Christina P Goes To Kyrgyzstan | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

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Tonight, we have the main mommy herself, the high and tight lady, the one who reinvented what a camel toe is, Christina Pozitsky, on the podcast today to tell us about Kyrgyzstan. Man, man, ooh, ooh, let's get excited. For a brand new episode of You Be Trippin' with Kyrgyzstan, guys, please do me a favor. Wherever you're watching, listening, please subscribe. YouTube will just randomly unsubscribe you sometimes, so do me a favor, click the subscribe button again, leave a comment, and pretty much just, as always, reach out to the guests and tell them you're having a blast listening to them. I'm Ari Shaffir. This is Christina Pozitsky, Kyrgyzstan. You be trippin'. You be trippin'. Start now. Because you usually grow up in Eastern Europe. The same apartment your ancestors grew up in is where you will fucking grow up in. Because you don't buy property in Budapest. Nobody can afford that. So you just stay in a rental? You stay, yeah, in some apartment that the Russians owned. Oh, right. And now, I don't know who the fuck owns, but my family there, they've all been in the same apartment in Budapest. So what does the credit system change it? Because you can go, I want to buy a house. Cool. Go to the bank. Ask for a loan. Oh, yeah. You want to, you want, here, we'll loan you. I think I'm wrong what you look like. We'll loan you whatever for your house. Can't do that shit anywhere else. Oh, there it is. That's it. That's the exact, oh my God, I found it. Nice. Facebook comes in handy. Holy shit. There's, so it was Jody Miller, Sarah Tiana. Oh, you're on Jody Miller. Yeah. Yeah, of course. Sarah Tiana, Jody Miller, myself. Oh, wow. Okay. Oh, I'm so excited. Are we rolling? Okay, we're rolling, but let's start. Where you been and where you going? This is Ari's Travel Show, yeah. We're going to talk about travel today. It's UB Trippin', yeah. Guys, welcome to UB Trippin'. It's a travel podcast. If this is the first time tuning in, it's an informational podcast that is not related to correct information in any way. It's just about someone's trip that they went on. So we got a lot of shit wrong. But all we do is talk about what happened. I'm joined today by one of the Quad County, Austin's top leading hairdressers and goth enthusiasts, Christina Pazitsky. Hello. Ari Shaffir. Thank you, Ari. I'm so happy to be here. I love you so much. I love you too, bud. Now, before we get into this, which I can't believe my pictures are still on Facebook, but it's great that that's how we dug this up. Yeah. It comes in handy. I just want to say thank you because when, when my life exploded in London, you, you, you just happened to be on the way to this pub and I was hanging out with Francis Foster and I looked at my phone and TMZ had just blown up my shit and you walked in. I don't know if you remember that you said this, but you go, well, I'm getting a divorce, huh? And then you go, you go, you know, Bert just called me and told me, shit, I wish I would have known that before I agreed to come here. That was probably the most. Sincere and like funniest thing. I wish I had heard the next day. Like I'm on the way to meet you. I'm like, oh, cool. Christina's here. Francis. I'll have some friends. I haven't had any friends there. And then on the way, they're like this massive thing that you, you'll need a day to be able to fake this that you don't know. And I'm like, oh, and then I'm like, I, yeah, I heard. It's like, but also what a bummer for you. Like, and now you got to deal with this bitch whining about, I'm on the tube going like, hell yeah. And she's drinking. I heard you're smoking cigs again. Whoa. And they're like, it's going to be fun. It's going to be party. Crying in a lager. So good. Oh, but I'm so thankful for you being there. I really like just having you a familiar face was like everything. So I just want to tell you, thank you for that. Cause that, that really was like a horrible day. Especially you're isolated. Yeah. In another country. I used to have an old timer like there with you randomly. That was fucking so amazing that you just happened to have. Moved there like what, two weeks, no, a month tops, maybe less, maybe like three or four weeks. Yeah. Just got there. So I was also like sick. I need it. I need a friend. You were too wild. Yeah. Anyway, so it's cool. You always just like that. It shows just like what a gothic queen, a dark Lord. Yeah, dude. Wow. Why do you mean? Well, I'll tell you something. Yeah. I, in my, now that I've had cancer and face mortality and you know, I don't give a fuck anymore. I'm like, just do the thing. Just. Just dress crazy. Just have fun. Who cares? Yeah. Yeah. I want to dress like a gothic queen and I fucking am. And I will be. I'm undead, dude. I'm like Bela Lugosi. I fucking beat it. And I'm going to rip a dart now to celebrate. We did our 30 seconds, but you can't smoke in the first 30. We're good. I'll light them up. Oh, are we not supposed to smoke in the first? Remember when you were like, you weren't supposed to curse in the first 30 seconds. Oh, cause you get pulled on. Yeah. So I'm like, I'm here with a friend. Don't mention. Who's like, we'll. I'm here with a friend. Don't mention. Crazy. Yeah. Person. I know, especially cause your mom's house, it's all opening clips of like butt fucking and. Yeah. Murders. Deaths. Yeah. Bleed outs. Yeah. How many stab wounds is too many? Next on your mom's house. I don't know. Wait. So how do you even like living in England? Like, what do you be? What have you felt so far? I don't know. I don't. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Wait. it's okay it's just not uh is that a kui is that a black kui yeah is that new what's a black kui that that one's mine this oh that's a black plague oh cool this set is killer dude oh i don't like that that's horrible um yeah the set's killer dude it's so good the detail in this shit some of this is like my shit that's from a tigris delicia game i went to that's all did i fucking pay for this no i paid for this one but i'll tell you what though when they were like it's gonna cost this much money i'm like can they swing it and they go who do you think they is and i'm like fuck okay let's do it no we'll get you lunch yeah thank you um um worth every penny wait what were you saying oh it's been all right but i want to get to this trip i want to get to you okay kazakhstan because i didn't know you're there i thought we were gonna do hungry i'm like what you went to kazakh here here so what's his name borat is from kazakhstan kazakhstan okay kyrgyzstan is a different shithole not unlike where borat is from in kazakhstan you need an ashtray or a lighter i got one so in i think it was 09 i didn't have children tom and i were newlyweds and sarah you live in the flop house near the church we live yeah we lived you have to go through an aa meeting to get to their home so poor yeah i don't really go through like i know i've also suffered i was anyway hey guys i'm here that's so scary the poorest years of my life yeah so when i got offered so sarah tiana is very involved with um you know veterans and doing service oh yeah she's way into that she's way into it and as am i because i very much love america i am very pro america and i was like i don't have kids let me do this crazy trip um because sarah was like we're going to afghanistan jody miller you and me and it'll be the first time i'm going to afghanistan and i'm going to afghanistan and i'm going to afghanistan i think she said this i don't know the first all-female comedy tour to tour afghanistan and i was like girls trip that's crazy they usually go to like ac that's a crazy girl's trip they come here they come to austin all the time we're like we're wearing our pink cowboy hats we're gonna leave them at the airport i know not me i'm like let's go to afghanistan i want to see the shit so it's an all it's an all chick yeah so an like i've never have you done a war zone no pussy my people have created one but this is true yeah so um my dues go oh fuck dude that's kandahar okay okay so this trip changed my life and so many fucking god damn dude you guys are bringing me back to this so sarah's like come on okay so we oh there's me and chewy bravo rest in peace oh and joe okay anyway now we're getting into chelsea lately years okay scroll up please so that's us in kevlar vests so wait first talk about it and then we'll reference it so i'm so sorry okay so this happens when you go oh there i am okay i know it's like 2009 okay uh no kids so i was like fuck it let's just go to afghanistan and they fly you into kyrgyzstan first which is like you know 20 hours on the plane and the military flies you in commercially you're not it's not a luxury thing so you know we stopped in amsterdam got drunk go to fly to kyrgyzstan on their dime yeah the military pays for it but it's bare it's not you know no but when you're broke too it's like you're not looking for a first-class thing you're looking for a free flight stage time yeah stage time oh because at the time i was like i don't think i i was a feature act and i a i like america b i needed money and c i wanted stage time and i was like if i can fucking do stand up in a war zone what a weird audience what a weird specific audience yo and you've not played oh god i'm gonna cry okay like there one one gig in afghanistan oh we did a lot of marine bases we were based in camp leatherneck leatherneck yeah in the helman province and they would fly us out to fobs forward operating bases every day so those uh makeshift marine bases okay and they literally these marines are so miraculous they can put together a stage out of sticks in five minutes and break it down like these guys and these women are so fucking incredible they should go to burning man oh yeah i should use that let's use those skills marines would crush burning man but these fobs are makeshift bases so there's like you see they give you a tour of the base and they're like this is the water supply which is like a huge bladder like they call it a you know a plastic bladder full of water out in the sun cooking and then if they hand you a wag bag if you have to go take a piss or a shit so you have to go into the i'm sure i have a photo of it somewhere um you know the makeshift toilet and then you shit and piss into a a bag and then you throw a bag into fire what there's a fire you burn your fire because in your piss you burn your shit and piss because in war zones that's how they get rid of it they don't have plumbing on a fob right so that's in vietnam they used to put it that's it that's me that's me throwing a wag bag in so that's the fire pit that's you with a bag full of shit that's jody miller and i think i i think that's jody did she fill that up with poop no yeah we all did that's like that's a lot of poop even for me well it's incredibly brown you think those mres are tasty they're not what do you what are what are you eating there it's not good so you shit and you piss into a wag bag and instead of lighting it on fire like they did in vietnam like they stir drums yeah you just throw it in that and then it it's horrific this sorry that's my nanny let me silence this you still have a nanny of course i'm a single mother oh for your kids yeah for me yeah my nanny got it i need one i wish i had a nanny for me nan nan eat now how much would you love that just to hire a mom to take care of you i've never had one you think they did that on epstein island and what it can't be all kid fucking it can't be all kids that's not everyone's thing i just must be some people like i just want to drink breast milk out of the source yeah of course so i need recently pregnant women of course all right yeah of course right now there's somebody doing that and they're like it feels so good probably like whatever you can conceive of it's happening right now on earth yeah isn't that wild someone's doing it like the kinkiest weirdest shit some some guy most likely a guy is like this is the best thing i know chimpanzees joke about it where it's like i come on to envy people that are like prudish because you can just get off on anything once you got too much sex like okay i gotta get on the rope by my neck and i'm swinging and fucking swinging and fucking the bar gets so uh wait but we're talking about stand up in a war zone okay so they the government i need this usually yeah