Chat Was Us | Siblings

This is a headgum podcast. [music] [music] [music] Whoa! -Good show. -Now is this a slip? [laughter] -That's exactly what he said. -This is a slip-esque dress. -Two guys, just thoroughly confused by what? -We were right about some things. -Which is what? -We were right about. -Sally had said that sometimes it's something worn underneath in order for things to drape, so that things slide around. -Slide around is the feels weird. -Not slide around, but sort of they fall. -I don't like a dress to slide around. [laughter] -You don't want your dress getting caught on things. You know what I mean? -I guess maybe back in the day to have it fall. -Back in the day. -It's a certain way, but now that feels left. -You made a point about sheerness and sort of like to make all this more of a case. -That was like a slip was usually, in my mind, was always worn for. -Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was right. It's a couple of black folks said that. It's certainly wrong about the church, because in church people will be wearing a slip. -This week we're trying something new. We're going to pivot away from a re-watch discussion for an episode. And just chat. You know, we're just going to chat, bro. -Yes, chat, too. -We're just going to chat. -So the focus is on us to chat. -So welcome to the "That Was Us" group chat, where we riff off a certain topic inspired by this is us. And today we're starting out strong with siblings. -That's right. -Yeah. -We're chatting about the people who may know us the longest, who push our buttons the most, or maybe even for some, who you have to work hard to have a relationship with at all. -Mm-hmm. -We're also going to get into the roles you fall into, the stuff you don't realize until you're older, all of it. -And this ties in a little bit with where we're at in the re-watch right now, because we recently saw Kevin and Randall Reckon-Syle. -That's right. -In season five, where we are. But really, our entire show is about the dynamics of siblings and family, right? -Yeah. -But first, I think it's important to catch up because we haven't seen each other in so long. -So much has happened. -It's like a month. -It's been a month. -Okay, so even though things have been rolling, you know, I had the birthday party slash roast. -Yeah, it started turned 50. -I turned 50. -50. -And guys, I gotta tell you, it was one of the top five days of my life. -That's great. -That was absolutely so fun. -Now listen, just so everybody knows how it went down. Like, so I had, how many rosters I had my brother, Michael Logan. -Nine. -Was it nine total? -Nine slots, anyway. -10 people total. -10 people. Okay, not, yeah. -So anyway, friends from college, friends from high school, a buddy from grad school as well. -Sully and where to us? They get up at the end. And you guys were on fucking-- -On fire. -Listen, bro. -Listen. -You killed that. -Listen, I'm gonna tell you something. -Tell me something. -I've done a lot of performing in my life. -I am almost embarrassed to admit how proud I am. -You was awesome. -You shouldn't be the rose before me. -You shouldn't be. -I've watched the tape back half a dozen times. -Have you really? -Yes. -I don't have a tape. Who taped it? -Rachel. -Send it. -I got clips if you want them. -How much rehearsal? -No rehearsal. -No rehearsal? -Here's the thing. Here's what John and I realized. -Because they ripped off it. -Wait, wait, wait. I just say the whole-- the thesis of their thing was that Brown is a lead actor who doesn't pay attention to anybody. -Well, Brown can't-- -Here's what we realized. -That he's like number whatever. One on the call sheet, let's just say. -The day before the roast, Ryan Michelle sent us the running order, run of show. Okay. John and I realized we were last. -Yeah. -Which is not necessarily-- -It means that you're a closer in most things. But in a roast situation, you've now had eight people in front of you who have had a crack at all of the subject matters. -Sure. Sure. -I got you. -You're like, where does that leave us? -I get you. -Where does that leave us? -We're sitting in the front row. We're like, okay, someone just made our joke. Now we got to take that. -Really? -Yeah. We were sitting next to John. We're like, so when we get to this, instead of saying that, let's go this way. We were pivoting and we were like, and we knew it was going to be a while. I was like, we need to get up there and blast because it's a long show. So we spent a few days writing. We read it through a few times. Then I realized, as we were sitting there, I'm like, oh, not only do we have to roast them in, we have to be a well-oiled comedic duo, which takes years. -I know. -I don't occur to me until we were sitting there. These people get to go alone. They get to do their thing. -Right. -And give their speeches. I'm like, John and I are going to have to riff off each other. -Really, most people weren't performers. -No. -Nobody else would say. -Yeah. Getting up and speaking to a room full of people anyway, it's very intimidating. -It was also intimidating because they were all killing it. -They did really, really, really. -I was like, so anyways, we got up there. We had a good time. -You guys. -It brings a tear to my eye to know that you took the time. First of all, they gave me this thing that I had to read. -We had a bunch of jokes that we were trying to get in there. I was like, what if we made Sterling deliver these jokes? Instead of us delivering them, let's make Sterling do it. We wrote Sterling a script that he had never seen before. Then he had to get up and deliver our intro. -It was fantastic, like I could only refer to them as number seven and number eight. -Yeah. -Our position on the call sheet. -It was a thing. I was number four on the sheet. -For everybody listening that doesn't realize, sometimes in productions, if you are the lead of the show, you are number one. -That is correct. -Sometimes in an ensemble like our show, it is an order of appearance on screen. -Sure. -My lowest first, so he was number one. I was second, so I was number two. -Yes, and so on and so forth. -Crissey with her. -Crissey with her. -For people outside of our industry, it can just be like you are saying. -Orbitrarian. -Orbitrarian, order of appearance. Or size of role. -Yes. -Let's say Mandy has 100 lines. She is number one. Sterling has 75 lines. She is number two. I have the least number of lines. It can kind of go like that. It can also be a point of contention. -Yes. -For people with an ego who cannot be controlled. -And who care about numbers. -Who care about those numbers. -Sure. -What we were playing on was that Sterling. -Really took his number one. -Took his number serious. -Yes. -And that we were lower than him. -Yes. -Because we knew nobody else in the roast was going to have that. -Nobody else is going to have that. -Yes. -We had to take that. -It was a good inside baseball sort of thing. -You had a whole thing. There is this whole thing about they were going to reenact how I came up with the idea for paradise. -Yes. -But they wanted to make sure it was okay for them to act without me. -Yes. -Could we do acting? Is it okay if we do acting without you Sterling? -Yes. -You had such strong comedic personas. Like John's was very sort of like pulled together and sort of like swav and what have you. And you were sort of this beleaguered figure. -Yes. -I didn't know what was going to happen until I got on stage. -Really? -Yes. Because we had read it a few times. And as soon as I got on stage, I'm like, oh, this is the character. He's losing his mind that he has to be up here entertaining the king. -It was fun. -It was one of the great nights of my life. There's other good news. You finished shooting the land. -Wait, wait. Before we get off your birthday. -Okay. -Because I brought you something. -What is this? -One of the jokes that we made was that I am currently doing supporting acting for the leading acting of Violet Davis. And I've been spending a lot of time in the south in Baton Rouge and flying back and forth. And the New Orleans airport, first of all, is wild. -Yeah. -And maybe it's not all Southern airports. But you see things in this airport. I can't stop. I get the airport early just to look around. -Okay. -And I found this for you. -Oh, Lord. -And so happy birthday. -Thank you very much. -And so if you're not watching, go ahead and open it. But if you're not watching us on Hulu, shame on you. And you won't get to see it. But I was like, well, that has to. I got to get that for sterling. And it's. That's the first moment. -It does have rhinestones. -It does have rhinestones on it. -That's your whole face. -And it is. -Stand on. -It's dolly dressed up like the Virgin Mary. -Fully but dazzled. -With rhinestones. -Yeah. And you know, I had to get one for myself. This one. This one. -He's risen. -Yeah. -I'm telling you these airports. These airports are wild, man. It's a t-shirt that says he is risen. And it's. -All right, ZZ. -It's our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, raising up for a nasty don. -He's about to pass the fall. -That's about the