Chayey Sarah @ Fischer’s: Finding Stability in The Ancient Future of the Jewish People

- Okay, are you ready? Are you diving? Okay, thanks for coming, guys. You know, one of the best things you're speaking here, it's like just hitting me, but it's like a lot of places you, you know, if you speak somewhere, there's like an assault. People have to go to something. It's like, I don't know if anyone wants to listen. You know, they have to go. But here, you don't have to be here. So, I appreciate you being there, you know? Anyone's here, it's here. You know, if you're here, you're here. So, Shkaia, thank you. Thank you for being here. Okay, so, it's really interesting. I want to tell you what happened to me a little bit in what I want to share with you today. So, I was looking at the party yesterday in the Mahalaf that we've been, we've been developing, we're trying to develop together of looking at the Torah and allowing ourselves to receive Hashem's messages of how Hashem is speaking to us through what thoughts come up for us as we look at the parasha of that week. And I was doing that yesterday, and Mama's an unbelievable Mahalaf came to me, and I gave it over, and I gave a parasha sheer on Zoom once a week, I gave it over last night. And I was thinking, you know, I was so into it that I was thinking, even though I don't like saying the same thing twice ever, like I just have a hard time, I don't do it well, saying the same thing. Like it doesn't come out with enthusiasm, but I was thinking that this was so good, I was just gonna do it again anyway. And so, you know, there'd be nuances that would be different, but I was gonna share with you guys. And then I woke up this morning, and I woke up with like a really intense anxiety. I woke up feeling very anxious about the possibility or the way that people are talking about the seemingly impending war with Iran. And I just moved to it with my family. And you guys, no, I just got here a couple months ago, I have like a bunch of kids, little kids, like they haven't experienced, you know, going into a bombshell, like I'm nervous about it, you know? And I woke up with this feeling of anxiety about what could start any moment with a war. And I also, and coupled with that, and I don't usually experience this because I, I don't know, I really am not into politics at all. I don't read the news, I don't follow the news at all. But, you know, people are talking about it, so you hear, even if you don't follow, what just happened in America with the elections. And the amount of anti-Semitism and anti-Israel and everything that's going on there, that's now seemingly like taking over. And I woke up feeling really, really anxious about about the whole, the whole massive, the whole situation. Usually I'm filled with anxiety about my day to day, you know, about just the regular day to day things to take care of. This, I woke up with this broader and more, almost more existential level anxiety that was like really eating at me. And so I thought, okay, let me, let me try to practice what I preach a little bit, you know? And let me open the parcia again. And I just did it yesterday. And I just did it last year and I did it the year before, but let me do it again now. And let me read it, let me read this piece of him again. So just as a side note, if you wanna hear the other version, the other sheer, it's recorded and it's on my Spotify thing. And I think it's talk a really, I think it's really good. So I think it's worth, I think it's worth listening to, I will say. But while I wanna share with you is a totally different read. There's a little overlap, but mostly a different read. And this is what, this is what I heard, Hashem saying to me through the parcia, when I was in my experience of anxiety about all these things that feel like such big threats, big threats. So, And Torah tells us, So we know, maybe we know the famous Rashe, that why does it separate the lives, the years of Saras life? 100 years and 20 years and seven years. I wanna say 127 years. So Rashe tells us that it's to teach you that when she was 100, it was as if in some sense, she was 20 and in another sense, as if she was seven. And so, and then Shnekhayi Sarashe tells us, the ending of it is to tell you cool on Shavan Latopa, that all of her years form one unified entrance, one block, cool on Shavan Latopa. So I was thinking about it, again, in my state of anxiety, the way that I related to the notion of Sarashe, the idea of Sari Manu, was that Sari Manu, for Abraham of Inu, Sarashe was stability. Sarashe was a rock. Even when she was 100, it would bring her back to 20, bring her back to seven, cool on Shavan Latopa, meaning she was reliable, she was consistent. And Abraham had Sarashe from early on in his journey. Really actually the first thing we know about Abraham, we think of Abraham of Inu, that's like our introduction to Abraham of Inu, but actually hidden or slipped in right before Lechlachah, our introduction to Abraham of Inu, is actually through Sari Manu. Our introduction to Abraham of Inu, I think, if I'm getting this correctly, is that the end of Parashas Noah, and we learn who Abraham is in the context of Saras. If you look, I think if you're much in front of you this week, if you're looking in Paraguralith, Paraguralith, and Parashas, Parashas, and Parashas Noah, the very end of Paraguralith, the mafthir, so Pasa Khuftes, Vayikach Avram, Vinachala, Hashem, Avram, and Noahar, they marry wives, shame Aishas Avram, Sarai, and we learn about Sarai, we become Sarai. Sarai is there from the beginning, and cool on Shavan Latopa, all the years, go back to the beginning, even at 127, it brings us back to Sarashe 7 year old, meaning that Sara in a certain sense represents the idea having Avram having Sara in his life, is the idea of Avram having a pillar, having a sense of stability, and we all have things in our lives that give us our sense of stability. Some of them might be so, so ever-presence that we don't even think about, and we take them for granted, they become unconscious, cool on Shavan Latopa, they've always been there since the beginning, I don't know, maybe you grew up in a certain home, and