Chloe Radcliffe Joins The Show! | Whiskey Ginger

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I do the Borgata, that's the make-up date at Atlantic City, the Borgata Atlantic City, April 3rd. And then, the bad friends do what's likely to be our final show of the year together at the YouTube Theater here in Los Angeles, California for the Netflix is a Joke Fest. All those tickets are available at andrewsantino.com. Once again, that's andrewsantino.com. - In here, we pour whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. - You're that creature in the ginger beard. - Sturdy and ginger. - Like vampires. - Ginger gene is a curse. - Gingers are pugilistic. - You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. - Gingers are hell no. - This whiskey is excellent. - Ginger, I like gingers. - Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Junior. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again. Today, it is Chloe, the movie star, Radcliffe. - Yeah. - A movie star. - Yeah, that was on my birth certificate, actually. - A bonafide movie star. - Yeah, yeah. - How do you feel about that? - Weird, really strange, really strange. - Hand-picked out of the Comedy Cellar by Bradley Cooper himself. The coop went down, and he goes, "I know exactly who I'm picking. "Jordan Jensen and you." - Mm-hmm. - It's pretty cool. - Just the two of us. And then a bunch of others that are great. - No, it's kind of just you guys. - Yeah, we are, we're the ladies. We're the girls. - Yeah, you're the girls in the movie. - Yeah, yeah. - That's great. Did you love the movie? - Yeah, oh, we saw it the day before it premiered at the New York Film Festival, and I went into that so nervous, you know? - Yeah. - I've not seen it cut. I don't know if I'm in the movie. - Oh, you think you might've been sliced out? - Not really, but like, you don't know. I don't know. - You don't know. - I've heard all sorts of shit, you know? - Hollywood is weird. - Disaster artist. - Yeah, that's right. I got cut out of that completely. Thank you, McCone. - So you know how it feels. - I've been cut out my whole career, dude. That's why I quit the biz. I'm out. - And are you for real? - I think so. Do we think so? No? Why? I'm out. No, I don't know. Yeah, no, I am out. - Because you're just sick of the feeling of going, "Please, somebody else put me in." - No, I've been doing it for 20 years. Hollywood stinks. Everyone in it's a phony stinker. I just got over it. I just got over it. - I'm just early enough that I'm like, "Come on, let me take advantage of those phony stinkers." - Come over here, phony stinkers! - Let me get my little claws into 'em. - No, no, it's okay. It's fun. And if you get in something that is meaningful to you, that's when it's a home run. Like, you got to do something in your world that's perfect. - Yeah, it was amazing. I mean, to already know the area that we're, you know, we shot at the cellar, and to already know the world. - And McDougal, or? - All, we shot in McDougal. Oh, we didn't shoot in Village Underground, but McDougal, Fat Black, all three. - McDougal's the best. I mean, that's my favorite. I mean, they're all great, but I mean, there's something about that room that just makes me feel like I'm in a time machine every time I go there. - Yeah, totally. - And you can see someone watching you through the hallway. - Totally. - I like that. - It's exactly what a movie about stand-up, being in that room, you're like, this is what people move to New York thinking that stand-up is. This is what the movie that plays in our head of what our dream is going to be looks like. And so now there's a movie that looks like what the dream movie looks like. - Like your dream. - Yeah. - A little Minnesota girl, just a tiny little sweet Minnesota girl, and she said, "Mom, Dad, I'm moving to the city." - I'm gonna be a stand-up comedian. - And you moved to the city? - Yeah. - And all your dreams came true. - They're-- - What's left? You're done. Check out. - God, everybody in my life, my boyfriend and my best friends who have to listen to me be like, "I'm a failure, I'm a big fat fucking failure, "and nothing's ever gonna happen for me again, "and what has happened has not been enough for me, "and nobody knows who I am, "and everything is falling apart." Would love to listen to you say-- - Listen now, it's time to listen to this. You're done, cash out, baby. - Yeah. - Your boyfriend is in the business too, or no? - He's a stand-up, a very funny stand-up, but even beyond that, he owns a production company, and he is a director of live specials, and live shows that then are taped, whether it's stand-up or other versions of live shows, but he's shot over 100 stand-up specials. He's done six for Netflix. He just directed and produced James Acaster's on HBO that came out last year. - Love that guy. - Yeah. I think that I happen to be dating the best stand-up special director in the world, working right now. - Ooh. - So it's like really nice to be fucking the mechanic who's fixing my car, you know? - Fantastic. - Really, here you go. - 'Cause the car will keep breaking. - The car is gonna keep breaking. - Gonna keep on breaking. - And I'm gonna keep being that mechanic. - This is like Paul Thomas Anderson and-- - Maya. - Maya Rudolph. - Mm-hmm. - You are the next, do you know that? Do you know that they're married? - I know that they're married. - They have been, or I don't know if married, whatever the word is. - Or partnered, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Partners is the cool thing? - That's cool. Look at you, connecting with Gen Z. Dude, really working on it. I see kids under 30 at a restaurant. We went out the other night, and everyone there was under 30. And I was like, we should leave. I don't need to eat at these places anymore. I don't belong at these places. - Yeah. Oh, I know, somehow I wound up in a conversation with me, a man in his 50s, and two girls who are certainly under 25. I don't know what their exact ages are. - He was dating one of these women? - No, one of them was his assistant, and the other-- - So he was dating them. - One of them. - One was her. I love this guy. I'm not gonna say who it was. I think he, I think everything's about porn, but-- - Sure, whatever. - But what's funny is, I listened to them. God, I hope that they don't hear me say this, 'cause they will know exactly who it is. I listened to them talk. And you know how, there's the whole trope of like, someone in their 30s or 40s dating somebody in their like, you know, 19, 20, 21. Like, what do you have to talk about? And I realized, first of all, I think the answer in that case is, only one of them is ever doing all the talking. Like, the grown person is listening to the young person talk, and being like, I guess this makes me feel young, or I don't have to care about what you're saying, and I just get to fuck your tits, for sure. Or the young person is like, tell me everything you know about the world, and that's very-- - That's like a professor, though. That's like when, if you're fucking your professor. - Oh, it's a fucked up dynamic, yeah, yeah. But these girls were just having conversations that I have had in my early 20s. Like, they were saying like, it's so nice to be a lightweight, 'cause then, I'm a really cheap date. Like, I only have to buy one glass of wine, and I'm already drunk. And it's like, yeah, I've had these thoughts before. - Yeah, you did. You ran through those same, you went through this same thing. - Totally, totally. I've had this exact experience. I thought that was cool. I thought that was original. - It is cool. - I thought that was like, spicy and interesting. Made me not like other girls. And then it's like, ah, no, I'm like other girls. You're like other girls. We're all the same. - We're all the same. - Yeah. - I think the older you get, the more you're like, well, we're all the same. - Yeah. - How old are you now? Are you allowed to say? - You expect me to say 35. - Are you really? - Yeah. - Oh my God. - Is that? - I thought you were, for some reason, I thought you were younger than that. - Yes! I'm very young, Hollywood. I'm so little. I'm a teenager, but I'm legal. - Her feet aren't even touching the ground in this chair, Hollywood. She's so tiny of a person. She's so compact. - Yeah, you can cast me as a high schooler if you want. - Okay, dude, slow down, will ya? Well, no, here's why you're staying so young. - 'Cause I'm listening to all these 23-year-olds and I'm copying what they're saying. - Yes, you're hanging out with children. No, you're biking through New York. - Yeah. sweetly invited me on your show I wanted to do it you do tandem bike rides through New York and I wanted to do it but I also I was like oh I would love to do that then there was a piece of me that's like that's how I die biking with you in New York totally but I mean wouldn't the sweet relief of death be a welcome friend I just don't want to do it on a bike in New York with me yeah with you no offense I mean tandem where you have no control you don't have brakes you don't have gears that's scary yeah I mean how much do I trust you you do bike enough on the internet that I see you must be doing this daily oh totally I I average an hour and a half