119: Camp Counselor with Bert Kreischer | Soder Podcast | EP 117

Hey, everybody. Thanks for watching the podcast. I'm going to Orlando, February 13th. I'm going to Tampa, February 14th. That's Valentine's Day and then February 28th coming to Buffalo, New York. DanSoda.com for those tickets. Go get tickets now. There are seats left, but a few seats left. Also, if you live in Boston, we added a late show. Man, I'm very excited to get back on the road. So you soon, see you very soon. Thanks for following along. Even if you're hate watching this. Hey, thanks for hating. I love you too. What's crazy is out of all the Red Rock shows I've done and there have been. You did four? Four, yeah. That's fucking sick, dude. I know. Four Red Rock shows is someone that grew up in Colorado. It's fucking sick. It's the last one was my favorite because I didn't. That was this year, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was my favorite because I think I had more material prepared. Sure. And I had my hour was further along. Every other time I feel like my hour just started and I did Red Rocks. It's always at the beginning of routing. Routing always starts in September, August, September. And I'd always, because of the weather, you got to do it September, October. Yeah, I mean, because I used to go there for Easter service. Like, you could go to Red Rocks and watch the sunrise and they do Easter service. My mom was raised Catholic, so that was like her thing that she wanted to do. Hate it as a child because you have to wake up at like four in the morning. Yeah, to get to Red Rocks. To get to Red Rocks from Aurora and then sit in the freezing cold and then they're just talking about Jesus while the sun comes up and all these old people that have done drugs and thought without condoms are going like, oh, a new day rises. But little me is like, yo, this shit sucks. So going back with you. That was okay. So out of all my Red Rocks appearances, I have moments that I never forget, right? For the first one was they said, Hey, are you going to be like Sebastian? Or do you want to hang out? And I was like, what? And like Sebastian does Red Rocks and he just leaves. It like, I take a jet pack out of it. Yeah, because you either, you either get off stage, escort you to a car and you leave before the fans. Well, because the, it's one of the people that have never been to Red Rocks, Colorado, getting there is a, it's a switchback. Yeah, you guys got to keep going back and forth because you're going up a fucking small little mountain. I don't even know if you call it a mountain. And they're like, or you can stay, which is such a cool venue to hang, but you got to hang out until like one in the morning and I was like, Oh, I'm fucking hanging. And do you know who I am? Yeah. Oh, hang that night. I went out to this stage by myself. I did Red Rocks for the first time. I had a, a, a Vodka soda and a big glass and I had a joint and I just sat out there by myself on the stage and I was like, I was like, I can't believe I achieved this. Yeah. The next year was with Norman and Gillis. Yeah. And we stayed. That first one was for Jimmy Buffett. Jimmy Buffett was, and I met Jimmy Buffett, talked to Jimmy Buffett. He is a Florida guy too. Oh, 100%. Like one of my heroes, one of my heroes. I like, if you talk branding, like, like of comedy, like if, if you could give it brand to me, I would love that Jimmy Buffett brand of like beach, chill, fucking relax, fucking boats. Like that's my thing. It's not who I am really. Do you know my Jimmy Buffett story? No. I could tell it now because he's dead. There's no fucking legal thing. When I did my HBO special, I had a long joke about my dad died of alcoholism, but he was a Jimmy Buffett fan. So it was fun. That was the whole point. It was like my dad died of drinking, but he's a parrot head. So it was a fucking black. So I can't cry about it. Yeah. So I had a whole joke. And the joke was like, I had a joke about my friends losing their parents in 9/11. And like, it was a joke about Pete Davidson's dad about his dad was a firefighter. And he was like, I need to save those people. And my dad's last words were, I like man. We live in Santa America. So I did this. Siphah sounds was DJing my taping at the Bowie Ballroom. This is 2019 for my HBO special. At the end of my set, he's just fucking DJing. I didn't tell Siphah to do anything. I was like, you're one of the greatest DJs of all time. You just let it rip. He finishes the first show and he fucking hits Margaritaville as I'm going off stage. My mom, everybody that I know, but my mom, especially when I saw her, she was like, you have to close with Margaritaville. She was like, the way it hits after that joke, it's such like, it's an extra punch line. It's like the joke hits. So I was like, yeah, you're right. So I ask HBO, I was like, I would love Margaritaville. And they, is this on a special that you shot at the target arrow? No, that was comedy central. Okay. Um, this was at the one at the Bowie Ballroom for HBO. And so I ask him, I go, can you get Margaritaville? And they were like, no, it's $150,000 to license that song. And I was like, okay, we're not doing Margaritaville. I go to Nate was doing town. This is how long it was. Nate was doing town hall. The guy is one show. Yeah, Nate's doing six on the moon next month. They're cratering out the moon. So Nate can make us. I've never done it in zero gravity, but I know Cousin doesn't go well up here. So I go to town. Actually, you know, it's funny. Nate was doing to a town hall. He was doing two. Everyone else does one. Nate was doing two. And I went and I was just hanging out. Katie and I are hanging out with Nate backstage. And I tell him I get he's asking me about the HBO special because you got a lot to know. I was like, yeah, we're trying to get Jimmy Buffett Margaritaville, but cost too much. And then Nate, you know, and this I've watched it with you. When your friends get famous, they're all the sudden friends with people that you didn't think like Shane's friends with Christian McCaffrey in a way that I go, I'm nervous about this playoff game. He goes, oh, I just played checkers against him this morning while he was on the training table. And you go, that's an insane. I never thought I would even be that close. So Nate went, oh, I'm friends with Jimmy Buffett. It's like one of his best friends. Do you want me to ask him? And I was like, that would be incredible. And he's like, great. And sometimes those situations, you go, they're never going to reach back out. Nate reaches out and he's like, hey, buddy. God wants to send this guy an email and send him the clip of the joke from the special. And he's going to send it to Jimmy. And I was like, this is incredible. So I was full on book report voice. I write an email. It's like, Mr. Buffett. I've grown up hanging out in bars and listening to your Mr. Buffett. You are delicious. I would like another spoonful, please. But I wrote this like article, this, this email about how I mean my dad would listen to his music while we were going to open the liquor store that my dad worked at or when he was bartending, Jimmy Buffett was always on. And then I send the clip. And then Nate, this is how funny Nate is. Nate goes, I'm just going to send you the texts I got. And Nate sends one text. It's pretty small. And it's like, hey, man, just read this guy's email. What a beautiful story. I love this connection. He has the Jimmy through his dad. Let me ask Jimmy. Maybe there's a chance we can get this to work. And then there's a huge long text. And he goes, I just watched this bit. Absolutely not. There is no way Jimmy doesn't want to be associated with alcoholism. And I went, mother fucker, you're going to be out here selling your own fucking tequila and all this shit. And then you go, but whoa, whoa, whoa, drink responsibly. And you know, come along, dude. Yeah. I wanted him at least to go, hey, I can't, you know, but I don't want to go, oh, I have nothing to do with that. And you're like, uh, you're the pie, paper of cirrhosis. He's, he was the guy. I mean, he was the guy. He was the guy. Big J and I, or when we first started the bonfire, we went to a Huey Lewis in the news, opening for Jimmy Buffett. I'm a huge Huey Lewis in the news. Everyone should be. Everyone should be. Listen to sports, the album. Oh, listen to the American Psycho. Listen to it. I mean, front to back sports is an unbeatable album. The Rosa and I have argued against people. There's, there's so many facts about Huey Lewis that I have learned over the years that I'm not remembering. Do you know about his giant penis? There we go. Okay. Well, and I'm with Jay, the penis whisperer. Yeah. And we're at the show. And we know this. We were talked about it on the bonfire. We brought up the clip of the woman on stern saying that he had the biggest penis she had ever been with. We're on stage. We saw it through his jeans. Big J. It was like, it was like one of those things where Jay's hitting me and he goes, dude, dude, he goes left and you just see it sitting there and you're like, Daddy, can I tell you what? It made me go. I don't, no one would want to dip that big. No, no, no, no. Can we just, can we, can we take a step back and go? I want to go back to a world where Jimmy Buffett and Huey Lewis and the news were our icons. Yeah. Like his life was simpler back then. It was fun. It was like throwing sunglasses and go the weekends here. Yeah. And every uncle. Yeah. That's our holy trio. Yeah. Jimmy and Garfield. Every, it was so easy. Life was so easy back then. Yeah. And I think it's because we have too many media outlets. And I think we have too much coming at us to, and it's so much to like and then so much to hate. I was telling, um, I was telling some of the other day they're like, uh, do you think you'll ever do another, or do you think you'll do another special after this one? And I was like, I don't know. When I did secret time. Yeah. I remember, can I tell you this is how few specials there were back then? They sent me your special that you shot at the truck. Yeah. And then like so does shot his at the truck. There's only a couple places you can really shoot it. They're like, this is the stage you built out. And maybe that year there were like 75 specials released. When I released, I remember the year in 2016 when I put it out, Comedy Central put out seven specials total Netflix put out when I I did secret time, Netflix put out, I think, 40 specials. - Yeah. - 40 specials, that was a lot. - That was a lot. - That was 2018, 2018, you put out secret time. - 20, I think you filmed it, 2017. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - It truly is one of the only things I'm pretty good at. - But now you look and you go, and there's, no, I'm not saying like, like, oh, there's too many stores, whatever the mom and pop shops. I'm just saying like, there's a lot of specials coming out and it's, and I had a young comic on the bus, I was like, hey man, I'm getting my special, what advice do you have? I go, don't shoot a special. - Yeah, hold it. - Yeah, hold it, hold it. But then it get really, really good. - Yeah. - Like then it get really, really, really good. - Yeah. - Like, that's the problem. I'm gonna be very honest and say, I put out from 2018, to 2024, 25, put out like six specials. - That's fuck, that's a lot of work. - I think, I mean, I like, a secret time, razzle dazzle, hey big boy, lucky, and maybe five specials, maybe one more. But that's in less than six years. - Yeah. - And I stand by them, they're all good. - See, I would say, I regret all of two specials. - All of two specials. - Yeah, I regret doing anything except the HBO special and my YouTube one that we put out in 2024. - You those. - That's fucking phenomenal. - Thanks. - But those you both was, hang on. YouTube one was fucking phenomenal. And I would say, the reason it was phenomenal is you were on this tear where it was like, you want, I'm saying to see younger comics, you want other comics to be talking about, how good you're getting. Like that is like the thing is like, I remember hearing Ari of all people, whispering to someone about me. - Yeah. - And I remember hearing it over hearing it and going, and by the way, I think, I mean, in that group was like a wild group of comics and you're just like, no, if you're having a problem with stories, you should go to Bert, Bert is one of the best storytellers. - I've heard Ari say that directly himself. - Yeah, and so, but you want that. And if people aren't saying that about you, hold off on your special. - Yeah. - And by the way, I got to be honest with you, people have said that about me in a while. (laughing) - Well, you know what's funny about that? Is because I think we're in this different realm now, where if you aren't putting out stuff consistently, people forget about you. And what sucks about that is, it's crazy you're bringing this up 'cause I had this exact fucking feeling this morning, while I'm looking at my phone, taking a dump. And I was like, oh yeah, if you, the art of going away is gone. How excited, like when you announced, when you announced your show, I knew you were filming it 'cause we had been texting in Atlanta. So I knew what was going on. Also, you were on social media. - I was trying to get you on as the guy. - I remember. - As the guy. - Yeah. - And then we were texting about it. And then I knew you were after whatever, but then it kind of went away. The excitement I was when you were like, show's coming out and you go like, oh shit, it's so fun. I think what has happened is, behind the scenes has became front of this. Like everyone, this is a brilliant conversation. - So no, because, okay, so here's what happened. Money got in the, in the way of everything. - Sure. - So, 'cause money went directly to us now. The motherfuckers in the middle aren't holding onto it. They're not holding back. - They used to tell us when we got up, put on timeout. I remember Rogan called me. I got offered the man show. They said, hey, when you do the man show, the people that own the rights. I remember when they were rethinking about after the Stan Hope Rogan won. This was like 2015, 2016, maybe even earlier than that. And I got a call from Rogan and he goes, hey, don't do it. And I said, why? He goes, it's not gonna be good. It's not gonna be as good as Jimmy and Adam. That's the truth. And he goes, Stan Hope and I tried, and you'll get put on TV timeout. Those were his exact words. And I was like, TV timeout and he goes, I was on TV timeout for a while after that. And I was like, that's crazy. And then what happened is, I'll tell you specifically from my perspective, I did travel channel for all this time. I got maybe $7,000 an episode and I think, I don't remember really. I never paid attention to money that way, but I'm making good money. - Yeah. - I had a travel for two weeks to make $14,000 to do two episodes. My first ad sales moment, I had $1,500 a read and I did five reads. And I remember doing the five reads, putting them in the episode I edited, I put it in and in all my time, I went, wait, I just sat with a friend with Joey Diaz and I just made more money that I'm making on travel channel 'cause I'm not paying agents, managers and then all of a sudden, the money numbers came into me and I went, whoa. Now here's where it gets complicated. In order to do ad sales, you have to commit to every single week. You have to do an episode every week. That's how buyers buy. - And they also buy it and they throw that number at you. - And this is behind this is podcasting. You'll see where they go. We need 54 episodes and you go, oh, it looks, it's a lot. - It's a lot. - 'Cause you go those, that's weeks. Those are weeks now, granted it's, you're hanging out with your friend and you're filming it. But when people wonder why shit's getting stale right now. - It's because we are forced to put out something every week. And if you're like me and you're a fucking idiot and you decided to have three podcasts, you're like, I got a cooking show, a broadcast, and two bears. But all of a sudden, by the time I get to Tommy, I'm like, did I tell you about, and you're like, what the fuck am I talking about? - I forget, and then he goes, you told me that story an hour ago and you go, my brain's fucking fried. - And then you have to say, and you have to say, and I know everyone goes, the big thing you hear is people go, how much money do you need? - Yeah. - Well then you really have to ask yourself, how much money do I need and do I want this podcast to be good? Or do I want to make money off of it? - Yeah. - And then that's the same thing. And by the way, I don't want to ever sound like the guy. I never want to talk negative about comedy in general or anything going on in comedy, 'cause you forget how quickly those are your friends doing it. You know, like I said something shitty about political comedy, guys doing politics, comedy, or whatever. And then I see Steve Bern doing great political comedy, and I'm like, oh, never mind. Why would I say that loud, right? - Well, it's also like, I've shit on crowd work. - Okay, let's talk about crowd work. - But then I watch Big J's specials. - Amazing. - And I go, oh, he-- - Steve, amazing. - Yeah. - Or Norman, amazing. Sam Rell, amazing. Nate Jackson, fucking incredible. And then-- - There are people that are just like the way Steve does it, you go, oh, this is fun. I don't do that, I can't do that. And that's okay. I think there's also, I think what happened when all the money came in is we all got mushed into the same ball. And so now you go, I'm competing with this guy. When you know you don't do the same thing as him. So it drives you crazy. - Oh, yeah. And what happened with the crowd work kids is, and I just clumped them all in together, is 'cause there's a ton. And they're just trying-- - We hear her licking her ass. Sorry, I had to hit my dog. - Katie saw it. - Yeah, she's like, someone's gotta do it. - What happened is they're in this race to put out a clip of day. - That's where I think where we're starting to see the burnout is I, I'm one of the only people that'll say COVID probably saved me because I was burning out. I watched you hit the brakes in a way. In the past couple of years where I go, smart, he's doing it. - Leanne made me take a year and a half off of standup. It took one, because here's the deal. And this is really inside baseball. You can watch the structure of my specials and see that the structure, while it be at the stories different, the structure is somewhat similar in that. I got a crazy eye on the story. I got a sex story about Leanne. I got a black guy interaction. It's my thing, you know? - When it happens in real life, you go, I just got my black guy interaction. - Black guy goes, oh, I have a black guy interaction right now. - I have so many that are so fucking good that I might call this next special black guy. - Please call a black guy interaction, BGI. - But I took a year and a half off standup because I felt like as I was doing lucky, thank God, I did six shows, because had I done-- - I remember that when you filmed it, that was when you filmed it in Tampa. - Yeah, yeah. - Had I done four shows, it would have been the same as all my specials. - Sure. - But I did six shows and the last two shows, I changed it up, I told the story about putting down Priscilla, which I never was gonna tell. - Yeah, which is a great story. - And I was on the road with you for fully loaded, and you were thinking about doing that. That was like way before you filmed the special, and I remember you had like trepidation of like, it's a fucking sad ass story. And you're like, yeah, but that's a good thing about storytellers is they can pull you down and then bring you back up. - Yeah, well, when I look at like taking time off and thank God, I didn't do it for standup, I did it a little bit for standup, but I did it 'cause of girls with college, and Leanne and I needed to hang out together, we'd never lived in the same house together like, just us. - Yeah. - And I remember talking to Rogan about it and being like, I'm like, I feel like I need a reset. Dude, thank God I did that because I'm looking at this new hour going like, and I got the opportunity, and I think this, I think you can do too many things at one time. - Yeah, that's, do you remember my brain during fully loaded when I'm like promoting, trying to check ticket sales? I remember, I remember all coming in. I got, first rule, when I remember specifically is before you guys launched Porosos. - Oh my gosh. - I remember waking up on the tour bus, and we had been up to like three, smoking weed, watching YouTube videos. Me and Jay were showing you butterscotch swirl. We were showing you all our favorite videos. We were watching the live feed of Kensington and Philly. We were watching like people legitimately, you were DMing a trap wrapper about where you were, yo dude, I'm fire watching you in the channel. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jay's daughter, when we told Isabella that, she was like, yo, he's like an actual drug dealer, and then Bert does. [BLANK_AUDIO] I deleted all those deals, because I don't know how to do it. But I woke up to piss on the tour bus and you had your readers on going over like fucking graphs and shit on the phone with Tom, you were going like, all right, well, and then I was like, I remember grabbing, it was one of those things where you're like, I'm not hungover 'cause I don't drink anymore, but I was like weed hungover. I was like a little confused. And I remember popping a zero sugar A and W and going, what are you doing? And you're like, I'm in the middle of a business meeting. And I drank the A and W just went back to the bed. I was like, this is fucking crazy. - You can do too many things. - Yeah, you were a guy where when I came home, I went, I'm very lazy. - Oh, but I'm lazy too. I think I just got to the opportunity where, I got to the place where opportunity was there and I seized it as much as I could. And I was like, anything, it looked, I'll stay awake, I'll push, I'll push. And the first canary in the mine was broadcast. It was like, I started noticing that like views were down and I was like, and I wasn't really that into it. And I was like, and I was only into it if a band showed up. And like everyone else, I would be like, like I did the one, I mean, like you're pretty important in my life in that I, the one I did with you when I came in and I was like, I'm not drinking, but I'll drink if you're gonna smoke. Maybe I'll smoke. You're like, hey, maybe just smoke and see if you, like know that you can drink if you want, but just smoke and see if you can smoke. - I thought it was hell. - And then we had the one of the best podcasts, but that's where my head was with that. And then I started looking at everything going, so I need to take time off from standup, I need to take off. And then especially if you're gonna do a TV show, I was like, I need to take time off entirely and just focus on this TV show if I want it to be good. - And I think you don't realize, and this is for people in the business or it's anybody that likes comedy, I don't think you realize other guys are doing that. They're just not saying they're doing that. 'Cause I didn't know, you know, I would, I went down to, when Shane was doing season two of tires, Katie and I would take the dog down there to his farmhouse or whatever. And he'd be like, I'm just doing this. And I was like, good. 