274: Can't Think Straight Ft. Hayley Kiyoko & Crew

-I'm so excited to have you today. -I'm so excited to be here. -We're back. -Haley Kiyoko in the house. Whoo! -You have-- -I'm proud to put some wilds. -We'll put some wild effects in for you. -Okay, great, great. -You'll feel the love. -Yeah. -You have such a crazy story. -I feel like the lore, like, do you get told you're like, "Gosh, your lore is so good." -Um, no, but thank you so much. -Really? -Well, I mean, people call me like an-- not an underdog, but like, I do have an-- I guess I do have an interesting lore. Like, I've been around for a while. -Disney Star, lemonade mine. -I don't call myself a Disney star, but it's so sweet of you. -Lemonade Mouth, Jenna was like-- -Thank you. -Great movie. -It's so good. -Thank you. -Wizard's a wavily place. Then you ended up going on tour with Taylor Swift. -Well, I performed with her, but-- -Okay. -But, yeah, same thing. -That was still epic. -Yeah, it's Swift. -Um, and then you are the just this amazing successful music artist. -Turned author, now director. -Listen, we gotta catch 'em all. We're trying over here. -I love it. -I absolutely love it. I'm so excited you're joining me on this episode. It's Pride Month and your movie, Girls Like Girls, really, just encapsulates so many. I feel like real struggles that people go through, and I watched it last night in this morning. And I'm like, "Oh, my God, it's so good." -Thank you. -And it's so cute and relatable. And it just-- it's something that I think so many people can relate to of, like, finding yourself and dealing with, you know, adversity and struggles, and it's just, it's such a good movie. -Thank you. I, like, I've been saying, like, even though this movie is called Girls Like Girls, and it does capture this moment in time where I fell in love with this girl, you know, back in high school. It is such a relatable story because whether you're queer or not, everyone has had that moment where that one person where they had to confront them to be like, "Do you like me or not?" Is this going somewhere or-- -Yeah. -Or we do, we have a future like, every single person has that one person, and when you go to see this movie, it unlocks that for sure. -I could feel the tension. -Yeah. -I literally, like, "Oh, that reminds me of that one person." -I could feel it. -Yeah. -And I'm like, I put myself right back in those shoes, like, "Oh, my God, I was like, I do not miss high school." -Yeah. When you're 16, 17 falling in love, it feels like life or death. -It does. -You know, it's important to me with my directorial debut to, like, approach it with a mature lens. It's like, they are-- like, our lead, she was 18 when we shot this, but it has this mature lens because they think they're, like, 35. -They think, like, when you meet your crush, you're like, "This is the person I'm getting married to." -Yeah. No, that was me. I was 16 going on 40. -Yeah. -And it was just, like, you feel-- you do feel like it's like the death and the way to the world and everything's on you. And I mean, her struggles, too. Coley's struggles, just to be in, like, I hate myself, and I'm like, "Oh, my God, Ben there done that, too." Like, it's just-- it's-- you capture so much, and you really do feel it. -Thank you. -It's an amazing movie. -I'm so excited for people to see it. -It's going to be so good. -June 19th, you guys. -So put it on your list already. -Opening Weekend is vital for the gays, the allies, everyone to show up in theaters. This has been a 10-year journey, which is wild. It is-- I don't recommend putting in 10 years of energy into something because it's so intense. Like, it feels like a lot of pressure, but it's also so exciting for my community, and we've been needing a story like this for so long. -Did you know that you wanted to make it a movie when you put the song out initially? -Not initially when we released the music video, and I saw the comments and people being like, "This needs to be a future film." I was like, "Oh my gosh, I've never gotten to buy a ticket, and I go to a theater and get to see a movie like this." Like, "Oh my gosh, we do need this into a movie." -Then you did the book first. -Then I did the book because the movie thing wasn't handing out. It was kind of like my Hail Mary of like, "Well, if I die tomorrow, at least the story will exist, and live on." And then that became a number one New York Times press seller, which then catapulted. -We're skipping a lot of trauma, you guys. We're doing the victory lap right now, but then that led to the green light of the film and end of 2023, shot the movie in 2024, and here we are in 2026. -Here we are. It's incredible. I read your story graph reviews for the book too, and it's so good. People are just blown away. They're like, "Haley can write?" -Okay, and so if you're a reader too, start with the book, then go see the movie. -I'm really proud of the book. -Really good. -Good. -Go read the book. Go see the movie. They're both. Listen, now I understand. You read the book, Twilight, you go see the movie. It's a different experience. Girls that girls the book and the movie are like sisters, but a book is a book and a movie is a movie. So the movie is the most authentic version of this story, but in a book, you can talk about someone's jacket for three pages, and then in a movie, it's like a glance. And so what's been unique about this universe is I've been able to be a part of every step of every way, and it's been challenging for me to have to almost like top myself every time. How do I tell the story with a different perspective? And I think because this journey has been 10 years long, I've changed. When I released Girls Like Girls in 2015, I wasn't confident in who I was. I was uncomfortable with who I was, and now I'm here on stage waving a rainbow flag. And so this story also evolves, and even from the book experiencing the movie, my fans will see that evolution as well. I love it. Well, let's get into these stories. I know you're going to have some good takes on them. I'm excited. Let's dive in. So curious. [Music] This episode of Two Out Takes is presented by Credit Karma. Where on your phone constantly, shouldn't those bills count towards your credit? With credit spark by Intuit Credit Karma, they do. Build credit history using payments like phone bills or utilities, no debt, totally free, and missed payments aren't recorded. Not all lenders use TransUnion credit reports or scores impacted by credit spark. But if you're at or below 660 and looking to build credit history, download Credit Karma today and get the credit you deserve. Up first for us here. This is coming from R/TruthMyChest, a subreddit where people just go and share. So it's titled, "I've 29 male never questioned my sexuality until I met this co-worker." Hmm. I don't really know who to talk to about this, so I guess I'm asking Reddit. "I 29 male have been working with my co-worker 32 male for about seven months now. Let's call him John. We work as junior chefs in a commercial kitchen." The kitchen environment is constant pressure and extremely fast paced. That means that most of the time you can't avoid getting heated with your teammates. And John and I have definitely fought a few times. However, we eventually get over it at the end of every service by having drinks with the whole team before heading home. Since I don't have my own vehicle and I use public transport, John sometimes offers me a ride. Hugh? He drops me off at the end of my street near my house because he heads the same route just a little bit further out. During the time we spend together at work and in his car, we've really gotten to know each other. He went through a divorce last August and was completely heartbroken, though he still gets to see his child, so that keeps him going. As we opened up about our lives, we got so close that our teammates started calling us "best buddies." Hmm. Now I want to be clear and say that I've never been attracted to guys. However, I've only ever had girlfriends, and I assume John is the same. We banter all the time and we'll playfully caress each other, you know, the typical straight guys acting gay thing. But lately, I feel like I just love being around him. It's hard to admit, but I've started liking his touch and the way he smiles at me. I actually look forward to the shifts where we work together. I don't know if I'm overthinking, but whenever we're bantering, it takes him a long time to break eye contact when he's smiling. That's a sign. It's like we talk shit, laugh, and then just pause and time staring at each other. It's been like this for a while. Two nights ago, I was on my way home with him because he had offered me a ride again. We talked about how shitty the service was that night. The silence in the car felt different when he dropped me off. He didn't just pull away like usual. He kept the engine running and just looked at me for a second, that felt too long. That same lingering smile on his face. I reached for the door handle, but my heart was pounding so loud I was sure he could hear it. We both just sat there for a moment before we caught each other's eyes and let out this really forced, awkward laugh. We mumbled a quick, see you tomorrow, and I got out of the car. Now I'm laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering if I'm losing my mind or if that awkwardness was actually him feeling the exact same pull that I am. Again, I've never been attracted to men before, and I don't know what's happening. I'm confused and scared at the same time. You've got a lovely reading voice, which just felt like I was about to like take a rest listening to this beautiful gay story. That's why I provide blankets, but like I feel like you can almost put yourself in his shoes where you're like, it's feeling very girls like girls like girls coded. Yeah. It's sounding homosexual. It's sounding a little gay. The thing is is the other guy, John, could be also confused as well. And maybe it's tough because like sometimes you're like, oh, is John just lonely and needing connection. And they have this like best buddy connection, but on the other side of the coin, he could totally be feeling the same way as the other guy. It's sounding gay to me. I've done lots of lingering in cars, the eye contact. They're like, ha, ha. Like when we don't really know what to say, like I feel like people who are comfortable with their sexuality are very like, I guess like comfortable. I guess when I look back at like my moments in high school and in my early 20s when girls were, you know, had never dated a girl, but they're hanging out with me and I'm like, do they like me or not. Normally the straight ones are there, there's not the awkward silences, the awkward lingers, the touch of the hand. Like they're normally pretty confident in who they are, the ones that are a little confused are the ones that we're giving me that space. So that's given me a little gay. Well, especially the caressing. When he said that, I was kind of like, wait, that's not normal. I was like, I don't, I don't know if that's straight guy's acting gay. I'm not caressing my best friend. Yeah, exactly. If I'm caressing you, there's a reason for that. There's a reason. There's a reason you're touching and you're seeking out that touch. And then he's like, I kind of like the touching. It's like, that's your body's telling you. I know what your mind maybe isn't. But isn't that crazy? This guy is 29 years old. He's not 15. And when I was getting girls like girls made, people would be like, oh, do we need a story like this? And I was like, what do you mean? People are in their 30s and 40s and still figuring out who they love and who they are and who they're becoming. And it's like representation where you can go, this guy might go see a movie or go see girls like girls and be like, oh my gosh. He's being a Sony on me. It unlocks. It identifies and validates these feelings. And it just goes back to like representation. Because when you've never been through something, you don't know until you see something or you meet someone who's also experienced the same thing. I think that's something that's coming up quite a bit on Reddit, especially right now, is people that have gotten married. And now they're like, you know, I waited to have sex until marriage. I thought that my feelings and these thoughts would would kind of go away with that. And now that I'm married and I've been with my wife for three years, like, I'm realizing this is wrong. But like, I was so ashamed. And I didn't know what this meant. And so I think I'm on board with you like having a movie where it's like, no, it's not shameful to be yourself. Yeah. And it's okay to be confused and wanting to explore. And like, obviously, you don't want to like hurt people, you know, someone else's