on my bike a day every day that when when I'm in when I'm home yes wow yeah this is is this because of growing up that way or preferred mode of transpo preferred mode of transpo got it I just fucking love it it keeps my head screwed on straight doesn't scare you at all in New York I I it's the rush of almost dying yeah yeah because it's the way people drive is absurd yeah but you know what's funny I uh people who drive in New York for the most part their number one goal is to not kill a biker and my number one goal is to not get killed by a car or a garbage truck or whatever so we actually have a lot in common we meet in the middle yeah yeah yeah opposite here in Southern California I am actively trying to hit people on bikes I don't like them get out of the way and their competition well and I saw a guy laying down on the lay flat bike you know that guy yeah let me say something to that guy I see him he's in my neighborhood fuck you I don't like this guy he's so low you can't see him dude you cannot see them a lot of times is he in the street oh yeah he rides right in the middle of the fucking road yeah that's and I've almost hit him multiple times and he's got like a bright orange jump thing on and he's got the the twirly thing that you know there is an age there's a twirly thing you put on the back of the bike and it spins so people can see it it's a reflector you know what I'm talking about he's got the whole get up and everything how old is he you know no one knows and that that's how I say so yeah I know that's my this is a circle back it's you you're gonna be laying down on a bike one day doing the lay flat and the thing is I love yelling at people while I'm riding it's like such a great way to get out aggression yeah it's a it's a time that I can just I can scream fuck you and nobody is gonna do anything about it you're hard to shoot when you're riding away I'm gone yeah you're already gone I get to like I get to get the little you know the the evil out of me fuck you yeah I like that I get so good but imagine me in 50 years on a lay flat bike I see it fuck out of my way get out of my way looking up at the sky there is a guy on tiktok I really do um he's the worst but I do like watching him he bikes in the bike lane and he records himself going get out of the way fuck it in the bike lane yeah yeah yeah totally I've seen a couple people like that you've seen this guy yeah but a couple of guys have checked him a couple of guys will stop his bike and they get in his fucking face he's like you're being recorded which is the defense mechanism of the pussy of the don't hit me because you're on camera yeah and to everyone in the world start hitting these people like everyone needs to get hit I have so much respect for somebody who like looks at me and doesn't back down I love that because I'm like it's just that one of us needs to make a decision the time that it's bad is when people bobble or when people like think that they can make the situation better for me and I'm like I'm in so much more control than you right now right I need you to keep doing whatever dumb thing you're about to do and I will operate around that right and I like I I can be in charge of my own little bubble but like don't try don't try to fix things for me don't don't stop in the middle of the street just keep moving there's so many metaphors that I find in biking that I like need to apply to my real life like I was thinking the other day I was riding and there was an ambulance that was pulling into the street in some weird way that was like probably 300 feet in front of me and I was like oh a less experienced rider would like stop here and try to figure out what's going on or would like slow down and be nervous about the ambulance situation and how is traffic gonna flow and I just have been riding for so long that I kept going full speed knowing that the situation would change by the time I got there and I would be able to find a way through but I'm not gonna be able to see it from where I am and also it's gonna be different by that time anyway so I might try to plan for something and just like keep doing the thing that I'm doing until I need to adjust to the situation and I was like wow that's life man just don't just let it happen yeah and then of course I lay in bed like swirling about yeah yeah yeah also or a car door could hit you and that's it totally and then that's why plan for that you can't man you can't wear a helmet make yourself as you always wear a helmet 100 you're never a bad girl I hate I it the thing is that my helmet six times whoa so you've been hit six times uh not by a moving vehicle uh but i have crashed a shit ton because i ride hard and a lot you ride hard and a lot my priorities get get her new album i ride hard and a lot and and you know what that would be my checkout though if if i fell really hard i'd be like that's it totally i'm done every time i crash i get back on the bike after the crash and ride to wherever i was going if i am physically able yeah i complete the ride so that that doesn't happen to me that's crazy because that i used to be a good diver and then i had like a really bad i like tried to do a thing when i was you know i don't know 13 we like we were a high school dive team or something i was a lifeguard and so like a lot of people around me were swimming dive team and so i would like practice stuff with them and one bad dive and i just kind of never went back what happened on the dive i think i just like did a bad belly flop like i think i that's not that big it's water i don't know i probably yelled a secret as i was going in it's probably i actually completed the dive just fine i just revealed i love you nick norton and then i dove that's my real high school crushes real nick norton yeah where's nicky now i don't know minneapolis i think i heard a rumor a rumor i heard something from a friend about a guy we used to know that passed away and it's a weird this is what happens at this stage in my life you hear like you hear that guy died i'm like no really and the stories range from like cancer sad normal like yeah it's knock up on him blah blah blah but like this one was like found in a motel robbed by a hooker whoi od'd on fentanyl and i was like damn dude it's a move that's movie shit that's movie shit also the rob by a hooker feels like salt in the wound after an od and can you imagine though how would i like i mean kudos to the hooker you got to get out of there and you got to take something for the go yeah i guess i gotta leave his wallet he's dead i would be curious to know whether the robbery happened before or after the death i imagine they both died i would be curious to know whether the robbery happened before or after the death i imagine they both died i would be curious to know whether the robbery happened before or after the death i imagine they both died i would be curious to know whether the robbery happened or not and she was like i think i'm gonna get out of here yeah yeah yeah also i need a little bit of money sure i gotta i gotta get out i gotta steal this guy's money yeah yeah also or maybe that was her payment it's also an unnecessary detail in regards to his death just kicking a man while he's down well that's that's what i mean that's what i mean yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah didn't kill him really it's really it's just he sadly od'd yeah but i have to tell you about the hooker who stole his wallet otherwise it's not a good story yeah i don't want that's my you know we talk about this on the show sometimes we live in hotels i just i don't want to die in a hotel i think about it because i'm like well i'm in this hotel alone i die they're gonna find me yeah but why don't you want to die in a hotel well i want to be i want to i want to burden my wife i want to die near her yeah i want my wife to have to wake up and find the worst thing that she can possibly imagine yes trauma trauma trauma yeah my grandma her husband died when my dad was young or my grandfather died when my dad was young then she remarried then her second husband died before i was born and she didn't remarry after that and somebody asked her like why not because i think she like i don't know if she was in her 70s sure so it's like you could keep dating and she said i've oh and uh she had a child die and i don't know if he died in bed uh but she said i've had too many people die in my bed my god this poor woman is she alive now crazy no she's dead she's gone she died in bed as well full circle moment yeah no you can't i mean after if i if i wasn't married anymore i always would say it's a one and done i think this is a one shot deal i think you try it once i know people like to do it multiple times i have friends have been married multiple times i'm like one and done regardless of how it ends to me i'm always like you give it a whirl and then you know getting married it's like it's like going to japan you gotta go once it's amazing you try it you're probably not gonna get married it's like it's like going to japan yeah you're like we gotta go back you're never going back yeah yeah yeah it's too far yeah it's too much of a commitment it's just too much dude it's too much it takes too much time it takes too