133: Can Forgiveness Be Bought?

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California, this is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski. Welcome back to the Broski Report. Welcome back to you. I said I welcome all of you. Hey. Hey. Hey guys. Hey guys, I've cried every day this week. Hey guys, welcome back. I've cried every day this week. In a good way. In a good way. Guys, life is happening all the time. Life is here. Life is now. Life is a highway. Oh my God. Anyway, guys. My editor fucking hates me. My editor wants me dead. And like at this point, making my art is putting a target on me. And I was making art just then. So, anyways, guys, lots to talk about today. Number one, first and foremost. Are you guys familiar with the concept of chia seed pudding? If not, I'm sure most of you are because everyone in Broski Nation is very healthy, very normal, very mentally well, right? We all know this. Chia seed pudding. If you shot a fireman's hose through my guts, I don't think it would have cleaned me out as well as the chia seed pudding did. Okay, now let me tell you something. Chia seed pudding was advertised to me via TikTok.gov. As a kind of digestion slower, okay? So, you do the chia seed pudding. You do it overnight. You put all the bullshit in it. You mix it up. Right? Looks gross. You do the. Because they have to expand overnight. You can't eat raw chia seeds. Now, why? I don't know. And I don't really give a fuck. I just followed the recipe. I make all the bullshit. I make my gobbledygook, my potion. I literally sometimes I'm like, let me meal prep. And I'm making fucking potions. Like, it's bubbling and slurping. And I'm like, I don't know. I'm putting it in a mason jar. Like, bitch, I'm making potion in my house. And it's always 1 a.m. by the time I. I'm like, I should meal prep for the morning. And it's 1 a.m. and I'm like, shit's exploding in my kitchen. Anyway, I go to make chia seed pudding. I think that there's something in a chia seed that activates my gut lining. It felt similar to how your uterus sheds its walls. My stomach shed its walls because of the chia seed pudding. I have never run to the bathroom that fast. And I'm sorry. You don't want to hear me talk about poopoo doodoo. You don't want to hear me talk about poop. About poop. How do British people say poop? Just say poop. Like, I know it sounds stupid and silly, but like, just say poop. Because you saying poo makes it stupider. Just say poop. It's poop. It's duke. It's duke. It's booboo. Like, are you making booboo yes or no? Of course, I'm for poo. Shut the fuck up. How are you the originator of the language and it sounds goofy when you say it? Do you know what I mean? All love to my British fans. You guys have to start saying poop. Okay? I'll take you seriously as a person if you say poop. I think if you say poo, you're lesser than. You're lesser than if you say, I need to go for a poo. Come on, dude. Just say you got to, just say you got to shit. Girls that pee versus girls. Girls that piss. People who take a poo versus people who shit. That is the cultural distinction I'm trying to make. Okay, moving on. Cheese and pudding. Here's what I had made in mind. Okay? I made, ooh, peanut butter banana fucking bullshit. I just made some bullshit. Put that meme up here. I made peanut butter banana chia seed pudding. I blended all the shit up. And then I added. I added it to the chia seeds. I mixed it up. I put it in the fridge. I ate it about eight hours later. When I tell you I shit all day. Thank God it was the weekend. Thank God I was at home. Oh my God. Like if you are, look, look, okay. A few weeks ago, I was a little bit backed up. I don't know what the fuck I was eating. Also what I learned, if you're going to do chia seed pudding, you have to drink water because, oh my God, my body was a raisin. My body was a shriveled up dried carcass. So chia seed pudding. Yeah, that's actually going to be the solution to a lot of ailments. If you feel backed up. Oh my God, I almost choked today. I was trying to take my supplements this morning and some, something happened. I don't know if I left it in the sun or if it got wet by accident. I don't know. And two, they're like big horse pills. Do you remember that pill and the SpongeBob that Pearl gives Mr. Krabs and she like hurls it onto the table and it's big as fuck and he has to swallow it and it goes down all of his chins. That's, that's literally what I feel like. I take Berberine. I take a women's daily vitamin, a women's Bailey vitamin. Me when I'm, me when I'm Joe Biden and I outlaw all men, vitamin. And then I take a third one that I can't think of right now. It's another vitamin. But I put all those in a little pill box, like an 85 year old man. And I take them every day. And two of them like solidified together, like that, that gel lining of the horse pills, they solidified and made one big monster pill. And I was like, yeah, I'll take it. It'll be fine. It'll dissolve anyway. Bitch, when I tell you, I almost fucking died. That was almost the end. And like, I'm laughing, but bitch, it's scary. I live alone. I almost had died. Cause I was like, I got a big ass throat. I got a wide ass throat. My dainty little woman throat. I almost had died. Don't do that. Cause I took it and it scraped the lining of my throat as it went down. And I was like, you know, that scene of Squidward when he swallows the fork and he's like, it's just moving in his Adam's apple. That's how I felt taking that fucking pill. I was like, I'm just trying to be healthy and take my supplements. And I had to chug water. And then I had cold water, which made my throat close a bit more. I mean, wow. Narrowly evaded death. Okay. Chia seed pudding. I give it a six out of 10. All right. The flavor was fine. The shit was solid. And it was unrelenting. It was never ending. So yeah, I would, these bitches on TikTok, they're like, how to make the most incredible chia seed pudding. And everything's really aesthetic. And you know, they always, oh my God. When people make cooking. TikToks or cooking videos on whatever platform. And they do it with their fuck ass Ariana Grande sleeves, like down halfway down their knuckle. And they're like, man, I mix in the natural organic honey. And they do all that bullshit. I'm like, how is from your knuckle up to your elbow, not sticky. I do that shit. And it's on my mouth. It's in my hair. Like all it's all under my nails. How do they do that? And I don't, it's not that I want to replicate it, but I'm like, there's no way you're cooking. Good. And not getting at least some of it on you. Okay. How are you doing that? And you're not like all up in it. I can't, I don't trust it. If you're making super aesthetic. Cause guess what? I found this TikTok from this other, like obviously model girl. And I think that they, at some point it's like to be skinny in their head and any skinny people in the comments. Let me know. Let me know thoughts on this. Cause I might just be, you know, I think. Skinny people. Skinny people who have somewhat of an eating disorder to maintain the skinniness forgo flavoring. I really do. I think they forego seasoning. I think they, they don't need flavor and they just truly view food as like, I just have to, I just have to do it. And they don't really care. And I, my mind, it boggles the mind because when I'm cooking, when I'm prepping anything, I'm like, if this tastes like ass, I'm going to be pissed off. And also I spent money on this to have it taste like ass. And I always, I feel like you can fix anything as long as it's not some for real bullshit with some seasoning. So I did that shit and I've made chia seed pudding before and I made it according to this skinny model's recipe. recipe, which yes, okay, yay. But at the same time, I tried it and I was like, no fucking way. This is how they're eating this. And I think it was like, it was like a sweet potato and some turkey or something like that. And she seasoned the turkey with pepper, just pepper. Like, you know what I mean? Like ground turkey, just pepper, put