the government gives you guidelines my fucking hair in my eye the government gives you guidelines you can't talk about politics okay you can't talk about sex so i'm like so what am i going to talk about with these guys in a fucking war zone recipes for apple brown betty like they're not going to want to hear me talk about anything other than fucking yeah home whatever so i disregard it i don't fucking care and i'm like what are you gonna do send me home i'm in afghanistan put you in the brig now that's in saudi i did stand up in saudi arabia and you can you could not say that anyway okay so i'm in this this one fob the one the wag bag one it's so fucking depressing and sad oh and um so these boys i mean they're boys that are out in these like what age 19 20 hot oh shit oh thank you beautiful a demanding tower of marlboro that's so great what a nice christmas my divorce is sponsored by marlboro lights and dominoes anyway um okay so i'm so they're like okay ashing a cigarette in the leftover slice that's pretty much my life right now like david tell when he was totally fucking like i heard he would put cigarettes out on his floor oh sarah silverman said that was wild you've been there yeah in the day when he was like at night but he's yeah he doesn't i don't think he's i think he sleeps through the day it's like sun's coming up time to go to bed it's a dream okay so wait let me tell the fucking story yeah yeah so so they're like so you just stand it's like a microphone and there's seldom a stage but i had this one time so the the boys were out patrolling like they send them out on patrols for like a i don't know a few days or whatever so you have to like shit in holes and stuff like that and eat mres and your life is terrible when you're out patrolling and they're like these guys are coming in off patrol and it's usually like 3 p.m you're not doing stand-up at night with military usually there's no nightlife well there's no nightlife in war zones no right yeah you want a party in bangalore i don't know i don't know i can't remember the name kandahar anyway oh hey guys it's me again to break in to tell you a little bit about the guest at that time where i promote the guest it's christina pozyski everybody she's on the road right now you can get tickets to see her show at christina p.com she's going to be in uh salt lake city austin multiple times uh new orleans at mardi gras world in um in november uh get tickets at christina b she also has her own line of cosmetics if you're ugly and you want to look not as ugly look no further than christina p.com to get your cosmetics to cover up how ugly you fucking are you're a fucking ugly bitch but you still want to get that pussy filled well christina p says there's no reason why you shouldn't there's no reason why you shouldn't get that pussy filled so go over to christina p right now and get some cosmetics to cover up the nasty bruises you got in that helicopter accident she's also got two specials on uh netflix right now called mom jeans and mother inferior and that's it um for myself i guess i got nothing guys i just want you to subscribe wherever you're watching and listening i'll see you in the next one bye bye i'm sorry i still do have an announcement coming about the patreon um sending someone um around listen i'm watching i'm pretending i'm talking on the phone they're telling you somewhere around the world really not around the world it's really just on a trip for a year it's really probably one region of the world maybe i'll do it or is around the world we've narrowed it down to four uh at the you'd be tripping patreon account which i'm telling you don't subscribe yet but in the next couple weeks trying to load up all the old skeptic tanks i'll announce you on the next one bye bye later um for right now just subscribe a lot of you guys have been randomly unsubscribed from youtube so do me a favor go hit subscribe again go watch on spotify wherever you're watching and listening please tell a friend and as always reach out to christina p on instagram and any of the guests and let them know you had a good time and then we're lucky to come back i mean legitimately all of you dm'er no fucking pics of a recently single lady but like dm'er telling you had a good time and now let's get back to that good time stamens land i think let's get back to the episode um okay so i'm there and it's the middle of the day you know you've done those hell gigs right where it's like here do stand up and it's daylight and there's no alcohol in war zones so everybody's straight up sober and not only that straight up traumatized so these boys came in with their rucksacks on i'll never forget it so you already have a kevlar vest on which you see sarah tiana you see her wearing one as we all had to wear those kevlar vests every time you basically step foot off of base you why because somebody might there might be snipers yeah you get and we got shot at there i am there's me in my kevlar vest that's you yeah damn and so you you land and then so the boys that are out patrolling are wearing kevlar vests head to toe uniform like this and it's hot as fuck in afghanistan it's like 100 plus degrees and then the rucksack which weighs i don't know maybe i know something about it but it's hot as fuck in afghanistan it's like 100 30 pounds because you're carrying everything on you to patrol and these boys come filing in and i'll never forget their faces already like stunned like if you've ever seen people who had just seen the worst shit and they're like their faces were just like stunned and they were filing in really really slow and they put put their rucksacks down and they sat down on the floor next to their rucksacks and it was like all right guys we've got a special treat for you today all the way from three ladies and they could i mean they were so stunned and i just remember like thinking like how am i gonna get these boys out of whatever they've just seen psychologically i mean most comedy audiences you're already stunned in civilian life you've got the babysitter if the babysitter showed up on time at your house you have to get in the car you have to get dressed you have to park the car you got to go to the comedy club some waitress forces you to have two drink you know what i'm saying like in regular life it's kind of stressful you have to get in the to be an audience member and they were just looking at me like just totally dead faced yeah oh yeah those are the other okay that's the other team those are the iraqis the enemies yeah no the iraqis that were helping that guy's got his hand on his dick isn't that fucking hilarious where i just noticed that that soldier oh yeah right front and center damn oh by the way one time i remember this gig so i was entertaining iraqis and americans and all of a sudden this iraqi guy walks up in the middle of my set and i go everybody saddam hussein is here and they start they start laughing extra hard because apparently it was like the leader of the iraqi military i was like whoopsie i hope to one day be saddam that's quite a compliment actually yeah but it was cool it really taught me that guy's literally grabbing his dick were you were you married then yeah so tom and i were newlyweds it was like oh nine my next question goes out to anybody try to bang yeah smash you want to hear some i'll just yo so there was one gig that was this is the wildest gig i've ever done for the military um they flew us out this is on a different trip they flew me out and two other comics to an oil an oil platform in the middle of the persian gulf a one mile long oil platform and when i say that it's literally just a beige fucking plot yeah where is it in the middle of just fucking nowhere dude where the fuck is it persian gulf i don't even know i don't even know where i was don't even know oh it's persia caspian sea it was a gulf boom there i am so they flew us out on a helicopter and we landed on it's called it was called a bot and i still keep in touch with the dudes that i met on a bot they were so rad and so a bot was a long beige whatever just a track and it's an oil platform that the u.s is theoretically protecting and it's an oil platform and it's an oil platform and it's an oil platform yeah and simultaneously teaching the iraqis how to protect their own oil that was the thing against iran or whatever so you would be on the oil platform and you would see like iranian spy ships pull up and i have a picture of one of the iranian uh spy ships i was with this great marine it's this picture of a ship and they literally blacked out iran like you could see and then painted over it like not iran nothing to see here it was so good it's it's got to be there somewhere okay so i'm on fucking a bot that's kandahar that's the poo pond of kandahar they have a nathan's hot dog there that was incredible kandahar was a really good base actually is that kyrgyzstan no that's afghanistan okay it's kandahar oh yeah um and that's the poo pond so all the poo from the soldiers go into that pond and then it churns and then you take scuba lessons there that's a joke but sarah tiana got meningitis from this trip because she got meningitis because they're like were you anywhere you were inhaling like poo particles and she was like funny you mentioned i was just in kandahar and it was like in the air like the shit particles anyways what's going on okay so i'm on a bot okay and we're doing a show at the ice cream social operation win hearts and minds that's what they told us like what you do to win over the foreigners is you give them american treasures like rocky road ice cream so they would love it would fly in rocky road ice cream it's like the big night and that was the night of the show night meaning like 5 p.m so i'm performing and all the iraqis are standing and the americans are sitting and being very normal like they're used to seeing a woman talk yeah the iraqis not so much this is fucking nuts i forgot this story too so i'm performing and they don't i don't think they understand what the fuck you think he's just a gay man we can't tell i don't maybe it must be there's no other explanation so they were very i could see they were getting like kind of like what the fuck is this like this donkey talks you know this blonde donkey talks and um so afterwards the soldiers take pictures with you you know and i was like yeah dude cool and then the iraqis start coming around and they really smell bad too by the way like these fuckers stink and they want to put their arms around me and and take pictures with me so i kind of let one do it and i was like all right dude cool like you stink and then the americans the marines who are with me like who are the guarding me were like all right dudes like they're like okay iraqis chill the fuck out because they were starting to to get excitable yeah because like they haven't seen a blonde woman yeah come on i was cute i was like 28 they're maybe 32 here they could tell you love anal they don't they know i love anal and they loved anal all right they fucking they said i toured their barracks and they were like yeah it's man love thursday you saw the mattresses wait no i swear it's horrible wait no yeah i swear to god man love thursday i've got pictures of you and i've got pictures of you the mattresses too if you fucking look on there yeah dude wait what i promise you man love thursday so man love thursday it's when they fuck each other on these dirty mattresses i swear it's there oh i pissed out my ass yeah that's from one of the places i peed in i pissed out my ass that's kyrgyzstan that's a toilet in kyrgyzstan where you have to squat and shit and piss in it's horrendous wait i mean kyrgyzstan sucks it's even worse than eastern europe that's what i want to talk about but also like hold on so okay okay yeah so the iraqis are getting super excitable and i can tell that the americans are getting nervous yeah it's okay they're getting real nervous okay and i'm like i'm kind of oblivious i'm kind of like that that's that's not an iraqi soldier anyway they're getting real excitable my marine guy was like okay listen um we're gonna have to put you in your quarters right now and i was like what and your quarters on an oil rig on a platform are uh what is it that tanner lived in when he moved a shipping container so they your bedroom and all the bedrooms are shipping containers that they've converted into livable spaces so he's like go to your shipping container and i was like okay cool like he