much planning and there's so much you learn you gotta learn a new language i don't want to do that yeah what a fucking nightmare yeah no i i think it's it's i get it you know like i my mom thankfully remarried that because my stepdad is the best but i just i have so many friends now either just getting a divorce or on their second go also and the second round thing like i'm not giving you a gift and i probably won't come to the second wedding if it's a if it's a destination wedding i just i'm not giving you a gift i did it once i'm not doing it again that's insane just yeah you know what i mean i just think there's a there's a limit on sorry that your ex who you hate gets to share the one gift that you got that's not my problem that's on fucking you guys you know no i think it's a i think it's an unnecessary secondary wedding i think the second wedding should just be for your family and you were you a person who wanted to get married like like i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't i don't mean like wanted to marry your i had my dress plan since i was nine yeah yeah that's what i'm asking i was such a whimsical girl no i never i didn't know it was kind of like uh if it happens, great. I never, I never thought about it like that. I think my generation, cause we saw all of our parents split, get a divorce, you know, like everyone, your parents were together. No, we're never married, split up when I was a baby, never re married anyway, never partnered with anybody. So like dated other people, not that I'm aware of. I look back at one, I have like one memory of my mom and I going to some community orchestra concert in Burnsville to see a guy play trumpet. And in retrospect, I'm like, Oh, that was a date. Yeah. But I was never introduced to somebody. I was like, this is mom's boyfriend. Wow. But in still no, still no, still nothing. But, and my parents are still are like very good friends, relatively speaking. Like there's plenty of tension between them, but I would say no less, no more than like the average couple who has been married for 40 years. So they're still kind of married. Yeah. They're, they're like functionally partners in a lot of ways. Yeah. They just live in very different states. Yeah. But that's so funny that neither of them ever try to see other people ever again. I think my dad is just sort of a recluse by nature. Yeah. And my mom was a single mom who was raising me and was not, didn't have a steady nine to five. And so I think she just like her hands were full. Yeah. There was one. How many of you are there? How many kids? Just me. Oh, you solo. They did one and done. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They both have separately told me that they would have loved to have more kids. Not, they haven't said like with each other, but like in general. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm always sort of like, I got a solution for that. Yeah. Not now, but like. We can figure it out. There was a, yeah. Yeah. This is actually easy math. There was a window of opportunity. But no, but that's it. Didn't score a little girl. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And they're both proud of you, aren't they? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Isn't that great? Did they come to the premiere? They didn't come to the film festival premiere, but they came to, there was a big red carpet screening in December and they both, I brought them to that. And they, uh, my mom's from Minnesota. My dad is from, he, he's from Jersey, New York city, but now lives in Baltimore. My dad wears Crocs every day. Well, yeah. Cause they're the only shoes that feel good on his feet. Croc dad. He shows up. He, he, he said he would be so mad if I misrepresent this. He was like, I know I can't wear Crocs to this red carpet, but I don't have dress shoes. So I'll figure it out. He shows up wearing hiking boots, holding his neoprene laptop bag that he uses as a purse because he's not willing to buy a real bag because that's gay, but he will carry his laptop bag everywhere as a purse. He has a non-folding umbrella. It was raining, but like a full, you know, a giant umbrella. Yeah. He's wearing his winter coat shows up. My mom shows up wearing layers upon layers upon. Look, looking very nice and sweet, but like so many layers of jackets because like, we don't know how cold it's going to be in the theater. Yeah. Also a huge heavy purse. That's like too big. She, and she was, if she, if she hears this, she's going to be so mad at me. She's going to hear it. Yeah. We're going to send it to her. Please do. Becky deserves to hear herself be named in public, but she's, she's like carrying this giant purse, whatever. It's fine. I, Laura Dern is there. And Laura Dern was so kind to me on set. There were, there were a handful of times on set when I felt really like, when I felt a little bit on my back foot and just like, wasn't sure how to navigate a situation and yada, yada, yada. And Laura was so generous and was, and would like check in on me and be like, how are you feeling? And are, is this situation going okay for you? And whatever. She was so, so nice. And I told my parents. And so I like, there was a time where she was standing in a corner and only talking to one person who seemed to be on her team. And so I was like, this is our chance. And I trot my parents up and my mom takes both of Laura's hands. Yeah. And said like, thank you for being kind to my baby girl and starts sobbing. And Laura Dern is so kind and was like, of course, Chloe's amazing. She's great. Whatever. And my dad shakes her hand and goes, I haven't seen you in the movie yet, but I've been a fan for a long time. Good job. We're walking into the, into the screening and there's a table of smart water bottles, just like as a here, have a water bottle to watch the movie. Both of my parents start putting multiple smart water bottles in their respective bags. Yeah. Yeah. You're not missing a chance to take a free smart water. Bradley Cooper is walking by. My parents are like arming smart water bottles into their bag. I'm like, I will buy you a smart water bottle at the bodega. No, no, no. That's silly. They're right there. Yeah. They're right there. The company's already, the movie's paid for it. They're not going to take it back. By the way, they're going to be wasted at some point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're going to be thrown away. Let them take those home. Put them in his neoprene laptop bag and move on with his life. Let your mom coat pocket them like she's stealing booze in high school. Let them live. That's exactly. They're like swag. The swag. That's the swag. This is what Hollywood does. You know what they gave my daughter at the premiere? Smart water. Yeah, as much smart water as she wants. He moved to Baltimore. Yeah. For a job? For work-ish, yeah. Yeah, for work-ish. What did he do when you were a kid? He's a lawyer by training, but now he's moved into real estate development. He's doing like the legal side. He was a lawyer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A crock lawyer. Yeah, a crock lawyer. A crock lawyer. My dad is a weird one because he is. Both of my parents are like hippie, hippie, hippie, hippies. Oh, really? They met at a transcendental meditation teacher training course. Really? Yeah, on a multi-month meditation retreat. They're so from that world. We talk about past life memories at the dinner table. It's like, yeah. Are you into this stuff? Yeah. So does. I guess so, yeah. The thing is that I hate how. Modern hippie shit is now. Now it works in the culture. It's been co-opted by people who I hate. Sure, sure. So I really hate being like. I totally believe in reincarnation. I totally believe in energy. I totally believe in. I had my tarot read since I was a kid and have little cassette tapes of me asking our family psychic questions about, I'm sure, my third grade crush. I have no idea. Right. But like. Right. It wasn't Nick Norton at the time. I was going to say, is it Norton? It was going to be. It was really soon. I was going to meet Nick. Oh, so soon. The tarot cards told you that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They said, put Matt Clemens aside. I shouldn't be using their real names. They don't give a fuck. This is 20 years ago. How long? Yeah, this is forever ago. Yeah. You're fine. Livid. Matt Clemens is livid about it. Food falling out of his mouth. What the fuck? She liked me that whole time. I was in love with her. Have you ever had that happen? Yeah. When someone. Someone years later was like, God, I liked you so much when we were kids, and why didn't we ever talk? Not anyone that I am like, dang. I had a girl that said that to me years and years ago, but we met up through friends when I was on tour, and she was like, how was life? How was life? Great. Life was good. She's like, oh, I had the biggest crush on you as a kid. I was like, I had the biggest fucking crush on you as a kid. That's funny. Why didn't we ever talk? That's funny. I mean, now she's hideous, but. No, no, no. It's just when you're kids, too, you're like. The person I think you're the afraid of the most, this feels the same way about you. Yeah. I think in my case, that was not true. I think for me, the people who I was afraid of the most broadly didn't think about me. No. Were you kind of like a hippie kid? Were you kind of like a. I was an ultra dweeb. I was such a fucking loser. What made you a big dork? I was marching band, speech and debate, knowledgeable, theater. I was an ultra dork. I was like, I don't know what to do with this. I was like, I don't Is your boyfriend into organized shit or no? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's British, so he's big into soccer. He's British? He's British. Yikes. I mean, I'm trying to get out of here. Jesus Christ, dude. 1776? I know. I've heard of it. I've heard of it. Jesus Christ. Look, I know, but I use him as a whipping boy. So he's a big soccer, football guy. Yeah, football. Football. Now I'm into football. What team does he refer? What team do you guys refer? Tottenham Hotspur. Tottenham. Yeah. We went and saw Tottenham in the Europa Cup final in Bilbao, Spain. Whoa. Because, because I was in England last year for a month and- Doing shows? I was there for a festival and then he, basically, he's here way, way, way more than I'm there because I- Because we're the best. Don't want to be there. It's the best country in the world. Yeah. You can say it. Yeah, yeah. Because it is, it's better here. Yeah, it's better. It's better. I mean, it's way, way, way worse here, but it is- Yeah, but it's better. But it is better. At the same time, it's better. Yeah, it's so much better. Yeah. But, so, so it's like, if I can do big blocks, I want to. Yeah. As a, like, it, it is not going to be sustainable long term if I'm just like, yeah, I'm never going to go there. I'm never going to, I'm never going to go to your pathetic little country. I don't go there. england is it would you ever move uh i would have to be way less successful than i am or way more successful than i am right you think you're in the middle because right now i'm in a place where like genuinely if i spent this is the real reason why i don't like being over there is because when i spend two three four weeks there i can feel that impact my career here and also like being there has helped my career in a million ways it actually has i i really should be much much much fairer to it like it has opened up a ton of opportunities and it has connected me to people who i genuinely wouldn't have gotten connected to here and like it i should give it way more credit but i feel like i i just feel like i am sort of in the strike when the iron is hot part of my career yeah and i'm trying to build my career here and so yeah yeah so why yeah I give it to them yeah or it's just like why split my focus like my focus is already so split between like i'm doing stand-up and social media but i also have like this little burgeoning stuff in acting but a like pretty significantly moving part of my career in screenwriting like i make a i make not a lot of money but like a lot of my money from screenwriting are you writing on a show right now or something i'm not but i have sold a couple scripts have a development deal on a solo show to try and develop it into a what's a solo show called it's called cheat cheat yeah it's about how i've cheated in almost every relationship i've ever been oh shit is it a it's a movie or a show it's a solo show it's like a it's an hour oh like a one person it's like a one woman show one woman show yeah because they always say one man show yeah yeah yeah that's why i call it a solo disgusting yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah men are just cut that out yeah so you do this show now i do the show now yeah yeah that's not your hour when you tour correct i can't lock the nice people of like fort collins colorado into a room and be like hey you paid 22 for a night of stand-up check this out now i'm gonna talk to you about how i've fucked a bunch of people i wasn't supposed to fuck it's gonna get sad about my dad at the end i can't i can't do that to the nice strangers no you could i could yeah but i wouldn't be asked back but don't do it yeah but it's all roped around your dad huh uh it was it's actually now changed a bunch um have you put it down have you recorded it yet not uh i like have tape of it but you don't want to put it out i don't want to put it out because i would like to try and get an off broadway run yeah of it i would love to do it for six weeks somewhere sure um and i think i can and i want to do it in like not a capital t theater i want to do it in like some place that feels that feels closer to stand up but isn't a club yeah like my fantasy is like the basement of a hotel or something i think it's like a hotel i think it's like a hotel i think it's like a hotel i think that would be very cool yeah um you gotta find the right hotel gotta find the right london's got a lot of basements in their hotels yeah yeah yeah do that the lemonati has spent decades keeping lemon on top and lime in the shadows their lemon agenda has infiltrated everything even our music that hit song named after the color of lemons not a coincidence big lemon has been pulling strings in the industry for years think about it but now is fighting back with their new lime lemon soda now lime comes first seven up flip the sip chronic migraine is 15 or more headache days a month each lasting four hours or more botox on a botulinum toxin a prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine before they start it's not for those with 14 or fewer headache days a month it prevents on average eight to nine headache days a month versus six to seven for placebo prescription botox is injected by your doctor effects of botox may spread hours to weeks after injection and can be used for injection causing serious symptoms alert 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only 1.99 a pound plus get twenty dollars off your first online order of seventy-five or more restrictions apply c-site for details download the app or visit our website to get started kroger fresh for everyone but but prior argument i know i mean look if a hotel in london would let me do the show what one was going to at some upon one point but no longer now you really you really fucked fucked yourself there over a little bit england all of england is smaller than the entire state of minnesota tiny yeah it's a tiny place but it's it is really we just got bad last year um and uh yeah it's just that london doesn't feel the same that it used to feel for me but england is pretty i mean it's an incredible country you go there and you're like oh i get why all of the fairy tales were written here i like it's it feels like you're walking into a painting it's amazing it does it really it's i don't mean to shit in the country it's an amazing place and someday i will apply for asylum there yeah you'll need and i hope that they let me you'll need to yeah well unless uh i mean you you know you'll stay in new york for a long time here coming you're never going to go anywhere else though you hate la or do you like la i hated la for a long time good for you and now i have learned to love it yeah i well you drank the kool-aid i drank the kool-aid you got yourself in a fucking movie now you're like this isn't so bad that's the thing it totally is the second that my career got better yeah the second that like positive things in my career were associated with la i was like this city's got some good sides to it yeah although cafe in on to hunga yeah one of the whatever aroma it wasn't aroma it was it was right down the block sure and the one bathroom in this little cafe is like back in the kitchen so it's in this like really really cramped backspace and the door was closed for a long time said locked and i realized i could hear the person inside on a call in the bathroom and i was so i like stood there and was like they have to understand that this is inappropriate they were in there for so long i finally like jiggled the handle as they get the fuck out you got to do the jiggle yeah yeah yeah let them know which sometimes when i'm in there i'm i'm like what do you think is gonna happen you think i can push this shit out faster i can't like i can't speed this up right well my body is moving as fast as it moves push rotate yeah yeah yeah yeah do my little squats yeah um but sometimes in a bathroom i will pull like the top of the garbage can off to make my own little squatty potty do you really yeah yeah interesting move a little diy wow um that you huh yeah totally i hold my legs up when i'm when i'm shitting i literally just sit like this oh interesting at home too you should just try having a stool right there no i just enjoy this that's nice yeah and i feel like it's probably like a it's a strength training thing yeah my hit teacher told me to do that that's cool when you're at home and you're shitting yeah yeah hold your legs up let it get out there dude you burn more calories if you shit with your knees in the air that that will be on a tiktok yeah some guy some one of these fucking health influencers that everything you've ever known is wrong and then they pitch you the thing that you could put your legs above your head when you're shitting even better they're like 25 ways to burn calories when and you don't even notice yeah exactly