Caveman ADHD

- For decades, a shadowy organization called the Lemonati has kept lemon on top and lime in the shadows. Look around, lemon-forward sodas, even lemon-forward songs. We ran the tracks, slowed them down, reversed them, and squeezed out the truth. ♪ All hail the lemon ♪ - That's lemon propaganda right there. But now, 7UP is fighting back with their new lime-lemon soda. Join the 7 uprising. Flip the sip. - Hey! - Hey, everybody! We have new merch, we love it, man. - Check it out, baby. Check it out. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - We've got this beautiful sweater here that's in gray. We've got the yellow one for Bobby. - Mustard. - Mustard. And this is, what color is this? - What? - Pink. - Very good. - Salmon. - Salmon! - Salmon. - Salmon! - Yeah, yeah. - So we got new merch. Go to badfriendsmerch.com, badfriendsmerch.com. - Check it out, dude. - To grab this stuff right now, 'cause like everything, it's always a little bit limited. When it's gone, it's gone. Go to badfriendsmerch.com. Hey, bad friends! I'm doing a couple of shows before I take a little break. And Bobby and I, March 14th, are gonna be in Thunder Valley Casino, which is basically-- - It's my favorite casino in Thunder Valley. - It's Sacramento. It's Lincoln, California, but basically Sacramento, March 14th. Then I'm gonna be, the 21st of March, I'm gonna be at the Wynn Casino in Vegas. I'm doing the little roadie fest out there in Providence, Rhode Island in March. Then we make up that Borgata date in Atlantic City, April 3rd. And then finally, the bad friends, we do a show for Netflix as a Joke Fest, May 8th, at the YouTube Theater right here in LA. - You gotta come to May 8th. It's gonna be a fabulous-- - Please come. You can go get tickets at androsantino.com for my dates and for ours together, or also badfriendspod.com. - Do it, do it, do it. - Come see us. - Do it now. - You two are bad friends. - Who are these two idiots? - A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. - Oh, you two are something. - We're bad friends. - Yee-hee! Hee-hee! Hee-hee! - God, I love this guy. - Well, congrats to Michael Jackson for posthumously getting a movie released here. April release date. - I'm in the movie. - What do you do in the movie? - You don't know what I play? - Who do you play? - Bubbles. - Oh, you're Bubbles. Little tiny Bubbles. - He's like, "Don't bite that." - Bubbles. - "Don't bite that kid." - Bubbles, get down from there. Bubbles, cut that out. - Bubbles still alive. - You want Bubbles to stop? - You know, he's still alive. - He's still alive? - No, he's not. - Yeah, 'cause they live as long as humans. - Wait, Bubbles is-- - Yeah, he's like 63. - Where does he live? - He's in Florida. - West Palm? - Florida. - Let's go down there. Let's go see him. - What? - Let's go say hi to him. - He's hanging out with Coco. - He's only 42 years old. He's my age. Bubbles and I are the same age. - He looks way better than you. - 100%. He resides at the Center for Great Apes in Wachula, Florida. Sanctuary that provides care. We gotta go down and see Bubbs. - Yeah, we gotta see him. Look at him. He's so much happier. He was miserable at Neverland. - Look it, he went bald 'cause all the stuff he saw. Thinking about all the trauma he had, he went bald. - Look at his face there. Help me with Michael. - Look at that face. What he's seen in 42 years. I've ran into this guy on the street before. - It's like he was in "Nom". Look at his face. - He was? - Yeah. God, what a cutie. - Bubbles doesn't need to see that. - Yeah. Do you think when he dies, he sees Michael, he'll be happy? - No. - No. - Terrified. - Yeah, he'll run to a different cloud. - Yeah, terrified. - Are there clouds in heaven? - 100%. - Yeah. - That's what it is up there. - I wonder what this cloud, can you chill on it? - You can. - Yeah, yeah. I can? - Yeah. - It's so much different than life on Earth. - Dude, if I was in heaven and I was chilling on a cloud and you floated by with your little angel wings, you know what I mean? First of all, I'd be like, oh my God, there's a porg. - Yeah. - They're gonna fly, you know what I mean? - ♪ Porgs in heaven ♪ - That was a Clapton song, "Porgs in Heaven." - Yeah, yeah, "Porgs in Heaven," yeah. - Uh-huh. - And I'd be like, no, that's Andrea. Would you talk? - No way. - There's so many people to see. - No way. - So many people to talk to. - That's work. - You guys wouldn't be in the same part of heaven. - Uh-uh. - There's no chance. You'd be sectionally, you'd be nowhere near each other. You'd be in the VIP. - Oh yeah, definitely. - This guy's not getting into the suites. - I'm with Cleopatra. - Yeah, dude. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - He's in general admission. - Cleopatra. - All right. - Who else am I? Paul Revere. - Yup. - Yeah, yeah. - King German. - I'm trying to choose my clown. - You are. - Who's gonna hang out, I'm gonna hang out. - You are. - Cleopatra, who else? Judas wouldn't be there, right? - He might. - He might be there. - You never know, he might've snuck in. - Yeah. - He's sneaky, Judas. - Saint Nicholas. - Yes. - Santa? - Santa. - Yeah, yeah, I'd have to hang with Saint Nicholas. You know what I mean? He's a saint. - He is. - And he's fat, he knows where the good food is. - He does? - Yeah, yeah. - I'll go get me a gingerbread. - Right. - You know what I mean? I'll get it. Eggnog, get it, Saint Nick. He knows all the good shit. - He knows where to get it. - Yeah, yeah. - No, Fancy's in gen pop. Gen pop. - Who's on your cloud? - Who's in my cloud? - In heaven. - Bundy. - Bundy's not there. - What do you mean? - Bundy's not there. - Why would he not be? - He's a serial killer. He's in hell. - Okay. - All right. - They're not clouds in hell? - Yeah, maybe he could get a pass. - They pass? - You got him a- - A fast pass? - A fast pass. I think he has to go back down at night. - Yeah. - But during the day, he can come up. - What about like Ted Kaczynski? - He's not up there, dude. - Come on. - No, tell me people that would be up there. - That would be with me? - Guaranteed. Guaranteed up there. - Okay. OJ. - He could be. - He could be, for sure. - I mean, he won a Heisman trophy. - Yes, dude. Just this all day? - That's a ticket to heaven. - You're a sinner. You can still get into heaven. - Yeah, so- - You accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior right before you died. - Or in limbo, you can do it too. - By the way, speaking of deaths, let's be honest. - Catherine O'Hara. - Fucking annoying. - It's devastating. - It was awful. She was so cool, man. - You met her? - Did I never tell you this story? - No, I've never met her. - We hung out. No, no, we never hung out. - You never? - No, I never told you this story. I thought I told the story on the show. - Yeah, you did. - I have told this on the show. - She went to your show. - She went to see me at the Improv. I'll do it quick for the fans, but- - No, this is great. - No, no, here's what's crazy. I didn't get to meet her. When I did the Christopher Guest show, some reason, somehow, she was around and had said she wanted to go see me live, I guess, after I did the show with Guest, and she came to see me at the Improv, and the sound guy, the old sound guy was like, "Catherine O'Hara's here to see you." - Oh my God, this is crazy. - And I was like, "No, she's fucking not." - Look at this guy, Barack Obama, Taylor Swift, Catherine O'Hara, oh my God. - I never met her, but I was sad to not meet her because I was such a, she was one of my favorite- - Wait, you performed and she was in the audience? - Did the Improv, she sat there, and then the sound guy came back down after I went upstairs and I said, "Where is she?" And he said, "She was loving it, she laughed the whole show, and then the moment you got off, she got up and left." And I was like, "No way." And he's like, "Yeah." - Oh my God, you never saw her after? - No, but she came to see me, which was kind of rad. - Go down quickly. - Yeah, dude, I got nervous. I didn't know what to, I don't know. What was I gonna say? - Yeah. - "Hi, you're the best." - Yeah. - And she would be like, "That's great, bye." She wanted to go home. - Well, I got a three-fingered squeeze on my hand from Steven Tyler. - Wow. - Yeah. So I was with Josh Holm. - Is this recently? - Yeah, like four days ago. - Okay. - At the Comedy Store. And Steven Tyler walked in, walked out of the club, this paparazzi up, you know where the- - On the ramp? - On the