expense. But I think that like, you know, if this chef guy watched a movie like girls like girls and literally was like, Oh, that is John. Then like, he'd be like, Oh, okay. I know what's going on. Or maybe he'll watch and be like, Oh, that's not what we do. Okay. Cool. Like, cool, cool, cool, cool. You know, the top comment on this one basically says, quote, we banter all the time and playfully caress each other, you know, the typical straight guy's acting gay thing. They're quoting OP. Yeah. And they go, yeah, no. That's not typical. Not that for him. And I hope he goes for it. Yeah. A lot of people are like. rooting him on a lot. Yes. A lot. There's what can happen. And again, it goes back to what we're talking about. The universal thing is like, all he has to do is ask John, Hey, do you have feelings for do you feel what I feel? Yeah. Like, and but that's terrifying for people. How do you go about that? Because you are engaged to Becca, Becca famously on the bachelor franchise. And it was kind of like, you talk about a how like, you met at your release party and like, you kind of were immediately interested. But how do you gauge someone who hasn't been clearly out or how do you proceed with that with Becca was very different. Because I'm actually, I present confident, but I'm actually very shy. Okay. And the only reason why I'm engaged is because Becca made the first move. So like with Becca was very different because we had a connection. She didn't know we had a connection, but I knew we had a connection. And then Becca actually made the first move. Okay. So it became crystal clear. Oh, okay. We both feel the same way. Okay. But before Becca era and life, it would be confusing. And I'd go on dates or not even dates. I just like meet someone and hit it off. And then I, I would have to do this whole like does, do they like me or not? And like, you're kind of testing the waters and getting caressing a little more and venturing, you know, all the stuff to the point where then you have to be like, Hey, do you like me? Hey, you know, are you going to kiss me? Like where are we at? And it's funny. One of the scenes in girls, like girls is actually, you watched it last time, is from when she goes to the girls house to get her jacket. Yeah. And she's like, are you going to, you know, do you like me or not? And that was a real scene that I lived where I went to go get this, this jacket that I left at this girls house. And I was like, are you going to kiss me or what? And she just like stared at me because you get to this point where you're like, I have to use my words. Like the gazing is not the gazing is not enough. It's not enough. No. So, but it's really great when you meet someone who is comfortable with who they are. And like when I met Becca, she was like, I haven't been with girls before, but I can't deny this connection that we have. So we need to explore this. And I'm really grateful for that. And obviously, it worked out. Yeah. Absolutely. I know how long have you guys been together now? Oh my gosh. I love it. Years this year. That's so exciting. So exciting. Something you guys talk about that I love is you say that you weren't secret. You were just private. Yes. And I think there's a big distinction between that. And this next story is definitely secret. Not just private. Okay. Let's, let's see if this triggers me. So it might, it really might. So this is coming from our own two hot takes subreddit. It's titled, Am I the asshole? I 22 female broke up with my girlfriend 21 female of seven years for staying silent. I 22 female had the shittiest breakup I could ever go through. I broke up with my girlfriend of seven years. Even though she was in the closet, I respected her decision to stay in. I truly didn't want to rush her out or put pressure on her for coming out. The only people who knew were a select group of close friends. And she wasn't comfortable being together slash looking like a couple in public. So she would often introduce me as her best friend to other people and would always say that she's single. This made me uncomfortable, but I didn't think to reach out to her about it because it might put pressure on her to then come out. But things took a different turn when she started to hang out with this all boys friend group this year in college. She would often invite me to hang out with them. The group of boys would openly hit on her and she would be eating it up while I was in the room with them. She didn't reciprocate it, but she didn't shut it down either. I tried to communicate to her how this bothered me, but she would still dismiss it saying that I'm overreacting and that it's just boys being boys. Things took a bad turn when she accidentally dropped that I'm a lesbian and the entire group proceeded to make jokes about my sexuality. At that point, I was too shocked to speak because they did not give any signs that they were homophobic up until this point. Maybe it's because I'm not conventionally attractive as her. So that's why they said what they said. But even then, she didn't even defend me and ended up just staying silent. It took her three days to reach out to me while I was literally trying to speak to her about the situation. We got into a huge fight over this and I couldn't take it and I broke up with her. She got upset with me because "she wasn't the one to say all that crap, but I told her that her silence was enough and I broke up with her. She cursed me out, told me why it was a chore to be with me and blocked me everywhere. It took a while to open up to our friends and most have sided with me, but some said I should have been more understanding of her and that she wasn't the only one truly outfault and it was just one mistake. She also did mention that it was a mistake that she stayed quiet but will learn her lesson now. But I don't want to listen to her and I just decided to break it off. This made me overthink and now I don't know. Did I throw away a seven-year relationship over one mistake? Am I the asshole? No. No. That brings up a lot of feelings. Oh, this would sound to me. Until you take you down memory a little bit, I one time was in a relationship in secret. Okay, not private in secret and my girlfriend took me on a date with a man. She went on a date with a man and brought me as the third wheel. Stop. That crosses a line. And so I I think, like, listen, you might fall in love with someone. And they might be on a different timeline. And that's okay. And that might mean that your timelines just don't work out. I think it's fair that this person decided, you know, enough is enough. I was okay with being, you know, in secret to a degree for seven years is a very long time. And that doesn't mean that the other girl needs to be comfortable. It just means like, in those scenarios, like, there could have been situations of like, hey, don't say that. Like, that's, she's my friend. I love her. Like, I think it crossed a line in many different ways. You know, and with back and eyes relationship, again, we weren't in secret, we were just in private. But like, if, you know, we were out, like, she would still hold my hand or like, you know, if someone said something to me, she would definitely speak up for me. You know what I mean? Like, it's just very different. She's not taking me on dates with other people. No. You know, like, there's like, there's a little crazy. That is like, not love in my opinion. And I think it's like, okay, to be in a relationship, someone would be like, I'm ready to be out. They're not ready to be out. You do that relationship for a while. And then there might be a point where you're, you can't wait anymore. And that doesn't mean that you don't love them. It doesn't mean that you're putting pressure on them. You don't want to put pressure on them. But like, the reality is, you guys are on two different timelines. And maybe that person will be ready in five years. And if you're not, if you don't want to wait five years, like, that doesn't make you an asshole. No. You know, act with love and be like, listen, I don't want to rush you. You're on your own journey. And I'm going to respect that. And I'm also on my own journey. So I think it's a very like, it's a fine line of like also respecting yourself. And I think growing up in the closet as a queer person for myself and my experience, I did unfortunately get in those situations all the time where I didn't respect myself. And I didn't go, wait a second. This is not fair to me, regardless of what you're navigating and where you're at. Like, this is actually not kind. 21 is still young. So young. And that's OK. And it is OK. And I think, you know, based on what I know about your experience, like you came out initially to your parents in like sixth grade. I came out like so many different times. Yeah. So it's like you kind of knew like more like younger. Yeah, I knew I was like gay since I was like seven. I was like, I am different. Yeah, 100%. And so I'm like, OK, maybe she needs more time. And that's again, totally fine. And I'm so with you. But like the bare minimum is to not let other people shit on me. Yeah, or bully you. Or bully. Yeah, like your girlfriend. Yeah. Also in the same breath, they're saying those things about you, because you are dating this person, they just don't know. And those are the people you want to be friends with. Yeah, it's not cool. I think she needs to feel confident in her decision. And also know that that person, that her ex-girlfriend, is maybe not a bad person, but she's going through stuff. And she's not able to be a good partner or a friend to her. And like, I think that that's fair to acknowledge, you know? And like, in my movie, Girls Like Girls With Sonia, like her, she says hurtful things. She's navigating something that she has never experienced before. And so, coley becomes the victim of her inexperience. But that also, there's a fine line of being a bad person and just a person who's never experienced this before. And then be able to acknowledge that and take accountability for those actions and try to be better. Yeah, you know, like, I think there's a fine line. I know I'm like sitting with everything you said. I'm like, there's just so much to unpack here. And totally fine where she's at, but like, you're not there. Like, you're out. She's not the one. She's not the one. And maybe she'll get to a place where she loves her stuff. Because it's really, it comes down to self-love. You know, this girl doesn't love herself enough to, therefore, turn on the person that she does love because she turns on herself. Yeah. That's it. You know, it's a tough position to be in, especially like, depending on where you are. I mean, social pressure is I grew up in Los Angeles, California. And people live in way less liberal areas than I do. And I still had such a hard time navigating my awareness because of what people would think, what people will say. It's like, you're just raised to care about what people think of you. And it's really hard to break through that. You know, you have to put a lot of energy into that to get through. Well, something you said in the interview that I watched too, you're like, because I think you were talking about like, you're wedding and planning and getting engaged and all these things. It's like, you didn't even like, really think about. Never thought I was gonna, yeah. Because until 2015, it wasn't even legal. And like, I remember being in college and being able to go and vote towards that. And it's just, it's crazy that like, even in today's times, like that was 10 years ago, 11 years ago. It's just like, so there's a lot of change that needs to happen still. But you hope that she gets to a place where she can be comfortable being herself and not damage amazing relationships because of it. Yeah. And again, not just not like a broken record, but it goes back to representation, right? Like, if she were to see herself reflected on screen or her experience reflected on screen, you know, she'd be like, oh, people support gay people. Like, maybe I don't have to be so hard on myself and hard on the people that I love. Maybe I will be okay. It's a defense mechanism, right? Like, when you're scared, when you're fearful, you aren't kind to yourself and to others. And it just is like a rebel effect. Absolutely. And 21, trying to fit in, trying to fly under the radar. Yeah. It's that crowd mentality. But again, like, this is your partner of seven years. And she's giving you so much grace and letting you sort things on your own timeline. I think she did the right thing. I think so too. I think so too. Top comment. I would not let anyone speak that way about my partner. I don't care how many friends I lose. Yeah, that's right. That's the energy. Yeah. Next comment down to says, I wouldn't let anyone rag on my bestie. Or my partner. There's a lot to unpack with that person. Like, even if that's your friend, you're going to like, these are just some random dudes you became friends with this year in college versus your friend that you've been friends with for a decade. Yeah, but how it's also like, how can you have expectations that she's going to stand up for someone else when she can't even stand up for herself? Like, if the bar is so low for herself, why would she do that for other people? And that's, that's a lot of this world. OP does respond to the person that says, I wouldn't let anyone speak to my partner that way. And she says, I've actually defended her behavior so much to my other friends, saying, I just didn't want to put pressure on her and gave her time to come to terms with her sexuality. Who knew a group of boys were enough for her to throw me away like that? Mm-hmm. Just like Wolf. We send you hugs. Yeah. Things are going to get better. I know. I think they will. And again, this isn't the two-hot takes subreddit, so this is likely one of our listeners. Hopefully they hear your thoughts on it and just make some feel a little more reassured. And go see girls that girls with a bunch of strangers and know that there's a huge community out there that feel the way you feel and have your back. And I think you should be proud of what you did. Like, I think she really chose herself in this moment. And I think that that's important to value yourself and hold the standard high. So we're proud of you. Absolutely. Yeah. This episode is brought to you by Skims. 