you're like i noticed that i would notice i noticed having to sit like this not if you wake up in the morning and dip your face in a bowl of cold water so fucking dumb everyone's tried all these little health tricks none of them work i mean i get sucked into the i'm like i'm gonna research like what temperature of water burns more calories to you and then i realize it's like radcliffe if you fucking spent instead of taking the time to read all of these stupid reddit threads if you just spent that time go like going outside do it just for five minutes walk to the bodega buy whatever you want or spend that time like writing a joke rather than thinking about food yeah spend that time doing the things that you know work which are easy and basic and none of the shit that people are suggesting even if it works even if it works 100 it it makes the tiniest most incremental difference over like i don't know eat the food that you know is better than you and better for you and don't eat the food that you know is pretty easy money yeah yeah yeah no it's i think i think also you start to go uh i'm wasting time thinking about it i'm gonna die do i want to live to be 96 not not really yeah yeah you would rather you don't want longevity you want you want shortivity you know that we're not i'm not here for a long time yeah let's do it and get the fuck out of here like what i don't even like this is gonna whenever you read those things that were like this is taking off years on your life and you're like right on oh yeah i need to lessen this blow also i'm not having kids so nobody's gonna take care of me when i'm old yeah so i might as well make it easy you don't want to have them correct you're you're okay cool correct what made that decision for you um i it was more like i came to the realization but it was a couple summers ago my mom my mom always says stuff like she's like saving toys of mine from when i was young and she's like these are for your your babies for when i'm a grandma or like or she'll always say oh no you know what the thing is she always says uh i will even if you have kids and you wind up not with the person you've had kids with i will always be there like i'll always be around to be grandma i'll take care of the kids if you can't yeah like i'll move in in the backyard and and help you take care of them whatever and i know that she means that as she felt very alone raising me yeah her parents were not involved and my dad was wherever he was and uh rocks yeah yeah yeah yeah um and then she's trying to say like i'm supporting you but of course it makes me feel like have kids pressure pressure pressure i yeah yeah and i and so one summer i like went she said something like that and i i was at home in the house that i grew up in and i said to her hey i want you to know that i know that you're not trying to make me feel pressure to have kids and my mom is so sincere cannot lie doesn't she is she is total face value everything she says and she was like oh i didn't even of course of course i'm not making you have kids i'm not that's not pressure and she's like being earnest she doesn't know that she's doing she doesn't know i walked down the hall and then i'm suddenly like but of course that makes me feel pressure pressure pressure pressure pressure pressure pressure pressure feel so much fucking pressure of course it does and that like opened this like waterfall of realizations i realized that since high school i have always wanted i've always been like it would be awesome if i just went to the doctor for something else and they were like they came back and they were like hey along with whatever you're getting checked up for we found out that you're infertile sorry if i could just have the decision made for me that would be awesome and i never once thought it would be awesome if i accidentally got pregnant and had the decision made for me oh you know yeah that's never have you had this scare before uh yeah yeah yeah couple of couple of scares and it was like somebody put a blanket over the world for the like week or two that i was it was like everything was like gray sheer panic huh yeah i guess it was just like yeah you shut down it was yeah it's the scariest it's the scared i still like the closest that i have to nightmares now are dreams where i'm and now it is a life it is a person yeah that's your ultimate nightmare that's the scariest thing you're scared of being robbed or murdered in new york at night no no no no but pregnant holy shit yeah yeah walking around all fat and swollen yeah biggest fear you have yeah i don't want to well good no good if yeah look i think it's it is an interesting world now of like we don't have kids and it's like do you want to bring them up here and now and it's time and all this stuff and we can't so it kind of made this decision for us sure but you live in my fantasy i do i know i'm who you want to be uh hollywood yeah yeah mr hollywood as it were i want to get deep enough into hollywood to get mad at them quit yeah and be told i can't have kids it feels fantastic i can't tell you how good it feels no but i think that it just also was a there is also the idea that i was like well i because i'm from the midwest i was like well if i even did have one i'd probably want to go back home so that was a double thing in my mind of like would i even want to have a kid here yeah which is tough yeah because i have friends that have raised kids here and it's obviously very normal there's nothing insane about it but it's like you know it's not how we grew up which is what i would want in my mind totally oh the midwest breeds a sense of shame and embarrassment into you that i think is healthy that's why the british guy likes you by the way they have the exact same totally i think the uk is the midwest of the world 100 is same weather beer cheese everything's grand can't look you in the eyes yeah yeah yeah talk shit behind your back smiles at your face yeah very prudish can't deal with sex yeah oh sex boils all their vegetables no spices well that's my people's thing that's we're big boilers the irish are big boiler i boiled beer brats the other day too and you missed it you should have come over i know beer brats which by the way some of my friends who are not midwesterners were remarkably confused by beer brats they just never have had them they were like what do you mean in fact i will say actually british boyfriend has been like what is a brat what is it yeah i'm like i don't know how to explain this yeah leave him it's time he doesn't deserve me i had to actually go around la i had to go to three different butcher shops to get a bratwurst and i went to a i went to an og german butcher shop to get it because the other guys were like we don't really people not not enough people buy it know what it is yeah and i was like that's crazy as a kid it was like it's primary when you go to a butcher shop that they have brats there yeah but that's also because i think like in the midwest yeah i think that's crazy as a kid it was like it's primary when you go to a butcher shop that lot of german and a lot of polish influence in chicago so it's already culturally it's there yeah yeah here no they were like the guy the guy literally goes i go do you have bratwurst he goes what no what no he was like annoyed that i asked i was like all right i'll just take it and you're like that's the most normal that's like the equivalent of asking like do you have rice yeah yeah yeah well i i was shocked but i did it did uh it did blow my mind how many people were like i don't know if i like those i'm like try them i promise you like them they're boiled in fucking beer and then grilled yeah you're gonna fuck them up i do miss that about the midwest i miss the community camaraderie i miss that thing like we have to pull people to our house for sport sporting events to watch games to like cheer you're like but it's hard to pull la people together yeah we just don't have that culture here it's everybody you can go to the game people will go to a dodgers game with you people go to the lakers but they won't come to your house for it it's just not a cultural thing in la interest and in the midwest it's like you definitely go to somebody's house of course you're you're begging for it for someone to throw a party so you're like who's got the biggest tv yeah and who has the nicest setup yeah yeah and and also whose house can you trash and not feel bad about it yep yeah and who's got the beer fridge in the basement right this is see these are these are things that are just missing here it's just not a and who's got that extra fridge in the garage for all that extra shit i mean you just need to have these things right and the chest freezer for all the for all the meat what are we doing but we don't none of that stuff exists yeah now these people live on the whim they don't eat meat no but no but they don't eat here we're not a food city they don't dessert just go outside and breathe just connect with the earth you know feel the vibrations and that really fills me up i think that la thing though has dissipated i think the like um the woo-woo the woo-woo la thing is almost all gone in fact you guys kind of have it a little bit more than we do new york kind of