'Cause you, I think sometimes your friends can be strong out and you don't know they're strong out. You think they're just working really hard. You go, oh shit, but I remember before COVID, doing billions bonfire standup, it was just, you're going, it's, I loved it. I loved doing all of it. I mean, I loved the bonfire to call it a job is unfair. It wasn't a job. I'd hang out with one of the finest human beings I've ever walked to plant it. Billions was such a cool thing at first that felt like a job by season seven that I went, I got to step away from this. And standup, so the reason that I think my YouTube special was so good was 'cause I shut everything down and then I'm just going to do standup. - But that was the word on the street. Like everyone was like, do you see any standup? And then everyone, that's the thing is like, I remember Joe telling me one time, we were back, it was just like, it got to be like 2016, '17, 2016, '17. And he was like, you need an Netflix special. I was like, that's not how that works. (laughing) Okay, I should also be good at Brazilian jiu-jitsu. There's like, I bow hunting with my eyes. - That was in the same conversation by the way. He's like, you have a problem with the conversation, you need to be in a jiu-jitsu. I was like, okay, okay. He really does feel like, your uncle that comes in and checks you on shit, we go. I don't know, I'm afraid to do that. He goes, then get over it, do the fear. I'm terrified to tell him about my blood clots because I know, I know Joe so well. And he's gonna go from fun Joe to serious Joe. I'll be like, hold on. How much testosterone do you get vaccinated? How many times do you have COVID? Like, there's a list of things that you have reasons for blood clots. - More than your doctor. My doctor doesn't even have a question here of this big. He's like a big brother that really gives a fuck about you. - Would you, when you found out about the blood clots? Is that a moment where you go, what exactly caused it? Because whenever I have a health problem, I immediately go, I don't wanna change my life. What caused this? - No, so, so, okay. I'm gonna take it one step backwards to get there. - Sure. - So there's obviously my lifestyles at a control. - I don't think people, listen. You can follow Bert on social media. You can go to his shows. You can fucking meet the man a couple times. You have no fucking clue how this guy lives. It is impressive and to the point where you go, I think I have low T. I think, I do, I think I have energy zapping where I'm not getting done because Brendan Sagalos is about to go on the road with you. And he's on the road with me and I love him to death. And I go, you're gonna do stuff with Bert. And he goes, what do you mean? I go, you do stuff. With me, we wake up, we get a coffee, we smoke a joint, we walk around the town, and then I see you at the show. Bert, you're gonna race cars. This is how I described Bert on the tour and I meant this. You are, if the little boy from blank check grew up. You are, someone gave you a blank check and they're like, go nuts. And you're like, we're gonna rent go carts today. We would wake up on the bus and you go, we got a whole amusement park for us. And you're like, what the fuck is this? - We took in finance. We were in Utah and I was like, hey, get up. And Ian's like, why? And I go, we're going VR flight shooting. It was so amazing. - Insane. - You put on the VR goggles, headsets, and you put on a flight suit, like a squirrel suit, and you jump out of the back of a plane and you fly, they have a fan. I mean, when they open the door of the plane, cold air hits your face and you're like, oh, and they're like, scoot over to the edge! And it is so real. - You've done skydiving. - Yeah. - It's so fun. - Oh. - You didn't like it? - It's the, I'm afraid of flying. - Are you really? - It is so terrifying. - That's where the globs came from, the fucking planes knew. - Plains, well, okay, so good to go back. - All right. - So I never wanted to fly that side. - You're the person I want to talk skydiving with. - I only think the people that enjoy skydiving and the people that really hate flying and are afraid of skydiving. - Oh, I think it's, I have streaks of suicidal tendencies. So when I was skydiving, I went, if this is it, this is it. Okay. So that's where I went. - All right. I'm gonna go splat. - That moment. So if you're a control freak, right? - Yeah. - And you don't want to go skydiving. You're listening to this. Or your wife is. That's who needs to go skydiving. Because there is an epiphanist moment when you're screaming at the earth at what 9.8 feet per second. - Yeah. - And. - Per second per second. And you realize the dice have been rolled. - Yeah. - Like you can't take a medication. You can't stop drinking. You can't. Ooh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm gonna change my lifestyle. No, no, no, no, no. You're either gonna live it or gonna die. And you can't pick which one it is. And you have to face that. - Yeah. - You have to go like, either fall apart or you let go. And in that moment I let go. I went, I went. This is life, man. - And you're just flying through. I will, you know what I'm not proud of. My two moments facing death, I got bitchy. I got like, when I got robbed at gunpoint, and the guy had me hog tied. And he had, and he was like, literally putting the gun in my face. I got to the point where I was like, okay, like that kind of bitchy. And when I went skydiving, the guy fucked my harness up and pulled it too tight on my leg. So when he pulled the shoot, I went, it's too tight. And the harness, like he's gonna change the harness while we're flying through the air. So two times I almost died. I'm like, can you help me him down a little? And that's where I'm like, if I'm almost dying, I'm gonna be kind of bitchy, I think. I'm gonna be like, hmm, fine. Blood clots. Cause I want to- Oh, so, okay. So I'm afraid of death. I'm afraid of death, but more importantly, I'm afraid of being the cause of my own death. Like, that's why I kind of measure my lifestyle, and I work out as hard as I do when I go to doctors. Do you have an ultimate way you would like to die? Uh, what? You're not in your bed? Rescue him, kids. That is a good one. Yeah. Fightin' off an animal. Like, I'm on a path, and there's a bunch of kindergartners, and I'm walkin' past some of the bears chasing them. That's good. And I go, you guys run. I'll take care of the bear. I'm filming it. I need a film. Yeah. I need that guy. Cause I'm selling merch on my deathbed. I need somebody. I got the mic on. Hey, don't talk to me. I got a mic on right now. I can't, like, like, so I've always been cognizant of, like, my fears that you're gonna go, you're liver failed. And then, and then everyone goes, well, you saw that coming, you know, there's no empathy for your death. That's how my dad died. Yeah. My dad died in a way where my mom would, could have called that, you're like, don't have your bitch ex-wife. Yeah. Your bitch ex-wife saying to her boyfriend, I can't hold you. Or the people that hate you going like, no, we saw that coming, fucking typical. Called it. Called it. It's like sports. That's like the worst part of sports is when your team loses in a bad way. And then one of the talking heads goes, I knew they were gonna do that. And you go, fuck you. It still hurts. I have a fear of death, but I just, I've realized one day that my death is going to be hard on my girls. It's going to be really hard on them because as a comic, everyone's going to make fun of it for like a week. So for my girls, they're going to have to literally disappear for like a month from society. Especially how you die. Yeah. How I die. And so if I die rescuing kids, then they're like, dad went out, no, no, but if I go, we got to do the, the Burt Christchurch benefit. And then I got to meet all the parents of the kids you saved. One kid with scars and no eye anymore and I go, I know, Burt got and he goes, Burt saved my life. And I go, oh my god, and I got to shake their weird hand. That was, that was bit off by a bear and I got to go, it was so, I'm so, he was a good guy. I got to say that to all the people you saved and he was a good man. You, thank you. He was good. You just want to be remembered fondly and you want people to miss you. Like, I, I'll tell you this, it breaks my heart that, um, This is gonna come out weird but like no one really brings up Ralphie anymore and like probably sucks because Ralphie was the fucking man He was and he was such a great comic and such a generous guy Yeah, like I mean I gotta be honest with you, and I don't know if this real or not. Sometimes I talk out of my ass Sure check out my club Shasha interview where I call Kevin Hartlucky Did you hear from him? No, you didn't hear from him. I'm gonna hear from him soon. I Just heard like I'm Kevin Hartlucky. I'm listen greedy is one thing. No hold on Lucky is not you ready? Yeah, okay. I've been saying this for a long time sure I know there's gonna get clipped out by the fucking miserable people online I'm gonna This is podcast consent. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna leave it in. Oh, I'm gonna get fucked Is as it club Shasha came out they came out though came out today or tomorrow. No, maybe the day. So anyway Don't you have anticipation? Oh, I'm terrified. I think up in your body. I didn't come out. He just gave me a second He said to me goes, he's doing a great interview with such great interview. Tell me about your dad This night and then I'm like I'm killing it. Well Smith. I tell my well-spin story I'm like fucking murdering and then he's like you think Kevin Hartlucky and I was like and I know what I said And I said it nine years ago on a podcast and it's just lived and but it's okay Kevin Hart it was a period of time where Kevin Hart said I'm the hardest work in Manning comedy and it's time where we're all working really hard And no one seems to be succeeding and I was I read that I read that as a as a like I do we're all bust in our ass It's like to acknowledge your luck and I said that casually and an agent goes you know what Kevin Hartlucky is right? I went no and they go hold on you didn't know about Kevin Hart's story and I was like no and Like he's great and he's talented, but he was put on movie time out after a soul plane and I was like What and they go that was his movie and I was like really and they go? Yes, soul plane was Kevin Hart's movie. Yeah, and it didn't perform well So we got put on movie time out. He wasn't gonna make a movie for like another 10 years And then they hired cat Williams for fool's gold which shall be a later and they go with Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson and they all cast all cat. Nope. All cast costumes bought wardrobe bought everything's bought Cat Williams packs a gun in his suitcase to shoot their location. What a badass gets arrested. I didn't know I was supposed to check it Pimpin. I thought it was a carry on that's so funny that he's just like Remind me Pimpin this gun's going carry on or do they go in check in? I've been slapping these holes all day. Him not knowing a luggage is so funny to me So he's put a gun in his bag. Yeah, he could get the rest Yeah, and the worst toy place can't go the gun in the bag. It's absolutely airport production sitting in Bremuda And they're like we need something small and black. What can we get within the week and they're like Kevin Hart? I could fit these suits. Yes, who can fit these colorful suits? That's why him and cat Williams hate each other Really? That's what I've been told now. That's all here so white guys on a couch in New York. That's what I've been told And so I said that nine years ago. Sure, and then Shannon Sharpe brings it up and now I know what I said I can't go back on