you never moved, you lived in that home your whole life. You might not realize how much the existence of that home, even if you're not always there, but that home, it's a sense of stability 'cause it's consistency. Humans appreciate and feel more safe, and there's a sense of consistency, a sense of stability. There might be things about the environment here, or about, it's nice when there's a guest speaker, when there's a shop is that we go away, when we go on a teal, but there's things that are built and baked into the program in a way that creates a sense of consistency, that creates a feeling of safety, a feeling of stability. There are things in our lives. Some of them we might realize, many of them, most of them, we probably don't even realize until we lose them. We don't, we shouldn't lose them, or maybe we should lose them, who knows? But we don't even really appreciate or recognize their existence because they're so baked into existence that we don't even notice them. But they give us stability. Sarah for Avraham Avino was that pillar, was stability. Cool and Shavan Latoba, Sarah is there from the very beginning, our introduction to Avraham Avino is with Sarah, Emeanu. And even at her later age, she's just like she was when she was young. It's all one khati khat, one, it's one entity. So, "Vayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy there's a feeling of where where am I what am I doing is what is this going to be okay I think it's going to be okay the Tomasara La Yava Avram Lispod Lusava Lakosa he's crying he's eulogizing her he's he's mourning her he's crying he just lost his rock he lost he lost his sense of safety in this world and I think we all have experiences like this we lose something no think about your stage of life where this is you know I think about somebody at my stage of life you think about someone losing a job you know or somebody lose it you know somebody somebody moves or something happens in a family there's there's a rupture in a family. There's a lot of work to do. a split in a relationship or what I'm thinking about right now there's there's a world called America that I think most of us grew up in and lived in and took for granted that this was stable and safe it's like to make alia you're the crazy one you know but America safe for the most part you know there's always a voice here and there but it's I don't know I grew up with a very safe America in terms of anti-Semitism I didn't grow up with I was made fun of in the park once you know about Ayama couple like it was just kids it was stupid it was nothing I grew up in a very say I grew up in a that we took it for granted I didn't think about anti-Semitism wasn't a thing and even Israel like I grew up with it was in an America that supported Israel like that was it was kind of a given the Thomas Sara Sara dies the stability is shaken the stability is taken away and it's not clear what's gonna be something fundamental and a fundamental anchor a pillar that was reliable for a very long time he's gone so what do you do what do we do plug this in you could plug this into your individual life something changes maybe you had a best friend and maybe something happened in that relationship that now is now it was maybe you had a certain a certain go-to way you know lifestyle or behavior or something that you you utilize or you felt connected to and now you can't maybe there's a I don't know maybe something in your own inner family something changes on what what what finances are available or what relationships exist can be divorced and I don't know there's a million things unfortunately the list is not hard to come up with ways that people's sense of stability could be plucked away from them or you could think about it on the level I'm thinking about on a more macro existential level is it what's our where I don't know maybe maybe my head is just spiraling but I'm just thinking about Israel being a war in America not selling things to Israel anymore like I like and now what like that was a given for a very long time that was a given whether America is going to give it to Israel okay but at least they're going to sell like an Israel needs thing that we they can't like my head is batomasara like certain basics of stability and yeah I mean you know the Torah protects us and people are learning to protect us but I don't know I'm not holding there like I need I need there to also be you know an army fighting I don't know about you I'm not I'm not getting anything on a scoffing I'm just saying it's not well I'm personally holding if I'm being honest I'm not holding by the tomorrow saving me from a missile I believe I believe that's true on some level but I I'm not holding by that like I'm I I want it to be an army like I want the iron dome so like what so batomasara so now what what's gonna be what's gonna be so I think maybe maybe we could read we could read the the the parcia as Avramavino teaching us what does a Jew do when his Sara dies when the Sara in your life when the stability in your life with something that's essential and it's giving you stability for your life is is is gone what do you do that's the parcia for me right now it what by the way with this that wasn't what the parcia was for me yesterday it's literally what the parcia is for me the past three hours and that's my point about how amazing Torres because it it come it speaks to us it come it totally speaks to us in the moment that we're in it's it's a literally a living conversation between me and Hashem that's what humish is it's a living breathing animated ever changing conversation between me and my creator the yesterday I read these exact same sook him and I had a completely different conversation with Hashem you can listen to it I recorded my conversation with Hashem yesterday of yesterday and now I'm telling you the conversation I had with Hashem two hours ago so here's what I here's what I'm hearing what is it you do when he loses Sara when he loses stability but you're coming out from the Alpine me so so what does I from do the first thing is you stand up I mean the first thing is you cry the first thing is you cry by y'all have a list but