still has more woo-woo bullshit yeah like when you i think the city manhattan has a lot of that shit that that like we kind of did this like it's a coffee shop it's also a yoga studio and you can also buy uh your own custom candles like that thing that is it's like very in williamsburg now i feel like it's any yeah but young hip but that's kind of on my side of the town that's by you now still but it but it's still but you guys are still trying to be punk rock on the east side where williamsburg is like white upper crusty just had a baby oh it's just like a real estate development firm yes like pulled out a little pre-packaged neighborhood and popped it in yeah and it all looks like nothing yeah like it's like big and pretty officially but it's sort of you sort of walk around and it feels like you're in a video game like you're in like a part of a video game that they didn't develop fully you know the designers didn't finish yeah yeah where do you are you and where are you i'm in ridgewood i'm way deep out i'm in a little polish neighborhood yeah you are that's yeah yeah you like it out there i love it i love freedom yeah you feel like you're not really in the gut of everything totally totally yeah and i just want to i want to be somewhere like old and ratty i hate i i truly i do not understand when people look at new construction buildings as now maybe you live in one but like i don't when people are like oh it's expensive but like that's what the whole market is yeah i'm like no you're looking at these things that are like they're shiny and beautiful for the first 18 months and then you realize that everything is just like ikea door handles that are gonna come unscrewed and look crooked and ugly in two years and you're like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm you're paying five thousand dollars for something that's gonna fall apart for sure and it's gonna and the dishwasher is gonna smell bad old dishwashers don't smell bad new dishwashers smell bad that is true and it's boring it's boring these new buildings are boring we're going through it right now we have a fucking new-ish washer and dryer and in the first house that we moved into the washer was from no shit like 52 yeah it was the oldest i'm shocked it was still running totally fine this newer one that was left in the house that we got broken stinks like shit totally totally it's a piece of shit everything's a piece of shit totally everything is everything new is a piece of shit yeah yeah old is like they made it right but then because back then they were like we'll make it so you never have to get another one yeah and then at some point in the 80s capitalism was like whoa we need them to buy a lot of them yeah so let's make cars worse let's make everything break and that is that is now the new culture like iphone someone said that to me last night obsolescence yeah planned obsolescence they want they someone said to me last night they're like i get a new phone every time they put one out and i was like that's so crazy that it's a cultural thing now to be like trade it up get a new one totally and it's because companies don't take pride in the product anymore they take pride in i'm not trying to be as pithy as i'm about to be they take pride in the profit yeah not the product i know it is true well what's well and so what's the answer what's what is really golden you're we're fucked it's over oh totally i mean i i think that i think the like fundamental problem is that we're not going to be able to make a new phone we're not going to be able to make a new phone we're not going to be able to make a new phone with all of this or a fundamental problem with all of this is the scale at which we are all operating yeah that like we aren't and i don't mean like we didn't evolve to be in communities this like sure yeah i mean that is part of it i guess that is the fundamental root of it but it's like you can't care about people's experience you can't care about 300 million people's experience and you can't care about the experience of people who live 5 000 miles from you like you can't you can think about it and be like that's too bad or i hope that they're doing okay but you can't really we really have a capacity for empathy that exists in people we know and understand what their lives are like yeah and so it's like yeah when you're running a company that serves your state or a few states around and you travel around and you sell the products to these people and you see that the people are happy with the products then you can take pride in that because you're like seeing the little real impact right but when it's like it's all just numbers on paper and the only impact you can feel is can i buy a bigger yacht right you can then of course you don't care about the product i don't know that's right it's all it's true i think i think the part of the reason that america is so fucked up is because it's so physically big like we're too big we should be separate countries yeah yeah we should yeah i mean california is the what the fourth largest gdp in the world something like that yeah we shouldn't be attached to anybody else totally yeah we should sink on our own yeah we already fucked it up yeah yeah let you guys do you that's fine we'll break off texas i mean new york you guys are a fucking nightmare too totally it's a nightmare it's all in the fucking nightmare the reason that there are functioning there are like social programs in europe is because they're serving smaller place that's the size of minnesota i know it is funny when they're like canada has free health care you're like i think there's a hundred people in canada that live up there yeah the rest of them live here i don't fucking canada is so big and spread out if you ever done a canada run when you go from west to east it's mind-bending how far it is from each place you're like oh where's the next stop they're like it's two and a half hour flight and you're like what yeah that's the next city yeah like yeah and between then it's nothingness it's tundra it's don't there's nothing there i've done comedy in winnipeg multiple times oh yeah and i don't know why that's the place that i have been to they love you up there they love me yeah and it's the the drive from minneapolis to winnipeg is the bleakest drive that i've ever done you just go through north dakota the worst part of this country and then into worse north dakota which is right above it and it's yeah it's so it's so windy and horrible it's just sad yeah it really it just sort of cuts you and there's no yeah i did the um the museum of human rights at atrocities is in winnipeg whoa and it's seven floors of the worst thing that people have ever done it's so bad and that is the most fun thing to do well what what are the floors what are the features the floors are hitler has his own floor yeah yeah yeah world war ii yeah holocaust has one i think armenian genocide has a floor canada it's crazy just the idea that someone's like wait a minute the holocaust only got one floor they're like oh they're so greedy they want three floors what is it the rwandan genocide rwandan genocide bosnian war armenian genocide apartheid in south africa racial terror lynchings in the u.s yeah yeah we made it you hit all the floors i think i hit all the floors the the memory that i have you skipped the rwandan genocide you were like do we need to see i saw the movie i kind of get it i get it um no there was this big table like interactive timeline table i think it was on the holocaust floor and you could like click into things and they would pop open little information about it but they it's you cannot imagine the museum is silent oh no one's chit-chatting and there aren't kids running around laughing learning things but this interactive table makes noise every time you hit a thing so you're just so i'm on the other side of the hall reading about the saddest thing you know reading about the skeletons dying as the people are coming to you know liberate concentration camps and right behind me i hear it's like who was like this is a good idea and not and after all yours has been open the table yeah no one was like should we not have noise on that yeah nobody nobody can even come over here and just be like just turn it down just a little bit there's got to be a knob on the table yeah that's it is such a funny sketch in my mind of like going to the how fun can we make this yeah yeah how fun are we allowed yeah the marketing team is like should we get balloons do we have a balloon place in there yeah the gift shop at the at the museum of human rights it will make you feel guilty do you guys have a license plate with my name on it i was looking for that on the spindle and i just couldn't find it the human atrocities museum here's a t-shirt with a photo of people being lined up with blindfolded next to a big crevasse okay all right went to the human atrocities museum and all i got was this t-shirt i can like see that my dad being like it's kind of a cool shirt you're welcome i mean it we did go it was almost like collecting how you saw people collecting hard rock t-shirts do you know this revolution this was like a big deal at one point i remember it because i remember people collecting the