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After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show in the drop down menu that follows. Thank you. Okay, this next one for us. This is coming from Amity Asshole. It's titled Amity Asshole for telling my father will catch the next one when he invited me to his wedding. He's been married four times now and this wedding will be his fifth in the span of 30 years. I don't know how he has such a high turnover rate. But I'm guessing it's to do with him being both rich and a raging narcissist. He invited me to get coffee and introduced me to his new fiance. I knew he was going to do this because two of my brothers, there are seven of us total, none have the same mom, said that they had just gone coffee with dad and met the fiance. Then they were invited to the wedding. And both had been given a plus one for their girlfriends of 8 and 10 months, respectively. Dad told me to bring my partner when I came for coffee and I brought my trans boyfriend along. We have been together for three years. The fiance seemed nice, wanting to know about me and my boyfriend and asking questions that sounded like she actually gave a shit. Dad gets all the details of the engagement and wedding out of the way and then asks me, "Only me, if I'll be there." I noticed that he was talking to just me, not my boyfriend. So I say, "We will check if we're free." Dad replies that, quote, "This is family-only." I reply, I just assumed, seeing as how the other siblings got a plus one. Dad says, "That's different. Are you coming?" I say, "We'll catch the next one." Dad's fiancee becomes visibly upset and they leave. Dad texts me after that, "If I can be civil on the day, then I can still come alone." I felt like I had to stick up for my boyfriend because this was definitely due to him being transgender and he thanked me at the time but told me that I should probably still go. But after reporting back to my siblings to say what happened, I got mixed responses. The overall opinion was that while I absolutely should stick up for my boyfriend, this was some hill to die on and I managed to catch the actually nice fiancee in the crossfire and upset dad too. Info, I am a woman. My boyfriend is trans, female to male, despite both of us being straight, dad thinks of us as lesbians due to my boyfriend's biology. One of me and my siblings, three were in the wedlock and the other four, including me, were extra marital affairs. The fiancee knows she's number five and dad gives the same story about how he was tricked into marrying gold diggers by accident and didn't know until it was too late and the affairs all happened as the relationships were breaking down. So am I the asshole? No. No. No. No, no, no, no, honey, you are not the asshole. I am very proud. I'm very proud. I don't know why it's so hard, but it's so hard to communicate with parents that don't also know how to communicate and like, we're just so wired to please them. Good for her. Like any, even in that conversation of being like, we will, like, talk about boundaries, like we come as a unit or I don't come. It's not fair. I think if all the siblings weren't allowed to bring their partners, okay. But if all the siblings are allowed to bring their partners, but she's not allowed to bring her partner, then that's homophobic. And I think she has every right to use this as a boundary of like, hey, you have to accept me for who I am. Otherwise, like, I'm not showing up for your fifth wedding. No. That's also like the best response we'll catch the next one. Oh my gosh. Good for her. Just clocked him. I mean, that takes a lot of therapy and like, you know, unpacking. I know. To get there. I wish I was that quick, too. Just like, we'll catch the next one. Oh my God. That was so cool. I need to take, I've been saying, I was like, yes, I'm like, I want to take improv classes to get a little quicker. I'm like, I need to live just in life, I'm like, just having that like response like that because it is true. And there's, there's such a bigger picture here about does your dad support you? Is he even worth having in your life? Because by him saying, oh, yeah, no, your boyfriend can't come only family. He's essentially not respecting your relationship, not respecting you. What does life look like? What happens if you and your boyfriend get married? Is he going to come to the wedding? What does that look like for your life? So if you're not, you know, setting those boundaries now and standing your ground now, I mean, what, at what point do you like, you give him an inch, he's going to take a mile and it's just not worth it. And your partner being like, you should go, I admire that like that. I can put myself in like those hurt shoes and that's amazing. They're saying that, but like, I think like you're making the right. And I also think there's probably a lot of history prior to this response to her dad. Like, you know, there probably were times where like it was like, you know what, I will make you happy or I will do this. I will sacrifice myself for acts, but like, there comes a point where this is your life. And like the people in your life that love you should value your decisions in life, the people that you love, they should respect you. And it shouldn't be conditional. And so many people, I think unfortunately, it's extremely relatable to grow up in a household where love is conditional. Even when you don't even realize it, those like hidden expectations and if you don't meet them, then it's like, like, this is who you have to be. And it's like, well, you chose to have me. So why do I owe you anything? And then I don't think that that's like rude. I think there's a loving way to be like, Hey, you should be proud of who I am. I speak up for myself. I respect myself. I love myself. And these are the things I want in life. And it's so scary for people to navigate that. It's because they're just cowards. I mean, oh, it's crazy. It's so nuts. And like, to be this open and honest with yourself and be able to set boundaries. So much to get there. Oh, my God. There's no mention of how old our writer is, but I'm like, I'm 32 and like, I can still have a hard time setting boundaries with my mom. And I'm like, to do it in this scale, it was a loving, it was respectful. It was, I mean, I'm very impressed with her. I know. I know. And the comments are too. You go, girl. Comments are too. Top comment has 21,000 of votes. Out the asshole, you stood up for your boyfriend as unfortunate as it is that the fiance was caught in the crossfire. She didn't oppose her soon to be husband's view. No. So Simon says a lot. She easily could have taken that moment to be like, honey. No, no, no. Yeah. And then that would have changed his mind. It's like, people go, oh, my voice has matter. You're like one voice does matter as you could show someone, hey, actually, we don't condone this behavior. Yeah. And we need to like, we think this, it could really shift the tie. Next top comment, not the asshole. I think it was best that you did this in the situation, especially with the way your dad is. It's a shame that his fiancee may have got her feelings hurt, but you'll have bigger problems story about in a few months when she's sorting through a divorce. I'm sorry that your dad can't be more accepting. Yeah. And unfortunately, that's the reality like, whether you're queer or like whatever your background is like, it is, I think parental relationships are really challenging and really hard to navigate because you, you do want peace. But where does peace come if you don't have peace with yourself? And this person doesn't respect you or show love. They say they love you, but they don't show love. And that's important. Yeah. Or there's like conditions to it. 100% There's all these conditions and strings attached, it's like, that's not how it's supposed to be. Should just be unconditional. Yeah. Okay. I have one last one for you here. This one is coming from our slash actual lesbians. It's titled Pro Con's List. I've been with my girlfriend for three years next week. And it's come to the point where I'm having to make pro and con list about her. Oh. I love her. Some things are getting harder to ignore and it's tearing me apart inside, trying to decide if I want to break up. I think the only thing keeping me around is my love for her, but can love always be enough. And then this person shares a picture of their pro and con list. The con list is very long. Have you guys not seen the friends episode with Ross and Rachel? You don't make a pro and con list. No. Or if you do, you burn it. And along him, Polly, I just rewatched that the other day. I've seen that. And so long. Is there a pro and con list? He does that like risk analysis software and compares Polly, who's kind of this risky out there woman to his wife that cheated on him on their honeymoon. And Polly finds it. I don't know. It was bad. It's not good. The pro list. Okay. Okay. I love her. Funny. Helps when asked. Baseball. Financially stable, pays attention to little things I say. Con. Not Facebook friends. Won't let- I don't even know why Facebook runs with it. I don't even be on Facebook. I don't even know. I don't think that counts. Won't let me tag her in pictures. No hand holding. No compliments. What? No cuddling. No. Can be rude. It sounds like a co-worker. Stone top, vanilla sex, haven't met the fam. Okay. This is not good. They should probably break up. Doesn't share feelings. Helps when asked, but acts like it's inconvenient. Expects me to keep house and my car clean, but hers is a mess. Said she doesn't find me attractive anymore. Text me to tell her my every move, but can't do the same in return. Acts like she doesn't care about things in my life. have said I need affection, but I still don't get it. - Pro's cause. - I think that it's not working out for them. - No. - I think if the pro's list was longer. I think if they were, yeah, no, like you guys, it's literally like, I think if the pro's was way longer and there was only like a handful of cons, I would suggest couples therapy. And be like, you know what? Give this person a chance, you love them. Let them know like these are the things that are bothering and then they might have some things that are also bothering them and like try to work through it, but it is so con-forward that my suggestion would be that maybe that person is not the person for them. And that's okay. Like I think you can love somebody and be like, "No, thank you." - No handholding, no compliments, no cuddlings. - This is, yeah, it's tough. - What do you have? - Yeah, like eye contact? - Eye contact, that's it. That's all I'm getting. Eye contact and maybe they share a meal every now and again. - Yeah, it's, I think you deserve more. And it sounds like the other person is equally as unhappy if they're telling you that they're not attracted to you. - Oh. - That like, I'm sorry, but that's like, again, if that was the only con that could be worked on through couples therapy and conversation. - Yeah. - Sometimes things aren't perfect, but that is feeling, yeah. - It's pretty bad. I think it seems like to me that this person doesn't wanna be with our writer anymore, but is just in showing it through action. - Yeah. - But