what I said I'm gonna never said that What are you raising? Yeah, then except comes out like all right. I said it So I stood by and I say every comic every I want to I then get behind I go every comic has one lucky moment in life It changes our life for me the machine story goes viral and the girl writes the first comment I was in this Russian class the stories 100% true. I was on this trip. He fucking robbed us that's mine Jim Jeffery He gets punched in the head of the comedy store in London He breathes it happens to be his manager who knows how you my space works Takes the steals the footage from the security cam posted on my space fucking viral bill burr He's the Philly fucking rant now. I'm that done. I'm still selling merch Joe Rogan. Yeah, Carlos. Let's see. Yeah fucking that's what I'm talking about Every comics got that fucking moment. I said to Tommy. I go what was yours and he goes Comedy Central past on my hour. I said what he was coming central past on my hour. What's it Netflix? Netflix bill burr Was the only comic on Netflix if they said do you like bill burr? Which a lot of people do. Yeah, you may like Tom Segera. Holy shit. So like there's these every comic has the luck It is and if you don't acknowledge your luck or that your luck hasn't happened yet I mean my my luck absolutely was doing an open mic in New York City with a writer who was just a writer thought He was just like a regular guy turns out. He was the writer of rounders Brian compliment and then he puts me in billions and you're like oh shit Yeah, just I know you know, I wanted to get comics involved and you're like oh fuck I wouldn't think this guy that I just met I thought he's just a regular dude and he's like no how fucking I'm a Pretty big screenwriter and you're like fuck just sit to sit at the mountaintop and go like I deserve this is Responsible well, it's it's it's it's almost like an NFL player going to every play went exactly the way I wanted it to He goes sometimes the the ball bounces off your hands and you fucking catch it So Shannon Sharp brings this up. I say it and then I'm like and then it's second I walk out of the interview I'm like this gonna be a long fucking month and I go and but but but you know, here's a deal Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe that never happened. I think it's a good point I think it's a very good point. Yes, and I think what it does is it's important for people who are successful to Show humility so that they don't think they're bigger than their success listen It doesn't mean that Kevin Hart isn't a hard worker that doesn't mean I mean I almost wish he would stop working So then I could like him again because I don't need to see him in royal kingdom ads I don't need to see him in every fucking ad possible. I think he is so charming now granted I have different feelings because I love big J and I feel like he could have been a better friend a big J Yeah, so it's a personal thing but do you know my shit in Sharp story about when I got high when I was a teenager and he caught me so Mike McDaniel the now unemployed coach. He'll land somewhere and you know fucking win a Super Bowl He was at Yale. He was going to Yale. I was at the University of Arizona Came home from Alaska. It was like I was about to go back down to Arizona I was about to drive back down there and McDaniel's stepdad worked for the Broncos, you know McDaniel and Kyle Shanahan at the time Kyle Shanahan played receiver at Texas. Was there a Shanahan on it in the analyst Mike Shanahan. Okay, okay Same name not really keep going. I'm sorry. So Kyle Shanahan at the time Mike Shanahan's coach in the Broncos Kyle Shanahan and Mike McDaniel are going up to Greeley. This is where their training camp was To work out with the strength and conditioning coach before they both individually go back to their own colleges Texas and Yale So McDaniel's like well, I'm gonna go up to Greeley and work out with Kyle Shanahan Do you want to come up and watch the Broncos practice? Which is like if you get any access to the NFL team? Yeah, I'm a 49er fan. I didn't give a shit. I made people that don't aren't interested in football Catherine Blanford. I go we're going to see the Seahawks. She goes. I don't really care. I go come out It's phony DK Matt DK Matt Kavel hit on you. He did he did Yeah, and then she caught a punt and it hit her in the tit and it went viral. That's great Catherine Blanford is Go she's hilarious. She punched Kyle in the stomach. I saw that I saw it and by the way We're Kyle tried to jump with it and then Catherine still fucking buried it I was like that's a Southern woman. That's a Southern woman will follow through my favorite is in the slow motion You can see her go from smiling to And when she leans in watching him try watching Kyle try to push back and her pushing so This might have been between senior and freshman year of college, but I was friends with At the time there was a special teams coach for the Broncos and his son Derek had moved from Decatur, Georgia to Aurora, Colorado to order Colorado So he was hanging out with Mike and us our friend group and he had a thick ass Southern accent black dude with a thick Atlanta accent and we were at another high school's house party remember when you go to another high school's house party Oh, yeah, the feeling of like an away game. Oh, yeah, where you're like shit's gonna pop off. That's oh you were never comfortable never comfortable back against the refrigerator in the kitchen Go I don't know anything like a guy used to play football with me go. Hey, you go to school here So it wasn't between my senior senior high school freshman year college That's such a specific feeling. Yeah, then everyone can identify. Oh, yeah, I know that feeling. Yeah, where you just like so we're just I remember like the first time You put your dick in a vagina without a comment. Oh, you're like, oh, this is amazing. So this is why so many men getting trouble Remember the first time this might we might have to come but I remember the first time nothing in a woman Like but I mean like without a condom and it's cool. Where you go like go ahead and then you go I remember just eating I went to a diner after and I was with her And we're I was just smiling and she was and I was like what a feeling Sponge yeah on the sponge mind. Yeah, it was yeah. Oh, yeah, mine was a I was like why don't we get more of these control stop making the sponge And I had to stop nutting in her sponge worthy, dude. That was the whole sign fell episode Is he sponge really you ever see that episode where Elaine is their limited amount of sponges and she's dating and she goes This guy's sponge that was real. Yeah, that was real. They stopped making a sponge. Yeah, and get sponges and talasis So sign felt that a whole episode where Elaine was choosing which guys were sponge worthy. Oh shut the fuck up might have jerked off to it Once I found out it meant Elaine was getting busted up inside of Yeah, dude just get busted up in and I'm like oh Elaine fucking Elaine's a little cream field fucking joy Dude I had oh you can totally blow loads in Elaine. Oh my god. She's she's my number one wait Elaine Venice is my number one. Oh, yeah, she could of all time. Later, season Julia Louis-Dreyfus is one of the hottest women of all time. -She's sexy. -You cannot convince me otherwise. Even the bad dancing, I was just like, so when I found that sponge thing out, it was like, "Oh my gosh, that's fucking dope." -He's jerking off and that was so hot. -That's so hot. -A lane's getting it. So Derek, I don't want to give away his last name because he's an adult man now, but Derek had to stick ass decade or accident. We're at another high school party. His dad was the special teams coordinator on both Super Bowl teams, so you can look it up. You can put it together. But he wore his dad's Super Bowl ring out. He just had the 98th Super Bowl ring out, and this is in 2001, and we're at a house party, and you just hear him over the music go. You think I'm going to smack you and yo head with my Super Bowl ring? That's what I had. And I looked over and he was talking shit to this kid from another high school, and I was like, "Derek, you're going to cause a fucking melee in here, but Derek was the man, and he and I would smoke weed together. We'd always get high." So, McDaniel's like, "I'm going to go up to train camp. You want to go?" And I was like, "Yeah." And Derek, he's like, "Derek's going to come too." And Derek's like, "Soter, why don't you drive? We'll smoke blunts on the drive up there. Mike's got to go train, so he can't get high. Why don't me and you drive up there and we'll fucking smoke blunts?" And I was like, "It's like a 90 minute drive. You're like beautiful. So driving up there, listening to fucking like backbone, listening to like Atlanta, Southern shit, you know, listening to do or die and shit. So we're getting high. To our tie. Yeah. "Do you want to ride?" And we're fucking smoking. And we get there, and I am like, for white people that have never smoked with black people, they get. That should be the opening of a novel. Yeah. Like, that's good. It's as good as the opening of Great Gatsby. Yeah. On my 30th birthday, I knew I had to stop lying to myself. If you've never, I would say the way white people drink, sometimes black people can't hang with the way we drink. Yes. Smoking weed, we can't hang. They call it white chick wasted. White chick wasted. Black dudes will go, I'm getting white chick wasted. Get black dude high. Oh my god. Because you fucking good luck. And I'm a seasoned vet. I'm a lifer. And there's been times with my friend Joe up in the Bronx. And this time with Derek, I was far too high. Because we we smoked a little and then we parked and smoked like two blunts. He goes, you know how black dudes call their dead daddies? Yeah. They call their their dad daddy. It's always weird to me. Because also I didn't have a father. Leanne does it. And it might be a Southern thing. And Leanne does it. She goes, "Daddy, Daddy's going to sleep up." And they don't say it like daddy. They go like my daddy. They go daddy. So he goes, Derek goes, "I got to go drop my bag off of my daddy's room. I'm staying up here." So he wasn't going to drive back with me. And I was like, "Yeah, sure whatever man." And they're staying at the dorms at the University of Northern Colorado dorms, where the where their training camp was. So I'm like, "Yeah, whatever. I'm so high that walking is a problem for me where I go. I'm just following you. We go into the dorms. Derek drops his bag off. I'm not even thinking about it. We get on the elevator. The elevator goes down. A level opens up Brian Greacy, Rod Smith, Shannon Sharp. And I think Howard Griffin all get on the elevator. So four starters on the Broncos. Get in. Jesus. I'm high as fuck. Shannon Sharp is a very large man. Very large man. And he stands directly next to me. Derek is on my right. Shannon Sharp is on my left. And I'm very high. And Shannon Sharp looks over at Derek. And he goes, "Derek, I know what you've been doing. I ain't going to tell you, Daddy." That's all he says. And I went, and that fucking elevator ride. I was like, "Shut your short nose, I'm fucking stoned." And his mouth was right here. So I washed him go, "I ain't going to tell you, Daddy." Like that. And I was like, "Oh." And then I'm like, we get off the elevator. I'm like, "Derek, are you in trouble? Are we at?" Because this is like, we'd still a truck. It's not a truck. It's still a truck. And so we were like, I'm like, "Derek, are we fucking in trouble?" He's like, "No, man, Shannon, cool sail. He ain't going to say shit." And then we're just chilling. And then he goes, "Come on, let's go out to practice." And we just walk through the locker room. So