Chatty Chatty, Bang Bang

Hey, bad friends. I'm doing a bunch of shows. First off, Bobby and I, the bad friends live. We're going to be at Netflix as a joke fest here in Los Angeles at the YouTube theater down by Sophie. That's May 8th. Get your tickets right now. Then I'll be down in Del Mar at the sound in San Diego, bro. Surfs up June 28th. I'm doing two shows early in a late show. And then July 24th, I'm at the AmeriStar casino in St. Charles, Missouri, which might as well be St. Louis, Missouri. Come out and see me go to Andrew Santino.com for those tickets. Andrew Santino.com. Hey, everybody. Bobby Lee here. You know, I shot a special. And so I'm going to do the finally tour before the special comes out. I want to be in Detroit, 424, Indianapolis, 425, Montclair, 51, Atlantic City, 52. Just go to my website and check out the other day. It's a Medford, 53, San Antonio, 515. And go check it out. It's going to be a theater tour. My first one and come see me live. Go to Bobby Lee dot live. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? It smells like dog food in here. Yep. Rock, rock. Bobby, I just got here. I yelled at the host for putting the mic stand low. You know how they try to get a laugh? Yeah, because I'm small. I've done, I do that. I know. And it makes me so angry. But I won't yell at you. But I want, if you ever do that again, I'll rip you. I've gotten that from you. Yeah, yeah. The low voice. Because it's because it's it's trying to get a laugh that I'm short, right? But it's not my laugh. It's their laugh. You know what I mean? It's their residue laugh. Yeah, I left over. Yes, left over laugh. Well, they're not even on stage. They try to get a laugh. Yeah. And they're in the back going, but I mean, I mean, it makes sort of, you know, I bet you Brad gets that Williams. Oh, dude, I do the opposite from when Brad follows me in the store. I put it as high as I can. That's see, that's the same thing. It's the same thing. But it's funny. For you, for all of us, for Brad, it's, for Brad, it's a whole extra thing he has to do for me. It's, I mean, I have, I get a laugh. Yeah, but then I have to go, I'm small. Do that face like, oh, the whole God made me, right? And then Brad has to bring it down. Yeah, it's funny. It's for you, for the person before, but it's not our laugh. All right. You know, we're not going to do any no more funny yet. No more comedy. Okay. I think we're done with comedy. Yeah, all weekend long. All weekend. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is, oh my gosh, Brad left his toothbrush here at the studio. Yeah, and his pen and his pen. Another thing is get it off your chest. When like, one time I was in the OR and Steve Burn, halfway through myself, grabbed the mic from the side of the stage and walked, walked up on the stage and then goes, let's do a duo. Let's play with the crowd. And that made me so mad. This is very funny. You know, he, at San Francisco, at the last time I just played punch, he showed up and he came on stage at the end of my life. Did you ask him to come up or did he just come up on stage? He just came up. No, are you being real? I'm being serious. Yeah, yeah. I welcome to the open arms. I thought, yeah, I don't welcome with open arms. You didn't want it? He's half Korean. Oh, he's not a full. Yeah, you got to be a full. To pull that kind of stunt. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you got to be a full. I actually totally agree. Yeah, yeah. No, because it's like, I'm in the middle of a setup and all of a sudden, what's up without asking? And it's just like, I don't like that. Also, from a, from an outsider's perspective, it looks like your Korean uncle, who's got it together, because he wears a suit is coming to like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Talk you down a little bit. Yeah, let me do comedy for you. Yeah. Because you wear suits. Yeah. And we wear clothes. Yeah. I also don't like this. I just realized, right? Give it to me. Give me that. I don't want to give you that the feature smile. What is it? So what, what happens is your, your backstage that just played the saddles the improv and Ramsay, but Dowie had a really good set before me. And so there's a curtain and he opens that and he has a smile, right? At you? Yeah. Like he knows he killed, right? Yeah. If you do feature smiles again, no feature smiles. No, no, no, I need a frown. I know how well you did. I heard it. I tell my features. No smiling at all. No comedy. I say go up there, say hello. Yeah, yeah. Tell people where you're from. Yeah. Tell them the favorite foods you have. Yeah. And that's it. And then get off. Yeah. Bring up the headliner. And then the last thing I want to just get off my chest. I love stuff on your chest cause. Yeah. Yeah. Are you being real? Yeah, I want you to get it off your chest. Okay. So what? I hate needy hosts. Was that good? Was that funny? No, I had a local, you know, nice girl. She's already brutally, you know, I mean, verbalize it to her. Well, then so should we be talking about it? Yeah, well, I could just be vague about it. It's going to ruminate feelings again then for her. She's going to hear this 100% and be like, that's about me. No, maybe it's going to teach her a lesson. Teach. Did she bomb? No, she did great. Oh, well, then okay. No, she's great. I think she has a future. I know. Yeah. You're not selling me on it. Yeah, but can I be a car salesman? She has a future? Well, how is this? Welcome to open my like lot. Oh, what? The open my night lot. Oh, it's at a lot. Yeah. Yeah. We have many new new open up micros here. Oh, no, no, no. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We've got, look at this one. This is a this one's called Cal Bird. Really quick. It's snappy. Yeah. And it's like, you know, me it's an engine that grows. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, me it's a slum design, right? And it creates food. She was. No, she was married to a chef. No, she was a chef. He was a Michelin Sarsha. That's not true. She worked at Michelin Sarsha restaurant at the shop. That doesn't make you a Michelin Sarsha. You worked at a fucking seaport water. Yeah. I. I. I. Be chill in water. Basil at the end. Yeah. The last line person that does the herbs or whatever. She got a lot of water up. Yes. Scoop of. What are things? Scoop of caviar on top. Just one little caviar. Yeah. Yeah. And the chef got too much caviar. What do you fucking do it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, get it off your chest. So this is cappard. This is another model we have. Okay. Is it? Yeah. Is it foreign? No, it's black. It's a black sleep call it called a Devon Dre. Oh, this is this is a good car. It's a great car. Yeah. It's the it's also the best selling. It's got to be. Yeah. Yeah. This car though. You're going to love this car. This car right here, right? No, if it doesn't look like it. It asks a lot of questions. Too many questions. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like night writer. It talks the whole time. You can't turn it off. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't allow. Yeah. I mean, they're driving in advance on the rolls. Yeah. I mean, it talks a lot. Yeah. There's no off button. Oh, there's no switch. No. Unless you turn it off. Yeah. Maybe it's talking to itself at night. You know, I mean, but yeah. Maybe it'll run out of gas. But it's a lot of like, you know, I mean, you know, so what? How do I make it to this? How do I do this? Inquisitive. Inquisitive. Like, you know, I mean, how do you make it? You know, I mean, who? How do we get an agent this and that? And then it's like, you know, you have to go, hey, you have to have that conversation of like, you know, you know, I'm the polar opposite. I'm like, I'll give you an Excel spreadsheet on how to do everything that you're asking me. No, I did. I did. I did tell her what to do. You did. You gave her the hints. Yeah. I gave her like, this is what you did. And then I don't think that she got what I was saying. Well, you can lead a horse to water, but it'll eventually be glue. That's what they say. That's the saying. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Meanwhile, Carlos is wearing a wind hat. Yeah. Because you guys were at the wind. Do you bought that hat? Are they give us those hats? No, I bought it. I like, I got the same one as Caesar's years ago. I know I remember this specific hat. It's, uh, I have my circus here because I don't. Yeah. I should have brought it in. Fancy. You got that stratosphere hat. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Everywhere I go in the casino. Yeah. Where's fucking Bobby, bro? Yeah. Where's I get that every time at the airport? Why can't we make a shirt and Tino? Where's Bobby? Where's Antino? We should make sure to say where's Bobby? Yeah. We had a great time. By the way, I had a conversation with my driver, my Uber driver on the way to the airport. So nice. So nice, but I was very tired. Yeah. We had a long weekend. I just kind of wanted to chill. And he was chatty, chatty. He was very inquisitive. He was chatty, chatty, bang bang. You don't know the rules. What do you mean? What you do? What do I do? I open with a statement. You say, I don't want to talk. No. What are you saying? Okay, dude. I'm going to be listening to music. So if you need anything, just, you know what I mean? That's smarter. Hand up. But he was a fan, but my earphones aren't even on. Okay. So the Uber driver, super nice guy. He's a big fan, loves bad friends, loves you. How do you know? He vocalized it verbally. Or through hand language or it was nonverbal. It was nonverbal. Yeah. He goes bad friend. Yeah, that's verbal. Yeah. That's bad friends. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. No, this is bad friends. Yeah. So he did that. He said he loved us. Yeah. And then he was talking and I said, He was talking, he was like, "Oh, I just drove back from LA." Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. He's like, "I've been in the car for like 30 hours." So I'm like, "Oh, that's crazy." And he said, "I got a gift sent to me from my home country for my sister's wedding or something." I had to go pick it up. I said, "Oh, that's cool." We're originally from Pakistan. And immediately, I'm in like a mood. Like, he's trying to talk about, and I just, all I kept thinking about was those videos from Pakistan. That's like, "Do you know Pakistan?" (laughing) Do you know those videos? And I started talking, and he goes, "I love those videos." One day, I'm going to be pilot. I, dude, what will you do for Pakistan? And so I'm literally just yelling at him like that in the car. I'm not in letting get it out of the word out. I keep going, "I love, if Pakistan is great." And then he goes, "I have no problem with that." I'm Pakistani. I have Indian friends. And so he's open up this gate. I'm like, "Oh no, I just think the videos are funny." He's like, "No, but I understand there's a lot of hatred in the world right now." As far as then, I was like, "Oh no, I think he. " Oh no. And then he goes, "And I'm Muslim." And he goes, "My barber is Jewish." And I was, and then he start to keep talking. I go, "Jewish barber." I don't, have you ever Jewish barber? - Yeah. - Is that a thing? - Yeah. - I mean, how would a disappointment for the family? - Does that Jewish barber go to another, an American barber to attack the Muslim guy? (laughing) - Nobody says, "I'm Muslim." And he goes, "Well, I'm not a practicing." - Yeah. - He's like, "I'm not like, you know, praying five times a day." And then that logged in my brain for the rest of the time. - Oh, right, right. Five times is a lot of times. - A day he says he prays five times a day? - Not anymore. - Oh yeah, yeah. - It's exhausting. - Yeah. - But also, why would they do that? Why not breakfast, lunch, and dinner? It's called Fajir, Sunrise, Duhur, Asir, Maghrib, and Isha. - But the thing is, is that it can be quick. - All right, do a prayer right now, go. - That's it? (laughing) - I mean. - What, you are facing east? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, how quick was that prayer? - That was really good. - Did that five, that. - Imagine, I mean, it's over. - If Bobby, if Bobby was Muslim, and had to pray, you know the little rug that they have? - Oh yeah. - Imagine how he would have the most fancy, vintage, cool rug. He would have to have the dopest rug out of all the rug. - He would be the high end Montclair rug. (laughing) - It would be a fancy rug. - Yeah, yeah. - Is that a Goyard prayer rug? - Yeah, it would be the dope. - You would have a fancy rug. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And different brands though, too. I would do a Balenciaga, a Balenciaga rug, you know what I mean? Just for like a Friday, I'm about a clubbing, you know what I mean? I would have a Montclair one, I would have a. If Golden Goose had a rug, that'd be cool. - I guarantee you they'd make. - And then a made one rug works like kind of tattered and looking old-school, like, you know what I mean? From like a 50. - It's a vintage. - It's a vintage by brand new rug. (laughing) - Yeah. - Is it? - Yeah, I'll get mine. - Sign up, sign up and go muscle, why not? - Well five times, this is a lot, you know? - It's just a lot of times to stop and roll out together. - Yeah. - I would probably go Zora Astridism. - Ooh. - There's only like 600 of them on planet Earth, and I don't even know exactly what they practice, but that seems like what? It's also before Christ. You know what I mean, so before Christianity? - You mean BC. - Yeah, BC. So it's like, I think I would go with Zora Astridism. - That's how cocky Christians are. They name time before their own time. - I know. - But it's still their time. - Exactly. - BC still is us. You're like, "Well, Christ not exists yet." I know, but it's still our time. 'Cause it's always been. - That's awesome. - I mean, how do you feel about. I think I'm being affected about the world around me. Oh, it's the war and all that stuff. - I know, I was at Marshmallow Nightclub last night. (laughing) I don't know what's going on in the world, dude. We went out 'til 4.30, five in the morning. - Yeah. - Unbelievable. What are we doing? They were like, you wanna go to Marshmallow? - I was like, yeah, I guess. - Yeah, wow, you went to Marshmallow, huh? - I didn't go to that. - Yeah, yeah. - I went to his room. - I went to Sprinkles. (laughing) - I got cupcakes. - You do. (laughing) - I see the Sprinkles. - In San Jose. - The Sprinkles Cupcake vending machines. There's no way they're making money. You don't wanna buy it out of them. - No, no, no, no. How long has it been in there? - It has closed down. - Oh, it's closed down. - They're all closed? - Yeah, LA. - But Dubai, Dubai, like headphones from the Kiosk? - So one time I did have to buy because I forgot mine on a long trip. And I thought, who's buying it? I was. (laughing) - I was a guy. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And I'm sitting there. - I'm gonna do. - And I'm ashamed. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - People passing by like, dude, who buys that? What are you doing? - But imagine like, you know, like when you buy a candy bar and it gets stuck, right? You're like, it's 60 cents. - Right. - But in the airpot. - But doing an airpot of bows, you know what I mean? Airpot? That's $300. Imagine that getting stuck. And you're like, bang, you have a fucking machine. It's $300. - You're buying metaglasses and they're stuck. - Imagine. - Imagine a kid getting stuck in there. You know how they do it and fucking those. - Crawl to the thing. - The great machine. - The great machine. - How do they get in there? - The nerd isn't there. Yeah, some nerd kid isn't there, you know what I mean? (laughing) - Some sweet little nerd. - Yeah. - Wow. - Boy, so San Jose was good? You know, you love it up there. - Well, I mean, I played that room for over 20 years and it's like, it's very comfortable. But it's, you know, it's the same thing where it's like. - I gotta do that place. - Yeah, it's a great club. - I never done it. - Wow. I know. I just never did an improv run. - Wow. - It's a theater. You'll love it. - No, no, I just mean I've only done a few improvs. I never really did a bunch of improvs. - Yeah. - But you used to do that all the time. - I'm an improv guy. - But you used to do San Jose like twice a year. - Sometimes, yeah. - It's crazy. - It's a great audience. But you know how I've been going through the comedy it's over so long that when I go in there, I feel nauseous. - What do you mean? - 'Cause I've been there so long that it just kind of makes me want to go this again. - Oh. - What? - Yeah, like if there's a nausea that happens. - You're losing the love of the store? - No, I've always loved it. But it's like, you know, going into your living room. - I love my living room. - Oh, you do? You don't feel nauseous. (laughing) - Sick in my house. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You can experience nausea from visiting the same place repeatedly due to several factors in condition, response, environmental triggers. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had a lot of trauma at the store back in the day. I don't know, there's just something about that. But San Jose improv has the same effect. - You get nauseous when you go. - When I walk into the bed, I just feel nauseous. - Well, that's not good. - It's not good. It's just because I've been going there for so long and it's a psych. - You should stop then. - No, I mean, maybe. I'm day nine, not smoking. - You guys, come on up there. That's a huge deal. - Day nine. - Day nine is, I think they say, what's the day that you stop? What's the like the crest? What day is like you finally get over the hump of not smoking? It's gotta be like two weeks. You gotta be getting close. I want this for you so bad. After the first week, okay? So seven to 10 days is when you're gonna start to clear up. And then two to four weeks, you're gonna be clean, ready to rock and roll. - Yeah, so anyway, maybe that had something to do with that, but there's always a kind of a, also what bummed me out was, so the Friday first show, you know, it's a theater, so it's like, I go to the balcony and it's empty. - What do you mean? - No one's there. - The show's not on yet. - No, it's starting. - And you're on the bow and no one, so it's not sold out upstairs? - They said, it's also sold out. - People buy tickets that don't show up all the time. - I know, but what happened was, this is a date a year ago, I'd never just showed up. I just didn't show up. - You rescheduled it. - Yeah, so it was rescheduled. So all the tickets from that transferred over this, right? So like a lot of people just didn't show up. - Yeah. - Right, and it bummed me out. - I understand. Ah, the fucking cookies, look at the cookies they little made for me and that's the show was really nice. This one's kind of my favorite, I'm not gonna lie. - Well, I'll have the one with me on it. - You know what's so funny about this cookie? That's old Bob. Do you notice that? That's old Bob with long hair, old Bob. And I saw a video of you posted on the internet with old hair, old Bob hair, and it made me miss the long hair. - I'm growing it up. - He have to. - I am. - Because I love when he's long hair, I'm growing it up. 