they're not getting the hints. - That, it's like, please break up with me. Let me be horrible. I don't wanna break up. - They're gonna break up. That's what I'm getting. Because otherwise, it's like, if this is your whole relationship, I mean, there's not much there. Like, I can't imagine not having good sex, not having that intimacy, but even just like the simple things. Like, having your partner come home and like, I don't know, you made them a meal or you got your hair down. It's like, oh, he looks so good today. - No compromise. - I appreciate you. - It was really strict. - I need a compliment. - I need to feel the love. - You look great, by the way. - Thank you. - Did you do something different with your hair? - No. - Looks so good. - No. - The top comment on this one. I'm not going to lie to you. With the first three cons, I fully thought you were joking. (laughs) But continuing to read on, there is some pretty big double standards on your con list. Obviously, don't know them, but it seems like you give and they just take. - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. - Someone responds to be honest. No handholding is a deal breaker. - Well, yeah. I mean, I'm not gonna judge people who don't like handholding, but if you're not gonna do handholding, they should get a lot of extra stuff. - Yeah. I remember dating this person in college, and I went to hold their hand at a bar, and I literally got like, swatted away. And I was like, who is around? That you're trying to not let them see? Like, what is going on? - Yeah. - And I'm just like, I'm just getting bad vibes from this one. - You should feel proud to have the person, you know, by your hand or, you know, in your hands. - Yeah. - And like, growing up, unfortunately, I was with a lot of people where I had to like, handhold under the table. - Yeah. - The quick pinky touch, you know, you'll see a lot of those and girls at girls. (laughing) But now I can openly just like, hold hands. - Yeah. - And that, like finding that love, that genuine, reciprocated love. - We need to raise the bar, you guys. Like this is crazy. - It's just crazy. - People who are dating men need to literally come together and raise the bar. - It was rough. - When I hear about my-- - It was good out there. - The heterosexual friends' experiences. I'm like, so you just want someone nice and that's the standard. - I literally-- - This is crazy. Like, being with a woman, like, it's like, it's like on another planet. So we need to raise the bar. - I know. - I, we gotta raise the bar. - I went through it and I talked about it in my vows where I was like, he's the first person to make me feel beautiful. And it's like, that is great. - Oh, but it was just like it took so long to find him. - But you have to want that for yourself. - Yeah. - And I think that's where it comes down to like, what you believe you deserve. And like, everyone listening to this, you guys deserve more than kindness. You deserve consideration, respect, love, laughter, all the things. It doesn't mean that there aren't gonna be some like, bumps in the road that you guys are gonna have to work through. But like, let's raise the bar. - Yeah. - And when you find someone that loves you and you feel it, there's nothing else like it. Like, I remember initially dating him and I was like, is this what it feels when someone actually likes you? - Yeah. - Wow. - This is great. - This is cool. - Yeah. - I know. And like, when I'm at Becca, there was no, even though she hadn't dated women before, there was no confusion. Like, it just was like, we wanna be together. How do we make this work? I was leaving for tour. We did like, long distance for a while. And you just, you make it work, but you have two people who are equally putting in effort and energy. - It's nice to find that. - When you find that, you go, oh. - It clicks. - Yeah. - Oh. - It clicks. - Yeah. - Now is your time to shine. You guys, I mean, don't settle. Find your person. - And settle. - Be yourself. All good things. - Yes. - Really? You did amazing. Thank you so much for coming on. - Oh my gosh, I had a blast. - Where can people find you? How can they watch your movie? - Please go see Girls Like Girls. It's been a 10 year journey of me getting this movie made. It is my life's work. It's a movie I'm so proud of. And I hope people feel seen and loved and supported. Go opening weekend with your community. It should be in almost every major city nationwide. And the two young ladies, Maya de Kossa and Maya Ramaloy are incredible. - They're so good. - Go get your popcorn. Make your watch party plans. We don't get movies like this for suffix and coming of age very often in theaters. So your support would mean the absolute world. - Absolutely. You guys, I'll make sure I link the movie's page in the description. Go and watch. Okay. - Thanks, you guys. - Thank you, we're doing so fun. - Are you ready? - Yeah. - And seen. - Okay. - Are you hanging over there? - Oh, I'm good. - It's been a minute. - It hasn't been that long. - I've been locking you up behind the Patreon. - It's true. - It's true. (laughs) - Okay, I like it. It's fun. - We've got Jenna coming in for a couple stories. Up first, since you're a big sports fanatic. - Yeah. - Yeah, you like sports. - Baseball. - Baseball Dodgers. If we've got any Dodgers fan in the house, let us know. Yeah. - Okay. - This one is coming from Am I the asshole? It's titled Am I the asshole for pointing out that the football club, my uncle supports, is LGBT friendly? - Okay. - My 16, uncle, became upset when my cousin, 18, came out as gay. He vented to me and my mom, saying that my cousin must be confused and should try dating a girl first. My mom didn't say anything at first, I didn't either, but then he saw it in my expression that I wanted to say something. So he asked me what it is. I just told him, it's kind of ironic that he supports Bayern Munich, but doesn't like LGBT people. He got even more upset when I said that. My mom later told me I should not have said it since I knew his club's stance is a sore spot for him. Am I the asshole? - Well, no. I just think it's weird that he's associated with something that he doesn't support. - It's so dumb. - Yeah. - This was like a big thing when heated rivalry started blowing up and the NHL was like really starting to try to capitalize on it and it's like, no, no, NHL, let's back it up. What did we get rid of? Pride night because some of your players didn't want to put rainbow colored tape on their sticks. And now I got rid of it, I heard about the stick, like you weren't allowed to put, and then I know a player put tape on their stick. - Yeah, a lot of teams got rid of it because players were, well, that's like, you can't then like say, oh, we're not gonna do this and support this group. And then because that group is popping off then be like, oh, wait, wait, no, we're gonna capitalize on this. - Right. I mean, I think in all sports, there's gonna be people who don't support. Like I'm going to Dodgers Pride night and I'm like, are the Dodgers excited for the gaze to be there? Probably not. - What? It's LA. - Well, well, I mean, he retired now, but like, last Pride night you had, I'm Clayton Kershaw, I don't know if you know what that is. He's a pitcher, but like, he's writing bible verses on his hat during Pride night and like, non-support of us. - A very pointed thing to do. So it's like, you're always gonna have players that don't support it. I mean, there's so many in, especially men's sports, it's just like, if everyone's a little, I don't know. - So weird. - Yeah. - It's not people do their thing. I love that. I think it's Charles Barkley came out recently and was doing it interview and he's like, you don't think there's more gay players on these teams? - Statistically, there has to be. - You would think. - And then, I don't know, people are doing gay stuff and men are doing gay stuff in sports all the time. - We talked about the baseball celebration video. - Mm-hmm. - We'll insert a clip for you. you guys here. I think like bottom line, he's gonna have to do some big mental shifts because his child is gay. Yeah. And so you point in it out that it's ironic. No, not the asshole. Like he needs to sort through whatever small-minded bullshit is in his head. And if you point in that out as one way to kind of get him on board and start doing it, then whatever. Top comment on this one. Not the asshole. Has your uncle tried dating a man first? Oh shit. Got him. Next comment. Exactly. How do you know your heterosexual if you haven't tried a same sex relationship? That's a good argument. I really do like it. How do you know for sure? Well, it's hard because you're told like from the beginning you're told that you're straight and you just have to figure out that you're not straight. Mm-hmm. This is a rabbit hole I want to go down on like society and how we got to this strict like it's a rabbit hole. I'm going to go down. If you know or have good resources to point me in my rabbit hole direction, please let me know. Michaela stood in off camera and I know she knows. This is just a Michaela tidbit that she would absolutely know. History is crazy. Humans have been around for so long, so long. Yeah. And yet we're just a blip. And it's like why are we making our blip so brutal? It's just weird how we went from that timeline to this timeline. I wish the dinosaurs were still around. Honestly. I wish the dinosaurs were still here. Sure. I don't know. Can the dinosaurs come back? I don't know if that's going to help support LGBTQ rights. I don't know how it depends on if they re, if they take over, you know, go Jurassic Park on the White House. I'd love to ride one. Dude, saber-toothed tigers so cute, a woolly mammoth adorable. Yeah. I'd like to fly on one of those. You know what I'm talking about. God, what is that flying one? What's the flying dinosaur called? It starts with a T I think. Petrusaur? No. Oh, I had it. Teradaptal. Yep. Yeah. It did start with a T. It's not on here, but it came to my brain. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I'd like to ride one. Okay, cool. Okay, this next story. This is going to be a bit of a moral dilemma one. I'm very curious what you all have to say in the comments. Okay. This is coming from Am I the asshole titled Am I the asshole for telling my niece to stay in the closet until she gets her inheritance? Mm-hmm. My 42 male niece, 17 female recently confided in me that she's a lesbian. I supported her, let her know I would be there, etc. usual ally stuff. However, she told me she was going to come out to the whole world this week. I let her know she should absolutely wait for her grandparents, my parents, to pass. My father is incredibly wealthy and has tens of millions of dollars in assets that he will be passing down once he is gone. My father is a raging homophobe who has flat-out stated any gay individual in our family would be written out of the will. And to make sure the rest of us don't just split more money with said gay relative, they will instead have that portion of the inheritance. Put aside for that family member donated to a charitable cause. That money will be erased from the inheritance. Since both my father and mother are in incredibly poor health, stage 4 cancer and debilitating dementia, I told my niece that she should stay in the closet for a while longer. If she comes out as lesbian and they find out, she will quite literally lose out on seven million dollars. She was a little sad but was also appreciative since that is obviously a life change in amount of money that will allow her to live luxuriously until she dies. My wife, however, said that I'm being an asshole. I'm telling this poor girl to hide who she is just to appease old bigots. That is true. I am asking her to appease old bigots but I feel like her life quality will be much better with seven million dollars at the cost of one to two years in the closet tops. I've also seen my father's will and I know who is getting what so my niece is definitely going to receive seven million as long as my father doesn't rewrite or edit his will. Am I the asshole for telling my niece to stay in the closet so she can be a millionaire? I mean, I would stay in the closet to give seven million dollars to fucking crazy. If they were in like such poor health, I mean, I'm like, I'm trying to think of how long I'd be willing to stay in the closet. That's a good point. Yeah. If they're in that poor of health, just stay in a little bit longer. Well, I think too there's something to be said, like kind of thinking about Haley and Becca and their relationship where they were private, not secret. What is about to say like, how are they going to find out also? Yeah. Like, there's my friends. You're announcing it to the world, whatever that means. So