hurricane glasses oh yeah huge huge where are those collections now someone has all of these and is waiting for the next pop to be like see i told you they were worth money like did your parents have anything weird that they collect stuff did they do this thing they no neither neither had like a crazy little collection of things that they were worth money a crazy little collection a crazy little no my dad has a ton of guitars but he used to build guitars it's like they all build guitars yeah that's awesome yeah this is the this is he went to one year of law school dropped out for seven years to go live the like hippie life that he had come from before he like hitchhiked across canada hitchhiked across the country across the u.s your dad's the man he's amazing he's he's very very cool um drugs no drugs tons of drugs tons of drugs mom no drugs drugs uh has tried them all but is ashamed of it no no no was always like i prefer my brain clear-headed wow just like dropped acid at 15 and was like okay cool i know what that is wow i'm good without you love mushrooms yeah big into mushrooms that's kind of the only i'll like do a lot of the other ones but no booze uh i drink but it fucks my brain so bad that's bad for you it's poison yeah yeah i it's the next morning i will i just lose a day not to the physical hangover to sitting there and being like well everything is hopeless uh i i'm not funny enough i'm not talented enough i'm not hard working enough uh i split my focus too much and so nothing gets full attention i'm too old if it was going to happen i'm too old i'm too old i'm too it would have happened by now truth serum baby and i should like i should just probably call it yeah why why listen to the booze yeah yeah yeah so anyway and then you drink more booze and you feel a little bit better about and i'm like i can fucking do this yeah no i know it it's my favorite it's my favorite of all the things i mean i smoked weed for like 20 years and then out of nowhere just quit when i was like 34 i was like i think i'm done smoking weed now i will once in a while what was the thing i don't even know i just think i just didn't want to do it anymore i don't even it's very what did you not like about it it wasn't what did you stop liking about it the high wasn't what i wanted anymore it wasn't like a engaging creative high i kind of just i probably smoked for like six years or seven years more than i should have when i was like this isn't really benefiting me as much i loved it at night i loved it when i was on the road to conky out just to kind of like disappear by myself a little bit i love that and now it's like no i guess i should be more present and now you can use this shit well this is great too but i i'm a not i'm weird i don't drink at home and there's nothing but alcohol in my house but we don't drink at the house it's only social rule or just or like it's like a natural for me i never good we only drink when people are here to hang out yeah yeah yeah and i think that's also my parents like i never saw my parents drink unless we had a party yeah or we went out to dinner to have a glass of wine but like it's truly a social drug for me yeah like like i have friends who will have one at night when they get home or after work they'll crack beers especially the midwest guys they work all day and then of course like that to me is i'm not interested in that at all yeah if i'm not sharing with someone it's it's i just don't find that engaging yeah like i don't want to go drink by myself i don't want like i don't know i don't like i feel really lucky to have dodged all of that like i i'm the same where it's like i just happen to be able to say no yeah no and i don't i have to think about it and say like yeah i have liquor in my house i just don't need it or want it yeah just it i feel like because it feels like it's a treat you know so i'm almost like well don't have the treat unless it's worth it yeah it's like how you know i'm not that good with other treats okay i'm like you're give me anything you'll take it all yeah yeah food sugar oh it's my what's your what's your vice vice if i am in binge mode i will make i have made like when i have eaten through everything else in my house i don't look like a person who has issues with binge eating no but i it's crazy you're fat inside i'm so fat inside and i and i have lost a lot of weight like i've lost probably 40 pounds since from four years ago yeah yeah wow yeah were you a big kid i was never thin i was i was never fat fat but like i was always chubby really yeah yeah you don't look like you know what's so funny you know some people like look like they might have been yeah you don't have that it doesn't look like it great but what did you say banned and what else banned theater speech and debate yeah that lines up yeah yeah yeah that's a chubby kid's i was a little resume little pig did you say a little pig a little pig a little tiny piglet um yeah my mom used to make me chocolate chip pancakes every single morning what for breakfast before school your mom is the best yeah she's your dad was the shit and your mom was cool mm-hmm they're both awesome I'm very lucky they're chocolate chip pancakes yes little mini little mini silver dollar chocolate chip pancakes yeah my mom never made breakfast she worked so in the morning it was always like grab-and-go yeah you figure it out and then she would leave like a couple bucks to go get something to eat but I would save the money and steal food from friends so then I had money stuff at the end of the week it was awesome that's two bucks a day or something or yeah I was like brother we're rich well what did your mom think you were gonna buy with two bucks a day can't probably like a shit in her mind I bet it was like a granola bar or something well you could buy like fries for a dollar and a and a slice of pizza yeah exactly yeah it was just like kids don't now I see fucking kids that like air one like a 16 year old eating a $50 lunch and you're like that's fucking crazy yeah like for me it was like that's why that's the impact of raising kids in LA yeah it's fucked like so far kids in the Midwest are paying more money for pizza and fries but they are still just eating pizza fries like they don't know that air one exists they've never heard of a green smoothie they don't you know like they're not they don't need it yeah but also New York has that too like Manhattan kids I grew up in the city there it's like that's a totally such a rip-off plate these these are just rip-off places so they just breed a culture of like getting ripped off as normalized so like even now I know like last night we went out to dinner with another couple and like it's a fucking repulsive rip rip off the restaurant but you're like well that's I guess yeah we decided to go out yeah what are you gonna do yeah but yeah I think as a kid it was like you just you just a couple of bucks is what you should have spent money it's like oh you can't afford that too bad here the culture is like but I need it yeah and here that and and the culture is like I don't know put it on a credit card and figure it out later that's yeah that's it I see kids with credit cards I see kids with like platinum Amex's at restaurants a child yeah a child and you're like what the fuck is that and that kid is gonna grow up to be a bad person I'll probably end up working for them in a couple years yeah that's gonna be my boss yeah well you're in Hollywood if you're I was gonna say you won't if you're going that's only if you go back you're in yeah what's your big dream then I would love to make my to make TV and movies right right and star in your own shit yeah yeah I would love that's the dream I would love to and I and it took me a long time to figure that out what do you know what do yeah you're you're in it yeah yeah I don't I I don't believe in that only because I feel like all of my heroes when I was a kid really the most prominent ones didn't really pop until they were older it's it's as long as that is still possible for a woman acting yeah it is then I'm like great it's gotta be yeah it's got to be in because times are now Hollywood is a young person's game for sure yeah but there's room for experience and room for wisdom and I think that will never go away yeah you know I don't I don't think that'll ever change but yeah it's undoubtedly when I watch I don't watch anything anymore yeah I don't think that'll ever change but yeah it's undoubtedly when I watch I don't watch anything anymore yeah cuz I don't want to yeah and everything I see that does pop up I'm yeah cuz I don't watch anything anymore I'm always like yeah it's like a young person show or it's a new yes I love LA show I love LA yeah that's what's you know like immediately like I saw that and that's no knock on them but like I'm remarkably uninterested in that but that's all I have no connective tissue to that it's like young being young and cool in LA yeah I feel like even watching you are old being old and uncool thank you but you are in LA yeah I'm near it do you love it we're in the valley yeah you really got nothing no no brother this is word I'm in Jersey plus that's what this is this is Jersey plus I like LA just fine I mean I'd fucking that's