hurt like they usher me like these marines go to your shipping container and stay in here tonight and i was like wait what like i'm kind of still oblivious and he's like we're gonna have two guards standing out in front of your container tonight before and tomorrow morning we'll fly you out and i was like cool you know later they told me they're like yeah those guys were gonna you so we had marines in front of your shipping container all night and then two because one could be overpowered that's how strong the desire is i know and then i also had to spend a second night on abot because there was a sandstorm and i couldn't get off so it's two days and all the it's like nice thank god i prayed i prayed for the sandstorm to buy me one extra day literally so i had to walk around with like marines every time i wanted to walk around on the platform because they were like oh my god i'm gonna be they were like they're gonna you they're totally gonna i'm like oh cool that was fun that was wild dude wow and then oh and then i had ice cream with them before they started to try me we were having ice cream it was really fun were there chick soldiers not on the not on the iraqi side lots in the in the marine corps and especially in kyrgyzstan in u.s and afghanistan there's some i was on marine bases so primarily male um i was it was the gnarliest oh there we are eating on a fob so that's were they a good crowd yes i love doing military because they're so and i've done like korea south korea of course um they're so grateful to just see like something familiar from home um and on the bases where they can drink alcohol it's even more fun like non-active they get so fun the army's crazy my favorite to entertain are um air force and marines just because they're they're kind of more sophisticated like in a way or they're older maybe um oh yeah the air force guys are hot too i remember like going to those bases and then the french bases this is the craziest we went to lash karga lash karga i don't know how to say it and it was a fucking french base and uh they have pornography in their px like they're um like americans aren't allowed to fuck each other on bases you can't fuck another soldier and they don't have pornography in their px like they're um like americans aren't allowed to fuck each other like magazines or whatever but the french they had fucking titties in their px you could buy titty mags soldiers well like chicks you know and they could fuck each other freely so the french were like they're like we're not putting we're not giving that up no fucking way they were banging and they had the best food it was like a an assortment of cheeses in there wow i was like this is wild yeah dude it was so good and wine you could drink wine and lash karga like the official like there was a war base but when you get off of duty active duty they fly you to kuwait i think or qatar and they give you lobster like when you're on your you get a break yeah wow which was really cool i remember the month after covid when the show started going again yeah there was no not a single person was like make me laugh they were just like so thankful to be out it was like the best crowds shitty like outdoor places but we're like after we're doing it again that's exactly what it felt like okay because you're you're there i am with i don't know i don't even remember these boys but some marines somewhere out in the middle of it and they just ran a train yeah dude i everybody on this tour it was gnarly um okay so what so kyrgyzstan tell me about this place what a shit hole wow so can you show me that on a map too where the is i don't even know dude they'll still call it up it's deep eastern europe so i'm hungarian i grew up spending summers in eastern europe right and like which by the way is my the one place i now want to explore you've got to see budapest i have friends that's romania and Ljubljana, and I'm like, oh, I got it. It's so different. Yeah, it's awesome. Yeah, I want to go to Budapest. Get me some bricks. For sure, dude. I'll have friends show you. Kyrgyzstan, so it's right there. What a shitbox. Okay. It's kind of near China. Exactly. Interesting. So now, this is what I finally understood about this region, is that they're essentially whiter Asians, right? So you're right next to China. Asians? Yeah. Wow. And Eastern Europeans. By the way, great work on the Zoom and the Zoom back. It's fucking solid. That sounds sarcastic. I wasn't being sarcastic. Solid. Context. Loved it. Yeah, loved it. Wait, I lost my lighter. Can I use your lighter? Yeah. I'm getting re-traumatized just talking about this fucking. Okay, so what I've learned, and I didn't really put it together. Yeah, so that's Asia. And then essentially, as you go further, further this way, west, it becomes Europe, Eastern Europe, Russia. So the Russians, Kyrgyzstan never had infrastructure, it looked like. Now, Hungary had the Austro-Hungarian Empire and had the Turkish and had this great history. Kyrgyzstan, I don't know what the fuck was there before the Russians. So all the Russians did was come and make like mini mall or like, you know, how the Russians just block everything, everything looks like shit and gray. That was that. And I got to go to a museum, a history museum in Kyrgyzstan, which was really cool because it was like the glory of Russia. It was like the other side of what we had been taught in the US. It was like the glorious empire came and myself saved you all from the Americans. It was so cool to see. Like, oh, wow, this is just. They're probably all propaganda ones. Yeah, I woke up and I'm outside of school and it makes me want to smoke again and I'm trying to quit. You're not supposed to live with this. I didn't have children. Today's episode of You've Been Stripping is brought to you by Zpix. 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Anyway, Zpix guys, it'll help me. You don't understand how bad it is. I was on a double date. I was on a double date, two girls and me. Yeah. Australian doubles. And they went to the bathroom and I looked under the ashtray, picked out the remnants of a half smoked cigarette. There was one in there and I was like, that's good enough. And I smoked that while the girls were in the bathroom. I wish I had these Zpix then I'm having a lot of trouble and these are helping me. It gives you that little shot of nicotine that gets you on your way and it looks cool. Oh, at some point, I think we do that, but like over, it'd be cool. Anyway, that's about enough. Give your lungs a break and try Zpix nicotine toothpicks today. Get 10% off. Your first order by using code trip in a checkout only at Zpix toothpicks.com must be 21 or older to order. Warning nicotine is an addictive chemical. Get your fix with Zpix nicotine toothpicks. I'll report back next week and tell you how I'm doing. This won't change this. Hopefully well, let's get back to the episode. Hey guys, we are supported by Nathan and sons. Makers of underbrush, remineralizing gum underbrush is a chewing gum that helps take care of your teeth in between brushing and Nathan and son makes it themselves from scratch. I can't make anything myself except toe cheese and you can't market that and they make it in their own facility in Northern California. Sure, or your mother's ZD, but that's not what you want in your teeth underbrushes made with natural tree saps and a mineral. This is a mineral called hydrocypotite, the same mineral that makes up tooth enamel. If you want a simple daily upgrade for your teeth, head over to Nathan and sons.com and check out their underbrush, remineralizing gum right now. You can get 30% off your first order. When you subscribe, visit Nathan's son.com today. Yeah, the head down here, the tip of whatever, uh, Argentina, when you start getting there and it's all the museums are run by the, maybe the Christian missionaries were like, these were lost people who were saved by us coming there. The smallpox. Deaths were a small price to pay for them being in heaven. Yeah. I said that wild, but we do the same shit. Yeah. Like everybody's got. In Vietnam, there's the war, Vietnam war remnant museum and it, and they call it the American war. And I was like, well, not the Vietnam war. Like, no, we just had the French war and now the American war. We were just trying to get left alone. And then they're like, really go into like, so then here's them just being a bunch of the good guys. Because yeah. All these like senators that came out later, like, Hey, I'm retiring because I've been holding this for a long time, but we just like burned an innocent village to the ground. Yeah. And so they really lean into it. You're like, well, that's a different take. That's quite every day. I was taught of like, we tied. It's a tie. Everybody wins. So Kyrgyzstan. So Kyrgyzstan had nothing. Okay. No infrastructure. I mean, from what I could deduce, like literally the Russians showed up and just created a shitty Russia. Cause I am, I am told parts of. Of Russia are beautiful. Like St. Petersburg. I have zero desire to go there because they destroyed my people. Fuck the Russians. Okay. Not all of them, not the people, you know, just the government. Um, so it was a real dump. I got to go to a Kyrgyz mall and see that that was depressing. Just sad shit. Like what, what no Spencer's it's no Spencer's it's worse than like, so communism ended in like 92 93. And then we went back to Hungary then, like I spent summers after communism fell and the Russians were, you were there before. No, you can't go there. I couldn't go there. We couldn't go back. Cause my parents had escaped. Right. And they are on a list. So if you try to go back, you're on the list, they catch you. You're fucked. You're just thrown into some fucking Gulag or whatever. So we had to wait for the end of the cold war, which is 92 93. And you, and we went back, whatever my parents with me and my dad, my, I mean, and you're like, oh, this is a real shit box. Like I was visiting my relatives on the outskirts of Budapest, like they are just drinking Palinka and like. Pulling their teeth out with pliers, like that kind of shit. Like those gnarly videos you see. So I'm like, I'm pretty used to shittiness, like Eastern European realness. No, Kazakhstan is a Kazakhstan. Kira Kyrgyzstan is like other level. Do you like context? Okay. There's people, bro. Like we were at a restaurant in, in fucking Kyrgyzstan, like on a lake or whatever. And you just see people like bathing, like families bathing, like, you know, like in India, what you see that you're like, dude, you guys are fucking poor. Like this sucks. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Not to shit on, like, it's not their fault. Were there big cities there? No. Okay. I mean, yes. Like metropolis. No. Yeah. There's, there's cities. Yes. There's a cities, but it's, it's just like sad. Like you just feel the oppression of the Russians. There's no cult. I didn't feel a cultural identity. Really. That cold war, like architecture. Oh God. Bombed out like concrete block. That's what it's like there. Wow. And I visited an orphanage in Kyrgyzstan. I have like, I still very clearly have nightmares of like, there was this one. I can't talk about it. I'll fucking throw up and cry. It was pretty gnarly, dude. We visited orphanages. I visited soldiers who had just gotten blown up by IEDs, like 20 year old boys who just gotten blown up and they're like, go, the comedians are here. And these poor men are just like, leave me the fuck alone. I just want a leg. I know. I mean, you know, yeah. You feel like a dick. I feel like a dick kind of, because you're like, this poor kid just got his face blown off and here I am like, there's Thanksgiving on a base and they get a turkey, you know, and then they're like, there's two legs and then it should go to the ones who lost one first. They should be like, I, one guy's like, I get the wing, obviously, you know, like, yeah, you get the wing. Let me hold it for you. That's where your brain goes. How did your brain go to Thanksgiving? I don't know. Talking about kids getting blown up. Oh, these are like local kids. They're just stepped on. So children. So this is in Afghanistan. I saw a boy, a little boy who rolled into a fire. He was like a fire burning in their house and he rolled into it accidentally in the night. I saw like soldiers, like little 20 year olds just step on ID and there goes your fucking life, dude. There goes your face. There goes everything. And the saddest