'Cause old Bob hair, like that, when it was that long, like I-- - Oh, it's gonna be long. - There's videos when we first started this podcast. - Yeah. - Your hair was insane. Your hair was insane. You know who didn't get high this weekend, Carlos, he was a good boy in Vegas, no less. - He does it behind your back. - No, he doesn't. - Yeah, he does. - Remember I told you I was vaping it in the room. (laughing) - You were? - Yeah, I told you. - You said you're not doing anything. - Dude. - What kind of boss are you, dude? - Not a good one. - Yeah, right behind your back, he even says it to you. And you don't even fucking listen. - Well, I'm a great boss. - You're not a great boss. - No, I'm a good boss. - No, you're not a good boss, dude. - No, no, no, no, no, no. - You're a good, you're, your employee goes a, a boss. I'm smoking weed right in front of your face. - Yeah, apparently. - And you're like, he didn't do any drugs this weekend. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - No, you're bad dad, dude. - I'm trying to, I would not be a bad dad. - Yeah, you're a bad dad, dude. - Well, you know why I'd be dumb, cool. Okay, I'm, you know what? - I know. - Here's the problem, here's the problem. - Yeah. - When he vapes, I don't know if it's weed or if it's vapes. - But he just said he told you he was going to get it. - I was not paying attention. - All right. - I was busy. - Well, how are you? - No, how did you say it? - I said, I'm Andrew. - No, look at me. - Look at me, right? - Okay. - And what is Andrew doing? - Andrew goes, you're being a good boy, right? - Okay, okay, let me, you're being a good boy, right? - Yeah, yeah. You're being a good boy, huh? - Your lip is bleeding. - Oh. - Yeah, put some blood on your lip. - Yeah. - It's fine, go. - No, I need blood. - You got it. See, he, - I need blood. - An actor prepares. - Yeah, yeah. - An actor prepares. There's some red there. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. Yeah. - No, I'm just vaping, we don't worry about it. - That's what you did? - I was worried about my show just think about the set. - What did I really say when you told me you were vaping? - You said that that was worse than smoking joints. - Yeah, it is. What's in those fucking things? - It's the saddest thing you did, no, you being, so you lied to me. - No, I just forgot. (laughing) - Z-bionist! - You know, sometimes I like to go out, have a couple of sodas responsibly. I'm an adult, but when I drink alcohol, it gets converted into a toxic byproduct in the gut, and I'm telling you, the buildup of this, it's not dehydration, it's this buildup, that's the blame for those rough days after nights drinking at the bar, and you gotta take Z-biotics, you know, remember to take pre-alcohol, your first drink of the night, drink responsibly, and you're gonna feel so good tomorrow. I always feel so much better when I take this before, I have a couple of fun nights out, okay? And you will too. 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(laughing) - People attack you all the time. - Well, but like the other rest of the day. - You're free. - I'm just walking around alone in the same area and stuff like that. Why in this specific incident? - Because you're under their tutelage, right there. You're under their, if you got hurted beyond them, during that, when they're done with you-- - I think once I get out of the club, it's free. - I agree. - Yeah, yeah. I think it's like, you know what I mean? Our responsibly is over. - You like it. - I don't, 'cause I always tell them like, please just stay here. - But he does like to smoke back in the day. He would smoke behind the security guard and walk and very like, like, galavant behind the security and like dart his knife. - Did it you never-- - Yeah, you were sold free. - Yeah, you did, when we were on tour, you'd be walking behind the security and you'd be like, sexily smoked. - No, you never see me do that. - Yes, you would. - You're pissing me off. - Everyone's nodding. - Everyone's fucking nodding. I've never done that. - You would romantic-- - I have never done that. - I've never done that. - Dude, I've never done that. - That's not the face. No, don't do-- - All right, what are you doing? - No, you would like, cool, like, very-- - But you're doing this with your hand. - You do, when you walk-- - No, I don't. - Do I? - When you walk with your cigarette, you kind of bob a little bit. And when you walk and then you'll smoke and then your eyes will be darting all romantic. - I'm listening to the Dubie Brothers or something. - No, you're not. - Yeah, yeah, I bob-- Dude, I bob when I listen to the Dubie Brothers. - You're so-- - Yeah, yeah. - You're Dubie Brothers. - Listen to the music. (laughing) Dude, so it's like, I'm Dubie Brothers again. - It's romantic, though. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's like, and I don't know if that's a security guard. You're saying the behind the security guard. - You would walk by-- - I'm Dubie Brothers. - You would Dubie Brothers. - All right, okay. - So anyway, I took mushrooms last night. - Can you put that in? - Yeah, I felt amazing. It was-- - When was the last time you took mushrooms? - Hmm, a couple of weeks ago. - Oh, but was it a more of a dosage? - This one was higher. - Yeah, much higher. - Yeah, because I've been micro-dosing. - Oh, you've been micro-dosing? - My mental health. I genuinely have-- - And I heard it, I heard it, it helps. - I do feel much better at night. - Yeah. - When I micro-dose, I do feel like the end of the day, I don't have as much anxiety before I go to bed. 'Cause I used to lay in wake and bed at night. - I haven't come in three weeks. - Start micro-dosing. - Yeah, yeah, because of the Alexa Pro. - Wait, really? - So you can't not? - I can't cut. - Well, it comes out. - I can't not, nothing. I mean, I haven't even tried. - Really? - Yeah, it's weird. - Did they have something to combat that? They do. - No. - One, two, three. - Blue Choo! (laughing) - Now Blue Choo Gold! (laughing) - An oxanilla malolo calon. (laughing) - So meaning greedy, yeah. An oxanilla malolo. - The two ones that they I can't think. - No, I didn't. I watched my cousin play roulette, and I was feeling fantastic. - Oh, your cousin was there? - Yeah. - Was he juicing, too, or what? - He was having a great time. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - He is, he's so funny. - But then when I was using in Mexico, we weren't doing that. - Oh, yeah. - Who? - You and I. When you were using in Mexico. - Yeah, but why is it not? Like, why couldn't we have those? - 'Cause you're a drug addict and you have no control. Because you don't use until you get high and feel good. You use until it's unmanageable till there's poop on the walls and you're screaming and you're pointing in my face in front of people going, you fucking lied. This is, this is, no, who's in it? You fucking liar. - You know what, you know what, I love it. - In front of everyone. - You know what I am? I'm Ren from Ren and Stimpy. - Yeah, you are. - Yeah, it's Stimpy the dog, Ren's the dog, right? - Ren's little weird dog. - Yeah, yeah, 'cause I love Ren because Ren's so paranoid. - Yeah, that's yeah. - You know what I mean? And he gets in people's faces and he has these delusions, you know what I mean? And I love that character. - Somehow you're both of these guys. - I think so, I think I am Ren and Stimpy. - You're a little Stimpy. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I love that cartoon. But anyway, yeah, I ran out when I, I'm like, - It's just when you, you're up to something. No, and then you point in my face and yelled at me in front of me because you wanted booze and I lied to you and I got you. - Yeah, yeah, because I'm no dumb, dumb. I know what you're doing. - But you were so fucked up. - I know, but I know what you're doing. - What, protecting you? - Yeah, yeah, but I can, I'll just get my own drink. - I mean, you flew to Mexico with a suitcase full of drugs. - Full of drugs. - Full of drugs. You open your suitcase. - And I guess what? I flew back with no drugs. - Yeah, because of us. - No, I did it all. - Okay. - Okay. - You're right. - That's called magic. - That is called magic. - In a weird way. (laughing) - Okay, so it's like, but we never had that when, next time I go out. - No, you're not going. - Yeah, yeah, no, shut the fuck up. Or I'm tired of this fucking bullshit. I'm bossed to. All right? - You're boss number two. (laughing) - Yeah, I'm like the vice president. - Yeah. - I'm JD Vance. (laughing) - You kind of are. - Yeah, yeah. - You're a little fancy. - Yeah. - You're not gonna go out. - What I'm saying is that the next time I go out, you know what I mean? That it doesn't happen, right? - I want to know it. I want to go to Marshmallow. Okay. - You can go to Marshmallow without using it. - No, no, no, I want to go to Marshmallow. I want to be on Strom. I want to be on ketamines. - Oh, come on. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to go to Vegas. I want to be able to like walk out of a fucking bathroom and go, yeah, are you okay? (laughing) You know what I mean? So actually, half cocaine in my nose. - No. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want that next time. It's never gonna happen. But hypothetically, it could. And what I'm saying is that the next time, don't cut me out. - I won't. - 'Cause unless I went out, you cut me out. You were all being parental. - Because you were, you were, - That doesn't matter. No, I want good time. - That's our most kind of game. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Oh, so you're mad that we are protecting you? - I don't want to be protected, dude. - Yes you are. - No, I want to go to Marshmallow. I want to go out with Andreas. And have those times. - We can do it without alcohol. - No, no, no. Next time, no, we can't have those times Because I'm all fucking Christian on the road now. You're not Christian on them. - Yeah, yeah, but I'm like, I'm going to bed now. - Yeah, but we did that too. I do that. - I know you eventually did, but like I do it at like 11. - Yeah. - Yeah, so what my point being is that, you know, you guys can have your all, your Vegas nightlife and still, and I get cut out when I'm out. - What's 'cause you-- - You can't, because you're-- - Yes, I can. - You're a drug addict. - It's a label, and I refuse to believe it. I know I am one. - You are. - I am, and I-- - He is. - I know, but he's not-- - Well, why is he okay? - He's not okay. - We're very connected. - I know, but then why wouldn't I, when I wasn't okay? - Because we care more about you than-- (laughing) - Carlos. - 'Cause you make more money. - That's the way the world works. - You're famous, you're worth more in this world. - Oh, so if you passed away from an overdose? - No, if I like made a movie, all of a sudden, y'all would like talk to me more, probably, and care more about my health. - I talk to you every day. - I don't know. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I should have said more about my health. - This bit is so stupid. We care about all of you equally. The difference is you have control of your addiction right now. He does not. - I know, but what do you want me to do with them? Fire him? Should we fire him? - Maybe, when he was like, hey, dad, I'm smoking weed right in front of you. - That's not bad, though. Did you just smoke weed? If I'm just smoking weed, that's so chill. That's like going to war and just like showing up for a day with a gun. - Or you're like just outside of Carg Island. - Yeah, you're on a ship. You don't know if you're gonna attack Carg Island yet, is that what it is? - I don't know what Carg Island is. - Do you know what Carg Island is? Oh, it's in Ireland, right there at that. - Is this one here in the Arctic? - No, it's not this theory. It's an Iranian island. I mean, they have, you know what I mean? Oil reserves there. And. - Take talk is full of it. - You've been watching so much. (laughing) Like I know how much Iran stuff you've been looking at. It's all day every day. - I know. - 24 hours a day. - You see what I was saying before? - You have to stop. - Is there a Carg Island? - Yes. And what's on Carg Island? - Probably oil reserves. - Yeah, a bunch of sand. - Yeah, yeah. - Oh my God, now he's being fucking racist. - Stop. - Stop racist. - There's more sand in the middle. - Everywhere has sand. - Okay. - There's oil reserves. - Exactly, that's what I just said. - Carg Island is a 7.7 square mile coral island of the Persian Gulf that serves as Iran's primary oil export terminal. - Right, and there's now questions if the US Marines are gonna charge Carg Island, take control of it. - Dude, so good, David Attenborough, as the Marines chopped off, you know? - Yeah. - I'm sorry, I'm consumed about the war. - Why, you're not a soldier. - I'm an American citizen. I just paid $130 of the pump. And I drive a Moe pad. (laughing) - That's a lie, dude. (laughing) - All right. I drive a Moe pad. - Was that how much did you have? - $130 to fill up your tank. - No, it was like 80, something, but I usually paid. - 80 dollars? - Yeah, but I always only paid, and that's my small car, $55, $50. - Do you do the cheap cast? - No, I do the supreme. - Good. - What does that mean? - That's actually a really good question. - Yeah, I mean, I never knew, can you explain to me? - I don't know. - The three different unleaded, unleaded premium, and then supreme. Can you, cool cars get the fancy one in the city one? - It's like air one water. (laughing) - Oh, it is? - No, tell me the difference, 'cause I don't know. - So I will tell you. - Yeah, yeah. - So a combustion engine, right? - We'll explain that. - Let's start with a car. (laughing) - So a car. - Start with a car, start with a car. - Beep beep. - Room room. - Okay, beep beep room, okay, hold on. Little explosions have to take place within these pistons, right? - Yeah. - And these pistons that are in your car that fire, that make it go fast and have torque, right? And have power and drive. - Yeah. - Higher octane, right? To higher octane numbers, they fire out of cleaner and faster rate. So faster, nicer cars, like F1. They need highest octane levels. - So they do supreme. - They do their own, they have a different octane. They have octane that we can't get. F1 gas. - How do we get, I need that. - Yeah. - How did we get that? - I don't think your MoPED can handle that. (laughing) - I get it. - Oh, all right, all right. - I doubt it. - Yeah. - No, but it's higher octane gas. It burns cleaner and it fires, it fires cleaner and it's cleaner for the engine, higher octane. But it's more expensive. But that's what it is. That's essentially why people do that. - All right, so, but people who have like a, just a luxury car, like I say, someone has a BMW. - Okay. - And just a regular BMW. - Right. - And they put in the most expensive, highest octane. It's meaningless. They should just put in, the only reason you would need a higher octane level in your cars, if your engine requires a higher minimum because of the performance of the engine. So performance cars need them. - So in my Hyundai, you know what I mean? - Your MoPED. - In my MoPED, I put Supreme in, right? Just thinking that it's better for the engine or whatever, it's pointless. - No, it is hypothetically better for the engine. It's gonna burn cleaner. - Well, what the, what the, I'll just keep doing that. - But it's not gonna make your engine and it's not gonna make your, it's not gonna make your MoPED go faster. - I'm not trying to go room-room. - So then put in the cheapest. - Yeah, but I want my engine to be healthy. It's not even your car. - Oh, that's right. - Yeah, you're gonna give it back. - Yeah, you're giving it back. - Yeah, don't do that, it cares. If it's at least, by the way, it's every American. If it's at least fucking put the shittiest gas in there, you can find, go to Siklair, where the dinosaur is, where it's like $1.86. - The tarp heads. - No, I go to the tarp heads. - La Braille. - Go to La Braille. - And scoop it. - And scoop it and stick it in the car. - Manually do it. - Yeah, manually do it. (laughing) - This is the funny thing about the cookies that I'm knowing. - Yeah, delicious, is they were like doing shout-outs, you know, they did white noise cookie, the whiskey ginger, they did bad friends. - But you did the John Cena movie? - What do you mean? - We're never gonna be cool leads in a thing. - Yeah, but people think that you're cool already. - Whom? - I'm sorry, when you were in Vegas, did no one come up to show up to your show and buy a ticket? - Well, Carlos can actually tell you, unfortunately, nobody came. (laughing) - This is a fucking bummer. - Yeah, it was a huge bummer. - Oh, it was a bummer. - Yeah. - Oh, my bad. We had a dinner, we had a great little dinner. Carlos paid the bill. - That's unbelievable. - He paid the bill. - Through my tour money. - You haven't paid me yet. (laughing) - We haven't even started. - Yeah, you haven't paid me yet. - But your future tour money. - I paid him with my future tour money. - I paid to Lila with future money. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, which is my money. - Yeah, I said Bobby will pay you in four months. - Yeah, yeah, so I paid for your dinner. - Hey, yeah. - You know, he didn't pay for the dinner. (laughing) - You know damn well. - Yeah, yeah. - In fact, I don't think any of them have paid for the dinner. - I have paid for dinner before. - Which one? - Wait a minute, time out. Before you get it, what are you raising your hand for? When have you paid for a dinner? - I paid for our breakfast one time. - When? - When. - I was over there at the white place with the weird squid. - Oh, you and him. Was it a cool-called clan rally? What? (laughing) - No, we might definitely wasn't there. - With the white hoods and the white faces. - Yeah, I mean, what did you know? - I had to get ginger one day. - Because I didn't know my wallet or something? - No, you were like, "You're paying today." I said, "Okay." (laughing) - Okay, good. That's good, good. Have you ever paid a meal for me? - We've gotten food together once. - That's so natural. - That's not true. - You got me and you together? - Which one? Where was it? - You took me to Sushi around my birthday. - Where was it? - And then we went to see the mission possible. - That's right, we've done stuff together. - I know, that was one thing. - One time. - Yeah, yeah, it was one time. - But a great one. - I know, it was great, but yeah, first. - I don't do like little like, you know what I mean? White hats, white face, you know what I mean? Breakfast places. - We don't do that at breakfast. I think you do a nice sushi restaurant in a fucking fine ass movie. Tickets, right? Yeah, I don't do white face white head, you know what I mean? Yeah, so it's like. - You just fart? - No, it was just, it was a, but yeah. So Andrea, have you ever paid for a meal? - I don't think so. I don't think we ever been to a meal together. - Well, it's bad friends we have. - As a group we have. - I have a group, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. Yeah, why don't we've never had a meal together? - No, I don't think we have that kind of relationship. - He's just too cool for us now. He's got a kid. - Yeah. - Yeah, he's over it. Kinda makes me mad. (laughing) - This is that whole thing. You know what, I'll be honest, I think it's on you. - No. - Yeah, there's no, you know, I call you a lot. You know what I mean, you only text me. I call you a lot. You only text me. I think it's you. - I know that's not true, but I'm just going, - No, no, that really is. I call him a lot. - About what? - Yeah, about what? - Do I not call you? - What's