ramp. - Yeah. - Right? And, - Oh, she looks pretty. - Yeah. - So does the Brittany Furlong. - I had met him before, and I go, "Hi, Steven." And he doesn't look at me. He takes his three fingers like this, right? Like a pterodactyl, right? And squeezes my hand as hard as he can like this. - Like a little chameleon. - Yeah, like a chameleon. And then he just kind of walked away. But three fingers is fine. - He didn't even say hi? - He didn't look at me. He goes, "Hey, Coco." You know how the rock stars, they can say whatever they want. I think he said, "Hey, Coco Bear Bear, no, no." - Oh, Coco Bear, no, no, no. - Hey, hey, hey, hey, Coco Bear Bear, no, no, no, no. And then he walked away. - See, you respect that, huh? - What? - I think fuck that, dude. Say hi to me, you fuck head. - There's a lot of people around him. - He came to see you. - No, no, no. He was there doing his benefit show. - Oh, I thought this was him and Josh Holm were there to see you. - Bobby's nicked him in the crowd. - Oh, yeah. Were you just like a random fan? - Yeah. - Oh, wow. I thought about this way differently. - What is going on today, dude? Everything I'm saying is not good? - Coco Bear Bear. - Coco Bear Bear? Dude, let me tell you something, guy. - Yeah. - What is, go ahead, rip on me. Let's get it out, let's get it out. - Who he talk to? I didn't say anything. - Yeah, you're a part of it. - What did I do? I just said- - There's a conspiracy going on here. - Oh my God, here we go. - All right, anyway. - Speaking of conspiracy, show the Epstein list. Let's see him, pull it up, pull it up. You know who is on the Epstein list, by the way? A bunch of comedic friends of ours, because apparently, I talked to DeRosa about this. He went to go see Dave Attell was doing a taping at the Cellar, and his buddy gave him the lineup that night. So it was like Big Jay Oakerson, like a bunch of guys that he went to go see for a Dave Attell taping. It was for Attell, and he's like, "You're gonna love tonight." And he listed the names at the Cellar, and a bunch of people that we know are on it. And DeRosa goes, "It's kind of bummed I wasn't on it." One of the comics performing that night. - What do you mean? They went to a party of his, or? - Dave Attell had a taping at the Cellar. - Yeah, yeah. - And they were doing a TV taping for like a small, quick standup taping thing that he was doing. - Yeah. - And then Epstein was emailing someone, his constituents, about the show that evening. And he was saying, "You're gonna love it tonight. "Here's the guys who are on the lineup." - Who are on the lineup? - You can look it up. It's on there. - Wow. - It's like Big Jay Oakerson. - Was DeRosa on the lineup and he wasn't mentioned? - No, he wasn't on the lineup. But he did the show the next night. - I see. - So he was bummed about that. - Yeah. - I don't know if you're gonna find it. I don't know where DeRosa found it. He said it got pushed around a little bit. - Like so many people are on that thing. - The Epstein list. - Yeah. - Yeah, it's wild. - And not the list, but they're just mentioned in emails and this and that. - Well, yeah. - It's like, yeah. - He knew a lot of people, turns out. - He knew a lot of people. - Turns out knew a lot of people, dude. You know what's even crazier? I said this today in the car. All these tinfoil hat people that we said that, remember the, remember Pizzagate? - Yeah. - And we were like, come on, they're not pizza, what is that? It's all real. It's like 50 pages of people going, can't wait to get more pizza tonight. Pizza party was so good. - Wow. - You didn't see this? - No. - Oh my God, dude. There it is. Comedians in the Epstein list. Go ahead, zoom in. Comedy seller, Jeffrey E. Louis J. Gomez, David Tell, Russ Meneve, Sabrina Jalisse, Jay Oakerson, and surprise guests. - Wow. Wow. - Yeah, he had a good lineup. - Russ Meneve. - Maybe those comics influenced Epstein. Maybe before this, he wasn't even interested in having an island. - Wow. So he went to the show. - He went to go see those guys live. - Yeah. He went to go to the comedy seller. - Crazy. - Yeah, but pizza was real, dude. The pizza thing is crazy. It's all over the files. All you see all the time is like starving for more pizza. - They went to the pizza parlor. They went downstairs. There's nothing there. - No, dude. No, no, no. - Literally. - Pizza was code. Pizza was code. - Oh. - Yeah. - But the pizza gate thing was an actual place. - I know, but they were using it because they were using that code. They were saying the place wasn't real, but it was a code for nasty shit. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Look at this. Mention a pizza a thousand times in Epstein files. New documents reveal. By the way, nobody likes pizza that much, so you know what that is. - Yeah. - That's nasty, dude. - Yeah. The pizza is delicious. - Not like that. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't, 'cause- - From now on, I don't like pizza. - No, no, no. What I'm saying is, no, I- - I hate pizza. - What did pizza do? They chose the name. If I was a hot dog, dude, if I was a hot dog and they started saying, they started using hot dog, yeah. - Why are you guys bringing me into this whole thing? - I'd be like, but why did you choose hot dog? That, you know my point. - Pete, you know why they chose pizza. - Like an empanada. - You know why they chose pizza? - Why? - Pizza, pizza party. It's what young people like, pizzas. That's what they refer to them as, pizza parties. And you know what's gross? They probably did get them pizza. - Yeah. - That's even more fucked up. - What about ice cream? - I don't know what you're doing here. - Yeah, I don't either. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Let's not find a replacement first. - That's like perversion food, yeah. Yeah, the files are just mesmerizing. I can't stop reading stuff. I can't stop. It's so much nasty, nasty shit, dude. - Yeah. Well, there's millions of documents. I can't go through it all. - Every time a Twitter post. - I went through two and I was like, I can't do a million, three million. - Every time on a post pops up on Twitter, I sit for an hour reading it. I can't stop. - Yeah. - I'm addicted. And to see the, the one that made me laugh the hardest was about Elon, where he's like, get this fucking dork out of here. Like Elon wanted to go to a party and they wouldn't let him in. - Wow. - Look at this. Probably just Tallulah and me, whatever. How many people would be, well, his assistant, right? He like handed off to his assistant and was like, get this guy the fuck out of here. Elon tried to get into the party and they wouldn't let him. Just like a, he had like a house party or something. - Yeah. What, the lake one? You know the lake one? - What's the lake? - Where he, right? He threw a, sometimes they throw a baby in the lake. - In Lake Michigan. - In Lake Michigan. - That one's pretty dark. - It's pretty dark. - Is that me? - What? - Imagine I was the baby in the lake. It's a redhead throwing away. - Yeah. - Well, the world's falling apart. How do you feel? - I feel great. I'm on, I'm on Lexapro. - Yay. - The world's falling apart. Get on Lexapro. You know, I got my, a little bit of Ritalin, some Lexapro. I think it's pretty good. - You're grooving. - I'm grooving. I feel pretty good. - I feel great. I'm on, I'm on. - Are you on anything? - I'm on creatine and I'm on ashwagandha. I'm on CoQ10. I'm working out every day. I'm feeling good. - Yeah. But I mean, do you take any medication or anything? - For my brain? - Yeah. - No, I take statins for my heart. You know that. - Yeah, I do. Yeah. But your therapist doesn't say? - No, I tried, you know, I tried, what's the one? What's the main one everybody does? What? - Zoloft? - Zoloft. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I tried that once and it gave, it made me so much worse when I was young. - Oh yeah. - I hated the way I felt on Zoloft. As soon as I got off of drugs, I felt kind of normal. I felt normal again. The panic was still there, but I felt more human. I felt very robotic. - Doesn't that mean you need them? - Doesn't mean I need them that I felt terrible on them? - That like, as soon as you got off them, you felt good. That's like how, that's what crazy people say. Oh, when I stopped taking my medicine, everything was okay. So I just worry. We've had friends that stopped taking medicine. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I guess we'll see, Carlos. - No, I feel so much better when I got off of them. I took them when I was a young lad, when I was in college, my senior year. And I don't want to take anything else. You know what I take? I take Jesus. I take big doses of Jesus every morning. I pray to my God that you're going to be okay, that you're going to be okay. And I pray that you're going to be okay too. - What did cavemen do without medication back in the day? Like if you had like ADHD, you know what I mean? - Looked around a lot. Just kind of like, you know, painting, like cave painting. I think he's distracted by a spider. - I like that. Imagine, this Lexapro is working. - Or like, you know what I mean? You had anxiety and there was no Xanax. - How do you explain that to another caveman? - Right, I mean, there was no medication back then. - Let's explain, you're a caveman. Give me cave talk about trying to tell me, convince me that you have depression. - Oh, really? - Yeah. - Oh, oh, oh. - Oh, oh, oh. - Oh, oh, oh. - Oh, oh, oh. - Bonjour. - Oh, oh, oh. - Oh, oh, oh. - They speak a little French. - Oh, oh, oh. - Oh, oh, oh. - Oh, oh, oh. - A little French. - Oh, oh, oh. Yeah. - Oh, oh, oh. - Oh, oh, oh. - Oh, oh, oh. - Oh, oh, oh. - A little bit of, you know what I mean? Yeah. - They speak a little bit of foreign. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. That's how- - That's how we learned it. - - Ni hao. - Ni hao. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they, you know, I'm sure language was developed that way. What was the first word? - Yeah. - Yeah, okay. - When you're going in attacked with someone lying. - Yeah. - It was emotions. - It could be ouch. - Ow. - Ow. - Pain. - Yeah, pain. - Yeah, yeah. - Nobody knows the first word. - But somebody had- - Oh, look. - What? - A lot of effective sounds. Many believe that ow and ah surprise. We literally just said that. - We just did it because we know. - No, but that's amazing. - Yeah, because we're smart. - Yeah, we are. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Simple request, food. This. - Yo, without hands, can you do it? - Oh, oh. - Yeah, yeah. I think you can go, ow, ow, ow. Yeah, ow, ow, ow. - Oh, dude, can I do something for you in caveman speak? - Yeah, go ahead. - Imagine we're around a fire pit and I'm telling you you're my buddy. - Yeah. - Not you. - I'm talking about you to another guy. - Yeah. - You're a different guy, but I'm talking about Bobby. - Okay. - Okay, see if you can get this story. - Okay. - See. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Dude, imagine for the people listening to the podcast and not seeing. Just in your car. Oh my God, dude. It's so funny. That was a good one. You and I would have been great cavemen. I would be the best. The best. But you know, would we- It would just be you and I- Because of warmth, would we be able- We'd be hugging every night. Our body heat. Yeah, we would never go for women. Yeah. We would never go for women. I would. No chance. No, because back then you got to poof and then drag them by their hair. You wouldn't do that. You were liberal before you even knew it. I was a liberal. Yeah, you're a liberal. Well, you know what? I would provide. Okay, I'm a woman. Ask me out then as a cavewoman. Well that hurts even in Holy shit That hit hard That's what I mean We wouldn't want that kind of rejection Well you have to laugh again right Yeah We would have been great cave people Cave would have been the way to go man How do you teach kids in cave Like life lessons Can you do that It's just like animals they see and they They They see and they repeat Monkey see monkey do Did you see the Did you see the cave In Kazakhstan that they just found That looks like a fucking door Looks like a 50 foot door I want to see it Dude Kazakhstan Cave door Good luck spelling Kazakhstan There I got it Kachava Last night guy For dinner Yeah Kachava dude Good dinner It was a good dinner Delicious Energy Yeah Digestion Yes Strength Mmhmm Metabolism Metabolism These sound like your superpowers Cognition and immunity Yeah those are my I mean seriously Yeah they are If you had superpowers It would all be because of Kachava It's because of Kachava Kachava is phenomenal Some of the best flavors they have They make eating healthy delicious Okay they got chocolate, vanilla, chai, matcha, coconut, acai, strawberry, chocolate, mint So very very good It's all in one nutrition shake Crafted with the highest quality ingredients Kachava provides clean nutrition fuel Wherever your day is going to take you No fillers No nonsense Non-genius GMO No soy No animal No gluten No preservatives Just two scoops Provide 25 grams of protein 6 grams of fiber Greens Adaptogens and so much more Exactly Adaptogens Yeah Cause I know you struggle with that word I do Thank you for your help Kachava is so good You gotta try it Risk free with their love it guarantee Stick to your wellness goals Go to kachava.com And use the code BADFRIENDS For 15% off That's Kachava K-A-C-H-A-V-A dot com Code BADFRIENDS Warby Parker Warby Parker glasses I love them You're welcome My wife was wearing some of these She has the blue She has blue light glasses I asked her Where'd you get that? She said Warby Parker She got them from me From Warby Parker Yeah yeah yeah You know they're great The thing about Warby Parker That I love so much is You can try on their glasses Digitally on their website So if you just say I want to know what that looks like On my face But I don't want to go in Virtual is what they call it It virtually puts them on Your goofy face And you can virtual try on It's a game changer You can try them on Before you buy them So you can see how they Actually look on your melon When it comes to quality For the price Warby Parker is the best Honestly it's not even close To any other competition I agree You used to have to choose Between flimsy Outdated styles Or spending half your paycheck No no no no Warby Parker Completely changed that Their prescription glasses Start at $95 So you can actually get Quality and stylish frames At an affordable price And they don't just offer Incredible prescription glasses They have everything you need For happier eyes Okay contacts Online eye exams Sunglasses They have 300 Over 300 retail stores In the United States So what are you doing? It is time What are you doing? Go to Warby Parker They're going to give you Quality and better looking Prescription eyewear At a fraction of the going price Our listeners get 15% off Plus free shipping When they buy two or more Pairs of prescription glasses At warbyparker.com Slash bad friends That's 15% off When you buy two pair of glasses At warbyparker.com Slash bad friends After you purchase They're going to ask you Where you heard about them Please support our show And tell them that we sent you The Lemonati has spent decades Keeping lemon on top And lime in the shadows Their lemon agenda Has infiltrated Everything Even our music That hit song Named after the color of lemons Not a coincidence Big lemon has been pulling strings In the industry for years Think about it But now 7up is fighting back With their new lime lemon soda Now lime comes first 7up Flip the sip There's an image These guys found Of like a dat That's not a door Brother that looks like A door to me That's pretty door eating Yeah that's pretty door eating Dude that's a It's more a hobbit door Yeah it's a Lord of the Rings door Lord of the Rings door I don't know how old this is But I just saw this on the internet Now you open that How? You say friend in Elvis So stupid No but you know Do you remember? No I don't see it You don't remember? I didn't see it Can I explain? Yeah please Okay in Lord of the Rings right They're trying to get In the minds of Moria And there's a door That looks exactly like that But they don't know How to get in So they all sit out there For like hours And then Frodo Has a suggestion Say right He goes Say friend in Elvis And he says it And the door opens Bullshit Friend? Yeah See look Look at that door Now go back to the Kazakhstan door Yeah It was just found This last year right? Isn't that what it said? 2025? Yeah Bro you're telling me That's not a fucking doorway? Zoom in to the one on the left That is a That's a man standing Outside of it by the way Oh yeah Wow So what does that gotta be? 50, 75 feet up? That's a door dude It's just It happens to look like one No chance How is that naturally occurring? They can't even explain it It doesn't look like It's naturally occurring in the rock Well then Knock on it Look These