part, the craziest part is that these boys feel guilty when they're injured. Cause they're like, I should be out with my patrol right now. Isn't that heavy? Fuck. They're, they're not thinking, oh, I'm so glad I'm injured and out of the war zone. They're thinking like, I feel guilty cause I'm not with my, my peeps. It's not sad. What the fuck are you drinking? Is this this horse shit you had sent to my hotel room? Yeah. Tell him, tell him what your kid said. It was cocaine. It's blocks of powder. this shit sent to my hotel and london i have no place to ship anything i was like what the fuck is this show just blocks of fucking powder my kids are like is this cocaine um what was kirgi food like i can't recall i mean kind of like russian food which is flavorless gassy stupid shit no flaves dude hungarians have flavored yeah because we had the turks we had oh right we're more like yeah dude whoa that looks amazing yeah it's okay bereka damn i ate some of this shit i had diarrhea for sure really yeah that's kind of the good part about doing all this military stuff is like wow that looks good no when i was in um south korea i would go eat in the dirty dirty dirty malls you know and fortify my fucking stomach wait wait is that what they look like there yeah like like like kind of rush asian yeah yeah like like white asians kind of wow all right so what the malls sorry i don't know oh yeah that's in korea i would just wander in the malls and then eat in the dirtiest places so that i would fortify my stomach and all the other girls on that tour got diarrhea and i was like you guys are fucking weak weak because you haven't eaten in kyrgyzstan you haven't eaten in afghanistan wow yeah i was way gnarlier before i had kids before you shit out the front yep um it was rad what were the toilets like that's it that's the kirgi toilet see that hole in the ground let me see that have you shit in something like that yet where all over southeast asia um china um i mean when you have diarrhea i was at the emperor's palace and um whatever in in china and beijing and it's like it's crazy diarrhea it's like it's like go now there's not even like hey you're gonna have to like go now you open that door you're like the toilet's not here it must be under construction the next one also and you're like oh fuck and they don't have toilet paper you got to bring your own that was the advice i got there somebody gave me a little packet of tissues yes and he goes keep this like for what he goes you'll know and then i had in myanmar i had crazy food poisoning and i had to shit and barf back and forth into one of those you have to kneel right down next to it where all the piss is and you're like whatever yeah because that's a public one bro like you don't get your own hole in the ground like that's every kyrgyz motherfucker in the region and the shit and the piss and barf the can is full of like one person's poop smell is something but when it connects with three or four or five others so you create another toilet paper what you can't flush no you don't know there's no plumbing oh poor poor sweet innocent me on it you can't even flush in mexico bro like you go on vacation and you're like i gotta wipe my ass and put it in the all the signs are like in badly written english because they're like it's only for the english speakers like no flush please in here wait so you have food poisoning in china like get on all fours fucking burma it was awful and i'm like you go to shit you're like nope wrong hole and then you go oh no it was that actually and then like back and forth vile yeah where did you do like do you remember the toilet this is in rural myanmar it's a place we weren't allowed to stay we had to get a special dispensation from like the minister there they were like okay you guys can stay but they're doing you a favor you're not allowed to stay no foreigners in this town so we'll let you stay because we're like we're nice people but like there's no tourism set up no and it was like so bad and i had to try to keep this fucking pill down to like get over it but i'm like a little bit of water i'm like that's coming up what did you eat i narrowed it down either too many quail eggs whatever they were cooking those little fucking cigar cigarettes thing they sell and i'm like i'll just have two i'm like it comes in packs of 300 and it's 90 cents where you can't get two so then i smoked a lot more so i couldn't narrow it down to like a hundred dollars and i'm like oh my god it's so cheap that we get a full meal and we're like it was a dollar i guess i should get another full meal um what are you eating goat snake yeah it's like whatever fucking whatever rats they're killing where is burma i don't even know where myanmar it's like uh right there burma they renamed it because they had bad press because the military owned it so like let's just call it a different thing yeah the gulf of america isn't that like there's no history of yangon so i wonder i'm curious if burma if is asia crappiness worse than like middle eastern crappiness do you know what i'm saying like where do you think is shittier kyrgyzstan or burma it's such a toss-up that's a toss-up yeah that's a toss-up thankfully there are no listeners in kyrgyzstan or burma i hope not i did i made one with that small brain american i said we said i said burmese women are the ugliest in the world um which i stand by but man the algorithm got to them and they did not care for that they did not care for that at all but you know who the most beautiful women are yeah a number one hungarians clearly that there's a reason pornography originates in hungary oh yeah they're all they're fuck hungarian women i think are very stunning now the most beautiful women i've ever seen ethiopia yeah ethiopia every fucking woman who the woman that works in the airport the woman did it they look like iman right that model she ain't shit compared to the girl working at the airport in adiza baba i mean they're like stunning statues these ethiopians it's a different shade of black it's like a smooth and like oh they gorgeous people and and the jabut i went to jabuti on a tour the jabutians are beautiful really yeah dark dark dark and slender that beautiful like african sweet it's like that in sweden where you're like you'll have like a nine you're just working at 7-eleven yeah bro get out of here where you're average go own america i know get the fuck out of here rule kansas city i know but it's interesting so so i'm very obsessed with shitting in different parts of the world so this version sucks but then you go to like fancy middle east oh you can't do what we do there what do you mean what you and i have in common there's no shit to shower shit to shower forget about it yeah yeah there's no need to if you go where there's a bidet well they have those guns there i hate but that's the the total is the washlet where it's all in one you don't have to switch onto the other fucking unit you know i'm saying like like saudi i went to there they had the best bidet system beautiful so but why is it that is it west you go then you get to sit down and have a bidet like when does bidet start in the in the west is that middle eastern france i feel like started it it sounds like a french word it is but they don't do it anymore they don't i talked to some frenchies recently and they're like that's old like my grandma has a bidet interesting and then japan is hella into all that shit okay i've never been there so they're into that so when does your asshole get cleaner in the world is what i'm saying like interesting burma it comes with culture it's definitely a privilege to have an extra fucking faucet in in fucking water hungry areas yeah because hungarians we don't do they they do bidet but you know what's gross about hungarian toilets have you ever shit on a toilet where um in hungary like you shit it lands right under your ass the porcelain is higher right and the shit rests like right under where you shit yeah and then the water comes out and pushes it down yeah have you shit on one of those vile because it's on no water yeah so no splashback is nice but also like it's just resting there and the water's got to clear and sometimes it doesn't yeah yeah and you're just sitting there smelling your own it's like get the fuck what are we doing americans have it right okay wait tell me more about characters bummer dude so i visited an orphanage their food's cool i mean they're nice people obviously people are always i don't think i've met an entire race of shitty people were they interested in you you're so clearly not from there um i didn't get to talk to enough locals because the military kind of insulates they protect you when you go around okay so some of these military before i've heard some like you're just on a base it's a war zone you're on a base others are like if you do like a entertain the german troops you're like yeah now go out yes so like that was fun i got to do that in south korea because uh osan and uh is that a person or an area it's a it's a base okay like around osan yeah they let you walk around they they let you go out and have fun um that was rad i got to like really get to know seoul korea that was the have you been there no i'd love to but you've done japan china never japan oh i haven't been there yeah that's probably top that morocco probably top morocco i want to go to morocco yeah let's go yeah let's go we can do that right now stay at a hostel with me nope you you travel like a real we'll get a four-person dorm so it's only two other people could fuck so i can get all night in morocco and i'll be like these earbuds are not working you won't protect me i'll be like one of us needs to get sleep to deal with this tomorrow i stayed in a hostel once in paris in 1997. yeah what did you like it it was cool because i was western europe is safe you're not gonna get assaulted usually uh the 90s were different though i think it was a little bit safer in europe you could get around on the the euro what is it that you're a real yeah so you know you've got your pass and you go around and my parents saw no problem with just like yeah go go to europe for the summer and euro real so cool because their concept of danger was like they hadn't had the news yet so no one was fucking throwing like it's going to be bad down your throat all the time wait what everywhere you go like it's hard it's dangerous i heard it's dangerous before the social media in the news you're just like i don't know i heard it's nice there yeah you don't get every horror story you don't get citizen apt yeah or you're like you know oh my god there's so much fucking problems here no and that's the thing is like i mean i don't advocate this but like i the summer of 1994 my friend sean and i spent the summer in budapest yeah because that's what you fucking do and the russian mafia was running all of it the iron curtain had just fallen total government chaos it was like the worst time for two white american ones to to kick it in hungary for like a month but it was rad we just stayed up and partied all night we ate pizza hut every day you're such garbage such you're such garbage oh my god every day deep dish it's still there i was in chiang mai and we were all like going to a night market and then there's these british guys and and one american dude who's in a band in dc and um they passed a a mcdonald's like let's go in i was like guys no no we're all here for a short amount of time no and i got overruled but don't you like once you lit like i lived in england for a year or two there comes a point and then in the 90s yeah there was no flavor in the food in the 90s in england it was horrible i lived off of cigarettes and french fries and like beer so i ate mcdonald's now the food now no it's fantastic because they have immigrants they got flavor hold on i gotta take a piss okay hi guys we are supported by nathan and sons makers of underbrush remineralizing gum underbrush is a chewing gum that helps take care of your teeth in between brushing yeah nathan and son makes it themselves from scratch i can't make anything myself except toe cheese and you can't market that and they make it in their own facility in northern california most gum is made with plastic which is great for keeping vegetables fresh sure for your mother's ziti but that's not what you want in your teeth underbrush is made with natural tree saps and a mineral called hydrocypotite the same mineral that makes up tooth enamel if