it about? - You have called me, but about what? What do you wanna, why are you interested in me? - What are you a girl? (laughing) - Yeah, yeah. - Why do you like me, Bob? - Well, tell me why you like-- - Happy birthday? - Text. - Oh, that was a text. (laughing) You know what time is bad friends? - Yes, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - What time is bad friends? - Yeah, yeah. - But you have to read behind the context of it. - You have to say more than just what time. - Yeah, yeah, scramble the words. - He forced me to say I love you in front of his friends. - Yeah. - You should say I love you more. - Yeah, I mean, these are the things I'm talking about, dude. It's like there's more resistance when it comes to you than me. - 'Cause he has a lot of repression. Fancy has a lot of repression. - Yeah, repressed feelings, you know, man. - He gets really uncomfortable. - And then when he got drunk, he got really touchy feeling with me. - Yeah. - Did you not? And that's when your real self comes where the defense goes down. - Yeah. - And this is how I really feel. - Well, I tell you he wants to be a star now 'cause I pitched a little show about me and him going to like a local bar. - Yeah. - To me like showing him what a local watering hole is like. - Yeah. - And literally the other day of the episode, he's like, "Handroot, when are we going to do this show? "Where are you and I go to that bar?" - And whose name goes first? - Whose name is on top? He literally, he wants to headline the show. - Wow. - And by the way, that only reminds me, McCone, that breakfast, that reminds me. - Yeah. - This is the funniest part. I know that I did that to you, just to tease you. You know, you'd be like, oh, you pay this time. But I also know, that stayed with you for a while. You've been thinking about it. - Yeah, how much was it? - No, I was like-- - No, how much was it? - Like, 30 now. - No, I wasn't much, but I was like-- - It's like coffee. - It's way more than I would have spent on breakfast. But I was like, this is good. - Can you talk in the mic? - I was also like, this is a good thing. - Why is it a good thing? - Because I get so much, it's nice to pay some back. - Oh, I see. - 'Cause he walks around like this all day. - I know. - Have I not given you cash before? - Yeah, you constantly give me-- - Yeah, but you can't get me a breakfast? - If you want to go out for breakfast, yeah, sure. - He does not want to go out for breakfast. - Well, I'm actually texting me the other day. Out of the blue. - What did he say? - He said, "Marty Supreme is a film of two halves." - That's true. - Yeah. - That's actually a very true statement. - Yeah, that's true. - What? - This is the New York Times. (laughing) - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - He's a critic. (laughing) - No, I mean, I watched the, I watched the movie. I mean, can I have my own opinion about the movie? - It is a film of two halves. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought that the first half of the movie, right, was like brilliant. - It was? - I thought the setup was good. And then I think it just ran away from itself. It became something else like, there was a light editing that needed to be gone or whatever. Like, it did the thing. - There was a lot of other movies. - Other movies in there. And I got lost in it and, you know, at the end of the day, good movie, but, you know what I mean? I doesn't deserve any awards in my opinion. (upbeat music) - Shopify. - You know, we have an online business here at BadFriends and we would not be nothing without Shopify, okay? - That is exactly true. - You like designing? - I do. - Yeah, yeah, that's what they do. - Yes, they help you. - The design studio. - Yes, it's one of the best out there. 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It's time to turn those what-ifs into with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial at Shopify.com/BadFriends. - Go to Shopify.com/BadFriends. - That is Shopify.com/BadFriends. - Marsmen, you know what? I'm lacking. - Yeah. - What? - I don't know. - Distosterone. - A little bit. - I was born with none. - No, that's impossible. - But it does get harder. - I guess what? With Marsmen? - Distosterone. - You get a big boost from Marsmen. This is natural testosterone support. It's phenomenal. This stuff, a lot of people think like, you know, having a dad bod comes from drinking beer, eating worse for a lot of guys. That's not actually the whole story. As we all get older, men, our bodies are going to reprogram themselves. 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Please support our show and tell them our show sent you. That's mengotomars.com for 50% off and three free gifts when you check out and it's also available on Amazon. - I think the coolest thing is that Sean Penn got a award and didn't show up. - Yeah, he was a Ukraine. - He gave it to Zalinska. - I love that. - He gave him his Oscar. And he carried it in like a Jansport backpack. - Yeah, it's amazing. - Bubble wrapped. I thought that was like the funniest show. - Amazing. - It's funny to take something that so many people cherish, show deer and throw it in like a trapper keeper and give it to a fucking, look at that. Show the video of him pulling out of a backpack. - It's like FIFA giving a FIFA Nobel Peace Prize to fucking Trump. Remember that? - Yeah. - Some make believe thing that they've never done before. (laughing) - Champagne has a, there's a vibe about him that I kind of believe. - Yeah. - I believe everything he is, I think he is extremely him. I don't think. - Yeah, I don't think that during Hurricane Katrina, when he was diving into New Orleans and trying to save people. - He loves that shit. - I think he was really trying to save lives. - I think he loves that shit. - Yeah, yeah. - You're saying it's not performative with him? - I don't think it's performative with him. I think he's just, there's something's wrong. (laughing) - That's not wrong, but there's like a, you know what I mean? An eccentric personality disorder. - 100%. - Yeah, where it's like he really, believe he went out there. - Oh yeah. - He doesn't care about the leeches. - Dude, he's saving lives. - He gave the fucking president of Ukraine his own officer. - Yeah, yeah. - I mean, doesn't he have one already? - Yes, two. - Two. - Yeah, so where are you gonna put it? - Next to the other one. - I know, but it's like, you know what? - You would, no, dude. - My Oscar? You know what my Oscar would be? - Well, your Oscar's more like a whore. - Ask me where my Oscar is. - That is a good joke. - Yeah. - Go ahead. - I said your Oscar's more like a Juan. You'll never get an Oscar. (laughing) You'll get a Julio before you get an Oscar. - Well, that's mean. - It's not true though. - That's mean. You're never gonna win a fucking Oscar. Are you out of your mind? - I was just trying to make a hype up that little game about like, "No, when I was just having fun, "but I'm just digging you in." - Yeah, but, you know. - Give me your Oscar speech if you did win. - We shouldn't do Oscar jokes. It was so fucking long ago. - The Oscars. - But yours would be at the front door. - Yeah. - With the lights. - Yeah. - Music every time. - Ready to open the door. (laughing) - And Bobby's like, "I would have a gigantic Oscar holding the Oscar." - Yes. - Yeah, that's actually awesome. - Yeah, yeah. - Then I would end lights. - Yeah, yeah. But don't forget the gigantic Oscar. - Yeah. - Yeah. - You ever walk into somebody's house? (coughing) You ever walk into somebody's house and they've got like Emmys and Plural, you know? And you're like, "How did you get a fucking Emmy?" - I know, yeah, yeah. - Like you'll go to somebody's house who's like someone you know in the business and you're like, "You got a fucking Emmy?" - Yeah. - And they're like, "Yeah, we got three of them. "We did this outstanding, non-scripted blah blah blah thing, "day time Emmys." And you're like. - They give too many though. - I know, but. - But I saw, I went to a guys house and like it was like on the bottom. Like there was a bunch of books. It was just the corner of a room. Like what's that? He goes, "Unsure Emmys." - That's crazy. - And I go, "I would have Emmys on top of it." (laughing) - Inside of another Emmy. - Inside of another Emmy. You know what to be like? One of those Russian dolls, where you just get off, yeah. - Yeah, I'm just a dog, yeah, me. There'd be so many Emmys within Emmys, you know what I mean? Like, but he just put it right in the corner of this like, you know what I mean? Discreet, just doesn't care about it, rusting. I think that's cool. I think that's what I would do. - How funny if I did get nominated for something. - We would do a wide quit the show. (laughing) - It would, it would validate all my hate for the business. - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Really? - Well, it's all bullshit. That would be definitely both of his. - My friend. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Well, I'll tell you why I won't. Even if I do a good job in a movie, the reason why I won't is because I can't do the thing that you need to do. - Which is? - Which is go and shake hands and you know what I mean? - You're so good at that. - No, I'm not. You are very good. - I don't show up to those things. - But for this, you would. - Oh, you think you got to go to Paris and be so-and-so and you got to do this and that. You think I would do all those things. - Yeah, have you ever seen the movie Home for Purim? - No. - That's one of the best, that's like one of the, it's called, that's not a mighty wind, is it? Now, for your consideration, sorry. For your consideration. - Yeah. - This shitty little movie called Home for Purim. It's a movie inside of a movie and the cast thinks it's a shitter and then it gets Oscar buzz that they might actually win. So then they all change. They all, they dynamically all change. They become like so full of themselves and they all become the fakes version of who they used to be. - Oh, that's cool. - Oh, it's brilliant, it's the-- - Oh, wow. - That's a, what's his name movie? What's wrong? - It's For Guest movie. - It really is? - Yeah. - Oh, wow. - Look at the cast. By the way, did we kill yet another celebrity? - Yeah. - We did. - Chuck Norris. - Dude, we gotta stop talking about famous people. We killed Chuck Norris. - No, we didn't kill Chuck Norris. - Yes, we did. Hey, he was 71 years old. - No, he was only 68 or 69. - 86. - 86, okay. He was-- (laughing) - Yeah, I think if they're above 75, we didn't kill them. - How about 80? - If they're above 80-- - Above 80, I think he was on his way. - 86 is a good run. - Yeah, that's a really good run. - But you know who I is where I wanna die. - Yeah, you've talked about that. - Yeah, yeah. - Why? - 'Cause I saw Ram Dost die there. And when it was the last video, it was weird. because this is. This is when they had, when I first got, what do you call it, the oculus? Yeah. Right? And then there was like a thing where you could press and see Rom Doss. Oh, wow. Right? Right. So then, you know what I mean? You go, boom. Rom Doss, right? And he's like a thousand, he looks like a thousand years old. He is. And he's in Hawaii. And he's going. Yeah. Just a process. Yeah. You know what he's talking. It's a witness to realism, whatever he's talking about, right? And then you could zoom around his body, see all his liver spots and stuff. But then like, yeah. But then I was like, um, it was definitely in Hawaii, right? Yeah. And I'm like, oh, this is where you pass. You want to die in Hawaii? I think so. In a beautiful day in Hawaii with the palm trees, beautiful day, and just sitting there, you know what I mean? Maybe in an oculus. In an oculus. See me die in an oculus or something, you know what I mean? Like 3D, I want people to see me die in 3D. Sign up for a bad friend's Patreon. We will be. We'll be doing a viewing party of Bobby's death. And you can lie. Would you do a vlog? As I die? Yeah. Why? Until you can't talk. Oh my God. As I lay dying. Yeah, yeah. That's so dark. Yeah, but I would pod until I can't talk. You'd be doing a death pod? Yeah. I do a death pod. There is a guy that does is the guy that got diagnosed like stage four, something cancer. And he's doing like a pod until he dies. Yeah. There was like a guy that was an artist that was doing this. Would you do it? No, because they would be, let me tell you something. If I do it with you. I would do it with you. But if I have terminal cancer, I'm telling you guys now in this room, none of you will ever know. Oh, you would know either if I had it. Yeah, I wouldn't tell anybody. Yeah, yeah. I would do what's his name, did? Norm. Norm? Norm. Norm. Norm. But I would say it about what's that beautiful actor Chadwick Boseman didn't tell a soul. Yeah. Why did it lie? Because you don't want people to treat you differently as you die. You don't want the pity. You just don't want someone to treat you differently when you're dying. When you're dying, people are going to talk to you like a baby, because they know you're sick. Are you okay? What? How was today? How was today? Yeah, you don't want to. You just treat me like you treat me, and then I'll die. Yeah. Please tell me though. I would. No, please tell me. You have to tell me. Do you want me to tell you now? I don't know. Like what stage, like if it's stage two, would you tell me how funny. I'm literally like withering away and Bob's like, are you okay? Yeah. I'm totally fine. Yeah. Yeah. I'm dying live on the pod. Yeah. No, I wouldn't tell anybody. I really actually wouldn't. Even me. I think just for me and the old lady wouldn't know, and I wouldn't tell anybody else. And then one day I show up and you're not here. That's kind of beautiful, isn't it? No, it's not. It's a good little haunting. Yeah. Then I got to ask. Then I got to call Theo. You want to start one? No. Yeah. Yeah. I would. But I'm busy. I want what I do. It's over. Yeah. It would be over. Well, I won't die. Don't die with that. All right. All right, dude. I knock on with me either, dude, for at least another five. Five. Yeah, yeah. Give me more than five. You know, we've five more years. The couple next to me said that today. They said it was there. I was eating at the Chinese joint before I left, and the guy was like, just kind of started drummed up conversation. Nice guy. I had a casino. I see you guys out here in Vegas doing something special. He's like, it's our anniversary. Yeah. It's awesome. I was like, yeah, my in-laws are going to, you know, about to do their 50th. And she goes, oh, God, we'll never make it there. And the husband was like, what do you mean? What? Well, you're going to leave me? And she's like, no, I'll be dead. In 20 years, I'll be dead. Oh, my God. It was their 30th. And I was like, no, you won't be dead. And she's like, my hope's out. I was like, God, damn. I'm bleeding. God damn, yeah. It was, it made me sad. I was like, no, don't say that. What's coming for all of us? I know, but I don't want to think about it. Yeah. I think about it. That's why I quit smoking. Yeah. Get rid of shot. Yeah. Get death away from the door. Yeah. Get him to go away. And now we're going to start exercising. I have been. Go on. Well, I'm. I have. Yeah. Go on. I mean, I've been trying to. You know, we do set up. I can I tell you something? Yeah. And there's not an insult. Yeah. But your stomach kind of looks like after someone gets surgery and they have all that extra skin left over because you've lost so much weight. I know. You've got to just get that ripped off. No, I don't think I don't have that kind of extra skin. You do. I can sit up. You think so? Let's do a tummy tuck for you. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I think I have extra skin here. Let me see it again. What? He's going to gain the weight back though. Okay, but don't. I can stop sucking it. Just don't relax. I am. Relax your body. Relax your back. I am. Relax. I am. Yeah. This. It's crazy how skinny you are. But this. Yeah. Yeah. Have you? Yeah, I do like a thousand a day. Really? You do a thousand a day. I try to do a thousand a day. Try it. How many do you actually do? Six. No, I know. No, I can't you. I do it like when I wake up, I do it like a hundred and fifty. And then during the day, I'll just keep doing it. No. No. Show me your setup right now. A hundred and fifty. No, not in a row. Not in a row. What do you mean? You said I do like a hundred and fifty. Yeah. So I'll do like twenty five. Yeah. Stop. Right. Look out the window. Right. Watch neighbors on HBO. Right. And then I'll go, you gotta do another twenty five. So I'll do another twenty five. Right. Stop. But I'll make sure I get to one fifty in the morning. In the fucking corner. When I wake up. You do a hundred and fifty. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I just started a week after I quit smoking. Can I see? How you do your form? No. Please let me see your form. No. I just want to see how you do it. No. I can't do it. You're going to tease me and it's going to be mockery. And I don't want to do that because it's going to dis. What it's going to do is going to make me go, oh, don't do it anymore because it's mockery. Of course I'm going to tease me. That's why I'm not doing it right now, dude. Yeah, but I'm doing it. I'm doing it. I'm going to do it for a year. And see what happens. I'm so proud of you. You'll be ripped. You'll really do it. Yeah. I really am doing it. Like this. I'm obsessed with it. Yeah. You brace your legs with something to like it because you need weight on your feet. Yeah. So I hook my legs on my on cabinet. You do. Yeah. Like this. And I get cramps on my feet. Well, you drink water. Yeah. And I try to hold this too. So the pain is there. Wow. And right now it does hurt all of it. That's good. Yeah. Good pain. It's all this pain down here. You're doing it. I just do hard ground. You know what I call it? I'm doing old boy. Doing old boy. And when you stuck in that room for 15 years, right? So I'm only going to do push-ups. I'm only going to do push-ups and sit-ups and just see what that does. Yeah. Like, like, like, like prison. Well, street, street workouts. You see those guys that only workout. Like they just do pull-ups on street lights. Have you seen how jack these guys are? They go to a jungle gym. These guys are street works out. That, that, that, those two black eyes. I've seen these guys. They don't do anything but push-ups, sit-ups, pull-ups, squats. Like, this is all. Yeah. From practical shit outside. Practical shit outside. No weights. Yeah. Also, it's like, I went to that fucking place. What's that gym next to my house? Are you going to ask? No. Planet Fitness. So I walked in there and I go, I want to join. No, you didn't. I swore to God on my, on my mother's life. Wow. And I went in there and I go, I want to join. We want to, we need to link, get your bank account. We don't do credit card membership. And I'm like, what? I don't know how to do that. And I just left. I go, fuck you. I'm leaving. Right? I really was going to join Planet Fitness. It was right. It was right. It was right by my house. Right by my house. We're never going to get anything done. People are going to bother you all day. No, no, no, no. I do it. I put a mask on everything. You do. Oh, yeah, yeah. And they can't tell it to you. First of all, you have to cover your eyes if you're going to cover anything. Not your fucking mouth. A Batman mask. Yeah. I'd like to work out. I came here to work out. Being