it on a raw sweet potato that she cooked in the oven. And she was like, so filling, so satiating. That's my dinner. And I was like, okay, sure. It's like sweet potato is really good for you. And it's a protein on this. Okay, sure. I tried that shit, I sure. How? How? So I have to find an in-between, okay? Because health eating shouldn't feel like Squidward with the fork in his throat. So I'm trying it. I'm trying it. So I found, finally found a chia seed pudding. I feel like I'm talking really loud. I finally found a chia seed pudding. I recipe. That was delicious. And the key is vanilla extract and maple syrup, like a good portion of maple syrup. And you mix it all up and you blend it and you do yogurt and you do the milk, you do whatever. And then you add that to the chia seeds and then let it overnight. It tasted good. Okay. It was definitely the best one I've ever made, but I'm like, this is so much sweetener. Sweetener by Ariana Grande. Me with my sleeves in the fucking chia seed pudding and stomping wet. There's chia seeds all over my body and I'm like playing in it and I'm slapping the table and it's going everywhere. I have a bib on. That's how I felt. And then I shit myself. I, and then I load my diaper. That was my experience with chia seed pudding. So be warned. This is a cautionary tale. Proceed at your own risk and do what you have to do because I, it was successful mission success. Bring our troops home. But yeah, that was, don't, don't eat that shit when you're out in public. That's my number one kind of advice to you there. So I just bit my lip. Awesome. Okay. Lots has been going on. Mentologically speaking in my brain, I've been gone for two weeks because I've been burnt out. Guys say it with me, burnt out. And that's fine. That's okay. We're allowed to be at our wits end. We're allowed to be burnt out. We're allowed to say, I am overwhelmed in this moment. Because if you keep shoving it aside, do you remember that game? No Luca? No. I have to look it up. Do y'all remember Rooster Teeth Rage Quit? Rooster Teeth Rage Quit. No Luca. No. This is a deep cut for any of my bitches who, yep. Okay. So this channel, I don't know the whole lore of this channel. If these people are problematic, they probably are. This video is from 2012. Okay. It's a deep cut from my childhood. I laughing at the ripe age of 15. Okay. This is basically a channel where they play games and the guy gets so fucking angry that he rage quits like every fucking game. And there's this other game called QWERTY, QWERTY something where they, it's, it's really difficult controls and it's a guy on like a bicycle or whatever. And it was very funny. Okay. It was very fun. I liked that one. And then I liked this one where basically the goal of the game is keep the cat away from the cereal. That's, that's the name of the game is no Luca. No. Okay. Watch. There's a hand. I'm gonna wait. No. Hmm. Oh, he's coming in fast now. Luca's getting his ass kicked. Oh fuck. Too soon. If you hit it too soon, your hand breaks. Then Luca can have the food. You're fucked. Oh, and it disappeared from the bowl. That means he can have it now because it doesn't say no Luca. No, it says yes. Luca fucking eat me. Look at that fucking score. What the fuck is your cat doing on the kitchen table? No. Why is there two spoons? Why do you need two spoons to eat your cereal? Why do you need two spoons? Luca? No. Fuck off. Cat's a son of a bitch. You are getting spayed right after this. Yo Luca, get the fuck off my shit. You ain't getting no fucking cat in it for months motherfucker. Get your ass back in the garage. I will move your litter box to the fucking street. Fucking feed your cat dickhead. Luca, no. God damn it. It's cereal. You're a fucking cat. There's a pitcher of milk right behind you. Go for that, stupid. I'm not, I can't even reach you from there. If you come to the other side of the table, it'd be like a fucking pincer attack. There's no way I could stop you. Oh, fuck you, PETA. Apparently the name my cat is a fucking asshole was. That's the most 2012 video I've ever seen. Watching it back. This video is two and a half minutes. This is the shit I was watching as a teenager, like peeing myself in my room. No, Luca. God damn it. Made me laugh. Anyway, what the fuck was I talking about? That's how I, that's how I felt about something. Oh, mentalologically speaking. Yeah. A lot's been going on and I have been on my journey of meditating. Okay. Here's the deal with that whole situation. Okay. Okay. Meditating is a very serious practice. And by that, I mean, it, it really does work and it helps if you do it correctly. And if you do it open-mindedly and if you do it regularly, okay. And I always heard about celebrities doing this bullshit and I'm like, that's some rich people shit. You have time to meditate. Oh my God. And now I'm like, oh, it's not a rich people thing. It's a, I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it kind of thing. You know what I mean? Like life gets so overwhelming. And when you, it, it feels like, I don't mean this in like a, you know, we're just on a big floating rock in space. Like, that's not how I mean this in like a nihilistic way. I mean it in like a, you know, living in a fascist police state can be a bit overwhelming at times and it can feel pretty hopeless, but I choose to have hope. But in those moments of, you know, I'm like, I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to do this. I'm you know, lowliness and despair. It feels like you pull back the curtain to the window and like the fucking world's on fire. And in those moments it's like, okay, how can I handle this sensation right now? So from that, I just started to get to me a lot where it was like, every time I open Instagram, I am seeing some of the most atrocious, horrific shit ever. It's obviously been that way, honest to God, since 2016. Like it really has felt like that. And I, I just am realizing I don't have tools. I don't, I don't have tools to deal with it. I'm just kind of like, I've, I've let myself become numb. I've let myself become desensitized to it. I've let myself be like, you know, oh, let me just drown out all the thoughts. And I know that that's the whole idea, right? Is attention is currency. Energy is currency. And all of my attention and energy is going to doom scrolling and not even doom scrolling, but like this eternal question that I bring up every fucking week, it feels like of what am I running from? And I did that. I had this realization recently, and I know this isn't just me, by the way, this is like everyone who has a device in their hands. I was sitting in the living room and I was procrastinating. I was avoiding doing something. And I was watching gossip girl on Netflix. I was on my phone on Instagram, real scrolling. And then I had music playing at the same time. And I was like, what the fuck? I haven't formed a thought that was original and my own probably eight years. And I was like, I'm so, I genuinely got to a point where I said, I'm so fed up with feeling like a husk. Like I felt like a husk of Britney. Like what happened? How did I let it get to this point where I'm just drowning the shit out? Like at whatever point. And I don't feel rejuvenated. I don't feel rested. I don't feel, you know, renewed after I do that. I just feel like I'm, I'm numbing it. And then I'm like, why does my brain, like the front part of my brain, my brain feels like it's got a lead weight in it. You know, that, that meme of the big headed guy with his, his head resting on the floor and his little tiny body. That's how I feel all the time. And part of it, who fucking knows what it is, right? This is me self-diagnosing. I'm not a medical professional. I don't fucking know. All I know is how I feel. I think it's my PCOS. I think that it's, um, a caffeine addiction. I think that it is potentially malnutrition which I'm trying to be better about. And I'm trying to eat whole foods. And honestly, it's been helping a little bit. Um, I also think it's, it's definitely a hormone imbalance, hormonal