there's just Al Wilson, Buckass naked, DJ Williams is like getting dressed. All these guys that you're like, all star, all star, all star. Shannon Sharp is getting ready for practice. His locker is open. And Derek's friends with him. So Derek comes over and he goes, "What's up, Shannon?" And he goes, "Oh, this one, I'm Jake up the jeweler watches. Remember those with the face where they had the yellow red and blue?" And Derek goes, "Can I put that on?" And Shannon, or how is fuck? Shannon goes, "Yeah, put it on, Derek." And Derek's like, "Damn, it's nice." And then Shannon goes, "Have you little white friend put it on?" Like that. And I put it on, and I have skinny wrists. And it's just sliding. But I, for a moment, lost myself in the moment. And I was going like, "I was doing the P.D. in Maze from MoVonnie Mo Bravo." And then I looked at his Shannon Sharp's like, "What the fuck?" And I go, "This is very nice." And then I went outside to watch practice. But that was the most, I was like, "The most awkward high I've ever been." And be like, "She's in a sharp fucking nose. I'm ripped." But he's cool as shit. He's cool as shit. I've loved Shannon Sharp ever since. And then he went to the Ravens. He was the fucking name. He's one of the, it was one of the, it was one interview I've been wanting to do. This is an interview I've been wanting to do. Your show's murdering, right? I mean, just, I don't know. I wonder what the sweet sauce and podcasting is. And I. You know what I think it is? Is I think it's being excited about it? Being genuine. Like I only have people on my podcast that I want to talk to. I'm doing that. So with "Burtcast," I denied ad sales this year. That's fucking big. That's what we did for the first six months. I can only speak for myself right now. We did that first for the first six months. I went, I'm not taking ads. I'm just going to do a podcast. I'm having my friends on or whatever. And then you, it's truly is the thing. It's all come back down to middle school and getting girls. If you don't want them, they want you. If you go, I don't want it. They go, "But why?" I got, I got really lucky in a couple of people that I got on early in their careers in music that went on to be a little bigger. Marcus King, Red Clay Shrae's. A couple, yeah. I have fucking jelly rolls. Steven Wilson Jr. Steven Wilson Jr. is the fucking man. Everyone needs to listen to Steven Wilson Jr. That song Gary, if you have a problem with your father, go listen to Steven Wilson Jr. Goose. I remember that. A few bands that I really liked. And then some more legacy acts, like Warren Haynes and Warren Haynes is the fucking man. And everyone should watch the Opian Anthony where he plays the guitar and Patrice Singh's. It's so good. Yeah, it's really fun. And so I, and when I went to Nashville, I did. He's in government mule. Yeah. Yeah, he is government mule. Yeah, yeah, they're fucking so. When I went to Nashville, I had a bunch of publicists coming up to me going, "How do we get, duh, duh, duh." Like, how do we get? The first one that came up, they were like, "Hey, how do we get Luke Bryan on new show?" And I was, I'm a big, Luke Bryan fan. Sure. And I was like, "Are you serious?" And they're like, "Yeah, yeah. We'd love to get him on your show." And I was like, "Great." So at that moment, I was with Leanne. And I said, you know, "I love having comics on my show." And I'd have comics like you or Jair, people like Legion of Skanks guys. Short hand words. Yeah, that it's not an interview. But like, I don't want to try to break young comics anymore. Sure. There was a period. I know that no one really probably sees us this way. And maybe I'm imagining it. But there was a period where I was having young comics come on. And it was fun. Like Mark Norman, he was like, "I'm really bad at podcasting." This is like 2015. You had me on in the old man cave because Ari was like, "Yeah, Bertel have you on." And I was like, "Oh, fuck." I was promoting my comedy central special. And fuck LA was like the moon. It was when LA was hot. I mean, I remember Tim, Tim, why am I promoting? Tim Dylan. Tim Dylan. I mean, like, having Andrew Schultz, I hate him Schultz on, like when he was young, he'd, I don't think he'd even started his podcast. No, yeah. Yeah. I don't know how old his podcast is, but yeah. I mean, I don't think, I don't maybe feel like, I mean, he's, he doesn't seem like a guy that was late to the game on anything. No, he's always been ahead of the career. But at the time, you'd have them on. And then you didn't know that I know Andrew Schultz. And I remember, he talked while he was like, I was like, "So what's like, what's your five-year goal?" And he goes, "Be the goat." I mean, he said the specific to me. And I was like, so weird at the time. I was like, whoa, we don't say that out loud. Yeah, it was so funny about that is seeing someone's success like that. You go, "Oh, yeah, they've always had that focus." And also he's like, "Burr, Shapel, I'm coming after them." And I remember going like, "Hey, do you want me to hit that out?" And he was like, "No, that's my goal." And I was like, I was like, "Wow." And then you watch his success. And you're like, that makes sense. Those days, sadly, are a thing of the past where you're going to find a Tim Dylan or a Shane Gillis, or a Mark Norman, or a you, or a Big J, or a Lewis, or like, and have them all. And it'd be gold. And then, say to your friends, "Yo, you've got to get this guy on." And then those, and now it's like, it just feels like, and also I wasn't successful. So it was a real genuine conversation. Now when you bring somebody to that house, I have that house, and people are like, "You feel like an interview? It feels like a job interview?" A little bit, a little bit people come in, the first thing they're like, "How did you get this?" And then the interviews have flipped a little bit worth younger comics where they're like, so when you promote it, and so it became less of a hang and more of like a, more of like a weird thing. I bet, I'm going to be honest right now, I bet there's a lot of podcast fans that feel less crazy hearing you say that, because I think as podcasts have become as commodified as they have. Yeah. I think fans are going, "Why does it feel different?" - It feels different to me. - And you have to be honest. This is a business of like, if you're dishonest, your shit will blow up in your face. 'Cause people are waiting to do the video where they go, this isn't who he really is. - Yeah, it bursts chains. And you're like, "No, I know I have." But like, also I'm trying to say the same, but it's like, things have changed around me. - Yeah. - And so, and so. - You're also a force. Like, you're unlike a lot of people that I know. You're just like a fucking avalanche. Like, you, the way you hit and the way that you, I would say something that you don't get complimented on is, you do a great job of making the situation yours in a way that feels like. Like, I think about you, when I knew we were doing this podcast, I was like, "What would Bert do if he wasn't a comedian?" And it would be easily be the greatest camp counselor of all time. You would, you're the guy. - I, listen, and we can edit this out if this becomes a real thing. I would 100% write a movie about you going to, like, gay conversion camp and becoming their fun counselor where it just becomes a scene. Where you, like, break these kids out or like, you're a camp counselor and you break the gay conversion kids out and they're just like, "Yeah!" And like, you just banging a drum. Remember those fun '90s comedies where they were like-- - Yes. - My people can't know where, all this shit where you were like, it, I think we need to return to summer camps. We need to return to like, kids in canoes and fucking chicken fighting in the water and getting poisoned. I, you gotta return to kids. - I have, I have a thing about me that is like, I like being a Pied Piper. I like being in charge. I like, not in charge, but I like, I like, I like being the momentum. - Sure. - I'll give you a, this is a great buying compliment story and Brian, obviously everyone's truth is whatever truth. Yeah, I can slide into my DMs and read them aloud, but Brian compliment after I did the machine wrote me a part in Billions. - Oh my God. - He wrote me a part for me. - Yeah. - And he DMed me and he goes, "Yo, I wrote a part for you in Billions." I think it was about a guy that was like a CEO that he cheeseburgers or something. - Yeah. - And then he was like, and I wrote back, "I'm gonna pass." And he went, "You haven't read it." - Yeah. - And he's like, "Hold on." And he wrote back like, "This isn't how that works. If someone writes something for you." - You do it. - And I said, "You know, I think I'd be bad at this because I like to be the star of the thing so that I can go into everyone's dressing room and I can change the energy." - Sure. - And I can dictate the fun energy. Like when we did FreeBurt, every Friday, every Friday we worked all week, every Friday I would plan an event to make the crew lose their mind. So one time I bought 700 crystal burgers. - Great. - And so I was like, I bought so many crystal burgers that when they went to pick 'em up, crystals had chains on the door 'cause they were still making burgers and they couldn't allow anyone in. - Do you know, do you ever think about the causality of like what a great gift for the crew and then you think about the fried cook that's down there and he's just like covered in sweat and he's like, "How many more?" And they're like, "You're at 423." And he's like, "Oh, we gotta get to 700?" And they go, "Yeah." And we're also only paying you seven, 25 an hour. And he's like, "Aah!" - 400 cheeseburgers are McDonald's. - Oh my gosh. - 700 crystal burgers. I get fucking 20 pizzas at the end of every Friday. I just order like 20 pizzas from one place, 20 pizzas from another place. But I love that energy. When I was doing the movie in Serbia, I said, money was so cheap there that I was like, "Yo, what would it cost to have my house cater?" I like a four story house. I go on a catered and I want a sommelier to come out with all their own wines. I want to buy all their wines for the whole crew and cast, or the whole cast, which was like, you know, 20 of us, and they're like $400 and I go, "All right, I'll do it." I go and get a DJ. And so in my house, I have-- - Because that is the chef as well, in Serbia. - Yeah, he also is a cobbler. - And by the way, he shouldn't fit. - The DJ came and he was like, "This can also be a karaoke, huh?" - Yes, I also, you want girls? - Yeah, you go, no, you keep those. - But like that, taking what you, you know, that energy is what-- The only reason I do a movie or TV show, I like acting, I like writing, I like making a project, but that energy of like this nuclear family, this camp energy is what I enjoy, and I like being the pie-piper of the camp. I don't know, it's like being on tour when we did fully loaded. - That was-- - I love that energy of going, I remember sitting down with all of us we're sitting at this table in Boise, Idaho, and it's the funniest human beings alive. It is the funniest human beings alive at a table with my daughter, Georgia, and we're busting balls. Jay, someone sat in a chair and it broke, and Jay went off on this soliloquy about how only fat guys intimately know the feeling of what that laughter, that fake laughter you're doing is. - Can I-- - And it was so good. - Can I tell you one of my favorite moments I've witnessed in comedy was at Skankfest watching Jay Tape Dog Belly, and it was the second taping, and second taping, Jay knew they had it. They're filming it. This fat guy broke a chair, and Big Jay, in the middle of set goes, "Why are you sitting on the ground?" And the guy goes, "The chair broke." And he goes, "You're living my nightmare right now." And he just called it out and it's such a perfect big Jay way. - Yes. - That you're like, "It was so fun." - And I was like, "Hidden by where the camera is." - It's so vulnerable. - I was laughing. - He did that at the fucking breakfast table. In this vulnerable call out, and it was brilliant, right? We're all laughing. I want to say, "Stavvy, Mark Norman, Big Jay." - That fucking, Santino. - I did one week of that tour, and that was the Ralph Barbosis, and Tino. - Barboso, Santino. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I know what you're saying. - That was the gorge. - Yeah, the yeah, and Georgia's sitting at the breakfast table. And everyone goes off, we're gonna go tubing, or shooting, whatever we're gonna do next. It's like 10 in the morning, and Georgia looks at me and goes, "I have never laughed as hard as I just did." And I went, "Yeah." And she goes, "Is this every morning?" And I said, "Yeah." She goes, "Is this what your life is like?" And I said, "Yeah, maybe that's why I spent so much time with these guys, isn't that great?" And she goes, "No one of you never came home." And I was like, "Yeah, these guys are the funniest." - That's like a country solved. - The funniest human beings. And then my daughters slowly started to fall in love with the comics as like uncles, where they go like, like, like, I love. - Shake, lasting, I love for having beers. Or who, no. - Georgia. So, Georgia having a beer, and she's been going, "You drinking beers." And she goes up to Georgia and Daisy. There's like the first year maybe, and he just got last night, and he goes, "You got sneakabiers?" They're like 18, and he goes, "No." And he goes, "Come on, I'm not gonna bust you." And they're like, "No, no, no, not sneakabiers." And he goes, "Guys, I'm not your dad, I'm Shane." What are you guys doing? Sneaking a little beers? A little bells? And they're like, "You ever sneakabiers?" And he goes, "Okay." And he goes, "Sit down right next to me." And he goes, "George is sneakabiers." (laughing) - Ila and Big J. - Ila and Big J on the bus after, like, Ila's supposed to be working, and she's dressed as Big J. - I mean, she dressed like twins. - Yeah. - They look like twins to this day. - She looks like if Big J, if she was Big J's daughter, their house burned down, and the only close available was dads. - Yes, Ila and Big J on the bus, sitting in the two recliners watching YouTube videos together, laughing hysterically. And I walk on the bus, and then the bus, for a full year, I couldn't get out of J's algorithm. So it was J and Ila's algorithm. So if you ever turn it on YouTube, it was like, some dude getting lit on fire. - Oh, dude. - It was the pile bus. - Yeah, yeah. - Why do I have a nine hour pile bus than my feet? - That was the, like-- - When we were on the road with Shane, it goes to our old school hangs, where we're both opening for Shane and, you know, Shane does the thing where he goes, like, we land and he goes, all right. I'll see you guys pick up at the hotel six p.m. And Jay and I will be like, "You want to get high and go watch YouTube." And then Jay will be like, "Fuck, "it will just smoke a joint in the hotel room." And we're like, "By the elevator of a very nice hotel." And we're just sitting there and he goes, "You gotta hear this." And I'll put it on his feet. And he's like, "You gotta hear when the guy gets caught." And we're just sitting there watching a fucking bus. - Oh, man. - It's like a four star smoking fucking gas. - It's so fun. But that is, the summer camp, when I thought about that, I was like, "Oh, Bert would absolutely be a camp counselor." - That was fully loaded. I mean, it was so fucking fun, dude. I mean, it was so big Jay and I and Derosa. There was one show where we went like, "Hey, someone put a special out." And you know the rule with me, everybody. And the rule's always been the same. When you see me live, you can ask me who it is and I will tell you. I will not tell you via DM. I will not write it down. But I will tell you in person. - Oh, there was a special that just came out that I almost texted you and Jay. And I was like, "You need to watch it together." - We'll talk after the podcast 'cause we still do that. - I tried to buy it and I was texting with Joe and Tom. And I was like, except for in our group, I watch all the specials first and then I give notes. So like I watch a special and I just send notes and then immediately they're like, more and more notes. More notes. - Jay, Shane and I's conversations always the same. Starts with football, immediately goes into who's special we just watched. They all go like, it will like trail out. Well, he always does the thing whenever he picks up the phone that we do sports talk, Colin. - Yeah. - So we'll pick up and go, "I'm the phone. We got Dan Soder. We're talking 49ers. We're talking Mike McDaniel and I'll go, "And we're talking AFC East, Shane." I don't think, so that's how we always start. But then it immediately goes, "Yo, did you watch so-and-so special?" And you go, "I did and here are my notes." - I cannot wait to talk about. - We're gonna cut the mics soon. - Pre-special. - And me and you are gonna go, before you're next thing, we gotta talk three things before it. 'Cause I got one that I have six points, that the second the mics cut off, we'll talk about it. - There's a. - Comics love shitting on it. David Costable, who's on billions. - Yeah. Yeah, he's one of the greatest character. He's one of the greatest actors of our generation. I will argue that. David Costable was, um, Gil, he was Gil in Breaking Bad. He was one of the editors in The Wire, Season 5. He's in Lincoln. And he put, I know him from playing Wags on Billions. First day in Hair and Makeup. Season one, my first day, Hair and Makeup. I'm there, me in Costable, or both in Hair and Makeup. And I'm like, "Hey, man, I'm Dan. I'm playing a fee. I'm not an actor. I'm a stand-up comic. So I'm going to be asking for a lot of help. I was very overwhelmed. Yeah, very overwhelmed. When I first started on Billions, I'd ask for help. And I, all through all seven seasons I did. But Costable is the man. Yeah. And he goes, "You're a stand-up comic." And I go, "Yeah." He goes, "Fff." Second mean is group and entertainment to each other. And I went, "Second." And he goes, "Only behind Broadway dancers." He goes, "They'll push each other downstairs to get a role. Comics will do the same verbally." And I went, "You know a lot of stand-up comics." I do. I was like, "Yeah, he's the fucking man." That was, when he said that to me, that crystallized it in my head where I go, "We are just fucking." We're like, "Oh, bitchy." We're like, "Well, it's like, you're doing the same thing I do." Sure. And I have notes on it. And I have notes. Yeah, I have notes. But also, I watched someone special, I watched someone special recently within the last six months. Sure. And I was, whenever they come out, I'm always in the gym that morning. And I'm with my trainer and my assistant. And I hit play. And I predict what their open is going to be. And I, I predict his open to a fucking tee. Love it. I did it before they saw it. I said, "Let me tell you how this is going to go." Yeah. And I hit pause. And I did it. And then I hit play master. And it, and it happened. And I went, "You know who's the master of that big Jay?" I bet. I bet. I bet. We, one of our first, uh, bond, like, bond fire shangs was Nick Cannon put out a special. I remember this. I watched Nick Cannon special with Jay. I watched that special. And he could pause it and go, "I'll tell you the, I'll tell you exactly what this punchline is." Because he did all rehashed black circuit jokes. Yeah. Where he's like, "We didn't have, we didn't have Tony to tiger. Things weren't great. We had Ty Rome to the, and you know, and Jay was like, Jay at one point, pause it and went, "Spled out." And then hit it. And then Nick Cannon goes, "Spled out." It was, dude, it was one of those. I watched that with Jay. Is that the one where his shoes were all untied? It's where he gets undressed eventually. Yeah. He starts in the texito and by the end, he's like, just in a wife feeder. We were obsessed with it. Big Jay made me laugh. The hardest I've ever laughed in my life, Pete Davidson was opening for Nick Cannon. And we used to just bust Pete Davidson's balls about how little he gets paid by Nick Cannon. And Nick Cannon was working out new material at Governors in Long Island. And this is when Jay was living on Long Island. And Jay goes, Pete was like, "I can get you guys tickets if you want." And we're like, "Yeah." And big Jay's like, "Come out to Long Island." And I took the train out. We smoked like two joints at his house. We go to Governors. We sit in the very back. And at one point in the show, this is when Nick Cannon's hosting America Scott Town. So it's a lot of older white people are in the audience. And Nick Cannon's doing this bit where he goes, "I'm serious, y'all. We could end racism if we want to. We could end racism tonight." And Jay from the very back goes and starts a slow clapboard that the audience popped off. And I had to go into the lobby because I was laughing so hard. Because Jay just stands up and gives one. And then you just see everyone go, "Yeah, we could end racism." And it was, "Oh, take me back." That was one of the hardest I've ever laughed in my life to the point where I was like, "My ribs hurt when I got in the car." It was great. I miss -- I'm bummed that I don't live in New York because I miss all you guys. Sure. I watch -- It seems like so much fun. I feel like New York's having like, has had for the past few years, a minute, where it's like, everything fun seems to be out of New York. Well, it's just that you can get to it so fast. Like, what it is is like, I'll be doing a set at the seller. And then Lewis will be like, "Can you come do Legion of Skanks?" And you go, "Oh, it's five blocks away. Let me just walk over." And then, or someone like, for instance, Shane will be in town doing something. And then he'll just pop it on Skanks. Or he'll just be like, "You got the seller? Let's eat wings." And you're like, "Oh, this is shit." It is a great city because there's so much -- the reason I would argue New York is so great is there's so much shit happening here that people are here all the time. I got a text for -- I get to see three L.A. friends this week. You, Santino and Adam Ray, all in L.A., all doing different cool shit. Yeah. And you go, "Awesome. Also, Shane's doing the garden, so all these people are coming." What's Shane doing in the garden? Thursday, Friday, Saturday. This week? Yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah. I'm doing it with them Friday. I think the lineup is me, a tell, Michael Chey, and Shane. Wow. I know Thursday is Santino, Colin Quinn, Big J, and McCusker. Holy shit. And Saturday, this is going to come out after the shows. Saturday is, or Louis C.K., and two other people. I don't know who. Shit, I'm doing 4th at the garden, but I'm in the same guys. You're just kidding. I'll be at the beacon in April. Getting by the way, you're doing multiple eyes. See, here's what's fucked up about comedy. Jesus Christ. You're doing mind-dream gig. Oh, everyone's doing everyone's dream gig. But you're doing two at the beacon, three at the beacon? I don't know. Sagalot told me you're doing two or three at the beacon, and I was like, "Oh, I'm hanging out for that." I'm going to come and kick it. I mean, obviously, I think what happens is, you've got to go to the top of the mountain to see what it looks like, right? For sure, but then you realize the air is very thin of it. Very thin. And by the way, I will tell you, you're