the Sarvala Costa don't don't don't don't try to just pretend you're not affected don't try to be on macho don't don't think it's you can't cry no no list the first thing is by y'all from Lisbon the Sarvala Costa he cries it's real the fear is real don't listen to the messages that tell you that if you have a moona you're not afraid of things no you cry you feel Lisbon the Sarvala Costa yeah so a little cuff right what does that mean maybe maybe it's that it's true that a moona can make it that you're you're you're crying in your fear are less or that's not what the cuff means I don't know yeah I was thinking about that also but because I think Lisbon is what creates the Livkosa Lisbon is that I'm remembering everything I had he's crying because of what he lost Lisbon is to remember what I had I had something amazing I had I had Sar since the beginning I had her I had stability and now I'm remembering Lisbon is I'm I'm I'm recalling and I'm talking about everything that I had I'm not pretending it's all good I'm talking about everything I had that I now lost and if I'm if I'm real about everything I had that I now lost so now I'm crying too that's why it's Lisbon Libkosa it's not right or actually I don't know if that's true because it's the okay either way but I think it but Lisbon creates Libkosa and that's the first thing but but first of all like you said the cuff is small we could think about what that might mean and second is that that's true we cry we're real we're not embarrassed of our fears it's not too much but then Vayakam Avramel Plamey so he gets up he gets up what does he do by Davar Elbinej Haselemore he goes to speak to Binej Hase what's Binej Hase? Hase is Ches Chios when he loses his pillar he's feeling a loss of Chios a loss of life his life is in question his sense of vitality of energy is now compromised and he realizes he has to figure that out because he can't just live in this compromised state he has to figure out what to do so he's going to have a conversation but in himself he's going to have a conversation with Binej Hase with his sense of chios with his Chios where is my life right now where is my where is my energy going to come from I just lost sorrow where is my energy going to come from what do I do with this so he cries and then he stands up and then he has to talk to himself internally he has to talk to his inner world to his life Binej Hase and what does he say to them what does he say to his to his life Gare of a sociovanochimachem I feel very very lost I feel so lost I'm a Gare I'm a sociov I'm an I'm an unidentified flying object right now that's what I feel like where where where am I what's going to be in Israel what's going to be I'm an unidentified flying object I don't know where to land I don't know who I identify with I don't know what where it's safe to land I don't know where it's safe which skies are safe to fly and I don't know what ground it's safe to land on Gare of a sociovanochimachem say it again by Yakuza he's getting up he realizes that he could sit and cry forever and and there's and he he allows there to be crying but he's but he also has to get up and now he's gonna get up and figure out what to do he doesn't he he doesn't know what to do yet he's gonna speak to Binej Hase but he has to get up so he's getting up and he's speaking to Binej Hase and the first thing he says is I I'm lost Gare of a sociovanochimachem Tanuli Afluza's kebab Imachem the Ekbara Macy Milafani I'm lost and the first thing I have to do in being lost is actually not try to solve the being lost the first thing I have to do is accept the loss I have to bury my dead I have to really acknowledge that something changed something real changed I have to bury her I need to find I need to find a burial place I need to find a way to bury her because I can't move on to the next stage if I don't first if I don't first actually accept the loss of the previous stage we can't find the solution for how to move forward if we don't accept that the old solution is no longer available to us oftentimes we don't find new solutions because we're still trying to find a way to get the old solution to still fit into the new circumstance. We don't want to accept the loss, we don't want to accept that this thing's not really there anywhere that Sara's gone at the stability zone. We don't want to accept that and we're trying to just milk it more, trying to just get it to still work for us even though it's hit its expiration life, its expiration date. We're still trying to get it to work and because we're trying to get the old solution to work we actually are blocking ourselves from seeing that there could be new solutions. I don't know, I don't know yet because I don't know yet because I don't I don't mean to you know I don't know anything at all about politics and this kind of stuff so it's like does it mean Israel has to give up on trying to use America to help it that you know but we're experiencing your stability that. So my stability good okay good fine thank you that I can explain what I mean. So my stability would be to think my old stability would be to find a way to actually recreate the America Israel relationship that I grew up with. So to start finding the things that are going to make me feel better then no don't worry America's still going to be there for Israel. Don't worry it's it's it's not yes there's a lot of loud noises and and and everything sounds so anti-Israel but in the end of the day in the end of the day you don't have to worry because that would be the taking the old solution which once upon a time was true that actually had a kufa where that was true and that was the sorry maybe in this regard but now right now my instinct my natural instinct when I felt the anxiety was to find someone or something to read that would make me feel better about America about the American relationship to Israel. That would be you trying to continue using the old solution in the new circumstance but Avramovinov says no. Garavus social Vanochemachem I don't know what the new circumstances yet because I'm lost I'm a Garavus social I am lost I don't know the new solution but before I find the new