imbalance that's tied to my PCOS. I've gained a little weight. Like my apron belly is bigger. It's all these things where I'm like, what the fuck is going on? And my brain through all of it, I really am worried about my memory. Like I do edibles and it makes my memory shit. Like also my life moves at such a rapid pace that probably all of us feel like this shit is shit is constantly happening, but I don't take the time to sit down and be like, okay, this happened. Here's how I feel about it. And here, you know what I mean? Processing. I don't do that. I just next to the, onto the next thing, onto the next thing, onto the next thing. And that's catching up with me in a really, really bad way. So all that to say, I'm sitting on the couch and I'm gossip girl, all the bullshit. And I go enough, enough. And I turn it off. I lock my phone, I turn it off, I throw it in my room, and then I'm like, I'm going to handle this shit. And I put on guided meditation and it was a guided meditation on YouTube that I just found from some girl. And it was about positivity. It was about gratitude and like reframing your mindset. I think those were the three, whatever. Cause I just wanted to open my mind to the reality of my situation, which is so privileged, so privileged. And it is so lucky. I mean, one in a million, I, all this, like I used to work a desk job and now I do this, like how one in a million. And the fact that I could ever get to a point where I'm like, I don't want to do the podcast anymore. Like the podcast of like, what are you fucking talking about? And then I started to go down this guilt rabbit hole and all, I mean, just like, it's a lot. So I did this meditation and I just breathed. And then I did this meditation and I just breathed. And then of course I started crying and it was just very, like, it really did reframe my mind and it helped me take stock of getting back in tune with your body and how breathing is the one thing, absolutely the one thing in this life you can control is your breath and metering your breath. And she said this hack of like hack, it's common sense. If you breathe in and you, exhale for longer than the breath in was, it slows your heart rate. Fucking duh, right? Then I had a flashback to elementary school when my PE teacher used to say, put your hands on your head. It'll help you breathe better, like after a run. And so I did that as well. And I just, I don't know, I haven't felt that calm in literally years, literally years. And it was really, really nice. And then from that, she kept talking. I was like, okay, enough, enough. The guy did frequencies. And then I just let my mind wander. And I let my mind kind of go to some new creative ideas, some things that I don't like about my current, you know, business or things that I want to change. And I have some really cool ideas for the podcast that will kind of break up the, I think, quasi monotony of sometimes what this podcast is. And honestly, I really value y'all's input because this podcast is for you ultimately. I know that this is the one kind of me to you communication, but I fear two years, three years of this, it's time for a change. Okay. Let me know what y'all are thinking because I'm in the mood to, to adapt. And I have this idea of what I've always talked about of, you know, how I say, I wish there was an expert in the corner where I could be like, what do you think about, um, when the, um, and when you go up into space, how come your head doesn't explode? You know, that kind of shit. What if that was this podcast each week was a different, I mean, infinite topics that I have curiosities about that I could prepare questions for y'all could submit questions. I could ask them like if we zoomed in a professional and I asked them questions and, you know, I would riff in the beginning and then we'd do the thing and then I would close it. And like each week it would become a bit more intentionally educational than me just kind of like, well, my butthole swollen again. Like maybe there's a point, maybe there is a direction that this podcast takes. Can you guys let me know what the fuck you think about that? I mean it just tell me because I do think I'm, I'm a bit done with this structure to be completely transparent and honest from me to broski nation. Uh, it, uh, streamlined topics that I'm like, I definitely want to talk about that this week. So let's, this idea feels really exciting to me. And I have so many questions about so many things that I don't want to use fucking Google AI to just, you know, like let's, I think it could be really fun. I think it could be really fun. And of course we'll keep the whimsical aspect of what it is that I do here because I am forever on whimsy FM. Whimsy FM. A radio frequency. So yeah, I think it could still be super fun and that excites me. And it also still makes sense because on a news channel, you call into a, you know, and you do the bullshit on the fucking, are you there with us? And I'm on a news desk. Guys, you see where I'm, come on, come on guys. Anyway. And you know, another thing in the vein of like feeling overwhelmed and having ideas, one of these guided meditations really like randomly put a bunch of shit into perspective for me of one of the things that this meditation had us do was repeat a mantra, like repeat affirmations, which usually I'm like, Oh my God. And I don't know why it cringes me out. Sometimes I'm like, Oh my God, I am loved. That just feels so, do you know what I mean? Like I'm, I'm, as woo-woo as the next girl, but sometimes it crosses this threshold into insincere and overdone and meaningless. It's like, I've almost, I've heard that phrase so much. It means nothing to me. You are loved. What does that mean? By who? Like, I don't feel it. You know, in those moments I'm speaking generally third person. It's like, what the fuck does that mean? And going away from that of like, you are beautiful. You are loved. You are special. Like that shit doesn't really affect me. Maybe it does for some other people, you know, those things hold weight and meaning. But for me, it feels very hobby lobby, inspirational quote section. So what this was, was like, uh, I found one that was super pertinent and like specific to my situation, which amen to the YouTube browse feature. This one was like, I am not behind. I am living my life. I am not playing. Watch up. My to-do list does not matter right now for this meditation. Like I am at peace. I am calm. I am resting. I am taking a moment to release myself from the chains and confines of a fucking to-do list. And I'm just existing because all of that, the side of life that is, I need to get this done. You know, I'm not going to do this. This is what's coming up for me. I need to prep for dah, dah, dah, dah. I want to shift that from this future burden into a current enjoyment. You get me? All of those things that are waiting for me in the future or have yet to be done, or people are waiting on a response from me or doing all this. I want to shift that into a current feeling of this is me living my life. And I don't want it to just be unfinished to-do lists and, you know, people waiting on me and shit that I, you know, I'm stressed out about because I haven't done it yet. Part, that is the point of life is to live it. And living it involves accomplishing certain things, but also enjoying the process of getting to do those things. So I'm just trying to reframe my mindset, y'all. I am, I'm going through it in a good way, but also in a very transitional way. And on that topic, I've been pulling tarot, like a motherfucker. And tarot, let me tell you something. The tower. I got the fucking tower. Oh, people are afraid of the death card and the devil card. Uh-uh, girl, you should be afraid of the tower card. Let's look at the tower. The tower symbolizes sudden upheaval, chaos, and destruction of existing structures, mental, physical, or emotional, force, necessary change. Bitch! Me to the tower card. Like, okay, I hear you. Spiritually, I'm feeling very pleakly. I feel very pleakly in this moment. The tower