you want a simple daily upgrade for your teeth head over to nathanandsons.com and check out their underbrush remineralizing gum right now you can get 30 off your first order when you subscribe visit nathanson.com today hey everybody today's episode of you be trippin is brought to you by cigars international do you like a good cigar on a nice day or even if you have an overhang on a cloudy day or a rainy day that's my dream actually to get an awning that i can like pull forward that can smoke cigars on a warm day while it's raining i did one of those in they send you handmade cigars uh from all over cohibas i got a five pack cohibas from them it was really really good um it offers a larger selection unbeatable prices and customer service experience second to none so if you're new to cigars or if you're like know what you're talking about either way they got you so one of my favorites was in ecuador in the amazon i'm staying at this like hotel first week probably in ecuador pouring rain and there was this little like balcony and i could just watch this rain smoking a really legitimately shitty cigar really shitty cigar that i think i got in quito it's an ecuadorian brand called uh la libertador no there was another one about the fighter i think it was the same company the point is love a good cigar plus bring a bunch to a barbecue anything um man anyway get yours the cigars international um use my code trippin at checkout for 20 off your order of 50 or more or visit www.cigarsinternational.com/trippin and the discount will automatically apply some exclusions apply um that's it let's get back to the let's get back to the episode how was the piss dude so good yeah it was nice to piss on a western toilet especially after watching that yeah you're so grateful for here's a question when you got home were you like what did you notice where you're like what did you appreciate from afghanistan and kyrgyzstan yeah i mean dude crazy great question by the way eric great question thank you so i had like okay it was oh i think afghanistan was my heart of darkness whoa like i think seeing all that chaos keep in mind i'm 32 or 33 i haven't had therapy yet 32 or 33 i haven't had therapy yet 32 or 33 i haven't had therapy yet and seeing war and seeing the destruction and seeing war and seeing the destruction and seeing war and seeing the destruction and seeing boys getting blown up and and seeing boys getting blown up and and seeing boys getting blown up and children on fire like i saw children on fire like i saw children on fire like i saw i saw a fraction of what the soldiers saw i saw a fraction of what the soldiers saw i saw a fraction of what the soldiers saw right because i'm an entertainer i don't right because i'm an entertainer i don't right because i'm an entertainer i don't really get to see everything but i got really get to see everything but i got really get to see everything but i got to when we'd land you know the helos to when we'd land you know the helos to when we'd land you know the helos would land in these fobs and like the um would land in these fobs and like the um would land in these fobs and like the um afghan kids would flip us off the afghan kids would flip us off the afghan kids would flip us off the americans you know like you and we americans you know like you and we americans you know like you and we tried to win them over so you throw tried to win them over so you throw tried to win them over so you throw candy at them and like like that candy at them and like like that candy at them and like like that that you know i saw i got shot at we got that you know i saw i got shot at we got that you know i saw i got shot at we got shot at and uh shot at and uh shot at and uh in afghanistan that was wild we got in afghanistan that was wild we got in afghanistan that was wild we got mortared one night in uh helmand mortared one night in uh helmand mortared one night in uh helmand province when we were in uh camp province when we were in uh camp province when we were in uh camp leatherneck that was that that's it leatherneck that was that that's it leatherneck that was that that's it see that gunner that's the day we got shot see that gunner that's the day we got shot see that gunner that's the day we got shot at so that's the kind of plane i'm at so that's the kind of plane i'm at so that's the kind of plane i'm so i feel so disrespectful i don't know so i feel so disrespectful i don't know so i feel so disrespectful i don't know what this plane is called anymore yeah what this plane is called anymore yeah what this plane is called anymore yeah so the guy stands so the guy stands so the guy stands that that that is a platform that's that that that is a platform that's that that that is a platform that's tilted okay that boy is tethered to the tilted okay that boy is tethered to the tilted okay that boy is tethered to the plane and he's a gunman so he holds the plane and he's a gunman so he holds the plane and he's a gunman so he holds the gun like this and that's over afghanistan gun like this and that's over afghanistan gun like this and that's over afghanistan and you're getting shot at every time and you're getting shot at every time and you're getting shot at every time you go up in one of these aircrafts it's you go up in one of these aircrafts it's you go up in one of these aircrafts it's a pretty sturdy aircraft you're wearing a pretty sturdy aircraft you're wearing a pretty sturdy aircraft you're wearing your kevlar vest your helmet and this your kevlar vest your helmet and this your kevlar vest your helmet and this guy his job is to protect us from guy his job is to protect us from guy his job is to protect us from getting shot down from the afghan so if getting shot down from the afghan so if getting shot down from the afghan so if he sees someone he starts like just he sees someone he starts like just he sees someone he starts like just firing in the area to get him to stop firing in the area to get him to stop firing in the area to get him to stop shooting and he would do that every shooting and he would do that every shooting and he would do that every single time because the taliban was you single time because the taliban was you single time because the taliban was you know they whatever they're the enemy know they whatever they're the enemy know they whatever they're the enemy yeah we're not fighting the afghans yeah we're not fighting the afghans yeah we're not fighting the afghans you're fighting the taliban that's you're fighting the taliban that's you're fighting the taliban that's whatever that gets lost so any hoodles taliban they're yeah they blow kids up and stuff they're not cool they're not great not good they don't have a good reputation though so it's not like you gotta like hey i don't know if you guys know the taliban but there's some negative parts yeah let me see that wow that's so fun that's so fun it it was so i come back from this trip i'll get back to that question later but go yeah yeah um i had like ptsd like of like i said a fraction of what actual marines and soldiers and people in the military have like i i remember being in a grocery store and and it was i felt like like travis bickle or something you know where you're like this is what you people care about you know like i really was like oh civilian life is someday a real rain's gonna come and wash away the scum yeah the scum the filth someday of real rain i swear i came back like travis pickle yes i love that you know that yeah all the animals come out at night the scum the filth someday a real ring i even memorized that because i was like warped and i think afghanistan touched into like ugh like a deep trauma that i hadn't explored in myself like from my childhood you know like to see suffering out like that to see it laid out like that it was like the beginning where i was like oh i think i should go into therapy because i i came yeah i came back and i was like oh i can just use this credit card to buy groceries i can nobody's gonna shoot at me today nothing civilian life is a joke in america people like america like no no go check out go see some go to burma go take a in burma yeah because like you went to like a war zone you grew up like a poor country like oh we have a pretty good actually you went to like the worst of the poors yeah like under conflict yeah like and you have to remember like afghan people they're mostly tribal they're they're guys like that are herding goats and and we'd fly over these houses and the women are in the burkas and they're fenced in and they're just doing laundry and these are just like normal people just trying to i mean this is all beth milgreen i'm sorry this is all beth milgreen in london if you go through beth milgreen it's all that what's that tablecloth city um but they just want to live their lives and the taliban's everything up for them and then we're everything up for them you know right to try to free them from it but it's like yeah it's such a disaster but they're just tribal you know dude just trying to live setting up little like enclaves little like mini villages of like all right there's like 10 families here like i remember flying over what's the capital afghanistan kabul and oh this was so cool dude so we're flying dude and um the pilot was like do you want to come sit up front sarah tiana and me and jody and we're like yeah of course and i got to see um kabul at night because there's not many places that have electricity at the time and it was like just this everything's black black black and then just a little bit lit up and you're like wow this is far like this is people live like in the stone ages like they're they're living like it's still wow primitive crazy yeah it's hard to it's cool that you're remembering it now to not lose sight of it because eventually you do never yeah because i grew up with communist parents so literally every day was like what happened to you that's hard this is not hard i grew up you know i didn't once a year i had an orange or i stood in line for toilet paper like i'm constantly reminded of the suffering that my family came from i imagine the jews aren't you jews into that yeah i mean there's some where it's like the remnants of like definitely don't leave food on your plate because like we didn't really have access to food so like it don't take it if you're not going to finish it your family in particular didn't have access to food yeah well they're from my dad's side is all holocaust survivors it's not even like children of i'm the child of so him or his sister when i'd go visit her it was like if you're like i'm done like are you out of your mind why'd you take it they're really mad yeah and then that other thing of like you know when everybody goes parachuting oh yeah some guys strapped to your back yeah it's fun my dad was a paratrooper in the army and he was like yeah i didn't have fucking you're not gonna have egyptians firing at you as you're as you're doing it that would make it more fun i bet some rich asshole would pay double for that if they just hit your parachute just just hit it the whole thing's gonna go open up and you just fall to your death so it'd be like this seems like a pussy way to do it compared to you so i just never did it yeah yeah no i'm constantly reminded of how lucky i am and every morning i wake up and i'm like i i literally wake up and i thank god that a you know i made it in this business and that i'm wealthy and that i can just lay in bed and pet my cats and talk to my children every day that's all i want to do because i've seen the horror that the world is it's a fucking nightmare i get taken with sometimes like the really tough go okay i just had a memory yeah my nana my grandmother she's a real cunt but she's so mean she would hit my dad and my uncle you know but i have this memory um i asked her about the holocaust because you know my she did it no she's hungarian you might have been the wrong side they didn't start it no the hungarians killed more jews than than we were we were enthusiastically killing you guys just some of that we loved killing you guys so i asked my nana one time did you know what was happening at the time like did you know that they were burning jews she's like yes of course everybody knew she's like you could smell it in the streets wow and i was like what we're drinking i never forget this i was like a teenager i'm drinking lemonade with her she's like of course everybody knew that he was doing