standing by yourself. There's not a lot of people rooting for you. There's a lot of people wanting you to fail. There's a lot of people hating on you. And I tell you is a guy that lives at base camp. I go up a little. I go pick some odd berries up on the mountain, but I come back down to base camp. No, no, no, you know what you are. You are a well acclimated Sherpa who, by the way, could be at the top of the mountain if you wanted to. But right now, you're just making runs back and forth. I really appreciate that. And I genuinely agree with you. Yeah. No, because I'm telling you, someone said, "I just have my little wall hat on." I want to say, I want to say, on club Shay Shay. Yeah. I swear to God, I don't know who I said this to. I was like, I have a really good knack for telling you, but I think all comics do. I go, all comics can tell you who's going to be the next big thing. I think Chandish Harp said, "Who's the next big thing?" I said, "Dance Soder." The second, all he needs is that little luck thing where everyone's like, and you're across all platforms. Yes. But I think I've got, I think, you know, something that really, really helped me that I don't think you realize is leaving the bonfire was very, very difficult for me. It took, you know, I gave Jay a year advance notice. I was very anxious about it because it was true like better on myself because the job was so fun and so great, but I felt myself being comfortable. And I said, I need to go do stand up. And I need to go do a lot of stand up. And I really, I'm burned out. Eight hours of broadcasting week. Yeah. Being as funny as I can fucking, because I tried on that show. I wanted, I truly was like, took advantage of being able to be funny with Jay for eight, he's the funniest person I've ever met in my life. And I don't mean that I don't knock on anybody else in comedy. Naturally funny, big Jay is miles ahead of anybody I ever met. And so it was such an opportunity to do it. But I really got to tell you, when I went on fully loaded and I remember the show, it was the Baltimore show. I got on the bus and I was getting a join out and you and Leanne, both at the same time went, Hey, you're making the right, you made the right decision to leave the bonfire. You need to go do more stand up. Both of you said that to me. It was that and Bill Burr saying that to me that made me go like, All right, maybe I'm not, because I felt crazy and listen, I'll always, you know, I would love to go do that show as much as possible. But I want them to have their Bobby and Jay to have their own show. And I want to fuck that up. I love those fans. I'm always going to love those fans. But that's what I needed. I needed another comic going. I know that's really hard, but you're doing the right thing. And I can see it's paying off. I mean, I mean, that, that one tour was where I was like, I was like, wow, this is you've, you've, you've made an absolute turn. Stand up wise is like, it's like undeniable. It's like, really honestly, like the first round of fully loaded one, Big Jay sat on a stool and did material. Yeah, Shane and I were in the back like, dude, and I know, I know Shane would never tell Big Jay this story. But I, I was in London. That's why I couldn't do fully loaded the first year because I went and did shows in London. And I came back and I was on the phone with Shane. And I, he's like, it's the best. This tour is the best. It's me, Norman and Janet go, how Jay's doing? He goes, dude, he's fucking doing material. And he's murdering that. And he goes, it's so fun. And I know Shane would never say that to Big Jay. Yeah. But it's like, dude, that version of Shane, that version of Shane, and there's very every iteration. I love, I love every version I've gotten a Shane, right? Like the very first version was this like little bit timid, little scared, very hat-and-hand Shane. Have you ever read his email to me about why we should be friends? Yeah. It's so great about that because they did, you did the, don't come into work show. Yeah, we did call it sick to work. Yeah, call it sick to work. And like, that was when he's on the road with me. But the version, my favorite, out of all my favorites. And I love the, I mean, like, it's all gotten better. Sure. But out of all, if I could get a grab of Shane, it was that first fully loaded. I think he was on every date. And his enthusiasm for stand-up, he was working on his, what is, what is beautiful dogs. Yeah, it was. And his enthusiasm for all stand-up, for like all stand-up was He loves to shit, infectious. And I remember him saying the very first show, he's kind of pacing with the Bud Light and he goes, "You're not kids, you shouldn't walk out on stage, are ya?" And I go, "What?" And he goes, "Dude, we got a bullpen out there. We're playing Enter, Sandman. You come running for the bullpen. You come springing up on stage. If you don't do that, then what are you doing?" This is like a professional. And he got me so pumped and I was like, "For real?" And he goes, "Fuck ya!" And I got in the bullpen. I remember that. And I was like, yeah, and then he was like, and I remember him just firing me up, that. And he was so pumped every single fucking night. - You know, I think the thing you learn from different people when you bump into them in this business, and you're a fool if you don't take away lessons when you leave. I was on the road with Shane for about two years, and he was my feature. And I mean, when I mean featuring for me, it's like, good luck following that. He made me raise my shit up by following them, but the thing that I learned about it, and the thing that I took with me, was how much fun he had to do and stand up. Which at that point in my career, I think I had lost a little. I think I had lost the, like, we're doing the DC Drafthouse. And he's like, is this cool? We're doing two shows, then we're gonna go play video games, and I was like, yeah, this does rule. And then he would be like, I'm gonna do this joke. I'm gonna do this joke, it's gonna bomb. And then he'd do it, he'd go, that joke sucks. But he would have him so much fun. - He was having that. - That it made me go like, I'm a fucking asshole. I should just be loving this shit. I'm jealous that I'm not on this journey with him as a friend, but like I can't open for him because we're working at the same time. - I think you can. - But I mean, I would love to. I would love to, I just don't have any time. - Yeah. - But I would love to see, I would love to see, 'cause I've seen these weird iterations. I was with him, I was with him like, when we did Arizona, the slumber. - I remember you guys did, by the way, that was his like, I would say you ushered him up into a different level. Because those super bowl shows that you guys did with Norman, you Norman and Shane, the week before the. - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, super bowl. - But just as his friend, I watched him, Shane's groupies, and no one understands this, Shane's groupies are professional athletes. They love Shane. - Oh, yeah. - Dude, he, I forgot about that super bowl. I was with him in the slumber. - You brought out Big J. - Yeah. Yeah, that's right. At the last minute, we had got him. - Super bowl, take it for $120,000. - Fuck. - I think that was the total for all the tickets. Like an idiot, I go, guys, the pay's not great. Because it was like an arena, but it wasn't like. - You were doing where they play ASU hockey? - So it was like 10,000. It wasn't like nice. - Or whatever, maybe 7,000, I don't know. - It's a smaller arena. And so I go, the pay's not great, but I'll get everyone with super bowl tickets. And they're all Eagles fans. So like, great. So, and I was like, sure, agent hits me up. He's like, I got you the tickets. I go, cool. It was six tickets, $120,000. And I was like, but then I was like, okay, so I just, we just throw every money I earned at this show. - Yeah, you go, well, you're not making any money today. - Yeah, but my career is not for much money, mine. But so, but I remember being with Shane when we were at Celebrity Theater, and he was opening for me. And as in 15 minutes, he got a standing ovation, and he didn't know what to do with it. - That's really funny. - I remember those super bowl shows where it was like, Mark and Shane. This is a nuance, 'cause I'm not shitting on Mark, but Mark wasn't ready for a arena yet, 'cause he moves. And an arena is everything plays in the small screen. So if you move, the camera can't keep up with you, and it makes people motion sick. So the first night, Mark didn't do well, Shane fucking murdered. And then Shane came off like, and I went up going, I don't know if I'll follow that. - By the way, he's doing beautiful dogs. - Brother, I wanna tell you right now, I was on the road when he cracked the Special Olympics joke. - Oh my God. - Do you wanna talk about following something? You, the first night he goes, we should be racing him, and you hear the crowd go, "Rush!" And I, you know what's funny about this? And I think Shane would agree with me that this happened. It was at MGM in Springfield, that club in Springfield. That was the weekend he cracked the joke. 'Cause I went through a breakup. I broke up with my girlfriend, that weekend, and I was very sad. And I got bitchy at him and I go, "Just don't kill too hard." He was mad and he went, "Okay." And then after the show he goes, you're really going through with this breakup. I go, "Yeah, man, I'm sorry, I didn't do it." - He would say, "I was with him." This is my favorite one. I'm gonna tell the whole thing and just, - Sure. - If it sounds weird to do whatever you do. - He's great at editing. - So, it's me, Tommy, and we're co-headlining the MGM Grand Garnery. - Oh, is there? - It's Bobby. - Bobby Lee, and when, I'll tell you the line, what Trevor Wallace, Bobby Lee, Shane, you, - No, Tom, you. - Yeah. - Well, so everyone was terrified about where they were going in the line up. Trevor knew who was going first. Bobby did not want to follow Shane. No one wanted to follow Shane. Shane's at the top of his game and it just got announced he's hosting us now, like two weeks, a week before. - Here's the reason I got to go to that Super Bowl. - Well, him and Che, Che got me the ticket and Shane gave me the hotel room. - By the way, because Bud Light gave him a hotel room. - With Shane announced, Shane was announced. - Yeah. - We couldn't announce Shane because it would have complicated things. They would have wanted to add a show. It was just, it would complicate things. We couldn't announce Shane, but we had to pay him. And so Shane, typical, Shane Gillis, and everyone should know this. I don't need money. That's Shane to a tee. I don't need money. I'm good. I'm good. You got Bud Light's back there. - Yeah. - Taking my dad come back. Nate Diaz wants to come. Can I get tickets for him? - I was hanging out with Phil. Phil McCusker and I sat in one of the empty entryways and I tell you my favorite moment from that night. - Yeah. - So this is one of the hardest me and McCusker have ever laughed. So McCusker and I, Phil is watching the whole show. - Yes. - Phil Gillis is watching the show. And Phil, for those of you that I call him the prototype, you watch him and you go, "I see where Shane comes from." Phil is the man. One of my favorite moments from that Super Bowl was late that night. After that show, I gambled the blackjack table was me, Michael Chey, and Phil Gillis. And I watched Phil and Chey become close friends as we're all gambling. - Really? - Shane and Gabe Davis and Austin Kincaid and all these guys are out. They're going to meet Jack Hardlow. They're going to do shit. We are fucking down at this blackjack table and Shane's like, "Are you guys still at that blackjack table?" I'm like, "You know where