to me is like, when you, when you don't want it to show up, it's like, you know, it's going to show up. It's like, no, no, no, please don't, please don't. I know, I know, I know, and then it shows up. I got it like two nights ago and I was like, you motherfucker. And I knew it because there are areas of my life where I want to change. I want to change the nature of my relationships. I think I could be a better friend. That's something that I'm fully willing to admit. And maybe a lot of you feel the same. Like, I keep my head down so much and I'm just like, work, work, work, work, royal court this. You know, I'm, I'm doing like Oscars carpet this, whatever. It's like, I'm so focused on work that I'm neglecting all the parts of life that genuinely matter most and make life worth living, which is my relationships. And I think about it all the time and I'm going to cry because it's like, when I think of the point of my life and at the end of my life, what matters to me the most, it's my friends and my family. And like, I'm ignoring them. I'm ignoring them. And not only am I ignoring them, I'm like, oh, How has it gotten this far? and it makes me feel guilty. This is therapy. Bitch, this is therapy, and I opened when the saints go marching in, and I opened with a harmonica and a tambourine. By the way, we're filming with Royal Court. Oh, my God. I have to die. We're filming a Royal Court this week with someone that I just, like, Harry was one thing. This is something else, okay, for Broski Nation people. It is someone that I never stop talking about. He's coming on the show. Okay, so I feel just like, if you can predict who it is, go ahead and give me your predictions, and, like, it's probably right, okay? It's one of two, I think, would come to mind. If I say he and Broski Nation, like, there are some tops. There's S tier, then there's A tier, B, C, et cetera. Friday, we're filming with someone that is, like, I, okay, just beware. That'll come out in a month or so. Okay, anyway, I was crying. Yeah, I just, like, the tower, pulling the tower was very eye-opening for me because I'm like, yeah, you motherfucker, I get it. Yeah, bitch, thanks, thanks. So, now I have to stare into the mortal mirror and see the reflection of myself that's murky, and it has bed sores, and it's, like, half decayed, and an eye is missing, and I'm, oh, and then I look closer, and then it's me as a mermaid. I look closer, I say, oh, my God, and it's got gills, and it's beautiful, okay? Do mermaids have gills? Okay, not what I wanted to see. Yeah, we're going to Reddit. And who are these nerds in this Reddit thread? The question, would mermaid gills be in their throats or at their sides? Someone said, they would likely make the most sense around the ribs, as if the lung area gets filled with water, then it's pumped out through the gills and out of the body. Visually, gills in the neck or head would look cool, but ideally, the surface area provided by using gills in the chest cavity would provide a much greater oxygen transfer per breath than in the other locations. Who is this nerd? I need to get coffee with them. Additionally, there is more logical mechanisms in place in the chest cavity to warrant having a process in place to force water through gills, where there really doesn't look like there's anything in place to cause a forceful passing of water across. How do gills work? How do gills work? Gills extract dissolved oxygen from water. That's amazing. That's awesome. Gills are so fucking cool. Gills extract dissolved oxygen from water through a highly efficient process called countercurrent exchange, where water flows over gill filaments in the opposite direction of blood flow. This mechanism enables gills to absorb over 75 to 80% of the oxygen from the water, which is then absorbed by capillaries and carried through the fish's body. That's fucking gag. Like, you know I'm not religious. You know that I struggle with that. You know that I envy the faithful. However, what the fuck? But also, why would God make fish that eventually became human? Why not just start them out as human? Why do all that? Why you just skip the extra steps and just make them land-dwelling creatures, okay? Why does the ocean need biodiversity? I don't know. I can kind of – I can answer that question probably because, like, it's also an ecosystem and it needs things to carry out natural functions similar to land because it's just a different ecosystem. See, I need an expert to ask, why are there fish? Okay, here's my question to the zoologist that comes on the show next. Why are there fish? And why wouldn't they just be human? Okay, so I see your point. Uh, um, because it's a completely different species? No, yeah, yeah, yeah. I understand that. But if a fish could just have gills and it needs to have oxygen and drink oxygen, then why not just have two feet and be a human and, like, vote? Okay, right, right. Because, um, well, evolution is one thing. Actually, I really would – I want to talk to a zoologist about why does – why are there fish? Why are there fish and why are there sharks? Why not just one? Because I feel like there's one – there's one human race, and there's different – like, they look different, but there's one human people's. All right, back to wood mermaid gills being in their neck or in their head or in their – Oh, someone said, who said they need gills? I mean, okay, I'm assuming elves are evolved from mammals like humans considering they're almost identical in appearance. And sea-dwelling mammals don't possess gills. They're just really good at holding their breath, lol. But I guess if you really want them to have gills for style, what if they're, like, oval-shaped openings along the collarbones? I think that'd look pretty neat. What the fuck? Oh, my God, I forgot to tell you guys something. Okay, let me wrap up what I was saying about being – I'm very grateful to be alive and the meditating and the tarot has really helped me come back to that center – central point to my life is that all of this is ancillary to, like, to me, in my opinion, the main point of living. And those things should be supplementary and additive to my life, not detracting from the joy of life. So, like, I think that that's a very common – like, I just feel bogged down by work. Everyone feels that at some point in their life. And I need to find the joy in work and I need to find the good soul-satiating parts because they're there. I'm just overloaded. So, yeah, I'm going to work on some kind of creative changes that I think need to happen and are also part of, like, this natural evolution of being on the internet. I mean, you can't do the same shtick for years. And honestly, like, I don't want to. I'm over it. And I'm turning 29 in a month and a half. So, let's kind of reimagine what Brodsky Nation can be, okay? Maybe it's kind of a city-state. Maybe it's Vatican City. Maybe I buy Vatican City. Maybe the Pope comes on the show. Dream guest on my podcast, the Pope. The Pope from Chicago. How do you like your Chicago dogs, Pope? Hey, Pope, how are you? Good to see you, Pope. Just went somewhere. Sorry. My mind wandered. What if I had the Pope on the podcast and I asked him, like, life's mysteries? Actually, I'm going to start saying that when people are like, okay, you've had Harry Styles, all of these people on Royal Court. Who's your next dream guest? Probably the Pope. Yeah, probably just the Pope. And I want to ask him, does he say poo or poop or some sinister third thing? What do they say in Chicago? Probably shit. Does the Pope shit or poop? All right. Here's something I wanted to talk about that ever since I brought up mermaids, been on my mind. I, empowering through Robert Eggers' filmography. Robert Eggers! Robert Eggers. I love him. He is a fucking freak. He is a fucking weirdo, just like me. I loved Nosferatu. Stanley has been up my ass about watching every other Eggers movie. If he was like, you like this, you should watch this. And I'm like, yeah, I'll get to it. I'm reading. Okay. I'd rather read than watch a movie. And I