are two Kazakhstanians Yeah We have to go by the door We will knock on door Yeah Friend in Elvis Oh it's Look at that Yeah That's a fucking door Yeah Dude that's not a part of a mountain That's a door Yeah Wow That's a creepy cave door To something that we don't wanna know Yeah Just knock on it I would never You would never I would knock You'd knock and then you'd run And leave me there Yeah yeah 100% It's like doorbell Yeah Ding dong ditch Ding dong ditch Yeah yeah Some giant comes out Imagine he goes Bobby mom? Probably Like how do you see the show? Yeah I'm getting We have to do We should do a bad friends abroad Where we explore these hidden gems There's no way That's not gonna happen You know how far it takes To get even get there? To Kazakhstan You'd stop No but to get to that door You have to take a donkey You know what I mean? And the paraglide Right? And the zipline And then He's getting flights We can do a non-stop One stop 20 hours Dude How boring is Kazakhstan? Oh Oh it's supposed to be beautiful Really? Yeah Also there are tough people Hey let's be nice There's about 40 people That listen to us in Kazakhstan Yeah yeah yeah No I love Kazakhstan Shout out to Kazis I love Kazis Look at that They got a fucking car Look at that They got a thing with a ball Oh it's a good city Ooh Ooh Ladies Ooh They're kind of Asian looking Which is what I like Eastern European has this like Right on the border of Mongolian looking I mean Kazakhstan is in Asia Yeah it is in Asia But it's still so far eastern It still grasps a piece of Europe right? Doesn't it feel like Europe? It's like a combination between Eastern Europeans and Asians I think Look at where it is Doesn't that feel like Still Eastern Europe and Asia at the same time? It's the center It's huge Wait wait Can you zoom in please? It's right next to Mongolia So it's got that But look Western Kazakhstan Go way west Look it out Look it butts up there to what? What is that? What country's next door? Georgia Yeah man that's You're Eastern Europe dude You're kissing it You're kissing it Yeah You're kissing it Yeah Like if you look at some parts of Russia too Well Russia spans the map If you go like way Let's see East of Russia West is Asian West is European Yes That's right Yeah Western Russia might as well be You know What is that? Like Even bleeds into Finland Imagine the Finn Russians The Rushfins Like in certain parts of Russia They would think that I was probably Russian Mongolian Yeah 100% Mongolian I've seen Russians look completely Asian Yes Yeah the Mongolian one Mongolian Yeah Yeah That's a zinger Like that How do you do a Russian Asian accent? I'm trying to do it right now I can't even do it From Russia we will come from From Russia we will come From Russia we come to this place That's really hard to combine Yeah From Russia That's it From Russia we have Maybe And you say Say in Russia In Russia we In Russia I'm trying Finish it Fucking finish it Hey man Sorry I'm aggressive It's Alexa bro In Russia In Russia Car drives you In Russia In Russia Car drives you That's good That's pretty good That's a guy that's there Yeah yeah yeah That's a man that exists out there in Russia Somewhere out there yeah But there's like Look at all that land up Like where there's no big Like what happens up there? That's the polar vortex of nothingness I mean there can't But people do live out there No rarely Yeah yeah No people live out there They I saw this TikTok where There's this rickety train That's cold still By the way We should make a movie called Rickety Train Yeah it's a rickety train With cold still And the tracks Sometimes they have to go out And they fix the railroad tracks Right? Yeah And it's in Russia And it's like these small towns And they They herd goat I mean yeah There are people way out there Yeah The Polar Express Yeah Did you Yeah did you save your bell? Did you take your bell? On the rickety train? If you listen to the bell You can hear train coming Train is bringing new goats Yeah That's incredible It's incredible What happens if you're like Out there and you're And you're like I got a good-looking dude. You can't model. Yeah, you can. Train model. Train model, dude. You model on the train. They let you walk around from car to car. Oh, I see. If you're a hot guy. Like, you're a hot guy. You know you're a good actor, right? Like, you just, that's your dream. You got it. You have it. You have it. You're like the Philip Seymour Hoffman, but you look like Brad Pitt, right? Damn. And you got Daniel Day-Lewis skills. You're Daniel Day-Lewis skills. And you got Haley Joel Osment feet. Why not? Little feet. Yeah, that's little feet, right? And you're like, you're so, so dressed well for what you- And you live in the smallest town in northern Russia. There's no hope. I guess you, but you got to be the hottest guy in a small town. Yeah, but does he go to Moscow and try to do theater? Oh, yeah. Oh, that's what you would do? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Become a dancer or an actor? Yeah. What is that? An international actor's agency up there? It was a Russian town agency, but it was, it looked like it was going to spy on us. I could use that. My agents aren't doing shit. Yeah. I could really use a bump. I might as well go to a- What if they wouldn't sign me? I'd call, they're like, no. The Mongolian agency would. You'd kill down there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why don't you go down- I'm doing commercials with an eagle on my arm. Eagle insurance. Yeah. Those are like, dude, Mongolians, dude? I mean, did you see Physical Asia? Yeah, we watched that. We talked about that. Yeah, yeah. But the Mongolians, they're tough people. Yeah, they're nuts. They're nuts, dude. Well, Genghis Khan was nuts. My dog. Yeah. Miss you. R.I.P. R.I.P. Genghi. Yeah. Physical Asia. Yeah, the Mongolians are- You just thought they were for making fun of. Yeah, yeah. You thought they were dry Eskimos. That guy's huge in the front. Yeah. My God. I think when you live out there, you just toughen. Yeah. Yeah. What's the slang for this Mongolian team? What's the slang? What's the slang? What's the phrase for this team? What? The promotional phrase. What would their phrase be if this was a poster for the Mongolian team? What, an ad agency? What the fuck is going on here? I got it loaded up. What? Mongolia. We got the beef. Oh. That's good, dude. Mongolia. Mongolia. Where's the beef? Yeah. We got the beef with you. Yeah. Also, try Mongolian beef right now on special. Panda Express for $9.99. Hey, see if there's hot Mongolian women. For sure. There's probably not. Hot women all over the world. I don't know. I don't think so. Yeah. Hot Mongolian women. Bingo. I mean, you think? Yes. Very pretty. Or the region, yeah. Yeah. Look at me right now, dude. Yeah, dude. Give me another one. Give me a couple. Yeah, give me a couple. There we go. Yep. Isn't that your aunt? I'm saying, yeah. Yeah, I guess. There's got to be. Oh, there's one right there. That's how you know if this is Asia and not Europe. Jesus. Yeah, that, her. Gorgeous. Gorgeous. Gorgeous. AI. That's AI? Okay. There we go. There we go. He typed in how. Corrects it, usually. How Mongolian woman. Yeah. Oh, there you go. That's Mongolia. Yeah, that's pretty Mongolian. A couple of mountains there in the foreground. Anyway, let's move on from the Mongolian. Yeah, let's get off of Mongolia. Yeah, let me zoom in on that girl. Yeah. Walking down the street. She's just carrying trash. Severed head in that bag. Crazy. Yeah, what is going on there? Get off of that. Get off it. I'm going to watch Goat. Goat. Please go watch Goat. Coming out. Goat is out. No, when this comes out, it'll be out right now. It's out. Please go see Goat. Are you guys taking us? Are you guys taking us to the premiere? Nope. Okay. It's just me and Andrew are going to go. That's crazy you thought that we would take you to the premiere. Are you going to wear a suit? I thought about it, but it's a basketball movie, so I then thought I should just wear like casual clothes. Is that what you're going to do? Yeah, because we got to have pictures together, and I figured we should just wear street clothes. I'll wear a sports coat. But we never wear sports coats. How about like jeans, t-shirts, sports coat? I don't want to wear a collar. I don't think it fucking matters anymore. Okay. You're just going to dress regular. Well, yeah, because who's it for? The photos. Our moms? Oh, yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like at this point in my life- Yeah, but if everyone's wearing a suit and we're like wearing, you know- How much more rad could that be? I guess. I'll wear a dress. Would you like to wear a dress? Because you know that Nick Troll is going to wear a suit, like a purple suit. Yeah, but they're more professional than us, dude. Okay. He's a worked actor. I was literally going to go buy a suit tomorrow. Oh, okay. Buy one. I'm telling you, I'm not going to wear one. Like a black suit. Nice. I have no interest in that. With a black tie, like look, you know what I mean? I'm saying black a lot. Yeah, I love black people. I'm going to wear a white suit. White tie. Yeah. You have suits. Dude- Let's do suit. Let's do suit. Can I tell you what's a bummer? What? I tried to put on a suit, what, a week ago? Yeah. For my sister's wedding coming up. Yeah. Too fat for that suit. So you gave it another one. I would have to get a brand new suit. I'm too fat for my old suit. I'm 205 right now. Where are we going to go? Where should we go to get a suit? Yeah. Men's Warehouse. Oh. What do you mean? I go to Jimmy. Jimmy O. Yang has his own fucking suit store. For little people? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that one. Yeah, yeah. Jimmy O. Tom Ford will like fix it for you. I'm going to Ronnie Chang's. He's got a suit store. Wait a minute. Where would you really go to get a suit if you're really going to get a suit? Jimmy O's. It's right down the street. Shut up, dude. I swear to God I do. It's a little people store. No, it's for small actors like Seth Green goes. Seth Green goes. Elijah goes. We go. And there's headshots of like all the little actors. Dude, the little people suit store is so funny. Yeah. Everything's half off. Hey, do you have size six in these? Like, whoa, big foot. Slow down. I think Brad Williams goes. But it's, we've looked it up before, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a real, what's so funny? You have people like, you have obese people that go to like, you know what I mean? Big and tall. Big and tall. Will you go to a little people suit store, please? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Will you Google little people suit store? Just the idea is so fantastic. It's the one that I go to, Jimmy O's. You're like, 800 bucks, there's half the fabric. Little people suit store. Jimmy O's for men in 5'8 and under. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. What? Why is that funny, dude? You're pissing me off. It's so funny because 5'8, you know, is like, whoa, you're tall. You're tall. 5'8 in the tall section. It's a really nice store, though. Yeah, it looks amazing, dude. You have everything there. Like a dollhouse, yeah? Yeah. Like a what? A dollhouse. That entire store fits in my car. Dude, Jimmy out. Yeah, yeah. Let me see Jimmy. Give it a picture. Where's Jimmy? There he is. He's there. Every time I go in, what's up? Who are the people? The small celebrities that go. Isn't that Seth Green right there? Yeah, Vern goes. Vern, yeah, Vern. Our dog. R.I.P. Yeah, Vern goes. R.I.P. Vernie. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah. Yeah, so we all go. I love it there. Yeah. It also. What's your fucking problem, dude? Why is this so funny? I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Little ties. It's just so cute. Everything's small. It's cute, dude. I like Jimmy O's. Yeah, yeah. I was going to go tomorrow, but. Do celebs that go to Jimmy O's. I want to see the list of celebs that go. It's the Wonder Years guy. What's his name? Who? Fred Savage. Fred Savage, go. Wait, zoom in. Oh, dude. Martin Sheen, Al Pacino, Wahlberg, DeVito, Pesci, Seth Green, Jason Alexander, David Spade, and Bobby Lee. Yeah, Spade goes. There's a headshot of him. Yeah, so I go there. But can you understand the relief when you go into a place like that and you are 5'4 and you're like, oh, this is for me. It's got to feel good. It feels good. I like that you admit that you're 5'4. For years, this 5'6 game you were playing. Spade. Hey, you're on. You're on. friends with me and Bobby. Where do you go to buy suits? Oh, I don't know. I probably be honest. If you're going to get a suit, where do you go? Be honest. I would probably go to theory or something. But Prada ones are too tight. But what about if what if you're wrong? But is there a is there a is there a shop that you would go to that's not brand name? Don't say like a little short play. Do you ever go to Jimmy? How do you go to Jimmy house? Jimmy? I don't know how to say it. I wouldn't go to that. I wouldn't go to that fucking show. So wait, I'm 511. Be honest. Be honest. Have you ever shopped at Jimmy Oz? I swear to God, I would never go in there even if I had to. Your headshots on the wall. Bobby walk out with fucking two full bags. All right. Love you, buddy. love you bye Spade we're plugging Jimmy Oz man this is good yeah this is good thing Marcelo Hernandez would probably go there no he'd have no he'd do custom yeah yeah he'd do custom alright alright I'll wear a suit if you want to wear a suit okay I'm excited about this premiere I'm not kidding I hope the movie's good yeah I'm like actually excited for it I am too and I also that's why I got nervous the other night because I was on the billboard for the new Pixar movie and I was like oh fuck that's gonna bury it but it comes out end of March I thought we're good we're good we'll have some time yeah yeah yeah I don't even know what it's called that one that one it looks great that one looks great Hoppers I know yeah that one yeah it looks so cute yeah god Pixar they don't miss do they they don't miss at all they just don't miss yeah they just what what's the shrug face yeah what have they missed they have missed a couple times they've missed a couple times what yeah what if you're talking percentage wise Elia what's Elio Elio yeah yeah good dinosaur Cars 2 yeah Cars 2 was fine no yeah you're crazy Cars 2 was fine good dinosaur was fine Lightyear Brave was good people don't like that because they're racist alright go ahead go to go to Pixar movies just do Pixar movies yeah their OG was so perfect brother you can't not everyone you can't go undefeated which was the jazz one they did oh I like the Eric Griffin was in it yeah yeah yeah I like that movie well he looks like the guy from Eric Griffin okay look Toy Stories all of them phenomenal Finding Nemo Inside Out bomb amazing I mean Inside Out Up Up Classic Coco Incredibles Ratatouille can you zoom in a little Monsters Inc Soul these are all bangers yeah bangers Turning Red WALL-E I love WALL-E Incredibles my point stop there Bugs Light yeah they killed it my point is yeah to have that many stop it they're unbelievable so they make one or two that are like not as fun they're good they're on fire they're on fire but you know who's gonna be on more fire what from the creators of the Spider-Verse comes Goat yeah the littlest to make it to the bigs in Goat can you do your voice that we do on the movie I don't remember we do announcers in the movie we play what's yours I know you're yeah go ahead do yours Will steals the ball yeah that's I sound like that I sound it's I'm stealing from Marv Albert I sound like Marv Albert can you do yours what was mine yours yours is like you kept going like oh yeah you were like hey yeah yeah that's it yeah Will takes it to the lead that's exactly right yeah yeah also remember every time we would go in I would go hey can you play it again so we could hear it like what I sounded like because I forget well it's easy to forget yeah yeah yeah because you do the sessions every three fucking months yeah so you don't even know when they happen great fruit plates they really really did knock it out with the fruit plates I mean you know sometimes you do ADR right and it's like ghetto you have those short little bottles of water a brand you've never even heard of but this one was beautiful cheese and fruit plates it was really nice yeah yeah some of the sometimes you go in there it's a pack of Newports yeah yeah yeah for your throat yeah it was way better it was way better doing it together was important we did it together every time you know they're writing a second one right now no I mean I think they make them do that just in case the first one does well doesn't mean anything it just means like if it does really well I think they're writing the second one yeah those guys wrote a good movie how would you feel if you got recast I'd feel like it'd be