we're at." And he's like, "Jesus, my dad." He's like, "He's my dad gambling." I'm like, "We're having a. " Dude Chey has one of those things on like this and he's just pulling out hundreds and putting them in front of me and Phil and he's going, "Slush Fund." And we keep calling it the "Slush Fund" and he goes, "Slush Fund" and Phil goes, "Michael, I'm ordering another drink "and we're getting after it." The hardest I laughed, you were doing a joke about you and Tom being best friends. And you go, "Me and Tom are best friends." And then you start talking about you guys fucking or sucking each other's dicks and you're just riffing and you're going, "A suck is dead killed suck." And I know you know how to suck my dick. And me and McCusker are standing behind Phil Gillis and Phil's standing there like a dad like this and you go, "And I'm sucking his dick." And Phil goes, "That's enough for me." And just turns around and you're like, "Suck it and dude me and McCusker are like, "Yo Phil wasn't having that gay shit." It was one of the hardest I've ever laughed just watching him go, "You go." And I'm going to suck Tom's dick like this and he goes, "Nope." And he just walked the left. - One of my biggest memories of that night. - That was a fun ass night. - So I had to close the show. And by the way, it's the stuff I put on Lucky. - Sure. - That's the first probably 30 minutes of Lucky is that show and Lucky's one of my better ones. One of my, I think it's one of my best ones. And so it was really good. And my material was pretty tight. It was different than everyone else's. Shane's standing next to Michael Chan. He's talking to Michael Chan. I don't know what they're talking about. And then I walk past and Shane looks at me and he goes, and I'm shirtless, this is at the after party. And I was like, "What's up?" And he was like, "I go ahead." And he goes, "You know, man, you're a fucking fantastic comic." And I went, "Oh, thanks." And he goes, "No matter what he says about you, you're a fantastic comic." And I was like, "What do they say about me?" And he's like, "No, I mean, no matter what." Like, it's like, it's like the shirt thing. You know what I mean? Like, "Oh my God, that's so fucking funny." - It's so fucking. - Yeah, that night was fun as hell. - That was a fucking, dude, it's like, you don't get, I'm not gonna get many more of those in life. - Well, I think the point of it is that you've got those. - I have them, yeah. - And you have like a lot of those. You have four red rocks, like what we started talking about at the beginning. Like, you got to do something. That's why I always say it's like, there's this idea of what's next to it. It's like, fuck what's next. Look what you've got to do and lay it and enjoy that. 'Cause I think what happens is our business, you rush to the next thing too fast. And then you look back, I regret not soaking in billions more. Like, that was a fucking world-class experience. I regret not soaking in the bonfire more. I regret not having more time. That's why this theater, my first theater tour, I've been very, very aware of like, every day we go out, I go, how fucking cool, ask him, he's been on the road with me every day. I'm like, how fucking cool is this to it? That this is our job. That this is what we fucking do. And it's like, yeah, oh, I gotta be a total of a considerate 6 p.m. And then I'm going. - Are you on a tour bus? - No, we're doing rental cars, which is-- - You're saving a ton of money, bro. - Oh, a ton of money, but it is a lot. It is like, I'm driving five hours between gigs, getting there, doing it. - I still love it. - You look at those favorite moments. Like, I said to myself, 'cause we did last fall, we did an arena tour. And then this year was supposed to be all arenas. And I said, I was like, oh, I'm stressed in selling arenas, but I was like, I was like, yo, I'm doing it, nah. [BLANK_AUDIO] getting ready for a special, I should be doing two and I should be doing theaters. And in my head, I was like, I'll never have a problem going back to theaters. And then I did two theaters this weekend, and I was like, fuck theaters. Really? But it's so funny 'cause it's like arenas are so, they're so easy to wake up, there's bathrooms, there's a gate, you have catering, you have everything set up. And then, but after doing the theaters, I was like, yo, and this sounds crazy, but like I go, my act needs theaters. Like it's, I've gotten the place where. Well, then you'll see it, sometimes where I'll talk to Louie or something, and then they go, then you drop down into clubs, and it's like very close tight, like tightening it up. Oh my God. But the thing that I said, especially with you and guys like you, Shane, guys that have toured with arenas that goes, well, you've done it. Now you get to go back to theaters and go, oh, this is, now we'll do two a night, we'll do four in a weekend. Like that I said, when you said the garden thing, I go, dude, you're doing the beacon. - To the beacon, it's like a beacon's a dream. I mean, Norman did two at the beacon, and he's like, you wanna do a guest set? And I was like, dude, this is my dream. Doing a guest set at the fucking beacon. Like, I'll tell you what's better than doing arenas, it's opening for your friend at arenas. 'Cause you go, you go through 10 minutes, and then I'm eating chicken thingies, watching fucking Shane tell the clip story, and I go, this is where I'm, like on the road with Shane, I go, this is the best. And when I told Shane, as I was like, when him and I used to go on the road together, he would always go, this is the best. We're just, I get the feature for you. All we do is, we write jokes during the day, we fuck around at night, this is the best. He would always go, this is my favorite thing. This is one of those things where I look back and I go, what a cool, I got to be a part of something. Where Shane, when he started headlining, he called me, and in a very Shane way, he goes, I hate headlining. And I go, why do you do it, he goes, I hate it. Because I have to do a whole hour and they put checks out, and there's too much pressure. I wanna go back to featuring for you. And then, so he always used to jokingly say that. And this is as pandemic happened. So the pandemic happens, he blows up, whatever. And then now, and I go, thanks for letting me go back to featuring, and he goes, you son of a bitch. And I go, it's the best. I go in an arena, I get a pop, 'cause I'm a special guest. I do my, I just compact my best jokes, and then I go, and then a now sir, an hour in the arena, please. - I would love to, I would do it. You know how much fun it would be for you to be a surprise guest? - I would love to do that. - Literally, Bert, it takes one text. And then they'll go, what dates do you have available? So I wanna reach out. But more importantly, thank you for coming on my podcast. - No, the free Bert, it, watching on Netflix, I'm very excited. - I wanna say this. - Shot beautifully. - Thank you, I did. So I made it, I didn't want it to be episodic. - Okay. - So I made it, so I remember when I pissed it to Netflix, I said, I wanna make black dubs. - Sure. - And they're like, what? When you watch black dubs or like, slow horses, you watch that first episode and you go, by the, at the very last second, you go, I'm invested in this character, I wanna watch the whole thing. - Yeah. - And I've made it like that. So I hope you enjoy the first episode. And if you do, you will watch, I hope you enjoy the whole season. - How many episodes? - It's six episodes, it's an arc. So it's not episodic. 'Cause I like, Bert gets a birthday cake, and then we get a new dog. And then the next episodes, we have a double date. You know, it's, it's, it's, it's not a sitcom in that. It's a series in that it's an arc. And all I can say is, you know, I'm really proud of it, and I hope everyone enjoys it. And if you do, and if you don't, just play all six episodes. Just fucking does it. - It's like, going to the roof. - Was it like, wouldn't you give a little good will to a guy? (laughing) - Check out free, Bert, on Netflix. Watch all the specials, go see 'em live on the road. It's, I don't know. - I don't know. - Part of the world tour, when's this come out next week? - Yeah, we're one in the next two weeks. - Yeah, one there's one and then another one. - Tampa to Luth, where are you at Tampa? - I'm in Tampa in the 30th of January. - Okay, I'm doing the Tampa Theater in February 14th. - Oh, for real? - I'm very excited. - Oh, the family, that's the best place in Tampa. - It's Tampa Theater? - That's where, the one, the last time I did this, how fucking quick, everything happened with Shane. The last time I did the arena I'm doing this year, Shane was at the Tampa Theater, and he had done two. He was like, he was like-- - I'm doing one, and he could still those out. - He was, can I come over and hang out? And I was like, yeah, and he came over, I think he was with Kiever, I think he was, and he was like, we're hanging out in the tour bus just drinking, and he was like, dude, I was like, you're gonna be in this arena soon. And he was like, oh, right. - He was at the garden. - I think he's at the, he's at the, he's at MSG this weekend. - He says, I wish I was here for that. - It's been lost in this weekend. - It's gonna be very fun, but you get a little, I get a little like, I want my friend. So he's like hanging out with like, seal. And I'm like, hey, I want to talk to Shane. Get out of here, seal. Yeah, there is, there is a little bit of that. I'm sure that I'd be like, that it would be weird if I was like, hey, Shane, I'm working with you. He's like, so good, Bert. Hope your green room's good. - And then he leaves. - No, it's the man. I took a walk with him around in a arena, and I was like, dude, and it's very similar to you. You haven't changed since I knew you, since you were doing, you know what? You're the same exact guy, where we hung out and had lunch in Calgary. - In Calgary, and we were doing yuck yucks, and I was doing the laugh shop, and then I came and hung out, and I saw it. I saw it with my own eyes. I was like, Bert's about to be fucking giant. We went to a bar. You had the whole bar bought out. Everyone came from your show at yuck yucks. You got me a non-alcoholic beer, 'cause you went, all you needed is an non-alcoholic beer. You'll be able to hang for like two hours, and I went, Bert, I have a very low time in bars. You got me such a good non-alcoholic beer. - I actually remember that. - That I went to the bartender, and I went, did you give me a real beer, and he went, no. And he had to show me the non-alcoholic. It was clouster, I think. Cloud-hust, I'm probably saying the name wrong, and then I went, I want two more of those. - Do you remember this night, someone gave me a snowboard, and the owner of the club asked if he could keep it? - Yes. - That was at yuck yucks. - He goes, he goes. - That was at yuck yucks at Calgary. - He goes, he goes. - Hey man, I just want you to know, that they've given you this snowboard, and I was like, cool. And he was like, by figure it's gonna be hard for you to travel with. - Yes, that was after we had lunch. - Can I keep it, and I went, sure? - Yeah. - And then I went, that lunch, 'cause you go, should I have let him keep it, and I go, I don't know, it's a weird thing. You know what, my response, I remember exact, we were having barbecue. - We got so much barbecue. - I didn't know what a bad dinosaur rib was. - We got so much barbecue, and I remember the thing to you to make you feel better as I go, shipping your handling on that. - Yeah. - And you go, right, and then we both were like, but he shouldn't have asked for it. - He shouldn't have asked for it. - That was fucking wild. You're the man. - Brother. (upbeat music)