text Stanley and I'm like, this was fucking amazing. He's like, yeah, bro, you'd love movies. Yeah. If you'd watch a movie, you might love them. And I do. So I started all the Eggers movies. I watched The Witch. I think I talked about it a few weeks ago. That shit was freaky, but good. I didn't realize it was like for real horror, Puritan horror. Really great. Yeah. Go back a few episodes and listen to me talk about that if you're curious. Anya Taylor-Joy's breakout role did not know that. She's like a teenager in it. She's amazing. I watched The Lighthouse. Now The Lighthouse has been majorly recommended. I would say it's one of his most popular. The Lighthouse, The Northman, The Witch, Nosferatu. And he's doing the fucking werewolf movie that's coming out. Hi, Robert Eggers. Who's making werewolves? What studio? Oh my God. A gothic horror film set in 13th century England. Scheduled for release on Christmas day, 2026. So much to say. I have a new scent combo and I was going through all my perfumes because I was like, I'm done buying them. Okay. I'm done. I'm feeding into the consumerist fucking black hole. I can't do it anymore. It's one thing to say, oh, I collect perfume. I don't want to collect perfume. I just want to have options. Okay. And I'm realizing I have a lot of a similar scent and I would like options. So I was going through all my perfumes and I was like, oh, I'm going through all my heretic perfumes actually, because there's this one I've been this one called Florgasm, which is really good. It smells kind of similar, a bit different to Dosun by Diptyque. Dosun is very jasmine and I love jasmine. And so I wear that sometimes. Florgasm is similar, but it's a bit more, it's more range. There's more florals in it and it's not very sweet. It's very like a real flower arrangement. Then there's one called Pistol Whip. Pistol Whip is creamy. It's a creamy floral. I've never smelled anything like it. I got a little sample of it and I bought the full thing. So I was like, this is amazing. And so I've been layering all three of those together. And in my, cause I have a little line of all my heretics because they were so nice when I did that campaign with them. They sent me a bunch of my favorite scents and ones that I wanted to try. And so one of them is the Nosferatu collab. They did a fragrance collab with the release of Nosferatu and it's the craziest scent ever. It smells like petrichor. Let's look up the notes. Top notes, lilac, ambrite, heart, petrichor, violet absolute, oris concrete, cypriol, base vegan ambergris, oud, labdanum. Ambergris is that, um, it's kind of animalic and some people can't smell it, which is crazy. And, uh, it's crazy. Like this scent, I've never smelled anything like it. The description is in partnership with Nosferatu and Focus Features, Heretic is proud to present Nosferatu. A fragrance inspired by the iconic vampire, a chilling scent of wilting lilacs, velvety vegan ambergris, and strikes of lightning that fill the air with petrichor and electricity. It's both delicate and hedonistic. Bitch, it smells just like that. It's crazy. Also, oud macabre. I love it. I hope they do one for werewolves. I think Diaz and Durga has one called werewolf, like, it's called well-dressed werewolf or something. I bought it. I did not love it. Um, Diaz and Durga has one called well-dressed werewolf. I bought it. I did not love it. I did not love it. I did not love it. I did not love it. I did not love it. I did not love it. I did not love it. I did not love it. I did not like hit or miss. Sometimes I'm like, wow, you guys struggle. And sometimes I'm like, this is funky, like too, too funky to wear kind of funky, but I appreciate the creativity. Anyway, back to werewolf. What I was saying is, oh, that was just a little tangent is that I'm back on the Nosferatu fragrance is so good. And it's so strange. And I like fragrances like this for like, if I'm alone, because sometimes it's a bit too weird to wear around people. Cause it's like, why do you smell like a rainy street? Well, because I like it. Why do you smell like petrichor? Well, you wouldn't get it. It's Udi McCobb. I hear it's a purple. You fucking dilettante. So werewolf. Oh, I was, I was just going to say, uh, I'm excited to see what his spin is because the lighthouse was, it wasn't what I was expecting. I don't know what I was expecting. I thought it was going to be one of those like experimental, well, it is a 24, but I thought it was going to be this, like two guys locked in a room and that's the fucking thing. You know, like they go mad. And while madness is a theme, which of course I loved, I wish it was two women. I really do. But Robert Pattinson, Willem Dafoe, only two fucking people in the movie. There is a mermaid who's stunning, but the two main people in the movie, it is Willem Dafoe who plays the like captain, whatever of the lighthouse who runs it. And Robert Pattinson. Is the, the hirey trainee and he does all the grunt work. This movie is the perfect pacing. It builds so perfectly. All of it's in black and white. The imagery is psychotic and like, I don't want to ruin the ending because if you haven't seen it, go watch it. But there is a slow spiral into the question of what is reality? And what is not reality to the, it also deals with like karma and curiosity killed the cat and all these things of it just spirals and spirals and spirals out of control until the very end is like, it was a very satisfying end. But yeah, dude, I love this. It's this mystic kind of, you're not meant to understand what is so alluring about the lighthouse, but what a fun thing to play with is, you know, you're attracted. If you are a sailor, the lighthouse is a, a saving beacon of hope. You know, you're stuck in stormy waters or it brings you back to home. It brings you back to land. Like it is such a, uh, an attractive magnetic thing. And to flip that and make it horror. It's just come on. I really enjoyed it. There's a lot of imagery and, and symbolism around the birds around the goals. And there's lore, uh, seagulls or you never kill a seagull because that's a dead sailor, a dead sailor spirit or trapped spirits. And, uh, it just plays with all these, these fun themes, but has a different spin on it. They have these kind of actions that you can't place. Uh, it's like supposed to be, you know, I don't know. They're in America. It says the United States, uh, lighthouse, whatever committee, but they're so far up. Maybe it's on like a territory or it's in, I don't know, like newfoundland type shit. I don't know. It is so it's, it's other, do you know what I mean? It's not placeable and that makes it all the more, I don't know. But at the same time, it's kind of period piece. Like they're in very, uh, time period specific clothing and it's just a harsh reality that they live in. And it's a lot of physical work that's unrelenting and it's it's, you know, unrewarding. Oh, so good. And there's some fight scenes that are like, I loved it. It was a 4.5 out of five for me. Uh, next I'm going to watch the Northman, see how that compares because I liked the witch. I think I gave the witch, I think I gave it 3.5 or four. And, uh, I love how all of Eggers films just build, they build and build and build to the, the end, the end never disappoints. And there is something to be said about, you know, like get the shot. Sometimes there's this one scene where Willem Dafoe and Robert Pattinson like do a freeze frame. And it's supposed to be this kind of, I, I likened it to the creation of Adam, a kind of still like that. That's supposed to be this transferring of energy or like, you know, meeting your match in an artistic kind of way. But with Eggers, it's got this dark tint on it and it's, oh, it's just, it's just, it's just so good. So there's one freeze frame where I was like, okay, I get it. You know, I get it. Let's, let's move on. And I think that Nosferatu was similar at the end with obviously his dead body surrounded by all the flowers, um, on laying on top of, what is her character's name? Ellen, uh, on top of