solution I have to be willing to say Knewliya khuzas kevrimachem the extravera may seem a lot funny I have to bury that because it's not going to work anymore and it's scary that it's not going to work anymore and until I accept that it's not going to work anymore I'll never find the new solution and that brings me to a different very important point here which is why did Saraday why did Saraday Rashi tells us Rashi tells us to me the like in a sense the most tragic thing in the Torah Rashi tells us that Saraday because she heard about the fact that Avramov was killed Yitzhak at the Akeda Saraday because of the because of Akeda's Yitzhak which I think is a whole something else to think about what that what that means in in in in other ways that's for but in the context we're talking right now what that means to me is that you know we think or I think I think many of us naturally think that when we lose that stability that's a result of something going wrong when Saraday's and the stability is lost is taken away from us it's because something went wrong the Torah is telling us you know I Saraday because something went right Avram passed the test Avram was victorious Avram accomplished the most unimaginable thing that can't even fathom the ability to to actually go and do the Akeda and the loss of Sarad the loss of his stability was not because he fell backwards like we usually naturally think that when something goes wrong it's what did I do wrong what did someone do wrong when something it's plucked away when something goes awry we think what I do wrong what somebody else do and we look for somebody to blame but you know I Saraday because he did something right now on the story level of the people of Avram and Saraday it's a very difficult thing to wrap your head around and we get that's a different conversation but on the on the level that we're learning right now which is not about the story of the people but the story of our inner lives so here it makes a lot of sense because you've been off and tells us you know why you have new challenges you have new challenges not because you fell backwards you have challenges because you moved forwards every time you move forward a new challenge unfolds every time you you you pass a test so to speak everything you take us you grow and you become you become a bigger person a more profound person so now something needs to be nothing needs to give way so that there's a recreation of self again so the stability of Saraday was lost because of the Akeda means that we need to find a way and this is I'm speaking to myself this is hard we need to find a way to look at the situations where we've lost stability and say this is because I'm being called to a new opportunity I'm being called to uncover something even deeper even more powerful than I ever had access to before and the fact that I lost my pre my my Sarad that I had until now means that Hashem is telling me I'm ready to uncover something that until now I wasn't ready for so the loss is really a sign it's a messaging that Hashem is telling us you're ready to find something even more than you ever had before so the loss turns from being a bit the evidence to a Lakhatrila and when we can see it that way that this is a Lakhatrila not a bit the of it so then we can say okay you know what I need to do Ekber on Macy Milafan I need I need to be willing to bury this so that I can uncover the new thing because so long as I'm still trying to hold on to the old thing I will not uncover the new thing a family that has something happen that disrupts the relationships in the family if they just keep trying to do the same things they used to do which really are no longer available to them they won't discover the new ways in which they can actually create meaningful and enjoyable relationships if I try in my learning or in my in my dovening that something worked for me for a long time and it's no longer working that doesn't mean I should give up on it right away but eventually at some point if it's still not working and still not working if all I ever do is try to just make that continue working what I'm doing is blocking the new possibilities of of discovering and opening up a new form of dovening that apparently is supposed is available to me you understand this concept that applies in all these situations when Sarah dies that's the sign from Hashem you passed the Akeda and something new is now becoming available to you so you need to bury the existing sorrow when the previous sorrow so then what happens what happens next vayanu binei khases Avram laymore low so Avrams khius says back to him great shmainu adunin a silo kim ata we heard that you are you are a prince of God besokhenu vimif khak varanu kevars me secha we will give you the choicest property they're essentially notice what they're doing Avram says gear the social vanochemachem I feel completely lost you know what they say back to him why why why you why you lost why do you feel lost you're you're in the silo kim you're a prince don't don't feel lost you're a prince you're looking for somewhere to bury to bury your loss will give you the best thing we'll hand it to you over you don't have to pay anything you have to do anything we'll give you the best thing there is you know what they're trying to do they're trying to make them feel better very quickly try and say well what are you so worried about then a chef's key what are you bugging out about relax this whole American bag what will you stop it's okay it's not it's get over it you're you feel like a gear of a social what you're in the silo kim you're worried about burying her will take care of it for you will give it to you give you the best thing available it's not a big deal it's not a big deal well wrap this up tied in a bow viter let's go you're fine it's not making a big deal about it that's what they're telling you what does Avram say back no thank you no thank you I have to I have to do this myself I have to do it in my way I have to bury her and I'm not interested in you're making me feel better so quickly it's not it's not so simple I'm not taking that I'm not bypassing this whole thing and Avram goes and