airport. -I'm telling you guys the New Orleans airport is wild. -I'm going. I'm going. I'm doing the commencement address at Tulane. -Oh, nice. -So I'll be there next weekend. -Oh, nice. -Yeah, sure good. -But this time, the time of the airport. weekend? Yeah, it's coming weekend. When do you leave? I'll see you there. Friday. Okay, great. Um, check. Anyways, look around the airport. It's wild. I saw a book that was 52 prayers for for my wife. Yeah, just a book. Just a book. Just a book. Just a book. I'm gonna say a prayer for my wife. I'm gonna say 50 to one. One a week, right? It's a, it's a, it's a yearly. It makes sense. Wait, huh? Okay. So you guys, Mandy, you were talking about the neurovice that went through your family. What else? What else is going on? What's going on? How is, how is Viola? How is working with her? She's wonderful. Give it to me. She's just very, she's very focused. Economical. Very economical. Yeah. She's got the set set up the way she needs it to be set up because she's gonna be there all day every day for every day of shooting. Yep. Um, you know, in between takes, you know, she is in preservation mode. But if you, if you get in there, she opens right up. Sure. Very nice. Very lovely. When are you done? I got one more, I got one more day of shooting this Monday. So I go back on Sunday. Shall we dip into the siblings? Sure. Part of the thing. Yeah. We're gonna start off with the, the game that we wanted to play was two truths and a lie. Two truths and a lie. Who wants to go first? Sully. All right. All right. We're gonna kick off with two truths and a lie. Two truths and a lie about siblings. Yeah, siblings themes. I can start if you want me. Yeah, yeah. You start. You start. You start. How many siblings do you have? See, this is excellent question. That's me and my brother and my sister and the doggy. How's a Dutch? Dutch. We've heard about Dutch. That's sweet Dutch. I love Dutch. Oh. Yeah. I have to Dutch till like him and my dad were like passed around the same time. Like Dutch right before my dad, within the year before my dad. This was the last dog you loved. We heard it the roast. We won't go into details, but yeah, that's right. It was confirmed at the roast. Yeah. You end to be clear. You do have a dog right now, but this is the last dog you loved. Okay. All right. First one. First one. Okay. I'm one of three biological children from my mom. Right. I am. I have two adopted siblings and all of my siblings were born in St. Louis except for my sister who was born in California. Those are my three. That's it. All right. So now you guys. Those were the three. That was three. What was the first one? I'm one of three biological siblings from your mom. From your mom. From my mom. I think the lie is that your sister was born in California. That's what I'm going with. I think it's the first one. You're correct. Ah. You made a repeat it and I saw him lying in his eyes. Okay. Yeah. You're about to see. My mom. You can have had a son before my oldest brother. Okay. eldest brother's name is Anthony. Yes. He had a childhood disease and passed away at the age of six. Oh my gosh. I didn't know that. I know. I know. So my brother's oldest son is named Anthony. After his brother. After our oldest brother. So I never got a chance to meet my oldest brother because my brother and sister are 14 and 12 and a half years older than me. Yeah. So they have memories but probably not even the strongest memories because memories start formulating around three, four and he probably passed away right around that. In a retro photo like this, right? Yeah. From here, those could be your parents. Tell me about the age differences. Yeah. This is so starting. And here's the thing. They don't like it if I ever say half siblings because in African-American families or not, you just like you've had the same mom or your brother's sister. So they're my brother and my sister. But it's one of the and we'll get into this as we go through because one of the things that I used to envy most about their relationship is like a shared history that I sort of was on the outside of. Okay. Just a little bit because they grew up together. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And so like when I see you guys with your kids, I was like, oh, that's that's the sweet spot. Like do it like that because I wish my boys were even a little bit closer together. Okay. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Why? There's just a little bit of a different interest between that four-year gap. Like where one person is still watching Disney Junior and the other person is like, I want to go see the Marvel flicker or whatnot. Yeah. And so like it starts to close as they get a little bit older. But when they were young, I was like, oh, I have to go do separate things with everybody. I got it. Okay. Who's next? Good job, Chris. Yeah, go ahead. Okay. 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With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over six million people globally. And it works with an average rating of 4.9 out of five for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. You don't have to say yes to everything this summer. Find support in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com/TWU. That's betterHELP.com/TWU. My younger brother, Kyle, there in the little Rudolph outfit. Yes. I slammed his finger in the door. So hard that it was hanging off. And he had to go rush to the hospital to have it sewn back on. He subsequently got a little, not a little. He got an infection that wasn't allowing blood to go to the fingertip. So he had to have a shunt put in his chest to have blood flow to his finger. What? If that's the lie. That's very specific. If that's the lie, we've just learned something about Mandy's mind. Okay. Another one. He's going to go free of it. Look at me. Yeah, yeah. The other one. I stuck my finger in their eye. My younger brother also overdosed twice on Flintstone vitamins. Overdosed? Overdosed? What are the repercussions of the. Eighth the entire bottle discovered by babysitter. Yeah. Had to go have stomachpasta. That's too much vitamin C. Okay. It's too much vitamin C. And so after the first time somebody's like, now we've got to get back to the store and get another bottle. So he can overdo it again. He need the whole thing. Didn't learn his lesson. We're doing that. Well, great. Now we're out of vitamins. My older brother dreamed of being a meteorologist and he would stand in front of the TV as we were growing up and would pretend to do the weather, would stand in front of the weather man. And that was like the ultimate dream for him was to be a meteorologist. My nephew did that. My nephew is a meteorologist. Would watch the weather channel for hours at a time. Yeah. My brother was the same. Yeah. Okay. Those are the three. It can't be the first one. The first one has to be the first one. Or is that why it is? Or is that why it is the first one? I think he, I think it's number two. I think he only overdosed once. I think I think that's what it's the number. It's not that he didn't do it. I think he didn't have it twice. That's smart. That's why. That's why. That Mandy is telling part truth, but one of them is part lie. Yeah. See that that was where I was going because because I think she definitely, we all slam our siblings finger in a door. It's like everybody has seen like maybe it wasn't hanging off. Right. Maybe there was no one. Maybe there was no shunt involved. That's true. That's possible. And now that I'm trying to think medically speaking, if there's no blood going to his finger, why was there a shunt in his chest? I think Mandy just wanted to say the word shunt. I think number one is the lie. And you're saying number two. I said number two. It was number two. But can I give you some some real information? Give it to me. Because that happened to me. I overdosed on Flintstone vitamins twice. Are you? My parents should be like in jail. Wait. No. Two separate, no, no. Two separate times. I had to go get my stomach pumped because I'd eaten in entire bottle of Flintstone vitamins. Once was with my parents, present, and once was with a baby sister. - They are delicious. - Yeah. - Are you serious? - Yes, twice. - The whole thing. - The whole thing. - You needed a G.O.P. one. - They did not make them so tasty. - Yep. - They were tasty. - They were tasty. - They were a little chalky now looking back, but that didn't stop me. But yes, I did slam my brother's finger in the door accidentally. It was hanging off. He had to go have it sewn back on, but he got some rare infection where blood wasn't flowing to the tip of his finger. And it was like something they had, so they had to put a shunt in his chest that was helping the blood get to like the finger toe. - He had to have this whole separate operation. And it was-- - That's why you got to go to school for like 12 years to be a doctor. - I guess. - To figure out why you'd have to have a shunt in your chest to help the tip of your finger. - To have that. - Yeah. - They spent a whole semester on that shunt. - He never left me forget it. - Finger