the that's the sequel to I love LA I like LA just fine yeah that's a real LA they're showing that show there's no way that show is showing like the real fucking gut of LA well that show is showing cool carrying the cool kids yeah fuck that yeah you know real LA is dude real LA real LA is deep in the valley up here yeah this is it the old Italian restaurants these old little like tiny shops you know that we went to the balloon guy this morning to get my buddy's kid a balloon he loves balloons and every time we're out there so we went to the balloon shop and the balloon shop is maybe from the 60s and it's never been cleaned once it's horrifically filthy and like it's it's a hazard for sure should be closed down and stuff is on the you know he's got like shelves that are about to fall yeah there is asbestos when the shelves fall that guy's gonna die but I need that to be open yeah yeah yeah to feel like human I mean the real LA feels like it is still from 1950 to 1975 and like nothing like it is frozen in time 100% go deep into Burbank and that is the greatest smokehouse smokehouse one of the best restaurants it's just these places feel they are frozen in time but you need that yes like I don't want the infusion of new shit it just takes away from the beauty of look this is all going away anyway just leave it alone for a little bit longer you don't I mean like don't touch it for we're gonna fall into the ocean just let it just let it be just leave it for let the balloon guy have his bullshit shop because he's funny and he makes jokes as he blows up the balloons I so I live in Ridgewood and I walked two blocks to I had to get something printed I was like blowing up a joke poster for my boyfriend for Christmas and I walked to a print shop rad gift by the way thank you that's cool I photoshopped him on his face onto his favorite movie poster and like wrote some joke that's cool what's the movie falling down with oh yeah it's a great movie anyway I can't remember what his name is no it's a great fucking yeah yeah yeah yeah Michael Douglas Michael Douglas thank you thank you it's a great movie you photoshopped him on the falling down onto the falling down that's great and I made some fake tagline and I print I wanted to get it like blown up and framed and so I went to a print shop and walked to two blocks into like the heart of Ridgewood yeah which is still which you know feels like it's out of the 30s yeah and this guy this old Italian guy who runs this print shop and I started talking and it was like taking for you know it's like it goes slow yeah because they live 50 years ago yeah and so we wound up talking and it turns out that he knows Chris DiStefano and his whole family everybody knows Chris DiStefano yeah yeah yeah I guess maybe that's maybe I actually maybe had a very normal experience I did not have a spectacular experience whatsoever but but it was like you know it's just feels so like oh yeah yeah who DiStefano I love that kid yeah that kid little real fucking snot rag he used to come around in when he was a little boy we shit all over his face a little fucking remember remember when DiStefano his wife in the back what who yo yo shut up I got a customer yeah those worlds if they go away if it's just someone at a cash register asking for 25% for pouring a coffee and a the yoga studio combined it becomes like this yeah everything's meaningless yeah that's why I think I'm doing it we're opening a bar here I'm gonna open a Chicago bar here an old school Chicago I'm gonna try great I'm certainly gonna try I want to great I want something old and gross and dirty and fun and nasty do you want are you looking for places that are going that like look like that already and you kind of got to take over something that maybe had a liquor license before so it's easier to operate you want someone that's failing there's one around the corner from here that's failing they had a GoFundMe to keep them open and I had a fucking vulture circling oh you gotta wait waiting for it to die just you know like you picture you're an animal on the Savannah and you're sort of walking your last few steps and you just see Andrew Sandino running a circle around you I go outside of the bar at night waiting for them to fold that's a sign your small business is failing yeah it's just Andrew Sandino starts calling outside of your door and they're inside cleaning glass like maybe it's time to close I would like lived a good life yeah I would like something like that something that keeps me grounded in LA a little bit because otherwise I am gonna say goodbye after all the shows are done if the pods kind of go away and at some point then I'm gonna be like I gotta get out of here that's fun you're planning you're planning for the eventual failure of our I'm hitting the eject button yeah no I don't I don't not to fail it's just I mean the eventual like I I don't mean that pessimistically I mean like yeah I just well I feel like I just would want the next stage in life or whatever that is you know and I don't who knows yeah you're just getting in dude yeah you just the water is so warm for you oh and it's warming up you know what I am I'm in the hotel when they turned off the hot tub at a certain hour and it's slowly starting to cool down and I'm like can you just turn it back on and the guy's like brother we stop at 11 man I'm so sorry and I have to sit in it you keep trying to push to turn the jets back on and they're like we unplugged it won't click over yeah and I'm just sitting in there and it's now it's only like 74 degrees I'm like it's still warmish but I gotta get out of here eventually but it's cold outside so I just don't want to do it yeah that's right yeah it's about to be it's it's not good here but it's way worse out there exactly so I'm just sitting in it well I hope all your dreams come true thank you you're very talented and wonderful and I hope America sees not just your movie but your your live show your touring yeah just taped a special and that'll come out at some point when we'll shop it we'll we're we're gonna shop it a little bit and then hello Netflix figure it out hey you or whoever you call I can't I can't call them anymore they they I have a restraining order from going over there because I should stand outside the only days that their stock drops they better well somebody better pick it up do you have a name for it the working title right now is dibs dibs yeah great fantastic quick easy I get it dude I got dibs on that are you on tour do you want to plug tours I am on tour I would love to plug tour well this comes out not right away but just give them the idea of where you're going great I'm going to DC, Philly, Burlington Fargo ooh Fargo yeah yeah that was not a Fargo accent no that was Boston but it is fun to say Fargo in a Boston accent Fargo yeah hey park your car in Fargo no you're going to Fargo ooh Fargo oh yeah going up to Fargo so I'll fly into Minnesota and then I'll I'll pick up my car at my mom's house and then I'll just drive the five hours north Skinnyapolis over to Fargo you're playing Otsego Otsego that's literally where I'm from that's where he's from you know it's funny that I just backed out of that show in a way that they are very mad at oh you're not doing it why would you play I had to go to a different town to go to middle school and high school it's not even big enough for a middle school or a high school well you know what that's why she's not fucking doing it dude that's insane I went what the fuck she's not in but she will be in Fargo so go see her yeah yeah everything ChloeRadcliffe.com ChloeRadcliffe.com or at Chloe Badcliffe on all socials I'm so stupid how old are you uh 35 very young 18 and a half very young fresh out of high school Chloe Radcliffe please go see her on tour so funny we end the show the same way you look into that camera right there and you say one word or one phrase to end the episode uh some people have a phrase of wisdom of a quote uh some people just want to say one word but either way you end the episode your way wow one word meeting in a bathroom in here we pour whisk whisk whisk whisk whisk you were that creature in the ginger beard sturdy and ginger like vampires the ginger gene is a curse gingers are the best a fugitive you owe me five dollars for the whiskey and seventy-five dollars for the horse gingers are hell no this whiskey is excellent ginger I like gingers at Kroger we love helping you save with pickup and delivery right now you can save even more on fresh favorites with exclusive online deals like Kroger brand 80-20 select packages of ground beef for just $3.99 a pound and fresh strawberries for only $1.99 a pound plus get $20 off your first online order of $75 or more restrictions apply see site for details download the app or visit our website to get started Kroger fresh for everyone this Friday no one's coming for us it's just you and me boy 58 miles part of the beast is the must-see adventure of the year an incredible story of survival I got you one of the most extraordinary on-screen bronze you'll ever see only the greatest dog that ever walked the earth Brad Pitt I'll get you home part of the beast only in theaters this Friday ready PG-13 may be inappropriate for children under 13