better not be in the cold. Yeah. So I went there and they said, welcome to the steam room. Batman. So I Twitter. So I'm there to schwit. Yeah. So then in my mind, I'm like, you know what? And I don't want to go to equinox. That's where all the supermodels and all the hot people go. The hottest people. It's just, that's why I'm like, I'm just going to go old boy style. Yeah. And you just sit up some pushups. Now, you can't tell you yet, but maybe if I do it for like a year, you're going to get jacked. Maybe. But do you remember what you said to me in the car in Australia? What? You'll see. You'll see. You're going to see now. It's already been two years. I know. I know. But listen. I didn't do anything until this week and a half. And I've been starting every day doing it because I need a, because I need a new obsession. You're bored, too. Because I'm smoke. I used to smoke, right? So it's like, instead of that, I have so much anxiety. So it's like, I have to do it. Because if I don't, then I get entrenched in Iran. In Iran. I ran. I ran. Oh. Yeah. I didn't know it. I thought it was an app. What? Put me on the Iran. Like the war. Like I get obsessed with the war and stuff and what's going on and stuff like that. And then I, and I get lost and it causes me more, more anxiety. So it's like, now I'm, you know, I mean, old boying at your old boy. Yeah. Like, or I call it the Travis Pickle. Let's have more lines up. Yeah. Society. Third and the trash in the streets. It's insult. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I talked to myself. The garbage. The human garbage. You know who's up there in that room? That's my wife. That's my wife. You know who's up in that world? Not my apartment. Yeah. That's not my apartment. - It's a. (laughing) - He's a shooter. - What? You're a shooter. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm about to. - It's a little dangerous. - Yeah, yeah, I just got to rifle. - Laser gun. (laughing) - Yeah, I'm traveling specifically yet. - No, I'm pleased to help. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, I have like notes from the underground thoughts. - It's a Dostoevsky book and it's about a guy that's like living in a basement and judging society through like that little opening, you know what I mean? And I do that. - So scary. - Yeah, yeah, that's a scary thing to think about. - No, I do it. - Judging from a window sill in a basement. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Oh yeah. - Just piss-chars everywhere. - Yeah, yeah. - Fap all over the place. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I'm GD Salinger, dude. - One would think. - Yeah. - Yeah, you were very Salingerian. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Salingerian, dude. - If I was an author, which author would I be? (laughing) - Never drinks water. - He got calf cramps doing sit-ups somehow. (laughing) He's gotta fix all that. (laughing) Can I have another water, please? - Yeah. - Dude, you're parched, huh? - Yeah, I'm just so tired and drained from it. I mean, this week was crazy. - Bad. - That's crazy. - We did sack and then it flew straight to Philly. I mean, three days there, one day in LA, then went to San Jose, today I flew back. I mean, I didn't sleep at all. - It's like you're on the pitch. - Slept all day. - What the fuck is going on? (laughing) Like a fucking camel? No, I love you, need it, huh? - Yes, I'm old-boying it. - You got old-boy-it. - Yeah. - I think you're, I believe in you. I believe in you. - I mean, I'm never gonna destroy you. I'll never get physically enough. Strong enough, you're just a bigger weight class. - Yeah, how's dating going? - I am seeing somebody and what I've been doing is just looking at them and go, are we done? (laughing) And then she goes, are you sure? I mean, you did it, right? She goes, yeah, I got there. And then I'll go, I think done. - So you're just bailing? - What do you mean? - You're just bailing out. You're not gonna try to finish the job. - Well, I'll come, like some excuse, like we did the job, you know what I mean? We got rid of the, you know what I mean? - Most of their military from. (laughing) - Very good. - You did good job. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you know, I need a, you know, it's called, you know, I mean, an exit strategy. Yeah, so I use an exit strategy, you know what I mean? When we're done. - What is it? - It's just like, at one time what happened was, you know what I mean? She was working so hard and I just grabbed her arms and I go, no, you shook it off? - Yeah, and I shook it off and she goes, are you sure I got me out? - Like a picture to a catcher to shake. (laughing) - Shaking off the signs. - Yeah. - I don't want that, but is it worth it? I don't know. - Well, if you're happier. - Yeah, I'm happier and it's also, but here's what's the great thing about it though, is that, am I boring everybody? - No, it's interesting. - Are you sure? - Yeah. - I feel like being boring today. - We're listening. - Is that what it is? - Yeah, people are quiet when you're talking. - Oh, okay. - But what it is, is what's helped it. - I'm kidding. - Are you real? - It was a bit, it was a bit, 'cause you just asked. But go ahead. - The cookies are good. - Come on, I'm serious. - Okay. - It was a bit, you just said something. - I just didn't have the motivation or, you know what I mean? It's really weird. - That's something. - Couldn't do it. - She was like, I was hugging her and I got kind of half-hearted. You know how you get half? - I know that. - You know that feeling, right? - Yeah, yeah. - It's like mid-way point. - Oh yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Like neutral, like, India. (laughing) - Yeah, too much, a roar, right? Too much war, using reference. - Too much. - Too much. - Too much. - Yeah. - Switzerland, yeah, I'm bearing very neutral, you know what I mean? But it's like, I love the thing that I realized is that a new game came out that I've been anticipating for six months and I haven't played one single bit of it. - What is the game? - It's called Crimson Desert. - Alexa Pro. - I think it's Alexa Pro because it's like, it's downloaded. I turned it on and I saw the character walk tour, I got him to walk toward like a cabin. (laughing) - And you got a meat point. - Yeah, I got a meat point. - Yeah. - I couldn't even reach the cabin. - You got neutral. - You got sweet. - And my character stopped and I was like, I don't know, I just turned it off. - Oh, what? - Yeah, and then I just let 25 sit up. - We're gonna get, oh that's good. (laughing) - Yeah. - You need some more drive for life. - No, it's like, I don't know, it's weird. It's like, I use video games to not think about my life and not think about my anxiety and stuff, but I don't have as much, right? So it's like, I have no interest in escapism, you know what I mean? In that way. - Huh? - Yeah, so, but the only downside is, you know what I mean? - The climaxing and the orgasm. - No coming, that's a big one. - That's a big one, yeah. - You need to talk to your therapist. This isn't therapy, dude. - Is there a spider on your shirt? (laughing) - It's a hole on the wrong. - Well, it wouldn't scare me. - A spider? (laughing) - I just looked like one. - I know, but it's like, I felt like you were trying to scare me. - No. (laughing) - Yeah, I think that a scorpion maybe. - Is that a scorpion on your shirt? - I'd be like, whoa, oh, you know what I mean? But the spider was like, I don't know. - It just, it was like, you know, what's it called at the, the brown one? - Brown recluse. - So brown recluse, if it was a brown close, I'd be scared a little bit. - Yeah, they're in California. - Yeah, yeah, a black widow, probably. - Scared. - But a standard spider, I don't think, I'm scared of. - You think that's disrespectful to them that they're called standard spiders? You know, like when they're crawling up or they're wall and they're trying to be tough and you go, oh, look a little standard spider. - What about brown recluse? That's so offensive. - A brown recluse? - They're brown. - Yeah. - How did they get into this country? Is my real business? - It is, yeah, is that, exactly. - Who brought it? - Let's see your papers. (laughing) - By the way, brown recluse, black widow. Notice the theme? - Yeah. - All right. There's no white one. - Is this that? - If I, there's no white spiders. - Yeah, there is. - Genocide. - Right there. - Oh, there's one. - Yeah, there's white. - Yeah. - Would you be scared with that one? - Yeah. - No, it looks nice and safe. - Yeah. (laughing) - Hello, neighbor. - White spiders. - Oh, Gidoki. - White spiders asked to come in your house. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Hey, man, I come in. - Yeah. - Come back in. - Yeah. - A white spider. - White spiders in Arizona. That's really, those are cool. - Those are cute. - Those are cool looking. - Yeah. - But there's some black in it. Obama style. - Can I have another water, please? - Unbelievable. I love this. Hydration. Do you know why all the IV girls are hot? I know it. I figured it out. Why are they all hot? - How did you figure it out? - Because I got them a bunch of times when I'm on the road. And this helped me figure it out. - Uh-huh. - Because they're bullshit. Because they don't-- - Oh, here we go. - They don't work. And they send a hot girl to distract you from the fact that it doesn't fucking actually do shit. You piss it out five seconds later. It didn't do anything. It's placebo. And here's how I know that's true. Half of these women are administering these things. - I don't even believe their nurses. - These are just fucking chicks who-- It's like an agency hired them. I don't think that any of it's real. - That's okay if they're hot though. - I don't want someone stabbing me in the fucking arm with a needle in a bag. - So you'll never get an IV again. - I think they're spulshed. - I get them every week. - And is it working? - It is working. - And what? - My set-ups. (laughing) - Who's that? - Who's that? - Who's that? - All right. - My set-ups and my mind. - They're overpriced and they're fake. I know that they're fake. There's vitamins in those bags, but you're picking up. - Then why is your pee right a different color? - You're answered my-- What, you literally validating what I'm saying. You piss it right out. - Yeah, but it's the vitamins and all the good stuff that's going through your body. - Almost nothing gets absorbed. You can talk to any doctor, they'll tell you. Your body-- - It goes to your veins, guy. - It doesn't absorb. - You piss it right out. If you-- - Five veins absorb. - Let me see your veins. Those did absorb. - Yeah, yeah, they're absorbing your veins, dude. You gotta get your veins checked out. - Every doctor I know says it's a fucking scam. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's bullshit. And they're overpriced and they go, "You'll retain such a small percentage of those vitamins." You might as well just take a handful of fucking vitamins at home. Easier than getting a drip for 40 minutes because you want a hot chicken, you're living room. - Or so what? (laughing) - That's what it is. - It's cool. - See? - No. - It's a scam. - It's not a scam. - No, because then they add extra. Do you want extra? - Ooh, that doesn't sound like a scam at all. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. (laughing) - Do you want extra something? - It's like extra hot sauce at fucking Taco Bell. - Yeah, put it in the back. - Which one? Diablo? - Fire fire. - Diablo. - Here's why I don't like-- Now, here's why I don't like Diablo. Changes the flavor profile of Taco Bell. Fire is just hot enough and I buy it at the store. It's on sale right now at bonds. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's in my fridge. - Yeah. - I have four bottles. - I got six bottles of art work. - I have nine bottles of sheer other art work. - You know, art work? - Yeah. - Yeah, great hot sauce. - Nine bottles of it? - Yeah, I ordered it on a shop on my phone. - On shop? - It's called shop on my phone. - Is it like Amazon shop? - I don't know what it is, but yeah. The reason why I don't use Amazon anymore, because all my deliveries go to this girl I used to hit on in Phoenix. 'Cause she was sick one time. - And you forget to do that? - Yeah, I forget to do the address. - So she texted me last week to get, I got 12 bottles of art work. (laughing) And I go, oh fuck, and I finally figured out how to change the address. - Enjoy the art work, though. - Yeah. - I mean what a gift. - Art work's great. - She goes, I got 12 bottles. You're like thinking of you. - Yeah. (laughing) - And then here's what I, I also have been doing lately, and I don't know if you know this is a good thing, but you ever, you ever go to the farmer's market? Everyday. No. You know the fucking walk around the fucking farmer's market and see like four, by the way, it's three of the bins are the same thing. It's like, oh, is this lettuce again from this guy, a different guy? It's a honey guy, four lettuce stands, two egg ladies. Oh my god, what are you talking about? And how many cans? There's a sticker shop. Oh. There's a nut shop. Oh. All right. I'm not going there for lettuce guy. It's a scam. It's not a scam. Farmers aren't going to start the IV of groceries. No, it's not. Let me tell you something about fucking the farmer's market, which farmer's market are you talking about? I'm third street. Third street. Yeah. The farmer's market. The vet farmer's market. Oh. The growth and farmers. The growth. Brother, we're talking about farmer's market. No, I'm talking about the third street farmer's market. Well, all of us thought the other thing. Oh, you did? Yeah. I got you. You got me? I'm third street. I'm third. What about you, McCone? Oh, I thought you meant a real farmer's market. A farmer's market. Oh, so the farmer's market on third street is not a real farmer's market. Oh. Oh. What is it called? The mall. It's the growth. It's called the growth. No, it's called the farmer's market. Yes, that's the game of it. But it's called. No one calls it that. Nobody calls that. Oh, so in big letters, it says the farmer's market. Yes. But no one calls it that? No. No, nobody goes there. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, Pepsi, no one calls that. It's brown juice. Fucking about. It is brown juice. Look at it. It's on a fucking. What a temple. I know. What do you call that? A farmer's market. A farmer's market. A farmer's market that we're referring to is a thing that's common go. This is a permanent. It's permanent. All right. So next, I will say permanent farmer's market. Well, say you know the farmer's market at the growth. That's what everybody says. I'll say that from now. Am I right? I can write everyone goes, oh, the farmer's market, I go, that's a fucking farmer's market. There's nine people making candles, six people selling lettuce and one bitch selling eggs. It's the fucking worst. They're, they're dog shit. Look at that. Oranges. Don't need them. Don't need them. But. Can I finish? Listen. Can I finish my farmer's market at the growth? It's phenomenal. Yeah. It's a thicker shop. No, it's phenomenal. Yeah, but there's all kinds of. It's all, it's a mall with permanent restaurants. But, can I just, so there's a hot sauce store there? Hot sauce bar, yeah. Is that a bar? That's just a name, a hot sauce bar. Okay. Okay, I'm sorry. I've been combative. It's not like it. Okay. So there's a hot sauce place there and then there's the, I always buy, I don't know why, and I have a fucking cabinet filled. I go, where's the hottest one? You want a tree just to have it? I don't have it. Like, I have the source. You're not going to put it on anything, all right? No. Do you dip the thing up? No, I have the one that's shaped like a devil. I have devil's blood. You have the devil's blood? I have the hottest ones that you could buy, the most expensive ones. Very cool. Yeah. You mean the devil's blood? Yeah, that one in the top. Yeah, that's Satan's blood. Satan's blood. Yeah, yeah. I have a couple of bottles of blood. Hey, what's up? It's Mikey. Today we're doing Satan's blood. So stupid. Yeah, yeah. But I just, you know, but you collect them because I don't use them. I have the source, too. The sources. Look at the sources bottle. Have we talked about the source? No. The source hot sauce. Yeah. The source hot source. Look at the way it comes out. Like a mind. Like a book. It's ancient. It's ancient. No, it comes in that. And then, yeah, it's like that. It is so hot. It's 7.1 million Scoville units. Cory Scoville rated this? 7.1 million Scoville. So what is the average Scoville units of like a bottle of Chalula? Give me that. Here's the kid again. Yeah. Hey, guys. I'm trying the source again. It's Mikey. Give me the Scoville units of a bottle of Chalula. And let's guess because it's 7.1 million for the source. I'm guessing regular Chalula hot sauce is like 500. Yeah. Yeah. I was just going to say 1000 Scoville. 1000 and 2000. That was right on the money. Baby. Scoville units. The heat units. That's how they measure heat. And that's of what hot sauce? Okay. So just for like Chalula, regular tables, tabletop Chalula, 1000 and 2000, the one you have is 7.1 million. Yeah. That's absurdist. I know. You got to try it. No. What do you know? It's going to fry your tongue. So one time me and Jordan Peele went to that hot sauce blaze and we got the source and we took a fucking toothpick at your tongue. And we dipped a toothpick and we stuck it on a tongue and it was the most painful thing. It was like alien blood from the movie aliens. You be healed of sizzle. It is so hot. Yeah. This guy's a card that says he survived the hot sauce. Yeah. Yeah. It's a hot sauce. Oh, he just tried it once. Yeah. You get a card. You get a card. I don't have the card. We've got to get you a card. You got to get a card too then. I'll go get a card with you. I'll go do it. Would you try it? Yeah. It's just going to be fucking annoying. We learned a lot. We learned that you're going to be you're going to be getting a six pack at the very least get a two pack. Get a two pack sugar, but I'm doing setups. I think you can. I think you really can. If you're really doing 150 a day. Yeah. No, just in the morning. In the morning. He said more. What are you doing in the afternoon? I tried to do a thousand. Can you videotape it? No. Because I want proof. Well, I mean, hopefully it'll show on my body. I don't think it will. You don't think it will. I don't. You don't think sit ups that many times. I think you count one and then you lay there for 10 minutes and you think, oh, I did two hundred. You think I'm just some sort of Asian math? Yes. You guys are tricky. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I can't wait to see it. I want to see the result. Maybe you won't. Maybe I won't. Yeah. Maybe you won't. Yeah. Because you're kind of sending it, it's negative and it's not doing a thousand fucking set up. It's disruptive. It's disruptive. It's not encouraging, you know what I mean, it's discouraging. You're discouraging. No, I said I want you to prove that you're doing it. Draconian. Yeah. Draconian. Yeah. It's draconian. Is it? Yeah, yeah. Harsh. It's harsh, draconian. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. Another word I learned through the TikToks. I was just going to say this is the war of the war. There's a war thing. Thank you for being a bad friend. It's a war thing. It's a war thing. Woo. 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