shunts. - Yeah. - 'Cause he got that weird finger. - He does. - It is actually-- - Remember like crooked. - Yeah. - Remember how you named me? - He goes, "Hi." - Waves it around. - Waves it up in every family picture. He's always like this. With like one finger pointed down. - One finger like drooping. - The baby brother. - For a little Kyle. Only 18 months younger than me. - Yeah. - Ah, Christopher Joseph, you're up. - All right. I am one of two. There's a photo of me in my brother washing the Mustang right after I got it. - You're the blue? - Yeah. - But you track down again. - Yeah, that's the one lost Mustang. When we first got it. So let's see, three facts about my sibling. - That wasn't the first one? - No, okay. - No, no, that's just-- - I was explaining the photo for those who are not watching us on Hulu for some reason. Weird. So my brother was a junior Olympic archer. - Okay. - Mm-hmm. - Okay. (laughing) - My brother is married to John Candy's daughter. - Okay. - And my brother, Brian, with a Y. - That explains everything. (laughing) - I love the joy that he has parsing out the information gun. Walks with a cane. - Okay, I am gonna say I know-- - Two is true. - Two is true, 'cause you've mentioned it before. - Two is true, he's mentioned it. - I couldn't remember Feydman. - I feel-- - I just remember him being an Olympic. I wanna say, I'm just not sure if it was an archer, 'cause I remember Chris being like, I was a ranked tennis player. - Yeah. - And my brother was, yeah. So I feel like that there may be some lie detected with the sport. - Yeah. - And I don't know what the thing is. - I think also one, just because if three-- - Yeah, I feel like two-- - It's not true. That's a weird thing to say about your brother. - Yeah. (laughing) - You know what I'm saying? I think he's like-- - I'm gonna go with one, too. - Keywalks with the cane. And then we're gonna be like lies. And then I'll be like, that's a little aggressive on our part, right? - Yeah, yeah. (laughing) - Incense in it. - I'm gonna go with number one as well. - One. - The lie is three. I've realized. - Here. - Oh, that Brian with a lie is not-- - Is that the lie? - Is that the lie? - That Brian with is with a lie. - No, here's the problem. I said I messed up the game. - You told all three like truths? - Yeah, it was a trick. Got you guys. - Trick! - I got you. - Wait a minute, dude. - I got you. - Did you really tell all three things? - Yeah, listen guys, listen. - Well cool. I love, I love learning about Brian with a lie. I love it. - He was an Olympic archer. - So yeah, he was. He was an Olympic archer. All those things are true, you guys, which is not how this game goes. - But I love it. - But we've learned some things here today. - We've learned some things about Brian. - Oh my god. - It makes me even more happy that we said one because-- - Yeah, yeah. - I was like, I could have sworn it was a different sport. - So what happened was, what happened was, I was a boy scout, right? And so I learned archery, I learned rifle, rifle-free shooting guns, things like that. And one summer when, you know the middle of summer where all your friends are gone. - Yeah. - Yeah. - And your mom is like, leave this house. - Yeah. - And there's nothing to do. And it's so hot and it's sacramental. It's just like, what are we gonna do? And I had just got my license. I was 16, my brother was 13 'cause we're about three and a half years apart. Which has it, so I think we'll talk about each difference more. But I was like, I've just learned how to do this archery thing. Let's go find an archery range. And we walked into this archery range in sacramental. Nobody was there. And he picked up a bow and was like Robin Hood. - Really? - From shot one. - Really? - Yeah, just like bull's eyes. - Wow. - No way. - Yeah, at one point in his archery career put an arrow through the arrow. - No! - Yeah, yeah, like all of those things. And it was like his big deal for a long time. Like when you see an Olympic archers with all like the gear and the stuff and the thing, yeah. - Where did he compete? - All around California. - But like what Olympic games? - Junior Olympic. - Oh, Junior Olympic. - Junior Olympic. - Wow. - That is, man, you guys are a talented athletic family. - Yeah, we were. - Yeah. - Still not. - Where are you? - Still not. - No, you are. - That's in you. - But yeah, he's currently walking with a cane 'cause he broke his back. - What? - No, I know. I know. - Is he okay? - He's fine. - I don't break your back. - Exactly. - That's a good question, man. - It's a fall. - It's a fall. - You know. - He fell over, yeah, and hit his back on a. - Dresser and had to have surgery in the whole deal. - Oh, Brian. - And now he's got a really sweet looking cane. He's getting better. He's getting better. - Brian with the wine. - We hope you're in. - It's a rare one with the wine. - On the mend. - I know. It is. - Let's talk about the role that you played in your sort of, amongst your siblings, with your parents, et cetera. You're the eldest. - Yeah. - Does that mean that you are the person that sort of holds the status quo that sort of is the straight arrow or what? - No, I was kind of thinking about this. We have a couple episodes that we watched for this day of recording too, where I was thinking about like position. - Yeah. - And in "This Is Us," there kind of is no position of the same age, right? Which makes for a really interesting, dynamic, six seasons of it. But where I was, a big part of like my brother and I's friction is that we were close in age, but not so close that we were in the same social circles. - Mm-hmm. - But close enough to where my presence was always just above his, in his world. - Uh-huh. - Does that make sense? - Yes. - He didn't like that. - Yeah. - Okay. - And it's a weird thing because it's neither of our fault. - Totally. - Right? It's just the way we move through the world. Like, I graduated high school and he came into that high school. - Got it though. - That'll be the case for my kids. - Right. - Yeah. - Like, and I was Sully. - Yeah. - Right. - So he's Sully's little bit. - On the back of my, you know, I was a cheerleader. - Uh-huh. - I don't know if I told you guys that. - No. - I was a cheerleader at the all boys Catholic school, which was essentially just a band of like, rowdy assholes who would go to sporting events and in their polo shirts with their names on the back. - Sure. - But like Sully, right? And so when Brian got to high school, he was. - Sully's little brother. - Little Sully. Literally his nickname. Little Sully. He's bigger than I am. - He's taller than I am. - Yeah. - Yeah. - And so stuff like that becomes like a social. - Yeah. - It's brutal. - Yeah. - It's just thorn in his side. - Yeah. - Yeah. - That's just like the ghost of this other person always around. - This is interesting. - You know what I would find annoying too. - What about in the context of the home in terms of how your relationships with your parents, would you say that they're similar, different in any kind of way? - No, I think that there was, there was some, that's another point of contention is that the one who went first creates the comparison. If you're not careful. - Why can't you be like, you know? And so that has definitely led to a lot of our tensions over the years. - Okay. - Yeah, I got it. - What about you, SKB? - SKB, biologically I am the youngest, right? Now I do have a little brother and little sister who my mom adopted when I was 22 years old. So I started grad school. My mom got my little brother. And then two years later, my little sister came along and because they have the same biological mom, right? But so I love them. I don't want to exclude them from this conversation. But in terms of like how I grew up, I was the youngest, right? I am hands down my mother's favorite child. Openly. She's open about it. It's she didn't have to be. My mom can't talk anymore. She has ALS. But if you ask my brother or sister or me, right? Like until Robert came along, who's my youngest brother, I was hands down. Like like my mom said, you think Robert's a favorite now? Rob may be because Rob has like Rob Rob dances and he we call his nickname is happy. We call him happy. He's like, Hey, how you doing, man? Yeah. And he's always just got this big beautiful smile on his face and just brings good vibes. I think he's taken over what I sort of did with with Arlene. And I say this because so the role is wise, I would say I would think a lot about my brother Arman when I thought about Randall, who's the person that just sort of like keeps everything together, make sure, you know, because he oversees mom's care right now. Like he does, he's beautiful in that way. My sister and he had this incredibly close relationship. I say had because as they've gotten older, they have a little bit of friction amongst each other. So I'm also the communicator in my family where people will call me to say like, can you talk to someone? So I was like, y'all live in the same city. How do you feel about that? It's exhausting. Will you do it? Oh, yeah. Okay. I'll do it. But it is exhausting. It's a big