this bullshit i'm like so you guys didn't like speak up she's like well we would have been killed too there's that so but but the enthusiasm the enthusiasm can you just can you just tisk once before you have to go fucking burn a jew you go oh just a little bit she didn't see her she didn't seem too bummed about it she was like of course everybody knew that they were killing the jews but then i remember i had a story of a relative who got rounded up in the ghetto yeah and i think i'm a jew my mother always told me you were jewish but we had to kill the jews and she was like oh you had to change your last name i'm like i totally know i'm a jew well i had a fucking relative turn to the side what do you think it's getting bigger the older i get really yeah it's coming out but i like money yeah yeah you married out i'm married out yeah what's i gonna say oh he escaped a train car i have a relative that escaped escaped a train to fucking wherever they're gonna ship him off to manage to get out yeah like lift it up the whatever the floorboard and just fucking poop dipped out yeah my dad stories after after it ended his direct family got pretty lucky everyone extended family i'd be on one uncle survived everybody else was gone where did they get killed they were in eastern romania so it was a little bit late um his one of his sides is kind of from hungary but the borders weren't like that set back then so you kind of would there was still the eastern so they came in like later if it was like further west the nazis came in this way it'd be over but like so but anyway afterwards they were like well let's go get our farm back like it's mine from who yeah well it was it's my farm and and i was removed from it let's get it back and so then the local policeman or somebody goes well who took it he goes one day the local sheriff and a priest showed up and he goes here here they are here the jews um and he goes so what do you think they thought was going to happen to you well they assumed we'd be killed it's like right you know what i'm saying like that's what i'm saying like that's what i'm saying so then they took your farm so what do you think they're going to do when you show up now that's what i'm thinking all right all right you got us all right yeah they're just gonna like dude it's over yeah there's this new country move there you're done like all these treasures you see in museums of rich countries like that was all stolen dude you guys looted it yeah and y'all got to keep it good for you you look back at indiana jones now when he's like it belongs in a museum like no no these are stolen artifacts you know that's not no that's a bad take actually it's a country it came from so imperialist yeah well but the london museum is beautiful just see who they took all those treasures from india and treasures all these places yeah that's funny dude were there differences between like kyrgyzstan kazakhstan afghanistan that you noticed yeah afghanistan was like the middle ages um literally like people and just living like it was you know 1500. kyrgyzstan has some structure infrastructure infrastructure it has buildings um buses oh really okay yeah like it had it was a city it was a proper place it just wasn't inspiring because you could all the buildings were those brutalist like you could hear that mulchat doma song you know like do you know that song i don't even know how to sing it but um i liked about uh bucharest was that it was you've been i was going to ask you that yeah play bucharest and and you've played bucharest dude it ruled bucharest and club club napoca inclusion of polka two cities in romania it ruled so it's so hard but the architecture was that that eastern european like communist bloc and then some modern glass building like right next to it and then some bombed out other thing and then neo-gothical and then another bombed out then another glass beautiful thing just all in it with squatters and then like it was so cool but i in the show i was doing jokes about um the word retarded and so i was like it's different than the the n-word and the f-word um and i was just like saying the differences whatever and then i was done with the bit and some lady is like and i was like yeah she goes what's the f-word and i was like what because you said the effort what does that mean respectful and i was like do you know what the n-word is she goes yeah and i was like so that's like effort is like that for gay people she was like faggot i was like yeah why don't you just say that yeah like in my culture you're not allowed to say it she's like wow why are the differences i know i know they're not as sensitive but also i think you would love it the underground scene there is post-punk that's my favorite it's not electronica it's all like susie sue and the band all that era come on that that is your vibe you would do some great late nights you get back into drugs like you should have yep i'm there really just obviously the kids at home yeah and just find some yeah i love it you know you should do a little tour for mania no i'll do the booker's great i will i'm gonna do eastern europe i'll take my kids and do like hungary i want to i want to go back to berlin have you been to berlin it's my favorite it's my favorite city right off it's my favorite i almost moved there that was i almost moved there i want to teach english there for our kids yeah i love berlin it's it's the best i if i move there stand-up's not as good no also i would die why because you're a jew no the drugs are really clean oh yeah and there's not much stigma to it yeah yeah and so i i there's there'd be no reason to not yeah and it goes so late too so you finish your show at like 10 30 and it's like oh should we get out to a club like well let's get something to eat first like no rush yeah and you get in there like 1am and go to like 10 a.m and like all the clubs are um you know this is a bank that we've converted into mm-hmm it's so they do reclaim out there and you're sure they don't waste a building yeah there's no room i love that that's what i do love about eastern europe is like that reclaiming of like these spaces that have been around for hundreds of years and you're like that but this is what i like warehouse has music yeah it's so rad um that's what i like about europe though when you go there you're like you have this the gravity of history where you're like yeah humanity is not everybody thinks we're on this great progression um maybe in some regards yes but it's the same different toilet you know we're only on this earth for 80 years maybe and we all want the same things to eat drink have a good life raise your kids blah blah blah and and there's some continuity to that like have you have you been to rome well that's like see you see how they live and you're like there's no what are you stressing out about the are you what are you why are you hurrying to your get your job - For what? You're gonna die, well, let's have a drink, fuck it. I love that ethos. - It's also like I'm realizing now what you say, like the similarities are more than the non-similarities, where you're like, oh, people just like eating with friends. It's just what type of place do you eat in? - Yeah. - You know? - Same shit. - Yeah, Berlin is about, you know what I liked about Berlin too? Everyone was so forward and positive thinking, and so it's like, well, what are you into? It's like, well, I do graffiti, it's like, oh, cool. What do you do? And it's not like, I don't wanna shit on America too much, but it's a lot of like, what are you against? And that really wasn't there in the conversations. I was definitely hanging out with the cooler people, but like, and then somebody would come in, they're like, well, I'm non-binary, and all the trans are like rolled around. I was like, bro, move past. Just, what are you into, dude? Yeah, oh, whoa. And you're like, okay, this is cool. - Yeah, there's like, I agree. There's something too about just dropping the bullshit, like, I don't know. - I agree. Hungarians especially too, like, they'll laugh at you if you're like, I'm non-binary. Like, go get the fuck out of here. Like, it's so dumb. They see that it's not an identity. It's like, this is, humans have been doing this, so you butt fuck, so do we, who cares? Like, what, are you dressed up like a woman? Big deal. Can I have another water, please? And also, did you, have you toured concentration camps? - No, I'm not sure I want to. - Berlin's got some, you know, that's where Hitler had his headquarters. - You never, did you visit his headquarters? - Well, some of these in Eastern Europe, I think in Romania, it could've been Ljubljana, it was like Nazi headquarters. And now it's like, that's the stage you're playing. - Isn't that rad? - Yeah. - It's so good. - You see some gunshot holes, sometimes in the buildings too. - Oh yeah, dude, whenever, if I go back to Hungary with my dad, he'd be like, you see this building here? Gunshots here. I was 10 years old, the revolution broke out. Thank you, Annie. This is where I saw a soldier dying. This is, he goes, the Danube, I used to go, and find the guns at the bottom of the Danube, and grenades that had been dead, or whatever. That's what he did for fun after the revolution, was go find war artifacts and shit. - What a wild, and that's just a kid playing. - Yeah. - That's just like a, oh, there's a path down by the creek, let's go there, or like, yeah, let's go hunt for guns. - Yeah, and he's like, I saw dead horses, people eating dead horses and shit. And you're like, cool, dude. - That's why I'm so tough, I really. - That's really cool you went. It's really cool you went, and with Tiana and Jody. - Oh, so good. - That's a good crew, that's a really good crew. Are there any pictures in here that you're like, wanna mention, specifically? - Okay, let's start from the top. - Okay. - Aw, there's me and Clayton Peters in Amsterdam. That's a different era. There's, I just think, I admire Sarah Tiana so much. - And she's really into it. - She's-- - Tiana rules, one of the underrated, I mean, no one talks shit about her. - No, she's fantastic. - But no one hypes her up enough. She's like, one of the great hangs in comedy. - She really is, so funny. - Always that smile on her face, too. - So positive. You know, she was-- - She's had great parties, too. - Ugh, you know what she was so good about on this tour that I wasn't? - Yeah. - Is, she would really wake up every morning, and you know, you wake up in these rough places, you're not, it's not the Four Seasons when you're on these tours. And she would like, wake up and curl her hair, and look really pretty, and she wore perfume, and I was a little dyke-ier and harsher, and I was like, fuck that, I'm not getting on, you know, like, I'm more crazy. And she's like, Christina, these men just want to smell a woman, and see a woman. - Wow. - Yeah, so see how she's dressed even girlier than me? And Jodie Miller, too, like, Jodie got that. I didn't quite get that on this tour, but I learned that from Sarah. That was her, her whole demeanor on the trip was so gracious. - You look like a guidance counselor. - I know, can you believe? - Oh, come on. - This is me in a war zone, dude. - Oh, that girl was a translator. She would, she spoke Pashtun, Pashtun? And she would go in Afghanistan, door to door, and talk to the women of the different villages, and ask them things like, have you ever had Advil? No? Okay, well, here's some Advil. Like, just the basic necessities of like, pain relief these women didn't even have, or pencils, would you like a pencil? And this girl, this young girl, she's like 20-something, spoke Pashtun, - Wow. and would ask them how they're doing, and give them medicine, and yeah, it was really crazy. - It's cool to meet somebody who's like, oh, you're like a good person. - Yeah, you're not as selfish. - Yeah, I just tip okay. - And Jody was so nice too, scroll down. Yeah, there's us on these different, what is that? Oh my God! Oh, that's when the shitting in the wag bag. - That's the shitter, so that's blocked off, and then you just shit in there, into the bag? - Yeah, so the-- - What, do you gotta hold it on your butt? - No, it's like a, make sure, make sure, make sure. - It's a makeshift toilet, and they put the bag in it. So instead of a toilet, you're shitting in the bag, and you, yeah, so she's, she had to go to the bathroom, and that guy guards you as you go. And then go to the next photo, this is so funny. This is in