you're just posting it on social media. I guess it depends if it's going to get back to them via like family members, like our family member is going to go and report back so she doesn't get the money. Yeah. I guess like who else would be on her side or who is a potential threat. Right. And then in that case, it's like if they're going to go relay that message to them to an unsafe person. Yeah. Maybe it's not safe for her to come out right now in the first place. That's a good point. I also just I wonder, you know, what would life look like differently? Like, is she not going to be able to go to the movies with her girlfriend? Like, what would it really look like? Because I do think there's a world where it's just like just live your life. Yeah, I feel like your grandpa's not going to be out at the club. No, they're in the sounds like they're in the hospital dying. So sure, I don't know. I just say just start coming out to people that you know is safe. Yeah. And you know, maybe don't announce it on social media right now. That's what it kind of sounds like. She's telling her to do is just like, maybe keep it between the people you know and trust. Yeah. And I don't think you need to do a whole announcement, especially if seven million is on the line. Seven million. And then let's just say it's a year. That seems long. It seems like it's not even going to take a year. I like, I tried to put myself in this shoes and like, okay, like, shut off like a part of yourself and turn down love. I would probably be celibate for 10 years for seven million. Yeah. Also, it's tough out there. You don't need to. It's okay. It's tough out there. Yeah. Dating's hard. Just like, take the money. The top comment on this one. Oh, God. I'm torn. This is honestly an excellent case study for an ethics class. My gut instinct is to say that you should never encourage someone to stay in the closet longer than they want to, but yeesh. That's a life changing amount of money. No assholes here besides your parents for being raging homophobes. I agree. I think at the end of the day, our writer here is just trying to protect his niece. Like, I know the road to Alice paved with good intentions, but this really does feel like it's coming from a good place of just like, Hey, maybe reconsider. You have seven million on the line. And maybe shouldn't even know that. She probably didn't. She probably hadn't. I would have no idea. How would you know? You've never seen as well. Right. And then so in your head where you're like, okay, I'm going to come out. It's going to be this great thing, which it is. And that's so exciting for you. But now you have this other piece of info that it's like, okay, well, you know, you could potentially lose out on seven million because this guy's a crazy homophobic spiteful asshole. Right. And it's like, okay, yeah, I'd go to charity, but like, yeah, but I don't think they're picking the charity. It's going to go to a homophobic charity. That's also true. That's very true. Like, oh, you're lesbian. Given that seven million to church. A mega church that has those people that go in the rafters and sing. Yeah. Just, have you seen those mega church kids? I'm scared. I don't, I don't, I don't look at churches. You know, some of those mega churches are crazy. There's another comment here. Not the asshole. Seven million changes anyone's life. And it's not like she'll have to hide it forever. Info, are you and your wife the only ones who know? O.P. responds, yes, my wife, myself, and my niece. My father trusts me immensely and is willing to discuss these matters with me. My mother knows as well, but her dementia is so bad that it doesn't matter. Then like, I don't know. In my mind, like, you have come out. You've already started telling people you are on the process of coming out. I feel like you just, yeah, you just keep telling the people that are closest to you. Like, when you say you're telling the world, just, is that, it's like just a social media announcement to me. Yeah. I would say social media. I don't think that 17-year-old would rent one of those planes with a billboard behind it for a banner. I'm gay. Yeah. I don't think that's happening. So in my mind, I feel like they're not even, it's really not even telling you not to come out. It's just don't tell your grandparents. I am so cares. Whatever I'm thanks. Yeah. Regardless, I would still, if I couldn't tell anybody, I'd still do it for seven million. I mean, seven million is like, I like, I can't even fathom that. Like, it's just so much. And there is another comment here where someone says, not the asshole. You're just advising her, not forcing her. She still gets to choose. It's true. So that's a really good point. - Thank you, Opieu's great. Big film. - Ally. - Ally. - There are quite a few comments from OP. I basically told her, I know it sucks, but I'm sure you would regret not getting that inheritance. You should take the money. Maybe I should have just laid out the facts for her and said, I'll support your decision regardless, but I thought you should know the situation. She wants to travel the world so badly. I told her that when we can get the inheritance, I'll quit my job and travel the world with her as well. My wife included, we're all so close. So it would be a whole lot of fun. I'm reminding her how much more easily this globetrotting goal will be with the inheritance. - And think of all the ladies she can get with $7 million. (laughing) - No, she doesn't want, she wants if I love and someone with good intentions. - Oh yeah, she doesn't want to be sugar momma. - Maybe, you know, she could. - She could, she would have that option at least. - That's what I'm saying. - Yeah, OP says, I guess I don't see what's wrong with deceiving homophobes in a situation like this. He's going to be dead and he's making a very poor decision. I don't see how it will hurt him. - I take his money. - I take his money. - Do you look a gift horse in the mouth? - Huh? - Yeah. (laughing) I don't know. - Okay. - OP says, for those saying you're the asshole because deceiving my dad is wrong. If you were in my niece's position, can you honestly say that you would give up $7 million because deceiving a homophobic grandpa is wrong? Can you genuinely say that you wouldn't keep your beliefs hidden for a year for the sake of a comfortable life? I highly doubt any of you could practice what you preach in the same situation, especially if you have debt and other life difficulties. - Just kind of live your life. Do you, private, not secret? - Exactly. - And, you know, grandpa is going to be gone soon by the sounds of it. - Grandpa's never going to know. - I think she should be just fine. - You know, but again, put your thoughts in the comments y'all. As the top comment said, "Crazy moral dilemma." - I'm not torn, but (laughing) Jenna, you basically are just like singing that song from Jerry McGuire. Show me the money. - Yeah. (laughing) - That's you right now. - Okay. Thank you for your poppin. - Yeah, anytime. - One, two, three. - Wow. - Oh my God, my hair grew. (laughing) - Look who it is. - Yay. - Woo! - Let's go. - I'm ready. - Okay, I've got one for you coming from our very own two-hot takes subreddit. - I love it when that happens. - If you can't recognize who's hopping in, it's Michaela. - Oh, so true. - Hello. - Hello, gay people. (laughing) - This one is titled "Best Friend of 15 Years" tells me she can't attend my wedding. I need to vent for a second. I'm getting married next April to the love of my life and I couldn't be more excited. I asked my three best friends to be my bridesmaids. Longest friend, college roommate, post college roommate. My longest friend, since we were around 11 years old, lives in another state, so I mailed her invitation to her as a surprise. She sent me this text last night, letting me know that she doesn't support the fact that I'm marrying a woman and will not be in attendance in my wedding. I'm incredibly hurt by this on multiple levels. This love, the sinner hate, the sin mindset is extremely hurtful and does not constitute unconditional love. These are the same beliefs my dad and stepmom have had since I came out and it's already been painful enough to deal with their judgment. I didn't realize one of my closest, most trusted people secretly felt that same way even after having met my partner and knowing I was gay for over three years and after I confided in her about my parents' reaction to me being gay. I feel lied to and honestly have felt sick to my stomach since reading this. I've already responded to let her know how hurtful this is and that I appreciate her being honest and telling me now but that our friendship will not be able to continue if this is what she believes and I wish her the best. I'm trying to focus on the fact that I'm glad she told me so that I don't have to keep people like this in my life but I feel incredibly blindsided and betrayed. Thanks all for letting me vent. And then OP does include pictures of the screenshots. - Whoa, wait, I wanna hear. - So this text message says, "Hi, Blank. I've had a really hard time trying to decide if I can be a part of your wedding day. I don't wanna hurt you. I should have been honest with you from the get-go and expressed my thoughts to you when you first came out to me about being gay. I've never once judged you for it or loved you less. I just do not wanna support you marrying another woman. I should have told you that a long time ago but I didn't because I was worried it would affect our relationship. I've been walking the fence with God for a long time but this past year my relationship with him has grown more and more because of that I can't with good conscious support a same sex marriage when it goes completely against my beliefs. I've prayed a lot about it and tried just to find it but I can't attend your wedding. - What the hell? - Me going would show other Christians that I support it and I can't be a stumbling block for others, my children or even myself. I love you and I care for you and your salvation. I pray that this won't ruin our friendship. I understand if you're upset with me in any way, I'm absolutely heartbroken that I can't be there for your special day like you were for mine. Please know this was an extremely hard decision for me. I just want you to know I love you no matter what. I would have much rather have done this in person but I just got the package Thursday and I owed you an answer. If you want to get together and talk more about it, we can, I will come to you, I'm so sorry. - Yeah, I mean having a homophobic friend is not the craziest thing to happen in the world but I feel it's so different about this story is that it took so long to even realize that she felt that way. I can't imagine having been out to someone for three years, like you've talked about your relationship with them. Finally, one day you invite them to your wedding and all of a sudden you discover that they don't support you and aren't okay with it and think it's a sin. Like that just feels so blind-sighting. I'm just like, why? Like why? And I just like, I'm so glad you found this out now before you were wedding planning down the road and you know, this is so shitty losing a friend that you've been friends with for 15 years since you were 11, like that is a huge part of your life. But on the bright side, you are being your most true, authentic, happy self. You are about to marry your person, the love of your life and anyone that's not gonna support you and your love, good riddance, get outta here. - Yeah, it's just so great. I mean, I guess a good thing that this friend hasn't been actively trying to get her to not be gay all this time or like been trying to convert her or been like putting her down about it forever. I'm kind of confused about why the wedding is where she draws the line. Like why is that all of a sudden not okay and everything else was never a problem? But I wonder if that, like one of the last statements in one of the last texts you read is part of it like other Christians seeing it and like publicly being a part of a gay event as opposed to just like, you know, kind of more quietly having a friend who is gay. - Not quiet support versus no. I'm in wedding photos and I'm standing up at the altar supporting them. Yeah, like the messaging and the message she would be sending would be very loud. - Which is different than like a personal, I'm not okay with this thing. That's more of like you're worried about your public image amongst the Christian community, I guess. - The thing is like religion should not be weaponized. It can't be such a beautiful thing and just let people live their life. Like there's no, I mean, I'm not gonna go down to theology side of it. There's people out there though that explain the translation and how