burden. It's a little bit of something. But I do have the benefit of not being combed. And I think question. Good. Do other people know that? I mean, clearly they know that because you're calling and you're trying to communicate. Yeah. Do they appreciate it? Yeah, they do. Okay. They definitely appreciate. We'll do this. We'll talk to the media. I actually think it is my role that I take on, not gladly, but I take on because I don't have to be in St. Louis. And what I mean by that is I love St. Louis. I love home. But there's a certain amount of drama that comes when you are ensconced. And there's a certain level of distance and perspective that you can have when you are removed. Yeah. That you can say like, okay, guys, all you have to do is this. So that's that. Yeah. But I am the person that brings levity. I am like, I can remember as a young kid. I don't know if you're because we're all performers like and this is going to sound weird to some people, but not weird at all to me. I just love putting on my mom's shoes and like putting a purse over and just going in the character. Yeah. Like it was the gym and to see her laugh. Yeah. That was the your first audience is mom and dad. Yeah. Like to crack them up. You're like, I got something here. So that was always my thing. I also think as the youngest. And I don't know how your brother would feel about this because you're a lot to live up to. I learned a lot from the mistakes of my brother. I was like, oh, you guys are going to do it that way. I'm not going to go this way. Yeah. So like there was I appreciated them sort of doing the best that they could with things. But I felt like I had enough intelligence to say like I can choose a path that may be a little bit easier for sure. And that way. That's interesting. Yeah. What about you, man? You're in the middle. Smack that in the middle. We got the oldest. We got the youngest in the middle. We got the middle. Yeah. Look at this. I like this. Yeah. Yeah. That makes that I think that makes a lot of sense. No. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I think it does. Our own big three. Yeah. And I'm the middle kind of like Kate. But you're also the only girl too. I was about to say that too. Yeah. Yeah. That is the difference. Do your parents still have those outfits? I want I wish. I should check. I feel like my mom and my mom kept a lot. My parents are divorced now. But yeah. That feels like something that got tucked away in a box somewhere. Yeah. That's probably like eaten by a man. Were you a man to up to a certain point? No. I was always. Always. Yeah. Okay. My grandmom made those. And so I think it was like and she made our Christmas stockings and stuff. So I think that like my legal name was on that sort of stuff. But I was never Amanda. Grandma's are always the one too like who were like no, her name is Amanda. Yeah. You named her Amanda. That's what we're calling her Amanda. Yeah. My dynamic was always so my older brothers four years older, Scott. And then my younger brother's 18 months younger than me. Are you guys closer because of the gap? Yes. Less gap? Yes. My younger brother and I have always been closer. Right. I love them both. They both live here in L.A. But they live far away that they might as well live in St. Louis. Everybody's in L.A. Everyone's in L.A. No. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Both of their jobs lead them to they're in the production. My younger brother works for Apple, my older brother works on like the production coordination side of like unscripted TV. So he travels a lot and so does my younger brother for his job. Yeah. So they're not often always in town. Okay. But I would say growing up because I was the only girl and because I was a very determined focused kid about what I wanted to do with my life. It's sort of like and I led the charge. It almost felt like I was the oldest. Yeah. You know, not to say that either one of them were like unfocused, but I was always just sort of like a laser beam. Like I know what I want to do from like six, like a little older than that picture. I know what I want to do. I know I'm going to do it. I just need mom and dad to help facilitate and drive me to rehearsals. But it took a little bit longer for both of them to kind of come into what I think they wanted to do with their lives. Yeah. So it almost felt like I was the oldest because I like started working and I had a career path. And so yeah, I kind of oddly have never really felt like the middle child. Always felt supported by siblings through this journey. Never any sort of like what does Mandy get to do? Never any jealousy. Okay. I would say like never jealousy that's ever been voiced to me. Yeah. Like very supportive and loving, but also like you do that and we do something else. Like we're not really interested. Like it's cool when you do, but like not like yeah, never like very impressive to them. Christopher, I have a question for you and I only want you to delve as much as you want to. What was the time of least friction that existed between you and your brother? I was thinking about that the other day. I think there's I had another photo. Do you have the other photos? There was there was another photo of me and my brother and Milo. I saw. Yeah. Yeah. And it will I'm like is it? It's not the last photo that we took together, but it's like it was from a comic. We went to we went to Salt Lake City, Comic Con. Right. And Milo and I had tables next to each other. And my brother, I was like, Hey, you want to come with me? And my brother came, and I was like, I think this is the I think this is the last time that we had like a trip and had like fun together. No. There's something interesting that happens when a person quits drinking. Yeah. And I had it on that trip. Right. And it might be a little self centered and narcissistic of me to think about it on this on this in this way. Yeah. There it is. Okay. And you guys are all real goofy and cute. Do you have the other photo? And then before Milo took off, I asked if we could take this special photo just for me. And this is this is Toby with Dead Jack Pearson. So we took a photo. We took a photo of that at the Comic Con before. No one knows why is yeah. I mean, I mean, I mean, if if that's not a moment in time, there is a thing that happens to get Milo Ventimilia to lay down on the ground. It's pretty good. Play dead. Yeah. I feel like that would never happen. Yeah. And neither. I feel like I got him like right in a yeah in a moment. There's a thing that happens when a person stops drinking. Yes. Sorry. If drinking is an activity. Yeah. A lot of people use it to connect. Yeah. For obvious reasons. It allows you to kind of lay your guard down, maybe boundaries, and you can maybe socialize a little freer, whatever the thing is. But there are certain people that you realize when you quit, like, oh, that was the entirety of our relationship. Gotcha. You know, oh, we used to go get drinks. Yeah. And now I don't drink. So what do we do? We're not friends anymore. Yeah. It also makes a subconscious statement to people. Well, if he quit drinking, if he thinks he has a problem, and I drink the same amount as him, does he also think that I? Yeah. They feel judged. They feel judged. Or they feel abandoned. Or they feel all of the above. All of these things. Yeah. Which in some cases is true. I'm like, you finally cut back to or you brought, right? Whatever. And this was the first trip where we socialized where I had quit. And he hadn't. And it was just like very obvious that that like, oh, we're going to socialize different now. Yeah. Like you want to go out, you want to stay out late, you want to do it. And I could do that for a while. but then I'm like, you know what, it's 11.30, I could head back to the hotel. Sure. But yeah, that's a good photo. Yeah, that is a good photo. That's so sweet. Yeah. More that was us after the short break. If this is us has taught us anything, it's that a home is never just a home. It's where all the big moments and the small ones happen. 