Kyrgyzstan, see that painting? - Where? - Go down that. Okay. - Oh, it's a painting, yeah. - This was in Kyrgyzstan, if you can see what's happening. I think it's-- - Dogs killing a fox? - Zoom in, zoom in. - This is the greatest painting I ever saw in Kyrgyzstan. - And the one dog's so happy, and like, he's like, I wanna kill it too. - And I was like, this is a masterpiece. I must own this. - Wow, look how stoked he is, drooling. He's like, we're really doing it. Oh my God. - So I approached the Kyrgyz artist, and I was like, how much do you want for this treasure? And obviously, seeing that I'm American, asked for like, way more than I, I mean, maybe she wanted like $200. I didn't have fucking $200. - Three chickens in your hand in marriage. - I know, I know, I was like, bitch, I'm like, give me, come on now, you know that shit ain't worth 200 bones. And she wouldn't go-- - Yeah, she was like, no, 200 or nothing? - Yeah. - Wow. - And I still, to this day, I'm so fucking mad that I didn't get it. I'm gonna fly back tomorrow and fucking buy it now. Like, here you go, bitch. - The dog is so happy, the first one's brutal, the second one's so stoked, and like, cartoonish. - Look how big the eyes are. That's what I liked about that. And the saliva, like, he's ready to kill. - It's such a good painting. - The band has been seeing foxes on the streets, you know, when you're walking along, and she'll smell them first, and she's like, 'cause they're just out like a scavengers in London, they just pop out, and she's got the bloodlust for it. - Yeah. - She's like, that ain't a dog. - Of course. Scroll down, hold on, and then it goes into the Chelsea era. Go down, go down, I'm sorry, up, whatever. - No, no, you're right. - Other way, other way, other way. - Other way. - Meow, meow, meow. - Yeah. - I wish we had the Iranian. - No, no, no, no. No, other way, yeah. - The Iranian spy ship, it was so funny, and Man Love Thursdays, maybe I had to take it down. Oh my God, this is such a good era of my life, all these photos. - Yeah. - God damn. - Here's two questions before we take off. - Sure, my love. - One is, it's gonna be like, if you have any travel tips when you are traveling, not like-- - Tons. - On the road. And another one is like, where it's calling you, what place do you want to go? - Oh, I love this question. We'll start with the, I forgot your first question, so let me start with yours. - I'll start with your second. - Okay. - Istanbul, because I'm now friends with a, this Turkish girl and I are, become very close friends, and every time she comes to stay with me in Austin, she just tells me about Istanbul and how wonderful it is, and like, I'm dying to-- - It's a good way to get in your head. - Yeah, when you get to know people, and she's, and like, especially 'cause there's so much Islamophobia, I hate saying that word, but I mean, yeah, I like those. I kinda, I've been to Muslim countries, but I kinda wanna check out Istanbul because it's a nice blend of east and west, it sounds like. Have you been? - Right off Greece, I was there for a long layover when they were like, are we having a one-hour layover? I'm like, that's gonna be tight, and then they're like, we could do a three-hour layover. I'm like, could you do a 12-hour layover? - Yeah. - And they did, and it was like, so I just left my shit, ran into town, went to a hamam, had a Turkish breakfast, but I mean, I really wanna go back. David Cross went like, all through Turkey. - Really? - Yeah. - Didn't do an acid with people. - Oh, I just loved it. - Yeah, David Cross got after it. - Yeah, I bet he loved it, 'cause she's telling me all these stories how nice people are and how beautiful, and she sends me pictures of like the sea and-- - Yeah, that'd be a cool one to go to. - I'm doing it in spring. - Would you go, you're playing it or you're just going? - I'm doing it. No, I'm just gonna take my kids. - Great. - And we're gonna go to Istanbul and kick it with my friend there, and they're gonna take us around, and I mean-- - Your kids are gonna be so well fucking traveled. - They are already, because I think that is the essential thing is to, a passport is to me more valuable than like book learning. Like, let's go, dude, I take 'em everywhere, and they talk to everyone. They're not afraid of the world. - Wow. - I hate that. Okay, anyway, okay, hot tips. Here's some good travel tips. - Okay. - Try not to check in a bag, if possible. I got stranded in Djibouti, 'cause my fucking bags got held up in Germany, and I had to wear a velour jumpsuit for three days. And-- - That's cool, though, yeah. - In this fucking Djiboutian heat. Try to do just a carry-on, if you can. Always on your carry-on, or, and if you can't, on your carry-on, bring a full change of clothing if you're going overseas. Why, I'll tell you why. On the way to Africa, I made the horrible mistake of eating tacos in the layover. - At an airport, yeah. - Atlanta, and I sharted. Somewhere on the way to Africa. i sharted and man i gotta tell you it was the smartest thing in the world that just on my carry-on i happen to have an extra pair of chonies yeah and pants what are chonies underwear oh because how do i ship i mean what what are you gonna do they don't sell underwear at the airport no they should they should they get a shirt but like i don't need a shirt right now i need a you know you need socks and underwear there's just really bring a change with you just in case so so on your carry-on bring underwear in case you shart always bring a like one outfit especially if you're going very very very far because you're probably gonna get you're gonna get gross and sweaty and soiled um that's solid that's a good one what do you think what are your hot tips um um there's so many but uh okay so i guess i hinted on it before when when going to asia or the middle east always bring with you a packet of tissue paper yes absolutely that's they won't tell you when you land you need someone to tell you that just have it's it's gonna take us a space in your pocket just have it just have it yeah so bring like 10 of them yeah oh no this is dicey but always bring cash one time i had to bribe a jib jibushan government to get out of that country out of somalia yeah they they were like they wouldn't let me on the plane and uh and they and i was panicking because i don't speak their language and they didn't speak really english and the guy just go to the side go to the side so i'm at the side i'm like what i have to get on this fucking plane and get out of this shitbox country you know and i was like panicking and i didn't have a cell phone back then it was like pre that and finally the guy the official calls me in and and he just writes down like a dollar amount you know and i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like yep here's double get me the fuck on this plane wow what was the dollar amount it was like 75 not crazy but enough where it's like i don't want to pay that but okay well and the other comic i was with didn't want to pay it she was like i don't want to pay that i'm like pay the man the money and get the fuck on the plane he just wants a bribe so that's if you're going to somewhere dicey bring cash for that for that instance well because it'll get you out of trouble then cops and a lot of like eastern europe too mexico yeah you gotta they just they know cash don't don't even sweat it who cares yeah that's a good one bring crisp bills to put in a book so it's crisp and just like have like so it doesn't get bent or anything they want it flat new oh okay yeah sure sure i'll give one more a specific one if you're going to ecuador or any latin american country this will probably work in cambodia too anywhere they use the dollar as their currency bring twos really it's magic twos a two will love it light up someone's day yeah they're so rare yeah if you have to give 12 instead of 10 and 2 1 if you give it to like what it's worth like eight or nine dollars to them emotionally emotionally yeah i know it is so special yeah i have a two dollar bill in my wallet and it's like sacred i will never spend it yeah so if you go to one of those places go to the bank and get like 50 of them and just light up people's days it's a good idea yeah what else i think um i mean like obvious ones ask the locals that's good that's a good one yeah because the if the locals aren't getting poisoned you won't get like they're not gonna poison the locals they'll know it's good yeah like in berlin i was like where do i get curry worst where's the spot and then you know they tell you without that you'll just go to the tourist ones yeah don't go to the touristy fucking shit obviously that's a good one always ask the locals and be nice yeah i just be nice to people that's huge all right all right thanks christina hey can i ask you one more question yeah where's the shittiest place you've been what do you mean shittiest okay well toilet like kyrgyzstan like here's my thing is that africa africa is pretty bad like somalia was i think the worst it's like kids playing soccer on garbage heaps poor bad that's worse than kyrgyzstan i've not really explored i've never seen your teeth before you have teeth yeah first time in 30 years i've ever seen your teeth alan can you add like a little like um burma was up there myanmar because it was really not set up for tourism at all so there was no infrastructure for that at all um el salvador really went to the bathroom i got a private in the hostel opened the bathroom and the whole door just fell and it's like it's just that's also just not said it's tourism so new that they're just like they have no reason to make it good outside of el salvador fuck um yeah those are both pretty shit um salvador and burma but also i have so much fun in those places yes because it's like you're really exploring it's not like there's no like culture of like let's sieve money off whites yeah it's just like all right here's a price it's cool you're here what are you doing here people want to ask you questions oh yeah they were so kind in el salvador they were really like everywhere else in latin america is like it was like either gringos go home or yankees get out of our politics yeah but el salvador like can you tell people about this place tell them about where are you from like new york what's that like are there buildings i'm like yeah a lot yeah how big i'm like like some are like 60 stories like no fucking way yeah in indonesia i had a 50 dollar bill and somebody's like can i touch it and i was like yeah we're on a transport and he's like wow this would change my like this actually doesn't go very far where i live that's like a lunch and he's like what that's amazing i gotta get back to asia have you been to africa no just egypt south africa is great i've only been to south africa somalia ethiopia somalia is terrible and suppressing i have a standing invite to um what's the english-speaking country there south africa no i mean yeah i guess that too but the one where they sent all the blacks back like free trip back to africa oh that's monrovia is their capital because monroe was the president there and a lot of black people are like i'll take that i don't need to make this country good i'll i'll head back i'll go back and they sent him like it was like their version of israel we're like you're not from here but we'll resettle you there liberia oh liberia so that just got safe and my friend jesse was like i mean i had he had to leave to college to get out of um charles taylor the fucking tyrant there to get away but now he's like it's safe again and it's like cheap we should go i'm like yeah jesse i gotta take up on that but isn't that wild that like you're not safe from your own government people don't i mean i know people there's problems with america obviously but like the fact that i don't know they're not going to come to your house and grab your sister literally like or the russians aren't going to come and take your kid away because or your parents away because yeah they might like minimize your instagram likes if you say the right thing but you know they're not going to put you in a gulag exactly the kgb is not going to take you away in the middle of the night yeah it's fun when you get to the perspective i saw them marching in in uh montreal one one jfl because they were college and they were all it was nice to see anytime you see somebody protesting like this is good you guys are like trying something yeah it's cool and it was like