Ellen, where they made sure to get that still. And that's kind of a, a central element to the movie is, obviously the cinematography and the imagery, but it's like almost everything's building to that still. So loved it. Obviously such an Eggers fan. I'm very excited. I'm so excited for Werewolf ATJ. Shout out to Royal Court alumni, Aaron Taylor Johnson. I am so excited to see whatever. And I think, yeah, that crazy, um, that crazy behind the scenes image of Lily Rose Depp as someone in Werewolf. She plays the wife of the werewolf portrayed by Aaron Taylor Johnson. Willem Dafoe's in it. Yup. Yeah, dude, this is crazy. I'm so excited for this. Lily Rose Depp swaps Chanel for medieval sackcloth as she films new werewolf film in Surrey. God, that's crazy. She looks crazy. I'm so excited. Oh my God. We didn't even do book club. Let's do book club really quick. Here's my latest finish. I finished The Monk by Matthew Gregory Lewis. Bitch. Oh my God. Oh my God. Hey, if you want to read this book, major, major trigger warning. All right. Sexual assaults, um, of the highest degree. But here's the thing about this book. Okay. And I'll do my shitty chopped up version of context and plot and, uh, reasons why I think you should read it. And then we'll do a little mini Google of, you know, some analytical reviews of it. But basically Matthew Lewis was 2020 when he wrote this book. This was published in 1792 or 1791, two or three, maybe four or five years after the French revolution. Okay. The French revolution. We, we hear about the French revolution a lot in terms of it was such a, a marker in human history for what will you tolerate and what happens when the tolerance runs out. The, this book is in the context of the over-correction of the revolutionaries after they had killed all the monarchs, you know, Marie Antoinette's head was chopped off, all this bullshit, like literally down with the monarchy. It gets to a point where anyone who is a royal sympathizer, uh, an old friend, of the royals, a noble that was left alive, this or that, if you did not convert to the side of the revolutionaries insisting that France should be a republic and the people's voices should matter and there should be fucking food and water for everyone to drink and eat and things should be more equal, if you disagreed in the slightest or you were suspected of sympathy or I guess heresy, you were killed in the most brutal of ways. I mean fucking brutal. News of this, and again, this is all post-revolution, so the revolutions happened. This is years later. News of this reaches Britain in the 1790s and it instills a terror in the British populace, okay? They're like, what if that happens here? It's a monarchy, whatever. So that inspired a young Matthew Lewis, in a lot of ways, okay? Number one, in that kind of frenzy. Number two, in the absolute reign and authority placed in someone like a monarch or what this book focuses on, the Catholic Church, okay? Now, you know I love anything that is critical of religion, anti-religion, pointing out the hypocrisy of religion. I love all that shit. That is the main, I would say the main focus of this book. Is the hypocrisy. Just because you are a man or woman of the cloth does not mean you are deserving of wearing the cloth. In fact, it honestly gives you something to hide behind, to cower behind. While you sin, while you become the hypocrite of all hypocrites, you are forever protected by saying, you know, you serve a just God. And it's almost, there was this beautiful quote that he put in here of like, is a monk who falls into the trap of sin, and one sin begets another sin, begets sin, begets sin, begets sin, okay? And it just spirals and snowballs into this point where it's like, oh my God, he is committing atrocities, all at the same time, delivering sermons every Wednesday and Sunday. And he's heralded as this just angelic closest thing to a walking prophet. That these people have. Little do they know, he is just morally corrupt in a sense that is just disgusting the way that it's described here. So all that to say, that's a major takeaway is this false sanctity of if you take up the cloth, if you dedicate your life to a convent or to an abbey, that doesn't mean you're a perfect person. And if anything, it makes you, perform the act of perfect even harder at holier than thou, because behind closed doors, you're a fucking nasty pervert. So those are kind of the main points of this book. It explores a lot of things that were ahead of its time. I mean, like gender bending, and feminism, and violence against women, and how just corruptible mankind is. And this book actually got him shunned. Let me read you this. This edition I have is Oxford World Classics. If you're going to read this, I would recommend getting this because there were some really helpful, like the index, explanatory notes were so, so helpful for providing context, providing even, I mean, shit that most people don't care about, but I care about certain characters' names or poems. I mean, I don't know. I don't know if you've read this book. I don't or verses he would put at the beginning of certain chapters were references to modern literature at the time. So to read a book like this, it's important, and it's exciting for me to get as much context as you can. And I mean, he's quoting Shakespeare, he's quoting contemporary poets, and politicians, and references to, you know, this fable, or, you know, ballads, and songs, and traveling minstrels, and all that were very, like, bards. There were famous songs from that time. There are songs that are included in here that are very cool. Another thing, I mean, this episode's going to be an hour and a half. Let me talk about the monk, okay? I annotated the fuck out of this book, by the way, like, by accident. I don't usually annotate, but this one was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I was going to say, in one of the explanatory notes, I made a little note because I was like, that's crazy. Okay, here's a crazy thing to put into perspective. Like, when I say he was shunned, his entire family lineage was shunned. Like, the links he went to to point out the hypocrisy, both in the Christian church, in anyone who calls himself a Christian, and just mankind in general, men, women, anything, it's very beautifully done in this book. But at times, it's a bit too honest, especially thinking about the cultural context of the 1790s. I mean, we're not even in the 1800s yet. This isn't even Victorian Britain. This is what? What is this? Georgian? Yeah, King George III, 1760 to 1820. His reign during this decade was defined by conflicts with revolutionary France, the aftermath of the American Revolution, and growing domestic political upheaval. Okay, so, the context of what I'm about to read is, we're talking about corrupting young girls, okay? This mother did not have, like, books in the house that would corrupt her, expose her to the indecencies of human nature, to the point, to the extent that she removed the Bible. Because the point that this passage is about to make is that, to the innocent, uncorrupted mind, putting the Bible in those hands, that's gonna do the corrupting, girl. The fucking nasty, perverted shit that's in the Bible, oh my god. If you didn't have ideas of corruption, you definitely would have them after reading the fucking Bible. So, here, here's this. He examined the book which she had been reading and had now placed upon the table. It was the Bible. How, said the friar to himself, Antonio reads the Bible and is still so ignorant. But, upon a further inspection, he found that Elvira had made exactly the same remark. That prudent mother, Elvira's the mother, Antonio's the little girl, had made exactly the same remark. That prudent mother, while she admired the beauties of the sacred writings, was convinced that more improper could be permitted a young woman. Many of the narratives can only tend to excite ideas the world calculated for a female breast. Everything is called plainly and roundly by its name, and the annals of a brothel would scarcely