different translations have made people interpret things in certain way. But at the bottom line, at the end of the day, this was your friend. - Yeah, like, I'm never gonna be able to mental gymnastics myself and even have any empathy for this friend that's doing this because I don't understand how you just can't love people and let them love who they want to love and be supportive. - Yeah, actually back to the gayness in Greece and Rome thing you were talking about right here. You were talking about like people having different translations and stuff. It's funny because the line about you should never lie with a man as a woman does. Like some people think that that just means if you're on bottom. - Instead of like being a man and a man, it would be like being the one. - What? - Yeah, because that is like kind of what they believed at the time. - It's okay, but it made me sneeze. - Like it's okay to have sex with a man as long as you're the one penetrating is kind of how they felt. Like it doesn't affect your masculinity unless you're the one who's. - Would you look at that? - Like the woman. - You learn something new every day. - That's one interpretation by some archaeologists. It's so funny. - That's so crazy. - Yeah. - Oh my God. But it's hard to learn how to-- - So women didn't go on top in ancient Greece? - I'm sure they did. I mean, come on. - There's quite a few comments on this one. Top comment. She already ended the friendship. Congrats on your wedding. May you live long and prosper. Next comment, that's not a friend. don't give her another thought, don't reply. Put your energy towards your wedding with people who don't judge how others love one another and Be grateful that she won't be in the photos. Yeah, that's to find out now then Photoshop later Yeah, that is true and it sounds like she gave her a decent heads up about it Mm-hmm, but I don't know. I'm like does she have a new pastor? Is there a new group at church that she's become friends with that's like a little bit more like conservative about Homosexuality because it sounds like she was saying I've been walking the line with my faith until the last year and now I don't know. It's very confusing and a lot of people do point out what blows my mind is the but I still love you Like rejecting a huge part of their identity is no biggie. Love is accepting someone for who they are Not just the parts your imaginary friends gatekeepers told you you're allowed to accept Yeah, I hope you find salvation. I pray for your salvation if someone said it to me I'd be pissed as fuck Which I'm saved, I know Someone points this out. It's fucked up that many Christians have decided that homosexuality is the main thing They have a problem with they legit have a list of the top 10 sins and homosexuality is definitely not on there We went into this yesterday. Do you remember? I was like I know you bitches are experiencing coveting I know you bitches are lustful. I know you're greedy. I don't even know the 10 commandments Is that what is those are the is coveting on this? Yes, yes, that's what that is. Yes being gluttonous is one of them Sloth sloth is one of them. I know you bitch. I know you bitches are slaughtering and you're worried about gay What is slothing being lazy? What do you want this feels fake? Do you want to read the 10? Well, I'm trying to find them But like there's a lot of 10 deadly sins fake versions Thou shalt not covet 10. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying and I know we're coveting you're on TikTok shop You are coveting Thou shalt not bear false witness Thou shalt not commit adultery There's a lot of other ones way before yeah, that's a very good point that that person makes although all the sins are equal apparently Are they though? Yeah, which always like for my mind as a child killing. Yes Yes, are they the murder and lying are like it's all I don't believe that That's what I was told I don't I don't always thought to myself. I'm gonna co-sign that Okay, oh P congratulations on your wedding One of our very listeners. I would love to see pictures. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. That's so exciting Oh wait, congratulations. I'm so sorry that you're going through this This is you're gonna have the most amazing magical day and yeah The people that are meant to be there are gonna show up for you and make it so special And that is what it's about like this is a great time to weed out people that aren't real ones They're not right or dies like I I really did hold my wedding as a standard of like Are you gonna show up for me in the way I show up for you and if not Hi, she's probably about weird energy. There would have been like a weird aura around her this weird I would love to see pictures of you wedding. Yeah, so please send them to me This next one is coming from Am I the asshole titled Am I the asshole forgetting my child's teacher fired after she called my marriage fake I 30 female have been married to my wife 31 female for seven years and five years ago We had a daughter who all called Gracie through IVF We are both religious and part of an LGBT affirming sect We think it's important to our daughter to have a religious education Our local place of worship doesn't have a kindergarten So Gracie is at a school by a different church that is more conservative But we were told our marriage would not be an issue and that other same sex couples had kids enrolled My daughter's teacher who will call Mrs. B seemed nice enough We chatted when I volunteered and Gracie enjoyed her class Early last week the kids were told to do a family tree My wife and I helped Gracie and she turned it in with me labeled as mama and my wife as mom After the family tree presentations, I got a call from Mrs. B saying my daughter acted out in class and needed a parent teacher meeting to discuss her behavior When I get my daughter that day a pickup, she's sobbing Gracie tells me when she presented Mrs. B asked if the two moms were a mistake But when my daughter said she has two moms, Mrs. B told my daughter that it isn't a real marriage and that it's never too late for me to enter a proper marriage with one man and one woman Gracie starts crying saying we are a real family Mrs. B snapped at my daughter and told her to sit down and shut up She gave her a zero and did not discipline some kids who were then mocking her I immediately called my wife who left work early When we got home my wife and I explained how not everyone is accepting But that we are a real family our God loves us very much and how brave she was for standing up for herself The next day my wife called off work and we took Gracie to my grandmothers We went to the principal's office and we were seeing ASAP The principal was deeply apologetic that one Gracie had been told that by Mrs. B and two she didn't intervene when she was bullied He affirmed the school's commitment to a safe environment for all families regardless of opinions on same-sex marriage He said to bring Gracie in the next day because this would be taken care of The next day I took Gracie to class and Mrs. B was gone Replaced by a sub The principal informed my wife and I that Mrs. B was fired However, word got around the school quick while some parents were supportive Others told us we should be ashamed of ourselves and we ruined Mrs. B's life by demanding she be fired We didn't ask her to be fired just that it was dealt with and that we could have talked to Mrs. B first or asked to go to the other kindergarten class A few are even saying Mrs. B is right and our family doesn't belong at this school and we need to transfer so their children don't think this sinful union is okay Obviously, I don't think my marriage is wrong but should I have talked to Mrs. B first or just asked to transfer classes Am I the asshole for getting my child's teacher fired after she called my marriage fake No, OP, you did not do anything wrong I think what sucks about this is that you did everything right but then still now you're left in a situation where everyone at school is blaming you and talking about you and your child and saying how like this sucks for them because this gay couple has ruined our kids' classroom and it's like there was nothing you could do in that situation just because you're yourselves for things to go in a way that didn't harm you and your child and that really sucks Also, Mrs. B's life isn't wrong. She can get a job in Florida. Sorry to Florida. She can get a job in Florida I'm sure they love that shit I mean she'll find another job teachers are very in demand right now. I know there's a shortage of teachers I think regardless of what you believe in to yell at a five year old in your kindergarten class and tell them to shut up this child is five. They literally just learned how to talk. I know like I'm being hyperbolic here but you know what I mean like yeah this is a little baby is like coming to you and making this family treat and you're like actually Gracie your fucking dumb shut up your parents' marriage isn't real yeah get the fuck out like I know she didn't say that aggressively but that's what you're basically implying and how you're treating this five year old child if you're in positions of teacher counselor a position of power in regards to children regardless of what your beliefs are you need to set them aside in order to treat them with respect and like if you can't do that you shouldn't be in that position yeah have some self control and also like to what end to what end is saying this gonna do some like saying this to a five year old what's that gonna do like what's the five year old gonna do about it like there's not even yeah like a scenario in which this leads to something that could make you happy if this is your belief like except feel crappy that's a really good point that other people don't believe in and I think what also is sad about this is that like it just shows that this is a conversation that like at some point gay couples have to have with their children of like by the way there are people out there who are gonna say bad things about your your mom and I or your dad and like there are people who are going to judge you and like look down on you because of this and say you're going to hell and XYZ all the like that's a conversation that has to happen with every gay couple of kids and that's so sad I know that's so sad that that could be a reality for a lot of kids out there or like you can't have sleepovers if parents aren't at that because of people being weird or home a full-back and it's like it's very frustrating like I again like I just don't understand why people and all over like this episode might not be able to be played in certain countries like that is the reality of certain places in the world and it's like it's it's so fucking gross. - Yeah. And things have been getting worse. - I know. I know and that's like we need, we need to have these stories get out there because like it could change people's minds and like it could cause a shift and people could see the era of their ways and like I hope there is more progress and there has been progress. If you look back, you know, you look at the 80s and all the discrimination and like all these big things and it's like, we have had some progress 2015. Same sex marriage became legal. Like there's been progress, but it's like, - Okay. - Not really the last couple of years though. - That would say. - No, but in backwards for sure. - The last few years. - Everything's gone backwards the last few years. Like it's just not, it's not good. - But definitely not the asshole. You are entitled to your faith and your child should have a safe place to learn. Yeah, this is not a safe place and honestly good on the principle for acting so swiftly. And any of those other families, if they're uncomfortable, they can get the fuck out of there too. And I can't imagine like being a teacher and having this five year old child in your class and not just being like, you know what I wanna protect them? I don't wanna hurt this child. I don't wanna make them sad or feel bad about their family. - No. - I just, I mean, it's one thing to harass people kind of separate on the internet, these people you don't know or harass the concept of gay, like be this separate entity that's judging it from afar, but to like actually know this five year old child and to be so venomous that you want to make them feel bad, that's crazy to me. - A five year old. - Top comment, not the asshole. Your child was emotionally harmed and the teacher was clearly hostile and discriminatory towards your family. You didn't get her fired personally. You reported a serious issue to protect your child and the school made the decision. Talking to Mrs. B. First might not have changed anything and could have caused more stress for Gracie. Your priority