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And if my guests need anything, I want them to be comfortable and I want them to be helped immediately, but if I'm not available, who can do that? And now Airbnb has a whole network of hosts, professional hosts, who can do that for you. A co-host can handle guest communication, manage reservations, and even provide onsite support. So hosting feels a lot more stress-free. So it doesn't feel like you're taking on a whole new responsibility. It just becomes something that actually fits into your life. If you're curious about getting started, find a co-host at Airbnb.com/host. (upbeat music) - Okay, I'm gonna talk about my brother and sister. I mean, there's things that we can like reference here or whatever. Man, you're not really in messy middle because you kind of like function as the oldest because of that drive that you have. There's some of the interesting, I think, for me, where I'm the youngest, but I'm also sort of the person who's doing well in life. And I'd say that my brother and sister are not, 'cause they're both doing very well. My sister's a school teacher, a high school teacher. She has a doctor in political science and then my brother's a pharmaceutical salesman. He's a drug pusher. For a long time, I worked in like a gin and tech or, you know, farm, anyway. There's a really interesting thing that happens for us where I kind of feel like Michael Corleone a little bit. Have you seen? - I have. - Okay. - That was a close one. - This is my running sort of thing for me. - Not three, but one and two. - Good for you. - Yeah, I've heard. - Skip it. - Skip it. But like that thing that happens where like some people may feel somewhat passed over, like it should have been me sort of thing. And I don't think that my brother and sister don't feel that way about me. Like I think they're deeply appreciative and wanna see me thrive or whatnot. But there's also this interesting thing where like sometimes they have to ask me for resources. That is not comfortable for all three of us, right? Like nobody is like eager to have the conversation, right? I'm like, all right, let's talk about it, we can figure it out. Because there is this interesting thing. I think I asked you this before, Manny, and this did not apply. I am, and this extends beyond siblings to family. And a lot of folks in my community will call this, what they call a black tax. And it's like, you are a person who is able to be of service and then at what point do you feel like you are being of service and what point do you feel like? Or am I being taken advantage of any sort of way? And you may never be taken advantage of, but in your mind, you're sort of going through this sort of-- - Analysing. - Analyzing it. - Of like, if I keep giving, does that mean that no one has the incentive to change behavior to try to sort of do for themselves? - Or is it become assumed? - Does it become assumed like those sorts of things can happen from time to time, which is interesting? But going back specifically to my brother and sister though, who, my mom, what I've learned as I got older, is that my mom is a very laissez-faire mother. And I think she was a laissez-faire mother because she had three children at like 19, 20, and 22. And then she had brown at 34. So I think my brother and sister actually did help raise me a lot, right? Not necessarily a day-to-day stuff, but what they did do was make things special. And I see this because I see it with my wife, who makes things special, right? Like, my wife threw this birthday party. - Yeah. - I don't even know if I know how to do that. Like, she made something, also because I have an aversion to spending money. - We heard that in the roast, too. - Yeah, yeah. Yes, this is very true. Like, I try to make as much as I can so that she can spend it for me. - Yeah. (laughing) - What do we do with all this? - Good man. (laughing) - I was like, I don't know how to spend it. I'm sure Ryan will figure it out. And she makes things special. So my mom, like, birthday parties and everything. I was like, mom, are we gonna do a birthday? She's like, I don't know what you want to do. I don't know. It's my brother and sister. My brother and sister, I can remember for a long time, my favorite food was lasagna. My brother made this huge lasagna. We had a sleep over with all my friends over. My sister always got a cake. She always got the balloons. Like, they're the ones that made these things special. And not that like, I wouldn't have missed it if I didn't have it, but like, I appreciate that they sort of said, like, mom's not gonna do it. So, we kind of got to do it. So, I just wanna shout them out there. Have you talked about that with them before? I don't know if I have. But I will now. I will now. Like right now, all the conversations for us, not all of them, are about mom's care. - Sure. - Right? It's very this is usish. And you know, she has good days, bad days. It's been eight years, right? Since the official diagnosis was in April of 2018. - Yeah, I remember. - By October of 2018, she couldn't speak, right? Musculature in here had declined to the point where speech wasn't possible anymore. So, I'll FaceTime, and I show her the kids, and I show her myself, and I tell her what's going on with life, and she smiles. Smiling's getting tougher, you know what I'm saying? And I feel like I have for me now, it's not about bringing joy to mom, as much as to my brother and sister, because they're there every day, and my brother, especially, who sees the decline on a steady basis, there's bed sores you gotta deal with. I think she's about to get a, might be dealing with the second case of shingles. Like it's. - Oh, it's a little huff, right? And so to give him something to think about other than that. Like he participated in my roast, he was the first person to him. And he did a good job. Like, I thought he did a great job. It was fun because we make fun of each other all the time. He has a very large head. I make fun of how rectangular it is, and how he has corners and his forehead. I was like, that should be smoother. (laughing) He makes fun of me about licking my lips and all this kind of stuff, but I have a great deal of admiration for the both of them, because I think I'm wired differently. Like when I go home, like I can stay with mom all day. Like all day. And then our caregivers will say, like if you wanna step out while we change or what have you, I'm like cool. There's dignity and you wanna give space for that, but I don't have to move. Like I just sit there and hold our lane's hand and we just kick it, you know? Like what my brother has decided to do in terms of organizing the caregivers sort of coming up with the shifts. Like he has a camera. - He's able to stay home. - So he has to go out of town from time to time, but he has like a camera in the house. - But she's in our house, yeah. - She's in the house that I grew up in. - Great. - In 1975 and I was, you know, 1976 brown and came into the world. So that is the great joys that we kind of all three of us together are able to make something special. In terms of like I'm able to help with resources, he does the granular work of it. And then my sister will come in on birthday parties and mother's days and she decorates the room or whatnot and she comes up with these photo collages. Like things that neither one of us can do. - They're making it special. - They're saying like they're making it special. - Yeah. - So it's pretty cool. - It's something, man. We talked about so much on the show about how every child is born into a completely different family. - Yeah. - And it's hard to, it's hard to even understand that until you start having your own kids. - Yeah. - And you see how different thing, how quick things change. - Yeah. - And watching these last couple of episodes, there's coping mechanisms that we develop, right? And each child who enters a different family has a new set of a new kind of love, a new set of challenges, a new. path to walk. And we have these mechanisms and watching like the big three and on this is us, there and everybody has this. I'm not talking about like when I say narcissism. I'm not talking about like a psychopathy. I'm just talking about like self-centered, self-defense. Like, oh, these three have narcissistic tendencies talking about the big three because they, their dad died when they were when they were 16, 18, and they now have to pivot and figure out how to survive that. And a lot of times we turn inward. And narcissism doesn't mean that you think highly of yourself. It means that you think only of yourself. And so like whether it's Kevin's tendencies or Kate's low self-esteem or whatever the thing is. Randall's codependency. And so to kind of think about that as it applies to, I know, I've certainly dealt with all kinds of stuff like that. And then to watch my brother deal with his version of that that is directed at me, sometimes directed at our parents. It's just kind of interesting as I have, I have a pair of siblings living in my house now. Yeah. And to watch them develop. And already like at five and three, Eve is now going to bear's old preschool. And she's already said she doesn't like it because this is bear's school because as soon as she got there, are you bear's sister? Oh, you're bear's sister. Bear comes to pick her up sometimes and all the day bear. And so there's like a, I can see it happening, like a framework for her already of like that rejection of what's come before because of them or or something that is only hers or unique to her. Yeah. And it's like it's not that we need to fight it or or change it. But it's something to be aware of. Yeah. And to allow her to express because she is already like, I want to go back to my old school because that's my school. This is bear's school. You know, and and those types of emotional divisions travel with us into adulthood. Yeah. I want to be an individual. I want to exist on my own accord. I want to I don't want to be compared. I don't want to be held up to. I don't. Yeah. You know, and it's and it's hard to avoid. Yeah. I can as the youngest, I can remember mom saying, you know, why can't you be responsible like like Armin and