice. Because I'm telling you right now, the industry and the union isn't gonna really try to do any kind of like real research on this. And if you were to really come, if you, here's the thing. If you were to look at all of the union card carrying child actors, and you were to do real case studies of entry, entry questions and exit questions about their mental health, the statistics would probably be really staggering on how they're feeling about their mental health. - Right. - But we're not gonna get that. So now we have a lot of fans and supporters that constantly talk about this. And it's just this like legend. It's this lore that we have. - It's a lore. - It's weird, it's weird to be a part of it. - It's weird. and I'm sure has its positives and its negatives. - And I play with that. - And we got a book about it, you guys. - We don't look about it. - So once upon a train wreck is coming out October 6th. - That's right. - But you can pre-order it right now. - Please do, 'cause I would love to get on the New York Times. - You know what I love to use? I just had a guess, and she is screaming that off the rooftops that she wants to get on the list. And I'm like, I asked her what makes you, what made you want to say that? And she was like, I'm saying what I want. I'm putting out, I'm putting it out there. - Why not? - Yeah, fucking say what you want. - If you want to be authentic. - And it's such a good book, and it's so interesting. And we all grew up with you, and we're all interested in this. So there's absolutely not one reason to not pick it up. Thank you for coming. - Thank you. - Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode of Not Skinny, but Not Fat. Follow me on Instagram @notesfinnybononfat. Subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss any episodes. Great, the podcast that you love so much on Apple Podcast. And write a little review. If you tell me you did, I'll give you a big virtual smoocheroo. Thank you guys so much for listening. And I'll see you next Tuesday. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. 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