furnish a greater choice of indecent expressions. That's great. Okay, so that alone, there's a little asterisk by this, and in the explanatory notes it says, this attack on the Bible caused outrage. Entirety of this falsehood can be equaled only by its impudence. And Coleridge, one of the reviewers of this book in the 1790s, said that it repudiated the comment at length. So, this got him into trouble. Amongst about a billion other things in this book, it got him into trouble because he's saying the truth. Let me keep reading the passage. Yet, this is the book which young women are recommended to study, which is put into the hands of children. This is the book which young women are recommended to study, children, able to comprehend little more than those passages of which they had better remain ignorant, and which but too frequently inculcates the first rudiments of vice, and gives the first alarm to the still sleeping passions. Is that not fucking tea? Of this was Elvira so fully convinced that she would have preferred putting into her daughter's hands Amadis de Gaulle, or the valiant champion, Terante the White, which were two raunchy romance novels of the time. And would sooner have authorized her studying the lewd exploits of Don Galore or the lascivious jokes of the damsel placer de mi vida. She had, in consequence, made two resolutions respecting the Bible. The first was that Antonia should not read it till she was of an age to feel its beauties and profit by its morality. The second, that it should be copied out with her own hand and all improper passages either altered or omitted. Is that not crazy? This is a mother of the time saying, the Bible is so inappropriate for a young girl to read that I'm actually going to copy it by hand only the parts I feel are appropriate or that are purely storytelling, that have no moral implications, have no exposure to the moral indecencies of man. Fucking gag! Gag! Another theme in this book is this idea that, I mean, if you've ever given a serious thought to Catholicism, it's probably been a number one question of yours is, can forgiveness be purchased? The idea of confession, the idea of penance or tithing or atonement, any of these things where, well, I can sin as long as I just ask for forgiveness or if I just pay enough, you know. What was that called? I think it's called atonement. Yeah, atonement involves covering or paying for sins. Atonement involves covering or paying for sins. Atonement involves covering or through sacrifice, symbolically, the Old Testament through animal sacrifices and ultimately through the death of Jesus in the New Testament. I'm pretty sure atonement has a financial context as well, or there's another word for it, like later in the Renaissance time period and all that. But that's always been my question. I remember reading about Catholicism and taking a real interest in it in high school when I was reading like Angels and Demons by Dan Brown and all these, you know, Catholicism is so deep and rich in terms of imagery and iconography and tradition and custom and ritual and, I mean, exploitation and blackmail and all of these things. It's just, it's fucking tea. And so, I took an interest in it. And that's always been my question is, is that really how sin and salvation works? Is you can just pay off your sins? That doesn't seem right. So, it really takes that concept and runs with it in this book towards the end where his thinking is, I can keep going for as long as I can because no sin is not forgiven by God, which is a dangerous line of thinking. It is dangerous, okay? There are multiple times throughout this book where he is tempted by the actual devil, by the actual devil. And he gives in a little bit because he's like, yeah, well, you know, God's got me. I know God's got me. And at the very end, something fucking crazy happens. I won't ruin it, but the end of this book is so batshit crazy. I, and it's nasty, like my jaw dropped. And there's something to be said about, this is one of the first true Gothic horror novels. The first one that was really like, at least this is in the literary community, and correct me if I'm wrong, but from all my reading and study that I've done on this, the first one that's really recognized as the innovator of Gothic horror is The Castle of Otranto. Is that what it's called? Castle of Otranto. It's considered the first Gothic novel, blending medievalism with supernatural horror and establishing key genre tropes like haunted castles, secret passages, and damsels in distress. This was published in 1764. Shortly after this, The Monk comes out in the 1790s, about 30 years later, and, this book steals a lot. It steals a lot from The Castle of Otranto. And you know what? Another thing I will say about this book, I love him as an author. I think this, the style that this book is written in at first was a lot. It's, it's very overwhelming at first, but you slowly sink into the warm bath of how he tells stories and he uses very superfluous language, but it really has a great payoff and matches the, you know, the cadence of the book, the tone of the book. He does this little disclaimer before you start reading the story that says, I'm almost positive I've stolen some of this from other books and shit I've read. And in fact, I'll point out, it's probably from this, probably from this, maybe a little bit of this. I'm deeply inspired by this, but everything else in the book is mine and it's original, but I just want to get that out of the way before you start reading, which I think is deeply admirable to just be like, look, I don't want to hear it. Okay. This is what I love. I've definitely stolen from it, but here's my original story. Like, you know what? Hell yeah. So the Castle of Otranto is one of the first Gothic horrors ever. This is in that, part of the reason I read it is because Stanley recommended it, but also it's been in my list for a long time of like traditional Gothic horror. And there's a different like list of, you know, because literature and art compounds upon itself. Like, because this book was written, it allowed for people like Bram Stoker to write a book and Carmilla, the sapphic vampire novel, like all these things, they build upon themselves and each person lays a stepping stone that the future person will walk on. So that was cool to see that this was the idea of the scariest shit ever back in the 1790s. And it was so sacrilege and it was so honest and it was so critical. And it was, it really came down with a fucking iron fist of judgment on the most respected institution in the world. And it was, it really came down with a of the Catholic church. So I also want to say that this book, one of my qualms with some Victorian Gothic, you know, quote unquote horror. And by that, I mean picture of Dorian Gray is sometimes, and I even read the uncensored picture, picture of Dorian Gray. Sometimes I was like, just fucking say it. Like, just say it. He, Oscar Wilde would do this shit where he would say, and then Dorian would go and commit the most utmost, unbelievable atrocities only the imagination could conjure. Like that kind of shit. I'm like, just say it. I want to know what that motherfucker was doing. I want to be appalled and horrified. Also, it's that, that curiosity of the unknown, you know, the fact that we'll never know the bullshit Dorian Gray was up to, but the fact that it would boggle the mind. At the same time though, it's a Victorian and Victorians were nasty. So I want to know what was boggling the Victorians' minds. This book does not hold back. Okay. Which kind of gagged me because you fast forward into when was Dorian Gray published? 