was your child's safety and wellbeing and you handled it responsibly. - Yeah. - And that's true, like going to the teacher first could cause retaliatory methods, like Gracie's separated in class or ignored in class. Like it could make it worse versus, hey, this was inappropriate. We're going to who should know about this situation. - Right, and again, if you're just the person who has communicated what somebody else did and that gets them fired or punished in whatever way, that does not make you responsible. It is still the responsibility of the person who did the thing that could get them fired, you know? And I feel like that's in a lot of situations, victims of things feel like it's their fault when someone who actually did the thing gets punished for it. - Yeah. A lot of people are like not the asshole. There's probably something else going on here where like this isn't her first warning, for it to go to zero to 100. Like there's probably other situations that have happened with Mrs. B. and this was just another strike. Either that or when the principal talked to her, she exploded and went back down. So regardless, like she probably was given more chances or handled the situation very inappropriately and it was determined that she can no longer work here. She's ineffective. - Yeah. - Well, that makes sense 'cause they told this couple it won't be a problem at our school. So like this has to be conversations that were happening internally already. - Crazy. We don't have an update from OPET. It's three months old at this time, so maybe someday. - Damn, I hope that everyone at their school gets a little nicer. I wonder if they stayed there or switched. I don't know. It sucks. - I know. And then it's also sad 'cause then it's disillusioning gay people from religion and it's like wouldn't you want to like welcome everybody except them and make them feel comfortable. - Numbers are going down. - That's the kind of thing that's gonna make people not want to be a part of the church. - I know. - You got to be inclusive. Numbers are going down. Need all the little boost you can get. Inclusivity might be one way to do it. Just a thought. This next one is coming from R/Am I overreacting. Titled, "Am I overreacting that my boyfriend doesn't want me to identify as by anymore?" Forgive me, this is my first ever post and I'm not sure how good it will be, LOL. So my female 24 boyfriend male 26 and I have been together for almost two years now and have been living together for about a year. Overall, our relationship is amazing. He takes such great care of me and all of our pets. Anyways, I don't know how this came up, but two nights ago it came up that I identify as bisexual. I thought he had already known that because it's not something I really hide. Needless to say, it caught him by surprise because now he's saying that he can't trust me alone with any of my friends because, quote, "I'm choosing to identify as that." And he believes it means basically that I'm always attracted to everyone around me, essentially. I don't know. We started arguing and it just went nowhere. He identifies as a straight male and he's never been too exposed to LGBT plus community. So I understand why things like sexuality can be confusing for him. But I'm pretty much the exact opposite where I've had many out and open family members and friends who all identify in many different ways. So basically yeah, he told me that he doesn't like that I identify as bisexual and that if I'm truly committed to our relationship, which is a straight relationship, that I should be identifying as straight. If I keep identifying as by, that must mean I'm trying to attract ladies. I know I could have just said, "Yeah, okay, you're right, I'm straight now." But it just feels like I'm having to shamefully hide a part of me, question mark. I've just never been in a situation like this before and I don't wanna make him feel that kind of insecurity. I just kind of sort of feel lost right now and I'm torn between a part of who I am and my relationship. Anyways, if you read all of this, thank you and any advice is welcome. - He sucks, first of all. But that's also the most classic biphobia in the books. Just like assuming you want everybody. I also just feel like for all gay people, not just by people, it's like as soon as my certain female friends know that I'm also into him and they think I want them. And it's like, I don't think I don't, I don't want you, you know? - It's just like not, even if you look at, okay, cis, straight, not every guy wants you, why would you think? Why would you think a bi woman is automatically gonna be into you just because you're a woman? - Yeah, it's like a weirdly strong sense that people have of like, oh, now that I know that you're into girls, it's like, I better watch out. - I better watch out. - I better watch out that I want to. - That's so weird. - You're Mark safe. - You are Mark safe. (laughing) - That's so weird. - It's not happening. But yeah, I know, I was just telling you, I can't believe you didn't know this. I haven't had sex in five years with anybody. So like this idea. - I feel like I should give you a trophy. - Thank you. - Thank you. - Like that feels like such an accomplishment. - The first year that I did it, I got myself a cake. That's a happy virgin anniversary. - What are you doing for this one? Have you hit five years? - I'm past, yeah, I'm past five years. - So when is six? - I don't know, it's like February. So sometimes February. - I missed it. - I will, and I'm sorry. - Five is a big one. - One of you stopped celebrating. (laughing) - Well, I think honestly, seven years should be the big one because as you said, seven years. - And all of your cells have regenerated and then you can be a virgin again. - But, okay, okay. - Are you trying to get there now? Sorry, I'm like so fascinated by this. - Well, it'd be so funny, but I'm also not like, if you love pressure. - If you love, if love finds me, it's a no 'cause I gotta regenerate myself. I'm like, it's not, but the point I was trying to make is that I am bisexual, but I'm clearly not like, oh my god, I want everybody. I'm so into everybody, I need to have them all. So this idea of like, because you can be interested in any gender doesn't mean that you want everybody. You can still be in a committed relationship and only want the person that you're with. It works the same way as it does with everybody else. - I know, it's such a weird mentality too because it's like, okay, you're worried about your partner being bi because they could be potentially attracted to women, but what about other guys? - Yeah, well, how many, is it eight billion people in the world? - Yeah. - So it's like, before you are worried about 4.5 billion people, like, I mean, once you're at 4.5 billion people, can I really get any bigger than that? - I can't comprehend. I mean, after like 8 million, I'm like, what is it? I don't know. It's just like, yeah, like 8 billion, 4.5 billion. - The million versus billion when they do it in piles of rice really freaks me out. - That's insane. - Like that's, I'm just like, I can't compute, like, and again, like I really, I'm like, when you start seeing those piles of rice a million versus a billion, you're like, a billion shouldn't exist. - And a trillion, certainly shouldn't exist. - Most people gotta start dying. - Or like taxes, I mean, just taxes would be also okay than death. - Okay. Protect queer art. - But yeah, no, this is a weird logic. And for him being like, well, you should just identify it straight now, 'cause you're with me. It's like, He's not respecting you and yeah, as OP said like you shouldn't have to be torn between a part of who you are and your relationship Your relationship should respect who you are. Yeah Absolutely. It's also like otherwise you're with the wrong person Yeah, sexuality doesn't equate to availability I don't it's just it's a totally different like we'll talk about the difference between sexuality and gender like there's also a difference between sexuality and In a relationship or or single top comment. I don't understand It's not like you're attracted to all men or women It's not like you have to screw everything you're attracted to I think it's kind of strange. He can't comprehend that Yeah, but it's common so Not that shocked. It's so weird There's a comment that does respond to that. That's a harmful by stereotype That people that are by are all basically like super promiscuous and that's not the case. I also think like some can be though, hey, if you're out there, whoa Yeah, maybe message my Kayla cuz she might need a little inspo apparently I do think there's something though to be said about that with him to there's an aspect of buyer racer here where it's like Oh, well, we're with me or you're not by yeah, and so I think that's important to keep in mind like No, just because you're with a guy like you can still be by Mm-hmm. So that's a big discourse on Pride Month by girls with girls with boyfriends We don't have to get into that. I mean do you want to know? I've seen a lot of posts about it. I have seen a lot of posts about it especially like Can I bring my boyfriend to pride if I'm by? Does he need to be there? Is that his I mean it's fine, but doesn't like I don't know It's a debate. It's like does he need to be I don't know a lot of people said no a lot of people said that's not his space And the boyfriend didn't really want to go in one of the stories so it's like Then again There are some things that like I just don't really have a strong opinion on you know, but if Yeah, if I saw some like Boyfriends at Pride just kind of trailing behind bringing the vibe down I don't know All right, here's here's this guy. Here's this fucking guy. Yeah, I mean if he's bringing the vibe down Definitely shouldn't be there, but if everyone's friends with him. He's like integrated into the group I don't know. I mean is he an ally or not? Well, what's his hope so I mean if he's with you a bi person like you were talking about me? No like The writer Yeah It's been a day. I'm sorry guys. No, but I know but like if he's with this bi person he should at least be an ally Be with an ally like totally like totally yeah, this guy is really like He's got to compute some stuff. You know everyone's calling him names in the comments. Right. They call him an insecure weirdo Well, I also feel bad because I feel like OP is sort of letting him Dictated a little bit more than she should be she was like oh, I could have just told him I'm straight Like no, like why are you even why is that even a thing that you're Putting in there you shouldn't have to compromise on who you are to keep someone. Yeah If you have to lie about who you are hide parts of who you are To have someone like you or love you or want to be in a relationship with you. Yeah, that is not the right person Trying to see he can't come to pride. No. He's absolutely not coming to pride OP is very active on Reddit Um in yellow jackets hive subreddits in am I overreacting subreddits Netflix subreddits. I mean they're verified two-year club. So this is giving real post Did they respond to any comments? They did respond to some just you know, thanking people for genuine and thoughtful responses They do say a lot of people are skipping over the fact that we come from two totally different households And yes, there's plenty of informational media out there, but really it's not the same as having real life experiences And I believe it is just a shock to realize that for him He is very open to learning and understanding about the LGBT+ community And I think we'll revisit this topic after letting our brains marinate on it for a while. LOL. Thank you Okay Mayor Okay, okay marinate on that bisexuality marinate marinate Thank you for not jumping to the straight. He's a horrible monster conclusion like everyone else I think you're right. It definitely is ignorance over malice and it's just another thing that we both have to be prepared for and ready to talk about I would say Sure, I mean you've been together for two years and if he's just now learning your buy like I can I can understand why he's like Well, wait like why didn't you tell me that's you know part of you that I'd like to know and appreciate whatever But if he continues to be like you're straight you're with me. You're straight. You're not by anymore. You're straight Then you're gonna have a problem. Yeah, that's not a problem of like oh, he needs to marinate on it That's just a problem in like a sort of distant far off way I could understand this being a thing people experience but if I try to like ever consider being in this situation at this point in my life and having a guy Talk like that or respond that way. I can't imagine it like that would be so crazy to me I'd be like no if