what are they what are they making it they're like it's going up from like 1100 to like 1150 and i was like fuck you guys fuck off i know yeah fuck right off eh um yeah all right so yeah next time you come back we'll do like a full hungary one that'll be rad dude i'll give you some hot tips okay it's been a minute but yeah i've got some intel this is so cool the world is so pretty rad right there's so many places to go and so many are safer than you think i think that's the big thing that what you just said a lot of it is propaganda or fear mongering i like to fuck with people so when i got back from southeast asia i was telling joe's an alarmist rogan yeah he likes the alarmism we went to brazil once it goes there's a spider that will eat your leg i'm like that's in rio it goes no it's in the jungle i'm like oh fucking why are you worried about it i know but he was like i was telling about east timor timor-leste and i was like he was like is it dangerous i was like there were 564 murders last year he goes what the fuck why would you go to a place like i was oh sorry i'm thinking about chicago and i'm like you'll still play chicago every year though with this new information you said don't go to indonesia there for the same reason that you will still play yeah it's just perspective well even i went to tulum for my 50th birthday and people are like you're going to mexico i'm like dude it's not the border yeah i'm not going to where they're doing horseshit yeah so i'm up a whole country into one thing yeah it's like no yeah i've been going there you know since i was a kid mexico come on i met two tortas in el salvador and um and um i'm sorry what tortas it's a derogatory for lesbo it's a latin american derogatory for lesbian i love it i love it yeah these couple these uh australian tortas and they were probably the coolest people i met on my trip yeah i see them around different countries and then we started to have a long talk at a hostel in um in um some city in el salvador and they were like our whole trip opened up went there like long term a year travel whatever when we stopped paying for rides oh how fun so we would only hitchhike and we met people we would get invited to their houses and they just got back from honduras and i was like i've heard honduras is too dangerous and they're like no they yeah maybe the main capital but she goes everywhere i went it was so friendly at night there was no danger at all i know that's you could let get in your head. - Absolutely. - And I want to be like, "Well, I've heard this and this," but I realize I'm talking to two people back from there for like two months there so you guys are actually the experts yeah and you're telling me no and these are two solo women yeah so like if anybody's gonna be like it's bad yeah the two lesbos i know and it's fine how you meet people if you just let it happen like i was in london this last time the gay oh that gay ruled oh you met him i forgot we spent yeah he's we're still bros like i'm i'm sitting on just pick up local it's the best i'm smoking with the scottish comic just sitting on the fucking stoop like a pig just ripping darts in front of a pub the pub is closed and this cute little gay boy walks by and he goes you're lovely you're beautiful and i was like come over here sit down with me kid and we start talking and lo and behold we have a wonderful connection and then he comes back to see my show came to the show saw me you and francis first show he's ever seen yeah it's gonna be tough to beat and he's like oh i like i think i like yeah i've only seen it online it's been so sad yeah your english accent's getting very good yeah so what i really want to do is next time i come back anger everybody here by duke foley madonnaing oh yeah yeah it's gonna be so fun and you call everything does anyone know where the lift is yeah i gotta use the toilet no son of the cube yeah oh god and louis like no dude i'm just gonna yeah bobby kelly was like do not start talk with an accent i'm like bro if you think that's gonna stop me from doing it and not drive me to do it you're out you don't know me at all yeah i made a little gay friend all right p all right i love you i love you love you too this is so fun this is i'd love to come back and i could talk about the world with you forever yeah i didn't realize you've been to so many cool places yeah if you run out of place to talk about it you don't feel like one you can interview me on one because i've been to places but i can't interview myself so i'll interview you next time okay love that yeah thank you thank you this was super fun yeah give me your venmo and venmo your money i'm sorry it's 200 bucks for for casting oh shut the fuck up yeah i have to pay you no you're gonna pay me what yeah i'm gonna pay you but i don't have any cash on me all right all right christina paziski she's on the road i'm sure i'll play in dwembers later when i find out your tour dates just buy my buy my makeup oh buy your makeup christina p.com buy my cosmetics oh i ate one of your lipsticks oh i ate one of your lipsticks oh i ate one of your lipsticks you did yeah how to taste not great so guys if you're gonna use it for your lips fine but if you're gonna use it for your tongue i would say you go back to like um the research department and like work on that a little bit on the flavor it really was not not an enjoyable experience you're not supposed to eat it ding dong yeah well where's that in the label a and r get on it no not a and r what is it the research or whatever all right thanks chris i love you love you too minute three stay stay come well that's the episode everybody i hope you had a good time thank you very much christina p for coming in um what a fun episode yeah i never really took advantage of those um uso shows i really should have really should have and i kind of wish i had it would have been great monkey poultry's are endemic to the patagonia region of chile i don't know what they're doing here but i kind of love it it takes me back also if you find these dead branches on the ground and are making an illegal forest fire to clear land for zionists well this lights right up see how brittle it is nothing better except maybe a joshua tree monkey puzzle tree the second best tree to light up to clear land for zionists did you guys see that i'm rogan i love every time you hear like a zionist um conspiracy theory sometimes you're like check that and he's like there's like three in a row like that's not real that's not real that's not real i'm like bro your algorithm is nuts you ever see a friend's algorithm like in actually talking to them and you could just like the best one was matt edgar where i saw him once and i was uh what's uh what's that how are you doing well you know not great with everything going on it's like what's going on you haven't heard i'm like no it goes they're they're breaking apart joshua tree that's your algorithm national parks it's a pretty good one to have and they find a way to get you hate in that guys check out christinap.com for all our tour dates salt lake city austin multiple shows new orleans um uh las vegas las vegas world in new orleans i forget christinap.com will have all those for you uh she's also got two specials on the internet right now on netflix.com bannett where's that uh mom jeans and mother inferior guys by the way oh ready stay go i was not joking about if you saw that ad for zippix about taking a half used cigarette out of an ashtray of someone i didn't know yes it was a lady cigarette so more likely it's a lady i don't know why that makes it less gross more gross i gotta get help i'm trying to i mean i gotta get one right now actually the sweet wood let's try that one um it's the hardest thing to everybody shits on the austin comedy scene it's like become the fashionable thing to do and what they do is they go to one show they see like one open my comic two of my comics and they go oh here's what this whole city does it's stupid it's actually a really stupid way to analyze the city but um damn it's nice it really does it's really nice it's not part of the ad but it gives you that buzz nice bandit where'd it go they say it's regressive they say it's uh whatever they say it's racist here's what i don't tell you about the austin comedy scene try doing four days there without picking up smoking again try it see what happens you'll fail it's so readily available there oh and the smoke's in the air you're like give me one oh yeah one good luck with that where's she going anyway that was interesting yeah i never did any of those uso shows but i kind of wish i had you might be saying is it not too late it's not too late but it's kind of too late but i would like to go i want to see the middle east and i don't want to get a bunch of angry flamers from comedy coming at me to the middle eastern show i don't know which ones are aggressive i'll be honest with you i don't know which uh of the middle eastern countries are like you can't go to and which ones you can morally i just haven't followed well enough to me all the sam people are trouble uh make sure to get christina p's cosmetics lime i've eaten some of her um lipstick for a sketch video ymh it's disgusting it's not to be eaten maybe it's an acquired taste like mate guys um that's it i would like to go to the stands it is on my list i'll tell you my first time of hearing about it was i was in a rooftop bar in myanmar um yangon formerly known as rangoon yanmar is good for rooftop bars and it was a travel there and she had not all who wandered or lost tattooed the back of her neck she was cool it was the first travelers i met my first city traveling by myself really backpacking you know she said one of the stands maybe it was curzio shown safe undiscovered wilds gotta learn russian she said i tried but i tried on duolingo for a while can i just tell you you gotta try another app it didn't really do much for me not nearly as much as just living in cuba for two days anyway uh that's it everybody i hope you had a good time um announcements coming soon as soon as i get everything ready for we'll see stuff's going on trip around the world is coming narrow down for people contacted all of them um moves are happening i will let you know let's say next week with michael malice michael mouse next week on south korea he did north korea next week he's back for a south korea episode um i did have a dream i thought it was real that one of the episodes i have coming was incredibly boring might have to bury it but we do have a lot of good episodes coming um so that's why you want to subscribe so it alerts you it does unsubscribe people please subscribe get me up to 200 000 followers that'll be cool um youtube spotify and leave a comment do it do anything uh stay somewhere you've been it'll be fun that's it thank you very much oh today's episode is edited by alan caffey produced by your mom's house network recorded the mom's house studios where zolo jerks off in a corner that's right not many people have seen this but zolo jerks off in corners and i'm not talking about josh i'm talking about his brother jim he comes into the office late night jerks off from corners i put up hidden camera stuff to find him and i did jim zolo he's a habitual corner masturbator thank you very much for tuning in until next week dasvidaniya if you don't know by now this is me and tommy's vodka it's called porosos for the bears and we want you to make friends there's nothing better than having a best friend that you can share secrets with share a cocktail with and you're going to love this vodka it's got a smooth taste a beautiful finish and we taste tested a hundred different vodkas and landed on this one mutually and we were not wrong we have won two huge awards the usa spirits 2024 gold medal in the tasting alliance 2024 double gold medal it is a fair price it is an accessible price we wanted to make that for our fans we want you to enjoy it go get yourself a bottle and uh make it with soda we have a bunch of drinks over on the porosos instagram page that you can find us on instagram try but pick up a bottle at one of our finer retailer partners abc fine wines and spirit total wine and more specs or go demand it at your favorite liquor retailer do that at a bar go up to your favorite bar and go do you guys serve porosos when they say no they go damn all right never mind i guess i'll have a beer order a bottle and some of our killer merch online at drink porosos.com make friends