appropriate I don't think so because you killed it no for big they'd want a name this is the thing if they want a big name they'd recast us for like they'd be like and the announcers are played by we're pretty big Key and Peele no we're not Key and Peele right yeah yeah yeah we're not Key and Peele that's what I mean is like if they wanted to upgrade they could easily upgrade yeah and that's fine with me not for me I don't care dude yeah not for me I'm entry level I'm down there I'll take it hey man I'll park the cars no you won't dude I'll get out there and park there I used to love valeting I valeted it's so funny you try to play this like I'm a struggling guy and then you're at the highest level I'm not a struggling guy I just don't mind that if someone replaced me I wouldn't care you're the most high class guy I know he's down to earth though I'm on the earth who's more down to earth Andrew or me Andrew Andrew you walk right into that and you're being real oh stop it no dude stop it there's no way stop it there's no way it's where you know what we both live you both are really really down to earth no that makes me so mad right now alright especially with the way what McClellan did he knows the truth relax Billy I'm not no one's illegal on stolen land you're right no one's illegal on stolen land you're not yeah you're right yeah that's the funniest that's the funniest shit insane because then her house is on stolen land I know that's a funny they found out her 14 million dollar house is on a stolen land who's Billie Eilish oh really no one's illegal on stolen land yeah really her house is on a fucking plot of land that's you know whatever but you knew they were gonna find that that's what she said Billie Eilish uh she signed up for this she signed over her 14 million dollar mansion if it's stolen land hand over the keys says Tonga tribe Tavanga tribe that's funny if the tribes are coming at you that's trouble be careful dog quince I like looking stylish I like looking good I like looking fine and that's the slogan for bad friends for quince if you want to look stylish good and fine a well built wardrobe is about pieces that work together that hold up over time and that's what quince does best premium materials thoughtful design and everyday staples that 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number one rated online therapy they're bringing you professional support from licensed therapists and psychiatrists that you can access anytime and anywhere tomorrow i see my therapist and uh let me say something it changed my life um i um i do emdr and certain traumatic events in my life and um it's just um i'm much more mindful and centered because of therapy and because of talkspace yeah i believe in it i just got out of therapy right before i came here and it does feel really good it feels also good to take control of your mental health from the comfort of your own home you don't have to go somewhere anymore by the way that's the best part about talkspace you can do it from wherever you are you don't need to go to them they come to you over the interwebs life's all about how we are in a relationship with one another and communication is key you need to communicate your feelings about what's going on in your world to help you get a little bit more centered and talkspace makes getting the help you need easy accessible and affordable plus most insured members have a zero dollar copay as a listener of our podcast you'll get eighty dollars off your first month with talkspace when you go to talkspace.com slash bad friends and enter promo code space 80 that's space 80 s-p-a-c-e eight zero to match with the licensed therapist today go to talkspace.com slash bad friends and enter promo code space 80 the lemonati has spent decades keeping lemon on top and lime in the shadows their lemon agenda has infiltrated everything even our music that hit song named after the color of lemons not a coincidence big lemon has been pulling strings in the industry for years think about it but now seven up is fighting back with their new lime lemon soda now it's time now lime comes first seven up flip the sip so you know what I've been doing in the last five days what I've been playing video games till nine in the morning and I woke up 45 minutes before I got here I know you look like it it sounds like I can hear it in your voice yeah I I'm lost what game I revisited starfield oh what that's just yeah yeah and it's just been grinding and it's I need help I need help why are you doing this to yourself grinding it's not what most people think what do you mean this is what I've been playing what is it ratchet and clank oh yeah it's really good people are playing arc raiders like Eric Griffith's like hey mate have you downloaded it yet I don't want to play with you what you guys gotta you gotta get up get out and do something this is crazy dude oh dude that's too much time dedicated to a thing that doesn't mean anything it means everything it means everything when you go to a planet you gotta survey the whole thing you gotta you know what I mean all the minerals and rocks okay but how about this how about this analyze all the animals and stuff how about do it at times when it's helpful for your your circadian rhythm okay how about do them in the middle of the day okay what I'm gonna say to you is this what else is there to do what do you mean write your next hour god your tone right now you wanna get defeated no I'll crush the bones in your face I got some stuff for you what meet up with people hang out go have a lunch go do a writing session go Exercise. Go see things that you've never seen before. Yeah. Get up, get out, and do something. I went to my fifth VR thing the other day by myself. I'm in the VR suit, right? I'm trying to do things. Where is that at? It was in Sherman Oaks somewhere. By myself, I'm, you know what I mean? Why don't you ask anybody to come with you? No one wanted to go, and they were like, you're solo? You're spending hundreds of dollars just by yourself, and after about 45 minutes, I eat alone, you know what I mean, at that little plaza there? I went to a Dan Noodles. Self-indulgence. This is me, right? Self-induced. You can call me. What else is there to do? I'll go to the Wii Spa. I'm alone, naked, in a spa. I'm alone. Call anybody. All the time. Never calls me. Yeah. Every once in a while, Gene will be like, let's go to, you know what I mean, Young King. So we go to Young King, eat sweet and sour pork. Why aren't you trying to go meet up with Chickadoos? Nobody wants to hang out with me. That's bullshit, dude. I've seen your fucking Raya. What I'm saying is that, you know, this is me for life. A 13-year-old white boy in the mall? Yeah, yeah. My point is that, what else is there to do? Go hang out with people. You just don't reach out. You don't want to reach out. You want people to reach out to you. I mean, the texts I get today, it's like, I mean, there was one thing Marcello called me and was like, you want to eat dinner at 630? But I had this, you know what I mean? So, you know, but I would have done that. Tomorrow night, I'm going to hang out with my, you know, the girl that I'm seeing. You know, everyone knows her. And then- Nobody knows her. I mean, you know her personally. Yeah, but I'm saying- I haven't said it out loud. The humans don't need to know. I don't want anyone to know. But my point is that, so I do some things, but it's like, and then this weekend, we're going to go to the premiere. That's going to be fun. That'll be fun. Friday. That's me getting out. But at night, I'm going to go home. If that's what you need, that's what you like, that's what you like. I don't know what's going on, but I'm reverting- Does she like the video game thing? Well, this is what I do. You wait until she goes to sleep. And I wait. I know you do. I lay there, and I wait. You little bad boy. I know you. And I listen, and if I hear a, right? I slowly get out, right? And I go to my little cubicle, and I start playing. And then I wake up, it's like, it's seven in the morning. Went out to breakfast. I haven't slept yet. Right, and then there's that thing. And then does she get mad? People get mad. People get mad. I think it's destroyed every fucking relationship I've ever had. And yet, here you are. Yeah, women don't get it. You get it? No. Nobody gets it. He takes care of a baby, this guy. He's got baby on his mind. Are you going to have another baby? Too much work. I feel like it's coming. It's too much work. Because you feel- You got to have two. Yeah. I have to have two? Well, they can watch each other. Yeah. You got to make one stare at the other one. Dang, I need a race, Bobby. Okay. You do such a great job here. We'll consider it. Do we really? We're not going to do that, are we? Yeah. Give him a race? This guy's editing. I don't know. I don't want him to fucking- You know, but there's no one that edits better than me. You think we can't find someone? I don't think that's going to- Hey, out there in the bad friends world, let's get a good editor. I think that you're right. Don't email us. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, don't email us. It won't open. Carlos. I'm deleting everything. Andre, I couldn't imagine life without growing up with my brother. Your brother Steve. Yeah. Your brother. Your sister. Yeah. You can't imagine life. You're much older. Yeah, but I imagine life with- I can't imagine life without her. I can't. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And were you saying that the same with Fancy? Yeah, I think that- No, he's not saying he cannot imagine life with me. He's saying to have another kid. Yeah. I can't imagine life without you. I'll be real. At this point in our lives, I can't imagine life without you. I love you that much. Thank you. Right? You're mean to me, but I love you that much. Right? I did fight for him to get a raise today. He has no idea. No. I did. You did? I did. And then what happened? We're going to see. Okay. We're going to see what happens. Yeah. I see. And you. Yeah. Thank you. Not you. Not you. Scum. Trash. Pig. But you know, I would fight for you, McCone. Even though you don't fight for me, I would fight for you. McCone has, not only has McCone not fought for you, he goes against you often. I know he does. As much as he can. Yeah, I know he does. Now, if you'd call him to go play video games, he would be there. He would be there in a heartbeat. You know, I saw a guy, I watched a guy get his car keyed yesterday, and it was crazy to watch. That doesn't bother me. A guy keying his car? He keyed, I watched the guy key a guy's car. I keyed my own car. Like, who cares? Well, yeah, you do. That's insane. You know what? That's the thing about, this is what you guys with your cars. Huh? I'm talking about macho men. The Steve McQueen. Macho, macho man. Macho man. I'd like to key a macho man's car. I'm just saying, but a little fender bender, a little key, you know what I mean? You guys go apeshit. No, this guy scratched the whole of his car. And what? Does the car? Does the car still run? It broke the engine. It's a shitty thing to do. It is a shitty thing to do. But it's crazy to see it. But is that fighting? Huh? Like, if I, my name is, let's say I'm a guy. Yeah. All right, we'll pretend. My name is Tango. Hello, Tango. Yeah, yeah. And you catch me keying your car. Yeah. Yeah, with a razor blade. Okay, interesting choice. All right, well. Usually you'd use a, you know, a razor blade. A Romulan knife. Or a thing that's in the word. Perhaps a key? No, I don't use keys. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I use, you know what I'm going to use? A tweezer. Yeah. That might fuck it up. Yeah. Because it's two. Yeah, double. You get two scrapes. Mm-hmm. And I'm doing it. Is that fighting? Do I fight you? Yeah, do you fight me? Do you physically assault me? Well, here's the problem. I know you are mentally unstable. No, I'm Tango. I'm Tango. Correct. No, Tango. I work at Kinko's. Tango is of sound state in mind. Yeah, and I'm a manager at Kinko's. I have, you know what I mean? I have a dog. Well, you're bummed because Kinko's is closing down. So obviously you're upset. Yeah, I am a little upset about that. Right. But I just didn't like your vibe. No, you keyed my car. Yeah, so I just keyed it with tweezers. Are they fighting? No, I light the Kinko's on fire. Oh, you do? Yeah, I come back. It's not my store. I just manage there. No, I know. You don't have a job there anymore then. Yeah, yeah. And then every time you get replaced to another Kinko's store, I light that one on fire. I'm sorry. I got a job offer from Michael's. I go to Michael's. I light that whole fucking thing up. That's flammable. It's all, you know, paper. Yeah. I'm in the Velcro section of Michael's. I'm lighting every business you go to. And Magic Marker. On fire. Yeah. Every business you work at, I'm lighting it on fire. Okay. To make sure that you never work again. I don't own those. Then I steal your dog. Oh, now that's, wow. While you're at work at Michael's, I steal your dog. Really? Yep. You know what I do? What do you do? What? What? I steal your coffee machine. Brother. Yeah, not good. You got me. Yeah, no, I steal. You got me good. Yeah, yeah. No, you keep my car, I steal your dog. You know what? I break your wife's ankle. Which one, left or right? Both. That's good. Yeah, one would have been- What you gonna do? Easy to deal with. Right. Yeah. All right, what you gonna do, dude? I'm gonna kidnap your brother. Wait, now we're getting personal. You said my wife! You're- What? Oh, that's true. Yeah! But Tango's saying it. Okay, how does Tango know? Yeah, I fucking Wikipedia you, you're famous. And Tango has a wife. Yeah. I mean, Tango has a brother. Yeah, Tango has a brother. Mango. Yeah, yeah, Tango, yeah. I kidnapped Mango. Mango? I don't like Mango. Well, good, I'm gonna kill him, sell him for parts. Yeah, steal his organs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Was that okay? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna sell his organs. I'm gonna light the wedding on fire, your sister's wedding. Really? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why? Don't go to arson, that's my thing. Oh, that is? I light fires. Yeah. You know what? Agent Orange. That's- No. My thing again. That ain't your thing! I'm gonna fly a little tiny plane, a Buddy Holly plane, over your sister's wedding, Agent Orange day. They'll think it's a wedding gift from me. Yeah. The Discombobulator, that's right, neutralized Russian and Chinese radar missile systems. Is Agent Orange, what does it do? Well, it was, it killed, it killed a lot of people. It was awful. It is? It was terrible. Yeah. Yeah. It like seized up your whole body, it's like shut down your organs, right? It affects multiple systems, leading to various cancers, prostate and lung, nervous system disorders, Parkinson's, neuropathy, heart disease, diabetes. Wow. It was incredible. Wow. It was just like huffing the most like toxic chemical in the world. I love the smell of napalm in the morning. Yeah. What movie was that? Platoon. No. No. No. Apocalypse Now. Apocalypse Now. Apocalypse Now. Yeah. What are you gonna get me from, what are you gonna get my sister for her wedding as a gift? She does expect- I don't think I'm invited to the wedding. Yeah. She was gonna invite you. Are you being real? Mm-hmm. If I get invited to the wedding, I'll go. Will you really? Yeah. What kind of gift would you give? Well, don't they have the thing where you, I go to a website- The registry? Yeah. I go to a website. You know where they're registered? Where? Jimmy Oz. Yeah. Well, then I'm gonna get a lot of things. Or their child. Will they have a child? She would flip her shit if you showed up to the wedding. I would go. It's so far away. You're not gonna do it. Are you going? To my sister's fucking wedding? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think so. Yeah. It'll keep me away from the video games. It'd be fucking fun as shit. Yeah. I wanna go. It's gonna be amazing. Yeah. The resort is sick. I wanna go. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want it to pass and then you go, you're gonna say, "Oh, I didn't think you were gonna go." I'll talk to her. She would never think you would go. I would 100% go. And I'd be polite. Of course you would. You'd be the best. My family would lose their mind to see you there. I would love to go. Yeah. When are we gonna go to your wedding? Mm-hmm. I am excited to walk you down the aisle. - I think that you're my best man. - Your dad walks you down the aisle, you're the bride. that's dead you think the best man walks you down the aisle that's so funny I don't know that is a Bobby wedding yeah yeah what is the best man I first of all I would be a hundred percent one of your best men how many is there six you can have as many as you want it's your choice yeah yeah oh it'd be a part of the six your brother would be in there yeah me yeah gene yeah this is right now at this date yeah any celebrity Steve Steven Tyler Michael Bay Michael Bay maybe I would ask Michael that'd be cool he blows up your wedding yeah who would be my best man it'd be gene um McConaughey the ring bearer probably my sponsor yeah you'd have to have him yeah get him but also bring Danny up my old you have to bring Danny yeah it'd be crazy the bachelor party is just us watching and play video games for seven hours at night we just sit in the hotel room we get a really nice hotel suite where do I do it though your wedding yeah I know something exotic no people can afford to go to uh exotic affordable is tough it is it's usually not affordable if it's exotic but to go to like an island like you know I mean like like a pango right right to panga from boy meets world to pango but we'd have to pay for it I'm not paying for it I mean you gotta pay for yourself you know how much the wedding is gonna cost you know where you should do your wedding where so so in my heart in your heart yeah all Korea yes too expensive you thought I meant your soul actually you know what I thought we were gonna have a run in here in my heart that's beautiful you would I know for a fact you would have a wedding in Hawaii 100 percent I think Hawaii there's no doubt in my mind there's no doubt yeah yeah he would have it it's easy people can get there west coast for sure yeah yeah yeah but you don't you wouldn't who would you know on the east coast that you would invite anyway do you have any friends that live east I would invite a tell he would never go I know you wouldn't in a million years yeah I would invite they wouldn't come comics you say yeah yeah there's only yeah the east coast comics a few like this Stefano he would go 100 yeah Giannis Giannis Pappas yeah one of the best Giannis for sure he'd show up Giannis Greek freak Chris um let's see Austin guys Adam Egan would you invite Rogan I would he wouldn't come I bet you he would if he got invited I guarantee you he'd come Adam Egan I love Egan yeah he would go he would go um who else from Austin Shane you'd invite Shane here we are we wouldn't come yeah why why do you wouldn't he but I would invite him why wouldn't he come if he's too busy yeah Tom and Bert yeah Tom and Bert which one first though don't put me in this situation don't put me in this situation that was a good one you almost said it huh I would send it out exactly at the same time yeah yeah and no girls oh yeah yeah these are all guys yeah I would invite Astor Andrea Jin Andrea Jin Kalilah yeah um I wouldn't invite um Kalilah should do the wedding she should do the uh yeah what is that be the pastor yeah whatever yeah or the ceremonial person probably Catbird so new to you yeah but she's pretty close so yeah right yeah yeah yeah uh I took her and Joey Cerrone down to San Diego fantastic yeah yeah they both did great he did great too do you know that kid yeah Joey's good very funny yeah yeah yeah they both did great yeah shout out to those guys Comedy Store is on the move got a lot of young talent down there oh in Hollywood Comedy Store yeah yeah there's a lot of there's some good there's some great people the door guys are a lot of door guys some great ones I think it's fun that the girls call themselves door guys yeah I'm gonna they go they introduce they'll go hi I'm a door guy at the Comedy Store yeah it's like a fun little title I never had I wish I did can I tell you what happened the other day at the store no and it's it's crazy oh yeah yeah I can't I can't I can't explain what happened through cave this is crazy Comedy Cave we should start a comedy comedy cave and you got to do that up there so I'm door and there's a door guy there i've never talked to in my life and he comes up to me and he goes um can i talk to you i go yeah sure i don't know his name you don't know who this person i've seen him around he seems very nice sure and he goes hey if you want to ever get together and talk about jesus christ shut up shut up who said that i swear to god it happened you don't know who it is though i do know oh okay yeah yeah and i go what that's right and he goes yeah i mean if you you want to get together and talk about the lord you know i mean i would really like that you know sounds nice yeah and i go okay you don't want to do it and i am i came this close to calling peter shore and getting him fucking fired so no i don't know if it felt um intrusive yeah because if you don't have a like a relationship with somebody and that's your opener that's your opener like we've never talked about anything yeah but maybe that means a lot to him and you mean a lot to him so these two things can combine so what you're saying to me is i should i should take him up give it a chance yeah let jesus into your heart into your soul south korea let jesus into your soul south korea all right so you're at the comedy store yeah i'm a new door guy yeah i don't i don't know you at all yeah santino get the fuck away from me no no no hey what's up brother i'm bobby mom oh yeah what's up man yeah it's fun right good stuff yeah thanks man yeah i love it yeah good yeah yeah thanks do you have my keys for the car yeah i do but can i talk to you about something first oh what's up yeah um do you know allah yeah yeah well i'm i'm a christian so i don't i'd love to tell you as a muslim i'd love to go this way oh yeah diversion this way version yeah yeah smart yeah do you know buddha yeah i know buddha yeah i don't oh christian oh you want to talk about the lord jesus yeah love to yeah tomorrow today like tomorrow you want to have lunch no i'd like to do it right now let me stay i'm gonna stay come on get in my car real fast and you would you take your shirt off get in my car talk about jesus there's no way you would allow that to happen i would if he was interesting enough if he if the dude was interesting enough i'd chat with him do you guys believe that he would do that be real no way no there's no way dude running out of there's no way you guys dude what are you trying to fucking put out there that you're an everyday man i would what i'm not going to talk to a door guy what are you talking about of course i will i talk to the door guys all time unless the door guy's name is taylor swift you would do it yeah yeah if taylor at yeah you would do it no i would talk i talked to door guys all the time if someone said i want to talk to you about jesus i said what do you want to talk about i would talk to him what do you mean what are you talking about if he said that i'd go what are you the most intimidating guy at the store that's not fucking true people go they tremble that is you're making a bullshit yeah because remember that one right no but the store guys i'm nice to all those guys ask any store guy ask any door kid i'm nice to all of them there's not one of them that i'm that's like no he's me yeah um i'm excited i will say i'm excited for the goat movie so please this will be out so please go watch goat it premieres out in theaters uh uh february 13th is that right yep i think that's the date february 13th all over the united states of america and it's going to be all over the world so if you're in china please go see goat yeah they got into china that's a big deal yeah because right they don't let anybody go over there now yeah well let's hope and let's hope that you like our our performance we're in it a lot we're in a good amount i'm also listed on the imdb i'm listed as you i think it says andrew santino plays bobby am i even listed at all you are but it uses yours as your character oh i don't know why for some reason bobby lee plays voice andrew santino voice oh they must have fixed it because it originally said bobby uh jennifer hudson jelly roll hey look at the people that are in there huh wow aisha curry go up top though to the those the other ones are the nick kroll gabriel union caleb mclaughlin plays will david harbour steven uh kerry wow so cool it's a pretty cool combo it'll be fun well please go see it go check it out thank you for being a bad friend at zocdoc we know you care about your health you wouldn't do that early morning cardio if you didn't so the fact that your annual physical is overdue just shows how hard it can be to get seen by a doctor sorry that doctor's not a network press one for more options you've reached us normal business hours the next availability is in three months but zocdoc makes finding the 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