and do stuff like this, etc. And at a certain point, like I didn't have to go through the exact same thing because there was more space. I did go to a different school. But my brother was a stud. Like he was like he was like martial arts. Like he was cut to shreds. Yeah. Like a Greek God. I was like, God, dog. This dude is a beast, right? My sister was a track star. Like she could tumble. She could do flips and everything. And also was a cheerleader as well. Yeah. Just like me. Just like you. Just like me. I feel like we learned something new today. That was a detail I wasn't aware of. I love it. I'll get your photo. But there is there is I I felt like I had enough space and also in terms of the family that you're grown into, I got a 34 year old mom versus a 21 year old. Very different. Massive. Yeah. Night and day. Yeah. I'm saying like there's a certain level of patience that Arlene Brown had with me, even though she brook's no nonsense. But like patience and wisdom because we're all older parents are so I guess not anymore. I guess everybody's waiting longer. That's true. A lot of people are way older than your mom was older than my parents. Yeah. I was 35 and not a lot of 20 year old. I don't know a lot of 20 year old parents. Yeah. Yeah. And it does make a difference. Like I do see with Andrew and I was like, oh, there's things that like I can sort of like take a deep breath with right now that I may have reacted to if I was a younger person. Sure. You know, I was the thing my mom was she had parents. So my brother and sister grew up after she divorced from their dad went back home with my grandmother and grandfather. And so that's a sort of a license to be out in the streets for a 20 year old 20 something year old woman. You know, and so like they were also raised by my grandparents and mom was out. So like hanging out with bands, you know, I'm saying asking people what their son was keeping her pistol in a person in case things got crazy or not. Yeah. Like all of that was sort of like dormant by the time I came around because my mom was a born-again Christian at age 40. So when I was by the time I was six years old, I was being asked to pray in tongues for 15 minutes a day, you know, it's like, it's a completely different lady. Completely different thing. But yeah, I forget that sometimes that they, I think my brother and sister actually had to grow up faster than I did. I actually think I'm a child that got a chance to be preserved a little bit longer. Because I think your mom wasn't to a couple of different things like and you can comment on this too man because I'm not sure how old you were when it happened. I think divorce is traumatic. Yeah. Oh yeah. And I saw like how how strongly my brother and sister hold on to family. Not to say that I don't, but in a in a different way because there's a level of stability I had. My mom and dad were married the whole time that they were there. And they weren't going to not be together. So I never worried about like will this foundational thing fall apart? Right? Right? Like it was never a worry of that. But I think my brother and sister have a different sort of like hold on to it because they know that it can fall apart. Sure. Right? And so I'm curious for you. How do you? I was 22. Yeah, but still it rocked. Did it? My world it rocked my older brothers were I rocked all of us. Yeah. I think it really affected him the most not to speak out of turn. Sure. It affected me as well. And it certainly affected my little brother. I felt like maybe unfairly we had to sort of have alliances with the parent that we thought was my mom left my dad. Yes. So we felt I felt like I had to go to my dad's aid and help him. I think my younger brother did as well. My older brother sort of floated in the middle but maybe aired more towards my mom's side. Yeah. And as you get older and have distance and are sort of healing from that initial shock, you realize like, Oh, no one like no one's like really at fault necessarily. And and she was in pain and my dad was in pain equally and like it's not fair to just like to have abandoned my mom, which I did for like a year. I was like can't talk to you. I'm busy. I'm going to compartmentalize and I have to like help take care of dad who is my parents were high school. Sweethearts, they've been together since they were like 15. They were about to celebrate their 30th anniversary. Like yeah, it was like it was a huge shock. And I also I think being a product of growing up when we all did and sort of this like divorce generation, that was my greatest fear. Yeah. It was watching all the friends around me whose parents split up and what that looked like and I'm sure as most children do like you just like I had this deep seated fear of what would happen one day if that was our reality. And I just didn't I I like couldn't fathom it. Yeah. So even when it did happen and we were older, it's still I was still a trauma to heal from and it fractured our family in a way that like has never really fully healed. My parents have other partners now and I love their partners and and their families and stuff. But it's like my parents seldom come together. They came together for my wedding. They'll come together for specific things. But like occasionally like holidays. But it's normally like if my mom comes for Thanksgiving, we'll see my dad and stepmom for Christmas. Like it's not there's not and it's not there's not a lot of like animosity. It's just more of like why do we need to? Yeah. Why do we need to be together? You know, if we can come and have our time with you and the kids and then my mom and her partner can come and have time with the kids. Like it doesn't there doesn't need to be like a ton of combing link. And in fact, like there is there's an awkwardness when they're all together. Like I'm thinking back now to like I think they were there for like Ozzie's birthday maybe last year or Gus's there's Oh, it was Gus's birthday this year. And there's always just like a little bit of weirdness. Like not to speak out of turn. My parents don't listen to this podcast. My mom will be a little bit like cozy. Try to get like cozy with my dad or like talk about the inside jokes or whatever that they had. And I'm like, lady, what are you doing? You're being read the room. Yeah. You're married. He's married. Like, we don't need to know. But if you have your cake, you need it too. So I'm always a little bit like, uh, yeah, yeah. And then my dad and I will download afterwards. And he's like, you're a mom. I'm like, ah, I know she means well, but yeah, it's also well that ends well, but that initial trauma of the splintering of the family and the separation, it's like it was a lot. And you said the divorce generation, it's so interesting to think that our parents, who quote unquote when divorce started becoming more common, came from an era where divorce was not exactly an anthem prevalent, but what was prevalent was two people living together for their entire life who hated each other, sleeping in separate bedrooms so time. They're just openly hated each other, yeah, presented each other, didn't want to be together. Yeah. Yeah. And so like what it's, which is more traumatizing, you know what I mean, it's, it's so, it's so hard. I would say the forward. Yeah. Yeah. It's staying together and hating each other. Like because I saw your parents when we did our, our live, uh, podcast, that's right. And they seem like they're pretty healthy. Yeah. Like they're, they're, they're, octogenarians are septogenarians both, they're both ones there. One's there. Um, is there any conversation that you and your brother have to have with regards to like what happens when mom and dad reached this place? Or is that not anything that is transparent? Oh, yeah, we haven't gotten, we haven't gotten there yet. Yeah. Same. Yeah. Same. My parents aren't 70 yet. They're almost there. They're not. That's wild. That's Christmas. Yeah. Yeah. How old were they when you were born? Twenty. Four. Twenty-four, I think. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So they're almost there at the 69. Yeah. In your 26. I'm 26. That's right. Yeah. It's crazy. So they're just in their, they're in their 40. That's crazy. Yeah. Yeah. The other thing that is, that is, that is like, I've gotten older that kind of blows my mind think, like philosophically speaking, it's like we are living with our siblings. Yeah. Out of circumstance. Sure. These two people who love each other had us. Yeah. Right. And there's a certain mindset that people have like, well, your brothers or your siblings. Yeah. So you love each other. And it's like, yes. Obviously. Sure. But to try to force some kind of like, like romantic idea of what it means to be a brother and a sister and like, I guess in my head, I was just thought like, oh, brothers and sisters just are like best friends or they're like, they always get along because that's what brothers and sisters. That's how they're on TV and movies and like, when in fact it's like two individuals growing up together and they don't always grow closer and you don't need to force it. And a lot of the times, like I could, the friction that happens at least between me and my brothers, like trying to force that and be like, we're different. We like different things. My brothers and I are very different. In fact, we don't see each other as often as I would like. We did just tab dinner earlier this week, but like, it's been so long since like just the three of us because it's always like, come see the kids or like, we'll all go out to dinner because mom's here. And so there's always like partners and you know, other people. But it's interesting because then I have this example of my husband, who is five years older than his brother. He works with his brother. He and his brother in a band together. Taylor has griffened his brother on a pedestal in a way that I've never experienced any sort of sibling relationship. His opinion matters more, probably the mind, like he just loves his brother with such a fervor. His opinion, oh yeah, there's me and Scott and Kyle, yeah, we had dinner. He loves his brother with so much intention and his, yeah, his opinion matters the most. He considers him, like, it's and it's so interesting and you know, they, because they work together, we're just like, they're, they're a part of our lives in a more like meaningful way him and his wife and their son. Yeah. And then like my brothers are, and maybe because they have a kid as well and they live closer to us or whatever. But it is just interesting then to juxtapose like my relationship with my brothers and then seeing Taylor with his brother and like, oh wow, this is like, they're very, just very, very different. It's interesting. Yeah. My, my wife is an only child as she was raised. But we found her sister, a biological sister when we, she was 34 years old. So at the end of the roast, she got up and she's the person who showed all the plaques. But we didn't meet her till we were 34 right before we had Andrew because we found Ryan's biological father and that's Ryan's biological father daughter. Was that all, how, how did that, was that all through like 23 and me? What was that? It was, it was a conversation with Claire, my mother-in-law who also made a toast at the, at the birthday party. And Ryan asked her, like, is there a possibility that he, this is a quick story. For the first 34 years of her life, Ryan Michelle Beth, they thought that she was biracial. Her, the father on her birth certificate, his name is Michael Bathie. He's a German man from St. Louis, Missouri. Ryan was about to have a baby. She wanted to know the medical history. She's like, are you sure there's nobody else that could possibly have been my dad? She's like, there's one person who can be, you can look them up while you're in St. Louis. We go to the St. Louis gallery as she meets the man. I'm doing last minute Christmas shopping or what have you. And she says, you should come to the cheesecake factory and say, hi, I got like, Ryan, we know who your dad is. It's no big deal. I go sit down at the cheesecake factory. Yeah. I sit down. I was like, that's your dad. Yeah. This is your dad. Yeah. Yeah. He called his daughter Leslie and then Leslie comes over and I'm like, oh my god, like this is crazy. So Ryan growing up as an only child, just juxtaposing things, like it's interesting because there is a certain level of what's the word? Sometimes it's an active share will to be in relationship with people. Yes. Period, right? We get a chance to choose each other. Yes. I say, if you can deal with family, you can deal with anybody because family is not chosen. Yeah. It is sort of like what is hoisted upon you and you just sort of have to work with it, right? Yeah. Like, I feel like Ryan growing up as an only child, she's like, oh, well, I can just be by myself. Yeah. Like she's very good. It's just sort of like going into a corner and da, da, da, da, da, where I was like, no, part of this, this thing is that you have to like be in relationship to people. Sometimes even when it's uncomfortable, right? I think our show is a lot about that, like about the discomfort of still being in relationship with people because I don't, I don't know what the ultimate lesson is, but I think that, I think we're meant to be, I think we're relational human beings. Sure. It can be easier to sort of self sequester, but I don't think that it is ultimately as fulfilling. And I don't want to sort of glorify it or whatnot because there are all kinds of ups and downs that come with the sibling relationships, right? There are times where my brother and sister drive me nuts. I drive them nuts, but I'm telling you, right now, because I'm a little bit ahead of you with just because of the age of mom and the illness or whatnot, so glad we have each other right now. Yeah. Oh, so glad, like it would be a lot to deal with on my own, yeah, or for my brother or for my sister. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We were getting sent by hot takes or something? Oh, geez. Hot takes. Hot takes. Hot takes. Hot takes. Hot takes. Hot takes. Hot takes. Only children are weird. I got to get the right emphasis on that. Listen, the wife I just said is an only child. She's interesting. She's an interesting bird because like, I don't know, the ability to just go off and not be bothered is strong. I'm saying I love an only child. I don't think it's fair to say weird. No, no, no, I'm the hot take here. I think that's an unfair description. There is a specificity to that experience of being an only child that none of us could pretend to know what it's like. You live with an only child, but yeah, to call them weird, that doesn't show fair. It's not their fault. But they are unique. I think I can pick out an only child when I meet somebody. What do you think? The key determining, they are self-possessed in a way that seems untainted by the presence of another personality being raised. Interesting. In a way that makes them confident, in a way that makes them decisive, it's going back to the word narcissism. They think about themselves differently because they were never in comparison. - They never had to fight for attention. - Yeah. - They always had good, good. - Good, bad or otherwise. - Yeah. - Yeah, I like it only child. I like it no matter what you do. - What's the next one? - Those weirdos. - Hot take, siblings raised in the same house had completely different parents. We already agree with that. - Yeah, agreed. - Not too hot. - Not too hot. - Yeah, not too hot. - siblings know exactly how to hurt each other. Oh, sure they do. - Yeah, yeah. - They know. - That is. - The bruise and exactly how to twist the navel. - Yeah, because they know how the bruise got there. - Yeah. - Exactly. - Sometimes they put the bruise there. - Yep. - Oh, yeah. - Then they can come back and. Where did I put that bruise? I put it right here. - Oh, it's right here. - Yeah, for sure. Hot take, birth order affects your personality more than people admit. - I would admit, in my case, I think that's true. - Yeah, I mean, I think it affects people differently. - Yeah. - Depending on the parent they get, you know, when like a first born, a first born, who had parents who were 40 when they were born versus parents who were 20 when they were born, it's gonna have a different experience, but. - Do you remember before your brother was born? - I was thinking about this as this episode was coming up. I definitely have early memories of, I remember my brother coming home from the hospital. - Okay. - So I was three and a half. - Okay. - Is that your first memory? - I mean, it might be. - It's close to it. - Okay. - I definitely don't remember like doing something and in my brain, I can't, I don't have a memory where I go, where's Brian in this memory? - Right. - You know what I mean? - He's there. - Okay. - Like, I remember being at home with my grandmother sitting in the living room when my brother came home. - Wow. - That's interesting. - Like, yeah, okay. The youngest sibling gets the most emotionally available version of the parents. That was my case. - That feels. - That was my case. - Yeah, that's how it takes. - That is a heart-take. I don't think that that's so easy. - Like, this person might be speaking from experience. - Exactly. - But this is anecdotal. - Yeah. - This is, this is, it was definitely my case, but I'm talking about there's a 12 year gap between me and last year. - The age difference. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - She had some life experience. - And some wisdom. - Yeah, and everything out that you wanted to get out from you got some Jesus. - For sure, yeah. - Well, Jesus went along with. - I mean. - A little devil do you? - Yeah, I feel like Lou is getting maybe not the most, maybe an emotionally available parent, but I am an exhausted parent. - Do you feel with them sort of boom, boom, boom? Do you feel like the level of what's the word I'm talking about caution has like gone down? - Oh, completely. - Yeah. Even from one to two, you guys know that. It's like, yeah, not a question. - A little dirt won't hurt. - Yeah. Yeah, front flipped down the stairs. She'll be fine. What's next? - Wow. - Symbolings can love each other deeply and still not like each other. - Sure. - Yeah, I think that's what I was saying. - Yeah. - It's like, and it has, it's not hate each other. - Yeah. - It's just like, you are a different person. - Would I choose your company? If we just met each other out in the world. - Yeah, correct. - To go kick it, correct. - Yeah. - Oftentimes the answer is no. - Oftentimes. - Oftentimes. - Yeah, that's 80% of the time. - But I love you deep. - Yeah. - Yes, deep. - Yes, yeah. - Sibbling relationships get better once everyone moves out. - Ooh. - I feel like, gosh, yeah, maybe that's not always the case. - Yeah. - Is it for you? - Um, no. - No. - Hard to tell 'cause the proximity is so-- - It's going down. - Yeah, yeah, there's still here. - We're moving from Florida. - Yeah, but I know. And in fact, like, we all did live together again at a certain point. - Yeah. - Yeah, my brother's the night. We did. - It did? - Yeah, out here in L.A. They moved into my house. We all lived together. This was years ago, a long time ago in Los Feliz, yeah. - There's a TV show. - There's a TV show. - There's a TV show. - Yeah, mom and dad moved back to Florida. Older brother moved out. Younger brother was already there. So, yeah, it was, um, it was great. It was awesome. - There's, I will say, there is a certain tendency as the youngest, especially with this gap. For them to see me as like, baby bro, little bro. And it sort of evaporates over time as we've gotten older. Like, there was a certain sort of like patronizing that I felt for a long time, and then I made more money. And then it went away. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. - So yeah, that's good. - Hot take parents absolutely have favorite children. - Yeah. - I would say not all parents. - Not all parents. - Or Lee has a favorite kid. - My mom does. - Smart parents. - My mom does. And then if you ask me who my favorite child is, I will ask you what day? Because. - Who's with you? - Yeah. - Like which moment? - Which moment. Because they will go like this throughout the day. 'Cause they're both awesome. And they can both just rub the shit out of me. - Yes. - Do your brother and sister are they offended? Knowing that you're the favorite? Or they don't care? - I think they just accepted. As like. - I'd be bugged by that. - Maybe the age gap makes it feel like a completely different - Yeah, like all the more you're the forever baby. And so of course you're the favorite. - Yeah. - Like something like that. Because like with Rob, my little brother, like then bother me at all. - Yeah. - Like I love seeing Rob make my mom lie down. - Happy. - Yeah. - And when they were 14, you were a baby. - I was a baby. - It's like of course all of the attention is gonna go to you. - Sure. - In my mind it makes more sense. - Yeah. - Then if like a five year old and a three year old you're like, you. - Yeah. - Don't leave. - I had an aunt come to our house, my wife's aunt and tell one of my kids that he was her favorite. I've made me so mad in front of the other. - No, no, just said it to him or not. But like would treat the other one like crap. - Oh dude, Ryan and in your house. - In my house. - Oh, that's not okay. That's not okay. - Time to go, time to go. You gotta go. - You gotta go. - You gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now. - Toodles, what's next? - Siblings can disappear from each other's lives without their being drama. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Sure. - I mean me, I guess, I guess well, the disappearance in itself is an act of drama. - Yeah. - Right? - Yeah, but I mean I'm just, I'm thinking of like other people I know in my life and their relationships with siblings and half siblings and stuff like that. And it's like maybe it's just, you're functionally not a close one another. You're not really a part of each other's lives. So in effect when there are long periods of time where you don't see each other, talk to each other, it's not dramatic, it's just sort of like we're not close. - So I live here, family lives in St. Louis. Like I call at least once a month, I talk to my brother and sister, right? At least once a month. And I could tell that sometimes some of them would want me to call a little bit more, right? To feel a little bit more connected or whatnot. - How often do they call? - My brother calls pretty frequently. And then my sister will call less frequently back 'cause I think she knows that she's waiting for me to reach out first. 'Cause my sister is a verbose woman. She's, "Consition is not like her strong suit." And so I've had seven hour conversations with my sister. - What? - Where I've probably said less than 100 words. - Seven hours, yeah. Hot take. What's next? - Family roles never fully go away even in adulthood, sure. - Yeah. - I would say that's true. - I think that sticks to you a little bit. - Ramdas says if you think you're enlightened, go spend 48 hours with your family. - That's a good one. - I like that. - Like as soon as you think you've like arrived at some level of peace. - It's true. - And go stay in your parents' house for two days. - Yeah. - Then come back, sorry. - See how quickly everybody 48 hours is falling in a, falls back in line. - Yeah, hot take. The oldest child grows up faster than they should have to. - Mm. I know. - Let me depends on the family, I guess. - Yeah. - Depends on the situation. - I would say my brother is who, I would say he's the oldest and I think also because he sort of wanted it. Like I think he grew up in the shadow of my grandfather, not the shadow, but under my grandfather's sort of tutelage. And I think the patriarch that he was is something that my brother really wanted to be, makes you want to be mature enough to be in the presence of that person. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whereas my first memory is like my grandfather being taken to the house but like the day he passed away. - Yeah. - And so I never had, my ideas of what it means to be a man are very different than my brothers. - Sure. - Sure. - And so I think he did grow up faster. - Yeah. - For sure. - I'll take the sibling who moved away usually heals first. Guys, I'm the only one who's moved away. Everybody else lives in St. Louis. Now my brother went to college in Boston in Northeastern University, my sister went to Mizzou which is only three hours away or whatnot. And I don't know how much I had to heal from. Like I feel like my mom did a really good job of providing an environment for her son to flourish and grow and to explore all the things is that I wanted to explore. But I do feel like I have a different perspective on things because I'm not instantly. - I think the word heal might be. I might change the word heal. 'Cause heal implies that there's intrinsic damage done. - Our trauma or something else. - But I think that the sibling who moves away usually evolves differently. - Yeah. - Evolves differently. That's good. You know, you go somewhere else and you're just around different people, different mindsets, different beliefs, different life experience, whatever it is. And so you're just getting different input. - Mm-hmm. - Then the sibling that just stays home. - Stays home. - Or stays in the same city. - Which is also fine, like not one better or worse. It's just like, it's different. And it can maybe cause friction, yeah. - That's it. - That's it. - Hotay. - Hotay. - For risen. So that was, that is an attempt at a new format. Chat was us. (laughing) Chat was us. Let us know in the comments how you feel about, (laughing) - I enjoyed this new format. - Oh yeah. - And I hope you enjoyed it a day early on Hulu. - Please. - Did you know you could do that? - Yeah, you checked it us out a day early on Hulu. - Hulu, Monday on Hulu. - Monday. And then the pod comes out on Tuesdays or ever you listen to your podcast. - But you should be watching us on Hulu. It's way more fun. - I enjoyed, I know, like this was a conversation, I think we toyed around with for a while or whatnot. And we all have like very different dynamics around the sibling sort of issue. And I think we were all able to talk about it candidly and forthrightly. - Yeah. - As we do with everything on the show. - Yeah. - I love it. - This is how we get down, man. We got an oldest. We got a middle. We got a youngest. - We got a baby. I don't even know who looks in the camera. This is crazy. - Oh, well, also, we should just remind people too to if you want to send us a question comment or concern. - Yeah. - That was us [email protected]. - That's true. Do you never read the speak5.com slash that was us? - There you go. - That's right. - Speakpipe.com slash that was us if you want to leave us like a voicemail. - Yeah, what do you want us to chat about? - Yeah. - What chat about anything? - Yeah, we'll chat about anything. It's all other things. - Literally. But, yeah, if there's a certain aspect of this is us that you want us to dive deeper into, let us know. - Yeah. - And chat with us. - That was us as film that rabbit-grinned studios and produced by rabbit-grinned productions. Music by Taylor Goldsmith and Griffin Goldsmith. That was us.