1870s? 1890. So a hundred years later, we've got the picture of Dorian Gray where you're almost like, oh, I can't even think about what it might be. This fucking book is so gross. And I don't want to overstate it or like overhype it, but there's a reveal at the end where I said, oh, oh, there's a cool theme in this book. That I really liked where the main guy, the monk is tempted by a woman. And he always likes to come back and be like, you evil fucking bitch. You tempted me. You did. I would, I would still be a clean man. You know, I could live my life in peace if it weren't for you tempting me with your, you temptress, you evil witch, you whatever. She's like, I didn't do shit. You acted on your sinful impulses. That is not my fault. And it is not my problem, which was tea because she ate. Like she didn't make that. You made that decision. Your frail, weak constitution made those decisions. And now you have to live with it. And no amount of penance or atonement can buy back your, your innocence. So she, she wrote this. She said, now shame on the coward soul, which wants the courage either to be a firm friend or open enemy. Very tea. Yeah. Here's ignorance could furnish him with no excuse. He had seen vice in her true colors before he committed his crimes. He had computed every scruple of their weight and yet he had committed them. And then I did a little note. I highlighted that. And then I said, well, they keep going on of like all of these psychological torments are coming to him because the weight of what he's done is coming down on him a hundred fold towards the end of his life. And he says, all this crazy shit where he's like, yeah, I sinned. No one forced my hand. I did that shit because I'm human. And I went over and then I did a little note where I said, there is no hell. We have created something worse in human cruelty. A major theme in this book is also the extent of cruelty and what makes it worse. And what makes it fucking sting is that it's cruelty at the hand of a monk, of a holy man, of a holy woman, of a nun, of the abbot, it's just like that adds a level of sting. That's like, you're supposed to be the best of us. And yet because of your cowardice and because of your weakness, and because you know that you have something to cower behind, it's scary. It's untouchable power because no one would doubt the word of a holy man. No one would doubt the sanctity or the authority. It's just scary. Okay. Here's the tea at the end. That's what I was talking about. He says, wretched woman, what have you done? Past but a few years and how dreadful will be your sufferings? She says, what then will become of you? Still dare you hope for pardon? Still are you beguiled with visions of salvation? Think upon your crimes. Think upon your lust, your perjury, inhumanity, and hypocrisy. Think upon the innocent blood, which cries to the throne of God for vengeance and then hope for mercy. Then dream of heaven and sigh for worlds of light and realms of peace and pleasure. Absurd. Open your eyes, Ambrosio, and be prudent. Hell is your lot. You are doomed to eternal perdition. Not lies behind your grave, but a gulf of devouring flames. And will you then speed towards that hell? Will you clasp that perdition in your arms before it's needful? Will you plunge into those flames while you still have the power to shun them? Tis a madman's action. She's getting him. Bro. Like, you made your fucking bed. Lay in it. Oh my god. This book was fucking tea. It was so crazy. If you want a thrilling, gothic read, I would recommend it. I think I would give it like a 3.75 if Goodreads had an actual, like, accurate, great rating system. I really enjoyed it. At times, it did feel like it lulled. There are two separate stories that converge in the end in a really great way. Fucking crazy and very important in terms of literary history to have what we have now. Especially, I was just talking about Eggers and modern horror and, you know, all of these things are factors in what scares us now. That scared the fuck out of people in the 1790s because of the cultural context. What scares us now? So yeah, very, very interesting. Now I'm reading Lord of the Flies. Ooh, bitch. Ooh. I've got about 60 pages left. Lord of the Flies is crazy. It's crazy. And once I realized that they're British kids, I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Very, very crazy. Stephen King did the introduction to the edition that I'm reading and I really enjoyed what he had to say because he was like, I remember being a kid and reading books for kids and being like, this isn't accurate. You know, like, oh, everybody gets along and everybody's happy and it's all a make-believe land and, you know, everyone's safe. And he was like, when I was a kid, boys were cruel. We were fucking cruel to each other. So I want to see more of that, of like this flip-floppiness between being a young boy, you know, needing to be cared for, needing to be told when to bathe and brush your teeth and go to bed and when to eat. And then the flip side of that of like absolute rebelliousness and cruelty and, you know, make-believe and play and hee-hee-ha-ha laughter. And then going back and forth of, you know, you have to still play by society's rules, especially English society's rules. When was this? In the 30s, 40s, during wartime. Actually, I think it was published in the 50s. It was published in the 50s. So with that in mind, going into this book, I was like, damn, it kind of changed my perspective of it instead of like, oh, these boys are just, you know, it really is real of what happens in a very scary way when children are left to their own devices. When there is no mommy and daddy, there's no school teacher, there's no headmaster, you are, you want to play and you want to be an adult, then do it. And look what happens. You are ill-equipped. And I don't, it's not this like crushing of a child's spirit that excites me, but it's more so like, this is why a central theme of the book that I'm finding is this is why there are social rules. Look what happens when you don't follow the rules. It's for your own safety. It's for the good of everyone. It's for, you know, a happy, healthy society. So it's cool as a psychological experiment. I mean, there's so many benefits or not benefits, I guess, accolades to this book. There's a reason we study it in school. I never had to read it in school. I don't know why. We read The Outsiders and we read, what's the other one that's racist? Not racist, but it has racist language. To Kill a Mockingbird. We read those and we never read Lord of the Flies and I wonder why, but yeah, it's crazy to read now and to be like, there is merit. That's the word I was looking for. There's merit to the thought experiment of what if there were no guiding forces? Who emerges as a leader and why? Why do they pick that leader? And just because they pick him, does that mean he's fit to lead? And maybe does he find his voice as a leader? And is there always going to be an opposition? Is there always going to be a villain? Who's looking out for the little kids? You know, will they ever be rescued? I'm just like, bitch, gag. It's very, very good so far. Longer than I thought it would be. It's like 250 pages. So I've got about 60 left. Very excited. Yeah, that's it. I don't really have any music recommendations for y'all this week. I've been listening to classical music. I just, life's overwhelming. So I've been listening to that. Oh, I'm kind of listening to Bieber. I'm back on my Bieber shit and yeah, specifically R&B Bieber. So, okay. I love you guys. Thanks for fucking listening to me talk about nothing. I hope you enjoy your weeks. Go watch Royal Court if you want. And I encourage you to meditate. That would be my piece of advice this week is go pick up a book that you've been wanting to start for a long time. Just do it. Go to a secondhand bookstore if you want. I'd encourage you to do that. And yeah, just take a little moment to appreciate the beauties of life this week. And if you want an ad-free version of this podcast, I'm going to put it in the description. You can go to Patreon. We've got a link in the description. We've got Broski Report merch. Go to broski.shop. New stuff dropping later this year. We've got new videos on the main channel and I've got some helpful links and resources in the description if you are feeling altruistic. I love you guys. Be safe and be nice to each other and bye-bye. I'll see you next week. Bye.