he buries her but he pays for it he pays something burials not easy when you buy something you lose money he spent on it he spent literally the figure to be spent it cost him something the burial costs something I'm not just accepting you're in a silo kimata I'm not just accepting your Bimifrak Varhenu no no this is I have to do this on my own I have to work for this I I have to lose something for this, I have to spend on this, why are you thinking you need to do that? Because otherwise why can't you just accept it because otherwise not a real burial because I was not being when I'm being honest about the burial That's what I think they were trying to do is he said on a gear of a social and they said no, you're not going to see a little Kim And he's like no, no, don't just try to make me feel better. I feel like a gear of a social right now It's not true. I'm gonna see a little Kim not right now right now. I'm a gear of a social We're gonna give you the we're gonna make the burial easy. No, no, the burial is not easy. Don't tell me it's easy It's not easy because if I if I just accept that I'm gonna seal Kim and I just accepted the burial is easier than I didn't actually do the burial You know what I'm saying? I didn't actually do the burial because the burial is not easy to lose sorrow is not easy So that he has to do it for real Meaning to use to just continue using the example Somebody can come to me and so what's the big deal? That's not true that the title is changes that is that we can go back and forth and find how really it's not going to be so bad There's these checks and balances and okay, but holy but holy but holy what they're essentially saying to me is no You know you're in the seal Kim, but my car came and it's not it's fine. It's fine And I could accept that but I but I can't accept that because it because it doesn't feel true at all It doesn't actually do it. It would do something for five minutes, but it wouldn't really do something and Because what that because more fundamentally number one, it doesn't really work because it's not really true for me But number two is that's why I was trying to emphasize about the acada if we think that the loss of sorrow is a bit of it so then Yeah, why not accept it and move on But if we understand that the loss of sorrow is a lich at Chila Then if I do the burial too quickly, I'm not gonna actually reap the benefits of what this is bringing my way So I if I believe that this is Creating the possibility for me of something new and something powerful and something that I should be bringing into my life That's an opportunity for me then I don't want to make it easy because if you make it easy Do you miss out on the whole thing the whole creativity comes from the tension of the loss the whole possibility of Uncovering the new thing that exists only comes from the struggle of dealing with the pain of the loss Pain tension loss. These are the things that are the the the the the juice of Discovery the juice of creativity So if it's just now you're in a silo Kim stop crying. It's not such a big deal Mithraq Verain who man to make it easy and to make it smooth chick chocolate the whole thing right right take care of it for you You don't have the possibility of discovery. It's too easy. Discovery doesn't happen in that context. Discovery happens in the in the difficult So I from says no, thank you. I'm not making this easy. This is real I have to do it in a real way, and I believe that this is al-Hatqila because of a tamasara was the result of the akeda So so let's say for example use the example of somebody who has a certain you know they they They've been connecting to dovining in a certain way for for a couple of years and they've been really dovining in a way that has felt very very Satisfying gratifying it feels connecting and I feel good about it. I have this way that I've been able to dovon and for whatever reason it's just it's not it's not going Lolik, it's just not it's not going not you're totally not excited for it spacing out. It's not it's not working So how do we look at that if we look at it as a bit the effort that something this is this is a unfortunate circumstance So what that means is that really I want to just try to recover whatever was lost because really I should still have what I had Unfortunately, I it's not here. So let me try to recover it and let's add cancer cover it So let me just bury it quickly maybe just move on from this because I shouldn't be dealing with it It's a bit the evad that I have to deal with this Like it shouldn't be this way Okay, unfortunately, I have to deal with it. So let's make it let's make it easy mifhak verin is make it easy If I say it's a lucha kilo though, then what that means is that I look at the fact that my old dovoning is it working anymore? I say This is this is the this is this is the best. This is how it's supposed to This is exact Hashem wants my dovoning not to be working because now I'm forced if I allow myself to be forced I'm forced to have to struggle with with this dovoning not working thing and Instead of trying to just make the old thing work and instead of trying to just jump to ship and say okay So forget dovoning instead. I'm going to stay in this struggle of saying this is lucha kilo Because this means that a new form of dovoning is unfolding before me There's a childbirth process happening here, which is painful. It's not it's not easy at all There's there's a birding process happening here of a new dovoning for me. That's coming into the world That's a lucha kilo, which means that I don't want I don't want to solve it so quickly When we think it's a bideavit is why we try to just solve these things very quickly if we think that our problems are lucha Tulas, why would I solve it quickly? I want to milk this problem for every every every every dollar it can give me Bideavit means that I think that it shouldn't the way I'm thinking is that as that I look at my Circumstance or my situation I look at my about Thomas Sarra I Look at what's going on and think this is not the way that it should be I Done something wrong or something has gone wrong that made the situation this way and