someone said that's you would you stay with them? No Even if you were together for five years I well, I but I wouldn't you and get there I would never be in that situation. Yeah, you wouldn't get there Find people who are gonna match you in compassion empathy effort love respect Regardless of who it is Find someone who's meeting you on your level like we no one deserves to settle like point blank mic drop Mm-hmm don't settle. Yeah raise the bar raise the bar raise the bar and by girls are promiscuous That is not a rumor. We're gonna start on the show Michaela They're clearly not she's celibate for five years I there's you know Yeah, yeah, it doesn't mean I'm not promiscuous Uh next guest Hey guys and uh, yes, welcome to two hot takes. I look a little different But if case you guys don't know who I am because for some reasons I haven't been around for a while I've been working in on the other set, but I'm Morgan's dad From father knows something So Morgan, thanks for letting me on your show today. Yeah Dad is not a part of the LGBTQ+ community. However, he is one of the best dads I know The most open supportive kind dad out there So you're here to respond to this next story our last story from a dad's perspective. Okay. I can do this So this is coming from our slash am I overreacting titled my son just told me he is gay am I overreacting I 52 male and the father of a 17 year old son. We are really close. He's my whole world We've always had a great relationship. He's a typical guy for his age He plays football has a good group of friends and we talk about everything or at least I thought we did Last night he came into my room and told me he was gay. He looked like he was going to throw up. He said quote Please don't hate me for what I'm about to say and then he told me I just froze I was just so shocked that I went totally silent for a few seconds when he saw my reaction he started crying That snapped me out of it and I immediately hugged him and told him I loved him over and over again and he sobbed He kept apologizing and I kept snushing him and telling him that he didn't need to be sorry. We both cried Since last night, I can't stop spiraling. I love my son with everything I have This hasn't changed and never never will but I'm scared in our country This thing is complicated People in the city are starting to accept it more But we live in a small town in which things are still very controversial When I was in high school, there was a kid who was rumored to be gay and he ended up getting beaten so badly He had to move away That's all I can see when I think of my son now and it's destroying me I don't know how to protect him. I feel helpless He told me he's not going to act different or wear makeup or anything like that But honestly that just made me feel worse I don't want him to think he has to say that to make me feel more comfortable I keep thinking about the stupid jokes I've made in the past, stuff I thought was harmless And now I hate myself. I think I might have hurt him without knowing it I don't know anything about gay people. I've never had anyone close to me come out before I don't know what I'm supposed to do or say Should I talk to him about boys like I would have talked about girls? Should I ask him about crushes or would that make it weird? What happens when he starts dating? Do I treat it like I would if he brought home a girlfriend? I'm terrified, I will say or do the wrong thing and push him away I want to be a good dad. I want him to feel safe with me But I'm overwhelmed and I can't stop thinking about all the things that could go wrong I keep picturing people being cruel to him. I can't sleep I feel like I'm failing him already by not knowing what to do to keep him safe Am I overreacting? I don't have anyone in my life that I can talk to about this. I just want to do right by my son. You know, that is really the heart of all of our of a being a parent is Simply protecting our kids and when we see something that can cause them a Problem later in life. We are scared shitless and sometimes we Me can get really some in someone's opinion nasty when I'm only was trying to do things that you know protect my kids and We only act out of love and I think the fact that what you just articulated here was so So perfect and simple that that's what you should share with him say I'm Happy whatever your preferences. It doesn't matter to me. The only thing that matters to me is that you're safe and because I've seen such meanness With with as a parent's point of view watching other people going through this the meanness what comes along with it That's what what what makes me feared not the fact that you're gay I'm totally comfortable if you find someone that you can have a meeting of the minds with and love and will love you back with all their heart What do I care? And that's really what it's about. I mean you only want Happiness for well, and I'm speaking people that should be You know of of normal balance love you know with their kids I mean there are people out there that are narcissistic and do have other issues. You know have their own issues but you know, I I speak generally You only want love for you know for your children and I can definitely see that you have it for your son And I'm sure he does feel and the fact that he was able to be open and talked to you shows you that he loves and he trusts you But you have to be totally honest and telling where your concern really is as nothing to do about his sexuality It has to do with somebody else coming on board and and hurting him because there's a lot of meanness in the world Yeah Yeah, as long as he's got you being supportive and caring and being his dad That's all that matters. I think you know a lot of people Don't even feel comfortable coming out to their parents or it's not safe for them to come out to their parents because they'll be cut off And kicked out of the house and so many people go through stuff like that and we've you know We've had stories and writings like that on father knows of like I want to come out But I don't think it's safe. What do I do? Yeah, I mean you know on my family we do have people that are are part of the LBGT Q LGBTQ plus plus LBGTQ plus community and it is oh it was absolutely accepted with no issue I mean, I'm sure my dad was you know was in disbelief when my sister came out and Only because his narrow mind in this with a lot of things in life But and I don't know what his deal was I can't tell you and he died soon after so I can't answer but we've as a family We've all accepted the love of her life and and and and our own and and your family We've always accepted the love of of his life I mean it in every family I that I know It's amazing how today's world is so different here in the United States than it may be in your country. Yeah But it's you know It's every day. I mean nobody I don't I don't I certainly hope we don't have The hate that we did have when I was in high school because we certainly had it when I was in high school You know, I think Unfortunately a lot of LGBTQ plus people do face Mean treatment hate tread hate crimes. I mean It it is scary still I think today But I think when it comes to living your life like make sure you're Opening up to the right people and if your family is unwilling to accept you for who you are Then chosen family and the village that you build is more important Absolutely, so I will say we've got some comments on this one the top comment Hi Lesbian here first off. I think you did an amazing job in your reaction to your son telling you he's gay I've had to come out to my mom three times now and her reactions ranged from it's just a phase To you need to talk to God about it So you showing love and support was definitely the correct response in reading your post I do think you could benefit from doing some research on the LGBTQ plus community I mostly want to point out that sexuality and gender expression are two very different things This isn't regards to the makeup thing Most people are used to the stereotype that gay men are flamboyant and feminine and gay women are super butch and masculine But that does not describe all gay men and women Who we sleep with does not dictate how we look if your son wants to wear makeup cool But it's not like a requirement to be a gay man The last thing I want to say is in regards to any sort stating please acknowledge it be excited for him ask questions Speaking from first-hand experience here I've been dating my girlfriend for almost nine months and every time I bring her up to my mom I get zero acknowledgement and the conversation quickly changes to something else after 30 years of hiding who I was It sucks to feel like I still need to hide myself from my mom Just keep doing what you're doing you're on the right track so far be supportive be curious make jokes I'm constantly making not straight jokes make a crooked line when cutting wrapping paper I've never done a straight thing in my life. That's quigley line is as straight as I am LOL there are so many good dad jokes But yeah the most important thing is making sure your son feels accepted and loved best of luck to you I agree and I and I also think you did an amazing job But but I I think the the thing that you really have to do to finish the frosting on the cake is have The honesty talk of what you of why you reacted So he understands you didn't react because of his choice you reacted because of just your fear of him being safe Yeah, and there's so many amazing comments here too just like again people sharing their insights trans girl here completely agree with everything said Me coming out destroyed my parents marriage. There were a lot of cracks But ultimately it's what did it my mom disowned me and then she divorced my dad when he refused to my dad's a plumber He's made off-color jokes my whole life But when I shared myself with him he was so amazingly supportive he was clear There was much he didn't understand and he asked me to be patient with him But to know no matter what he was always on my side and he has been now He's the guy at the Elk's club trying to educate his boomer buddies about trans issues He's wearing pride shirts on job sites and doing everything he can to make sure this really scary place is safer for me a good dad can change the world Oh my god, why am I gonna cry? That's just so beautiful It was and I think like I think parents like one thing parents could do that. I wish My mom would have done a little better is when you're scared and your behavior might seem a rational be Overly honest don't be afraid to be vulnerable with your kids and tell them the truth about why you're acting the way you're acting And so I think for this guy where he's like I've made some off-hand jokes before I'm I'm scared I don't know what to do be honest with your son say, you know, I feel bad about those jokes. I've made in the past I'm sorry, you know going forward be open with me. I want to hear about who you're dating and Talk about guys with you be honest and that is gonna go so much further with your kids Because yeah, you've lived life before and you've been a kid before but it's your first time being a parent So just be open and honest and as long as you're supportive and loving that's what matters. I agree I'm just on the verge of tears here. I hate it. Well, it's been an amazing, amazing Pride episode you guys we have had so many good guys so many good stories and I really do want to continue to highlight All issues, you know that impact LGBTQ+ community Hearing some of these stories could change someone's mind. I mean it could open someone's eyes to being more accepting and inclusive and loving So I hope that these stories reach someone that needs to hear it Everyone deserves love. Everyone deserves happiness. Life liberty the pursuit of happiness and all that so It's all I got to say and welcome the fatherhood for me Yeah, I mean it I feel I know that the last read you'll figure it out real quick and you know you guys will be fine Really well and thank you for having me on the show because I I don't get to come on very often guys She kind of keeps me in the closet over there and walks the door Not because it's not because of sexuality just because she thinks I'm a beast and an animal No, you're just I don't know what to predict with you So we keep him over on father knows something so if you want more dad check out father knows something You'll you're due for an episode you'll be back sometime soon. Yeah, she really limits me And that is all I got if you want more of us head over to patreon. We've got some amazing episodes over there And until next time and if you haven't tried father knows something You can catch Justin Morgan myself and others as we are doing our thing over there. So so until next time Bye guys bye (upbeat music)