therefore I don't really want to deal with it Lucha kilo means I look at the situation and I say this doesn't mean that anything went wrong It doesn't mean that anyone did anything wrong. It means that Hashem is telling me that there is something new That is in store for you by going through this situation Is that flyrify? I think he's burying her as he because he believes it's Lucha kilo to be burying her if to bury the old to uncover the new and That is he sees that as a Lucha kilo What do you mean What would that mean I mean I think to be okay would be a version of saying Lucha kilo You're saying I don't need to find anything new from it. I just just be okay with it Because I lot because I'm experiencing a problem. I lost it. I lost my dawning. I lost my Stability I lost my sense of safety. I lost my friend. I lost my my whatever it whatever it is. I lost my job Think I lost my interest in learning I lost my you know I lost my interest in working out. I was on a streak of working out and I felt so good about it And I'm just totally checked out now. I was on a streak of eating well and I was meditating I don't know whatever and neck. I'm now I'm like totally just like I can't I can't find anywhere my just my My my my my motivation to to get up and go go for a run I had it two years doing it and it was giving me such a Feeling of the of vibrancy and a feeling of feeling good in my in my body and myself and and it was it was lighting up my ability to then show up in Relationships or learning whatever it is and and all like right now all of a sudden like I push it can't I can't tie the laces to my sneakers I think most most of us naturally look at that. That's what Tomasara. I Bediaven What I'm saying is It's Le Chatilo Okay, so what do we do? And keep going it's okay time. I'm going too long. It's okay. This is okay Okay, so so there's more there's more So what happens so the the the the story of the burial comes to a conclusion. He buries her And he really buries her for real. He doesn't take the Nisielo Kimmithraq very now What does he do? So what is he what does he do? What does he discover? How does he deal with the loss of Sarah? So now he's really lost her. What does he do? The Avraham Zuccane Bob the Yemen Hashem Beirachus Avraham buckle Avraham comes with old age and with days So I think what that means in My moments of what I'm grappling with again, that's what I'm speaking from the anxiety that I'm experiencing The Avraham Zuccane means that Avraham comes Bobby um him he comes With the sense of ancientness Not just old age, but an ancientness He recognizes and sees the much much broader story The much broader story the eternal story the ancient story of the world and the ancient story of the Jewish people The ancient story that he's a part of Maybe that he's actually the founder of in some sense, but for us It's an ancient story Because it's even for him. It's an ancient story because it's a story from before time It's a story of the fact that the Jewish people existed before creation because all of creation was for the Jewish people The Avraham Zuccane he's coming not just with old age He's coming with with oldness with with a sense of something that's beyond the beginning and the end of my immediate life experience. He's coming with the realization, he's remembering that the Jewish people have been through what we're going through right now, time and again, and we're still here. He's coming with a sense of history and he's coming with a history that's beyond history. He's a zocking bobby on him. He's remembering this goes so far beyond me. I think my two seconds might blip on the screen of history of the American Israel relationship. Like that's the story of the Jewish people. That's a that's a youngness. That's that's that's being like four years old. That's the story of the Jewish people. But what we need to remember when that when that's the ability is ripped away from us is we need to remember the young him, the zocking. We need to remember that the Jewish people and the story of the Jewish people is so much older, is so much bigger, it's so much beyond any of the amount of time of my memory remembers. Sometimes to deal with anxiety, sometimes deal with anxiety, we need to zoom into the moment. There's a well-known thing that very, very popular. We need to zoom into the moment. We need to find the ability to be present in this very moment because in this very moment nothing's happening right now. Right? In this moment, or even something is happening in this very moment, I can handle what's happening. If all I think about is bite-sized pieces of the moment, I can be okay. And that's one mahala of dealing with anxiety. It's a very important one and it's true. It's very, very, very true. There's a lot of tire on that. In addition to the psychology on that, there's a lot on that. But there's another aspect also. And that's what Avram is tapping into here. The Avram Zuck in Bubyan, it's the opposite. It's don't live in the moment. It's living the eternality, living the ancientness, living in the knowledge of that which is beyond just my story, to realize that there's a much, much bigger story. There is a divine story, which means it's a story that's beyond time. It's a timeless story. He came with his days. He came with all the days. He came with ancientness to realize that the existence of Amiastra is the ultimate miracle. The ultimate miracle. The fact that we're here right now with a humish sitting in Eritre Strel, you and I. This moment is if you think about the history, if you zoom out of the moment and you become a Zuck in Bubyan and you think about this, it is the most astounding and mind-blowing thing that could possibly exist. There's nothing more miraculous. The fact that you and I are sitting here with these words in this place talking about this. Because it defeats everything that has existed in nature. But he was given the visions of it. He had the Navuas of it. He already had the Brisbane of Assarim. He already had the, because it's beyond time. So he knew all this already. Meaning, once you transcend time, then looking forward and looking back at the same, the point is that the story is beyond this moment. The calm to the anxiety of what's going to happen to us is realizing that I don't know what's going to happen to me, but I do know what's going to happen to the Jewish people. I do know what I'm a part of. I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know what my role in that story is going to be, but I know what the story is. Because the story has already proven itself. The story is an ancient story. It's not a story of my life in the 37 years of Yakovd and Shepsky's life. It's a story that's gone for thousands of years and it's a story that's existed before the concept of time and it's a story that will at last the concept of time. I think I think it's that there's something very, very powerful, even for our own individual struggles. There's something very powerful about seeing them in the context of something greater than ourselves. The Mittler-Rabba writes that happiness, I'm not talking about happiness, but the Indian I want to borrow from. The definition of happiness is experiencing yourself as part of something bigger than yourself. There's something very powerful. If I could plug in my, yeah, it's the experience of being part of something bigger than just me. That's what he says. But I'm just borrowing that for a second. We can talk about that as happiness in another time. But the ability to see, you know, there's a lot that's been shown about this in terms of research on trauma. When we experience our traumas in very individualistic ways, me as an individual, our trauma can be very, very intense. One of the most powerful antidotes to trauma is to being traumatized, right? Because trauma means I went through an experience to be traumatized means to be stuck in that experience, right? So one of the most powerful antidotes to be coming traumatized is when the person experiences what they're going through as being part of something bigger and more profound than just their own story. When a person, what do you say? Yeah, context and that it's part of something bigger than me. That there's something meaningful to it. That what I'm going through isn't just about me going through a painful thing, but that there's meaning to this pain because there's something more to it. So if I could think about, if I could think about my own struggle with Dovening as being actually part of a grand narrative of the Jewish people grappling in their relationship with Hashem, trying to figure out how to talk to Hashem. Imagine for a second to think about that, I feel bad that I'm struggling in my Dovening. Yeah, but hold on a second. I'm living in 2026 and the Jewish people have been struggling with Dovening for thousands of years. And I'm part of that story. And if I stay the course and I continue and allow myself to struggle with this, I'm part of the story of Jews being alive and trying to talk to their creator. All of a sudden, my struggle with Dovening is something so much more profound than like, you know, I stink. I space out too much during Shumanaster and I feel bad about it. There's something incredible about that. It's actually amazing that I'm struggling with Dovening. To think about the fact that thousands of years and and the same, and the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, Through me, that's story. Through me, the story of Moshe Rabinu, and the story of Hiroshima Bayochai, and the story of Jews in the ghetto, and the story of Jews in Crusades, and the story of Jews being kicked out of Earth as well. Through me, that story is still going on through my struggle with learning. So now my struggle with learning is something so much bigger than just my struggle with learning. There's a grand eternality, there's a story to this. There's something so much more than me, and it's going to continue in the future also. So the way I experience this is going to, there's something meaningful coming from it. I'm a link in this chain that's gone on, and if I stay in this, if I stay in this, I'm part of that story. The Avram Zuckin, Bubba Youngin. He, in that moment of loss, he realizes yes, there's loss, there's something scary going on, but this scary thing that's going on is part of the unfolding of the next chapter in the story, and it's not an isolated book, it's a chapter in the story, and the next chapter in the story is born from the loss I just experienced. It's in that loss that the next chapter exists, and the next chapter is part of Zuckin, Bubba Youngin. He comes with that awareness of history, that awareness of the eternal history of the Jewish people. So then what does he do next? He turns to me, says, go find the wife for my child. What does he first do? He's coming with all of his old age, and what does he do then? He says, with that old age, I'm going to go build a future. Go find a shit off for my daughter. I excuse me for my son. I'm going to the future. So what does he do to deal with his loss? He thinks of the past, and he thinks of the future. He puts his moment in time into the broader story of the Jewish people. He plugs it into the broader story of what has gone on until now, and what will continue into the future. That's how he deals with it. Zuckin, Bubba Youngin, he has all the past in mind, and through that awareness of the past, through that awareness of the story, he says, this moment is not going to be the end of the story this moment is going to turn into the opening of the next chapter in the story. So he calls his Elias and he says we got to start building the future now. This moment just died by Tamasara. Let's remember that this moment was part of a grand story Zuckin but beyond him. So now go and build the future. Go find a daughter for my son and he goes to do that. So what does Elias or do? What's sorry before Elias? What does he tell Elias? He tells Elias or you know where you're going to find that future? This is very important. You know where you're going to find the future? Where should you go? It's an incredible paradox. Where should you go to find that future? Lo Seekach, Isha Livin, Benosa, Kanani, Ashano, Fiyoshi, Bakirbo. Don't find the future in the new in where I am now. You know what you find the future? Key L R C Velmo, Latiti, Telech. Go find the future from the past. I thought I had to one fifteen. One? Oh my clock is wrong. I'm sorry. I was taking my time. Should we stop? Is it three more minutes? I'll finish it up. I will not be offended if you want to go a hundred percent. Thank you. I appreciate that you did that actually. Thank you. Okay. So I'll wrap it up quickly but he tells him don't take from what's here now. You have to take from the past because you know how you build the Jewish future by knowing what's authentically Jewish. By believing in what we have. If you believe if you know our past you can believe in the in the turnality of the Jewish people. If you believe that people have struggled with diving to go back to Hanayin CT where you brought to go if you if you if you believe that Jewish people have struggled in diving and that and that and that they found their way or they didn't find their way and not finding their way is a form of finding their way that if you believe in that past don't find don't make up something new build the future but build the future through going back to the past. When we're when we're when it's not working anymore when it's not working anymore we want to find something new which and we should find something new but don't try to find something new by going to foreign sources for something new find something new by going back to the past because we have everything we need it's you have to find something that's different than what you're doing now but the thing that's different than what you're doing now shouldn't come from foreign sources because we should believe in what we already have so the new the new form of the new Torah that I'm going to find is from Torah it's not from some foreign source. Yes correct. Yes exactly a different version of the source. Yes a different language of the same source because we believe in because this is what it means to believe in Ami's source what it means to believe in Torah Cicero is that we don't need to find something else new to heal our to solve our problems we have everything we need just within ourselves from didn't need the gift from them he bought it himself we have everything we need I need a new way to bring out what we already have exactly because she's from what he from his family and she's gonna be able to future the future comes from what already exists in our past arts immolalities don't don't go take don't go find my future by saying you're to find something here right now no find my future from what exists in my past at a recreate it in a way that speaks to the language of what's happening now I think so it's a it's a continuation with the new Sara yes yes but it's but she's different she's not Sara she's not sorry but she's from but she's from she's from that the the answer what I'm really saying is that the answer that Avramino shows us is to zoom out and believe in Amisrael to believe in the history of Amisrael to believe that we have everything we need which means to believe in our past which means to believe in our future yeah I think so which is why what happens at the end so before we get to that just one more thing what happens when Elias her goes what is Elias her look for not for a new me that he looks for the same he looks for Chesa because that's that's that's that's that's that's Amisrael he looks for Chesa what does he find a Shem should help us I'm saying this Batara's Tafila Mahamish Batara's Tafila outside and I'm taking more than three minutes but I told you as emotional about this we Batara's Tafila what does he find a Shem should help us that we should find this Vahanaara Toivas Mahamidh that what we find for our future for our future that's going to save us right now and save my kids and save your future and save all of us and it only comes from our past don't take from the people here now take from our immolality and that Nara of the future that comes from our past that we're going to find is going to be so beautiful Tovas Mahamidh it's going to be the most beautiful thing in the world be youthful new but it's ancient it's an ancient future it's an ancient future that's what Amisrael is we are an ancient future and it's Tovas Mahamidh Mahamidh Tovas Mahamidh Tovas Mahamidh Mahamidh Chadish Yamanokin can then beautiful exactly and what happens then at the very end and there's more to say but we'll stop here that what happens when he finds when he finds it he get married and and what happens I'm sorry one second one second takes the new future back to the past to his to Sara's tent that we can fall into in love we can fall in love what would you say when he brought her back to the past to to to to yeah yeah by Yikha Khas Yifko about to he loaded Yisha by Yavel right yeah oh okay hold on hold on by Yavel and he and he's and he's able to now he love we can love the new yet we can love what's happening now we can love the future and then finally by Yinnachim Yitzhak Akraimah now he is comforted now he's comforted through that process and then by Yosef Avram but I think that it's doctor the Yosef Avram is like a separate thing the Yosef Avram is I don't know I have I have thoughts on the Yosef Avram we have to talk about the Yosef Avram because that to me that feel it's a different I don't know I have a question about the Yosef Avram my question with the Yosef Avram is that in order to salvage it said that when you when you learn when you read the chumish you have to ask yourself what mood it puts you in the the when I when I got to the end of the the story with Yitzhak and the Yinnachim Yitzhak it felt comforting and then for some reason I read the words by Yosef Avram by Yikha Khas Yisoshmoktu and I felt sad I think Yitzhak had Nakhama but Yinnachim Yitzhak Akraimah it never says Avram had Nakhama and actually to me the fact that Avram goes and takes Khatura it feels like he's I don't know and his level in some way he's struggling so he didn't have Nakhama he's groping for something so I don't know what to do with that yes no I don't know he asked if the death of sir is one of his ten tests Okay, Scott, thank you for the extended time. I'm sorry. - Okay, let's get started. - I'm gonna hug you, Davin.